Menopause Moi

The Holy Golden Anniversary Gift Grail

2020-03-02T11:53:00.000-08:00

This post has been in the works for a while and is part ranty-rant, part scary story, and part comedy of errors. I originally wrote it as therapy, to vent my frustrations and get everything off my chest. It has a happy ending though, so please bear with me!

The Gift 'Grail' in question--Picture of The Hare and Hounds, Maghull

The Cruise

Last August (2019) my parents celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary—a monumental milestone—so my brother and I wanted to mark it appropriately. When they celebrated twenty-five years, I planned a party with family and friends; at forty years, we travelled home to see them renew their vows. My folks don’t party much anymore and travel is becoming more difficult as family and friends age, so we decided against a big party this time around. A trip seemed like the best idea.

As we live in the Pacific Northwest, a cruise to Alaska was the first thing that came to mind. It’s close to home, there were no flights for my parents, none of us had ever cruised, and none of us had been to Alaska. Perfect! Book that sucker! (An experience itself I might add, if you’ve never done it before!). However, as we wound our way through all the requirements of travelling to the US, we hit on a problem.

My mother has some health issues, and as part of her ongoing care, her doctor had requested an angiogram. The test was naturally a concern for us, but it also became a sticking point in acquiring the necessary travel insurance. When she finally got her appointment, little more than a month before the cruise, I was relieved. We could put the worry behind us and start looking forward to the trip. However, by the end of test day, our world was shattered by the news that she needed surgery—double by-pass—and she would stay in hospital until they scheduled it. The next two weeks were a blur. Amid the fear of surgery, the worry about recovery, and moments of sheer blind panic, cruise-related concerns did not even register. However, we knew there would be no vacation for my parents.

The Back-Up Plan (Plan B)

Despite everything, though, they still wanted, insisted even, that the rest of us take the cruise. However, given that their gift had gone spectacularly pear-shaped, we needed to find another one suitable for the occasion. I suggested commissioning a picture of the pub where they met and knew of a talented artist on Etsy who did architectural drawings. Several introductory messages later, it seemed a good fit, so I provided a couple of photos for reference, and off I went on the cruise.

At the end of August (three weeks in) he messaged he was beginning the sketches and asked for a deadline. As the anniversary had passed, I naively said ‘ASAP’ (total rookie mistake!). Middle of September I followed up as I had heard nothing more, only to be told that he hadn’t started on my commission at all, that he was getting busy early in the run-up to Christmas and that he doubted he would have it for me anytime soon. I asked him to confirm I would have it for Christmas, then heard nothing for another week. His response when I followed up again was to imply that I, amongst others, were chasing him up for work (!) after he took a whole weekend off. A guilt-trip. A giant hot-button for me!

Several messages followed. I saw his guilt-trip and raised him. I was not rude, but this was probably not my finest hour. His response ‘Seems like you’re trying to make me feel guilty!’ (Duh, dude…!). I took a breath and a step back, explained that we had obviously had some miscommunication, asked if he could provide a definitive time line and some customer service. He could apparently do neither. A total flake! Thankful for the fact I paid him no money, I went in search of another gift or another artist.

The Back-Up to the Back-Up (Plan C?)

A different gift was a non-starter, as nothing matched the picture, so I went back on Etsy to find a new artist and eventually hit success. A more professional approach, a definitive time frame—six to eight weeks—and a confirmation that if I ordered right away (now mid-October), I would have my commission by Christmas, no problem. I happily paid my money and waited.

As we approached the eight-week mark, I followed up, you know, to be on the safe side. It was the beginning of December after all, and the picture was coming from the UK. I also asked for confirmation of the size to get framing quotes. The artist told me my picture would be ready ‘at the end of next week’ (as this was a Sunday, I wasn’t sure if that meant six days hence or thirteen—spoiler, it was neither!) and she would get back to me with the dimensions.

I never got the sizing. Christmas came and went. I was broken-hearted that we still didn’t have the gift, but with the busyness of the season did not follow up again until the beginning of January when I asked for a tracking number on the parcel. She didn’t provide one, but confirmed the work was complete, and she would send me photos of it, once back in her studio.

Ten days later… still no picture, no photos, no sizing, no tracking info—nothing! I’m seeing a pattern that concerns me (to say the least!), so I threaten to report her to Etsy. I never want to be 'that' person, but I was running out of options. At this point she sent me photos and offered me a partial refund on the picture, but honestly, I was happy to pay for the work she had done. All I wanted was a way to trace my picture, lost to the big, wide world, and couldn’t understand why she was so reticent to give it. It seemed so simple.

Finally, with no choice but to provide the number, I learned what the problem was. Despite all the confirmations, the parcel had not shipped until January 5th! Seriously…, if I put this into a work of fiction, an editor would say, ‘Nah, that’s too much. No-one would ever believe it.’

By now, it was the third week in January. The picture left the UK on January 6th, then... radio silence. I honestly believed that the picture was lost, and by this time my brother and I had paid out the equivalent of a down-payment on a small car with precisely zero gifts to show for it. The thought that, after six months, we’d have to start again, with Plan D, was freaking me out. With one gossamer thread of hope left, I contacted the post office.

The Promised Happy Ending!

A chat with Canada Post revealed that they could not help me at all (big surprise!), and that the sender would have to follow up from their end. Based on previous experience, I didn’t hold my breath. However, miracle of miracles, within two days of talking to the respective post offices, my parcel reappeared on the tracker—in Vancouver! Coincidence, you say? Another two days later, I finally had the picture in my hands. After what felt like a quest for the Holy Grail, the relief was tangible.

From this point, the story becomes almost mundane. In defense of the second flaky artist, I will say that her work was beautiful and unusual—just gorgeous. The framing handled, professionally and efficiently, by my friend, Melanie—within budget and on time (thanks, Mel!).

Finally, this past weekend my husband and I used our Leap Year bonus day to deliver this anniversary gift to two special people, who are more than worth all of this effort. Good news, they seemed to like it!

New Year, New Decade: Looking Back, (But Mostly) Looking Forward

2020-01-06T10:30:00.000-08:00

Image by prettysleepy1 from Pixabay

Happy New Year! I hope that your 2020 has been great so far. Mine is good, but did not start as I intended. So, the cliches I’d planned, about 20/20 vision and so on don’t quite fit my mood as this new decade begins. But, that’s okay, I’ve learned not to get too attached to my plans.

Looking Back

The end/beginning of a decade isn’t an opportunity to waste though. I often find myself caught up in the day-to-day that comprises most of life, to the extent that it feels as though nothing is happening, nothing is changing.

When I looked back with a purposeful eye though, I was astonished at how much had happened, what we had done and accomplished. If you’ve done a decade review, I’m sure you feel the same way too! Briefly my past ten years have included:

- turning 50
- moving across Canada—coast to coast—twice (!)
- living by myself for a year, for work (how understanding is my husband?!)
- almost completing a creative writing certificate (one more course to go!)
- travelling to seven different countries
- getting my first tattoo (and my second, but more on that next week)
- saying an unexpected goodbye to a precious family member, but reconnecting with long-lost family as well
- saying goodbye to a special spotty dog
- crossing more items off my bucket list than I can keep track of

This is not nothing! Even with the pain and heartbreak of loss, even taking into account that many of these happenings and accomplishments have their good and less-good sides, this shows to me I have a glorious, messy, blessed life. I am luckier by far than I consider myself to be on those day-to-days.

Looking Forward

Although, as mentioned, I’ve learned not to get too attached to long-term plans, the next decade will inevitably bring its own set of changes, challenges, and adventures. All being well, in the next ten years I will turn sixty. My husband will retire from the military, a huge adjustment in itself, but one that will also require us to move. My parents are aging, heck the Hubby and I are aging, which can bring a myriad of health issues in its wake.

Will this all play out as we think or hope? Who knows? We have an outline drawn, and a direction forward; the rest is tentative. Certainly, much of what happened in the last decade was not planned, was not even conceivable, back at the beginning of 2010.

In the immediate term, I have launched another blog (I know… I can barely manage this one! However, I am always the optimist!). It will focus on my novel and short story writing, as well as reading and some book reviews. (It is here if you’d like to check it out, though I confess there isn’t much to see yet.) I hope that it will help me set a consistent writing practice which is something I need and is one of the few things in life I can control.

So, as we head into our New Year’s work, a resolution of sorts for me—to appreciate the present, those quiet daily moments of pleasure and small accomplishments, even as I look forward to some of what the future holds. Oh… and to be grateful for all of it.

Health Reboot: Depression Lessons

2019-01-30T15:29:00.001-08:00

I have written, in the past, about depression, touching on my personal struggle, but mainly trying to raise awareness of mental health issues. I still don’t have the words to write about hitting rock bottom. However, I can share what I’ve learned in my latest struggle with this insidious nemesis.

Depression and Multiple Sclerosis

In the twenty-six years since I was diagnosed with MS, I have come to learn that depression can be an actual symptom of the condition rather than simply a reaction to dealing with a life-altering, incurable disease. Though how I, or my doctor, distinguish ‘MS depression’ from ‘regular depression’ I am not sure. Nor am I sure it matters. However, the idea is a comfort--to believe that, like my other symptoms, this one will go away (or at least diminish) when I feel better.

It’s Not Always Unhappiness

In the past, when depressed, I certainly did feel unhappy, as well as hopeless and desperate; just plain miserable. And I cried—a lot! This time around, there have been (almost) no tears, because I’m not sad. What I am is frustrated, anxious and overwhelmed. Combine this with physical fatigue and it becomes a recipe for inertia.

I feel anxious about time slipping away, wasted; and overwhelmed by the increasing number of things left undone, not all of which are optional. I’m losing ground on the things I want to do--all those fun dreams and hopes. Writing, travelling, just getting out and socializing have all gone by the board at some point in the past year. This takes a toll on family and relationships, including the one with yourself.

Recognizing the Warning Signs

I am always hard on myself for not getting as much done as I would like. It’s one aspect of living with MS that I have a hard time with, and I’m my own worst enemy. My self-worth regularly takes a beating. In the throes of depression though, I have learned that this becomes paranoia. When I started to tell myself that I was completely worthless and that people hated me, I knew that was a warning sign. (As a note, these are my personal red flags and I’m not a doctor so the signs may be different for others. Though, if you feel this way, I would definitely seek out someone, to talk to). So, it was back to the doctor’s office, where after a year of visits, he had come to the same conclusion.

I Have a Medication Bias

He prescribed medication, explained the side effects, and that the drug might take several weeks to show any benefit, and asked to see me after a month. At the follow-up, I was happy to tell him that I was sleeping better, able to focus, and getting some stuff done! Success!

My first question, however, after detailing this improved outlook, was to ask how long I would need to take the pills for. Perhaps forever, came the response. At least for a year. A year I could live with. Forever I wasn’t so sure about.

The idea of taking something ‘artificial’ to keep my body functioning ‘normally’ is one I’ve always had a hard time with. But, when I was prescribed thyroid medication and was told the same news, I accepted it—not completely without question, but accepted it nonetheless. And as my doctor gently and tactfully reminded me, health is health, and help is help. Why wouldn’t I want something that obviously made me feel better?

Because I had ‘cured’ my depression in the past, and that I might not be able to do so again felt like a failure. I realized that, despite being honest about my past depression and the therapy that helped me deal with it, I was still making myself a victim of the stigma around mental health issues with my own bias. I talked a bit about this the last time I wrote about depression. Seems, I still a work-in-progress!

This post was written for Bell Let’s Talk Day (https://letstalk.bell.ca) here in Canada. Please check out their website; there is obviously still work to do, to overcome the stigma. It also has resources if you or someone one you love is dealing with a mental health issue, including crisis line information (in Canada). If you need help elsewhere in the world, please (please!) try one of these numbers.

A Back-to-Basics Health Reboot

2018-04-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

Multiple Sclerosis. Diverticular disease. Hypothyroidism. Potential high cholesterol and pre-diabetes. These are the health conditions I am currently dealing with. All are manageable, most could become serious if not treated, and all are little more than an inconvenience to me most of the time.

However, I have been feeling like crap for most of the past year - tired, unmotivated, possibly depressed. As yet, there have been no answers, only more problems. As usual, MS seemed the most likely culprit, given the symptoms. In the past, I have turned things around in days or weeks, with careful life husbandry. But this time around, months and months in, my frustration level was getting the better of me.

Time to get serious! As the cliché goes, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

As I set out to improve my health and my life, I realized (was reminded!) that getting healthier doesn’t have to be complicated. I already knew what I needed to do (and which the doctor had been telling me all along!). Unfortunately simple doesn’t mean easy, otherwise we’d all be healthy already!

With that being said, here are four straightforward steps I’m taking now, based on the advice we hear every day. Plus one extra that I came up with for myself.

1. Eat better

This is the biggest change I have made so far, and the one that seems to have helped the most. I started out by researching which foods or eating regimens were best for all of the health challenges I’m facing. Not a good idea! The Interwebs are awash in dietary guidelines, the specifics of which often contradict each other.

Eat more veggies and fruit. Cut back on the saturated and trans fats. Reduce or eliminate processed foods and sugar. Most things in moderation. For many people, a simple tweak to their diet can be enough to effect change, but if, like me, you have specific health concerns, talk to your doctor.

My doctor initially suggested the Mediterranean diet, which is great but involved me ‘relearning the wheel’ (of cooking), so it became a challenge to maintain.

In the end, I picked a condition-specific diet—the Direct-MS diet (www.direct-ms.org), which is similar to a paleo diet--no dairy, gluten, legumes or foods with a high sugar content—any food, in fact, which might be an allergen. I chose this regimen because I could fit a lot of my existing eating patterns into its framework, and also I had done it in the past with some success.

I have been following this protocol now for nine weeks, have lost five pounds and feel better in every sense of the word.

2. Exercise

Following the doc’s advice to the letter on this one was easy. Go for a walk!

No gym membership required. No expensive equipment to buy. And no classes to attend or regimented schedule to stick to. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of those things. I know that they are what help some folks stick with their exercise habits. And, I do have a gym membership, for walking on the treadmill through the dark, wintery months.

For me though, thoughts of adding in a yoga session or two, perhaps even getting back to going for a run (either of which I would love) overwhelm me at the moment, and make me less likely to do anything! So walking it is!

3. Sleep

This one should be easy too, at least in theory. If you’re tired, you rest, right?

A regular sleep routine is one way to help get a good night’s sleep. But, for me, being fatigued has meant sneaking in a nap some afternoons. Which leads to later nights and restless sleep. Which becomes circular insanity that is hard to break out of. Even at the best of times, I am inconsistent with bedtime and tend to stay up later than I should. Still some work to do here!

Other good sleep hygiene habits involve keeping a cool, dark, quiet bedroom. And, reduce all screen time before bed—brownie points for me on this as I don’t watch TV in bed, and rarely do I have my phone there.

Reduce or eliminate(!) caffeine and alcohol. It’s true; a glass or two of wine is now a sleep-killer for me, a fact that I do ignore occasionally, and always to my detriment!

There are also many sleep aids available over the counter, to help with occasional sleeplessness. Although they do make me sleep, personally I find they always leave me feeling ‘hungover’, so use them as little as possible. Definitely discuss this with your doctor!

4. Consistency

Although it is obvious that doing good things consistently over time will produce the best results and form new, good habits, to me it has always been easier said than done. I wanted the quick fix. I tried every fad diet going, becoming queen of the yo-yo dieters in the process. I would go to a full-on aerobics class, wake up the next day unable to move, get discouraged, and quit. Rinse and repeat every one to six months, depending on my motivation!

I didn’t get into this situation overnight; I am not going to fix it overnight either. I am fifty-five years old, the least I can do is give myself fifty-five weeks (maybe even fifty-five months) to slowly improve my health. Ditching the all-or-nothing thinking, and despite slip-ups that normally would send me to the couch with a bag of chips, I am nine weeks in and still going.

5. Open-mindedness

In my quest to feel better, I have to ask what I haven’t yet tried, that might prove beneficial. Acupuncture through Zen, there are options that might be considered ‘alternative’ but that may help. I will probably draw the line at bee-stings and snake venom (a personal choice, and no reflection on those who have tried them), but most other things would be up for consideration, again with the consultation and support of my doctor.

There may not be a cure for what ails me, and some of what happens is out of my control. But I believe there is still a lot I can do to help myself feel better. As well as the simple steps outlined, I have already gone back to massage therapy, a treatment that was beneficial in the past. I’ve also started using health affirmations based on a series of cards I bought from A Healing Spirit. Small steps so far, but each is important on my new journey.

Dear Donna: A Letter to My Pre-Menopausal Self

2018-03-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

(This was previously published on iVillage Canada)

Dear Younger Donna,

Menopause! You know it is coming. Perhaps it’s already making its presence felt, in subtle ways. Here then is a “Back to the Future” of what you can expect when you find yourself in the grip of that most common menopause symptom—the hot flash.

Eat, Drink and Be Sweaty!

You’ve heard all the health advice on the news. You’ve cut down on saturated and trans fat, reduced salt and sugar intake and started to exercise more. You know you can do better, but hey, you’re trying. Now, at menopause, they’ll give you a new list to watch out for--the hot flash triggers. And all your favourites are on it… all of them--spicy foods, red wine, chocolate, and coffee!

Seriously, what the heck is that all about? You can live without the spicy food and have (reluctantly) cut back on the red wine. But the chocolate and the coffee are non-negotiable. Trust me, you’d rather live with the discomfort than do without. And, especially where coffee is concerned, those around you would agree. Try to do what the Doc says, but draw the line somewhere!

Fun in the Bedroom: An Oxymoron.

Your hot flashes will also impact those other pleasures, the bedroom charms of sleep and sex.
Night sweats will be the worst, keeping you awake. You will sweat in places that, while they've been there all along, you have never been so uncomfortably aware of before. You will fling the covers aside, effectively double-duveting the Hubby. If this doesn’t wake him with a hot flash of his own, it’s likely that the scrambling around to retrieve sheets and blankets five minutes later (when you’re freezing) will do the trick. Share the misery, that’s what I say!

And as for sex… the good news is that it doesn’t have to be a thing of the past. However, the bad news is that, with hot flashes, spontaneity will go out the window. Hubby will be excited to see you stripped down to your skivvies, given that your night attire previously involved flannel and fleece. But, his ardour will dampen significantly when you threaten to do him bodily harm if he so much as lays a finger. Timing and speed will become key!

Can Anything Help?

The short answer is yes. The longer answer is that it will take time to figure out. Talk to your doctor as soon as possible. You’ll suffer longer than is necessary if you assume you know what’s going on. And if you’re going to try natural remedies, for Pete’s sake, do your research. Otherwise, the psychedelic trip, from an inadvertent mixture of clary sage and red wine will be a lesson you won’t soon forget!

One last piece of advice--don’t wear white! It will only emphasize the lovely shade of puce that you’re turning, which will prompt Hubby to announce (loudly) “You’re having a hot flash, aren’t you!” This will then prompt you to want to punch him. It’s just not worth it.

And remember, my dear, this too shall pass. You won’t have to take the bad with the good forever. You’ll learn that menopause can also be a time of incredible personal growth and creativity, so there’s a lot of good to come and much to look forward to.

Sincerely,

Older (wiser?) Donna

A Newbie’s Guide to Palm Springs.

2018-03-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

Recently, the Hubs and I took our first trip to Palm Springs. Being We(s)t Coast-ers, we were looking for somewhere warm and dry to get some relief from the February blahs. Having only one week, however, we also wanted a location that was easy to get to, and with no jet-lag or time change to acclimatize to. Palm Springs became the logical choice.

5 Observations & Recommendations from Newbies (to other Newbies!)

1. Be aware, which we were not, that all of the morning flights from Canada arrive in Palm Springs within an hour of each other – 5 flights in all. And, as mentioned, these are just the ones from Canada! If you don’t know or expect, this the airport can seem like barely-organized chaos, as you try to retrieve luggage and join the line-up for car rentals. However, things do calm down quickly, as people get themselves sorted.

2. February (winter in general) seems to be peak visitor season, so booking everything well in advance is essential. It is also the way to get the best prices on everything from flights to accommodations and car rentals.

3. Take a couple of sweaters. We took one each, but another would have come in handy. Clear skies and low humidity means that it cools off at night, and takes a while to warm up in the morning, especially at this time of year.

4. Palm Springs is great to drive around, even if you’ve never been before. The main roads are laid out pretty much like a grid. It isn’t as large as I thought it would be (a good thing!), so the drive to our condo took less than ten minutes. And, there was lots of parking in downtown Palm Springs, much of it free.

5. There is also a free bus – the Buzz Bus – that runs Thursday to Sunday through downtown and out to where we stayed on E. Palm Canyon Drive. It’s a great deal, especially on Thursday evening, when Palm Springs holds its VillageFest street market. It is supposed to run every fifteen minutes, though the schedule can be… fluid, shall we say?

Accommodations

Even booking six months in advance, hotel prices in Palm Springs seemed expensive to us. As an alternative, we decided to check out what Home-Away vacation rentals had to offer. Being people of a ‘certain age’, we like our own space when we travel. We also like to try and keep costs down. A quick search of the HomeAway website (www.homeaway.com) gave us over 300 rentals to choose from. Of course, these were at a variety of sizes and price points, which we narrowed down to suit our needs.
Our rental was at a place called Ocotillo Lodge, a mid-century complex on East Palm Canyon Drive. (HomeAway shows that there are over 20 units for rent there alone). It was quiet and well-maintained, with a nice pool/hot tub area and a fantastic mountain view. With grocery stores and a coffee shop nearby, setting ourselves up in our ‘home away from home’ was easy!

It turned out to be a great location for getting around as well. Driving downtown took ten minutes (if that!). Going further in the same direction (north), took us to the highway to Joshua Tree NP. And, if we had ventured the opposite way, it would also have taken us easily down through all the other towns in the Coachella Valley.

Joshua Tree National Park

Full disclosure here: we did not do anywhere near the amount of sight-seeing we could have done, even in just one week. Of course, the entire region is a golfing mecca, but there is also the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway, water parks for the kids, parks and hiking for all fitness levels, not to mention museums and galleries for all ages and tastes.

However, the purpose of our trip was to have a break from dreary, cold days and recharge after a busy and, at times, stressful year. Several days were spent lounging by the pool, reading.

The day out at Joshua Tree NP, however, was not negotiable. It was a must-see for us. I wasn’t sure what to expect though, as national parks in Western Canada especially, are all about the mountains and lakes, or the coastline and big trees. What would we see in the desert?

Lots, that’s what! The whole park is fascinating, from the rock formations to the unusual-to-us fauna. If you love the outdoors even a little, I would thoroughly recommend a visit. We had a couple of items on our agenda already – Keys View and Skull Rock. However, the guides at the Visitor Centre were helpful and knowledgeable, giving us advice on some other places to stop and check out.

Keys View and Skull Rock are probably the two most popular places in the park for visitors, so they are always crowded. Keys View though does have a large parking area and a paved path up to get the full benefit of the awe-inspiring view over the Coachella Valley and the San Andreas Fault.

A Bit About Snowbirds

We are not in the position, quite yet, to call ourselves Snowbirds (retirees from Canada and the northern US who travel south to warmer climates for extended periods). The Hubs still has a few years to work, so we haven’t really considered our options for when that time comes. There’s no doubt, however, that Snowbirds make up a large contingent of the visitors to Palm Springs in the winter. And, it’s because we have friends who are Snowbirds that Palm Springs ended up on our radar at all.

So, I asked them why they chose Palm Springs, what they liked best and least about it, and if they had any advice for others who might want to become Snowbirds in the near future. Here’s what they said:

We briefly looked at Arizona as a Snowbird place (because it is cheap) but chose Palm Springs because our friends highly recommended it.

The best part for us about Palm Springs is the weather....hot and sunny but not humid.

There really is no "worst" thing....however, it is landlocked and you have to like being in desert terrain. I prefer a pool to an ocean anyway!! Also, the difference between the American and Canadian dollar is depressing.

My best tip for someone coming to this area is to travel light and buy your clothes in Palm Springs as they are better and cheaper… also more appropriate for the climate for sure.

Keep your eye on the exchange rate and buy when it is good, for future trips. Have a bank account in US dollars that you can easily transfer money to when you see a good rate.

You will meet lots of great people and enjoy the camaraderie but stay away from any discussions about politics. Always stay friendly and positive.

(Edited)

Our friends Elsa and Micael. Happy, Relaxed Snowbirds!

That’s excellent information to have, and I agree about the weather!

So, now I am home, staring out at the grey overcast skies when I should be typing, and wishing that we were still there. Or that we could have stayed for longer. I had looked forward to our trip to Palm Springs as a respite from winter; I didn’t expect it to affect me so much. But with its obvious attributes of weather and scenery, friendly people and small-town vibe, I now understand more why people go back there year after year. I may yet become one of them.

Thanks, Palm Springs!

Creeping Cholesterol and Burgeoning Blood Sugar

2017-10-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

This is me! While recent bloodwork did not show any anomalies that might contribute to the fatigue I’m currently experiencing, it did show my cholesterol and blood sugar levels edging higher. Although these afflictions are not a foregone conclusion in midlife, I have to face the fact that at 55, being a couch potato with an affinity for crunchy, salty things (fries, potato chips, etc., etc.!) is catching up to me!

And in this, I suspect I am not alone. Much of what I have read about health at menopause cites ways to either overcome or prevent these symptoms as well as the ‘middle-aged spread’ that is often both cause and culprit of them. Not to mention the serious health issues to which they can lead – heart disease and Type 2 diabetes.

This is also not the first time I have had this warning. The same thing happened eight or nine years ago. At that time, I tweaked my diet, which is quite healthy on the whole. I started walking daily and lost fifteen pounds. The numbers improved and I have kept the weight off, so all was well, I figured.

Except that, in recent years, my walking habit has become sporadic, and for the last six months nonexistent. Cooking for one, and a lot of time travelling has been a hit to healthier eating as well. Being honest, a degree of complacency had set in.

Time to get back on track!

I consider myself lucky that I am not yet at the point where medication is required. My doctor would rather that I try to get my numbers under control with diet and exercise once again, for which I am grateful. It requires more of me right now but will be preferable in the long run. However, I will, of course, accept his counsel and his prescription if it means preserving my health.

For now, he has given me a written recommendation to try the Mediterranean Diet – not quite a prescription, but darned close. This diet seems to focus on lots of fruit, veggies, legumes, healthy oils and lean/low-fat protein. It also looks to be in line with many general recommendations for healthy eating that we see on the News or the Internet every week. Nor does it appear to be too much of a stretch from my current menu of chicken and fish, each twice a week, as well as a meatless Monday.

So again, I will adjust – take out some of the beef and pork (bye, bye bacon!!), add in some more beans and pile on the vegetables and fruit. There is even a regular allowance for wine, if you choose - my kind of diet! The hardest part will be making better choices when I eat out. A gourmet burger lounge five minutes from home, plus the ready availability of battered fish here will surely test my resolve!

The Doc also asked me to get active on the regular again. So, I have eased back into walking, slowly and gently at his recommendation. However, I go almost every day and am up to at least half an hour. Some days the pace is unbelievably slow – think a herd of turtles stampeding through molasses – but I do it.

I have a follow up to re-do the blood work after three months and am hoping that the effort I put in, will pay off once more. Everything I have learned highlights the fact that it becomes more difficult to lose weight at this point, especially that spare tire, and I also have a low thyroid working against me on this.

So, if I can get my metrics going in the right direction (down!), I might just be a bit more conscientious about making these good habits stick this time!

If you’ve had success in beating the Midlife Midriff, I’d love to hear any tips, tricks or hints you’d like to share!

Managing MS with Purple Spots!

2017-09-14T12:31:00.000-07:00

No, this is not some crazy, new therapy. It is merely a wish. I don’t write much about having MS. The main reason is because I am incredibly lucky. My symptoms are minimal, compared to others, and are quite manageable. There are many who are more qualified than me, both educationally and experientially, to write about the symptoms and challenges of, as well as treatments for, MS.

So what, you may ask, is the deal with the purple spots? Why would anyone want MORE symptoms? To clarify, in wishing for these mythical spots, I would want them to be non-itchy, non-infectious, and - to be truly helpful - fading in and out on a sliding scale reflecting the severity of the MS symptoms being experienced.

The reason? Any person who has an ‘invisible’ illness knows some version of ‘But you don’t look sick.’ Most people mean it as a compliment, and for someone like me, I acknowledge that it’s often true (and for which I am glad!). But I do have my bad days. At those times, I would like purple spots to do the talking for me. When I’m feeling crappy – some version of exhausted and/or numb, in pain… and insecure – explaining that ‘it’s an MS thing’ can sometimes be difficult, even after so many years.

Also, not everyone means it as a compliment. Particularly in the work-place, where it can become synonymous with ‘why are you taking more time off?’ Although I did not take more sick days than anyone else as an average, I know that there were people who believed otherwise simply because they knew I had MS. (This is also one reason why I’m in no hurry to return to cubicle life on a permanent basis!) I believe purple spots would go a long way toward rendering me suitably ‘ill-looking’ for the doubters.

More important than this though, I think purple spots would useful to me. After 25+ years, I know to take care of myself, to manage my MS symptoms. During stressful times however, this can go by the board, despite knowing better. They would be a visual reminder as they faded in – a delicate hue, of mauve perhaps - to pay attention, get some rest, and maybe eat a vegetable.

Life has been hectic for the past six months. There have been exciting things, such as travel and then the plain, old stressful things, such as juggling two homes for two months – alone. I have spent a lot of time on the road with little routine. Eating healthily and at regular intervals, as well as getting enough sleep (a challenge at the best of times, thanks to menopause) became almost an impossibility.

I have paid a price for my self-neglect. I have become more tired and run-down, more MS-y than I’ve been in a long time. Combined with being older, it is taking a while to get some traction for my healing. My GP checked me out, to ensure there were no other issues at play (a couple of minor things – more on those in the coming weeks). Now I have to be patient and just do the right things.

I like to think that purple spots could have helped me avoid this unfortunate turn of events. In reality though, even healthy choices are not always enough to overcome the sheer pace of life. At this point, if these imaginary blemishes were to manifest, I would probably be, head to toe, a shade somewhere between puce and aubergine! Not so attractive, I’m thinking!

Hmm… perhaps I should be careful what I wish for…!

Visiting Ucluelet

2016-03-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

The sound of rain on the skylight in our loft lulled us to sleep. We awoke to the sound of bald eagles ‘laughing’ in the trees above - us peeking through that same skylight to catch a glimpse of them in the morning sun. Such is Ucluelet, British Columbia in March.

Last week I played travel blogger, as I was in one of my favourite places - in the world – the Pacific Rim of Vancouver Island, British Columbia. As usual, we stayed at the Terrace Beach Resort, in Ucluelet (owned by Jason Priestley and his family, drastically reducing my degrees of separation from a bona fide Canadian film/TV star!).

It is a beautiful resort, built to resemble a historic West Coast fishing village. The suites and cabins come in a variety of sizes and styles, many with their own hot tub. It’s also pet-friendly, previously a must for us. As well, each unit has a kitchenette, offering great flexibility for families on vacation.

Last week, the town was quiet. Many of the businesses remained closed for the season; the weather still not conducive to many of the tours and activities. That was fine by us, as we go mainly to relax, chill and perhaps do a little hiking. Oh, and this helped…

This week though will be a different story. The Pacific Rim Whale Festival runs for two weeks, from March 12-27, celebrating the return of grey whales to the region. Featuring activities daily and for all ages, this festival coincides nicely with spring break, if you’re looking for something last-minute, and different, to do. (This year, because of the exchange rate, a ‘Stay-cation’ is a great deal for Canadians, while U.S. visitors will find they get more for their dollar!)

At the height of the summer, outdoor adventure opportunities abound. Whale-watching and surfing are two of the main highlights here, however, there are other tours, via both boat and floatplane, kayaking, hiking, golfing and fishing.

Combining this with top-notch accommodations, excellent new restaurants and some of the warmest weather in Canada year-round, Ucluelet has all the ingredients for a tourist’s paradise!

Winter though is the season for one other activity that this region is famous for – storm-watching. Because it’s on my bucket list, I have visited several times in March but had yet to see a single storm until now.

On Wednesday night, the winds picked up and the rain lashed down, resulting in us waking up Thursday morning without power! However, we braved out into the tail of the storm to watch the waves crashing around the lighthouse. The force and fury of nature were on full display as we took photos that could never possibly do it justice.

Despite what the pictures may show, Ucluelet, means ‘safe harbour’ in the Nootka language. For me, this unassuming and friendly town provides just that – an escape from the world for a while. Maybe it could do the same for you!

Dance Your (Winter) Blues Away

2016-01-19T11:48:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was Blue Monday, supposedly the most depressing day of the year.

For much of the Northern Hemisphere the weather sucks, with spring a distant hope. Christmas has faded in the rearview, unlike the bills to pay for it, which likely just arrived (mine did!). And how about those New Year's resolutions...?

Although there's no real science to it, you can see why 'they' might say that.

I've been known to be hit by the winter blahs, so I consulted my list of 'Little, Happy Things' (aka Cheap and/or Easy Happy Things!), in search of a weapon to combat them should I be struck.

Top of the list - dancing. Perfect! Happy music, as well as movement to get the endorphins flowing. A quest for inspiration on YouTube ensued. Here's what I found:

I originally found a live version that had a cheeky joke from John at the beginning (as well as the Queen Mother's gracious response), but it's not available here anymore, so here's the remastered original.

This band may not be familiar to those outside of the UK, but they were popular there in the '70s. This video is from Live Aid in 1985, when they got the show off to a hell of a start!

This is just a great dance song. I love the outfits in this video, plus sunflowers and convertibles make me think of summer.

Who wouldn't want to escape from winter right about now? If someone said 'Let's get away' to me, I'd jump at the chance!

Another one where I love the video almost as much as the music! And Brandon Flowers is pretty easy on the eyes as well!

When you're looking for songs to beat the blues and the blahs, this one is a given!

I hope these tunes help brighten your day... and I hope you dance!

5 Reasons Why I’m Feeling Like a Fraud at New Year’s (and at Midlife)

2016-01-05T11:52:00.002-08:00

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I ‘fess up. I just can’t do it again this year. Make resolutions, that is.

I’m feeling like a fraud, at New Year’s and in Midlife, and here’s why:

I have written, within the past six months, several posts about self-acceptance and making big choices. They were serious and heartfelt. But guess what…? I’ve done dick all to change anything. I am seriously getting on my own f**king nerves with this stuff!
I want to be sailing through my midlife with either grace or sass (depending on what mood I’m in at the time!). Again, not doing much to improve my chances. I’m tired, stuck… oh, and now bloated! I can attribute some of the tiredness to my MS. For the other things, there are poor Holiday choices, or… No, there’s no real excuses.
I have made a choice, of sorts, to continue writing. I blogged more last year than I did in 2014, though I’m still not sure it qualifies me to call myself a blogger. Plus then yesterday, I considered opening the Word file of my novel, last saved in August 2014, to see where I left off. I’ll take that as progress!
I love reading advice on writing. There’s some excellent stuff out there. I’m just not sure it applies to me, at least not as life currently goes. “Write your truth!” they say. Yeah, but I’m the queen of denial (and delusion), so that’s not going to work. “Write what scares you!” That’d be great, except I’m too bloody scared! “Write your life!” Which currently consists of procrastinating in 1000 square feet, where pretty much the same thing happens every day. Nothing to see here, folks! Curiously, as I gaze around, so many things in here are brown… just various shades of brown… Shit, I need to get out!
Even though I just wrote, in December, that I was not going to make any resolutions until April 1st this year, so many posts in my Facebook feed were exhorting me to do it now. Some were tricky, reframing resolutions as intentions. Or telling me that goal-setting is better than making resolutions (I already fell for this one!) Like a siren-song, they almost lured me in. BUT, I resisted! Though I like to think I am finally learning something, it’s likely because I was still strung out on left-overs and chocolate!

In all seriousness, I want this healthy dose of snark to give my sorry self a kick in the arse. It is my truth, the best way I can see it, or say it, right now. Truth is also my word for this year – the one New Year’s ritual I did give in to. (It’s a thing – and there should be medication for it!)

And the one thing I can say for myself is that I’m still trying. I may have been less than successful in forty-odd years of resolution making, and it may indeed be because I’m too stubborn and too stupid to quit, but I haven’t given up!

Winning While Failing: My 2015 Annual Review

2015-12-15T10:24:00.001-08:00

Image courtesy of mrpuen at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This past week I did my personal annual review.

I have always been contemplative at this time of year, thinking about my goals and making resolutions for the New Year. Last year, I formalized the process, based on an idea from Chris Guillebeau at The Art of Non-Conformity.

As part of the process, he suggests looking back over the past year, as well as looking forward. He also recommends coming up with ways to measure your progress, as you go along. When I set up my goals for 2015, I had the metrics. I had accountability, blogging about them (here, here, and here). I scheduled in the deadlines as well as monthly updates and quarterly reviews (also as advised).

So, did I reach my goals for 2015?
No, I did not. Not even close! There were several reasons (excuses) for this. The main one was an unexpected move across the country, occupying significant energy and brain cells from April through September. Health was also a factor at times.

So, if I didn’t reach my goals for the year, I failed, right? No, I didn’t do that either. I learned something from the measuring and looking back that I had previously been missing. There was concrete evidence that although not where I had wanted to get to, I had made progress on most of the objectives I had set for myself. And, as the saying goes, slow progress is better than no progress!

This is an important step on my journey away from all-or-nothing thinking!

Another key lesson was to adapt the goal-setting process to be more appropriate for my life. While one of the elements of establishing S.M.A.R.T. goals is making them measurable, for me that would be better as a range of numbers rather than an absolute. As an example, in 2015 my aim was to cross fifteen items off my bucket list, next year that will be between three and ten.

This is still measurable but would allow some wiggle room for things that I cannot always control, like my health. In a year that is already looking unpredictable, even by our standards, I am also setting more modest ambitions for 2016. If the erratic nature of life is one of the factors that derails my efforts, I think it’s best to take that into account from the start.

The things I want to achieve in the coming year will be similar to this past one – maintain my health, write and travel. These will likely be my focus for most years from now on, with the variables being how, what and where. With no need for a complete re-direct, I can build on what I did accomplish this year amid whatever challenges life has in store for the new year.

Finally, a reminder from my journal to not make resolutions starting January 1^st. If I am to make any at all, I should go for April 1^st when winter, and all the Holiday stress and excess, are over. This piece of advice is from February 28, 2015, by which time last year’s resolutions were well and truly broken, so I think there is some wisdom to be had there!

Christmas Serenity Against All Odds

2015-12-08T00:30:00.001-08:00

This post was going to be about how I find Christmas serenity by having a plan.

Years ago, when working full-time, between dealing with deadlines, MS and SAD, then having to do battle in crowded supermarkets and shopping malls, December became a nightmare. There was more than one Christmas Eve with not a ‘Ho! Ho! Ho!’ to be had. I decided to either come up with a plan for doing all that was needed before the last minute, or just stop celebrating Christmas. So… a plan it was.

I should have shared my plan with you, back in October when I started, but I didn’t think about it until a couple of weeks ago! (This is the proof, were any needed, that I definitely don’t have all my sh*t together. Christmas Plan - done, Content Calendar for the blog – not so much). At this stage in the game, my plan would be less than helpful, also it is no longer the point.

The point is to get everything done by the end of November. This leaves December free to remember what Christmas is all about. This is where the serenity comes from. I can relax and focus on what is important, like family and friends, as well as have time to enjoy all the uniquely Christmas activities. It’s also a time I spend in personal reflection.

This year serenity and reflection have been hard to come by, given the world events of recent days and weeks. I am feeling overwhelmed by the malevolent rather than the good. I don’t want to bury my head in the sand and be ignorant of what is happening, but the emotion of so much tragedy is draining, especially when combined with a feeling of helplessness.

In order to maintain my personal peace and equilibrium I need to limit how much of this information comes into my living room. I find the evening news to be manipulative even on a good day. Most of us experience genuine grief and anger at the tragic events that take place around us. We don’t need someone inciting us to even more.

(And after the crass journalistic display in San Bernardino this past week, all I can say is ‘THIS IS NOT NEWS!’ You are definitely not the people, grubbing around amid personal photos and children’s toys, that I want bringing me this information! Surely you have been trained to know better.)

As for social media, we all see that vilification of the ‘other’ is now the norm. It demands a psychological toll however, on both the writers and the readers of such vitriol. Moreover, trying to change the long-held beliefs of another person is usually an exercise in futility, often leading them to defend their position more stridently.

So for now, I will control what I can, my own four walls. Less evening news, more Christmas movies with happy endings; less Facebook, more time outside. I’m taking a timeout, to recharge my batteries, spend time with my family and step back from the world.

My hope is that we can all do the same, to catch our collective breath. After the celebrations are over, and with the promise of a New Year, perhaps we can work (together) to find the solutions the world so desperately needs.

For now, Peace on Earth and Good Will toward Men.

Soup Sisters: Comfort in More Ways Than One

2015-12-01T00:30:00.001-08:00

I love soup!

It is my favourite comfort food, also the best way to get me to eat my veggies. I would eat it every day during the winter and it is the one (and only!) thing I can be consistently relied upon to cook.

So when I learned of a way to use my love of soup to help others, for a cause I feel strongly about, I was instantly interested. Enter Soup Sisters (and Broth Brothers).

Soups Sisters and Broth Brothers are charities, founded in Calgary, AB in 2009, by Sharon Hapton. Interestingly, the idea was born as she approached her fiftieth birthday and was searching for a way to use her love of soup to help women in crisis. What a way to mix it up at Midlife!

Participants can join a soup-making session by booking for the date of their choice and paying a registration fee, which helps cover the costs of ingredients, supplies, venue and chef. Soup Sisters now has almost thirty chapters across Canada, and their events run year-round. These evenings are designed to be social as much as altruistic however, with participants enjoying a sit-down supper together once the soup is made.

Each session produces 150 – 200 servings of nourishing soup that are then donated to local women’s shelters or programs to help homeless youth.

I first heard of Soup Sisters last year, while still living in Halifax, and I had planned to join one of their soup-making sessions there. However house-selling and moving drove thoughts of almost everything else out of my mind in the short-term!

I thought of them again though, as Fall started. I was simultaneously casting around for a positive way to do something useful, in a world increasingly negative (or so it feels at times), whilst preparing my own soup at home.

As a result, last Wednesday evening, Hubby and I found ourselves at the London Chef Cooking School in downtown Victoria chopping, sautéing and stirring up a storm! Our mission, a huge pot of Cheesy Broccoli soup.

Upon arriving we were offered a glass of wine – a great start to the evening! Then volunteers from Victoria Women’s Transition House gave us an introduction to their services and how the soup helps them to help women and children in need.

Participants were then divided up into groups of four or five, with each group making a different type of soup. Ingredients and utensils were provided at each of several workstations, but the preparation was all up to us.

The first half an hour or so was a whirlwind of activity, with everyone doing their part to ready the ingredients. We were helped in this by amazing Soup Sisters volunteers who read recipes, found extra utensils and cleared up after us as we made a mess. The kitchen heated up, and there were lots of rosy cheeks!

Then, as is the case with soup-making, it became a waiting game as our veggies simmered away in the huge stockpot – time to sip some more wine! The evening ended around a communal table where we enjoyed a serving of soup (especially made for us by one group) with salad and bread.

This is a unique idea, and one that obviously resonates with people. It’s a great way to have fun and do something good at the same time! Even though we knew no-one else, we enjoyed the sense of community generated by all being there for the same reason.

If you would like to find out more or are interested in taking part in a soup-making session, please visit their web-site at www.soupsisters.org. It’s a great site that details all the ways you can help – from donations to purchasing cookbooks (they are excellent, we bought both!), even perhaps starting your own local chapter! Check it out!

Decisions, Decisions…

2015-10-20T00:30:00.001-07:00

I feel I am at a crossroads in life.

Besides midlife, our recent move has me adapting to a new environment, new routines and a new financial circumstance. Old excuses for not doing what I wanted are no longer valid. It would seem like the perfect time to make some decisions about my future, right?

And I have lots of choices. Should I keep blogging? If so, this blog, or a different one? What about my fiction writing? Should I get a job? Go back to school? All of the above? None of it?

I wanted a way to make the decision-making process easier, a checklist or a step-by-step plan, complete with pros and cons, which would lead me to the best choice. It would become a plan that I could share as a (hopefully) helpful blog post, the original idea here.

Then I happened again upon the above quote, which I had pinned to my Pinterest board ages ago, and it freaked me out a bit. Do I have enough time and energy left to deal with ‘consequences’? Do I want to be bothered dealing with them?

It stopped my forward momentum in its tracks. I asked myself how I came to decisions in the past – the major, life-changing ones. What were the consequences of those? I didn’t have an answer for either question and initially could only think of two big decisions that I’d made!

This exercise had begun looking forward. A trip through the past (yet again) was not what I had in mind. However, I wanted to get a handle on how and why I made the choices that I did. The first step was to write down what I thought were my biggest life decisions – and I had to come up with more than two!

An interesting exercise in itself, I eventually came up with three turning points in my life alone, and two where I was the co-decider. They were:

1) to return to England to live at age 21, after emigrating at 18 with my parents
2) to return to Canada at 23
3) to marry my husband
4) to not have children
5) for my husband to re-join the Canadian Forces

And what process did I use to come to these momentous decisions? None that I applied consistently. Sure, there was some weighing up of pros and cons, but life is rarely cut and dried. Fear was a motivating factor much of the time – of the future, of being alone, of being helpless. Pragmatism was another, a craving for security and stability (I am a Taurus!)

For each decision, there was also an element of courage, of independence, that kicked in. Perhaps stubbornness, because for each choice there was at least one person who told me that I wouldn’t or shouldn’t. Not that I decided out of defiance, but merely that I had confidence, at the time, in the decision I wanted, or needed, to make.

And the consequences? People came into my life who made it so much better, many of whom are still here decades later. I have had opportunities and experiences I could only dream about growing up. There’s been heartbreak as well, some wounds that will never heal, but who can’t say that about their life.

Were my decisions good? Yes, on the whole, they were. Could I have made other, better choices, in some cases? Absolutely!

But I didn’t!

I did notice one thing about all my past decisions (and this may be true for only a few people). All but one of them are reversible. Now, I’m not saying for one moment that I would change things back! But there is some comfort in knowing that you could have a do-over if you wanted - albeit with vastly different results!

As I turn back to the current crop of choices, I can see that they are not ones that I have to weigh against each other, figuring out which one is better. I am blessed to have so many options, some of which may indeed change my life, but they don’t have to. No plan necessary, the only thing I have to decide is where to start, so…

Eeny, meeny, miney, mo …!

Pirate Pick-up Lines… and Other Booty!

2015-09-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

And now for something completely different…

(Yes, yes, I am a Pythonist!)

Today, September 19th, is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. The guys who started this slightly bizarre celebration have been at it for over twenty years, although apparently it has only been the International TLAPD since 2002. By their own admission, this is silliness to which there is no real point! Just like this blog post, really...

Circa 1996-raft-racing with my Dad. Pirating is a family thing, it seems!

As you can see by the photos, I have had the pirate vibe going on for quite some time! I always seem to end up in the same pink bandana… Arrr, Pink Pearl be me pirate name. Aye, just like the erasers! Seriously Mateys, there’s way worse things to be called when you’re a pirate!

Pink Pearl strikes again - 2013 Maritime Race 5K

I like International Talk Like A Pirate Day because it’s a lot less fattening that some other ‘holidays’, like National Donut Day and Ice Cream Day (nothing against donuts and ice cream, as my waistline can attest). Unless you get into the rum, that is. A ‘cap’n & cola’ will set you back 268 calories. So avast me Hearties, ye’ve been warned!

As they can be a bawdy lot, I thought it might be fun to try some pirate-talk to spice up …ahem …intimate relations! Here then, winsome wenches, are some lines to try on your next date with a buccaneer:

Splice me mainbrace, ye swashbuckling scallywag! (Get me a drink you handsome devil! Note: not a literal translation) is a good way to get things started – Yo! Ho! Ho! and a bottle of rum, and all that.

Is that a blunderbuss in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? As flirtations go, this one’s an oldie, but a goodie. Just bear in mind that it’s hard to do a Mae West-esque, come-hither voice with a pirate accent. (Voice of experience, people!)

Bet you can’t guess where I’ve hidden me booty? A letter other than X might mark the spot on this one! Bonus follow-up: And it’s not in me treasure chest.

Is the rum kicking in yet?

How about some Jolly Rogering? (If you’re using this one, the rum has well and truly kicked in!) This is the direct approach. Use it with care, making sure you know the pirate in question. There’s few that’ll say no!

And lastly (thank the bejesus, I hear you cry)

Would you like me to shiver your timbers? (other options include walk your plank or haul your keel… keel your haul? – use whichever is most fitting according to mood and circumstance). If there’s any real wood involved, watch out for splinters!

I tried to include as many pirate-talk phrases as I could. I know I missed poop deck and pieces of eight, but even I had to draw the line somewhere!

So, there you have it! Grab some rum and these slightly off-colour pirate pick-up lines and you'll be all set for your next tryst! You’re welcome!

8 Lessons from (Mid-)Life on the Road

2015-08-25T18:00:00.003-07:00

As you can see, the blog has been quiet for a while. Part of the reason is that the Hubster and I were on a road trip. Nor was it the ‘fun, spontaneous adventure’ type of road trip. Ours was more a means to an end – to get us and our car to our new home.

The move was work-related, and eagerly anticipated - something we both wanted. But part of the price was driving literally across country on a schedule. Halifax, NS to Victoria, BC (6000 km/3750 mi) - coast to coast in the second-largest country on Earth.

Our old 'hood--Eastern Passage, NS

But… we’ve done this before. Five years ago we did the journey in reverse when we moved to Nova Scotia. So, building on wisdom gained the first time around, here are 8 things I learned from our twelve-day journey.

1. Drive the least amount possible each day to still arrive on time.

This was the main ‘takeaway’ from our first cross-country odyssey. On that journey we spent a couple of days at several stops, to visit with family and friends. Making up time and mileage involved long driving days - twelve to fourteen hours - not good for body or soul. Nor is it safe. This time around, we planned an average of 500 km per day – five or six hours of driving time.

2. Take care of yourself on the road.

Because we knew we would be eating out every day, Hubby and I instituted a ‘no french-fry pact. (which lasted until day ten!). We packed a cooler full of healthy picnic lunches that kept us going for most of the journey. That was one key to not feeling like crap.

The other was daily stretches. I noticed on the first trip, that by the end, my joints and muscles had all stiffened up from inactivity and being in the same position all day. Stretching alleviated this, and quite possibly helped me sleep.

3. Sleeping in a hotel and eating out is not as much fun as you think!

With our house for sale, I was cleaning daily, in anticipation of potential viewings - not something I normally do! This led to fantasies - no chores to do or meals to cook; a nirvana that I knew was coming.

The first few days were great. We moved into a hotel the day our house was packed up and stayed there for two more, while it was loaded onto a truck and finally cleaned.

Once on the road, at a different hotel each night, it was not so much fun. Especially in the remote parts of the country where there are fewer options in accommodations and dining, but with a greater variety in the quality!

Wild and Wooly in Hearst, N. ON

4. Bladder function becomes an obsession!

Each morning’s plan involved decisions on how long we could drive without needing ‘facilities’. I begin my day with a glass of water and my thyroid medication, followed by at least one, ideally two, cups of coffee. The Hubster needs two to three cups of java as a kick-start. All of which makes you need to pee, and all of which, at mid-life, takes its own sweet time to percolate through. Until you get into a car and drive, that is!

5. Technology is not always your friend!

We used a GPS on both journeys across the country. In truth, most of the time, it isn’t necessary. Are you on the Trans-Canada Highway? Are you going in the right direction? Good! That’s all you need to know! A GPS is helpful only once off the highway and looking for hotels.

Unfortunately, according to ‘Susan’ (our lovely GPS persona), several of the hotel addresses we entered did not exist! Not a comforting feeling when you have no idea where you are, or where you’re going!

Moreover, she’s taken us down dead-ends and to no-left-turns. It is singularly unhelpful to hear “in 300 metres you have reached your destination.” when we can see where we need to be, but can’t actually get there!

To be fair, Susan ultimately got us most places with a minimum of problems, and having a GPS is a good idea. Once you have one though, know that at some point, you’ll likely regret relying on it completely!

6. The Trans-Canada Highway is really boring!

Canada is vast, as well as incredibly beautiful, with a million sights that take your breath away. None of which you’ll see from the Trans-Canada Highway, however!

You might see a giant snowman in shades, though!

Through The Maritimes trees make up pretty much the entire view. This becomes less so as you cross into Quebec and southern Ontario. Once you turn north though, it’s back to the trees – trees and rocks if you go far enough - you know… for a change!

Several days of this induces claustrophobia, so it’s a relief to see the prairie. No trees there, just big, BIG sky – awesome in its magnitude. And boring as bejesus after the first day!

The scenery from the Rockies all the way to the coast is stunning with mountains, rivers and lakes right beside the road. Unfortunately, the highway is single lane and winding, with a horrendous amount of traffic (especially on summer long weekends!), leaving scant ability to take it all in.

7. You are on animal watch for 6000 kilometres.

Perhaps the TCH is so boring to keep your attention on the potential for animals on the road. And the danger is real – a moose encounter can be fatal; deer and elk will, at the very least, wreck your vehicle.

As the navigator, part of my job was to be on constant moose/deer/elk alert. And for 6000 kilometres I saw nothing except a groundhog…which we hit! Ugh! (Sooooo sorry, little buddy!)

8. There is a sense of being untethered from real life.

The routine of the road is so different from how most of us normally live. It’s about settling into each hotel room quickly, then getting yourself (and your stuff) back into the car the next morning.

Between hotels, the car becomes your own little bubble. Even with TV and Internet access, I had the strange and uncomfortable feeling of being disconnected.

Perhaps it was being in a different place each day, the knowing-without-knowing what that day would bring, or maybe being, for all intents and purposes, homeless. Whatever the reason, our ‘real life’ didn’t seem real at all.

The new 'hood--Hatley Castle, Victoria, BC--basically our backyard!

I know there are many who have to take similar journeys, moving for work. Many make these trips with small children and pets. To those people, I tip my hat. It seriously took all of our combined patience and energy to get the two of us here in one piece!

And, as I said, although not a ‘road trip’ in the typical sense, it was an adventure. We may not have seen the ‘sights’ Canada has to offer, but we did experience a national treasure – friendly, welcoming people at every stop on the way!

Oh, Canada! What a trip!

15 in ‘15–Three ‘London’ Items Off the List

2015-06-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

I have just returned from a wonderful three weeks in the United Kingdom. Although I am English originally, this trip was, in part, to visit places I had never been before.
Most of those places were in London where I spent the first week, with Hubby, his sister and her husband. And, having not completely given up on the 15 in ‘15, a visit to London was also an opportunity to cross some things off my Bucket List.

1. Tea at the Ritz

This was the first item I checked off, the day after we arrived. An expensive ‘tea’ by anyone’s standards, but worth every penny!

Here we are, in the elegant Palm Room. At this point we had barely scratched the surface of the delicious sandwiches – still a long way to go.

Sumptuous food…

… and equally sumptuous surroundings!

I’m holding myself up, after having eaten my body weight (or at least, that’s how it felt!) in sandwiches, scones with clotted cream and preserves, macarons and chocolaty goodies.

I thought that this gentleman looked rather splendid. He was the doorman, corralling all those iconic London taxis.

2. A Play at the Globe Theatre

This is the beautiful recreation of Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre, the appearance and atmosphere similar to how it was over four hundred years ago!

The stage is set… We were a group of six for this evening, some old friends joining us and our in-laws, to see As You Like It.

The crowd filters in. In front of the stage is standing room only – inexpensive tickets called groundlings where you are free to move around during the performance - just as it was in the day.

Being all in mid-life, our group opted for seats (cushions extra!) under the covered part of the theatre - you never know when it may rain in Britain! As you can see, in this terrible picture (of me), we kept our coats on throughout!

And so, the play begins… Actually, this was a pre-play announcement. I did take a few pictures of the performance, but was told to cease and desist!

3. The London Eye

Of course, this is a recent addition to my bucket list, and it is basically just a giant Ferris wheel, but I am fascinated and wanted to see the view from the top.

On the banks of the Thames, the river and bridges appear beneath us as we start our ascent.

I enjoyed every minute of the too-few that we got to spend (I could have easily gone around three or four times, and still been having fun!). This was nearing the top, with Big Ben in the background.

Eye to eye with the dome of St Paul’s Cathedral.

The Treasury building stands out, even all the way up here.

The Golden Jubilee bridge looks even smaller now!

Looking straight down! Yikes!

The London Eye is an experience for a sunny day. However, especially with a small portable camera, that makes it difficult to get photos without reflections off the glass. This is the River Thames, the Houses of Parliament with Big Ben and the Westminster bridge. Beautiful!

Buckingham Palace, resplendent and surrounded by gorgeous green space. Wave to the Queen – you can’t see it here, but the Union Jack was flying, so she was definitely home!

This truly was one of the best trips ‘Home’ for me. London was a novel experience, as a place to stay, but I also found new adventures in and around the places I lived and have visited many times.

It is easy to take for granted the places that are right in front of us, thinking that we will have time later to fully explore. I am so thankful that I got the opportunity to go back and do just that.

A trip back to my past certainly became the trip of a lifetime, this time around!

Colouring: Not Just Child’s Play Anymore

2015-04-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

Have you heard about the latest craze – adult colouring books? The buzz about them is everywhere right now - on-line, on TV (the national news, no less!). If you are an adult colouring book creator, your time is now!

And guess what? I am ahead of the curve on this fad, I’m happy to report! Not because I’m at the fore-front - I never lead any trend. Most have to have been a ‘thing’ for weeks, months, even years before they hit my radar!

One of my ‘works’!

I’m happy because I discovered adult colouring books quite by accident, but they are one of the best things I’ve found in ages. It happened when Hubby was browsing through Amazon looking for research on mediaeval villages for a project he was working on.

“Hey, there’s a colouring book on that. That’s about the level I want. Maybe I should get it.” He was being smart.
“Wouldn’t that be a bit much for kids?” I was remembering my own childhood colouring efforts. “Actually, I don’t think these ones are for kids. There’s one here on the Book of Kells.”

My very own Book of Kells!

In Ireland the year before, we had seen the actual Book of Kells, a beautiful eighth century illuminated manuscript. So, I went from not knowing that adult colouring books existed to wanting that particular one so badly that he added it to his order for me!

When it arrived, to say that this was no children’s colouring book was an understatement! I was intimidated by the level of detail and intricacy. Because of that, I initially put off starting to colour. I didn’t want to mess it up!

Some of the intricate detail

But kids don’t worry about that stuff. When they sit down to colour, they are artists of the highest order. So I got over myself. And as I did so, I discovered something unexpected.

Colouring is an awesome way to spend time! It is relaxing. It takes me out of my thoughts while I focus on staying within the lines. It is a meditation for those of us who love to meditate, but often ‘can’t find time’ to do so.

There is no right or wrong way to do it, no set instructions to follow. (Seriously, colour outside the lines if you want to!) It is not art or creation in the typical sense so, for me anyway, there is no attachment to the outcome.

There are so many things that we forget when we ‘learn to adult’. The benefit of play is one of the most important. Sure, real life is no game at times, but taking a few minutes off once in a while can only make us better able to deal in the long run.

At least, that’s my story – and I’m sticking to it! Why don’t you get out your coloured pencils and join me?

Confessions of a Lapsed Environmentalist

2015-04-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

The guilt! The hypocrisy! As I whirled through my home like a dervish, frantically cleaning, staging and generally getting it ready to sell, these thoughts began to buzz away in the back of my brain.

It didn’t help that as I went, I was trying to compose a post for Earth Day in my head. The reason for such dire thoughts and feelings – my arsenal for maintaining a spic-and span, view-on-a-moment’s-notice condition consists of disposable dusters, mops and antiseptic wipes. All ‘no-nos’ if you are an environmentalist.

Big Tree Huggers!

And I used to think of myself as an environmentalist. Even as far back as the ‘80s, I regularly toted my bottles and cans to the drop-off at the supermarket where I shopped. When being eco-friendly started to take hold in the ‘90s, we recycled what we could, bought recycled everything when we could, took every recommendation for saving fuel and power, joined an environmental group, planted a garden and composted.

For all these things, we paid a premium either in time (cleaning being a case in point), or as is still often the case, in money. Despite often costing less to produce, recycled products typically cost more than their wasteful counterparts. This has always been one of the things that pisses me off – how does this do anything to encourage folks to do the right thing?

Add to that the attitudes at the time, that ranged from defensive to downright patronizing, and eventually I stopped caring so much. I resented that we were the exception rather than the rule. In the belief that our small effort did not matter, convenience items crept back into our lives. Often I don’t even think about it anymore, so my conscience doesn’t bother me. But then on other days… So yes, a hypocrite!

I have not abandoned all my eco-beliefs however. We are a one-car family and have been for over ten years. We still recycle and compost - tasks made easier now that so many municipalities require it. We still use CFL or LED light bulbs and other energy-saving strategies whenever possible. This one is win-win because we save money, as well as help the environment.

As Earth Day approached, I went to their web-site. They have an environmental footprint calculator there, in the form of a quiz. The result was disappointing. The fact that I would require 1.9 Planet Earths to sustain my lifestyle was not the disappointing part. It was that the average Ontarian (the closest featured place to my home) needs 3.58 Planet Earths!

My environmentalism was inspired by Dr. David Suzuki. I cannot remember the exact date that I saw him speak about the Power Shift solution, but it must be about fifteen years ago. Power Shift highlighted that the means existed even then, to curb greenhouse gas emissions on all levels. Most suggestions required wholesale government and private sector backing though, and therefore went nowhere.

Further inspiration came from a vastly different source. Author Gwynne Dyer wrote Climate Wars in 2008. Some of the scenarios on which he speculates are already coming true, and if that is the case, years ahead of what was predicted a mere seven to nine years ago. This book should scare the bejesus out of all of us!

‘Only when the last tree has died and the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realize we cannot eat money’

There is still a sliver of time to wake up before this old proverb becomes truth. My environmental ambivalence doesn’t mean that I am completely without hope. And so, despite that dubious tone, I would like to wish us all a Happy Earth Day.

Hibernation–It’s for the Bears!

2015-03-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

I started out the year with all manner of good intentions to improve my life. I even highlighted them in a blog post. We are now almost a quarter of the way through 2015 and I confess that the pursuit of most of my goals has stalled.

On the Positive Front…

I am still not eating gluten. There have been a couple of minor infractions whilst eating out, but no bread in the house!

I haven’t noticed much of a difference to my health in terms of the MS, but I managed to lose twelve pounds without even trying! I can honestly say, in all my years of trying to lose weight, that has NEVER happened before!

However, on the Flip Side…

With the other goals, the going is s-l-o-w, but it is still going! Where I am feeling this lack of achievement most is in my writing. I set what I thought was reasonable - a thousand words a day. I have accomplished this before and knew I could do so again.

And I have written a lot in the last month or two, though still perhaps not as much as I would like. It doesn’t seem like it however, based on the evidence here on the blog. The problem is that despite writing much, I dislike it all, especially the short stories.

It has all seemed uninspired and stale – like the air in my house (the windows were frozen shut!) This is why the quote above is so apt.

Because of the weather, I have been a virtual shut-in for almost three months. And I have learned in that relatively short time, how important ‘standing up to live’ really is. Creativity requires life and people. It needs interactions and activity.

When I had to leave the house to work, doing battle with the elements as I did so, I used to fantasize about staying in the comfort and warmth of home every day. And there will always be those days when I am eternally grateful that I don’t have to go out to work.

But there comes a time when having little company other than your own works against you. I have felt unmotivated, sluggish and stagnant. Also frustrated, as I believed that this time, with nothing to distract me from a daily writing practice, would be productive.

But Spring has arrived, in theory if not in reality yet. The weather is slowly changing. The sun shines longer and more often, temperatures are warming up.

Now that I can feel it, I’m looking forward. To going for a walk or a run in the sunshine. I hope to see more of my neighbours and friends. Perhaps a trip downtown to people-watch, or at least to Starbucks! The amazing vacation we have planned.

And also to writing, and being inspired. To feeling alive, dusting off the desire to do and ready to take on the world once more.

The hibernation is over!

A Love Letter to Irish Eccentricity!

2015-03-16T10:04:00.002-07:00

In honour of the fact that tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day, I thought I would pay tribute to the wonderful character of the Irish. During our visit (almost three years ago – wow!), the people we met certainly lived up to their reputation of being friendly and welcoming.

Many of them, from cab drivers to bartenders, can give you dates and details from their long and varied, but sadly often tragic, history. And they have a sense of humour that can be dry and slightly sarcastic, but is ever present.

I think it is from this combination of history and humour that their eccentricity also comes. We found much evidence of it throughout the country, some steeped in folklore and some just plain funny!

Dublin, a truly beautiful city, has dotted its streets with statues of historical figures, giving visitors a peek not only at history, but its cultural and literary heritage as well. These statues have been nicknamed by the locals, usually something catchy and rhyming, though slightly derogatory.

Molly Malone statue, Dublin (c) Menopause Moi

James Joyce statue, Dublin (c) Menopause Moi

The Molly Malone statue, centrally located, has several nicknames, among them ‘The Tart with the Cart’ or ‘The Trollop with the Scallops’.

James Joyce is affectionately known as ‘The Pr**k with the Stick’!

Trolls under the bridges, River Liffey, Dublin (c) Menopause Moi

This picture just plain-ol’ made me laugh. The words were painted at the crosswalk onto the Queen’s Street Bridge, near where we stayed, and were painted in both directions! Too funny!

St. Patrick's Cross, Rock of Cashel
(c) Menopause Moi

Our first stop outside of Dublin was at the Rock of Cashel, a cathedral on a hill, high above the Plains of Tipperary. In front of the cathedral building is the remnant of St. Patrick’s Cross. Legend has it that those who can wrap their arms around it completely will never need to worry about dental work ever again.

Hubby assures himself of no more dentists!
(c) Menopause Moi

No-one could tell us why exactly, though we suspect alcohol might have been involved. My Hubby (Monkey Man!) managed it easily, so no more cavities for him!

King Puck, Killorglin (c) Menopause Moi

This fellow is King Puck, famous in the town of Killorglin. As you see below, a goat becomes king for the duration of Puck Fair, a weekend of revelry by all accounts, that we unfortunately (?) missed. They claim the origins of this tradition are lost in the mists of time, but I would definitely say it was more like an alcoholic fog in this case!

Legend lost in the mists of something!
(c) Menopause Moi

"No Mama, let me go..."! (c) Menopause Moi

A warning sign at the Cliffs of Moher proves that nothing is sacred from the comedians in Ireland.

Me, kissing the Blarney Stone - the world's most unflattering photo!
(c) Menopause Moi

And finally the grand-daddy of all Irish eccentricities – kissing the Blarney Stone. Legend here has it that if you kiss the stone you will receive ‘the gift of the gab’. It was a challenge for me, given that I'm only five feet tall, and it’s quite terrifying as you dangle upside-down at the top of a ruin with a complete stranger manhandling you! And after all that, I don’t think it even worked!

The view from Blarney Castle (c) Menopause Moi

This is the view from the top of Blarney Castle though – incredibly beautiful. I have to say, I loved almost every minute of my time in Ireland. The people, the scenery and the traditions all gave me reason to be proud of my heritage.

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Is There Less Compassion Nowadays?

2015-02-20T06:53:00.000-08:00

This post is part of the 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion initiative. Today is United Nations World Day of Social Justice. Please check out other 'Voices' by using #1000speak on Facebook and Twitter.

It was my assumed answer to this question that prompted me to sign up for 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion. The world seemed to be a fearful and frightening place, what with ISIS, Boko Haram, Ukraine, homegrown terrorists, Ebola, measles and on, and on. Every day on the news, more despair – isn’t there always?

The 1000 Voices initiative seemed to be a reaction to all of that, and one we seem to sorely need. The fact that one thousand bloggers signed up in less than two weeks speaks volumes. (The number now stands at twelve hundred plus, not to mention all those who will contribute who do not have a blog).

So is there really less compassion in our society now? On some level, I think the answer is ‘yes’. I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but it often seems that the way modern society is set up discourages the kindness we all seem to crave.

Our modern world has grown out of a culture of competition rather than compassion. We grow up hearing that ‘it’s every man for himself’. Success has become defined by how well the individual achieves the external measurements of money, status and power.

The messages start at an early age and become internalized. We perceive ourselves as not measuring up, and that lack of compassion for ourselves can make us forget, or be less inclined to be that way toward others. We become cynical and hardened to their plight. Love gets lost when it’s ‘dog eat dog’.

We have built social safety nets to ensure that those who suffer misfortune do not get lost between the cracks. As institutions, they are less than perfect, but absolutely essential. And yet, they give us an ‘out’ on caring. We can abdicate the responsibility that we all, in fact, share by saying ‘It’s not my job’. Or ‘Someone else will take care of it.’

In our quest to achieve more and be more, we have glorified busy-ness. Who has time to even notice that someone needs help, never mind taking the time to stop and do something about it? There’s always somewhere else to be, something ‘important’ to do, someone who wouldn’t understand. It is not that we are intentionally ignorant, it is that often we are just trying to keep our own heads above water.

The Internet, the most powerful tool ever, seems only to amplify our separateness at times. We accessorize our busy-ness with Smartphones and iPads. Social Media has allowed cruelty to have a trickle-down effect. Where previously it was only celebrities who suffered the indignity of having their humanity stripped away by the paparazzi, now we are all fair game for anonymous trolls and on-line vigilantes.

So, if I believe that there is less compassion in the world now, then why worry about it at all? Why not merely turn off the news, stick my head in the sand and, given that I am incredibly fortunate, pretend that everything is hunky-dory? Because the more I looked and learned, the less sure I was that it was true.

For one thing, the consensus seems to be that compassion is something we are born with, rather than needing to be taught. This is good news. We are social creatures, and quite possibly, synergistic ones as well. Kindness and co-operation have ensured our survival in the past. They will need to do so again in the future, as we navigate changing economies and an unpredictable environment.

For another, we are all more alike than we are different, despite what chauvinism, rhetoric and dogma tell us. We are all born, which means that we are all meant to be here, although as I can vouch, we may not always know why. We are all unique, made that way by our personality and our experiences, both the good and bad. Compassion and community give us people with whom to share those burdens, but also to celebrate the victories.

If the focus was changed from individual success to mutual benefit, could we nurture more well-rounded families and communities? If the focus was on our contribution to the greater good rather than the cost of our car, could our inner voices be kinder? How much more could we achieve by working together? I think the answer is yes and the possibilities are endless.

The really good news is that compassion and kindness are found everywhere when you look for them. Both are still so common-place that only the most extreme instances make it to the evening news, the small everyday acts that make our lives richer deemed too ordinary to be newsworthy.

And it is here that Social Media gives us all a voice to share - the ultimate use of Facebook – the Good News News! And, as the 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion proves, there is still hope on the Internet. Without that, they would not have started this movement, I would not have heard of these wonderful people, nor would I be able to play my small part, using what I have - my words.

As a final note, a quote from William Wordsworth:

‘Worse than idle is compassion

If it end in tears and sighs.’

I have not always been the most compassionate person, to others or myself. This is a reminder to me that my words alone are not enough. Compassion requires action. I, and all of us, must also be and do.

Some Snippets of Compassion

2015-02-16T11:18:00.000-08:00

As one of the 1000 Voices for Compassion, I am working on my post for Friday. However today, as I am not feeling one hundred percent, a short post as an act of self-compassion, It is a small sampling of compassionate thoughts and ideas, to hopefully inspire ahead of Friday's full post, and those of twelve hundred other bloggers!

A Beautiful Quote

I think it is typical that acts of kindness are forgotten by the doers, but remembered by the receivers. Regardless, these gestures are the ones that put smiles on faces. The best part of life, indeed.

Love Will Save the Day

This song has always been a favourite. I think it fits the compassion theme well. The original video made the words even more powerful, but for some reason, it is no longer on You Tube. However, it is a great song and great Canadian talent (still crushing on David Usher, after all these years!)

And Finally, Powerful Words from Martin Luther King Jr.

"True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it understands that an edifice that produces beggars needs restructuring."

Hopefully this is where the world is going - to a place of real change for the better, not just one that places a Band-Aid over its problems.

Okay, more about compassion on Friday. I hope to see you then. Search for me and other bloggers using #1000Speak on Twitter and Facebook.

Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?

2015-02-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

Love at first sight - it is an idea that is everywhere in popular culture. It is the premise behind too many books and movies to mention, a phenomenon documented as far back as the Ancient Greeks. But is it real? Do people believe in it? I decided to conduct a small (completely informal and unscientific) survey to find out.

I was astonished to discover that the majority of people do believe in it. Maybe I am too cynical or perhaps it is a throwback to my teenage years, when I categorically did not. I had many other romantic, schoolgirl notions about love and commitment, as I experienced my first loves, lusts and infatuations. However, being a pragmatist at heart, Love at First Sight was not one of them.

Then, at twenty-one, I met ‘The One’. I was at a club when someone came up behind me and said ‘hello’. As I turned to see who had spoken, our eyes met and that was my first thought. That he was ‘The One’. I’d never thought that about anyone prior, nor have I since.

Nor can I say that I saw fireworks exploding or heard the Hallelujah Chorus. It wasn't like that. It was more like I had been punched in the stomach and was having trouble breathing. Apparently my Inner Goddess is a bit of a bruiser. I know my life would have been immeasurably easier if she had gone with ‘Wow, I’d tap that!’ But she did not and I was smitten. I became a believer in Love at First Sight.

The intensity of that initial thought messed with my mind. The second time we met was at a party and I thought he had come with someone else. I didn’t know whether to scratch her eyes out, or find a corner in which to sob quietly. As it turned out he had, in fact, come alone - luckily for me (with whom he spent most of the evening), and for the unsuspecting ‘other woman’.

I wish I could say that this had a happy ending, like so many people who answered my survey. The reality was that there was not much lucky after that. We started a relationship dance that I will generously call the Misstep Two-step. It was characterized by misunderstandings, poor communication and hurt feelings. If you could two-step to Katy Perry’s "Hot n Cold", that would have been our theme song (of course, the song hadn’t been written back then –heck I’m not sure she was even born!)

I am not proud to say it was a dance in which I led most of the time. And I cannot deny that many of the missteps were mine. I felt vulnerable so I built walls to protect my feelings. But if I built walls then he constructed walls, ramparts and a moat, complete with drawbridge.

I continued with this relationship way beyond a point that was wise, way beyond what I would have done for anyone else. But I believed this could be a grand love affair, the kind whose memories could make your toes curl. Why else would he be ‘The One’, I reasoned. And who would want to give up on The One? Not me!

In the end though, I had to walk away and not look back, literally and figuratively. I know that sounds almost as trite as Love at First Sight itself. But if I hadn’t, we would still be tripping over each other’s feet, even now.

So, was this my experience of Love at First Sight? Despite my initial reaction, no it was not. There is no comparison here to the touching responses I received that told of loving relationships, started in an instant that lasted, or continue to last, through the decades. I still believe we had the potential to have all that. With few regrets in life, I must say this is one - that we were both unable to give it our best shot.

Do I believe in Love at First Sight now? I say an unequivocal ‘sort of’! My experience notwithstanding, even the non-believers conceded that there is often a chemical reaction at first sight – a ‘certain something’ – that can lead to lasting love. Now that I do believe in!

Happy Valentine’s Day, Everyone!