MEALGASM: Where Food Dreams Come True

Come Eat, Drink and Make Sweet Bathroom Love

2011-11-26T09:37:00.000-08:00

Canadians aren't famous for their raunchy sex lives, but surprise! They've taken a break from daily hospital trips (free health care!) and shooting wildlife (guns everywhere!) to bring lovemaking to the most romantic place in the world: a restaurant bathroom.

The R. Kelly Experience

Toronto restaurant Mildred's Temple Kitchen invites people to have sex in their bathrooms during the Valentine's Day period, which is even worse than the restaurant's name itself. If the name Mildred doesn't get you in the mood, maybe their next restaurant Bertha's Naughty Playground will.

The Dept. of Health condones the activity, as long as it doesn't happen in the kitchen.

We hope that's just soap

The Huffington Post reports:

"We've always had little trysts in our bathrooms," says chef/co-owner Donna Dooher, pointing to lingering weekday lunches as a popular time. "We're taking it to the next level on Valentine's weekend."

The restaurant's four bathrooms light up outside when occupied. Staff have learned to watch the light flicker twice when two customers enter the same bathroom, usually a few minutes apart.

Toronto Public Health says as long as there's no sex in the kitchen and the restaurant keeps its washrooms clean and sanitized, it's not fussed. "As far as bodily fluids, it's pretty much similar to the other human functions going on in there," says Jim Chan, manager of the food safety program.

Dooher says customers must bring their own condoms but she's hiring a maid to tidy the washrooms that weekend. "She'll be there with her feather duster and cleaning supplies."

At least diners aren't encouraged to use furry handcuffs, part of a $55 "naughty love hamper," while at Mildred's. "Best to savour and enjoy (those) long after you leave the restaurant," the restaurant says.

Deep Fried Butter: Why Paula Deen is the Anti-Christ

2011-10-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

You never thought the end of the world would be at the hands of this woman, did you?

Paula Deen Will Eat Your Deep-Fried Soul

Find out why you'll need to hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband from this terror, after the jump....

If your butter, cheese and white flour diet are turning you into skin and bones, fear not! Dip all of these items in hot grease and you'll be marathon-ready in no time, stud. It's time for DEEP FRIED BUTTER!

Deep Fried Butter:

Because Breathing is Overrated

Anyone who consumes this must be hoping to grow so large that their flesh becomes one with their furniture. If this is your idea of food then the next step would be replacing your water bottle with a Crisco barrel.

The recipe can be found below:

Ingredients

2 sticks butter
2 ounces cream cheese
Salt and pepper
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 egg, beaten
1 cup seasoned bread crumbs
Peanut oil, for frying

Directions

Cream the butter, cream cheese, salt and pepper together with an electric mixer until smooth. Using a very small ice cream scoop, ormelon baller, form 1-inch balls of butter mixture and arrange them on a parchment or waxed paper lined sheet pan. Freeze until solid. Coat the frozen balls in flour, egg, and then bread crumbs and freeze again until solid.

When ready to fry, preheat oil in a deep-fryer to 350 degrees F.

Fry balls for 10 to 15 seconds until just light golden. Drain on paper towels before serving.

FOOD ALERT: Chipotle's Hidden Pork

2011-08-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

People wonder where the hidden calories are in Chipotle's food (1,200 for a tiny healthy looking burrito!), and now they've finally 'fessed up. You've been bringing home the bacon, and you didn't even know it!

Find out why you should sue Chipotle if you're Jewish, Muslim or even just trying to avoid pig lard for health reasons, after the jump....

Chipotle's Beans: Porkalicious!

The chain only admitted its pork usage after a Maxim writer tweeted about this infraction.

The Huffington Post reports:

Chipotle has always advised on its website that vegetarian and vegan customers should avoid its pinto beans. The beans are cooked with "a small amount of bacon," unlike the Mexican chain's black beans, which are vegan. But in-store menus do not indicate the porkiness of the pinto, and Chipotle's burrito assemblers are instructed to inform customers of the bacon inclusion only if they order a burrito without other meat.

Mealgasm's staff includes only one swine-free writer, but we defend the religious, cultural and health reasons for people who don't eat pork. Chipotle once again has a reason to be ashamed of themselves, beyond their terrible food.

Cooking with Testicles

2011-08-21T11:26:00.000-07:00

Testicles are not a part of most people's daily diet, unless you are one of Charlie Sheen's angels. But with the misleadingly named Rocky Mountain Oysters, you can enjoy bull testes with the best of them.

No Caption Necessary

Rocky mountain oysters are believed to have become part of mealtime when cooks on the ranch were seeking to use as many parts of the animals as possible. Cattle ranchers sometimes removed the testes as a way to lessen the aggressiveness of certain bulls.

Bull Testicles at the Market

Rocky mountain oysters got their moniker due to their supposed resemblance to oysters. We're guessing the person who named them had a walking stick, a guide dog, and dark glasses.

A real oyster, looking nothing

at all like testicles.

However, the bull "oyster" look surprisingly delicious when battered and fried:

Fried Rocky Mountain Oysters

We're told that the oysters taste like... whatever you dip them in. In an effort to stay (somewhat) PG-13, we'll just let your imagination dictate where you're dipping them.

Food Nightmare: Maggot Cheese

2011-08-21T09:40:00.001-07:00

WARNING: Do not eat when reading this post!

Sardinia is known for its healthy foods and wines. And now, they are also known for eating live maggots. Italian maggot cheese, or Casu Marzu, is possibly the only delicacy where flies and maggots enhance the meal.

Waiter, there are 100 flies in my food!

Keep reading, for video that will make you squirm....

According to the F-Word, "Some people think humans shouldn't eat maggots, because they aren't always killed when they're eaten. In extreme cases, they can even tear holes in the intestines, causing vomiting, diarrhea, and bleeding..." To that we say, d'uh.

The pecorino cheese takes months before ready. The top of the cheese is cut off, so flies will lay their eggs there for 2-3 months. The maggots consume and excrete the rotting cheese to give it its flavor. People are urged to cover their eyes while eating it to prevent the maggots from jumping into their eyes.

Watch the whole process here:

Naked Sushi

2011-08-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

Naked sushi, also known as body sushi or nyotaimori, is often cited as a traditional Japanese practice. But where are its origins?

Naked Sushi: Anyone smell fish?

Body sushi is often sold as a tradition in Japanese culture. However, historians are hard pressed to tell you much about its historical significance. The NY Times reports that:

William Marotti, who teaches modern Japanese history at U.C.L.A., speculated that its peak in popularity might have been during Japan’s bubble economy in the late 1980s, “when the Japanese were trying to find new ways to spend all of their money.”

Thankfully, the practice is not exclusively degrading to women anymore. Although hard to find, male models are now getting in on the show:

Male naked sushi:

Is that spicy mayo on my salmon,

or are you just happy to see me?

The Sunday Dinner Chronicles: Adrienne's Pizza Bar

2011-08-21T08:07:00.000-07:00

Every Sunday, Mealgasm brings you the essence of Sunday dinner. Sunday dinner means the time for the family to get together and enjoy (or suffer through) each other's company while breaking bread. Sometimes we will tell you about restaurants that are Sunday dinner favorites, sometimes it will be popular Sunday dinner restaurants to avoid and sometimes we will introduce you to Sunday dinner recipes you can savor. MANGIA!

ADRIENNE'S PIZZA BAR
Adrienne's is a posh pizza spot on a cobblestone European back road in NYC's Financial District. When they're on, you feel like a welcome guest at a surprisingly well hidden hotspot. When they're off, you feel like a nuisance standing between management and their barhopping after work.

Adrienne's: Serving pizza with a smile or scowl,

depending on their mood

Adrienne's is like a friend you reconnect with on Facebook, and you wonder why you ever left... until they do that thing they do once again. I hadn't been there for more than a year after consistently horrific service by a youngish European waitress who worked there, especially since they had a stint of making burnt pizza. Fortunately, my friends dragged me back there, and it's even better than what I first fell in love with in 2006.

The Service
Several times I went almost convinced me to never visit again. Once, the pizza came out burnt on the bottom, even though I had never been served blackened pizza before. When I complained, the waitress showed our cajun style crust to several staff people, who all said that we were wrong and that it wasn't burnt even though it was black! Then she raised her voice at us, "Well WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?!" Wow. Thanks, but no thanks. We asked for a manager, and she complains, "I ASKED you what you wanted me to do about it!" and stomped away. Hopefully that staff is now filling out unemployment paperwork.

A manager came over and was friendly to us and got us a new pie (to go, after all of the appetite-losing customer service), but by then their fate was sealed. When we got it home, we found it was UNDERCOOKED.

Their service on the last visit was nice, but not great. Just be aware of the inconsistent customer service before planning a trip, lest you feel that you're being singled out.

The Food
To begin, the bread they put out is light and buttery, perfectly complementing the oil and vinegar set out for dipping. You will ask for more, just save enough room for the masterpiece that is their pizza. We shared a huge pepperoni pizza, which had an amazing buttery crust, though not quite as airy as I remember. The tiny pepperoni gets perfectly crispy in their oven and has just the right thickness to satisfy. This might be the best pepperoni I've ever tasted.

Adrienne's Pepperoni:

Take it Home and Make Love to It

Summer meals on a cobblestone road...

Make your staycation feel European

If you're visiting NYC, please go to Piola on East 12th for better service and better food served with a smile every time. But if you work in the Financial District and need something convenient, make the trip. Or just stay home and make yourself a pie!

Adrienne's Pizza Bar: **1/2

54 Stone St
New York, NY 10079

(212) 248-3838

www.adriennespizzabar.com

Taco Bell Wedding Hell

2011-08-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

And you thought tragic food choices were only made at 4 a.m. A couple that was (allegedly) completely sober chose to wed in the place that usually precedes other gut-wrenching experiences: Taco Bell.

Taco Bell seasoning:

Now pre-mixed with roach legs!

Caragh Brooks and Paul Brooks met online already sharing the same last name, although they are (allegedly) not related. The high-class bride wore a pink dress that cost her $15, and the total cost was just $200 for the affair. Other customers continued ordering and eating their meals during the vow exchange, enjoying the show.

Cocaine must be a hell of a drug

Her husband says, "'We have the same brain, just in two bodies. We think alike in virtually every manner. We have the same interests, viewpoints." Here's hoping that they also think alike about Tums and toilet paper.

Let this be your anti-drug, kids!

Fried Kool-Aid

2011-07-27T04:24:00.000-07:00

Mount Rushmore is gonna need more chins. Americans, ever obsessed with injecting fat needlessly into every dish, are now frying beverages. Ladies and gentlemen: deep fried Kool-Aid balls.

Fried Kool-Aid:

Because Your Heart Surgeon Needs a New Car

Charlie Boghosian created this monstrosity, and figured since he loved Kool-Aid so much, "why not fry it and see what happens."

The Fry-Lock of the County Fair

The surprise? This mix of flour, water and Kool-Aid is actually successful, selling up to 600 orders of 5 daily at the San Diego County Fair. Fried oxygen must be next...

The Sunday Dinner Chronicles: Amy Ruth's

2011-07-27T04:04:00.000-07:00

AMY RUTH'S

Amy Ruth's doesn't host $1.5 m fundraising dinners for Barack Obama. But unlike Red Rooster, their food is actually edible- delicious even. And... they actually got an A on their health inspection.

The funny thing about Harlem is that it's not what you imagine. A friend of mine transplanted from another state said they envisioned Harlem as The Cotton Club, where men in floppy hats did swing dancing and carried Tommy guns.

In reality, you see more of a mix of African-American socialites, church-goers, regular folk and even the occasional celebrity mixed in. On one trip, my companion pointed out that Mr. Kim K. was dining two tables over, and it would have made my day if I'd known who he was at the time.

Reggie Bush,

another satisfied Amy Ruth's customer

It's good enough that on Sundays, there is a line irrespective of the weather report, even in the 100 degree weekend the nation just suffered through.

And it's fairly reasonably priced, although they have no problem charging you $4 for a glass of 5 cent Kool-Aid.

Buy a 48 pack of Kool-Aid and sell it to Amy Ruth's customers

for approximately $1.5 million in profits.

The Food

The honey dipped fried chicken is the main attraction. Try as I may, it's hard to venture far from such a solid dish. Amy Ruth's knows their chicken, lightly seasoning it with a flour mix before a trip to the deep fryer. The skin comes out extremely crispy, serving as the perfect base for the honey sauce. Place that beside a rich macaroni and cheese bake, collard greens and potato salad (yes, I order an extra side). These sides are not to be dismissed, as they are the unlikely highlight of the meal.

The collard greens are a balance of vinegar, heat and a savory blend, somehow bringing the richness of the South without pork bacon needed.

Potato salads are awful as a rule, whether at a church picnic, family gathering or a restaurant. By the time you find a good one, it's often tainted by the sharp bite of salmonella from being left out too long! Spare yourself the ER trip, and get some of the best potato salad you've ever tasted sans the effort of making it.

The Service

The servers here are pleasant, although a bit too busy to cater to one's dining needs. More likely, you'll end up requesting anything additional from the busboys, who would make better waitstaff than the one's with that title. Go for the food, not for the service. In the end, you'll be satisfied enough to still tip 20%.

All in all, Amy Ruth's is definitely worth a trip- from any borough.

Amy Ruth's (Menu): **** (Worth a Trip!)

113 W 116th St
(between Lenox Ave & Adam C Powell Blvd)
New York, NY 10026
Neighborhood: Harlem

Naked Breakfast: Top Five Rules of Naked Eating

2011-07-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

The movie Naked Lunch covers heavy fodder such as life, death and drug addiction.

But who cares about that when it's the weekend, you're hung over, hungry, and you just wish someone would serve you breakfast in bed so you don't have to put some damned clothes on. It's time for naked breakfast. I've mastered the art of eating in the buff, and I feel it's my calling to share with you the Top Five Rules of Naked Eating.

#5: Let her cook the bacon. If you're gallivanting au naturel around sizzling meats, you're putting your man meat in grave danger. Whether cooked in the oven or a skillet, 400 degrees of popping grease can do damage to your personal sausage. She'll look cuter than you in an apron, anyway, so let her cook in the kitchen and carry the memories of it with you later, in your car.

#4: Let the coffee cool down first. This isn't McDonald's, so if you spill coffee on your bare lap there will be no $500,000 settlement in your future. Plus, you'll want all 10,000 of your taste buds in order to enjoy the rest of the meal.

#3: Syrup isn't sexy, it's just sticky. Rookies try to add adventure to the bedroom by joining kitchen and bedroom pleasures together. The result? An unsexy stickiness that stains your sheets and gives you ants. Avoid this by saving the syrup for your pancakes.

#2: Pass the mimosas. Why save the mimosas for that "unlimited brunch" deal that never works out since your waiter is too distracted by flirting with the bra-less wonder two tables down or glaring at the oblivious couple that brought a teething infant to brunch?

#1: Spill something. Then get it licked off.

Obama Sushi

2011-07-20T17:36:00.000-07:00

There's no intro needed here, let's just roll the pix.

Japanese chef Via BoingBoing explains the ingredients: "Obama's skin is small shrimp... Hair is black sesame, fish paste teeth."

$h*tty Coffee- LITERALLY

2011-07-18T05:19:00.000-07:00

You gotta be kidding me. This coffee is $600 a pound and is extracted from the feces of an animal in the jungle. The Asian Palm Civet (aka the Luwak) eats berries and poops money, essentially.

CBC News Reports:

Experts say the luwak likes to eat the ripest and reddest coffee beans, which are the best ones for brewing. The cat eats the outer covering of the beans in the same way that de-pulping machines process the beans.

Apparently the enzymes in the animal's stomach add "something unique" to the coffee's flavour through fermentation. The beans are thoroughly cleaned and then roasted at 249 degrees C.

According to store manager Leanne Ring, there are "some coffee nuts" who want to give it a try. Ring describes the taste as "earthy and bold" with no bitterness or aftertaste.

Other Web sites have described it as having a rich, strong aroma with a "complex" and "gamey" flavour.

Apparently, you can try it for yourself on Amazon!

The Sunday Dinner Chronicles: The Meatball Shop

2011-07-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

Every Sunday, Mealgasm brings you the essence of Sunday dinner. Sunday dinner means the time for the family to get together and enjoy (or suffer through) each other's company while breaking bread. Sometimes we will tell you about restaurants that are Sunday dinner favorites, sometimes it will be popular Sunday dinner restaurants to avoid and sometimes we will introduce you to Sunday dinner recipes you can savor. MANGIA!

THE MEATBALL SHOP
It's like drinking champagne on a Kool-Aid budget. Their chef got his beginnings cooking at Michelin Star winning Le Bernardin, and brings his genius to the best meatballs you've ever had at extremely reasonably prices. Cheers!

The Jersey Shore makes you feel better about yourself, until you look up The Situation's income, that is. The other thing they taught me is the importance of Sunday dinner in an Italian household. And the most celebrated part of an Italian (American) meal is the almighty meatball.

Wishing You Were Here!

Meatballs over Polenta

The Meatball Shop's chefs must have been placed on Earth for the sole purpose of allowing humans to experience how transcendent a meatball can be. You can have it on a hero, on noodles, on polenta, or naked (meaning just the meatballs- don't try to strip unless you love the NYPD!). Their whole menu can be found here.

Each plate here is given the level of care you'd give if you were cooking for your soon-to-be in-laws. I get the chicken hero with provolone and the parmesan cream sauce, and bask in the cheesy afterglow. The butter flavored bun is perfectly toasted and lends itself well to the task of holding the sauces and meatballs. The meatballs are succulent spheres so rich I wish each bite would regenerate onto my sandwich as I'm chewing. And the parmesan cream sauce- GOOD LORD. I might not have tasted everything you've eaten, but I can still guarantee this trumps every one of those bites.

Chicken Hero with Parm Sauce- Say Hi to Your Mother for me...

then openly weep as you realize she couldn't cook like this!

After such a great sandwich, they could have easily thrown in a God-forsaken iceberg salad on the side. But no, they put an arugula salad on the side with slices of apples in it. Usually an apple is as useful to me as a wedding ring on Tiger Woods, but here the acid cuts the richness of the sandwich's meat and refreshes your palate so you're always ready for the next bite. This meal is un-f*'in-believable. AND the whole plate is only $9.

Arugula Side Salad

I order dessert maybe 3% of the time when I'm out. And I was full after eating half of this sandwich. BUT there's ice cream sandwiched between two chocolate chip cookies? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! Yes, my stomach begged me to stop, but my mouth wouldn't be appeased until it was all gone. It was as good as it looks.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Come early! Waits are known to be up to 2 or more hours. But I've waltzed in on a lazy Saturday afternoon in the summer and have been seated immediately. Choose your time wisely, friends!

The Meatball Shop Rating: ***** (So good, Gandhi stopped praying for world peace and prayed for more meatballs)

84 Stanton St
(between Allen St & Orchard St)
New York, NY 10002
Neighborhood: Lower East Side

Wedding Cake of Horrors

2011-07-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

Chidi Ogbuta renewed her vows at the 10 year mark with a wedding cake that needed no cake topping bride and groom. Why? Because the bride was the whole cake. She says her husband liked the idea, but he's obviously more whipped than the icing smothering this dessert. This butterscotch cake was 5 feet tall, fed over 500 guests, and SURPRISE! there were still leftovers.

Photo: Uche Ogbonna

The Sex Toy That Wasn't

2011-07-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

I thought it was strange that several of my Facebook friends Liked a sex toy- what happened to being discreet? Then I realized it wasn't a sex toy at all, it was kitchen equipment to make your baby healthy food at home.

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Mealgasm of the Week: Katz's Deli

2011-07-14T03:25:00.000-07:00

Katz's Deli, where mealgasms are more than folk lore...

If you've ever seen When Harry Met Sally, you'll remember the scene where Sally made a... *ahem*... show for the fine people at Katz's Deli, and "I'll have what she's having" became forever ingrained in American pop culture. What you may not know is that the pastrami sandwich at Katz's is really worth the hype, and every time I eat one I moan in ecstasy, too. The Daily Meal created a list of the 101 best restaurants in the America, and Katz's came in at an impressive #14. Yes, one of the best meals you could ever consume comes in sandwich form.

Prior to the KD Experience, I hated delis. Their sandwiches were always tasteless and dry, but keep in mind that these experiences were always outside of NYC. Enter KD. This unassuming cafeteria-style restaurant looks messy and busy, whether it's 4 AM or PM. But you don't come here for the decor. You come here for the meat, especially the iconic Katz's Pastrami on Rye:

Katz's: Food porn at its finest

It's no wonder Katz's is awe inspiring. It's been going strong since 1888 and has no signs of slowing down.

The Ambiance

There is no ambiance here, or rather, the ambiance here is casual to the nth degree. If not for the impressive food, this place could easily be mistaken for a homeless shelter. The tables often could use an extra wipe down, but never fear because your cafeteria tray will shield you from any germs.

The Food

Seriously, just come taste it already. I could write a book on how great this tastes, but sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words:

Eat me.

Just be forewarned, this dish ain't cheap. But $15.75 for a momentary escape to nirvana is well worth the price tag. See more of what's on their menu here.

Katz's Deli Rating: ***** (Mealgasmic!)

205 E Houston St
(between Avenue A & Essex St)
New York, NY 10002
Neighborhood: Lower East Side

(212) 254-2246

www.katzdeli.com

Mealgasm of the Week: Terri's Balls

2011-07-13T03:10:00.000-07:00

If a carnivorous lifestyle wouldn't result in open heart surgery by the time I turn 35, I would eat meat exclusively. In my hometown, "health" was achieved through high school solely because gym class was required. The most common body shape was melted candle wax. I thought nothing of McDs in the morning, a salad at lunch (covered in steak, ranch dressing and french fries- yeah that's right-fries) and a burger and fries at night- along with whatever beer we could afford that night. College life was good. But once "big guy" became my new moniker and my pecs turned into cleavage, somehow women weren't turned on anymore.

Then in came Terri. She had balls that made me forget about my love affair with meat. Terri, you see, serves meatless meatball subs and other hearty meals at an unassuming Manhattan location.

Terri's meat is soy-based, which serves as a blank palette for amazing flavors. Too often, regular meatballs lack seasoning or complexity, as lazy cooks become overly reliant on the virtues of grass-fed beef. Here, the mastery of the spices involved allows the dish to be transformed.

Terri also chose its cheese well, although no cows were a part of the process. Daiya cheese is vegan but has all of the qualities that are most appealing in a cheese, in terms of meltiness (just made up a new word), texture and a milky flavor. It was a perfect complement to the sandwich, and I even picked some up on my next trip to Whole Foods.

Daiya: Vegan Cheese of the gods

I only wish it was a more relaxing environment, with only a few stools facing the street for seating it makes one want to eat and run. Check out their menu here.

All in all, Terri hit a home run with this meal, and opened me up to the world of veganism. I still have my reservations with Peter Luger, but Terri showed me that health and taste can co-exist. 15 pounds down, 30 more to go!

RATING:

****

Terri
64 W 23rd St
(between 5th Ave & East 23rd St)
New York, NY 10010
Neighborhood: Flatiron

Would You Pay $5,000 for this Burger?

2011-07-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

The Fleur Burger is a burger. It is not Jesus on a bun. It is not sex in a can. It is a BURGER! And it's $5,000:

Is it worth it? See the recipe, inside....

For the entire recipe, click here:

• 2 lbs coarse ground beef
• 1 teaspoon cornstarch
• 1 cup chicken stock, boiled down to ½ cup
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 tablespoons Madeira or Port wine
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter - room temperature
• 1 oz black Perigord truffle - very thinly sliced (about 5 per person)
• 8-10 oz duck foie gras
• 1 bunch watercress, washed and picked over
• Sea salt + freshly ground pepper
• 4 each bacon, onion & walnut buns (see recipe)

Unless I missed something, none of these ingredients is worth $5,000. Even the truffle is only worth $106 online. It is served with a bottle of champagne they say retails at $5,000 though, so maybe....? Just kidding- take a trip to Five Guys instead, and use the rest to send the kiddies to college.

How to Decipher Restaurant Grades: "A" for Excellence, "B" for Excrement?

2011-07-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

Anthony Lanzilote Photography (US Daily News)

You've been eating at your favorite restaurant for years now. They have great food, great drinks and the owner has an A+ personality. So why did they just post a B grade outside their doors? We all know what an A means, but just how bad is a B? And doesn't EVERY restaurant get a "Grade Pending" sign while they wait?

As it turns out, "Grade Pending" doesn't mean your neighborhood hot dog shop is waiting by the phone for a grade. It means they were ALREADY given a B or a C, and they are hoping to redeem themselves after another inspection in the near future. During this waiting period they have the option of either posting their initial grade OR posting the "Grade Pending" sign. One can assume most restaurants would prefer the GP sign, since most customers don't understand its' implications. So by the time you actually see a B or C on a window, that shop has already been inspected more than once and couldn't get it together either time.

Clorox Wipes can only go so far!

The differences between these grades are outlined below:

A: 0-13 sanitary violations
B: 14-27 sanitary violations
C: 28+ sanitary violations

Ultrasonic Mouse Repellent:

like Rebecca Black to Master Splinter's ears

Lower level general violations such as improper thawing are worth at least 2 points, critical violations such as mouse droppings are worth at least 5 points, and public health violations are terrifying enough to instantly shut the place down. One can only imagine what that would entail in New York- I've seen a cook at Nathan's drop a hamburger patty on the dirty floor, pick it up, put it on the bread, wrap it up, and hand it to me as if I hadn't stood there watching him the entire time. I'm guessing for a place to shut down they would need to playfully rub your food on a homeless guy's shoe before serving it to you.

Here's an overly generous rule of thumb: If you can't live without those crepes, but the B grade bothers you, just take a break until after their next inspection. If they had a B then wait for 5-7 months, and if they got a C wait 3-5 months. If they still have that grade, that means they weren't sanitary on the 3RD inspection! 3 strikes and you're out!

See how your favorite place ranks here

The Sunday Dinner Chronicles: Red Rooster

2011-07-10T20:47:00.000-07:00

Marcus Samuelsson is a food legend. He opened Scandinavian-themed Aquavit to much fanfare in Manhattan in his early 20s, even earning top honors by taking home a James Beard award. The NY Times gave him 3 stars- which is a rare and highly sought after accomplishment- not once, but twice, making him the youngest chef to do so. After achieving such a high level of success, he continued to work his mastery and became even more of a household name after competing against culinary heavyweights on Top Chef Masters in 2010.

But in what should be a future Behind the Food story on VH1, the 2010 opening of Red Rooster was more terrible than tasty. Oh yeah, and that C- health grade by the Department of Health? Not so encouraging, either.

THE ENERGY

The atmosphere of Red Rooster feels like home, if your parents were international travelers with a designer's flair. It didn't help that they had no record of our reservation we made via the restaurant's website, but we sat at the bar and tried to make the best of it. The staff (other than those at the hostess stand) was welcoming, and the customers were surprisingly friendly for being at a Manhattan establishment with a buzz. If you come here strictly looking for a friendly conversation, you'll leave happy.

THE SPACE

Even though the paintings at many eateries seem like more of an afterthought, here they showed a mix of an artist's and intellectual's eye (see the Rockwell-inspired piece below). As it turns out, sitting at the bar is the best seat in the house, since it's not as cramped and rushed like some of the seating in the main dining area.

Red Rooster Dining Area: Busy and Buzzing

Red Rooster Art: Whimsical and Inspired

THE FOOD
The food was subpar, to the point where it was more pain than pleasure. I was 5 years old again at the Sunday dinner table and my mom forced me to finish my brussel sprouts before going outside to play with your friends. The Fried Yard Bird ($17 at lunch) was a large 3 pieces of dark meat, and was set atop collard greens. Better chicken can be had better at Atlanta's airport or at your neighborhood Popeye's. I added tons of salt, and still the strong taste of nothingness was overwhelming. I would be hard pressed to remember a worse bite of fried chicken, even at the worst KFC. It was crispy though, so if your taste buds get destroyed and you suddenly find yourself only looking for a textural experience then this is your best bet.

Red Rooster's Fried Yard Bird: The Scene of the Crime

The Mac and Cheese ($18 or so at lunch) was not what you'd expect considering the name. It came swimming in a pool of grease, and not that little bit of buttery, cheesy grease that's in the homemade dish at Christmas. No, this was a mistake, as if they accidentally emptied the deep fryer onto the dish! This dish becomes bearable after combining the vinegar covered greens with it, but it's not worth ordering again. Leftovers can make the best breakfasts, but these weren't even worth the calories. They did look pretty going down the garbage disposal later, however.

Red Rooster's "Macaroni and Cheese"... or whatever

If you're looking for a down-home macaroni and cheese dish, we've found no better than Patti LaBelle's Over the Rainbow version, but of course that takes love, sweat, tears and about 7 different cheeses:

The RR drinks are expensive, but the bourbon-based Red Rooster drink (~$17) was rich, strong and flavorful. It's a solid way to start an evening before going elsewhere for dinner.

THE GIST Our recommendation? Wait until 2012 before heading back, it can only go up from here!

MEALGASM RATING
* Star (BLASPHEMY!)

FOOD ALERT: The Veggie That Disfigures You (PICS INSIDE)

2011-07-09T06:45:00.000-07:00

When your mom told you to eat your veggies, she didn't have this one in mind. Choose the right hogweed and you'll have a delicious mealgasm. Choose wrongly and you'll wish you had used a prophylactic- on your whole body.

Common hogweed is a member of the celery family, and you can boil the stems, steam the buds and young leaves, and flavor the plant with butter. Also, it's easy on the eyes...

Hogweed (Heracleum Sphondylium)

But the Giant Hogweed is running rampant in New York, is poisonous, and will disfigure you for life. You don't want to look like this...

If you see this plant, DON'T TOUCH IT. Call the NY Hogweed Hotline (you can't make this stuff up) at 845-256-3111

Hogweed (Heracleum Mantegazzianum)

The Giant Hogweed has been found in 944 places in New York, and it is spreading. This plant can blind you and give you 3rd degree burns.

The Business Insider reports on a Norwegian woman's experience:

Silje Frøysaa from Kristiansand, Norway was working in her garden last year when she noticed an exceptionally large weed making its way into her neatly hoed rows.

Going to work on the plant with one of her garden tools, she pulled it out of her garden, threw it into the woods and didn't think much about it.

Within two days she had second degree burns on both of her arms. She went to a dermatologist who told her the plant was Hogweed and its sap destroys all UV protection qualities in the skin which causes it to burn easily in the sun.

She now has dark scars and is at an elevated risk of acquiring skin cancer. Business Insider reported on the plant's New York invasion Tuesday, listing all the symptoms of contact. Silje saw the story, emailed the picture and described her encounter.

A Norwegian television station interviewed her and reported on the plant's invasion of their country.

NYC Wine and Food Festival

2011-07-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

Although this weather has left our staff in the lurch with allergies, we still wanted to let you know of upcoming food events. Our team will be in attendance at the Food Network's Wine and Food Festival in New York, home to one of the biggest food events of the year! If you think you'll be in the area, you should check it out! Below is a short list of what's happening there on Day ONE!

September 29, 2011

Event Description	Day / Date / Time	Available Seats
$250 Whole Foods Market presents Red Rooster Dinner sponsored by Wine Spectator with Marcus Samuelsson, Andrea Reusing and Hedy Goldsmith	Thu Sep 29 2011 7:00 PM	Purchase!
$250 Whole Foods Market presents Nuevo Peru Dinner hosted by Gastón Acurio Tickets to this event sold exclusively through Gilt City beginning June 20th. To purchase, please visit www.giltcity.com/nycwff	Thu Sep 29 2011 7:00 PM	Sold Out!
$200 San Pellegrino's Meatball Madness hosted by Giada de Laurentiis	Thu Sep 29 2011 7:00 PM	Sold Out!
$250 30,000 Feet Above Sea Level: Delta's "Catch of the Day" featuring Michelle Bernstein, Michael Chiarello and Andrea Robinson, hosted by Hung Huynh; Presented by Whole Foods Market	Thu Sep 29 2011 7:00 PM	Purchase!
$105 Bank of America presents Chelsea Market After Dark hosted by Emeril Lagasse	Thu Sep 29 2011 9:00 PM	Purchase!
$150 Rock & Bowl with Anne Burrell	Thu Sep 29 2011 9:30 PM	Purchase!

Mealgasm of the Week: Sexual Chocolate

2011-07-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

Chocolate plays a role in many rooms in the house: the kitchen (dessert, anyone?), the living room (bon bons and soap operas) and of course, the BEDroom.

Emperor Montezuma is rumored to have consumed 50 cups of chocolate a day to increase his sexual prowess, and at that time it was even used as currency. Learn how cocoa can help your assets grow too, after the jump.

If you want to have the most fun in the bedroom, you need to be in good health. But given the choice between jogging and eating chocolate, the winner is clear. Jogging can result in sweatiness, a rapid heartbeat, and gawking strangers. If you're an average 40 year old man, this ends in a wet t-shirt contest where we ALL lose! But with chocolate you reap benefits without lifting a finger. Well, not more than 5 fingers anyway.

Chocolate actually gets you going, since it increases your blood flow. Without increased blood flow, it's like a surprise party where everyone gets dressed, shows up, decorates, hides, then leaves before the honored guest arrives. In other words, we would be let down and deflated, quite literally.

Cocoa contains the chemical phenylethamine, which releases endorphins. Jogging releases endorphins, too, which gives you that "runner's high." A cocoa dessert gives you the pleasurable high without the running, which may not leave you beach ready, but you'll feel good enough you won't care.

Darker chocolate has more cocoa, which has more antioxidants, gets your juices flowing more, and lowers cholesterol. So if you want the greatest benefits, come to the dark side. But leave the lights on...

Foodie Living on a Budget: Part 1

2011-07-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

Eating like a foodie doesn't have to break the bank. While we recommend saving some money for splurge meals every so often, Eric Ripert's restaurants probably won't be on your speed dial in this economy. That's why we're bringing you tips for Foodie Living on a Budget.

#10: Cut off your cable. Cable TV is going the way of the house phone. Most of us have portable versions that work better than the original version- who watches tv as it airs anymore? Hulu let's me watch the scenes with the most buzz while I'm chopping onions for dinner. Save your coins for eating out!

#9: BYOB restaurants and art shows. No one spends all of their food money on food- when there's a wait for a table the obvious place to wait is at the bar. And those drinks can easily double or triple your tab, reducing the $ left for precious food. If you must imbibe, go to one of the many BYOB restaurants with good food (Kaz An Nou is a staff favorite), or stop at an art opening for free wine before the restaurant.

More tips, after the jump...

#8: Dinner Parties. Amateur and even professional chefs are getting into the scene of hosting fabulous meals inside their homes for cheaper prices than restaurants. While you will need to pitch in, you save on staff, advertising, and all the other costs included on your menu tab at traditional eateries.

#7: Happy Hours with Free Food. You don't need to drink alcohol to sit at the bar and eat enough free finger food to form a meal. My favorite pizza place, Piola, serves free wine to the ladies after 8 pm with an entree, so drink up!

#6: Get Restaurant Coupons. Restaurants survive on repeat customers, and to get you in their doors they are willing to take a hit, often at 50% of their regular prices. Find these deals online and start saving the next or same day with deals that often last for 6-12 months. Staff favorites include Groupon, Living Social, Yelp, kgbdeals, and Urban Daddy.

Check back in with us for Part 2 of Foodie Living on a Budget!