Memory Residue

New Season

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 29 Aug 2014 11:24:00 -0700

You can now find Memory Residue at: joelbidderman.com

Blessings,
Joel.

Home

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 1 Jul 2014 05:50:00 -0700

"The Kingdom of God is where we belong. It is home, and whether we realize it or not, I think we are all of us homesick for it." - Frederick Buechner

This morning I'm sitting on the porch, with coffee, and thinking about home. Which is a little ironic since I'm in my house. But house doesn't equal home. And the worlds that we carry around with us are so much more than the green and blue rock we live on. Frederick Buechner said it this way, “You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.” My world is the others that have been engraved in my mind and heart: my wife, my daughters, my siblings, my parents, my mentors, and some who were only on my path for a moment.

Lately, I had a time of healing prayer with a friend, where I was able to receive and listen to what God is saying through circumstance: past and present. I was reminded of a time that I experienced frequently in the mountains of Arizona. Lying on a picnic bench, staring up at the vast, crystal clear, constellation, and having the strong awareness that I was in the Lord's presence; as I spoke to Him, and as He whispered His sovereignty into my heart. That's home for me. And no matter how shaky today gets, I remember the truth that reverberated through my heart on those nights. That truth is still true. The Psalmist (46) referred to that reality:

God is our refuge and strength,
a helper who is always found
in times of trouble.
Therefore we will not be afraid,
though the earth trembles
and the mountains topple
into the depths of the seas,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with its turmoil. Selah

Home (with a capital H) is now and not yet. Jesus always spoke of the Kingdom ("of God" - and in some places "the Heavens") in such vibrant ways, with (I believe) the most vibrant being the invitation for the ragamuffin disciples to pray it onto earth, and then for His commission (to them and us) to be the bringers of that reality. There is life after death, but it starts now -not after death. Maybe each step of faith we take is making us live out the reality of Home now. And maybe every difficult leap thrusts us toward to that doorstep, that while it's not-yet, it is now. Jesus whispers to me "I'm still bigger than your problems," and He is; and it's one thing to hear it, and another to walk it out - believe it - bank on it - and be abandoned to it even when everything else seems to the contrary.

My song "Dust" has been coming to my mind lately.

"...Let the moon chase the morning sun

Let the stardust ride upon the dawn

Awaken my weary eyes to see

Your sovereign plan for me...

You're calling me Home" Dust

Remembering to Remember: 2013 Retrospective

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 2 Jan 2014 06:10:00 -0800

Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees, but every once in a while the 'waiting on the Lord' soars us up on eagle's wings and let's us see the forest for all it is.

I need this sweater.

Somehow this Arizona boy ended up in Minnesota. And I think the ultimate testimony of truly living in a cold place is that you watch the first 36 minutes of Star Wars Episode V as a how-to manual for your morning. (Well, it's testimony to the cold and to being a bit of a geek) As I venture out into the ice planet of Hoth that I live in, I make my way to my steed awaiting me in the freezing cold, and as I slice into the door with my key, like a light saber into the belly of a tauntaun, I pry it open and climb in to get warm. And as the defroster warms up, the smell of intestines and...OK, that part didn't happen (I can't smell), but you get the point. It is cold, but comforting that Skywalker and Solo could relate...

Many great things have happened this year: a new baby girl (which is an especially big deal if you know much or any of our story 'click here'), breakthrough in ministry, and some great growth personally and for my family. With that considered, 2013 has been a year of perseverance (hupomone in the greek - meaning patient continuance; i.e. James 1:2-4) in many ways also, and like many instances in my life I learned much from the people I serve. As I look back over the year, the primary thing that I will remember as far as life-formation goes, is serving the family of my friend Lwai. Lwai (a Karen man - "Kah-ren") grew up on a farm in what once was Burma (now Myanmar), and as he started his own family, a revolution erupted. It was no longer safe to live there, and with his entire family in-tow (including a baby, wife, two sons in addition to the baby boy, and a great aunt in her 70's, I think), he led his family in a dangerous journey from where they lived to a refugee camp in Thailand. Living there in the camp for over a decade, his children grew up there, and the jam-packed camp became 'home' for them. Lwai, a Believer of Jesus Christ, taught Bible in the camp and became a leader in the community. Then in 2012 they had an opportunity to resettle to the U.S., and that's when the Missional Community that I lead met Lwai's family.

In September of 2012 our community got word that the family was coming. Working with World Relief, MN, we did a drive to get the required things that the family needed for when they arrived, and we moved everything into the apartment. However, the day we moved in we heard that the great-aunt (89 yrs. old) was sick, and they couldn't fly out. So, not knowing if it would be a day or weeks, we waited. No word. Finally, we had to move the apartment back out and everything into storage because it would most likely take a few months. In December we got word of another family coming into the U.S. so we used everything for that family, walked with that family through the resettlement process, and then in the last week or so of January I received the call that Lwai's family was coming! We rushed to get everything for the family, get the apartment ready, and over the last year we not only walked through the resettlement process with them, but taught one of the sons as well as Lwai how to drive (and the son already has his license!). Their family (and the other family) has become an important part of our community.

While the year has been full of amazing stories regarding our two Karen families, I was struck with overwhelming gratitude as I was preparing for our Christmas Eve service. A week before Christmas Lwai's family's furnace went out. Let me put this into perspective: Lwai is from a part of the world with not only NO snow but rarely below 60 degrees (!), they came to Hoth...er, I mean Minnesota in January of a looonng winter. That is shock enough. but their apartment is in the bottom floor of their complex. Their heat went out this winter, and they persevered through it until someone would come out and fix it. One of our community members found out and advocated on their behalf and with a couple days of being assertive, heat was on a couple of days before Christmas. Through this, one thing I observed is how it is interesting that there is a consumerist mentality we have in middle-class America. The attitude: I pay good money for this, I deserve what I pay for. The thing is - I just don't see that in our refugee friends. They push to survive, but they rarely complain - and I never see them have the attitude: 'I deserve this.' I've learned much from them about poverty of spirit and perseverance (patient continuance). Through conversations, laughing together, driving together, and trying to figure out paperwork together, etc., their life has definitely changed...but so has mine. As one of the leaders in our community wrote for an article: "One day the father of one of our Karen families told us that his friends say they are lucky to have American friends. He instead says it is a blessing from God. Indeed it is – for all of us."

On Christmas Eve we had our Karen families (and some of their friends) to church. The service consisted of father of a family from Southern Mexico sharing about their culture's Christmas traditions, a father of a family from Ethiopia sharing a song and traditions from their culture, and Lwai's son Ray singing a Christmas song in Karen. During Silent Night we sang in English, then Ray sung the song in Karen, then Felipe and his wife Maria sang in Spanish, then all together/simultaneously we had all languages sing in their own language. It was so meaningful, but even more so because I have been able to be a part of our Karen family's journey. We are all unique, but we are all Christ's.

The view from eagle's wings often shows me that I am not the person that I started out as, and the person I am now is more 'myself' than the 'me' I was originally. I'm excited for 2014, especially being able to start it from the view up here.

Someone's thoughts on St. Francis

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 22 Oct 2013 15:11:00 -0700

I've been a long time studier of St. Francis of Assisi. One of the key components that we see in his example is: simplicity. While on one hand, I enjoy studying Francis and what he said, and observe from a far distance how he followed Jesus in the context of his life and times, I also like hearing how he has inspired others in practical ways. For instance, Rich Mullins and his 'Kid Brothers of St. Frank' expression of discipleship. In this case, the testimony comes from the professional musician and franciscan: John Michael Talbot and his book The Lessons of Saint Francis: How to bring simplicity and spirituality into your daily life. Here are a few snippets:

You don't need to be an itinerant or a monk to follow God's call to simplicity. [St.] Francis describes a third, more mainstream model: practicing equality in a world of savage disparity. Like other Franciscan approaches, this one also has a basis in the Bible. Paul, in his second letter to the Christians at Corinth, encouraged those believers to consider the welfare of others: "as a matter of equality your surplus at the present time should supply [others'] needs, so that their surplus may also supply your needs, that there may be equality." ...This equality-based model for simple living is both a matter of urgent practicality and a potent symbol of spiritual intent. The effort to simplify and consume less is a real way to decrease our emphasis on self-gratification and increase our ability to share with others. Simplifying our lives and denying some of our incessant cravings is also a powerful way to symbolically enter into the suffering of others around the world (pg. 23-24).

By practicing simplicity and pruning the tangled branches of our lives, we will be doing two things at once. First, we will cut back the areas of our lives that have grown wildly out of control and threaten to kill us or drive us crazy. And second, we will channel our future growth toward a simpler approach to living that will leave us less subject to future headaches and heartaches (pg. 26).

"God, give me new eyes to see my life as you see it. And give me a new heart to sense the difference between my wants and my needs. Give me compassion for the suffering of the world, and a willingness to help those who are hurting. Amen" (pg. 32).

Telling Truths and other things that linger

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 13 Oct 2013 19:52:00 -0700

So, haunting my short-term memories has been the second song in my Morning and Night series. Telling Truths is based on the book, Telling the Truth: the Gospel as tragedy, comedy, and fairy tale. This was actually the first Buechner book that I picked up years ago. It's a short book with pretty simple themes - which hold great depth. I read through the book in one sitting while visiting my parents (where I found the book). Then, I sat and pondered what I just experienced. Then I opened the book back up and savored ever word. Buechner does such a masterful job at not only conveying truths, but in drawing you into landscapes and conversations, and familiar places and memories that you've stored away and forget you've had. While, in many ways the song does summarizing of the general concept, the only thing to do it any justice is reading the book yourself. I highly recommend it.

With that said, here are a couple nuggets:

"Every person has one particular time in his life when he is more beautiful than he is ever going to be again" (pg. 29).

"Jesus shares with us the darkness of what it is to be without God as well as showing forth the glory of what it is to be with God" (pg. 42).

"From the divine perspective, I suspect that it is the tragic that is seen as not inevitable whereas it is the comic that is bound to hapen. The comedy of God's saving the most unlikely people when they least expect it, the joke in which God laughs with man and man with God" (pg. 72).

I could go on, but here you go:

Telling Truths
By Joel Bidderman

Tragedy is always comin’
Comedy will find you there
Because this story that’s unfolding
Is penned by a lover, who writes redemption into every tale

Ooo - ooooo - ooo

Tumbling down is this mercy
Rising waters in this tide
Hope is washing away this worry
At the other end of me, I find laughter on the other side

Chorus:
Oh His mercy’s new this morning
There are glimpses everywhere
Like the morning sun that rises
His grace has found me here

Here a scarecrow, tin man, and lion
Have a daily beaconing call
To think up heartfelt plans of courage
To find the answers that have been with us all along

Ending:
Sometimes the tragic truth is silent
And the surprising tear is joy

© 2013 Joel A Bidderman

Guitar, hammered dulcimer, didgeridoo, & vocal: Joel Bidderman

Bass: Reece Holbrook

Morning and Night: Part 1 (Coffee Song)

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 15 Aug 2013 06:00:00 -0700

I've been writing more music lately and it's been a lot of fun. I decided I need music to drink my coffee to in the morning; music that draws my attention to some of the underlying themes that I often think about: grace, mercy, and what that means to my day. I also need contemplative music for nighttime to drink my tea to, to put the day to rest.

So, here you go. This is my first song. It's called "Coffee Song" (clever title, I know).

As I wrote this first song, I was contemplating this excerpt from one of my favorite authors, Frederick Buechner (I think most of my morning songs will be based on Buechner's writings, FYI):

After centuries of handling and mishandling, most religious words have become so shopworn nobody's much interested anymore. Not so with grace, for some reason. Mysteriously, even derivatives like gracious and graceful still have some of the bloom left.

Grace is something you can never get but can only be given. There's no way to earn it or deserve it or bring it about any more than you can deserve the taste of raspberries and cream or earn good looks or bring about your own birth.

A good sleep is grace and so are good dreams. Most tears are grace. The smell of rain is grace. Somebody loving you is grace. Loving somebody is grace. Have you ever tried to love somebody?

A crucial eccentricity of the Christian faith is the assertion that people are saved by grace. There's nothing you have to do. There's nothing you have to do. There's nothing you have to do.

The grace of God means something like: "Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are, because the party wouldn't have been complete without you. Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid. I am with you. Nothing can ever separate us. It's for you I created the universe. I love you."

There's only one catch. Like any other gift, the gift of grace can be yours only if you'll reach out and take it.

Maybe being able to reach out and take it is a gift too (Buechner, 1973, p. 38-39).

You'll notice that in the song I sing: "Let's fall in love with the world." On one level what I'm saying is, "Seize the day! Life is good!" On a theological level, you may ask, "doesn't that just go against 1 John 2:15-17 in a highly heretical kind of way?" Well, let me explain. 1 John talks about the world in terms of it's "desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions." I'm not talking about that kind of 'loving the world:' seeking happiness in visible things as Wesley's commentary puts it, or even in the "world-system" as Scofield puts it (and interesting fact, apparently I'm related to Scofield on my maternal grandmother's side). Rather, what I mean is let's fall in love our existence here (in the midst of brokenness, hardship, and the mundane - as well as beauty). We were created synonymously with this place. There is beauty here (from stars, to daffodils, to coffee - can I get an amen?), and God often meets us in the broken, hard, and mundane -as well as the beautiful (it's just a matter of realizing it).

Also, let's fall in love with the mission of loving the people in this place (you and me -one another) - it's an aspect of being and making disciples with the character of Jesus. God so loved the world...John 3:16. If we are going to share in God's mission (Missio Dei - God's relentless pursuit of redeeming the world), we are going to have to catch/share/personify His love: the kind of unconditional, passionate love, that redeems and keep redeeming and keeps pursuing -the poor, the broken, the outcast, our neighbor... To experience the compassion and mercy of God for someone else, I think, feels a lot like "falling in love." *Except, He [God] doesn't need to 'fall' because that's naturally how His love is: extravagant. However, we need His kind of love in us, so instead of running from the world, it's time to fall in love with it with a God-sized love. So, yes, "...let us fall in love with the world as we lift our eyes to the sky [i.e. focus on Jesus and look forward to His return, living for Him with passion]. Oh this breath we breathe is too good not to share [i.e. let's share what we've got because it's soooo good!]..." Ugh, enough rambling, sorry.

....also, on another note. This is also a useful song if your name is Grace and you're throwing a party...

Coffee Song
by Joel Bidderman

Go ahead, invite me in
And pour some more coffee again
Let the morning arise
Let us sing without melody
And talk without words cutting in
Explore the world's mysteries…and then
Relax for a while, while looking for the horizon

Chorus:
And let us walk
And let us talk
Let us fall in love with the world as we lift our eyes to the sky
Oh this breath we breathe
Is too good not to share
Grace - is having a party right here

I know this place is beautiful
And this place is terrible
But that’s no reason to fear
Through this silent dance of lives
Let us laugh with our eyes
And through our tears grin
Because peace is here…even if you don’t feel it yet
(c) 2013 Joel A Bidderman

Guitars, Mandolin, Percussion, Hammered Dulcimer and Vocals: Joel Bidderman
Amazing Bass: Reece Holbrook

Reference:
Buechner, F. (1973). Wishful Thinking: a seeker's ABC. NY: HarperCollins Publishers.

Make us One

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 20:45:00 -0700

“Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.” Hebrews 13:3

So, this bring us to the end of our Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon memory lane. One song that is usually overlooked on this project is this one: number 10. Many get to the end of the song and turn it off, not realizing that I did the trendy (at the time) practice of sticking a 'hidden' track on there. This song came out of a season of intercession for the persecuted church. The cover has a door with a backpack by it. This song sort of pulls everything together. The hidden track is a portion of a sermon that an acquaintance of mine (who was a representative for Voice of the Martyrs) shared at Grace Church in Show Low, AZ. I hope you enjoyed this process :-)

Make Us One
by Joel Bidderman

As they store treasures that will outshine the sun
These flowers are snatched from their place
As their beauty is crushed and blown away
Lift their fragrance to the wind as we pray…

Chorus 1:
Father make us one
With our brothers and sisters who suffer for Your Son
As they hold high the Cross
Let us not forget their chains, Oh Father
Make us one

As they patiently bear so much pain
While from their lips flows their Savior’s name
A seed is planted as broken wings fly
On a news that’s too good to die…

Chorus 2:
Father make us one
With our brothers and sisters who suffer for Your Son
As we hold high the cross
Let us not forget their chains, Oh Father
Make us one
© 2000 Joel A Bidderman *Testimony by David Witt, Voice of the Martyrs Ministry (used by permission)

Guitar and Vocals: Joel Bidderman

Niels

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 5 Aug 2013 19:15:00 -0700

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

My song "Niels" is a song that I wrote the lyrics to in La Paz, Bolivia, when I was on a trip there with Teen Mania Ministries. Having just graduated, I ventured out of the country to this South American country where my privileged white U.S. citizen worldview was drastically shaken. There I was encountered with poverty, much closer to absolute than I had ever experienced. Teen Mania does drama presentations of the Gospel, and as we toiled to learn motions to the soundtrack, we auditioned before the leaders who would decide who would play which part. Apparently, I was able to make the most pained (or compassionate) facial expression, because they gave me the role of Jesus (the Miracle Man). The timing of the choreography was pretty simple...with the exception of the brutal crucifixion scene where I was beaten, thrown down numerous times, and eventually crucified on a cross made by other actors - all in time with some fast paced music. While, yes, these actions were mimed quite masterfully (if I do say so ;-), every once in a while I took a blow, and I landed just right on the stone streets to have bruises on my knees, hips, elbows and forearms...and palms. Then someone finally saw my bruises and said, "Oh, didn't anyone give you elbow and knee pads?...here you go." :-P Thanks. But let's not kid ourselves. I loved it. I was sharing in Christ's sufferings in kind of a literal way. For that passionate 18 year old, it hurt so good.

One thing about having the role of Jesus is that by the end of the drama presentation I was so out of breath that I couldn't talk (La Paz being the highest capital city in the world, at 12,700ish ft didn't help either). But I would try to go out into the crowd with a contact from a local church to pray with people. Most of those are a blur though. One day I remember though. I went out into the crowd, speaking in my broken spanish. I always confused the words pecados and pescados, which, if I didn't choose the right one I would ask people if they would like to pray to ask the Lord to forgive them of their fish (instead of sin). Apparently, this time I did it right. I spoke with a man named Niels, and as I began to ask him if he understood the drama, he just looked at me, and as his eyes welled up with tears, he placed his hand over his heart. I called over the interpreter and we prayed for Neil to receive the Lord into his life.

That interaction played a huge role in my walk of Faith. God showed me how I get to join Him in reaching the world. He even uses imperfect, bruised, and broken, little ol' me. Hallelujah.

Niels
By Joel Bidderman

Hopeless eyes with no signs of life
Lonely cries echo in the darkest night
No one denies, they all look for something more
A reason to rise, to wake and keep on fighting this war

As they ache with a pain that can’t be reached
With Christ’s love let’s reach out to let them see

Chorus:
There’s an answer to the questions they’re asking
There’s a water that will quench their thirsting
That in the dark there’s a light that shines all night
And this light shines out from the one called Christ

Aching cries, “Will you give me life?”
Lost eyes, “Will you give me a home?”
They all thrive asking, “Give me more?”
“Give me a life, one that won’t leave me asking for more”
As they ache with a pain that can be reached
With Christ’s love let’s reach out to let them see…
©1997 Joel A Bidderman

Vocal & Guitar: Joel Bidderman

Vocals: Tabitha Hauser

Bowed Upright: Candice Miracle

Percussion: Fred Jacobs

Guitar: Joe Sanzo
Keys: Jake Parsons

Clouds

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 30 Jul 2013 03:26:00 -0700

“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” Matthew 3:8

I am a nomad. Anyone who knows me knows that. The underlying sense of that comes from the truth that I find in the Bible. This world is not my home, whether I reside in Arizona, Minnesota, Georgia, or Southern California. In the process of being a sojourner, the Lord has brought me to cross paths with so many other wanderers. This is just a reflection on being led by the Spirit.

Clouds
by Joel Bidderman

Crystal blue, like the water
Clear to see that there’s an answer
The clouds roll out to prove Your plan
That a life is in Your hand

Water flowing over me
Breaking open the rock inside of me
Wind blowing through me
With my life in Your free command

Chorus:
With my head up in the sky
You make me wonder why
That You would use these streams
To flow over me

To bring a sunset
And lay it on top of a desert
The prairies are only as free
As You will let them be in me

Crystal blue, like the water
Clear to see that there’s an answer
The clouds roll out to prove Your plan
That my life is in Your hand
© 2000 Joel A Bidderman

Vocal & Guitar: Joel Bidderman

Vocals: Tabitha Hauser

Bass: Jay Brashear

Percussion: Fred Jacobs

Guitar: Joe Sanzo
Keys: Jake Parsons

Reckless Love

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 27 Jul 2013 15:25:00 -0700

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19

"Reckless Love" is just sort of a back-porch bluesy type song. It was definitely one of my favorite songs to do in concert. The rambling lyrics are fun, but more than that, I really like how they play around with some pretty large truths. I was spending much time in the parable of the Great Feast (Luke 14:15-24) and Matthew 25's parable of the Sheep and the Goats. I suppose this is one of those songs that pretty much just says what I was trying to say: the first part of the song reflecting on this side of Heaven and the second on the other.

Reckless Love
by Joel Bidderman

The poor, the broken, the ones called “Prodigal Child”
If they are called “Lost” that means that someone is lookin’ around
But the coffee turns to tea, while they remain the “Least of These”
You said, “What you have done to them you have done to me”
Fulfilled or ignored the deepest satisfying need
But the found remain dark, while the monotone sing the mind’s creed
Is it vain conceit or sweet devotion that I know You love me?
They may label me insanity
But I will give everything because You love me…and them, and You call to the deep…

Chorus:
Beauty for the ashes
Rest for the weary ones
Invitation to the poor, come eat and drink everyone
Soar up on wings of Hope and fall into the arms…of Reckless Love

Time comes twisting and turning and falling to the ground
It gets trampled underfoot as logic is spinning around
To the Glory brighter than the sun and more merciful too
A petal falls from my heart in joy and gets swept up in
The singing, tears, the dancing and all the things that they didn’t know wasn’t a sin
I’m gonna’ open up my eyes now but someday not again
When the door with my knuckle blood finally flies open, I beg You’ll tell me
The words that I am looking for in longing to love You the way that You love me…
With Reckless Love…
© 2001 Joel A Bidderman

Vocal & Guitar: Joel Bidderman
Upright Bass: Candice Miracle

Percussion: Fred Jacobs

Body percussion: Mike Benning

Harmonica: Dick Mecone

Being Homesick and sitting on rocks

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 26 Jul 2013 11:48:00 -0700

“…So Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.” Hebrews 9:28

One of my happy places in my early twenties was a place overlooking the Mogollon [moe-gee-yawn] Rim. The Mogollon Rim trail was about a mile from the cabin that I was living in, and the rim is a valley lined with ponderosa pine trees. I would often walk the trail and sit down on a rock. The same rock every time. My rock. I affectionately called that rock, "butt rock." It's as if the hand that spun the universe, fashioned the moon, stars, and sun, also reached down to this boulder in AZ and stuck a dent in the granite rock just the right size for this mountain boy's derriere. Well, one winter evening I was unwinding after a long day, thinking, praying, and watching the sunset. In the winter-time the sun would set just over to the right of where I would sit. The evening I wrote the words to this song, there were some storm clouds swirling about, and with the sun setting behind them it looked as if the sky was melting away. I remember whispering, "come Lord Jesus," wishing Jesus would come back, -coming on the clouds. It reminded me of a passage from C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity (1952),

God will invade. But I wonder whether people who ask God to interfere openly and directly in our world quite realise what it will be like when He does. When that happens, it is the end of the world. When the author walks on to the stage the play is over. God is going to invade, all right: but what is the good of saying you are on His side then, when you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream and something else - something it never entered your head to conceive - comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side. There is no use saying you choose to lie down when it has become impossible to stand up. That will not be the time for choosing; it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realised it before or not. Now, today, this moment, is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It will not last for ever. We must take it or leave it. (p. 65-66).

Well, needless to say, Jesus didn't come back that evening. But He did give me these lyrics to express in words the prayer my heart was praying.

Homesick
by Joel Bidderman

I’ve been dreamin’; or wishin’ I guess
For You to blow those clouds open, and take me home to rest
So as colors swirl up above and until dark takes their place
My soul cries out “Come, Jesus take me Home to stay”

I’ve been soul searching, or cleaning out I guess
All this stuff my heart picked up today that’s keepin’ me from rest
And I know You’re merciful and strong
So if not this world, invade this heart that longs

Chorus:
I can’t wait to see Your face
To awe in Your glory, to dance in Your grace
To join in a chorus so peaceful, I’d faint
Oh to be with You…I can’t wait

I’ve been thinkin’, or brainstormin’, I guess
Of how good You are to us, even in lack of innocence
Oh my Redeemer, my Shepherd, and my Best Friend
Invade this space they say is mine
Take me and mold me in Your time

Bridge:
And if these rocks that I’m sitting on did burst into song
They’d sing about Your goodness, Your majesty and Your love
Oh God You are my strength, my refuge and my song
So if not this world, invade this heart that longs…
© 2000 Joel A Bideerman

Vocal & Guitar: Joel Bidderman

Vocals: Tabitha Hauser, Erin Parsons

Bass: Jay Brashear

Percussion: Fred Jacobs

Guitar: Joe Sanzo

Keys: Jake Parsons

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: I Will Trust

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 24 Jul 2013 14:37:00 -0700

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34

I wrote "I Will Trust" when I was dorm parent in a boy's dorm at a school for Native American kids. I was sitting outside the dorm room door with a couple of the guys. It was Pedro (a Navajo guy) and Mitch (an Apache guy). We were out there in the cool mountain air, and I was jamming on the guitar and we were making up lyrics, and though I did the actual melody making and lyric development, they were convinced that since they were there it means that they wrote it :-P

Regarding 'trust,' I wrote:

A prize that can’t be won and a faith that is only theory until it is given feet. An enduring joy that comes through tragedy, satisfaction that comes through surrender, and a trust that comes through all the falling and reaching only to find out that the One who has the strength to catch you is as present today as He will be tomorrow. And through all the rambling and bumbling we run into a new wall called “mercy” that’s been there the entire time but all of a sudden now we have eyes to see it. And somehow we trust that it’ll be there tomorrow, and not only then and the day after, but for all of eternity.

So from the farthest corner of our hearts where He can use us simply because we are His...we trust.

I Will Trust
by Joel Bidderman
(with inspiration by Pedro Nez and Mitch Clawson)

I’m sitting in my evening chair
Watching the stars and the clouds go by in the air
The moon in the sky looks down at me and says, “Don’t worry”
Well, there are lots of things that I give to and care
Some rob me of joy and of this I cannot bear
The brain in my head says to my heart, “Where is your freedom?”

Chorus 1:
What if the moon falls and I’m lost in the night?
Or if the earth breaks away and love is hurt in the fight?
Well, I know You are there even though not in sight
So I need not worry, I need not worry

Will I worry about what people think and say
Or will I jump, and shout and dance all day?
Cuz Lord You love me, this I see
Oh Lord You love me, and I will sing…

Chorus 2:
You hold the Heavens and You hold them tight
You hold my life in Your loving might
Well, I know You are there even though not in sight
So I need not worry, I need not worry

Bridge:
I will trust in You

I’m sitting in my evening chair
Watching the stars and the clouds go by in the air
The moon in the sky looks down at me and says, “Don’t worry”
Well, there are lots of things that I give to and care
This one won’t rob my joy, but it gives me care
Cuz Lord You love me, this I see
Oh Lord You love me, and I will sing…
I will trust
© 1999 Joel A Bidderman

Vocal & Guitar: Joel Bidderman

Vocals: Tabitha Hauser, Erin Parsons

Drums: Wes Clark

Bass: Jay Brashear

Percussion: Fred Jacobs

Guitar: Joe Sanzo

Keys: Jake Parsons

Reference:
Bidderman, J. A. (2007). The Gospel of Somehows: essays, poems, and random thoughts on growing up to be a child. Lulu.com Self Publishing

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: Waiting

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 23 Jul 2013 20:03:00 -0700

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:30-31

"Waiting" was written at the end of a really tough week. I wrote this following passage in reflection of that week:

I think I’m finally starting to catch on to the audacious truth of the sovereignty of God, that when we as humans wait until the last moment it’s called “procrastination,” but when God does it it’s called “perfect timing.” To me, the bravery of the Gospel seems to be that when all hope is gone, grim in the face of fear and hopelessness, the day is saved not by a king dressed in shining armor, but by a brazen skinned carpenter with callused feet. When we think the perfect entry would have been at the beginning of the first act, the hero and star comes in at the very last second of the play. We sit on the edge of our seats not giving up hope because we know the hero is coming; almost to tears, but closer to doubt, we pray for the strength to wait. Then when He does come, we faint with grateful exhaustion as we adorn a storm worn smile, saying, “I knew He’d come" (Bidderman, 2007, p. 33-34).

Back then I was waiting for a lot of things, but there's a certain romantic desperation connected to all of it. On one hand there is the closeness that comes through walking in the wilderness (spiritual), that while you're quite desperate for God, you also see that He's closer than the air you breathe. Somehow :)

So, finally, this is a passage by Frederick Buechner (1977) that really influenced this song:

The good news breaks into a world where the news has been so bad for so long that when it is good nobody hears it much except for a few. And who are the few that hear it? They are the ones who labor and are heavy-laden like everybody else but who, unlike everybody else, know that they labor and are heavy-laden. They are the last people you might expect to hear it, themselves the bad jokes and stooges and scarecrows of the world, the tax collectors and whores and misfits. They are the poor people, the broken people, the ones who in terms of the world's wisdom are children and madmen and fools. They have cut themselves shaving. Rich or poor, successes or failures as the world counts it, they are the ones who are willing to believe in miracles because they know it will take a miracle to fill the empty place inside of them where grace and peace belong with grace and peace. Old Sarah with her China teeth knows it will take a miracle to fill the empty place inside her where she waits for a baby that will never come, so when the angel appears and tells her a baby is coming she laughs and Abraham laughs with her because, having used up all their tears, they have nothing but laughter left. Because although what the angel says may be too good to be true, who knows? Maybe the truth of it is that it's too good not to be true (p. 70-71).

Waiting
by Joel Bidderman

This road is dusty
And it’s getting to my eyes
So that I can’t see where I’m going
Or even the time
But I’ll trust in You
Though it feels hurtin’ to me
And though I can’t see

Job, Abraham and Sarah
We could talk for hours
About wishing that Your timing
Was a little closer to ours
But I’ll toast to You
With my rusty heart
And my cup that’s full of tears

Chorus:
Lord I’m waiting, I’m waiting
For You to save the day
For You to hold this heart (repeat)

Walking for miles, through mud and rain
Looking for the sun to rise
On a field so dry, I cannot feel
It’s as if something has died
So I’ll wait for You
With my hands tied
So that I can feel the joy of Your touch

Bridge:
And they that wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength
They will mount up with wings as eagles
They will run and not grow weary; they’ll walk and not faint
So teach me Lord…to wait
© 2000 Joel A Bidderman

Vocal & Guitar: Joel Bidderman
Vocals: Tabitha Hauser, Erin Parsons

Guitar: Joe Sanzo

Keys: Jake Parsons
Percussion: Fred Jacobs

Reference:
Bidderman, J. A. (2007). The Gospel of Somehows: essays, poems, and random thoughts on growing up to be a child. Lulu.com Self Publishing
Buechner, F. (1977). Telling the Truth: the Gospel as tragedy, comedy, and fairy tale. N.Y.: Harper & Row Publishers

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: At the Foot of the Cross

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 06:53:00 -0700

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2

Looking back over all the songs I've written, I think "At the Foot of the Cross" and "Waiting" are the two that are the dearest to me. I wrote them both within a week of each other. It was a tough week. I think it goes to show the purification process going on.

In meditation of the cross, I remember writing in my journal (and I'd share it in concerts): "When we come to the cross it's scary. Because when we come to the cross we see ourselves for who we really are and who we really aren't, and it's ugly. But when we come to the cross, we also see God for who He really is, and His love for what it really is. Completely full of justice to be sure, but full of compassion and mercy."

So, this song is an honest remembering of my first-love. Not just in a static kind of way, but in a way of putting myself in that place again. Reminds me of what Giorgio Tiepolo wrote, "Anyone who does not fall in love with God by looking at Jesus dead upon the cross will never fall in love" (Liguori, 1997, p. 11). What many don't know who have heard this song, is that it was such a hard song to write for me, it took me a while to be able to sing it without shedding a tear. In a way, I think it was one of the first songs as a songwriter where I actually wrote what I was trying to say.

At the Foot of the Cross
by Joel Bidderman

Have You brought me here
Among these rocks and thorns
Listening for the voice that I long to hear
Let this be my plea
Keep me on my knees
That I would not forget Your mercy

Chorus:
At the foot of the cross
I’m broken and I’m weak
At the foot of the cross
I lay everything

Oh Friend of mine
Once bruised, bleeding and torn
Let me not forget why You hung there
My iniquities You paid
My sin Your joy to bear
Your love that draws and holds me close to You
© 2000 Joel A Bidderman

Vocal & Guitar: Joel Bidderman
Vocals: Erin Parsons, Becky Thompson

Guitar: Joe Sanzo

Keys: Jake Parsons
Percussion: Fred Jacobs
Bowed Upright Bass: Candice Miracle

References:
Liguori, A. (1997). The Practice of the Love of Jesus Christ. (P. Heinegg, trans.), Liguori, Missouri: Liguori Publications

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: Life Abundantly

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 21 Jul 2013 18:39:00 -0700

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:17

As the first line hints, the song "Life Abundantly" was kind of written in response to Matthew 6:25-34:

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Also, it was written in reflection of how God did not come to just give us life after death, but life now. At this stage in my life authors like Frederick Buechner, Brennan Manning, and Henri Nouwen were really shaping my theological devotional thought (and a little Max Lucado). In essence, I was learning that God loved me as I was, not what I would be someday. One my favorite highlighted passages in Manning's Ragamuffin Gospel says,

“When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.

To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God."

The gospel of grace nullifies our adulation of televangelists, charismatic superstars, and local church heroes. It obliterates the two-class citizenship theory operative in many American churches. For grace proclaims the awesome truth that all is gift. All that is good is ours not by right but by the sheer bounty of a gracious God. While there is much we may have earned--our degree and our salary, our home and garden, a Miller Lite and a good night's sleep--all this is possible only because we have been given so much: life itself, eyes to see and hands to touch, a mind to shape ideas, and a heart to beat with love. We have been given God in our souls and Christ in our flesh. We have the power to believe where others deny, to hope where others despair, to love where others hurt. This and so much more is sheer gift; it is not reward for our faithfulness, our generous disposition, or our heroic life of prayer. Even our fidelity is a gift, "If we but turn to God," said St. Augustine, "that itself is a gift of God."

My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.” (Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out)

So, given all this, the song is pretty much just a celebration of Grace that takes me as I am.

*By the way, the last verse? That was about my singleness and the woman I was going to marry someday. My wife was written into my songs long before I met her :-)

Life Abundantly
(c) 2000 Joel A Bidderman

Regarding the birds and the flowers…
Now I see what You mean, there’s nothing better than
You loving me
So I’ll sing: Your faithfulness and strength and Your mercy
And before this heart faints…let me say
What You are to me, cuz it astounds my mind
That You chose me

Chorus:
And when I think of what I have and do not see, well, I’m amazed
And I am overjoyed that You’d use me
So as we talk with me on my knees, I wanna’ say
Thanks for dying to give life abundantly

And when we talk about lonely
You know what I mean, and if tears fall
You made me
That’s why I’m growing
Closer to You, can’t wait until You show me
The other part of me

Bridge:
I’m walking, I’m talking, I’m singing for You Lord
I’m learning, I’m breaking, I’m growing closer to You my Lord
I’m kneeling, I’m bowing, I’m praying to You Lord
I’m jumping, I’m shouting, I’m dancing for You Lord

Vocal & Guitar: Joel Bidderman

Vocals: Tabitha Hauser, Erin Parsons

Drums: Wes Clark

Bass: Jay Brashear

Percussion: Fred Jacobs

Guitar: Joe Sanzo

Keys: Jake Parsons

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: Romans 14:7-8

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 20 Jul 2013 12:39:00 -0700

For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. Romans 14:7-8

This should be interesting, talking about an old recording kind of feels weird. Like I'm partially making excuses for what I thought was cool a long time ago, partially flat out embarrassing, and partially nostalgic. So, hopefully this will be mostly nostalgic, but well see.

Now, I think I remember Rich Mullins saying something to the effect of "If you have to ask the story behind a song, then it probably isn't a very good song. Because what the song says is what the song's about." (Maybe I'm butchering it, but I seem to remember something like that...) That's kind of the deal with most of my songs, with exception to a few quirky stories and memories. Romans 14:7-8 was one of the first songs that I wrote for this project, and it kind of sets the reckless abandon tone for the project. It's just sort of a declaration of faith. I'm not gonna lie, the movie Braveheart had 5 years to simmer in me before I wrote this one. It definitely 'goes' for it -very grandiose chorus hook (kind of a pep talk I guess), and I definitely showed my love for paradoxes in it :-) I guess the biggest thing is that I really meant what I wrote. For all my weaknesses and broken pieces, I really wanted God to have my everything...and still do.

Romans 14:7-8

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is but sinking sand
As the world holds trophies in their hands
On this grace alone will I stand

As the flowers of the field wilt and they fade
And as the birds in the sky fly away
I’ll take up my cross and follow your lead
Cuz there’s one life to live and it’s for your name

Whether I live or die
Whether I fall or rise
Or if I am lost in this heart of mine
Whether in peace or storm
Or standing in suffering’s court
Let it be known that I belong to You

For rich or poor, being poor and rich
For You own my everything
In weaknesses tear
Your joy is strength
To reach out beyond me

The balm for brokeness lies in Your grace
Rest for the weary in seeking Your face
Though the path gets lonely, You are with me
As I stand through the night, and though the earth gives way…I sing

Vocal & Guitar: Joel Bidderman

Vocals: Tabitha Hauser, Erin Parsons

Drums: Wes Clark

Bass: Jay Brashear

Percussion: Fred Jacobs

Guitar: Joe Sanzo

Keys: Jake Parsons

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: Introduction

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 19 Jul 2013 14:41:00 -0700

My album Depravity, Grace and Reckless Abandon was written at an interesting time in my life. First, it was in my early twenties (need I say more?). Second, I was working cross-culturally with Native American youth at the time. Third, I lived alone in a cabin in the woods, so my introverted self had much to contemplate. During this time the Lord awoke my heart to the tragedy, of Christians all over the world who were being martyred for their faith. Voice of the Martyrs was the organization that taught me those realities. I would wake up in the middle of the night and weep and pray for those in prison on the other side of the world. So, there is much in the album regarding the fleetingness of life and living with meaning and abandon - I guess that the context that has to be given there.

For me, depravity is the daily realization of the tragic truth that not only am I unable to save myself, but I am not even so much as capable of helping in the Salvation process. Grace is the truth that out of nothing but pure love for me, the Creator made a way for me to have Salvation and abundant life through Jesus Christ. That gift is free, no strings attached. Reckless abandon is my heart's response to this radical Grace. It's giving up all I am to experience the depths of Jesus Christ. These three aspects of my personal relationship with my Creator are what weave this project together, bringing to fruition my heartfelt compilation of love for my Savior as intimate and as contemplative as I (at the age of 20 or so) knew how to record it into an album of sound.

Like any project of a student sound engineer, there are parts of this project which I cringe at. My friend engineered it, but I did the mixing (back before I knew what ProTools was). It was recorded down to adat tapes, mixed on a partially automatable Soundcraft Ghost console. It's still one of my favorite projects for the sheer passion of it. It's not perfect, but neither am I.

Over the next week I'll be taking a song from the project and blog the story behind it and post the audio.

Depravity, Grace and Reckless Abandon speaks the heart of the Gospel. From the freedom of forgiveness of sin, to the fellowship of sufferings, this CD presents lyric truth and hope. Joel Bidderman's musical talent shines as he sings his heart to God. Anyone listening to this CD will be drawn into the worship and their hearts will be lifted up in adoration of Christ. As I think of this CD and Joel's witness to the Gospel I am reminded of Philippines 3:10, "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings..." I believe Joel's music will give the listener greater insight into those words.

Joel's life and music has always honored our suffering, persecuted brothers and sisters in Christ. He has a love for the Body of Christ and I applaud his faithfulness in sharing that passion with others through his inspired music.
Pastor David Witt, The Voice of the Martyrs

Joel Bidderman's latest release, Depravity, Grace and Reckless Abandon, is a heartfelt compilation of sincere music to God. Joel has the amazing ability to convey a Godly message in a very down to earth manner. Catchy rhythms, excellent guitar playing and prayerful lyrics are found throughout this release. I count this as Joel's best work to date.
Ron Everingham, Apache Youth Ministries, Whiteriver, AZ

Joel's songs enable the listener to reflect while painting a beautiful picture of life, focusing on grace and selflessness.
Gina Wells, Missionary

Do. Love. Walk.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 19 Jul 2013 08:59:00 -0700

Download wallpaper

It's time to do, love, and walk...or walk, love, and do. Either way you look at it. *Of course for our systematic, task oriented thinkers, it goes: walk, love, do. I'll explain why.

I've reflected on this elsewhere, but my family is in the process of making this a part of our family's life (more intentionally).

Micah 6:8 is (more and more) becoming a life verse for me. It's a verse that I've used in my devotional life, it is used in our discipleship model, and it is also a text that is addressed in my studies and yearnings for simplicity and the Christian's call to it. It says,

Mankind, He has told you what is good and what it is the Lord requires of you: to act justly, to love mercy , and to walk humbly with your God.

In Richard Foster's book Freedom of Simplicity, he highlights that compassion and justice combined "call us to simplicity of life." He also points out that the word for mercy (or kindness, or loving kindness) is Hesed, in the Hebrew. This is the same word that God declared Himself to be to Moses in Exodus 34:5-7

And the Lord passed before him and proclaimed, 'The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful [rakeem] and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love [(c)hesed] and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love [hesed] for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin.'

The word "hesed" is one of those hard to translate words. It does mean mercy or kindness, but it also carries the idea of endurance or faithfulness - a covenantal love. So, it is as if the compassionate God full of mercy and justice requires of us to love this hesed, this covenantal, relational kindness with one another.

So, in that, it means displaying the fruit of the Spirit with one another. I know (and it's unfortunate) that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control is not something that the world relates to the common conception of "Christian." So many examples of highly conditional love, no joy, protest and arguing to make people agree with us instead of striving to make peace (it's interesting how we often think of peace as the personal state, when Jesus made it a very relational thing - i.e. The Sermon on the Mount), unkindness and in return opposite of goodness, unfaithfulness, abrasiveness (bossy-ness, shortness with one another and everyone else, and being judgmental regarding one another's weaknesses), and lack of self-control (not just in habits, but in the way each other are treated). The point isn't that Christians need to "try" harder. The point is that we're human and we need a savior, and that's what the world needs too. It's the Holy Spirit that makes this possible. The only way for the Body to display (C)hesed with one another is the Holy Spirit, and it's not a one time thing. It is a commitment that requires humility, and knowing the Lord deeply, personally and authentically.

The Triangle

One of the "life shapes" that we use in our family and in discipleship (developed by 3DM), is the triangle. Up, In, and Out (I intentionally used the oxford coma there). The balance of the Christian life is developing a Micah 6:8 lifestyle of Up (walking humbly with God), In (loving hesed), and Out (acting justly). Our identity comes from our relationship with God, and we grow mature in the Body as we live lives of acting justly.

The more we live a life of first thing (God) first (Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind), and living a life that flows out of that (to your neighbor), not only is life simpler, but it is more meaningful. It doesn't stop at Up, and it doesn't stop at In. Our lives are meant to be a balance. I'm also finding that the deeper you want to go in Out, the deeper you need to go in the others. No man is an island, and the Christian life is three dimensional. If that is our paradigm, it will influence the entire way that we live and engage the world.

Forgiveness, silence, and getting out of prison...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 24 Jun 2013 19:13:00 -0700

What if people didn't have to believe/think like us? (religion, politics, T.V. show preference, and other things)

What if we didn't act as if it were our job to convert people to our way(s) of thinking?

What if, instead, we focused more on trying to actively show the love and kindness of Christ to people who don't agree with us?

Just thinking out loud here. Or quietly, while typing on my keyboard. Ok, so it's obvious that I'm getting to something, but am purposefully being all whimsically rhetorical about it. It just kind of seems that since Jesus taught us to pray, "forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" (Matthew 6:12) it could be a big deal to him that we live in a continual posture of forgiveness. I mean, that's not all. He follows that up with, "for if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."Or how about the parable of the Unforgiving Servant? (Matthew 18:21-35) It's pretty clear: unforgiveness is a prison to which He in His sovereignty has given us the key. We can get out. It takes humility, sometimes courage, often meekness, and in many cases, brokenness. Henry Nouwen wrote:

"Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family."

In my continual magnetic draw toward simplicity, I'm learning that to live in simplicity is to live in a posture of forgiveness: letting others (and myself) off the hook. I still have a long way to go, but I'm working on it. Apologizing when it is my fault, apologizing when it sometimes isn't my fault (cuz, I mean, it's never my fault :-), swallowing pride, not taking offense over trivial matters and other things I have no control over, and not taking myself so seriously. I'm just human, after all. I'm flawed - for example, I'm idiom challenged: it's sort of my thing. I'm like a china shop cow with words sometimes. ...But my wife forgives me...after laughing at me...after which I forgive her: see, circle of forgiveness.

Very often, to stop the crazy cycle of offense (in myself or with others), I just need to be silent. Richard Foster made a good point in his book The Freedom of Simplicity:

Silence frees us from the need to control others. One reason we can hardly bear to remain silent is that it makes us feel so helpless. We are accustomed to relying upon words to manage and control others. A frantic stream of words flows from us in an attempt to straighten others out. We want so desperately for them to agree with us, to see things our way. We evaluate people, judge people, condemn people. We devour people with our words. Silence is one of the deepest Disciplines of the Spirit simply because it puts the stopper on that.

When we become quiet enough to let go of people, we learn compassion for them. We can be with people in their hurt and need. We can speak a word out of our inner silence that will set them free.

My point is more than a can't-we-all-just-get-along/coexist plea. The point is that we often have a habit of being ok with our dysfunction, covering it up with an attitude of "I'm right and they're wrong," when I think our rightness of view isn't as important to God as we think it is. I have a strange feeling that living in right relationships may be what God is more desirous over for us. I'm not saying that we should back down from our convictions and beliefs in God - and that those aren't important. Rather, we need to walk out those convictions with the love, forgiveness, mercy, and the compassion that should be the bedrock of our faith in Christ. I just wanted that to be clear ;-) Perfect doctrine cannot replace resilience to truly know Him being made incarnationally manifest in our lives, and He does that through our relationships with one another.

"Come, Lord Jesus, and make us more like You. Amen"

Being Human, Doing Hard Things, and an Extravagant Call

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 20:02:00 -0700

Frodo: "I can't do this, Sam."
Sam: "I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."
Frodo: "What are we holding onto, Sam?"
Sam: "That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for."

"If to be feelingly alive to the sufferings of my fellow-creatures is to be a fanatic, I am one of the most incurable fanatics ever permitted to be at large." William Wilberforce

"My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it." - Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

I've been thinking a lot lately about the gritty beauty of being human. There's much that we learn from poets, but maybe one of the most important things that we learn from them is how to be human. While humanity is fallen and broken, there is an underlying thing/thirst/desire in our soul that "longs for Eden"(as John Elderedge puts it). Something comes alive in us when we see stories of transformation, of love, and of justice. Perseverence, doing the hard things to see the just thing accomplished, makes our hearts come alive. I think that's why we love people like Wilberforce and Francis of Assisi: their eyes were opened, and the revelation they received changed the direction of their lives.

This video is one of Rich Mullin's last concerts before his death (in a car accident). I grew up on Rich's music and worked for a time with "The Legacy of a Kid Brother of St. Frank" (a ministry that was started to carry on his legacy on the Native American reservations). Last year there was a movie filmed on his life (actually, both a documentary and feature - here's the movie's facebook, and twitter), so I thought as a release date comes in the near future, it'd be good to share a couple of Rich video clips that have inspired me: (production quality is a little raw - stick with it though. His interaction with the crowd is always awesome, and definitely hit: 2:15)

I believe that God wants us to experience all that life can hold for us. I find the High Priestly prayer of Jesus so interesting. Just as we hear in people's last words, in John 13-17 it really seems to show Jesus telling His disciples 'heart stuff.' As if to say, "I've shown you stuff and I've told you stuff, and this is what I want you to remember - this is what I long for you to experience..." He says much about love, unity, joy, hardships, and most importantly, identity.

I guess what I'm feeling is that the Call of Jesus is captivating. The challenge is high, but so is the appeal and the possibility to experience greatness. It captures our imagination, and makes us hope for miracles. It is adventure. It is danger. "When Christ calls a man," Bonhoeffer writes, "he bids him to come and die." And in the words of the rabbi, Himself, "whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 16:25). There is an all-or-nothing call to be sure, but also the grace filled reality that when we fail (not if) there is grace and forgiveness. It's not a call to an activity per se, but to a new way of life. Without knowing who we are in Christ, this Call is crushing. Without knowing how we are loved it is a stone of legalism that can suffocate. BUT if it is heard through ears of Covenant, it is not about death, but about Life Abundantly and about peace (not as the world gives). Then it is a joy filled revelation that we are living for another Kingdom.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full (John 15:7-11). - Jesus

So let's LIVE. Let's do it together. As Donald Miller tweeted back in March: "Lets choose to do something really difficult, something that saves lives, and lets do that thing with people we love." Because after all, the High Priestly prayer wasn't the end. Jesus rose again, and the last, last thing He told us as He ascended into Heaven was: Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age (Matthew 28:19-20). It's not over. So, let's live like every day is our last (and our first). Here's one last Rich Mullins clip from the end of the concert that was shown above (at least hit 13:30):

Reboot.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 31 May 2013 10:00:00 -0700

Time for a reboot.

I've been using that term a lot lately for different things. It seems to just be synonymous with pruning and cutting things out of life. Taking things to their simplest state again. Because of that, I've sort of been pondering something that I affectionately call "Wendell Berry-ing it." Wendell Berry is someone that I'm challenged and inspired by. Berry is a prophetic-type guy: a farmer, an advocate for peace, activist with much to say about war, the environment, the economy and society in general, he's a novellist and poet, and he doesn't own a computer and lives an Agrarian lifestyle. This outspoken voice resonates in my imagination. But to be honest, I'm learning to look at 'heroes' as people that I try to imitate; someone who is a model or an ideal. Don't get me wrong, Berry is a rockstar, I respect Berry, and I love reading his stuff here and there, but here's the thing: I believe that it is unattainable for me to live completely like him with an Agrarian reality. I'm challenged by it, but I don't imitate him really. Sometimes I agree with him, but sometimes not. Honestly, I kind of feel like Owen Wilson's character in the movie Zoolander (didn't think I'd be saying that today, haha), who in an interview said, "Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that." But I use my term "Wendell Berry-ing it" as an expression that I use to say that I'm ready to swing toward my anti-technology side. Recenter on my relation to technology. To remember that life isn't in a box of gigabytes, and to once again get dirt under the fingernails, feel the sun, hear the wind, etc. I think Thomas Merton captured this well when he wrote,

Technology can elevate and improve man's life only on one condition: that it remains subservient to his real interests; that it respects his true being; that it remembers that the origin and goal of all being is in God. But when technology merely takes over all being for its own purposes, merely exploits and uses up all things in the pursuit of its own ends, and makes everything, including man himself, subservient to its processes, then it degrades man, despoils the world, ravages life, and leads to ruin" (1968, p. 253).

Spring is a great time to stop the madness. Get outside. Talk to God. Contemplate. Listen to your life. Hear Matthew 11:28-30 again, with fresh ears...maybe in the way The Message puts it:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Return to simplicity. Be God's. What's He saying, and what are you going to do about it?

Reference:

Merton, T. (1968). Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander. NY: Doubleday

Simply (and complexly) Open: Focused Life, Part Four?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 28 May 2013 10:42:00 -0700

I have been so undyingly hungry for simplicity...still. Maybe it is because in this complex world Christians are about one thing: Jesus. That part's not complex. The complex part is the other stuff that is placed down (surrender) to do that, how we categorize what we place down, and how we try to make excuses to keeping those things in our hands. Again to Part One.

Anyway.

Thinking of life together and where our living space comes in, it's interesting: we can look at what we have (a home), recognize that the Lord has blessed us with it, and say we want to devote it's use to God, but like all else those ideas are all theory until they are given feet. Inviting the world into our home is both unnerving, exciting...and utterly necessary. That within the confine of healthy relational boundaries to say "come and share life with us." Not: "come and be entertained," but "come and be."

...And something we learn in building this kind of community is that it is not easy, but it is worth it. In his book The Intentional Christian Community Handbook (2013), David Janzen recognized the consideration, "We carry our family-of-origin rhythms, strengths, and weaknesses into community undeclared. We come from different contexts. Therefore all shared life can feel like a cross-cultural experience"(p. 44). Some are single, some are divorced, and some are widowed, some are elderly and some are young, but all are the Body. We all are Christ's. And when non-Christians come into this whole/broken community they won't find perfect examples of Christ - just living ones. Examples with flesh and bone, voices and outlooks, different senses of humor, but those with hope in the living Christ.

Seek, Find, and Wonder

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 09:12:00 -0700

My daughter's birthday was last week. So was my anniversary. My two girls and me. It has made me think of life, as I always do. Not just what has happened, and not what will happen, but what is happening. Because today is connected. Yesterday is a vapor and tomorrow is a shadow that the sun (right now) casts on the sidewalk in front of us. Learning from the past, planning for the future, and living in the moment should make us hold loosely our life as it swirls like water with the oil of wonder. One day it will all be caught up together. No separation. One day. The wonder being the hope of Christ, the life we walk day by day as ragamuffins. Abraham Joshua Heshel prayed,

Dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder. Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of your universe. Delight me to see how your Christ plays in ten thousand places...to the Father through the features of men's faces. Each day enrapture me with your marvelous things without number. I do not ask to see the reason for it all; I ask only to share the wonder of it all.

The way that Jesus led his disciples was a context full of wonder and stretching beyond the boundaries of what His followers knew. What those ragamuffin disciples had to offer that high-context society of Pharisees and Sadducees was completely different than what scrolls or oral tradition offered in that time. The knowledge that they encountered was with the living breathing Word made flesh. They were completely 'off the grid.' They were in the land of wonder. Wonder was their reality.

I came across this video, and it made me think of the kind of life that I want for my girls. The kind of life that I can encourage and model.

So as I look at the playful, compassionate, and sometimes wonder filled, blue and hazel eyes of my daughter, I see a woman who one day will splash in rivers, run through the rain, swim with sea creatures, fall in love, have her heart broken with compassion and sorrow, and dream...when I look in her eyes, I see her mother.

Romans 14:7-8

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 6 Apr 2013 09:44:00 -0700

This past week has been a crazy one. And I constantly had my words running through my mind, words that I penned along time ago. It's funny, it's been so long that the words were kind of foreign, like I was just humming an old song from my childhood.

The balm for brokenness lies in Your grace
Rest for the weary in seeking Your face
Though the path gets lonely, You are with me
As I stand through the night
And though the earth gives way, I sing...

Whether I live or die
Whether I fall or rise
Or if I am, lost in this heart of mine
Whether in peace or storm
Or standing in suffering's court
Let it be known, that I belong to You

Here's the song

It's been life to me today that these lyrics that were inspired by Romans 14 have been running through my head and they are also in this morning's Moravian text. Sometimes you write the song, and sometimes the song writes you. Maybe it was the Lord who gave me that one, because it still breathes life into me.

It's my prayer today. An anthem of my heart. It would be merely simple devotion, if years of holding to it haven't gone by. Now I have the scars :) Now I have calloused feet. My voice is tired when I sing it...but I still sing it with tears. I still mean it 12 years later.

Memory Residue

New Season

Home

Remembering to Remember: 2013 Retrospective

Someone's thoughts on St. Francis

Telling Truths and other things that linger

Morning and Night: Part 1 (Coffee Song)

Make us One

Niels

Clouds

Reckless Love

Being Homesick and sitting on rocks

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: I Will Trust

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: Waiting

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: At the Foot of the Cross

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: Life Abundantly

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: Romans 14:7-8

Depravity, Grace, and Reckless Abandon: Introduction

Do. Love. Walk.

The Triangle

Recommended reading on a cool, post-storm, day

Forgiveness, silence, and getting out of prison...

Being Human, Doing Hard Things, and an Extravagant Call

Reboot.

Simply (and complexly) Open: Focused Life, Part Four?

Seek, Find, and Wonder

Romans 14:7-8