Mel Got Served

Small Servings

2010-09-09T09:00:00.004-04:00

Spend hours pouring over pictures of Pete Campbell's bitchface
The most hilarious/painful clip in reality show history (and it hasn't even officially aired yet!)
New meme: Sad Don Draper
TLC has a new show with 13 kids- AND FOUR WIVES!!!
Urine whiskey - no thanks
The "prostitution whore" leaves Real Housewives of New Jersey
3% of Twitter at any moment is just Justin Bieber traffic
Morning gross-out: Paris Hilton's drug smuggling techniques
Novelization of The Room

Reality Rundown: Bet You Regret Not Eliminating Couples Now

2010-09-07T11:13:00.008-04:00

Bachelor Pad - Week 5

Chris Harrison enters the living room to announce "everything is about to change." There are 11 men and women left, but there's more women than men and it's time to even it out. 3 women will leave Bachelor Pad that day, so pack your bags and in a few hours you'll meet your fate. Hmm... how much should we bet the 3 remaining outsider women go home?

They contestants walk to the front driveway to find a game of Spin the Bottle. In the most completely bullshit move maybe ever to fix a game, the men will need to pick a female partner to complete the game with. There are 4 guys left, all in couples. FIXED. So the men spin the bottle (really a lazy Susan with a bottle nailed to it) and whoever it lands on gets to pick their partner by asking for a kiss; the 3 unpicked ladies hop in the next stretch limo home. I'm sure we're all in complete suspense about who they guys will pick. Kiptyn picks Tenley, though he briefly considers Nikki who saved him in the game. Kovacs picks Elizabitch. Jesse B selects Peyton, despite their botched date. Dave chooses always a drunk-bridesmaid-never-a-bride Natalie. The guys act like they are really torn but c'mon, as soon as Chris made the announcement it was obvious. Goodbye Nikki, Gwen (??), and Ashley. Guess you regret not breaking up the couples now, huh?

Kovacs and Elizabitch begin cramming facts about each other in case of trivia. Turns out Elizabeth retains very little information on Kovacs except what soda-can comparison goes with his abs. Natalie is psyched to be partnered with Dave both for game and personal reasons. Kiptyn and Tenley are so excited that they celebrate by sucking face on a bench while Tenley giggles. God, I want to slap the giggling out of her. Peyton is happy to be in the game, not as happy to be paired with Jesse B. The romance is completely out.

Chris explains the new rules of the game: only 1 couple wins a challenge, gets the date, and receive roses for safety. The 4 couples compete in their first competition: water balloon tossing. What's next, balancing eggs on spoons? Catch the balloons to stay in; 3 broken balloons before you're eliminated. Jesse and Peyton, donning matching orange shirts, are the first couple eliminated. Peyton is panicking, realizing that she's still an outsider in this group of couples. Kiptyn and Tenley follow them to the loser's bench. Dave and Natalie win the balloon toss and are heading on a hot date which I hope includes a helicopter ride!!

Peyton apologizes to Jesse for blowing it and he insists he doesn't blame her. They both accept they'll likely go home this week. Tenley and Natalie discuss gaming and Elizabeth and Kovacs pre-show 6 month relationship and strength make them more of a threat than Jesse/Peyton. Peyton pleads her case to Natalie, while Natalie acknowledges Kovas and Elizabeth are a threat. However, Dave is boys with Kovacs so will this plan fly? Natalie plans to make this a topic of discussion on their date. Elizabeth and Kovacs are more pre-occupied with boning; they head out front to chat and find a yellow Lamborghini, likely for Dave and Natalie's date. In a completely non-setup way, they makeout in the car first with her straddling him in the drive's seat and then on the trunk. Completely not set-up or orchestrated in those 2 minds to get camera time.

Dave and Natalie take the sloppy Lambo seconds and zoom off for their date. They drive like total a-holes, just like that episode of Full House where Stephanie and Gia meet 2 dudes at the mall and go joyriding with them. They drive to some mountain area or something, take sexy photos on the Lambo, and kiss in the sunset. The night ends at a mansion where Jason and Molly from The Bachelor fell in love (I'm assuming before he dumped her for Melissa, before dumping Melissa for Molly). They do shots, talk about they'd spend the prize money, and have serious talks about divorce and shattered families. Far from the bone zone, but they've bonded from this deep talk. They switch locations to the hot tub, perfect for some smoochin' and game strategy. Natalie proposes they play strategic and not just keep their friends. Dave lets Natalie know he made a pact with Kovacs to get to final 2 together, so he's not so down with that idea.

While Natalie and Dave are on their date, the house wonders if they'll go to the bone zone and pretend worry they'll be eliminated. Jesse/Peyton know this is BS because these couples assume they have a free pass to final 3. Kiptyn and Tenley make out in the pool and she hopes their relationship can continue after this show ends. Kiptyn is sure this is the start of something good. Elizabeth and Kovacs decide to sneak into the Fantasy Suite room for a Meat Suite Marathon. Wouldn't this suite probably be locked? Not set-up at all! They do some hardcore making out in the bathtub and head to the bed where Kovacs say they can get naked if she wants. She wants to make love and be in love, not just have sex. The lights go out, the duvet cover is moving around- sexin' officially happened. After, Elizabeth is upset and feels like Kovacs doesn't put forth any effort and I swear these 2 knew what they were doing for TV because this post-coital fighting seems stupid.

Dave and Natalie return from their date and visit Elizabeth, Kovacs and the broken bed in the Fantasy Suite. Kovacs and Dave also talk and agree to vote off Jesse and Peyton. Their plan to not have a plan has been "flawless." Natalie and Peyton talk, again, and Natalie sounds onboard to voting out Elizabeth and Kovacs and tells Peyton to approach Tenley and Kiptyn for a vote. Tenley seems maybe receptive to the idea because Elizabeth and Kovacs are a far greater threat. Tenley then babytalks the idea to Kiptyn who doesn't necessarily want to vote out Jesse and Peyton since they're good friends now.

Dressed in their fanciest party dresses and suits, the 4 couples prepare to vote. Kovacs is extremely overconfident about coasting to next week; it will be fantastic to see him knocked off his high horse. Natalie informs Dave she wants to eliminate Kovacs, but he can't do it. Good news is they don't have to vote as couples; they vote individually for a couple. Dave is still delusional enough to think Peyton and Jesse will go home by a landslide vote, but his partner Natalie is relieved for this individual vote. Tenley and Natalie make their own pact to switch up tonight's vote. I'm surprised Tenley isn't weeping yet, but Elizabeth must've been nasty to her. Jesse B makes one last plea to Kiptyn to keep him, offering to note vote for him next week to ensure his safety. After I jumped the gun and made the elimination graphic for Elizabeth and Kovacs, the game remains boring and Jesse B and Peyton are eliminated.

Reality Rundown: Someone Please Burn Sammi's Stupid Note

2010-09-07T09:00:00.001-04:00

Jersey Shore

Snooki decides she's in the mood to snuggle, so she tests out all the guy's beds like Goldilocks. Vinny's bed wins, so Snooki puts on her PJs and hops into bed and they hook up. Since Snooki hits it and quits it, the house doesn't notice... until she tells Sammi all the details, such as Vinny's ya-know. Later, Vinny's has a pain in his eye, and it's an immediate flashback to his pink eye from last summer. Pauly D comes along for moral support, or really to make fun of him. Heck, even the doctor's office makes fun of him for being so white. Join the club of paleness!

Angelina, Snooki and JWoww head to the beach with some Ron Ron juice in-hand. The stupid GD note is the topic of discussion and they basically threaten Angelina if she dares tattle. Sammi is still kind of moping over the note and talks to The Situation. The Situation explains that Sammi is blind to Ronnie and accidentally blurts out that Ronnie did hook up with someone, saying the note is true. Sammi says she's done with it, but why do I guarantee we'll hear about it for the rest of the hour?

Later that night, the guilt is setting in and Snooki wants to reveal the truth but Sammi refuses to come outside. This sets JWoww off and her neon green dress makes her pretty Incredible Hulk-like. JWoww gets so annoyed that she really goes off, pointing out Sammi's stupidity in still being with Ronnie after he cheated on her. Sammi just wants to know who wrote the note and since Sammi's kind of mental now, no one wants to fess up. Sammi continues to whine, saying she's betrayed, destroyed, blah blah. Ronnie tries to comfort Sammi, but she's confused and embarassed. God, this is so f'ing boring. This season has been soooo boring.

The house goes to a club and Angelina meets a guy named Jose and they hit it off, but no smushing. The Situation "sniped" a blond girl and about 5 minutes later grab a cab, fool around in it, and head back to the house. Soon the whole house returns with their conquests of the night and The Situation decides he's not ready to smush yet, so he has a snack while his girl waits in the bedroom. It's another Jersey Shore hit it and quit it as The Situation finishes, goes out to chat and smoke, and then returns to let the girl know he got her a taxi to go home. HAHA! SERVED!

The girls make Sunday dinner for the house, since the guys usually do it and they promised. Snooki gets some advice from an ex whose a chef, who gives her a recipe for penne ala vodka and warns about the flames. Snooki, bewitched by a giant jar of pickles, losing the shopping list so already we should guess how delicious dinner will be. The guys grab some food and milkshakes beforehand, knowing that dinner will probably be terrible. JWoww and Snooki return with the groceries, but Angelina and Sammi decline to help much, so JWoww makes the majority of dinner alone. Sammi's being a brat and I want to jump into the TV and slap her, so I can only guess it's a matter of time before hot-headed JWoww goes nuts. Dinner is ready, they sit at the table, thank the cooks, and surprised that the food is pretty good. Sammi continues to be Debbie Downer, refusing to eat any of the food JWoww prepared. Are you 11?? JWoww calls her boyfriend after dinner, and he brings up the letter and JWoww is pretty sure her and Sammi aren't friends anymore. How sad (not really).

Sammi and Angelina bond while working at the gelato shop, warning her about the other girls. Sammi simply wants JWoww and Snooki to admit they wrote the letter, since she believes they did it. Angelina swears she didn't write the letter, but gets all embarrassed when Sammi guesses it right. What a poker face this one has!

The gang goes clubbing again. Vinny hits it off again with The Situation's visiting sister (perhaps the spray tan, fitted cap, and fake bling made an impact?) The Situation can't be phased by this, because he's charmed by a blond with a blurred out face that the rest of the house is convinced is a dude. How humbled The Situation is by this... well, situation. JWoww announces Sammi has made the top of her shit list. Pauly D, completely obliterated, hooks up with Angelina in the cab and I actually yelled "Gross!" at the TV.

The gang gets home and puts a super sloshed Pauly D to bed. JWoww calls her boyfriend makes a comment about Pauly puking from being drunk. Angelina overhears and blow it out of proportion, claiming she was talking shit. Vinny comes to JWoww's defense because he's heard both sides at the same time so he immediately lets JWoww know about Angelina's lie. JWoww comes out to confront Angelina and suddenly Sammi gets involved, JWoww starts yelling, repeating things and gets in Sammi's face. And then GIRL FIGHT!!! JWoww knocks Sammi downnnnn. Me-owww!

Photo Credits: MTV.com

Serving of the Week

2010-09-06T08:26:00.002-04:00

Name: TI and Tiny

SERVED: Now, I don't want to make assumptions since I've never been to prison, but I would like to think that prison is a horrible experience. I'd guess that being holed up in a dank prison cell with no privacy would be a motivation in life to stay clean. Heck, it inspired Cutty on The Wire! It looks like rapper TI, who was released from prison about 6 months ago on his attempting to buy firearms sentence, hasn't learned enough.

TI and his wife, Tiny from the girl group Xscape and some BET reality show, were pulled over by the cops this week when a large cloud of smoke was coming from their car. A busted engine this was not. The car was searched and a controlled substance (later determined to be ecstasy) was found and got these two arrested. SERVED! Not only are they dumb for being so flagrant in their drug use (ever hear of just getting high in the comfort of your own home?), but TI is on parole. What a moron- you need to be SERVED another prison sentence to get it through your head. Hugs not drugs!

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

Reality Rundown: Just Put Hayden's Name on the Giant Check Now

2010-09-03T10:00:00.008-04:00

Big Brother 12 - Week 8

A long recap of the previous episode shows that Hayden intended for Brendon to be the pawn, but sometimes the pawn gets sent home. The Brigade strategize and Lane hopes Enzo wins HOH so he's the one that gets his hands dirty by sending home Britney and Ragan. Too bad Enzo is terrible at competitions. In some ball-shooting teeter totter challenge, Lane becomes the new HOH. Ragan knows he's a dead man walking, so the questions is will Lane be loyal to the Brigade or Britney?

Big Brother, ever lacking in creativity, brings out Pandora's Box again. This time, Pandora's Box tempts Lane with a money tree (covered in gold chains and envelopes) that potentially has $10,000. He opens PB and is told to open 3 envelopes and for each envelope he opens, a punishment will be inflicted on the whole house (including him). Lane opens his 3 envelopes for a whopping prize intake of $91.17. The whole house knows he must've gotten PB, and Lane explains his shitty prize and the punishments. And oh what torture: punishment #1 is no cups or silverware. The humanity!!

Britney and Lane have a chat and he seems torn about putting her up as a pawn. He approaches his fellow Brigade members who are taken aback that he is even considering other options. Blah blah, time filler, Lane nominates Enzo and Ragan for eviction.

Ragan spends a lot of time alone studying trivia to keep himself in the game. Enzo is bummed to be on the block to, but celebrates his freedom from the penguin suit with a "shunning of the penguin" ceremony. The HGs enter the backyard for the Power of Veto competition which has replaced Otev with tiki god with Otev the Broadway Clam that bears a resemblance to a public figure made predominantly of ground beef. Otev the Clam and his little top hat will sing a ditty and the HGs have to search muddy water for CDs with a combo name, like "Brenchel." The shunning of the penguin suit must have brought a new level of strength to Enzo, like physical strength because he slams Ragan around to get the winning CD. Enzo wins his first competition in the Big Brother house. About f'ing time. Ragan is so angry he whips a CD at Otev, which ricochets and hits Enzo in the dome too.

Ragan is devastated to have lost, while Enzo calls him a sore loser. I don't know if he's using it metaphorically or literally since Ragan got a good slamming. Considering he's been such a loser all season, Enzo is pretty arrogant strutting around like a douche. I mean, Ragan is a pretty sad sight, moping in the cabana room all alone but Enzo acts like this is the greatest thing ever. You've won ONE competition in 60 days- pretty shitty track record. Hayden and Britney chat in the kitchen and it's a question of who will replace Enzo on the block. Britney promises Lane final 2, saying it's stupid to ditch her with that kind of promise. Hayden and Enzo want Britney up because they'd control the votes and could "backdoor" Britney out of the game. For the millionth time HGs, a backdoor means they didn't get to play for the veto and is evicted.

The 2nd punishment from Lane's lame Pandora's Box appears: the HGs must wear sock puppets and speak with them for 12 hours or else they will be Have Nots. Funny? Yes. Punishment? Uh, not really. The Meow Meow puppet even comes complete with whiskers. Most of the house has with their puppets, getting into discussions about golf tournaments and bragging about the Brigade. Ragan morosely talks to his little bow-tied puppet in the hammock, comparing it to Wilson the volleyball from Castaway. The puppets stop and are replaced with punishment #3: anytime music comes on in the next 12 hours they have to dance. It's some light-hearted fun but again, hardly a punishment. Well it's a punishment to watch Hayden dance- he might be worse than me and that's saying something.

But back to the game: Lane asks Hayden if he's OK going home, but claims he'd put Britney up but worries they would eliminate her. Lane gauges if Britney would be fine going up, and she's not stupid and knows the guys would turn on her. Britney points out that Hayden would easily sweep the votes in the jury house. Anyone would lose to him, and it's a good point. Lane realizes Britney makes some valid point and places Hayden on the block.

Lane begins to realize his alliance wants Britney out next week but Britney is his surefire way to get the votes in the jury house. Ragan makes an excellent case to Britney and Lane about why he should stay in the house. It's a given that if Hayden or Enzo make it to final 2, they'll win the game. There seems like hope for a split second, but ultimately Ragan is eliminated and heading to the jury house. Unlike other HGs, Ragan is at least going home $20k richer from being the lame twist aka Saboteur 2.0.

Speaking of the jury house, we get some footage there of seeing the 4 jury members thus far. Rachel is happy and sad to see Brendon and likes his creepy bald head. The big shocker comes when Matt reveals the lie about his wife's disease and Kathy gets pretty pissed. She shows more energy here than she did her entire time in the house. As a cancer survivor, she's offended and Rachel and Brendon are pissed too. Well if they're pissed, wait til Ragan hears about it!

The HOH competition is to decorate a Christmas tree shape by pulling ornaments through chicken wire. Yeah, you have to watch it to make sense of it. Britney is terrible at it out of the gate. A "snowstorm" hits to distract them and we all saw that coming because it's not a Big Brother challenge unless HGs are getting shot in the face with something. It's another To Be Continued but the good news is I can just check live feeds and well, here's the new HOH.

Photo Credits: BSideBlog, Portigal

Reality Rundown: Are These Judges Taking Crazy Pills?

2010-09-03T08:32:00.005-04:00

Top Chef DC • Project Runway

Top Chef DC - This is the last week before the finale and I have to say, I'm OK with that. This season has been pretty lackluster. The chefs enter the TC kitchen to find a bunch of wine and the editor of Food and Wine magazine and Padma dressed like KD Lang. Seriously, WTF is she wearing?? Is she trying to dress like Don Draper? Quickfire challenge: choose a bottle of wine and pair a dish with it; winner gets a trip to London. Me? I select the box of Franzia and make some Kraft Mac & Cheese- high class taste. Kevin has a genius idea of making pork belly in this short time period; it fails, so he opts last minute for quail eventhough it won't go well with his wine so he's dubbed loser. Angelo made foie gras and Tiffany perfectly cooked and seasoned her rib eye steak. Angelo wins the Quickfire and will some day head to jolly ol' England.

The big reveal is that the final 4 will be ending the Top Chef journey in Singapore, but first: to the moon! Well, the NASA and you know what that means: more Buzz Aldrin whoring himself out on reality TV! First Dancing with the Stars, then the WWE, now Top Chef. At least he's moving up in quality. I'm getting ahead of myself based on the "Next week on Top Chef preview." The challenge is to create a dish that's "out of this world" and follows the guidelines for dining at zero gravity (freeze dried- yum!) Eventually, said space-age dish will be recreated and fed to the astronauts. Again, let's go Franzia and Mac & Cheese- throw in some cayenne pepper for spice. Bam, I'm Top Chef now. Oh did the I mention the winner gets a product placement Toyota? Ok, onto the grub.

Along with the usual judges and Buzz Aldrin, there's 2 astronauts, a food scientist, and food badass Anthony Bourdain. Eric Ripert and Anthony Bourdain seem to be on opposite ends of the meal opinions, while everyone else keeps that boring space logic in mind. Ed is inspired by Moroccan flavors and Bourdain love it, while Ripert says it's too complicated. Tiffany makes nicely cooked fish, but is told she didn't need the tomatoes and had bitter skinned peppers. But it's good criticism considering this was Tiffany's back-up plan after her frozen mussel failure. Kelly makes delicious, perfectly cooked artichokes. Angelo makes a delicious dish, but the candied ginger turns off Tom. But Angelo felt he made love and glazed his short ribs and I'll let you make the visual and joke. Kevin's steak is perfectly cooked and has a good jalepeno relish. Bourdain said he played it safe with a sirloin, but Kevin's dish was supposed to be a take on something you'd make at home. Angelo and his short ribs that he made sweet love to win the challenge, gets his food sent to space, and gets to see a lauching at Cape Canaveral. So which chef isn't busting our their passport for a voyage to Singapore? Tiffany is sent packing and I am ANGRY!!!

Project Runway - The normal models are out this week and onto the catwalk strut a bunch of normal shaped girls in bridesmaid dresses who were told "you can wear this again!" Well now that will come true because the designers will need to use their existing uggo dress to make a new, wearable look. Casanova, last week's challenge winner, picks first and selects a pretty tall girl just because she's attractive, not because the dress is good. Nice pick, dingaling. Mondo picks a rose pink dress that's not terrible, that is until she walks away and the back has a big white stripe. Hot messes!

As the designers enter the workroom for their consultations, Christopher's model gets cold feet so he gets a replacement who is a pretty girl in a puke green/gold dress with small embroidered circles on it. OMG it's terrible. Michael Drummond calls his larger model "vo-LUMP-tuous" and poor pronunciation is always good for a laugh. His dress is a laugh too since it's the same dress but short and with lace covering the hot pink. Other drama includes hating Michael C (the C stands for "can't sew"), Gretchen taking a ride on the humble horse, and Tim dropping a surprise bomb. Instead the runway judging the next day, they'll instead have a fashion showcase and the guests will vote for a favorite look.

PR spares no expense for the fashion showcase: drop a button into a designer's fishbowl. Everyone is getting good response and you just want to yell at them, "no shit- they're not going to be mean to your face!" Peach really shmoozes to make up for her truly terrible look. Michael Drummond gets 1 button and it's true because it's terrible. Awful. Even The Rave has better dresses. Ivy gets angry because Michael C is telling guests she's the bitch of the show. Buuuut it's kind of true. Michael denies telling guests to not vote for Ivy. Again, who cares. Mondo's look is the top vote getter at the showcase and the public has good taste; the dress is adorable and a completely different look than the original mess.

The good: Christopher and the pukey green/brown is cute, though Michael Kors thinks it looks glued together. I know I like it and it's got a little boob with some draping. Mondo's pink and black dress is awesome, modern, and kind of geometric. Michael Costello's dress to me looks like 80s prom dress made for a Winona Ryder wannabe. In what will be viewed as a slight to the contestants, he's put into the best of the week. I don't know, the lace sleeves just remind me of Anne of Green Gables or Esther from Orphan. My friend Jamie smells producer interference and I couldn't agree more- this look is not flattering or attractive. Michael Costello wins this challenge- ARE THE JUDGES TAKING CRAZY PILLS?!

And now the bad and the ugly. Michael Drummond's dress could've come straight from Hot Topic and that's not a compliment. Nina compares the fabric to mosquito net while Michael says "it went from bridesmaid to bar mitzvah." Peach's look is god awful. It's got some weird green ruffles, a "Holly Hobby halter," and some weird pasley pattern. Oh god, it's terrible. Valerie, perennial favorite, falters with some awful color blocking. It looks like something a 17 year old constructed in a high school fashion class. But seriously, was there actual deliberation because Peach is the obvious loser and is sent AUF.

Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, MyLifetime.com

Small Servings

2010-09-02T11:00:00.001-04:00

Fire tornado is real and awesome
Corgis on a treadmill
What the fuck is a sloth?
Wiseausaurus - oh, hi Mark!
Dance scenes in movie montage -set to the epic Kenny Loggins classic "Footloose"
For years I've begged for a pair of sneakers with Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg painted on them
Between 2 Ferns with Sean "Felt" Penn
Next season of Top Chef could be All Stars! And this is truly a cast of awesome castmembers
Every day is 9/02/10 day in the Czech Republic

Photo Credit: IHasAHotDog

Happy 9/02/10 Day!

2010-09-02T09:02:00.002-04:00

This is the day that only happens once in a lifetime: 9/02/10. Today we celebrate an epic television saga that lasted 10 whole years and it's title coincidentally allows it to match up to a date in our lifetime. Let us fondly remember the good times, the bad times, all the times Kelly got shot, pies from The Peach Pit, the musical talent of David Silver or Ray Pruitt, getting coked up at the Peach Pit: After Dark, and how much we missed Brenda but kinda liked Val since she hated that stuck-up bitch Kelly. While I watch the new one and it's improving, nothing can compared to West Bev Class of '93. Join me now for a stroll down memory lane as we find some classic 90210 clips on YouTube and share your favorite moments and memories in the comments.

Ray pushes Donna down the stairs

Andrea Zuckerman: hit and run victim

Color Me Badd serenades the gang at the Peach Pit

The rap and dance stylings of David Silver

Drama unfolds at the Mother/Daughter Fashion Show

The gang thinks Donna Martin is better than the rules outlined for them and
protests for her to graduate with them

Dylan's dad explodes in a fiery car bomb

Dylan and Kelly admit to Brenda that they're cheating whores

Emily Valentine tries to burn down the gang's ugly homecoming float

Donna and David get hitched

Greatest theme song ever - it's all about the Brandon Walsh sunglass slide

Reality Rundown: Not a Good Mix - Like Champagne and Vodka (In One Glass)

2010-08-31T08:00:00.002-04:00

Bachelor Pad - Week 4

Post-elimination, Wes and Dave get into it over sending Gia over, with Dave calling him a "jackass." Dave hates that he was put into a tiebreaker situation, so of course he's pissed. Wes ain't afraid of Dave and is ready to take him on. It's around this time that appropriately the house receives a survey to fill out anonymously to find out how they feel about each other. It's like Family Feud if instead of families it's a bunch of people that have went to the Bone Zone with each other. What a shocker, Tenley cries about it.

Co-host Melissa grabs everyone for the challenge which utilizes those wonderful, honest surveys. Guess what the majority of the house answered for each survey question; first guy and girl to get 4 points wins a rose. Turns out the majority of the house think Kiptyn will win and I agree (the fix is in!) Krisily is voted house enemy, Elizabeth most shallow (she doesn't know what that means), Gwen (??) dumbest (Natalie voted for herself and stull got it wrong). Tenley earns 4 points first, so she gets a rose. Wonder if she'll use it to put the moves on Kiptyn? Gwen (??) is completely shattered that the house called her dumbest and suddenly everyone realizes what a shitty game it is. But oh so good for viewers! My favorite question "Who will be a bridesmaid, never a bride" is the greatest fear for the women; that honor is bestowed upon Natalie. She's pretty upset, especially since her new boyfriend Dave even voted for her. Ouch! After Wes and Dave get eliminated on biggest jerk (Wes), it's a Jesse battle: Kovacs vs. the one I actually like. They receive the ULTIMATE question: who has the worst boob job? But it's about majority, not what they think and Kovacs struggles with voting for his nasty bitch of a girlfriend Elizabeth. Jesse B picks Elizabeth, Kovacs picks Krisily, and Jesse B wins because Elizabeth is a jerk with ugly fake boobs. Jesse B and Tenley will get dates later, but instead of 3 people it's solo dates.

After the challenge, the house is flooded with tears since everyone realized what nasty human beings they are. Girls crying in tubs, closets, corners- it's insanity! Natalie's epiphany, that she is perceived as a loose party girl, leads her to a revelation that she needs to grow up. Jesse comforts bad boobs Elizabeth, who insists the other girls are simply jealous and Elizabeth. Yes, I know I'd be jealous of a person whose hideous dye job matches the nasty personality inside that skull of hers. But it's nice that Kovacs acknowledges that he doesn't want to compromise his relationship with Elizabeth for prize money.

In a non-shocker, Tenley takes "an island escape for 2" with Kiptyn. At long last, my favorite Bachelor/Bachelorette castmember returns: THE HELICOPTER. Kiptyn has never been in a helicopter before (Seriously? He was on The Bachelorette and never took a helicopter ride) and head to Catalina. Unfortunately, this date does not involve an ornate Wine Mixer with a helicopter ice sculpture; instead, they go ziplining. Big deal- I did that at YMCA camp in 5th grade. The 2 of them use the zipline as a metaphor for their relationship, taking it to new heights- cliches abound! They drink wine and discuss their relationship and if it has to be so secret in the house and kiss. At night there's a private dinner on the beach by a campfire with champagne, annoying giggling, and finally some PDA since Kiptyn decides he doesn't have to push Tenley away. Tenley gives Kiptyn the rose, there's more kissing, and Kiptyn is eager to explore the relationship. And explore they do in the Fantasy Suite! Ok, probably not that exploring, but they probably kiss and giggle. After their date, Kiptyn requests they put a game face on to avoid being targets and no one is buying it.

Jesse B's date card arrives boasting "The sky's the limit." More helicopters I hope!! Krisily has this look like "oh my god, I'm totally getting picked!" but duh, he picks Peyton. After their drag racing date and a fantasy suite night- kind of a given. Bad news: no helicopter. It's a biplane and they squeeze into the backseat with goofy hates while their pilot zips them through the Los Angeles sky. Jesse almost immediately gives Peyton a rose at dinner/drinks in an airplane hanger. Jesse B has his first martini, then burps, insults, and picks HER nose through their romantic evening. It's a bit of a turnoff to Peyton who wishes he was a little classier; well, you gave him straight vodka. Which he then mixed with champagne. The romance is fizzling out.

Random going-ons in the house: The house speculates about Kiptyn and Tenley's relationship and Wes is the only person who seems concerned with getting the couples out. Kovacs also opens up to Elizabeth to express his feelings for her and how she gives him butterflies. Who needs a private beach cabana when you can feel each other up in the hot tub? The house believes Jesse B and Peyton will definitely make out on their date, but no sexin'. Krisily is a loner in the house so pulls Dave aside to try and make her way into the In crowd. Peyton nixes the Fantasy Suite card after their shitty date; better a partner/friendship to get to the prize for now.

With Kiptyn and Jesse B already rosed, there are only 3 guys to choose from: Dave (who no one even considers eliminating) Wes or Kovacs. Krisily is wise enough to consider eliminating Kovacs since him and Elizabeth are a power couple. Even Kovacs knows it's smart to eliminate him, but his pal Dave wants to keep him around and will schmooze to make it happen. Wes campaigns to the Outside women because he's sick of the people just wanting to stick around and party. It's do or die to eliminate a couple- can they finally get rid of Kovacs?

You know how before I discussed all the strategy of which guy to vote out? Well, the men seem to wait until the last minute to decide. At the cocktail party/voting, Kovacs throws Gwen's name into the mix because she's not close to anyone, while Kiptyn seems to think Krisily is a better option. Dave and Krisily pow-wow and Dave implies she's not on the chopping block, and then slips into game mode asking who she's voting for. Basically, Dave asks her to keep his boy Kovacs in the game since he took her on the date before. Krisily, so gullible to get into the In crowd. Kiptyn is torn how to vote because he considers Gwen a friend, but his buds want Gwen out. The votes are cast, roses are handed out, and Krisily and Wes are eliminated. Krisily is rightfully angry, which goes to show she switched her vote for no loyalty in return. Jesus, just give Kiptyn the giant check now.

Photo Credits: ABC.com, BuddyTV

Reality Rundown: A"Wisely" Written Note

2010-08-30T09:00:00.004-04:00

Jersey Shore

JWoww and Snooki head out to celebrate Gay Pride Week. They return home for Snooki to call that turd Emilio and he doesn't like that she had a gay guy date. He wants to date lesbians now and doesn't care to hear about guys making out. Snooki finally realizes this guy is a toolbag and ends it. She's depressed and cries on JWoww's shoulder (or large fake breasts- I couldn't tell).

The rest of the house is, of course, out meeting girls and by that i mean, making out with everyone. There are 3 guys bringing 2 girls home so either it's a team activity or someone is spending the night lonely. Mike's other backup plan girls who are DTF arrive and it's not only bad timing since he has a girl, but one of them is a hippopotamus (figuratively, of course). It's like a wacky sitcom where he keeps the 2 sets of girls separated and goes back and forth between them. The Situation, Pauly D, and Vinnie make a plan: Pauly and Vinnie will take the 2 club girls, the Situation makes the hippopotamus go to sleep while banging the other in "the smash room" (in no way affiliated with The Smash Club).

The day after, the guys TL (sans G), Angelina refuses to clean and just spends the day on the phone. The Situation yells at Angelina for not cleaning the dishes and excludes her, she says "say please," so he encourages to "please hit the treadmill." The guys prepare dinner, reminding us that Angelina is excluded but instead of all the other night, it's merely from Asparagus Night and I'd much prefer to be excluded from asparagus than surf & turf or ravioli night. The Situation tries to apologize, but Angelina is annoying, but he's able to squeeze it out and all is well. She is unexcluded and family dinner is back on, even if Snooki is depressed over that bum Emilio. The Situation offers to make her feel better: "Got some special dessert for you. My vanilla ice cream- ooo, your favorite." Turns out dessert is instead burning Emilio's pictures in the backyard; total cleansing experience.

The Emilio picture burning experience leads JWoww and Snooki to finally reveal the truth about Ronnie to Sammi ala their anonymous note. Eventhough things have been better between Ronnie and Sammi, she needs to know the truth. Vinnie almost catches the JWoww, but she sneaks the note into Sammi's underwear drawer and it's only a matter of time before the truth is revealed. The next morning after JWoww, Snooki, and The Situation head to work, Sammi finds the note. It's not a happy note as she finds out Ronnie's hooked up with fat girls, got numbers, and motorboated someone (she didn't say that, but we know it's there). Sammi shows the letter to Vinnie and Pauly, but won't tell Sammi the truth. Vinnie lets Ronnie know about the note and he declares it's bullshit and anonymous letters are for 12 year olds.

Ronnie finds Sammi in her room to discuss the infamous note. His immediate guess is it was JWoww or Snooki, but when he sees the note uses the word "wisely" he crosses Snooki off the list since she doesn't use that kind of vocabulary. Ronnie's not pleased about the note and decides to come clean about his dirty deeds. Sammi's crying and Ronnie tries to explain that he loves her, made a mistake, and admits it but she's crushed. Ronnie later plays the "I don't remember" card about making out with girls with fantastic flashbacks to his nasty 3 way kissing at the club. Sammi will never learn the truth! Sammi believes the note, feels like a fool, cries more, and announces she's officially done.

Angry Ronnie confronts his roommates about who wrote the letter and Angelina tries to play dumb. A stressed JWoww and Snooki call home to ask Angelina if the letter was found, but Sammi answers the phone. Sammi asks if JWoww left the note and JWoww takes a page from Ronnie's book: deny, deny, deny. The Situation reads the gang a bedtime story in the form of a letter and I really hope he considers a career in audiobooks. The Situation basically confirms it's true to Sammi and he gets a good laugh from it. Sammi still wants to know who wrote it and will keep it secret, but the secret is safe for now. JWoww just knows that if Sammi takes Ronnie back she'll look like the biggest fool ever. Ronnie tries to talk to Sam again and she has finally had enough. ME TOO. Ronnie proves he's a changed man by finding his phonebook and calling his "hometown honey" and invites her stay at the house because he has he GT done and needs the S (SMUSH). He wants a Varsity Blues greeting from her, and when Sammi overhears Ronnie being such a dick, she heads out to the phone to confront him (nothing happens). Sammi follows Ronnie to his room to inform him he's selfish, rude, and that she should cut him. Sooo, is this terrible story over? Probably not.

Photo Credits: BestWeekEver, MTV

Serving of the Week

2010-08-30T08:12:00.005-04:00

Name: Paris Hilton

SERVED: This past Friday night America's slutty sweetheart, Paris Hilton, was arrested with her latest boyfriend for possession of cocaine. SERVED! I wonder what her excuse will be this time? It's not mine, someone dropped it in my purse- quit the lyin'. I'm so sick of Paris getting special treatment and people buying her BS. It sounds like she didn't have a ton of her so they let her out pretty quick and without bail. I still say throw the book at her- SERVED!

Update! So now it's being reported that Paris was going to try and flush the cocaine until the cop saw it in the purse. THEN she said it wasn't her purse, it was just a friends, and she thought the baggy was gum. Ok, now you're SERVED for being the worst liar ever.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

2010 Emmys: Predicting the Winners

2010-08-29T16:30:00.018-04:00

It's a little last minute (so sue me!) but I realized I forgot to post my 2010 Emmy predictions. Last year, I got 7 of 12 correct so not too shabby, but I feel like this year could be my sweep. I've got a good idea of who I think will win along with a mix of who should win and since they already announced Best Reality Show Host (Survivor's Jeff Probst, which I would've guessed anyways) I only have to get 11 right. This year, I'm even going a little step further: I'm going to explain why I picked my choice so it makes more sense and maybe to get some debates going. So, onto my predictions - my picks are in blue.

UPDATED: We've got winners! I had a lot of misses, but I'm happy to report that the misses are ones I said I wish would win but expected the academy to vote for old favorites (except Kyra Sedwick- I mean, really?) That said this year I went 7/11 which is on par with my predictions last year, so go me! Winners highlighted in purple.

Best Drama Series
Breaking Bad
Dexter
Lost
Mad Men - Mel Got Served Pick
The Good Wife
True Blood

There's still a chance Lost will be rewarded for it's 6 season run and it's beautiful ending (yes I loved it, yes I cry every time I see Jack and Vincent), but it can't tear me from Mad Men's season finale, one of the most exciting hours of TV. The end of Sterling Cooper and the secret meetings, plotting, and confessions leading to the formation of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce has been etched as one of my favorite hours of television ever.

Best Comedy Series
30 Rock
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Glee
Modern Family - Mel Got Served Pick
Nurse Jackie
The Office

This is the only category where I have watched every single show and every single episode; judge me if you must. Hands down, the best show this past year is Modern Family and it will win. Listen, Glee is a fun show and has funny moments, but it's not the best comedy. 30 Rock usually reigns supreme, but the show was uneven this season.

Best Lead Actor (Drama)
Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad - Mel Got Served Pick
Matthew Fox, Lost
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House

I don't watch Breaking Bad (and I'd like to, I just don't have the DVDs and it's not OnDemand), but I know Bryan Cranston is amazing on it and sho-in to win. While Matthew Fox really turned it out in Lost this year, Hugh Laurie was excellent in the House premier, and Kyle Chandler finally got nominated, it's probably Cranston's award.

Best Lead Actor (Comedy)
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock - Mel Got Served Pick
Steve Carell, The Office
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Matthew Morrison, Glee
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Tony Shalhoub, Monk

I'd love to think Jim Parsons, the funniest part of The Big Bang Theory, will be rewarded for a job well-done, but I just see Baldwin getting the award again. Kind of a snooze, but whatevs.

Best Lead Actress (Drama)
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Glenn Close, Damages
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU
January Jones, Mad Men
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife - Mel Got Served Pick
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

While sometimes I find Marguiles to be a total drip in the real world, she's excellent on The Good Wife (where sometimes he character is a drip too). I only started watching at the end of last season and fell in love with this well-written, amazingly acted show. But let me add, Connie Britton I wish this award could be yours because her portrayal of scorned principal Tammi Taylor was beyond great.

Best Lead Actress (Comedy)
Toni Collette, United States of Tara
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie - Mel Got Served Pick
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Old Christine
Lea Michele, Glee
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

I had a gut idea of who I thought I'd pick (it was Falco), but I did some searching to see what episodes were submitted and now I'm definitely saying Edie Falco. Toni Colette's submission, where all her personalities get unleashed in a basement tornado, is a good pick, but the pilot episode of Nurse Jackie is just too strong. Tina Fey, who typically we'd all pick, selected the "Dealbreakers" episode where all I can remember is she gets a talk show and horrible hair. Bad choice.

Best Supporting Actor (Drama)
Andre Braugher, Men of a Certain Age
Michael Emerson, Lost
Terry O’Quinn, Lost - Mel Got Served Pick
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Martin Short, Damages
John Slattery, Mad Men

Dual roles as the sad man of fate John Locke and the evil "get me off the island" Man in Black makes O'Quinn my pick. Seeing the juxtaposition of the flashsideways Locke living his ideal life and getting married, compared to the anger and duplicitious nature of the Man in Black, shows his stellar acting rage.

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy)
Ty Burrell, Modern Family - Mel Got Served Pick
Chris Colfer, Glee
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family

I didn't even have to think for this one. When I saw a preview of the pilot for Modern Family, after the episode aired I said, "This guy [Ty Burrell] is going to win an Emmy this year." I'm not swaying. In the past I would've said "Neil Patrick Harris was robbed!" but HIMYM was weak this year (and by weak I mean terrible). Anyone from Modern Family could win and make me happy, but it's totally Ty Burrell's.

Best Supporting Actress (Drama)
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Rose Byrne, Damages
Sharon Gless, Burn Notice
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife - Mel Got Served Pick

My pick: Archie Panjabi. Perhaps my most difficult category by a landslide because it's a battle between the ladies of Mad Men and The Good Wife. I again turned to episode submissions to really evaluate their work. Hendriks picks the episode where Joan leaves Sterling Cooper to become a housewife and then the guy's foot gets run over by a tractor, which was a great episode for her but it didn't feature like a mind-blowing dramatic moment. Moss' episode is where Peggy deals with being a woman in a man's world and picks up some guy at a bar; too bad this didn't leave an impression for me cause all I remember is Sal re-enacting Ann Margaret in Bye Bye Birdie. Christine Baranski's episode didn't remind me of any crazy court scene drama, but her scenes with Gary Cole were good. Archie Panjabi's submission was my favorite, which is why I'm going dark-horse and picking her. In this episode, her character Kalinda solves the murder mystery of the week using her sort of seductive skills but nails a hilarious court room testimonial, SERVING the judge and other powerful politicians. Any time there's a SERVING, I gotta reward it, but I think I'll get SERVED here and Christine Baranski will win for being Christine Baranski.

Best Supporting Actress (Comedy)
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Jane Lynch, Glee - Mel Got Served Pick
Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live

The easiest pick of the night by far; there's no contest. Glee will be rewarded for it's strongest part of the show: the hilarious Jane Lynch. To be blunt, without Jane Lynch, Glee is nothing. No one else here so even be stressed. Enjoy the bar, get dressed up, meet the cast of Lost.

Reality Competition Program
The Amazing Race - Mel Got Served Pick
American Idol
Dancing with the Stars
Project Runway
Top Chef

Despite a weak season, The Amazing Race will win again. It should be Top Chef but until TAR is cancelled, this show will continue to sweep for its production values.

Reality Rundown: Goodbye to the Gremlin and Mr. Clean

2010-08-27T10:15:00.004-04:00

Big Brother 12 - Week 7

The HGs fondly flashback to Matt's playing of the Diamond Power of Veto, with Ragan so excited, Enzo and Hayden nervous, and Brendon displeased at being called a big dummy. The Brigade realizes that telling Matt he was going home made them look bad, while Matt comes to the realization that he's not as important to the Brigade as he thought. Well Matt, they had to vote someone from the Brigade out so there was a 50/50 chance it could've been you, so simma down.

There's also a Have/Have Not competition where 2 teams of 3 will order a shot and 2 are delicious, while 1 is nasty. The other team has to guess who took the nasty shot. Ragan's over the top theatrics seal a victory for his team (Lane, Matt) so Enzo, Brendon, and Hayden are Have Nots who get to dine on broccoli and bean dip all week. Farty! In other news, Lane benches 325lbs, Britney's boyfriend is not a Greek god, and a moth terrorizes the backyard.

Brendon approaches HOH Britney hoping she'll stay true to the deal she made last week, but of course she's screwed because Brendon has to be nominated- no brainer. Enzo begins to have suspicions about Matt since he realizes last week Matt was ultimately testing their loyalty and messing with them. Knowing he's likely to get nominated, Enzo (along with Lane and Hayden) tries to make a case for Matt to be nominated. Britney is worried but somewhat receptive to the idea so bounces it off Matt, and duh, of course he isn't a fan of this plan. Britney chooses to nominate Brendon for targeting her last week and Enzo for never being on the block before.

Brendon heads to the Have Not room to wear an eye mask and talk to the spirit of his beloved Rachel, while Hayden and Lane realize this could be the perfect time to backdoor their Brigade-mate Matt. The Power of Veto competition is to accept punishments to win points towards the veto, or give up points to win prizes. Britney assumes her fellow HGs are on the same page to skip the prizes and get Brendon out of this game, but it doesn't work. Enzo gives all his clothes to charity and has to wear a penguin suit (literally a penguin, not a tux), but it's not enough to win the veto. Of course, Brendon wins the POV after opting to take a chum bath for 24 hours, shave his head bald, handcuff himself to Britney, and be a Have Not for 3 weeks. Meanwhile, Hayden is sitting pretty because the prizes were anonymous and he left with a Hawaiian vacation and $5k; Lane won a phone call home.

Britney is livid about what occured at the POV competition, and her pal lane informs her Matt took all the prizes (false). Her day goes from bad to worse when she finds Pandora's Box and chooses to open it for a chance to get advice from a former houseguest. Turns out, it's Season 10/11 HG Jesse, "Mr. Pectacular" aka biggest a-hole ever, and his advice is weight-training advice. Since Britney got the shit-end of Pandora's Box, the rest of the HG's get the positive which is a Hawaiian tiki party with food, drinks, leis, and limbo. After being freed from the box, Britney is then handcuffed to Brendon and suffers through his on-the-hour-for-24-hours chum baths.

Now that Brendon is safe, Britney needs to name a replacement nominee and Matt is desperate so he throws BFF Ragan under the bus to keep the Brigade together. Matt urges his fellow Brigade members to put a bug in Britney's ear (forcefully) to get Ragan out. The Brigade does suggest a replacement nominee to Britney: Matt. Once Britney realizes how untrustworthy Matt is, willing to sacrifice his best friend just to stay in the house, she puts him on the block and it looks like the DPOV is on his way out this week.

Ragan is upset to hear Matt threw him under the bus and when Hayden and Enzo explain that last week they planned to split the votes between Lane and Matt something clicks. Ragan realizes the guys are aligned. Matt tries to leverage Ragan's Brigade knowledge into votes to keep him in the house, but it fails and he's voted out unanimously. Matt realizes "he Baba Booeyed" the HOH competition by throwing it, calls Britney a succubus (which Julie considers to be a terrible word) and heads off to the jury house. But he won't be alone because it's a double eviction night.

HOH competition: answer a question about HGs by retrieving the 2 correct names from cardboard boxes filled with packing peanuts. Really breaking the bank on this competition. Office Depot must be so grateful for the business. Hayden answers the question correctly and buzzes into his punch light 1st so he is the HOH. He has a mere commercial break to decide on his nominees, but there's enough time for a Cabana room pow wow between the remaining Brigade members and Mr. Clean aka Bald-on aka Brendon. Hayden and his mop top nominate Brendon and Ragan.

Veto competition: step up or down to answer before or after events in the house. Big Brother really thought outside of the box for this competition which happens same time every year and they've been studying for it all week. Jeez BB, think of some new stuff if even the HGs can figure out your next move. Ragan wins the POV, so Britney quickly scrambles to assure she has the votes to keep her against Bald-on. In a unanimous vote, Brendon is at long last evicted from Big Brother. Looks like sexin' for him and Rachel in the jury house.

Photo Credits: CBS.com

Reality Rundown: They Kicked Your Ascot

2010-08-27T08:30:00.000-04:00

Top Chef DC • Project Runway

Top Chef DC - After watching Ed walk around the house in Tiffany's dress and finding out Angelo prays to an altar of 4 star chefs, they head to the kitchen for the Quickfire. Judged by Top Chef Master competitor Rick Moonen, the chefs have to choose a food idiom to inspire a dish. "Hide the salami" gets the most laughs from us immature viewers. The winner's dish will also be incorporated into Schwann's frozen meal repertoire. Kelly's "sour grapes" chicken with grape puree is voted least favorite along with Amanda's "big cheese" mac and cheese with a pork chop. Kevin's "bring home the bacon" is bacon 3 ways, and Ed's "hot potato" gnocchi is pretty good especially since it was merely an hour of prep time. Ed is selected the winner of the Quickfire because you can't freeze a fried egg with bacon foam very well.

Elimination Challenge: work in a team to run a high-end concession stand at the Washington Nationals game. Kelly takes the reigns as leader but is more dominating and demanding rather than helpful. The kitchen is chaos with Ed yelling, Angelo realizing his pork is taking up a lot of prep time, and the late-night realization that someone's job is going to be to take orders. Angelo agrees to take orders, but sees right through Kelly's methodical way of passing the responsibility to others. Angelo tries to go back on this when they arrive to the park, but Kevin goes bananas. Angelo is stuck having someone else plate for him, but goes back into villain mode when he doesn't offer Amanda advice to help her tuna tartar not oxidize.

The crowd arrives and orders fly in, mostly for Tiffany's meatball sub and Kelly's crabcake BLT. The National players that stop by pretty like everything, but like the meatball sub and Angelo's pork best. The team vibes well and does a great service, except Kevin who is a total downer and no one wants to order his chicken kebabs.

Now that there's 6 cheftestants, everyone is called into judging at the same time. Angelo's order running is questioned, causing some debate among them. The judges evaluate their favorites first. Ed's corn fritters are crispy on the outside and creamy in the middle. Tiffany's dish is sloppy but absolutely delicious and flavorful. Ed wins the Elimination Challenge (and a trip to Australia), making him a double challenge winner this week, but you've got to win 3 more in a row to top Tiffany. And the not so good. Amanda's vegetables were good, but her tartar was gray, creeping out the diners. Kevin is credited for a good idea, but the marinade didn't come through, the fries were soggy, and Eric Ripert feared choking on a long kebab stick (that's what she said). Kelly's crabcake BLT was critiqued for being a little soft and to cut down the bacon; so yeah, she's safe. Angelo's pork was good (maybe a little sugary), but the soggy bread overpowered the whole thing. Underdog Amanda, who lasted about 8 weeks longer than expected, is sent packing.

Project Runway - Team challenge! There are two teams of 6, selected gym class style, and old lady Peach is last picked and ends up on the underdog team. One person from the losing team will go home. The challenge is to create a 6 piece collection on trend for fall 2010. There's some concepts (like military and minimalist) and textiles (lace, leather, etc) and one from each must be selected as the collection's inspiration. They also force in the Garnier hair guy; I fast forward.

The A-Team, which I've dubbed them since they're all the challenge winners, selects menswear for women with the textile of camel. Their strategy isn't for each to do one look, rather do the stuff you do best and mix and match. Last week's winner Michael is jealous that his 1st pick, Gretchen, has become the defacto team leader, but they're vibing well. The Underdogs choose military and lace- oh dear god that sounds terrible. It sounds like they already know they're losers, which frustrates old lady Peach.

I thought both collections were terrible. The Underdogs are named the winning team and then the judges evaluate their looks for an individual winner. Their collection is deemed young and fun, whereas I see is as Forever 21 clothes. Casanova, despite having a tantrum, makes sleek white pants with a black lace top that the judges love. Peach does a blue pencil-esque skirt with a red lace top. The winner is nutball Casanova whose look was the most tolerable in my eyes.

The A-Team, formerly a team of winners now losers, heads into judging with Gretchen giving some long-winded speech I totally ignored. She blabs about standing united and don't ask us to name names. Oh god, STFU Gretchen. Their collection has no individuality, poorly proportioned, and drab colors. The worst look (Ivy's) is deemed "Golden Girl vest" and it looks like something worn on The Brady Bunch. There's a shiny shirtdress with riding pants and an ascot by AJ; Fred from Scooby Doo would like that part. Gretchen starts to cover their asses, claiming they knew it was old and styling was to cover up an ugly collection. The team throws immune Michael under the bus, pointing out his lack of technical skills impeded the team. To show their worth, everyone walks down the line and points out the ugly pieces they made so hardly any photo links here since it's all a mishmash of designers. Gretchen is spared elimination and AJ, his "flight attendant shirtdress" and ascot are AUF'd.

Post elimination, Tim comes to retrieve the eliminated contestant and rips into the A-Team, especially Gretchen for manipulating everyone and AJ for taking the bullet. Looks like you got SERVED by the Gunn!

Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, MyLifetime.com, Silicon Thoughts

Small Servings

2010-08-26T09:00:00.002-04:00

Nickelodeon game show hosts: where are they now?
"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" supercut
Oh hey, I know a way to sell more Snuggies: put it in a commercial with one of the worst songs of all time
Quicksand no longer cool
Sweet Valley High boardgame looks like what cool kids play, but is really Memory for pre-teens
TLC sets out to ruin lives another family with sextuplets
Kenny Powers to take on Mexico
The Precioussssss
Wendy's makes hot drink training videos totally awesome in 1993

Photo Credit: Warming Glow

Reality Rundown: Love (and $250k) Don't Come Easy

2010-08-24T09:00:00.009-04:00

Bachelor Pad - Week 3

Gia's Legend of Billie Jean rally cry makes her the #1 target of the men. Her stress takes on a new focus when Chris Harrison and Melissa inform them there are 2 roses up for grabs in this week's challenge: a kissing contest. Best kisser gets a rose. God, this show doesn't even mask it's true intent. Hook up or go home. Poor Gia with a boyfriend!

The girls get blindfolded and go down the line for smooches. Elizabeth moans through all her kisses, except #5 who was the Weatherman; she picks #4 which is her obsession, Kovacs. I think this challenge is supposed to be sexy but it's really odd. It's like an 8th grade makeout party (or 6th grade if you're Kovacs). Ashley is a teacher and decides to not kiss a bunch of dudes on TV and ruin her career; Kovacs calls this lame, saying she flirts in little bikinis all day. Um, kinda different. Tenley laughs through all the kisses, but #3 gets her all happy and it was Kiptyn, who she is smitten with already. Because Gia has a boyfriend, her kisses are all tame aka Dave's tongue stays in his mouth.

Guys turns to get smooches. Tenley eats the guys faces off which impresses Natalie, but Natalie basically calls herself a whore who would kiss everyone in the house for "like $20." Gia can't force herself to hoe it up for the contest and is surprised how many "porn stars" are here; cut Elizabeth gets down and dirty. Gia drops out mid-contest, realizing she can't betray her boyfriend for this shitty gameshow she already knows she lost. The person most excited for this contest? Weatherman and boy does he get some kissin' (and maybe a little something extra). Person least excited for this contest (besides Gia)? Germaphobe Wes, who goes dead last for the most sloppiest seconds of all time; like sloppy 14ths. Kissing contest winners: David (who insists this is better than winning a pie eating contest) and Peyton (who was gentle not sloppy).

Dave's date card reads "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." He brings along Nikki (for her class aka helping their game last week), Krisily, and Natalie. They take a private jet and limo to the Mirage Hotel which I'm pretty sure hasn't been cool since 1996. No Sigfried and Roy, no deal. They head to Bare, a topless pool, because as mentioned before this show isn't hiding what it's supposed to be. Natalie has history with Dave and since her thing with Jesse is done, she's down for a good time. Krisily didn't understand that Dave kissed all the girls the same way and feels a real chemistry. The magic of blindfolds! Krisily gets alone time with Dave, but Natalie being a drunk fool running on the pool deck (which you should never do!) distracts him. Natalie genuinely likes Dave, really wants the rose, and loses the top in the pool. The night ends with some big ass villa and the rose, which obviously goes to Natalie cause I bet someone is renaming this Fantasy Suite the Bone Zone tonight.

Peyton's date card says "Gentlemen, start your engines." She selects Kovacs, Kiptyn, and Jesse B. Talk about playing the game- 2 Insiders?! Message received, Peyton- you're here to win. Peyton and her men go to a drag racing strip, because they live their life a quarter mile at a time. Jesse B has a crush on Peyton and is really hoping for a fantasy suite to get their relationship started. Insert car metaphor here. Kipytn is grateful for getting to come on the date, knowing that his position with Tenley would jeopardize his chance at dates. He's actually not sure if he's ready for a relationship with Tenley and doesn't want to be pegged for that. It's pretty believable til he lets us know he's lying for the rose. Ohhh manipulator! Peyton thinks Kovacs is a good looking guy and tries to get a feel for how tight he is with Elizabeth in regards to the game; he quickly realizes he'll never get a date rose. Jesse B is so smitten with Peyton, they kiss, Jesse gets the rose, and it looks like another romance is blooming in the Bachelor Pad. Upon returning to the house there's a Fantasy Suite card for Peyton and Jesse, so he lets her decide whether to take the card; Peyton says yes and they just get to hang out in a more secluded bedroom of the house. Hardly the Bone Zone Villa.

In other news, Tenley thinks Kiptyn will forget about her on the date with Peyton, so she sneak cuddles him and he's not into it. He doesn't want a target on his back by coupling with Tenley since the Outsiders are targeting the couples. Tenley is a a jealous clinger, figuring Kiptyn will fall madly in love with Peyton in mere minutes. Grow a pair, Tenley. HBIC Elizabeth wonders if Kovacs can resist temptation on the dates, but she's not as whiney as Tenley. Kovacs resents Elizabeth's presence because she's ruining his game, while she believes she's helping him yet is total bipolar about her feelings.

Wes and Gia have a heart to heart and he hopes to keep her in the house, while also wishing she didn't have a boyfriend. Gia's a realist and knows if there's a tie vote the rose-holder breaks the tie and she's not on good terms with Dave. And then, the moment we've all been waiting for: Wes busts out his guitar and gives us a riveting performance of "They Say Love Don't Come Easy." Gia is so moved by his song, calling him "the modern day Shakespeare, but better." You know, since Shakespeare was a huge country/western fan. Gia admits without a boyfriend she'd go for Wes and his guitar playing makes her cry, or it might just be the deep intense lyrics. Gia's confused about her "hunny back home" and "amazing" Wes. Pick Wes- he's got a sweetass guitar!

Wes gets his game-face on to try and save his beloved Gia and approaches Peyton and Natalie about breaking up the couples. Natalie realizes she needs to keep her new relationship with Dave on the DL to save her butt in the game. Elizabeth is worried she could be voted out this week so hopes the guys like her more than Gia. Wow, a sweet beautiful girl vs. a nasty controlling bitch with a scary dye job. Tough call. Gia tries to smooth things over with Kiptyn to perhaps earn a vote, but he's not sure why she tried to get him voted out, but the conversation repairs their relationship a smidge.

Elimination night! Weatherman worries he's on the chopping block, while the guys are deciding between voting out Gia or Elizabeth. The Insiders are casting their votes for the Weatherman, knowing that they need to keep the couple guys around for the vote block. The Outsiders cast their vote for Kovacs since he's aligned with bitchy Elizabeth. Wes becomes #1 on Elizabeth's hitlist because he's gunning for her to go home to keep Gia around. Wes threatens Kovacs, guaranteeing that if Kovacs doesn't get rid of Elizabeth tonight they'll vote Kovacs out next week. The Insider guys vote for Gia, while the Outsiders vote Elizabeth. Kiptyn is the swing vote and seems to be the only guy listening to Wes' argument for Gia to stay.

As the roses get handed out, the bottom 2 men are Kovacs and Weatherman and when they call Kovacs name the sad realization the we'll lose the quippy one-liners of the Weatherman sets it. The girls are tied: it's Gia or Elizabeth and the rose holder on the men's side, Dave, casts the deciding vote. With no real time to ponder, Dave gives a little soliloquy about life not always being fair and such a phrase is true when he keeps nasty Elizabeth in the game, sending Gia home. The Weatherman goes home broke and without love, while Gia is sad she couldn't tell Wes her true feelings for him. Love don't come easy, indeed.

Photo Credits: BuddyTV.com

Reality Rundown: The name's Bond. Snooki Bond.

2010-08-23T09:24:00.000-04:00

Jersey Shore

Snooki calls her boyfriend Emilio, who is a loud, loser tool who is out with half naked girls. Snooki attributes the lesbian rate going up because guys are douchebags. During her venting, this leads Sammi to question if Ronnie is doing the same to her and there's awkward silence. Sammi hopes if they did know something they'd tell her. Uhhhh. JWoww and Snooki go outside and wonder how to deal with this because Ronnie and Sammi are both their friends. Emilio calls again and is a wasted fool and admits he had sex with another girl. Oh wait, he's kidding- how hilarious!! Emilio, you are this generation's Ashton Kutcher with your punking. After getting the phone slammed on him, Emilio calls a 2nd time and JWoww answers threatening to call the cops. Emilio is so drunk he asks "Is this a voice message or a voice mail?" Laughter abound. For his next phone call, JWoww pretends to be a voicemail to make it easier on him, before telling him off for being "a drunk skank with no job." Girl power! Let's break some plates! Dishes are done, man!

The guys return from the club and see broken dishes, assuming it was Sammi going apeshit. Ronnie sleeps in his own bed and ignores Sammi, so she lays into him for making her wait around. Ronnie sees this as beating a dead horse, and us viewers are thinking "Us too!" He also elaborates to explain what the phrase "beating a dead horse" means and I'm sure we're thankful someone at long last explained this overly confusing metaphor.

Sammi finally lets herself have a Ronnie-less moment and goes to lunch with the girls. Angelina is talking about The Situation, Pauly D, and Vinnie talking to girls but Sammi questions what Ronnie would be doing at this time. More awkward silence. JWoww whispers for Angelina to tell her the truth, but she doesn't. JWoww blames her odd expression on spicy mayo.

The Situation is starting the tradition of Sunday Dinner, their first family dinner- I'm so excited! After recalling Snooki ruining the last dinner by dropping the chicken, The Situation knocks a skillet of sauce to the floor. Marinara sauce, it is. This leads to mishaps galore with Snooki almost taking Ronnie's eye out with a champagne cork and milk falling from the fridge. Dinner is going well until Angelina brings up Ronnie dancing with a blonde girl and it's "cut it out" hand signals all around. They follow up dinner with a bowl of questions, which is the perfect time for the girls to dress super-slutty to answer sexy questions. Vinnie thinks Angelina's lingerie looks like a garbage bag with Pauly hilariously responding, "She's wearing her luggage from last year!" DYING. The questions are pretty awesome and Sammi aptly pulls "Which guy in the house would take a dump on your chest?" But the cheating question leaves crickets in the room because everyone wants to say Ronnie.

The guys GTL to blah blah lot of abbreviations while the girls, sans Sammi, head out to dinner and JWoww brings up the Sammi/Ronnie issue. She thinks they need to air it out and decide to put it via an anonymous note. Like a random stranger wrote it? It'll be pretty easy to deduce who wrote it. The head back to the house for some t-shirt time before the club which allows for yet another Sammi/Ronnie tiff about him picking up grenades. They're fighting at the club and total downers and The Situation says exactly what I'm thinking: "How much can you fight?" God, it's so annoying. The roomies leave the club but leave Ronnie, so stupid Sammi again has to tell Ronnie she's leaving, despite saying she was done with him 5 minutes ago. Well he gets in a cab and peaces out. Sammi lets everyone know she's done, again, so we'll see how long this sticks.

The roomies make this way to the next club and Ronnie eventually arrives via cab and gets schwasted. He is drunk and rambling to Sammi about god knows what, but she still wants to take care of his drunk ass. She puts him to bed where with a puke pot and he passes out quickly (well that it until he falls to the floor). The girls return and are annoyed with Sammi taking care of Ronnie despite his behavior.

The next day, Ronnie exorcist pukes all that Ron Ron juice into the toilet and he's being nice to Sammi again. Oh jesus, the drama continues. Vinnie and Pauly use the gelato shop as a way to pick up chicks, serving up "Butterface" flavor. When the work day ends, JWoww and Sammi head to a cyber cafe to type up the anonymous note for Sammi. This is the most amazing letter and you know it'll be fantastic when it begins with, "The first night at BED wen you left crying, Ron made out with 2 girls and put his head inbetween a chock waitresses breasts." This is our generation's "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Sammi asks Angelina to be truthful with her about Ronnie, and Angelina throws Snooki and JWoww into the mix and she has the same feelings for them too: if anyone knows something, be honest. Both groups of girls get home at the same time, so Angelina lets them know about Sammi's suspicions, and repeats over and over that she doesn't want to be involved. Then my DVR cut off, but next week: LETTER TIME!

Serving of the Week

2010-08-23T07:54:00.000-04:00

Name: Farrah, Teen Mom

SERVED: Poor Farrah. A year ago I couldn't stand the girl; she drove me nuts. Season 2 of MTV's Teen Mom has sort of been a Farrah redemption, with her finally growing up and taking care of her adorable daughter Sophia, even if she's far from perfect. Farrah got SERVED hard this week and is learning the hard way how difficult it is to be a single teen mom.

Farrah decided this past week that she wanted a better car so decided to sell her current car on Craigslist and get herself a new ride (was it really necessary? No). Despite a Craigslist warning screen about keeping large-value sales local, Farrah sold her car to some guy out of state who would pay $5,000 for the car and $3,000 to ship it. He sent her a check for $8k and Farrah immediately withdrew the $3k for shipping- except the check was bad and didn't clear. Long story short, Farrah got screwed out of 3 grand, while also overdrafting her account, and then while talking to her banker her baby fell on the floor hard. Oh Farrah, you got so SERVED. You have a car- be happy with what you have and save your cash.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: MTV

Reality Rundown: He Has the Diamond Power of Veto, Ya Dummy

2010-08-20T10:15:00.003-04:00

Big Brother 12 - Week 6

The show does an amazing job of really dragging out the rope HOH challenge so I'll keep it brief: Brendon seeks revenge for his beloved Rachel and wins HOH. He gets to pick 3 Have Nots so pick Britney, Ragan and Matt, the ones he blames for Rachel's eviction. Matt is also annoyed because the Brigade isn't holding their end in challenges, leaving it all up to him. Little does Matt know, Enzo and Hayden made a side alliance with Brendon and Rachel last week for safety this week and to target Britney and Ragan, who have strong friendships with the remaining Brigade members.

Britney and Ragan are taking becoming Have Nots pretty terribly. They're crying in the Have Not room, lamenting their situation, and their likelihood of being nominated this week. Lane hopes to keep Britney safe because she's a good person, and because he feels they're like Raisin Bran cereal (which he confusingly thinks could be made of cookies). Enzo and Hayden, meanwhile, are losing their faith in Matt and gaining more trust with Brendon. Brendon's initial idea is to target Lane and Britney, which alarms Enzo because Lane is Brigade so he make an effort to plant some Ragan seeds.

Ragan takes on yet another saboteur task, which is pretty lame: re-bring up the idea of lifelong friends and suggest it's male/female. Since there's only 2 women left, they're pretty upset since the target on their backs becomes even larger. But the saboteur is still a Have Not and this week Ragan, Britney and Matt will dine on escargot and eggplant.

Ragan offers to speak with Brendon to try and save himself and Matt, but Matt encourages Ragan to just fight for himself. Why? Oh yeah, because Matt has the Diamond Power of Veto and can shake the house up this week by saving himself and naming his own replacement nominee. Ragan makes an alliance offer to Brendon, one that makes kind of good sense since no one would see it coming, but Brendon is too hooked on hating people who hate Rachel to make a deal with them. Brendon pulls Britney aside to make a deal for safety next week if he doesn't nominate her, and Britney kind of agrees without explicitly saying it. After all is said and done, Brendon nominates Ragan and Lane.

Ragan quickly realizes that his days in the house are numbered and knows the POV is his only hope to stay and to get his $20k saboteur money, even if it would lead to the eviction of one of his house BFFs (Matt or Britney). The most awesome addition to the house, Zingbot 3000, enters to host the POV competition and throw out zinger at the HGs. The veto comp is to collect puzzle pieces, cross a balance beam, and assemble the puzzle on a spinning platform; if you fall you're out. Wanna guess the only HG that falls? KATHY. What a waste. Ragan has a good strategy for solving the puzzles so Brendon decides he should take on another strategy: cheat off Ragan. Ragan ends up winning the POV, ensuring another week in the house, but at least Brendon got a hug from Zingbot.

Brendon enters the HOH room to be tempted by Pandora's Box, hinting at a vacation for 2 and a video of his lady-love Rachel. The idea of banging Rachel somewhere tropical is too appealing, so Brendon opens Pandora's Box, puts on a blindfold and leaves the house. Brendon arrives at a big mansion in Malibu for massages and delicious cuisine, calling out for his dear Rachel, but there's no answer because Rachel has been sent on a vacation of her own.

Ding dong! Front door bell is ringing. Ragan opens the door cautiously to be greeted by, "I'M BACK BITCHES!" It is Rachel and she is back to plague this house for 24 hours (she still hasn't understand she is meant to be the evil from Pandora's Box, not the positive). She claims they have to be nice to her since she's jury but Ragan could care less. Rachel asks Ragan if he's bitchy because he's gay, and this is the first comment setting off a shitshow of events. After antagonizing Have Not Ragan about cookies he lays into Rachel and it is AMAZING. Any time I get annoyed with Ragan in the house, I use the FlashBack player to rewatch this fight. It is epic (watch the CBS edited version - the real thing is even better).

Rachel makes one last statement before leaving and writes "MATT" in pretzels in the HOH room as a message to Brendon which is a huge violation of the Big Brother rules. Of course, BB doesn't care because this works out perfectly: Brendon makes a deal with Britney, follows the pretzels and nominates Matt for eviction. Sounds shitty, right? Don't forget, Matt has the Diamond Power of Veto and will rock their world Thursday night (just like Big Brother wanted). While I'm all for the DPOV being played, this ain't right Big Brother. You obviously changed the rules of the entire game just to cater to this move. Seems preeeetty unfair and ultimately really changed the outcome of the game, especially since the Diary Room allegedly told Matt they didn't catch the pretzels on camera (blatant lie).

Now on the block, but possessing the Diamond Power of Veto, Matt has to fake mope around the house all week. It's eating Ragan up inside, and already Enzo is campaigning for Matt's jury vote. Matt takes notice of this, considering putting his fellow Brigade member up. The saboteur's latest act of "destruction" is to place a note saying "I know your secret" under someone's pillow, so he chooses Enzo. Turns out earlier Kathy made the beds, so she becomes a prime suspect and this gives Matt another reason, besides Pretzelgate, to put Kathy up as his replacement.

Julie brings us back to the house for stupid Q&A before she asks for final speeches. Matt gets to go first and gives a speech taking lots of shots at Brendon for targeting him, but pointing out he came oh so close, because he has the Diamond Power of Veto (which is falling apart since Big Brother makes the chintziest things ever). He also calls Brendon a dummy, which provides me a moment of laughter. The house is shocked, with Ragan in tears of joy and Brendon stoic. Citing her performance in competitions, Kathy is named the replacement nominee and easily voted out in a 5-0 vote. She has no hard feelings, gets the game, and heads off to the jury house which is hopefully filled with root beer, cigarettes, and a Sleepnumber mattress.

The day before elimination, the house played Big Brother Says throughout the day, having to do stupid tasks. The HOH competition is to answer True/False questions based on what they did. Matt throws it because he's sitting pretty. It comes down to Britney and Enzo (I know, he actually tried) and Britney wins the HOH! Brendon, grab a life vest!

Photo Credits: BSideBlog, CBS.com

Reality Rundown: Today is a Say Something Hat Day

2010-08-20T08:22:00.000-04:00

Finale! The Next Food Network Star • Top Chef DC • Project Runway

Finale! The Next Food Network Star - The queen of rasp, Rachel Ray, meets the finalists in the Food Network kitchen to inform them of their final task. Rachel will direct each finalist in a 3-minute pilot for their cooking show which will then be presented to focus groups and their opinions will help select a winner. We see all 3 finalists get overwhelmed at the memorizing, bumble their lines, and of course ace it in the end. It seems like such a time-waster since it's sooo obvious Aarti is going to win.

Herb's pilot is screened first and makes the audience chuckle with jokes about his girlish figure. He's described as charismatic, his food looked tasty despite it being healthy, and he's a guy they'd want to hang out with. Aarti has lots of family stories and talks about getting crunk at book clubs. The audience found her easy to relate to and someone they'd want to befriend (see a pattern?) Tom's show has some good tips and makes them laugh. Tom is the first one described with the phrase "star quality" and they love him being so different than any other food personality.

The judges praise all 3 finalists- why kick them down when it's already over? Tom makes cooking fun, while Aarti is the kind of girl you'd want to watch without necessarily making their food. Herb- c'mon, he's not even in the running. While I personally found Tom's pilot the best, it's clear this show has been obsessed with Aarti since day 1 and see something they love in her. Aarti is named the Next Food Network Star and pretty soon Aarti Party (which has nothing to do with parties) premieres this Sunday. But better news: it's already been announced runner-up Tom has been given a show, Outrageous Eats, where he'll visit places around the country for crazy food. This makes me happier.

Top Chef DC - Molecular gastonomy guys Wylie Dufresence comes out, so I'm expecting a science experience but it's actually just good old fashioned cooking with f'ed up ingredients. The Quickfire is create a dish using the ingredients in a bunch of mystery boxes. So yeah, the same as Food Network's Chopped. It's also a high stakes Quickfire, so money's on the line. Mystery box #1 is fish, fava beans, and a can (yes, can) of honey. Everyone starts their dish, but mystery box #2 arrives with squid and black garlic, and since all ingredients have to be incorporated, they're screwed. Wanna get gross? Box #3 has ramps and passion fruit. Something called hominy is in a 4th box and at this point I'm like, "Enough already!" These dishes sounded like crap all around. Awesome Tiffany wins yet another Quickfire with her stew, making her hilarious and talented, which is my favorite kind of Top Chef (shoutout to Crazy Carla!!)

Elimination challenge: a lot of CIA metaphors leads to the easier summary of "create a new identity for a classic dish." They'll be serving their food to CIA officers and the head of the CIA at the CIA headquarters and the winner gets a trip to Paris. Do they get a CIA escort, because they didn't say CIA enough in 2 minutes. Some of the dishes getting a diguise: kung poa shrimp, gyros, veal parmesan, and Cobb Salad. Angelo is getting the most frowns in the kitchen because he bought pre-made puff pastry for his beef wellington, and that ugly hippie guy from episode 1 was eliminated for that same reason.

The dinner panel has fun trying to guess the dishes (some far easier to guess than others) but the head of the CIA gets pulled away on a secret note; rumor has it some creature from middle earth stole a pea puree somewhere. The judges bring Tiffany, Kelly and Ed to the table first where they are told they have the best dishes. Kelly turned her kung pao shrimp, typically with a sauce, into a soup that was full of flavor. Tiffany's deconstructed gyro was described as elegant at the tasting. Ed's chicken cordon bleu was a little obvious, but it was perfectly executed technique-wise. The chef named winner and getting a trip (or shall I say honeymoon) to Paris is TIFFANY! For those keeping tracking, that's 4 challenges in a row. Suck on that, Angelo!

The bottom 3 can be called Triple A (AAA): Angelo, Alex, and Amanda. Amanda's french onion soup wasn't disguised well at all and had an overly sweet marmalade. Angelo's beef wellington was totally obvious and the puff pastry was dried out. Gollum (who, c'mon people, we know is going home at long last) takes on veal parmesan and it looked cool, but has horrible execution. He has the genius idea to try techniques he's never done before, and Tom basically says he'd rather eat carnival versions of his components than Gollum's terrible cooking. Alex aka Gollum is at long last eliminated, leaving a trail of poorly executed food and stolen pea puree in his wake.

Project Runway - We pick up last week's episode with a passed out Ivy being aided by EMTs and getting an ambulance ride to the hospital. Ivy's back and learned to hydrate herself (which means water, not Diet Coke).

The models enter the runway wearing outlandish hats (it's a Say Something Hat Day!) and Heidi brings out hat designer Philip Treacy who has designed hats "for some of the most beautiful women in the world, from Sarah Jessica Parker to Lady Gaga." You have named 2 famous women who are mocked for their quirky beauty; nice one. So the challenge is obviously to create an outfit inspired by one of Philip's hats and no, none have a propeller on top so BOO. The fun part is that it forces the designers to switch models just to get the hat they want so I was hoping for some model swapping drama to get the hat of choice, but they are all dullards and keep their model and whatever hat is plopped on their head. Front-runner Valerie hates her model's hat, which is actually a mask, yet still picks her. Where is the drama people?!

Michael Drummond (unrelated to Arnold, Willis and the old white guy) says hat reminds him of a warrior and farmer, so uses a pleated materials for the top and crinkled the skirt. The judges love it but I think it's terrible. Michael Costello's hat is a red hat/mask and his Grecian look is a last-minute "effortless" look because well, his original dress sucked and he had to re-do it. I like the brassy orange color and would be a big seller at a store. Valerie is awesome again with her lacy mask. She makes a little sleeveless jacket with an adorable red scooped dress with a racerback. The judges love it, but the hat designer does not so it looks like Valerie will remain PR's Susan Lucci. Michael Costello wins the challenge, finally giving Tim Gunn an accurate outfit assessment this season.

Kristin has an orchid hat, which is a beautiful hat, but the dress is a total snooze. It looks like a Macy's prom dress, sloppy lines, and it's poorly made. Christopher's hat has this huge black tulle and his silver/black dress is deemed to dark. It's a lot of look with boots, leggings, skirt, coat, and giant f'ing hat. April's hat is like one of those pointed Chinese hats, which for some reason leads her "futuristic beach look" which in turn leads to "shorts" that, c'mon people, it's an adult diaper. If April gets eliminated, she could work for Oops I Crapped My Pants. So the bottom 2 comes to an adult diaper or a cheap Macy's prom dress: Kristin and her black and hot pink blah dress are out.

Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, FoodNetwork.com, MyLifetime.com

Small Servings

2010-08-19T10:20:00.000-04:00

Red Velvet Fried Chicken hopefully comes with cream cheese frosting dip
Dog in a swing!
Belly-flopping corgi
Avatar: The Last Airbender translation fail
I wrote this book
Lost-themed "Save the Date" video is pretty awesome and introduces the world to a new set of numbers
Sesame Street takes on hot topics: mustaches (featuring Jonah Hill)
I can't stop watching Ellen rock it on the So You Think You Can Dance finale with Twitch
The one item from the Lost auction I would actually spend $500 on
Bachelorette runner-up Chris Lambton turns down prime spot as next Bachelor

Photo Credit: fuckyeahdementia

Reality Rundown: Because What is Sexier Than a Pie Eating Contest?

2010-08-17T09:45:00.003-04:00

Bachelor Pad - Week 2

The ridiculous challenges continue this week with a pie eating contest! There's a catch: no hands! Melissa, this is not a catch. Name one pie eating contest where they ever let you use your hands. NONE. ZERO. Upon seeing all this pie, Krisily breaks down into tears because she doesn't have a gall bladder and can't eat all that pie. My grandmother had gall bladder issues and til the day she passed she loved having pie and dessert, and while she obviously wasn't eating a whole pie with no hands, I say man up, Krisily!

The girls compete first and remove their shirts to compete in bras and swimsuits, because everyone always goes relatively topless to eat pies, which then leads to even more ladylike behavior of barfing pie into a bucket. Gia is able to scarf her pie down first, making her winner for the girls. The men sit down and begin their competition, and none take off their shirts. They are all kind of terrible eating, except Weatherman, Kiptyn, and Wes. Dangerous Craig uses his hair to soak up lots of pie juice so he doesn't have to eat. It's down to the crust and my beloved Weatherman wins! Another week of witty one-liners! Gia and Jonathan both win roses and are safe from elimination and get to have dates with the contestants of their choosing. The Outliers begin to realize their status and align, hoping for a change in the game. The plan is for Gia to give Dangerous Craig a rose to build up their alliance, but she warns Weatherman that Ashley is not really on their side despite what she claimed on their date.

Gia and Weatherman strategize together to figure out how they can stay safe along with their friends, because there the Inside Group is sticking together to keep their boyfriends and hook-ups around. Weatherman gets to bring 3 ladies along with him on his date; he chooses Gwen (??), Peyton, and Ashley. Kovacs realizes the Weatherman might have a good strategy going on of picking the girls who haven't hooked up. Go Weatherman! Weatherman's date is to create art with their bodies covered in paint, and luckily we're treated to the Weatherman in a Speedo again. I'm guessing he had a lot of booze in the limo. I know this should be a sexy date but it looks like preschool gone bad. Turns out the Weatherman feels a romantic connection with Gwen (??) and didn't even talk game with her in their private time, instead bonding over their love of tennis, creativity, and some place in Italy. He gives her the rose, but talk about a kick in the junk, Gwen (??) lets us the viewers know that romance would never happened between them. Aw, poor Weatherman.

Gia picks Wes, Dangerous Craig, and Jesse Beck (who Gia rigged her "random third pick" bowl to only be able to pick him) for her date. They get really over-excited about a Moroccan-looking tent in a courtyard and just talk, booze and give each other henna tattoos. Gia immediately pulls Craig aside and informs him he's getting a rose and they want him in their crew. Gia tries to bring Jesse Beck into the fold, even though he's hooking up with Natalie, but he says he's here to win and will do whatever it takes. Wes tells Gia he's crazy about her and wishes she didn't have a boyfriend, and even Gia said if things were different maybe she'd have a similar feeling. She doesn't think he's a slimeball like the show portrayed, and is now torn about the rose. Despite her earlier promise, Gia gives the rose to Wes, and it's obvious at this point Dangerous Craig is going home.

The Insiders panic about the possibility of Dangerous Craig getting a rose which would then eliminate one of the Insider guys. I guess the stress is short-lived because HBIC Elizabeth and Kovacs shower together and smooch. When Gia's date returns and Wes announces he got the rose, the guys breathe a sigh of relief. Jessie S, who I consider this series' #1 rat (see: Rozlyn, "Rated R" Justin) is in-between both groups, so uses her assets (read: boobs, sexuality) to get herself ahead in the game with a hot tub makeout with Dave. Krisily spies all this from afar and doesn't appreciate her playing both sides, so she lets Kiptyn know, even if he's not in her alliance. Jesse Beck is already questioning his relationship with Natalie since she's pretty flirtatious, but also has pasts with several guys. Natalie is pretty let down that Jesse isn't interested in her, but he also sees himself as an Outsider, not a cool kid. Gia rounds up her Outsider girls to vote off Kiptyn, while the Insiders plan to vote off Dangerous Craig, forcing a tie.

Chris Harrison comes out to do actual hosting duties, bringing up how those with relationships feeling. Elizabeth says she doesn't feel her relationship is any different than say Tenley and Kiptyn's, which Tenley is quick to point out in differs in some physical ways. Elizabeth is taken aback and thanks Tenley for calling her a ho. Tenley starts to cry, of course. Is it not obvious that the girls live in fear of Elizabeth? Elizabeth=Regina George. The Outsiders feel that certain people spread lies and try to turn people against each other, and Jessie S thinks they should confront that person, leading to a lot of "DUH, it's you" glares.

HBIC Elizabeth basically bullies Ashley into being on their side to get rid of Craig. Dave confronts Jessie S about a possible pact she has with Craig, feeling used, and swears to vote Craig off. Dave wants to try and help keep him in the game, but he knows it's likely too late. The guys begin to vote and the first few votes are for overly vocal Krisily, but it doesn't help: Jessie S is voted out. The Insider men make a last ditch plea to save their numbers, so they have Kiptyn approach Nikki to try and make her sway; let's hope it doesn't involved the Juan "hit it and quit it" method. She starts crying about being in the middle as Kiptyn places his nice guy card. Nikki continues to whine and sob about being the swing vote and ultimately casts the deciding vote that sends Dangerous Craig home. So much for Weatherman and Dangerous Craig becoming BFFs.

Next Week: The return of "They Say Love Don't Come Easy"!!!!!!!

Photo Credits: ABC.com

Reality Rundown: Whose Chicken Cutlet is in the Hot Tub?

2010-08-16T10:00:00.000-04:00

Jersey Shore
Angelina continues to be a sloppy mess with Pauly D and The Situation, slapping them around (literally), leading to a lot of screaming to get her to go away. Considering Pauly D is pretty drama-free, you've gotta realize how pissed he is. Get a clue, Angelina. The next morning she plays the blackout card, cries behind her giant sunglasses, and apologizes to Pauly. Pauly accepts the apology, but in terms of being friends and hanging out, she's cut off. GTL with a new friend, Angelina. The guys beg the girls to befriend Angelina because they can't have her around all the time. Snooki understands how Angelina feels because the first night ever at the house, Snooki was the outcast. Angelina finally admits she talked smack about Snooki and Angelina and all is well (for now).

The gang begins their job at the gelato shop, forcing JWoww to wear a normal t-shirt that actually covers her boobs. The boss, Enzo, seems to like Vinny best since he calls him "Vincenzo." Vinny is a hard worker, plus he uses it as a way to hit on girls. Later, Vinny goes to a black barbershop to get his hair cut because he needs a place to give him a straightedge. The huge Vinny news is that he sleeps with a drunk table-crushing Snooki!!! Not that way folks, they tricked us. Vinny's storylines are always classic.

Mike, Vinnie and Pauly plan to have a guys night out and combine their initials to form their elite crew, MVP. Angelina wants to tag along too and the guys don't want her around, so they hatch a plan to run away from her since she again can't take a hint. The club the guys go to doesn't have the caliber of ladies they were hoping (Vinny calls it "the Bronx zoo") but as the sign says, no one is ugly after 2AM so they bring some girls home to the hot tub. As The Situation rubs his tanned face with some hot water his vision finally clears: the hot tub is full of grenades! The grenades are sent home once someone's chicken cutlet bra insert falls into the hot tub and they play catch with it.

Sammi and Ronnie- ugh, do I have to? Things seem to be on the up and up, where they're single but rebuilding. At the club, Ronnie gets into Sloppy Joe mode again and sends Sammi home when she's being a Debbie Downer, so she heads home and cries. Ronnie then continues his nasty drunk antics of crazy dancing, kissing grenades, oh and shoving Snooki who was just trying to convince Ronnie he has a good thing with Sammi. The guys break it up quick and are tired of how terrible of a drunk Ronnie is. The house is also torn about whether or not to tell Sammi about the Ronnie she's not seeing. The Situation thinks Sammi must have an idea, comparing it to believing in the Tooth Fairy. The Situation is classic. Ronnie is torn too since sometimes he misses Sammi and other time he likes smooching grenades. Sammi and Ronnie plan to spend a night in, but once Ronnie hear the guys are going out, he ditches Sammi for the club. God, this is so repetitive. Snooki and Angelina go to dinner together and lament the Sammi/Ronnie drama, wondering what Sammi's response would be to finding out about Ronnie. They want to be good friends but aren't sure how to handle it.

Finally, Snooki sucks at scooping gelato, while The Situation tries to use his abs to attract customers. While bored on the nightshirt, Snooki sits on a giant stone camel at the gelato shop that hurts her vagina.

Photo Credits: BestWeekEver, MTV.com

Serving of the Week

2010-08-16T08:30:00.000-04:00

Name: Ronnie, Jersey Shore

SERVED: I could easily SERVE Ronnie for his ridiculous behavior in South Beach so far. Hooking up with grenades then hopping back into bed with Sammi- it's scummy. But nah, Ronnie's getting SERVED cause he got arrested... again! Was it another boardwalk fight? Altercation at a bar? No, Ronnie was arrested for unpaid parking tickets. HAHAHA talk about a lame crime to get arrested for. Ronnie, you've been SERVED for being a cheap dumbass. Cough up the cash, man!

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: PopTower.com

Reality Rundown: It's Pronounced "NeanderTALL"

2010-08-13T10:00:00.019-04:00

Big Brother 12 - Week 5

The show really knows how to drag out an HOH competition that took 30 hours to construct yet only lasted barely an hour. So Kathy opts to jump off the paint can first and be a Have Not, I guess for safety's sake yet no one was like "Hey Kathy, you're safe for taking the bullet!" Everyone else is holding on for as long as they can, meaning until Brendon falls off. Enzo drops second, but Rachel's constant "Go Brendon's!" don't help much and he falls. Yay! Brenchel going home this week! Rachel is pissed that Brendon loses HOH comps, therefore making her the bigger elimination target. The rest of the HGs begin to fall, leaving Matt and Ragan as the last 2 on the paint can, mirroring the last endurance competition. Ragan begins to consider giving the HOH to Matt again, leaving his hands clean, but sticks it out for a bit before falling. Matt is HOH for the second time, keeping the Brigade safe again.

Matt enters his HOH room to find Pandora's Box waiting for him in the HOH room and 2 notes. Note #1 explains it's Pandora's Box and there could be something good or something bad and he gets a preview of what's inside: it's the most beautiful, sparkly veto ever enclosed in a glass case. It looks like the Power of Veto form of Snooki's new crystal sunglasses on Jersey Shore. Envelope #2 explains this is the Diamond Power of Veto, the "most coveted veto on Big Brother" and it's his for the taking if he opens Pandora's Box, something bad could happen in return. Matt thinks aloud about the potential consequences, but none of us doubted for a second he would turn it down. Inside Pandora's Box, a final note explains the Diamond Power of Veto: the DPOV allows the holder to safe himself or anyone else from the block and name their replacement nominee, but it can only be used in the next 2 weeks and must be kept a secret. Matt begins to brag his now runs this house for 2 weeks.

Matt hides his DPOV and pulls out a dollar card from the first HOH competition ever, which he uses to make up a lie about what he found in Pandora's Box. He says the screen showed a briefcase which he assumed had a lot of money but only had the dollar; the house is suspect since that's a stupid lie. But now the house is on red alert because something bad is probably coming. And by bad, I mean lame because we know it's the stupid saboteur- but will Ragan accept?

Ragan is called to the Diary Room to find a notecard with his name on it informing him that Big Brother fans voted him the saboteur and for the next 2 weeks he must complete 3 sabotages a week and if he survives the next 2 weeks, he'll win $20k. Ragan is torn because it could affect him negatively in the game, but he's also flattered America chose him. What will he do, what will he do? Ragan accepts the task of saboteur. We're allowed to suggest sabotage suggestions and every idea I have involves destroying Rachel's extensions somehow.

Later in the episode, the TV screen in the living room starts going haywire and the house remembers this sound well: it's the saboteur. The saboteur thanks Matt for opening Pandora's Box and releasing the saboteur back into the game. His goal is to "destroy all of you and cruise to a half million dollars. Watch your back before I stab you in it." House paranoia sets in again and they all fear the saboteur. Last time all Annie did was put a stupid beeping noise in a bunch of rooms- oh god, how horrendous! Ragan has the worst guilty face and keeps kind of defending it yet so one says, "Why are you defending them?!"

Before nominations, Rachel approaches Matt and Ragan in the cabana room, sort of with a veiled threat that if Rachel and Brendon are nominated one of them will win the Power of Veto and be safe. Ragan begins to take offense that Rachel is insinuating he and Matt are a strategic pair and this sets him off. Ragan is tired of Rachel spouting all her bullshit, which some eventually believe as truth, so he sets he straight that he and Matt are aligned and in no one affect each other's game. Rachel is the one yelling, while Ragan takes an angry tone, and Matt just watches from the sidelines. Matt does pop in to point out that Brendon and Rachel can't have conversations without being attached at the hip, which is so true of this co-dependent showmance. Brenchel attempt to strike a deal with Matt since they are strong competitors, but Matt could care less about this attempt. Brendon and Rachel are put on the block each other again but this time one of them is definitely going home. Can you hear that? It's me jumping, clapping and hearing that this horrendous showmance is ending this week.

Brendon and Rachel spend most of the Tuesday episode pouting, whining, and being utterly annoying. Brendon sees how important it is to ol' Crocodile Tears to be in the game, so he plans to win the veto and save his lady love. They practice until 5:30 in the morning- surely they will win now! Last season's tolerable showmance Jeff and Jordan return to host the POV competition which is candlepin bowling, elimination style. First person bowls, then challenges another person; highest score stays in the game. Rachel gets up first and bowls a 6 and challenges Kathy, since she assumes she can beat Kathy. Kathy knocks down 7 pins and gives a "Wooo!" because as we know Kathy loses everything and for once she wins. Rachel gets all pissy about Kathy being happy about her losing. Brendon is second and knocks like 3 pins down and in a pissy rage, chucks a ball down the alley, almost hitting the hosts. Big baby. Once Brenchel are eliminated, the house has fun with the competition and Britney wins the POV.

After the POV, Rachel demands an apology from Kathy about her excitement for eliminating Rachel in the competition. Kathy, who up until this point I've said is a waste of space, defends herself aweseomely and refuses to apologize for being proud of herself. Kathy, this ballsy has redeemed yourself in my book. Rachel won't STFU and Hayden points out to her that she did the same thing last week with "Floaters grab a life vest!" But we all know Rachel is the center of the universe and we should all bow down to her.

Ragan gets his first saboteur task and opts for trying to turn Brendon and Rachel against each other with a video message claiming Brendon throws comps to keep the target on Rachel. They could care less, but the HGs think the saboteur is trying to get Brendon evicted rather than Rachel. Brendon decides he needs to make a drastic move to keep Rachel in the game, so in his POV speech, he completely rips into Britney and calls her a selfish spoiled brat. Britney isn't taking shit from that big baby and lays right into Brendon, pointing out his childish temper tantrum behavior. Britney leaves nominations the same and it's official: one of these 2 annoyances are being sent to the jury house.

Brendon and Rachel think his POV speech put the target on him, so he urges Rachel to try and make amends in the house so she can make alliances next week. Rachel talks to Hayden and Britney in the hammock and Ragan calmly explains to her how she has caused all the drama and turmoil in the house. Rachel gets up and leaves, sobbing a little. Brendon comes stomping across the lawn, yelling at Ragan and Britney for making Rachel cry again, calling Ragan a "f***cking douchebag." Ragan tells Brendon he doesn't even know what they were talking about and that he's an "early man, a Neanderthal." And it is at this moment, Brendon says the stupidest thing ever, "First of all, it's pronounced NeanderTALL." O. M. G. The argument ends because Britney and Ragan burst into laughter. What a moron. (Edit: apparently this pronunciation is accurate but I think what it goes to show is Brendon's personality of always having to be right and smartest)

The saboteur strikes again, leaving a message claiming that one of the people on the block might not get evicted and "love conquers all." Rachel is SO stoke for this, too bad it's all the saboteur which makes it awesome. The house is panicking though- what if one of these losers don't leave this week? OK saboteur, this was a good twist as it caused some major chaos in the house.

In other news, we found out Brendon was once engaged and she and her family are so relieved he's out of their lives. And suddenly, while watching Rachel and Brendon fight about her being "so Vegas" I realized what it is I hate about Rachel: her fake, overdramatic, playing up for cameras is a dead ringer for the stinkers in The Room. You are tearing me apart, Rachel! Despite Brendon trying to make another "fantastic" speech, attempting to out Matt's Pandora's box lie, and comparing himself to the Salem Witch Trials (you read that right), Rachel is voted out unanimously. SERVED SERVED SERVED. Unfortunately in her exit interview, Chenbot infers Rachel may not have seen the last of the Big Brother house and oh god if I have to tolerate that fire-headed weave anymore I'll go insane.

The HOH is another to be continued, with the HGs having to unravel ropes through a course and buzz in. Dear god, anyone but Brendon. Please, get the poison out of their system. The results are in and the new HOH is...

Photo Credits: BigBrotherLoop, BSideBlog, CBS.com, HauteLikeCouture, RealityBBQForums