mDimitry

Jealous

2012-01-30T01:43:00.001-08:00

Television is terrible. Movies. Shows. Especially the ones that end...

I just finished a show today. I won't mention which... But the ending is so clean, neat. No loose ends. Nothing left undone. The guy get's the girl, everyone is safe, and well... Life is good.

I look at my life, and see nothing of that. I see hard work, future heartache. I see the ones I love struggling. I see the world as a dangerous place- where pain can be both physical or emotional. Where wounds are inflicted in moments, and take years to heal. They leave scars. Nightmares.

I see no... happy ending. I'll die one day. Perhaps I'll be the first of my remaining loved ones, perhaps I'll be the last. Maybe I'll out live everyone. I did my father.

You know; it's nearly been two years, and I'll dream about him. Then I'll wake up, and want to tell him about the silly dream. Then I'll remember.

It... sometimes takes me a bit to fully understand. I'll never see him, in the life time. Ever. My mom is off seeing my new nephew Peter. He'll never meet him. Never hear him tell a story. Never be hugged by the big Russian bear hugs.

It's easy to watch those shows and be jealous. To long to trade places with the characters.

What hope have we? I often find myself in this weird melancholy. Since I've recommitted my life to Jesus- I looked to God for this... Hope.

It is easy to get lost in the day to day. Slowly life build, stresses mount. Anxiety breads fear, fear doubts. You can get lost.

Losing track... of who I am is one of the biggest problem for me. In my reading a few days ago, I came across this verse.

---
From there he went on toward the hills east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. There he built an altar to the Lord and called on the name of the Lord. (Genesis 12:8 NIV)
---

I could go into this; but I won't. What I think is significant is Abraham (Abram here still) made a marker to worship. Later people would return to that very spot. It's not the specific location that significant, but rather what happened there. I think is good to remember your journey. Record it. Make marks.

In my mind- I vividly remember the night I repented. I was at that moment at the lowest point in my life. Now-when I feel this melancholy setting on- I think back to then. I retrace my steps to where I am now. I have moved forward. God has worked in my life.

He has showed me love. He continues to do so. He remembers me, and the promises He made to me, and us as a people.

Jesus said: "Yes, I am coming soon."

I seems to be a long time in coming... And yet the last two years have been quick -shrug- and I am busy. Life is moving on.

He'll be here one day. And one day I'll see my dad. My story will be clean and neat. Beautiful. The tv producers will all be jealous then. ;-)

Strange Dreams

2012-01-23T18:37:00.001-08:00

I love to take naps. Naps are amazing. Get out of class, eat good lunch- made by my nephew Nicholas- and then a nap.

Naps during the day sometimes give you the most vivid dreams. The textures, the colors- conversations you can remember.

You see- the disorientation causes by sleeping mid day- the light- or darkening world outside. The strange time- odd noises in the house.

I dreamt of my dad. He was there, again. Working. He's always working. And hard at that. His big smile, big gentle laugh.

I know he died- but he's still my father. His mark on my like is indelible. His joy, his persistence, his love for me and my family.

---
And the Lord God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." (Genesis 3:22 NIV)
---
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25, 26 NIV)
---

There are many things I don't understand about God. So many concepts I struggle with. There was a second part to my dream. I won't go too much into it- but relationships don't exactly last.

We inflict so much pain upon ourselves. And then we struggle with that pain. That first verse was in my reading today. 'The Fall' of man into sin. One of the focal points of all of history.

Why is it... that we can sin? Why is there suffering? I know in my life I have made many mistakes. Some worse than others and some of the hurts haunt me even now. My heartaches with regret, loss. I would undo, go back- maybe somehow change. And yet God pushes us forward. Pushes me forward, no redoes, no going back. I always read that verse, the first one.,, it makes me upset with God, Adam, Eve. Why?

God seems so... heartless. So hard, so cold. I never understood it. I could never... connect the dots. From the God of John 3:16 who "So loved the world..." to the one who kicked him out of the garden. The one whose 'wrath' destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.

I'm not sure I have it all clear even as yet; but I think I may have a... clue.

Since my father's death; the story of Lazarus resonates in my heart. The first time I heard in a sermon, I wept for hours. How could a God that claims to love me take the best, most kind, most needed, man I know. My father, so generous, so loving, so intelligent, gentle. I could go on. And yet, my dad died. God let him die.

---
Jesus wept. (John 11:35 NIV)
---

God wept for Lazarus, his friend. He wept for my father. He wept for us. That's the thing. He pushes us forward, because we have become 'like him.' We weep, suffer, feel emotion. We also love. We can bring joy. Pain. We know good, and evil.

It is like a child born into the world, leaving the safety of the womb- to fully participate- it must endure life. We must endure that life as well.

I think in a sense- we all choose to know. I know in Adam's place I would want... to be like God; as odd as that sounds. God... Knew that. There are plenty of verses essentially saying God was ready with Jesus from the beginning. The Old Testament is full of foreshadowing prophecies of Jesus.

From the beginning- we as humanity were created in God's image. And we were given a choice. Good or Evil. We're given an opportunity to live out those- all of us.

It is as Jesus said about Lazarus.
---
So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him." (John 11:14, 15 NIV)
---

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16 NIV)

A Year

2012-01-07T01:35:00.001-08:00

A lot happens in a year. Things ended, other things started. Around this time, last year, I found myself in a bad spot.

So many things... I quite literally bottomed out. I found myself in a dark place. Scared. Alone. Hurt.

I felt as if... nothing was real. No promises could be kept. Nothing to really live for. The grand image of life I had as a child had really died. My biggest fears had all... come true.

I remember a night... God- it all sounds so melodramatic now- I remember a night I could have just... died. In a sense.. I did die.

I remember a point at which I surrendered. I prayed. No one else was listening. Yet somehow- God heard me. I knew I was useless- and He told me He loved me anyways. He loved me, especially then... offering nothing- only my tears, my misery. He took me then like my father did when I was sick, and carried me.

Sins are forgiven. Healing can happen. Sometimes it takes time. Some hurts might feel like they may never go away. But God loves me.

He loves you too; the little child, lost in a big and scary world.

So many things, this last year. So many things to look forward to. God bless you, really. May you find what I found, in God. In Jesus. Happy belated New Year.

Dating, Jesus, and e-Harmony

2011-11-11T14:01:00.001-08:00

I feel like such like such a creeper.

Wow, I'm try to do accounting prep, and there are a couple of girls next to me. Dating, Jesus, and e-Harmony. This girl wants to date a young doctor, no kids, in good shape... He has to be a good Christian; cause the Bible wants us to be equally yoked- ya know? No older than 32; no taller than 6'... But no shorter than 5' 9". All the other guys didn't worship her enough... Haha

"Maybe Jesus knew that this technology was going to be around when I was ready... Maybe he wants to let me know.... Using my email box?" --- when I go to church; all the guys are... Weird. You know?"

Dating. Fun. Anyone miss the days of arranged marriages ;-)

"You know how in the Bible it says you should enjoy the time your single... How your supposed to use all that extra time and energy for God? I don't think that's right.. Now that I have --insert boyfriend's name-- it's like I don't have to worry about that now, like it was taking up all my time."

"I know right!?"

"Yeah, it's like I can stop stressing now..."

Two minutes later "And I guess the new season of the bachelorette is starting... So I'm totally going to get ready for that."

How much of our time... is wasted... How silly we seem. Lately I've been experiencing some unnecessary angst. I think I need to learn to relax...

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27

Peace out. ;-) and be beautiful.

Do you want a Bandage?

2011-11-01T14:09:00.001-07:00

Well... The holiday season is officially in full swing. For me, the Holidays start with my birthday, then Halloween, Thanks Giving. Every holiday season, my family takes a trip... Rents a cabin up in some mountains and invites some of our closer friends. Erik throws a big musicians party. We have a huge Thanksgiving feast. Christmas.

It's fun. Packed with friends and family, kind of makes the rest of the year seem slow; and by the time New Years comes around, I'm read for a break. A little quiet, solitude.

Work is crazy, I am busy... Not to mention on top of everything, teachers refuse to let up on homework. Even now, I have an exam coming right up in accounting. The day after Halloween.

This morning, I woke up... And as usual I got ready as quickly as I could to grab my first cup of coffee at Starbucks. There was fog in the air. Fog on my breath. Quiet. I noticed the neighbors (The Wellers,) had moved out most of their stuff. They have removed all the blinds; all of the windows are covered with newspapers. Have they decided to move out?

I watched my sister on Dr. Phil yesterday. It's was weird. She did great... Ugh. I hate that show, and shows like his. Take a minute to read what Wikipedia (my official information source. ;-) ) has to say about him. It blows me away how much this dude makes. He is so full of it, it is incredible...

If you want to waste an hour of your life, or just want to watch my beautiful sister on TV, feel free- otherwise let me sum it up for you. Of the 45 minutes of the show; 43 minutes were spent 'telling the story.' One was of that murderous lady in (Linda Ann Weston) who was using handicapped people for social security fraud, and the other was about my neighbors. He showed images, interviewed family members, police officers, my sister.

There were a couple of dudes from the Philadelphia case, a son of the lady, and he brother. After interviewing them, building up the story, he spent like a minute and a half... Counseling them. He did the same the with my sister... Thirty seconds. It felt demeaning, as a viewer. He actually.... Mumbled advice to people he didn't know... To victims of crimes, and witnesses of abuse.

The advice was.... Vaguely applicable; but in such poor taste, it was upsetting.

It's funny... Ironic... I felt like Dr. Phil... Actually profited off of the poor victims of both cases. Like... He was excited... A vampire. Fitting the show would be... Aired on Halloween.

I look back on my perfect little family.... Full of excitement and life... We all love each other, blessed. I see the horrors of the world around me. Then I see the horrors of the people profiting off of those horrors. This was my reading today:

Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about cleansing rites, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so. (Hebrews 6:1-3 NIV)

Reread that... Slowly.

What is the next step?

I'll be thinking on that...

Dr. Phil: House of Horrors

2011-10-31T13:02:00.001-07:00

My sister; Yelena- will be on the show today.

Here a link to the show: Dr. Phil House of Horrors.

This is regarding my
Neighbors.

Build and Settle

2011-10-25T13:44:00.001-07:00

Our history tells us much.

Sometimes it's hard to look forward when your history is dragging you back, holding you down. It's hard to know when you should struggle, or when you should give up. It's as if we are held captive.

Should we plan escape?

Today, I was reading in Jeremiah. The Doomsday prophet of his time. He prophesied that the people of Judah would be taken off into captivity. And they were- because of their sins, their unbelief, their idolatry. A proud people, who were once in control- now in exile. Oppressed. Humbled.

The story of the Jewish people begins with Abraham being told to leave the land of the Chaldean... To walk away, in faith, with the hope that God gave him, the promise of greater things. Abraham gave birth to Isaac, who then gave birth to Jacob, whose 12 sons went to Egypt. Egypt was a land in which they grew up... but then they were enslaved there too. Moses saved them out of that land, and brought them back to the land God promised.

Joshua told to stand, to fight, to move forward, to conquer the land.

Yet by the time Jeremiah 27 was written- the story had again gone full circle.
They were sent into exile, to the land of the Chaldeans; Babylon. It is there, they are told to bow their necks to the Babylonian kings.

They are at the beginning.

Perhaps this is the work God is doing into your life. Perhaps everything is ruined, and now you... Could begin afresh. Look at your history. At your past. I get a sense... that God will accomplish his Will; regardless of our level of willingness. Our free will comes into play when we have the ability to look at what it is He is doing and join in. And when we have gone off, tried to do up own thing, and are brought back to the beginning, to accept it. Live with it. Change within ourselves, and look forward.

This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." (Jeremiah 29:4-7 NIV)

Build on the world you find yourself in. Look for contentment today. Build those up- that you find yourself with. Submit to the authority you have over you. Love them, and try to make the community you find yourself in better.

Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them," declares the Lord.

Don't kid yourself with quick fixes to change your life... and quickly. Don't go nuts, trying to scheme and figure things out for your self. Look to God, without putting words in His mouth. Slow and stead. 'Build houses, settle down.'

This is what the Lord says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." (Jeremiah 29:8-14 NIV)

Love your Neighbors

2011-10-22T14:29:00.001-07:00

We've recently had some... activity in my neighborhood. I'm upset. The neighbor in the house across the street from my has recently been arrested (and let loose on bail) for abusing their kids. Their adopted kids. Mind you- this case has yet to go to court; but... Here let me post some of the articles:

The Columbian
Oregonian
KATU
Koin

It's even gone on MSNBC

As you might have noted in the articles; the authorities have been called in by the neighbors on numerous occasions. The authorities would show up, 'investigate' and do nothing. One incident the officer told my sister: "If you don't actually see abuse, we can't do anything."

This situation is nothing short of horrific.

If you've read my blog; you'll know that I supposedly 'care' about things like this. And to be fair, I've called the police a couple of times; but I can't shake the feeling like I could have done more. As this drama has been unfolding in the last few days, I've talked to my mother about it; and there have been a few things that we've noted.

Love.

We knew something was wrong; but we were afraid to get more involved. Calling the cops isn't involvement. Obviously it's not doing enough; since 6 years neighbors calling did nothing. If I could redo this situation... I think that perhaps getting to know the kids better would be the thing I would have to do. Once- the girl ran away to a neighbors house. The neighbor should have been us.

The kids snuck into our house to steal food... We should have been... Aware they were hungry. Offered them food.

Jesus talks about compassion. Jesus talks about love. He talks about all of these things... And somehow... We totally missed our opportunity.

I wrote that blog post "I am sooo hungry." The scary thing is, I didn't have to go to Somalia to find starving kids. They were living across the street. Across the street!

Friends... We can't be blind. We can't be deaf. Let's open our eyes. Let's open our hearts. Let's open our selves to loving our neighbors... because they need it. Really... This IS the whole of our beliefs. Here's a verse:

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

I was blind, lazy... I was responsible... And I didn't not see the who were hungry, we were thirsty... In need of protection. I had more I could do... I'm sure. Don't follow my lead. Do more. Look for things to do... Because you could be the difference between hell on earth, and salvation for someone.

I'll be following the court developments... I'll also be praying.

Writing Styles

2011-10-22T01:08:00.001-07:00

Recently my sister was making fun of my writing style.

She said: 'At first, you begin by simply listing thoughts- and then sometimes- it seems like you are pointing towards
some focus off in the distance. After reading some of your posts; I feel like I have to read it again; just to see if it actually made sense to me."

Thanks love. Haha; That made me feel better.

Spring in October

2011-10-11T17:07:00.001-07:00

Summer is over- and normal life has resumed. Classes, homework, exam... I just turned 26 last Friday. (10/07/85)

As you can see... I've been trying to make sense of life in the last few months. I have tried new things, I've spent a lot of time in the Word... I've met new people, and begun reconnecting with old friends. Life is slowly pressing on.

I've begun a savings account- and managed to actually stash away some money. I just purchased the new iPhone 4s; ordered anyways. I've had a chance to help my family members out. I had a chance to counsel people through times of difficulty.

I even tried... spreading the Gospel... And for what ever reason they responded. I find myself in a very strange place now.

I find myself continually blessed. It's a strange thought, but I believe I've had a fairly good year. All little things, little touches, little 'gifts.'

I look back... A couple of years. It's been a very interesting journey- from place where I thought I was awesome and I deserved the things I had, a place where I had earned everything with my own hands... To as low as I've ever been. Some of my worst fears came true- in a sense.

I felt alone.

Empty. Worthless. Lost.

It's funny, because God didn't dissuade me from those thoughts; because in a sense they were true. Yet; He did something else, He gave me a different sort of meaning. I no longer have to live in fear of the old things that once caused me to fear. I no longer have to worry about the... quality of relationships. I don't have to be afraid of loneliness, of betrayal.

I no longer have to fear being insignificant.

It's a very strange thought.

I have a sense of peace. I've watched God rebuild my life. I've seen Him take my... dirty rags... my meager offerings- and make them precious.

Shoot- this blog is an example of it. My writing is mediocre at best; yet... I have literally had thousands of people form more countries than I can name visit it. I've had relationships flourish lately. I am successful at work. My grade in college have... great for me. I get random job offers while working.

It's as if I have entered a flowering period in my life. A strange spring. I look forward to tomorrow. I'll see you there. ;-)

The following... was a great passage; for me.
---- Isaiah 58---
Isaiah 58

True Fasting

1 “Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the descendants of Jacob their sins.
2 For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.
3 ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say,
‘and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?’
“Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.
4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD?

6 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness[a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

13 “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

People are like Trees

2011-10-01T13:25:00.001-07:00

Here's am interesting thought I came upon today. I have been pondering the nature of the heart, of love, of relationships quite a bit this year. I used to think that... it was a simple thing. You have relationships and... Well... They grow. You must feed, water them. It's all very simple, right.

And in a sense it is.

Today, I watched a couple. Cold. I know this, because I have an outside source. They are dissatisfied with each other. They talked, they even smiled at each other. It was strange to watch, because I'm not sure but one of them seemed a bit blind to the whole thing. It was almost painful in a way, having been there myself.

Something... Reminded me of this story about Jesus healing a blind man:

They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?" He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around." Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. (Mark 8:22-25 NIV)

People looked like trees? Did Jesus make a mistake? What? Why would people look like trees? This reminded me of another place where people are described as people-trees. It's in one of my favorite Psalms:

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish. (Psalm 1:1-6 KJV)

We are described as trees, and the good ones are like those planted by rivers of water. Ok. Great. Where is this going. Well... Take the analogy a step further and to the side. Adam's side:

The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,'
for she was taken out of man."

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:23, 24 NIV)

In a relationship people are grafted into each other, they fuse, an become one flesh. To begin with, they must be compatible. You can't graft and Orange branch into a cedar; although you could probably get away with putting it onto a lime tree. It must be done at the right season, typically in the cold of winter. It must be done with care, and forethought.

What happens when a relationship fails? Or rots. If a tree is healthy... It will survive. If it isn't... Well... I think this is why broken relationships are so difficult to deal with. Have you ever seen a tree that lost a large branch? Often, that is where a tree begins to rot. It is a place where disease can easily enter, and yet sometimes the tree can insulate it.

Just some thoughts.

Living Up To...

2011-09-30T17:40:00.001-07:00

Well; there we go.

The end of the first week back to school for me. I recognize some of you have been at it for a while... but... you remember that first week.

Light class load for me- just enough for me to keep busy. Accounting and Statistics, and both seem to have a bent I might actually enjoy- numbers that actually mean something.

So much of life seems to be a build up to that next stage. So much of our past seems to be results from actions or decisions we made. Today, over lunch, I talked about some of the more... painful aspects of my life; things I'd rather just bury.

I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. (Philippians 3:10-16 NIV)

In this I think of Christ- Having been born a man didn't change the fact that He was God. Yet, in order that we would be saved he continued on with His life up to the point of Death. He passed through sufferings into Life; into which He now calls us.

And we suffer. And we have heartache, and pain. It's funny- When asked what's your next step... What will I do next. I had to think about it for a moment. What are the choices we are given when it comes down to it?

I want to know Christ; I know him. I want to follow him, I follow him. The next question easy regarding taking risks that caused so much... angst in the past.

I think we're meant to take those risks. Paul calls us to follow his example... Use him as a model- and yet his life wasn't all peaches and roses; in fact it sort of ended badly for him.

Which makes wonder about my motivations in life. Am I so afraid of... Things ending that badly? We all know where the road will take us... One way or another. Why not... learn to accept it- and make the most of it?

That verse... The way it is written... Seems to indicate a bit of duality when thinking about the present and future. Some how we are meant to work hard; as well as remember and relax. Which is what I plan on doing.
;-)

Shalom

2011-09-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

I'm about to head out to taco night at my friend's house. I'm pretty sure I'll see people I haven't seen much of durning the summer. Friends from school. I took a nap today. Did some reading. Ate some food. Drank some coffee. This is the most 'productive' thing I've done all day. Today is the fall solstice. Next week will be different. The days will continue to get shorter, and mine will be packed full with busy work.

I'm enjoying the last rays of sun, the lazy summer is over.

The book I'm working through is the book of Isaiah. Written during the end of the Jewish Golden Age, the end of the Davidic Kings reign over Judah. The greatness or the nation was quickly becoming something of an old wives tale, the promised land was in a constant state of war.

Imagine yourself in the shoes of Isaiah. The world is crumbling and there are 'rumors of wars.' The people are terrified; and God tells Isaiah to tell Ahaz:

"Ask the Lord your God for a sign, whether in the deepest depths or in the highest heights."

It's interesting at this point. I'm not sure where else in the Bible God says to a... terrible person; "try me." Ahaz, who worshiped Baal, the god who demanded that you burn your firstborn...

Imagine yourself at this point? Imagine you had some great holy man... Billy Graham tell you that God specifically said for you to 'ask for a sign.' What would you ask for, what sign?

The story continues:

But Ahaz said, "I will not ask; I will not put the Lord to the test."

He won't put God to the test?

Then Isaiah said, "Hear now, you house of David! Is it not enough to try the patience of humans? Will you try the patience of my God also? Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. (Isaiah 7:11-14 NIV)

Ahaz submitted to the invading armies; half of the people- his enemies- were taken off to captivity and he remained as a vassal to the Assyrians. After him, his son Hezekiah followed God; but I think he was the last good king. After that, I'm pretty sure the rest of the Jews went off into captivity. Darkness set in.

Isaiah foretold the defeat. The end. But... There was a silver lining. Isaiah also foretold Jesus:

A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him—
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of might,
the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord—
and he will delight in the fear of the Lord.
He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes,
or decide by what he hears with his ears;
but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.

----
---
----

In that day the Root of Jesse will stand as a banner for the peoples; the nations will rally to him, and his resting place will be glorious. (Isaiah 11:1-10 NIV)

It seems the world is the same, always at war. Hurts, pains, trails, betrayals, defeats, death. Life is a constant struggle, a constant battle. I feel as if every day I move forward, I but walk towards the next set back. The next conflict. The next problem.

Yet; if I'm reading it correctly, we are promised victory. The cosmic struggle will be finished. Immanuel. God is with us, in our struggles. He wants us to know that He Is, even though sometimes we feel like we can't trust him. Ahaz refused to ask for a sign, but God provided him, and us, with one anyways.

He came; Jesus. He lived. For us. He lives- death could not hold Him back. Does not, will not. A banner for us, his people. In Him, we will find victory, and rest. Peace. Shalom.

The End of Vanity

2011-09-16T15:03:00.001-07:00

Last night, I stood at the door of my work; I looked out into the cloudy world. It was raining, and it was cold. We have had such great weather lately, it actually shocked me a bit. Fall is coming; summer is over. I have been slacking in my blogging, in my Bible reading. I got caught up today. I've been procrastinating.

Why, I've been asking myself?

You see, I think procrastination sometimes has a good reason. You know what I've come up with?

It is strange, how somethings unintentionally take on a different meaning. Somehow my Bible reading has begun to mark the passage of time this year. I am 73% of the way through... meaning the year is nearly three quarters of the way done. It's September 16th! In ten days I start a new quarter school. In 21 days, have completed my 25 year of life... And start my 26th. Time is moving... Quickly.

I have enjoyed myself. I am enjoying it... But... Ugh. Things are happening so fast. It feels as if I need more time.

One of the passages I powered through (I say powered, because I know that I am meant to slowly work through, and enjoy... This is a self indictment of... guilt?) was in Ecclesiastes.

Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them"— (Ecclesiastes 12:1 NIV)

I am not yet old, yet I'm not exactly in my youth anymore. I'm not exactly sure, but I think I'm technically an adult now. It's scary, how quickly it seemed to sneak up on me; and I'm told it only gets faster.

before the sun and the light
and the moon and the stars grow dark,
and the clouds return after the rain;
when the keepers of the house tremble,
and the strong men stoop,
when the grinders cease because they are few,
and those looking through the windows grow dim;
when the doors to the street are closed
and the sound of grinding fades;
when people rise up at the sound of birds,
but all their songs grow faint;
when people are afraid of heights
and of dangers in the streets;
when the almond tree blossoms
and the grasshopper drags itself along
and desire no longer is stirred.
Then people go to their eternal home
and mourners go about the streets.
Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
and the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
and the wheel broken at the well,
and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Everything is meaningless!" (Ecclesiastes 12:2-8 NIV)

Last night at work, I worked with a large amount of elderly people. It was a fraternity-club-like thing. Most of the people were well over seventy. I often listen in on conversations. I was standing by one table, when someone approached it. They all were happy to see each other, and after a quick greeting, they got to news.

"Did you hear about Charlie?"
"No..."

"He passed. A couple of days ago..."
"Oh God....."

There was a pause. "Care to join us?"

"I must go."

"Right. So long then."

It took moments. So many of them. So old. So... Accepting of their ends... And my winter is coming. I guess... That is why I have been so... Pensive.

On a lighter not... Note, I quoted Ecc. 12... Next up: Song of Solomon. Yeaow! Haha, fun stuff? Eat, drink, and be merry; right? ;-)

The sun is still out! So...

Be Beautiful! Ciao

Be Beautiful! ;-)

2011-09-11T13:47:00.001-07:00

Every once in a while, I'll find something to catch my eye... My ear. Lately I've been listening to a lot of dubStep. Epic musical sweeps, followed by bass so deep your afraid it will keep getting lower. It seems to throb, pulse, your adrenaline begins to flow. It brings back memories of crazier times, of some of the insanity I used to participate in.

I've been trying to understand why it is I love this stuff... I think it has everything to do with it's simplicity. High peeks, troubling lows, and rarely a discernible melody, it the nearly technical structure of its sound. It is rhythm driven, meant to make you keep moving.

There is no lyrical genius. There is hardly finesse; most of these guys who make this stuff call themselves technicians. But it is... Music. Not overly traditional, but it follows the basic forms.

Forms.

Things that define and underline other things.

I used to concern myself with... The underlying things. Ha! What am I saying, I still do. For instance, what is beauty. What makes a specific girl beautiful. Are you beautiful?

We preen, we dance, we look to entice. I was recently out with friends a couple of nights ago. I saw this pretty girl, she had on some sweet shades. At least I thought they were cool. I did what any normal dude would do...

I asked to borrow them. Gave her my phone to take a picture.

It's funny. I put them on. I looked cool. And I couldn't see anything but a gold glow. I love how life throws random morals in my face. She'd simply glued gold flakes to lenses, blocking everything else out.

Gold. Beauty. Time... Some things we seemingly have control over, others we helpless to touch. This morning I've been struggling with what I'd be doing in the next few months.

As I was sitting at church, my pastor reminded me of... Well... The day. 9/11. Ten years. As I think back on the day our world changed... I think in today. As think on today... Heavy pulses of the music I am listening to filters through my thoughts again. Epic sweeps. Repetitive, and dynamic.

This music is all about the lows. Oh, so deep, so heavy... Cycling through, over and over, all the way to the end. A rough music, our lives would make. Born for suffering and confusion, we come into this world kicking and screaming, and yet when our last breath leaves... There is nothing but silence. We are but a song, played and finished, leaving but memory. Our hearts set the beat, do our action have a melody?

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Eccl. 3:11

We knows where our hearts will lead us, but God. Who knows where our lives will push us, but God. Who knows what the consequences our action wrought?

He is the Creator of all things, and we are his song. "I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil- this is the gift of God."

Do the good things God gives you to do, flee the evil. "I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so people will fear him."

"Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account. " -shrug-

Be beautiful. Thumb up. ;-) (I'm winking, under the glasses.)

Murder-Suicide

2011-09-08T13:11:00.001-07:00

A few days ago a friend (#1) of mine sent me a strange message. "Do you know so and so?"

Umm... Yes. Yes, I do. So and so was a really good friend of mine through out high school. Taught me to play soccer, we played Halo into the night. We'd talked dreams, we'd made life plans. We were supposed to take over the world together.

We all know that story, friends drift. Life happens.

So friend #1 sends me an article, "Medical examiner has released the identity of today's apparent murder-suicide. Random Chick X was shot by So and so (aka friend #2). Friend #2 had been romantically involved and had been depressed, and after killing random chick, barricaded himself in his apartment and shot him self."

What?!

It was about 12 am at this point... when I found out. It's been a while since I've seen friend 2... But last I checked, life was... Ok

His Facebook had him married a couple of weeks ago. He seemed happy. What is going on. He was a good guy. Crazy, but awesome kind of crazy...I made some calls, no one responded. The whole thing was off. I couldn't sleep. I spent all might looking for more information. Nothing but the same story that didn't make any sense.

Next morning, a call finally got back to me, and well, turns out my friend shared the same name. Wrong guy. A whacky story.

I am really happy my friend is happily married and alive, but I haven't seen him in years. We live our lives, we drift, we move away. We leave each other to ourselves. What are we missing, what have we forgotten. Thankfully, my story had a happy ending, but there is another family with... Not so happy a family. What friends abandoned that kid, left him, moved on.

It is easy to do with our Facebook, our twitters, our social media. I don't actually have to talk to anyone to keep tabs on them. I don't actually have to interact. I can read their feeds, and know whats up... Sorta.

They can read my blog, my feeds, and know what's up with me. If I had really been involved in my friends life... 2 things would have been true.

First of all, if he was lonely and depressed... I'd have known it. I could have... Helped... Perhaps.

Second... I would have also known that my friend was indeed not that guy in the article. I would have instantly known it was another dude. -shrug- Some one posted on his Facebook saying as much.

I know it's impossible to keep up with everyone; but we can sometimes make more of an effort to try I suppose.

Fortress

2011-09-06T16:00:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. The rhythms I worked so hard at creating at the start of the summer were all broken up. Between work, friends, and random distractions I kept finding myself stray further and away from those things that I had decided were good for me.

Camp, ugh, camp was awesome. I still have bruising that is taking it's time going away.

But as a few of you might now, I keep tight schedules cause I am a bit of an insomniac. I'll be up... All night if I have my rhythms throw off. The thing is, sometimes getting back into a rhythm is hard. I know how to do it, but sometimes I just don't feel like it.

Why?

I started this post two weeks ago, and never finished it:
---
Aug 25th:
My family struggles with anxiety. I struggle with anxiety. Have you ever struggled with it? Sometimes you know what your anxious about, others times it... More a product of what? Something... A desire simply to be on your way. To do. My last post was about the same thing, in a way.

Last night I was anxious. Really anxious. Like, I was in bed at 2 in the morning, and my heart was racing. I hear anxiety happens because of the fear of misfortune, past or future.

We all struggle with some degree or another. One of my big issues at the moment is the balance between my life, and that which I know is good. I'm supposed to be a Christian, that is what I claim; but often I do things I shouldn't. What's worse, I want to do those those things.
---

This morning, I was doing my daily reading (When my rhythms get off, it's always a struggle to get back into those. I miss one, then I'm struggling to get through two the next day... It is worse when I miss a few days.) and the Psalm was one of those 'Lord you are my refuge' ones. (Psalm 71)

You know the ones where the psalmist writes 'In you, LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame." In the third verse he writes "Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress."

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to live in that world? How different it is to the one we live in.

A good story to show my point is Joseph and his brothers. When they got upset with him, what did they do? Sold him to a trading caravan. What did they tell their father? Lions ate him. Look at the cloths. No investigation. It was assumed that was what happened. The Midian caravan probably didn't ask all that many questions either, slavery was common.

A fortress would have been a big deal back then. Typically built around a water source, in a defensible position, it would have provided stability to a region. When enemies beset you, you could feel and withstand attacks.

But think about this... There is your fortress, off in the distance. Your going about your business... And there appears an enemy. The question is, will you make it back to the gates in time. What good is a stronghold if your caught outside it?

Back to my anxiety, insomnia, then. There is rest in God, yet we wander away sometimes. I wander away. Seems like it's almost a personal choice in how far you wander.

To stand, a Man.

2011-09-01T15:13:00.001-07:00

It's the start of September. When does fall officially start? I think there are some 23 days till the end of summer. Time is moving; the season is about to change. We all grow a little older. We all, perhaps, learned something this year.

I found myself driving out to Camp Attitude this last Sunday morning. On the way there, I was talking to a friend. They'd recently come back from the motherland, from visiting some family. My friend's uncle got caught up, it appears, some political intrigue. They had nothing to do with it, but his daughter watched as their father was dragged away. It is strange how pedantic our lives are here in the the States, so sheltered from so much of the extremism over seas. Her uncle had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Senseless, horrible, merciless- death is an enemy.

This had happened just a few weeks after my father's passing. I remember her father speaking to me...

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3-7 NIV)

As the seasons in weather change, so do the seasons in our lives. We suffer troubles, we are comforted. We grow closer, we grow a little wiser, a little gentler. We learn to love, to trust, to hope. As we share the sufferings, we can also share in the joys.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of doing a little maintenance on my mom's car. My dad taught me a thing or two about cars. Not much, but I can change the oil, breaks, minor stuff. I know how to pull a tire off, check the rotor disks. Change them if need be, or get them turned. Typically, I hate this sort of work.

Yesterday though, I got to teach Nicky my nephew how to do it. He's six, and now he can loosen the lug nuts, jack up the car, and then pull the tires off. He knows the breaks on the car work like the ones on his bike. He knows where the brake fluid is stored. It was fun. A joy.

It was awesome watching him jump on the wrench, to get the lug nuts to loosen. He used both and to put them back on, two at a time, after he placed the tire all by him self. The thing weighs half as much as he does, and he lifted it. He is growing up, he will be a man. I remember him, standing tall washing his hands with his uncle; a mans hands get dirty.

It is life. The seasons change. We grow up. We suffer, but we also bring each other joy. I'm watching as a generation passes in my life. I watch as a new one is brought up. One day, Nicky, too, will stand with me, shoulder to shoulder.

One day, he will be a Man.

Rest Areas

2011-08-23T22:17:00.001-07:00

An interruption.

There are so many things on my mind right now.

Over the weekend I spent close to... 8 hours in the car on Friday, then another 12 hours on Sunday driving or being driven.

You sit. You think. You talk. Text. Read. Eat. Try to sleep. Eventually you find your tired of sitting. You begin to get really restless. I begin to get really frustrated. I find it hard, doing nothing.

I had a good reason to go, a reason to come home. I had good company. I had distractions. Everything I could possible want or need. I even had a timeline, a destination. A purpose.

I find it interesting, you begin the journey, fresh. Excited. After a while your looking to stop at any rest area, anything, for no reason whatever.

Somehow I feel life correlates.

Things are on the move. Things are going in the right direction. You have a... destination... And yet it gets frustrating somehow. Somehow you get restless.

"Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty:
neither do I exercise myself in great matters, or in things too high for me.

Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul is even as a weaned child.

Let Israel hope in the Lord from henceforth and for ever."

Psalm 131:1-3 KJV

Somehow I get the feeling David had to keep telling himself that, to learn to believe it. Somehow I need to learn to... Learn that. To be honest, life is good for me at the moment; which means I am beginning to look for... what... Excitement. I am so used to the drama, and I know there is drama to come... That when... life happens as it is meant to, I begin to get antsy.

Let Dimitry hope in the Lord form henceforth and forever. I encourage you to do the same. ;-)

-----

After long thought and Deliberation, I've decided to give the 50$ to Andi Hixon. :-)

Check out her story in "Your Blessings."

Goodbye

2011-08-18T01:44:00.001-07:00

I found out my father's mother died tonight. I dreamt about my dad again last night. It is a bit surreal. So many changes in my life, the life of my family.

It's so strange to me, death. Initially I thought it was my mother's mom. As I wrote earlier on this blog- she has cancer- and it's not good. On the way home; I was bracing myself to see her. This was a bit of a surprise.

When I found out it was my dad's mom; God. We never told her; about my dad. I would imagine it was a bit of a surprise, finding my dad already in heaven.

Us, who yet live, stand behind this glimmering veil. It shimmers, some parts fade, others are filled in with new sparkling lights. My brothers wife is soon to have another. Soon, another boy will join us. Soon- we'll have another person to love.

My niece gave me a long wonderful hug on the way in. It was so warm. I was in my car; and she opened the door. When I grew up; I never met death. Oh- I heard about it, but it was always someone I barely knew. It was someone else's loved one. Or someone so removed; -shrug-

I was sheltered; my people never died. And now...

Now I'm worried. For the first time- I really know our days are numbered. I rushed home; hoping to bring comfort to my mom- or something 'noble' like that. I actually worry about her health. I found her upset; but entirely for different reasons; she felt someone else's pain.

I think about my aunts and uncles... They've already lost their father. Now mother. They've lost a couple of brothers, a sister. All dearly loved. All... Sorely missed.

I think about my niece; does dealing with death come easier somehow? Her hug... scared me. It hurt. I never... had to hug like that, growing up. I can't imagine... trying to make sense of death; in childhood. I couldn't imagine losing a parent. One day they are here; the next gone.

My little Brother Erik is going off to college this weekend. I'm so happy for him. I love him. I'm so proud of him. I know he needs to go...

Saying good bye is so hard. Seems like you never know anymore.

I was telling someone today I think I have discovered the meaning of life today...

It is to love and be loved. I will miss my grandmother. We loved, love, you, Rest in peace.

... and... Please say hello to my dad.

You Shall be Judged!

2011-08-17T15:10:00.001-07:00

Readers from all over the world lately have been hitting my blog. China, Germany, UK, Singapore, Hong Kong, India, Bahrain, Kenya, South Africa, Spain, Australia, Ukraine, Mexico, Malaysia, even our pedantic neighbors in Canada; and that's about half the list. People from all over the world probably wondering- what's this guy's deal?

"Why all the preaching?" as my friend asked me a bit ago.

Why not?

It's a small world, and unfortunately we all need each other. Why not propagate the faith that teaches one to love your neighbor as yourself? Why not hope in a God that will judge evil, and reward good.

So much pain, so much hurt, so many things that we do to each other. That same guy went on to talk about how religions are the cause of all of that. Are they though? "What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. Expel the wicked person from among you." 1 Corinthians 5:12, 13 NIV

Yes, our Bible says God will judge; but it also has more. The whole story is actually quite hopeful. Judgement is not the point of the story. It's more of a footnote. The point.... of the Christian faith is nicely summed by Jesus himself, in a prayer:

"O righteous Father, even though the world does not know you, I know you, and these know that you have sent me. I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them." John 17:25, 26 ESV

It is that God wants You to meet Him; personally, in love: because He loves us.

Delight in the Lord

2011-08-14T09:52:00.001-07:00

Always looking forward to something, aren't you? Your always waiting till that deal comes through, that big check hits, that client signs. Your always waiting for her to respond, or to find 'the one.'

It's always some event.

Someone asked me, just yesterday: "when do you know your ready?"

I fumbled around for an answer for a while.

Something like... "When I know it's what God wants," was what my best... answer was.

There is something about humanity that is always waiting. Today my reading took me through Psalm 110. It is a prophetic Psalm about the coming Messiah. We wait for silly things, the Jews waited for something special. Something big. Something real.

They learned the signs. They memorized the prophecies. They waited.

And yet... When Jesus came... They rejected Him.

Why?

What are the things God gives us, that we can choose to reject- that are really meant for us? How do you know when your meant to pursue? "Thy people shall be willing in the day of thy power, in the beauties of holiness from the womb of the morning: thou hast the dew of thy youth." Psalm 110:3 KJV

It reminds me of a sermon recently heard. "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4 KJV Sounds good, since God is awesome, in the fullest sense of the word.

Yeah?

Take some time to look up the word "delight"... And what it actually means in the Hebrew. If you're Russian, the translation is a bit more... Accurate. At first glance... It looks like if we look at God and are happy like we'd be with a new puppy, we'll get what ever we want.

But the way the verse is actually written... It's more like we're the young puppy, and we've rolled over to have our tummy scratched. And instead of giving us the desires of our heart... He gives (as in changes our will to match His will for) us the desires of our heart.

I found that interesting. Think about this. If you submit to God... Really submit, if you Abide in the Vine... ... .. .

The Favored One

2011-08-13T14:42:00.001-07:00

Show a brother love!

In my read through the Bible today, I got some interesting Psalms. Remember the old- eye for eye, tooth for tooth stuff in the Old Testament?

"Set thou a wicked man over him: and let Satan stand at his right hand.When he shall be judged, let him be condemned: and let his prayer become sin.s Let his days be few; and let another take his office.s Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg: let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places. Let the extortioner catch all that he hath; and let the strangers spoil his labour. Let there be none to extend mercy unto him: neither let there be any to favour his fatherless children. Let his posterity be cut off; and in the generation following let their name be blotted out. Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered with the Lord; and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out. Let them be before the Lord continually, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth. Because that he remembered not to shew mercy, but persecuted the poor and needy man, that he might even slay the broken in heart. As he loved cursing, so let it come unto him: as he delighted not in blessing, so let it be far from him." Psalm 109:6-17 KJV

Have you ever wondered what it would be like, to be different than you are today? Have you ever thought about... yourself in a different place? For instance I'm a good person. Most of the time. I try to walk the straight and narrow, I try to do the right things.

Why?

I'm not perfect, but I'm no Hitler.

I mean, who wakes up in the morning and decides: I'm just going to be foul today, I'm going to go out of my way to make everyone miserable. I'll have no compassion. I'll be ruthless, mean.

Why do some take that path, while others don't. How is it I'm the way that I am.

The guy in the Psalm, the bad guy, why was he that way?

Paul wrote: "For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?" 1 Corinthians 4:7 NIV I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am. How much I have been given.

Why?

What makes me different. Why am I special.

I remember a few years back I had this manager. Before he was a manager, he was one of the servers. I was a buser then, I had just got the job. I worked my butt off. I had every reason to, the reward was worth it. For what ever reason, this server and I became friends. When he became a manager, a position opened up, and I moved up. I was trained. I stayed friends with the guy.

We had this other server. She was awful.

I remember her accusing me of being a 'favorite.' I also remember being one of the people that manager relied on to take care of all the chores no one else wanted to do. There were a couple of other favorites, and we always would joke about how it actually sucks to be a favorite.

The apostles were... the favorites. And God loved them, I'm sure. And yet all but one of them were martyred. The one wasn't martyred, John, was the one refereed 'the one Jesus loved.' He lived for a long time. I'd be interesting to know how he felt about that. About being the only one that was not viciously murdered.

Are you favored?

The Outside Perspective

2011-08-12T11:32:00.001-07:00

Ugh! Yesterday was Amazing! Coffee! Chess! Cooking! Reading, writing, great weather. I at lunch with my sister and her friend, and my friend Brian. I then had dinner with my sister Olga, Lena joined too, and my friend Matt. We met up with Erik, my mom, and Julia at the kids camp. Yanna, Nikki. A Perfect day. No work, no real hurry.

I met a few new people. One, a guy named Lou. Brian and I were playing chess in between lunch and dinner and Lou asked to watch us play. After our game, I challenged him. Immediately, I was on the run. I have not been so viciously attacked so quickly in quite some time. I spent the entire game reeling from quick initial losses.

You see, Lou plays with people who play on the clock. Games last no more than 20 minutes. There is no time to think. He is good, he is fast, and he forces the advantage. He took the role I normally hold, when I play. He was the aggressor. I managed a win, only because he blundered- he had me good.

Brian had a chance to see Lou play. Brian is an excellent player who knows how to deal with little pups like me, so he was able to force Lou on the defensive. An incredible game, yet very insightful. I remember feeling so pressed playing against Lou- and yet watching from the outside- I saw so many openings. It was interesting watching as at some point Brian had shifted into a defensive mode. It was so strange to watch. He owned the board, but he was afraid to lose one of his pieces. Games of chess are lost on silly mistakes. I saw the winning move before he did. He had lost the focus of the game. It was cool to have one of those 'coaching' moments: "Brian, what the point of the game?!"
"To pin the other guy's king down."
"Then do it!"
"What?... Oh... Checkmate." (As a side note, I'm pretty sure Brian would have seen it anyways. Haha)

There are times when the mess of all the pieces you had fought to advance becomes too hard to maintain. You are winning, but you are so far extended, there is no retreat. You have thrown your entire game into a gambit- your blood is rushing- because you know you can't stop. You can't blink. In those moments we forget the goal. You forget the point. Sometimes it's like that in our lives. Our small victories build up. We succeed in many small things. We know we are ahead- but we also know one small blunder brings the whole house down.

Which is why sometimes an outside perspective is good. When Paul was with the Corinthians he had to set their eyes on the point. On the goal. Paul was a scholar. He had wisdom, knowledge, it's likely he had the whole Old Testament memorized but he says: "When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God's power." 1 Corinthians 2:1-5 NIV

That Spirit, the Holy Spirit is what we need. Sometimes we are blinded and "these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person's thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.t The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for, "Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ." 1 Corinthians 2:10-16 NIV

So; if your feeling lost. You feel the stresses in this world pushing you in directions you know you shouldn't go... Seek the Holy Spirit's direction. Christ is the point. Go back to that.

Go back to that foundation that we've been given. As Paul writes in the next chapter: "By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person's work. If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames." 1 Corinthians 3:10-15 NIV
God bless, and take care my friends.

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It's getting near the time I award the 'Your Blessings' Prize. If you haven't submitted your story, now is the time!

Thanks Karoline for submitting yours! :-)

Bring Machiavelli to Malawi?

2011-08-10T15:27:00.001-07:00

It's funny, today. I thought of an amazing opportunity. Have you ever though of something very clever? Then daydreamed about how it will take off. I will, in my mind, create a whole narrative about how this thing will change lives.

For instance, today I single handily changed the course of African history. I won the nobel peace prize by fixing Africa's leadership vacuum problem. I founded schools, which turned into leading universities. I also taught the African people that the western perspectives need not be the only way they look at things, but one of many. One in which they could grow their own cultural heritage, without abandoning insights from the west.

How did I do this? I taught kids to play chess. That's right, Chess.

I have no idea if they have chess in say Malawi. I don't know if they understand the implications of the games in how it teaches people to govern and understand 'developments.' The game is simple, a rule book only need be a couple of pages long. Six unique pieces, 32 game pieces on the board in total. The pieces don't need to be anything fancy, or special. Rocks and wood work, the board can be drawn. It is an elegant game accessible to all once taught.

With chess you learn how to maneuver your pieces. You start in perfect balance, and you shift out breaking your ranks. To move, you must open your self up. To attack, you eventually loose pieces. Each piece has value, some more than others, and yet the whole game can won by a pawn (lowest ranking piece.)

There is value given to finesse. You can batter your opponent into submission, but winning quickly and with elegance is always preferable. I've taken games from my opponent because instead of taking me out, they were too busy wasting time on non-consequential pieces. Each piece follows directs and orders, each piece is meaningful. A loss shifts the whole game, because it means you haven't thought out your strategy or you were simply out maneuvered.

You must defend yourself, the king, yet that is completely meaningless if you have scarified your entire board merely to survive. You must move against your opponent, or you are sure to lose.

Yet with every loss, there is a new perspective. With every failed game, a chance to learn. A chance to think, to remember, to adjust, and finally to succeed.

I can go on, about the life lessons.

What brought this on? A video. My best friend's parents are coming back from Africa. Malawi, and they posted a video on Facebook.

I had lots of thoughts go through my mind. In part of the video they have some of the Africans talking... Some are wearing western attire... It looks like it's 100 degrees. Silliness, I says. And I guess they are pastors. One of the guys really does looks dapper. They are trying to build for themselves a life in Christ. Yet, from what I hear, they try to emulate us. But some of the things we have to teach might not be... things they want to learn.

And I thought about the things we as a people know... That we should... Not teach. Have you ever read Machiavelli's the Prince? It is a book all about gaining and holding power. I was thinking about that, while thinking about my Chess idea. What would the negative ramifications of chess be?

Today's reading has taken me into Corinthians. The Church in Corinth was an interesting place. I once hear Corinthians described as Las Vegas, New York, and... Dubai or some crazy rich place. It was young, it was growing, people were hip. Sin City, with a crazy nightlife. And the Church at Corinth was popping at the seems too. :"I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:4-9 NIV

They were blessed. They were rich, they had knowledge and blessings. The Holy Spirit moved among them. And yet their success had created among them a sense of pride. And with that pride, they began to divide themselves. Take the time to read the first chapter.

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate." Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." 1 Corinthians 1:18-25 NIV

I look at our church here in the states, then I look at these people in Africa. I want to help. I want to think of ways... To get them along. But- it is my wisdom that may turn out to be foolishness. My knowledge that may lead them astray.

"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 NIV

We may have a bunch to offer people... but it is important to think about what it is you have. I may think I'm clever; but how much do I really know. I may think something is silly, or being done wrong, but am I always right? How much of my knowledge is worldly foolishness? How much of my wisdom is borrowed? How much of my perceived wisdom is just self pride- misplaced.

I love the last line: If you boast, boast in the Lord.