The Hero Principles http://www.theheroprinciples.com New Relationship Wisdom for Men Mon, 01 Jun 2009 15:02:21 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 en hourly 1 MenMasteringRelationshiphttp://feedburner.google.com Your Relationship Coaching Is Paid For… Claim it! http://www.theheroprinciples.com/special-events/your-relationship-coaching-is-paid-for-claim-it/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/special-events/your-relationship-coaching-is-paid-for-claim-it/#comments Mon, 01 Jun 2009 15:02:21 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=182 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Your Relationship Coaching Is Paid For… Claim it!", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/special-events/your-relationship-coaching-is-paid-for-claim-it/" }); ]]> Have you heard of the Pay-it-Forward concept?

The idea is that someone else has ALREADY paid for the product or service you want.
It’s yours for the taking…

And you’re invited to pay for the NEXT person, so that they might have the same opportunity.

It’s a whole new way of doing business that is based fully on ABUNDANCE.

Is this cool or what?!

I was first introduced to the Pay it Forward concept at a Vipassana meditation  retreat, and it resonated with me deeply. (In fact, it was probably a critical part of my decision to take advantage of that particular life-changing opportunity).

Recently my mother spoke of the idea. Then a good friend and colleague decided to switch his whole coaching business to a “pay-it-forward” system.

I’ve been deeply inspired by these two people… and by the gratitude,  trust and abundance that pay-it-forward can produce (and is already producing) in the world.

In the important work of helping men and couples transform relationship challenges, I’ve sometimes struggled to help prospective clients take that crucial first step forward. Sometimes money fears are the issue.

So I’m trying something new.
I’m creating SIX Pay-it-Forward client opportunities to get this ball rolling!
You could be one of them if you step up and call or email me now. 

In other words, the relationship coaching that could save your marriage or take it to a higher level IS ALREADY PAID FOR… it’s already yours. You just have to claim it with a phone call or email to me directly.

Throughout our coaching you will have the opportunity to give this experience to the next person (or couple) by contributing whatever dollar amount you choose, without any pressure or expectation from me.

I’m very excited about the possibilities of this new business model, especially if it lets me serve more people, more effectively.

I had one main reservation that I had to work through, and I don’t mind sharing it with you:

As a client, your coaching success is determined largely by your level of commitment and your personal investment. That’s been a big factor in determining the price that I’ve attached to my programs and services. Simply put, if you make a big investment in yourself, you’re likely to show up more powerfully in the coaching and create more powerful (and valuable!) results.

So how will a pay-it-forward system affect this dynamic? I honestly don’t know…
but I can’t wait to find out!

I currently have room for SIX new Pay it Forward clients for one-one-one or couples coaching, or even for my Men’s 30 Day Program (That’s right, you can ignore the $900 price tag at the bottom. At the end of the program you Pay Forward WHATEVER AMOUNT YOU CHOOSE so that another man can have a relationship transformation!). This program is a pro-active alternative to conventional counseling or therapy… specially designed for men.

Am I crazy? Maybe in a very good way. (Actually I think I’m discovering my sanity.)
Is there some catch? Absolutely not. 

Pure opportunity… plain and simple.

In Gratitude and Abundance,
Justice Marshall

 

PS - One of the underpinnings of this idea, and one that I firmly believe in, is that when our marriages and relationships become light, joyous and positive experiences… the whole world benefits. 


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]]> http://www.theheroprinciples.com/special-events/your-relationship-coaching-is-paid-for-claim-it/feed/ She’s angry and never wrong. I’m the doormat. What should I do? http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/#comments Mon, 18 May 2009 16:19:52 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=174 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "She’s angry and never wrong. I’m the doormat. What should I do?", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/" }); ]]> I pulled this man’s story/question from a post over at the admirable www.IamHusband.com
It’s such a classic issue, and one that I want to shed some light on in these pages.
You can see the original post here. 
 

I had a terrible row with my wife yesterday. It’s a long story and there are two sides. 

In short she got stuck at the airport in bad weather. She called me in a very angry state and asked me to look at other flights on the net. I was in a rush to get to a meeting (in a pub as it happens) so I looked quickly and saw it would cost another €75 to change her flight. She wanted another flight only two hours earlier than the one she was on. At this stage her later flight had not been canceled. I argued that it was an expensive two hours. She swore at me and put the phone down. I sent her a text asking if I should book the flight. She sent another back saying I had to be kidding, so I went out to my meeting.

Half way through the meeting she called to ask me to book the flight. Her flight had now been cancelled. But I was half an hour away from the internet and she had ten minutes before the booking slot ended. She flew off the handle and cursed me in every horrible word she could think of.

It turned out the flight that she missed was the only flight that left until 9pm that night (neither of us were aware of this at that stage). She called me again. I cut my meeting short, went home and booked her on the later flight. But by now the damage was done. In her mind I had gone off down the pub and left her in her hour of need. I was the villain.

Personally, I have apologised but I’m lying. I still think she should accept some of the blame. But in her mind she’s the victim. Now she is still punishing me but I feel empty because I will never be heard.

I feel that she is never wrong. In this case I think one could argue that the whole mess is her fault and due as in so many other cases to her anger problems. As usual I am the doormat. I pretend I am wrong and apologise until she ‘forgives’ me.

I can’t go on like this. What should I do?

 

My Answer - 

Wow. What a great question. An angry woman can be more than a little scary, especially if you don’t understand what is truly being asked of you.

First, stop apologizing when you don’t mean it. 
Second, do you realize that under her anger is hurt? And that it probably has very little or nothing to do with you? Don’t bother telling her this (she doesn’t want to hear it), just stop taking it so personally. 

Next time she’s irrational and angry, see if you can care for the hurt. You don’t even have to really engage the anger. 

What she REALLY wants from you is to feel safe and cared for. She wants to know you are stronger than her anger. Create a container of safety for the storm. Don’t be blown over by it, don’t resist it. See it for what it is… a test.

What’s up with you wanting her to accept “blame?” That’s not going to get you anywhere. Let go of who’s right or reasonable or to blame and focus on creating safety for her. Only then will she relax enough to start working through the real issues and taking responsibility for her feelings and actions. I know it’s a lot, but that’s what is being asked of you.

And friend, next time she’s stuck at the airport in bad weather and wants to spend 150 bucks on a new ticket, buy it for her! Don’t grumble and drag your heels, step up and do it powerfully. Be her Hero. Treat her like she’s the most precious and delightful woman in your world… and that’s what she’ll become.

 


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]]> http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/feed/ “I’m not getting the Passion and Respect I want in my relationship… AND her sister is driving us apart.” http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/im-not-getting-the-passion-and-respect-i-want-in-my-relationship-and-her-sister-is-driving-us-apart/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/im-not-getting-the-passion-and-respect-i-want-in-my-relationship-and-her-sister-is-driving-us-apart/#comments Mon, 11 May 2009 16:13:04 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=127 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "“I’m not getting the Passion and Respect I want in my relationship… AND her sister is driving us apart.”", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/im-not-getting-the-passion-and-respect-i-want-in-my-relationship-and-her-sister-is-driving-us-apart/" }); ]]>  

I received this letter from a reader recently:

Dear Justice,

I read your book and I really appreciate how your e-mails help me keep my eye on my goal of being a good boyfriend.

The thing is, I live with my girlfriend’s sister and there have been a number of things that make it so hard to keep a normal relationship. About 2 years ago Melinda (my girlfriend) lost her mother who was a stay at home mom, cooked and cleaned, and went above and beyond for her kids. Now her dad has met someone else who is a very bad influence in his life. Melinda’s sister (Katie) couldn’t live with her dad any more because he kept bringing this person around, so Katie is living with us.

The main problem is that anytime I try to have a conversation about how I’m feeling about how Katie is acting, doing, not doing… my girlfriend brings up everything she’s been through over the last 2 years including things in our relationship that I’ve messed up on. I’m all for being the HERO and I would love to be a better man in this kind of situation. I’ve made a list of all the things that I feel I’m missing in my relationship and things Katie is doing that make me upset, and you can tell me what you think or what you would do.
 

Katie:

  • Does not try do make a financial contribution to the household.
  • She does not respect me.
  • She does not care about my privacy.
  • She does not take an interest in how her sister is feeling. 
  • She’s not a person of her word.
  • And she does not do anything that in some way won’t benefit her.


Things missing from my relationship:

  • Passion.
  • Respect.
  • Compassion.
  • Communication.
  • Trust.
  • Acceptance.
  • Laughter.
  • Romance.

 

Please Help,

Adam

 

My Response:

 

Dear Adam,

Here’s the bottom line:
Every time you blame or put your focus “over there” on someone else, you miss the point.
You dis-empower yourself.

If you will accept that challenges arise without necessarily being anyone’s “fault”, then you will be better equipped to rise to those challenges and find the opportunity within them. 

Ultimately the opportunity is always some version of this: Be present, open your heart, and keep growing into the man you are capable of being. That is what your life and relationship challenges are all about. This is NOT to say that you shouldn’t take action. Quite the contrary. You just want to be sure the action you take reflects your truest values and your most empowered, wisest self. In other words, you want to act from your True Hero Nature… right?

My intention in writing The Hero Principles is to provide a map, a compass to help guide your actions and keep you on your hero path. For example, if you decide that it’s time for you and your girlfriend to have your own space back, and for her sister to move out, make sure you are clear that you are taking a stand FOR your relationship, not AGAINST her sister. And remember Hero Principle #4: Do it Powerfully. Provide support and guidance to both of these women to the best of your ability. 

When I look at your list of the things missing from your relationship, I can really relate. I’ve been there, and I’ve seen many men work through similar circumstances.

So here is the answer to your question. Here is the best way (perhaps the ONLY way) to bring these missing qualities into your relationship:

Start living them in every part of your life right now. Give YOURSELF what you want so desperately from her.
 

You want PASSION in your relationship.
Are you following your own life PASSION? 
Are you living purposefully?
Are you playing full-out?
Do you have friends that support and inspire you?
Is your work meaningful?

You want RESPECT in your relationship.
How much RESPECT do you show yourself every day?
Do you take care of your health… Mentally, physically, and spiritually?

You want COMPASSION in your relationship.
How much COMPASSION do you show yourself?
How kind are you to YOU?

You want COMMUNICATION in your relationship.
How well do you COMMUNICATE with you?
Do you listen to your own wisdom?
Do you know your heart?

You want TRUST and ACCEPTANCE in your relationship.
How fully do you TRUST and ACCEPT yourself?

You want LAUGHTER in your relationship.
Can you lovingly laugh at yourself?
Can you meet your challenges with humour?

You want ROMANCE in your relationship.
Will you ROMANCE yourself, basking in the glow of your own heart?
Will you let yourself enjoy the beauty and inspiration of all of life, regardless of your girlfriend’s mood?
 

Do you see what I’m getting at here?
The more you give these things to yourself, the more you embody them in every moment, the more you will become a magnet for attracting them from others.

Look at each of the qualities that you named right now and make an honest assessment - How fully you are living each one? What are you willing to do to bring more of these qualities into your life right now, regardless of Melinda, Katie or anyone else? Choose one action that you will commit to for each quality. Write it down and share it with a friend. Email it to me or post it on this blog.

Is this the only answer to your question? No. If you were my client, we would go more deeply into helping you understand and respond effectively to these issues. But I can tell you with certainty - this is how you begin. This is the foundation.

Whether you choose to work with a coach or not, please find a men’s group and/or accountability partner. Bring yourself into the company of men who will support and challenge you to be your best.

Even the best of us can’t always do it alone.

Thanks for stretching your edge and doing your best. The world needs men like you.

All My Best,

Justice

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]]> http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/im-not-getting-the-passion-and-respect-i-want-in-my-relationship-and-her-sister-is-driving-us-apart/feed/ The “Love Like You’re Gonna Die the Day-after-Tomorrow” Challenge http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/the-love-like-youre-gonna-die-the-day-after-tomorrow-challenge/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/the-love-like-youre-gonna-die-the-day-after-tomorrow-challenge/#comments Sat, 02 May 2009 19:04:38 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=102 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "The “Love Like You’re Gonna Die the Day-after-Tomorrow” Challenge", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/the-love-like-youre-gonna-die-the-day-after-tomorrow-challenge/" }); ]]>  

I received an inspiring email from a man using The Hero Principles in his marriage.

It begins:

“Hi Justice,
Your book is really awesome.  It has come at the perfect time.  I have been married to my wonderful bride for 26 years.   We have been working on recovering our relationship for the past two years - and it takes time.”

His statement that “it takes time” really caught my attention. It would be easy to agree with the idea that recovering a 26 year marriage “takes time.” After all, isn’t that what conventional wisdom would say? But I wondered, is that really true? Does it HAVE to take time?

In a word - NO. In fact, I’ve seen big change happen overnight, so why continue to unconsciously program ourselves with the message “it takes time?” It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy!
What would a more powerful belief be?

How about…
“Miracles happen.”
or “I can spontaneously heal my relationship whenever I choose.”
 

I responded to this man:

“I’m very happy to hear that The Hero Principles are serving you and your marriage.
26 years is an accomplishment to celebrate!

In service to you, I want to challenge your belief “it takes time.”
How is this belief slowing you down?

I know that in every moment I can apply one or more of the 7 principles and experience an IMMEDIATE improvement
in the quality of my relationship, regardless of my wife’s conscious participation. 

Would you be willing for the next 7 days to commit to taking action that produces immediate results? 
And then to celebrate those results and watch them grow?

Every time you think “it takes time,” you could imagine you have 48 hours left to live.
That might give you a new kind of motivation.

I know you didn’t ask specifically for this kind of feedback, but it’s my gift to you.
You may, of course, receive it as you wish.”

I felt a little hesitant to give that kind of push when it wasn’t asked for, but I figured it was in service to him so I went for it. I’m glad I did.
 
His Response:
“You are absolutely right!  I see exactly what my limiting belief was (and is no longer).  Everything you have been discussing, including beliefs about results, take place in the here and Now. 
 
I accept your challenge.  To taking immediate action to produce the results I desire.  (The money jar is already on the mantle for Principle 1).  The opportunity to take action on the other 6 principles is every moment of every day with my partner (and with my self).
 
I will be looking for next seven days to take action, having only 48 hours left to live (nothing in this life is guaranteed.)   I say “Thank You” as my first thought when the alarm goes off in the morning.  I have so much to be thankful for.
 
Thank You for offering the insight and feedback.”
 
So, I have a new name for this challenge…
It’s The 7 day “Love Like You’re Gonna Die the Day-after-Tomorrow” Challenge.
 
Are you in?  

 

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]]> http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/the-love-like-youre-gonna-die-the-day-after-tomorrow-challenge/feed/ Calling all Heroes! A Relationship Wake-up Call for Men http://www.theheroprinciples.com/relationship-success/calling-all-heroes-a-relationship-wake-up-call-for-men/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/relationship-success/calling-all-heroes-a-relationship-wake-up-call-for-men/#comments Wed, 29 Apr 2009 21:43:30 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=93 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Calling all Heroes! A Relationship Wake-up Call for Men", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/relationship-success/calling-all-heroes-a-relationship-wake-up-call-for-men/" }); ]]>  

Guys - How much responsibility are you taking right now for the quality of your marriage or relationship? Choose a number. 40%? 50%? 90%?

I have news for you: Unless you are taking 100% Full Responsibility for the quality of your relationship, you are short-changing yourself and your partner.

So what does it really mean to take Full Responsibility for the quality of your relationship?

It means you are always “Able to Respond” to any situation you encounter. It means not succumbing to old habitual reactions. It means never shaming or blaming yourself or her. It means never choosing to justify your behaviour.

Perhaps more realistically, it means having a commitment that guides you, an ideal that brings you back whenever you fall.

I used to have the same fight with my wife over and over.

Under stress, I would snap at her or treat her less than kindly. Then I would justify my behaviour, pointing out how she had pushed me to my edge. She would be angry and demand reassurance that I wouldn’t treat her like that ever again. She would say that she deserved better and that she wouldn’t tolerate being spoken to like that. I would say that her demands were unreasonable and that she pushes me. I would say that if she wanted my behaviour to change, she should change her own.

And around and around we would go. Is this sounding familiar to anyone?

Well guess what. I woke up. I realized that I was dis-empowering myself and failing to provide a container of safety for my wife. Once I woke up to this fully, everything changed… overnight… literally. The benefits were incredible! I took a new kind of positive leadership in my marriage.

I became invincible… And she became my biggest fan!

When we men get in touch with our innate strength and ability (what I call our True Hero Nature), we can literally transform our relationship patterns immediately.

My loving challenge to my brothers:

Commit to taking Full Responsibility for the quality of your relationship today. If you slip, simply come back to your commitment. If you fall prey to blame, shame or justification… congratulate yourself for catching yourself in the act and come back to your True Hero Nature.

Let me know how it goes.

All My Best,
Justice Marshall

This post was originally written for Melissa Zwanger’s (Goddess Coach) newsletter. 
http://www.yourgoddesscoach.com/ 

 


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]]> http://www.theheroprinciples.com/relationship-success/calling-all-heroes-a-relationship-wake-up-call-for-men/feed/ Letter from a Hero - Sang Koh: Lucky Man http://www.theheroprinciples.com/hero-stories/letter-from-a-hero-sang-koh-lucky-man/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/hero-stories/letter-from-a-hero-sang-koh-lucky-man/#comments Wed, 15 Apr 2009 02:01:48 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=80 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Letter from a Hero - Sang Koh: Lucky Man", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/hero-stories/letter-from-a-hero-sang-koh-lucky-man/" }); ]]>  

(I got this from a Hero Principles reader and Facebook friend recently. I thought it was worth sharing.)

Following your teachings and advice from The Hero Principles has really been changing my life, and my relationship with my wife. We’ve been together now for 14 years, and understanding my role in creating what I want has been life changing. Thank you so much Justice for sharing so much with all of us. I am eternally grateful:)

As I begin to realize just how much power I have in my own life, and what it means to start living my life as a man, comfortable with myself, I wanted to share the lyrics from a Verve song.  The song is Lucky Man, and I’d listened to it so many times in the past, but never really heard the message.  I’m sure most people have probably heard this song too.  But once I really listened to the lyrics, I realized just how powerful they are, and how much it speaks to exactly what I’m going through in my own transformation, as I learn to love myself for the person and the man I am, and not basing my own happiness on the validation of others.  Just amazing how many times you can hear something and never REALLY hear it until you’re aware.  And then the message is so obvious and clear.  Anyway, I just wanted to share. 

Be amazing:)
Sang.

Happiness
More or less
It’s just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Oh, my, my
Happiness
Coming and going
I watch you look at me
Watch my fever growing
I know just where I am

But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind?

But I’m a lucky man
With fire in my hands

Happiness
Something in my own place
I’m stood here naked
Smiling, I feel no disgrace
With who I am

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]]> http://www.theheroprinciples.com/hero-stories/letter-from-a-hero-sang-koh-lucky-man/feed/ Relationship Success Defined http://www.theheroprinciples.com/relationship-success/relationship-success-defined/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/relationship-success/relationship-success-defined/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 01:10:22 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=63 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Relationship Success Defined", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/relationship-success/relationship-success-defined/" }); ]]>  

That’s right folks, this is where I put myself squarely on the line and declare a universal definition of Relationship Success.

Is it compatibility?
How long you’ve been together? 
Great sex?
Communication?

Here’s my take -

A successful relationship is one in which MORE is possible WITHIN the relationship than WITHOUT it.

More of what you ask?

More of whatever you value…

More Ease
More Growth
More Love
More Money
More Freedom
More Safety
More Fun
More Depth

This can be summed up with one word… “synergy.”

“Synergy” = The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.

How synergistic is your relationship?
Be honest. Is your relationship ENERGIZING you or DRAINING you?

If you’re not experiencing synergy in your marriage or relationship… Why not? 

(By the way, packing in your current relationship and looking for a more “synergistic” one is probably NOT going to work.)

Well? Am I right about this one?

Comments?

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]]> http://www.theheroprinciples.com/relationship-success/relationship-success-defined/feed/ “If I had read this book a year ago I would not be separated from my wife.” http://www.theheroprinciples.com/hero-stories/if-i-had-read-this-book-a-year-ago-i-would-not-be-separated-from-my-wife/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/hero-stories/if-i-had-read-this-book-a-year-ago-i-would-not-be-separated-from-my-wife/#comments Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:44:57 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=44 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "“If I had read this book a year ago I would not be separated from my wife.”", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/hero-stories/if-i-had-read-this-book-a-year-ago-i-would-not-be-separated-from-my-wife/" }); ]]> “If I had read this book a year ago I would not be separated from my wife.” 
 
That’s what “Mark” told me after reading The Hero Principles and coming
to my live event recently. Here’s his story in his words. Only the names have been changed…
       

“My name is Mark and on Dec 5th 2009 I moved out of my house and away from my family. I had been with the same woman for 22 years and I have 2 teenage boys. My wife made the decision to end our marriage. This is not what I wanted and I was willing to fight for my marriage. She was not.
 
I knew for at least the year before I moved out that my marriage was in trouble but I always thought we would work it out. I did not see the dear john letter coming. During the year before I moved out I was in a lot of pain and I cried out. The more I cried out the worse things got. I was scared, insecure and basically a total mess. The harder I tried to hang on to my marriage the faster it slipped away. I made many mistakes.
 
A very dear friend of mine was available to help me through the roughest times and prevented me from completely self destructing. Without her help I probably would have slid in to a very deep gutter. (Justice will tell you that a man needs to rely on another man for help. I tend to agree with that but this situation worked for me). Her help was completely platonic in nature and I am grateful every day that she was there for me.
 
One day after I had moved out my friend emailed me Justice’s new book The Hero Principles. I read the entire book in 1 sitting (about 45 min) and after I was finished sat in kind of a numb shock. The thought that kept going through my mind was that if I had read this book a year ago I would not be separated from my wife.      

Most of the information relates to an existing relationship but for me it really helped me understand what went wrong.

I still blame my wife for ending the marriage but after reading the book I was able to take on full responsibility for the crisis that my marriage was in. My wife’s emotional issues had a adverse affect on our marriage and I did not deal with that very well. I know now there was a better way to do things that would have prevented a lot of pain and suffering for my wife and kids as well as others.
 
A short time later my friend told me about a presentation that Justice was doing. I resisted at first but she convinced me that attending would help my growth and development. She was very right. The presentation dealt a lot with masculine and feminine quality’s in both men and women. I read about that in the book but did not have a complete understanding of the message.
 
During the presentation a light bulb went on in my head when I realized that while my marriage was in crisis I was running feminine energy especially when it came to safety. It all made so much sense. I had such a clear understanding of how things went so terribly wrong.
 
After the presentation I decided to see Justice and go through his 30 day relationship program. This program is designed more for people in existing relationships but we decided to proceed with a slightly modified format. Working through the exercises gave me a deeper understanding of relationships and I was convinced that I was preparing my self well for my next meaningful relationship.
 
Taking full responsibility for my relationship with someone else and gender synergy were for me cornerstone philosophies that I embraced. As we moved through our counselling sessions the focus switched from relationship coaching to life coaching. This was very beneficial and it made me realize that I still had some work to do on myself.    

I learned about applying hero qualities with all women in my life as well as discovering a purpose in life and embracing the emotional pain that I struggle with.

I now have a much healthier relationship with my x wife and I’m seeing the benefits from that (more communication, less conflicts).
 
On Thurs Apr 9th I’m picking up my boys and taking them away to spend Easter with them. This will be the first time that the boy’s will be away from their mom at Easter in their entire lives. When I pick up the boys I’m going to give Emily (my ex) a Easter lily and a card. I believe that is the Hero thing to do.”

 

 

 

 

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]]> http://www.theheroprinciples.com/hero-stories/if-i-had-read-this-book-a-year-ago-i-would-not-be-separated-from-my-wife/feed/ “I don’t feel that pull towards her anymore.” http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/i-dont-feel-that-pull-towards-her-anymore/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/i-dont-feel-that-pull-towards-her-anymore/#comments Fri, 03 Apr 2009 02:53:53 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=36 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "“I don’t feel that pull towards her anymore.”", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/i-dont-feel-that-pull-towards-her-anymore/" }); ]]> I got this letter from a reader recently:

I have faced a very strange issue recently. You see I am aware of all the hero principles for a long time, your book gave me confirmation though.

I am with my girlfriend for about 7 months now and we have an awesome relationship. It was full of polarity passion, love and sharing but recently I don’t feel that pull towards her anymore. She is attracted to me because I am very masculine. I love her and want to feel that passion for her again. 

I think it might be because I didn’t spend time with the guys (she spends time with her girlfriends). Or I noticed that recently we did quite the same things and didn’t grow.

I am not sure tough. I told her about all this and she started crying but I want to be honest anyway.

Do you have any suggestions?

 

My Response:

Here’s something to know about love…

We tend to think about Love as something that
happens TO us. We might be skilled enough to set the 
stage with flowers, romance, the right words, the right
kind of touch… but for most of us the time comes when 
the feeling of Love that we have grown to expect 
deserts us and we wonder if it’s time to move on.

The opportunity then is to CHOOSE Love.

It feels strange at first, like you’re being inauthentic, but
what happens is that your whole sense of love matures to
an empowering new level. Rather than being
subjected to the fancies of a whimsical, fleeting love…
you can actually become a master of love.

How? Practice. Do the undoable. Love her even when
you don’t “feel like it.” Repeat. 

This is the test that you are now facing.

I hear that you want to feel “that passion for her again.”
The passion that you crave is the magnetism that brings two
people together at the beginning of their relationship.

If you will take a stand for Love, and for your 
commitment to your girlfriend, greater gifts await… including
a deeper passion and attraction than you know. 

Keep cultivating environments to support love
and passion. Do what you do well. AND Choose Love. 
Jump into the void, into the unknown.

Spend one minute each day with an accountability
partner to help keep you on track. 

If you have it in you, console your girlfriend. She is perfect for 
you and wants to feel your solidity and commitment. 
Don’t go wishy-washy or wobbly with her. She wants to feel safe. 
If you’re feeling shaky, go to a MAN who will support
your highest good and take a stand for your relationship.

You’re on a Hero’s journey of Discovery and Mastery.

You’re on the perfect path.

Much respect,
Justice


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]]> http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/i-dont-feel-that-pull-towards-her-anymore/feed/ Live Interview w/ Jayson Gaddis: Revolutionary Man http://www.theheroprinciples.com/special-events/live-interview-w-jayson-gaddis-revolutionary-man/ http://www.theheroprinciples.com/special-events/live-interview-w-jayson-gaddis-revolutionary-man/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:20:21 +0000 justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=15 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Live Interview w/ Jayson Gaddis: Revolutionary Man", url: "http://www.theheroprinciples.com/special-events/live-interview-w-jayson-gaddis-revolutionary-man/" }); ]]> On Wednesday, April 1 - My friend Jayson Gaddis at Revolutionary Man will be interviewing me about how men can take charge and turn relationship challenges around fast. I plan to focus on 3 key Hero Principles. 

The interview is part of his membership forum. There is a membership fee, but you can sign up and try it free for 2 months.

Get the details here: 
http://revolutionaryman.com/monthly-forum/

I’d sure love to have Hero Principles alumni on the call!

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