Determining the skill and experience level of a shadow work practitioner can be challenging, as this type of practice often involves personal and subjective experiences. However, there are some general indicators you can consider when assessing a practitioner’s proficiency. 

Check if the practitioner has received formal training or education in shadow work or a related field. Degrees or certifications in psychology, counseling, or a similar discipline can be beneficial.
Inquire about any specific courses, workshops, or certifications related to shadow work that the practitioner has completed.
Experience is often a good indicator of skill. Ask the practitioner about their years of experience in shadow work and how many clients they have worked with.

Look for client testimonials or reviews, either on the practitioner’s website, social media, or other online platforms. Positive feedback from previous clients can provide insights into their effectiveness. Also, seek recommendations from others who have engaged in shadow work or similar practices. Personal referrals can offer valuable insights into a practitioner’s effectiveness. And make sure to enquire about the practitioner’s ethical guidelines and professional code of conduct. A skilled and experienced practitioner will likely adhere to ethical standards in their practice.

Understand the practitioner’s therapeutic approach and methods. A skilled practitioner will have a well-defined and adaptable approach to addressing different individuals’ needs.At the same time, enquire about the practitioner’s commitment to ongoing education and professional development. Those who continually seek to enhance their skills and knowledge are likely to be more proficient. 

Also, most importantly, assess whether you feel comfortable and compatible with the practitioner. A good connection and trust between you and the practitioner are crucial for the effectiveness of shadow work. Many practitioners offer initial consultations. Use this opportunity to discuss your concerns, ask questions about their approach, and get a sense of their expertise.

Last but not least, check if the practitioner is a member of professional organizations related to psychology, counselling, or other relevant fields. Membership can indicate a commitment to professional standards. Remember that personal compatibility and the feeling of trust are crucial aspects of any therapeutic relationship. It’s essential to communicate openly with the practitioner and assess whether you feel a connection with them before making a commitment.

Video about shadow work

https://youtu.be/iH0UEkufz_Q

About shadow work training
https://www.youtube.com/embed/kXr4T4kUh4s

What qualifications are there for those who work in the field of shadow work?

The qualifications for individuals working in the field of shadow work, particularly in therapeutic or counseling settings, can vary depending on the jurisdiction, the specific modality of therapy, and the practitioner’s approach. Here are some common qualifications and credentials that practitioners in this field may hold.

• A bachelor’s degree in psychology, counseling, social work, or a related field is often the minimum educational requirement.
• Many practitioners in the field of shadow work hold a master’s or doctoral degree in psychology, counseling, clinical social work, or a related field. These advanced degrees provide a deeper understanding of psychological principles and therapeutic techniques.
• Practicing requirements vary by location. In some coutries and parts of countries, therapists must be licensed to practice independently. Licensing typically involves meeting specific education and experience criteria, passing exams, and adhering to ethical standards.
• Practical experience through internships, supervised clinical hours, and hands-on practice is essential for developing the necessary skills in working with clients.
• Some practitioners pursue specialized training in shadow work or related therapeutic modalities. This may include workshops, courses, or certifications specifically focused on aspects of shadow work or Jungian psychology. 
• Many shadow work practitioners engage in ongoing professional development and continuing education to stay current with new research, therapeutic techniques, and ethical standards.
  Membership in professional organizations, such as the American Psychological Association (APA) or relevant local or international associations, can demonstrate a commitment to professional standards.
• Adherence to ethical guidelines and standards of practice is crucial. Practitioners often follow the ethical principles established by their professional organizations.
• Having experienced supervision or mentorship can be valuable, especially in the early stages of a practitioner’s career. This allows for guidance, feedback, and ongoing learning.

It’s important to note that the field of shadow work can encompass various therapeutic approaches, including Jungian psychology, depth psychology, and integrative approaches. Therefore, qualifications may also depend on the specific modality a practitioner employs. Individuals seeking the services of a shadow work practitioner should feel free to inquire about the practitioner’s qualifications, training, and approach to ensure a good fit for their needs.

What training organisations are there for people wanting to do shadow work as a career?

Specific training organizations dedicated solely to shadow work are not as prevalent as organizations offering broader training in counseling, psychology, or therapeutic modalities. However, here are some suggestions: 

Healing the Shadow trains practitioners in shadow work as well as those interested in incorporating shadow work into their existing practice.

Jungian psychology is closely associated with the concept of shadow work. Institutes that focus on Jungian psychology may offer training programs, workshops, and courses. Examples include the C.G. Jung Institute in various locations.

Many universities and institutions offer degree programs in psychology or counseling, where individuals can gain a solid foundation in the principles of psychology and therapeutic techniques.

Internal Family Systems therapy is a holistic approach that may include elements of shadow work. And also training organizations specializing in Gestalt therapy may offer programs for practitioners interested in this approach.

Transpersonal psychology explores spiritual and transcendent aspects of human experience, which may intersect with shadow work. Organizations offering transpersonal psychology programs may be relevant for practitioners interested in a holistic approach.

Individual practitioners and organizations often conduct workshops and retreats focused specifically on shadow work. These events may provide experiential learning and practical techniques.

Various organizations promotes and develop Jungian studies. While they may not directly provide training, they can be a valuable resource for networking and staying informed about developments in Jungian psychology.

Joining professional associations related to psychology, counseling, or Jungian studies can provide access to resources, conferences, and networking opportunities. Examples include the American Psychotherapy Association (APA) or the United Kingdom Council For Psychotherapy.

What is wrong with the world today? Could it be, perhaps, a deficit of archetypal king energy in men? A short look at recent cultural history may help us answer this question.

The 1980s was a decade which saw the development of considerably more lover energy in men, albeit in an unbalanced form. For that was the decade of the “New Man”, a popular concept among both men and women. For a while, anyway.

The New Man was a man who rejected sexist attitudes and traditional male roles (whatever those may have been!) in favour of a caring, sensitive and non-aggressive nature and a willingness to meet women on their own ground. This was a popular concept in the 1980s, particularly with women, perhaps because new men were supposed to take responsibility for their share of childcare, cooking, and cleaning.

Nowadays parents who naturally split childcare between them might find this idea strange. Many strongly masculine fathers expect to look after their kids these days. But back in the 1980s male roles had been defined along the lines of “provider” and “worker” for a long while. Then in the 1990s traditional heavy-duty male jobs such as mining, shipbuilding and construction declined rapidly in the western world with jobs being exported to developing countries in very large numbers. Traditional male roles were very much in flux, perhaps even under attack.

Many men found themselves disempowered and lacking a clear sense of identity because of this shift. So perhaps becoming more Lover oriented, or if you prefer softer and more feminine, was a natural response. Or perhaps what was really happening was simply the disempowerment of men. Whatever the origins of the shift in male identity which gave birth to the idea – and the reality – of the New Man, the end point certainly wasn’t popular with women, who very quickly found that “New Men” didn’t match up to what they really wanted in the masculine.

What went wrong was not the development of the Lover archetype in men but the weakness or even absence of Warrior and Sovereign. Certainly a lot of the territory men were exploring in those days – childcare, sensitivity, awareness of feelings and such like – is now widely accepted as part of a man’s life and relationship.

What seems to be the real problem around masculinity, a problem we still face today, is a decline in the energy of Warrior and Sovereign. While there’s nothing wrong with Lover energy in men, it needs to be matched by a capacity to be firm (i.e. to form boundaries and be resolute) when that’s what is needed.

Should you feel the need to develop your Lover energy, here are some suggestions. Remember that your Lover is both the source of your ability to connect with others and your access point to the expression of grief. And that, strange as it may seem, is the route to joy.

First of all, get in touch with the Lover within you by fully engaging with everything your senses have to offer you and simply taking more time to really enjoy the things which bring you pleasure.

You could, for example, schedule time to be with your partner or children, making sure that you are fully present with them so you can truly share the experience. You might also choose to spend time with yourself or indulge your own inner child in some way.

Being sensual means appreciating what your senses offer you, and being fully open to receive and enjoy those sensual experiences. Being fully present in your life is an important way to moderate the endless cycle of using external events or substances to feel better. However, as any addict can testify, it’s not a remedy for the Lover’s pain and neediness.

To move comfortably in and out of your Lover archetype by choice, you will certainly need to heal the emotional wounds which lie deep in your shadow unconscious. This is the province of the wounded inner child. And every single one of us carries, to a greater or lesser degree, wounds in our inner child.

So you could do some healing work on the emotional wounds of your inner child. This could be by working with shadow work or emotional process work. But also, you might like to find ways to develop a strong internal Sovereign who can hold the wounds of your inner child. These are, after all, wounds in your Sovereign’s Kingdom and you, as Sovereign, are responsible for holding them.

This is essential, I believe, because some inner child wounds seem to be too primal, too deep or too early to ever be healed completely. While the pain can be soothed with Healing the Shadow work, a form of shadow work, sometimes what’s also needed is an internal parent or leader – the Sovereign in you – who is strong enough to hold that part of yourself and comfort it.

If you feel your energies in these areas are out of balance you can work on your emotional wounds in appropriate workshops and bring them back to a healthy balance, especially around the development of Sovereign energy. You can see more details of these possibilities in the resources section of this book. 

Andropause is a gradual decline in testosterone levels that occurs in men as they age. Testosterone is a hormone that is responsible for a variety of functions in men, including sex drive, muscle mass, bone density, and mood.

The symptoms of andropause can vary from person to person, but they may include:

• Low sex drive
• Erectile dysfunction
• Fatigue
• Loss of muscle mass
• Weight gain
• Hot flashes
• Mood swings
• Depression
• Difficulty concentrating

The average age of onset for andropause is around 40 years old, but it can occur earlier or later in some men. The decline in testosterone levels is gradual, so many men do not experience any symptoms.

There is no cure for andropause, but there are treatments that can help relieve the symptoms. These treatments may include testosterone replacement therapy, lifestyle changes, or medication.

The first port of call if you feel this may be something you’re going through, is your GP or a specialist clinic. There are many available now – search on line for more information about this (an example here).  They can help you determine if you have the condition and discuss the best treatment options for you. (Take a questionnaire here to determine if this might be something that’s going on for you right now.)

Here are some lifestyle changes that can help manage the symptoms of andropause:

• Exercise regularly. Exercise can help improve muscle mass, mood, and energy levels.
• Eat a healthy diet. A healthy diet can help improve overall health and well-being.
• Get enough sleep. Sleep is important for physical and mental health.
• Manage stress. Stress can worsen the symptoms of andropause. Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercise, yoga, or meditation.

A specialist clinic can help you determine if you have this condition, and discuss the best treatment options for you.

Treatment options for testosterone deficiency

There are several treatment options for testosterone deficiency. The best treatment for you will depend on your individual circumstances, such as your age, overall health, and symptoms.

• Testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) is the most common treatment for testosterone deficiency. TRT involves taking testosterone supplements, which can be delivered in a variety of ways, including injections, gels, patches, and implants. TRT can help improve symptoms such as low sex drive, erectile dysfunction, fatigue, and loss of muscle mass. However, it is important to note that TRT can also have side effects, such as acne, hair loss, and prostate enlargement.
• Lifestyle changes can also help improve symptoms of testosterone deficiency. These changes may include:
  • Exercise regularly. Exercise can help improve muscle mass, mood, and energy levels.
  • Eat a healthy diet. A healthy diet can help improve overall health and well-being.
  • Get enough sleep. Sleep is important for physical and mental health.
  • Manage stress. Stress can worsen the symptoms of testosterone deficiency. Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercise, yoga, or meditation.
• Medications other than testosterone supplements may also be used to treat testosterone deficiency. These medications may include:
  • Medications which can help stimulate the production of testosterone by the body like human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG). This medication is a hormone that helps stimulate the production of testosterone.
  • Aromatase inhibitors. These medications can help prevent the conversion of testosterone to estrogen.

The best way forward, as you may expect, is to  talk to your doctor. They can help you determine the best treatment option for you and discuss the risks and benefits of each option.

Here are some additional things to keep in mind when considering treatment for testosterone deficiency:

• TRT is not a cure for testosterone deficiency, but it can help improve symptoms.
• TRT can have side effects, so it is important to weigh the risks and benefits before starting treatment.
• If you are considering TRT, it is important to find a qualified healthcare provider who is an expert in this field. Read more on the andropause.

And to increase motivation and drive, find a role for yourself that is personally satisfying

A personally satisfying role can help an older man in many ways. It can:

• Give him a sense of purpose. When people have a sense of purpose, they feel like their lives have meaning and value. This can be especially important for older adults, who may be facing retirement or other life changes.
• Help him stay active and engaged. A personally satisfying role can keep an older man active and engaged in life. This can help to prevent isolation and loneliness, which are common problems among older adults.
• Boost his self-esteem. When people feel like they are making a difference in the world, it can boost their self-esteem. This can be especially important for older adults, who may be facing age-related changes that can make them feel less confident.
• Reduce stress and anxiety. When people are engaged in activities that they enjoy and find meaningful, it can help to reduce stress and anxiety. This is important for older adults, who are more likely to experience these conditions.
• Improve his physical and mental health. Studies have shown that having a sense of purpose and being engaged in activities that are meaningful can improve physical and mental health. This is important for older adults, who are more likely to experience health problems.

Some examples of personally satisfying roles for older men include:

• Volunteering
• Running men’s groups
• Teaching
• Mentoring
• Coaching
• Taking on leadership roles in their community
• Pursuing a creative hobby or pastime in the company of like-minded people
• Spending time with loved ones
• Taking care of themselves physically and mentally

If you are an older man who is looking for a meaningful role, there are many options available to you. Talk to your friends, family, and community leaders to find something that is a good fit for you.

Here are some additional tips for finding a personally satisfying role:

• Think about your interests and skills. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing?
• Consider your values. What is important to you? What do you want to contribute to the world?
• Look for opportunities that are meaningful to you. What can you do that will make a difference in the lives of others?
• Be willing to try new things. Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone and explore new possibilities.
• Don’t give up! It may take some time to find the right role, but it is worth it.

Journeyman UK is a registered charity that supports boys aged 13 to 17 in discovering their potential as they navigate the choppy waters of adolescence. They enable communities to skilfully take responsibility for supporting their boys and young men become the adults they want to be.

Journeyman UK believes that all boys need mature male role models and a reason to connect. They provide regular local meetups of men and boys, hanging out, making fires and talking about the stuff that really matters. Once a year there is a Rites Of Passage Weekend for new boys. They invite them to start the journey all boys must eventually go on – choosing to become a mature man. Men also support each other. Being a man is a life’s journey and we all – men and boys – need good elders and trustworthy peers.

Journeyman UK is not a one-size-fits-all organization. They recognize that each boy’s journey is different and they tailor their support accordingly. They believe that the best way to support boys is to create a community of men and boys who are committed to helping each other grow and become the best versions of themselves.

Here are some of the things that Journeyman UK does:

• Provide training and support for men who want to become mentors to boys.
• Organize regular meetups of men and boys where they can connect, talk, and learn from each other.
• Offer a Rites Of Passage Weekend for new boys, where they can start their journey to becoming a mature man.
• Provide support and resources to communities that are working to support their boys.

Journeyman UK helps young teenage boys in a number of ways, including:

• Providing positive male role models. The mentors at Journeyman UK are all men who are committed to helping boys grow and become the best versions of themselves. They provide boys with guidance, support, and a positive example of what it means to be a man.
• Creating a safe space for boys to talk. Boys often don’t have a lot of opportunities to talk about their feelings and experiences. Journeyman UK provides a safe space where boys can talk to their mentors about anything that’s on their mind.
• Helping boys develop their emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Journeyman UK helps boys develop their emotional intelligence by teaching them how to identify and express their emotions in a healthy way.
• Encouraging boys to take risks and try new things. Adolescence is a time for boys to explore their interests and try new things. Journeyman UK encourages boys to take risks and step outside of their comfort zones.
• Building boys’ confidence. Many boys struggle with low self-esteem. Journeyman UK helps boys build their confidence by providing them with positive feedback and encouragement.
• Helping boys develop a sense of purpose. It’s important for boys to have a sense of purpose in their lives. Journeyman UK helps boys develop a sense of purpose by teaching them about the importance of giving back to their community.

Journeyman UK’s work is based on the belief that all boys need positive male role models and a safe space to talk about their feelings and experiences. By providing these things, Journeyman UK helps boys grow into healthy, well-adjusted men.

Here are some specific examples of how Journeyman UK has helped young teenage boys:

• A boy who was struggling with low self-esteem was helped by his mentor to identify his strengths and talents. He began to take more risks and try new things, and his confidence grew.
• A boy who was having trouble making friends was helped by his mentor to join a local sports team. He made friends and learned the importance of teamwork.
• A boy who was struggling with anger management was helped by his mentor to learn how to express his anger in a healthy way. He learned how to take deep breaths and count to ten when he felt angry.
• A boy who was considering dropping out of school was helped by his mentor to stay in school. He learned about the importance of education and how it could help him achieve his goals.

These are just a few examples of how Journeyman UK has helped young teenage boys. The organization’s work is making a real difference in the lives of boys across the UK.

If you are interested in learning more about Journeyman UK, you can visit their website at www.journeymanuk.org

Rites of passage in adolescence are a cross-cultural phenomenon. They have existed throughout human history and may be a significant factor in the development of a stable adult personality. In Western culture, we are familiar with such rites as the Bar Mitzvah, Sweet 16 parties, and Quinceañera. In tribal cultures, coming of age ceremonies are, in many cases, much more elaborate and can be truly terrifying.

Boys of the Algonquin Indian Tribe of Quebec were brought to a secluded area, often caged, and then given an intoxicating medicine known as wysoccan, an extremely dangerous hallucinogen that is said to be 100 times more powerful than LSD. The intention of the ritual was to force any memories of being a child out of the boy’s mind. Unfortunately some boys also suffer memory loss to the extent that they lose memory of their family, their identity, and even the ability to speak. Some boys who showed recognition towards their childhood after returning to the village were then taken back and given a second dose and forced to attempt to cheat death a second time.

Both a harvest ritual and a rite of passage amongst the tribes of the small pacific island of Vanuatu, land diving is now a tourist phenomenon. The men who live on Pentecost Island in Vanuatu, climb a rickety 98-foot-tall (30-meter) tower, tie vines to their ankles and dive to the ground, falling at speeds around 45 mph (72 kph). When a dive goes correctly, the person gets close enough to touch his shoulders or his head to the earth. However, unlike bungee jumping, these vines aren’t elastic and a miscalculation in vine length could lead to broken legs, cracked skulls, or even death. Boys once they have been circumcised at about age 7 or 8 begin participating, though they usually are permitted to jump from a shorter tower. As a boy makes his first dive, his mother holds an item representing his childhood. When he jumps, she throws the item away. Divers also refrain from sex the day before they jump — legend says it will cause the jump to go badly.

This rite of passage for men coming of age must be done before a man is permitted to marry. The man-to-be must “jump the cattle” four times to be successful and only castrated male cattle and cows may be used to jump over. This test is performed while naked (except for a few cords bound across the chest) as a symbol of the childhood he is about to leave behind him. On completion of this test, the young man joins the ranks of the maza – other men who have recently passed the same test and who spend the next few months of their lives supervising these events in villages throughout the Hamar territory.

Their rite of passage ceremony is similar for girls and for boys, ages 14 to 16, though the genders are initiated separately. The initiates are first ceremonially circumcised or excised. After this, they live in seclusion from adults of the opposite sex for four to 24 weeks. They paint themselves with white clay and charcoal in order to appear as wild creatures (cemaasiisyek). Certain secret knowledge is imparted by same-sex elders. The most important knowledge concerns the cemaasiit – a mythical beast that haunts the initiates during their time in seclusion. At night its roar can be heard, and the initiation is complete when each youth has seen and held the instrument used for producing the roar and then produced the roar themselves.

Festa das Mocas Novas is an initiation into womanhood traditionally performed by the Tukuna people of the Northwest Amazon. It begins with the onset of menstruation, and over the next 4 to 12 weeks, the initiate remains in seclusion in a small chamber constructed within the dwelling of the family for this purpose. During this period, the initiate is thought to be in the underworld and in ever-increasing danger from demons known as the Noo. For the climax of the rite, guests arrive and some don masks, allowing them to become incarnations of the Noo. For two more days the initate remains in the seclusion chamber, her body painted with black genipa dye as protection from the Noo. On the morning of the third day, she emerges from the chamber. Surrounded and protected by relatives, she is led out into the festivities. The family dances with her until dawn, at which time the dancing stops. The initiate is then given a fire brand by a shaman and instructed to throw it at the Noo. This done, the power of the Noo is broken, and the Tukuna female is safely entered into womanhood.

The Iria is a rite performed by the females of the African Okrika tribe. Girls from the ages of 14 to 16 enter into “fatting rooms” where they are fed rich local foods to make the body “come out.” They are taught by the elderly women of the tribe to sing the traditional Iria songs. It is believed among these people that young girls form romantic attachments to water spirits. Before they are considered marriageable and allowed to receive mortal suitors, they must first free themselves from these attachments. This is accomplished by the coming together of the girls at the river on successive dawns to sing the songs they have learned. On the final day, the initiates return to the riverbank and the water spirits are expected to attempt to seize the girls by force. This can be prevented by the Osokolo, a senior male member of Owuper society who strikes the girls with sticks, driving them back to the village, ensuring both their safety and future fertility.

When a young man becomes of age, his tribal elders lead him into seclusion. The men will lay down surrounding the boy facing away from a fire. An assistant will sit on the boy’s chest, while another elder will pull and twist the boy’s foreskin and proceed to slice it off. The men will take the boy to kneel upon a shield over a low-lit fire and made to eat ìgood meat.î Essentially, the meat is the boy’s own foreskin. He must swallow without chewing it, and once he has succeeded, he as eaten his ìown boy,î and become a man. When the circumcision heals, the young man will go through a subincision. His penis will be sliced on the underside, sometimes to the scrotum. The man is then made to stand over a fire to allow the blood to drip into it and purify it. Apparently men do this to sympathize with their female counterparts. And although they will now have to squat to urinate because of these incision, when they become married, some men will often times repeat the same blood-letting process.

This Amazon tribe performs an initiation ritual where young men really place their hands into mittens filled with hundreds of bullet ants. The bite is approximately 20 times more painful than being stung by a wasp. The tribal men will gather the ants and submerge them into a solution that temporarily knocks them out. The ants are then woven into the mittens. Upon waking up, the men will place their hands into the mittens and dance for 10 minutes. The ant’s sting prevents the body from protecting itself from pain. The body begins to convulse, and the pain can last up to 24 hours. The crazy thing is, many men will repeat this ritual many times to prove their manhood.

For a man to prove himself worthy to hunt in the Matis Trial in Brazil’s Amazon jungle, he must undergo 4 trials. The first stage involves dumping bitter poison directly into their eyes allegedly in order to improve their vision and enhance the senses. The next series of trials includes beating and whippings. The trial concludes with inoculation of the Phyllomedusa bicolor, a small poisonous frog. After burning an area of the skin, the frog toxin is injected with the use of a wooden needle. The poison is said to increase strength and endurance, however, these enhancements must come after the unbearable lightheadedness, vehement vomiting, and violent relieving of the bowels.

Once the boys prove themselves able to withstand these trials, they are treated to performing them before every future hunt they partake in.

Initiation for this tribe begins at the age of seven, when boys are removed from their maternal figure and all females, and placed in a special house in which they subsist with other males for the next ten years. During the first stage the uninitiated boy’s skin is pierced as a way of discarding any external contamination from women. The boys are required to engage in heavy nose-bleeding. They are also forced to consume sugarcane to stimulate vomiting and defecation, as a way of internally cleansing their body. Once the boys are cleared from any contamination, they are required to ingest semen, which is considered vital to ignite masculine growth, and strength.

Throughout the initiation process, the youths are informed of the impurities that women bring and how harmful they might be to them. In the next stage, the fifth-stage initiation, the youths are taught purification techniques. Once married and engaged in heterosexual activity men must purify themselves of any contamination that might have been brought upon them by their wife. To do so they engage in heavy nose-bleeding, brought up upon themselves, following each of their wives’ menstrual periods. Near the end of the third initiation, the boys are taken to the forest, where they are pointed towards a structure facing a tree. They are told to remove a pubic hair and hand it to one of the men who then, places the hairs into the trunk of a pandanus tree. The boys are told a story about a Jew’s harp and everything it signifies. During this lesson they are forewarned that they are not to be promiscuous during their heterosexual relationships otherwise they will be killed.

Ageing Across Europe, a report published by the Women’s Royal Voluntary Service (WRVS) in May 2012 reveals concerning trends amongst men over the age of 75, who are less likely to seek help for isolation and loneliness than women for a number of reasons, perhaps because men feel that they are indomitable and can therefore cope without seeking help.

The fact that this report was published by the Women’s Royal Voluntary Service speaks volumes, as does the fact that BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour also felt compelled to deliver a programme on the subject on 16 August 2012 featuring an interview with Matthew Sowemimo, Head of Policy for the WRVS and the story of one man’s experience following the death of his wife.

Whilst the findings highlight the extent to which these men are socially isolated and lonely, 85% of those surveyed said they feel better after seeing friends or family – that’s over 160,000 men. This is where an organisation such as Men Beyond 50 can really look to fill the gap and fulfil the need for altruistic services like this for men.

Here is a snapshot of the report’s findings from 190,000 British men over the age of 75 who live alone:

• 75% have never sought help for feelings of loneliness or isolation, despite 54% admitting to suffering from feelings of depression
• 62% feel lonely because either their partner has passed away or they have lost companions their own age (54%)
• 41% typically have two or fewer face to face conversations per day and 3% per cent have none
• 36% spend more than 12 hours per day without contact with anybody
• 36% cited a loss of confidence
• 26% have given up on their hobbies
• 21% do not leave the house for days at a time
• One in eight worry about their mental health because they have no-one to talk to

Experts agree universally that loneliness is a serious health issue, not least because older people who feel lonely and isolated are far more likely to develop illnesses and require hospital care. In this time of crisis for both the economy in the UK and the NHS, now more than ever is the time to encourage a national debate about how we can all help to make the UK a better place in which to age. It’s time to look at the policies and services of our European neighbours to see which are the most effective in providing older people with a decent quality of life in these challenging times.

As David McCullough, Chief Executive of the WRVS recently commented, “it is good to see that the Government and local authorities have made a commitment in the social care white paper for loneliness to be mapped in each area. This research shows how crucial it is for Health and Wellbeing boards to deliver on the targets for loneliness they have been set. Action is urgently needed on the ground now to make sure older people experiencing loneliness get the help they need.”

Would you like to join the WRVS Befriending Service? They are currently seeking male and female volunteers – given that their research demonstrates 85 per cent of men who are lonely say they have felt better after seeing friends or family, you could really make a difference to somebody’s life. Click here for further information.

The MB50 community of older men has an important part to play in this sad story. Let’s pause to consider what this is.

The serious absence of Dads is a sad story primarily of course because children model on and learn from their parents as they are growing up. The lack of male role models is leaving a big gap in childrens’  life experiences, and this can lead to continuing impoverishment and bad outcomes in their adult lives. This can be both personally with low self-esteem and more mental health issues, and socially with the repetition of fractured families experiences from generation to generation.

The report further shows that the father’s desert is a rising trend, and that it is worst in communities which are under the most stress or most disadvantaged: the poor, the badly housed and the displaced come out  worst . It is also a bad bet to predict the government of whatever political persuasion are going to fix it: the parallel trends of the “cuts”, and less state resources and expenditure. Add to this the steady erosion of the principles of the welfare state, and what do you have? The desert is looking dryer all the time.

So it is time for the MB50 community to bring out the watering cans and hose pipes. In other words, let’s start small and not get lost and discouraged worrying about the big picture. Let’s also start with BEING, then DOING, and lastly THINKING – go to the water source first, and then work out where to spread it best!

BEING

‘Love is all you need’ – it really is the source of everything. Wouldn’t it be great for loving older men to show themselves, their love in their families and in the world: grandfathers, grey haireds and grizzle chops together! Families work through more than two generations and so does the world in general, and what older men have to offer far more than anything is our kindly presence. This isn’t a campaign, or a social programme. This is about smiling presence with younger men, talking with them, and undertaking small acts of loving kindness, and so on.

“My father didn’t tell me how to live;

he lived, and let me watch him do it.” 

~ Clarence Budington Kelland

DOING

All the above is well and good, you say, but is it all a little bit ‘Hippy’? So let’s get real. Lots of older men are themselves hurting, isolated from their families, and unsure about how to express themselves. Lots of older men are equally unsure how best to hang out with younger men – Do they want us to be with them at all, you may ask? The answer based on the experience of MB50 Groups is a resounding ‘yes’!  Trying out conversations across generations, modelling on how each of us do it differently, exploring where we are with our feelings in the process are some of the great things that can happen in group work. And then little by little put into practice in the rest of our lives!

 THINKING

The issue is happiness – beginning, middle and end. And let’s get even more real about this – it is social and political as well as about personal and family relationships (and everything else). In MB50 we welcome difference and diversity, and we are not a campaigning organisation. But as older men we are generally in favour of more equality than less, and more fairness and social justice than less – across generations, and across genders for that matter. So upholding these qualities in the context of happiness means speaking out and challenging entrenched positions and  views both at the local level in our own families, and in our communities – wherever we find it. The time to remain silent is over!

Useful links relating to this topic…

https://www.separateddads.co.uk/ – loads of useful information about the practicalities and emotions of being away from the kids

https://www.separateddads.co.uk/psychological-effect-separation-children.html – how do the kids feel??!

https://www.dad.info/fatherhood/being-dad/how-dads-affect-kids – Why is a Dad important!

https://www.separateddads.co.uk/SupportForSeparatedFathers.html – help and guidance for loads of stuff you might experience if separated from children.

https://www.fathermag.com/905/over40/ – insights to being an older father by three men

https://www.dad.info/fatherhood/being-dad/the-biggest-myths-about-dads

“It’s fair to say that things have moved on a lot from the days of sitting in smoky pubs drinking all day as there is now a vast array of exciting stag do activities on offer to suit every different type of group,” says Patrick Townsley of Maximise, stag weekend specialists.

“We are getting increasing enquiries from second staggers opting for more low key, upmarket itineraries. Tried and tested outdoor pursuits, interesting excursions and R&R time with mates tend to be high on the agenda.”

To help you celebrate your upcoming nuptials in style, Maximise has compiled a selection of top second time stag do activities as well as some tips to consider when planning your second stag.

Perfect your swing on the course

Sometimes, simple and relaxing is the way to go and what can be better than a weekend out on the golf course? From the classic, challenging links play of Edinburgh to the lush greens and bright sunshine of the Algarve, there is a course to suit everyone, no matter what your ability. Perhaps you could even create a tournament amongst your friends to spice things up? The likelihood is that your group will all be at different levels so consider a competition using the stableford scoring system which is more forgiving for those expecting to have the odd bad hole!

Get the adrenaline pumping in the great outdoors

Outdoor stag activities are proving increasingly popular and canyoning is perhaps the pick of the bunch due to its unique blend of climbing, walking, jumping, abseiling and swimming. The general idea is to use one (or more!) of these methods to descend down the canyon.  Couple all this energetic activity with the fact that this is done in a spectacular setting near coastlines or large rivers and this activity is a guaranteed winner with active groups.

Wet your whistle on a brewery tour

Let’s face it, there aren’t many men who’d complain about spending the day sampling fine beers.  But rather than just head to a pub all day consider a brewery tour which is a great choice if you want to enjoy a day’s drinking with the rest of your party but with a touch more refinement. All brewery tours will be supervised by a professional guide who will take your stag group on a tour of the grounds and facility of a famous brewery after which you’ll enjoy a beer tasting session with unlimited beers!

Have a flutter on the gee gee’s

Nothing beats the excitement of betting on a long shot and cheering it home as your friends wonder why they didn’t take your tip! A day at the races is always exciting although be warned, you could of course lose as much as you win. Whether you prefer classic British tracks like Aintree, Liverpool or fancy something more exotic such as Budapest race track there’s a surprisingly diverse array of courses to choose from. Your weekend day at the races includes grandstand or equivalent entry and racecard.

Put your driving skills to the test with a 4×4 experience

‘The worse the weather the better’ – that’s the wisdom when it comes to 4×4 driving. The instructors smile to themselves as the clouds roll in and the water levels begin to rise, knowing that terrible, wet conditions is exactly what makes off-roading fun and challenging. You’ll really put yourself (and your vehicle) to the test as you traverse tracks, pits, troughs, banks and a woodland trek with challenges at every turn. The only question is who will take the crown of best driver in your group?

Top tips for a second time stag

• Make sure you book decent accommodation – just because you’re on a stag do doesn’t mean you have to slum it. You’ll really welcome having a decent night’s sleep and a good shower and breakfast so that you’ll be raring to go the next day

• Think about your stag do first time around and others you’ve been on and learn from them – what worked well and what did people enjoy the most? Use your experience to shape your plans this time so that you have the stag do that you really want

• No matter what you’ve got planned make sure that you have organised a great place to eat on at least one of the evenings. This will ensure that you make time for perhaps the most important part of a stag do – catching up and spending quality time with your best friends

• Chances are your first stag do was based purely around alcohol and excess – although that’s likely to still play a part this time around you have the opportunity to base it around an experience that you and your mates really want to do so take it with both hands!

• Keep it small and close knit – although it’s tempting to invite absolutely everyone you know as, let’s face it, it’s difficult to find time to catch up with all of your friends, you’ll find it far more rewarding if you stick to inviting your very closest friends. You’ll be able to speak to everyone properly  and will feel like you’ve spent real quality time with the whole group

The keynote of the book for me was this comment: you can only take yourself too seriously if you have forgotten how ridiculous you are. It takes a mostly light-hearted and humorous poke at the silliness of middle age: the habits we are stuck in, our righteous indignation about the yoof dropping litter, and lots more.

Many of you reading this will know that I am well on with writing my own book as a guide to life for midlife men, so you may mildly share my anxiety that A Shed of One’s Own might render my lovingly-written volume redundant. I am glad to say the answer is no.

A Shed of One’s Own is written by Marcus Berkmann, a journalist and media man who has only just turned 50. The book cover has a photo of him where he looks about 30, and describes him as author of the classic Rain Men: this is a book which I have never heard of, about cricket. The book cover also says This candid and hilarious dispatch from the frontline is essential reading for anyone over 35…

Here’s an example of the fine insights Marcus offers:

One of the stranger features of the heterosexual male midlife is the sense that there are more attractive women than ever, far more than there were when we were young…

Then I worked out why. When you are, say 20, you generally fancy girls of roughly your own age and slightly younger. This continues throughout life.

So at 20, you will be gawping at pretty women between the ages of 15 and 25. When you are 50, you will be gawping at pretty women between the ages of 15 and 55. That’s 4 times as many. Really it’s a disaster. The more women there appear to be, the less we can do anything about it (either we are unavailable, or we look like hell, or both.)

I think that Marcus’ book, and its broadcast on Radio 4, will have great benefits in raising awareness and active interest from a wide range of men who are in or approaching midlife. His book is a witty and perceptive highlighting of the issues, but does not pretend to be a guide to solutions. My book would be a good sequel or companion to A Shed of One’s Own, offering a deeper look at the issues, and a good range of approaches and resources for handling them.

One thing I have to admit is feeling how young Marcus is: look at the picture! He says he has turned 50, he’s put on a bit of weight, and his hearing’s not perfect… I see the years beyond 50 as a time of major shipwrecks for many men, and it’s clear that Marcus has not yet hit the rocks in any major way: his partnership, health, work all seem pretty intact. I’m glad for him, but don’t expect his book to address the major crises of the maturing years from personal experience. It is worth reading, not only for fun, but also for some good insights, like this one: To replace perfect eyesight, we get perfect hindsight, and much improved foresight. This is not such a bad deal.

It is no secret that men need a shed; somewhere to go and just be themselves without being observed, away from feminine interference. For me it is somewhere I can be master of my own kingdom, where I can make a mess without criticism. I can make things, repair things, store things that have no place in the house and most importantly it is the place to keep and arrange my tools along with all the jars and boxes that accumulate over time; screws and bolts, brackets and wire and string; offcuts of wood and all the leftover bits from DIY jobs that I can’t bring myself to throw away.  I love to be amongst it all and know that with my hands, my tools and the right materials, I can tackle most DIY jobs.

But for me its not just the need for a shed to disappear into, its also the fun and labour of creating one. Chalets, garden rooms, dog kennels, goat sheds, retreat huts, compost toilets, store sheds, workshops – I’ve built them all and I’ve enjoyed them all. And what has been the most satisfying thing in their conception and their construction, is that in many cases I have used recycled and ‘found’ materials, letting the design of the structure dictate its form and appearance. Doing it this creates a quirkiness and individuality that is so much more satisfying than an off-the-shelf shed.

Although I have been an enthusiast throughout my whole life, I firmy believe that a shed is an essential accoutrement for anyone in their retirement years. Most young men want to use their spare time for sport, for socializing or for getting out and about. For many men the thought of spending hours in the garden or tinkering in a shed has little appeal. But as we get older and particularly following retirement, the whole of each day may involve being at home with the wife or partner for the first time, after years of being in a relationship. This is when a shed becomes an essential and very healthy option for the man of the house as well as for the woman, who may not want him under her feet all day and be happy to see him disappear into his den in the garden.

And for the man living alone, recovering from illness or depression, there is still great benefit from having a shed, where you can get away from the TV and computer, make and leave mess, learn a new skill, lose yourself in some new hobby, undergo a DIY project,  develop a money-making enterprise, or just to do nothing at all and cogitate, dream and watch the world go by.

Of course some sheds are really garden rooms, studios, writers’ or artist’s garrets. Whatever they are they are, by my definition, sheds; and in my case they are for seriously practical use on the one hand and they are places of refuge on the other. Although I haven’t actually gone through with it, I have always included an imaginary sign on the door of all my personal sheds, which reads ‘NO GIRLS’, and I have often jokingly shared this fact with friends. There is a part of me that means it of course; my sheds are no place for women. I need to have my refuge, however much I love and get along with the fairer sex – and I do. But in as much as women need to have time away from men, us men need to have our sacred spaces outside of the shared accommodation of the home.

A final anecdote about sheds: Some years ago, while living in Herefordshire with my then partner, we became known as the buddhists who lived on the hill. A friend came by one day when i was building a store shed for our logs and he said in his lilting scandinavian accent, “Now I know what you buddhists mean when you talk about ‘shedding your worldly goods’; you build sheds to put them in. Ha Ha Ha!”

Amongst the variety of shed projects and shed indulgences that I have been responsible for, I have made my living as a wood carver, furniture maker and antique restorer, setting up several professional workshops from which to ply my trade, two of which were homemade sheds. I welcome feedback and personal anecdotes from any shed enthusiasts or tentative shed converts reading this article.

Contact: paul@swatridge.net