“Some of the most important and insightful learning is far more likely to come from failures than from success.”
–Former Procter & Gamble CEO A.G. Lafley, interviewed in Harvard Business Review (April 2011)

Given the choice, we would all likely prefer not to fail and not to make mistakes. Most of us worry about “what if” we fail. We can spend agonizing hours reliving mistakes.

The reality, of course, is that we cannot live and lead without experiencing failures and making some mistakes along the way. Even for the most accomplished professionals, long track records of successes are inevitably marred by slips and fumbles. What matters is how we respond to failures and bounce back from our mistakes. This can make or break our careers. As Harvard business professor Rosabeth Moss Kanter puts it: “One difference between winners and losers is how they handle losing.”

Some people bounce back after a brief period of malaise and grow from their experiences. Others go from sadness to depression to crippling fear of failure. In business, inertia and fear of risk invite collapse.
We’ve all seen – or maybe even experienced personally – the different ways people respond to being laid off. Initially, almost everyone experiences feelings of sadness, listlessness, indecisiveness, and anxiety about the future. Some bounce back relatively quickly after that initial “down” phase. The story they tell themselves is “it’s not my fault; it’s the economy. I’m good at what I do, and there’s a market for my skills.” They update their resume and put themselves out there repeatedly until they finally land another position.

Others spiral further into hopelessness. “I got fired because I can’t perform well under pressure,” they lament. “I’m not cut out for finance; the economy will take years to recover.” They are reluctant to apply for positions because they feel it is hopeless, and they fear rejection. Their response is counter-productive—it contributes to making their worst fears come true.

Just as success creates positive momentum, failure can feed on itself if we do not respond smartly. Fortunately, we can learn how to be more resilient and bounce back smartly from failures and mistakes.

Next post – Leadership Resilience Part 2: Watch your story

Conversations and change are intimately linked. We use conversations to make sense of change. Conversations help us create change and adapt to change.

But there is another interesting perspective on the conversation-change link: the need to change the way we have conversations.

In his lovely and thought-provoking book Conversations: How Talk Can Change our Lives, Theodore Zeldin makes the interesting the point that “humans have already change the world several times by changing the way they have had conversations”.

This idea of “changing the way we have conversations” is at the heart of a passionate plea made in a recent TED Talk by Jonas Gahr Støre, the foreign minister of Norway.

In his reflections on the increasing importance of groups that transcend national boundaries, Støre makes a compelling case for more and different dialogue among groups that have different values and hold different perspectives. In short, he is arguing for changing the way we have conversations in our complex modern world.

Støre does not argue that dialogue is always the way. In fact, he explicitly states that there are times to walk away and even times to fight. He makes the compelling case that if we want to deal successfully with challenges that affect us all, we will need to “create a bigger we”; improving our communication skills is crucial for this.

Most of us deal with inter-group differences of a much smaller scale than the ones Støre talks about, and yet we all struggle to have effective conversations across these differences. I look at Støre’s talk as a challenge for all of us to consider what changes we need to make in how we have conversations so that we can deal with our shared challenges more effectively.

How do we understand complex ideas? How can we explain complex ideas?

The standard answer is: Words, lots of them, often on Powerpoint.

The unconventional answer: Dance the ideas!

That’s the provocative answer offered by Johan Bohannon, in a TED Talk that is itself a vivid illustration of his point.

Bohannan is a Ph.D in molecular biology, so no stranger to the world of science and academic rigor. However, he makes an interesting case for dancing as a way for us to grasp complex ideas. [For more about him, check out his website www.johnbohannon.org. You may also want to check out the
dance your Ph.D competition videos]

I love to incorporate different media and art forms when designing learning experiences, so this really resonates for me. Maybe next time you start planning a Powerpoint presentation, consider whether you want to invite a few dancers instead!

A good conversation at work is one where, at a minimum, we get a better understanding of something – some aspect of the world around us, the world of our conversation partner, or even of ourselves.

Often though conversations leave us befuddled and confused. Sometimes as I’m struggling to make sense of what others are saying it feels as if a dark grey fog descend on my brain as I desperately try to find my way through a maze. Even worse, I know that I am often guilty of creating the fog for others!

In a recent HBR blog post Dan Pallotta identifies five verbal habits that get in the way of understanding.

Abstractionitis – the opposite of using ordinary, real words to name things
Acronymitis – this one speaks for itself!
Valley Girl 2.0 – the mushy mess you get when you have lots of vacuous words strung together
Meaningless Expressions – stock expressions that sound good and trendy but with little substance
Abstract Valley Girl 2.0 Acronymitis Using Meaningless Expressions: what you get when you combine all of the above in one sentence.

What to do?

Check out Pallotta’s blog for more on these verbal bad habits. Notice where you commit any of these verbal sins. And if you do, then stop!
When the fog descends on your brain during a conversation, don’t assume you are the dumb one. Instead say clearly to your conversation partner: I do not understand what you just said. Please say it some other way.

Empathy is what makes us connect with others. It makes us help others; it makes us care about what happens to others.

And there is a link between empathy and our chemistry. In a recent TED Talk neuroeconomist Paul Zak describes some interesting research that shows the link between our levels of oxytocin and empathy (and trust and trustworthiness). The research forms part of a larger quest for him, namely, finding what he calls “the moral molecule”. He claims that oxytocin is indeed it.

Ever wonder why most of us get all emotional and warm and fuzzy at weddings? Zak did some interesting “real world” research to explore the link between oxytocin and connection. He managed to draw blood samples from the bridge, groom, family and friends before and after a wedding in England to compare their levels of oxytocin before and after the vows. (How on earth did he sell them on this, I wonder!) What were his findings?

Yes, weddings do cause a release of oxytocin, but in a very specific way. The biggest spike in oxytocin was in the bride, then the bride’s mother, then the groom’s father, then the groom, and further on. As he puts it, the others are all “arrayed around the bride”. The wedding ritual, Zak speculates, has been designed to connect us emotionally to the couple, as a way of supporting them to be successful.

Zak also shows that connection via social media also links to higher levels of oxytocin, especially when we are linked to people we care about.

Zak concludes his talk as follows:

“So oxytocin connects us to other people. Oxytocin makes us feel what other people feel. And it’s so easy to cause people’s brains to release oxytocin. I know how to do it, and my favorite way to do it is, in fact, the easiest. Let me show it to you. Come here. Give me a hug.”

So hug the people you love to spark the chemistry of connection!

Picture Source: DavyLandman via Flickr

How do we build personal and collective resilience when the things are really tough?

This is a question very much on the mind of several of my clients, as they deal with the many challenges faced by organizations – downsizing, generational differences, budget cuts, competitive pressures, and more. Add to this the impact of the latest economic downturn, and it is not surprising that many people feel stressed, overwhelmed and even somewhat hopeless.

The good news is that there are things we can do to build our resilience. A recent Harvard Business Review post notes three such strategies that individuals can use to bolster their engagement in tough times. [You can find a shorter tip version here.]

Two of the strategies focus on being intentional about supporting others: Supporting your team as a whole, and supporting your team members.

There are different ways to provide such support: Helping people notice progress that has been made, helping people deal with obstacles and difficulties, providing encouragement, showing care and compassion to others.

Such acts of support help improve the overall work climate, and help create a more positive state in people’s inner world. The ripple effect of such positivity benefits the whole group, including you. So your support to others also helps you.

As for the third strategy you can use to bolster your engagement: Every day focus on making progress towards small and manageable goals that relate to important projects. As you do so, notice and celebrate the small wins. Progress on such small wins can help boost your energy and motivation, giving you a resource you can tap into to continue doing the best you can in the midst of challenges.

With the world around us changing faster and faster, it is really tough to figure out what choices we should make today in order to be well positioned for a career with a long-term trajectory.

This is a challenge for almost everyone who anticipates being in the workplace for longer than just a few more years, and it is really tough for younger people who are at the start of the path. What will the world of work look like 10 or 15 years out? What about 35 or 40 years out?

I see how this uncertainty about the future impacts career planning in my own circle of young people – clients and family. The truth, of course, is that we cannot predict what the future of work will look like. We simply have to make choices and decisions today with a great deal of uncertainty about where things might end up.

But all this does not mean that we are clueless. Lynda Gratton offers some good tips for how to make choices that will set you up career-wise for the longer term. .

Gratton’s tips are based on research into some of the most important trends that are shaping the world and the world of work specifically. The list contains very concrete and specific advice such as “Learn to be virtual” plus some advice that requires a bit more investment of time and energy to take on such as her #10:

10. Become a producer rather than a simple consumer – And finally… the old deal at work: ‘I work, to earn money, to buy stuff, that makes me happy’ is rapidly becoming obsolete. Engaging in meaningful work where you can rapidly learn will become a priority (although fair pay will always be important). So think hard about sharing and great experiences rather than simply building your working life around consuming.

You can check out Lynda’s Top Ten list here. l It’s worth a look if you are wondering what you can do to stay relevant career-wise, or if you have young people in your life who are looking for direction.

During a recent trip to South Africa we spent a day enjoying one of the natural wonders of that part of the world: The annual “flower show” put on by Namaqualand when the rains come just at the right time. It was a day of total immersion in the wonder and beauty of nature – and gratitude to the farmers in that area who take special care to preserve this wonder.

I hope you enjoy some of the photos taken by my husband on the lovely Papkuilsfontein farm.