I’ve already given up on Project 366 for 2012, but I really want to do this list challenge and since it’s only once a week I figure I can swing it. Even if I miss a week here or there, somehow by the end of this year I will have posted 52 Lists of stuff about me and that will be pretty cool. Now onto this week’s list:

Books I’ve Read So Far in 2012

Cinder: Book One in the Lunar Chronicles  by Marissa Meyer – This is a retelling of Cinderella in a dystopian future where the titular character is a cyborg. It actually would have been a cool idea if it had only been one book, but of course it is a YA novel so it has to be a trilogy….ugh.  I have to admit that  the really cool cover image caught my eye and made me think of my own alien-like appendages and then it was jumping into my Kindle cart. Oh well, my advice, don’t waste your money.

Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn -  This is a great introduction to Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and the text we are using in a class that I am currently taking. It gives you the history of meditation in a nutshell, the scientific basis for its use in healthcare, case studies and an eight week program to follow on your own. What more could you ask for?

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte - I hadn’t read this since high school or college so I thought it was time to give it another go. While I still  love the plucky Jane, and the plot itself,  I find I still detest Charlotte  Bronte’s style. Yes, I should be flung off a mountaintop! How dare I call myself an English major!!  It’s just that the never ending description of surroundings, furniture, clothing, food etc. have always put me off. I find whenever I read literature of this period I flip through page after page of useless prose looking to get back to the heart of the story. You may begin posting your negative comments now

The Raven’s Bride by Lenore Hart - So far this is my favorite book of the  year, although the next book in my list, also by Ms. Hart, is a very close second. I love Edgar Allan Poe and the Gothic genre in particular (as long as we can keep the descriptions to a needed minimum) and this novel was a wonderful look at his life through the eyes of his very young bride. I particularly enjoyed their experiences as they moved from city to city seeking Poe’s big break in publishing. It paints dear Eddie as the madman he presumably was, but it does so with love and respect. She guides us to the conclusion that his madness was born of a lifetime of tragedy and his dark and eerie writing was his way of exorcising his demons. He was not the dark and frightening figure one might imagine, but a young man who loved deeply and was hurt deeply through that love.

Becky: The Life and Loves of Becky Thatcher by Lenore Hart - Wow. After finishing this Sunday night I immediately downloaded Tom Sawyer and the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, two other blasts from the past which I now feel the need to revisit. Ms. Hart sets about to correct some “inaccuracies” regarding Becky Thatcher’s early adventures with the boys, and through Becky’s voice creates a more endearing portrait of both Tom and Huck than Mark Twain’s original stories. Didn’t you ever wonder what happened to these children and Jim? How did they survive the Civil War and the Reconstruction?  I absolutely could not put this book down, and I highly recommend it to any Twain lovers or those with an interest in life during the Civil War.

Ace Frehley: No Regrets by Ace Frehley – Well he should have some regrets damnit! As far as Kiss is concerned, I am firmly on Team Gene and Paul, so I have a really hard time hearing Peter and Ace complain. Having said that, it was a fun read. Learning about his life growing up in the Bronx and the gang culture around him at the time was very enlightening. It is also another great cautionary tale regarding Alcoholism from a rocker in recovery. One can’t help but wonder where he would be today had his disease not taken over at the peak of his Kiss career.

The Great Typo Hunt – My dear friend Krista gave this to me as a birthday gift knowing it would tickle my fancy. In short it is about two young men, Jeff Deck and Benjamin D. Herson,  who set out on an unusual road trip around America with the goal of correcting typos. What more do you really need to know? They get into many of the usual road trip situations one would expect, but most of them are unlike anything you’ve ever read before. The saddest part of the story is that the book and the road trip itself even need to exist. While I can sort of understand typos on handwritten or homemade signs (and blogs), it is the typos on professionally printed signs that kill me!  You can also check out their blog where they chronicled their adventures here. I actually worked at a hospital that was opening a new wing and a four foot tall brass sign hung on the exterior of the  building that read “Pavarotti Pavillion”. When I alerted my boss to the misspelling he told me I was the one who was incorrect. After consulting the dictionary he discreetly arranged to have the sign replaced. What I didn’t get then and do not get today is how numerous people could see the proof of the sign before it was constructed and hung. I know pavilion is one of those words that break a rule, but I tend to think that any sign or menu should be proofread with special attention to given to any uncommon words prior to production. Well, now you can see why I enjoyed a book about people passionate about typos 

My little companion Spats the Cat

Six months ago today I began what I had hoped would be a short medical leave. Although my doctors and my family were very clear that I would never again be able to resume my previous professional activities, I held out hope. I had pushed so far beyond what my doctor had told me I could do thus far, and I am a very strong willed woman. My family needed me to keep earning that money, my team needed me to keep leading and I needed me to – what did I need me to do?

The first two months of my leave were focused on resting, filing paperwork, getting approved for Tysabri infusions and trying not to go crazy. I did well except for that last one. As time passed and I realized that my health was not improving, reality began to truly hit home. My body was not the same as it had been before my first MS attack. My life was not ever going to be what it had been. I could no longer work. I had to walk away from everything I had built in New York.

I sank into a profound depression. I didn’t know who I was or what I was supposed to be anymore. All I knew was that I didn’t want to be this disease and I didn’t want it to define my life, but that is exactly what it was doing. I could not allow myself to rage at MS. It felt too strong, too frightening. So I swallowed my rage and let it eat away at my heart instead.

Luckily God is always with me and my family is always beside me, and together they held me close and loved me through it. I found an amazing support group at Overlook Hospital for people like myself who were in the midst of a life crisis, and I began to grieve and heal. It was the most amazing experience of my life, and I truly mean that. If it hadn’t been for finding that group, I don’t know where I would be today.

We are happy as long as we are together.

So where I am today? On the couch. It’s been a difficult week thanks to the MS Fatigue that sometimes settles upon me like a shroud, but I am learning to let it be what it is. Thanks to my time at Overlook, I have discovered Mindfulness and I have learned that no amount of anger, hurt or fear is going to change the fact that I have Multiple Sclerosis.. I don’t have to like it, I don’t have to accept it – it will be there no matter what I feel.  Now that I understand this, my heart has become lighter and I am able to begin moving forward.

My Reality

Anyone who has been following my blog over these six months can see that I have begun to build a new life for myself. I am no longer plagued by guilt for leaving behind my team in New York – well, not AS plagued with guilt. I listen to my body and when it tells me that it is a couch day, I hang out on the couch with my beloved kitty Spats. I exercise within my limits daily to make sure that my legs and arms will function for as long as MS will allow, and I meditate daily to make peace with reality. (There is also some science that shows that meditation can strengthen and heal brain tissue, so it’s a double good whammy.)

I have begun to tap into my creative side and I have even begun to write fiction again! I am really and truly here for my family and not a shell of a woman who used to collapse at the end of each work day. I’m actually able to be an engaged mother and wife, and I am realizing how much of my life I was missing by pushing and pushing my body to do things it should no longer try to do. In short, I am living again.

I don’t know what is around the corner for me, but do any of us really know? All we have is this moment and this breath, and that is enough.

Erma Bombeck is famous for saying “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” and I have made gallons of lemonade in my life. This batch of lemons was pretty damned sour, and it has taken me some time, but I think I’m making one damned refreshing lemonade for myself.

My Rock

Although I am attempting to ease up on my obsessive over-achiever tendencies I can’t help but try to apply my learning of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction techniques to every facet of my life. It’s fun and it is so eye opening. Until recently, I had no idea how much of my life was passing me by without notice. I spent so much time planning the future that I hardly ever enjoyed the present, and I’m finding that there is so very much to enjoy in the here and now.

Today I decided to be mindful while taking my morning shower. I have often commented that I do my best thinking in the shower. As it turns out the one thing I never think about while in the shower is showering. Other than reacting, quite automatically, to the random temperature shifts of my home’s sixty year old plumbing, I am one hundred percent on autopilot while showering. Well today I changed that, and I will never this supposedly mundane task the same way again.

My plan was just to keep myself anchored in the shower with my breath, while I did my normal routine. I wasn’t going to slow down or speed up the actual actions, I was just going to observe them with interest. I started to imagine myself as Jane Goodall documenting my primate behavior in the mists of my bathroom, but that kind of creeped me out. So I settled for just staying in my mind and with my body while it did its thing.

Let me tell you, I am one amazing body. I appear to have been bathing myself in exactly the same way for over thirty years because there is no other way I can explain what I witnessed today. Without a single thought in my head, my body began its routine. I turned my back to the water and began to step backwards putting my hands above my head. I’m not sure if that is to test the water or just because they like it. They went there and stayed there for several seconds before my body backed entirely into the stream.

As the water cascaded down my skull my hands did some kind of dance around my hair, which I’m guessing makes sure the water penetrates evenly? Honestly, they just did it. They did it in a way that indicates that they do it the exact same way every morning. Smoothing down the back, switching to smoothing down the sides and finally two strokes from the crown to the ends of a ponytail they make of my hair before dropping it.

They reach down and pump the shampoo next. Three pumps. As they are making their way up to my head they meet and smooth the shampoo evenly between them.  Starting at the crown they begin a more complicated dance. There appears to be a perfect number of massages for each part of the head before pulling all of my hair up to the top of my head and beginning an all over smushing of sudsy hair. This is followed by nail scratching of the scalp in all areas, again with a pre-ordained number of scratches per section of scalp.

I have to tell you folks, that scratching part feels really good! My scalp really likes this part quite a bit. What it seems to love the most, though is the rinsing with hot water starting at the crown and running down through my thick hair. My shoulders and neck really like this too. They tingled with pleasure. No wonder my body seems to dwell on this part for longer than I’m sure is scientifically necessary.

I cannot believe that my body was feeling this pleasure every morning and I was missing it! Don’t get me wrong, I know I like to take hot showers, and on weekends and vacations I do linger in there for quite longer than normal so I can enjoy it. Yet it turns out my body was always enjoying it, I was just too busy planning my day, rehearsing a conversation or writing blog posts in my head to notice it. I have missed hours and hours of physical pleasure!!!!  That’s just not right.

I couldn’t help but wonder what this was like before MS hit. Did my hands enjoy the process more because they could feel more of it? Did my feet like the hot water instead of screaming in pain and feeling like swollen blimps while standing in it?

The autopilot continues through conditioning of my hair, washing of my face and so on. This showering is clearly a ritual to my body, one that it very much enjoys. It knows to adjust the water temp to a bit cooler level when I wash my face. I swear my arm just reached out and did it before I put my face in the stream. It then reached out again to twist the knob imperceptibly towards hot. Another cool feature is that body reacts to the vageries of my water temps before it actual gets scalded or frozen. Truly before my observing mind noticed that the water temp was dropping, my right arm was reaching back to give the knob a little nudge. Cool stuff, kind of like anti-lock brakes on a car.

In case you’re wondering, I dry myself exactly the same way every day too. There is a little towel ballet going on in my bathroom that no one has been seeing. It even includes a little matador moment where I wave the towel around my legs to air dry them a bit. Pretty cool stuff.

It takes exactly five swipes of deodorant per underarm to keep the stinkies away, and three spritzes of perfume on my neck abdomen and lower back respectively to smell pretty yet not overpowering. Why the lower back? I’ve got no freaking idea, I’ll ask my hands tomorrow.

Brushing of the teeth completes this ritual and is followed by moisturizing and makeup, two activities I am somewhat more present for it seems. I attempted to be mindful of my face. This is another idea I’ve been toying with that would involve just sitting in front of the mirror and really examining my face. I started with examining my eyes and it made me begin to feel sad. I didn’t want to harsh my mellow today, so I flipped the autopilot back on and only paid attention to color choices, and not poking my eyes out with the mascara wand.

Tomorrow I plan to slow down the process of showering and really pay attention to each sensation, each movement, each drop of water and I suspect this will cause my water bill to skyrocket, but hey,  I’m worth it!

I started writing this days ago and never got around to hitting publish.  My first sentence was originally about how impressed I was that I was getting my list done early, LOL.

Have you ever noticed that as you channel surf there are always certain movies that you will click on no matter how  many times you have seen them and then stay glued to that channel?  I find that sometimes they aren’t necessarily good movies or movies that I could actually say I like. Sometimes they are just so bad that I can’t stop watching.  In honor of these little gems I give you this week’s list.

Ten Movies I Cannot Turn Off

Hey Ace, meet me in study hall.

1.  Showgirls – I just can’t get enough of this horribly trashy movie. The acting is beyond bad and watching little Jesse Spano grow into a tacky murderous stripper in Vegas is worth the price of admission. How can you not love it when she mispronounces Versace?

2.  Grease 2 – the remake that never should have happened and gave us Michelle Pfeiffer in black leather waxing poetic about a “Cool Rider” while straddling a ladder. And who can forget my other fave song “Reproduction!”

3.  Dracula – Gary Oldman gives the performance of a lifetime as Vlad while surrounded by some of the worst acting and english accents ever to hit the screen.  You know I love me some Keanu Reeves, but wow! That is one horrible accent! The scene where Vlad’s wives hold him captive and molest him is the best!!

4. Armageddon – I know it has some really over the top moments and truly went for the tear jerking ending, but I absolutely love this movie! “I’m afraid I don’t know any crazy Willie sir,” is one of my all time favorite lines.

No wire hangers, ever!!!

5.  Mommie Dearest – come on, you know you can’t turn it off either! Faye Dunaway is absolutely amazing in her dead on nuts portrayal of Joan Crawford. Her mannerisms and voice were so true to the real woman. Whether the story was quite the way the spiteful Christina Crawford chose to portray it, I don’t actually care.  It makes for truly guilty entertainment. “No wire hangers!”

6.  Any Airport Movie – Airport 1975 is my particular favorite, but I will watch any of them. Seeing cross eyed Karen Black try to land that airplane is just too much for me. I laugh every freaking time. The first movie had a gravitas that I could accept with out too much smirking but the second one was just totally ridiculous. Yet I will never ever turn it off until Karen lands that damn plane!

Would you let this woman into your apartment?

7.  Rosemary’s Baby – This doesn’t get aired often enough, but when it does I am glued to the TV. The movie is truly chilling, but looking at it as a woman of the new millennium I just cannot get over the idea of this young newly married woman sitting around an apartment all day with nothing to do while her husband goes off to work. The decor is what truly keeps me entranced. All that orange, brown and yellow always brings back the nightmares of my youth!

8.  The Stepford Wives – Katherine Ross as a bra eschewing modern woman stuck in this creepy suburban town just cracks me up. How on earth does it take her so long to realize there is something seriously wrong going on with the women in this town!  The fact that she loses in the end is what I truly love about this movie. Anyone that stupid totally deserves to end up a dead eyed robot in a ridiculous frock and sun hat while cruising the supermarket aisles in search of some Hamburger Helper and WD-40.

I died for that idiot?

9. Escape From New York – I hesitated to put this on the list because it is truly one of my all time favorite movies. Then I realized that it is my favorite because it is so cheesy. The lines in this movie are so very quotable and the whole concept is so insanely perfect. How awesome are the Crazies who live in the sewers and are cannibals!  The little musical number they are putting on in the theater is classic. Most of all I have to point to Adriene Barbeau as Maggie being the character in the movie that keeps me riveted. Truly. Her boobs are so front and center as she sweats her way through NYC with Snake and Brain!  They try to make her look grimy, but she just looks way too good for a woman living in that hell hole. The moment where she stands her ground to avenge Brain’s death is so bad ass and the ruin it with a horrible death shot.

10.  Country Strong – this movie is a total country cliche and I absolutely love that genre Gwyneth Paltrow plays the perfect addict falling apart while dealing with an up and comer that she knows will someday eclipse her.  The country music is what really brings this into the depths of cliche-ism (it is too a word!) with such over the top lyrics.  The scene where someone sends her a dead baby doll covered in blood right before her comeback concert is just awesome!!  If you have yet to see this gem, I highly recommend you look it up.  It’s been on cable for a few months so I’ve now seen it about ten times!

I’m sure there are so many more movies that I can’t bring myself to stop watching even if they make me feel a little dirty and/or stupid, but these are the ones I am willing to admit to.  Are you brave enough to share yours?

I am challenging myself today to remain in silence from this moment until I see my dear friend Krista at 1pm this afternoon. It would total about two hours and fifteen minutes of silence. That may not sound like much to many of you, but for me it seems a nearly impossible task. You see I speak all day, even though I am alone in the house. I got a cat so I could pretend to be talking to him, but in actuality I often speak my thoughts out loud. It helps me think better and in an odd way I don’t feel so alone. Perhaps I am talking to my late father. I was told by a medium that he likes to visit me often. That’s another good excuse right? It would be rude not to speak to a guest.

Another facet of this silence is the absence of any music, TV, Facebook, Twitter or email. After I hit publish on this post, it is total silence. I have already screwed up twice by saying sweet things to Spats the cat.  Oops.

Why am I doing this? Firstly because I want to see what I am able to create in this state. As I’ve been delving deeper and deeper into my meditation and mindfulness practice I am unlocking heretofore unknown artistic abilities. I always knew I could write, but I never saw myself as an artist.  I love to scrapbook and I suppose that is an art form, but my layouts are not of the caliber that I would consider art. Lately though when I sit to create a pure art piece either on the computer or by hand directly after meditation I am really impressed by the end result. I have also found that the creativity just flows and I complete something in a very short period of time that I really love.

The same has been happening with my fiction writing.  I have completed two short stories that literally poured out of my head and into the computer as if by divine dictation! Which leads me to my second reason for today’s experiment.

I have started a third story and the first act was completed Tuesday after my Body Scan meditation. During that meditation an idea began to form about going on a silent retreat. When I sat down at my laptop a story about a couple married twenty-five years agreeing to go on a silent retreat of their own making came to life. Now I have to write the part about the actual silent retreat, which means I need to start experiencing silence.

I’m starting with two hours today and I will be creating. Next week I’m going to attempt two hours without doing anything at all. No creating, no sleeping, just sitting and being for two hours.

Okay, I’ve got roughly one hour and forty-five minutes before I have to leave for lunch. Let’s see what I can create!

Here is a piece of digital art I crated after a Loving Kindness meditation a few weeks ago. Spats cuddled up with me while I was meditating so he became the star of the layout

Love is Moments

For those of you who are not familiar with digital scrapbooking. I did not draw any of the images you see here. I put them together in a collage format on my computer using Adobe Photoshop. The elements are drawn by the amazing Lorie Davison

As you may recall, I was feeling a bit discouraged, but still wanting to hang in there with my low carb, high protein, no gluten lifestyle. It’s a good thing I did.  While I have not lost the amazing amount of weight that most people do on the Induction Phase of the Atkins Diet, I have lost a total of eight pounds in five weeks.  Given that my body doesn’t really work like it used to thanks to the drugs I’m pumping into it daily/monthly and the fact that I am a forty-four year old female, I’m feeling pretty good about that.

Even better news is that my benchmark pair of jeans were comfortable enough to sit in on Saturday!  I tried them on after my shower and got distracted and never switched to my stretchy elastic waist jeans! I was in them for hours before I realized! I’ve got a long way to go until I can get back into those size 14′s, but any progress is nice.

Do I feel better?  Not really. Not in any way. I’m having a bad few days with MS Fatigue and my legs continue to weaken.  Still, I need to stay mindful of the end game here, which is to slow this disease down. There is no stopping it truly, and I have made great strides in getting it under control.  I hate to jinx myself, but it has been six months since my last attack (aka, flare or exacerbation) and that is HUGE for me. My previous record was 3.5 months!!!!

Am I still in the Induction Phase? I don’t think so.  I have added some walnuts to my salads and I have had a two glasses of wine over the past few weeks.  Overall my goal is now to stay below 25 grams of high fiber carbs, which combined with gluten free eating is not hard. I eat eggs for breakfast like I have for years. I snack on olives or cheese in the morning if I get hungry before I have my monster salad of mixed greens and spinach with chicken or beef, olives, either blue or goat cheese and now some walnuts with a couple of tablespoons of olive oil.

I usually snack on a few mozzarella sticks after Gracie gets out of school.  A dinner of chicken, beef or shrimp with broccoli or spinach is followed by a dessert of either a bit more cheese or some olives.  Yeah, I eat a lot of cheese and olives, I’m Mediterranean!

Do I eat pretty much the same thing every day? Yes, but that is nothing new for me.  I can see where this type of lifestyle might be hard for people who like variety in their diet.  I know my mother and husband have mentioned needing variety.  I could eat roasted chicken three meals a day so I’m pretty content.  I would like to add some broiled salmon or flounder to our dinners for health reasons,  so I should find us some fish this week and try out some old standby healthy ways to broil it with flavor so my two Atkins companions will like it

Overall I am encouraged. I had blood drawn today for a series of tests for my physical. I’m interested to see where my cholesterol is today and where it will be in six months. My blood pressure is always low and my EKG was normal, but I’ve got high cholesterol genes from both sides of the family. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised!

I totally forgot to write my list for week three. That’s not to say I didn’t make the list in my head, it just never got onto the blog. So  I’m cheating and here they are.

Week 3 – 10 Famous (Living) People I Would Like to Meet, but Would Probably Make an Ass of Myself Upon Meeting Them:

1.  Gene Simmons

2.  Paul Stanley

3.  Keanu Reeves

4.  Nikki Sixx

5.  Drew Barrymore

6.  Robert Redford

7.  Oprah

8.  Tony Robbins

9.  Carson Kressley

10.  Helen Mirren

Week 4: 10 Famous (Dead) People I Would Like to Meet, but Would Probably Make an Ass of Myself Upon Meeting Them. (They Would Not be Dead When I Met Them, Because That Would be Gross):

1.  Kathrine Hepburn

2.  Elvis Pressley

3.  Eric Carr

4.  Jim Morrison

5.  Isaac Asimov (I original had Heinlein here, but I think Isaac would be more fun at a party)

6.  Albert Einstein (speaking of parties)

7.  Greta Garbo

8.  Freddie Mercury

9.  Lucille Ball

10.  Christopher Reeve

What follows was written immediately after meditating this morning. I typed it without looking at the keyboard. A total stream of consciousness piece. I have edited it only for spelling and punctuation.

I chose the wrong meditation from the list on iTunes today. It was the short two minute mindfulness of sound one. I wanted the 17 minute breath and loving kindness version. When it was over I heard Spats the cat beep at me (he’s not much for meowing). I looked down at him and decided that instead of playing the 17 minute meditation I would do Mindfulness of the Cat.  I lay down beside him and at first he became playful and nibbled my arm and licked my fingers as he always does when he plays.  Then he became quiet and restful.

I lay beside him being mindful of his breathing, of his twitching. I observed his tail and realized that what had always looked like fluid movement was actually a series of ripples . I believe it is the vertebrae in his spine moving in links that cause that effect close up. I watched as his tail made curls and released, and could discern no rhythm or reason for the movement. I watched his whiskers twitch ever so slightly and noticed that in his left ear he has whte spots instead of all pink.  I never noticed that before. I noticed that he has about thirty white hairs that run up his nose – it’s not all black.

I noticed that he breathes more shallowly and faster than a human. I could see the dust on his silky black fur along his back. I was there to see his pupils dilate when he heard a creak in the house, and his head twitched and his ears moved  - rotating like satellite dishes –  to capture the location of the sound. He relaxed again and then his head popped up, eyes dilated and he was instatnly on alert, and in the swiftest, most elegant movment he was running toward the patio door. He sighted two sqirrels doing their acrobatic maneuvers in one of the trees in the yard. He watched them with keen interest as if there were nothing else in the world that mattered or even existed. Then they left and he waited by the window for their return for a bit.  Giving up, he curled himself up on the rug and sat staring at me across the room. Just staring as if there were nothing else to be doing. I stared back in the same manner. Time did not exist. Thought did not exist. Just us two staring across the room occasionally slitting our eyes to say I love you.

I grabbed my laptop and began typing this entry without ever looking at my keyboard. Luckily my hands can still do that on occasion. I let these words flow from my mind into my fingers without editing, without caring, just capturing the thoughts as they were born.

Spats is now looking out the window at nothing in particular. I realize he is the pefect example of mindfulness. He gives eveything his fullest attention until he doesn’t any more.  So simple. No time constraints (They still haunt me). No purpose – just being. He is here and he is alive and that is enough and that is all there is.

I have finished week three on the new and improved Atkins Diet and I have lost a total of…..drumroll….five whole pounds! So three weeks in the amazingly transformative, fat burning Induction Phase of the diet and I have lost all of five pounds and no noticeable loosening of the pants. Am I disappointed? You bet your bippy! I have consumed no sugar, flour, starch nor alcohol in three weeks. That’s 21 days folks and I have lost a total of five whole pounds!

So I sit here looking at the parameters of the plan, and compare it to my intake and behaviors. They do say to avoid diet soda because aspartame might slow or stall weight loss on this plan. You know me and my good friend Diet Coke! I have to admit that I have actually increased my intake of diet coke and diet ginger ale since curtailing my carb intake three weeks ago. I hereby promise that in week four I will go down to a maximum of two cans of diet soda a day. Sorry body, I’m just not ready to go down to one can and totally abstaining is completely inconceivable! Caffeine is a necessity when you have MS fatigue

The thing that ticks me off is that in the past I have guzzled Diet Coke with wild abandon while on Atkins, and dropped weight without a problem. Of course I was ten years younger, not downing enough medication to choke a horse, and not heavily dosed with immune suppressing drugs. I guess those could be more of an issue than the soda, but I can’t change them so…

Let’s see if slowing down on the soda does me any good. If not, total carb deprivation is going to end. I’ll stick to gluten free and accept my awesomely gelatinous thighs :-p

Update: It’s the day after I started writing this post and I seem to have gained 2.5 pounds overnight! Oh how I love being a girl!

This a bit of a deviation of a prompt from another blog doing the 52 lists.  Her version was Fun things to do Alone, but I shifted it to be more specific to some of my little quirks. Some of the things I like to do alone are pretty common, but I think some are a little out of the ordinary.

Alone With my Thoughts

Things I Like to do Alone

1. Sleep – no kicking, snoring (other than my own), no blanket theft.
2. Vomiting – should be self explanatory.
3. Go to Movies -what I want, when I want, where I want.
4. Drive – My new limitations make this a luxury.
5. Exercise – I hate the gym or exercise classes. Don’t want to share my pain.
6. Cook – I get all nervous and confused when there is another person in the kitchen.
7. Grocery shopping – see #3
8. Museums – this is #3 again too! And I can stare for as long as I want.
9. Doctor visits – before MS I always went alone, now I need a buddy and that sucks.
10. Watch TV – that way I can hear and see every minute!

Am I alone on some of these or do you all secretly like to be alone at these times as well?