Meltdown Economics & Other Complex Catastrophes

More Fun with Flags!

2026-02-22T10:10:00.001+01:00

Portrait of Josef Stalin on Central Committee Building in Soviet-Occupied East Germany, 1949. Source

Portrait of Donald J. Trump on Department of Justice Building in MAGA-Occupied Washington, DC, 2026. Source

SOON (Fun with Flags!)

2026-01-07T16:31:00.005+01:00

German American Bund parade on East 86th St., New York City, October 30, 1937. New York World-Telegram via wikimedia

The Enemy Within: Fat Generals and Antifa Physicists

2025-10-04T09:19:00.001+02:00

J. Robert Oppenheimer (left) and General Leslie R. Groves (right), examining the remains of the tower after the 1945 Trinity atomic bomb test. (Photo: Los Alamos National Laboratory via Wikipedia)

CIB Breaking Fake News

Secretary of Swagger Pete Hegseth has announced the retroactive expulsion of General Leslie R. Groves from the US Army Corps of Engineers. General Groves violated the prohibition on “fat generals“ Hegseth announced on September 30 before 800 top US military brass. While none of them appeared fat, several were Black or female and thus susceptible to charges of “woke/DEI“ discrimination, earmarking them for impending purge.

General Groves, who was director of the Manhattan Project during World War II that successfully developed the atomic bomb, had previously supervised the construction of the Pentagon, at the time the largest office building in the world. President Trump (aka Krasnov) apparently considers this accomplishment a threat to his reputation as a Nobel Prize-worthy real-estate developer, to which his reply is the proposed White House ballroom. Observers consider this animosity another factor in Groves‘ expulsion from the army.

Highly fit top US military brass (top) listening in stone-faced silence to Secretary of Swagger Pete Hegseth‘s (bottom) profanity and Internet-slang-laced diatribe. (Photos: Reuters)

President Trump has gone a step further and re-revoked J. Robert Oppenheimer‘s security clearance, originally revoked in 1954 on suspicions of being insufficiently frank about his association with Communists Party members, and vacated in 2022 by DEI Secretary of Energy Jennifer Granholm. Oppenheimer, the UC Berkeley physicist who headed the scientific team at Los Alamos that developed the atomic bomb itself, had known associations with Communists (including his brother Frank, his wife Kitty, his lover, his fellow Berkeley professor Haakon Chevalier) and has been suspected of being a secret member ever since.

Trump said that, himself being a code-named (Krasnov) Soviet asset since 1987, he was singularly gifted in smelling out fellow secret assets. Moreover, it is indisputable that Oppenheimer was motivated by his strong antipathy to interwar Fascism, making him a member of “Antifa“ avant le lettre. “Antifa,“ while not an actual organization like the Communist Party, has now been designated by the Trump Administration as a domestic terrorist organization.

Trump has declared “the enemy within“ to be the primary target for the US military, rather than foreign powers like China, Russian, North Korea, or Iran, with opposition party-controlled US cities singled out as training grounds for future action. To clear the ideological decks, he said the “N-word“ will have to be dealt with first and eliminated, just as climate change has now officially been declared to be a “con job“ or hoax. Trump will instruct the Smithsonian Institution to remove all references to Groves and Oppenheimer in its exhibitions on the “greatest generation“ and World War II and reclassify them as the generation of losers. And rather than so-called “atomic bombs“ being responsible for the massive deaths in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Trump‘s gold-standard Health and Human Disservices Secretary RFK Jr will soon be submitting a report proving that it was the Japanese’s own vaccination programs that led to their defeat.

Putin Proposes Next Summit at Revived TACO Bell Pushcart in Komsomolskaya Metro Station

2025-08-16T18:33:00.001+02:00

CIB Breaking Surreal News

Komsomolskaya Subway Station in Moscow, site of Taco Bell trial pushcart in 1993 to probe Russian market (Top photo: Wikimedia). Vladimir Putin presenting summit fare from a revived Taco Bell (Bottom photo: Source).

Following on the highly successful Alaska summit between Russian President Vladimir Putin and US President Donald Trump (aka Krasnov), the CIB has just learned that the main outcome, rather than an immediate ceasefire in the Ukraine War, will be a follow-up summit in Moscow to thrash out “core issues,” which observers consider to be code for Ukrainian national obliteration.

To underscore the vast economic possibilities opened by a rapprochement between the two countries, President Putin will propose to hold the summit in the Komsomolskaya Metro Station in Moscow, site of the 1993 Taco Bell pushcart. The short-lived pushcart, symbolic of America’s global fast-food economic might, unfortunately did not suffice to close the US global trade deficit and was soon closed.

Putin considers the Taco Bell pushcart particularly suitable for this summit ever since the Financial Time's US Financial Columnist Robert Armstrong coined the term TACO trade to characterize Trump’s negotiating strategy:

TACO = TRUMP ALWAYS CHICKENS OUT

In other words, Trumps first makes a big fuss setting an ultimatum, then postpones or folds when Trump’s opponent puts up any credible resistance.

Putin has taken this insight to heart during the Alaska summit, calling Trump’s bluff on the 10-12 day ultimatum to agree to a ceasefire Trump announced on July 28 in Scotland.

The grandeur of the Stalin-era Komsomolskaya Metro Station will remind the world of Russian greatness and contrast favorably with the US’s pushcart economy and deal-making bluster, Russian sources said.

Trump Appoints Ghislaine Maxwell as Special Advisor at Putin Summit to Lubricate Swap of Alaska for Occupied Ukraine

2025-08-11T09:34:00.001+02:00

CIB Breaking Surreal News (“Truthier than Thruthiness”)

Ghislaine Maxwell (left) “pleasuring” Jeffrey Epstein aboard his private jet in the happy days before his “suicide” and her “incarceration” (Dept of Justice via Courthouse News). Russian President Vladimir Putin (right), a powerful man notoriously difficult to “pleasure” (Ria-Novosti/Alexey Druzhinin)

President Trump (aka “Krasnov”) has pardoned convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell and ordered her immediate release from her “Club Fed” detention to serve as his special advisor during the upcoming summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Ghislaine Maxwell is endowed with unique experience that will assist President Trump in making Putin’s stay during the summit in Alaska as pleasurable as possible, said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. It wouldn’t be the first time Ghislaine has entrapped powerful men with former employees of President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago spa facilities, Leavitt continued.

Notorious photo of Prince Andrew, Virginia Giuffre (now deceased) and Ghislaine Maxwell, demonstrating Ghislaine’s unique ability to entrap powerful men with groomed sex slaves “stolen” from Trump’s Mar-a-Lago spa.

The CIB has learned that President Trump had first entertained the idea of enlisting former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin for this role. Palin, however, was put off by rumors that Trump was planning a territorial swap of Alaska (bought from Russia in 1867) for the Russian-occupied parts of Ukraine to pacify the “ungrateful” Ukrainian President Zelenskyy.

Trump justified this swap by saying the US would be more than compensated after Canada was made the 51st state. Palin, however, a patriotic Alaskan, was still not appeased, but was apparently flattered that she had been considered for the job.

Pete Hegseth deported from US after tattoos reveal him to be member of MS-13 gang

2025-04-23T18:32:00.000+02:00

CIB plausible mashup news, Washington DC, April 23, 2025

Speculation about whether President Trump (aka “Krasnov”) will dismiss Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was put to rest after it became known today that masked ICE agents apprehended Hegseth as he left his office in the Pentagon and drove him in a tinted black van to a waiting aircraft at Ronald Reagan National Airport for deportation to a high-security prison in El Salvador.

President Trump, in a hastily convened press conference, asserted that a closer examination of Hegseth’s numerous tattoos revealed that several incriminated him as a member of terrorist organizations.

Recently revealed tattoos on Hegseth’s arm finally broke the camel’s back. Yahoo!News

Trump presenting the incriminating closeup that led to Hegseth’s immediate deportation under the Enemy Domestics Act, first invoked in 1798 to get rid of President John Adams’ French cook. TruthSocial

Trump denied that Hegseth’s repeated use of Signal chat groups to transmit classified military information, including to his wife, brother and lawyer, was the grounds for his dismissal and deportation.

Trump said that if unauthorized use of Signal chat groups were grounds for dismissal and deportation, half of his administration would already be in jail in El Salvador.

Instead, he claimed that Hegseth’s deportation proves that ICE is being completely evenhanded in its treatment of MS-13 members with tattoos on their hands, regardless of whether it is the left or the right hand.

“We deported Kilmer Abrego Garcia, a complete nobody, without due process. We can deport the Secretary of Defense too, if it seizes my whim. No one is safe—homegrown white supremacists, undocumented immigrants, what have you,” Trump asserted. “Shoo-be-doo-be-doo-da-day,” Trump then sang to the intimidated amusement of the press core.

“Due process is hugely overrated. The Supreme Court can huff and puff as much as they want. Garcia is gone, Hegseth is gone, they’re outside US jurisdiction now and I’m not bringing them back like I did the Tate brothers!”

“I’d claim to be an equal-opportunity autocrat but that would smack of DEI!”, Trump quipped in closing the press conference.

Fake Doctor Is Charged After ‘Liberation Day’ Butt Lift Surgery Leaves World Economy Near Death

2025-04-04T13:05:00.001+02:00

CIB Exclusive Semifake Report, Washington, DC and New York, April 4, 2025

"Markets today are way down ... How's it going?" a reporter asked the president.

”I think it's going very well," Trump responded. "It was an operation. I like when a patient gets operated on and it's a big thing. I said this would exactly be the way it is."(Source: ABC News)

Shortly thereafter, New York City police reported that the patient, apparently known as “The World Economy,” was taken to a hospital by emergency medical workers, where she was intubated, according to a criminal complaint filed today by the Queens district attorney. She had “no brain activity,” the complaint said, “and she is not likely to survive.”

The man, “Donald Trump,” aka “Krasnov,” aka “The President,” 78, tried to flee the United States after the woman became unresponsive, according to the report. Officers caught up with him at Kennedy Airport today, just hours after the operation, as he waited to board the first leg of a flight to Russia, the report said.

Mr. Trump appears to have been a busy, if unlicensed, cosmetic surgeon who also worked in New York City and Palm Beach, according to online records and advertisements. In Washington, DC, he performed procedures in a white house in a park lined with tall trees and well-kept gardens. On Thursday, an order to vacate was pasted to the door. Neighbors said they had seen a swarm of emergency vehicles arrive on the block on Friday morning but that they knew little about the man the police were seeking.

Residence of fake cosmetic surgeon, now abandoned and boarded up. (Photo Credit: NPS)

Schoolyard Bullies Gang Up on Smaller Jewish Kid: Demand His Lunch Money and Want Him to Lick Their Boots

2025-03-02T08:39:00.000+01:00

CIB unfathomable news: Two notorious MRGA (Make Russia Great Again) schoolyard bullies ambushed the Ukrainian President yesterday in the White House, demanding his lunch money and a show of “gratitude” by licking their boots.

The schoolyard confrontation (CNN).

The confrontation got off to a good start with the MRGA boss’s feigned chagrin at the President’s attire: “Oh look, you’re all dressed up”.

The “disrespectful” attire of the Ukrainian wartime President (top: New York Times) contrasts with the “devout” attire of Huck Hogan at the Republican Convention (bottom: Getty Images). Only “professional” wrestlers like Hogan are permitted to approach His Highness in “fighting” attire, not wartime statesmen.

The bullies were satisfied that the dressing down made for “great television,” but they plan to up their game to attain the media impact of the infamous scenes of Viennese Jews being made to scrub the sidewalks after the Nazi Anschluss of Austria in 1938 (coming attractions for Ukraine and the European Union?).

Photo Credit: Dokumentationsarchiv des Oesterreichischen Widerstandes

Vice-bully Vance said that in the future, foreign “indignitaries” would be required to grovel at least as far as 1938 Viennese Jews to prove their “gratitude,” something the Ukrainian President successfully resisted yesterday.

The world was stunned that the United States has fallen even below the 1954 televised Army-McCarthy hearings, when Army Counsel Joseph Welch challenged the senator’s reckless charges, asking, “Have you no sense of decency, sir?”, to this televised schoolyard bullying.

Photo Credit: United States Senate

Donald Trump calling the kettle (Kamala Harris) Black?

2024-08-02T14:12:00.001+02:00

(Charles H. Bennett, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

"Former President Donald Trump falsely claimed Wednesday that his 2024 Democratic rival, Vice President Kamala Harris, “happened to turn Black” a few years ago, saying that “all of a sudden, she made a turn” in her identity." (CNN 2017)

In a bad case of the pot calling the kettle black, it turns out that it has been Trump and his father Fred who actually have a history of instrumentalizing their ethnic backgrounds to suit historical vicissitudes.

"In his book, “The Art of the Deal,” Donald Trump reaffirmed the myth of his family’s origins, writing that his father’s father came to America “from Sweden as a child.” (CNN 2024)

Trump’s repeated attacks on (Senator Elizabeth) Warren come despite his own family’s past efforts to hide their heritage. According to multiple reports from The New York Times and the Boston Globe and a biography, Trump’s father repeatedly sought to conceal the fact that he was the son of German immigrants.

Fred Trump sought to pass himself off as Swedish amid anti-German sentiment sparked by World War II. According to the biography “The Trumps: Three Generations that Built an Empire” by Gwenda Blair, Fred Trump denied knowing German and did not teach it to his children.

John Walter, a Trump family historian and one of Donald Trump’s cousins, said this was an effort to not offend his Jewish customers.

“He said, ‘You don’t sell apartments after the war if you’re German,’ ” Walter said in the Boston Globe article. “So he’s Swedish, no problem.”

Even after World War II, Fred Trump continued to claim he was Swedish, according to Walter...

In reality, Fred Trump’s father, Friedrich Trump, immigrated to the United States from the German city of Kallstadt as a teenager in 1885. Blair writes in her biography that Friedrich Trump went on to establish several saloons and hotels that doubled as brothels.

One German historian alleges that the Trump patriarch was kicked out of Germany for failing to complete mandatory military service and as such was not able to reclaim his German citizenship.

Donald Trump eventually acknowledged and embraced his German heritage, serving as the grand marshal of the annual German-American Steuben Parade in New York City in 1999. In a video message for the 2011 event, Trump touted his grandfather’s immigration story and recalled the earlier parade.

“We passed Trump Tower, 69 stories. I looked up and I said, ‘This is a long way from Kallstadt,’” he said, referring to his grandfather’s hometown.

“I’m a proud German-American,” Donald Trump added.

Continuing his rant against Harris, the former president said "So I don’t know, is she Indian or is she Black?”

“I respect either one, but she obviously doesn’t, because she was Indian all the way, and then all of a sudden she made a turn and she went – she became a Black person,” he said at the National Association of Black Journalists convention. “I think somebody should look into that too.”

The question we now all want to have answered from Trump is which is it, German, Scottish or Swedish? While his paternal line is purely German (both paternal grandparents were German immigrants) and his mother was a Scottish immigrant, his Swedish roots are purely fantastical, intended to deceive Fred Trump's Jewish customers during and after WWII.

So the opportunism accusation and ethnic confusion is purely in Trump's court. Harris has never made any secret of her Indian (maternal) and Black (paternal) ethnicity, nor has she ever claimed to be Swedish, American Indian, or anything else.

Donald Trump's ethnic German father Fred (left) and Scottish mother Mary Ann (née MacLeod, right). Until now no one has ever substantiated any Swedish "blood," residence or linguistic fluency in the family tree, despite claims at various times made by father and son. (Picture credits: Brooklyn Eagle, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons and http://photos.geni.com/p13/ca/06/3d/62/5344483e50c81604/mary_ann_trump_large.jpg)

The Emperor's New Covid Charisma, or O tempora! O mores!

2020-10-05T14:13:00.001+02:00

Top: President Donald Trump waves as he drives past supporters gathered outside Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., Sunday, Oct. 4, 2020. Trump was admitted to the hospital after contracting COVID-19. (AP Photo/Carlos Vargas)

Bottom: Followers surround the Rolls-Royce bearing Indian guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Nov. 9, 1984 (Ed Timms / The Dallas Morning News)

Trump's Revelations

2020-06-03T10:06:00.000+02:00

CIB Breaking Nightmare News--Unprecedented Trump had a path blazed through peaceful demonstrators in front of the White House on Monday to uphold his articles of faith in front of St John's Episcopal Church.

Contrary to the widespread belief that this was a Christian Bible, the Creditanstalt Intelligence Bureau has learned that this was that other book he had taken the oath of office on: Adolf Hitler's My New Order.

Unprecedented Trump brandishing an unknown book, upside-down and cover-concealed. The CIB has learned this is his personal copy of Hitler's My New Order. (Photo: BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/AFP VIA GETTY IMAGES)

Hidden in a plain leather binding, this is Trump's personal copy of Hitler's speeches. Ivanka Trump brought it along in her $1,540 MaxMara handbag.

Attorney General William "Vyshinsky" Barr personally ordering police to clear the streets for Trump's "Bible" stunt. Scholars differ about whether a comparison with notorious Attorney General A. Mitchell Palmer or Andrey Yanuaryevich Vyshinsky is more appropriate.

Peaceful protestors being gassed by Barr's stormtroopers to clear a path for Trump's biblical pilgrimage. Evangelicals have compared this miracle to the parting of the Red Sea.

In his address at the Rose Garden, Trump threatened to deploy US troops against the unruly populace:

If a city or state refuses [to call in the National Guard] then I will deploy the United States military and quickly solve the problem for them... As we speak, I am dispatching thousands and thousands of heavily armed soldiers, military personnel, and law enforcement offices to stop the rioting, looting, vandalism assaults and the wanton destruction of property.

This is not the first time that Trump has unleashed military might against American cities. The nuclear annihilation of Rochester, NY, is still a fresh wound. The failure of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to put an end to the unconstitutional regime then has led former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mike Mullen to write on Tuesday

It sickened me yesterday to see security personnel—including members of the National Guard—forcibly and violently clear a path through Lafayette Square to accommodate the president's visit outside St. John's Church... Even in the midst of the carnage we are witnessing, we must endeavor to see American cities and towns as our homes and our neighborhoods. They are not “battle spaces” to be dominated, and must never become so... Our fellow citizens are not the enemy, and must never become so... This is not the time for stunts. This is the time for leadership.

After the failures of the Mueller Report, the House impeachment, and the courts to bring constitutional order to the Trump regime, what is still separating us from the military imposition of the Trumpian New Order?

Ivanka Trump carrying the infamous "Bible" to the St John's stunt. Fashion critics agree that her new pandemic line is a considerable improvement on her frilly Peggy Shippen failure. This seems to be the one redeeming feature of the event. In all other respects, however, she is still living up to her role model.

Trump's "Release the most vicious hounds" stumbles over watchdog purge

2020-05-31T11:07:00.000+02:00

Unprecedented Trump's threat to release "the most vicious hounds" on protestors besieging the White House collapsed this morning when the Secret Service was only able to deploy a single infirm canine on the Manor's steps.

Unpresidential Donald "Mr. Burns" Trump (right) standing next to his lapdog AG William "Smithers Vyshinsky" Barr (left), who said that “Groups of outside radicals and agitators are exploiting the situation to pursue their own separate and violent agenda.”

A Secret Service spokesperson (@SecretService) said that they had told Trump that their vicious hounds kennel had been inadvertently depleted of "the young ones on the front line, sir, they love it, and good practice" during the recent purge of "deep state" watchdogs such as State Department Inspector General Steve Linick.

The Very Stable Genius Touts His Microbe Avoiding Abilities

2020-02-29T08:01:00.000+01:00

CIB Breaking Pandemonium News--Under attack for downplaying the threat from the incipient Covid-19 pandemic, Unprecedented Trump lashed out at Democrats for supposedly weaponizing the disease for political gain.

Trump reminded the American people of his unpresidented record in avoiding sexually transmissible diseases (STDs) during the Vietnam War.

In a 1997 interview with shock jock host Howard Stern, Trump boasted

“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider,” Trump said in the interview when Howard Stern asked how he handled making sure he wasn’t contracting STDs from the women he was sleeping with.

Trump now reassures the American people that his proven microbe-avoiding abilities will protect them from the spread of Covid-19, which was anyway a Chinese hoax like climate change. America should invest in his Great Wall instead of fake science like public health.

Trump compared his appointment of Vice President Pence as Covid-19 coordinator to his use of condoms during this promiscuous period of his career.

This has earned the Vice President the nickname Preservative Pence, which has begun to replace his previous nickname Public-Health-Prayer Pence.

In the Khashoggi dismemberment scandal, the Trump Administration had also demonstrated a seesaw commitment to public health.

posted from Bloggeroid

Taking Trumpisms to their Illogical Conclusions

2019-10-11T08:31:00.000+02:00

I. The "it happens" holocaust

Unprecedented Trump commenting on a fatal road accident caused by the wife of an American intelligence operative in the UK:

“You know those are the opposite roads, that happens,” he said. “I won’t say it ever happened to me, but it did. When you get used to driving on our system, and then you’re all of a sudden on the other system when you’re driving, it happens.”

Trump before the Pearly Gates, explaining to Saint Peter how he accidentally extinguished humanity in a nuclear holocaust:

"You know those buttons on the nuclear football are sometimes opposite. I won’t say it ever happened to me, but it did. When you get used to pussy grabbing on one system, and then you’re all of a sudden on the other system when you’re grabbing, it happens.”

II. The Dolchstoßlegende (stab-in-the-back legend) à l'americaine

Trump press conference on why he is abandoning Kurdish allies to a Turkish offensive in Syria:

"Now the Kurds are fighting for their land, just so you understand," Trump said when asked if abandoning the Kurds would make it more difficult for the US to gain allies in the future. "As somebody wrote in a very very powerful article today, they didn't help us in the Second World War, they didn't help us with Normandy," Trump said, likely referring to an article posted on the right-wing website Townhall.

Trump press conference on why he is abandoning Germany and Japan to Russian and Chinese offensives:

"Now the Germans and the Japanese are fighting for their land, just so you understand," Trump said when asked if abandoning long-standing NATO and U.S.-Japan Mutual Security Treaties would make it more difficult for the US to gain allies in the future. "As somebody wrote in a very very powerful article today, they didn't help us in the Second World War, they didn't help us with Normandy," Trump said, likely referring to an article posted on the right-wing website Townhall.

posted from Bloggeroid

Henry Kissinger, in riposte to Trump, announces he will go back to Germany

2019-07-22T06:59:00.000+02:00

Henry Kissinger (aka Heinz Alfred Kissinger) fled Nazi Germany in 1938 and was naturalized as a US citizen in 1943 while serving in the US Army. Despite failing to lose his heavy German accent, he had a successful career as Harvard professor, National Security Advisor and Secretary of State in his adopted country.

CIB breaking fake news, New York-- In response to Unprecedented Donald Trump's call for four Democratic congresswomen to "go back" to their countries of origin, elder statesman Henry Kissinger has just announced that he will permanently resettle in his native Germany.

Kissinger stated that while he and his family fled Germany in 1938 to escape fascism, he has no desire to continue living in a country that is now subject to reality-TV fascism.

"I prefer the genuine article," Kissinger told our correspondent. "If it's our fate to go back through this shithole, I'd rather spend my last years with the masters rather than the apprentices. The rise of Germany's Alternative für Deutschland and the end of the postwar "Schuldkult" should prove exciting."

The Son He Wished He’d Had (Profiles in Parental Courage Part 2)

2019-03-02T10:46:00.000+01:00

The son he has (Michael Cohen: “Mr. Trump had frequently told me and others that his son Don Jr. had the worst judgment of anyone in the world.”) Image: Greg Nash/The Hill

The son he wished he’d had (Trump on Kim Jong Un: “I was really being tough and so was he. And we would go back and forth. And then we fell in love. No really. He wrote me beautiful letters. They were great letters. And then we fell in love.") Image: Doug Mills/The New York Times

Mexican President AMLO to Trump: Mr President, let us pay for your Wall!

2019-01-09T08:23:00.000+01:00

US Precedent Donald Trump speaks while participating in a tour of border wall prototypes.
Kevin Lamarque | Reuters

Mexican President AMLO demonstrating his willingness to finance the Wall for the dysfunctional US government. EPA

CIB Breaking Surreal News, Mexico City| Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador (AMLO) announced today that in the interests of restoring border security his country would be willing to finance US Unprecedent Trump's campaign promise to build a wall on their countries' mutual border.

In a televised address to the Mexican nation, AMLO stated that since the US government shutdown on this issue, "automatic weapons, drugs, and white supremacy terrorists have been flowing unrestrained over the border from the US into Mexico."

"Anything would be better than the present anarchy," he went on to say, "concrete, steel slats, beaded curtains, voodoo dolls!"

The only proviso is that Unprecedented Trump first release his tax returns, Trump's other unfulfilled campaign promise.

"Only Trump's tax returns and the Mueller investigation can reveal whether the US can be trusted to use Mexican funds properly to actually build the Wall rather than enrich the ruling clique's cronies and their foreign backers," AMLO stated.

Mexican law prohibits foreign aid to underdeveloped countries with inadequate financial transparency, high-level corruption, and foreign interference in elections.

The US Border Patrol has determined that a chain of Voodoo Dolls, rather than concrete, steel slats, or beaded curtains, would be the most cost effective Wall to deter illegal border crossings into the US.

posted from Bloggeroid

Yuletide Gift Giving in the Trump White House

2018-12-22T07:54:00.001+01:00

Chris McGrath/Getty Images via Business Insider

“Trump is God’s gift that keeps on giving,” said Vladimir Frolov, a Russian columnist and foreign affairs analyst. “Trump implements Russia’s negative agenda by default, undermining the U.S.–led world order, U.S. alliances, U.S. credibility as a partner and an ally. All of this on his own. Russia can just relax and watch and root for Trump, which Putin does at every TV appearance.”
New York Times Dec. 21, 2018 "Glee in Russia Over Trump’s Foreign Policy Largess"

Russia's asset that keeps on giving: President Donald Trump and first lady Melania Trump in their official Christmas portrait on Dec. 15, 2018, in the Cross Hall of the White House. White House Photo by Andrea Hanks

posted from Bloggeroid

White House threatens more "doctoring" of CNN's Jim Acosta

2018-11-09T09:01:00.000+01:00

(Photo: Jonathan Ernst/Reuters)

Washington, DC (CIB Breaking Satanic News)--After being accused of spreading an Infowars doctored video of the tussle between CNN White House reporter Jim Acosta and Deputy Press Entrapment (aka "intern") Jailbait Lindsay Walters, White House Press Secretary Sanders unequivocally started that

If there's any doctoring of journalists to be done around here, we reach for our bone saws, not Photoshop.

What's good for Khashoggi is good for the country. Make America Lame Again!

posted from Bloggeroid

Trump Administration Announces Draconian Sanctions against Saudi Arabia for Khashoggi Dismemberment

2018-10-23T12:29:00.001+02:00

Washington, DC (CIB Breaking Surreal News)—White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be announcing draconian sanctions against Saudi Arabia for the alleged murder and dismemberment of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi in Istanbul.
The Trump administration will impose an across-the-operating-table prohibition of exports of US bone saws and other surgical instruments, starting with the Civil-War-Era collection depicted below.

Cutting-edge Civil-War surgical instruments still represent a significant part of US high-tech exports to the developing world. (Image Source: Arbittier Museum of Medical History American Civil War Surgical Antiques)

Presidential First-Son-In-Law Jared Kushner, in his recent press conference, advised his bosom friend Crone Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) to stick to “transparently more deniable” assassination methods like Novichok, Polonium or VX poisonings in the future when dealing with undesirable elements. “All of our other admired authoritarians have gotten away with it, so the Saudis should “bone up” on their tradecraft,” he said.

At a midterm election rally in Milwaukee, Unprecidented Trump said that he will prohibit imports of Chinese surgical instruments and “Make America Lame Again” using domestic Civil-War-Era medical technology. So-called “scientific medicine” is responsible for the rise of autism, he claimed, and urged a return to the miasma theory of disease that decimated “many fine soldiers” on both sides of the Civil War.

Trump promises to return American medicine to its traditional values to “Make America Lame Again.” (Image Source: U.S. National Library of Medicine)

In a closing note, White House Press Secretary Sanders said that a humanitarian exception to the export sanctions might be made to enable MSB to treat his bone spurs, a crippling ailment afflicting many world leaders.

Trump announces seven-day FBI investigation of Jamal Khashoggi disappearance

2018-10-13T10:36:00.001+02:00

CIB breaking (fake?) news--Unpresidented US Precedent Donald Trump ordered the FBI to conduct a seven-day cover-up investigation of the disappearance of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi, along the successful lines of the recent whitewashing of Brett Kavanaugh for the Supreme Court.

Confronted with the evidence of foul play and international indignation, Trump, after six days, blurted "I don't like it." He will give the FBI an additional day for their investigation to, as he put it, "put the pieces together again."

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) has been accused of ordering a 15 man hit squad to torture, kill, dismember, and dispose of Jamal Khashoggi in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul.

Trump said in defence of MBS that "It is a very scary time for young men in Saudi Arabia, where you can be guilty of something you may not be guilty of."

Khashoggi's fiancée Hatice Cengiz waited several hours in vain outside the Saudi consulate for his return.

At a rally in Mississippi Trump later mocked her account:

"How did you get home? I don't remember. How'd you get there? I don't remember. Where is the place? I don't remember. How many years ago was it? I don't know."

Trump's comments were met with laughter and applause from the crowd.

"I don't know. I don't know," the President continued. "What neighborhood was it in? I don't know. Where's the house? I don't know. Upstairs, downstairs -- where was it? I don't know but I had one beer. That's the only thing I remember."

It's a dangerous time to be a young man around the world, but it pays to have powerful friends.

posted from Bloggeroid

Now We Finally Know What America First Means: Peace For Our Time!

2018-07-19T14:55:00.000+02:00

Donald Trump, 2018 [Fox News interview on NATO Article 5]:

Mr. Carlson moved to his next prompt: “So, let’s say Montenegro, which joined [NATO] last year, is attacked. Why should my son go to Montenegro to defend it from attack? Why is that?”

“I understand what you’re saying,” Mr. Trump responded. “I’ve asked the same question.” “Tiny” Montenegro, he continued, has “very aggressive people. They may get aggressive and congratulations, you’re in World War III.”

Fox News interview, reported in NYT July 18, 2018

Neville Chamberlain,1938 [broadcast on the Czechoslovakia crisis with Nazi Germany]:

"How horrible, fantastic, incredible it is that we should be digging trenches and trying on gas-masks here because of a quarrel in a far away country between people of whom we know nothing."

Broadcast (27 September 1938), quoted in "Prime Minister on the Issues", The Times (28 September 1938), p. 10

posted from Bloggeroid

Trump to Pardon Benedict Arnold on Eve of Putin Summit (Breaking CIB Fake News!)

2018-07-15T18:52:00.000+02:00

Revolutionary General Benedict Arnold (left) in American uniform before his treason, and his handler Major John André (right), British General Henry Clinton's spy chief. While Arnold escaped to live on in Britain and Canada, André was captured by General Washington’s forces, tried as a common spy, and hanged for his role in the plot.

Helsinki, CIB correspondents--Unpresidented Donald Trump is planning to issue a posthumous presidential pardon to American Revolutionary War General Benedict Arnold, who, after distinguished service in Washington’s army, had conspired with British Army spymaster Major John André to deliver the West Point fortifications to the British.

Trump is using the occasion of his first one-on-one summit tomorrow with Russian Federation President and former KGB spymaster Lt. Colonel Vladimir Putin to make this unprecedented historical announcement.

According to Trump, Arnold has gotten a bum rap in American history, much like his former National Security Adviser Lt. General Michael Flynn, for lying about his meetings with the Russian ambassador.

“General Arnold was a wonderful man,” Trump told aids. “I think he has been treated very, very unfairly by history, as I call it, the fake media in many cases. And I think it is really a sad thing that he was treated so badly.”

“This man [Arnold] served for many years, he was a general. He was a — in my opinion — a very good person.”

Trump went on to say that the American Revolution was a complicated affair. There were the revolutionaries, the British, but also the Loyalists or Tories, he recently found out. Trump compared the American Revolution with the 2017 demonstrations in Charlottesville. “You also had some very fine people on both sides.”

The alt-Revolution is not over, he claimed. “We’ll see how it works out.”

Trump is planning to present Putin with a rare original print of the 1780 fortifications at West Point. He had originally intended to give Putin the US’s latest plans for cyber security defence, as he had promised on July 9, 2017, but the Deep State again intervened.

1780 French plans of West Point fortifications, such as was found secreted in Major André’s clothing when he was caught by Revolutionary soldiers while trying to return to British-held New York City (Source: Wikimedia).

A glimpse of the US Dept. of Homeland Security’s latest cyber security plans (left), which Trump had originally intended to give Putin on a USB stick written with the same invisible ink Benedict Arnold and his wife Peggy Shippen used to communicate with the British (right).

When Trump returns to Washington, the CIB has also learned, instead of replacing his favorite president, Andrew Jackson, on the twenty dollar bill, with Harriet Tubman, he will propose that Benedict Arnold replace Benjamin Franklin on the one hundred dollar bill.

“Franklin was a believer in fake science, crazy stuff like lightening rods,” Trump told Treasury Secretary Mnuchin. And some conspiracy theory called the “Enlightenment”. “He was also prejudiced against Germans and Swedes, thought they came from swarthy shithole countries, and didn’t want to let them into the country.” Trump has at different times claimed that his paternal ancestors derived from Sweden or Germany.

Andrew Jackson (top) on present twenty dollar bill (Wikimedia), with proposed replacement by abolitionist Harriet Tubman (bottom). The Trump administration has put this “politically correct” decision on hold.

Present hundred dollar bill with “racist and fake” founding father scientist Benjamin Franklin (top), and proposed Trump administration replacement with “badly treated” revolutionary traitor General Benedict Arnold (bottom).

“This way, we get to keep both America’s favorite white supremacist and ethnic cleanser and its favorite traitor, while getting rid of racist fake scientists and feminist abolitionists,” Trump reportedly told Treasury Secretary Mnuchin.

Trump intends to warn Putin, however, that if he is found on American soil with the West Point print on his person, he might well suffer the same fate at the hands of fanatical deep state revolutionaries as Major John André.

“I fired FBI director James Comey for ‘that Russian thing’, forced out top FBI counterespionage agent Peter Strzok and FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe, but I can’t guarantee that there aren’t three ‘patriots’ still left at the FBI after the purge who would seize Putin just like three revolutionary soldiers did poor Major André in 1780. It’s hard to purge them all when Sessions has recused himself at Justice!”

In that event, however, Trump is prepared to promise Putin as worthy a memorial on Capitol Hill as the British gave Major André in Westminster Abbey.

Monument erected to Major John André in Westminster Abbey by “Mad King” George III in 1782. The inscription highlights that André was “universally Beloved and esteemed by the Army in which he served and lamented even by his FOES.” “Mad President” Donald III has promised to erect a comparably splendid memorial to Lt. Col. Vladimir Putin should a similar fate befall him on American soil, or for that matter anywhere else due to Polonium 210, VX, or Novichok poisoning.

On a more pleasant note, the CIB has learned that Trump favorite daughter Ivanka Trump plans a new retro-fashion Americana line inspired by Benedict Arnold’s wife Peggy Shippen.

First Daughter Ivanka Trump, modelling her new frilly pink fashion line (left), plans to incorporate inspirations from a true daughter of the American Revolution, Peggy Shippen (right), West Point co-conspirator with her husband Benedict Arnold.

Kudlow has Pauline conversion about protectionism (Apocryphal Gospel News 12:3)

2018-06-17T15:55:00.000+02:00

Trump economic advisers Larry Kudlow (top) and Peter Navarro (bottom) have been having their Pauline moment on the road from the G7 in Charlevoix

After beating North Korean cannons into condos at the Singapore summit, other members of the Trump administration have also been getting religion. Attorney General Jeff Sessions has been citing the Bible to justify separating children from their incarcerated immigrant parents.

Now top White House economic adviser Larry Kudlow has had a Pauline conversion epiphany after being released from Walter Reed Hospital for a mild heart attack. "If Canada imposes 270% tariffs on American dairy imports, yet the US exports five times as much dairy as it imports from Canada, then, counterintuitively, absurdly high foreign tariffs are the key to restoring an American trade surplus." Kudlow was previously known as a fervent free trader.

"It's just like the Laffer Curve, which counterintuitively claims that lowering taxes more than pays for itself by disproportionately stimulating economic growth."

"If we could only get America's trade partners to impose 270% duties on all American imports, we'd be exporting five times as much to them as we import, just like with dairy exports to Canada," he now claims. "That I didn't see this before must be due to my old cocaine addiction," he added ruefully.

Fellow Trump trade guru Peter Navarro was dumbfounded when confronted with this argument.

"You mean, instead of imposing 25% punitive duties on Chinese imports, we should get them to levy 270% on our exports?", Navarro asked Kudlow, incredulously.

"Exactly," Kudlow replied. "It's Jesus's message, its in the Gospels, even the fake ones. Turn the other cheek, render under Cesar, the last will be the first, a Saudi camel will pass through the eye of a needle before Jared Kushner!"

In contrast, before his heart attack, Kudlow had attacked Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as “polarizing” and “really kind of stabbed us in the back.” The Canadian leader pulled a “sophomoric political stunt for domestic consumption,” Kudlow said, that amounted to “a betrayal.”

Navarro had been even harsher:

“There’s a special place in hell for any foreign leader that engages in bad faith diplomacy with President Donald J. Trump and then tries to stab him in the back on the way out the door.”

Kudlow confessed "I had to have a heart attack to see how unchristianly I had behaved, but now I have seen the light. The Laffer Curve was trivial in comparison. Only took a few lines of cocaine," he stated, like a true redeemed sinner.

Kudlow and his family have a history of sudden volte-faces and conversions. His Polish-Jewish great grandfather and garment factory owner Samuel Kudlowitz was reportedly murdered in the 1905 Russian revolution, either in a pogrom or by his own workers, leading the family to precipitously emigrate to the US. He resigned from Bear Stearns in 1994 because of his cocaine addiction, which also got him fired from the conservative National Review a year later. In 1997 he was baptized by an Opus Dei Catholic priest.

In that 2000 interview Kudlow stated "My view is that Jesus has given me my life back. I have a feeling that at the right moment, God will give me that thought and express it publicly…."

This now seems to have happened with his Pauline epiphany about high tariffs and the balance of trade.

posted from Bloggeroid

G7 Trade Lessons

2018-06-11T08:03:00.000+02:00

Angela Merkel lectures Donald Trump on international trade at the G7 summit: "Maybe America wouldn't run such large trade deficits with the rest of the world if Americans would get off their fat asses occasionally."