tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-101258492024-10-29T08:57:47.957+00:00programmed to interrogate and poke patients unfortunate enough to be in his range. batteries not included.senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.comBlogger384125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-86297379582374341642024-03-02T23:09:00.003+00:002024-03-03T08:03:18.434+00:00

"I'm going, aren't I?", he asked me with a look of terror on his face. I didn't know what to say. He then screamed and writhed in pain before falling into a stupor again.I hoped the alcohol had dulled his awareness of what's happening, if only just a bit.Yes.. yes you are. And I'm sorry we couldn't save you. We did our best, we really did. I hope you know we tried. But as the ICU sister said,

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-70185758993096125472015-12-01T15:43:00.001+00:002015-12-01T15:45:33.160+00:00

Perhaps I should start writing again. Memories fade, but written words last forever. Many times I tried to light the candle of this little blog of mine, many times the bustle of adult life snuff it out again. 28th May 2014 was the last entry. So much happened since, it's hard to even know where to begin. Love lost and found, life lived and lost. They say writing is therapeutic, so perhaps I

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-17777666973095705352014-05-28T19:30:00.000+01:002014-05-28T19:33:15.354+01:00

"Do you have a minute?" My consultant appeared out of the blue from behind me, pulling my attention away from the computer detailing the patient's vital signs. "Can we go into the office?""Uh, sure, of course." I wasn't exactly sure what he wanted with me. Did I do something wrong? Have I forgotten something important? Maybe he just have another job for me to do on the ward.I sat down on a swivel

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-59850479326264663542013-09-17T16:45:00.001+01:002013-09-17T16:45:18.216+01:00

I guess there's only so much one could do. Not going to be hopeful. Pessimistic? No, I'm just a realist. And life goes on. Que sera sera.

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-86395394811176521732013-04-22T23:07:00.000+01:002013-04-23T01:14:51.988+01:00

She looked at me in the eyes as I introduced myself. She made an attempt to smile, or at least that's what I thought."We'll need to do a blood test today," I mentioned casually, as I have done hundreds of times before."Just a small scratch." She looked away, just as her relatives drop by to visit her in hospital. Great. I never liked being watched inflicting pain.I walked around the bed to her

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-28919172942029225372012-09-08T11:52:00.000+01:002012-09-08T11:54:34.415+01:00

It would have been your 30th birthday earlier this week. Rest in peace.--I had wondered what would I be thinking if that had been me. If I had been struck by a sudden illness and told I only have weeks to live. Contemplating my own mortality, and how we won't be here in this world for ever is pretty morbid for some. For me, it made me look at my life, or what's left of it.26 years of existence,

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-36913003106089131012012-08-22T22:03:00.015+01:002012-08-23T09:14:12.793+01:00

So is this the ending those of you who denied his right wanted?I hope you're happy now.Rest in peace, Tony. Life was not fair to you, but neither were we as fellow human beings. You have been a true fighter and shown great courage when the rest of us would not be able to. Lots of love from a stranger.--I sincerely apologise if anyone is offended but I just have to let it out. Yes, I have very

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-63186549669774914802012-08-15T21:28:00.002+01:002012-08-15T21:48:40.566+01:00

He sits in his bed, sleeping most of the time. Other times when he's awake, he usually just stare blankly at the end of his bed. The numerous lines and tubes connected to his body made any movement cumbersome, or maybe it was the pain that's stopping him. The constant beeping of the monitor next to his bed must have been annoying, though I guess he must be used to it by now.It's been more than a

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-69627521741386428942012-02-17T02:36:00.002+00:002012-08-15T21:49:10.268+01:00

Aaaaand here we go. There's a first step for everything, and realising I am indeed not getting any younger, I decided this is time I overcome my social anxiety and take the initiative. I'll see where I get on from here. Hopefully by this time next year, I'll at least be knee-deep in! And see how many from the list I can cross off. If anyone else's interested, get in touch. To learn/do list:

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-2519599846408541942012-02-04T02:07:00.000+00:002012-02-04T02:25:01.579+00:00

The elderly gentleman glanced at his watch umpteen times while he's in the department."Are you in a rush to get home, sir?" I asked, wondering why he is so anxious."Well, yes, you see if my wife gets home and couldn't find me she'll panic. I need to get home before she does.""Ah. You had a nasty bump on your head though, we'll need to look at that first.""Oh I'll be fine. I don't need anything

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-85874324381813493992012-01-29T19:39:00.000+00:002012-02-04T02:08:29.973+00:00

Note: Old draft. Written sometime during my Orthopaedic post, between May and August 2011. While on the train journey from Glasgow back to Dundee, I was suddenly reminded of this patient I came across. Was half-surprised to see this uncompleted draft sitting among my posts. Might not be what I intended to write at the time, but I guess I'll just finish it and publish anyway.--In medicine, it's

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-80200649431849098342012-01-28T14:20:00.001+00:002012-02-04T02:09:00.853+00:00

"Welcome back." He looked at me with a smile as he hands back my passport. A small gesture, perhaps out of habitual politeness that is so British. Yet it means something to me deep inside, I've just not figured out what. Is it a feeling of being welcomed here? It's 3.5 years now I've been here in Scotland, and at least another 1.5 years to go. It still doesn't feel like home. Maybe it's not

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-77413530183414159832011-10-08T21:17:00.002+01:002012-02-04T02:09:13.265+00:00

I cried today.In my own room, in front of my computer, I cried.It's something I have not felt in a long, long time. Too long.As tears filled my eyes, I wondered how long have I been in denial. I am homesick.--Namewee, I salute you. Just when Malaysia needed someone like you, you appeared and rose up to the occasion. When the media taints your name and society condemned you, you refuse to give up

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-14195102492812738632011-05-16T22:18:00.002+01:002011-05-16T23:00:17.802+01:00

Patient: I've been feeling nauseated and getting this pain down in my tummy. Hungry me: Was there anything else that you experienced? Patient: *thinks hard* Oh, there was this one time, I farted and got more than I bargained for .. Not-so-hungry-anymore me: . . . -- Some patients just don't want to disappoint..

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-90839421214261952752011-03-28T00:44:00.009+01:002011-03-28T00:57:38.654+01:00

Today I realised. Being a medical student and a junior doctor can be worlds apart. I'm not sure if I should be disgusted or bemused that I can stick my finger up any bum without the slightest hint of apprehension anymore. And being able to tell a patient I'm going to do that with a totally straight face, like I stick my finger up bums everyday. Wait, that's not right. -- That said, I should

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-30491722795252624392011-02-24T22:39:00.008+00:002011-02-24T23:08:03.427+00:00

I look down at the piece of paper in my hand. It's a form I needed a patient to fill before she go for a clinic. Glancing through it, I did not even got past the first few lines when something caught my eye. Bra size: ...... Cup size:....... What the ef. Maybe the patient can read the form and fill it up herself, I thought optimistically. -- She squinted at the paper I held up in front of her. No

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-52941242777459793792011-02-14T05:59:00.025+00:002011-02-14T07:19:32.637+00:00

It's six in the morning. I've been awake for hours now. Couldn't have been jetlag, it's been 4 days since I got back to Dundee. Going to sleep at 4pm yesterday might have played a part. Maybe. -- It wasn't a spontaneous decision that I went home for Chinese New Year. Can't even remember the last time I did, think this was the first since I came to Scotland. I'd thought it's just proper that I

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-89442283724014323942011-01-08T16:54:00.015+00:002011-01-08T18:36:34.389+00:00

It's time to put up some kind of update. I'm blogging less and less these days, yet the thoughts in my mind kept cycling past like slides on a movie reel. How I wish I could go back and capture those deep thinking, those rants at that particular time of my life to put on here. But that's life. Once it has passed, it's gone, nothing but a fading memory. -- Guess a note to my future self of where I

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-38132308792420189572010-12-04T16:26:00.000+00:002010-12-05T00:31:21.722+00:00

I'm trying very hard to resist going back to Malaysia for good after I finish my foundation training. But I wonder how long I can stand it here ..

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-75793732238354965472010-11-28T14:06:00.002+00:002010-11-28T22:13:13.221+00:00

We are all snowed in today.. torrents and torrents of snow kept falling.. Roads closed.. shops closed.. buses stopped.. Fortunately some of us survived.. :P (There was actual thunder and lightning along with the snowstorm this time.. not seen that before)

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-76216094774969288502010-09-13T14:21:00.002+01:002010-09-13T21:26:06.396+01:00

Today, I looked into the eyes of an elderly lady. I want to go home today, she said. Can I go home? she asked tearfully. -- Yes you can, I answered forcing a smile. When did the hospital become a prison? I thought. Is it possible that we care too much sometimes?

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-32000325979695413592010-07-06T15:01:00.008+01:002010-07-06T16:00:15.967+01:00

I turned on the tap at the foot of the bathtub, filling it with water ever so slowly. Looking down at the water pooling around my feet, I waited. Warm, but not hot enough, I thought. This will do. As the water reached the brim and overflowed, I slid myself down and lie in the tub. Without warning, the water coming out of the tap turned colder all of a sudden. I wasn't really bothered. A few

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-39812503770752267202010-07-05T21:12:00.008+01:002011-02-14T05:40:33.396+00:00

I'm home, here in our new house, hidden deep among oil palm trees. I've been home for almost a week now, having gone through a family holiday in Paris and Edinburgh, and my big day: graduation. That's it, I'm a working adult now. And so begins the next phase of my life, the longest one: my working life. Still lots of question marks surrounding my own future, biggest of all the where and when. At

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-18984267477690012512010-06-07T21:28:00.005+01:002010-06-08T23:05:33.104+01:00

Of all the time in my life, I should be happy right now. But why am I not? I want to run and run and never look back. Go somewhere far away and be lost. Make myself drunk and escape from my life. .. I think I'm depressed. Update: Somehow, I'm back to my old self the next morning. This recurring slump is worrying me..

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10125849.post-24664141123652432642010-05-21T03:04:00.029+01:002010-05-25T00:18:02.752+01:00

Cliched as it sounds, it surely is a long journey. Had my viva yesterday, a 40-minute Q&A session based on my portfolio. The portfolio that I rushed till literally the very last minute, forgoing sleep for all of 48 hours prior to submission. I was so burdened by the stress, I can't even imagine how I ever survived staying awake all night just typing away on my laptop. Trust me to procrastinate

senaiboyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11967514575377491667noreply@blogger.com2