Melvin85

Tips on how to get over a broken relationship.

2019-01-18T14:45:00.000+08:00

Step 1: Deciding to get over it.

The most important fundamental step in getting over someone, is always, step 1, which is actually deciding to actually get over someone. Many people actually forget or consciously decide to skip this step. For example, they'll go around saying, "how do i get over this person? what should i do, i just can't think anymore!" After listening to a long lecture filled with advise, they suddenly turn around and go, "But i still love him/her! I'm not sure if i want to get over him/her!". In which case, why are you even asking about how to get over the person, when you haven't even decided if you want to? Step 1 is a step where noone can really help you. They can give you various advice, (eg. he's a d*** get over him already! or he's not someone who comes everyday, try to work it out!) but yourself have to decide whether or not you feel its over. My own advice is try thinking rationally about. Follow these simple rules.

* When weighing the pros and cons, never ever mention to yourself : I still have feelings for him/i think he still has feelings for me.
* Think about the cause of the trouble in the first place. If it was trust issues, like you found your partner two timing you, if your partner says he/she's sorry, and you forgive him, do you really think you can continue for the rest of your relationship and trust him whenever he/she is out of sight?
* Think about long term compatibility. Do you think he/she would make a good husband/wife, a good parent? This forces you to think about personality traits, and habits, that may have appeared or become more noticeable only after getting into a relationship.
* Tip: Use pen and paper in writing out pros and cons. Ask friends to help list any additional cons if you're worried you may be biased. Then decide.
* Avoid asking yourself questions that have no answers. Eg: Was he/she lying to me all the while? Will i be forgotten? Will i find someone new?

Only when you've decided, "Yes, its over. We may/may not love each other, but the fact is, as two separate individuals, our lifestyles, habits, simply cannot match, and this relationship is over". Contrary to popular belief about love being able to conquer all, it cannot. Compromise must be reached, not plain tolerance. How long can you tolerate something, or even ONE bad thing about that person? A year? Two years? Certainly not a lifetime. You must compromise, and reach an agreement you're both happy about. Compromise. Not tolerance.

Step 2: Acceptance

Completing step 1 helps greatly in step 2. If you can decide that "Sigh, i want to get over him/her" it means you've accepted reality. You've accepted the fact that the relationship is over. You've accepted the fact, that while you've had some good times, some happy, laughing moments together, a future together, as life long mates, simply will not happen. It's okay to cry, take what time you need, get it all out of your system. Crying doesn't mean you're weak, and can't live without the person. I usually advice my friends to set a dateline, perhaps by the weekend. Cry and mourn all you want, but make a promise to yourself, that by that deadline, you will stop the period of mourning.

Metaphor: You're walking in the countryside, cool breeze in your face, the sky is brightest blue, yet sufficient clouds in the sky to make the sunlight on your skin feel just lukewarm. Suddenly, a bird flies overhead, and down comes a spray of shit, all over your head. How long will you stand there, and cry and moan and curse? Or will you decide to get yourself cleaned up? Just the same, your relationship is over, there is no true use in living in self pity, get yourself cleaned up. Wouldnt you advise anyone else to do the same?

Step 3: Methods of getting over someone

Step 3A: Power of the mind

Often people forget the power of the mind. It is certainly possible to brainwash yourself. What you say, can affect your moods and emotions. A good example is during studies, i was taught to look in the mirror, think about the subject you hate most, (in my case geography) and repeat to yourself, "I love geography". And i'd do this every single day, until geography became a tolerable subject, and even enjoyable in certain topics. By telling yourself you love the subject (even if u didnt), it encourages a positive attitude and outlook, which eventually becomes the core of your being.

Now after many break ups, i have many friends saying "I WANT to get over the person, i know it won't work out, BUT i still love him/her!"

From now on, use the power of your mind. From this very instant that you read this, make a pledge, that you will NEVER say "you still love him/her". Tell yourself everytime, "I'm moving on. I feel happy". No buts, no arguments. If in your head the thought "i may say it...but i still have feelings...", stop right there, shake your head vigorously, and tell yourself again, "No! I feel happy. I'm moving on."

Tests: So, after reading this, how do u feel, about your break up?
If you answered, still feeling down, still missing her, i still feel horrible, then read this entire step again. Your answer, should have been, "I'm starting to feel better." "I am recovering." "I'm moving on, i feel free".

Remember the power of the mind.

Step 3B: Power of the body

Few people realise that when you're in a relationship, oxytocin, a powerful peptide that makes you feel happy, contented, when you're with your partner. Have you ever felt, "Ah, the world could end right now, but i don't need anything else as long as he/she is by my side". Thats the oxytocin talking. After a break up, we often feel as if something is missing in our life. Not to ruin romanticism, but thats oxytocin missing.

Just like how a junkie gets manic depression when deprived of his drugs, lack of this feel good chemical can make you feel depressed, useless, and lonely.

So what can you do? Get substitutes! Exercise! Any form of exercise, from strenuous to the slow moving yoga, can help release feel-good hormones, that will actually make u feel refreshed and fight depression as it fills in the gap of the missing oxytocin.

Step 3C: Power of music

You KNOW that music has the power to influence your moods. You've heard the stories and metaphors a thousand times, how music can soothe the savage beast. And yet, you choose to listen to emo music, break up music, or simply music that remind you of your ex. STOP. Start listening to a different genre of music, more upbeat music. It influences your mood, it can make you happy, it can make your sad. Music is a powerful tool. Don't jab yourself up your ass with it.

Step 3D: Take time off away

For some people, step 3A, B and C may not be enough. Time heals all wounds, so if you must, feel free to take time off away from your partner. Of course, if he dumped you and he's a bastard, then that isn't much of a problem. But perhaps, it is a mutual break up, perhaps it was a circumstantial break up. Whatever the reason, if you wish to remain friends, perhaps, tell your ex, that your need some time alone, and you'll contact that person again when you're ready.

Done, then take your own sweet time, no rush, enjoy life. Sometimes talking to that person can bring back bad and sad memories, so take time to get away, so that step 3A, B and C can take effect. You should never need to get permanently away. A, B and C will work. Time heals all wounds. It is true. And if you disagree, and feel down, and feel you can never get over this person, please read step 3A again: Power of the mind.

Get away, meet new people, go out with friends, spend time at the movies, get a hobby, and even treat yourself, perhaps that ice cream you've been always wanting to try. You deserve it. As you've taken a huge step to self improvement. Congratulations!

So how are you feeling?
Better, much better, you're recovering, you're feeling better, you're getting a new lease on life.

Confessing is for loser

2019-01-17T16:04:00.002+08:00

"Confessing" is for losers. Seriously. It is the lamest way of letting a girl know you like her, and it is not very effective. Here's why:

- You're giving up all control over the outcome. All the power is now in her hands to either say yes or no. There's nothing you can do about it anymore.
- You're putting unnecessary pressure on her. Suddenly she has to decide then and there how she feels about you, when she may not even be sure herself yet. And she may be afraid of hurting you if she says no. It's not fair to put her in such a position.
- You're asking her to love you back. You don't ask for love. You offer it, and if she accepts, she will offer hers in return.
- You're setting up an unrealistic expectation. Since you asked for her love, she will tend to see you as someone who always has to earn it. She will see herself as a princess to you, because you played the role of a beggar to her.
- You're creating the impression that you're ashamed to have feelings for her. Because that's what a confession is - an admission of guilt or wrongdoing.
- You're making a huge dramatic moment out something very small. Liking a girl is ultimately a small thing.

Those last two points are perhaps the most important to understand. Just because you've met a girl whom you have the hots for, doesn't mean she's The One OMG!!!11And wanting to date her doesn't mean you're asking her to promise to marry you ASAP. If you're thinking this way, then of course you're ashamed to admit you like her, because you're expecting far more than she can realistically give. You're probably doing all you can to keep your feelings secret from her and everyone else like a lovesick schoolboy.

Stop being a lovesick schoolboy. Mature adults are not ashamed of their feelings. Whether you've fallen head over heels for her, or you just think she's really really pretty, you should not be afraid to show it - to her. And you can show it in a way that flatters her, that makes her feel desired, and that does not make her uncomfortable.

1) Eye contact. You know how two people tend to not look each other in the eye for too long? That there's usually a time limit before both people look away? Well, if you like this girl, maintain eye contact just a little longer than the time limit. Look at her just a little longer than necessary. Then give her a little smile before looking away. Don't stare, don't glue your eyes to her all the time. Just don't be afraid to show that you like looking at her.

2) Make her laugh. It's one thing to get her to talk comfortably with you. It's another thing for her to enjoy talking to you, so much so that she remembers how much she enjoys talking to you. Be at your wittiest and most charming, put some effort into making her laugh. Don't be too shy to say something like, "Hey, wanna hear a joke?" Then tell her a dozen jokes, one after another. Let her know that you're purposely trying to make her happy.

3) Remember the things she says. Listen to what she has to say, then show her that you listened. If she mentioned her dog Poochie, greet her with "Hi, how's Poochie?" the next time you see her. If she mentioned she has trouble sleeping, ask her if she slept well the next day. If she likes a certain TV show, find out when the show airs, then ask her how was last night's episode the next day. Better yet, watch the show, so that you can talk about it with her. You can even tell her you didn't likethe show - the fact that you watched it just because of her is flattering enough.

4) Physical proximity/contact. This is a tricky one, so be very careful. Position yourself closer to her - not too close, but a little closer than normal. You know the distance between friends, and the distance between bf and gf? You want to be exactly halfway in-between. (And better make sure you're wearing deodorant!) Similarly, give her a little touch every now and then, but be careful. Touch her shoulder when you want to get her attention. When talking to her, pat her on her arm to emphasize a point; if you've gotten close enough to her, you can try her thigh. When walking together, put your hand on the small of her back to guide her in a different direction. Just don't let your hand linger there too long.

You know what's the best thing about all these? They are measurable. Meaning, you will know instantly whether or not they're working. If she likes you, she will return the eye contact with you; she will laugh at all your jokes; she will appreciate the fact that you remember things about her; she will stand close to you, and she will touch you. If she doesn't, then you'll know she's not interested. By doing these things, you're not only showing her you like her, you're also giving her the option of gently rejecting you - or subtly encouraging you.

And if you're getting all the right signals from her, it's time to move on to:

5) Ask her out. Just you and her. None of the rest of your gang. Nobody else. Yes, it's a date. It could be a movie, it could be a drink at a coffee place, or if you're really confident, it could be dinner at a nice restaurant. Don't treat it as if it's a big deal, as if by saying yes she'll be making a big commitment to you. Keep this in mind if she's reluctant - say, "Hey, it's just a movie/coffee/dinner, I'm not asking you to marry me laa."

And after you do all this, after you've got the date... then what?

Then you just let it happen naturally. And believe me, if you've gotten this far and the girl has been showing all the signs of liking you, it will happen naturally. Which may be a surprise if you've always thought that tackling a girl is a long, gruelling, agonizingly difficult task that involves a "confession". You may be surprised at how easy it was. Which is as it should be. (And don't give me that "if it's easy to get, you won't appreciate" nonsense. ) If a guy and a girl like each other, they should fall into a relationship easily.

This is how mature adults do it. And even if you are a lovesick schoolboy, you should still do it this way. Because it's the right way to do it.

Note: these are not 5 steps. They're only arranged in that order from most to least daring, but you don't need to follow the order - except that if you want her to say yes to no. 5, you should've gotten good responses to nos. 1-4 first. No. 3 obviously only works from the second time you see her onwards, but if you're getting signals from her during your very first meeting, then by all means ask her out there and then. They're not 5 steps, they're 5 ways.

Accepting, Feeling, and Releasing Painful Emotions

2016-03-01T01:07:00.004+08:00

“Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav

Last year I developed some unexplained symptoms that could be likened to IBS, Chron’s disease, or even morning sickness (although I wasn’t pregnant, so there was no promise of a baby to make it all worth it).

I had no idea what caused it, why it was there, or what to do about it.

This shook me because I’d always had a strong intuitive connection with my body and I had always been healthy, but now when I asked my body a question, there was just silence.

It was as if a thick fog had parked right between my inner wisdom and me, blocking my channel of intuitive guidance about what to eat, what to avoid, and what was really going on underneath it all. It was so quiet—there weren’t even any crickets!

With my intuition evading me, I was stuck in the surface level “real” world to manage it. I was dealing with debilitating symptoms every day that were, bit by bit, wearing down my strength and self-control, until one day I crumbled in a heap.

I had decided to practice what I preach and do something nourishing, despite how terrible I felt. So I got my yoga mat with the intention of pushing through my discomfort to do something that would probably make me feel better. As soon as I felt that mat underneath my feet, I felt safe, I felt nurtured, I felt held.

I had entered a place where I could go deep and be real. I wasn’t expecting my yoga mat to hold me like the compassionate embrace of a lifelong friend, but that’s exactly what it did, and I surrendered to it.

Once the flow of tears began, there was no way I could stop it. The pain of the everyday struggle, the expectations I had of myself as a mother, the disappointment I felt from not being capable of living my life to the fullest, and the resentment I had toward “everyone else,” who could eat what they wanted without suffering the way that I was… it all came out.

And underneath it was frustration, then anger, then self-hatred, then rage, then emptiness, silence, and peace.

I didn’t have any revelations as to what this was all about or how to fix it, but I simply allowed myself to release everything that had been building up inside of me. And just when I thought the tears were done, more would flow. I screamed, I pounded the mat, and I breathed deeply until only peace remained.

Here’s what I took away from that experience.

1. Trust is essential.

Because my intuition went quiet, I stopped trusting myself. I had forgotten that my body was communicating with me in the only way that it could. I didn’t think to look for the lesson or meaning in it all.

Once I had released all my tears and pain, my sense of self-trust returned and I was able to bring myself back to a space of gratitude and openness.

Trusting that there is something to gain from your experience will help you to remain open to it rather than feeling bad about it.

2. It’s okay to cry.

Crying is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength, self-respect, and love.

You need to honor your urges to cry. Not only does it clear and release anything that you’ve been holding in, crying also connects you with the present and allows you to be your most authentic self, even if you’re alone like I was.

3. Self-compassion is a game-changer.

Once I let out all of the self-hatred that I had been holding onto, I made space for self-compassion.

I spoke lovingly to myself, I acknowledged the challenges that I had been facing, and I offered myself the nurturing and love that I had previously been searching for outside of myself.

Being your own friend is a powerful skill that can keep you strong and grounded in the face of adversity.

4. There’s no need to fear what’s inside of you.

It might seem dark and terrifying when you look at what you’re hiding inside of you, but there is not a single part of you that won’t benefit from being loved, accepted, and respected.

Shed some light onto the darkness; give each part of you a voice to express its needs, its pain, and its story. Once you realize that your inner demons cannot hurt you, you take away the power they once held over you and can start loving yourself unconditionally.

5. We all need a sacred space to be vulnerable.

We all need a space where we can explore, accept, heal, and (learn to) love ourselves.

For me it was the yoga mat, but for you it may be your meditation cushion, your local park or beach, or even in your bed.

Find or create a loving and unconditional space where you can be raw, honest, and vulnerable. Visit it whenever you get a sense that something within is ready to shift and release.

Surrender into the strong support of your sacred space, and remember that it’s safe to let your feelings flow. It may even be the best thing for you.

How to Love Without Losing Yourself

2016-02-27T21:55:00.003+08:00

“We love because it is the only true adventure.” ~Nikki Giovanni

Last night I sat with an old friend who has recently broken up with his girlfriend. He’s sad. She’s sad.

I don’t think it was time for them to give up yet; he’s exhausted and disagrees. He says he thinks that he just loves to love. When you love to love, he says, it’s impossible to separate the act of loving from the person that you’re actually supposed to love.

He thinks that he’s too much in love with the idea of love to actually know what he wants. And so, he argues, giving her another chance would be futile.

I know what he means, because I love to love, too.

When I met my boyfriend, Chase, I thought I had been in love before. In fact, I was positive of it. I had built a life out of a dating and relationship blog—of course I had been in love before.

There was only one relationship that stood out from the masses of little flings, and for a time, he was my world. We met in college (although he wasn’t in school, a sign of different horizons that would eventually be the pitfall of our short-lived romance). And we developed our own little cocoon which quickly meant everything to me.

I had grown up with a happy home life, two parents that met, fell in love, and then stayed together. I had an (albeit naive) perspective that when you meet the right person, you fall in love, and that’s that.

I never doubted him for a minute; this was what was supposed to happen. I trusted it, the process of companionship, and I let myself settle into having someone.

After only a few short months together, he said he needed to move since he could no longer afford to live Boulder, where I was going to college at the time, so we made the decision to move in together.

Whether he meant that or not I’m unsure. I had more financial resources and was able to subsidize the move—a theme that stretched throughout the majority of our time together.

That decision to move in together felt like every other decision we made—an initial excitement that then was held together by necessity.

I have no other way to describe our time together but fearful. Fear of being alone. Fear I had made a mistake. Fear that if he left it was because I was unlovable, that there was something wrong with me.

In retrospect, I had an anxiety that was speaking volumes, louder than my voice ever could. I remember sitting in a park alone, crying, before signing the lease. I knew, deep down, that there was nothing solid about our life together, but I didn’t know what else to do.

Truly, I thought this was as good as it was going to get.

Quickly claustrophobic by our limiting world together, he began to rebel against me and our relationship. Within a matter of months, things started to fall apart.

He became angry, and mean, and a lot of true colors started to show. I didn’t know how to process this sudden shift and blamed myself. My life went from my own, to ours, to trying to salvage what was left in any respect.

I was quiet most of the time. My mom describes me during that time as very “proper,” always quiet and trying not to say the wrong thing. As a woman who has built a life on being an outspoken fearless thinker, I was quickly becoming a far cry from the person I once was.

It was a strange time, and although I don’t remember much of the details, I do remember it being extraordinarily painful.

I had let myself and my old hobbies go, and I’d slowly begun rejecting a lot of what was still left of the old me. I became the enemy for both of us, it seems, since I seemed to be the cause of much of his anger.

He told me incessantly that I was impossible to deal with, that I was impossible to love. He made his points clear. But I was lost in the world we’d built and didn’t know of a way out.

Eventually, after too long of sitting in that toxic mess we’d built, I ended it.

I was sad for a long time. I went back to being lonely, in an empty house, and I felt like a failure.

To be fair, I was young. In the beginning, I suppose more than anything I was just excited not to be alone anymore. In many respects, I was taken advantage of. In most respects, I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to my own fears and make good decisions.

Then, three years later, I met my current boyfriend, Chase.

By then I was strong and independent, with a great job, lots of dreams, friends, and a strong backbone in relationships. I had spent years processing how I had lost myself before, and I was determined to never go through that again.

But then the strangest thing happened: I started to feel these feelings that I had never felt before. Chase, unlike anyone before in my life, loved me. And unlike anything in my life, I loved him.

I didn’t just love the idea of him or the companionship of being together, but I adored the person that he was. He enjoyed the person that I was. And as I fell in love with him, they were feelings that were brand new.

They were feelings of belonging, safety, passion and companionship—and they didn’t have an ounce of underlying fear.

I realized that for the first time in my entire life, I was really falling in love.

Sometimes, in the beginning, and even still today, I’ll become untrusting and difficult, attacking out of nowhere. The naive trust that I had so long ago got used up and beaten up by the wrong person. But unlike that wrong person, when he used to attack for no reason, Chase protects everything: my happiness, our life together, and my relationship with myself.

So if there’s one thing that I learned the hard way in all of this, it’s this:

There are two experiences that we can define as love: we can fall in love with a person, or we can fall in love with companionship.

When you fall in love with a person, you get to experience their companionship as a byproduct. When you fall in love with companionship, it becomes an arrangement of need, where you become hinged on losing one another. It’s built on fear, necessity, and power. And that isn’t falling in love.

I can promise you this:

When you fall in love with a person, and they fall in love with you, you won’t lose yourself in love, because you will be an important part of that love and what makes it tick.

After a year together, Chase and I are moving in together this summer. It isn’t because we need to. It’s because we’ve slowly become a family already, and a place together is an exciting next step.

For the first time in my decorating-impaired life I’m planning curtains in my mind and begging him to go to Ikea with me. This next step is an exciting leap, and there’s no fear attached.

For the first time, I’m in love—and I haven’t lost myself even a tiny bit.

The Art of Being Happily Single

2016-02-25T19:48:00.003+08:00

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

Over the past ten years, I always had a man by my side. I was always in a relationship.

I was in a relationship for eight years before my ex and I got engaged, then broke it off because of the distance—my ex’s reason. Not long after that I got into a two-year relationship with a man who loved, yet cheated on me. It was a messy break up.

So after ten years in relationships, I found myself alone.

I’m 31 and single!

Recently some questions have bounced around in mind: What happened to me during those years? What did I get, gain, achieve in these two relationships? Why am I now alone? What will I do? How do I do things by myself?

Now what? Where to start?

I started to panic, to hyperventilate—until I found this quote:

“Single is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.”

Yes I am scared. I was so used to sharing everything. I was so used to having someone around.

But the reality is I am my own person, and if I can’t enjoy being single, how can I enjoy being with someone else?

So I started reading about being single, and interviewing other happy single people. Surely I wasn’t the only 31-year-old person who felt uncertain about her new singleness. I needed to find proven ways to be happy as a single adult woman.

In my research, I learned some important truths about being single:

1. Being single gives you time to be by yourself, with yourself.

Finally some me time. This is the time to reconnect with myself, a time where I can talk to myself, debating all the questions and answers that are bouncing in my head.

This is the time of reflection. This is the time of acceptance and letting go, which brings me to the second point…

2. If you don’t let go of the past, you will never appreciate the present.

Yes I have fond memories of my exes, but that was in the past. I know I will always cherish those memories, but I need to stop clinging to them to live for today and plan for tomorrow.

Buddha said every day you are born again—that means new experiences and adventures for today!

3. It’s only after you have lost everything that you are free to find out what you were missing.

During those ten years, I lost love, a pregnancy, and my health. I truly believed I had lost everything. I can’t even start telling you how many tears I shed during those difficult times.

Now that I’m single, I have an opportunity to do all the things I put off while I was putting all my energy into my relationships. I have to believe that I will eventually have the things I lost, but for now I’m taking this time to enjoy myself and complete myself.

4. Change can sometimes be good.

Part of me feels afraid of this quick change. Adaptation takes time, yet I’m already thinking of all the possibilities—meeting new people, going to new places, tackling new projects.

Sometimes change is the best thing for us, as it opens us up to new activities and environments.

5. Being single does not have to mean being afraid to love.

My heart has been bashed, bruised and broken. But I don’t feel traumatized, and I know I will love again. Hopefully the next someone will treasure and treat my heart with love and respect.

Staying open to love isn’t just about attracting a new relationship; it’s about being open to life.

6. Even if you’re single, you still have so much to appreciate.

“Being single is not the end of the world,” a friend said to me. She continued by saying “There are other problems that are more depressing than being single—hunger and homelessness, for instance.”

This felt like a slap in the face to wake me up. It reminded me that even with a broken heart, I am still standing. I’m still breathing. There are still so many possibilities for me.

7. You’re not alone when you’re single; you still have family and good friends.

I am lucky to have a supportive mother and sister. They are my sanity—my light. Spending time with them relaxes me in a way. I’m also fortunate to have wonderfully good friends who are always there with open arms, ready to listen and support me.

I know for sure I can always share my happiness and sorrow with them. I can always depend on them without feeling the slightest bit of guilt. And now that I’m single, I have even more time to devote to being there for them.

8. Being single is a call to focus on yourself.

Sometimes being in a relationship can make you lazy about developing yourself. You can get so comfortable that your goals take a back seat.

When you’re single, it prompts you to look deep inside yourself and identify the person you really want to be—whether you’re in a relationship or not.

9. Something better will come your way if you’re open to it.

I found a lovely quote through twitter, “To see a rainbow, one has to pass a storm.”

When something bad happens, we tend to concentrate on the negatives, forgetting that there must be something positive hidden somewhere in the havoc.

You will know happiness in the future—and in the present, if you’re open to it.

10. Life is a balance. When there is darkness there will be light.

I believe that everything in life is a process. When something dramatic and fast hits us, it will take time to process it and start over.

I am starting over.

As a newbie in singlehood I still have a lot to learn, understand, and explore. I sometimes need to be reminded to be grateful for what I have.

As we all know, these words are easier said than practiced. So I hold onto one important idea that I’d like to leave you with:

Change comes from within. You alone have to decide if you want that change.

Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships and Rediscovering Yourself

2016-02-24T21:30:00.004+08:00

“I am leaving you for me. Whether I am incomplete or you are incomplete is irrelevant. Relationships can only be built with two wholes. I am leaving you to continue to explore myself: the steep, winding paths in my soul, the red, pulsing chambers of my heart. I hope you will do the same. Thank you for all the light and laughter that we have shared. I wish you a profound encounter with yourself.” ~ Peter Schaller

A few months back I was someone you could easily walk all over. I was afraid to let go of friendshipsbecause I feared having no one in my life.

A friend would call me a sissy if I didn’t want to go out drinking with her, so I’d tag along and then feel miserable and angry with myself for the next few days.

My wake-up call came when I learned that a friend had driven drunk and died in an accident. Even though I barely drank, I knew it was time to make a change.

I had to let go of old friends who I only hung around to avoid loneliness, as well as one-way relationships. When you cleanse your life, both physically and emotionally, you create space for something better.

I was tired of holding on to that man for whom I meant nothing; I wanted a relationship that would make me feel alive.

I was tired of holding on to unhealthy friendships; I wanted friendships that would make me feel supported.

I realized I had to stop sacrificing myself and my happiness for others. It isn’t healthy. Doing something out of love, to be helpful, is different from doing it out of fear or need, because you want validation.

I also knew this would help me attract healthier relationships. When you start doing things for yourself, people pick up on that energy and can see and appreciate you for who you are.

We can face a lot of resistance when we try to let go of people. A call, thought, or memory is enough to reel us back in.

The ego loves instant gratification. The soul knows something better awaits us. We’ve got to do the work to move past resistance, and the only way is to move through it.

If you, like me, have considered letting someone go, ask yourself these questions:

How do you feel in their presence: drained or alive? Does the person always have your best interests in mind? Do they belittle you when you share your feelings? Do they make promises and never follow up?

If you answered yes to the final two questions, it might be time to move on to make space in your life for healthy, happy relationships.

If you’re afraid of letting someone go, realize you are doing them a favor. You’re not only creating space in your own life, you’re also creating space in theirs so they can find someone who is a better energetic match for them.

It’s never easy to let go of the past, but when the pain of holding on is far greater than the pain of letting go, it’s time to take the leap.

I’ve started incorporating a few practices into my daily life that help me let go; I hope they help you too.

1. Express your feelings in a letter.

Focus on one relationship that’s draining you and write a letter to the person you want to let go. Pour out your feelings onto the paper. The letter can be as long or short as you want.

End the letter with, “I release you across all space and time. Thank you for helping me learn and grow.” Fold the paper, burn it, and bury it in the ground to signify a complete release to the universe. This particular ritual is magical. I instantly start to feel lighter.

2. Clear your physical space.

Physical cleaning is so helpful when you are letting go of the past. Our physical space is a representation of what we’re giving space in our life.

Sell or donate any gifts you received, and burn any letters from the person you’re tying to let go. You’re going to face a lot of resistance; you’ll come up with reasons to hold on to these things. Remind yourself that this crucial to moving on and feeling happier with yourself and your life.

3. Get clear on what you need.

Write down how you want to feel in your life and within your relationships.

This is how I want my life and relationships to feel:

Alive
Filled with laughter
Supportive
Loving
Understanding

If you’re not sure how you want to feel on the whole, start with just the immediate future. How do you want to feel this month?

4. Start filling the empty space.

Now that you’ve created space by releasing unhealthy relationships, write a list of activities that will help you feel and experience your desires. For example, you could join a dance group to feel alive.

Put a little time into your passion every day. Writing makes me come alive, so I make sure to write daily.

As you start dedicating time to things that are important to you, the right people will come into your life—people who see and appreciate you for who you really are.

—

When you try to let go of someone, don’t be surprised if they reach out more than they usually would. They can energetically sense that you’re letting go of them.

When this happened to me, I decided to have a one-on-one talk and be frank about why I’d decided to move on. Do what is best for you.

The entire process may seem overwhelming; take it one step at a time, and be aware of the emotions that will come up. If you remember that this is a normal part of letting go, and remind yourself of why you decided to move on, it will be easier to stick to your decision, in spite of your feelings.

I pray you have the courage to let go of your past.

I pray you make room for your best life to unfold.

I pray you live a life beyond your wildest imagination.

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You’re Still in Love

2016-02-24T00:38:00.005+08:00

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ~Marilyn Monroe

Why does it have to hurt so badly?

You’re so in love, but your relationship has become toxic. It simply can’t continue.

Night after sleepless night, you lie awake replaying the fights in your head.

You can’t understand why your partner won’t change or how they can simply ignore how you feel. You wonder if they ever truly loved you.

You’ve tried everything to save your relationship, but nothing’s worked. You know it’s time to end it, yet the thought of being alone petrifies you.

But still, the pain has become too unbearable. If you don’t end things now, you might completely lose yourself.

Learning to Let Go

Letting go of someone you care about is definitely a difficult thing to do.

I was forced to accept that my relationship with my ex wasn’t meant to be.

The lies and the cheating became too much to handle. And to make matters worse, he was also physically abusive to me.

The blows were so unexpected. I never knew if the next argument would put me in the hospital, or maybe worse, be my last.

I wanted him to stop hurting me. I wanted him to understand that his behavior tore me apart inside.

I wanted him to change.

It didn’t matter how much I loved him. It didn’t matter if I was the best woman or friend in the universe; nothing would have worked.

Was he really worth all of this?

No, he wasn’t. And I knew I needed to get him out of my life.

If you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, know that you can find the strength to get yourself out of it and move on.

Realize That You Deserve Better

Sometimes, loving someone just isn’t enough if you aren’t receiving the same love in return.

It’s like putting work into an old, broken-down car. No matter how much sweat and tears you put into it, it will never be the same again.

The time you waste on the wrong person prevents the right person from coming your way.

How can they come into your life if you already have that space filled?

It took me a long time to realize this.

If you had told me back then that I would have found a man who truly loved and respected me for who I was, I would have never believed you.

I had to let go.

Shortly after as I let go of my abusive relationship, I met my husband. He is the reason I believe in true love today.

I am living proof that you can experience true love if you just believe that something much better is out there for you.

You may not know who they are, or when they will come, but they are waiting on you to let go so that they can come into your life.

Stop Waiting for Your Partner to Change

This is the biggest mistake a person can make when deciding to stay in a relationship in which you’re being mistreated.

You have to accept that the only person you control in this world is yourself.

Unless the other person owns up to their mistakes, and shows the desire to get help, they probably won’t change.

They may promise to change and turn things around for the better.

They may even be genuine about their intentions at that moment.

But more than likely, things will stay the same, especially if they made promises in the past that they didn’t fulfill.

Change has to come from within; it can’t be forced. Only then do things have a chance of working themselves out.

I thought my ex would change for me. I thought that if I tried hard enough to convince him how much he hurt me, he would have no choice but to change. But I was wrong.

Sometimes our judgment is clouded. Sometimes we simply want to see the best in someone. Sometimes we’re just so afraid of being alone.

Regardless of what we tell ourselves, some relationships are just irreparable.

Accept That It Will Hurt

There is no easy way of getting around it.

It’s going to hurt. And it’s going to hurt a lot!

You’re worried about missing the feeling of being desired and wanted, the intimate and close moments you shared.

Instead of being just a part of your life, they have become your entire life. You have forgotten how to live for yourself.

Getting over the initial discomfort of being alone is the hardest part. But once you get past that stage, life becomes a whole lot easier.

The lessons you learn along the way will allow you to grow and become a better person.

The pain will not last forever. Time is your best friend.

When I ended my relationship with my ex, I tried everything I could to distract myself. I figured that if I didn’t think about it, the pain would eventually disappear.

When that didn’t work, I tried to think of ways to mend our relationship rather than end it. I figured that accepting the disappointment in him was easier to handle than being lonely.

That was another failed attempt at avoiding heartache.

At some point, I knew I had to accept that it would never work out, and any route I took to end it wouldn’t be an easy one.

If you work through the pain, instead of trying to avoid it, you limit the chances of your feelings coming back to haunt you later on.

Use Crying As a Cure

The best thing you can do for yourself is to release the pain. Don’t hold it in.

Sometimes, we are expected to be strong when we’re dealing with tough situations.

I’ve found that to be ineffective.

The more I tried to hold in my pain and be strong, the worse I felt, and I eventually stressed myself out.

So what did I do?

I cried.

I cried over and over again, and then I cried some more.

Yup, you heard me right.

I cried like a baby!

I stopped pretending everything was okay. I allowed the tears to keep falling until I felt they couldn’t fall any longer. It lasted a few weeks, but I felt like a new person when it was over.

The tight feeling in my chest was no longer there. I began to think clearer and notice that things weren’t truly as bad as I thought they were.

I started smiling again. I started noticing the sun shining and the beautiful clouds in the sky. I was no longer in that dark place. I felt brand new.

Instead of trying to be strong, crying can help with the healing process.

Take Some Time Off

Sometimes, it seems like the end of the world, even though it’s not.

Your mind attempts to play tricks on you, making you believe that happiness isn’t possible any longer.

But that isn’t true.

Often, the best cure for pain is time.

By resting your heart, mind and soul, you give yourself a chance to heal. This is also the best time to get to know you.

Maybe there’s a hobby that you love or an activity you enjoy doing.

For me, it was baking. Even though it didn’t completely take my mind off of things, it allowed me to spend time alone doing something I really enjoyed.

And I appreciated that.

Eventually, I began focusing more on myself, and less on my situation.

It didn’t work immediately, but over time, it helped a lot.

If you allow it, each day will become a little easier. Time heals.

And even though my relationship didn’t work out as planned, I realized I could still enjoy my life.

Happiness is Within Your Control

Your life isn’t over. Taking back control begins with you.

Everyone needs help at one time or another. You don’t have to go through this alone.

If you’re in a toxic relationship, there are people that can help you. Seeking help from your loved ones, a professional or even a clergy member, can help you get back on your feet.

I am living proof that you can get through this. You can overcome your situation.

Just imagine finally being happy again and enjoying the things that you used to love. No more worrying about the future. You are finally content with the present.

The load has been lifted off of your chest. The tears no longer fall.

You finally realize you deserve better. It may seem unimaginable right now, but it’s definitely possible.

If you make the choice today, you are one step closer to a happier tomorrow.

You can do it. I believe in you. Now it’s time for you to believe in yourself.

Make a declaration that today starts the healing process. From now on, you will work toward living the amazing life you deserve.

6 Things About Love You Can Only Know After Being Fool

2015-07-11T01:55:00.000+08:00

There is no pain quite as devastatingly horrendous as that of heartbreak.

That pain is only exponentially magnified if that heartbreak was the result of being cheated on.

It is the ultimate betrayal. To have someone you have given your heart to be unfaithful is like having your beating heart ripped from your chest with a pair of loose pliers.

It can make you question yourself.

It can make you wonder if you’re enough. It can make you wonder what you did to cause this.

With time, you heal. You survive. You can’t help but wind up really guarded.

You gave your love to someone who discarded it once before; you’re not going to easily give it away again.

You may find it very difficult to find someone again because of how highly cautious you have become. This may seem like a negative thing, but it isn’t.

Being cheated on made you stronger, it made you better, and it made you open your eyes and realize what you want out of a relationship and what you don’t want out of a relationship.

As absolutely horrible as it was at the time, being cheated on was actually the best thing that could have ever happened to you.

Nothing will make you self-reflect and analyze quite like deception.

You won’t be easily fooled again. When you’ve been cheated on, you will tolerate very little BS from a future partner.

You will insist on being treated the way you deserve to be treated.

After all of the trials, the love you will find later down the road will only be that much deeper, resilient and stable.

These are six things you learn about love only after you’ve been cheated on:

You learn love isn’t always forever.

It’s hard to believe a love you were invested in so fully could not be permanent. Being cheated on will make you jaded to the term “forever.”

You will realize not every relationship is going to be THE relationship.

This should never deter you from seeking love. Love is a beautiful thing, but it is not impenetrable.

You have to go into every new relationship understanding this may not work out.

A little skepticism is healthy. Going in completely open is just plain naïve.

You learn jealousy is the most dangerous emotion on Earth.

Jealousy can get the best of you after a betrayal.

It’s easy to compare yourself to another person and wonder what YOU did wrong in the relationship to make your partner step out.

It is a slippery slope that can leave you tear-stained and empty.

Your partner’s lack of monogamy has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with him or her.

Getting wrapped up in jealous emotions will only burn you up from the inside out.

This person broke your heart; he or she is not deserving of your anger, only your pity.

You learn people are capable of doing really terrible things.

You will become privy to the depths of selfishness that exists in the world.

People are capable of doing unforgivable things, even to people who they supposedly love.

You may be shocked, and you will be horrified by what people are able to do to others.

These kinds of destructive behaviors will only facilitate your ability to rise above them.

You know people are terrible, and you are among the few who are great.

You learn trust is the most important thing in a relationship.

There will never be something as important as trust. Once it is broken, every single relationship will fall apart. It is the key ingredient in making something last.

If you can’t trust someone, you are doomed to fail.

Once you’ve been cheated on, your trust becomes very hard to earn. You know it is something easily broken, and only a handful of people are deserving of it.

You second-guess people because you don’t want to get burned.

It only makes your bonds that much stronger. Those who have your trust have proven they are worthy of it.

You learn love isn’t always enough.

There is a lengthy education only life can give us. One of the lessons you will learn is despite what the movies have told you, love is not always enough.

It takes a lot more than love to make a relationship last. It takes a lot of work and a lot of commitment.

There will be fights. There will be ugly moments. There will be awful things said to each other.

It takes ultimate, full-bodied dedication.

You can’t just expect something to thrive without being looked after and tended to.

Love is powerful, but with just love alone, you won’t survive. It takes WORK.

You learn just how strong you are.

After being backstabbed and left for dead, you will learn just what you are capable of. You may have been battered, but you will never be broken.

Betrayal will only make you that much stronger.

Being cheated on is devastating, but it will not destroy you. We are a collection of the trials of our past.

They make us who we are. If you can come out the other end of a serious trauma and continue on with your life, you are the one has won the war.

The Strength of a Man

2014-10-27T17:51:00.002+08:00

A man who understands the need at times to forsake his pride and his ego, allows himself to rise to the necessary level of strength to bear the burdens of life. He verbalizes his otherwise silent thoughts and emotions to the woman he’d kill to protect. He humbles himself to be not only a father, but an example to his children. He settles not for the path presented, but carves his own in order to be more than what’s expected of him and instead, he becomes an idea. A man becomes a man, not when he masters his environment, but when he masters himself. For a man who knows himself and owns himself, won’t feel the need to tame nature. She will transform her conditions for him accordingly.

Communication and Understanding

2014-10-17T14:33:00.000+08:00

Why is it that we’re willing to look outside our relationships for answers to the questions that could just as easily be addressed with the person we’re with? Relationships begin and breakdown for various reasons, but essentially, it boils down to how openly the two individuals involved are willing to communicate with one another. Neither fear nor anger has proven to be a source of the substance needed to bond two lovers together. Respect, honesty and understanding, on the other hand, allow communication to take root and provide the foundation needed for growth. No healthy relationship can sustain for very long without communication. Once you enter a serious relationship, you become two individuals intertwined as one, journeying down a road lined with obstacles as well as treasures. How can you hurdle those obstacles and gain those treasures if you’re unwilling to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner in life? Communication leads to understanding. Understanding leads to trust. Trust sets the tone for love. Love trumps all when the right ingredients are included.

The Love Within

2014-10-01T16:58:00.000+08:00

It’s such a common occurrence to hear people say that they’ve never been in love or have had that great romance they so long for. When asked why, the typical response is, “I just haven’t found anyone.” Why do we feel the need to have someone else validate our worth? Why is it that we, who spend so much time with ourselves, require someone else’s actions or words to bring us happiness? Though affection and affirmations are special, we have to be our first loves and our true loves if we are ever going to be loved the way we desire. The mirror has to reflect the beautiful person we project and not the image we accept from those who can’t acknowledge the greatness that lies within each and every one of us. Our journeys may parallel with that of a kindred spirit, but if the energy you possess is generated from self-loathing and negativity, then it’s only natural that the energy you attract is of the same content. Be the author of your own love story. Don’t ever let another soul define the contents of your essence.

Love and Partnership

2014-09-26T13:25:00.002+08:00

As quickly as two people find themselves in a relationship, they find it can end just as fast. That’s because there’s a significant and common misunderstanding of what it means to engage in a serious relationship with another person. Most people want to be with a person as they presently view them without the understanding of how moments in life can alter realities. We’re attracted to their physique, their status, their financial stability and the other clichés, but it’s not always lasting. Life happens. People age. They gain weight, lose jobs and have issues outside of the relationship that affect them forever. What you have to decide before investing serious time with that person is whether or not you can be life partners or if you’re just in it for the moment.

There’s nothing wrong with “passing time” with someone as long as it’s established that it’s more of a mutual sharing of space than a declaration of commitment. It’s only when you have conversations about the future and when you make plans to occupy that time with them, that the moments you share now begin to be about something more than just fun and games. It sets a foundation for trust and security within the confines of the relationship that can only be sustained when the intent is to grow “together” and be “life partners.” Life partners meaning, being there for one another as a team. Much like a seesaw, it takes two. It takes one to lift up the other and both to create a balance. But people have to stop being too selfish to elevate their partner if they themselves hope to rise.

Roles Men and Women Play in Relationships

2014-09-23T17:18:00.000+08:00

People are always seeking to establish their position in relationships by trying to “dominate” the other in order to protect themselves from being dominated. In the lion kingdom, the lioness reigns as queen. She’s the fiercest and most revered animal in the jungle. While the rest of the pride sits at home, she hunts. Still though, she bows to the Lion for he is King. His strength and roar is humbling. Their relationship is bred out of respect and cooperation for the betterment of the pride. The point is, men and women are constantly at each other’s throats, fighting each other for self preservation and finding themselves, by themselves. A strong man, one whom allows his queen to be fierce in her own right, can only develop his kingdom if he in turn, is supported by a woman who is capable of allowing her king to provide her with security. Love and support go a lot further than fear and jealousy.

Why nothing good happens to me? I've already worked my butt off!

2014-09-16T11:49:00.002+08:00

"He has a rich dad!", "He is the boss’s friend," " He is just lucky," " He has a degree from Harvard!" What's working for him doesn't mean will work for me too!" It must involve some dirty tricks in order to achieve that!" Well, he earns more than me but so what? Money couldn't buy happiness!" Well, so the reason that you stay in the nasty job when your boss looked like a monkey when he scold you is because that got you interested?

I believe you heard this from somebody when they saw or heard someone achieve something huge. Perhaps you are one of those somebody!

There will always be people jealously judging greatness of someone else. It is so easy to work by using just the mouth compared with putting the time, effort and persistently build your path bit by bit. How I wish money could just fall from the sky when I complain about how unfair is this world to me.

You might respond that you too, are working very hard toward something, but nothing good seems to happen to you. You stay in the office while everyone left, work your butt off but you just don't understand why you are not the one that got promoted. You wrote a very meaningful article and started to blog yet nobody seems like enjoying the content or leave a comment or two.

When it comes to this point, the most-comfortable choice is to give up and rationalize that this is just not for you. So whenever you come across someone that performs well on that, you can't help but blame on everything else but yourself.

Who am I to tell you all this? I am just an ordinary person that you might have seen in Starbucks who has experience greatness by learn to train my mind. As per what I've just said, I was that somebody that blame on circumstance, parents, the world, the grass, the flowers, the dogs, the office, the boss, whatever it could be but myself. It became my worst habit and formed my mindset into victim mode.

Years later, I found myself achieve nothing, being totally clueless about life as if a ship without knowing the direction. I just smile and give an official answer when somebody ask me that what does success looks like to me. It's crippling to think that deep question and hey, I was trying to figure out why a big chunk of my salary has gone.

Little did I know that I’m the one that allowing this to happen. Even if I know, my ego will scream out loud that this is not true. It takes me years to understand that our mind need to be trained and it takes time and effort which most likely goes against what we pursue, the shortest cut to succeed.

You might think that I'm going to share with you some secret weapon to success, or some dirty tricks to make the path way easier. Well, you will be drown in disappointment if this is the case.

Everything starts with being responsible in life. You might get furious as you don't need someone to tell you something that your parents told you when you were three. But hey, how many of us has actually practice that.

If you are responsible, why aren't you leave the job that you hate? You are in charge of being happy in every single day. If you are responsible, why aren't you put a full stop to an unloving relationship? You are in charge to find the one that suitable. If you are responsible, why leaving your dream unchased? Your life is melting and you are in charge to optimize every single day to its fullest.

When you learn to be responsible, you are as well learning to be a leader in life. Other than being responsible in taking action, it is even important to be emotionally responsible. There are certainly circumstances that give you many reasons to feel a certain way, but at the end of the day you are powerful unless you surrender that power to another person or circumstance.

You choose how you act. You might be in a frustrated circumstance but you can choose to be angry or strongly believe in yourself that you have the ability to get this done. You are not a feeling, you can choose how you feel; you are not a product or victim of the circumstance, you’re 100% in charge of how you respond to it.

There's a lot of people telling you what you should do. However, the fundamentals, in any given career, there are basic level of things and then there's the advanced stuff. We get so distracted by the advanced tips. The big leap come as a result of simply focusing on the basics. When you really start to focus on that and be good at it, should be great at it, the other stuff starts to happen.

Any rule that someone tells you, there is someone successful who is doing that. You have to give yourself an honest self-assessment about what you want to do and what you can do. Then, find out the bottom line of your company if you're an employee (for most company, it is where the money is made), while for entrepreneur, find out how can you help other people for their life to be better. Then optimize your strength, focus on just the fundamental and do it really great. And here comes the powerful question that you should have it bear in mind. How can I add value to make things better? How can I help? Through this process, those other results will start to appear.

Why Positive Influences will not work?

2014-09-04T18:18:00.001+08:00

Alarm ring, you snooze it off and continue to sleep until the very last minute. You have no choice but to wake up, barely walk like a vampire to the bathroom. Your heart sink when all the soon to deadline tasks that you been dragging occupied your mind. You gobble up breakfast within ten minutes and rush off to work. After an eight hours work, home is where you look forward to. After dinner and a relaxing hot shower, nothing could get you away from the couch to catch up your favourite drama. It indeed the best hours in the day before you get on the bed.

Day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year. This process repeat itself.

You aware that there is such a random person named John who live without alarm. He wakes up vitality and the world is await him to join. After freshen up, he meet his friends up for breakfast for as long as he loves. Then, he might spend a ten minutes time to shoot an email to his virtual assistant who lives in India to assign tasks. Job of the day, done! He now could live the rest of his day like there is no tomorrow.

I believe I’m not the first one that tell you about this. These are some natural defensive reactions from most people.

"He has a rich dad!", " He is just lucky," " He has a degree from Harvard!" What's working for him doesn't mean will work for me too!" It must involve some dirty tricks in order to achieve that!" Well, he earns more than me but so what? Money couldn't buy happiness!"

Follow by some invisible scripts that you generate subconsciously.

" I’ll do that when I have …….(extra money/time/resources) as now I just don’t have what it takes.”, “ I just don’t know how to get start!”, “ I tried before and this is just not for me.” You come out with dozen excuses, trying to rationalize your current situation to make yourself feel better. Faults are all blamed on circumstance, parents, the world, the grass, the flowers, the dogs, the office, the boss, whatever it could be but yourself.

This story has literally no contribution to your life. Even worse, it drags you down and belittle yourself.

In contrary, you heard someone resigned from his day job, work his butt off to start his new path, live with a tight budget that might feed him a bread in a day and ended up getting to nowhere. This is not the end yet. He might be in debt, struggling through a hard time to look for a new job.

I believe you come across to these stories too.

“What a poor little guy that believe in dream will come true if you work hard!”, “ Thanks god that I’m mature enough to hold myself back from being such impulsive.”, “ Well, not everyone is ‘destined’ to be an entrepreneur.” , “ If and only if this is that easy.” , “ I won’t let myself to trap in this shit for sure.”

Your mind then linked this pathway to dangerous and insecure. Whenever there is the moment that your adventure spirit is calling, it comes out and put a leash on you. You surrender and take a step back to the comfort zone. The distance between you and John’s life became farer and it takes at least twice of the effort to step out again.

This story either has no value added to your future.

We have been told to avoid negative and only stick to the positive. There will not be so many commit suicide cases if this advice is worked. Negative can’t be avoided and it comes across to you in every single day for as long as you connect with the world.

Here’s the thing. Your life will still come to plateau if the processor, your brain is outdated. The information itself, no matter it associates with negative or positive influences, will not going to add any value in your life without an updated software. Like the two cases above, an “ old brain” literally makes no differences in your life regardless of the type of informations that enter to it.

Whenever a message prompt us to take action, our mind naturally biased to the safe path, a path that it knows the outcome for, by tricking us to feel comfortable in this zone. This is what makes success so precious and rare as it takes perpetual actions of intentionally thinking in the opposite way and forms the new brain.

This is a state that urges you to live intentionally, consciously prioritize your time to take massive action that you already knew you should have done in order to reach the next level in life.

It is not about getting rid of negative feelings. It arouses anyway. It is about learning to go against the flow. Take a step back when your feelings prompt you to take a certain action as usual and ask why. Has this action makes any differences in your life? Or you do this because you just feel comfortable?

For instance, you feel envy, insignificant about yourself and being so defensive when you meet someone successful than you. As usual, you self console that in someday, you will be even successful than him but just not now as you don’t have what it takes for now. You then continue with your life and wait for the someday to come by. What if you pause for a moment, pull yourself back from follow the motion of the old thinking would bring you to, and intentionally focus on what actions step that you can take for now? Internet browsing to search for relevant topic? Ask your close friends? Whatever it could be for as long as it’s not the same old path.

7 Fascination Keyword

2014-08-22T18:23:00.000+08:00

Lust - we want to create this passion or lust. One of the first ways that we can do this is to

tap into what our customer is passionate about. Define what those things are that

create a feeling of excitement and emotion and warmth within our customer. Link : hotel that got dog check in counter. This create an instant feeling of closeness, make the barriers dropped, the connection has begun and you start a relationship. Stand out or don’t bother. The point is not to attract as many people as you can because people who are apathetic about your brand is actually hurting your brand. You can either be the most fascinating or they have to have the biggest budget. So, you either have to be the most fascinating, the most provocative, willing to

generate conversations, to create talk value, to create buzz and all those

wonderful yummy, delicious things that come out of social media success or you

have to increase the size of your budget in order to have bigger reach and

frequency and awareness and all those traditional ways of marketing.

- Mystique - is about not knowing the answer. If I give a puzzle, your brain is not going to focus on the puzzle that already exist but those that aren’t there. In marketing, we tend to oversell, overstep, overstate. let’s talk about the Information-Gap Theory from George Loewenstein and why people like to fill those puzzles. So, mystique is proven. It’s built into our psychology. When

people see one plus x is equal to two, they’re going to automatically say x is one.

They’re going to want to fill that gap because it’s based on this information-gap

theory. But let’s talk about the specific example – and that is Jägermeister.

Everybody was ordering the drink, raising the sales of Jägermeister 40%,

yet when you go back and you study the people who order the drink and drive it

up to being one of the top spirit brands in the world, very few of those people

actually like the taste. And so I wanted to understand this. How can the drink be

so successful if nobody actually likes it? And that goes against everything that we

think of. Why would you read a blog that you hate? Why would you follow

somebody whose views you don’t agree with? And what I found was the reason

why people order Jägermeister is not because they like the taste, it’s because they

love the brand and they love the experience.

And, in fact, the more somebody dislikes the taste of Jägermeister the more

they’re apt to order it because it almost becomes a bonding experience. Maybe

you’ve had this experience where it’s late at night, you’re with your friends,

somebody says, “Woo!” A shot of Jägermeister, and everybody kind of has to

swallow hard, but then the shot glasses show up and together you do it. It’s like

the Iditarod of Drinking. You ever have that experience? So, people were doing it for the experience, and they were wondering. But I think you also had a little mystique where people

didn’t know what was in Jägermeister, right?

Alarm - you know that feeling that you have been unconcerned about a

deadline or a project or maybe taxes are due and it hasn’t elicited any emotion.

You’ve had a very hard time focusing and suddenly you realize the deadline is

imminent and your time is ticking down. And suddenly you snap into focus and

your brain immediately becomes completely consumed with meeting the

deadline.

This is the alarm trigger. It’s one of the most powerful and most primal of all the

triggers because you can steer somebody’s behavior to do things that they don’t

necessarily want to do, such as lose weight, by giving them the negative

consequences, such as heart disease or not looking good in a bathing suit. The

alarm trigger is the one that makes us pay taxes because we don’t want to go to

prison. It’s the trigger that makes us wake up early when we’d rather sleep late

because we don’t want to have our boss glare at us. It’s also the one we use with

our kids when we say: “You have to eat your dinner or you’re not going to get

dessert.”

You can do this on a website – if you say, “I’m giving away this

product, but it’s only going to be available for free for 24 hours.” And, of course,

you’ll see that the downloads spike because people don’t want to miss the

deadline. Even though, rationally, they may not otherwise download it if there

weren’t a deadline. Get people uncomfortable with what happens if they miss out.

- Prestige - Morton’s salt can charge 187 times as much simply because it has gained reputation. Using this same example, that if somebody has an emotional connection to prestige

towards a product or utility, that they’ll pay more money for it. This bring up again Ramit Sethi had mentioned that he’s

able to charge 100 times what his competitors charge for products and consulting

or whatnot mainly because his content really is prestigious. He doesn’t use the

word prestigious, but he really builds up the fact that his content works and he’s

able to charge that 100x because of how prestigious his content is. So that’s like a

good real life example of someone who is using prestige as a consultant. In short, find one way to exceed expectation.

Power - There’s a restaurant in LA named Sushi Nosawa. When you

walk into Sushi Nosawa, it’s not a beautiful restaurant, it’s not even really a clean

restaurant. They focus only on the sushi. And when you sit down to the sushi bar

the sushi chef has 100% control. The chef is the absolute authority. You’re not

allowed to look at a menu. You’re not allowed to order a bowl of rice and you’re

definitely not allowed to order a California roll. It’s not for beginners. And in this

sushi bar, the chef has complete dominance. You simply turn to him and say, “I’m

ready to begin,” and he begins serving sushi. If you ask for a fork, you’re shown

the door. His coat simply says, “trust me.” The sushi chef is able to charge more money and have more loyal customers, not because he gives

coddling service and it’s not because they have beautiful lush surroundings, it’s

because the quality of the food pays off. His expertise. But it’s also the treatment

that people love having a leader, and at a certain level people enjoy a sense of

dominance. They like to relinquish the control and have somebody else tell them

exactly what to do. Experiments, over and over, have shown that we want to have leaders. anybody, you shouldn’t take a black and white stance on

something that you don’t believe in wholeheartedly. Nut we all have certain

beliefs that we can really stand on. You know that you could get on a rant about

that, you could get in front of a little flip cam, shoot a video of yourself for 30

seconds talking about why customer service has deteriorated and how you believe

it needs to come back. Post that on YouTube. It doesn’t have to be something like

you’re taking a stance on a political issue. It doesn’t even have to be something

that your competitors are talking about. It just has to be something that you can

be totally confident in.

Vice - People just love doing things they’re not supposed to do. It’s human nature. If I see a red button that says don’t press it, I’m pressing it 3 times. The vice trigger is the

reason why you do things that you’re not necessarily supposed to do. It’s the

reason why you love surprise. It’s the reason why your brain is fixated on things

that feel new and novel and innovative. It’s because our brains don’t want things

to always be the exact same way. Rebellion is great for small businesses because it allows us to compete more aggressively with smaller budgets. If you want to compete against a competitor who has a bigger marketing budget, you have to use innovation on some level.

And that’s the vice trigger.

- Trust - opposite from vice. It’s about predictability. It’s what creates loyalty through stability,

reliability, dependability. It’s that comfortable feeling of knowing exactly what’s

going to come next. So, the power of the trust trigger is that it has built patterns in our brains. It has built patterns of expectation. So, small businesses can use trust by finding ways

that they can establish patterns and not break those patterns ever because

surprise shatters trust. One way that we can do this – have a message that’s

fascinating. Have a message that’s surprises, that makes people laugh or

provokes, but always make your deliverables boring. Do what you say when you

say you’re going to do it. If you say you’re going to post on Monday morning,

always post on Monday morning. If you say you have a 30-day guarantee, make

sure that there aren’t loopholes in that.

if you want to succeed at anything, all you have to do is do what

you say you’re going to do. And maybe do a little bit more. And you’re going to

find out that people are going to be really, really appreciative of the fact that

you’re going to do what you say you’re going to do in the time that you do it. And

if you give them a little bit extra, they’re going to feel indebted to you and feel

really satisfied with your service. And you kind of talk about that more as the

trust trigger

4 Key solutions for dreamer to doer

2014-08-14T23:10:00.000+08:00

“ I really want to start taking action but just that my dog is holding me back!”
This is hilarious when compare with the universe’s common lame excuses like “what if I fail?” , “ I don’t have time and money.”or “ I don’t really know how.”
A few years ago, I was stuck in a rut and those were exactly my fallacies when I thought of starting a side business to break the 9-5’s curse. Looking back, I bet myself takes no action or even lose it all if a million transfers to my account at that point of time.
I stumbled upon blogs and watch video about it. My brain tried hard to absorb everything as if a dry sponge and it ended up became saturated with tons of information that I don’t really need at that moment.
And here comes the worst part. This info digging process forms a delusion of you being well productive and it makes you feel great. You will soon come to realise that you don’t even complete a minor task.
Your brain exhausted when being overloaded with garbage information. That’s the reason you felt overwhelmed and thus, led to inaction. Information itself has no value until you make use of it.
This is exactly opposite from being a student at school where they strive to achieve success by digest as much information as possible. It was just a pure battle of memory.
However, once you step into adulthood, you really have to unlearn that as nobody cares about what you know but what have you done by using what you know.
Sadly, average achievers practice thinking about changing their behavior but they don’t actually practice the changing of behavior. Key number one is to accept the fact that information itself has no value at all if you don’t apply. Action for key number one is to make it clear on what you’re searching for and give yourself a deadline for this process. Here’s the rule on setting a deadline.
Parkinson’s law explains to reduce the time allocated to complete a task to avoid time wasted as task expands to whatever amount of time allocated to it.
Treat info as if an apple pie that you should enjoy it while it is crispy and hot.
Inaction is feed by these monsters.
Let me acquaint you with them.
A series of self-devalue thoughts like “I’m not good enough for that” or “ I can’t make it happen”, or “ It’s impossible” spring in between your ears. If you continue to let them grow, they will soon become a fact for you. It happens all within your mind, strongly affect your emotion and trying to rationalize base on your past experiences or just pure imaginations.
It could think of all the reasons why you will gonna fail and even more reasons why you should not even begin. After all, no one enjoy being looked dumb and stupid.
It is even hard for you to take action when your brain goes a step further of telling you that you have to control every single detail of every single outcome so that you do not fail. Motivation and desire were depleted at least half when you think you have to run the universe.
We already know what we should do. Here’s the nuance. Humans are born to be ambitious and no one will dedicate to themselves or their loved one to achieve only a fraction of the results. It feels so great to think that you’ll achieve something huge and have your friends amazed. A perfectionist mindset of either doing nothing or achieve exactly the flawless outcome at the first shot is doing you a disservice.
Let’s look at the venture capitalists, they’re testing 25 companies to find one that might win. Why should you think that you’re brighter than they are? Why should you think you’re going to hit it on the first? You’re beating yourself up unnecessarily for holding this delusion.
I understand that your friends will roll their eyes off if you tell them you’re gonna make an extra 100 bucks a month but hey, you will never achieve 10k dollars without the first 100 bucks.
Key number two is to prepare to make it a lot easier at the beginning and make sure you increase the intensity level gradually. Action for key number two is to make the first step a no-brainer so that you have no reason for not doing that.
For instance, you want to become a vegetarian. Instead of imagine yourself say no to meat and go green for every meal at your first trial, why not just start eating green for one meal in every 3 days? After a period when your body adapted to this new habit, change it to 2 meals in every 3 days and so on.
If you just take the leap and go green in every meal, you can still be able to make it for a few days with burning desire and motivation from reading blogs, books and watching videos. However, you’ll struggle when the motivation level subside. At that point of time, giving up is the comfort choice of all. Your brain then connects bad feelings and negative thoughts to become a vegetarian. It takes at least twice of the efforts, desires and motivations to restart the plan.

How to not give a damn?
It’s easy to just deal with yourself. However, it’s humans’ natural instinct to desperate for acceptance and love.
Here’s a fact that most of us tend to forget. Those who blended in, being forgotten while those who dare to stand out attract the same minded people. This could be your treasure as we all need support to beat the monsters that drag us down.
If you are observance, you will soon find out that most action taken by top performers are exactly the opposite from the average. Be very careful on who you take advice from and take advice only from those who make it to where you want to be. Bear in mind that it costs nothing to give advice but it is on your own to choose.
Rules are breakable and it changes according to different people. Break it for as long as it’s not against the law. When you get rejected (where this is not something will or will not happen, but is a requirement in success package) tell them that you’re going to do it anyway with your own method. Most of the time, you don’t really need permission from anyone but yourself to start something.
Key number three is to accept the fact that your life will only change from the moment when you become responsible on it based on the concept that rules are breakable. Advice from the right person saves you at least a thousand miles to achieve greatness. Action for key number three is to be fully in charge of your life and maximize an approach that you’ve learned from the right person before multiple new approaches. Treat this as an experiment to find out how it’ll work the best for you.
All the roadblocks at first are exactly the magic elements that made your story extremely amazing and stand out of the crowd.
Play with your brain muscle
Years ago, I was graduated from school and had to deal with different hard choices. It was intimidated to take action when being told to choose wisely to avoid failure. After all, I was just an 18 years old teenage that hope to avoid 9-5 curse. I did have plan though but it was dead when someone from nowhere commented that it was a bad choice. I stuck for as long as five years.
In these five years, I travel and work in different countries like Macau and Singapore. Although I have some saving from it but I don’t really know what to do with it. Here is what I conclude from this experience. It’s not about how much you start off with but the state of your mind affect at least 98% of the outcome.
If you pay attention to the different emotion generated according to the different situation, you will soon find out that your mind connects you to the negative feelings like sadness and worry on the unknown path while comfort and relax on the known path.
For instance, staying at a regular job earn you a steady income so your mind makes you feel comfortable. Your mind don’t make you feel anxious on this because it knows exactly how much you can bring home and you agree to that amount. Simultaneously if we compare it to entrepreneurship, your mind instantly connect you to fear, as it doesn’t know what will gonna happen.
Here’s another version of you are what you eat called you are what you feed into your mind. For instance, if you have 100s’ positive comments and 1 negative, you will tend to dwell on the only negative and kind of ignore the positive rest. Do understand that your mind is just a tool and the outcome, your life really depends on how you make use of it.
Here’s a secret crunchy solution that I’ve found really practical. It is much easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting. Behaviour first then attitude will come along. Instead of putting on a smile only when you’re happy, put a big cheesy smiley face on first and you will feel happy. Conduct the behaviour first then your attitude will tag along.
Everything starts with being the master of emotion instead of being control by it. Here’s a simple formula. Thoughts(desire) + emotions (negative / positive) = physical equivalent that transmuted from actions.
There are certainly circumstances that give you many reasons to feel a certain way, but at the end of the day you are powerful unless you surrender that power to another person or circumstance. You choose how you act. You might be in a frustration circumstance but you can choose to be frustrated or having strong faith on yourself that you have the ability to get this done. You are not a feeling, you can choose how you feel; you are not a product or victim of the circumstance, you’re 100% in charge of how you respond to it.
Key number four is to master your emotion and understand that all impulse of thought has a tendency to turn out themselves in their physical equivalent. Your brain is just like another muscle that can be trained and you are the only person in charge to get this done.
Here’s the action step by step for you to start anything. Set a deadline and spend your free time learning. When you’re done, stop learning and start implementation. Once you notice that you hit a plateau, stop implement and set a deadline to learn again.

Sex vs Physical attraction

2014-08-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

Sex is easy. Physical attraction fades. The intoxicating effect of infatuation dissipates. What's remains when the dust settles and two people are left facing one another? Friendship? Trust? Free communication? A path to tomorrow? Too many people shoot up on the lust drug and can't handle what happens when the high is gone. Men and women are walking around like addicts, clinging to anyone who will have them, lowering their standards for a quick high. Giving up anything for a fix. Self inflicted pain doesn't always happen in the physical form. The next time you find yourself hurting because you can't find someone that contributes to your happiness, don't ask yourself what you're doing wrong, think about what you're not doing right. Once the storm blows over, if you're not standing on stable ground, it's probably because you were sitting on the same corner, getting the same drug from a different dealer. You have to change things in your life, if you want to see different results.

Inception Picture

2014-08-05T16:42:00.000+08:00

So this picture has been making me laugh a lot, both today and a few weeks ago when I first saw it. Please enjoy. FYI, it actually doesn't have anything to do with Inception, but the screen captures are from the movie.

Review: Delphin Singapore Vacuum Cleaner Company Complaint in Strait Times Paper

2014-08-02T07:30:00.000+08:00

Last week I was taking my lunch at Civic Centre Woodlands, I pass by Delphin booth at Fair Price with my friend after lunch.

Two of their China promoter was there asking me do I need free gift, no need to pay or do anything just give them my address and phone number. As I recall from my previous experience, this kind of company normally do is selling vacuum cleaner. I believe in one thing, nothing is free in this world and sure there is catch for a free thing. Of course acted blur and say yes why not and filled in my detail. Than my friend that stand beside me, whatapps me . He told me this company is a scam company and was publish in the news. That took me aback as I thought is just a normal company that sell vacuum and I planning to buy one either way so I were happy to fill in the detail. My instinct told me trust my friend as he say will show me the article when we are back in office. So I tell the promoter can I come back later to fill in my detail and take the gift? He started to get agitated and sarcastic say if you don't want just say don't waste my time and my detail card. I was like what the hell you asked me to fill in earlier just because I say I will come back later you sound like a hooligan. The way their service their potential customer I give them zero point.

Just to share with my reader, below are the new article that my friend show me from "New Straits Times Singapore"

or you guys can read from this links also Delphin Errant firm .So I count myself lucky when my friend holded me back(need to treat him limkopi for this =,=!!).Further research I do, I found out this company is a blacklisted company by Consumers Association of Singapore(CASE) refer to this link CASE Blacklisted Company .With a company background like this, I was shock that they can still survive till now.
Their CEO is also quite infamous in Singapore. I believe some of you guy do read "therealsingapore" or you can read more about her Zhang Run Zi at this link .

Another thing I found out their product is from China rather than from Germany as they claim in the website. They have a factory in China and it write they produce Delphin product. So how can you claim you are made in Germany when your factory is in China????China = Germany to them maybe hahaha.

See for yourself - Delphin China Company

I hope my article will help more Singaporean from being cheated by this company. Don't make a silly mistake and regret later.

The Mayonnaise Jar and The Coffee

2014-07-09T16:19:00.002+08:00

When things in your life seems almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember 'The Mayonnaise Jar and The Coffee'...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shock the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes". The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now", said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life".

"The golf balls are the important things. God, family, children, your health, your friends and your favourite passion ~ things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else ~ the small stuff". "If you put the sand into the jar first",he continued, "then there is no room for the pebbles or the gold balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children, take time to get medical check ups, take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matters.Set your priorities. The next is just sand".

One of the students raised her hand and inquire what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend".

Review : Kirby Vacuum Cleaner Sentria II

2014-06-30T13:53:00.000+08:00

For nearly one-hundred years, The Kirby Company has manufactured superior, American-made home cleaning systems. Kirby does not sell directly to the public but continues a long tradition of distributing its home cleaning systems through independent distributors, who are responsible for running their own businesses.

Experience has taught them that customers prefer to try our premium cleaning systems in their own homes before purchasing.

Function

While most upright vacuum cleaners feature a few functions and accessories to help you clean your home, the Kirby Sentria® II vacuum system offers 12 separate machines in one easy-to-operate system.

Deep-Cleaning Upright
Carpet Shampoo System
Turbo-Powered Pet-Hair Vacuum
Canister Vacuum
Floor Buffer
Hand-Held Portable
Straight Suction Upright
Portable Workshop for sanding, buffing and scouring
Carpet Fluffer
Portable Shampooer
Air Pump

You are investing in a lifetime cleaning system. There will never be a need for you to fill your closet with multiple appliances, spend a ton of money on rental equipment, or hire costly professionals.But i believe all vacuum cleaners are not created equal. Every vacuum has its own set of features, accessories and functions. More info on here http://kirbywhq.powweb.com/manuals/se2/index.html#?page=0

Considerations

The vacuum weight around 12 kg so it going be another white elephant as i think anything above 10kg is too heavy for most home User.Imagine yourself walking around the house with 12 kg.How long you going do that till you give up frankly speaking.Secondly, it was the most costly VC in Singapore average price from 4500 to 5500 .

Venus' language~~~

2014-06-21T13:26:00.002+08:00

Notice to every male creature on this planet earth!!

5 DEADLY TERMS USED BY A WOMAN

1) FINE - this is the word women use to end an argument when they know they are RIGHT and you need to SHUT UP!

2) NOTHING - means SOMETHING and you need to be WORRIED

3) GO AHEAD - this is a dare, not a permission, DO NOT DO IT!

4) WHATEVER - is a woman's way of saying SCREW YOU!

5) THAT'S OK - she is thinking long and hard on HOW AND WHEN you will pay for your mistakes!

Review: Rainbow Vacuum Cleaner

2014-06-21T12:06:00.000+08:00

I think most of the people in this world use a vacuum cleaner or know what is one lolx.Last month 20 May,I have a demo from a saleswoman from Rainbow.The product is not bad as it cure asthma with certified asthma & allergy friendly™ by the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America*( seem like a big shot). The product presentation take like 2 hour plus as she explain to me from head to toe as if i am a beginner in VC lolx.

Function
Rainbow vacuums operate as bagless vacuums that filter impurities in your carpet and rugs through a water filtration system. Airborne allergens are also filtered through a HEPA neutralizing system installed in the most recent versions of the Rainbow vacuum. Rainbow vacuums operate much like other vacuums in that they suck dirt and debris out of soiled surfaces. They differ from other vacuums in that they do not lose suction over time, because there is no bag attached and the soil is filtered through a water canister located under the motor head. Rainbow vacuums also come with a variety of attachments such as crevice, blind, upholstery, shampoo and stairs cleaners. The shampoo wand and stair step attachments are sold separately from the traditional tools. Rainbow systems can also disperse a variety of scents in the air while filtering allergens. These also are sold separately.

The good thing is that this machine have a HEPA filter and i believe this is the best filter we have in the market.Refer to this link http://www.webmd.com/allergies/hepa-filters-for-allergies which I 100% agree.The bad part about this VC is their HEPA is not permanent.I need to change it every few month basic or else the VC is bad coz suction is blocked if the HEPA is not clean.Argh after spending few K on the machine and I still need to pay every few month to replace the HEPA(100++ dollar).That my number one turn off. Secondly,the VC is good but it weight about 15KG. Image you walking around carrying 15 kg to clean your house.I bet it going be a white elephant in my storeroom....With that being say, i told the saleswoman if you can reduce the weight by half or make the HEPA filter washable i might consider to buy. Than the unexpected happen,she just say thank you,pack up and go.Does that mean she think what i ask is too much???

Considerations

Some issues that consumers have with Rainbow vacuums are weight, noise and cost. The most current vacuum mode, the Rainbow E-2 system, weighs approximately 15 kg with a full water canister. This can cause a problem for users who are unable to lift and pull that much weight. With a strong motor that can move 80 cubic feet of air per minute, the Rainbow E-2 system is powerful. The power in the motor can cause some excess noise. The average cost of the Rainbow E-2 system, according to mummysg.com , is between $3,000 and $4,000 per system as of September 2010. This does not include optional items such as the stairs nozzle or the shampooing nozzle. However, according to GreatVacs.com, it is not unusual for Rainbow vacuums to last 30 years or longer.

For those who have buy Rainbow VC,here is some tips for you guys.

Prevention/Solution

Short of altering the design of the Rainbow system, which is strongly not recommended, you cannot change the weight and noise level of the vacuum. The issue of cost is individual between the authorized distributor and the consumer. You can handle more routine issues such as dirt buildup in the hose connection site through routine yearly maintenance service for the vacuum. You can better maintain the water canister through a thorough rinsing in cold water after each use and wiped out until dry before storing separate from the motor housing.

The Rainbow vacuum has been around for a long time in terms of original manufacturing. The Rexair, L.L.C. company produces Rainbow vacuums out of its Cadillac, Michigan, plant. Since 1929, new Rainbow vacuums have been sold directly by authorized distributors through in-home demonstrations.

Here is my honest review about them.Next week review is on Kirby Vacuum Cleaner.

Friend Zone Explained

2013-05-30T12:02:00.000+08:00

The friend zone is one of the oldest and most common traps that women set up to trick gullible losers into an eternity of mental enslavement. The stage is set for the friend zone when the woman is already in a relationship with a real man. As often as 13 year old boys need to curse and swear or watch porn, girls just have to whine about something; therefore she tries to whine to her boyfriend. Being an Alpha Male the guy has better things to do than listening to her complaints about how insensitive he is when he leaves the toilet seat up, how he doesn't call enough, and other crap nobody cares about so he tells her to shut the hell up. Of course after a while of this she will start hemorrhaging angst and will desperately need an emotional tampon to soak it all up. This is when she will lure in a spineless nice guy for her to brutally shove into a bloody cesspool of emotional baggage called the Friend Zone. The Trap: The trap consists of a girl feigning interest in some vulnerable beta male whimp.

Part 1 (the mind screw)
She will start flirting with the guy until he shows visible signs of becoming hopelessly in love with her. When the guy starts to flirt back, she will suddenly ignore him causing uncertainty which will make him think he's "going too fast" so he will back down. She will then repeat the same thing ad nauseum.

Part 2 (the milking)
During the now unbreakable cycle she will tell him all her angst and nonsense while saying lies to keep him interested: * "Thanks for listening, you are such an angel." * "Why can't more guys be like you?" * "You're so cute!" * "My boyfriend is so mean.... you would make the perfect man." * "I Heart You" or "I luv you" * "You are like a brother to me." She will also hint for him to buy stuff for her which the idiot will. Basically she will milk him for as much attention, hugs, and gifts for as long as she can keep this game up. The guy's belief in these lies will lead to him always being stuck in the friend zone and will cause the incurable "permavirgin" status. When he asks her out When a guy actually gains the courage to ask her out she will keep him in by just saying "I'm not ready for a relationship right now", or "I'm not entirely sure of my own feelings" (hinting that there might be hope later), and thus the cycle continues. OR She will admit that she wants to be just friends (which is just 1 level of hell less to endure). But it doesn't end there, no sir. When she misses all the gifts and is in need of another emotional sponge, she will go right back to crying on his shoulder and saying how "My BF and I going through a rough time, and I think we're going to break up". She will then show interest in him again, but this time around when he asks her out again she just has to say "Him and I are broken up, but I still have feelings for him...... I'm so confused!" and continue to pine for her old boyfriend while restarting the cycle once again. OR She will agree to date him, then unexpectedly call it off at the last minute. The dumb loser won't connect the dots and continue to pine after the upstanding young lady. By the time he figures it out, he's graduated high school and is alone in the basement. *sounds of crying*. Why do they do it? Since the advent of feminism women have incorporated the concept that they are more equal than men in life. As such, men have grown up in an environment where women are worshipped and honored because men are so afraid of making a mistake in their opposite sex relationships. Think of it like a dog/owner relationship. All women, at their core, are filthy idiots. This isn't an insult, because it's true. It's science. If someone is a male and finds themselves pining over a girl because she is willing to honor their failure of an existence on this earth with an AIM message once a week asking for computer help or to borrow a few hundred bucks so that she and her boyfriend could rent a cherry picker and make out outside your bedroom window, that person would be only too happy to provide her with said provisions because in their delusional state of neckbearded virginity they think that somehow it will lead to her loving them. In truth, that virgin is her property, not the other way round. Is There Hope? NO. There is no hope. You have a better chance of singlehandedly bringing peace to the Middle East than breaking free of the friend zone and dating her. Contrary to what compliments she has given you she would rather take a .357 magnum to the head than to even think about actually dating you. Well, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Just like you admitted to jacking off to crap you have finally taken the first step to admitting you are one gullible dumbass who is an embarrassment to the male gender.

So to get out follow these steps:
1. Violence.
2. Get it in your head that you got played like a fiddle, and you must forget about her.
3. Become "interested" with secunda, and talk to prima about how perfect secunda is, and show a complete loss of intrest for prima. 50% chance that her jealous will drive her to rethink your status, otherwise she will stop leading you on and find another sucker... win:win situation
4. Don't talk to her ever again. Communicating with her will compromise your chances of getting out.
5. Block her from MSN, Myspace, Facebook, and everything else you can think of Screw it. Just unplug your internets.
6. Unplug your phone.
7. Burn your house down, change your name and move to Canada. Things to say when they call

Alternatively, one can attempt to escape by using one (or all!) of these suitable responses when a woman attempts to use their siren-song on the unsuspecting ears of a lowly virgin:
1. No, I refuse to help you! Good day!
2. Only if you [insert explicit activity].
3. What are you wearing?
4. I know I've never mentioned this before, but I'm hung like a pringles can.
5. Only if you give me a blumpkin.
6. Let's have a sleepover instead!
7. You know, I just came back from my tantra course. They taught us how to give women 45 minute orgasms.
8. Still on the pill?
9. Sure, but before that I want to test out this new swing I installed in my basement.

The Inconvenient Truth
But seriously folks when you really get down to the facts, the said amount of girls who deliberately sap guys for attention & gifts is extremely overblown. This is because the internet is this gigantic cesspool of angry permavirgin nerds who blame all their failures with women on women by furiously typing their rage-induced sob stories and posting it on their blogs, message boards, & imageboards. These are the kind of spineless morons think that if a girl says "Hello" to them, or if they buy a gift for a girl, that suddenly entitles them to sex and if they are turned down they complain that she "Friend Zone'd" or "Led him on". It's the age-old mentality that can be summed up as the "Nice guy" syndrome: Claiming to be such a "Nice", "Sensitive" and "Caring" guy only to get into a womans pants; but is very quick to turn around and call her a "Whore" and" "Slut" the second she turns his sorry ass down, while being completely oblivious to the irony of their own statements. It's one of the biggest examples of victim complex in the Internets today. The raging crapstorm continues when these guys make this claim that everyone who does get laid by the said girls are a "*******s", or that "girls are only attracted to *******s". This is total nonsense of course and is just more whining to make the supposed nice guys feel all comfortable in their gross ignorance. As you can see, actual instances of the so called "Friend Zone" are rather rare and most are told by nice guys (and if you do fall into a trap of a women sapping you for attention; your damn fault for falling for such an obvious trap and hope you actually learn from the experience).

PROTIPS: We would give you some further in life but you are probably too butt hurt by being told the truth you don't want to hear. In fact, keep your immature behavior up, keep blaming women for your inability to get laid, you will just make it easier for the rest of us. Have fun comforting yourself by memorizing the Ladder theory and buying yourself that fleshlight. I'm sure it's as good as the real thing.