Mumblings of a so-called writer

A Toponymist's Tour of the World

2026-10-25T14:33:38.420-07:00

Speaking of close neighbours, we should also mention Scotland. This is simply ‘the territory of the Scots’, although ‘Scot’ is a Latin name for the Gaels. Note until the Middle Ages the place was seen as divided between the Scotland and Alba.

Austria – this is German for ‘eastern realm’.

Herzegovina – this is ‘herzog’s land’, this being the German word for a ‘duke’.

Greece – comes from the people, the Greeks. The Greeks never referred to themselves as such, the city states and regional people all knew themselves by different names: Spartans, Athenians, Ionians, and all the rest. The Greeks latterly referred to themselves as Hellene, named after Hellen their mythological patriarch. It was the Romans who called them Graeci when they found an offshoot of these people living happily in Southern Italy. Trouble is, nobody knows what Graeci signified – was it an insult?

Italy – is generally accepted to be ‘the land of young cattle’, not an insult but the use of the bull to symbolist the resident tribes, the people being the children of the bull .

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

The Vagaries of the English Language

2026-10-18T12:29:44.284-07:00

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with The Vagaries of the English Language. English is an odd language. Those on the west of the Atlantic Ocean will look bemused at their counterparts washed by the waters on the eastern side of the ocean and vice versa. In truth both forms are oddly different from other languages. Not just the words but the grammar, syntax and usage which seemingly have no fixed rules.

English has acquired the largest vocabulary of all the world's languages, perhaps as many as two million words, and has generated one of the noblest bodies of literature in the annals of the human race. Nonetheless, it is now time to face the fact that English is a crazy language.

I mean ‘flammable’ means ‘burns readily’ but ‘inflammable’ doesn’t mean the opposite it means the same thing.

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Send something by land it’s called a shipment, but send it by ship and it’s cargo.

Men get HERnias and women HISterectomies

We pack suits in a garment bag – but garments go in your suitcase.

Anyone in the army? Privates eat in the General Mess and Generals in the Private Mess.

Why do we call it ‘newsprint’ when it contains no printing but when we put print on it we call it ‘newspaper’.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Not Politically Correct

2026-10-11T12:54:43.312-07:00

British have been called Limies ever since naval men were given a ration of citrus fruit to ward off scurvy. Limes would have been eaten but only because these citrus fruit had a longer shelf life. I’m sure the ratings would have loved to have them replaced by a nice ripe avocado – incidentally the Aztec word ‘avocado’ meant ‘testicle’, as they saw it as an aphrodisiac and thought the fruit resembled the testicle. No wonder they died out. Australians call us Poms or Pommies, apparently they are convinced we dine on pomegranates a lot. Can’t say I’ve ever knowingly eaten a single pomegranate. It is NOT an acronym for Prisoner of Her (or His) Majesty nor is it Permit Of Migration.

Enough of the race words and off to insults. To me this is where political correctness goes completely insane. As we have already shown so-called racial slurs have, for the most part, quite innocent beginnings – now surely to describe someone as ‘bald’, ‘short’, ‘fat’ (all used to describe kings of France named Charles, please note) is simply true. Whilst I accept they shouldn’t be the sole identifying feature, if you have three people named Charles who were all French monarchs, how would you know which one was which without the additional information? So let’s have a look at the origins of some of these words. And we’ll start with ‘fat’. Now clearly any insult is using the word as an adjective, while the word began as a noun. Not so, it began as an adjective, then used as a verb ‘to fatten’ and finally as a noun. The word is ultimately from Proto-Indo-European poid which meant ‘fat, swell, grow’ particularly with milk, fat or water. Now I could be wrong here but I can’t see milk or water ever being insulting and fat in this context is surely a bonus. Thin – is unacceptable while ‘slim’ is a compliment. Now historically this might be more of an insult for it began as ‘stretched out, diluted, lacking body’ – much as we describe gravy, soup or sauce.

If not yet appalled and might want to hear me take the etymologist’s view of these terms, drop me a line. Note the words are not the problem, it’s the usage. If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

The Letter H

2026-10-04T12:56:11.528-07:00

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with The Letter H. The eighth letter of the English alphabet has the distinction of being the first letter to have its own listing in the dictionary, doing so many years before the second. Look up 'H' and discover the recommended pronunciation is 'aitch' although the dictionary concedes the increased use of 'haitch' is an alternative. Hear, too, how the letter came to English, of its changing usage throughout history and just how the letter's upper case rugby posts-like image and corresponding lower case form came about. Yet this is not just a talk about a single letter but a look at the development, changing usage and beginnings of our all-too familiar alphabet.

The letter ‘H’, the eighth letter of the alphabet, is also listed in the OED under the first letter of the alphabet – ie ‘A’. This is because the letter ‘H’ is unique as it is the only letter in the OED to be listed as a word. Why on earth would this be I hear you cry – well no, I don’t but you’re finding out anyway. It is because of the plural, a plural found in the phrase (sadly not used anywhere near enough these days) “to drop one’s aitches”.

Now dropping one’s aitches is the reason why some refer not to AITCH but to HAITCH. Remember Parker the chauffeur in Thunderbirds? He was your archetypal cockney, his speech saw him drop the aitch at the beginning of words such as ‘appy, ‘elp, ‘erring, and ‘enry, but include an erroneous ‘h’ at the beginning of words such as h’easter, h’avenue, h’artist, and h’England. Now somewhere along the way someone thought the letter ‘aitch’ began with an ‘aitch’ when it doesn’t but it does end in an ‘aitch’

Now the OED base their rules very much on usage. Thus the more people get it wrong and say HAITCH the more likely it will be that HAITCH will lose its listing under ‘A’. Indeed the OED already recognise both forms, so the rot has probably already set in so far it is impossible to reverse

Not only do we add an ‘h’ at the beginning when none is present, but we also pronounce the ‘h’ at the beginning of words where the ‘h’ is present but accepted pronunciation is without. Perhaps the best known of these is ‘hotel’ which, being of French derivation, should be said to be ‘otel and thus we should say ‘an hotel’ not ‘a hotel’. There are others: such as ‘hour’, ‘heir’ and ‘honest’ which have also come to English from French.

We also need to look at the origin of the letter for, like all letters and symbols, they were not simply invented but developed. To do so it is probably easier to work back from the present era rather than forward from the beginning of writing. During the last thousand years the letter has become harsher in languages such as Portuguese and Spanish; while Romance languages, such as Romanian, had lost the sound completely until re-borrowed from neighbouring Slavic languages. All these come from Etruscan ‘H’ and this comes, in turn, from archaic Greek alphabets the letter became a long vowel, borrowed directly from the earliest known form as a letter. While the Greek version is eta early forms give this as heta, itself also seen in the Phoenician heth. The Phoenician alphabet had two forms, one clearly very similar to a modern capital ‘H’ and the other related to Old Semitic which appears as the ‘H’ but with a bar at both top and bottom. This in turn clearly represents a part of the Egyptian hieroglyph known as ‘fence’. Both of these are referred to as a ‘voiceless pharyngeal fricative’ and undoubtedly stood for a fence or posts.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Gobbledegook

2026-10-01T13:20:57.871-07:00

Balderdash – first seen in the 1590s the origin is officially said to be ‘unknown’. This early use was quite different in referring to ‘a jumbled mix of liquors’ and not until the 1670s was the modern meaning first seen.

Hogwash – first seen in the middle of the 15th century as two Middle English words hogges and wash. At the time it referred to slops fed to pigs, be it refuse from the kitchen or from a brewery. By 1712 this referred to ‘cheap alcoholic drink’ and fifty years later to ‘inferior writing’. At the time the term was coined, ‘hog’ referred to a castrated male, hence one reared for slaughter and encouraged to eat anything it could to fatten it up; while ‘wash’ was used here to refer more to that skimmed off, such as the cuttings from vegetables or the waste left over from brewing.

Poppycock – is seen as so very twee isn’t it? Almost has to be followed by some chinless wonder asking “anyone for tennis?” Yet the origin is anything but innocent. It comes from the Dutch dialect pappekak where pappe means ‘soft food’ and kak ‘dung’.

Tosh – as British slang it meant ‘rubbish, nonsense’ and there is no known earlier form and thus the origins are unknown. However, it could be a loan word for there is also an earlier Scottish word ‘tosh’ from 1776 and used to mean ‘neat, clean, trim’. We also find another English use dating from 1852 and slang used very much in the capital from 1852 to speak of, somewhat extraordinarily, ‘valuables collected from drains’.

Mullet – now nobody uses mullet-head any more, even though the Beastie Boys recorded Mullet Head – of which we all recall the wonderful lyric “Number one on the side and don’t touch the back; number six on the top and don’t cut it wack, Jack.” However the insult ‘mullet-head’ existed from 1866 (130 years before the haircut) and even nine years before the fish is first recorded (although doubtless the name was in use at least at the same time and probably before). Hence ‘mullet’ originally meant something or someone stupid.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Foreign Words in English

2026-09-20T13:03:40.262-07:00

Cosa Nostra – (Italian) a US criminal organization related to the Mafia (literally ‘our thing’)

Doppelganger – (German) an apparition or double of a living person (literally ‘literally double-goer’)

Ex officio – (Latin) by virtue of one’s position or status (literally ‘out of duty’)

Katzenjammer – (German) a hangover or a severe headache accompanying a hangover (literally ‘cat’s wailing’)

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Etymology of Unusual Surnames

2026-09-15T12:41:40.898-07:00

Cholmondley is a Cheshire place name - this the reason why it has become pronounced ‘chum-lee’. It is ‘the woodland clearing of a man named Ceolmund’.

Snodgrass - another place name, it stands – at a bend of the River Garnock at Irvine, Ayrshire and comes from Old English snod graesse or ‘smooth grass’. Here ‘smooth’ doubtless refers to the level land rather than the grass itself.

When it comes to the most common names in English, and I’m discounting imported names such as ‘Singh’ and ‘Khan’ on the basis they aren’t from our shores and this is an English etymological talk, Smith is still the most common but only at 1.15% of the population; Jones amounts to 0.94%, Williams at 0.66%, and Taylor at 0.53%

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Etymology of Transport

2026-09-06T12:03:54.530-07:00

Coach is named from the place where it was first produced, the village of Kocs in Hungary. Today the Hungarian word for ‘car’ is kosci

Truck shares an origin with ‘truckle’, although not used in the vehicle sense until 1610s. The term ‘truckle’ spoke of the ‘small wheel’, it derived Proto-Indo-European dhregh ‘to run’.

Glider is the name of the motorless aircraft seen from 1898, this agent noun from ‘glide’ itself changed little over several millennia until Proto-Germanic gave us a number of words from the same root but with different meanings such as ‘glide’, ‘shining’ and also ‘joyful’ – these are all based on the Proto-Indo-European ghel ‘to shine’ and the general idea is a smooth and reflective surface.

Thought it might be of interest to add a different mode of transport – and thus let’s look at the humble ski. Now the modern ski is misleading, for it smacks of MODERN in large and very loud letters. This is only some 150 years of history, while the history of the ski goes back at least 10,000 years and is one of the earliest man-made modes of transport. Today we skid along on skis, historically they were used mostly as a snow-shoe, to spread the weight of the wearer and prevent singing into the snow. This is why the Old Norse word of skith not only gave us ‘ski’ but also ‘skid’ but was originally coined to describe ‘a stick of wood’. Taking it further back we find Proto-Germanic skid meaning ‘to divide, split’ and also seen in Proto-Indo-European skei ‘also meaning ‘to cut, split’ and clearly how the original skis were produced, by driving pegs into a log along the grain and using that to splinter off a piece which would naturally be quite flat. It is thought the idea of may have developed twice – for some use of a ski in the eastern European regions required the user to have a bigger ski and would lie prone upon it and scoot up closer to seals and other prey on the ice and thus get a clearer shot with harpoon or bow and arrow. As an unrelated addition note this Proto-Indo-European skei ‘split’ is also the basis for the prefix of ‘schizophrenic’, which came to us through Greek; it is also the root of Old Church Slavonic cediti ‘to strain’; Old Irish sceid ‘to vomit’ or ‘spit’; and Old Norse skita ‘to shit’

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Etymology of Railways

2026-08-30T12:12:22.645-07:00

Gasket – in modern times this is a rather antiquated item, although this piece of equipment is by no means obsolete. A gasket is essentially a seal, one which originally would have provided the seal between two castings and one which, when oiled and crushed between the two halves, created a seal which was essentially both air-tight and water-tight. The early gasket was little more than a length of oiled rope, Flexible enough to be adjusted to fit whatever shape was required, the use meant these were not going to be overly thick pieces and also not very long. The approximate length likened to pieces of rope already in use, these were used to secure the furled sails on sailing ships, giving them the instantly recognisable curves of the sail. These pieces of rope were also known as gaskets, derived from a term which was originally the feminine form of the French garcon ‘boy’. However it did not refer to just any girl, but to a girl who wore her hair in a plait, a plait coming from the side of the head and secured with a short length of rope – another gasket. However, just as a chain around the ankle once signified something here, this also marked out a lady of the night. Several completely different uses and yet all marked by a short length of rope.

Train – the verb, meaning ‘to instruct’, came from the noun. Originally looking at the ‘drawing out’ of a trailing part of a skirt, gown or cloak. This is all from the Latin tragere ‘to pull’ and shares a root with ‘tract’.

Station – seen in a railway sense from 1830, the noun had existed in English since the 13th century in the sense ‘place normally occupied’ and is related to the Latin stare ‘to stand’, ultimately from Proto-Indo-European sta ‘to stand, make firm’.

Express – the railway noun is from the early use of the noun (1610s) to mean ‘a special messenger’ – one assumes no special messenger would be slower or the same speed as an ordinary messenger. Now the use of ‘express’ to mean ‘state explicitly’ is derived from the ‘rapid’ and is easier to see as ‘ex-press’, two words suggesting something seen having been pressed and that is how the word developed. These, and other senses, are all from the Latin premere meaning ‘to press, push’ and ultimately from Proto-Indo-European per ‘to strike’.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Medals and Awards

2026-08-25T13:21:42.728-07:00

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Medals and Awards. For most the list of awards making the headlines at New Year and the King’s Birthday List are simply a list of people, many of whom we have never heard of and probably will never hear of again. Those awarded medals in times of conflict are more likely to be remembered, if only because the recipients have become a part of history. As numismatists - those associated with coins as well as medals - will confirm, medals and awards all have a beginning, were created for a specific reason. While we often hear the narrative of the recipient, we rarely if ever hear of the story behind the award itself. Here is a talk giving a different historical view. An examination of the award, its beginnings and event the recipients, albeit a rather different look.

Order of the Garter – or correctly the Most Noble Order of the Garter was founded in 1348 by Edward II, it is limited to just 24 members at any one time, effectively 23 as the monarch is automatically one, and is made at the reigning monarch’s pleasure. New appointments are always made on St George’s Day, although there is no reason to believe this was the date of its inception, this is merely a much later idea of nationalist pride and not a true ‘tradition’. The emblem’s motto is famously Honi soit qui mal y pense or ‘Shame on him who thinks evil of it. Now nobody really knows why Edward III started this but there is a story and we should cover same. It seems the Countess of Salisbury was dancing at court in Calais when a garter slipped from her leg, to save her blushes and put a stop to the giggles from courtiers, the kind slipped it on his own leg and uttered the immortal words Honi soit qui mal y pense. This is simply the most popular of the stories. Another speaks of King Richard I who, while on the crusade to the Holy Land, ordered his knights to tie garters around their legs and when they won Edward III subsequently marked this with the order of the garter. The motto actually refers to Edward’s claim to the French throne, the order created to help pursue this claim. ETYMOLOGICALLY the four words have rather different roots giving a somewhat different meaning if we see Order as ‘to fit together’, which seems quite logical; ‘of’ was originally ‘off, away’; ‘the’ confusingly used to be ‘this,that’; and ‘garter’ is derived from an unknown root leading to the Old Welsh garr ‘leg’ and Old French jartier ‘bend of the knee’.

Order of the Bath – this began as the Most Honourable Military Order of the Bath and was founded by George I on May 18th 1725. Its name comes from the elaborate ceremony involving bathing of a knight when appointed to this order of chivalry – the bath symbolised purification. It is often said George I revived the Order of the Bath but this is not possible as it never existed prior to then. It is awarded for service and is at the monarch’s pleasure. The award bears two mottos: TRIA IUNCTA IN UNO Latin for ‘THREE JOINED IN ONE’ and the German ICH DIEN ‘I serve’. ETYMOLOGICALLY the four words have rather different roots giving a somewhat different meaning if we see Order as ‘to fit together’, which seems quite logical; ‘of’ was originally ‘off, away’; ‘the’ confusingly used to be ‘this,that’; and ‘bath’ or ‘to warm’, is a little easier to see for no one wants to be immersed in cold water.

Distinguished Service Cross – renamed from the earlier Conspicuous Service Cross in October 1914, it was awarded to those of the British Armed Forces, Royal Fleet Auxiliary, and British Merchant Navy for “…gallantry during active operations against the enemy.” ETYMOLOGICALLY ‘distinguished’ is used in the ‘celebratory’ sense from 1714, coming to English through French from Latin where disinguere literally means ‘to separate between’ and is ultimately from a Proto-Indo-European root ‘to push, thrust’; ‘service’ in a military sense is seen from the end of the 13th century, this from ‘serve’ and originally meant ‘to be a slave’; ‘cross’ is a strange word and may well have two quite separate etymologies, although no proof of same has ever been found - for the sense of the ‘X’ image, the religious image, and even the ‘irate’ sense, all seem to stem from a root meaning ‘thwart, hinder, oppose’ and quite literally as ‘cross purposes’, while there is undoubtedly a quite different sense in the Germanic languages epitomised by the Saxon ‘cross’ which was simply a marker and did not even have a cross piece until Christianity arrived in Britain.

Etymologies for the Engineer

2026-08-16T11:59:36.831-07:00

History can be viewed in any number of ways: the archaeologist looks at artefacts, the archivist at documents, and the etymologist at words. All these and indeed others have one thing in common, history means looking backwards – and with so much history to examine it is often difficult to realise just how much history there is. For example the use of a word today may be quite different from the traditional understanding. Perhaps the word ‘cool’ is a good example – only since 1940 has it been used as a term of approval, yet to mean ‘lacking warmth’ it has the same origins as ‘cold’ and that, rather ironically, has its origins as far back as the end of the last Ice Age. Thus while ‘machine’ may be seen as simply something which does work, a device or contrivance, originally this had a rather different meaning. Tracing the word back to the Greek makhos or ‘means, contrivance’, and earlier to the Proto-Indo-European maghana ‘that which enables’ and from the root magh ‘to be able’, we find the modern use only from the late 17th century. Prior to this any man-made device could be referred to as a ‘machine’. Interestingly 19th century slang used ‘machine’ to describe human sex organs, indeed it is virtually unique in referring to both the male and female parts. Why? Because this is a slang term retaining its original age-old usage in ‘that which enables’.

Look up ‘engine’ in the dictionary and it is defined as ‘a device that converts energy into mechanical power’. Thus there were no engines before the eighteenth century and the birth of industry. Yet there are records of by 1300 and used to refer to ‘a mechanical device’ and particularly one used for warfare. We also find the term used at least a century earlier. These earlier references use these in a variety of senses, including ‘skill’, ‘craft’, ‘innate ability’, and also ‘deceitfulness’ or ‘trickery’. The earlier references are the original usages, all derived from Old French engin meaning ‘skill, wit, cleverness’ in some instances and yet more often as ‘trick, deceit, stratagem’. Further back we find Late Latin ingenium ‘war machine’ and earlier still ‘inborn qualities, talent’. It is the earlier use of ingenium which most interests us as this has also resulted in the word ‘ingenuity’. When we hear both words the link is clearer than seeing it in writing. And I know of no engineer who will not be delighted to learn his job title is, at least etymologically speaking, akin to that of a genius .

The word ‘bolt’ is used in several senses: ‘make a quick start’, ‘leave suddenly’, ‘eat quickly’ and ‘crossbow arrow’ among them. Each of these came into general usage at different times – the diner unknown until the 19th century; sprint start and escape both of the early 13th century. This leaves the short arrow, itself from the Proto-Germanic bultas with the same meaning. Tracing the clues back further we get to Proto-Indo-European bheld which had the same meaning as Lithuanian beldu meaning ‘I knock’ or as beldas ‘pole for striking’. Thus the original ‘bolt’ should be seen more as a nail or peg, one struck to pin two or more pieces together – just the same function as a modern forged fastener with a rolled thread. Later the crossbow weapon would be named as such as it resembled the fastener, then ‘bolt’ became associated with speed, giving the other two uses. In an engineering sense the ‘bolt’ has come full circle, first a simple peg, today an item engineered to fine tolerances and exacting specifications but essentially the same thing.

Having looked at the story behind the bolt recently, it seemed remiss of me not to look at the nut which invariably accompanies same. It will come as absolutely no surprise to discover that initially the engineering nut was compared to the hard seed and its shell. Thus the term comes from the Proto-Germanic hnut and earlier from Proto-Indo-European kneu, the latter also the origin of the Latin nux which has come to us as 'nucleus' and thus ultimately 'nuclear'! As the mating part for the bolt the earliest record dates from 1610. Yet the term had been used for any small mechanical part for at least two centuries and thus the earliest 'nut' could have been any of the items heard today being described as a 'widget'.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Etymology for the Writer or Artist

2026-08-09T11:45:42.363-07:00

Created for the many writing groups I have spoke to, it made a change for them from the usual guests who either tell them about themselves or attempt to inspire their writing. A couple of examples from the origins of our alphabet.

A – derived from the Greek alpha. Used in the modern sense to mean ‘the first’ dates from the 17th century. The Greeks got it from the Hebrew and/or Phoenician aleph (greek not permitting the use of consonants at the end of words so they added the ‘a’) and this, in turn, from the Semitic group of languages where eleph literally meant ‘ox’. It is thought the character represents the head of an ox.

O – from the Greek omicron and a meaning of ‘small o’, this from the Proto-Indo-European word smik or ‘small’ as this is a notably small vowel. As a letter it is derived from the Phoenician ayn or ‘eye’, itself taken from the Egyptian hieroglyph of an eye. O is also represented by omega, a comparatively late addition to the Greek alphabet and not seen until around 2,800 years ago. It is related to omicron and means ‘great o’ as in literally ‘o - mega’. If you want to know the diffidence between omicron and omega simply look at the word ‘lotto’, where the short version is near the beginning and the longer at the end.

P – comes from the Greek pi and itself from the Phoenician pe which, in turn, comes from the pictogram of a mouth.

Z – comes from the sixth letter of the Greek alphabet zeta and it is also the basis for our modern letter Z. Derived from the Hebrew zayin, literally meaning ‘weapon’ and likely a reference to its shape resembling a jagged edge.

G – if you’ve ever wondered why we have two pronunciations for the letter G – as in Gary and George – it is purely down to source. The hard G in Gary is Germanic, the softer G in George is from Latin and prior to that Greek. In fact the latter G did exist in the Latin alphabet but was written as a Z (try saying George with a Greek accent but spelling it with a Z, it works).

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Defining Heraldry

2026-08-06T14:17:53.373-07:00

Difficult to give a taster as each talk is tailored to the region where I’m speaking. But we can give some general ideas beginning with….

Colours and orange – pointing to worthy ambition

Oak tree or leaves points to great age and strength

Lions represent dauntless courage.

A mermaid points to eloquence.

A hand represents pledge of faith, sincerity and justice.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line. Note I’ll need a few weeks to research specifics.

Colloquialisms

2026-08-06T13:56:59.528-07:00

GET ONE’S GOAT: originated in the USA, first seen in print in 1904, transferring across the Atlantic by 1924 when appearing in John Galsworthy’s White Monkey (yes more animals) when he states: “That had got the chairman’s goat! Got his goat? What expressions they use nowadays!” Nobody really knows why this phrase came to be but, and this positively reeks of folk etymology, it has been said that racehorses, known for being skittish, would be stabled or grazed with goats to keep them calm. Unscrupulous individuals, hoping to make a killing at the bookies, removed the calming influence and the horse performed badly – someone gets my goat.

NOSY PARKER: most often said to refer to Matthew Parker, Archbishop of Canterbury from 1559 to 1575. He attempted to learn certain facts about his fellow clergy using certain inappropriate methods. This, coupled with his large proboscis, earned him the soubriquet Nosy Parker. The problem is, he never made inappropriate enquiries nor did he have a prominent conk. This comes from the end of the 19th century, when novelist Mary Elizabeth Braddon edited the Belgravia Magazine and wrote, in the May 1890 edition, “You’re a askin’ too many questions for me, there’s too much of Mr Nosey Parker about you, an’ I’d ‘ave you to know as I’m a laidee.” Not until the beginning of the 19th century did ‘nosy’ begin to mean ‘inquisitive’, prior to that it was someone with a large nose and until attached to ‘nosy’, the word ‘parker’ only ever referred to a park-keeper. Want to know the real Christian name of Parker from Thunderbirds? It was Aloysius.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Biology's Etymology

2026-08-06T13:31:01.286-07:00

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Biology’s Etymology. Whether it is when watching, listening or reading that medical drama or a visit to the doctor or hospital, the terminology used can be baffling in the extreme. That they know what they are talking about is all we need to know, for that is not what this talk is about. Here we are looking at the terms used by the majority, those without a medical grounding. This talk examines the parts of the body through the names with which we are so familiar. Who first thought of the term 'head', 'foot', 'finger', 'muscle', 'bone'? Did the heart become known as such because it was seen as central to life, or did this develop the other way around? And what about ailments and diseases? Were chickens really the inspiration of 'chickenpox'? And who thought 'chilblains' an apt description of the ailment? An explanation of where these terms originated, how they developed and why they remain commonplace today. Many of the answers are surprising and more than a few amusing. There is also the opportunity to ask specific examples, especially for those who need to know the origins of those parts not included in the talk. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required.

Chest – was never used for the thorax until the sixteenth century, prior to that both males and females had a breast (hence why we have a breastbone and armour a breastplate). The term chest came from Old English cest meaning ‘box, casket’, a suggestion the rib cage was a box containing a number of vital organs.

Finger – a Germanic word which can be traced to Proto-Indo-European penkwe meaning ‘five’ and for obvious reasons as there are five digits (the thumb was considered a finger until later).

Spleen – has been known since ancient times, where Proto-Indo-European splegh had the same meaning. Now today we know the spleen’s functions include the control of components of the blood such as platelets and red and blood cells. Traditionally this organ was held to contain an individual’s ill feelings, misery, bad tempers – hence we hear how one is ‘venting their spleen’.

Whooping cough – is an onomatopoeic name referring to its symptoms. Correctly it is called pertussis and coined in the 17th century as Latin per tussis means ‘persistent cough’. My grandmother always used the term chincough which, almost 50 years later, I discovered was Staffordshire dialect for whopping cough – although this doesn’t explain why my grandmother always warned us that sitting on a cold wall could give ‘chincough in your bottom’.

Buttock – most often seen in the plural, actually comes from the original ‘butt’. While this may be seen as an American term, it actually is a Tudor English term which in turn came from Germanic languages. It is not difficult to see why the rifle butt has the same origin as the rear end, although not used as such before the 14th century, and originally referred to a small piece of land (in Dutch) and as simply ‘short’ in Old Norse.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Old English to Modern English

2026-07-14T13:40:13.523-07:00

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Old English to Modern English. The Saxons, Angles, Jutes and Frisians arrived on our shores from the fifth century AD. They brought with them the basis of our culture and a language which we refer to as Old English. Over the next 1,500 years influences principally from the Scandinavian and French tongues took this to Middle English and eventually to Modern English. English is the most diverse language and this is not simply down to the number of words adopted from quite unrelated tongues, a remnant of colonial days. There is a reason why English, more than any other, needs a thesaurus - indeed most languages never bother publishing a thesaurus (Japanese is a notable exception). That English has been influenced by so many others has led to such a great number of alternative words. Learn how these came began, where they came from and, most interestingly, how they evolved, how the meanings changed and developed to become the language we know today. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required.

The letter A is for an used in such things as ‘an egg’ instead of ‘a’ when the following noun begins with a vowel. However, it actually began as ‘one’ hence ‘one egg’ and the use of ‘a’ actually the loss of the following ‘n’. Note it is difficult to say AN LEG, AN HORSE, AN BOTTLE) but Old English would have been pronounced as AYN LEG, AYN HORSE, AYN BOTTLE which is rather easier. The same thing is seen in anfeld which may have been used to mean ‘simple’ but actually comes from ‘one-fold’ as in ‘once’.

The letter C is for ceap meaning ‘market’ and which also gave geceapian ‘to buy’. Now today we look for things on the cheap at the market, where originally they would market things at the cheap. Note we say ‘on the cheap’ to mean ‘cheaply’ – on the cheap meaning ‘on the market’. And this is still seen in place names such as Chipping Norton, Chipping Sodbury and street names such as Cheap Street and Cheapside.

The Letter K is for nothing, no not a silent ‘k’ but a letter coming to modern English from the Scandinavian languages. Incidentally the silent ‘K’ is a modern idea – once we had k-nights, and k-nives, but nobody wore k-nickers as this was originally knickerbockers and even that word unknown before 1859. This was not what you were expecting when I mentioned knickerbockers – admit it.

The letter Q is French and did not appear in Old English. Oddly the word ‘queue’, albeit with a spelling of c-u-e, appeared in English before the Norman invasion. It was used to describe a ‘tail’ (and other long parts of the mammalian anatomy), and first used to refer to a line of people in 1837, some 350 years after the first queues were named as ‘lines of dancers’.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

30 Years of Not Being Published

2026-07-05T13:25:09.625-07:00

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with 30 Years of Not Being Published. In over three decades more than ninety published works have appeared on the shelves. This talk is not as negative as it may first seem. During this period I have amassed a vast number of rejection letters, but still managed to average three books a year and more than one article each and every week. Listen to the experiences, the mistakes, the ideas, the tips and advice on how all writers have something to learn and also to contribute to the literary world. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required.

When it comes to finding a publisher, possibly the best piece of advice I have is simply to find a published book that is as close to yours as possible, then pitch it to that publisher. The reason? Because an editorial department have the job of producing something new, but sales teams want what is selling .

Interesting verbs are seldom very interesting. — Says Jonathan Franzen, who fails to remember ‘very’ is a word which Oscar Wilde advised writers to edit out and replaced with ‘damned’ as the publisher will then cross out every example and thus make the ideal manuscript.

“Write what you know about” – Brilliant advice. Except for the advice on how to check every fact, research every snippet, and all the rest of the baloney. And there’s also the fact that people (yes even writers) are sometimes mistaken and what they “KNOW” is incorrect. If not, nobody would ever get divorced, have unwanted pregnancies, jobs they can’t do, or ever make a mistake. As a little pointer to how stupid this advice is, do some research into all these HOW TO books for writers and look at how many books they’ve had published previously – you’ll be amazed at how often it is their FIRST and perhaps even ONLY book .

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Old Wives Tales

2026-06-28T12:15:38.567-07:00

Opening an umbrella inside is a major taboo and another which is among the most often quoted. Of course it is utter gibberish and, statistically speaking, there is no evidence to suggest opening an umbrella indoors has brought about any more woes than opening it outside or never even owning one. Prior to researching this myth the author assumed it to be a modern idea, simply because the umbrella was a modern invention. Yet there are images from the ancient city of Nineveh, which dates from as far back as 6000BC, depicting same. In truth the earliest umbrellas were actually parasols, designed to shade from the sun, and would never close nor would they ever prove particularly useful if used to create a personal and portable rain shelter. Opening umbrellas date from the nineteenth century, the earliest being much larger than today as they were designed to cover a man, his wife and their children. Houses were also much smaller in those days and opening the umbrella indoors was probably considered bad as doing so would be almost certain to break something. Thus for most of its existence it has not been unlucky to open an umbrella indoors, it has been impossible.

Placing a hat on a bed is unacceptable and sure to bring misfortune. Certain to bring bad luck it seems but the origin of this idea is not certain at all, there being many ideas as to why. The most obvious is probably because it is disrespectful to wear a hat indoors and nobody would wear a hat in bed. There is also the idea that a hat is normally not the cleanest item worn, it costs to have a hat cleaned properly, and thus could harbour pests and particularly lice. Those pests are not what would be welcome in a bed.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Clothing

2026-06-21T13:28:55.992-07:00

Girdle – since the 8th century, from a Germanic word meaning ‘to gird’ and ultimately from Proto-Indo-European ghr-dh ‘to grasp’.

Breeches – seen since around 1200, this is an odd double plural. Here Old English brec meant ‘breeches’ before it was pluralised, for brec was already the plural form of broc meaning ‘garment for the legs and trunk’. Now originally the garment was one sided, thus when pluralised it referred to both legs which, with the upper part, crossed over and were tied together to form a single item but clearly plural. That the item was intended to be worn in two halves is likely the reason for it coming from Proto-Indo-European bhreg or ‘break’.

Apron – one of a number of words, adder and umpire are others, which began as ‘a napron’, and continued to be used until the 16th century, but through a process known as ‘faulty separation’ became ‘an apron’. Coming to English from Old French naperon ‘small table cloth’ and ultimately from the Latin mappa ‘napkin’ and further back still to ‘matting’.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Beer Names

2026-06-21T13:10:11.188-07:00

Chiltern Brewery offered John Hampden’s Golden Harvest Ale – named after the Civil War leader who lived in Aylesbury. Launched officially by the Earl of Buckinghamshire, a direct descendant of John Hampden, it was brewed to mark the company’s 15th anniversary.

Bowman Ales: At the brewery they thought it would be nice to follow a bowman and/or archery theme and thought about using ‘Swift One’ not only an archery thing but also popping down to the local for a swift one. The brewery is in the Meon Valley and this is named after the River Meon, a British river name meaning ‘swift one’ – if only they’d known!

Ringwood: Boondoggle – is a local term meaning ‘to go on a jolly’.

Theakstons Old Peculier – named after the Ecclesiastical status of Masham, a distinction granted in medieval times.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

A to Z of Words You Will Never Hear Again

2026-06-21T12:50:18.616-07:00

C is for celeripedean, surely one of the easiest words in this list to use as it simply means ‘fleet of foot’. Parts of the body are always good to learn, but how many of you will have heard of the coracoid, while few will know it is a short projection from the shoulder blade which has no useful function today. To complete the threesome of easy-to-use words beginning with C, the easiest of all to fit in – at least for him. So when she asks “Does my ass look big in this?”, the reply should be “You are positively callipygian” which refers to ‘a person with a shapely ass”.

V is for verjuice, a less useful word than in times past as it describes the acidic juice of crab apples. Of far more use if verbivore, particularly for those reading this, as it means ‘someone who devours words’, and also vesthibitionism, describing a woman who delights in showing off her undergarments.

Z is for znees - a synonym for 'frost'. And despite it being known in several places there seems to be no clear etymology.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Stupid Moments in History

2026-06-02T13:32:11.199-07:00

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Stupid Moments in History. Everyone knows of the error which resulted in the deaths of many troops at the Charge of the Light Brigade, but this is by no means the only error nor does it come close to the biggest error in history. Hear how history has recorded some of the dopiest decisions, some of which can hardly have seemed the brightest idea at the time. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required.

Little Big Horn - In 1876, US Lieutenant Colonel George Custer led the 647 men of the 7th Cavalry Regiment against an alliance of Sioux, Cheyenne and other tribes camped on the Little Big Horn River. Custer decided to launch an attack from several different directions to catch the tribesmen by surprise, disorient them, and stop them forming up properly. In fact the tribes knew Custer was approaching and were waiting. The attack was launched at midday. Custer's detachment of 210 men was first isolated, then overwhelmed. The detachments led by Major Reno and Captain Benteen were forced back but managed to link up on a defensive position where they held out for the next 24 hours until relieved. By dividing his force, Custer lost both his life and the battle.

Kruschev Threatens the West… or Does He? - In 1956, with Cold War tensions high, Soviet Premier Nikita Khruschev told a group of Western diplomats ”We will bury you.” The West took it as a threat, and it stoked the fires of fear and tension between communist Russia and the capitalist West. But Khruschev didn’t really mean it as a threat. He was using a common Russian saying “Мы вас похороним!”, which is better translated as “We shall be present at your funeral” and understood as simply “We shall outlive you” and could hardly been seen as much of a threat. In another speech in 1963, Khruschev clarified ”Of course we will not bury you with a shovel. Your own working class will bury you” but the damage was done.

The treaty between Italy and Ethiopia in 1889 was mistranslated. The Italian version gave the Italians the rank of protectors and made Ethiopia a protectorate, the Amhara version did no such thing. Within seven years the two countries were at war.

In July 1977 the New York Con Edison building was hit by lightning. To restore power the operator had to reset switches in a row. The twerp somehow missed one switch and blew the whole system for 25 hours. With a heatwave and the lack of light, New York City descended into chaos with looting, vandalism and arson resulting in an estimated $300 million in damage.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Forgotten Holidays

2026-05-24T12:38:32.229-07:00

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Forgotten Holidays. Once upon a time the Christian calendar dominated the celebrations. Not that everyone had a day off work but you'll be amazed at the many days we no longer celebrate and the reasons they were created in the first place.

Examples include Royal Oak Day – May 29th - This is the date of birth of Charles II and chosen as a holiday to commemorate the Restoration of the Monarchy in 1660. Its name refers to the events of 1649, when Charles II escaped from the site of his defeat at the Battle of Worcester. He fled to Boscobel House at Shifnal in Shropshire where, aided by the Peverell brothers, he and his aide Colonel Carless hid in the branches of a huge oak tree – the famed Boscobel Oak – until the Parliamentarians had gone. This was the start of an arduous and circuitous six-month long trek around England disguised as a woodsman – his hair cut short and skin stained to appear as if he was used to working out of doors – until escaping to the Continent. This is the reason for the many public houses named the Royal Oak – indeed this is the second most common name in the country. Ten years later, at the restoration, he returned in triumph and thereafter the date of May 29th was Oak Apple Day and a national holiday until 1859. Those who would like to see this day reinstated may like to think again, especially if they are still at school. On this day children would be expected to adorn themselves with garlands of oak leaves. Not to do so was seen as being anti-Royalist (back to Cromwell again!) and these children would be thrashed by their peers, thrashed using bunches of nettles and/or pelted with birds eggs. Hence the alternative name of Oak and Nettle Day. Other names include Arbour Tree Day and Shick Shack Day or, in Sussex where the locals use any excuse to grope the neighbours, Pinch-bum Day and in Essex Bumping Day. Other celebrations are still staged annually, most of which use flowers to spruce things up a bit: Castleton, Derbyshire has the Garland King riding through the streets disguised by a huge garland of flowers later hung high on the church spire; other celebrations held at Upton-upon-Severn (Shropshire); Aston on Clun (Shropshire); Marsh Gibbon (Buckinghamshire); Great Wishford (Wiltshire); Membury (Devon); and Moseley Old Hall (West Midlands); Fownhope (Herefordshire); Northampton (Northamptonshire); Oxford (Oxfordshire); Cambridge (Cambridgeshire); St Neot (Cornwall) where the vicar leads a procession through the village to remove last year’s oak branch from the church tower and replaced by a new, this the job of the Tower Captain, and everyone heads off to the vicarage gardens for a barbecue – in the morning villagers wear a sprig of red oak and in the afternoon a sprig of Boys Love (Artemisia arbotanum).

February 29th - Celebrated every four years because this is Leap Year Day. Those born on this date generally celebrate their birth on February 28th slightly more often than March 1st, although the split is close to 50/50. However legally those in the UK have March 1st, whilst New Zealanders and Taiwanese can move it forward to February 28th. The only thing I knew about February 29th was it was when women can propose marriage to men, although I was not aware that a refusal means he is obliged to give her money or buy her a dress (but I shall never tell). In Europe the noble males, having spurned her advances, must purchase 12 pairs of gloves for her and thus hide the fact she isn’t wearing an engagement ring. In Aurora, Illinois single women are deputized for the day and allowed to arrest single men and levy a four-dollar fine. Oddly Greeks consider marriage on February 29th to be very unlucky (as unlucky as every other day some would think).

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Street names

2026-05-20T13:36:37.154-07:00

There are also those which of which we have all heard: Downing Street – was named after George Downing who, in the 17th century, owned both the street and the houses. For one of the most famous streets in the world, it bears the name of a man known only for being a most unpleasant individual, indeed the famous diarist Samuel Pepys described him as a ‘perfidious rogue’; Lime Street – most famously also the name of the Liverpool station named after the street, itself named at its creation in 1790 for the lime kilns owned by local businessman William Harvey.

At that time Lime Street was outside the city limits but, by 1804, the lime kilns were creating worse problems for those in the nearby infirmary and thus relocated elsewhere but the street retained its original name; The Shambles – most famously in York, but also found elsewhere, it had been known as the Great Flesh Shambles – itself from Old English fleshammels ‘flesh shelves’ and thus where butchers would display their meat.

All Alone Road in Bradford, Yorkshire used to be exactly what it says, or rather it ran to a solitary house owned by Dr Samuel Ellis and built in 1773. He lived here with the Honourable Liam Plunkett, until his death in 1798, his gravestone in Calverley churchyard claims he was the brother of the Earl of Fingall in the County of Meath, Ireland. It is speculated the good doctor’s friend was in fact his patient, a man suffering mental problems. Dr Ellis built this house on common land, resulting in him incurring a fine of £1 7 shillings in 1777, but not evicted.

Dumb Woman’s Lane in Winchelsea, Sussex was once the home address of Terence ‘Spike’ Milligan. He lived in what was known as Carpenter’s Meadow, a house designed by 1960’s architect C. P. McLaughlin. Spike described his home as ‘the ugliest house in the world’ and promptly renamed it The Blind Architect and, when asked on Room 101 what could be done to improve it Spike replied “set fire to it”. As to the name there are two suggestions as to how it came about, one stating a woman unable to speak offered herbal remedies to locals; while the second speaks (pun intended) of how this had been the route taken by smugglers since the 14th century, so she could not tell of the enormous amount of contraband passing her home they cut out her tongue.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line. Incidentally, if you are booking this talk you’ll need to give me adequate time to research sufficient examples.

Science

2026-05-10T12:27:00.000-07:00

Arsenic: is sadly best known as a poison, however it is an essential dietary requirement in creatures such as rats, hamsters, goats, chickens and even humans (albeit only in trace amounts). It is found in three common allotropes known as black, metallic grey and yellow – this final form being particularly relevant in the origin of the name. Arsenic has been known since prehistoric times and recorded by the Greeks as arsenikon, itself from the Syriac zarniga and Middle Persian zarnik, both meaning ‘gold-coloured’. That it has been used for millennia for its decorative qualities does allow us to trace it back to Proto-Indo-European ghel meaning ‘to shine’. There is no truth in ‘arsenic’ coming from the term arsenokoites, found in the New Testament when St Paul speaks against homosexuality. Undoubtedly this does come from the Greek arsen ‘man’ and koites ‘bed’, and understood as ‘lying with men’, but any similarity to arsenic is purely coincidental.

Hydrogen: may be the most abundant element in the universe but is named for being ‘water producing’ for this is from Greek hydor ‘water’ and French gene ‘producing’. In English it was once known as Cavendish’s inflammable air, thankfully this ended by the end of the 18th century

Tantalum: was named by Swedish chemist Anders Ekberg in 1802. As tantalum does not absorb acid, he named it after Tantalus, the king of Phrygia, son of Zeus and father to Pelops and Niobe. In Greek mythology he is the one who was punished (for various reasons depending upon which version one reads) in the afterlife by standing up to his chin in a pool of water under a branch laden with fruit – yet whenever he stooped to drink or raised his head to eat they always remained just out of reach. Question is, why would it bother him if he was dead?

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.