Raise your hand if you have at least three windows open other than this blog, or other than this blog post in your google reader.

Raise your hand if you are currently a) listening to music, b) watching TV, c) eating or d) haphazardly doing some other activity.

At this moment (while simultaneously writing this post) I am also “watching” the Vampire Diaries, drinking seltzer, and have four tabs open on my computer – inbox, twitter, Facebook, Medicinal Marzipan stats.

Hello my name is Mara, and I have a problem with filling up every single second of possible silence.

When I am in class: I am making to-do lists, consulting my calendar, creating business plans.

When I am falling asleep: I am thinking about what I should do tomorrow, planning my breakfast, worrying about my wedding.

When I am hanging out with my friends: I am checking my phone on my way to the bathroom, worrying about whether or not my last post was well received.

I have the terrible habit of chronic multi-tasking.

When I was in college, I had friends who loved to “hang out and study.” They just lovedto meet up at the library with their coffee, and intermittently talk and then study and then giggle and you get the idea.  I have always hated the idea of “hanging out” while doing work – much preferring to get shit done and then relax completely.

And then I created a blog – a little world that never sleeps, and where there is always more to be done.

The reality is this: you can only do one thing WELL at a time.

I am going to repeat that, because it is extremely important:

You can only do one thing, and do that one thing well, at a time.

It is one thing to give yourself time and space in silence in order to process your emotions, to meditate and create room for yourself. That will make you feel better.

But? We all have to start somewhere, so perhaps, just for today, we’ll start by not spending every second of the day multi-tasking. Perhaps, today, we can begin to carve out some space for ourselves by closing all of the additional windows when we are writing online or taking a break from our smartphones when we are lucky to be in the company of someone else.

Today, I am going to make an extra effort to remain present – with my loved ones, with myself, with all of you, with my clients, and in my classes.

{Source: thiswaytojoy.blogspot.com via marzipan on Pinterest}

You know all of those things that you’ve been holding onto for as long as you can remember, because you kind of sort of think maybe you were to blame for them or they reaffirmed what you’ve always suspected has been true about you or you just can’t really seem to let them go? Today we are going to talk about those memories, and the shame is tied up with them.

The memories that are dragging you down.

The memories that keep you chained up in a life that you don’t love.

The memories that make you think you love someone who is mean to you.

The memories that the darkest part of your brain plays on repeat during late at night, when everyone else is sleeping.

I’m going to ask you to shine a light deep into your subconscious and check out what is lurking deep in your body – the skeletons in your closet, the spiders in your brain, the sludge around your heart. And, ultimately, I’m going to ask you what it would be like to let a little of that go.

I’m going to ask you what purpose your shame serves in your life. How does it protect you? Why is it that you’ve carried it around with you for so long?

Today we’re going there – but I promise you are going to be OK. We’re going to do it together, because this is one that applies to all of us.

I am also going to ask you to suspend your disbelief for a moment and take this in:

You are worth so much more than you are giving yourself credit for.

We cannot change the things that have happened to us. We cannot change the events that we’ve been responsible for, either truthfully responsible or simply present. We cannot change the things that we regret.

The fact of the matter is: no amount of repenting or pretending or making-up-for is going to change those things we’d rather forget. They are ours for life, but that does not mean that they have to control us. It does not mean that we are not worth dreaming up some more ideal circumstances, just because we have some things in our personal histories that we aren’t proud of.

You can choose, today if you’re ready, to expend your energy in ways that make you feel good.

You can decide that you’re going to excavate some of the shame from your body by forgiving yourself for your past. You can decide to believe, like in your gut believe, that as a product of your lived experiences, each and every one of those experiences has served a purpose.

Now, I know that can be a tough pill to swallow. What about the time that I was sexually-assaulted? Yes, that time too. What about the time I was chased out of the fraternity by four boys screaming about what a fat whale I was? Yes, especially that time. What about every single moment that I was made to believe that I was _____ by the people who were the closest to me, when I was so young and vulnerable? That bit is crucial.

All of those horrendous moments – are fair game for examination and letting go.

If you are the sum of all of your parts, it would stand to reason that in the journey of learning to love yourself, learning to love the parts of yourself you would never tell a single other person if you could help it – is crucial.

Forgiving yourself for those things that are in the past, is crucial.

I know it’s ugly. I know it’s scary. I know that we keep those moments tucked away for a good reason.  I know why you might rather tell me to fuck off and stop prying. I am filled with nothing but limitless compassion for your profanity, because believe me examining those aspects of my life makes me really fucking mad and more than a little crazy too.

If it didn’t feel so fucking good to let go – I wouldn’t ask it of you.

And it does. Trust me.

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Required reading: Writing is a Salve, by Margarita Tartakovsky.

Simply loving Karen’s Woo-Woo-Head-Heart recap from her stay at Green Mountain at Fox Run this week. Want to go back so badly.

On the need for validation, and other very pressing concerns related to loving yourself.

Fantastic post this week on Roots of She about authentic living and creating a life that works, for YOU.

Do you believe in luck? Or do you believe that things happen because you make them happen?

This post is amazing – and pretty much details my deepest wedding fears. AND it has a happy ending, for which I am eternally grateful.

Increasing your worth begins with what happens inside of you – a phenomenally inspiring business + self-esteem post by Nona Jordan.

What are you TRULY hungry for? Hint: it’s probably not what you think.

What is the post that YOU are the most proud of this week? We really want to read it, and bragging is good for you.

I remember the day that I was told, calmly and self-assuredly by a friend that I had made plans with that she was going to have to break her plans, because she had over-extended herself and had changed her mind about wanting to go out.

At first, I was angry. I was all – are you SERIOUS? we had PLANS! I wrote it in my PLANNER. But after reflecting on it for a couple of minutes I realized that yes, I was angry – but I was angry at myself.

At that time in my life, I absolutely did not know how to put myself first. I was full to the brim of shoulds. As in, I should go out even though I am exhausted because I promised that I would. Or I should get up early and exercise, because that’s what all the good people are doing. Or I should blog three times a week and have my copy edited and ready to go for a 7am launch.

Recently, a professor of mine told me that he often tells his clients point blank to stop shoulding all over themselves, and I as I sat back in my chair I had a good hard look at the decisions that I had made in my life.

I’ll give you the abbreviated version: I’ve been doing exactly what I “should” do or what I’ve been told for as long as I remember.

I have never, not one time, stepped back and thought to my self what would I like to do today.

Or, how do I want to live my life?

Or, if I only had one year left to live how might I spend it? What is most important to me?

I probably wouldn’t spend the precious and fantastic moments of my life doing things that didn’t make me feel happy and fulfilled.

I might not eat something that I was supposed to eat, in favor of what I wanted to eat.

I definitely wouldn’t lock myself into a job that permitted me very little movement or creativity, and forgo the financial freedom and business of my OWN that I had been secretly dreaming about since I learned how to dream.

If I only had this one moment, and I might summon up all of my power and tell you that I’ve changed my mind about doing __________, especially if it wasn’t a good fit.

By good fit I mean: things that make you feel gorgeous, lit up, excited, fun, happy, creative, inspired, ecstatic, wild, affluent, fancy or charged with energy.

Suspend your disbelief for just a moment, and consider: if YOU were able to create the life of your dreams – and I’m begging you to THINK BIG, what would that life look like?

This post has been whipped up by the fantastic Sarah Von Bargen, over at Yes and Yes, which is just one of my all-time faves. Run, don’t walk. Enjoy!

Is it weird if I tell you that I have some very, very attractive lady friends?

Well, I do. They’re my friends because they’re smart, funny, kind and equally obsessed with anthropomorphism. But many of them also happen to be double-take hot.  Now, I am not someone who is particularly plagued with self-doubt, but I can also acknowledge (usually without malice. usually.) when another woman is prettier than I am.

I have one such friend who probably ranks somewhere in the range of 11 on the 1 – 10 attractiveness scale.  She models, men fall at her feet, birds and mice sing while sewing her dresses. Despite this, girlfriend is frequently convinced that people don’t like her, that her poreless skin is sagging, that she’s somehow not good enough.  If I looked like her, I’d spend my days naked and accepting marriage proposals. How could she ever doubt herself?  Everywhere she goes, people praise her.  Everywhere she looks, the media tells her that she looks the ‘right way.’  I wanted to know, so I asked.

Her response?  “How would you feel if the only thing people ever praised you for was something you had no control over?  And how would you feel if every day, you were slowly loosing the one thing people complimented you on?”

Wow.

This friend is bright, hilarious and golden-hearted.  She’ll remember your birthday and if something bad happens to you, she’ll probably be more upset about it than you are.  But not many people notice or comment on the above qualities. Other crazy hot, traditionally attractive friends of mine have regaled me with tales of the never-ending stream of men who hit on them and harass them, the other girls who refuse to befriend or trust them, the co-workers who are convinced pretty girls are incompetent.

Now, I’m sure it’s possible to read this post and get a headache from eye rolling.  Oh, the trials and travesties visited upon beautiful women!  I’m taking out my tiny violin and what not.  Obviously, there are harder fates in the world than those that await traditionally attractive women.  But as these friends point out, being beautiful hasn’t necessarily made their lives easier or spared them heartache.  They, too, have failed classes, chosen questionable boyfriends, been laid off or gotten zits on photo day.

So next time you see that incredibly hot girl at the coffee shop, say hello!  She’s probably fraught with the same anxieties and neuroses as you are.  She probably wants to talk about Pride and Prejudice and cat videos with you. She might just be aching to be friends with you.

How do you feel about your looks?  Do you think you’re pretty?  How much does your appearance affect the way people interact with you?  I’m (generally) pretty confident and (usually) think I’m quite cute.  I think because of my button nose and blonde hair, I look quite friendly and approachable, but because I’ve spent so much time traveling on my own, I’m actually a bit stand-offish in public.  My ambient facial expression has been described as ‘sulky Russian’!

EEEEP! Remember when my mama was up this week chatting with you guys about her kickstarter campaign to finish her memoir? Well there are less than 24 hours left, so I just wanted to pass the link on to you again in case you missed it. Check out her blog post here or skip straight to the kickstarter page [and video!] here. Thanks!

Some gorgeous, sparkly + tough love business advice from Julie Parker.

I am just head over heels for pretty much anything that Anna Guest-Jelley does over at Curvy Yoga, but this post? This post is unbelievable:

So when the opportunity presented itself to distract myself by dieting, yeah; I took it. I knew in my gut that it wasn’t right for me, but my mind wasn’t havin’ it. I was so eager to escape being present in my body that I was grateful for the chance to obsess about my body. This is totally not a new pattern for me, so I can’t say I find it too surprising – or even really that disappointing – that I leaned on it again. It’s kinda been my go-to for, oh, the past 25 years.

10 Killer Ways You Can Help Your Business Right Now.

Have you always wanted to become a yoga instructor? Amber walks you through the pros and cons of going for your 200 hour. certification.

Shame, anxiety, and disordered eating – a beautifully thoughtful piece by Jenn Gibson on Roots of She.

In 2012, what are you saying YES to?

The Beatings Must Stop is required reading this week, written by the lovely Christie Inge. Here’s a taste:

But what I want you to know is that accepting yourself first does not mean giving up on yourself.

Recently, Christie introduced me to Nona Jordan, who is pretty much amazing. I’m happy to introduce her to all of you with this stunner of a piece: Go There.

Shit Freaky Fitness People Say – I am dyyyyyyying of laughter right now.

If you’re into some swearing and fist shaking (yes please!) run on over to Ellie Di’s post about censorship, SOPA, and PIPA.

Homeless to 6 Figures in 365 Days – brilliant.

And while we’re talking money matters – Money AMPLIFIES Your Art and other bits of genius by Alex Franzen.

Tools for Organizational Addicts and Unapologetic Dreamers.

A message that I needed this week, when it’s been so cold that the idea of doing anything makes me want to curl up in bed – I am a firm believer in the fact that regular exercise makes me a better person.

Have you ever felt like a failure? Like all of your products are freaking awful or every single one of your potential clients hates you? Read this post.

I just love this post. It appeals to both of my I’ve got to be fiscally responsible AND I want to buy all the things sides – How to Splurge, Responsibly.

Also, I’m going to be chatting you guys up about this on Facebook a little bit later in the week, but I just have to ask (mostly because I am curious + also because I want to give YOU what YOU want) – what sorts of products or services does your little heart desire to see featured on Medicinal Marzipan in the future? Coaching? Ebooks? Groups? Top secret missives? Skype dates?

I would simply love to know. xo

Christie Inge, HHC:  Intuitive Eating Coach

Christie Inge is an intuitive eating and body image coach. She has taken what she learned in the school of hard knocks and coupled that with what she has learned in her professional trainings to create a system that has helped thousands of women make peace with food and stop hating their bodies. She offers support, insight, and real world tools for creating a body and life you love. You can stay in touch with her by subscribing to her inspirational weekly eLetter or join the conversation on facebook and twitter.

Hannah, blogger at Musings

Hey! I’m Hannah, a psychology major in college, trying to make sense of life. I’ve been in recovery from depression and anorexia for five years. My blog, Musings (previously titled “Vivacious Health and Wellness”), is my outlet for these issues, as well as a place to explore how to find a healthier body image and a stronger sense of self. I hope that by sharing my experiences, people can understand that they should not be ashamed of their personal struggles. I write about anything and everything, from mindfulness to my adoration for Blink-182. You can connect with me on Musings and on Twitter! Hope to talk to you soon!

Note from Marzipan: I still have a couple of spots left for February – check out the details here or email me. xox

Now I know that I have just twisted everyone’s arm and made them watch this clip a million times, but today it was exaaaactly what I needed. Also! Because I’ve got ad spots for February, and this is how I want to make you (potential advertisers) feel. That little girl? Yep, that would be you in this scenario.

Let’s spend the this month of loooove together.

Rates and stats can be found here. Feel like hanging out? Tomorrow I’m going to be all over twitter and facebook – I’d love to see you there.

When you are caught up in diet-mentality, you learn quick that you do not deserve to eat the food that you truly want to consume. You stifle your cravings with a firm word and a stinging insult. You effectively (and efficiently) gain the ability to punish your sweet, tender wild child inside with the imposition of strict rules and regimes.

I want, but I do not deserve.

I long for _________, but that’s reserved for people who are ________ than me.

When you approach your diet from a perspective of restriction and resentment, it is quite likely that you are approaching other aspects of your life with the same militancy. As the ever wise Geneen Roth states:

Everything we believe about love, fear, transformation and God is revealed in how, when and what we eat.

So, as many of you know, I’m getting married in a few short months to my sweetheart, and I have to tell you, I’ve been having a hell of a time trying to plan the wedding. I’ve been procrastinating. I’ve been hysterical. I’ve been fearful. I’ve been militant. I’ve found myself dragged into an emotional tornado.

What if my entire life I have eaten compulsively, because I did not believe that I deserved joy.

Well, then, it might stand to reason that I am having a hard time planning my wedding, because somewhere, deep in my consciousness, I don’t believe that I deserve to be celebrated.

Or, possibly worse, that anyone would actually go through with marrying me.

Wow.

Now, the thing with these types of unconscious beliefs are that they have us in their grips and are moving us around like pawns on a in a game of chess, and here we are, wandering around the board, wondering how the heck we got there. It is very difficult to know how to soothe yourself or get yourself out of a pattern that is pulling you down or killing your spirit – when you’re scared to even consider why you’re doing it.

Just for today, I want to encourage you to phone a friend, curl up with your favorite movie/CD/blanket, pull some essentials out of your emotional safety kit, and dig in.

I know that you want to know how to fix it all up immediately and move on the next task, because, let’s admit it, that’s how we do things in this society.

But, just for today, sit with that feeling, send all of your love + compassion + tenderness to that part of your spirit that needs to be forgiven + loved unconditionally.

Believe me when I tell you – YOU are worth celebrating. You are the best that there is. Everyone in your life is seriously lucky to have you around.

Don’t forget that.

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