But the point is, sometimes we get funny politicians, guys who know how to push the right buttons to get their point across, and that’s just what the fine people of Virginia have in Janet Howell.

Virginia’s state senate are discussing putting through a bill that requires women to have mandatory ultrasounds before they can abort, because the situation isn’t already horrible enough, and they’d rather torment women while they are down. Senator Howell felt it was unfair that men don’t have needless medical procedures tacked on to their health checks, so she put in an amendment that sadly was voted down by the bloody close vote of 21 to 19, that would require men to have a rectal exam and cardiac stress test (probably not at the same time) whenever they wanted to get a prescription for dick hardeners like Viagra.

I’m not kidding.

All I can say is hat’s off to Senator Howell. There is no necessity to adding an ultrasound, it is intended as a way to dissuade those who could possibly be dissuaded and to slap the faces of those who could not. It is a bullying law, and it is totally without merit. The opponents of the bill have made their case in this respect, but Howell chose a more interesting and (hopefully) effective approach in terms of opening eyes.

That totally brightened up my day…

Jim

Today’s reading, which is soft on hands while you wash dishes, comes from Luke 14.25-35, Genesis 26 and Psalm 19. Oddly, after the last edition’s Psalm, I’m almost feeling like they may be turning a corner. I know that the 23rd Psalm is around the corner, and I remember liking that as a kid. Then again, I remember liking Jesus and not seeing how big a jerk he was, so maybe that was just brainwashing…

This Luke reading is really disjointed. He starts off insisting that everyone love him more than anything else, like family or friends, and then he starts in about how people would go about building a tower or determining if a war was worthwhile. I didn’t get the similarity he was trying to draw, unless it’s that if people don’t love him best, he can’t count on them to be his disciples. Then he says something about throwing away salt that doesn’t taste like salt anymore. Seriously, I have no clue as to what he was trying to explain.

Isaac is his daddy’s son. In this story, he’s married to Rebekah, and because he’s worried that someone might kill him for her, they tell everyone she’s his sister, just as papa before him did to Sarah. This time, nobody marries her, so God doesn’t have to needlessly threaten everyone involved, but why the hell do they do that? I would say that they should have learned Abraham’s lesson, but Abraham got rich off of whoring out his wife to various kings, so maybe Isaac was looking for a little cash money?

Then Isaac’s son, Esau (the one who Jacob ripped off for his birthright) engages in a plural marriage that brings evil to the family. Meh. I don’t care about plural marriage.

Yeah, David wrote this Psalm too, but it’s just a let-down. Lord you are so bloody neat, we really think you’re nifty, and thanks for all the cool stuff you do, man. Lame.

Jim

Today’s reading, which leaves me feeling so cool, so clean, and so fresh, is from Luke 14.1-24, Genesis 25 and Psalm 18. It’s been quite a few of these devoted to Luke, Genesis, and Psalms, and those books all basically feel the same each time.

First, we re-do the “I’m gonna heal people on the Sabbath” trick along with the lesson of pulling Timmy from the well even on a Sunday. Next, Jesus tells us how to employ mock humility to get our way. This is really a surprisingly manipulative part of the Bible, and I hadn’t really expected it much. Essentially, what he says is that as a guest, don’t sit in the best seat because if someone cooler than you shows up, you look like an ass. Instead, sit in the worst seat, so that the host can go, “OMG U R IN RONG SPOT OSSUM GUY CMERE” and make you look like a champ to everyone assembled.

Then Jesus launches into a weird story about a make-believe banquet where all the good friends of the host chose to not come, so the host throws a tantrum and fills his home with vagrants, the sickly, and everyone else he can find. I think we’re supposed to take this as those who turn their back on God, and how God will punish them and reward the lowliest of the low. It’s a lame story, though, because it doesn’t make any sense. A better story would have been to say that he invited rich and poor alike, and when the rich turned their noses up, he cast them out. In this case, all we see is a God who, not getting the people he wanted around, let other people in to punish that first crowd.

Next we get some more exciting lineage-talk! Lots of people had lots of babies, and each of them was nifty times fifty. Great. It’s only in the last section of the Genesis reading that we get any meat (har har), and it’s the story of Jacob and his elder brother, and how Jacob blackmailed Esau to get his rights as first-born son. What a dick.

And finally, the Psalm. This one’s actually kind of neat. It’s was written by King David after he slaughtered a bunch of people in praise of God helping him slaughter a bunch of people. He says, “You are good to me, LORD, because I do right, and you reward me because I am innocent”. That’s a neat thing to say, but I don’t think that slaughtering people and turning nations of people into slaves is the path to innocence. But that’s just me, and we’ve already established that I don’t have that good old fashioned Biblical morality on my side.

Jim

But that just changed.

I hadn’t heard about this, but it turns out that Susan G. Komen for the Cure has pulled its support for Planned Parenthood. Now, you might be thinking that this is a good thing, because the cure has nothing to do with abortions, and that’s all that Planned Parenthood does is hide in the corners waiting for pregnant women they can forcibly abort. But you would be wrong. One of the many services Planned Parenthood provides (and the one that this support funds) is performing breast exams and other related cancer services for free. Here in Canada, I don’t believe the Canadian Federation for Sexual Health provides this function because of our free access to health care, though I could be entirely wrong. But in the US, a lot of poor people have used this service as the only way they can afford to find out if they have breast cancer. That’s kind of a big deal, if’n you ask me.

Now, I don’t have the real details on what went on here, I’m relying on various blog posts like this one, but from what I can gather, it appears that this is the work of religious pressure groups on the right who have been trying hard to destroy Planned Parenthood. Because the organization gives abortions, obviously everything they do is intended to murder innocent babies, and they’ve gone after them (and have, for years and years) in every way they can.

Now, Komen has the right to fund whomever she pleases, and if her personal religious leanings don’t support abortions (I don’t know a thing about her leanings) or her non-profit is being pressured to not support abortions, she has every right to make that choice. Where my disgust comes from is that her money to Planned Parenthood isn’t supporting abortions. It’s supporting a much needed service for the poor which can save lives threatened directly by the cancer that her agency claims to be trying to cure.

Me, I’m a layperson on the whole thing. What I do know is that it looks to me like another religious zealot claiming to be about helping the world, but using their power and authority to undermine women’s health and reproductive rights, and I just can’t get behind that.

So I plan to sink the pink. I will still give the same amount of money as I always have to cancer-related charities, but they won’t be hers. I won’t sponsor people if they want to Race For The Cure, I won’t wear a stitch of pink, and I plan on spreading this to everyone I can. There are other groups who will help us fight cancer, and they won’t throw poor women under the bus for their own religious delusions.

It should be noted, however, that in Canada, Susan G. Komen doesn’t appear to really operate. They do work with the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation, and have for a couple of years agreed to partner on some programs, but I am in no way saying that we should sink the CBCF.

Jim

This all started with Marc (Boy Infidel, sometimes called Skinnyhead) and me (Big Ugly Jim) sitting over pints talking about our skepticism, our frustrations with the acceptance of religion, alternative medicine, and claims of the supernatural. It was Marc who suggested we start a blog, and the ball was in motion.

Thank you to all of our readers, whether you were here on day 1 or are freshly discovering us. With 966 posts to date, there’s lots to read here, and hopefully we’ve punched some holes in the sacred firmaments of blind faith and unscientific thinking that can prove to be interesting or helpful. Here’s to another 1001 days!

Jim

Today’s reading, which can get the job (but can it do the job, Harry?) comes from Luke 13.18-35, Genesis 24 and Psalm 17. Bring on the bad parables, bad behavior, and bad praise words.

Jesus, ever the yarn-spinner, comes up with not one but two ways to describe the kingdom of God. The first is as a tree that grows out of a mustard seed. This is supposed to imply that it starts small and insignificant, but grows in strength. I’m wondering just how anything about Heaven started small. I mean, God has to fit in it, and he’s pretty freaking big. In the Bible, God creates the heavens and the earth, and you get the impression that the heavens were awful large. So what brings the confusion?

Well, two things. First off, this is just a story. Second, it’s a crap story that doesn’t really relate. Heaven isn’t growing. God hates growth. God only likes the stagnant.

The other story compares the Kingdom of Heaven to yeasty bread. So Heaven rises. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. Why would heaven need to rise? Does it also smell nice? Is it warm? Jesus, help me, I don’t understand!

Next, Jesus tells a weird tale about how a lot of people are just not going to be welcome in heaven. Sure, he’s also said all you have to do is keep the commandments, but the commandments aren’t that bloody easy to keep. Also, if you’re important on earth (like most of the Christian Right), you’re pretty much screwed for a seat in heaven, and you’ll have to just sit there watching Jesus and Abe and Isaac and a whole bunch of other guys having dinner, because God is a dick who didn’t get a big enough apartment in the divorce.

Next, Abe decides to send a servant to buy a family member to be his son’s wife. They just couldn’t get enough inbreeding, could they? Answers a few questions, really… And the servant creates a bloody simple test to find the right woman, who interestingly enough just happened to be the NEXT WOMAN ALONG. He says he’s going to ask for a drink and when someone gives him one and then offers water to his camels, that’s how he’ll know. Really? Beside a water source and all? Using common courtesy? It’s just a freaking miracle!

God damn, Abe. Do we really need to repeat the entire story in the middle of it? I know it’s boring reading, but somehow I manage to absorb what you say without your needing to re-say it, you putz.

Other than that, this section of Genesis is just the story of how Isaac came to be married to Rebekah. There’s nothing particularly interesting to me here. She is given by her parents into an incestuous union with her cousin, traded for some clothing and precious metals, and away they go. It’s ugly to me to imagine that this is how marriage used to work, but that’s probably cultural bias more than anything.

Wow, another boring and unsettling Psalm in the form of a plea for God to smite someone’s enemies. I’ve commented on this so many times in the past, and it always comes down to the same thing: God is my big brother who will beat up bullies for me. Yawn.

Jim

The Christian Marriage designation will be automatically given to anyone presently married who claims to be a Christian, and to all Christians wishing to marry in the future. The Christian Marriage differs from Heathen Marriages because it will follow the teachings of the Holy Bible. This means a few subtle but important changes to their existing relationships:

1. No plural marriages. Sure, the Bible is chock full of marriages that do not conform this rule, such as Abraham’s relationships with Sarah and Hagar, but a modern Christian Marriage is between one man and one woman and that’s final. Mormons wishing to have a disgusting marriage featuring multiple wives may apply for a Heathen Marriage if they so desire.

2. All Christian Marriages will begin with a proper betrothal, wherein the husband-to-be purchases his wife from her father. In the event where a father is unavailable, dowry may be made payable to a suitable male relative or, barring that, to a church official.

3. The woman will, from the point of Christian Marriage onwards, be the chattel of the husband, with all the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of chattel. Her responsibilities will be limited (for her sake) to domestic duties. The man is responsible for providing for his wife.

4. No more divorces. When you were married, you were bound together by God. What God has joined together, let no one separate, and so any current divorces applied to Christians are null and void, and any subsequent marriages are immediately invalidated. Continuing relations with second-or-later spouses for Christian men and women is an abomination that will result in hellfire, as well as legal action in defence of the sanctity of marriage. As well, the previously-divorced couple will now be required to resume their Christian Marriage.

Next, we’ll pass a few more laws. Christian Adultery springs readily to mind, ensuring that any self-professed Christian who has sexual relations (even so much as looking) outside of Christian Marriage shall be punished accordingly. Remember, folks, there’s a great deal of love and wisdom to be found in the Holy Bible, and all we are asking is that Christians, who seem to be quick to hold up their ideal as the definition of marriage, should be allowed to enjoy all that their book commands of them in this and other areas.

For those of us who want a valid marriage that does not involve the domination of the male over the female, permits divorce, and accepts marriages that don’t fit traditional norms, we’ll just have to enjoy our Heathen Marriages.

Jim

Today’s reading, which smells strangely (but not unpleasantly) of rain washing down on a man working in the fields on a hot summer day, comes from Luke 13.1-17, Genesis 23 and Psalm 16. Same chapters, no doubt we’re between the same rocks and hard places, getting annoyed by Christ, getting disgusted by Abraham, and getting bored by some Psalm-writing weenie.

Today we’re starting off with a story about a fig tree. Great story, too. The fig tree won’t make figs, and the guy who owns it says to his gardener, “Cut this piece of crap fig tree down,” but the gardener was all “Let’s wait a year and put poop on it to see if that helps”. See? Great story. I especially like the part where NOTHING IS RESOLVED. Jesus must have been experimenting with cliffhangers. I can just imagine him telling that story, saying “dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNN”, smiling, and walking away.

Then Jesus cured a woman of the demon named Kyphosis. One word from him and all of her vertebrae immediately went from triangles to rectangles! Isn’t that totally believable? I KNOW, RIGHT? Jesus then gets scolded for healing the chick (it was the Sabbath), so he once again lashes out at his accusers and insults them publicly. Don’t get me wrong, here, I know that he’s right (if this actually happened) and that they are choosing a dogmatic acceptance of law rather than helping someone who needs it, but his reactions to these things are just laughable. I don’t know if he was being smug or snarky, but the end result is the same: people were shamed. And shamed people tend to sulk away and wait to get their revenge.

Wow, there’s just NOTHING interesting in our Abraham-tale today. Sarah dies, so Abe arranges to buy a place to bury her. Yowza.

Y’know, I don’t know enough of the theology to know who wrote this Psalm, but it’s just so funny to me to read someone praising God for his grace and many blessings, and it probably be the same guy who just wrote about how God ignores him and won’t protect him from his enemies. How very bipolar.

Jim

Today’s reading, which is my cherry pie and puts a smile on my face ten miles wide, comes from Luke 12.32-59, Genesis 22 and Psalm 15. Still in the same books, still counting on Jesus to be a dick, Abraham to be a sleaze, and some unknown Psalmist to talk about how right God is when he rains down hellfire on bad people.

One thing I will give Jesus, this whole “Sell everything and give it to the poor” thing is cool. Most leaders of religious orders want you to sell everything and give it to them. If this is true, and Jesus really did instruct his people to use what they had to help others, then that would be pretty big of him. Somehow, I doubt it.

I love how Jesus feels a good analogy for God’s undying love is the savage beating of slaves. Again with that kind, loving father. And then he’s right into the “I came to burn this fucking world down, not bring peace!” talk. Someone needs some chamomile and a hot bath methinks.

And speaking of the loving father, Abraham is now being told by his loving God to murder his son. If you’ve never watched it, I highly recommend That Mitchell And Webb Look’s take on it. All I can say is poor Isaac. Imagine having your father turn on you like that, about to murder you for his fanatical beliefs… It would have been terrifying. And what does Abraham get out of it? The same promise God has made him like a hundred times. What a horrible bunch of people.

This Psalm has a pretty fantastic statement in it. God wants you to hate “worthless people”. You know, the worthless ones who don’t like God very much. Another fine example of God wanting his people to be judgemental, hateful pricks. Oh, I know. It’s just a Psalm. Someone wrote it, it wasn’t like it was the word of God or anything. So why is it in the Bible then?

Jim

Today’s reading, which has what I need but says he’s just a friend, comes from Luke 12.1-31, Genesis 21 and Psalm 14. We’re still slugging through the same three books, and I imagine it’ll be more of the same garbage with Jesus doing his “amazing” teaching, Abraham cuckolding his wife, and some anonymous Psalmist begging God to ruin other people’s lives. Hoo-ray.

For all the talk of a kinder, gentler, loving creator who sent his son Jesus to passively show us the way to the beautiful kingdom of heaven, Jesus really is starting to come off like a prick. We start things out with him yelling at his disciples to be fearful of God, because people may be able to kill you, but God can kill you and throw you into Hell. Yeah, kinder and gentler my ass.

And then I get to giggle. Jesus is allowed to heal the sick, to forgive sins, and to teach right from wrong, but he doesn’t get involved when a guy wants his brother to give him what he is owed. I guess this goes into that commandment about picking your battles and knowing when you should change the subject. He does so with a story about a guy who has a good harvest, and so he builds up a means to store the harvest so that he could prudently enjoy his newfound wealth, but God killed him instead. That just seems stupid to me.

Jesus’s next brilliant comparison says that you will never go hungry because crows, who don’t even till the earth or raise cattle, are able to eat. Well, Jesus, how do they eat? By stealing from farmers. That isn’t God providing, that’s scavengers scavenging, something crows are extremely good at because they are hard-wired to live that way. Is your argument that faith means you will never go hungry? because lots of religious people the world over starve to death every year. Or are you just not supposed to worry while you starve to death? Well, who would? I mean, you’re starving and dying, why worry about it? God feeds crows, so obviously something will come up. Right?

On to the story of how Abraham, to assuage Sarah’s jealousy, kicked the mother of his firstborn son Ishmael out into the desert with a waterskin and some bread. But don’t worry, it isn’t as dire as all that. As Hagar sat weeping alone because she could not handle the idea of watching her son die, God told her not to worry, and gave her some more water. What a loving God! I mean, he couldn’t have given her some food or a camel or anything… I know I’m splitting hairs, but this is the God you want to believe in? A God who tells his follower to abandon wife and child?

And on to a Psalm, which explicitly calls me out. The first verse of the Psalm says, “Only a fool would say, ‘There is no God!’ People like that are worthless; they are heartless and cruel and never do right.” Well, thanks David (it said that this was a Psalm by David for the music leader, whatever that means). I guess I’m a worthless, cruel, heartless, wrong-doing fool, because I’m happy to tell you that there is no God. The rest of the Psalm is just another “OMG LORD Y U R NOT SAFE US FROM ENEMEEZ” babble with nothing really spectacular to comment on.

So there you have it. I’m going to do another reading today as I’m still heavily behind on the “daily” part of this, but soon enough I’ll be caught up.

Jim