Me, my dogs, my life.

scintilla: day 10

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

OK, friends. This is the last day of Scintilla! I know I’ve missed a few days, but overall I think I did pretty well, especially with all the craziness in my life right now. Hope you’ve enjoyed reading. The final prompt I’m answering is this:

Tell the story of how you got the thing you are going to keep forever. Include an image in your post, if you can.

So, as always, I’m not really answering this question in the way it was intended, but when I read it, the first thing I thought of was of a pair of photographs.

As you know, my father died unexpectedly when I was 26. After a tremendously shocking, sad, and overwhelming day with my family (that began with a life-changing phone call at 4:30 a.m.), I went home to my apartment, more or less a wrung-out empty shell of a human.

That night, I dug through my stuff and found a picture of me and my dad that had been taken maybe two years before. I found an old frame and inserted the picture. I found another photo of my whole family that had been taken five years prior. That went in the other side of the frame.

I have not changed the (decidedly not fancy) frame or photos since, and I never will. Those pictures have been on display everywhere I’ve lived since early 2000, and they always will be.

Miss you, Dad. Forever.

scintilla: day 9

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

Today’s Scintilla prompt asks: Post a photo of yourself from before age 10. Write about what you remember of the day the photo was taken. It may not be a full story – it may just be flashes of event and emotion – but tap into the child you were as much as you can.

This is a photo that hangs on my refrigerator door. I think this was the first day of school when I was entering fifth grade, so I was 9 going on 10 – that’s me in the back with my head turned and my eyes shut. Next to me (on my left) is my best friend Heather, and the boy in front with blonde hair is my brother. The girl directly in front of me is Heather’s sister Shelly – the one I go on beach vacations with in the summer these days. Next to Heather is her brother Mark, and next to him is our friend Paul, who I’ve known since I was basically a fetus. I believe the yellow Garfield lunchbox is mine.

Yes, we look like a bunch of early-80s nerds, to be sure. It’s so funny to look at this and see that I am the tallest one – little did I know that I only had about two years left of growing to do. Fifth grade turned out to be the year I got glasses, so it’s probably just as well my eyes were closed; everything was most likely blurry anyway.

I don’t remember a lot - or anything, really – about that particular first day of school. But what I love the very most about this picture is I’m still super-close to everyone in it (except the two girls on the right – not sure what happened to them, as they moved away a couple of years later). I’ve beaten this drum before, and I will continue to beat it - one of the greatest gifts of my life is the fact that I have so many friendships that have endured over 30 years, and I’m so thankful for that.

scintilla: day 8

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

Today’s Scintilla prompt asks: Sometimes we wish we could hit the rewind button. Talk about an experience that you would do over if you could.

My first semester of college was away from home. I lived in a dorm, gained the Freshman Fifteen, etc., etc. During my first semester, however, I decided to change my major (this would not be the last time) to secondary education so I could be a high school English teacher. The best school in my state for that degree happened to be 20 minutes from my house. So I transferred, and commuted from home. I was paying for college myself, and it made no sense at the time to take out loans and get into debut so I could live in a dorm so close to home. I regret that now.

My school was a good one – and in fact, I currently work very close by, which is extremely weird, especially when I see all of the students who look to me to be about Jane’s age – and I did have a lot of fun, and walked out of there with a BA in English. But I think I missed out on something important by not living away from my parents for those four (OK, five – like I said, I liked to change majors) years.

I want Jane’s future to be whatever she wants it to be. But I feel very strongly that she go to school away from home. Sure, it will be tragic and sad and I will hang on to her as she walks out the door. But still, that is something I want very much for her.

scintilla: day 7

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

Here’s today’sScintilla prompt: What is the longest thing you know by heart (for example, a prayer, a speech, commercial jingle, etc)? Why did you learn it?

When I am in a show, the thing I hear the most from people who come see it,is “I don’t know how you memorize those lines. I would never be able to do that!”

This is not true, of course. I maintain that anyone could memorize lines, as long as they don’t mind spending a few weeks glued to a script, begging the unfortunate souls who live or are friends with you to run lines, and don’t mind if people think you’re a lunatic because you’re constantly talking to yourself…running lines in the car…running lines walking down the street…running lines in the shower…all the time.

Or, at least that’s how I do it. Other people have different techniques. I have found the older I get, it takes a little more time to memorize lines. I think that’s because I have way more distractions in my life than I used to. Or my brain is melting. Or a combination of both. So I just practice more.

I think the longest monologue I have had in a play is from Neil Simon’s Jake’s Women, in which I played Jake’s rather spazzy sister. This was not a show experience I particularly enjoyed (for many reasons), but I do remember getting a certain amount of joy while laying into him with this rant:

Why is it whenever I try to help you, you push me away? You’re that way with all women. You’re so — so — standoffish. What you love is to love women. You love to have women in love with you. You even love to love women who love you because you’re standoffish. But intimacy, aha, that you’re afraid of. I said, "Aha, that you’re afraid of." I think you’re afraid to lose control in a relationship with a woman. To let a woman in so close, so deep inside of you, that she’ll gobble you up and you’ll lose whatever you think you are. You always have to be the Master, Jake. The Master, the Conductor, the Director and the Attorney General. You don’t think it’s strange that you sit around here thinking about women and making up what they say to you? And then you think up that we make up that we come over here on our own? Come on! How much more control do you want? ... They love you, they leave you, they come back to you, they worry about you, they die, they live, they grow up, the fall down, they fight for you, they cry for you — it’s a three ring circus in here and all the horses and lions and elephants are women ... You’re the star of the show, Jake. You’re the one they shoot out of a cannon and you fly around the tent with an American flag in your mouth and all the women go crazy and faint and they take them away to hospitals ... The trouble is — it’s very hard to get close to a man who’s flying around in a tent with a flag in his mouth. That’s what I call trouble with intimacy.

That part was fun.

Lines stick in your head, even years later. Not full speeches like the one above; no, if I wanted to recite that right now, I’d have to spend some time with it again. But, like with movie quotes for other people, quotes from plays and musicals surface in my daily conversation all the time, and bring with them memories, good and bad, from my very favorite hobby.

scintilla: day 6

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

Today’s Scintilla prompt goes like this: Many of our fondest memories are associated with food. Describe a memorable experience that took place while preparing or eating food.

Today is the first day of spring. On this, the first day of spring, it is 34 degrees where I am right now. There is snow on the ground from yesterday’s storm. My back aches from slipping and falling on the ice last night. I am wearing a sweater dress and boots for the umpteenth time over the past five months, which have been long, arduous, and freezing fucking cold. You can see the desperation for a little warm weather on everyone’s faces. We all look a little grey, a little sad, and a little dead.

There is a place in Westbrook, CT called Bill’s Seafood. In the summer, when we’re at the boat or visiting my in-laws, we will often go there. When I think of Bill’s, which I was doing just this morning, these are the things that pop into my mind:

*hot summer sun
*lobster rolls dripping with butter, with a heaping side of fries
*Styrofoam containers filled with steamers
*loud live music
*a packed deck with people drinking and looking at the boats going by
*weekends
*my family
*shorts, sunburns, and laughter
*hitting the ice cream stand next door as we leave

I can’t think of a better recipe for happiness.

(Note: writing this post put a lump in my throat. That is how badly I need summer to get here.)

scintilla: day 5

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

I am answering this Scintilla prompt today: What have been the event horizons of your life - the moments from which there is no turning back?

These days, I have no time to ponder things for more than about 30 seconds. I truly wish I had more time to really think about my posts, but between work, family and directing a show, it's tough. OK, excuses time over....when looking at this question, I can truly say I think there has been only one moment in my life from which there is no turning back – and that was the decision to have a child.

Everything else is fluid - jobs, relationships, hobbies, locations. But the moment I became a mother changed my identity to a degree that there is no turning back. No matter what success or joy I find elsewhere in my life, if I’m not a good mother, I’ve fucked up. I’ve failed. I believe this.

Scary, right? This is not something I think about on a day-to-day basis because, hello, PRESSURE. And I don’t mean that every single moment has to be perfection, because obviously it is NOT. But the decisions I make and the examples I set plays a huge role in the shape of Jane’s life right now – and most certainly in the future.

And there’s no turning back from that responsibility.

scintilla: day 4

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

Prompt: What talent do you have that your usual blog readers don’t know about? Talk about a time when you showed it to its best advantage.

After perusing the past couple of days of Scintilla prompts, I’ve decided to respond to this one today. It’s not my best, but, well, it’s something:

I wouldn’t call it a talent, no. But I can draw well enough to entertain small children. I used to looooove drawing and coloring when I was a kid, and one of my specialties were my “Froglets” – basically cartoony frogs with big eyes and even bigger eyelashes, usually wearing princess dresses. My artistic talent stalled out by about sixth grade –I would say that’s my level of ability - but I must say that I truly enjoy sitting down with Jane to color, which she does non-stop. Something about the quiet activity and the smell of fresh crayons puts me in a happy place.

The time this “talent”worked to my advantage in a big way was a couple of years ago when Greg, Jane and I were driving to New Jersey to visit friends. While trapped in the everlasting CT-to-NJ traffic snarl, using one of those Magna Doodle erasable things, I became Jane’s personal artist, drawing for at least an hour straight as she flung suggestions/demands at me from the back seat. Dogs, trees, houses, Daddy, rainbows – I did it all. And when you’re trapped in the car with a fidgety toddler for a three-hour trip, you thank your lucky stars that you spent all your time in elementary school with your blank paper, markers and crayons.

Note: I'm number the Scintilla days in my post titles by how many days I've personally participated. Just keeping track of my own participation.

scintilla: day 3

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

Today’s Scintilla prompt goes a little something like this:

Talk about a time when you were driving and you sang in the car, all alone. Why do you remember this song and that stretch of road?

First off, let me just say that the great tragedy of my life is that I have a terrible – truly awful – singing voice. Me! A person who loves musical theater and is quite sure I would be rather famous at this point were it not for the fact that I am totally tone deaf.

That said, I do enjoy singing. Very much. And I can sing the hell out of any showtune or song on the radio within the confines of my car. Turn the radio up loud enough and you can’t hear my voice at all, which is really best for everyone.

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, I worked for my parents’ business (Dairy Queen), for many summers over high school and college. I drove the same 8 miles from our house to DQ thousands of times, I’m sure. Sometimes in my my mother’s Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, sometimes in my father’s Buick LeSabre, and sometimes in the car my brother and I shared for a couple of years, a Pontiac Sunbird. Ah yes.

Although during those years I was primarily a fan of rock music (still am – although not of the hair band variety anymore) I would listen to pop every now and then. One sunny summer day I was making my way to work in my super-stylish polyester DQ uniform, singing at the top of my lungs to Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On,” which was quite the hit back in 1990. As I was singing along – someday somebody’s gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbyeeee - I looked in my rearview mirror, and to this day, I laugh when I remember what I saw.

There was a woman singing the same song, totally giving it her all. Hand gestures and everything. Something about seeing her lips move to the same song I was playing in my car just seemed hilarious to me – and would have been a good reminder, had I thought of it, that instead of laughing maybe I should realize that’s most likely what I look like to other people when I’m driving. (This still holds today.)

There’s just something about that song, I guess…..

scintilla project: day 2

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

Today’s Scintilla prompt: Tell a story about something interesting (anything!) that happened to you, but tell it in the form of an instruction manual. (Step 1, Step 2, etc.)

How to end up on a PATH train from Manhattan to Hoboken in bright green fuzzy slippers in 9 easy steps:

1) Plan fabulously fun weekend in NYC with your friends.

2) Wear too-high platform sandals, despite the fact you turn your ankle quite a bit.

3) Drink a lot for several hours in a row with said friends. Fun and frivolity abound.

4) Declare that “I’m pretty sure I’m going to fall” when headed for train. You say this not because you are drunk – you just “have a feeling.”

5) Fall ass over teakettle in the middle of New York City. Snap the strap of your sandal. Laugh your ass off. Piss off your friend who is really focused on getting to the train. Laugh harder. Because what else can you do?

6) Take cab to station. See a big beautiful Duane Reade. Tell friends you MUST get a pair of flip flops because it is impossible to walk in broken sandal and there is no way in hell you are going barefoot.

7) Friends head into Duane Reade to look for footwear. You limp in behind them with another friend, who is photographing whole event with great amounts of glee.

8) Friends say that because it is late October, there are no flip flops for sale. However, there are slippers. In a bright neon green variety. You suspect friends might be lying. You don’t really care.

9) After dumping your sandals in a trash bin with great ceremony, you wear the slippers on the train back to Jersey, secretly happy because those sandals were uncomfortable anyway. And you know what? Not a single person looked twice.

I love New York.

scintilla project: day 1

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 21:00:00 +0000

DISCLAIMER: Oh you guys. I am so balls to the wall right now, but I really want to do Scintilla, because I love Scintilla and the awesome people associated with it, so I’m really sorry if my responses aren’t amazing. I’m just a girl who can’t say no, etc. etc.

Anyway, without further ado, here is the first prompt I will answer:

Tell a story set at your first job.

I am not sure if this means a fictional story set at my first job, but I first read it as “tell a story about your first job,” so that’s what I’m going to do.

My very first paying non-babysitting job was at an after-school latchkey program. Now, many of you who read this blog know me as a mature, late-30-something mom. OK, not mature. But the other two things are true. So you probably figure that I have always loved kids, right? False. The truth is, I didn’t even want to have a kid of my own until I was in my early 30s, and my interest in children in general was negative zero when I was 15.

Even now I would say I am a huge fan of my OWN kid, not all kids in general.

No, children were not my focus when I was a sophomore in high school. My friends, however, were. And a few of my friends were working for this program, so I took my giant-80s-hair-and-acid-washed-jean-jacket-wearing self down to the YMCA and managed to get myself a job.

I mean, the kids were OK, I guess, but what I remember most is goofing off with my pals. After school and before we needed to be at work, we would go to the pharmacy nearby that also had a food counter and get hot dogs and fries for second lunch (ah, I miss that high school metabolism), gossip about everyone and everything, and spend our hard-earned money at the mall or movies on Friday nights.

The job was mostly terrible (remember – I had no fondness for watching children, which was, you know, THE JOB), but I miss those times when working a couple of hours after school bought us a little taste of independence and freedom (well, freedom to buy the latest Poison, Motley Crue or Guns n’ Roses tape. Yes, TAPE. And candy. And concert tickets. And cheap-ass neon t-shirts from Rave. Does anyone remember Rave? Probably not.)

When I pick Jane up at her after-school program and I see the high school kids who are part of the staff, I sometimes think of that old job – and secretly hope they like kids just a little bit more than I did.

IMHO, you should check out my new blog.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 19:00:00 +0000

Oh, hello.

Here's the deal: I'm collaborating on a new blog with my friends Lisa and Dwayne. Why, you ask? Well, let me post my introduction from my new blog to explain:

Lisa, who I’ve named President of this Blog, has instructed me to write about why I wanted to do this blogging thing with her and Dwayne. And since she is, as I’ve mentioned, President of the Blog, I will do what she says. The truth is, the reason is because I think they’ll make me look good, because they are super funny and entertaining. And because I was getting very very lazy about posting on my personal blog, but I still want to blog, if that makes any sense. Which is doesn’t. (This will be a theme in my writing, as you will see.) What you will find here is not so much me talking about Jane and my own personal life, but me talking about stuff I like (theater, Downton Abbey, Don Draper, candy), stuff I hate (winter, animated movies, Glee, snow, winter, ice, winter), an overload of pop culture musings (for example: why Johnny Lee Miller is a superior Sherlock Holmes, no matter what Dwayne says), the adventures of turning 40 this year (will it be “40 and Fabulous”? or “40 and I Can’t Believe I’m F*!&ing 40”?) and other such nonsense. The fact is, I have opinions. Many of them. And I get twitchy if I can’t share them. So enjoy.

As you know, I've become lazy over here. The reason that's happened is so many of the things going on in my life are really not for public consumption right now. I use this space as a diary of sorts, and I still do, but by eliminating aspects of my life from this space - like Jane's life (now that I realize it is truly her life now, not a baby's life that provided such good blog fodder for five years) and my work life (I've NEVER used that for the blog, and never will) I was running out of things to say, you know?

But one thing I absolutely adore is talking abou pop culture, theater, television, books, movies, blah diddy blah blah blah. I've done some of that here, but by collaborating with my IRL buddies Dwayne and Lisa, we'll be able to keep our blog hopping with posts much more on the reg than you've seen here lately.

I AM going to keep posting here, by the way. One thing that I am very excited about participating in is round two of Scintilla, which I plan on participating in both over here and on the other blog. (Probably mostly here.)

I hope you'll join us over on IMHO...I think it's going to be a lot of fun! Or, at least a lot of snark.

time out.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 15:13:00 +0000

Well hi there.

Yup, I'm still alive. Looking out the window right now at the melting snow - the foot or two left from the 30+ inches we got last Friday in the Blizzard of 2013. This week has been so weird - work and school was canceled on Friday and Monday, Greg went to California from Tuesday to Thursday, Valentine's Day happened, I'm heading into hell week for the show I am teching....

Yeah.

I'm stopping by here today to let you know I'm taking a bit of a hiatus from the blog. I'm just not feeling it right now. I'll be back...oh yes, I will. And I'm excited about another project in the works. Of course I'm around on Twitter and reading your blogs and lurking about.

Have a fabulous weekend!

weekend update: holy shit, it's February edition.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 21:30:00 +0000

Please don’t think I haven’t noticed that the bulk of my posts so far this year have been weekend updates. I have, believe me. But unless you want to hear about how much my skin is freaking out this winter (I’m pretty sure you don’t) or how much I can’t wait for Jane’s school schedule to normalize next year (oh yeah, I’ve already gone on and on about that) or how much I loathe the dark cold and can’t wait for summer (ditto ditto ditto), I really don’t have much else to say.

In non-redundant news, I’m still recovering from the DRAMA of last Sunday’s Downton Abbey (OMG), but, you know, I don’t want to spoil it. OH, and I got the rights to the show I’m directing this spring (You Can’t Take It With You), so I’m super-psyched about THAT. In weather news this week, it snowed, rained, was sunny, was nearly 60 degrees, was mega-windy (60 MPH winds), and was freaking cold. Ah, New England, you crazy lady.

This upcoming weekend is a busy one. Tonight I’m going to see a show called Almost, Maine with my Beth, and I’m super-excited to go see some theater that is not of the community variety. (No offense, community theater, you know I love you and all.) We’re going out to dinner before, so basically it’s like a hot date. Jealous? You should be.

Tomorrow is stupidly packed. Getting my hair cut in the morning, thank God, as this whole “growing out my bangs” project is getting a little ridiculous and I need some guidance how not to look like a jackass every day of my life. Then I have to bring Jane to a birthday party for one of her school friends at one of those jump zone places, and then we all go to a surprise 40th party for another friend of ours. The fact that there are not one but TWO cake opportunities tomorrow is clearly tomorrow’s highlight.

I hear there is some major sporting event on Sunday. We will celebrate this by going to a house party, eating cheesy foodstuffs, and watching commercial s and Beyonce.

How ’bout you?

things I love: winter doldrums edition, part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:58:00 +0000

Well, the winter blues are still dragging me down, so I thought I’d talk about five more things that are lifting me up these cold-ass days:

*This new mug from Anthropologie. The last thing on earth I need is another mug in the house, but it made me smile and right now, inexpensive things that make me smile are oh-so-worth it. I’d rather spend my cash on a one-way ticket to San Diego, however….

*These flowers Jane and I picked out at Whole Foods. I sorely needed a dose of spring in this frigid, icy weather.

*Rehearsal. Like I’ve mentioned, I’m helping out with my theater group’s production of Li’l Abner this winter. I’m not hugely involved, as I will be directing the next show and that will keep me away from home a lot. But the weekly doses I get of rehearsal just make me so happy that I’ve kept up with this ridiculous hobby of mine. Plus, I don’t have to memorize any lines, which is a huge bonus.

*As you know, I’m laying off talking about Jane’s life here on the blog, but I have to just quickly say how thrilled I am that she seems to be doing well with her work – loving the stars and comments from her teacher on her homework (and girl has lots of homework). I work hard with her in the morning on her reading and writing, and it just makes me feel good that maybe I’m helping a little bit.

*A new schedule on the horizon. I know, I know, Jane has five more months of kindergarten, which means five more months of this ridiculous schedule that has me racing off to work at 11:30 a.m. when she leaves for school. We’re only halfway through the school year, really. But this whole afternoon kindergarten thing is still weird to me, and I will be JUST SO HAPPY when summer is here and she heads to camp in the morning and I can go to work at a normal time. We definitely keep busy in the mornings, but it just all feels like a delayed start to the real part of the day (work/school).

What are you loving today?

things I love: winter doldrums edition

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 22:04:00 +0000

Oh you guys, you guys, I so much (SPOILER ALERT) hate this time of year. I’m not trying to wish my life away or anything, but the darkness of January really eats at me, you know? It’s like a super-heavy wet blanket is just sitting on my head, making me miserable. I am trying not to be all gloom-and-doom, I really am. But sometimes it’s really a fight. So today I’m going to fight it by coming up with five things I am loving right now:

1) Downton Abbey is BACK. And it is as delicious and dramatic and pretty and wonderful as ever. God, I’ve read so many reviews that say the show is total crap at this point, and not only do I disagree, I simply don’t care because it MAKES ME HAPPY. I remember when it was airing in the UK a few months ago, and I was SO TEMPTED to go online and watch, but I knew it would be extra-special to watch it in January, because it’s such a miserable month for me. Oh, Amanda – you are just brilliant sometimes, do you know that?

2) This mascara. OK, so you know how I have a monthly Birchbox subscription, right? I’m going to be doing reviews of products with a couple of my friends here on the blog once we get our shit together. (Side note: this is HILARIOUS because I know very little about beauty products, obvs.) And while I will probably never pay $42 for a full tube of this magical concoction, because I am cheap like that, I wish someone would buy it for me. It doesn’t flake, give me raccoon eyes, or lose its luster in any way as the day goes on (and on). Love.

3) My new iPhone. Oh my love affair. For its capacity to take good pictures, for its battery that doesn’t lose its charge in 15 minutes, for the apps, for the fact that I’m not on the receiving end of Blackberry barbs anymore. And so many other things.

4) Three-day weekends. We’ve got one coming up this weekend because of MLK on Monday. After having 11 days off at the holidays, it sucked to go back to regular life and a regular (hectic) schedule. So this is a little mid-January treat.

5) The fact that I broke myself of my holiday cookie diet. It’s hard to come off of that diet, you know? There’s something about December that screams “Yes, I WILL have that cookie! Or maybe three cookies! Or all of the cookies!” Which is all well and good for a couple of weeks and then there is that terrible moment when you realize that, yes, cookie season is over and yes, you didn’t lose 25 pounds last year only to gain it all back in baked goods weight. (Another side note: for those who care, I have maintained 15 of my 25 pound weight loss from the 17 Day Diet. I’m pleased with that, although I am working to lose 5 right now, and plan to be there by spring. Nothing radical this time – just incorporating the lessons I learned about CARBS and how much I LOVE them but how sometimes I shouldn’t love them SO MUCH). Anyway, the point is, I’m now back to a more reasonable diet, one that doesn’t make me want to crash at 4 p.m.

What are you loving today?

Instafan.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Let’s talk for a second about how much I love Instagram.

I fucking love it.

If you know me – and you do, you do – you know that I am a HUGE MEGA FAN of social media. You will never hear me talking about shutting down my Facebook account or quitting Twitter. I love being in contact with people all the live long day. For someone who is solo with a five-year-old every morning, it’s my lifeline. And God forbid I have your cell phone number and I’m bored, because my texting fingers go crazy.

Instagram was the first app I downloaded when I got the iPhone 5 in December. I mean, the iPhone OBVIOUSLY takes superior pictures tothat piece o’ shit Blackberry I had, but I love the filters and especially the social aspect of Instagram. Scrolling through my feed and seeing a little glimpse of people’s everyday lives is like a soothing balm. Everything is so pretty and lovely and I love it.

And I know I’m like five years late to the Instagram and iPhone party, but here I am, too-late-to-even-be-fashionably-late. If you care to follow, I’m asg923.

weekend update.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 21:30:00 +0000

Hello, lovelies! Sorry for the absence this week – just getting back into the swing of our crazy life. This was the first full work-week I’ve had in, like, a month. Plus, Jane was back to dance class, I had rehearsal for a show I’m helping out with (Li’l Abner), PLUS dinner plans with friends last night – so, all in all, not a BAD week, just a busy one.

With that, it’s on to the weekend:

Friday: Tonight, Greg and I are going to see the hilarious hit comedy, Zero Dark Thirty. But seriously, I’m actually nervous to see this movie. I know there are torture scenes and a have a feeling Katheryn Bigelow didn’t just gloss over them, you know? BUT, Greg wants to see it, and I dragged him to Les Miserables (only the BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR) a couple of weeks ago, so off we go. All of this means that I will, quite shockingly, have seen THREE of the Best Picture Oscar nominees (including Lincoln). That’s a lot of highbrow movie watching for me.

Saturday: Welp, tomorrow I have some thrilling plans to scrub the house during the day. I know, I know – you are jealous. Saturday night we are going out to dinner with the in-laws for my FIL’s birthday. During the winter, it’s hyper-important for me to have at least one outing planned per day on the weekends. I go absolutely stir-fucking-crazy otherwise. My SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is in high-gear right now, and I must keep busy to push through. I know, I know, it’s a little bit lighter later now – but having it not-completely-dark at 5 p.m. isn’t enough for me. I fantasize about the days where it’s light out until 9. With great, great longing. GREAT LONGING.

Sunday: We are going to watch some of this “football” that people get so excited about at a friend’s house Sunday afternoon. I will probably not so much be “watching” this “football,” but I’m happy to hang with friends nevertheless.

And you?

weekend update.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 14:22:00 +0000

Why is it that three-day work weeks always feel the longest? Particularly after 11 days off? Well, it's finally Friday Friday Friday and I am thrilled. (Although, to be honest, it has been nice to get back into the regular routine as well. Stuffing cookies in my mouth-hole all day isn't an especially productive use of my time, although it IS delicious.)

Oh oh oh, and I have my car back after two and a half weeks! Greg did all of the repair work and then we had it totally painted - so my 2002 Honda Accord looks shiny and new! Whoo hoo! And now, like Greg said, we're just waiting to see if the whole thing falls into pieces when it hits a speed bump.

So. Weekend. This weekend we are headed off to New Jersey to stay with Greg's old college roommate, Dimitry, his wife Jackie, and their two kids. I THINK the kids are now all old enough to play with each other and maybe give us 30-second bursts of peace, but we'll see. No matter, I'm excited to get out of the house for the weekend. It's hilarious how much our weekends with Dimitry have changed over the past 11 years - we used to stay in his bachelor pad in Jersey City and go into Manhattan til all hours. Now we'll be lucky if we stay up until 10.

AND my excitement over the return of THIS and my darling Matthew Crawley on Sunday night cannot be overstated. CAN. NOT.

and then it was 2013.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 00:08:00 +0000

I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve and New Year's Day! We did. Jimmy and I managed to stay awake til midnight watching Dick Clark/Ryan Seacrest's Rockin' New Year's Eve (or whatever it's called now) after Greg, Jane and I got home from our friends' house at 10. Side note re: this broadcast: why did Fergie have her hand on her hip every time they showed her? Every. Single. Time. I'm no model or anything, but try a new pose every once in a while, Fergie! Anyway, we hosted our annual New Year's Day party yesterday with great success, and I have to say I was simply SHOCKED this morning when I woke up and realized I had to be a productive member of society again. WHATEVER, society. Also, my stomach is really mad at me for not feeding it any cookies today. WHATEVER, pants that are starting to get a little tight.

WHATEVER.

I want this year to be great, I really do. I made a lot of social plans today to help move this gloomy month of January along. I'm also helping out with my theater group's production of Li'l Abner, which goes up next month. Speaking of which, I have to run off to rehearsal for that now. Happy New Year, friends. Let's kick ass, shall we?

Jimmy looks thrilled to be my midnight date, doesn't he?

don't let the door hit your ass on the way out, 2012.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 03:01:00 +0000

You know what? 2012 wasn't my favorite year, for all sorts of reasons. It wasn't all bad, not even close, but I know I can do better. I'm excited to flip the calendar to a fresh new month, a whole new year. I have high hopes for you, 2013. I really do. Ridiculously high. It's a big year for me. I will turn FORTY in 2013. God, that sentence looks weird. Anyway, we have nine months to worry about that. I want this year to be awesome in all of the ways, and I am going to work as hard as I can to make that happen.

Until then, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year. Be safe. Be good. I'll see you on the flip side.

26th.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Wed, 26 Dec 2012 21:38:00 +0000

I find myself so relieved that Christmas is over today. I am sitting here right now in my kitchen, listening to Jane read one of her new books to herself in the other room...and am so grateful for the peace and quiet. We went to the awesome new Connecticut Science Center with Heather and her kids this morning, and it was great, but I'm just beat right now. We had a good holiday for sure, and had lots of fun with our families, but it's time for the madness of this month to wrap up, I think. And although you've probably already seen this pic elsewhere, I must post it here on the blog forevermore, as it is my favorite pic from Christmas 2012:

Jane with the (moving, neighing) horse Auntie Chrissey got her. She loves/is terrified of it.

to you and yours

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Sun, 23 Dec 2012 23:56:00 +0000

And now, on Christmas Eve Eve, may I present to you the actual pictures we used for this year's card. I wish all of you who celebrate a wonderful, peaceful and oh-so-merry Christmas.

Love,
Amanda

it's beginning to look a lot like something, anyway.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 01:29:00 +0000

So for this year's Christmas card, I dragged the family down to the beach on the Sunday after Thanksgiving for some picture-taking shenanigans. I don't know if you remember Thanksgiving weekend, but it was warmer than normal - gorgeous, really. Oh - except for Sunday. Sunday was freeeeezing and wiiiiiiiindy and I forced my canine and young human loved ones to SMILE and DON'T MOVE JIMMY DON'T MOVE JUNIOR DON'T MOVE SMILE JANE JUST SMILE I'LL GET YOUR COAT IN A MINUTE.

I'll post the pictures we actually used on the card soon. For now, some outtakes.

kinder-drama

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 02:22:00 +0000

This morning, before I even really opened my eyes, Jane was in my room, on my bed, filling me in on the latest drama of the day.

"Mommy, you're not going to believe when I tell you what they were saying on the bus yesterday," she said.

Every nerve in my body woke up. This is it, I thought, trying to remember what all the emails and websites I've read over the past few days told me about talking to a 5-year-old about the horrible thing that happened.

"So-and-so said that yesterday was her daddy's birthday. And then so-and-so said it WASN'T TRUE. And so then I said...."

Let her drama always be this. Always.

blurry.

noreply@blogger.com (Amanda) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 00:48:00 +0000

This weekend was tough, you guys.

After grabbing Jane at school the moment I could on Friday, I spent the weekend going back and forth from watching and reading the most tragic possible news to trying to be a decent parent and pretending everything is OK for Jane. Not only OK, but festive. Because to oblivious children, it was a fun, almost-holiday weekend.

We bought and put up and decorated our Christmas tree. We went to a family birthday party. We did homework. I figured out my new iPhone. We did Christmas shopping. I went to book club. All the normal stuff.

But my mind was a blurry, painful mess. I had a constant lump in my throat, and could be brought to tears in less than a moment. As expected, once the images of those poor children were released, it all got so much worse. The front page of the Hartford Courant today (my local paper) looked like it could have been a fun class picture. It could have been Jane's class picture. But it wasn't. It so, so wasn't.

And on we march towards Christmas.