MelissaStuff

New Christmas Activity in Mckinney

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Wed, 27 Nov 2024 03:20:00 +0000

It's been awhile since I've shared, but when I saw this event, I knew I needed to let everyone else know about it too.

This December in Mckinney, there will be a special event - Christmas JoyPark.

In addition to activities like games, face paint, inflatables, a petting zoo, and story time with St. Nicholas, there will be a live Nativity that you can walk through with your family to remind them of the true meaning behind Christmas.

When all of those activities have wound down, you can enjoy the food trucks and the Christmas shopping featuring local artisans.

The best thing about Christmas JoyPark is that its entire purpose is to raise funds to support underprivileged children and families around the world through faith education and the enjoyment of Christmas.

Use code CYBER25 before Cyber Monday to save 25% off the regular price of admission. Tickets start at just $10. Maybe, we will see you there!

Ready for the State Fair?

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Sat, 03 Aug 2024 16:11:00 +0000

It's coming . . . look at all the great ways to get cheaper tickets:

The Rollercoaster Day at MD Anderson

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Tue, 09 Apr 2019 02:58:00 +0000

If you read my first post earlier this morning, you may have wondered what happened to us after that . . . well, let me tell you.

{feel the jerking of the cars and the clacking as the mechanics of the coaster inch the cars up further and further towards the top of the first hill}

We met with the doctor first which was fascinating. He is truly the expert in his field and the "Big Daddy" as he was referred to when we first arrived. I had no doubts we had landed in the right place. Not only is this his primary field of study and teaching, but he publishes the articles that set the standard for all of the doctors who see patients with thyroid cancer.

He affirmed that because of my age my cancer is Stage 1 - which determines the likelihood of survival, so you can't get a better Stage unless you just plain don't have cancer at all.

He also said he thought the treatment that I had undergone already was appropriate although there were a couple of things he might have done differently if he had to do it over again.

His own daughter, who is only 23, has had this same cancer in the last year and also had 10 lymph nodes that were removed during surgery when they didn't have any idea there was lymph node involvement beforehand. Since this was one of the most alarming pieces of my own cancer story, that was quite reassuring.

All together, Joey and I left that appointment feeling as positive as we have since the original diagnosis almost 18 months ago.

{crest the top of the hill where for a moment all is still and you can see for miles around and feel, as if, even for just this moment, you are on top of it all}

We were already late for the bloodwork by the time we finished with the doctor, so we hurried across this incredibly vast interconnection of buildings to get bloodwork done. We were quickly checked in and ushered back, even though there was a large waiting room full of people. Once again, God had prepared the way because the sweet lady who took my blood could not have been more gracious or reassuring. She was encouraging and kind. She talked about how much she loved her job and the people who come through, and, boy, could you tell!

From there, we rushed to the Ultrasound. So far, I haven't had much luck or confidence in the ultrasounds that have been performed. But Dr. Big Daddy had reassured us that is often true when the thyroid is still in place because it hides the lymph nodes that might show up in an ultrasound. Then afterwards, sometimes the issue is technicians that don't do many ultrasounds with the sole intention of finding indications of thyroid cancer. However, at MD Anderson, they do 6,000 - 10,000 ultrasounds of individuals with suspected or confirmed thyroid cancer every year.

As I should have known, he was spot on. The ultrasound tech was fantastic. He spent three or four times as long as the other technicians I have had perform ultrasounds. He went as far as the trapezius muscles in back on both sides of my neck and revisited the right side (the side of concern) three times before he was done. I honestly think he must have taken 30 pictures of different locations in my neck - some because they seemed to be of concern and some on the opposite side of the neck for comparison.

We knew that if they found areas of concern they would do an immediate biopsy following the ultrasound. He told me he would go speak with the radiologist and be back. When he was gone for more than ten minutes, I just knew he was going to come back and tell me they were going to biopsy multiple locations. He returned and said, "Well, that's going to be all for today." I was puzzled and momentarily elated, until he continued, "The spots are all small and not in locations that can be biopsied by ultrasound. You might be able to do a CT-guided biopsy, but that would have to be a different day."

{just when you are distracted by all that is beautiful and enjoyable around you, the bottom of the car you are in falls away and you are dragged with it, plunging down much further than it even seemed you climbed}

In a numb, rather confused, state that I find has become all too familiar in the last year and a half, I redressed and went out to the lobby to find Joey and try to explain all that I didn't really understand myself.

It wasn't bad news.

It wasn't the relief I had expected.

It was oddly a different version of the same information we had walked into the hospital with to begin the day.

But it was comforting to know that an expert was at the helm, and we knew he would take my bloodwork and the scan, together with his knowledge of my case to give us further direction.

{air rushes through your hair and you catch your breath as you come out of the first hill and begin to race through the curves and turns that carry you forward to the next hill}

So we went for a late lunch at PF Changs - just because my husband knows I love eating there, and I usually only get to eat there about once a year on my birthday. We enjoyed our lunch and leaned back into the peace that has supernaturally carried us through so much of this uncertainty and not knowing.

We called my mom who seemed more positive about the day than we seemed to feel at the moment.

We headed home to resume our regular schedule of kids, school, work, sports, games, and all the other household activities that are necessary to keep putting one foot in front of the other as a family.

{creak . . . creak . . . tension builds as you head up another hill. how high will this one be? how far will it drop under you? there is no getting off, so you hang on and set your mind to seeing it all through}

As we drove down the street to literally turn into our neighborhood, my phone dinged to alert me to a new email message. Apparently, I had a test result waiting. Curiously, I opened the app to see what information it held.

Shocked I found the following words from Dr. Big Daddy:

"[regarding the areas of concern identified in the ultrasound]...these spots are too small at this point to be of significant concern...We should repeat your thyroglobulin and neck ultrasound in 1 year."

{crest the top of the hill where for a moment all is still and you can see for miles around and feel, as if, even for just this moment, you are on top of it all}

We still have the option of connecting with Cancer Treatment Centers of America to pursue alternative treatments in the meantime - massage, chiropractic, nutrition, holistic - but that decision is for another day.

Today, we will hold on to this view for just a little bit longer . . .

MD Anderson Arrival - Waiting to See Doctor

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Mon, 08 Apr 2019 15:33:00 +0000

Joey and I drove to Houston yesterday . . . after making sure our kids and animals were all taken care of, which is always a bigger deal than I anticipate it being. It's been a long time since Joey and I have had the chance to "get away" just the two of us, so even with the reason for the trip, it was nice to drive and chat and stop at Collin Street Bakery and Cooper Farms store and eat at Cracker Barrel as if we were on a vacation.

If you've ever taken an anti-anxiety medication, you know the strange feeling of knowing academically that the facts should be upsetting to you, but feeling inexplicably calm in the face of those still upsetting facts. It isn't truly inexplicable, though, as you took a medication that is formulated to do that very thing. However, recently I have found myself experiencing this very same feeling without any medication, and I am confident that it is the definition of "peace that passes understanding."

I will say waking up in a hotel room with the sole purpose of going to a doctor's appointment creates cognitive dissonance for me. Hotel rooms are for vacations, visiting friends, and getting away from the cares of life. Doctor's appointments are crammed in the middle of busy days, boxes checked and something to be quickly moved on from to more interesting and enjoyable parts of your day.

Speaking of which, one of the unique ways my brain works is that even with everything else going on a part of me is fascinated by the idea of meeting someone who is extremely intelligent and an expert in their field. When I checked into the Cancer Center this morning, the 21-year-veteran that walked me through registration told me I was seeing the "Big Daddy" when I told him which doctor I was here to see. Logically, it did occur to me that is either really good . . . or not. However, after seeing more than 13 other doctors in the last 18 months regarding my cancer, I am glad to be meeting with someone who specializes in this specific strain and should be able to help provide the answers we have not been able to collect from all of the others added together.

It's a humbling experience to walk into one of the premiere cancer centers in North America. Almost everywhere you look there are really ill people: bald heads are covered, skeletal bodies are frailly but determinedly marching on to their next treatment, some are unable to walk or even sit up yet are returning for additional treatments. The thought occurred to me that I was certainly one of the healthiest cancer patients in the facility today - another mentally and emotionally disconcerting concept for me to wrestle with.

The 21-year-veteran I mentioned before checked me in to the facility, and, boy was he a character. But, you know, he reminded me that our attitude sure does affect the people around us and, either, makes what they're experiencing easier or more difficult. He was funny, light-hearted, and incredibly helpful, all while he shared lots of personal opinions and insights. In the end, I found myself very grateful that he was the person God had purposely allotted to settle me in to this process today. We have seen His hand in so many little things as we walk this journey, which was one of my prayers from the point that we found out we likely weren't done after the first round of treatment.

Now I sit waiting for my appointment with the "Big Daddy" doctor, and currently scheduled for at least blood work and an ultrasound with a likely biopsy following that.

Thank you to everyone of you who has texted, called, sent encouragement, loved on my boys, watched my dog, made me laugh, or just plain loved on me so far. You are absolutely the hands of God at work to help provide and maintain that peace that passes all understanding.

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realize just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,

Oh how He loves us,

How He loves us so.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

And Heaven meets Earth like an unforeseen kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,

I don't have time to maintain these regrets,

When I think about, the way

That He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us.

David Crowder Band - How He Loves (Official Music Video) - YouTube

A New Version of Saturday Cartoons

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Sat, 30 Mar 2019 20:09:00 +0000

Saying our family has had A LOT going on would be in the running for understatement of the year. So when we had the chance to go see the new remake of Disney’s classic, Dumbo, at the Alamo Drafthouse Cereal Party we were all over it.

If you are like us and have never heard of a Cereal Party before, it is a unique Alamo Drafthouse movie showing. The show new release movies extra early on Saturday morning - our movie started at 9:30 am. You are encouraged to wear your pjs, and they have an all-you-can-eat cereal bar set up in the front of the theater.

What better way to do Saturday morning cartoons?!? It's even better than my childhood memories of gathering around the television in our pajamas with our bowls of cereal.

For our crew, it was our first time at Alamo DraftHouse. If you haven’t been there, it has a beautiful vintage look and feel. It's the perfect combination of old classic feel and every modern luxury you would expect from the nicest modern-day movie theater.

We arrived early to make the most of the experience. However, when you purchase tickets you have reserved seats so you don't feel the pressure of having to make sure you are there far enough ahead to make sure you get the seats you would prefer.

There is a full menu to order from, so our boys ordered chocolate milk to go along with the unlimited cereal and milk (2%, whole and soy) available. I ordered a hot tea, and they did have coffee as well.

While we were able to see a brand new release at the Cereal Party we attended, they frequently show old classic family movies in this time slot, as well.

One of the best parts is that the tickets are only $6.50 each!

As we waited, the previews played a series of nostalgic cartoons and commercials. It was a wonderful opportunity to share those things with my boys. They played everything from probably the 50s and 60s up to modern-day cartoons. It blended well with the previews that were focused on Tim Burton, Disney remakes and elephant-centered themes.

I have to confess that I have never made it all the way though the original Dumbo cartoon because it put me to sleep in multiple places. I couldn't have even told you the plot line - outside of a flying elephant who feels the need to always carry a feather.

This new version was great. My 8-year-old said it was his "second favorite movie ever" and it kept us all entertained through to the very end. With an elementary-aged son, two middle school boys and two parents with very different taste in movies, I find that to be a pretty impressive feat.

We would certainly recommend the entire experience to any family looking for something to do as a family on a Saturday morning. It was family-centered, enjoyable and felt just like it seemed like it should.

Next Step - Expert Answers?

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 03:29:00 +0000

Trying to find answers on cancer treatment was actually much less simple than I anticipated.

Clearly there are great things about each of the locations we were considering - Cancer Treatment Centers, Mayo Clinics, and MD Anderson. Many people have had good results at each of these places.

The bottom line is that on Monday, April 8, we will be going down to MD Anderson's Cancer Research department to meet with the premiere thyroid cancer expert - Dr. Steve Sherman. He is going to re-examine all of the test results and scans, including the pathology of the cancer tissue originally removed.

They have told us to hold our return date loosely. I'm personally feeling like there won't be any emergency treatment necessary, so we will be coming home and then possibly going back as needed for follow up.

There are still a lot of unknowns - there could be drug trials . . . waiting and additional scans . . . even a stint at Cancer Treatment Center if there is sufficient cause. But we just won't know anything else until after April 8th.

So, here's to April 8th, taking the next step, and, hopefully, expert answers.

Recommendations . . . On, ummm, Cancer Treatments?

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Thu, 28 Feb 2019 00:48:00 +0000

Some of you have been tracking through every step, some of you are just wondering what weirdo asks for cancer treatment recommendations. So, in an effort to get us all in the same page, here’s a recap:

I have been battling thyroid cancer now since December 2017.

Thyroid cancer is typically a pretty simple diagnosis and treatment leading to full remission. However, my situation has not been so simple.

I have a B-RAF gene mutation that makes it more aggressive and less responsive to treatment.

All original tests led doctors to believe that I had a singular node that needed to be removed in December 2017. When they actually opened me up, they had to do a full thyroidectomy and remove the metastasis in five lymph nodes including one that had become it’s own tumor, growing outside the bounds of its original space. They stopped short of removing all cancerous tissue because some of it was too close to my carotid artery.

Following that, they did a round of I-131 radiation, which for most people kills off any remaining cells. After waiting six months, they did an ultrasound which showed my lymph nodes migrating into the now empty thyroid bed.

At one year, they did another Thyrogen scan which lit up on the right side of my neck, showing there was remaining thyroid tissue which had been resistant to the radiation.

Last week they did a CT scan of my neck which showed likely cancer in two lymph nodes in the area, one on each side my vocal chord nerve if we understood the report correctly.

Between the vocal chord nerve and the carotid, no surgeon wants to tackle further treatment - which means it’s time to start considering other options. I have now seen 13 different doctors, surgeons, specialists and imaging technicians.

We believe it is time to find a cancer hospital who specializes in this kind of thing and who can communicate amongst themselves well enough to make solid decisions on how best to proceed. I am done bouncing around and knowing more about my diagnosis, treatment and prognosis than any of the doctors I see.

We are considering M.D. Anderson, Cancer Treatment Centers of America, and the Mayo Clinic, and need to make a decision pretty soon.

Do any of you happen to have insight or feedback on any of those options, as we make this choice?

Thanks in advance.

Melissa

Escape Room: Never Had It Figured Out Completely

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Tue, 08 Jan 2019 00:42:00 +0000

Joey and I haven't been able to sneak away for a movie together in quite awhile, so we jumped at the chance to go see Escape Room recently.

I have personally done a couple of escape rooms and enjoyed them thoroughly - the challenge, the creativity, the camaraderie that it forges. However, I was honestly a little concerned that this would be more like the Saw-series than the fun, challenging rooms I have worked to solve in the past.

But, we were more than pleasantly surprised. This movie is not only fairly family-friendly for older children, but also kept us guessing through the very last scene! That's hard to do in my world where I make a sport out of guessing the plot twists and turns of every book, movie and tv show we try to enjoy. Being able to surprise me is ALWAYS impressive - and this one did it in a big way.

I would absolutely recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys suspense or psychological thrillers. It isn't a horror movie, but it will keep you on the edge of your seat and, in my opinion, does not disappoint.

You can also visit the Escape Room movie website, and play this escape room game to enter to win a million dollars!

http://www.escaperoommoviechallenge.com/#/

Go See Mary Poppins Returns!

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 14:49:00 +0000

I confess the details of some things have slipped by me as of late. So, literally up until the week of the screening, I thought Mary Poppins returns was a remake of the original Mary Poppins movie. My boys were quick to inform me that it was actually a sequel…and, boy, were they right!

The movie starts with a grown-up Michael and Jane with their own set of grown-up problems and three little kids stuck in the middle. I also have to confess I wasn’t prepared for the beginning of the movie to center around the death of Michael’s wife and the children’s mother. There are several very poignant moments, and I found myself crying… Yes! Crying at Mary Poppins.

BUT the joy of the movie far outshines any solemn storylines. One of my favorite things was to look to each side of me throughout the movie and see my boys' faces beaming as they watched all of the silliness and shenanigans that we associate with Mary Poppins.

You will see many of the same things you remember from the original movie, with some wonderful updates and additions. Clearly Emily Blunt is no Julie Andrews, but she does a magnificent job recreating a believable and lovable Mary Poppins.

You will see updated dance numbers and fun DMX-like bike maneuvers from the chimney sweeps who all travel on bicycles. The storyline still transitions from real-life into animation and a mix of the two together.

My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE part of the movie were the two cameo appearances of actors from the first movie. The significance was lost on the kids in attendance for the most part. My boys asked me afterwards, "Is Dick Van Dyke really that old now?" I guess he has forever been frozen at Bert's age in their minds.

I heartily recommend going to see this movie as a family. It's the perfect way to kick off the holiday season or celebrate with extended family while they're visiting. We will certainly own this movie as soon as it comes out on DVD.

My 8-yr-old son summed it up best when he turned to me as the credits began to roll and said, "Thank goodness there are three more stories they can make!" Hopefully, Disney will listen to that refrain and turn this into an entire series covering all of P. L. Travers' Mary Poppins adventures.

I Cried the First Time I Watched My Son Wrestle

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Tue, 11 Dec 2018 00:31:00 +0000

My middle son, Colt, told me not too long ago that he wanted to wrestle. We are a sports family, but wrestling has never been one of those sports. AND this child is on the spectrum . . . now, all that really means for him is that he's not going to pick up on any social hints you drop, he's incredibly literal, and he's finicky about sensations. Yes, the child who is finicky about sensations told me he wanted to wrestle - where people are constantly touching you and holding you down and forcing your body into positions you don't want it to be in. But I have always determined that I would not hold my children back by forcing artificial boundaries on them that they don't have for themselves - so if the boy wanted to wrestle, we were going to let him try it out.

A couple of weekends ago, we went to his first wrestling tournament. I was so naive. We were supposed to be there at 9 am, and, in all seriousness, I made plans for 11 am. I thought we would walk in, he would have his match, he would lose because he's brand new and we would be able to leave because he was out of the tournament. Any of you with any familiarity with wrestling are laughing at me because you know I couldn't have been further from the truth.

We arrived at 9. Coach arrived at 9:15. We sat in the stands. About 10:30 they announced they were going to start the matches. I think Colt's first match was #47 on Mat 2. That means there were going to be 46 matches before him and that ultimately meant he didn't wrestle for the first time until about 2 pm in the afternoon.

I had no idea what to expect. This momma is a proud sports mom who rings her cowbell until people around us are deaf, and can keep up with any dad when it comes to encouraging the players . . . correcting the players, and even sometimes the ref or the other team's coach. But in wrestling, there isn't so much yelling and there certainly aren't cowbells.

My son lined up across from his opponent, and Momma yelled and didn't care who heard her or what they thought. I wanted him to know someone had his back because he was taking a beating on the mat. His face was smashed. His arm was twisted. He was thrown around like a rag doll a couple of times. But that boy kept fighting, right up until time expired, and while he technically lost on points, he won by a long shot on heart, fight, and toughness.

But . . . I cried. I didn't cry because he lost. Remember, I thought he was going to lose from the beginning. I didn't cry because he was injured. He wasn't. I cried because I knew exactly what he felt like on that mat, even though I didn't know a thing about wrestling.

I know what it is like to find yourself facing something that feels really big and intimidating.

I know how hard it is to put on a brave face and stare it down like it's nothing.

I know what it's like when it kicks your tail just like you were afraid it would.

I also know what it's like to not give in . . . to keep fighting because you're tough as nails and you'll give every last ounce of strength you have before you let yourself get beat.

I saw the toughest days - the ones I don't share and won't even admit to myself most of the time - as he got all twisted up. Those emotions were so familiar - the frustration of not being able to make things happen the way you want, the anger that you're getting pushed around and everything is out of your control, the confusion about why nothing seems to go the way everyone said it was going to.

I knew.

I felt the lion inside him roar when he got sick of the pressure pushing down on him and tired of being stuck in an awkward position he hated and absolutely refused to give up and give in, even if that would make it all end quickly.

I recognized the desperation that drove him to literally explode off the ground and throw his opponent off his back.

I saw the confidence that came rushing in just before the next blow knocked him back to his face.

I identified with the emotions that poured into his face, mixing all together as he refused to bow to the repeated blows and the unyielding pressure but wasn't quite certain how long he could hold out.

The final buzzer sounded and he was exhausted, he was beat up, he was wrung dry emotionally . . . but I knew he was stronger in that moment than he had ever been before that wrestling match.

And this Momma cried.

Today, we got the results back from my scan. There are areas lighting up in my thyroid bed that shouldn't be. It looks like some lymph nodes are migrating over and are likely still contaminated. The next step is a sonogram, but my lymph nodes never "look suspicious" on a sonogram even though 11 of them had to be removed during my original surgery and one of them was large enough to be considered its own separate tumor. After the sonogram, they will biopsy if they think they should. I will probably push for that even if they think it's not necessary. I've been right more times than they have about the severity and significance of first my nodule, and then my biopsy results, and then the extent of surgery needed and even the outcome of this latest scan. Maybe God has been good to not let me be surprised.

I know what it feels like to step out on that mat and know this is going to be a tough match. I know how to look tough and be even tougher on the inside, all while a hurricane of emotions swirls around. I know where my child learned to be a roaring lion against seemingly unjust threats.

I also know how important it is to hear those voices yelling for you from the sidelines. I know how it can give you a surge of strength just when you think you have used every drop you have.

So, now, we fight on.

Another Out-of-the-Box Gift Idea . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Fri, 19 Oct 2018 14:29:00 +0000

Continuing our quest for unusual gift ideas this year, I came across this idea . . .

How fun would this be?!?!? It's like packaging up a color run and letting your kids have all the fun to themselves.

Just Add Color is now offering a Mega Pak that includes everything you need to add colorful powder games, color dances, color crafts, color photos and color experiences to any get together or fun outdoor time your kids are planning.

Everything is more fun with color...birthday parties, Friday nights with friends, having the team over, slumber parties, graduation activities, even gender reveal parties or class celebrations (with parent permission, of course).

The Just Add Color Mega Pak provides you with the color, the tools and a how-to guide to make your next party TEN Times More Fun.

Right now, you can get a one-time-only discount that includes Two FREE Color Blasters, Money Back Guarantee and FREE Shipping on your purchase - a $150 value for just $75!

Place your order at Just Add Color today.

Out-of-the-Box Christmas Idea for Families

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Fri, 19 Oct 2018 01:57:00 +0000

This year for Christmas, our crew is working hard to come up with some outside-of-the-box ideas. We already all have so much stuff, and this Momma is tired of picking up all of that stuff when it spills out over our house and car and yard. My boys are getting older by the minute and I want to take full advantage of it and enjoy every minute we can.

We've been looking for activities we can do together as a family, and I found a great deal on one that I think my boys will adore!

Urban Quest Adventure lets you turn Dallas (or one of the other 98 locations across the US) into a giant game board with a fun scavenger hunt adventure. If you like the Amazing Race, you will love this three-hour city tour. Using your own smart phone, your team will make their way among well-known and overlooked gems of the city, solving clues and completing challenges while learning local history.

If your schedule is anything like hours, finding time to make a scheduled event is difficult, but you can play the Urban Adventure Quest anytime during daylight hours. Not only can you start whenever you want, but you can play at your own pace. You can enjoy the things your family loves and move on from those that aren't as fascinating.

I'm super excited about doing this as a family, and I'll be sure to come back and share our adventure with you!

Right now, you can save 20% making it only $39.20 for a team of 2-5 people! Make sure you use the Promo Code: FGBLOG.

If you decide to try it out, let us know how it goes . . .

Cowtown Geek Fair - November 3, 2018

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Sat, 29 Sep 2018 20:42:00 +0000

We have entered a new era in life over here . . . with me feeling better and all medical news looking positive and our boys now being 8, 11 and 12, we have found our activities shifting significantly.

One of our boys is fascinated by all things comic books, super heroes, science fiction, and he is asking about Comic-Con conferences. Having looked into them, several are really NOT family-friendly, so we were thrilled to find CowTown Geek Fair.

My boys are looking forward to trying this event out . . . and we will let you know what we think.

Maybe some of you should join us!

Parents Off with Friends to a British Isles Cruise

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 16:54:00 +0000

The Other Side

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Sun, 18 Mar 2018 20:56:00 +0000

I have to admit I was a little surprised by the wide range of response to my last post. I think there may have been some confusion . . . And maybe some didn’t read to the end.

Here’s the summary of what I was actually attempting to communicate:

Even though I’m on an amazing trip, we had an ugly encounter that caused us to miss a significant event.
As I thought about how angry I was over the way it was handled, it caused a whole host of angry emotions to flood through. Many of them that had been held back for quite some time.
Not the least of which is I have a callback visit scheduled in just a couple of days after I went and had a mammogram done at the beginning of March.

I don’t plan on taking back any part of what I said in that post. It was the truth - maybe a little raw, maybe jaded, maybe even somewhat self-centered - but it was exactly how I felt in that moment.

However, it is not the whole truth about the trip we took, and I feel it is only fair to make sure all of the relevant information is put out there.

Here is the other side of our trip:

We stayed in the coolest little bed and breakfast - the Hotel David - the first couple of nights we were in Florence and enjoyed it immensely. They were friendly, reasonably priced, their mini bar was free and restocked each evening AND it had the largest shower head I’ve ever seen which was actually a second shower head. Joey was so pleased he took a picture:

Even though I got worn out so much faster than normal, we walked and climbed an enormous amount over the course of the week.

We averaged over 5 miles a day (and since my phone routinely died at some point each day, that measurement is somewhat low) and we climbed three large structures:

The Florence Duomo Cathedral Cupola which is 463 steps to the top.

The Duomo Bell Tower which was 414 steps to the top.

The Leaning Tower of Pisa which was a measly 284 steps by comparison.

There really were a lot of things that we loved about this trip. For example, I bought this red Italian leather jacket - partially because I forgot a real jacket and partially because this part of Italy is known for its leather and all of Italy is known for its fashion.

Part of my concern about the trip not being the same as previous vacations and me not being at full strength was that it would keep my husband from enjoying himself. In the first few days we were there, I never seemed to know when I would be suddenly be “done” and need to stop for awhile. You can imagine from Joey’s perspective how jarring that was - I’m the planner. I’m the driver. If you asked him, he would say I am the one that makes it fun. So when I just melt into a puddle, that can’t be a fun experience for him. He certainly had his share of times where he came back to sit in a pretty luxurious hotel room while I laid in bed and read. {If he would just read, this problem would have been solved, right? 😉}

But what’s really amazing about Joey is that he manages to have fun and make things fun right where we are . . . For example, when he ordered Pizza Bolognese at this restaurant he had heard raved about and it turned out to be pizza with whole pieces of bologna on top!

He was thoughtful and picked out a store that screamed the name of one of our best friends.

He posed in the doorway of an elevator that would have made my sister hyperventilate at even the suggestion of getting in.

He and I took pictures of a couple of things that reminded us of my mom so she would laugh and know we had thought of her.

Maybe the most to his credit, he kept his cool remarkably well when I deserted the excursion with no real concrete plan of how we were getting home. I think it helped that he truly had confidence in the fact that I would keep at it until I found a solution that would get us home. However, he did have to pretty much force me to not hitchhike back - there were two of us and we could have picked a car with a single driver who would have had to be busy driving. Logically, I still think it was a viable solution, but I can’t argue that what we did was not safer.

There are things from that day I am proud of - being assertive, holding someone to what they said they would do, fighting for what was right, not cowing to the pressure or opinions of others. The things that surprised me were how deep the anger in me ran when I had a legitimate reason to crack the door open to it. And I’m glad those emotions had a voice and a moment that day . . . ideally, though, I would wish for it to happen sooner in smaller increments where the anger could be dealt with in a healthy way and maybe even be used to change the dynamics of the situations as they occurred instead of staying bottled up for so long.

Towards the end of the week, we went to a cooking class together and were matched with another kind couple that was there for their 32nd wedding anniversary. The husband had never been out of the country before and was the one who signed up for the class. We worked side by side with them for a couple of hours as we learned to cook the recipes, then we sat across a table from them as we ate our dinner. In typically Italian style, the courses were long and drawn out between serving times so you can talk and enjoy yourselves. Except, I had said all I really had to say to these people. By the time dessert was served, I ate it and announced I was ready to go. Joey looked at me like I had just suggested playing strip poker with these strangers. He said something about the teacher coming out to say something and remained seated. I proceeded to stand up, begin saying goodbyes and telling Joey I was pretty sure the chef was upstairs and we could see him on our way out. Realizing it would make more of an issue if he didn’t get up and go with me, Joey finally followed me up the stairs, we gathered our stuff and said thank you to the chef. A few people trickled up behind us, and I leaned over to Joey and said, “Let’s hurry so we don’t get stuck walking with anyone else and having to talk to them.” My husband laughed, shook his head and replied, “You’re really not a people person, are you?” Going on 16 years together, buddy, hope that’s not NEW news to you. 😳

While that shouldn’t be news to him, some of you may not know that I have some fairly significant sensory issues that I don’t highlight or share with many people. One of my sons was diagnosed with some of the same issues within the last 12-18 months, and it’s led to a lot of researching and grappling to understand. One thing I know that has been pervasive for a long time in my own life is that I need a predictable pattern or schedule to work within. I remembered my best friend in college pointing that out to me and saying, “You don’t have to do the same things over and over, but you want to know the general order things will go in and what to expect. You struggle if something screws that up.” That hasn’t changed.

We realized the day after the excursion debacle that a big part of my struggles with the week was not only trying to adjust to being in a different country and culture, but attending a Jones’ [work] sponsored trip which I’ve never attended before and don’t know the true expectations for. All the way around, I wasn’t quite sure what was required of me or when. There was a lot of interacting with people I don’t know and don’t really care to spend a great deal of time with . . . and then it’s not my bed, not my routine, not the kind of food I normally eat, not the hours I keep. But we did figure out eventually that if we got up around 9 am, most other people were already through with breakfast and out and about. We could pick the thing that was the most important to us to do that day and go there first. Once that was done, I usually had enough energy to make it to about 2 pm before I needed to take a shower, lie down, and have some quiet time before we did whatever our evening plans were. After establishing that rhythm, the rest of the trip days were better and better. But it was a learning curve we didn’t know would be there and one we had to discover a solution for on our own.

While missing the Castle Dinner was disappointing and a little concerning - since I didn’t know how the hosts would respond - we were pleasantly surprised to find a bottle of wine waiting for us back in our hotel room that night addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle - Hope you enjoy your trip to Florence. -Nate” Super sweet . . . except neither Joey nor I know anyone who goes by Nate in our personal lives or through work. And you wouldn’t imagine someone who knows you well would address the card to “Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle” anyway. Going through the printed roster of all the Jones people who attended on the trip, the only person named Nathan or Nathaniel was a guy who sat next to us the first night at dinner. He and his wife were very kind. Something seemed a little different about the man, but it’s not unusual for me to have that reaction for one reason or another to someone new so I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention. But none of our interactions made me expect him to have sent a bottle of wine to our room.

On the last night, we got dressed up for a fancy banquet - this one we actually made - and one of the open spots was next to Nathan and his wife. We sat down and the first thing I said was, “Hey! Did you send us a bottle of wine to our room the other night?” You could tell by the confused look on his face that the answer was negative. I explained the situation to him, and we all laughed. As we continued to chat, he said something not terribly unusual in my book, but his wife looked over at us and said, “Did I mention Nathan has Asbergers?”

I told a friend about this and her response was, “Is that when your tail started wagging?” 🤣

I don’t know if that is the most flattering way to explain the situation for either party involved, but it’s so true in other ways that I had to share it. There is nothing like finding someone who can identify with the unique way you see the world and having an opportunity to spend time with them asking questions about everything from job approach to employee handling to interpersonal relationships in their own family. I ate up every minute of that conversation.

Recently, my mom mentioned to me that guys use about 5,000 words a day and women using more like 20,000. If that’s accurate, I probably use 50,000 - 90,000 words a day. I literally think through most issues out loud with the people around me . . . and I ask “Why” about everything. It takes a great group of people around me to make that work if you can imagine. Even my own husband doesn’t use all of his 5,000 words on me and certainly no one else can. I try not to be a part of conversations where I majorly dominate the communication which means it takes regular interaction with a team of “my people.”

Being halfway around the world makes that difficult, we spoke to the kids and the grandparents minimally. I had a few short text conversations with others because of birthdays or what not . . .

But this girl - who’s going to shoot me for posting this picture she sent as a joke - was such a huge help. We talk a ton at home - in the morning, in the evenings, and anytime there is a need in between. While I was in Italy, we managed to pare it down to just about once a day but it was enough that both Devin and Joey agreed on the last day that it felt a bit as if she had been on the trip with us. I know Joey is glad when he is at the end of his 5000 words that there is someone else to pick up the baton and keep me from going stir crazy with all the ideas bouncing around in my mind.

I think the biggest lesson in all of this for me is taking a step back to look at the overall approach of how I’m going about things ahead of time. I know the things that trip me up . . . just like I joked that Joey should know really well by now that I am NOT a people person. I need to take those things I know all too well about myself and use them ahead of time to set myself up to succeed in any given situation. Heaven knows, gutting my way through it never seems to work out well.

Our trip ended on some high notes - we saw the David. We learned how to cook an authentic Italian meal, noodles and all. We took a train to Pisa and climbed the Leaning Tower of Pisa. We shopped and attended one of the fanciest dinners I’ve ever been to.

I still have to go home to a doctor’s appointment I would rather avoid. I still don’t like the way a lot of things have gone over the last year, but I actually feel a lot better after leaving the tears . . . and apparently some of the anger . . . along the side of the road in that little Italian city.

Clearly Italy had much to teach me in this visit.

Keeping It Real

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Thu, 15 Mar 2018 15:56:00 +0000

Yesterday, I was pissed.

Yes, I’m on vacation in Italy.

Yes, I’m here because my business has done very well this last year.

Yes, I felt well enough to make this trip and, a little over a month ago, I wasn’t even getting out of bed every day of the week.

But, yesterday, it all came slamming down at the same time, and I was pissed. The kind of fury that has been held back so long that when it comes pouring out, you feel it coursing through not only your eyes and your mouth, but your ears, your heart, your skin, your scalp. It’s scathing, and you hope no one you love happens to intersect with you in those moments because the likelihood of them avoiding becoming the object of that blind fury is almost non-existent.

How I came about being pissed yesterday specifically won’t seem as traumatic to you as it felt to me . . . We booked a tour through an independent, highly-rated tour group. We were to take Fiats out into the Tuscan countryside and visit some of the various wineries and have lunch. The tour started at 9 am and was slated to last seven hours. That was perfect because my company had a special dinner planned at a castle, and we were supposed to leave the hotel as a group by 4:30.

Joey and I started to worry when we arrived and the two young guys leading the tour spent approximately an hour and a half teaching the others in the group how to drive a manual stick shift and/or Vespas. Joey even mentioned to one of them that we really needed to make sure we were back in Florence no later than 4 pm. because we had plans at 4:30 pm. The guy wasn’t very responsive and said something like, “Maybe we can be back here [the car lot that was a good 45 minutes from Florence] around 4 pm.” Joey repeated that we had to be IN FLORENCE by 4 pm and the guide nonchalantly nodded and walked off.

Since the tour was supposed to be 7 hours total and we weren’t doing much but driving around the countryside, I assumed with a couple of reminders we would be fine on time. When 2:30 rolled around and we were finishing up lunch, I went back to the guides to let them know Joey and I would need to be heading back soon. We were shocked when they told us that wouldn’t be possible as they had a tour to complete and we “should have let them know earlier.” {Melissa’s Irritation Level #1}

I dug in my heels and repeated that we had to be back, and we absolutely had let them know from the very beginning. I reminded them they had spent an hour and a half giving driving lessons that we hadn’t needed and hadn’t benefited from, so we shouldn’t be penalized. The tour said 7 hours, and it should be 7 hours. There was a language barrier to some degree, but I think there was a refusal to comply issue more than anything. The guides then told us they knew they started late, but it was fine because they could just compensate by going an hour and a half later?!?!? {Melissa’s Irritation Level #2}

At that point, I demanded they find a resolution - a taxi, sending us back separately from the rest of the group, any possible option that would still allow us to make it to this very important dinner. One of the guys made a call and then told us they would see if they could get someone to help us out. Then they had everyone load up in the cars and head back out.

Seriously, as we headed down the mountain from the winery where we had lunch, I thought they would do exactly what we had asked. I kept expecting them to pull in to the car lot we started from and drop us off or separate off one group from the other. I was in literal disbelief when they pulled into the parking lot of a castle and let everyone out . . . a castle, by the way, that was about 50 miles from Florence and it was already 3:15 pm.

I even kept my cool while the guide made a phone call, thinking maybe they had someone meeting us who could get us on the road directly to our hotel and we would be only a few minutes late. But when he hung up and just sat there not saying anything, I was done. {Melissa’s Anger Levels #3...#4...#5...#6}

Joey was brilliant during this phase and just went along with me because I was quickly losing my temper. We collected our things and began walking away from the tour operators and the cars. I didn’t know where we were going. I didn’t know how we were going to get there. I didn’t actually care. I just could not feel trapped for one more second.

I’ll fast forward the story because it doesn’t get much better and it isn’t very entertaining, but after debating taking a bus that no one knew the schedule for and my husband having to force me to not hitchhike back to the city, we were able to walk a mile and a half to the nearest train station and take a train back into the city . . . which - due to the million and a half stops it made - didn’t arrive until long after the group had left for the special dinner.

But what did happen during that mile and a half walk was that I got angry - more pissed than I remember being in a very long time.

I was pissed because I couldn’t control the outcome of my own day.

I was pissed because I missed a special event that I earned through a whole lot of really hard work because of the apathy and indifference of a couple of blithering fools.

I was pissed because I was exhausted, and a year ago I wouldn’t have been.

I was pissed because people want me to be “all better,” and I’m just not.

I was pissed because I’m on an amazing trip and it’s not fun . . . not the way I want it to be.

I was pissed because life isn’t fair, and there’s not a single thing I can do about it.

I was pissed over all the heartbreaking, life-sucking things that life has thrown at me in the last year.

I was pissed at ME - because I can’t just suck it up and move on.

See, I’m great at encouraging people to talk through things . . . and I do a fair job of it in my own life. Except the really hard ones. Those are mine.

I know enough to know there aren’t any easy answers for them, and no one is going to be able to make me feel better. So, I just find a deep place somewhere and stuff them down. I keep moving and stay busy. I distract myself by laughing with friends and solving other problems and self-soothing with mind-numbing tv and social media.

But this vacation has removed those props which means I can’t pretend so easily.

I can’t ignore that my legs shake violently after I go up and down a tourist attraction people twice my age are navigating just fine.

I can’t quite make the smile on my face reach my eyes in some of the pictures because the weariness won’t quite stay at bay.

I can’t keep up the pace I’m used to, but I’m far too restless to stay in my bed after I flew halfway across the world to be here.

I can’t forget that I got called in for a follow-up to my mammogram the day before we left town. And while I know that logically it’s probably nothing and really shouldn’t even possibly be related to the thyroid cancer, I AM TIRED OF BEING SICK. I AM TIRED OF DOCTORS . . . AND LAB TESTS . . . AND MEDICINES . . . AND HOSPITALS . . . AND TREATMENTS.

And all of that makes me feel like a whiner, so I say it to no one and it all gets bottled up - until I’m off-the-charts angry and marching my butt through small towns in Italy because I’m afraid if I talk to the tour guide one more time, I might just take off his head.

When I was posting all the time on Caring Bridge, I was challenged to continue. I’m not sure this is quite what they intended, but I always want to keep it real. And this is my real right now. So it isn’t going to end with some pretty bow that ties it all together and makes everything suddenly glow with a rosy light.

Sometimes, the bottom line is that life sucks and I think we all have every right to be pissed about it.

How People Respond to Cancer

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Mon, 05 Feb 2018 23:10:00 +0000

If you know much about me, you know I’m a student of human behavior. Admittedly, I have been too distracted to pay much attention to what anyone else has been doing through certain parts of this process, but other times I have actually used the behavior of the people around me as a distraction from my own issues.

Here are some of the things I have concluded:

{Warning: You should not read this post if you are easily shocked or offended. I’m not, which makes it possible for me to not be terribly bothered by many of these things and prevents this from being one long list of complaints. I’m actually more fascinated by the reactions and curious about what drives them.}

1. Some people want to make a joke of everything.

My husband got dressed a little nicer than normal when we went to the hospital for treatment this week, and when my sister gave him a hard time about it, his response was, “I have to start looking for the next one.” {Insert shaking of heads and rolling of eyes} I’m not one to be bothered by that kind of thing, so I responded by telling him, “I don’t know that the hospital is the wisest place to find a replacement for me.”

Humor can be a great break from the stress of this phase of life. However, you should most definitely know your audience and be smart about your timing.

2. Some people see life through different eyes.

My sister took me to one of my treatments this week, and she looked at me and said, “I think cancer is making you prettier.”

Hmm, well, definitely the people around me aren’t taking it easy on me these days just because I have cancer.

Since no one else seems to be seeing the same thing she is . . . either, she is picking up on more subtle things like a more relaxed countenance OR she is just more glad to see my face every time she sees it. I’m going to go with the latter.

Being faced with serious situations makes us ask questions we would normally avoid. It is a great time to weigh our previous assumptions and re-prioritize.

3. Some people mean well, but don’t think through the things they say and do.

The funniest example of this is when someone added an entire list of songs to a Kick Cancer playlist from an album entitled “Beautiful Eulogy.” Ironic? Funny? Well-meaning? Probably all of the above, but also something I might advise others to think about before sharing.

Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and imagine how THEY might respond. Your sense of humor may not be their sense of humor, and remember you are trying to do something for them.

4. People betray their true level of feelings by their response to the situation.

Some people talk big, but don’t follow through. Some people are a flash in the pan who show up once and then drop off the map. Some people aren’t around much, they aren’t loud, but when push comes to shove, they’re there when you need them. Some people don’t care what anyone else needs or wants, they have their own agenda. Some people want your schedule to change to accommodate them. Some people will drop everything to come do whatever you need, whenever you want them to. Some people disappear. Some people step up - and people you never realized were such good friends become amazing friends when they’re needed.

I know people have craziness in their own lives. I realize people can mean well and life gets in the way. This isn’t a judgment, but it is an observation. I honestly think these kinds of things aren’t easily forgotten even when life goes back to a more normal pattern.

5. Some people want you to go back to acting like you did before you were diagnosed, so they can feel better about the situation.

As I’m sure you can imagine, this puts even more pressure on the sick person during a time when they should be focused on resting and feeling better. Do what you can to support them. Try to make life easier. Encourage them to do the things that are going to make them feel better, actually make them better, instead of pushing them to pretend like things are better.

6. Some people want you to respond by always being strong, constantly spouting cliches about faith and referencing Bible verses.
Let there be no confusion about how strong I am or how much I love Jesus . . . however, let there equally be no confusion that I ever want to be anything less than real. It's important that I process my own feelings in my time. I don't need to be preached at. I don't need to be "encouraged" as if I've fallen off the Jesus bandwagon because I'm being honest about where I'm at.

Just love me . . . remind me of the truth if I am speaking to you directly and seem to have temporarily forgotten it. But don't take me to task on social media or through one of my posts or by telling someone else close to me that I just need to remember the truth and I will be fine.

7. Some people come together to become the most impressive support system anyone could ask for.
This process has shocked me as I realized who had inner strength I had overlooked and was willing to walk through this right next to me. These people have been amazing. They are strong and loyal and are willing to fight like hell with me and for me. I don't know where I would be without them.

If you face this unexpected challenge somewhere in your life, I hope you consider these things and make the best choices you can with purpose.

Some days it makes all the difference.

Detours

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Sun, 04 Feb 2018 15:00:00 +0000

I attended a retreat recently - really just a girls getaway. While I was there, I was doing some reading and I came across this quote by Christa Wells on her blog:

Today and for the past week I’ve fought hard to stay present and emotionally-armed as I am reminded at every turn of a painful detour in my life. My friend said a week ago: “The detour is the path.” It’s been bouncing around in my head ever since.And making me angry, too. I mean, some detours could be avoided, right? Some detours become necessary only because people are selfish and put up roadblocks that affect everybody on the road. Right?Yes.So what? Here we are. What are we going to do about it? Here I am taking this unexpected route, a route I didn’t see on the map, and have no knowledge of or interest in. Taking this route is going require re-arranging and will make me miss some beautiful things I’ve looked forward to. I’m tired and my pack is heavy and the view ain’t that great.This detour hurts. A lot.

Oh, how those words resonate with me. Over the last 12 months, I have found detour after detour that I hadn't accommodated for in my own plan. But I can't control them; I can't change them. And so, they have become my new path.

Some of those detours have made me blindingly furious. Furious at other people for making selfish decisions and being so short-sighted they couldn't or wouldn't see how their choices forced others to abruptly change long-held plans, miss amazing moments we had all been looking forward to and re-route in a direction I was never interested in to begin with. I've had to work to let go of the anger - which, let's be honest, is just a mask we wear to try to hide the pain from anyone who happens to be looking.

Some of my detours have actually stopped me in my tracks. They sent me down a road I didn't ever expect to find myself going down and the way was rough and ridden with huge potholes. I came to a complete standstill, paralyzed by the place I found myself in. Everyone I know would have expected me to plow right through the obstacle in front of me and keep going, but I didn't. And then I had to face my own reaction and why it was and what that meant and how I would handle that same kind of rough, treacherous road again if ever I was forced to take that same detour.

And then somehow I got separated from the group and began to travel, seemingly alone, down this latest detour. There don't seem to be too many people going this particular way, and that is disconcerting all on its own. The signs aren't very clear, and sometimes it seems everything ahead is shrouded in fog and all the corners are way too sharp to see around.

Sara Groves sings a song that says:

"...The future feels so hard And I want to go back But the places they used to fit me Cannot hold the things I've learned Those roads were closed off to me While my back was turned The past is so tangible I know it by heart Familiar things are never easy To discard I was dying for some freedom But now I hesitate to go I am caught between the Promise And the things I know."

I know I'm not the only one who is facing detours . . . whose plans went from well-defined and scheduled to unclear with an entirely unknown arrival time. I'm not the only one who has hit the ground hard and gasped desperate to fill lungs with air after having their feet completely knocked out from under them. I'm not alone in laying there, flat on my back, staring at the ceiling and wondering if I even have it in me to get up again.

But I know you are also like me in the fact that you will pull yourself up off that floor, even if it's on to unsteady feet. You will raise your head up again to look into the distance and search for just what might be on the horizon. You will find a way to look around to the few other travelers on your solitary road and encourage them, and it will mean even more because it is birthed from a woundedness that is common to only those walking that same road.

I know because I see it happening. I know because it's in your eyes even when the pain there is so heavy and thick, it's hard for people to see past. I know because it's your character. It's WHO you were meant to be even when you don't remember, for the moment, who you are. I'd love to be the one to remind you . . . to encourage you . . . to offer to walk with you for as long as I can . . . to remind you that there is hope - there is always hope.

Sara Groves sings another song that says this:

It's been a hard year But I'm climbing out of the rubble These lessons are hard Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's Less like tearing, more like building Less like captive, more like willing Less like breakdown, more like surrender Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you here And you're picking up the pieces Forever faithful It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt Look less like scars and more like character Less like a prison, more like my room It's less like a casket, more like a womb Less like dying, more like transcending Less like fear, less like an ending
Just a little while ago I couldn't feel the power or the hope I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing Just a little while back I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping You would come
And I need you And I want you here And I feel you And I know you're here And you're picking up the pieces Forever faithful"

That is the direction I'm headed in.
Wanna walk a little ways with me?

Stop Planning

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Sat, 03 Feb 2018 16:56:00 +0000

Please don't mistake the following ponderings for pessimism - they are not - but you can't go through a situation like this one honestly, with your head held high and your eyes wide open and not ask yourself questions like:

If my time is more limited than I once thought, if I don't have 70 years to plan for, what would I wish I had done more of? What would I wish I had done less of? What would I desperately want to be different?

I certainly don't have all of the answers to those questions, but I do have some ideas.

Ask anyone close to me what the last couple of years have been like and they will tell you - hectic, crazy, non-stop, successful, impressive to some, busy, too busy. Ask me and I will tell you a slightly different story if I am willing to be transparent - they have been frantic, panicky, driven by a desperate fear of failure, life-sucking, unfulfilling, lacking in almost everything that gives life to me and makes me - well, me.

I haven't felt like I could take an afternoon off. All I could see were a set of scales that never seemed to slide to the side of completion, success, accomplishment, and, therefore, the ability and mental freedom to rest. So, I really didn't rest.

If you would have talked to me about it, I would have told you it was no big deal. It was temporary. I just needed to get my business up and running, just needed to pay off the debt, just needed to cover the cost of the kids' school and then I would have all the time I needed to do the other things. I had a plan.

See, I'm a planner. God wired me like that from the beginning. But, somewhere along the way, I decided planning was my salvation - if I could just plan well enough, take into consideration all possible contingencies, look far enough into the future then life would be good. The problems with that approach are probably too many to list but they include that isn't actually my job, nor is it possible, which means I was destined to "fail" - the thing I feared the most - before I ever began.

And, then, I found myself in this place. This place where, logically, I don't get to plan. Not for the next 70 years, not for the next 7 years, not for the next 7 months with certainty, and, to be fair, even planning the next 24 hours must come with the utmost flexibility because I could be too tired or suddenly feel ill or face a new, unexpected bend in the road.

You know the craziest part? Anything different than that was only an illusion to begin with. I may be the one with the diagnosis, but you don't know if you will make it home tonight or contract some terminal illness before the end of the year, let alone what changes will occur between now and the next step of your plan. Control is an illusion - a security blanket, in fact probably my favorite security blanket, but one that offers absolutely no true safety.

No fear, this is not an Ecclesiastical, all-in-life-is-vain-and-meaningless post. I don't believe that either.

We may not be able to plan confidently as if we are in control of our destiny, but we can certainly prioritize correctly. When we approach life from that perspective, then we have the right kind of structure in place to make the decisions that should be made when we are in a position to make them.

Here are the things I know to be true, in spite of how little they may have impacted my, ahem, plans and behavior over the last few years:

Some things that occur have eternal significance and some have temporary. Getting bent out of shape over inconvenient, temporary circumstances that could possibly have positive, eternal effects is a mistake I am trying really hard not to continue to make.
People are more important than tasks. Although tasks are necessary to function, when given a choice I always want to choose the person over the activity.
Relationships take intentionality. They don't just happen, and they certainly don't flourish without work. When you say people are important but they routinely come behind your entire list of to-dos, those relationships will be affected by default.
You can push yourself as hard as you want - some of us are tough as nails and really good at this approach - but ultimately your body can not sustain a feverish level of activity for a prolonged period. It will eventually give in...trust me.
Our stress level, our choices in life, our emotional health -> ALL directly impact our physical being. When we allow these things to stay out of line with our correct priorities for a prolonged period, we beat down our own innate ability to fight off sickness, infection and disease [unfortunately, including cancer].
Everything we do in life - each conversation, activity, thought process and emotion - takes a certain amount of energy from us and gives a certain amount back to us. Most of us don't pay attention to these transactions, let alone spend our energy wisely and prioritize our choices based on what kind of energy we receive from those things.
You can not continue to give what you have no way to replace. Doing a job, even one you're good at, that sucks the life out of you will ultimately leave you an empty shell if you don't figure out how to offset that. Pouring your life into others without doing the things that are necessary to take care of yourself or surrounding yourself with people who can pour back into you eventually means you have nothing left to give.
This moment in time will never happen again. My kids will only be this age once. I will never be this young again. Putting things off for the day you "arrive" at some arbitrary milestone may mean those things never happen. If I work so hard to provide for my boys that they rarely see me, it won't matter one day ten years from now that I may have all the time in the world for those same three children because they'll no longer be boys. They'll be young men - who, in all likelihood, will not have time to see me at that point.
Certain things just aren't that important. This one is hard for me to even explain because as much as I know this to be a truth, I still FEEL like these things are important. But I told my husband the day I was diagnosed, "I'm not going to waste time worrying about debt at this point. I will either pay it off one day or I'll die and it won't matter." How many other things is this true of? And how many days do we let it steal our joy from that day when it really doesn't matter in the long run?
Guilt and regret should be weighed for validity, used to motivate a change in behavior when necessary and then, left behind. Guilt and regret are valuable. They help us know when we have gone too far, hurt other people, need to change. But they can be misused to manipulate others. We need to know the difference. We need to alter course or learn to ignore accordingly. But, in the end in both circumstances, the guilt and regret should be left behind. We should only be left with the lessons we've learned and a better position to address the next situation that occurs.

Don't be confused - I was born a planner and I'm still a planner. I have a tentative plan for tomorrow, for this week, and for the next few months. That's about as far as I'm willing to go for now, and I hold those very loosely at this point.

But I sure have changed my priorities in the last couple of months. They go remotely something like this . . . eternity, health, people, necessary tasks.

Guess we'll see how those priorities drive my choices in the next days and weeks. Somehow I feel confident that it will be much better than the way my plans have gone over the last few years.

Cancer . . . A Roller-Coaster Ride

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Sat, 03 Feb 2018 02:54:00 +0000

For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with Papillary Carcinoma, or Thyroid Cancer in December 2017.

The ups and downs of this journey have already made me feel as if I’m on a roller coaster ride in the dark . . . and, let me assure you, that isn’t something I enjoy.

I didn’t feel all that badly coming out of the initial surgery - even though the results weren’t the best they could have been. We were settling into a routine of medicine and rest when I realized that my lips weren’t moving correctly as I tried to talk to my parents . . . almost like I’d had dental work done. Then, I remarked to my mom that something was wrong - my arms and legs felt tingly and heavy from the elbows and knees down, from the collarbone up everything felt wrong about how my neck and face felt. I might be the world’s worst at ever admitting that I feel funny or that something is wrong. Somewhere deep down, I’m convinced I’m imagining it or over-reacting to things others would think was no big deal. I’m sure the simple fact I mentioned it to my mom was enough to raise a red alert.

She called the surgeon’s office and was able to reach him. He immediately said those were signs of significant calcium deficiency which was the number one concern post-surgery, and we should go straight back to the Medical City ER. I don’t have much reason to go to the ER ever and certainly not one down by Medical City. It was a zoo. There were papers waiting from the doctor with instructions on what I needed and yet it took SIX HOURS before they could find a room to put us in and began to give me IV calcium to prevent seizures or even cardiac arrest.

Most disappointing for me was that the same six hours I was waiting for an ER room and an IV drip, a good chunk of Joe’s side of the family was arriving at our house to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s over the upcoming weekend. The chaos may drive me to hide in my room at times. The mess makes it feel as if we are ever cleaning. But the laughter and the precious moments together . . . Watching the little ones discover unique relationships with cousins, aunts, and uncles . . . Filling our home with people - OUR people - is maybe my favorite thing in the whole world. And instead I was left sitting in a tiny hospital room in the corner of the 8th floor of a drab old building near downtown Dallas where you could not tell there was any holiday or any reason to celebrate.

I had visitors. I sent visitors away. I felt horrible. It wasn’t enjoyable for me, and I couldn’t imagine it being enjoyable for anyone else. Joe did leave his family to come spend the night in the hospital with me to ring in the New Year . . . and the only reason we were awake to kiss at midnight was because a dear friend FaceTimed me so she could ring in the New Year with me even if we couldn’t be together.

2017 was a tough year for more reasons than I have time to list or could adequately explain. It was a year of broken dreams and loved ones torn away. It was a year of hard, back-breaking, heart-wrenching work that didn’t always pay off. It was a year of loss . . . and pain . . . and betrayal . . . and hope deferred. It ended with a series of events none of us saw coming, and we all would have desperately avoided if we could have. The last week, the last day, the last hours felt as if they fit perfectly into the year I had already lived up to that point.

And yet . . . Jesus. Tears sting my eyes as I write that because I know some of you whom I love desperately just rolled your eyes and now want to race through the end of this post because I said His name. Please allow me to have earned the right in these last few days and weeks for you to at least listen to my story - because He is a part of it that cannot be ignored and should not be minimized.

There have been times in my life when my heart was destroyed by people who claimed that name but didn't truly know Him. There have been days and weeks and months, if I’m honest, when I was angry with Him, and I didn’t believe He could be good or that He could love ME because of circumstances that didn’t make any sense and seemed as if no possible good could come from them.

But I will tell you as much hell on earth as 2017 brought me, I wouldn’t have made it without Him.

I am not exaggerating. I am not a weak person. I do not need an excuse. I refuse to mince my words.

Without Jesus, this year would have left me a wreck, a puddle of a person who either ran away delusionally believing I could escape from the hellish circumstances around me or who literally shut down and had to be put into a mental ward because I was catatonic. You don’t have to get it. You don’t have to believe I know what I’m saying. But if you haven’t lived day in and day out in my world, if you haven't felt the utter devastation in my heart, if you don't know the torture that my mind has ground itself through, you don’t get to tell me this part of my story isn’t valid.

You know what I learned? That as smart as I am, I'm not smart enough to understand it all. And if you don't have all the pieces of a puzzle, you'll never be able to put it all together. So you either throw your hands in the air and decide none of the puzzle pieces add up to anything or you decide to do what you can with what you have and trust that Someone else can see the full picture and knows just where all the missing pieces are and when they will arrive.

I learned that the Jesus I thought I knew - who I tried to hide my mess from in fear of scathing disapproval and condemnation for not meeting some ambiguous, ever-changing level of perfection . . . He was a lie. He doesn't exist. He was a tool used by weak, powerless people in my past to coerce cooperation and adherence to THEIR standards, not anyone else's.

Instead, I made it my mission to discover the Truth - whatever that was, and I found a Father who cheered me on with each new step I took and for every brave attempt I made to learn something new. I found a Friend who never left my side - no matter what I did or how I behaved or whether I deserved it or not - He stood by me and He loved me and He told me what an amazing daughter I was and how proud He was of the things I was accomplishing when I was able to stop trying to be perfect and plan it out and make it all go my way. I found a Foundation that didn't waver - not when I collapsed under the mounting pressures, not when I was angry and hurled frustrated questions and flimsy allegations at Him, not when events occurred that shook all that I thought I knew to be true. When everything else fell away, when I felt as if my flesh had been filleted off my body one strip at a time, when I doubted myself and everyone around me, I found the answer I had searched so hard for in other places was right there, patiently waiting for me to be ready, always loving, always patient, always loyal.

2018 doesn't promise to be an easier year - although I wouldn't complain a bit if it was. I don't know what tomorrow holds for me, let alone the next 6 weeks or 6 months. But I know Who is going before me and Who is coming behind and Who has promised to not leave my side.

It's okay if you don't know Him in quite that way yet. It took me a whole lot of years myself. He's not impatient with you. He's not angry. He's not wondering why you haven't figured it out yet. He cheers with the angels at every step you take, and when you inevitably fall, He gently encourages you to try again, to keep going, to avoid those things that keep eating away at you from the inside out for your own sake.

So, for 2018, my goal is to take it one step at a time . . . no matter where you're at in your journey, that's a commitment we can all make together:

We will continue to put one foot in front of the other.
We will continue to move towards Truth.
We will be patient with ourselves in the process.
We will love others as they work through their own journey one step at a time.

Need a Unique Gift? #TurnGram {2017 Holiday Gift Guide}

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Tue, 28 Nov 2017 01:20:00 +0000

TurnGram may be the perfect gift for that one person who is so hard to buy for on your list . . . whether it's because they live so far away or because they have everything you could ever think to buy for them!

For just a few dollars a month, TurnGram selects photos from your Instagram feed using the instructions you provide, prints them and delivers them directly to the door of your friend or loved one.

You can get started today and try it for 30 Days Free! No coupon code required.

100% money back guarantee if you are dissatisfied with our service in any way. Don't miss out! Sign up today!

Visited the Texas State Fair Yet? {4-Pack of Tickets Giveaway}

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Mon, 16 Oct 2017 01:13:00 +0000

We're down to the last week of the Fair . . . if you haven't gone, you are about to run out of time!

If you haven't had a chance to go to the Fair yet - or you just want to go again - you can win a 4-pack of tickets for FREE admission right here:

Mandatory Entry: Must like the MelissaStuff FB page or follow MelissaStuff on Twitter.

Extra Entries: (Please leave a separate comment for each of these that you complete so that you get the maximum number of entries.)

1. Follow MelissaStuff by RSS feed or email subscription (box to the right).
2. Become a friend of the MelissaStuff page on Facebook.

3. List this giveaway on a linky or post it on your blog and leave the link.
4. Comment and/or share the FB post about this giveaway.
5. Retweet this giveaway.

Comment for each entry and include your email address so we can let you know if you win.

Contest ends at midnight on 10/19/2017 and the winner will have 24 hours to make arrangements to get the tickets.

**All opinions expressed in this post are completely mine.**
Contest open to local Texas residents who can make arrangements to pickup the tickets by 10/20/2017.

Pirates . . . {Giveaway}

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Fri, 06 Oct 2017 03:36:00 +0000

It's that time . . . We're giving away the new Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales movie!

If you don't win, you can now purchase the Blu Ray DVD or catch it on-demand as of this week.

This is such an amazing series. My boys can't get enough of it, and I'm thrilled about adding this one to our collection.

If you would like to add it to your collection for FREE:

Mandatory Entry: Must like the MelissaStuff FB page or follow MelissaStuff on Twitter.

Extra Entries: (Please leave a separate comment for each of these that you complete so that you get the maximum number of entries.)

1. Follow MelissaStuff by RSS feed or email subscription (box to the right).
2. Become a friend of the MelissaStuff page on Facebook.

3. List this giveaway on a linky or post it on your blog and leave the link.

Comment for each entry and include your email address so we can let you know if you win.

Contest ends at midnight on 10/8/2017 and the winner will have 24 hours to respond by email.

**All opinions expressed in this post are completely mine.**
Contest open to the US and Canada.

State Fair: Insider Tips and Secret Savings

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Thu, 05 Oct 2017 15:00:00 +0000

By now, you're beginning to see all of your friends post about their trips to the State Fair. If your mind automatically defaults to visions of dollars flying out of your wallet, you're not the only one. Thankfully, with a little planning, it doesn't have to put you in the poor house or run up debt on your credit card.

First, get a discounted rate on admission.

THEN, use these special insider tips to save in lots of little ways that will add up big.

Bring Your Own Food and Drink

Many people don't realize you can bring in your own food and drinks as long as there is no alcohol, no glass and no knives. If you're pushing a stroller because you have littles with you, this is a little easier. Lugging a cooler around the Fair doesn't sound amazing to many of us, but there are other options . . .

Cheap Ways to Avoid Being Thirsty

Get bottled water for $1 at the Continental Daughters of the American Revolution House (by the front entrance gate).
Soda Refill Stations offer water for 2 coupons (which also equals $1), as well.
Icehouse on the Midway or Beer Barn at the Cotton Bowl Plaza also offer water for 2 coupons (equal to $1).
Inside the Go Texan Pavilion, the store in the center sells water for $1 and you can use a credit card to pay.
Icehouse on the Midway also offers beer for 6 coupons (or the equivalent of $3).
Beer Barn over by the Cotton Bowl Plaza area also sells beer for 6 coupons ($3).
The Pioneer General Store in the Food and Fiber Pavilion sells bottled Texas Tea in a variety of flavors, as well as some sodas usually for about $2 each and you can pay with a card.
When the dairy is present in the Food and Fiber Pavilion, you can normally get regular milk and chocolate milk, sometimes strawberry milk, for just a $1.

Eat Without Going Broke

Every Friday, each Fletchers booth is giving out FREE corny dogs to the first 75 people to come by.
FREE samples are offered in the Food and Fiber Pavilion every day, including a full-size Dannon yogurt.
Popcorn and Snickers bars can be purchased for $1 at the Continental Daughters of the American Revolution House (by the front entrance gate).
Visit on Thursdays and take advantage of Thrifty Thursday discounted food items all over the Fair.

Buy Your Coupons in Advance and Save Time and Money!

If I could share one worthwhile tip with you, it would be buy your coupons in advance. One of the worst things to do is stand in line to buy coupons with half of the people attending the fair with you. If you buy online ahead of time, you not only may save some money but you more importantly skip the line and get to having fun much more quickly.

The coupon only package of 100 for $50 is the same price as they will cost you at the Fair. However, if you buy a package that contains admission and coupons, you can save money and time.

State Fair of Texas: Thrifty Thursdays

noreply@blogger.com (Melissa Stuff) — Wed, 04 Oct 2017 12:00:00 +0000

Once you get into the Fair at a discounted rate on Thursday . . . now it's time to save on other things like funnel cake and cotton candy!

Did you even know that was possible? It is.

Sometimes you may get a miniature version, but some are full-size and they generally range in cost from 2 to 7 coupons.

Here's the list of products and the discounted rates for Thrifty Thursday:

Let us know which ones are your favorites!