meaningless crap

Farewell Senorita!!

2012-01-24T07:29:00.000-08:00

I wish I could write it another way. I wished I wouldn't have to write this one. But then certain things are meant to be. Because certain things are just not meant to be!!!

I wanted to write so much. But there are timnes when you can explain a thousand words with just a quote.

So I am borrowing few lines from a Kishore Kumar Song:

"Jeevan ke safar mein rahi

Milte hain bichad jaane ko

Aur de jaate hain yaadeein

Tanhayeein me tadpane ko"

I just wish, ....

NEVER MIND!

that's the way it is

2011-11-27T09:31:00.000-08:00

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference"

I have tried everything. I tried denial,dating,trying to move on, stopped being in touch, pretending I do noit care... and what not. nothing worked. at times I wonder what is happening with me. why this is not working out?why can't we figure out what is it that connects us? why?

the answer always eludes me.

I used to feel we were like Ross and Rachel. and one day I realize that we could even be Bing and Janice,too. which one is right? no idea!and a few days ago I felt we cud also be like Barney and Robin!

yes!! I know I watch a lot of TV Series. And I think even more.

But the truth is that life is not a film, or a tv series. the answer does not come to us after 2-3 hours or a few sessions. Sometimes the answer does not reveal it self at all.

We can only try being ourselves and do what we do best. For me that is being her friend and hopelessly being in love.

I know the clock is ticking. I'm getting old. sometimes I feel like asking her,"will you say yes when I ask you to marry me?"

and a part of me says," it doesn't work like that dwai. she doesn't know. if you value your relationship, be there for her and you will find out. if you are tired of being on the hook, go away. if you stick to this... the answer will come some day. at most, it will be no. but you will not repent thinking 'what if?'"

and I start walking on the unknown path again... I know it will be different. good or bad..only time will tell...

Good Bye, For ever

2011-09-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Where do lost things go?
Into non-being, that is to say everything.

(Sorry for modifying this quote, but that’s the reason why I am not using it as a quotation.)
Well…
I have made up my mind. I am not going to hope about her anymore. It’s better this way. I am not going to contact her ever again. Or ask our common friends about her whereabouts. I’ll refrain from bringing her up in any conversations with them. It’s better to let her get lost in my memories. Get lost into non-being. Go and diffuse into everything. Let her memories mix with the autumn breeze. Let the memories get enveloped into every drop of rain that will kiss the earth. Let those get lost into the darkness of night. Let the story get lost in a book which will not be opened ever again.

Amen.

lost

2011-08-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference

I have realized the uselessness of the whole situation. So I am on my own again. I do enjoy spending time with myself. Nowadays I spend most of my time reading (and most of my salary buying books from Flipkart ). So it’s kind of okay. Somehow I enjoy this new life.

But… the memories still haunt me. Sometimes, while commuting, some song starts playing on the FM bringing back flashes of conversation from the past. At times, I find her in somebody’s hair, or somebody’s smile.
I know it’s useless. But I often end up messaging after having a drink. Her name comes in my mind at the final moments of ecstasy. I keep telling myself, let go Dwai, let go. And the conversation with myself starts.
What if I was right and am wrong now? What if I read all the signs correctly? What if we r meant to be together? What if we just need some time?
Endless questions. But somehow I know the answers. Answers which I do not want to accept. Answers that I have to believe in but do not want to.
There are some riddles only time can solve. Let’s see how and when I find the key to my sanity.
I tried again and again, but I can never be indifferent about her. Does that mean, I will always…

Back to the game

2011-06-06T09:43:00.003-07:00

Somewhere in the past…

Me: you know, I really would love to write about us one day. I really want to tell our story.

She: why don’t you?

Me: well, I don’t know the end. How can I write the story without the end?

Everything changes with time. So did the dynamics between us. We broke up, became friends again. She moved on. Yet I was waiting for the end. Something in me kept telling me, this couldn’t be the end. Not like this.

We moved away. Decided to never cross each other’s path again. I thought that would help me. We were totally out of touch. We stopped existing in each other’s life. Yet, something in me kept telling me, this couldn’t be the end. Not like this.

One night she messaged me. We exchanged messages. And after that I thought finally I was over. Finally I have attained closure. Yet, someone somewhere kept saying, this couldn’t be the end, not like this. Well, of course I didn’t hear that.

In recent past

I just messaged her. And we conversed over the phone after so long. It never felt we haven’t been in touch for 2 years. And after some more days, the dynamics changed again. Back to square one.

I realized that I have never been out of love. I have always been in it. And yes, I still do not know the end. But I realized that a voracious reader like me too can make such a stupid mistake. What defines a good story? The end? No! it’s all about the journey. The story is not about the ending, but what is between the start and the end.

And I realized, I do not need to know the end anymore. I can start telling our story!

BigRock- Big Services at Small Price

2011-02-07T06:03:00.000-08:00

It’s not every day we stumble upon a company providing web- presence solutions that has a wonderful sense of humour. So naturally, the TV commercials of BigRock caught my attention. Out of curiosity I visit their website. And I was surprised to find such a wonderful bunch of services. And the most surprising thing is that even though their service is world class, their costs are highly reasonable. In fact, with their packages, even a High School student can build his own website.

The maker of Savitri Bai commercial also has big names like Fiat, Addidas, Zee Network as some of their valued customers. So you can easily understand how much credibility they offer. And when it comes to doing business online, credibility is perhaps one of the most deciding factors.
Depending upon your need you can register your own domain name with BigRock for as low as just 99 INR. And if you want to check whether the domain name you want is available or not, just sms them your preferred domain name at 5607080. They have lots of wonderful ready to use designs for your website. If you want, just ask them to build something unique just for you. So if you are interested to build your own website and join the cyber game, just visit here.

Settled Down

2010-08-14T07:39:00.000-07:00

It's been 1 month and two days since I have come to Siliguri.Well, the initial phase of trouble is gone. and slowly i am less disliking the place and liking it little by little.

washing cloths is a real pain. but then I am learning it and improving slowly.

But this 1 month have been kinda interesting,too. I have finally found a flat of my own. and I like it. I cook for myself and enjoy it,too.

finally, I am out of her shadow and her memories. its not that i never hand a revival of that. I did. but just once. otherwise, it's quite fine. With work for office and the work at home.. i do not get so much time to waste on hopeless hoping. Not anymore.

I know may be I am saying this for the 100th time, but now it seems that I have finally moved on. And I'm enjoying my single-hood.

anyway, as i have to prepare my dinner so i better stop now. Will get back once i have something interesting(anything will be more interesting than this post, at least)to share. till then...take life as it comes. You never know .. you may end up liking it.

Learning to live alone...

2010-07-23T05:16:00.000-07:00

All my life i was never away from home except on vacations and short trips. but now, the job has made me come to Siliguri and live on my own. I am yet to get a place to live. but I am learning a lot of things by staying away from home and homely comfort.

for the job I have to wake up early and go out in field. I come back at 3 or 4 pm. and then I need to spend some more time for work.so I really do not get much time to miss Kolkata and my home. but nevertheless, I have already realized how much I love my family. earlier I used to think that I am not much attached to my family. but now I know, you do not understand until you stay away from your family. I am loving my mother more and more everyday. I love her for all the unconditional love she has given me and will keep on giving. I talk to her so many times a day.. but I just can't say that I miss her and love her.

Living alone is quite difficult. right now I am finding washing cloths really tough. how tirelessly maa used to do all that. Now I have begin to appreciate her each and every work more. So many times I feel like quitting and going back home. but then I tell myself, it's a learning experience. all these difficulties will make me a stronger man! and I will evolve as a more matured one.

i just pray to find a home soon. then i can just ask mom to come over here and stay for a few days. I am really looking forward to it.

Anyway, let me learn how to live in a new place. and I wish one day I can go back home and make my mother proud of me!!!

Thank you maa. thank you for everything.
Everyday to me now is the mother's day!!!

Mindless Musings

2010-05-23T10:49:00.001-07:00

I had my birthday just a few days ago. The usual midnight calls wishing me, the endless messages (some form even unknown numbers) - everything was just as it should be. But I have changed. The Me after this birthday is not the same as ME after the last one. So I was thinking what are the changes that took place in me? Well, the question seems so philosophical. But

The answer hardly is. In fact, I don't even know if there is any answer at all. Let me look within myself to find the answer, as I carry on composing this piece.

I can talk about the changes which are very clear and open for everybody's view. I finally have written the last paper for my MBA exam. And I never want to attend any course. I have done enough for a lifetime. But speaking about such trivial things is no fun. So let me try some other angle.

I can talk about how I am hoping to get a job and getting rejected again and again. But even that's not worth mentioning. Because I'm still fighting. I may still be unemployed, but I know that I will soon get a job. That too, a decent one.

Anyway, enough of talking about what this post is not. Now allow me to talk what it is about.

As I have said at the beginning, I have changed. I have learned to let go. And finally I have learned not to look back. It took years and lot of hurt burns to learn all these. But it was worth it. Really, it was worth it.

There was a time when I used to take a stroll at midnight. Feeling amazed looking at the starlit sky. I used to talk to myself a lot. Now when I go to the terrace, it's mostly to take a puff. I do look at the stars but I do not find them amazing any more. Now they are just some celestial bodies. Learning too much can be harmful. At least for your imagination.

There are lot more changes that I prefer not to talk about. A lot of changes which are not even worth mentioning. But I have grown up a lot with each of these changes. And I feel more confident as myself. It doesn't matter anymore whether these changes are for good or not. It's ME. And I am happy being me.

I think that's what made me different from my earlier versions.

Frustration continues...

2010-04-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

with the present happenings (and non happenings) in my life, one emotion which I feel most often is frustration. I feel hopeless and lost. kind of semi depressed. but then i talk to myself.

I have gone through even worse phases. and I have come out of those, too. and I'll come out of it also. may be not with flying colours..but at least with walking colours!!!

but even in this gloomy phase, there is one thing which gives me a reason to smile. the feeling of camaraderie.

I am not alone in this journey of finding myself. there are others,too. some of them have already found a niche for them, others are still trying. what i like is that we all still care about each other. if one breaks down momentarily, others counsel him. it doesn't heal the wounds. but it helps to believe in friendship, again!!

We might have wounded hearts, but we still have hearts.

Once again…

2010-04-15T05:47:00.001-07:00

This blog has become something like an old favourite. I love it because so many memories are associated with it. But I somehow just don't seem to find anything to blog about anymore. But why??

It's not that I don't like blogging anymore. I still love to shape my emotions and feelings into typed words and publish that to connect with known and unknown faces. Then what is the reason behind my silence? It's not that I don't feel anymore. I do… I very much do.

If I be very honest to myself, I think the reason might be one (or both) of the following.

Absence of the muse. The person is not anymore in my life about whom I have blogged so many times. And probably some of my best posts were about her. I still feel that my USP is those posts which talks about my heart, from the core of my heart and nothing but my heart. But without her (and anyone else to fill the gap), what could I write about?
Secondly, I feel that now I compose real crap posts. And after reading some wonderful blogs by my friends I probably suffer from low confidence.

I agree. Both these reasons exist. But I love blogging more than I care about a failed love or people criticizing my works. So, for the n-th time, I promise to be back again.

Today is the 1^st day of the Bengali New Year. Hope Meaningless Crap will also turn a new leaf.

Subho Noboborsho Meaningless Crap!!!

The countdown has started

2010-01-16T02:36:00.001-08:00

I have always been wondering how the story will end and when. I never knew the answer. Whenever I thought about it, I felt like the end is still quite far. But suddenly, I'm having a gut feeling that it is about to come. It is coming…

My mistake was that I thought there are only two characters in the story: the Incorrigible Idiot and the Eternally Confused. Well, I was wrong! I forgot the characters which helped the bonding between the main characters, even though they were unaware about the story of the Confused and the Idiot.

But my mistake did not end here. I forgot the most important character of the story- our Alma matter. It was in the classrooms, the corridors, the events and happenings of the AM which connected II and EC. The field have seen them chatting. The canteen has witnessed many of their sweet (and occasionally bitter) nothings. The lover's lane has been the place of many intimate moments. Well, I can't describe 2 years in just a blog.

The Alma matter with its many buildings, the staircases, roads and alleyways were more involved in this story than any of the living characters, perhaps even EC an II were not as involved as it was. And I thought there are just 2 characters in this story.

Well, maybe it was the reason why I could never see then end. Or always fail whenever I tried ending it on my own. But I have rectified my mistake. Just after a few days all the characters of this story will meet once again. Some will not be present there physically. But they will be there, anyway. And the venue is the AM.

It started there. They are again going there. I hope it will be the end of this story. Because, the cycle is almost complete.

May be EC and II will not even realize that this is the end. May be II is still thinking that something will happen. But I'm sure that AM knows. It is the time to say the final goodbye.

Let it finish.

My Berlin wall

2009-11-10T11:21:00.000-08:00

Why do we erect walls? For protection and security. And why did I erect this invisible yet impenetrable wall? Definitely to protect my feeble emotions. It also gives me a false sense of security. With the presence of this wall, no one can infiltrate in my heart and invade there. And though I myself have erected this wall, even I can’t climb it over. It’s not that I didn’t try to cross the wall and jump to the other side, but I learned that it only hurts. And so I’m accepting this wall as a part of my belonging. And my world is divided into the East Berlin and West Berlin.

The paradox is I don’t know which side of the wall I’m facing.

powercut, a irrational cold drink bottle and two confused souls

2009-11-02T07:53:00.000-08:00

“Habit: when the ‘H’ goes, ‘a bit’ remains. When ‘a’ goes,’ bit’ remains, when ‘b’ goes, still ‘it’ remains…”

It started quite ordinarily.

Last Night: Before going to sleep I switched my laptop on and found her on Gtalk. As usual I messaged her. And she replied. After some more minutes and some more chatting, I found my cell vibrating. Her name was flashing on the screen of my phone. I took the call, shut the laptop off and came out of the room.

We talked our hearts out. We found that both of us are being selfish, and both of us want this ‘relation’ or whatever one may call it, but we are confused.
She thinks she doesn’t love me. She liked the feeling that I’m there for her. And that she doesn’t need to tell me everything, I just somehow understand. And just the thought that I’d stop being in touch with her, is not acceptable to her.

I think I don’t want to be just another friend (she assured that I’m not just another friend, I’m a bit more than that. But “just another friend” has a strong melodramatic appeal). I think if I can’t be the love of her life, I better not exist in her life at all. I also think I have moved on . And finally after talking for about half an hour and exchanging some messages it was decided that she would come to my place today. She would get the books with her, and after that it’ll be the FINAL GOODBYE.

Today: I started preparing since 3pm. She said that she would come at about 6pm. So I started out.

I roasted some wafers. Then I baked some sugar cookies and even iced those. Next was the turn of the walnut brownies. And after a while I was surprised to see myself. I saw myself (a hydrophobic when it comes to bathing) considering taking a shower, only to reject it. I even changed into something nice. But I was most surprised when I found that I was combing my hair. And I kept on watching myself doing so many silly things.

Finally:She came.
-“what would you like? Coffee, tea or a cold drink?”
-“just a coffee, with less sugar”
So I get the coffee and we started having all those baked goodies. And suddenly there was a power cut. I went downstairs, bought some candles and we were having a candlelight date, if I can call it a date.

But the funny thing was still to come. I got a cold drink bottle and we just couldn’t open it. I know it’s unbelievable, but it was happening. We tried everything but nothing worked. So I tried to manage it with a kitchen knife. After spending half an hour on it, it was still not working. She tried her luck, but no use. Then both of us started working on it one by one, and the magic happened. The bottle opened. So I made an ice cream soda for her. And … she was ready to go.
She clicked some pics. So we tried transferring those to my laptop. But again, the simplest things never work with us.

-“I’ll mail you these pictures”
- “When?”
-“tonight”
-“ok, let me know. I’ll block your email id after I get the mail”
-“Ha ha ha!! Ok , I’ll sms you”
-“oh, I was thinking about deleting your number right now.”
-“do it later.”
-“ok”

So I went with her till the main road, she got into the auto.”
-“all the best”
-“all the best”
And we drifted to our own ways.

After coming back, I was strolling on the terrace with a cigarette in my hand and thinking about the meeting. I don’t know why I did all this cooking for her. Or why I did all that silly stuff. Was I trying to impress her for the last time? Or did I try to make the last time a nice one? Is it the last time?

I don’t know.
I thought about the cold drink episode. Anyone can open a cold drink bottle, but we couldn’t. Both of us tried still it didn’t open. Only when we tried together, it opened. What was the significance? I was feeling as if someone was trying to signal. I read the message as-

If you try it alone, it will be complex. Keep trying. You just can’t.
If she tries it alone, it will still be complex. If she keeps trying, the situation will not change.
Try together, you can do the impossible.

I don’t know how she has read the signal. I don’t know whether she has sensed it at all or not. I don’t know whether it was the last time for us or not.

I only know that I’m waiting for a mail. And then I’m going to do delete a contact from my cell.
And I’ll be waiting for the day when her memories will be deleted from my brain. I’m waiting for the day when we will be stranger to each other.

It ended quite ordinarily, too.

Back to Denobly...

2009-10-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

John, Mona, Cyrus, Alisha, Kiran, Alak Ma’am. Vinny Sir - do the names sound familiar? Do you still remember a group of 12^th standard teenagers and their life in and out of their school? Do you still remember “Hip Hip Hurray!”??

The 1998 soap used to come on Zee Tv on every Wednesday. I started watching it pretty late, but once I did, I just couldn’t stop. Many of us believe that it’s still the best TV serial based on youth. For some, Hip Hip Hurray relates to her childhood.

And for all of us who experienced the magic, there’s another chance to experience it again. Disney Channel India has started re-running the series from 12^th Oct. And it’s being aired on Monday-Thursday at 5:30 pm.

Finally Disney Channel has found an Indian serial to match its counterparts abroad. When I see Lizzie McGuire, or Recess I always feel bad that the same channel shows “Dhoom Machao Dhoom” and “Kya Mast Hain Life”. But Now Disney channel is showing something which is worth showing to the Disney channel of other countries.

Let them see, for a change.

When I told a few friends about this rerun, they all asked me the timing. They all would love to see this again. In fact I wonder why the producer never released the DVD of the entire series. Even if they do it now, it’ll be a huge hit.

I don’t know whether kids of this generation would like to see a series when there were no cell phones. I don’t know how much would they identified with the characters. But innocence never loses its charm. And anyway, it’s still the best Indian series on youth. It still is.

As i was glued to the TV set just for listening to the title song of “Hip Hip Hurray!”, so I decided to share it with you.

Download the title song from here and listen on your own gadget.

And Thank Disney Channel India. Or should I say, Hip Hip Hurray??

P.S. I can still watch the entire series just to see Peeya Rai Chowdhary as Kiran or Candida Fernandes as Alisha.

A small decision

2009-10-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

The placement season has almost started. Everyone has started preparing themselves. and with the 1st company coming in a couple of days people are really excited.

The brand name is huge. The compensation good enough. The job profile offers a lot to learn and is quite exciting.

Yet, I ticked the 'Not Interested' column against my name.

My friends are asking me why did i do that. I have a very simple answer for them. and that is, "I don't want to get into this sector"

I believe, when the company has its right to choose us, we also have equal right to choose the company we would work for. And however big, this is not my cup of tea.

I know where I want to go. and I shall.

Belonging

2009-09-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

The shiny green grasses were wet due to the delayed monsoon. I could see a goalpost waiting in vain. The taste of the lemon tea got mixed with the smoke. The Chatim tree was inviting us to sit under it and watch the sky through its foliage. But to avoid the mud, we sat on the edge of the road. And… words were coming out. Some words became a lost melody in a borrowed mouth-organ. Some words were transformed into songs. Even more words were entrapped within us. Those failed to overcome the ‘should I’ dilemmas got lost paving way to an introspecting night- another insomniac night.

The trees turned into silhouettes. The cars passing down the road on the other side of the field became just a moving array of headlights. We moved away.

Aagomoni

2009-09-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

How do we understand that this is the time for the ‘Durgapujo’? If I ask anyone I will get the typical answers.’ Kaash’, ‘Siuli’, the pale blue sky patched with the characteristic white clouds. But do we get to feel these anymore? If we want to see ’Kaashful’, we have to go out of the city. I admit that one can still find ‘Siuli ‘here, but it’s a hard job to locate the delicate flowers in this concrete jungle. And the sky? Well, thanks to the climatic change u just can’t trust the sky anymore.
So how do we understand the ‘Pujo’ is coming?
The countdown logo bug on the TV channels has started playing. Each day I see we are getting close by one day. I see the skeleton of bamboo which is slowly turning into the pandals. I find my friends online and we discuss when they are coming back to the city. And we plan. I get crushed when the extra ‘shopping’ crowd get in the metro from Esplanade.
And I understand...

The ‘Pujo’ is coming

Starting Over..... again

2009-09-03T09:24:00.000-07:00

After the fall from heaven, I was lying on ground. I thought I could still fly, only to realize that the wings are broken. My whole body was aching with the pain from the fall. Wherever I looked, I could see torn feathers from my wings. I examined my wings, again. I was a fool to believe that with this I could fly. But....

I started tearing the remnants of my wings. I pulled apart the feathers and threw them away.I didn't stop until I wiped away the last proof of my wings, that i ever had them.

and then... I realized. what would i do without my wings? i have been used to them for so long, that i couldn't even think of anything but flying.So?? What Would I do?
I looked at the scars which used to be the wings at one time. I looked at the heap of torn useless feathers. I looked up and saw the brilliant blue sky, where I used to be.

And then, I looked at myself. I found a pair of legs. My legs. I took the wobbly steps. My first steps. Again...

Moving On

2009-08-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

How hard is it to go and never looking back? How hard is it to think of someone, with whom you have shared your joys and sorrows, as a stranger? How hard will it be? For 'Us'? For me? For 'Her' ?

We think we are matured enough to act maturely. We think we know a lot and understand even more. We say, "Everyone is irreplaceable but no one is indispensable". Everyone. No one. We generalize.

I have decided to sail away. I have decided to move on & never look back. I have decided to be a stranger. And i think only it can make me happy.

I move away. Waiting for a call which can make me go back. But we are mature. so the call never comes.

So many times I wanted to be right but turned out to be wrong. And this time i want to be wrong... and I am afraid of turning out right.

congrats Star Ananda!!!

2009-01-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

Nowadays, we frequently ask a question to ourselves: is media anymore ethical? Do they know what their responsibilities are? Even a couple of months ago we had a group discussion in our soft skill class. Where people discussed the terrorist attacks on Mumbai and media’s role in telecasting that.
This evening I stumbled upon Star Ananda, a popular Bengali news channel. They were broadcasting something exclusive. Something which nobody did in the last 3 decades. They finally managed to get a small video clip of Suchitra Sen. They finally found out how SHE looks now. And they broadcasted it.
Suchitra Sen, perhaps the most famous and glamorous heroine the Bengali film industry has ever seen. But SHE decided to be out of reach. That also increased her aura. How SHE has withdrawn herself only increased her charm.
I understood the importance of TRP. I have also seen the part that Star Ananda showed where they aired the comment of an expert who said that they can’t be sued as SHE has never imposed any ban on anyone telecasting her pictures. How does it matter that people think they are safe when they are inside their house.
So Star is safe. And they are probably now celebrating their success. But I beg to differ. I am not going to accept it as success. Couldn’t we respect someone’s personal choice? It’s a question media needs to answer.
The channel had a pole on their website today. Where they said that only they have HER photos. But she isn’t willing to come in front of public anymore. And are we interested to see those pics?
42% people said yes they want to see it. But 58% clicked on NO. It’s a rare instance when I’m delighted to be a part of a percentage. The 58%.

what would you call...

2008-10-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

What would you call something which makes you feel wonderful while it lasts, but you become melancholic when it gets over? And yet, you feel happy. Not because it has finished, but because it happened.

What would you call the experience of knowing your friends: Discovering a totally different angle of their personality? Learning that the most serious guy is extremely emotional and the seriousness is just a camouflage.

What would you call a unreserved train journey , without having dinner at night, talking about delicious dishes to mentally satisfying the pangs of hunger and spending the whole night by sharing the seats ??

I call it the Chilka and Gopalpur trip.

Void

2008-08-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

For the last 2 weeks I'm feeling this. The whole week I'm busy with classes, giving tuitions, catching up with friends and what not. But on weekends, I wake up late. And after that i feel as if I have nothing to do. Sometimes I try to spend some time online. When i really get bored of doing nothing, i even try studying. But still... there is a feeling of emptiness. As if I lack something.

What's that? Is it happening because i don't have any romantic interest? Or is my always empty wallet the reason? Mainly I can understand that it's the absence of works to do. But that's impossible. I'm not a person who loves to work a lot. Rather I prefer I laid back attitude. Or should I say, I used to prefer.

Is two months of MBA changing me??

Metamorphosys

2008-08-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

I was immersed in my own world like a caterpillar, moving from one leaf a to another. And when I saw you, I realized it's time to form the cocoon. and I made my cocoon with your thoughts and enveloped my desires. Now I'm waiting for the time. the right time to come. when it'd be time for me to come out. To come out and show how your thoughts would change me from a crawling caterpillar to a handsome butterfly. And leaving my leafy abode, I would fly.

and in case I have the fate of a silk moth, my desires would be dead. but then your thoughts which are still surrounding me, would transform to silk. Make your stole with that and then I'd have the luck to be close to your heart.

once again...

2008-07-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

I see her.. here and there, now and then. sometimes in class- talking to a friend, sometimes in canteen, sometimes in the corridor-drenched in rain.. and I keep seeing.
I want to talk to her, but I don't know what to talk about. and moreover, she's never alone.
I'm 26, and yet.. i feel like a teenager, that too, a lovestruck one.

and, tomorrow is her birthday!