Summer… life can pass us by.

We learn that accumulating more toys has its limits. We begin to realize that experiences are what richens our lives. If you are like most of us men, we don’t seek out many deeper experiences with men. Sure, we play sports with other men. We work with men.

How many times did you get real with other men?

Evryman is offering a few men an opportunity to experience one of the most beautiful places on the planet and authentic interactions with men. The Yellowstone Veteran Integrative Expedition is in part sponsored by Men Corps. https://evrymanveteranintegrationexped.splashthat.com/

This event is limited to eight men. We have a few spots left. If you have any questions, please contact us.

If you can’t come, and want to support this cause, you can donate.

A comment from a man who attended the last Yellowstone Expedition:

The Evryman Yellowstone Expedition was truly a life changing experience for me. I haven’t felt that type of brotherhood and camaraderie since my time in the Army.  The feeling of being part of something bigger than yourself, being part of something truly special, then add in the physical aspect of backpacking in one of the most majestic settings in the world.  I couldn’t have drawn up a more amazing, more powerful experience. Luke

A meditation group is the last place someone whose only experience of war was watching Lone Survivor would expect to find a Special Forces operator. But one quality I revere from my career as a Green Beret is the ability to keep an open mind. My time in the teams hadn’t just taught me tactics and operations; it had taught me fragility, and vulnerability.

I hadn’t expected to be here. When I left the Army, I didn’t expect to have issues finding comradery, brotherhood or a group of guys to bond within my community. It’s something that’s always come naturally. Fitting in never crossed my mind prior to my transition into the civilian world. But six months after getting out, I found myself isolated, alone.

My wife and I were struggling. I was running myself into the ground, trying to start my own business. I wasn’t taking care of my body, mind or my spirit, the way I had while I was in, and none of my old teammates were here to call me out. I was used to having a mission – a purpose.

What was my mission now? I had always had this vision of the Hero’s Journey in my head – a map for how I thought my life would go. I’d bring home the skills I had developed as a soldier and continue to serve in other ways. But I was off the path. I didn’t know where I was, and we were pregnant with our first child. I needed to figure my shit out – fast.

I made a few detailed plans for a one way walk into the backcountry. I’d get out there, find a quiet spot and bust at the seams. I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it had got for me. I’d think about my unborn son, and then I’d pick myself up and start all over. I was desperate for healing and direction. I had no idea where to begin. That’s how I found myself. I was sitting in an acupuncture studio in Bozeman, Montana, 1500 miles away from Ohio, where I grew up, and getting ready to mediate.

I had been driving to my favorite hunting spot when I heard Dan Doty on a podcast discussing his men’s group in Bozeman, Montana. I had no idea what it was, but something inspired me to reach out to him. I was surprised when he answered my email immediately, and we met for coffee. He invited me to attend his group for a trial night the following Thursday.

Meditating in a group of men was terrifying. It wasn’t what I was used to from my times in the teams. The vulnerability was physical; it was intense. What surprised me was how quickly the fear and anxiety gave way to connection, and connection to something, to others, to a purpose, to my Hero’s Journey, was exactly what I had been searching for.

After the meditation, the men began to check in verbally. The check in was based on body sensations and general emotions. I was surprised to hear some of the men had to say. Men were checking in with fear and anger. I immediately felt safe to express my current state. I felt fear and anger. I felt isolated and confused. I felt my heart rate increasing as I shared this with seven strangers. It felt strange to be heard, but this wasn’t a knitting circle where emotion simply poured out in a cry fest. In this group, it was ok to be aggressive, to challenge each other, to call another out for his bullshit, or to be called out for yours.

I shared my own story, my own journey, and the disconnect and loss and frustration and fear and anger I felt. Some of the men shook their heads as if they were really compassionate to my pain. I remember the feedback during my share being supportive. As I looked into the eyes of these men, I felt connected. I felt emotional receiving the support. I resisted the urge to cry. One man encouraged me to sit with it. Another agreed. The rest shared, and it was my turn to sit and listen.

Some of the men were celebrating milestones in their lives that were also supported by the group – this wasn’t just a place to get help, or to complain. It was a real community where, yes, we shared each other’s pain, but we also shared in each other’s victories. This was a place to truly be the best version of yourself.

At the end of the night, a man reminded us that what was said here was meant to stay here.  He told us to imagine that words said here were on a large canvas, which, when the night was over, would be ripped up into a million tiny little pieces and thrown into a blazing bonfire. This metaphor was to “seal the container” for safety and non-disclosure. I felt lucky to be awarded the opportunity to return the following week. I felt empowered, seen, heard and cared for.  I left that night feeling refreshed and hopeful. I couldn’t wait for the next group meeting.

I don’t think my experience is unique. I see not just my generation of veterans, but my generation of men struggling, as I struggled, to find their place on the hero’s path. I feel like too many men are lost along the wayside, huddled in the woods, seeking to connect.

At first, I was hesitant to share with my brothers who I served with my experience to reconnect. I was still afraid of being judged, of what they would think of me, that they would think I’d gotten weak. But when I was able to overcome that fear, and did bring other veterans to the group, I was overwhelmed by their response. They had been in the same place I had been, and the power of community, and sharing was universal. Moreover, by bringing them in, I was taking a risk, and having to overcome another vulnerability and fear I held. Bringing them to the group helped them, and it helped me.

I feel the community and connection I’ve found can help many veterans who felt the same way I did. I want to make communities like the one I’ve joined available, but it isn’t easy. Some veterans push back against the idea. That’s where I see my next challenge, and I think I have a unique ability to provide permission for them to participate, because of who I am, because of that resume that says I’m a killer. Special Operations soldiers occupy a high rung on the hierarchy in the military. In being a Special Operations soldier risking emotional vulnerability, it shows others they can do the same.

A year ago, I was meeting with a mental health counselor at the local V.A. office. It was helpful, but didn’t address the root of my isolation, frustration, and depression. I still felt disconnected. One of the most powerful aspects of the community I joined was that veterans and civilians met on equal footing. It’s an easy trap for a service member who just separated to only associate with other veterans. All too often, I see vets falling into this sinkhole of isolation. Their community, and their experience are limited to others like them, and they miss out on the opportunity to truly rejoin the community they left, and connect with and contribute to the society they defended while in the service. Bridging that gap is the next step in my Hero’s Journey.

Check out this Fatherly post for more about Aaron and his experience with men’s groups. Also listen to Aaron’s podcast with Albert Chien.

Our genome needs community. Our culture transformed from a tribal culture to an electronic culture in the course of 10,000 years. Our genes are still back in the tribe.

All the new research about how men are struggling is good—it brings attention to a growing problem. There are many solutions that get thrown at men from drugs to manning up. None of these work, let alone deal with the cause.

Over the last two decades of running and supporting men’s groups we discovered that when men have a safe group, they will recreate the essence of the tribe.

To better understand the importance of communities on our well being read Sebastian Junger’s book, Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging. There is no better explanation of how communities can prevent and heal PTSD.

Junger’s book addresses the essences of what our groups do for men. The groups are not therapy. They are men creating their own tribe so they can heal, connect, and create. It couldn’t be simpler or more powerful.

As we end 2017 and prepare for 2018 our Men Corps website was redesigned. We needed to up-level our site for what we have planned for 2018 and work with Evryman.

More statistics, news stories and requests for information about men’s groups show up that is there a growing need for what we support. We have men from around the world contacting us and enrolling in starting their men’s group.

More than ever before, men are saying we will change. We will create a new future for ourselves and those we love. We will contribute our unique gifts.

The future of men lies with men. There is nothing more powerful than men showing up being themselves to change and help other men change. We are creating new tribes.

Join us. Join a men’s group, start a group, or support a man or us so more men can benefit from men’s groups.

It was amazing that within a few weeks of going through the steps of incorporating and submitting the IRS form, I was approval.

As we work on our projects, such as research around men’s group—we will need your support.

I can’t think of a better investment in our future than investing in men’s emotional well-being through free men’s groups.

Thank you for being with us on this journey.

This is our introduction to our interactive presentation we did at WDS (World Domination Summit). If you did attend, here’s a review. If you didn’t here’s what we said to introduce the concept of micro-communities.

I’m Ken Solin, author of a book about micro-communities, Act Like a Man, and a writer for The Huffington Post. Owen Marcus and I are honored you’ve come to hear what we’ve gleaned about micro communities in our 50 years’ combined experience. Micros are the quintessential solution to the vacuum created by isolation from the pack. We’ll share how to nurture your spirits and grow your self-esteem.  Our success is inextricably linked to yours.

Like you, we’re independent-minded entrepreneurs who eschewed the corporate path. Like you, we became our own leaders and heroes. What we’ll share with you can enhance the quality of both your personal and business lives. We promise that the effort you expend in your micros will be rewarded exponentially.

Micros are the next quantum leap in social networking, but unlike Facebook, your micro experience will be deeply personal and intimate. Your micro partners will become lifelong friends. The friendships I’ve developed in my micro over 25 years have carried me through my best and worst times.

Each of you is already on a path to success, and you all deserve unconditional support, celebration, and nurturing, on your journeys. This level of support isn’t available anywhere else.

You’re intelligent, progressive, men and women. Life is good, but perhaps there’s the feeling that something is missing. Perhaps you wonder, “This is it, this is all there is?” because you’re simply not feeling the level of satisfaction you thought you would after working so hard to succeed.

I’ll pose a few questions to point out what might be missing.

Is your IQ higher than that of 7 of your peers combined?

Is your emotional IQ higher than 7 of your peers combined?

As a 30 year old, for instance, is your life experience more expansive than the 240 years life experiences of an 8-member micro?

The wisdom of a micro-community is greater than any one of its members’. The sum is greater than its parts.

What issues might you struggle with that you can share with seven of your peers?

Just to name a few: relationships, friendships, careers, dating, marriage, sex, sexuality, divorce, health, personal growth, and more are all grist for the mill in a micro. You’ll be part of an organic group where everyone’s voice is equal.

What prevents this deeper level of connection in the greater world? Trust, or lack of trust actually. Unconditional trust is implicit in a micro-community. Nothing is out of bounds for discussion. There’s no shame, no ego, no guilt, no judgment, no advice, and no leader.

The unconditional support of your micro can make the difference between just surviving an emotional crisis, and working through it and healing. Who are you going to call the next time your life falls apart? Who’ll be at your door to support you? If your answer is no one, don’t worry; your isolation is fixable.

The opposite end of the emotional spectrum is equally critical. Swallowing your joy alone can feel similar to the pain of choking on your pain alone. It hurts when something terrific occurs in your life and you don’t have anyone to applaud you or just be happy and proud for you.

There will be many seminal events in your lives that can benefit from the attention of peers who love you unconditionally. That’s what’s available in a micro-community, a permanent cheerleading squad, devoted to your well being. The notion of going through life as a lone warrior is 1950’s thinking, and it didn’t work then either. Individual therapy can be helpful, but it can’t begin to reach the level of intimacy and support of a micro. And, unlike therapy, micros are free.

The only limitations in life are those we impose on ourselves. Being a loner is living in a vacuum, and nothing thrives in a vacuum. You’ll be better prepared to do battle with your demons, and to share your joys, with the support from your peers.

Owen is going to explain the origins and the process of creating your own micro. We’ll put you on the path. We know that as entrepreneurs, independent thinkers, and seekers, you’ll have your micros up and running in a few weeks. Thanks for choosing our workshop.

The Primordial Principles of Micros

What did we have 2.5 million years ago?…

We had tribes.

What did these tribes do for us?…

Yes, they were our protection and enabled us to be successful hunters and gatherers. Yet, they provided more.

These tribes were the social and psychological matrix of our existence. They fulfilled our primordial need to belong. They watched our backs. They were there when we needed someone. They held us emotionally.

These tribes educated us, they mentored us, and held us accountable. They showed us how to mature as men and women.

These tribes witnessed and celebrated our successes. They marked our passages. They initiated us into new stages of our lives.

Micros’ lineage

10,000 years ago we left the tribe for the farm. 200 years ago we left the farm for the factory. 25 years ago we left the factory for the computer.

All along this journey, our genes and instincts have remained the same. Over millions of years our genome was perfected. Our ancestor’s genome is 99.9% the same as  our genome. Our primordial need for a tribal community still exists in us. We are hardwired to need a tribe. Much of our general malaise can be attributed to no longer belonging to a tribe.

For the last 50 years we have searched for our tribes attempting to satiate the hunger for deep connection; first through encounter groups,  then the women’s and men’s movements, and now men’s groups.

Where do you go for your tribe—to Africa?  No. You create your own micro-community. You feed your dormant need for a small community by creating your own community, one that serves only its members. A micro is not outwardly focused. Its purpose is to serve its members. We need one group in our lives that exists only for us, not for someone or something else.

We de-evolved from our primordial essence. Now we need to re-evolve together with our micro-communities. Don’t do it alone, live your remarkable life with others.

Go tribal… start a micro.

How to

The details of how to create and run your micro-community is on our site: www.mencorps.wpengine.com, so you don’t need to focus on the details. Yet let me show you how easy it is to start a group by laying out the key steps.

1. create a vision of what you want
2. create guidelines (protocol for the group) –  the agreed understandings
   1. this becomes the container for the group
3. invite friends and have those friends invite others until you reach your goal
   1. use your vision and guidelines to enroll your members
4. start the first meeting with a deepening question
   1. e.g. How are you not like your father (mothers)?
5. model emotional risk taking
6. come back next week
7. you have a micro

It was an honor to present our passion to the people at WDS – thank you.

Photo by Hamish Irvine via Compfight 

We all need help having that relationship we want. We go to school often for decades to learn our profession. How much training or support did you get to have a remarkable relationship or marriage? I got none.

I wrote this post for RoleReboot on on how to use  micro-communities to not only teach us what we didn’t get to learn, but also support us in our relationships. Your micro can be the easiest wayto learn what was never taught. Your partner will appreciate the investment. You don’t need to tell her or him it’s a lot of fun:)

photo by  Sparky via Compfight

We not only lose the more personal interactions, we are unlearning those skills. For some they are never learning the skills. Not only are these skills necessary for professional advancement, they are necessary for a happy life.

Let’s continue to develop our social media relations… as we develop our micro-communities. Have your micro-community be where you learn and renew your interpersonal skills and relationships. Have your micro be your tribe of deep relationships.

An infographic from schools.com

Micro-communities and men’s groups’ popularity continues to grow. It seems being an emotionally intelligent man is now cool. For years the old macho persona prevailed, now men are learning what was never taught them – how to have their emotions be an asset.

This recent article in the Marin, CA paper about Ken Solin, cofounder of Men Corps speaks to this growing interest in masculine emotional intelligence and micro-communities.

Zero-Point Production out of New York asked us recently to lead a pilot for a reality TV show about a men’s group as the first step to creating another successful show for them. Our plan to film a weekend with eight men and us should be fun… who knows what will happen.

Read about our presenting at WDS (The World Domination Summit) in July about micros. We are looking forward to meeting many of you there and sharing the power of micro-communities.

I can’t think of a better place for men to learn the art of masculine emotional intelligence than in the micro-community of a men’s group.