Health & Fitness Blog for Men

The Michael Phelps Diet: 12,000 Calories a Day

2008-08-18T15:13:00.006-04:00

By Shawn McKee
Staff Writer

What if I told you that you could have a body like Michael Phelps? Now, what if I told you that you could do it by eating 12,000 calories per day? Seriously.

Recently, Phelps outlined his daily diet -- his total caloric intake is an astounding 12,000 calories. Before you start gorging yourself to get that sleek swimmer's body, you'll also have to carve out about five hours a day for intense swimming. You didn't think you could get the body of an Olympian simply by stuffing your face, did you?

During his intense training schedule, he struggles to consume enough carbohydrates to fuel the gold medal machine that is Michael Phelps. He's consuming nearly five times what the U.S. Food and Drug Administration recommends for an active, young man, but how is he even doing it? How can you cram that many calories into a single day?

Here's his regular daily menu:
Breakfast: Three fried-egg sandwiches, two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three pieces of French toast and three chocolate chip pancakes.
Lunch: Two ham and cheese sandwiches, a pound of pasta and an energy drink.
Dinner: A large pizza, a pound of pasta and an energy drink.

Watch eDiets food and fitness experts weigh in on these massive meals.

It hardly seems human. His peculiar diet lends weight to my theory that he’s a robot sent from the future to consume mass quantities of carbs and crush all human opposition in the swimming pool -- The Liquidator. I really need to stop staying up so late watching the Olympics.

After winning eight gold medals, what did Phelps want?

"A big, fat cheeseburger," he said during one interview. Maybe he's human after all.

What do you think about the 12,000 calorie diet? Do you think Phelps is human? Let us know by commenting below.

Studies Confirm Men Like Sex: Women Fake Surprise

2008-07-22T17:08:00.005-04:00

It's taken a few centuries, but researchers have finally confirmed what we men have known all along: We like sex – a lot. Two recent studies show that men are likelier than women to enjoy casual sex and give into sexual temptation; unconfirmed reports say that women worldwide are not surprised by the results.

The first study, released last month in the journal Human Nature, analyzed the responses of more than 1,700 men and women on an Internet survey about one night stands; respondents were asked to describe their feelings after having one: 80 percent of the men felt positive and satisfied about the experience; 54 percent of women gave the same response.

Durham University Professor Anne Campbell, who led the study, told The Independent, "Basic emotions guide us down pathways that have been advantageous for our ancestors. If our female ancestors were adapted to short-term relationships, they ought to enjoy them like men do."

Also, women considering letting their man off his leash might want to keep it on longer now:

Researchers from Montreal's McGill University introduced 71 men in committed relationships to either single women or taken women. The study's findings? The men who met the single women were less likely to forgive their partners for angering them.

Ladies, before you tighten that collar, read this: Further research showed that men who had a plan to resist female advances fared better when introduced to a temptress; they were likelier to distance themselves.

"These findings show that even if a man is committed to his relationship, he may still need to formulate strategies to protect his relationship by avoiding that available, attractive woman," Lead researcher Dr. John Lydon told The Telegraph.

So, to all the taken guys out there: Plan ahead if you value your relationship. Otherwise, you might find yourself on the wrong side of the bed – or even in the wrong bed.

Do you agree with these findings? Can you even believe it?

Relationship Red Flag: Signs You're Whipped

2008-07-17T16:59:00.003-04:00

Geoffrey Anderson Jr.
Copy Editor

Here's how it starts: You stop seeing your friends on weekends -- even Fido has trouble remembering who you are. Your pals are soon replaced by her friends, who don't know the first thing about sports. And a late night in town requires permission -- and a curfew.

Are you a real man? Yes -- at least physically. But when your life in a relationship doesn't resemble your pre-relationship life, there's a problem: You're probably whipped. Granted, some things do change once you're in a serious relationship (No more strip clubs), but the fun-loving dude of the past shouldn't disappear completely. After extensive research, here are the signs that you are whipped -- ball and chain not included:

Friends? What's That?
Lately, the calls from your friends have been tapering off. Maybe it's because you spend all day talking to your girlfriend. Maybe it's because you spend all day talking to your friends about your girlfriend. If you've noticed you haven't been asked to hang out in a while, you should find out the cause (Hint: It's probably your girlfriend.).

Honey, Do You Mind If I Go Out Tonight?
Asking your boss for a day off is OK. Asking your girlfriend for permission to go grab a beer is not. If your significant other can't trust you at the local watering hole with the boys, then it's probably going to get a lot worse in the future. Next, you'll be asking whether it's all right to grow a beard or -- God forbid -- whether you can watch the game on TV.

You Like Soap Operas? Me Too!
If you share similar interests with your loved one, that's great. But if you're lying about being a huge fan of Grey's Anatomy, it'll come back to bite you. The more you tell your girlfriend you have similar interests (but don't), the more you're likely to engage in said activities. Ultimately, you'll end up on the couch watching Sex and the City reruns and wondering where you went wrong.

Know of any other signs? Got any stories? Share your thoughts below by leaving a comment!

Last Call: Drink to Your Health

2008-07-14T16:43:00.006-04:00

Geoffrey Anderson Jr.
Copy Editor

"It's 5 o' clock somewhere."

If you're a happy hour regular, you know that saying all too well. After a stressful week (or day) at work, hitting the local watering hole for two-for-one specials helps get your mind off the office and…well, everything else. You have to be careful, though: Getting too happy will eventually get you a beer belly, too.

Yet, according to new research in the American Heart Association's journal Stroke, overdoing it might actually be good for your heart -- at least for us guys. A recent study out of Osaka University in Japan found that men who drank four or more alcoholic beverages daily had a 19 percent lower risk of dying from heart disease. Women, on the other hand, quadrupled their risk.

Even though your heart might thank you, your brain won't. Both sexes increased their chances of getting strokes -- men by 48 percent and women by 92 percent. Suddenly, a long stay at Margaritaville doesn't seem all that appealing.

But, you can chalk up another benefit for moderate imbibing: University of North Carolina researchers have found a link between alcohol abstinence and depression. The researchers studied mice that drank alcohol for 28 days voluntarily. Two weeks after the mice stopped boozing, depression-like symptoms were evident.

So when 5 p.m. strikes on that long-awaited Friday afternoon, where will you be? I'll be knocking back a beer or two, but you won't find me at last call.

What do you think of the research? Tried it out yourself and noticed a difference? Share your thoughts below by posting a comment.

Gametime Grub: Ballpark Fouls & Favorites

2008-07-09T11:38:00.002-04:00

Geoffrey Anderson Jr.
Copy Editor

Summer is here, and there are plenty of ways to enjoy the nice weather while getting in shape: swimming laps in your pool, riding a bike around town or playing some basketball.

Sometimes, though, you just want to sit back and watch sports rather than play them. My favorite sport to watch during summer? Baseball. Nothing beats the open air, the crowds and the smell of hot dogs and cold beer(s). Your ballpark visit, however, could leave you with more than just a greater appreciation for America's favorite pastime: it can leave you with excessive calories.

No need to worry: I've done extensive field work (burp) on stadium food; I've created this handy guide just for you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I've had too much to eat...

Ballpark Home Runs
Grilled Chicken Sandwich: If your stadium has it, this "angel in the outfield" contains 300 to 400 calories, a much better choice than the 600-calorie nachos your friend is eating.

Hot Dog: I'm not talking about the foot-long freak of nature. I'm talking about its smaller cousin. With about 300 calories, this hot dog doesn't pack much nutrition, but it does have 200 fewer calories than its close relative.

Peanuts: Get them unsalted if you can. Granted, they do pack a calorie wallop (1,000+ calories for a 12-ounce bag), but the good fats will make you feel less guilty. Also, asking for a smaller bag could save you half the calories -- enough for a lite beer. They are also great for sharing!

Ballpark Fouls
Chili Cheese Fries: These 800-calorie suckers taste great, but if you combine them with a large Coke and a burger, that's a day's worth of calories. Want the fries sans chili and cheese? You'll still have deal with trans fat.

Cracker Jacks: Buy me some peanuts, but hold the Cracker Jacks! This dessert, cleverly disguised as popcorn, doesn't seem bad at first (a half-cup serving has 120 calories), but a bag at the ballpark contains more than just one serving; it starts adding up.

Print this handy guide out or tattoo it on your body. Your stomach will be grateful.

What stadium foods do you eat while dieting? Share your responses below -- leave a comment!

Fun Fitness: 3 Ways

2008-06-23T17:24:00.006-04:00

Geoffrey Anderson Jr.
Copy Editor

It's 6 p.m. and you're headed for the office exit. All you can think about is getting home, cooking dinner and knocking out in front of the television. When you get to your car, however, you find a familiar friend in the passenger seat: your gym bag.

"I'm tired. I'll just go to the gym tomorrow," you tell yourself. Of course, tomorrow comes and the scenario repeats itself. Whether you like it or not, sticking to your fitness plan is essential for successful weight loss.

Sure, work is hard (that's why it's called work), but you're likely lacking motivation -- or suffering from exercise boredom syndrome. To stir up your workout routine, incorporate these fun activities. You can thank me later.

Pool: It's officially summer! To combat the heat, you'll probably be drinking a lot more water than usual. Fortunately, you can also use water as the setting for your workout routine. If you have access to your own pool or a community one, you can swim laps for some effective aerobic exercise (45 minutes will burn almost 300 calories) or use a product such as the AquaJogger for resistance training. Just remember to talk to a physician before starting any new workout routine.

Dance: Heading out to a dance class alone is another fun option for burning those pesky calories. You'll either be paired up with one other person (aka fun-loving female) or practice in a group (aka lots of fun-loving females). Let loose with your caboose to some Latin rhythms while impressing the ladies, burning about 200 calories in 30 minutes. If you're looking for something low-impact, however, I suggest you skip the breakdancing.

Sex: You don't need a gym for this versatile workout -- just some privacy (or not, if you're into that stuff). Perfect for home, work or car, a sex session can help burn around 175 calories per half hour -- or about 5 calories for those one-minute folks. Even though its length will vary (pun intended), safe sex should always be practiced.

What do you do to combat exercise boredom? Share your ideas below by leaving a comment!

Dear Joe: Confessions of a Coffee Hound

2008-06-16T16:44:00.005-04:00

Coffee and I go way back. In college, I used the drink to keep me awake during trying (and boring) exams and lectures. And now, if you ever need to find me at work, you'll probably catch me near the company coffee machine, where I'll be gulping down cup No. 5 sometime around noon (not recommended). Although I go a little overboard with my coffee consumption, a cup of joe (or three) daily might actually be good for you -- especially for the ladies. A new study out of Universidad Autonoma de Madrid in Spain shows that women who reported drinking two to three cups of caffeinated coffee a day had a 25 percent lower risk of death from heart disease. In honor of this blessed beverage, I've decided to write a little something special to my partner in crime:

Dear Coffee,
I hope you're faring well. My body is doing great -- thanks for asking. It's been such a long time since we last saw each other; 30 minutes feel like an eternity.

I admit we've had our highs and lows. When I first see you each morning, I'm elated. My body is wide awake, ready to tackle the day ahead. But then, a few hours pass and so do your effects. I'm no longer the happy-go-lucky fellow from the morning. Instead, I'm irritated -- not to mention sleepy.

It pains me to tell you, but I've been unfaithful. Ever since the new coffee machine arrived at work, I've been forced to choose among you, hot chocolate, mocha and something called "French Vanilla." I couldn't resist the novelty; I tried French Vanilla -- and liked it. I'm sorry, I really am.

Yet, I always find myself coming back to you. I don't know whether I love you because of your similarity to crack (legality aside), but there's something that not even French Vanilla (Oh, what a temptress!) can take from you.

In the end, you'll always be my boo. I know that somewhere in that big coffee bean heart of yours, you'll forgive me for my past mistakes. Let me make it up to you. In fact, I think it's time for my next cup.

Yours Always,
G.

--Geoffrey Anderson Jr., Copy Editor

Have a similar affection for coffee or another beverage? Write your own letter and share it with us below.

Love & Weight: Does This Blog Make Me Look Fat?

2008-06-10T11:36:00.002-04:00

I was shopping with my girlfriend of four months when it happened. Looking for footwear at Macy's, we spent about an hour in the store as she tried on a seemingly endless supply of shoes. The salesman, a 20-something white male straight out of an Abercrombie catalog, obliged her every whim. Once my girlfriend bought her selection, we headed for the exit. And then she said what no man wants to hear:

"Why can't you look like him?"

My girlfriend posed this question as she turned to face me. I can't recall whether my jaw dropped at the moment, but I'm pretty sure it did. Needless to say, she is now my ex.

This occurred a little more than two years ago, but it's a statement that I haven't forgotten because of its inappropriateness. I was reminded of it by a survey just released from Meredith/NBC Universal. The study, entitled "What Do Women Want?" reveals that 40 percent of women believe it's wrong for a man to tell a woman she is overweight. On the other hand, only 32 percent believe it's wrong for a woman to tell a man he's overweight.

Granted, I'm no model. You won't find me shirtless on the covers of fitness magazines nationwide anytime soon. (Give me a few more months.) But, I don't consider my ex's statements very appropriate, especially in such a public setting. Perhaps she could have been -- what's the word? -- nicer about my slight beer belly.

However, concern about your significant other's weight is perfectly normal. Obviously, you care about the other person's health, and it's undeniable that sexual attraction is linked to looks -- at least partially.

But when do you bring up the topic of weight to a loved one?

Personally, I like to avoid conflict. I'm in full denial mode when females ask, "Does this make me look fat?" even though the mirror might tell a slightly different story. I do step in, however, when it's blatantly apparent that someone's weight isn't healthy. Even then, I make sure to be tactful and not bring it up at a place like, um, Macy's.

What do you think about the survey results? Is it ever appropriate to bring up the issue of weight, regardless of gender? Share your thoughts below by leaving a comment!

-- Geoffrey Anderson Jr., Copy Editor

Man Food Quiz: Burgers, Beers & Nuts

2008-05-23T11:19:00.002-04:00

Geoffrey Anderson Jr.
Copy Editor

Decisions, decisions: With fast food places, sit-down restaurants and supermarkets on almost every street, making the right dining choice can be a hassle. Throw random cravings and comfort foods into the equation, and it becomes even harder to eat right. So what do you do? Well, for starters, you can take this quiz. I have to warn you, though: The answers aren't pretty.

Question #1: It's Friday afternoon and the local watering hole is screaming your name. When you get there, the bartender asks what you're having. You say:

A. "Give me a Long Island."
B. "I'll have a Guinness Draught"
C. "A vodka tonic will hit the spot."

Question #2: After yesterday's drinking adventure, you wake up too late for breakfast. Instead, you opt for a quick lunch fix: fast food. Where do you go?:

A. McDonald's: Quarter Pounder with Cheese, medium fries and a Diet Coke
B: Taco Bell: Big Bell Box Meal (Crunchy Taco, Burrito Supreme, Cheesy Double Beef Burrito and Cinnamon Twists)
C. Wendy's: 1/4 lb. Double Stack sandwich, a small chili and a Diet Coke

Question #3: Your significant other calls a few hours after lunch and asks you to the movies. Once you're there, the smell of popcorn makes your stomach growl. Guess what: It's your turn at the front of the concession line.

A. "One medium hot dog please."
B. "Some nachos would be good."
C. "How about that small popcorn?"

Question #4: It's Sunday, and it's time to buy some groceries. Unsurprisingly, you find yourself in front of a wall of potato chips. What crunchy treat should you choose?

A. Cheetos Jumbo Puffs!
B. Tostitos Scoops
C. Pringles Original Potato Crisps

Question #5: Monday, the start of the seemingly eternal workweek, is upon you. After hitting snooze for the umpteenth time, you realize you're late for work and have to grab breakfast on the run. You:

A. Stop by Dunkin' Donuts and grab a Ham, Egg & Cheese English Muffin Sandwich.
B. Scarf down an Egg & Cheese Croissan'wich from Burger King.
C. Skip breakfast completely -- work is more important.

Question #6: As your watch strikes 1 p.m., you head to the company lunchroom to grab your homemade meal from the fridge. The vending machine nearby, however, catches your attention. Next thing you know, your dollar's inside. You:

A. Press A5 for some Sun Chips Original Multigrain Snacks.
B. Punch B3 for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
C. Hit C4 for a bag of Planters Salted Peanuts.

Question #7: Your significant other calls you at work, reminding you that it's your six-month anniversary (You knew there was something important today!). Resiliently, you pick P.F. Chang's for dinner. What Chinese food here won't mess up your diet too much?

A. Shrimp with Lobster Sauce
B. Orange Peel Beef
C. Tam's Noodles

Question #8: P.F. Chang's failed to fill you up, so you need a late-night snack to quiet your stomach. Pick your poison:

A. Fresh fruit, such as an apple or pear
B. Some sesame seeds
C. Your loved one's leftover Orange Peel Beef

Click HERE to see the answers!

Man Food Quiz: Burgers, Beers & Nuts -- Answers!

2008-05-23T10:52:00.004-04:00

Hopefully, you haven't cheated and looked at the answer sheet first. Let's see how you did.

1. Your healthiest happy hour choice is:

B. Guinness Draught -- This thick beer will quench your thirst AND kill your appetite. Packing about 130 calories, Guinness Draught will fill you up more than its competitors, which contain more calories and carbs. Vodka and tonic ranks second with around 200 calories and a Long Island Iced Tea will set you back anywhere from 300 to 500 calories.

2. Your healthiest hangover lunch remedy is:

C. Wendy's 1/4 lb. Double Stack Sandwich, a small chili and a Diet Coke -- Wendy's meal wins this fast food battle. The Double Stack clocks in at 360 calories and 18 grams of fat, and the chili contains 220 calories and 2.5 grams of fat. On the other side of the ring, McDonald's meal comes in 890 calories and 46 fat grams. What about Taco Bell? Maybe you should "think inside the bun" after reading these numbers: 1,220 calories and 54 fat grams.

3. Your best choice for the movies is:

A. Medium hot dog -- This baseball favorite hits a home run at the movies with 300 calories and 5 fat grams. Cheese nachos, the other common baseball fare, strikes out with anywhere from 600 to 100 calories and 34 to 60 fat grams, depending on how much cheese you use. Scarfing down a small popcorn? That's about 570 calories and 35 grams of fat without the butter, buddy.

4. Your best bet for snacking is:

B. Tostitos Scoops -- This was a close match, but the salsa-ready chips scooped the competition with 140 calories and 7 grams of fat per 13 chips. Both the Cheetos and Pringles pack 160 calories in the same serving size, but the former wins with 10 fat grams (Pringles has 11). For a slightly healthier alternative, buy the Cheetos and Tostitos baked.

5. Your breakfast buddy should be:

B. Egg and Cheese Croissan'wich -- Neither of the two breakfast sandwiches is very healthy, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet. Burger King's Egg and Cheese Croissan'wich (300 calories, 17 fat grams) doesn't appear all that different from Dunkin' Donuts' sandwich (310 calories, 10 fat grams) at first, but the sodium content gives BK the edge: 220 milligrams versus 1,270 milligrams. And don't skip breakfast: You'll overeat later and lose a chance to rev your metabolism early.

6. Your best vending machine option is:

C. Planters Salted Peanuts -- It's obvious that Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (260 calories per package, 15 fat grams) wouldn't be the best nutritious complement for your homemade lunch; taste is a different story, however. Instead, opt for some salted peanuts (170 calories, 15 fat grams). Sure, the nuts have more fat than the Sun Chips (140 calories per 16 chips, 6 fat grams), but most of the peanut fat is the good kind: polyunsaturated and monounsaturated.

7. Your anniversary entree choice should be:

A. Shrimp with Lobster Sauce -- None of the entrees is anywhere near healthy, but on this special day, your waistline friend is the Shrimp with Lobster Sauce (480 calories, 22 fat grams). The Orange Peel Beef, despite its seemingly benign name, is far from harmless (1,568 calories, 85 fat grams). Don't even consider Tam's Noodles (1,678 calories, 93 fat grams) unless you want to spend every remaining hour of your week in the gym.

8. The Best Late Night Snack Award goes to:

B. Some sesame seeds -- These little delights take the crown for any evening cravings you might have. Containing the sleep-inducing tryptophan, sesame seeds (about 150 to 200 calories for a handful) will knock you out before you end up munching on dinner leftovers. Although fruits such as apples don't have the same sleepy effect, their low-GI score won't send your blood sugar levels skyrocketing at bedtime.

How did you do? Let us know by leaving a comment below!

Worst Foods Video: Bacon Candy!

2008-05-20T11:19:00.004-04:00

Here at Worst Foods we’ve brought you some truly disgusting dishes, but today we actually whip up some of these crazy concoctions. We cook them, taste them, rate them and try to keep them down.

Watch as Worst Foods Editor Shawn McKee taste tests the worst of the worst for your sick viewing pleasure. Without further ado, Bacon Candy: The Movie.

Did you enjoy this video? Let us know what you think. Have a worst food you want to share? Post it below for future inclusion.

Food Fight: Combat Rising Costs

2008-05-08T13:24:00.005-04:00

Shawn McKee
Staff Writer

I check my stash. It’s low. I need to re-up. Eggs, milk, butter and bread -- that’s all I need, but it’s not that simple when you’re dealing with the shopping cartel. They want you to buy more, spend more and use more of their products than the last time. In short, they want you addicted to shopping.

As I walk into the compound, I feel their eyes on me: “How much will he spend? Does he know about our two-for-one deal on aisle 5?” I can hear them whispering. That’s when the most industrious of product pushers approaches me.

She looks like my grandma -- sweet and unassuming -- a slight woman who looked as if a strong breeze might sweep her away. “Would you like a sample, sir?”

Ha! I bet she’d like that, but I know that’s how dealers get you hooked. The first time’s free; then, I’m stopping by every day to get my honey-bun fix, spending hundreds a month on the sugary snack. So after I have a few samples I add honey buns to my cart.

I’m so high on sugar I don’t even notice the price of these sweet snacks. I am a weak man -- and an impulse purchaser. The cartel knows this, they prey on it, but that’s not the only ploy in their grocery bag of tricks.

They know they’ve got a captive audience, after all, who among us does not eat? And they’re not just targeting adults. They want to get your kids hooked, too. So, to expose these unscrupulous grocers and free sample fat cats, I risk everything and go undercover.

I’ve got a man on the inside, a supermarket snitch, but if it got out that he helped me, he’d be knocked back down to bag boy before he could say, “Paper or plastic?” He said he would speak with me on the terms that I kept his true identity out of the article.

I contact Mexico Mike -- as I call him -- and I ask him when I should come by? He speaks in a thick Honduran accent, “Sunday afternoon, if you can handle it.”

Two days to prepare -- I feel like Donnie Brasco.

The day arrives, my palms are sweaty and I barely slept the night before, but it’s too late to turn back now. I glue on a thick fake mustache, a la Magnum PI, and head out to meet my informant.

As I enter, I feel the cameras on me, I smell the freshly baking bread and I see the brightly colored “Sale!” signs. I am instantly hungry. I’ve entered Thunder-dome, my stomach knots, my palms start to sweat, I don’t see Mike anywhere, but I do find a great deal on cereal, six boxes for $10.

Then, I remember what Mike told me: “The smell from the bakery makes you hungry; never go to the grocery store on an empty stomach. You’ll buy way more than you bargained for.”

I start loading boxes of Crunch Berries into my cart. Out of the corner of my eye I see Mike approaching, he’s shaking his head.

“What are you doing? You don’t even eat cereal.” He’s right, what’s going on here? Why am I buying six boxes of something I wouldn’t normally buy one box of?

Mike explains that hungry people tend to shop more impulsively, so the bakery smell is all part of the plan to empty your wallet and fill your cart. Studies have proven this to be true.

Impulsive, who me?

“Surveys find that about 40 percent of what we actually buy (in the supermarket) are impulse items, products that were not on our list,” says Phil Lempert, a supermarket industry expert, apparently not afraid of the cartel.

Mike explains why bargain-shoppers (and who isn’t?) are easy targets for these cereal slingers, “Two-for-one deals are great if you were going to buy that product anyway, but if you’re buying in bulk something you weren’t going to buy, how are you saving any money?”

I hope this is rhetorical, but he just stares. Mike’s been hardened by the shopping cartel, he sees right through me. I fear what he knows, but we press on.

He goes on to explain that cereal is one of the cartel’s top earners. For most parents it’s a staple, so what some slick supermarkets do is put candy on the same aisle so when parents are shopping for sugar swirls or marshmallow-sugary-yum-yums, the kids are scoping the candy -- diabolical.

Plus, notice the location of the cereals on the shelves he points out. Expensive cereals at eye-level, kids’ cereal at a child’s eye level and the cheaper store brands pushed to the very bottom of the shelf. They don’t want you to know about this inexpensive alternative and grab the first thing you see.

Knowing the cartel is infiltrating the minds of our children shoots a chill down my spine. “Leave the kids at home, they shouldn’t have to see this until they’re older,” Mike warns. The cereal aisle is not the only place this occurs, he continues.

“Clean up, aisle 12,” blasts over the intercom. They must be onto us, I think.

Mike speaks into his earpiece and shakes his head.

“We’ve got a problem I have to take care of, stick to the perimeter of the store. Stay out of the aisles; they’re too dangerous for an impulse shopper. I’ll be back in a minute,” and he disappears. Here I go again on my own.

Staying on the perimeter is fine for a while, I get milk, eggs and find a deal on yogurt. Things are going swimmingly, then, the urge to splurge hits again when I see a display at the end of aisle five. SpaghettiOs, 10 cans for $10, I can’t pass this up. I start loading my cart. Out of nowhere Mike slaps a can of SpaghettiOs out of my hand.

“Control yourself man. This is not a deal. These items are usually a dollar. They just put them here on the ‘end-cap’ (end of the aisle display) to make these items more visible and try to pull you into the aisles. It’s usually an overstocked item that the store needs to sell more of, not a super deal.”

That’s when our cover’s blown. Two men walk up and Mike pretends to check expiration dates on milk. I can see the label guns they conceal behind their aprons. A roll of ammo, red sale stickers, hangs from one’s pocket.

“Can we help you, sir?” I’ve heard this before and I know what comes next. I quickly avert my eyes and start to walk away.

“No thanks, just trying to spend as much money as possible,” I reply. They smile menacingly and whisper something to Mike. The sweat returns, I’m reeling from the encounter and hypnotized by the soft music. Mike is gone.

I decide to leave before I disappear as well. Waiting in the check out line I add a pack of gum, a lint roller and a magazine to my cart. Then, I notice a piece of paper in my cart. It’s from Mike, I make sure the coast is clear and slip it into my pocket.

Once I get outside with my $76.92 worth of groceries, I take the piece of paper from my pocket and open it up.

Helpful advice
Here are a few more tips to keep your cart lean and your wallet fat:

Staples like milk, meat and eggs are on the perimeter to pull you through the aisles where you’ll impulsively buy junk food on a whim. Take a lap around the outside first.

Just because something looks like a good deal doesn’t mean it is. There’s a trend toward putting less product in the packages and charging the same price. Check the cost per unit on the price display, this way you can compare how much each brand charges per oz, gram or pound. Now you can really compare prices.

Buy generic if you can. A lot of these products are made in the same factories as their name brand cousins, but you don’t have to pay for advertising costs.

Make a list and stick to it.
If I ever see Mike again, I’ll thank him for making me a savvy, informed consumer. One cashier told me that now Mike, “works with the fishes.” I hope that means he’s in the seafood department.

Shawn McKee graduated from the University of Oklahoma with a BA in Journalism and has written for The Broward and Miami New Times. He’s now in the shopper relocation program.

10 Best Booty Songs -- Ever!

2008-04-23T10:20:00.005-04:00

Shawn McKee
Staff Writer

Whether you call it a caboose, can, bum, bottom, butt, booty,
buns, bum cakes, buttocks, rump, fanny, arse, ass, humps, lumps, tail or badonkadonk -- that bodacious body part that turns heads and rules the dance floor is the inspiration for a trunk-load of songs rejoicing in the rear-end. It’s time for the 10 best (and a few of the absolute worst) songs celebrating the beauty of the booty.

10. Pitbull’s “Culo,” is an infectious Miami melody that celebrates all those bouncin’ booties way down south. It mixes a Spanish chorus with English verse to unify cultures in their appreciation of curvaceous culos. Me gusta.

9. “Shake Ya Ass,” by Mystikal is a dance-inducing jam in which Mystikal uses his raspy voice and quick delivery to get you to, well, shake your ass.

8. K.C. and the Sunshine Band released "(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty," and that’s exactly what people did. While it probably wasn’t terribly difficult to pen this poetry (the word “shake” accounts for about half of the total lyrics), it did pave the way for a genre of music about shakin’ rump.

7. Wreckx-N-Effect really only had one hit, "Rump Shaker," but in the summer of 1992, you couldn’t turn on the radio without hearing “zoom-a-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom.” Also, this is where super producer Pharrell Williams (Neptunes, N.E.R.D.) got his start making people shake their rumps (he also produced “Shake Ya Ass” and a slew of other hits). The birth of a booty balladeer.

6. The 69 Boys’ hit, "Daisy Dukes," paid homage to the tiny jean shorts popularized by none other than Daisy Duke. If you didn’t already know to “look at them girls with the daisy dukes on,” you did after hearing the song. A heartfelt song where a man confesses his truest feelings: “I love the girls with the big ol' booties.”

5. “Big Bottom,” is the funniest song on this list. Spinal Tap, known for their loud speakers and wild live show, crafted this masterful piece of bum-bliss. With lines like, “My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo” skillfully rhymed with “pink torpedo,” it’s hard not to acknowledge the genius of this group. Unlike the previous songs on this list, which simply relay the artists’ affinity for the derrière, this is a love song: “I love her each weekday, each velvety cheekday.” Beautiful.

4. "Big Ole Butt" is a cautionary tale of what can happen when one is consumed with the big butts of others. Ladies Love Cool James and LL Cool J loves big ole butts. "Big Ole Butt" laid the groundwork for the future of booty jams. But be wary the power of the posterior, as Mr. Cool J puts it, “I know I told you I'd be true, but Tina got a big ole butt -- so I'm leavin' you.” Powerful stuff.

3. The song “Bootylicious” will forever live on in the annals of music, but when Destiny’s Child released this song they didn’t think it would enter into America’s vernacular (check out dictionary.com). Beyonce came up with this word to celebrate the curvy, voluptuous figure of many women. It’s empowering, and when she exclaims “I don't think you're ready for this jelly… 'cause my body's too bootylicious for ya, babe,” you have to wonder, are you ready for that jelly?

2. The numbers don’t lie: Most songs about butts are by rappers. “Fat Bottomed Girls,” on the other hand, is by the classic rock group Queen, which was fronted by one of the most flamboyant lead singers of all time. That being said, it’s a fist-pumpin’, head noddin’, ass-lovin anthem. Freddy Mercury belts this one out over wicked guitar riffs and booming drums that will have you singing, “Fat-bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round,” for days after stumbling across this rump requiem.

1. “I like big butts and I cannot lie” -- this is how “Baby Got Back,” by Sir Mix-A-Lot, the quintessential booty ballad begins. This song not only extols the virtues of round rumps, but also expresses Mix-A-Lot’s disdain for “beanpole dames in the magazines.” This one is all about celebrating the booty -- and Mix likes them large -- erecting giant butts to use in his video, it was “booteerific.” So heed the advice of Mr. Mix and “turn around, stick it out -- even white boys got to shout, baby got back!” Truer words were never spoken.

The Bottom of the Barrell
If you’re going to write a jam about jelly, don’t make an ass of yourself (like these buttheads).

If you ever saw MC Hammer’s "Pumps and a Bump" video, I’m sorry. No one wanted to see Hammer in a Speedo, and this was never more evident than when MTV removed the video from its regular rotation. The song itself? It was “wiggity, wiggity wack.”

“You make my pee-pee go doing, doing, doing.” Are these the ramblings of a 7-year-old who just found his penis and his dad's Playboy collection? No, sadly, it’s “Ass Like That,” by Eminem. He tries really hard to be funny, but just ends up being completely idiotic.

K-Fed’s “PopoZao” is simply the worst song ever made. Apparently, it’s a tribute to the big booties in Brazil. So in the interest of international diplomacy, America apologizes for Kevin Federline’s stupid song. Sorry, Brazil.

Did we miss your favorite booty tune? Let us know down below!

Shawn McKee graduated from the University of Oklahoma with a BA in Journalism and has written for The Broward and Miami New Times. He loves booty.

Beach-Ready Abs: Men Only

2008-04-11T15:22:00.011-04:00

By Joe Klemczewski, Ph.D.
eDiets Contributor

Yes, men only. Not something you hear too often in an industry that targets women as its primary demographic, but men do have some unique metabolic and sometimes societal differences that are often missed in the weight-loss conversation. And I know women are reading this just to see what the guys are being told -- maybe some secrets -- but, seriously, go away. This is like a Budweiser commercial -- guys only.

Guys, you’re busy, your boss doesn’t care what your physique goals are, you don’t like to cook – you don’t know how to cook – your kids want to play when you get home from work, and you only get five hours of sleep. How in the world can you get rid of the love handles and actually feel good about taking your tee shirt off at the beach? We all have reasons that make it tough, but at the end of the day you just have to want it bad enough to make some necessary changes.

One thing you’ve got going for you is sheer metabolic power. With lean body mass and testosterone being higher than women, we can lose body fat at a pretty good pace. It’s not unusual for male clients to get in a good diet routine where they’re losing three to four pounds a week consistently, but there are some steps that will make that easier. Let’s talk about male-specific tactics that can make all the difference.

The first is that in very general terms, we tend to like more rote structure. A client who is a banker sat down at his initial consultation with me and I waxed eloquently for 45 minutes about the need for flexibility, education and learning to not restrict yourself to even a self-imposed narrow food list. He proceeded to completely ignore me and went into his own world with paper and pencil. He began copying meal suggestions from sample days that I was going over and created a “perfect” day to fit the actual macronutrient ranges I was prescribing for him. I banged my head against my desk, he left, he lost 80 pounds and he’s kept if off to this day.

Our common ground was met in that he did learn to add variety when he needed, but he had to have that beginning structure – an actual diet plan – to follow. Women would see through that and call us lazy for us needing to be told what to do, but we’ll just pretend it’s an innate neurological male hard wiring thing. Point one: with a goal to lose a lot of poundage in a period of time, you will find it easiest if you get some meals together that you like and can formulate a good day as a pattern.

The second course of action is to make sure your day includes enough protein. Ketogenic diets were created for men – what better marketing niche than to say you can eat all the steak you want and still lose weight? Don’t take it that far, but if you can get protein in at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and maybe a snack or two (protein shakes help), you will have less hunger and you’ll find you can lower calories easier. My male clients that make it a point to move protein up to the levels I suggest (and it’s not too much or unhealthy by any means; just higher than most of us eat consistently) always lose faster.

Cardio. Yes, I said it. I know there’s nothing more boring and there’s no glory in it like squatting and bench pressing, but if you want to see pounds melt away, make cardio as routine as brushing your teeth. You’ve read all the reasons why: it’s not just calorie expenditure at the moment, but it’s increased VO2 max, increased calorie burning for about 90-minutes afterward, it’s better stroke volume for your heart – it can just about double your results. It also sends a great behavioral message to yourself: “If I’m spending the time to do this, I’m not going to mess it up with that bag of chips on the couch!”

The cardio admonition goes without saying that you should already be doing some resistance training. Grunt…scratch… “Hooha!”

Hopefully all the women have left this article by now because I have to go a little soft on this one point. You have to have a way of tracking your food and results to be consistent. Accountants and engineers aside, most guys don’t want to waste time calculating, measuring, and tracking food. When I see a male client filling out food logs, I know he’s going to lose weight and he’s going to keep it off.

Why?

You can’t help but learn about your body and about nutrition and food if you’re doing some analytical work. You can’t scratch your head and wonder why you didn’t lose this week if you have eight beers and a bag of pork rinds on paper staring back at you. Remember, we’re talking hardcore results and taking advantage of the metabolic power endowed by the gene pool. If it makes you feel better, get a food journal and spray paint a camo design on the cover.

Lastly, don’t worry about losing muscle. This thought may not even occur to some guys reading this, but trust me when I say that on the way down to a body fat level where you’ll see your abs, you’re going to feel too thin. Every man wants to be 225 pounds with abs and it ain't gonna happen. When you’re leaner you’re going to look bigger if you have any muscle at all, but you have to choose – be a little thicker/bulkier in your shirt that hides the roll around your middle or have a head-turning physique at the beach and look, dare I say, kind of normal in clothes. So, get busy – it’s almost summer!!

Joe Klemczewski, PhD, maintains a unique online consulting practice helping people around the world reach their physique and health goals. His popular website and forum http://www.thedietdoc.com/ is a great database of information.