Meat, Inc.

Hey Sister...

2011-11-24T21:37:00.000-05:00

Maybe you should clear off the table first.

Explaining Rick Warren and Uganda... A Brief Introduction

2010-01-08T15:03:00.004-05:00

This recent article in the New York Times prompted some questions from a friend of mine... here's the best explanation I could come up with.

Ben: "WTF is that article all about?"

Me: "It goes like this... Rick Warren and a bunch of his evangelical thugs from questionably non-profit mega-churches around the US have spent the money they earn suckering braindead christians to travel the African continent spreading their message of fear and hate. After telling the world that "Uganda would be the first Purpose-Driven Nation" (named after his string of obnoxious and patronizing tomes) Rick Warren's crusaders embarked on a radical propaganda campaign aimed at instituting a christian theocracy throughout the continent. After years of public speeches that demonize any divergence from the binary sex divisions that western theology is so enamored with as work of the devil, it should come as no surprise that the corrupt ruling elite in several nations began instituting laws straight out of the dark ages. Uganda is the most strident in it's application - nominating several bills to parliament that include criminalization of homosexual acts, mandatory death sentences for AIDS patients and other abhorrent legal prescriptions. In many other nations on the continent there has been a revival of 'witch burnings', which essentially amount to torturing and burning alive any outcasts (or anyone unlucky enough to have suspicion turn their way) when negative events occur. The continent is also suffering under the yoke of religious condemnation of condoms, family planning and higher education... leading to ever more suffering, cheered along by fascists like Rick Warren and his money grubbing brethren. It often makes me wonder who people like him are really working for, and it definitely shines a light on who I should be working against..."

Anyone else think they can explain it better??

HRC - Hollow Rhetorical Crap

2009-12-16T08:54:00.002-05:00

I'd take the time to explain why I'm against gay marriage, fighting the imposition of hetero-normative behaviors and offended at being lumped together with dykes, trannies and other assorted weirdos when being addressed as a demographic - but that would take much more time than I have this morning. So this post will simply become the repository of anti-assimilation queer links. Enjoy loves.

Head here if you want to read some well-developed critiques of the day-to-day political games being played against you.

A heated argument is brewing about the backroom dealings of HRC ~~apologists~~ lobbyists in their capitulation to adulation.

Want some Astroturf with your healthcare reform?

2009-07-09T13:31:00.002-05:00

Just received a handy email from my health insurace provider at work. They've encouraged me to join their Facebook group and register with their creepy Astroturf website, where they ask for all my details - and provide none of their own!

So in the spirit of ACTUAL grassroots action, I've begun my own Facebook group, with an open discussion wall and upfront documentation of the healthcare industries dirty secrets. Why don't you visit it and join up?

Join the group today!

Lyrics - Little Dead Bodies by Algebra Suicide

2009-05-22T16:34:00.003-05:00

I just returned from two weeks in California, the first week was spent in San Francisco where I was introduced to my new life-changing music group, Algebra Suicide. My dream is to produce a tribute track to this song, one of their larger hits in the 80's, which has intense messages that I relate to - as well as a sober examination of the banality of death when compared to living. Upon returning to beautiful Cleveland, Ohio I could not find the lyrics anywhere online, which saddened me and made the whole tribute-track idea more difficult... So here's my busy-body contribution to global knowledge.

Little Dead Bodies

written by Lydia Tomkiw, music by Don Hedeker

from the album The Secret Like Crazy

How right you are dear Paul,

that we hear of famous people's deaths while on vacation.

Perhaps it's so their funerals are not too crowded,

with their loyal fans being out of town and all.

Those celebrities are pretty clever.

I've heard that someone's born every 8 second,

so I presume that someone dies every 8 seconds just to keep things even.

It makes me feel shortchanged when I read the obituary page,

someone's holding back information.

It also prompts me to flip through the telephone directory on sleepless nights saying

over, and over, and over again - Yep. You're all going, every last one of you.

Wow, Heaven must be a big place.

I don't know too many dead people,

but folks tell me I'm young.

When my grandfather died he was laid out in the Bubb funeral home,

and I was secretly glad Mr. Bubb didn't change his name to something more romantic,

when he went into business.

I just wish it was less memorable.

My highschool locker partner Ned worked part-time for a mortician.

Imagine dressing dead people, straightenening their ties and fluffing up their hair so you can afford to take a girl out to the movies on Saturday night.

Well that's love.

That's, adolescent desperation.

I would have been honored to have Ned take me to the movies and let him buy me popcorn.

Instead, I went out with a boy who died.

The hardest part was knowing that his body didn't just disappear on the bed the moment he left.

I think that's what keeps me off of suicide,

the idea that there's something left for someone else to clean up.

How rude and inconsiderate.

It's a pain to take out the weekly trash, let alone figure out what to do with over a hundred pounds of flesh that's about to go bad.

The even worse, in India, where there's a religious cult which believes you shouldn't desecrate any of the elements with the dead.

They can't be buried, or burned, they can't be cast out to sea.

So they're taken to the top of the tower of silence where they become the vulture's problem.

How's that for passin' the buck.

No. When I go, I want to go clean.

Convienient, leaving no mess.

As if I vaporized while taking a shower.

As if I moved to Antarctica leaving, no forwarding address.

Election-Fraud Scans

2008-09-15T19:10:00.005-05:00

Read this post to find out more!

Republican Party Snares Me in Nefarious Vote-Stealing Plot

2008-09-15T18:48:00.004-05:00

And this time it's really no exaggeration. I recently registered to vote in my home county of Cuyahoga (Cleveland, OH), received confirmation, and even applied for an absentee ballot by mail. Today, however, the funniest thing arrives at my home. It's addressed to me, at my current address. Seems to be a flyer urging me to vote against taxes. It even includes absentee ballot applications, two of them! Luckily I've already applied for my absentee ballot, I used the official form mailed to me when my registration confirmation arrived. This pair of applications were helpfully provided to me by the Republican Part of Ohio - pre-addressed (although still requiring a stamp) to simply drop in the mail and send off to..... the County Board of Elections in Painesville, my parent's county where I first registered at age 18.

What follows are scans of the nearly two feet of paper urging me to vote by mail in the wrong district, please analyze...

What's good?

2008-07-28T19:44:00.002-05:00

The Keywords that drive this site...

2008-05-15T08:23:00.002-05:00

Uhm... Just a little FYI - for your information...

All I gotta say is...

2008-05-15T07:27:00.001-05:00

http://manbabies.com/

Depression, Disney and Mind-Control Capitalism

2008-04-23T10:55:00.004-05:00

A recent study I just spotted here points to the fact that fairness is an inherent value in human beings. The deep, reptilian reward centers of our brains respond to an equitable resolution to division of resources.

This led me to wonder how, on a macro scale, this property of our evolution has been impacted by modern society. Developments in the past 30 years have done away with what's fondly looked upon by history as the shared burden, and shared glory of the rise of American society. It's also been said that we've been living in the rise of an economic system that could be described as Gotcha Capitalism, whereby the standard mode of operation is for every societal exchange be designed to screw you, the individual, as much as possible.

Take, for example, the everyday banking institution. By definition a bank profits from the interest charged on loans made upon what is essentially imaginary sums of money. This power to create and then profit from the medium of exchange which ordinary individuals must labor to attain is essentially unfair, and the basis by which our capitalist society maintains it's control over allocation of resources.

Why don't we take a look at something a bit closer to my personal experience, and that of many millions of entertainment consumers around the globe. A visit to a Walt Disney Co. theme park (I was once a costumed character performer at Walt Disney World in Orlando, FL). The family-friendly atmosphere is painstakingly detailed, saturated and embellished to extract the largest sum of money per square foot as possible. This ethos did not always rule the Magic Kingdom, which is why comparisons between the ever evolving park maps tend to reveal ballooning numbers of ticky-tacky gift-shops, as well as a growth in the sophistication of retail placement and design. These sophisticated techniques, including store design, product placement, color, sound and even smell are engineered to throw your animal instincts off - essentially to overcome the pangs of unfairness you'll inherently feel when you pick up a $.02 pencil made in a Chinese sweatshop and check out the $12.99 sticker price.

This same pattern of manufacturing desires and overcoming the rational thought process in the minds of those exposed to this mass-market macro-psychology has been replicated across the spectrum of American consumer culture. From our weekly grocery trips to our political arenas, the power of persuasion continually fools our minds into making decisions which directly contradict our personal interests. Many Bush voters from the lower 98% of the economic stratosphere shot themselves in the foot, voting against their economic interests and even dooming many of their sons and daughters to violent deaths and danger in a war built upon egregious lies. What could cause someone to sacrifice their interests, even their own flesh and blood? A strong appeal to their fear, boosted by the repetition of a thousand talking heads in various, but interconnected news media, could distract a normally rational person the same way brightly colored stores scented like fresh-baked cookies would in the purchase of our $.02 pencil.

These distractions are what modern consumer culture relies upon, the system upon which they thrive could rightly be termed Mind-Control Capitalism- whereby the concentration of knowledge about human behavior and physiology allows for organizations and individuals to control, through the application of the social and physical sciences, the behaviors of individuals.

Getting back to the study about fairness, and it's effects on society at large, when entire generations are raised in this state of deception, a state where major organizations vie for a chance to deceive them into certain actions, the egalitarian fairness that seems to be hardwired into our brains' pleasure sensors no longer activates. We may have been driven to become a nation, and quickly a world, of clinically depressed beings, suffering because of the blunting of a hardwired desire to be fair to one another...

Just when you think you're getting ahead...

2008-04-18T11:00:00.003-05:00

Ahhh Cleveland. Just when you think you're getting ahead (by falling behind) you realize you're still taking the top spots in internet lists. Unfortunately the list I refer to now is The Top Carbon Dioxide Emitting Cities in America - surprising really since the decimation of almost all heavy-industry in the past 30 years here in Cleveland. Guess there's still enough soot rising from our skeleton-crew steel plants, partially mothballed coal-fired power plants, meager manufacturing economy and, oh yea, the 3-million residents who took advantage of Cleveland being "the birthplace of suburbia" and it's ensuing sprawl. Last night I drove my used 2001 Buick Century from my home on the western edge of Cleveland proper to my current lover's home in what used to be a pasture, and has since sprouted homes near the base of the cooling towers of our dear nuclear power plant. My 50-mile journey burned 4 gallons of fuel, took over 45 minutes (at a cruising speed of 65mph) and didn't even result in anything more than a hastily delivered blowjob. Human beings are absolutely nuts. This country and everyone belonging to the generations which have been born since, oh, I'd say the great depression, have been suckered into an unsustainable and rather warped world. All I gotta say is I'm looking forward to 2012.

And another thing...

2008-04-18T07:56:00.003-05:00

Hey kids! Leave your own responses in the comments section and maybe you'll wake up with an extra surprise tomorrow!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:30 a.m.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds, obviously.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Uhm, I couldn't tell you, it was years ago.
4. What is your favorite TV show(s)? BBC World News, The Catherine Tate Show, Strangers with Candy, Battlestar Galactica ;)
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Protein shake, protein bar, 2 pots of coffee and a drive across town.
6. What is your middle name? Begins with a "P", ends with an "ick", hate it
7. What food do you dislike? Scallop sushi, it's absolutely terrifying
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Tilly & The Wall - Bottoms of Barrels (closely followed by Janet Jackson's Discipline)
9. What time is it right now? 9 a.m.
10. Favorite Sandwich? Veggie, piled high, with pickles
11. What characteristic do you despise? A sense of entitlement always gets me fired up.
12. Favorite item of clothing? Either my Casino Cowboy shirt (currently wearing it) or my velour maroon vest that looks like a McDonalds uniform circa 1983
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Outer space, or Russia... same difference really
14. Where would you retire to? 6 feet under
15. What was your most memorable birthday? The one where everyone forgot, and I spent the day waiting by the phone, but noone called, and then I walked into the house thinking there was a surprise waiting... but there wasn't. That's the year I stopped counting.
16. Furthest place you are sending this? My readers in Scotland should love it.
17. Person you expect to send it back? Good ol' firecrotch Fox
18. Morning person or a night person? I'm more of a mid-day type, a lady who lunches
19. What is your shoe size? 13 1/2
20. Pets? Never had.
21. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with us? I am a freak, but, that's not that new.
22. What did you want to be when you were little? A junky-whore... and look at me now!
23. How are you today? Woke up late with a hangover and dried cum on my top lip, won't be able to sleep until tomorrow night and not particularly pleased with my roommate, so I'm pretty normal.
24. What is your favorite flower? Dead, dried and hanging on a nail in some backwoods shack. Flowers are for queers.
25. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? May 28th, 2012... the day the old man told me everything would change.
26. What are you listening to right now? A clackity keyboard and the subtle sounds of traffic on 271 south.
27. What was the last thing that you ate? Balance Bar (choc and peanut butter- kinda chalky)
28. Do you wish on stars? I did until that year everyone forgot my birthday.
29. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Brown
30. How is the weather right now? Beautiful!
31. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Curtis, or Nikki actually, I couldn't hear her over the roar of partiers at 'Lake Effects' in Madison, OH, home of the free creeps with every drink!
32. Favorite soft drink? Lemonade
33. Favorite restaurant? Liquid Planet is tops right now, simple, delicious, great nick-name.
34. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Buddy, the gay-training doll for boys
35. Summer or Winter? Winter makes me miserable, so I'll stick with that
36. Chocolate or vanilla? Coffee
37. Coffee or Tea? Chocolate
38. Do you want your friends to email you back? I've evolved beyond email.
39. When was the last time you cried? That year everyone forgot my birthday.
40. What is under your bed? The floor.
41. What did you do last night? Played with Curtis.
42. What are you afraid of? Giving myself an aneurysm because I'm such a hypochondriac.
43. Salty or Sweet? Vegetable-y.
44. How many keys on your key ring? 7, plus one miniature Eiffel tower.
45 How many years at your current job? 6 months.
46. Favorite day of the Week? Sunday
47. Do you make friends easily? No, well yes, but then I always try to sleep with them and things don't get prettier from there.
48. How many people will you send this to? The entire internet
49. How many will respond? 3
50. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends? No, I mainly like wasting time at work.

How do I talk about this without sounding like a complete Jew?

2008-04-18T07:14:00.003-05:00

Not that I have anything against Jews, of course, one ancient cult is as good as another in my mind... well, it's a special group that goes so far as to inbreed through the generations producing numerous genetic disorders, but then that goes for the Mormons too.

This post has absolutely nothing to do with religion, well, it may have something to do with religious tenets and obligations, but since I subscribe to no such rituals my diatribe can only be weakly correlated.

This post, you see, is about sharing.

It's something that we're all expected to do, as part of one 'human community'. You've most likely heard from a very early age (if you're a product of 1970 or later in America) that sharing is good for one another, that by cooperating and dividing resources we all get more.

I'm here to tell you that is bullshit. Not that you didn't already know that.

This world is not built on shared resources, it's constructed from the blood, sweat and tears of a long procession of miserable slaves - adherents to the thought that glory would come from devotion to an ideal. The ruse, that perfection could be reached by joining hands with our neighbor, offering what we have so that all may reach higher ground.

What bullshit.

My roommate keeps drinking my homebrewed beer and I'm about ready to punch his smarmy little shit-for-brains boyfriend in the face.

Sharing is for suckers.

Lucky Hoes: Akron, OH

2008-03-11T17:41:00.002-05:00

That's Ohio for ya!

In Deference to Others: Fantasy and Reality Collide

2008-01-29T08:18:00.000-05:00

It was 2 a.m. when I heard the first slamming door. A wild thrashing of a door more-like. Someone, somewhere in the house was having trouble completely closing their room, so instead of leaving it open a crack, they were smashing the solid-oak construction into the already battered frame. I awoke with a groan, rolled over in bed, stared up at my ceiling and said one word:

"Fuck"

It was Monday night. I had to be awake for work in four and-a-half hours. Thoughts of what I would do to our third roommate and his boyfriend swam through my sleep-slowed mind. Images of flying fists, teeth being knocked loose, blood spattering against beige-painted walls. I reached lazily for my cell phone, arm flopping over the edge of the bed to grab it, and sent a text message to my best friend down the hall.

"Either kill them, make them leave, or shut them up... NOW"

I proceeded to roll over, and forget the entire event. Figuring the people who didn't have to wake themselves up in a few hours could handle sorting out their situation. Until, that is, when everyone woke up Tuesday. Waking usually occurring sometime between 10:30 a.m. and 1 p.m. for the under-employed fools who inhabit the other two rooms down the hall from mine.

Sitting at my desk at work, my cellphone began to ding incessently... the distinct singular doorbell tone I use for text messages indicating someone on the other end was sending quite a mouthful. I flipped it open to find a nearly-full inbox, my best-friend having sent a quick summary of what had happened as I drifted in and out of conciousness after the first commotion the night before. Apparently our third roommate had gone out with his boyfriend (manager at an underwhelming bar/grill in downtown Cleveland) after work, gotten incredibly drunk, taken an indeterminant amount of cocaine, returned to our house, drank half a case of my homebrewed beer, trashed our kitchen making "breakfast" and then proceeded to strip down to their underwear and toss clothes over the entire first-floor. The door-slamming had apparently occured near the end of this distressing scene, long after my best friend had become embroiled in an emotionally charged discussion with the two late-arrivals over their disregard for the sleeping housemates.

What soon followed was another text message, this one from our third roommate in response to a text I had sent at 7 a.m. as I was getting ready for work. Mine read:

"I'm not interested in cleaning up after you OR your boyfriend. The only time I get to enjoy the house is before 7am, and after 6pm. I would appreciate if it was left as spotless by all as it is by myself. Also, please don't slam your door in the middle of the night, it woke me up."

His read:

"Do you want me to move out of the house?"

My reply:

"We'll talk about last night later, John just told me what went down."

Apparently my best friend had walked into all-out war between the two Monday-night party monsters. He asked them what was happening, and launched a heated fight over whatever it is that coked-out flamers take issue with at 2 a.m. on a Monday.

The two of us exchanged texts the rest of the work day. Something needed to be done immediately or our house of dreams would topple. The promises we had all made to each other, to be civilized, clean, respectful, drug-free, and driven were not holding. Obviously there was no accountability, no one taking score or even taking notice of what was being allowed to transpire.

I steeled myself for change once again, ran a quick budget in my head to make sure I could swing at least a few months rent on my own, and did the only thing I knew to do - I wrote a letter. My letter had to contain everything I had hoped to come out of our new home, and it must contain every observation I had made since moving in. The letter had to be honest, heartfelt in a way I had yet to ever truly express, and stern in the consequences of dismissal. Here is what I hand-delivered that evening:

B***,
You know so much about the world, and so much about people that I am always amazed at the varied conversations we can have. The fact that you are so willing to learn, and willing to give of yourself to others puts you far ahead of the majority of human beings I have ever met, anywhere in the entire world. Getting to know you in fits-and-spurts over the past year (since that crazy night you were next to me on the barstool at the Hawk) has really been awesome. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever known, completely unique in the world. And that’s why I need you to take everything I’m about to say in this letter with the full knowledge that I’ve committed to making our home a place that all of us can be completely comfortable in, so we can live our lives to the fullest and grow beyond where we are starting from now.

You have a serious problem with drugs and alcohol, a problem that adversely affects every situation and relationship (business, family and otherwise) in your life right now. Your situation is not made any easier by the fact that you also have AADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder) which I’ve taken some time today to read a bit about. Your behavior towards myself and John, the two people who’ve opened their lives to you with the hope that all three of us can better ourselves and make it further in the world together, has been flaky, inconsistent and at times downright disrespectful. Your actions and reactions with your boyfriend, your ex-wife and your son are colored by these same inconsistencies – the consequences of which are manifested in the arguments, the ill-will and, if the pattern continues, in the future feelings of your son.

John and I had a conversation the other day, and he slipped and told me he had done coke over the weekend… I asked him who he’d done it with and was surprised to hear it was you and your boyfriend. I was even more surprised that you were doing it in our driveway. Alas, I was not surprised that you had lied to me about doing it.

And you have lied, several times, to me, to John and to yourself. This is what troubles me most. Because you obviously feel as if you must hide your behavior, which is beyond the point of mere partying, it’s beyond even the openness of someone who maintains an addiction because they think they need it to have energy or fun times. The lying and the hiding mean that you are ashamed of what you’ve done and what you are doing.

I am ashamed that I haven’t spoken up sooner, that I may have allowed you to drift without letting you know that I care and that I’ve fought my own battles with drugs and alcohol… beyond the ones you’ve been witness to. I’m ashamed that I’ve presented a stern, seemingly unyielding face to you and to our house rules. I’m most ashamed though, that I’ve let myself be lied to, promised to, convinced even, that you are invested in our house, the relationship you and I share, the values I’m seeking to uphold and the healthy lifestyle I’ve been building for myself. I don’t think you understand the weight of my convictions and commitments to John, and my own self. It’s impossible for you to know of the years of recovery from my demons- psychological, substance & self-imposed. But I cannot, and will not, travel down any path that puts at risk my own wellness, the lives of my friends and the company they keep.

I thrive on consistency and stability, of knowing things will be the way I need them to be – I face nearly insurmountable anxiety every single day of my life over even the most trivial details – but I’ve learned methods to control my mental state and make commitments that stand the weathering of time and all the tests that come along with it. And in order for you to be a part of my life, and a part of John’s, I need nothing less than an absolute commitment from you to end your drug usage, forever, and learn to control your drinking.

You have far too much to lose, a beautiful son who needs you all-day, every-day to be his Dad… a business that has shown immense success before, in which people rave of your talents and call you the best… and most importantly a future where you can be who you are, and who you’ve always been – a strong, driven and free individual, willing to truly invest in the things this life has to offer that are worth it. You are worth it, and I’m willing to work just as hard as I have with- and for- John, as for you, to make sure you can once again reach the heights of all you can achieve.

But I cannot accept anything but the absolute truth from you, nothing but a firm commitment, an investment in seeking treatment for your ADD and any of the other issues, emotional or otherwise, that a professional would be equipped to help you understand. You are strong enough to survive anything, I believe in you, and I want to stand by your side in building yourself a new success story. But I’m not willing to watch you flounder, cannot stand idly by while you risk your health, both mental and physical, and risk the future you have with your amazing son.

I need to know, by tomorrow (Wednesday 1/16) morning whether you are prepared to accept the responsibility for the things that you say and do, whether you are prepared to try a new course, one free of the distortions caused by drugs, and to step into a future where tomorrow may be unknown, but the people by your side are guaranteed. That’s what I offered to John, and I make the same deal to you. I want our house to be full of the love that it has shown so many amazing glimpses of… of the passion for creativity and light that has been evidenced. But I’m afraid it will never reach those goals if all of us are not working together, fully invested.

If you cannot offer me what I ask of you, we will need to reevaluate our living situation. I want you to know that I send this letter in complete confidence and confidentiality. I’ve reserved only one copy, and I’ve addressed it to your ex-wife. If the situation cannot be rectified I wish only her to know the full truth of what you inspired within me, and what you chose to walk away from. I dearly hope I do not have to send it.

Sincerely,
Steve

In Deference to Others... What is Lost When We Turn Away

2008-01-28T21:32:00.000-05:00

I just emerged from a family discussion. Mind you, our family consists of a rag-tag assembly of unrelated gay men, our range in age bested only by our range of experiences. Tonight's topic of discussion was one that in our short time living under one roof has played itself out in two out of three individuals (my own experiences coming before the move-in date), it was - in a word - drugs. Not life-threatening addictions, nor comfort-choking bad habits... but that most common of household indulgences in this modern nation - marijuana. First, I'd best set the story straight on what has taken place in the last 40 days of life in our fair city of Cleveland.

For myself, the past month has meant nose-to-the-grindstone labor, in a warehouse, on a computer and here at home - preparing to accept the rights and responsibilities that come along with the journey into manhood. Deferring the pleasures of today (or tonight) so that my future will shine ever the more brighter.

For my best friend, confidant and closest gay acquaintance the past month has been, from my increasingly sober and less-turbulently emotional perspective, one of floundering amongst darkness and seeking release from the daunting troubles ahead.

For our third, and admittedly most unfamiliar roommate - the past month has been one of intense personal renewal, and the casting-down of barriers so that he may connect with those reaching out to him in this new environment. He also, I may add, is struggling to define his own role as a gay man, a committed boyfriend, an ex-husband and a father.

I began January in a state of emergency - having been unceremoniously booted from my role as cherished houseboy for a pair of middle-aged queens trying ever-so-hard to live the American Dream, albeit a warped modern version involving all the trappings of consumer indulgence and a heady mix of alcohol and illicit substances. They being transplants from San Francisco, myself being transplanted from the suburban graces of a life straight out of a Better Homes-and-Gardens magazine. We had spent a year together under one roof, myself cooking and cleaning and being generally homey - with an out sized debauched side further indulged by having the run of a 5-bedroom tudor in a nice urban neighborhood.

Upon their dismissal (which I will detail further - I promise - in a forthcoming post) I girded myself for struggle, and a loss of the utter freedom I had engaged in since being taken-on by the pair. I made the commitment to myself, and to my best friend, that I would quit the party lifestyle and all the substances so ingrained with it to better my own circumstance. I set about to do so and accomplished quite speedily the task of finding work, transport and an airy three-bedroom on Cleveland's west side from which to build upon. My friend (who had moved in with the queens as well for about a month) made much the same promises of self-improvement, although as I will detail, with far less commitment.

Our first days at the big empty house we had ponied up the cash for seemed like a dream. We were truly stepping into our own, and excitement was alive in every moment. Each wall held a future project, each nook a bit of character - to perhaps fill with a piece of our own individual characters. The rules were drawn up, and commitments laid out then, dreams more-like, because we all saw this as a fresh start and a new beginning.

I imagined myself rising to the needs of the various projects, coming home from work to join in painting another room and repairing another crack. My best friend seemed alive with the choices to be made, and the chance to finally call a space his own... and our third, a chance to regroup and settle into a new routine amongst friends.

It was only a month ago that we held these ideas high, and in the time since... a poison of apathy, the turbulence of new love and the dissension of unequal sacrifice have nearly torn our dreams apart. Tomorrow morning, I will detail the first encounter with reality - and post the letter that saved our home from immediate dissolution.

Cleveland: Playing Witness to an Economic Malthusian Trap

2008-01-17T09:06:00.000-05:00

Just a little thought about Cleveland. The endless butt of late-night TV jokes and the poster-child for the sub-prime mortgage lending crises offers, in my opinion, a fascinating study of the perils of de-industrialization and de-regulation upon the human psyche. The urban Clevelander's generalized apathy towards acquiring education, modern technological tools and, among a certain subset of the population, legitimate remunerative employment can be seen as a predictable response within the framework of Malthus' theory - often referred to as a Malthusian Trap.

When applied in an economic sense, this theory - which states that the peaking of production will limit returns to human beings and, in turn, reduce the quality of living - has already played through most of it's course in the urban center and inner-ring suburbs of Cleveland, the areas most dependant in the past upon unskilled resource-conversion and labor-intensive production work. When the economic returns to workers fall below the costs to acquire the basic trappings of subsidence (which in our day-and-age are warped by a commercially saturated media environment) an interesting psychological break can occur which can lead down many paths, the most dangerous of which delivered the world a German society primed for the hateful rhetoric of Hitler in the waning years of the 1930's.

My own experiences as a wayward slacker in Cleveland, and amongst the people who find themselves staring up from the bottom of Cleveland's proverbial dry well, have shown a direct correlation between belief in the ability to achieve success - and the actuation required to reach such goals. Surviving in some neighborhoods of Cleveland's inner-ring suburbs, the ones that most middle-class suburban (read: privileged white) folks merely drive past on the highway, requires life skills most commonly seen in third-world countries and areas devastated by war. The mere act of survival amongst the predatory thieves, mal-educated dunces and disabled or depressed individuals usurps any energy that remains after the struggle to keep food on the table and a roof over your head. After being failed by the city's corrupted public-education system, swindled by unregulated loan sharks, and left to fight over whatever scraps of employment remain for the city - the incentives to work harder, better or faster become ironic jokes to the hundreds of thousands who've literally been left-behind in the flight to the suburbs and exurbs. Solutions to this problem have inexorably focused on poorly managed re-training or re-education programs (of little use if no foundation of education exists in the first place) which generally just plaster neighborhoods and buses with advertising, serving as an underhanded reminder of the community's failures, as well as an easy buck to fatten the wallets of the advertising company.

My own suggestions for solving these widespread problems are decidedly pie-in-the-sky, and go against many of the basic tenets of liberty in terms of enforcing the rigid structure necessary to break free from the psychological hold of being mired in failure. Mostly, I can only imagine an intensive, incentive-based program of neighborhood revitalization that trains under-employed or never-employed youths in three basic areas - home repair, environmental stewardship and artistic expression. Similar to the Works Progress Administration programs in place during the end of the Great Depression, my dream programs would focus on improving public space (roads, sidewalks, adding parks, public art and public gardens) as well as improving private space (rebuilding porches, landscaping homes, repainting exteriors, repairing gutters and interior areas as well). These programs would come with odious three-strike participation clauses, but re-entry would not be barred, merely delayed, by a failure to uphold the standards of participation. They would have to include a healthy dose of optimism, while instilling the habits of success in each participant. In perhaps the most important and democratic side of the programs, all regional communities would participate in providing post-program support through internships, technology training, business training and scholarships - allowing a dialogue to open between the sidelined and the successful in our community.

By supporting individuals within a framework that allows for a snow-balling of accomplishment, I believe that both the city-at-large, and the people who suffer in hopelessness can achieve what years of pessimistic, politically expedient "solutions" have failed to reach. Urban revitalization, attitude adjustment and a reallocation of will.

Worker Productivity Gains and the rise of Starbucks... an early morning thesis

2008-01-16T08:36:00.000-05:00

As I poured the last thin cup of coffee from the office Coffeematic and gathered the supplies to brew a fresh pot, an interesting thought occurred to me. My stand on coffee has always been "if I can see through it, I won't even bother" - which is to say, the stronger the brew, the better. I usually scoop four or five heaping tablespoons into the filter, completely filling it, and filling the office with the strong aroma of freshly brewed joy. My coffee gets rave reviews from my co-workers, the real coffee drinkers among us, who bad-mouth the first weak pot brewed up by the earliest man to arrive (a greying inside-salesman with a penchant for nicknames). People seem to really perk up after their second cup of coffee, which is invariably brewed by myself, and I wondered if our office environment is an analog of our capitalist nation at-large. I decided to do a little digging (very little, as I am working while I research this bit of blog) and try to compare worker productivity (a fitting real-world measure of worker "perkiness") with the rise of that infamous coffee titan, Starbucks.

First: The Meteoric Rise (or... a coffee shop in every pot)

Second: Busy Little Bees

So in comparing the graphs my early-morning, pre-caffeine postulation may in fact have a bit of weight behind it. The rise in nation-wide, strong-brewed coffee doled out to early-morning risers may indeed have increased worker productivity. My research for these graphs also indicated that American worker productivity had stagnated up to the early 1990's, and that technology developments and Clinton-era psychology had important effects on productivity gains. I however hold up this simple truth.

Good Coffee makes for Good Workers!

7.5 gallons in 45 years... American efficiency at it's finest

2007-12-08T11:52:00.000-05:00

I'm sure most anyone with a brain can tell that increasing automobile efficiency by 7.5 gallons in 45 years is perhaps the absolute least our Congress could ever achieve. Does it mark a change in perspective amongst our congressional leadership? Or does it just serve to highlight industry control over the public debate? No rational person could imagine these small steps as real change...

Washington (TGW) – A bill that would end billions of dollars in tax breaks for the oil industry and raise mileage standards hit a roadblock in the Senate today.

The bill failed on a procedural vote 7 votes short of the needed 60 majority, 53-42.

The law would require car manufacturers to raise their mileage standards up to 35 miles per gallon by 2020. The current standard, 27.5 mpg was passed in 1975.

Senators said the vote did not mean the bill was done for.

"This doesn't mark the end of this bill," said Sen. Pete Domenici of New Mexico, the ranking Republican on the Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee. "It means we have to go to work to fix some of the problems that the House bill has generated for us."

Absolutely outrageous.

Reality Check Text Message Counselling Services

2007-11-20T13:57:00.000-05:00

Here at Meat, Inc. it's important to check your bad attitude at the door. Life's too short and you're a bitch ass for complaining. So let's get down with a text message counselling services offered as one of our many complimentary services.

Client:"I was on FIAH last night. Getting cruised left and right, and finally bagged a hot choreographer boy I've been lusting over for two years. Go motherfucking me."

Meat, Inc.:"Hell yea. Sounds like my kinda party night. I just got sucked off at the house of pash. I could use some nerdy boys with 9inch kacks."

Client:"Did you get some hot Mark mouth?"

Meat, Inc.:"Sick. No. Security guard from University Hts."

Client:"You are such a WHORE. where does he guard?"

Meat, Inc.:"The Jewish Community Center"

Client:"Oh good lord, was he black?"

Meat, Inc.:"White as the driven snow. From Ashtabula no less."

Client:"I can't have sex like that anymore"

Meat, Inc.:"With white people? Geeez man. I know they say 'you never go back'... but it's just a figure of speech."

Client:"No, the HIV talk is too much for the average young gay guy so I don't have anonymous sex w/cute boys like that anymore. BTW the choreographer is white from SD"

Meat, Inc.:"Nice. It's not like I'm going around barebacking the city of Cleveland. I'm not checking people's papers either, what's a hooker to do?"

Client:"Didn't mean it like that. Most guys can't handle the HIV even being safe. So I don't even try anymore. That's all, nothing to do with you ;-)"

Meat, Inc.:"Oh. Serosorting? U just don't practice safer sex?"

Client:"I serosort because I usually get rejected if I don't. And it's easier just to beat off anyway. Zero bullshit."

Meat, Inc.:"True that. I can see that issue being a factor for anyone. It would definitely slow down sluttitude. I'm feeling randy, but also like settling down. Whormonal."

Client:"Yea, I'd try to date this guy Scott but it'd end in disaster stemming from his self-loathing. So I'll just be a load sponge and munch on his gorgeous ass."

Meat, Inc.:"Macaroni."

Client:"I've abandoned all future love prospects (in exchage) for self-enforced singledom. Nobody gets close anymore"

Meat, Inc.:"Ugh. You sound like you're wearing bad eye liner right now. But I know the feeling - Keep whats mine for me type thing."

Client:"LOL... no eyeliner, but my heart's been broken way too many times. Love isn't an option anymore. My heart is protected by a fortress now. Nobody gets in. Period."

Client:"And I have to remind myself of that when someone shows interest in me."

Meat, Inc.:"Yea. That works in some ways. But at least you still have to remind yourself of that. There's other ways to love people anyhow."

Client:"It's self-preservation, as unhappy as it sometimes makes me in the short-term. It's worth it though."

Client:"I show love in other ways. Usually through compassion and companionship. But as soon as someone tries to break into my fortress... they're kicked away"

Client:"Makes my mom sad though. She still has hope, even if I've abandoned it. Yikes! Downer!"

Meat, Inc.:"Yea. That can leave a path of devastation in your wake. I can see where the "Don't shit where you eat" doctrine comes in handy"

Client:"Oh yes... It's sage advice"

Client:"At any rate I'm glad you have fun with the Ashtabula Jew guard :-) I beat off last night and that's my Monday highlight. LOL"

Meat, Inc.:"I thought there was a dancer in there somewhere?"

Client:"ever listen to KFOG online? Such a cool station"

Client:"No... he got pushed away. I didn't feel like having sex last night."

Client:"Besides I didn't want to think about being poz for awhile. Not feeling like a biohazard was more important than ejaculating."

Meat, Inc.:"Yea. Geeez. I wish I was out there to allay your emotude."

Client:"Wish u were here too. It's really foggy and dreary... my favorite. No shadows anywhere. Very etherial."

Meat, Inc.:"Oh. You are really in need of some lovin'"

Client:"Self-love is what I get these days."

Meat, Inc.:"Yea. The only problem with doing things by yourself is that you're alone."

Client:"Besides this Scott kat has a ripped bod, a 10" cock, and a rock hard muscle ass. I'd be hyper aware of my titties and tummy which would make me funky & loathy."

Meat, Inc.:"On trust me. You sound loathy enough already."

Client:"And wonder why the hell he's showing interest in me... it makes no sense and is illogical. Oh I love myself just fine... I'm just realistic about who I am."

Meat, Inc.:"That's another problem with doin' your own thing. You cant see from any other perspective than your own."

Client:"Besides I've been a loner since I went to elementary school. Most people irritated me back then. The fog is making me funky I think."

Client:"How is that a problem?"

Meat, Inc.:"Uh.. You can't see the big picture. You believe things to be true instead of proving them to be."

Client:"How so? I understand what you're saying, just not how that would apply here. Explain."

Meat, Inc.:"People wanna buy what you're sellin. You're a hit with the gays. But the fact that you only offer a limited preview seems almost selfish."

Client:"It's not that I loathe myself, I don't. I'm just realistic about who and what I am and don't put on airs indicating otherwise."

Client:"I don't sell it, I give it away :-)"

Client:"thanks for the talk/reality check"

OPEN BLOG BRAINSTORM

2007-11-12T09:56:00.000-05:00

So I'm posting this proposal in the hopes that you, the internet-at-large, will have something to say about it. Please comment, I've never written a proposal like this, but I'm hoping it finds support in the form of an institutional grant to The AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland for development.

ATFGC Online Outreach Proposal

Through the power of the vast social networks fostered across the internet, the AIDS Taskforce can provide vital educational & advocacy opportunities that hold the potential to generate funding from around the globe. By creating a concrete presence in various internet venues, the ATFGC can increase it’s visibility in Cleveland, the United States and the world. Collecting, organizing and utilizing the information available to the Taskforce will allow for greater opportunities to form connections with the pool of compassionate individuals willing to offer their time, services or money to the various programs operated by the Taskforce.

The internet outreach program also offers the opportunity to shape the Taskforce’s image in the mind of its internet visitors. Establishing a “pathway” for new visitors to become new volunteers can vastly improve the effectiveness of the current scatter-shot internet presence. The speed and turnaround-time of the internet also presents the opportunity to respond to controversies and news immediately, increasing the Taskforce’s visibility off-line and providing a forum for interactive public discussion through a network of blogs and commenting systems.

The following table presents each component of the internet presence, all of which will be centered around aidstaskforce.org – a dynamic, multifaceted site containing the majority of the interactivity options and educational material. A presence on Myspace, Facebook and other social networking sites will still be maintained, but used mainly to direct users to the central site, inform friends about upcoming activities and volunteer opportunities and provide an informal means to contact Taskforce workers for private discussion and advice. Aidstaskforce.org will be built using the open-source content management system called Drupal. Drupal is a modular system for organizing and displaying internet content that will allow Taskforce employees to assume control of their respective roles online- posting content, managing public and private calendar events, creating surveys and mass mailings for their events and (with a small amount of training) removing the need for a dedicated webmaster on the Taskforce payroll. The extensible nature of the Drupal CMS allows for the use of previously developed “mods” that add functionality like Wiki’s (an online encyclopedia) – Donation (a pre-coded system that allows the Taskforce direct control of payment processing) – Blogs – Stores – Calendar and others. All these functions fit into a template structure that can be built once and then extended for years to come. By unifying the management of the website under one system, volunteer networks can be activated for email campaigns and funding drives, content can be posted that directly undermines misinformation from political organizations and information can be organized for easier access by the public at large.

Education

ATFGC Wiki – an online encyclopedia of STD & HIV/AIDS information with a focus on prevention, transmission and treatment information – directly contrasting the fear tactics of abstinence only and religious-based sources currently available.

ATFGC Video Archive – a collection of Taskforce-branded YouTube videos with a mix of comedy and sexual health education that can drive traffic to the site, as well as create a ‘buzz’ online. Ideas include “Straight Talk with Drag Queens” a talk-show format for sexual health info, “LivingPOZ - Our Stories” a documentary interview style series preserving the stories of HIV positive individuals and forming personal images of AIDS for the viewer, “Impact AIDS” a collection of PSA spots (10, 30 & 60 seconds) that can be aired by television stations and private blogs to raise awareness of HIV/AIDS.

ATFGC Direct – a collection of pages/site content that directly opposes sites run by religious/right-wing organizations and provides fact-based contrasts to the messages those sites spread. Ties into Advocacy program.

ATFGC Audio Vault – Podcasts, Radio PSA’s for distribution among local radio stations, and audio interviews. Have local bands provide free MP3 downloads available on the site to drive traffic.

Advocacy

ATFGC Blog – personal blogs from members of the Taskforce staff with news, activity info and public responses to current issues. Provides a means for web surfers to respond with public comments and fosters a democratic discussion of HIV/AIDS and sexual health policy.

ATFGC Mailing List Program – Drupal’s mailing list functions will allow for the creation of an email database that allows each address to be captured and coded based on both the user’s preferences for contact (from web users who provide the email address on the site) as well as email addresses collected from offline sources like the AIDS Walk and other events. Users can be contacted based on previous donations, event participation and even age/sex ranges (from users who join the ATFGC Volunteer Network)

ATFGC Volunteer Network – A mini-social networking program run on the Taskforce site that allows interested individuals to join the site, provide information and easily express interest in participating/organizing events run by the Taskforce. This system will allow for better mass-communication, as well as fostering volunteerism by directly involving interested individuals and providing a forum for their participation leading up to Taskforce sponsored events. Will also allow for “Virtual RSVPs” for ATF functions to ease planning and turn-out estimation.

ATFGC Blogroll/News Archive – A daily update of news links and blog posts on an RSS feed that will point subscribers attention to policy, funding and other hot links each day.

Funding

Direct Donation – Using a module for Drupal that’s tied to credit-card processing gateways or Paypal – visitors may donate directly from any page on the site, with payments and security handled by a trusted web processor.

ATFGC Store – Utilizing the tools available from the site Cafepress the Taskforce can create a portfolio of branded buttons, stickers, t-shirts and sweatshirts with no overhead cost and no payment processing requirements. Margins can be set and managed by product, and designs can be easily added and edited for specific events and funding drives.

Online Email Drives – Utilizing the database of email addresses, the Taskforce website will allow for branded funding campaigns that connect the public’s email inboxes with pages that allow them to donate, contact friends and co-workers to ‘virally’ spread the message of fund-raising drive and provide an interactive forum to track the success of the drive publically as well as a back-end admin system to track the effectiveness of the message.

Grassroots “Franchising” – The ATF can seek donations for the ‘Best Practices’ and Drupal configuration to monetize the learning experiences and reduce the impact of the cost of implementing this new system.

Establishing Best Practices and Providing a Road Map for Other Organizations

By tracking each step in the implementation of this program and then quantifying the success of each component the Taskforce can provide a guide to benefit other grass-roots organizations. Best practices in design, mass-communications, virtual volunteer management and back-end administration of the entire web program can be assembled after implementation to provide further resources for organizations seeking to implement a similar program. This information may also represent a funding opportunity, as a hard-copy book or pamphlet collection could be sold – or an entire pre-configured system matching the setup of modular components used in the Taskforce’s Drupal setup could be shared with a donation to the Taskforce being requested.

These best practices should also be shared with sister organizations in Cleveland to expand their reach, provide more visibility amongst associated organizations (through cross-linking, blogrolls, shared news and co-branded funding drives) and strengthen the online presence of Cleveland’s grass-roots.

Estimated Implementation Costs

Implementing an open-source solution for content management should vastly reduce the up-front costs for establishing this system, as well as the long-term maintenance expense. The figure table below represents the current known expense for the various components of the new ATFGC outreach program.

Component	Expense	5-Year Cost
Domain name registration and DNS	$9.99/year	$50.00
UNIX Hosting and MySQL database	$10.00/month	$600
Direct Donation widget	3% Credit Card processing fee
Cafepress.com branded ATFGC shop	$4.95/month	$300
Drupal template const. and admin training	$10.00/hour – est. >100 hours	$1000

Estimated Implementation Timeframe

Construction and configuration of the system should be deliverable within 3 months, with training and administration beginning soon after. Content can be created during implementation as well as once the administration is turned over to the end-users at the Taskforce. Each trained Taskforce user will be able to post blogs and content related to their individual section, while the community at large will be able to post comments and forum entries – further enhancing the content and discussion available to website visitors.

I'm still pissed about losing...

2007-10-29T20:12:00.000-05:00

The Indians sucked their way out of the World Series. That one took a whole lotta' suck too. Wunderkind/Disappointment Grady Sizemore is directly responsible for (excuse my stereotyping) Jew-ing the entire city of Cleveland out of the runs we deserved in the post-season. Any Clevelander will tell you that, and this gay, vegetarian, beer swilling, non-smoking, HIV advocating, jaded whore of a bitch is no different.

T-Thanks.

10/24 - Dental Dam Awareness Day

2007-10-24T13:51:00.000-05:00

You may not know it, but today has been declared National Dental Dam Awareness Day. Dental Dams, as you may or may not know, are useful for oral sex, STD Prevention, dentistry and looking like a complete fool.

A snapshot of childhood development...

2007-10-23T17:28:00.000-05:00

Here we have the earliest stages of Chad Fox's whoredom, scrawled like ancient cave paintings on his parent's basement wall. This piece (enhanced with cartoon action for effect) used to be spray-painted all over Cleveland and Chad, being the little whipper-snapper he is, copied the design and graffiti imprint.