Meghan Shultz

Finding Joy

2010-01-21T13:10:00.000-06:00

How many of us can honestly say we find joy in our life every day? The sheer fact is that, if we actively look for it, it is there. Whether it is found in the shining sun, the smiling face of a loved one, or even the things we take for granted such as our homes, it is present. Negativity surrounds us. All we need to do is turn on the television and we are bombarded with tragedies from around the world. Even on a local scale, one rarely hears good news. Instead, the media seemingly try to prey upon our fears under the pretense of keeping us “safe”. While I do not believe we should turn into ostriches and bury our heads to the reality of the world in which we live, I do believe it is important to not focus solely on the tragedies, but on the positive and uplifting stories as well. Some might argue that there are no such stories, but I disagree! While there will always be hard times for some (or all) of us, how enjoyable would life be if that was our focus day in and day out? As I stated before, joy is around us - we just need to look a bit harder at times. It is as one of my favorite quotes (by an author unknown to me) states: “God blesses us every day; it’s up to us to notice.” When is the last time you noticed? I recently had a conversation with my parents regarding this subject. I have found that lately it really doesn’t take much for me to get excited about something and feel true joy. It was my birthday last week, and although I didn’t relish the idea of turning another year older, I started thinking about what that number meant to me. If I hadn’t lived for this long, I wouldn’t have my wonderful husband or my two amazing children. I wouldn’t have a house that I love, or a peace of mind that comes (I believe) with age. While in my head I will be forever 24, I am happy that I have a few more years than that under my belt. Instead of getting depressed and mourning the passage of another year, I was joyful because I was blessed to live another year. I realize to some this may seem a simplistic approach, but why make it difficult? Why allow ourselves to be unhappy when there is a simple solution within each of us? Today I attended a tea party on the floor of my daughter’s room. She “served” chocolate tea with raisinberry cookies. It was a most delightful time! Although I did not get accomplished some of the things I had on my list, I had a wonderful time with my daughter. I know I will find the time here and there to catch up on my tasks, so I chose to spend that time with her and help both of us find some joy today. Now go find yours!

Mother's Ear

2009-10-27T09:52:00.001-05:00

Sleep, the glorious oblivion where rational thoughts and irrational fears fade. For over a week now, sleep has evaded me. I now have a “Mother’s Ear”. With two sick children - first one, then the other - I have been on constant alert. Listening for the cough or whimper that is my cue. Even as the sickness has now claimed me, I sit awake, unable to sleep to heal my body, praying for health to come to our family.

Even before any illness, I believe a Mother receives her listening ears. Though not signaled by the tinkling of a bell when an angel gets her wings; ours are bestowed upon us when we hear the first cries of our firstborn. I remember lying in the hospital bed after the nurses had taken our son to the nursery to “give me some rest” in between feedings. I strained to hear his cry. To pick his out of the myriad of babies’ voices down the hall. And so it began. Isn’t it amazing, after almost six years of his and four years of hers, my ears can detect the smallest of sighs or cries of discomfort across the house?

Even as I sit in the early morning hours, deprived of sleep and nursing my own fever, I am so thankful for my “gift”. I pray that I will be forever vigilant and able to provide care and comfort to my children whatever may come. And now, I must return to my bed to snuggle with my daughter. Although my ears are ready, I think I’ll give them a bit of a rest and keep her close tonight.

Special Days

2009-10-21T09:12:00.001-05:00

The sickness descended upon the boy Sunday evening. How hard it was to sit by, watch his fever climb, and see the boy, who is usually so full of energy, be so lethargic. One doesn’t fully appreciate how difficult it can be to be so helpless until a child is ill. After a call to the doctor, and his diagnosis over the phone, I did have a bit of peace. Our doctor is so soothing, and very much a non-alarmist, so I have always appreciated his consults. After a full day of high fever and much rest, our son had some spurts of energy, which I took to be a great sign. Although his temperature was back to normal during the day, it has found him every night, so again he is home. As much as I would rather have him perfectly healthy, I can’t deny that both his sister and I have enjoyed having him home. Yesterday at nap time, she sat in her bed and cried, “I want my brudder!” After convincing her that she would be able to see him after she woke, she settled in and both proceeded to take almost a 4 hour nap.

Today is our daughter’s 4th birthday. As our son slept on the couch last night to help alleviate his cough, I had the distinct privilege of sleeping with a squirmy, jumpy little girl. I awoke this morning to her singing which was so much nicer than the incessant beeping of an alarm clock. After being serenaded, I was bombarded with her excitement! She went on for 10 minutes about her birthday, and party, and how she was now 4 years old. Even remembering brings a smile to my face. As our son is not quite 100%, we have opted to move the extended family birthday party to next week. She was quite disappointed at first, until we explained that she would actually end up having three parties. One celebration was held last weekend, we would have one tonight with the four of us, and another one next week with more family. After hearing this, our son immediately pointed out that she wouldn’t be 6 even though she was having three parties. She would still only be 4. As he will be 6 next month, I could see the wheels turning, and he wanted to clarify that he would always be the older brother. What kids we have!

We are all looking forward to our family party tonight. The menu will remain the same as our daughter had picked out her favorite food - “panacakes”. She has been looking forward to wearing her crown and her Strawberry Shortcake hats, and can’t wait to put up the decorations. I’m reveling in having both my children home with me, the sickness behind us, and excitement in the air. It’s going to be a great party!

A Grape Jam Day

2009-10-02T23:48:00.001-05:00

Today I made grape jam - a lot of grape jam. I reveled in the time spent with my daughter at our kitchen table. Me plucking grapes from the stems, and my daughter, sitting across from me, learning letters in her workbook. It reminded me of when I was a child, spending Saturday mornings with my mother in the kitchen making bread for the week. I can still be there. Standing, waiting for my cue to add more flour, marveling at the yeast, and watching my mother’s very capable hands as she kneaded the dough - for what seemed like hours - until it was perfect. Saturday night couldn’t come quickly enough. I knew I would be able to sample one of the buns - fresh from the oven - BEFORE dinner. There is nothing like piping hot homemade bread slathered in butter and honey. I truly believe that my mother would have considered that a balanced meal (much like chocolate cake), but there would also be something just as wonderful waiting for us to have for dinner. That is my mother - that’s just what she does.

Lately I have been struggling with my changing role. After stepping down from Directorship in my company, I have found myself feeling ‘less than’. I know I am a good wife and mother, but why is it that so often we are defined as what our job title is? I suppose I could tell everyone that I am a wife, mother, laundress, cook, kisser of boo-boos, teacher, housekeeper, and chauffeur, but I can imagine their eyes glazing over and mouths hanging open. Besides, who am I to toot my own horn? I am a mom who has the privilege of being home with my children. But am I doing a good enough job? I do realize that my mother is probably not perfect, and there could be some things about my childhood that don’t stand out in my memory as clearly as her homemade bread, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder what my children will recall when they are grown.

A couple of days ago I had the opportunity to spend the day with my mother - something that does not happen very often. We had a great day. Just having uninterrupted time in the car to talk might not seem all that novel, but when you consider that most times we are together there are at least 2 children (and most of the time 4) running around, it truly was wonderful. We actually had the opportunity to talk without interruption. We talked about kids and life and anything and everything. We spent time with my grandparents and aunt as my grandmother was the featured speaker (and author) at a quilt show (but that’s a topic for another day). It was a perfect day. Why? Nothing particularly amazing happened (besides my grandmother’s speech); I think I just needed some time alone with my mother. Is that enough? Really, is that all we need - time with each other?

When my husband got home from work today, he asked our daughter if she had a good day. Her response - “Yeah, I got a Mama day today!” Maybe our days don’t have to be filled with outrageous and crazy happenings. My daughter was excited that we got to spend the day together just talking and sitting in the kitchen, much like I was excited that I got to spend a day with my mother just talking and being in her company. My little girl may not remember the day we went into grape jam production, but I know she had a great day. Maybe I’m doing just fine.

Be Grateful

2009-09-08T14:16:00.001-05:00

Spending time this weekend with my family was very much needed after last week. There I sat, taking it all in: the sounds of my little ones laughing and playing; the constant discourse coming from my son; and, yes, the weekend serenade of Mario Kart. I was so grateful. Although this has been an extremely difficult transition for me, I am so grateful for the time I have had with my son. Not many mothers are blessed with the ability to stay at home with their children, and I have had close to 6 years with him. I can’t imagine those parents who don’t have a choice. After the six week hiatus from work, they must place their child in the care of someone else. How hard that must be. Instead, I have been able to see and be a part of all the ‘firsts’. I have seen the excitement, the frustrations, and joy. Heard the stories that only little ones can create, and I have been there to give the hugs and kisses to make it all better.

Because of all those things, I wonder if that has made it harder to send him off to school. That part of my life, with him always by my side, is over and there is no going back. He is in school. He is now subjected to things beyond my control. No longer will I be the first person he will turn to -- I’m not there. He will hear and learn things that will challenge what he has been taught. Now is when we pray that what we have instilled in him until this point holds strong -- and that he remembers.

In looking back over the past 5 years, there have been times, where as a parent, I got frustrated. Whether it was his ‘marker fiasco’ (his walls and lovey will never be the same), his stubbornness at naptime, or when it had just been a hard day for everyone, we had our moments. Even those, as difficult as they were, are still pretty appealing to me. If nothing else, this period of change has made me be even more thankful for each day. Each opportunity we have to be together. Regardless of what we’ll be doing, we’ll be together -- and that’s what’s important.

Her Turn

2009-09-04T10:35:00.003-05:00

Now that my older son is off to Kindergarten, my daughter and I have found ourselves in a new and different world. I realized that the start of school didn’t just impact my son, my daughter and I would need to adjust to our first ‘Mama time’ since she was born. Always in the past, we’ve been the trio, and now we’re down to two. I had no idea that the days would be so different. The hours passed just as they had every day previous, but they just weren’t the same. They were missing something. They were missing the laughter and giggles of our third playmate. So how do we adjust? How do we transition into this next phase of ‘just the two of us’?

It actually seems a bit daunting - the job of replacing her best friend during the day. Will I keep her entertained like he did? Will I measure up to her expectations? As we are just in our first week with our new routine, we are only beginning to adjust to our time alone. I know we will find our own way, and I am excited for the journey.

Still, she misses her big brother. She has begun to be afraid. I am attributing this to the fact that now she feels alone. Granted, I have always been home with both of my children, but now that her brother is away at school, she is now the only little one in the house. Because of these fears, I have sworn off seemingly benign children’s books that talk about bears (even friendly ones), as she believes we have a ‘Bad Mama Bear’ sleeping somewhere in this house. (I am trying really hard not to make a connection to that one.) Many times she will ask me to be quiet, or even whisper so we don’t wake the bear. In addition, she now has an intense fear of the hallway. Even when all the lights are on, she is afraid to go to her room or even the bathroom. (Perhaps that explains the numerous accidents she has been having lately…) I constantly attempt to quell her fears, and offer to go with her, but there are always tears, and much encouragement is needed.

All the experts will tell you that during times of stress and change, a child may regress. I can understand. I think that holds true for adults as well. Quite honestly, as I have been living this week full of drastic changes, I haven’t felt like doing laundry or cleaning the house. The difference between adults and children, though, is that adults know we must snap out of it -- quickly! Each of us handles everything so differently, and in our own time. I know that as time goes on, and we settle in, my daughter and I are going to have the best adventure ever!

Perception or Reality

2009-09-03T13:32:00.002-05:00

While playing baseball with my little boy last night, I noticed some changes in him. The way he acted, ran, and even spoke were different. Or were they? Granted, I noticed a marked decrease in ‘baby talk’, and not quite so many tears were shed. But could just two days of Kindergarten have had this profound of an effect on him, or had I changed my perception of him due to his new status as a “Kindergartener”?

The more time we spent together, the more observant I became. He did seem to eat dinner a bit more quickly, and not one complaint uttered when bath time came. But the more subtle changes were more interesting to note. He just seemed older. He spoke of things he learned at school and the friends that he made. As a mom who has made it my mission to teach and prepare him for what’s ahead, it made me feel good that those skills had been learned and remembered. But as a mom who has been with him nearly every day of his 5+ years, I felt a bit left out. I do realize that he gets older every day, and I need to step back little by little. He needs to be able to have his own experiences without me and that will shape him into a confident and secure person. I just wasn’t expecting this seemingly drastic of a change after day two.

This morning, he was once again raring to go as he hit the ground running -- excited that he was able to go to school again today. No dragging his feet or taking hours to eat his breakfast, he was ready to go in record time. Is this really my little boy? After hanging his backpack in his cubby, and numerous reminders not to run in the hall to get out to the playground, he seemed a bit hesitant to descend the hill to join the other children. Not seeing any of his classmates, he stood by his sister and me for a bit, scanning the crowd for a familiar face. Then, without a word, ran off. Then, returned. Then, ran down again. Then, returned. Seeing the pattern forming, I crouched down and took his little face in my hands and reassured him that there were many children waiting down there to play with him and he should go and have fun. In the end, the whistle blew, and it was time to go inside. He had missed his opportunity to play. I can’t help but wonder if I was in error. Should I have left immediately so he wouldn’t have had me to ‘save’ him? But how could I have left? Looking down at him searching for a friend, finding no one, then looking up at me, running back with that huge smile on his face. I couldn’t leave -- I couldn’t take that step back today. Yes, he’s growing up. But he’s still my little boy.

So, is it perception or reality? For me, the jury’s still out. But I think it’s probably a combination of both.

One Day at a Time

2009-09-02T10:34:00.002-05:00

Here it is, day two. After a very fun party last night and a well-deserved rest for all, we were back at it again this morning. He was not up before the sun today, as I believe he was recuperating from a long, exciting, napless day yesterday. Regardless, he was ready to go back to Kindergarten. That made me feel good. Apparently there are no mean children or cruel teachers lying in wait to traumatize my little boy.

As we drove to school, he was once again regaling me with all the things he had learned and done yesterday, as well as telling about all of his new friends and his plans for the day. Upon entering the school this time, he led the way. He showed me where his classroom was and headed straight for his cubby. No shaky hands or hint of nervousness as he hung up his backpack. Today, he knew the ropes. Today, he was truly a Kindergartener. How is it, that a 5-year-old can adjust to a completely new situation within 24 hours? Here I sit, using this medium as my catharsis. My coping mechanism. What happens to us between childhood and adulthood that makes us cling to the ever familiar for us to be completely comfortable?

As I stood, watching my son grow up before my very eyes, I suddenly felt like a child myself. Unsure of my changing role in his life. Unsure of how I should be reacting to this new stage in both our lives. He quickly shook me from my thoughts as he dragged me down the hall and out the door. He was ready to hit the playground and find his new friends. Today, it was me, not him, who needed the ‘one last kiss and hug’. My daughter and I were still saying our goodbyes as he was running down the hill to play. I found I just couldn’t leave. I stood there, my daughter waving and shouting to her brother, and I needed assurance that he was OK. I stood, unaware of the children running and laughing around me, my eyes focused on that red fleece that was making its way around the playground. He stopped and waited, until finally he started jumping up and down. He had found his classmate! The other boy came up to him and gave him a hug, and off they ran together. I smiled, knowing that each day would get easier and easier. He was in a good place, and I knew I would find mine soon.

We started back to the car, my daughter and I, and I looked down at this munchkin by my side and asked, “So what do you want to do today?”

A Mom's First Day of Kindergarten

2009-09-01T14:17:00.002-05:00

A Mom’s First Day of Kindergarten

So it’s that time of year -- all the kids are getting ready to go back to school. Or, if you’re like me, you are sending your little one off for the first time. I had kept telling myself ‘he’s going to be great’, ‘he’s going to have so much fun’, ‘you’re going to be OK’… And I really was -- or so I thought.

We went school shopping and purchased ALL of the school supplies his teacher had requested, got him some new clothes and shoes -- and the ever important Transformer underwear -- and he was set! We had the countdown to the first day going for over 3 weeks, and as the final days kept ticking away, the ball in my stomach kept growing and growing.

The night before his first day, he had to make sure all his clothes were laid out, his new shoes were still spotless, and his backpack was all set to go. After reading his bedtime stories, and saying prayers, I asked if he had any questions and if he was feeling nervous. After a slight shrug, he said, ’a little’. His biggest concern was meeting his classmates and making new friends. How understandable that was! I reassured him and told him what a special boy he is and reminded him of the boy he knew that would be in his class. That seemed to quell the fear, and shortly thereafter, he went to sleep.

The Big Day

My son has inherited the sleeping gene from me. It is a rare occasion for him to rise before 7:30, and, unless woken, would probably sleep until 9:00 or so. However, on the first day of Kindergarten, no prodding was needed, no threats were given. He was out of bed in a flash anxious to start his new adventure!

After eating breakfast, he disappeared down the hall for a while and came out into the living room holding two cans of hair products. He stated that he wanted to ‘do his hair’ and wanted to know which hairspray was the best. Needless to say, I felt a little motherly assistance was needed, and helped him with his hair (sans the spray). He got ready in record time, and spent the next 45 minutes asking when it was time to go to school.

The Drop Off

When 8:00 finally arrived, and it was time to head to school, I found him outside, standing in front of our house, ready for his picture. He knew exactly where he wanted it to be taken, and was as still as I had seen him in years! (He is 5, you know.) All the way to school, he kept asking how long until we would get there. As we parked, he could hardly wait until the car had stopped to unbuckle and get out. Reminders were given to watch for cars, stay on the sidewalk, don’t run in school, etc. If only I had shared all of his excitement! Don’t get me wrong -- I was excited for him, I just couldn’t escape the twinges of sadness I would feel as I imagined my days without him.

He found his room via the enormous apple hanging from the ceiling, then, his cubby. In his excitement, he had a difficult time hanging up his backpack. Once everything was settled, he cautiously entered his room. After greeting his teacher, and finding his name tag, he went right to playing. Again, I requested yet one more ‘First Day of School Picture’, and he happily obliged. I gave him a hug and kiss, told him how proud I was of him and to have so much fun, and started to leave. I was just about out the door, when I heard that little voice, ‘Mama, just one more kiss and hug’. I turned around and he ran into my arms to receive those last bits of me before I left.

As I turned to leave a second time, knowing I would not be called back, it hit me. I had just left my little boy, my playmate, my little friend, and I was going to miss him terribly. Rationally, you tell yourself, ‘this is good, he is growing up and ready to learn and make new friends’. Unfortunately, we all can’t be rational ALL of the time. As I fought the tears (and lost), I kept imagining him playing with his new friends, and telling me all about his wonderful first day of school. Then I looked down at my 3-year-old daughter and was grateful for the time I have with her and excited for our new adventure as well. We’re going to have a blast! After all, we have to get ready for a First Day of Kindergarten Party tonight!