Dating Advice, Love and Relationship Tips, Online Dating Site Reviews - Men On Venus

First Kiss Advice, How To Do It

2008-05-20T13:53:57Z

Are you one of those foolish men who takes the first kiss for granted? Let me tell you my friend, the first kiss is one of the most important aspects of a whole relationship, it can either make it or brake it right there on the spot.Why?

For women the first kiss with a guy is like going on a test drive of what the entire relationship will be like attraction wise, it also tells them at what speed they should let the relationship progress (good first kiss = sex ASAP).She usually expects some magical chemistry and sparkles to fly out of her ass as her right leg raises, the sad part is most first kisses aren’t fairy tale like, so you’ll have to create the magic yourself by being prepared and knowing what to do.

Having a good first kiss and making sure she remembers it is something very important, if it becomes this awkward situation where she feels uncomfortable just thinking how the next one will be, odd’s are it wont last long…you want her to feel comfortable and look forward to more kisses like that and raise her curiosity on how you are in other areas of intimacy.

First Kiss Advice

Isolate: The first kiss is something special and should be done in privacy, personally I get nervous when I’m in a big crowd of people and have to kiss a girl for the first time, it all seems rushed and your both distracted with the noises, music, vibration, and the special moment you want her to remember will seem to go by faster than usual (noise has an alteration of time effect making it seem more swift).

The first kiss is personal and you don’t want to share with a crowd, stay away from clubs, restaurants, concerts and find some secluded spot like on a walk, different room, at the beach, on her door step.

Moment: Studying real estate, they kept repeating the whole “location, location, location” cliche, well I’m going to say “moment, moment, moment”. I think the moment you decide to make the big step is crucial on the result it will have, eg: try and find a special moment where you both stop speaking, your eyes meet and don’t look away, tenderly grab her chin with your thumb and index and gently position her face as you make your move.But It’s not only about the moment you make the move but also the moment you pull out of the kiss, drag the kiss along for a bit and just when you think it’s at it’s peak, remove yourself from her lips, it will show her who’s in control and leave her dying for more.

Rushing It: As I said in the Isolation advice, you want the moment to seem long and deep (and stop at its peak as mentioned above) not short and wimpy.Your aim is to make the first experience feel like one of those chick flick passionate kiss slow moments.

It might of seemed great as teen when you got those peck kisses secretly in the school bathroom but in a real date you don’t want to come across as timid, after reading all this and making you nervous I know you’ll probably be having the “lets get this over with” attitude which many guys have as they basically want to get down to the good stuff, but before you kiss her, take a deep breath, relax and appreciate every bit of it without thinking to much ahead.

First Kiss Tips

Breath: The first thing I do before going out on a date (or anywhere) is to brush my teeth, it’s common sense, It’s not only about the kiss but when you speak she can notice the bad breath you may have from your previous meal as well. If your going out for dinner be prepared, buy some mint gum, Mentos or even a breath spay (use it in the restroom not in front of her :|) and take them after your meal or drink (beer).

Out Of The Way: In many occasions it’s better to get the first kiss over with, the more you let it build up, the scarier it will seem for you to actually do it and worst of all, the more time she will have to build up her expectations to a point no matter how good your kiss it, it won’t live up to them.Get it out of the way and enjoy the freedom of not worrying or obsessing about it and actually having a good time by getting to know her.

Simple: The best first kiss advice I can give you is this: K.I.S.S = Keep It Simple Sir.

Indulge yourself in a simple yet sexy intimate kiss. Get rid of the whole kissing performance thoughts, and instead, realize that she’s opening the door to her soul and body.

One thing I learned along time ago when it comes to kisses, sex or anything in the sensual area is that It’s better to be an expert at the simple stuff, than to be mediocre at the fancy tricks.

Softly: You know how you see those intense kisses in the movies right before they get it on? That can only happen in a passionate intense moment, never try it on a first kiss attempt.

Think of her as if she was asleep and you gradually want to wake her up, your lips should barely touch hers softly and slowly.

DO’s:

Cheek: If you aren’t confident to get the first kiss out of the way in the first hour, try to kiss her in the cheek the moment you meet her, it prepares her for your future intentions later on.

Touch: A mistake many guys make is to go for the attack without any build up moment, you have to touch her a bit before you make such a move.For this part you have to be a bit creative, you can have the whole confident approach grab her by the waste and gently slide her towards you, or corner her against a wall as you run your fingers through her hair and softly touch her face.

Another soft way is to lean in toward her and kiss her sensuously on the cheek, making your way to her lips. While you kiss her, rub her body and feel her getting goose bumps.

Always remember to use your hands while kissing, don’t just leave them hanging there or use them for support.You could wrap them around her waist, use them to clutch her back, or massage her head/neck. Don’t do the typical guyish thing and go for her ass or boobs, that just stupid cause she’s expecting that, be different and touch her back, shoulders, arms and face.

Eyes: Eye contact should be made as a pre kiss build up, once your actually kissing for the love of god shut your eyes, according to women there is nothing creepier than a guy kissing with his eyes open..it shows tension and discomfort, closing your eyes will also help you get rid of the visual distractions.

Comfort: If you want to build comfort for the first kiss, keep the conversation positive and light and by getting her to laugh as much as you can, then silently and sweetly, lay one on her.

Sometimes out of nervousness you say the wrong things and it totally screws up the moment, a trick is to remain silent, you cant say something stupid that will turn her off if you don’t say much.I’m not saying be a statue but add to the conversation without giving out to much information about yourself, everyone loves to speak about themselves so if you let her do it she will love you for it, not to mention make you look mysterious which girls adore.

Some of the things that will reduce a girls comfort level for the first kiss are: any talk of sex or comments about her body, staring at her breasts, complaints about ex-girlfriends, driving too fast, an environment that’s too hot, cold or unsafe in any way (ghetto style, dark alley, biker bar..), a lack of privacy, loud noises, obnoxious roommates, creepy insects, annoying pets, and a dirty, dusty house or even negative talk (eg: I hate this/that…).

Other Spots: After you date a few women you discover some tricks like, they love surprises and spontaneous kisses, don’t kiss her in the same boring spot or where she expects you too…kiss her in the eyes, cheeks, forehead, neck, hands, earlobes (nibble on them a bit) and observe her comfort level for positive or negative reactions.These spots aren’t exactly first kiss material but it will give you something to use just in case the first kiss evolves into more.

Spice It Up: Depending on the girl, after you give the first kiss it sometimes carries on for a while, try and spice it up a bit with some variety. Move from short, soft kisses into longer, deeper ones, then back again… and don’t use your tongue any more than she does. Change the angle by moving your head to the other side, and alternate between sucking on her lower and upper lip.

SHAVE: It might look hot to have a bit of a rough look but if its too rough you might actually scratch her face, don’t go to a date with a 4 day sandpaper beard, depending on your growth rate shave the night before or early in the morning before the date to have a nice look but nothing “dangerous”.

Dont’s:

Permission: Never and I mean NEVER ask for permission to kiss her, you may think its polite, sweet, sensative and gentlemen like to ask for permission..I made the mistake once (trying to play the cavalier role) and it did work but you could see she was rather turned off and made me look unsure and timid.Women want you to take charge of the situation specially in passionate moment.

If your unsure if she wants you to kiss her (90% of chicks want a kiss at some point with the guy unless his totally obnoxious) check out her body language: Is she facing you?, leaning towards you?, touching you?, smiling while she stares at you or your lips?, biting her lip?, playing with her hair? all these can be signs she’s has interest in you and is waiting for you to make a move.

I once was annoyed at the fact we always had to make the first move and started wondering why? why do we have to do it first? Theres a few reasons: As modern as they may be, women are still under the whole “If I make the first move it’s non lady like and slutty” thing, they have the whole prince will come and sweep me off my feet (by kissing me) ideology, they are more sensible to rejection and very insecure about themselves so don’t want to risk it or she could just be testing your confidence.

Inappropriate: Choosing the inappropriate moment to give her the first kiss is something you should keep in mind, don’t kiss her while shes talking about something shes really passionate or interested about and never kiss her if for some reason your in a rush somewhere (it just ruins the moment).

Tongue:By rule I suggest to never use your tongue on a first kiss, she might choke. Seriously, if you do this, you will come across as an overeager adolescent who’s never experienced a kiss before.

If the attraction is so strong that you both feel like you want to take that next step, you can gently tease her with your tongue, but practice restraint…it will keep her hungry for more.

Slobber: This is just common sense, you don’t want to leave her feeling like she just kissed a drooling cow.

Drunk: I know alcohol helps you build confidence but if the chick isn’t as drunk as you, it will be a sloppy and out of control kiss that she won’t forget (and not in a good way), so get her drunk or stay away from the bar.

The first kiss is all about finding her right comfort level, to achieve this you need the right environment, moment and all of the things mentioned above to take into consideration.Make sure she is ready for a kiss and don’t start anything until she is comfortable.If you misread her signals and kiss her before she’s ready, you’ll come off too strong. If you don’t act on it when she’s ready to be kissed, you lose credibility and come off as a wimp.

Some like it gentle and passionate kiss, while others prefer to be pushed against a wall and feel completely controlled…all these things are stuff you should observe in the time you have before the kiss, find out what type of girl she is, is she shy? is she extroverted and outgoing? maybe ask her her favorite romance movie (this is when it comes in handy watching some chick flicks now and then) so you know what type of kisses she likes.

This is all the information I can provide you according to what I’ve learned, if you know any strategies or tricks of your own..share them in the comments.I hope it has helped you understand a bit better what it’s all about just remember, I have rarely met a girl who turns down a first kiss unless you have totally clashed in some way, most of the time their happy you made the first move cause even if she does turn you down you will come across as a confident guy and she will appreciate that, if you happen to encounter the odd occasion she does reject you, laugh it off and say: “Sorry, I misread your signals.” and continue the conversation (it will be a bit awkward at first but nothing a bit of humor won’t fix).

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

Please take the time to rate the article above, share it or email it to a friend.You can also drop a comment below and don't forget to Vote for us or Subscribe to our RSS feed for the latest updates.

Copyright © 2009 Dating Advice, Love and Relationship Tips, Online Dating Site Reviews - Men On Venus. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact legal@menonvenus.com so we can take legal action immediately.
Plugin by Taragana

Treating Anxiety, How To Overcome It

2008-05-07T14:09:52Z

In my previous article we learned some of the types and symptoms of anxiety, we also learned the reactions your body can have to it physically and mentally and why you get it in the first place.In the following article I will walk you through different techniques, methods and medications you can use to lower your anxiety of even make it disappear, although I would suggest the use of natural techniques such as exercise, watching your diet or controlled breathing which did wonders for me, you are free to try some of the medications and herbs.

Breathing Exercises

I have learned over the years the importance breathing has in your physical wellbeing, it not only affects your lungs but it influences your muscles, nerves, brain and many other different areas.By human nature we all change our breathing pattern depending on the situation we are in, if your angry you breath more shallow and heavily, if your relaxed you breath deeper and slower, anxious people tend to take shallow breaths through their chest instead of their stomach disrupting the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide.

The proper and natural way of breathing is called “diaphragmatic breathing” (stomach breathing), when we are young this is the usual way we breath, it uses the diaphragm muscle (a strong dome shaped muscle) located under our ribs and above our stomach.When we breath in, we push the muscle down, and our stomach moves forward, when we breath out, the diaphragmatic muscle moves back to resting position and our stomach moves back in, there is little or no upper chest movement.

As we get older though, our breathing pattern changes and we start breathing more through our chest, why? we become conscious in our appearance and want to appeal slim, inflating our belly with air to breath properly wouldn’t help, we have to worry about our clothing as well that requires us to stick in our stomach and breath through out chest to look good, sometimes it’s also caused by poor posture but in our case it’s most likely a combination of one of the above plus anxiety.

Exercises

If you ever find yourself angry/enraged these exercises can also help you too, something I always do is notice my normal relaxed breathing pattern, then when I feel angry at someone or something and notice my pattern is changing, I try and force it back to my relaxed pattern and the rage seems to go away like magic.

A simple exercise is to put one hand on your chest and another on your stomach, take a deep breath and let your stomach stomach swell forward, then gently breath out and let it fall back in.After you have tried a few times and got a good rhythm why not mix it up with a bit of meditation? I know it sounds a bit strange, I thought that too but it’s not what you think lol, it’s not like you sit in the Buddha position or anything.

With one hand on your chest and another on your stomach, breath in (through your nose) expanding your stomach as said above and while you inhale slowly count to five, hold your breath and count to five again, then as you exhale also count to five, repeat this for about 5-10 minutes always concentrating on your breathing count and you will get a great rhythm feeling much more relaxed and less anxious.

If you practise this a couple of times a day, what it will do is strengthen your diaphragmatic muscle and eventually it will start working normally.The main thing is to concentrate on the breathing count, you don’t have to count to five, three is okay as well or anything that you find comfortable.If any thoughts enter you mind (which they often do) while your counting, just let them go by and concentrate back on the counting, the thing I love about this method is your tricking your body into being relaxed, cause it can’t be anxious and relaxed (using the breathing pattern) at the same time can it?

Physical Exercise

Physical activities are well known to have many benefits, not only will it help you stay in shape and loose weight, it can also drastically relieve your anxiety levels as it releases the tension from your muscles.It’s usually ideal to use in conjunction with other anxiety therapies (self esteem, assertion..).

Benefits Of Treating Anxiety With Exercise

Decreases cholesterol, blood pressure and weight.
People report that they feel good after exercising, LESS stressed, anxious or depressed.
Improves your circulation, digestion, utilisation of food and elimination processes.
Exercise triggers feelings of calmness or happiness from a few minutes and sometimes hours afterwards.
Decreases excess adrenaline in the bloodstream (adrenaline can keep you in a state of constant arousal and vigilance).
Regular exercise boosts physical fitness and helps control weight, which in turn affects self esteem and how you perceive your looks positively.
Decreases skeletal muscle tension..it other words it helps increase relaxation and decrease feelings of being uptight.
It helps regulate sleep cycles leaving you feeling more rested and energetic.
Promotes a sense of well being.
Increases energy levels and therefore you are better prepared to tackle the day.
Helps release built up stress, tension and frustration.
People who exercise usually make healthier nutrition choices and as we will see below, they play a big role in your anxiety.
It can aid in taking your mind off your worries by focusing just on the exercise.
Helps increase concentration and mental alertness.
It also gives you a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment.

When/How Should You Work Out?

Ideally you should try to work out 4/5 days a week.
Cardio exercises (sprinting, aerobics..) are proven to be more beneficial as it gets your heart pumping faster.
It’s always good to add variety into your workouts so you don’t get bored of them.

You should follow a few of my tips in the weight loss article, like start slowly and don’t kill yourself the first few sessions as your body isn’t use to so much activity and you’ll start to get pains causing you to quit, ask a friend to exercise with you for extra motivation.

Relaxation Therapy

The relaxation therapy is something everyone with anxiety should try, anxious people don’t know how to relax and thats one of the big problems they have to face when trying to overcome it.

There’s a book called “The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook” that suggests the best relaxation that makes a difference in dealing with anxiety is the regular, daily practice of some form of deep relaxation.Deep relaxation involves a number of different physical changes including:

Decreases in heart rate.
Decrease in analytical thinking.
Decrease in respiration rate.
Decrease in metabolic rate and oxygen consumption.
Decrease in blood pressure.
Decreases in skeletal muscle tension.

These physiological changes are in direct contrast to the symptoms experienced during the anxiety response of a panic attack, if your body is doing the opposite of what your brain wants it to do (get anxious), then your anxious thoughts will be overwhelmed by your physical relaxed response.

How To Enter Deep Relaxation

There’s a few ways to use it, it’s usually done by a combination of two or more of the following:

Progressive muscle technique.
Natural breathing technique.
Meditation.

I have talked about breathing techniques above, meditation is quite similar to the breathing one but I will write a more detailed article in the future, the progressive muscle technique is the most fun of them all, it basically involves tensing a particular muscle in your body for a short period of time, and then releasing it, eg: tensing your bicep or clenching your hand (in a fist) for 15-20 seconds and then releasing it very quickly will assist in releasing the tension in that muscle area.After that you can move to different muscle groups, you can also do them same groups over and over creating further relaxation in that specific area.

Tips

Practice for at least 20 minutes per day.
Find a quiet location free from distractions, phones, tv ect…
Ensure the room temperature is comfortable, not too hot or too cold.
Practice at regular times of the day, after you get up, before you eat, before you sleep .
Always perform them on an empty stomach.
Assume a comfortable position that supports your entire body, laying down perhaps?
Don’t wear any tight clothing or shoes.
Detach yourself from your problems (don’t think about them) and assume a passive state.

Nutrition

What you put in your body can have a direct impact on how you feel physically and emotionally, It is important to be aware of what you are putting in your body and how some foods could actually be increasing your experience of anxiety especially if you have a sensitive stomach. Some of the anxiety you experience may actually be due to particular stimulants you’re consuming, or deficiencies in particular vitamins and minerals. The following information is extremely important in your overall recovery program from anxiety.

Stimulants

Caffeine: Coffee, tea, alcohol, coke stimulate an adrenal response in your body, which can provoke anxiety, nervousness and insomnia to name a few side effects. They also deplete the body of necessary vitamins and minerals that help balance your mood and nervous system. Recommended dosage is less than 100mg per day (one cup of percolated coffee or two diet cola beverages per day. Less than 50mg per day would be ideal).
Nicotine: This is as strong as caffeine, it creates increased physiological arousal, vasoconstriction and makes your heart work harder. Smokers tend to be more anxious than non-smokers and tend to sleep worse than as well.
Drugs: Beware of prescription drugs that contain caffeine and amphetamines, and recreational drugs such as cocaine that increase levels of anxiety and panic attacks in people using them.

Salt

Salt drains the body of potassium, a mineral important to the proper functioning of the nervous system. Salt raises blood pressure that in turn puts a strain on the heart and arteries and hastens arteriolosclerosis. Recommended dosage is around 1gm of salt per day.

Preservatives

There are over 5000 chemical additives in commercial food processing, our bodies are not equipped to handle these, and little is known about long term biological effects. Try and eat whole unprocessed foods as much as possible. Try to purchase vegetables and fruit that haven’t been treated with pesticides and are organically grown.

Hormones in meat

Most commercially forms of meat have been fed hormones to promote fast weight gain and growth. One hormone diethylstilbestrol (DES) has been implicated in the development of breast cancer and fibroid tumors.Try to replace red meat, pork and poultry with organically raised beef, poultry and fish such as cod, salmon, snapper, sole, trout.

Msg

MSG from Chinese takeaway should be avoided as it can have a major irritating effect on the nervous system producing the following: headaches, tingling, numbness and chest pains.

Drink soda water

Soda water increases the levels of carbon dioxide that helps the body to become balanced when someone is hyperventilating. Soda water also decreases smooth muscle contractions and dilates blood vessels, which allows blood to flow easily around the body.

Some Healthy Anti-Anxiety Food Options

Stone fruit
Paw paw
Spinach
Brewers yeast
Wheat germ
Fish
Eggs
Garlic
Wholegrain cereals
Celery
Beetroot
Onions
Carrots
Molasses
Avocado
Asparagus

Stress and anxiety are not only influenced by what you eat, but the way you eat also has an effect on you.Any of the following habits can aggravate your daily level of stress:

Eating too fast or on the run.
Eating too much to the point of feeling stuffed or bloated.
Not chewing food at least 15-20 times per mouthful.
Drinking too much fluid with a meal which can dilute stomach acid and digestive enzymes (one cup with a meal is sufficient).

These behaviours put a strain on your stomach and intestines in their attempt to properly digest and assimilate/absorb food. This increases stress in two ways:

Indirectly through malabsorption of essential nutrients.
Directly through indigestion, bloating, and cramping.

Nutrients

There is also some nutrients you can try that help decrease anxiety:

Magnesium: Magnesium aids with muscle relaxation, maintenance of the heart muscle, neuromuscular transmission and widening of the blood vessels. A deficiency of it can cause:

Restlessness
Insomnia
Depression
Cold hands and feet
Confusion
Behavioural disturbances
Anxiety
Agitation

B Complex Vitamins: B vitamins are basically spark plugs for our body, they help provide energy by acting with enzymes to convert major nutrients such as carbohydrates to energy forms. They are important for the normal function of the nervous system and are helpful in bringing relaxation or energy to individuals who are stressed or fatigued. A deficiency of certain B vitamins will cause:

Loss of appetite
Insomnia
Depression
Nervousness
Irritability
Fatigue

Calcium: Calcium works with maintenance of electrolyte balance, muscle contractions, nerve transmission, regulation of cell division, hormone secretion and bone and teeth formation. A deficiency of it can cause:

Irritability
Insomnia
Heart palpitations
Depression
Agitation

Self Esteem Therapy

If you fear getting a negative evaluation or fear that someone will think badly of you, you most likely will have a low self esteem and this fear will be perpetuated. It is of paramount importance to develop a sense of self worth, to like yourself and acknowledge the many important aspects and qualities you have.

Ways To Build Self Esteem

Take full responsibility for your life, stop blaming others.Blaming your actions on others creates insecureness.
Consciously generate rational thoughts and feelings of approval for yourself and acceptance in place of old thoughts of inferiority and inadequacy. Be in charge of your thoughts (this is called Cognitive therapy and you can read more about it below).
Be willing to create a lifestyle that generates, nourishes and maintains sound self esteem (associate yourself with others who have high self esteem).
Participate in life at the highest level you can, doing the things you like to do.
Watch what you say, avoid self put-downs, stop being critical of yourself and others (even though sarcasm is funny and I love it, it’s also a negative way of putting others down to hide your own insecurities).
Keep your awareness (thoughts) focused in the present time instead of living in the past or future.
See yourself as being self sufficient, don’t depend on relationships.
Stop feeling guilty and see your mistakes as valuable lessons. See the cause and effect in your behaviour (what produces desirable results and what doesn’t) in place of moral judgments of right/wrong, good/bad, better/worse.
Positively acknowledge yourself frequently and keep a diary of all your strengths, qualities and accomplishments.
Invest money in yourself (you won’t give up so easily if theirs money in play), go to seminars, workshops, buy self help books.
Give yourself permission to do nothing, periodically. Schedule time by yourself.
Accept others acknowledgments and compliments, don’t invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you. Say “thank you” and let yourself enjoy them without embarrassment.
Avoid comparing yourself to others, see yourself as being of equal worth. Remember our value as human beings is not derived from what we do.
Stop trying to change others.
Whenever you have a thought that starts with “I have to…” “I ought to…” I need to…” “I should…” “I better…” change it to “I want to…”, or, “I choose to…”.
Frequently take deep breaths , discover the benefits and pleasures of breathing fully as mentioned in Breathing Exercises.
Be willing to laugh at yourself, and with others. Stop taking yourself so seriously.
Set goals, make plans and look for the opportunities that can help you get the results you want in life.
Make a list of all the things you like about yourself and add to it everyday.
Acknowledge others frequently, tell them what you like and appreciate about them (especially your family, partners and work associates)
Make a list of 10 – 20 things you enjoy the most and make an agreement to do them frequently.
Be assertive (read the Assertiveness section), speak up for yourself, ask for what you want, express your feelings, preferences and opinions openly and without fear and accept “No” as something normal and okay.
Be respectful of others feelings and opinions

Anxious people are afraid of not being liked by someone so they change and become something their not just to be liked by that person, lets put it in a analogy: Imagen you own the best new Honda there is…it’s fast, lean and has an awesome body kit with a sweet interior design (that smells like new leather).The problem with having a Honda is your going to find people who don’t like Honda’s and like Toyota’s instead, you can try to make it look like a Toyota but it’s going to appear like a second hand one because deep down it’s always going to be a Honda and even if you succeeded at making it look like a Toyota your going to find people who don’t like Toyota’s and like Ford’s instead, so what would you rather have (or in this case be), the new best Honda or a second hand Toyota?

Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy is an effective way of understanding how you think and therefore feel.In psychology it is sometimes called cognitive dissonance, it’s a way to help your development in exploring your underlying belief patterns that result in negative, irrational and unhealthy thoughts.It then allows you to explore your thoughts and replace them with more useful ones in order to manage your emotions more effectively.

Damn that sounds complicated huh? A simpler way to put it is to think of your mind as a bag or suit case that over time has collected many beliefs, thoughts, memories and past experiences.Some of these thoughts and beliefs are helpful, and some others are not causing you discomfort.Cognitive Therapy assists you in examining what your carrying around in that suitcase, then helps you remove the speedos (bad thoughts), and replace them with briefs or three quarters (good useful thoughts) that help you gain control over your emotions and behaviour.

Cognitive behavioral therapy works based on the following theory: Beliefs leads to Thoughts leads to Emotions leads to Behaviour .

An expert in cognitive therapy is Albert Ellis, in his book he identified 10 major beliefs, which tend to emerge commonly in people who live with anxiety.

I must be loved or liked and approved of by every person in my life.
I must be completely competent, make no mistakes and achieve all the time if I am to be considered worthwhile.
Some people are bad, wicked or evil, and they should be punished for this.
It is dreadful, nearly the end of the world, when things aren’t how I want them to be.
My bad feelings are caused by things outside of my control, so I can’t do anything about them.
If something might be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening, I should worry about it a lot.
It’s easier to put off something difficult or unpleasant than it is to face up to it.
I need to depend on someone stronger than myself.
My problem was caused by some event in my past, so that’s why I have it now.
I should be very upset by other people’s problems and difficulties.

Do any of those beliefs/thoughts sound familiar? Every one of the above beliefs is unhealthy and are commonly found in people who live with Social Anxiety Disorder. If you can change your unhealthy beliefs and thoughts and replace then with more healthy, rational and realistic ones, you can therefore change your emotions (Anxiety) and hence your behaviour (avoidance/drug and alcohol dependence etc).

Cognitive Therapy helps you to take control of what you think and believe, and helps you to look at situations for what they really are more realistically and rationally.When you do, you often realise that there is not really anything to fear as you previously thought, and as a result your anxiety diminishes. When you gain control of your thoughts and emotions you are then in a position to make choice about how you respond to situations.

Exposure Therapy

Exposure therapy is suggested to be one of the best ways to overcome your anxiety.To master something in life it is necessary first to think about it, and then actually practice doing it. Remember when you first started to learn how to drive, the more you practiced the better you became. This is the basis of exposure therapy. You actually need to go into the situation and think about it in a different way, implement the other skills and knowledge you have to mange your anxiety (eg:cognitive therapy), and then reflect on how it went.

When you feel anxious, it is suggested that you go through it firstly in your mind (realistic thinking/skills of cognitive therapy), and then go and secondly, put yourself in the situation that you fear. This part is called exposure therapy.

If you continue to avoid situations because you are feeling anxious, it only makes it harder to overcome your anxiety. When you avoid doing something, you often convince yourself that there is a very good reason why you are not doing it. If you continue to avoid situations, no amount of thinking about it in another way will actually help you overcome your anxiety in the situations. The more often you do something, the easier it becomes each time (again back to the first few driving lessons).

Ron Rapee author of the “Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia” book has the following suggestions when engaging in exposure therapy.

One step at a time: Don’t jump in the deep end first.Take a small step and work you way up to the most uncomfortable situations.
Stay in the situation: Try not to leave if you suddenly feel anxious. Rather, implement some of the other techniques such as rational thinking, focusing, breathing and relaxation.Of course, if you absolutely have to leave then do, but it’s suggested to return back and go at it again as soon as possible.Alternatively, try and back away a little bit, instead of leaving the situation completely.
Repeats: Doing something once can be interpreted as a fluke! The more often you do something, the more you will start to feel more comfortable (the more techniques you implement, the greater the ability you will have to control your anxiety).
Ups and Downs: These are a part of life, and some days you will have good days, and others will go badly.Try not to beat yourself up on the not so good days by engaging in negative self talk.Rather, accept it for what it is, a not so good day!! Go back to the drawing board and set your goals a little lower until you are feeling stronger and more confident again.
Be aware of avoidance:Try and be aware of all your avoidances.By not doing something that you fear, you are only making it harder for yourself.Avoidance is only an excuse and keeps your fears going.If you have engaged in some anxiety education, you will be more aware that it is you who is controlling your anxiety, so it is you who can decrease and manage it as well.It just takes some practice (and patience). It is also important to try and be aware of subtle avoidance when overcoming high levels of anxiety, e.g.You might go to a party ,and talk to only a few people you know well, avoiding meeting new people or you might travel 10 km’s to go to a shop rather than visit the shopping center 1km from your home.

Assertion Therapy

Assertion is the ability to communicate your thoughts, opinions, needs and feelings in an open, direct, honest and appropriate manner. People who have Social Anxiety Disorder often find it difficult to relate assertively as they do not believe they have the right to speak up or voice their own opinion. In any recovery program it is important to learn the skills of assertive communication, and believe that you have the right to say what is important to you.

What is Being Assertive About?

Feeling good about yourself and valuing yourself.
Believing that you have the right to express your opinion and get your needs met.
Respecting the rights and needs of other people.
Having the ability to express yourself with others, rather than holding everything inside.
Being a bit selfish and putting your needs above others when necessary, not being a push over.
Having the ability to choose how to respond to people and different situations according to your needs.

Relating Styles

The way you communicate is part of your general style of relating. There are three styles of relating that are important to understand. Passive, Aggressive and Assertive. We will look at each one in detail.

Passive: People who relate in a passive manner often find it hard to take action to meet their own needs, often putting others needs before their own, or relying on others to meet their needs. People who relate in a passive manner often become resentful to others, hurt and angry as they believe they don’t have the right to have a vote in conversations or opinion. Many people who live with an Anxiety Disorder relate to others in a passive manner creating a low self value/esteem.

Aggressive: Some relate aggressively usually believing that they know what is best for others. They often attempt to control others without taking other peoples needs into consideration. As with relating in a passive manner, relating aggressively is usually associated with low self esteem.

Assertive: People who relate assertively are able to recognise and express their feelings, thoughts, needs and opinions in an open and appropriate manner, as well as being able to listen to the needs, opinions and feelings of others. When you are assertive, you can choose how to relate to people and situations rather than continuously acting passively or aggressively, believing you don’t have any choice. When you can make choices how to relate, and are satisfied with those choices you will feel in control rather than resentful or angry. When you are assertive you don’t need the approval of others, and believe in your own opinions. You are very clear about what is important to you while taking into consideration what is important to others. You’re more likely to compromise and negotiate in situations as well as take responsibility for your own actions. As a result you will tend to develop a high self esteem and feel good about the choices you make, as well as have more control over your life.Being assertive will help to decrease high levels of anxiety and thats the whole point of this exercise isn’t it?

Medication

Anxiety levels can differ from person to person therefore, on the road to recovery, different people may require different treatments. Some may gain benefits from some of the simple DIY therapies above, some others need professional guidance or holistic recovery programs, while others may require a combination of both professional guidance and medication. Medication does not cure symptoms of anxiety, it will only assist to decrease the anxiety symptoms while you are taking the medication. It is always recommended therefore that if you are taking medication to also engage in some other therapies that will on the long run give you a new perspective on the things your feared.

Types Of Medications

Medications for anxiety generally fall into four categories: MAOI’s, SSRI’s, SNRI’s, and Benzodiazepines.

Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors: MAOI’s were the original antidepressant medications developed. They require careful medical management and can be quite dangerous when mixed with certain foods or medications. Therefore, the patient must follow strict dietary and medical guidelines.They work by inhibiting the breakdown of neurotransmitters like serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine within the nerves, in turn allowing the storage levels of these chemical messengers to rise thereby decreasing levels of anxiety.

Some common side effect include: Headaches, tremors, sweating, delayed orgasm, dry mouth, weakness, trouble sleeping , upset stomach, constipation, weight gain, dizziness, memory problems, fatigue.

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors: Currently, SSRI’s are the most popular antidepressant/anti anxiety drugs. They work by having a selective effect on nerves that use serotonin as a transmitter by restoring serotonin levels at the synapses thereby decreasing anxiety levels. The are more widely used due to the fewer side effects they have compared with other antidepressants. Some side effects may occur at the beginning of treatment, however often pass as treatment progresses.

Some common side effect include: Nausea, drowsiness, delayed orgasm, dry mouth, insomnia.

Serotonin & Noradrenaline Reuptake Inhibitors: SNRI’s are slightly different to SSRI’s in that they work to balance the levels of both serotonin and norepinephrine in your brain. These chemicals affect your mood, appetite, sense of well-being, motivation, and sleep. Balancing these levels is an important step in reducing your anxiety, related depression and overall sense of well being.

Some potential side effects include: nausea, dizziness, sleepiness, delayed ejaculation, sweating, dry mouth, nervousness, insomnia, anorexia, and constipation.

Tranquillisers: Benzodiazapines include such drugs as Xanax, Rohypnol (more for insomnia) and Valium. They can have a strong calming effect almost immediately after you take them, however the effect only lasts a short time. This makes them highly addictive, and if taken for a few weeks they can lose there effectiveness thereby requiring higher doses for the same effect. Long term usage can result in severe withdrawal symptoms. Funny enough, some of the most common withdrawal symptoms are anxiety, nervousness and trouble sleeping.

Herbs

There are many natural supplements available that have been used throughout the centuries to treat anxiety.Your naturopath or nutritionist will be able to advise you further in finding herbs for anxiety.Some of the popular ones include:

Kava: Kava (Piper methysticum) is one of the main anti-anxiety herbs. It has a very quick calming effect on the nervous system with an uplifting, euphoric feeling. It is also a muscle relaxant and mild sedative. It is specific for anxiety, tension, stress, irritability and insomnia. Kava is very good for people whose mind races at high speeds such as my own.

St. John’s Wort: St. John’s Wort (Hypericum perforatum) is a gentle sedative which also has a calming effect on the nervous system with restorative properties as well. It is specific for mild depression, anxiety, tension and irritability. It works by increasing the level of neurotransmitters in the CNS such as serotonin and dopamine.

Neither one of the above should be used with medical anti-depressant drugs.

Damiana: Damiana (Turnera diffusa) is a good nerve tonic which also has a restorative property. It can have a good calming effect and is also specific in cases of mild depression and anxiety. Damiana is also well known for its aphrodisiac properties (which you might enjoy with a girl :P).

Scullcup: Scullcup (Scutellaria lateriflora) is a relaxing and gentle sedative for the central nervous system. It is very good for nervous tension and for nervous exhaustion plus neurological and neuromotor problems.

Verbena: Verbena (Verbena officinalis) is a relaxing nervous system tonic which is indicated for a wide range of nervous disorders including nervous exhaustion and stress.

Passionflower: Passionflower (Passiflora incarnata) is a non-addictive sedative that relaxes the nervous system. It is especially helpful for nervous disorders such as heart palpitations, anxiety, convulsions, epilepsy, insomnia, and stress.

Withania: Withania (Withania somnifera) is an ayurvedic herb most commonly called Ashwaghanda. It is a very good tonic herb that is especially helpful for debility, and nervous exhaustion due to stress.

Thank god I finished, ironically writing this article was the one causing me anxiety lol, I have a few friends that being the macho guys they are, refused to try any of the suggestions on this page, at the end some of them did and reported an increase in their self esteem, a calm, relaxed attitude and general sense of well being.I always advise the use of at least four or five different techniques mentioned above (cognitive, assertiveness, breathing, relaxation, physical exercise) as it works best in conjunction.

Have you got any personal techniques you use to overcome your anxiety that you’d like to share in the comments?

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

Social Anxiety Disorder Around Girls, Types and Symptoms

2008-05-07T14:15:09Z

Most of us have had a panic attack sometime in our life, before a public speech, before/while asking out a girl you really like for the first time, before an important test or during an intense moment of fear.I think my first panic attack was about three or four years ago when I went to donate blood at the red cross to see what it was like, as I was filling in the forms I heard a bone chilling scream of agony come from behind the curtains as the nurse yelled “I’M SORRY!, it’s my first day and I missed the main vein…”. As the 6′3″ road worker walked out with a face of misery, anguish and torment the nurse who was still a bit shaky asked me to approach the chair, as I sat on said chair and she leaned forward to strap the monitor onto my arm, I could not help but notice her voluptuous cleavage.

It started with some sweats which evolved into chills and hot flashes, as I looked into her gorgeous blue eyes I noticed she had a face of horror, raising her right hand she pressed a white button located on the wall and almost immediately this paramedic came rushing out asking what was the matter, she said: “This patient has a heart rate of 122 bpm (beats per minute)”.After that, they started asking me if I smoked, had a heart condition and took me to a special room with even hotter nurses which did not help at all, to this day I still believe it was a combination of fear from getting stabbed by such a newbie (yet attractive) nurse and looking like a fool in front her once she misses.

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is one of our many emotions which everyone has, it’s a natural protection mechanism that our bodies trigger in situations of danger, fear or threat.Anxiety occurs in two different stages and leads to several different symptoms. Let me go into them:

Psychological: The first stage of the whole anxiety process begins by perceiving fear, danger or threat.We start analyzing and asking ourselves questions like: “What will I do if she rejects or doesn’t like me?”, “What happens if she thinks I’m an idiot?”.All these questions build up in your head and it starts having effects on your system which leads to the physical stage.

Physical: Once our body notices our mind is in fear, the only thing it can do is provide you with extra energy as a way of protection so you can fight the threatening person/object or run away from it.How does it provide us with extra energy?

Large amounts of adrenaline are pumped into your body to put you in a state of increased alertness.
Blood is redirected away from the extremities and onto the large muscles of the body.
The heart starts working harder (raising your bpm) to move the blood to the large muscle groups as fast as it can.
It increases your respiratory and metabolic rate.
It releases red blood cells and sugar from the liver.

All this natural self survival protection was great back in the day when we were hunters or primitive tribal members and had to fight wild animals or other tribes, but in modern times it only causes a very uncomfortable feeling and many side effects (symptoms).

Symptoms: As the body is creating all this extra energy, it expects you to use it in some way, the only problem is you can’t fight (without getting arrested) or run away (without looking like a complete idiot) from a girl.As a consequence we end up with all this energy that manifests itself in several different ways:

Chest pain
Dizziness
Heart palpitations
Difficulty breathing
Sweating
Choking sensations
Chills
Tingling
Hot flashes
Abdominal distress
Feelings of unreality / derealization / depersonalization.
Trembling/Shaking

As a result of so much energy going unused, the body starts to store it as tension into your muscles, over along time this tension gives you the feeling of being on the edge and never being able to relax causing sleeping problems.As the the tension builds up more and more you will feel overwhelmed by it all and very uncomfortable, everyday seems like a long 24 hour torture and that’s when you are classified as having an Anxiety Disorder.

Types Of Anxiety

There are four main forms of anxieties, GAD (General Anxiety Disorder), Situational Anxiety, Anticipatory Anxiety and Post Situational Anxiety.Lets look into them a bit more below.

General Anxiety Disorder: GAD also known as Free-Floating Anxiety is distinguished from a phobia as it is not connected to any particular object or situation like the others, it appears out of no where.

Anticipatory Anxiety: People who over think a lot (like me) tend to be the ones most prone to this type, it happens when you experience high levels of anxiety merely by thinking about a situation or event that you fear.This type of anxiety can also become very problematic as you can get caught up in this state for weeks on end, worrying excessively about an event that is a long long way in the future.

Situational Anxiety: This type of anxiety is different from your usual everyday fear anxiety and only comes when your exposed to a specific situation.The more you try and avoid the situation the more it becomes a “phobia”.

Post Situational Anxiety: Sometimes you get anxiety after the event or situation you feared has passed or been avoided.Similar to the anticipatory anxiety, you can end up worrying for a long time after the situation has occurred, over thinking your performance and methods you could of used to improve it and what others might have thought of you.After this happens you find yourself worrying about bumping into that girl once more, or experiencing the situation you feared all over again and you start entering the vicious circle of anticipatory - post situational - anticipatory…..

I hope this article has helped you learn a bit more about anxiety and what it is all about, remember anxiety is a very common thing that affects both genders and all ages, your definitely not alone in it.Although you can use medication for it, there’s plenty of other more healthier options to overcome your anxiety that you can find in my treating anxiety article:).

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

Perceptual Contrast

2008-05-06T03:07:26Z

The perceptual contrast principle is a psychological phenomenon, it is used to express the way we see the difference between two things that are presented one after the other, in simpler words if the second item is fairly different from the first, we will tend to see it more different than it actually is.

Example: If we lift a light object first and then lift a heavy object, we will estimate the heavy object to be heavier than if we had lifted it without first trying the light one.

It doesn’t only apply to weights though,

If you are talking to a beautiful woman at a club and are then joined by an unattractive one, the second woman will strike us as less attractive than she actually is.

A funny perceptual contrast example I heard was a joke made by the late comedian Mitch Hedberg, he said: “Was going to whiten my teeth but decided to get a tan instead.”

The easiest way to test this for yourself is to stick one hand in a bucket of cold water and another in a bucket of warm water, after 5 minutes stick both hands in a bucket with room temperature water, the hand that was in the cold bucket will find the water warm while the one that was in the warm water will find it cold.

How The Contrast Principle Affects The Dating Scene

Now your probably asking yourself, what does weights and buckets of water have to do with meeting girls, why is this guy telling me all this?…I always thought you could never fill your head with enough random knowledge as it can make good conversation and it won’t hurt to increase your intellect a bit by using illustrations but apart from that, If you use this information creatively there’s and endless amount of possibilities of what you can do with it, you can:

Ask your wingman to approach the targeted girl and act like a boring jerk/idiot (what we call the proxy method), after she has experienced such an obnoxious guy you can approach her, by comparison you will be perceived as much more nicer and interesting.
When uploading a picture of you and a friend/s to your profile, make sure he/they are uglier than you, that way you will seem more attractive.
If you dress like a mean bikey (exaggerating a bit) and then appear charming and nice when speaking to a girl, they will perceive you as even nicer than they thought you’d be.
Go out partying with uglier friends than you or choose an ugly wingman.

How The Contract Principle Affects Relationships

The great thing about this principle is it’s not limited to just the guys who are dating, if your in a relationship with a girl you can also use them in many different ways, here are some examples:

If your having trouble getting sex from her, one afternoon start talking to your girl about having a threesome, she will probably reply something like: “haha in your DREAMS!”, just keep at it for a while till she gets annoyed, then that night tell her “if we can’t have a threesome can we at least have some old fashioned normal sex?” or “you know what, I think your right about the threesome, I don’t need another girl to have a good time..blah blah blah” then make your move, three minutes later you’ll be laughing at how easy it was to get it..just because compared to a threesome, sex between just you two is a much easier request for her to comply with.

Other Uses For It

I must say this is one of my favorite psychology techniques that I use regularly, I read about it along time ago and since then I used it nonstop.One of my favorite uses for it was when I saw it in a joke, this Christian girl tells her parents she was pregnant and the father was Jewish..after they almost start crying she laughs and tells them shes not pregnant but she’s just dating a jew..compared to being pregnant that didn’t sound too bad.

My folks went to Europe for a few months when I was 15 and I had to give them bad news after not writing at all to them, so I remembered the joke and it gave me an idea. I decided to send them an email, it was something like:

“Dear Mum,

I hope your enjoying your holidays and wish I could of written sooner or in better circumstances but I’m currently held up in a cell, things have been going downhill since you left.I had a few mates over and they decided to throw a party, they trashed the whole place and someone burned the Gustav Klimt painting in the living room, I took out Dad’s Bentley to go buy some booze and had an accident but don’t worry I’m fine I only broke my wrist..can’t say the same for the car though.While I was in hospital I forgot to get someone to feed the dog and he died, when I was finally released I went over to Charlie’s and met his sister, we kind of got it on but when her parents caught us she accused me of sexual assault so their holding me in a cell for the weekend, don’t worry though, grandma has agreed to pay the 150k bail but apparently Charlie’s sister is now pregnant so I’m not sure what we can do about that.Now that I have brought you up to date I want to tell you that none of the above is true, I only got suspended from school for a couple of weeks and wanted you to see that in it’s true perspective,

Enjoy your well deserved vacation,

Love xoxo,

Matty”

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

How To Write The Perfect Personal Profile To Attract Women

2008-04-26T03:02:41Z

Do you want to learn how to write a profile for a dating sites (eHarmony, Match.com) or maybe your more of a social networking person (MySpace, Bebo…) that will attract women and put the match/friend request section to good use? I have been browsing a few profiles of guys to see what they write but all I found was the same boring and monotonous repetition of the guy before…with the same crappy design, same chunk of text that seems so unappealing to read and learn about their interests (which are all the same) and I wont even go into the unoriginal display pictures or names they choose.In this article I will teach you a step by step guide on how to write something that will captivate the attention of the female readers and help you come out on top in the searches.

Creating The Profile

All the optimizing starts very early in the creation of a profile, the most important aspect of this step is making sure you fill in the fields correctly as many searches base their results on the information you provide when signing up.If all your information isn’t accurate, whats the point of tweaking all the other aspects of your profile if nobodies going to be able to find you when searching in the first place?

Name: Always provide your full name without using any made ups or nicknames, all these websites have privacy settings and NEVER display your full name unless you ask them to (keep in mind your sign up name and display names are totally different things) but giving your real name can be really useful when you meet a girl and for some reason only have the chance to give her your name, if their interested in the future they will search for you.
Email: If you think the email part is something trivial, your mistaken, many people decide to use a secondary email to sign up to these sites, in some ways thats a benefit as you won’t get any spam or risk the invasion of privacy.However most notifications you get from women are sent through emails and sometimes you forget about some of the many sites you’ve signed up too, another important reason for giving a right email is you may have random girls on your messenger list you’ve met through some friends and they may decide one day to get to know more about you…usually by using the information they already know (your name or email) to do a quick search.
Birthday: What is one of the most important things you look for when searching for a partner? the right age, most people have a specific age group their interested in for a variety of reasons (some like old men cause their mature some want young and adventurous).
Gender: I think you can figure this one out on your own…
Location: This should be obvious, the majority of these sites have search options based on the location of the people your interested in meeting, always use the right information when filling in the city, state and country.
Post/Zip Code: I should of made this part of the Location field but I decided to give it it’s own description just to reinforce how important it is, apart from helping women find you in searches, some searches also offer a Distance Search Option meaning you can find people in a 5, 10, 20… Mile radius and if this information isn’t set correctly, you will go unnoticed.

Choosing The Main Picture

Although you may pass it as lightly and upload the first picture you find in your Pictures folder, this is the biggest and most important element in your profile, when a women is performing a search or browsing through a list of someone else’s friends is your picture, it’s the only thing they have to judge you and separate you from the rest on that page, although a good display name is important the picture will always be the best way to hook a girls attention.

Types Of Pictures You Can Use:

Shirtless: If you have a slim body with no man boobs I’m sure this will attract a great variety of women, of course having a clean cut body or some muscles (specially abs) will help a lot but it’s not always necessary.
Personalized: This is usually one of my favorites, it doesn’t attract so many girls but it reflects your personality and attracts women that have the same interests as you, eg: if your an emo (lol its an example) you should have something emoish to represent your personality or depression, the same way if your a traveler or adventurer then something in an interesting place or at the top of a mountain, surfers can go for a picture at the beach, avid readers can have a mugshot type (read below) while reading a book..you get the idea.
Mugshot: The most common of them all, this is the picture where only your head and neck appears.Just because a big amount of guys use this it doesn’t mean their having any success with it, unless your at least slightly handsome or posses a charismatic smile I wouldn’t suggest it.
Original: Another one I usually lean for, this is guaranteed to attract attention to your profile if you find something unique or distinguished, I’ve seen some guys for example take a mugshot style picture with a polaroid and then take a full body picture while holding the polaroid close enough to the camera to make it seem like the head in the polaroid is connected to the rest of the body below.
Animated: If the site allows .gif format, this is the perfect option to become the center of attention in any search.You can basically gather a few different pictures and make a small animated slide show with it, a cool thing to try is taking a few shots in the same pose just moving your head slightly creating a slow motion style picture.Adobe offers Photoshop but you have to pay, some free options are PhotoBucket, Gimp, Beneton, Gickr.
Group: If you want to show your a friendly outgoing guy and decide to take a group picture of you and your friends you should keep a few things in mind, don’t let a pile of empty beers appear in the picture or it will just make you look like a drunk, smoking is usually a big No as well..you can let her eventually find out but you don’t want her first impression of you to be an ashtray mouth and finally, when choosing a picture try and find one where your friends come out ugly or your surrounded by naturally uglier friends than you…why? if you read the Perceptual Contrast Principle you would probably know.

Choosing A Display Name

I always found this one a bit trick, choosing a picture only requires set amount of work to find something you already have, but trying to come up with something that reflects your personality in “5 to 15 characters” is hard, then there’s so many things to take in consideration..how you want to appear?, what type of women you want to attract with it?, does it sound to boring?, will it hook womens attention? The only thing I can help you with is by giving you some simples rules:

DON’T:

Don’t choose anything to specific like “LakersfFan79″ but rather something neutral that won’t create rivalries or conflicts, it’s very possible the girl of your dreams isn’t into sports and if she sees a display name like that she will think “pfftt another sports nut that will ignore me when the games on”.
Don’t choose anything that will scare her away like “devil, nosferatu, hustler, freak, playa, killer, assasin, pimp”, you may think it looks dangerous and cool but that only works with high school girls.
Don’t use the same name on every website, I know it’s hard finding a new one for each site you use but, the modern women is very sneaky and when they meet someone online the Google their Display Names to find if they have accounts on any other sites to see if their playing many girls at the same time or are genuinely interested in them.Also they like to cross check what your wrote on the profile to see if it’s true or your making it up.
Don’t choose anything boring, studies show the majority of guys choose their name followed by the numbers of their birth year…If a girl sees “Matthew88″ then below me is a guy with “Nuns-R-Sexy” odds are she’ll go visit him just cause it’s more captivating even though a bit stupid but raises curiosity to hook them into finding out more of that buffoon.
Don’t use numbers in your name or at least avoid them as much as you can, numbers always make names look cheap…unless they are being used in an creative way like “Trav3ler”, something like that would raise her curiosity to find out more about that guy compared to “traveler8374″.

DO’s:

I always search for words that I identify myself with or reflects my personality, try to find word in an online dictionary that sound quirky but create a curiosity hook.The reason I choose those type of words is that the women your interested in meeting usually knows the meaning of that word so it’s like a way of filtering out the women you wouldn’t get along with.
If the website allows it, you can spice up your name by adding some strange ascii characters, you can find these type of characters here and it many other places.This is almost guaranteed to get you tons of views from all types of women, if you combine it with a word you identify yourself with as mentioned above…it can become a pretty powerful hook to attract the women you want.
If your having a hard time with all these Do’s and Don’ts the simplest names sometimes are the best, find something you and everyone is general is interested in, eg: music, travelling, fun, humor, friends and use it in your name. If a women made a search and saw the name “johnny79″ and below that saw a guy with the name “MusicLov3r” who do you think she would visit first?

Writing The About Me

All of the information above has one mission and one mission only, to attract women to your profile, now tell me, What is the use of all that trouble you just went through editing your name, picture and personal information if once the women arrive to your profile their met with a big yawn?

There is two simple facts to always remember about internet users,

1) Their Lazy

2) Their Impatient

The average man spends around 30-60 seconds on a womens profile to see if his interested, the average women however only spends 20-40 before she hits the Back button in her browser.The majority of people just scan the profile with a quick glimpse at the content on that profile, sometimes they don’t even scan at all and just look at what is presented in what blogger terms is known as “above the fold” and used for advertisements, it’s the part of the website you don’t have to scroll down to see.So now that we know this, what can we do about it?

Opening: The first thing you have to worry about is how your going to open your about me introduction, the best way to open it is with a small joke to raise the girls interest (forget knock knocks, something observational…eg:”If guys had their period, we’d probably brag about the size of our tampons.”, whoops, a bit gross) or maybe a meaning quote by someone famous (it will make you look deep, sensible and intellectual).
Content: Wring the actual content of yourself is the tricky part, try avoiding using any cliches eg: “oh I hate this part where I have to write about myself”…you don’t want come along as a negative whiny grump. Your aim when writing about you is to appear friendly, approachable and interesting, never write a huge chunk of text that seems so painfully hard to read…always brake your self descriptions into small 30-60 second (to read) paragraphs.One thing I personally hate and know many others do is that horrible sms grammar, it doesn’t make you look spontaneous or adventurous, it makes you seem so juvenile, lazy and poorly educated, mastering the art of proper writing will impress any decent women and it’s not hard cause most browsers come in with inbuilt spell checkers, so use them!
Capturing Attention: As I mention, women skim/scan profiles really quickly to see if that person has anything interesting to offer so you have to hook their attention anyway you can, a couple of simple tricks are to make some of your important personality features in bold text eg:”I love living a healthy lifestyle by going for runs and eating proper food“, another cool trick is to add some small pictures of your interests to your profiles…a picture is worth a thousand words right? plus it stand out and can be situated anywhere really as long as their not big and take ages to load, if you want to edit the size of your image use a simple service like PhotoBucket or Resizr, it lets you host and edit images with many different options. PLEASE! don’t post too many pictures of hot babes, cars, sports or anything unappealing to girls, your trying to find a girl not create male bonding with someone…use stuff like image jokes you found on the net, optical illusions, places you want to visit, anything that shows you have some depth and aren’t another bone headed male.
What To Say: If your uncertain of what to say about yourself you can ask some friends what they think of you, what qualities you have ect… My suggestion is don’t give away too much, name a few of your interests but leave space for mystery, remember mystery is what keeps life exciting, once you loose the mystery and know everything about that person…you loose interest.Try and encourage them to find out more about you, you can end the about me with a question eg:” can someone really self describe themselves in 500 characters or less? If they can, they must be really boring people”, well maybe not that cause it’s a bit opinionated but that gives you an idea.Also you can tell them you have an instant messenger and invite them to ask for it (again…it raises curiosity, creates depth and sounds inviting).

OTHER AREAS:

Apart from the main about me self description, theirs plenty of other things these type of sites offer you to fill in, your hobbies and interests, music, movies, tv shows, books ect..Each person has their own taste and by using some of the above rules on how to write your about me (grammar, not giving to much information away) you should be fine however heres a few more pointers:

If the website allows you to add music to your profile, don’t choose something to specific…always try and go for something you like but you know most women your interested in attracting would like as well.
Going out “drinkn tiel muh brainz num” is not considered a hobby…”socializing at parties and meeting new people” however is…both examples basically mean the same thing but one shows your an idiot while the other shows you friendly, honest and enjoy having a fun time.
When listing what types of things you enjoy doing to pass time try avoiding using too much of the stereotypical guy “sports, cars, babes” interests and offer something with more depth thats along the same lines, like: “Outdoors (includes sports), Adventures and Road trips (includes cars), Meeting New Diverse People (includes babes)”.
When writing about the movies/tv shows you enjoy, don’t be afraid to name some chick flicks if you enjoyed them, eg: The Notebook, Love Actually, A Walk To Remember ect..It’s not about appearing to be a wuss, showing your not afraid to reveal a sensible side is quite attractive to women, but do make sure you watched and enjoyed the movie cause they usually ask about those things.

That’s the end of this article, I hope you found it useful, don’t forget to share your thoughts through the comments, share it through some of the sites below or give me some feedback by rating it at the top if you liked it so I know what to write in the future.

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

Complete Review Of Match.com

2008-04-25T12:23:20Z

Match.com is considered one of the most successful online dating services for single people to meet, with over 16 million members since 1995 it is considered one of the largest and according to their staff, the most prosperous at bringing couples together with an estimate of 200,000 people finding their ideal match every year.

Browsing the website I found claims such as, “We have inspired twice as many marriages as any other site in the world.” and “We are a personals site making your online dating experience the best. We prove that an online dating personals site can really lead to a long-lasting sincere relationship.”, it caught my curiosity and I just had to find out more.

Signing Up

Creating an account on Match.com is free but it harshly reserves most of the it’s good features for Subscribed Members ($$$ pay), we will go more into pricing later on.The process of signing up and creating a profile can be broken down into 8 steps that should take you around 20 minutes for the basic questions (your appearance, lifestyle, interests, background and moral values, what you look for in a partner and want to share with) and then another 20 minutes to complete your Headline (what will show up next to your picture in search results, has to be between 2-128 characters) and your self description as well as what you look for in your partner (200-2000 characters). Finally they will have to approve your profile (usually takes between 6-24 hours) and you will be asked to upload your main picture which they also have to approve (according to them you get 15 times the attention with a picture than without one).

Navigation

Once you sign up the navigation of the website is very user friendly, works well with Internet Explorer, Firefox and Opera from what I tested.As soon as you log in your met with the My Match/My Home section, at the very top of the page you have menu with general search and account options.

Just below your greeted with a medium sized notice to encourage you to become a subscriber, there’s also a panel with your “Newest Matches” based on your location and options you specified when signing up with a photo, age, location, small description and links to email (subscribed only), send them a wink (free) or add them to your favorites list.You can change the viewing arrangement of this section and it also provides quick links to make a simple search or search new members on the site.

User profiles are displayed very clearly with pictures, contact links and pie charts to see if you match based on your sign up answers and a free personality test they allow you to take. In the center of the page you find her about me self description, all of her general information (age, location, background and lifestyle) and what she is looking for (likes and dislikes) in a partner.

A nice feature is the profile comparison table, listing all the things (appearance, lifestyle, interests, background) you match her in and she matches you in with dots.

Search Options

My favorite feature of Match.com is the abundant search options it offers, here are some of the searches you can look forward too:

MatchWords: MatchWords is an innovative search option created by them, it allows users to list words that mean something to them (yoga, aries, sports, beach, blue eyes, dancing ect…) and helps you search for someone with common word interests as well as narrow it down with the general age range, distance from location, and show only profiles with pictures filter options.
Custom Searches: These are very advanced search you can perform by selecting very specific qualities you look for in a partner.It allows you to save those options with different names (you can select the options only a nice girl would have like no tats, no smoking, no piercings, no drinking and religious ect… and save it as “Good Girls”).There’s literally dozens of specific filter options to choose from so thats something to really consider if your serious about paying money for a membership.
Mutual Matches: This is part of the “matching” quick pick option that will find women who share a mutual attraction with you based on the details in your profile.
Reverse Matches: Also part of the “matching” quick pick option to find women who are looking for the men with the answers your provided in your profile.
Username: Allows you to find members if you already have their username.

Subscribed Members Costs

If you signed up for a free account browsed around, saw that hot babes do also use dating websites (lets hope its them in the picture) and found Match.com to be your perfect online dating resource, you can become a subscribed member and enjoy the full websites features allowing you to send and receives messages and view who has checked out your profile.

When it comes to prices, it varies a lot with special monthly promotions and stuff but the default plans are:

1 Month: $39.99 USD (and continues each month if you don’t change plans).
3 months: $22.99 USD (per month).
6 Months: $19.99 USD (per month)

Conclusion

Match.com would be a strong contender for my top pay dating websites list, it provides you with so many features and services like some examples:

They have a “Find someone special in 6 months or we’ll give you 6 months FREE!” policy offer that never expires.
Great privacy settings with options to remain anonymous in Instant Messaging chats as well as a double-blind email system that never display your real email to the user and instead something like YOURUSERNAME@talkMatch.com.
They now have Match Mobile, giving you the option to continue matching users wireless and anonymously.
As I mentioned above, the MatchWords search option to find users with similar tastes.
Has Video and Audio options for people interesting in creating self introduction videos or audio messages, and I have heard they’ve been working on even bigger and better projects.

Given it’s strong reputation and history I think Match.com will always be a safe bet for anyone any age trying to choose a good dating site, it can crush most other websites user databases giving you more chances to find that special someone, prices are quite reasonable specially for what they offer like their dating, relationship and sex tips section, they are always striving to deliver new and innovative ideas to the online dating scene and thats what has kept them on top.

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

Negging

2008-04-25T12:44:33Z

What is negging? Negging (negative remarking) is an old technique of attracting women recently popularized by pick up artist Neil Strauss and Mystery, it is mainly used on attractive women as it targets a vain persons ego.

How Does It Work?

Attractive women are use to being told their beautiful or hot all the time by men so when you come along and tell them the same thing they have heard so many times, it doesn’t raise any interest in them.However, when a man comes a long and subtly puts her down with a negative criticism (small one), it will create confusion, hopefully intrigue her and possibly shake her confidence…this is also why jerks are so appealing to them cause they don’t show any interest and consider them nothing special.

How Negging Affects The Dating Scene

When you negg an attractive women she gets into this state of shock and is overwhelmed by insecurities and self consciousness, she is not use to someone not finding her attractive and that will raise her interest into making you find her attractive no matter what it takes.

Some examples of negging:

“Aww thats so cute, your blushing…(pointing at her cheeks) haha it’s like a little red tomato” she’ll say “oh I am not, stop it! :P” thats the point shes become self conscious about herself and the perfect state to start up a conversation.
“Wow, your almost as tall as me…tall girls are sexy..” that will boost up her confidence, nothing new.But then say something like “Wait, are those 4 or 5 inch heels?” This will make her fall from her cloud of confidence.
The simplest and first one I came up with was going to the mall and waiting for a beautiful girl to look at herself in the mirror trying some clothes on or putting on some make up, I said something like: “Don’t worry, you don’t look THAT! bad…” in a humorous sort of way, it comes across as a playful way of establishing a conversation and shows your confident/cocky enough to start it.

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

Hairstyles For Men, Choosing The Right One For Your Face Shape

2008-04-25T12:47:08Z

Did you know 64% of men are using the wrong hairstyle for their face shape? Those are frightening figures for any respectable metrosexual.Although most men think of it as something insignificant, the truth is the wrong hair style could make even the best fail at picking up women.I write the article from personal experience, I’ve done all the styles imaginable from bald to the hippie dreads.

Why It Is So Important

Women have a specific way of scanning men, it all begins with the face then they move down to the arms and chests most importantly the belly and finally they check out the rear (ass). A lot of the time when the facial area looks good enough they ignore any bad features in the rest of the scan so you want to make sure she gets a very good impression from your face.If you have ever experimented with hair styles or seen others do it you may have noticed how much it can change that persons appearance, it influences your age, social status, work ethics, personality even if your single or not.

Long hair makes you appear more juvenile, irresponsible, adventurous, spontaneous, carefree while shorter hair can make you look more masculine, serious, responsible. The way you want to appear is up to you based on the type of women you want to attract however there are some rules when choosing a hairstyle for your face shape as we will learn more about below.

Men’s Face Shape’s And Hairstyles

When choosing a new hairstyle its the shape of your face along with your hair type, density and texture, that is the most important factor to consider.The majority of men have a squared face, sometimes when you put on weight your square chin may disappear yet even though it’s not that visible anymore they still have a lot of that square influence left in their facial planes.Below I have provided a list of the seven most common face shapes there is, giving you some tips on what you can do or avoid, I also added some male celebrity names making it easier for you to change styles every season by looking at what they use every so often.

There are 7 types of male face shapes that predominate:

Square: The majority of men have this shape, it is distinguished by its strong jaw line and usually square hairline, and it’s one of the most “classic” and rugged face shapes. The square shaped face is the most versatile shape you can have after the Oval one (usually better for women), it is a great asset to have by a man as it’s the most masculine shape of them all.While women who have this shape try and soften the jawline by cutting it wispy/flaky and avoiding squarish cuts giving it an Oval shape, we can try and bring it out to some extent as long as it doesn’t make your chin the center of your face.
Do’s: You can go for a spikey/flat look (remember to use some wax or gel), a little messy hairstyle, grown-out longer style with slight waves, curly hair like Adrian Grenier but a good model to follow is David Beckham and his never ending hairstyle changes.
Dont’s: Nothing chin length or to long (passed shoulder level).
Oval: If your face has an egg shape with a forehead slightly wider than the jaw this means you have an oval face shape.Men with this type of face shape should consider themselves lucky as almost any hairstyle will suit you no matter if it’s long or short, this is due to the even proportion of the forehead and the versatility a rounded forehead hairline provides.
Do’s: Having this type of face shape means you can try anything, from long hair like Kid Rock to a buzz cut like Wesley Snipes but I’d go for something of a messy look, surfer style or an old school “ivy league” wall street cut.
Dont’s The rule of thumb for this face shape is to avoid covering it, nothing that will fall in front of your eyes, bangs or anything of the sort.
Round: Men that have this shape are distinguished by having a full face with a slightly rounded hairline/chin and even more noticeable around the cheeks and ears.It’s hard but possible to emphasize your masculinity with this shape, you main concern is to take away the softness from your jawline.
Do’s: If you want something long go passed chin length to make your face seem longer, if you like the businessman look try something side parted, anything with volume in the crown and tapered sides and back is also great.Good examples are Alec Baldwin or David Boreanaz.
Dont’s: Anything that makes your face rounder eg: curly style, bobs or evenly styled hair all around.
Diamond: Men that have diamond shapes can be identified by having the widest part at the cheekbones and narrowest at both the forehead and jaw, any style that make your face look broader is the main objective.A suggestion I always give when encountering someone with this type of shape is to use facial hair.
Do’s: Don’t be afraid to use longhair with this shape as it will suit you best, preferably with bangs (waves, layers or messy are all god but avoid long and straight). My favorite example of a “horse face” (I suffer it too :P) is Dave Navarro, notice how he has grown his hair long and joined it with his facial hair making it look wider yet less longer.
Dont’s: Although it should be obvious, anything that adds height on top is bad, eg: spikes, cesar or too short like the buzz cut.
Heart: Although the heart shape is more of a feminin shape, it can be found in some men.The reason I say it’s more of a feminin shape is because in men this shape tends to look more like the diamond one since we usually have longer chins. Heart shaped is distinguishable by being widest at the temples and narrowest at the chin.
Do’s: Short upwards hairstyles like the Faux-hawk are always the best looking with this type of face, Colin Farrell has this shape and seems to be a magnet with the ladies even when he had long hair yet Breckin Meyer looked a bit strange with it in Clueless.
Dont’s: Don’t emphasise the upper face without balancing out your narrow chin, adding height at the crown is also a bad idea.
Pear: Widest at the jaw, narrowing to smaller cheekbones and temples is what you will have if your a pear shape.I honestly haven’t met many pear shaped men but that can be used to your advantage separating you from the rest of crowd with a proper hairstyle.
Do’s: I met a guy with this shape that had close-cropped hair at the temples and crown, it looked pretty good on him.Your hair will look best with a pear face when it is fuller or longer at the back (Stevie Wonder has this shape and looks okay with long hair).Also as suggested to diamond shapers, use facial hair to reduce the bold pointed chin.
Dont’s: Keep the attention off your chin and try to emphasize your forehead area, short hair with a bit grown on the sides is good but grow it to much and you’ll be drawing attention to your chin.
Oblong: Oblong faces have high foreheads and long chins, for men this is quite a nice shape as you can wear many different styles of hair with it.You can choose to add volume with a layered longish haircut or a buzz cut but theres many other styles to try.
Do’s: Right now buzz cuts really popular amongst men as they give a masculine look (Wentworth Miller), another nice style is the layered long cut about ear length.
Dont’s: We want to make your face appear short so as I said you can grow it a bit and have that layered messy look but grow it too much and you’ll make it look longer than it is.

Whatever face shape you have, keep in mind that your hairline should never be angular or exposed.Also Women are known for having more softer features generally because they have a different hormonal composition and bone structure to us, having more pronounced features than them means with the right hairstyle it can work to your favor by making you look more masculine or with the wrong one have the total opposite effect and create an unbalanced look seriously affecting your appearance.

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

Ultimate Guide For Fingering Fun, 7 Different Ways

2008-04-25T12:49:44Z

“What’s the big mystery? It’s my vagina, not the sphinx!” - Miranda (Sex and the City)

Yeah “ha..ha..ha”, after you get over the fact that I had to watch that god darn show (which I ended up enjoying) to learn more about women to help you ungrateful readers, we will get started in learning more about the clitoris and many ways you’ll be able to stimulate it beyond belief and leave her completely satisfied.I’ve asked a few guys and girls about this subject and although the majority of guys said their Pro’s at it, most girls said a lot guys didn’t know what to do with it or actually even find it for that matter.If you master the art of fingering a women, she will never want to let you go and not only that, but if Sex and the City has taught us something (which I can confirm is true)…it’s that women share these sexual stories with all their friends putting into effect the social proof and scarcity principals.

Understanding The Clitoris

Let me first state that in this article I’m not going to tell you some spiritual nonsense about becoming one with your finger, lets keep it simple. The clitoris has a bud-like (flower) shape that can be found where the top of a woman’s inner labia (lips) begin. Theres a layer of skin covering the actual clitoris that in vulgar terms we refer to it as the “hood”.

Although you may think the penis and vagina have nothing in common your quite wrong, biologically speaking, it’s the direct equivalent to the penis only it’s inwards.When women get excited, blood rushes to their vagina making it swell up, this is her form of our erection.

When it comes to sizes I have really seen some strange stuff, normally it has to do with their ethnicity but it varies from woman to woman. The average size is about 1/8 inch to 3/8 inch in width some being smaller and some being bigger.

The Warm Up

I’ll tell you right now, women tend to achieve orgasms more easily via vaginal stimulation than actual penetration.Before you start getting all excited by lubing your fingers and practising with an apple pie, make sure you whenever you plan on doing this to a girl you wash your hands thoroughly, cut your nails nicely (no rough edges) and clean under them for any dirty stuff.The clitoris is a very sensitive area that can easily get infected and thats the last thing you want her to remember you by.

Take in consideration every women has a different speed, tempo and amount of fingers she enjoys, it’s up to you to find these out.You have the option of starting off with one finger till she becomes receptive to the second.Using your middle and index finger in a V shape, rub them up and down on her inner labia (vaginal lips).

Once you’ve rubbed enough and she’s sufficiently moist, use both of the fingers tips to massage her clitoris in a circular clockwise motion slowly increasing speed as she becomes more aroused.Every now and again you can gradually circular motion your way into the inside of her while moving your fingers in and out passing yourself (don’t be afraid to explore a bit inside there) and then returning back to the circular massage motion.

Always try and observe her reactions to different maneuvers so you know what she likes, how fast she likes or it how much pressure you should put.They usually provide you with some kind of feedback, if shes screaming “Yes! Deeper! Faster! Don’t Stop! More!” we are on the right track, however if she gets squeamish, tries to stop you or turns on the tv to watch The View, your doing something drastically wrong.If your not certain about anything don’t be afraid to ask her, just make sure its a yes or no type of question cause you don’t want her thinking to much and loosing focus on the pleasure.

Different Fingering Methods

I have mention the circular motion massage method which 90% of girls enjoy, but there are other ways you can use you fingers to make her reach an unbelievable climax, some of these methods work on different types of girls and aren’t necessarily received in the same gratifying way by all of them but in the majority of cases they are.

Multi Tasker: If your the type of guy that can manage multiple tasks at the same time, this is the ideal method for you, it’s basically using both your hands but each doing a different method at a different tempo.While the right hand is doing the all around favorite clitoris circular massage you can use the index and middle fingers of the left hand to penetrate in a slow but steady motion (you can increase speed based on what you observe from her reactions).
Wild West: Whose the fastest finger in the wild west (or south in this analogy)? This method works on most women that like to bunny hop on top of you, insert your middle finger (supposing its the thickest and longest in your hand) into her clitoris and go in and out of her at high speeds but try to find a position where your had is straight as this way you can go as fast as you can without missing (oh trust me, you don’t want to miss!).
Cork Screw: Similar to the “Wild West”, find a position where your hand can be perfectly straight and in level with her vagina. With your hands palm facing down, insert your index and middle fingers all the way inside her clitoris then turn it so your palm is facing up and in that same motion gradually exit her clitoris.Something that drives them crazy with pleasure is also flicking her clitoris with your thumb while your doing the screw exit motion.
Unknown Territory: For this one you need to make sure she’s up for it, while your hand is sideways use your middle/index finger on her clitoris and insert your pinky finger into her anus.Simultaneous stimulation is a new experience for her so take it a bit slow (like all things with women), also keep in mind once your finger has been in her anus you can’t use it to toucher her vagina (or any other orifice) as it can lead to infection.
Morse Code: Normally used in between different maneuver/methods, it’s a great way to keep the clitoris moist. Use your index and ring finger to separate her inner labia (lips), with your middle finger gently tap the clitoris, rub up and down or flick it.
Snail: I called it the snail for amount of lube you must use in this one (snails leave drool), start by placing the tips of your index and middle finger one on each side of her clitoris, then slowly glide down and make your way inside her vagina, once in extract your fingers (in a cork screw motion preferably) and repeat the whole thing.

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

Weight Loss, What You Need To Know

2008-04-25T12:52:46Z

“’You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. ‘Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.” - Winston Churchill

Do you think loosing weight is easy? When I turn on the tv, all I see in ads is how easy it is to loose weight with these magical pills or some incredible new equipment invention that will allow me to drop the pounds instantly while I sit on my ass and do nothing…the fat will somehow melt off or evaporate, sometimes you may require to do two minutes of workout but thats about it…According to the NAAFA by 1990 Americans were already spending over $30 billion dollars a year in diet products or weight loss programs, and that’s almost 20 years ago yet the majority of the population now is still overweight.So I will ask again, do you think loosing weight is easy?

The Basic Concept Behind Weight Loss

Working in a few jobs that required to have a good physical appearance I found there’s no easy quick weight loss method, unlike some of my coworkers who decided to chew on ice instead of eating or working out, I chose to follow the more healthier way by learning more about the human body and how it worked.I’ve literally heard thousands of diets, from the one you only eat while having sex, to the seafood diet (every time you SEE food eat it…). But seriously, many diets do work but only if your willing to put up with the same routine of eating that food for the rest of your life (nobody does), wouldn’t you rather prefer eating a little bit of whatever you want?

Loosing weight sounds very simple in theory…you only have to burn more calories than you eat, thats it! theres no hidden secrets or magic behind it.The amount of calories you intake is based on your gender, age and comparing it to a height and weight chart. To find out what your ideal calorie intake per day is, try this calculator from ShapeFit. It was pretty accurate with my results which I compared to the amount a health expert suggested to me, just make sure you answer the “Activity Level” honestly.

Why We Find It Hard To Lose Weight

We now know weight lost is just a matter of replacing sodas for diet ones or water and adding a 30 minute walk to our daily schedule amongst other things.Sounds simple, right? so why don’t we do it and give up so easily when trying to lose weight? Theres several reasons for why this happens, I’ll try and name a few of them and tips to help you get started:

Mental Approach: The first and most important problem we encounter mentally when loosing weight is our own mind, we become so impatient cause were leaving our comfort zone and trying stuff out of our routine yet don’t see results as fast as we’d want, usually people give up after just a few weeks.You need to find some motivations to keep at it, I don’t care if you have to hang a picture of Jessica Alba to a stick and strap it onto your forehead in front of you while you run in order to motivate yourself just find a way, think about the girl you like, the look on your friends faces when they see a flat belly or simply the fact that your getting healthier.The second problem we find is lying to ourselves by thinking we have a slow metabolism and gain weight easily, thats FALSE! If you look at the obesity statistics of 50 years ago you will see the amount has quadruplicated…so your trying to tell me our genetics have somehow transformed themselves in the last 5 decades? And what a coincidence this happen when the fast food chains, quick snacks and sugar filled sodas came along.
Consistency: Loosing weight is all about keeping at it, sure you can loose weight by just changing your eating habits but eventually you will hit a stop that will require some exercise to be done.When choosing a workout try and find something your comfortable with, the biggest mistake all the guys trying to loose weight make is to kill themselves working out in the first few weeks, they see no results and give up (does it sound familiar?).I personally never go to the gym, I of course encourage you to try it but it’s not my thing, I’m lucky enough to live in suburbia so a 45 minute run around the park or lake with my 60GB Ipod (cause 50,000 songs is just not enough for a 45 min run…) is ideal for me as I find it more distracting (hot single girls in spandex) and less monotonous plus you can change sceneries regularly making it something too look forward instead seeing it as a chore.
Eating Habits: Once you loose weight you will see how much more energetic you feel in many different aspects in your life (that includes your sexual stamina as well), however choosing the right foods to maintain that stable weight is the tricky part, I can tell you right now it’s going to take a lot more effort when it comes to choosing what you eat.Your going to have to start reading the food labels to keep a calories count (you can also start a food journal), no more pre made microwave heated foods means more time cooking, forget about asking for “a bit more” at family reunions.
Being fat is a matter of convenience, you choose the easiest and fasted option which usually means the most fatty, having a healthy lifestyle doesn’t mean you can’t eat you favorite foods, it just means you can’t eat as much of it as many times as you did. I have a secret behind my success, I have a small apple size bowl, I can eat 3-4 even 5 times a day as long as the healthy food fits in the bowl, if I want pizza I just cut a slice into 3-4 pieces and eat a little bit of it with each meal.
Life Habits: If you want a healthier life, you have to be willing to change how you live…understandable right? Lets face it, you don’t get fat for being a hard worker you get for for being lazy and seeking comfort. If you want to change your weight you must change your lifestyle, eg: wake up earlier to a healthy lunch or workout, using your lunchtime for a light walk instead of sitting down, keep track of the amount of time you spend at the computer or watching tv and balance it by doing things that require physical activity, removing any tempting foods from the house or asking the people you live or work with to hide them from you, sleeping the proper 8-10 hours per night (tiredness subconsciously causes us to eat sugar to give us more energy).
Reinforcements: Doing this type of thing alone is a pain, ask a friend to be your workout buddy…have competitions each week to see who looses more weight (who ever loses has to be that weekends wingman), if you live with a someone ask them to join you in the healthier cooking and eating lifestyle, use to people that surround you to join in or at least help you in any way they can.
Unrealistic Expectations: Many people fail simple because they set themselves unrealistic goals, if you set the bar up to high you will find it a lot harder since you will see yourself constantly failing which will have a negative impact on you.Whats a reasonable goal to use? It’s different for each person depending on your genetics, eating habits, exercise, and metabolism to name a few.An easier way can be to set yourself a long term goal like competing in an upcoming race, or zipping up a nice new jacket or suit that doesn’t fit you right now.You can also set yourself weekly goals like having 3 hours of work out at the gym minimum or set an ideal time you’d like to complete your daily walk in and then subtly decrease the maximum time per week.
Unpredictable: Life is unpredictable so you can’t always keep up with your schedule, you could receive a sudden call from your boss reminding you about some paperwork or get stuck in traffic…the key here is to try and think of every possible situation that your own life could encounter and to some extent be ready for it, why not keep a pair of running shoes in the car? In case you have to work late you can go for a walk…carry some healthy snack bars in your car to avoid having to eat out if you forgot your lunch? I’m sure theres many things you can come up with.

I’ve named a few of the reasons we quit when going on a weight loss plan, ask yourself if your willing to make all these efforts…is that beautiful girl you work with but are to shy to ask out because of your insecurities worth all this trouble?, maybe you want to live a longer and healthier life? It’s all up to you, all I can do is provide you with the information you need to succeed, I can’t hold you hand in the work outs. Just remember, we all have good and bad days, some days you’ll find yourself eating your proteins and veggies, working out more than you expected, getting a good night sleep and feeling great, other mornings you might wake up late, forget to make your lunch, eat some cake at a friends birthday and totally ignore your workout…it’s okay the key is to try your best the next day, if your consistent you will prevail.

What To Do Now?

So we now know why most diet and workout plans fail, now what? I’ll give you some quick pointers to remind you what we learned above.

Patience: Loosing weight will take you time so find something that will motivate you and encourage you along the way, my suggestion is to stay away from the scale for the first month and just think about your ideal weight and how hard your willing to work for it.You’ll most likely loose a lot of weight in the first few weeks, thats called ‘water weight’ (mostly water your burning through sweat) and after that the loses will slow down drastically so don’t give up when that happens.
Preparation: Apart from preparing yourself mentally you have to create a workout schedule and eating plan, don’t be afraid to change your lifestyle habits, it will be annoying at first but after a couple of weeks these habits start to feel “normal” and they become part of your new routine.
Strength: You have to somehow find a way to stop you from taking that extra donut from the cafeteria, some guys use food journals to keep track of everything they eat (what, where,when and the mood you were in), this works on your subconscious cause every time you think about eating a fatty food, you’ll also think of the guilt your going to have to go through writing it in the journal.
Realistic: Don’t aim for the sky, a realistic goal for a man is usually two pounds per week maximum.I’m sure you want to see the pounds drop off quickly but thats not helpful or healthy for that matter.Actually it can be really bad if you burn it off to fat, what happens is you start to burn off muscle instead of fat and that will slow down your metabolism making it harder too loose weight long term.Weight is unpredictable and fluctuates easily, one week you will do little work and drop a ton of weight and the next you’ll work your ass off and loose nothing, just stick with it.

What To Eat

We’ve arrived at the all important, what should I eat? section. The most basic knowledge you should have is to stay away from excessive amounts of sugar, salt and fat. The easiest way of doing this is by not having in between meal snacks (chips, biscuits, sodas, pastries, candy, chocolate) as they are the ones high in fatty content.However if you find the need to have something in between meals, fruit is always a good option as it hasn’t been processed and is low in calories…you can also chew gum.

A knowledge of basic nutrition will help you to make the right choices about the sort of food you eat. A good balanced diet for people trying to loose weight contains;

plenty of protein (it helps regrow healthy muscles and they replace fat with less space) such as lean meats, fish, chicken, turkey, eggs, soy foods, pulses.
some carbohydrates such as pasta, rice, bread (wholemeal), potatoes.
some fats such as oil, nuts (a handful of nuts can replace a whole meal and satisfy you) and seeds.
plenty of fruits and vegetables.
plenty of water to rehydrate the body.

When reading labels to see the amount of calories keep these things in mind:

In countries like Australia we have kilojoules, around 4Kj = 1 calories.
1 gram of fat = 9 calories.
1 gram of sugar = 4.5 calories
1 gram of carbohydrate = 4.5 calories
1 gram of protein = 4 calories

The average adult’s diet daily intake of calories is about 2078 (take the test above to find out your specific intake), it should brake down into the following:

50 Grams Protein
70 Grams Fat
24 Grams Saturated Fat
310 Grams Carbohydrates
90 Grams of Sugar
2300 Milligrams Sodium

If you have a healthy balanced diet you shouldn’t need to take any extra vitamins or minerals. Add a bit of junk food into your plan as well. You want a lifestyle diet that works so you need a few sins every now and then.

Weight Loss Tips

Don’t beat yourself over the head if things go wrong; just re-focus and keep at it.
When you reach weight goals reward yourself, going out to the club with some friends or by buying yourself some nice shirts.
Exercise will burn off calories, keep you fit and keep you toned. It also increases your metabolic rate so makes losing weight easier.
Don’t eat when your not hungry, eating simply out of habit or boredom won’t help you slim down.
We all enjoy a beer every now and then but try to keep them to a minimum of one a day, or choose the healthier light (friends make fun of) kind.
If you need extra motivation join a slimming club, I know it sounds gay but you’d be surprise at the amount of ‘hot-to-be’ girls you will meet there.
Small things help a lot in your weight loss routine, park your car further away from your destination to walk a bit more, if you live in a two storage house and need to use the bathroom go the one thats not in your level and so on.
Once you reach your ideal weight don’t think you can go back to your old habits…you must continue doing what you’ve done or those pounds will just pile back on.

Note: There is a rating embedded within this post, please visit this post to rate it.

Dating Advice, Love and Relationship Tips, Online Dating Site Reviews - Men On Venus

First Kiss Advice, How To Do It

First Kiss Advice

First Kiss Tips

DO’s:

Dont’s:

Related posts

Treating Anxiety, How To Overcome It

Breathing Exercises

Physical Exercise

Relaxation Therapy

Nutrition

Self Esteem Therapy

Cognitive Therapy

Exposure Therapy

Assertion Therapy

Medication

Herbs

Related posts

Social Anxiety Disorder Around Girls, Types and Symptoms

What Is Anxiety?

Types Of Anxiety

Related posts

Perceptual Contrast

How The Contrast Principle Affects The Dating Scene

How The Contract Principle Affects Relationships

Other Uses For It

Related posts

How To Write The Perfect Personal Profile To Attract Women

Creating The Profile

Choosing The Main Picture

Choosing A Display Name

Writing The About Me

Related posts

Complete Review Of Match.com

Signing Up

Navigation

Search Options

Subscribed Members Costs

Conclusion

Related posts

Negging

How Negging Affects The Dating Scene

Related posts

Hairstyles For Men, Choosing The Right One For Your Face Shape

Why It Is So Important

Men’s Face Shape’s And Hairstyles

Related posts

Ultimate Guide For Fingering Fun, 7 Different Ways

Understanding The Clitoris

The Warm Up

Different Fingering Methods

Related posts

Weight Loss, What You Need To Know

The Basic Concept Behind Weight Loss

Why We Find It Hard To Lose Weight

What To Do Now?

What To Eat

Weight Loss Tips

Related posts