My life of poking needles and filling forms

it's a good day to die

2012-01-29T19:39:00.000Z

Note: Old draft. Written sometime during my Orthopaedic post, between May and August 2011. While on the train journey from Glasgow back to Dundee, I was suddenly reminded of this patient I came across. Was half-surprised to see this uncompleted draft sitting among my posts. Might not be what I intended to write at the time, but I guess I'll just finish it and publish anyway.--In medicine, it's

9425: Welcome

2012-01-28T14:20:00.001Z

"Welcome back." He looked at me with a smile as he hands back my passport. A small gesture, perhaps out of habitual politeness that is so British. Yet it means something to me deep inside, I've just not figured out what. Is it a feeling of being welcomed here? It's 3.5 years now I've been here in Scotland, and at least another 1.5 years to go. It still doesn't feel like home. Maybe it's not

9313: nasi lemak

2011-10-08T21:17:00.002+01:00

I cried today.In my own room, in front of my computer, I cried.It's something I have not felt in a long, long time. Too long.As tears filled my eyes, I wondered how long have I been in denial. I am homesick.--Namewee, I salute you. Just when Malaysia needed someone like you, you appeared and rose up to the occasion. When the media taints your name and society condemned you, you refuse to give up

9168: TMI

2011-05-16T22:18:00.002+01:00

Patient: I've been feeling nauseated and getting this pain down in my tummy. Hungry me: Was there anything else that you experienced? Patient: *thinks hard* Oh, there was this one time, I farted and got more than I bargained for .. Not-so-hungry-anymore me: . . . -- Some patients just don't want to disappoint..

9119: it's sunny again today

2011-03-28T00:44:00.009+01:00

Today I realised. Being a medical student and a junior doctor can be worlds apart. I'm not sure if I should be disgusted or bemused that I can stick my finger up any bum without the slightest hint of apprehension anymore. And being able to tell a patient I'm going to do that with a totally straight face, like I stick my finger up bums everyday. Wait, that's not right. -- That said, I should

9087: it's sunny today

2011-02-24T22:39:00.008Z

I look down at the piece of paper in my hand. It's a form I needed a patient to fill before she go for a clinic. Glancing through it, I did not even got past the first few lines when something caught my eye. Bra size: ...... Cup size:....... What the ef. Maybe the patient can read the form and fill it up herself, I thought optimistically. -- She squinted at the paper I held up in front of her. No

9077: hot and cold

2011-02-14T05:59:00.025Z

It's six in the morning. I've been awake for hours now. Couldn't have been jetlag, it's been 4 days since I got back to Dundee. Going to sleep at 4pm yesterday might have played a part. Maybe. -- It wasn't a spontaneous decision that I went home for Chinese New Year. Can't even remember the last time I did, think this was the first since I came to Scotland. I'd thought it's just proper that I

9040: saving lives?

2011-01-08T16:54:00.015Z

It's time to put up some kind of update. I'm blogging less and less these days, yet the thoughts in my mind kept cycling past like slides on a movie reel. How I wish I could go back and capture those deep thinking, those rants at that particular time of my life to put on here. But that's life. Once it has passed, it's gone, nothing but a fading memory. -- Guess a note to my future self of where I

dilemma

2010-12-04T16:26:00.000Z

I'm trying very hard to resist going back to Malaysia for good after I finish my foundation training. But I wonder how long I can stand it here ..

28/10/2010 - the Great Dundee Thundersnowstorm

2010-11-28T14:06:00.002Z

We are all snowed in today.. torrents and torrents of snow kept falling.. Roads closed.. shops closed.. buses stopped.. Fortunately some of us survived.. :P (There was actual thunder and lightning along with the snowstorm this time.. not seen that before)

first, do no evil

2010-09-13T14:21:00.002+01:00

Today, I looked into the eyes of an elderly lady. I want to go home today, she said. Can I go home? she asked tearfully. -- Yes you can, I answered forcing a smile. When did the hospital become a prison? I thought. Is it possible that we care too much sometimes?

8854: a dream

2010-07-06T15:01:00.008+01:00

I turned on the tap at the foot of the bathtub, filling it with water ever so slowly. Looking down at the water pooling around my feet, I waited. Warm, but not hot enough, I thought. This will do. As the water reached the brim and overflowed, I slid myself down and lie in the tub. Without warning, the water coming out of the tap turned colder all of a sudden. I wasn't really bothered. A few

8853: home?

2010-07-05T21:12:00.008+01:00

I'm home, here in our new house, hidden deep among oil palm trees. I've been home for almost a week now, having gone through a family holiday in Paris and Edinburgh, and my big day: graduation. That's it, I'm a working adult now. And so begins the next phase of my life, the longest one: my working life. Still lots of question marks surrounding my own future, biggest of all the where and when. At

8826: i need a new heart

2010-06-07T21:28:00.005+01:00

Of all the time in my life, I should be happy right now. But why am I not? I want to run and run and never look back. Go somewhere far away and be lost. Make myself drunk and escape from my life. .. I think I'm depressed. Update: Somehow, I'm back to my old self the next morning. This recurring slump is worrying me..

8808: 5 years.

2010-05-21T03:04:00.029+01:00

Cliched as it sounds, it surely is a long journey. Had my viva yesterday, a 40-minute Q&A session based on my portfolio. The portfolio that I rushed till literally the very last minute, forgoing sleep for all of 48 hours prior to submission. I was so burdened by the stress, I can't even imagine how I ever survived staying awake all night just typing away on my laptop. Trust me to procrastinate

8791: confession

2010-05-04T06:00:00.013+01:00

Most people don't know this about me, in fact, most people never noticed at all. I guess I'm good at hiding it, I've tried to keep it a secret for as long as I can remember anyway. But I have a confession to make. I'd always thought I was different from others. You know, there's so many things about me that is not 'normal'. This was probably one of the biggest things I noticed about myself. Some

8790: one thing, many things

2010-05-03T01:00:00.022+01:00

If you asked me to name one thing from my childhood which I associate most with being 'home', the above is what it is. These miles and miles of plantation. All of my fondest childhood memories had been among these stumpy, thorny trees. Yes, it's kelapa sawit. I'm a kelapa sawit boy. At least, I was. I want to be a child again, among the kelapa sawit. -- I'm a little more nostalgic these days

8786: the end?

2010-04-29T09:49:00.002+01:00

"Hey today is our last day of medical school .." "Finally." "The mythical last day .." -- It wasn't until they mentioned it that I realised. Is this the end of my life as a medical student? Have we really reach the end? I can't get my head around it. It's been 5 years. That's 20% of my life spent in medical school. I still can't get my head around it. Oh well, first I need to make sure I get out

8781: untitled

2010-04-23T21:50:00.004+01:00

It's spring again. Today I half-spring-cleaned my room. Reorganised my wardrobe. Reunited with a few long-lost pieces of clothes that I haven't seen for a long time. Said goodbye to a few more, as I packed them off to donate away. Surreal, just surreal. I'm moving out in 2, 3 months. Again. It hasn't really gotten to me yet, but I guess I'll feel it more when I clean up my room for the last time

lessons from the Pain Clinic

2010-03-17T09:40:00.001Z

You know what's another awkward moment? When a grown-up man cry in front of you. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Why did the Man cry? He sat there, with his broad shoulders and chiseled jaw. Looking like he could rearrange someone's face with his fist without a moment of hesitation. No doubt bout that, as he used to be a sportsman. One of the 'Heavies', as they call it

The S word - Part I

2010-03-11T10:25:00.028Z

There's always that uneasy feeling among the bystanders when suicide happened. It's a rather awkward, morbid phenomenon to encounter and most people just don't know what to do. All they can think of are questions. Why? Why? Why? During routine anaesthetic work in the theatre, a man was rushed into the A&E downstairs after being found unconscious. Very hypothermic, unresponsive, with empty boxes

the other world

2010-02-28T17:37:00.007Z

Last weekend, I did something I've never done before. Something I guess I'd regret if I hadn't done it. I went to watch a play, all by myself. It was a couple of weeks ago, while I was walking across town to get my badly-needed haircut when I came across this advert poster showing a new play coming to the local repertory theatre. Intrigued, to say the least, and curious I was. 18 months I've been

seriously cereus

2010-01-10T15:35:00.006Z

Oh I finally found the secret to losing weight now.. It's called 'Bacillus cereus'. Just cook your rice and leave it outside in the kitchen for 2 days, then cook it for dinner afterwards. Perfect incubation habitat for multiplying, toxins-releasing bacillus. No need for any laxatives or appetite suppressant pills. Bacillus cereus works wonder for your guts. And appetite. Who says losing weight

2010 - turning point in life?

2010-01-02T05:06:00.001Z

At times, life seems to pass by at a frighteningly fast speed. On our way back from London city to Luton airport by bus now. Within hours, the five of us - ben, Jackie, mus, cheemei, me - will find ourselves shivering together in the cold of Edinburgh again. The past 2 days in London must have been the best time I've had in a very long time, felt like forever. Meeting our 3 friends from different

hm?

2009-12-13T15:26:00.000Z

My Christmas break started yesterday, and since then I've just been bumming at home. Finished up the half-watched 'Saving Private Ryan' on my laptop last night. And while I was in the hospital to hand in some reports earlier, I saw this stash of recruitment booklets on the floor. It's a recruitment for medical officers for Territorial Army. And then I had a sudden unexplained interest to join the