Mental Blabberings

Rant: Despair and Hopelessness

2013-04-29T21:03:00.001+10:00

This weekend I had the chance to do a Google+ hangout with my father in the Philippines. He and I don't talk often but we do have a very good relationship. My dad is cool like that. In this hangout we talked about a few things happening in the Philippines and I've gotten the feeling that my homeland is getting ever deeper into economic disrepair, and that the politics to which I've come to be hopeless on is beyond repair. I've wanted to get something off my chest that's been bothering me for a while now, so if you would indulge me please read on.

Background

I grew up in a part of the Philippines where the land is fertile, there are thriving industries, and there's a certain sense of abundance and stability. This part of the Philippines has good schools, good employment opportunities (mostly industrial and service industries), good investment opportunities (real-estate and agricultural), and good potential for growth. This was true when I was young and this is true even now. My family is pretty well off and could afford to get me quality education -- for which I was thankful for.

My father is a businessman who runs a retail rice dealership even before I was born (more than 30 years). It's one of the few businesses our family runs. That business has provided for my education and eventual emancipation as I pursued a career in computer science. I forever will be indebted to rice retail as it holds a significant part of my heart.

Past Experience

While I was still in the Philippines and just starting in my career -- around 2005 -- there was a sense of economic fluency in the IT industry. People were setting up outsourcing companies to service offshore clientele and I was very fortunate to meet and be friends with awesome tech startup founders (Orange and Bronze Software Labs and more recently Codeflux, Inc.). It was boomtown if you were in the IT or outsource industry and getting in on the ground floor (so to speak). It wasn't the same with other industries around the Philippines.

It was around this time that inflation started coming up and when 2007 came around the global financial crisis hit. At this time I was fortunate to be working at Friendster building a team in the Philippines. The fast dropping value of the peso and the slow dropping value of the US dollar meant that Friendster and other companies can afford to ride the turndown and still ramp up their teams in the Philippines. Call centers were booming as US-based operations started closing down and capacity from India wasn't able to fill the demand. It wasn't all rosy though, commodities markets were being cornered by China's manufacturing, their surplus exports were flooding the market with cheap goods both perishable and non-perishable. Local production in the Philippines was being devastated by lack of actual growth in the local economy and the rising cost of living.

Current State

Fast forward 5 years or so and every major south east asian economy is on the upswing following the exit from the global financial crisis. What's changed in the five years is that the local IT industry in the Philippines has somewhat grown up and entrepreneurs have realised that they can start competing with every other startup in the world. Globalisation has arrived to the local economy in the Philippines in terms of media (the entertainment industry is now reaching more places than ever before) and ICT (telecom giants are now part of multi-national conglomerates, startups punching above their weight being set up in the Philippines).

The biggest missing piece is original innovation. Every other country in south east Asia is a major force to be reckoned with -- Malaysia has a booming oil industry, unstoppable growth, seemingly never-ending infrastructure development, and a strong local economy; Indonesia's retail industry is amazing; Singapore has become another major international trade hub; Australia (if you count it as part of South East Asia) is just beginning to become a major player in global trade in terms of ICT among other things (the mining industry and close ties with China are helping a lot for international and local trade). The Philippines? Let me think.

We don't have a local vehicle manufacturer -- all vehicles on the road in the Philippines was produced somewhere else (jeepneys have engines imported from japanese manufacturers, metals are not locally sourced). We don't have our own locally developed and competitive industrial-scale agricultural produce that's not owned by a multinational company. Virtually no technology is practically invented in the Philippines. Our biggest local industry is retail (malls are very lucrative) and even if it expands to other countries only the 1% of Filipinos get to benefit.

Virtually 90% of the population do not invest in the local economy. The underground economy eludes taxation and typically generates majority of internal trade. Any investment you make is at risk of being defaulted on (if you buy private bonds) or failing (if you buy equity) and the risks are most of the time not worth the returns. Political instability and protectionist policies scare foreign investment. Even I, a citizen living in another country, feel like any investment I make now is no worse than me gambling on the results of a footy game or a horse race here in Australia (sometimes I even feel more secure in doing that compared to investing in the Philippines).

The Future

Given all this, I have a very grim outlook at the chances of the Philippines of turning it around. I know this is hard to say as a proud Filipino but I feel I have to say it.

I've been thinking about this a lot because in the next 10 years I want to be able to assess really how I can help the Philippines in my own way. I've always held the belief that the Philippines is well positioned to be able to compete in the global arena and that the way to do it is by levelling up the industries in the Philippines. A 100 million strong population (and something like 110 million in 10 years) should be an asset to be developed. There are industries that can be built in the Philippines that can leverage these massive numbers and they don't all have to be in Manila. There are local problems that need local solutions that also translate to global settings and I'm positive it's just a matter of the right investments and building the right structures to support them.

It's hard to see how the current political climate will be conducive to actual serious nation building though. I don't even want to say anything about the people in government because I don't have a horse in that race. I believe that it doesn't matter who you put in government but that if you have the right systems in place then you have a better chance of making a real difference. I don't believe in the "hope" strategy where you educate children and hope they grow up to become better people. Putting hope in the government and its policies though is also the wrong way to go about it.

The solutions will be multi-party and should be synergistic. I understand that government intervention and regulation is necessary to some degree but that cooperation between the government and the private sector should yield benefits for all. There's a lot of things to be said about politics when it doesn't work but when it does work quarrels over the details would be for mere entertainment.

My Hope

There's very little I can do now but hope that in 10 years time helping out in the development of the Philippines should be possible. I'm aware that my investments today will be helpful to some degree but I'd rather do my homework in these coming years. I'm learning a lot now and I intend to keep learning and observing so that maybe someday I can help in a meaningful way.

At my current state, whatever investment and risks I can take will be mere nickel-and-dime endeavours. Maybe that will help but I'm not sure pennies can be grown to bills enough to make a significant impact. There's 100 million people in the Philippines today and building up industries for the benefit of even just 10% (that's 10 million people) would be a huge benefit.

My other hope is that the entrepreneurs who are starting the businesses in the Philippines think about what opportunities there are that will leverage the population, solve local problems, and in day 1 compete in the global arena. Sure it will require investments and it will take on a lot of risk. If you set your sights high enough and commit enough to making your endeavour a success, then taking on investment should not be harder than it normally is. Think about growing the whole market instead of just growing your own business. If your intentions are pure, your vision is clear, your commitment is evident, and you are worthy of trust -- good people will help you achieve your goals.

I look forward to that day 10 years from now when I can say "yes, I will invest in you because your vision will affect potentially 10 million Filipino lives". Until that day, I lay in wait ever so helpless and desperate.

Mental Models of Programmers for Non-Programmers

2013-04-26T17:11:00.000+10:00

Programmers are a tricky lot. We have a certain mental model of how things should work and we "hack" systems in order to make sure they fit our mental model instead of changing ourselves and our mental model to fit with existing systems. Programmers are the bureaucrat's worst nightmare -- our brains are wired to look at the rules and go "why?" and our immediate reaction to anything that's not at least optimal is "well, that's stupid".

If you have a programmer in your life -- a parent, sibling, cousin, partner, or friend -- it would help if you understood how most of programmers brains work. I would even say as far as certain kinds of people -- not necessarily programmers -- gravitate towards becoming programmers (or engineers, or any profession/occupation where it involves building systems or just rigorous analysis and design) so you may recognise these people. I know these things work really well for me so if you know someone like me it might help you a lot with your interactions with them.

Logic

First off, we have a twisted sense of logic. Anything illogical or something approaching even asymptotically the thought of being illogical cause two things to fire in our brains (or at least my brain):

Quick! Someone's wrong! At least that's the immediate reaction. Being illogical is something we equate to being wrong. What's right is when something is logical. Religion is hard to understand for most of the people who have this way of thinking about the world. Logic is the measuring stick by which everything is evaluated. If you must, see Spock.
Bullsh*t. Usually we stop listening to the person or to the source of the logical fallacy or just whatever is being said. The masters even just acknowledge the illogical statements and leave it at that. The newbies will call it out, usually followed by some snarky remark about the person or the statement being stupid. Again if you must, see Spock.

We have a myriad of actual outward actions ranging from the incredulous shouting and being "rude" interrupting the logically inaccurate person, to just outright ignoring the other party. We are straight-forward like this and it's only logical for us to stay this way.

I realize that I'm painting of a very dim picture of programmers and our ilk. What matters to us in these situations is restoring (or affecting) the situation such that all is right and logical in the world. You can help us by saying something to the effect of the following:

"In reality..." -- this qualifies that you're stating an observation, not an assertion or an argument. You can use this when you get into one of the logical flame traps that we inadvertently place when we hear illogical or potentially illogical (or logically interesting) statements.
"I understand that you think it's illogical. However ..." -- this is almost like the above, except you are now acknowledging our thinking, which is important in programmer-speak (or protocol if you must) because we tend to repeat what we say until we are acknowledged.
"Yes, it is illogical. Let me re-state that as ..." you can agree it's illogical which dowses water on the spark initially raised in our brains when we hear something potentially or really illogical. We usually don't mind it when people are wrong, as we all make mistakes ourselves. Dwelling on mistakes is not something we do a lot -- but when we see others dwelling on it is when we think it's wrong or illogical. In which case read back up to the top.

Now we also tend to get illogical when we feel attacked and that's the next point.

In general, when having a conversation with a programmer, please try to be logical. We appreciate it.

Feelings

We are a sensitive bunch. We don't like acknowledging it but we are humans too. We are tied to the result of our labours and we treat them as children. Our projects become our lives typically and we have this somewhat illogical search for perfection -- I know, the irony is not lost on me. When you're going to say something about the following, please be mindful:

A gift. See the point on being logical above. Then consider that we are really sensitive. If you think you don't like the gift we've given you break it to us gently.
Our project. If you have not heard the programmer talk about the project they're working on in disgust, do not ever do it first. Even in cases where the project we're working on is not our choice, do not ever feel obliged to tell us our babies are ugly.
Our accomplishments. It is taboo to downplay accomplishments -- so if you're going to ever say anything about accomplishments, you better be saying something good. Otherwise, say nothing at all.

Programmers also typically do not show feelings outwardly very well. From an outsider perspective we may be in only three states: asleep, indifferent, or thoroughly incensed. See the point about Logic again -- you will notice that programmers get angry a lot because in the rare cases we do show emotion, we show the strongest and most effective one. How do you know a programmer is happy? When they're asleep or indifferent. If you notice they are incensed a lot of the time, something is definitely wrong -- probably something that's illogical.

If you want us to convey our emotion, you have to pull it out from us -- we optimise our emotion showing to the bare minimum required (unless there's something wrong or illogical). If you want, see the conundrum on Shrödinger's cat -- our emotions are in a box, and the only way to find out whether we're happy or unhappy is to open the box; that way you cannot tell whether you made us happy or unhappy by opening it.

There are ways to ask us if we're happy or unhappy and here's a few that are really effective for me:

Logic dictates predicates. That's the long way of saying "I observe you are unhappy. Is this accurate?"Okay, just ask us, but only if we see there's a reason for the question. Context is important, and if we're at work and intently doing something, do not ever think that your knowing whether we're happy is more important than what we're currently doing. Ask us when we're idling. More on when to find out whether we're idling later.
Smalltalk is irrelevant. Get to the point. If you want us to do something, ask us directly -- we prefer questions that can be answered immediately with "yes" or "no". Again we optimise for the minimal interaction and emotion showing required.
We usually don't play politics (unless we have to) so we usually don't care what other people think. If you want to know what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, or our opinion do not predicate it with some notion of being politically correct -- just ask me. Preferably by email. If it's important, maybe via IM. If it's something politically motivated, we're probably only going to engage you if it's a logical dispute in some social realm (like family, friendships, community groups, etc.).

Another thing that's important to note is that when it comes to us volunteering our emotions, do not interrupt us because it is a high-bandwidth exercise for us. If we're telling you we're happy, unhappy, angry, sad, or <insert emotion here> please acknowledge that you received the message at least.

This then leads me to the final point about communication.

Communication

If you for some reason have a programmer in your life that works on network systems (websites, distributed systems, or something else involving communicating systems) you may find that they are sometimes really engaging when communicating. You find people who work on these systems really fascinated by three things: latency, throughput, and protocol. Let me explain a little of why these are and why I think it translates to the wetware systems of human society:

Latency is the amount of time between message transmission and reception It is something measurable and usually detectable (and hence, manageable and can be optimised). We care about getting our messages across as fast as we can so that we see the effect as soon as possible. If we ask you a question we typically expect latency to be low -- otherwise we view it as illogical and proceed to diagnosis and troubleshooting mode; see the point on logic above.
Throughput is the amount of information you can transfer in a given period of time. This is important to us because the more time we spend sending the message across (at acceptable latency) that means the less time we're working on our project or we're somehow becoming "sub-optimal". We tend to cram in as much information as we can in the smallest amount of time we can so that we don't have to do it for longer than we have to -- because doing that would just be illogical. See point about logic above again.
Protocol is a systematic approach to sending, receiving, and coordinating the exchange of information through a medium. We like minimalist and flexible protocols, especially if that helps the latency and throughput. The less time we spend worrying about protocol, the more information we can transmit and hopefully the less latency between message sending and receiving. We view heavy protocols as being something "illogical" and hence "wrong". This is the reason why we like email, sending long messages in a single go, and worry very little about the sugarcoating of the message.

There are exceptions to optimising out these things -- usually when we are idling (more on this later) we prefer to waste as much time as possible doing as little as we can. This is the complete opposite of worrying about latency, throughput, and protocol. Another exception is when we realize we are in a setting that is not optimal for any sort of hacking -- like in the presence of a huge crowd, crammed in a social setting that's unescapable (a train, bus), or when we're in non-programmable situations (like when on a date).

The thing to remember is, when you're communicating with a programmer is: content trumps delivery. This is why we prefer email and avoid the awkward emotion conveyance involved with face to face communication. We typically do not optimise for sending the correct emotion, we rather send the correct content. We tend to be blunt and direct but this is optimal in our brains -- or at least we logically concluded somehow that emotions are a waste of bandwidth (the practical limits of the amount of information we can convey in a period of time).

So when you think we're being rude or direct, chances are we're in programmer mode. There are two things you can do to manage this situation:

Acknowledge the content, then engage us by asking more questions if you need more information. We are being direct because we usually think much of the information we're not sharing is not worth sharing, or that we assume you already know most of it. We are optimising for transmission and if what you seek is engagement you should engage us further -- and no, we will not pick subtle hints and our default position usually is brevity.
Convey that you want to be informed more and that if this is not a good time that some other time should be scheduled for actual interaction. We usually make a decision of whether this is a good idea, whether there's no other information needed to be conveyed, or we take this as a signal that we're being too terse and would probably need to elaborate.

This communication thing usually reverts to "normal person mode" in the weekends or during non-project working hours. With that point, I lead to the last thing to recognise: we like our breaks and we like idling.

Idling

This is usually (maybe correctly) perceived as procrastination. This is however an important part of programmer routine. You will usually find us idling when:

We seem to be "reading". It usually involves a device or some physical artefact -- book, magazine, etc. You know we don't want to be disturbed when we are in a secluded location but otherwise (unless we're doing actual deep thinking, which should be obvious (logically)) this is a good time to engage us in conversation.
TV time. If we're flipping through channels, that's a good time to interrupt. If we're watching our favourite show, we're decidedly not idling. If you are a child or significant other, sitting beside us and watching with us is enough to count as bonding time (at least for us). If you show genuine interest in what we're watching, we will definitely engage you on the same subject. It's only logical that we do.
Recreation time. Some people like playing pool, card games, board games, going out for a swim, or in general just playing. This time is perfect for conversation because it's the few times we're almost completely switched off from whatever project we were involved in. If you can schedule meaningful non-emotional conversation during these times, you're golden.

In general when programmers take a break (or wait for their code to compile) is a good time to have conversations with us. You might find that we have a routine -- I for one like watching the news until late into the night to "switch off", and I definitely appreciate having conversation at those times instead. Another thing I do is lie in bed reading some book I've thought interesting through a device (usually my mobile phone or a tablet).

It is best if you can synchronise and recognise the idling times and make the most out of it with the programmer in your life.

Conclusion

This is a piece I've wanted to write for a long time now and I thought I might as well write it down while I was "idling". I also thought it might help some friends I know who are programmers realize how sometimes we are a little too Spock and a little less Kirk (and I submit we should be a good mix of both for good balance in our lives). Some of us are lucky that we have people who understand while I'm positive there may be a few programmers out there (and friends or family of programmers) who have very little idea in how to interact with us.

I do not claim for this to be a definitive guide, I'm just sharing my thoughts and throwing it up to the void. As with anything you read on the internet, take with a grain of salt and your mileage may vary.

Do you have any other tips for non-programmers on how to synchronise their mental models with ours? I'd love to know your thoughts on this.

Summer is Over

2013-04-20T00:03:00.000+10:00

It's now the fall here down under and the weather has started to turn to the cooler side. Every day since the start of April the temperature has been dropping steadily during the day, the nights are getting longer, the clocks have adjusted, and now we're heading into a new season. Coming from the Philippines where there's no real season to speak of, I think having actual seasons is a welcome change. Having distinct transitions help with reflecting, remembering what has happened in the past few months, and looking forward to the future.

Much has happened since I last wrote my thoughts down. Here's a list of things I can remember distinctly that I'd like to share:

We've moved house. This is the third unit we've moved into and we're now back to getting ample space to move around and grow into. I liked the cozy feel of the last unit we've lived in but I definitely welcome space.
Our church has celebrated its 8th year anniversary. The celebration service went well and was a very memorable one.
I celebrated my second year as a Googler. It has been a good two years and I look forward to more years to come in great company.

I can probably write more about these things but I'd rather write more about things I've learned in this past season. There were a few firsts for me that I took a lot out of. There's a number of general areas that I'd like to write about: Health, Community, and Career.

Health

I stuck with a gym and training plan with a personal trainer for the good part of two months. It was great fun and I've learned a lot. I've also gotten great results. My waist has shrunk and my clothes are looser which I'm taking as a win. I feel stronger and fitter -- definitely been more active and more energetic.

Another thing that has been going good for me is getting regular sleep. Being able to get at least 7 hours of sleep has been doing me good. I also get better productivity at work because of this -- but more on that later on.

One thing I did learn the hard way is that detox is a very powerful weapon. It has helped me reset my system a number of times and allowed me to enjoy food in times when I'm not on detox. Cutting down on calories in general and improved hydration gets my system to a better place to be able to start getting back on a healthy track, or to achieve a specific goal. I'm on my carbo loading cycle and just about ready to get back into my long distance running routines. Nothing is better than getting my metabolism up and going after a carbo loading cycle, because this is when I can push harder and get more mileage.

Community

There's a number of lessons here for me. The first and biggest lesson for me is in the very real costs of building and maintaining relationships. In a very busy lifestyle, one that involves focusing on productivity and results, investing in building long term relationships should be done consciously. Nothing comes free and being consistent and regular about building lasting relationships means real hard work.

Regular service in church and fellowship with like minded people helps. What helps more is actually working on friendships and sharing experiences together. Bowling, footy games, dinner dates, and sleepovers all become much more enjoyable with friends.

I've also picked a new hobby which is also good for casual interaction with more people at work: pool. Not the kind that you swim in, the game involving a table, balls, stick, and some chalk. I'm catching up on my 8-ball playing skills (I remember being better when I was younger) but it's allowed me to get to know more people at the office. It helps that a lot of people at Google Sydney actually like playing pool too and have the patience to play with a relative newbie like me.

Career

Two years in absolute terms is not a long time. In relative terms, it is -- in an industry where quarters are the unit of measure, eight consecutive quarters is two full cycles. Interest rates calculated per-annum means I've already had compounded returns had I put money in at the start. It also means that I'm no longer new. It may also suggest that I'm relatively an old-timer in the company.

The more I think about it the more I'm convinced that I'm blessed to be working at Google. I'm also convinced how much I love working at Google and that I'm hoping more people can get the same chances I've been given.

I'm excited about the possibilities of years ahead in Google and in Australia. Being able to make a tangible impact in millions of people's lives through the work you do is very rewarding. I'm definitely looking forward to the many things I'd like to be able to do to continue making a difference personally and as part of an amazing company.

Onwards

So the next three months will be focused on getting settled, executing on plans, and settings sights on the next level. Season transitions are always a good time to reassess where you are and where you're going. I look forward to this season being as amazing -- and potentially be more amazing -- than the last one.

Thanks for reading.

Organising Chaos

2013-03-04T21:08:00.002+11:00

Just when I thought I've gotten to a state of routine suddenly I find myself having to abruptly change. I've gotten good at doing this change management on a personal level but I hate to have to change for my family's sake. I've come to understand that my family's security is really important -- especially for the simple things like what day I get paid, what time of the month the bills arrive, how much the rent is, etc. Now that I've found some semblance of flow and routine though something comes up that tests this routine.

So now we're going to have to find a place to move into fast. It's a long story why we're going to need to move (there's a lot of factors involved) so I won't go there. The logistics of this is the easy part (believe me). It's the non-logistic things that come with moving that's really hard -- which is why families don't usually plan on or optimise for moving houses every year. Off the top of my head, these are the things that I have to think about before, during, and right after the move happens:

Get my essential services moved. Electricity, gas, phone/internet, and the address the Government knows where I live.
Have my mailing address on subscriptions and essential accounts changed. Things like banking accounts, magazine memberships, Internet domain registry account address, and other things like where my Greenpeace and Mission Australia correspondence (yes I want to get the dead tree version of the mail) get sent to.
Change my daily commute patterns. Not only mine but also my wife and daughter's commute patterns going to/from the mall, daycare, church, etc. It's one of those things to learn and get used to again.
Get movers. So far I've had experience with one removalist company which is pretty positive. I'm going to call them up and schedule the moves as well.
Clean up. It's a good thing that we've invested in an amazing multi-purpose cleaning machine -- it's already paid itself in virtually dust-free and hassle-free cleanups of carpets, walls, screens, and even the mattress.
House warming. We're going to have to cozy up to a new place, get used to the quirks, and establish new usage patterns of the new space. Also we're going to have to host our friends and family at the new place to make it feel more like home.

This is a minor hassle though, but the thought of having to do this again when we buy our own place is a little stress-inducing. I'm looking at this from a "practice" perspective -- hopefully we'll get this moving house bit down to a science so that we we move into our own house then we'll be a little more adept at it.

Still it's not a skill I want to hone too much lest it become a habit.

Anything you think I should put on the list up there?

The Decade Ahead

2013-01-28T01:09:00.001+11:00

I took my time in writing a new entry into this blog and I wanted to give an update on what's been going on. 2012 has been a good year for me and I hadn't been writing a lot since the start of that year. I'm not suddenly going to change this as I've found different outlets for expressing myself -- there's the exercise, my open source work, being effective at the work I do, and service in church. In this post I look back at 2012 not in a comprehensive manner but in a high level. I also set up the coming decade with a theme and direction that more suits my passions and strengths.

There are a few things in 2012 that stuck out in my head. There were a lot of firsts for me that have to do with health and fitness. I ran City2Surf and did it under my target time which was my first ever running event. I lifted weights that I never thought I could do. There's a lot of things I did at work that I cannot share but were very significant for me. I bought my first electric guitar which I've been using to play on a regular basis as part of my church's worship team.

2012 was also a year which gave me and my family a chance to get together and try new things. It's the first year where we didn't celebrate Christmas and New Year's eve in the Philippines. In fact we spent these days with our church family. We were slowly expanding our comfort zone and are getting more and more accustomed to life here down under.

Julia turned 3 and I've started to be more and more present in her life. I'm now learning better to appreciate the time we have together and start building a solid relationship while she's still young and I'm still capable. Jeni's recent birthday has given me perspective on how I should be focusing on the long game instead of the immediate concerns and challenges. I've realised that I should shift my focus now from the short and mid-term (now that we've achieved the debt-free status and are well on the way to being able to start investing again) to the long term. I should stop looking to the year ahead but rather come up with a plan and strategy for the next 10 years.

This year I will be turning 30. That's a big deal. This is usually the time when they say I'm ripe for a quarter life crisis. I'm realising that the past 7 years I've been doing a juggling act and was not really thinking much about the future. I've always been thinking about how to earn more, how to achieve more, and how to be more. I had been taking on too many things and too many efforts not being as effective as I should be in any of them.

At this stage in my life I'm shifting my focus from being able to do a lot of things to focusing on things that I can already do. Practically speaking and more specifically, I've chosen and resolved to focus on the following areas in my life in the next 10 years:

Financially: I am confident when my financial state is stable. I'll be focusing on building a solid foundation of investments with an eye on stability rather than large returns. I'm playing the long game here with the goal of providing the most solid foundation I can for my family financially. This means I'll minimize my risks and focus more on steady returns. I dream that someday I'm not going to worry about my financial situation and enjoy the fruits of my labor without hesitation.
Career: I am at my best when I play to my strengths. I know I am not a good people manager. I however know I am a reasonably good teacher and mentor. I understand that I have unrealised potential for leadership. In this coming decade I plan to develop my leadership skills and work my way to a position of leadership. It's not going to be easy to do in a company that's filled with lots of great leaders. I dream that someday I'll be in a similar position to be able to effectively achieve results as part of a team sharing the same vision and passion.
Family: Fatherhood gives me joy and being a husband gives me purpose. Just as I use my family as my inspiration I shall aim to inspire my family to become the best they can be. In 10 years Julia will be 13 years old while Jeni and I will be in our 40's. I will make changes in my life to spend more of my time with my family and making our time together thoroughly enjoyable for everyone. I dream that someday my family will be filled with joy and harmony, where each one has a healthy relationship with each other.
Health: I am happy when I'm healthy. I've already started to get my weight under control and I will continue to optimise my bodily functions to give myself a better chance at living at my full potential. In the next 10 years I will achieve my goals of finishing a full ironman triathlon event, getting to and maintaining my weight targets, and maintaining a healthy diet for optimal bodily performance. I dream that someday all my bodily functions (liver function, heart function, and kidney function) will be at an optimal level to sustain me for another 30 years.
Spiritually: My soul rejoices when I touch people's lives. In the next 10 years I hope to inspire more people through my personal testimony and through sharing my blessings. I find that being part of the music ministry at my church brings my heart joy and lets me serve God and my fellow man through the gift of music. I dream that I shall be able to inspire my other musically inclined brothers and sisters to serve God and fellow men through music.
Intellectually: I am fulfilled when I learn new things. In the next 10 years I shall strive to broaden my horizon and learn as much as possible about a specific area of study. I've long loved the study of computer science and software engineering. It is then my goal to gain a deeper understanding of the field though conscientious study and continuous learning. I dream that I may be able to inspire the next generation of would-be computer scientists and software engineers to push the boundaries and continue the search for deeper understanding.

I am optimistic that the next 10 years of my life will be one filled with excitement and purpose. I've learned a lot and achieved a lot to get to where I am now. I've been blessed immensely with opportunities and skills to be able to get to where I've gotten so far. I look forward to being able to use my skills and passions to greater effect in affecting more people's lives for the positive.

I only hope and dream that I may be able to make a significant impact in the lives of many people in the years to come. I hope you will join me in my journey to becoming a better me and making the most out of the next decade.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. I'd love to share more of my life and what I do on a more personal level. If you think I can help you with anything also please don't hesitate to reach out.

In the meantime I hope you will also look to the future with great optimism and hope that individually you can make a difference to your life, your family's life, and other people's lives.

Thank you for reading and I certainly hope you'll walk with me in the next 10 years.

Writing a Book

2012-10-08T14:01:00.003+11:00

The past couple of months I've been asked at least twice now whether I was willing to write a book. It's no secret that I love to write -- after all they got to me through my blogs. I don't think of myself as a great writer, I just happen to write a lot I guess (and edit myself out of oblivion). I've been trained (kinda) to write essays and do creative writing when I was in high school. This is the kind of thing I enjoyed doing throughout my high school years. I'm definitely thankful to all my teachers who've encouraged me to keep improving and just keep writing. I personally hold books to very high regard and this is why I've turned down all the offers to write a book. I don't see myself as someone who has a lot of original things to say or as an expert on anything. However, I then find this video which is totally changing my mind.

This isn't something I've endeavored to do in my life. However what I have endeavored to do is to make a difference in a lot of people's lives. I intend to leave a positive mark in the world by solving problems that I feel really passionate about. It just happens that I love computers and programming computers -- and I would love to share what I know to a lot more people than just those reading my blogs.

I'm inspired by the possibilities now available to everyone who wants to pursue their dreams and make things happen in this world. I especially love that there are tools now that enable people to do what they love and reach as many people as possible through the Internet. Now everyone who has a dream can reach for the stars, dream big, and make a difference in the world no matter how little.

I think I'm going to start slowly with this endeavor. I think having something else to do for the rest of the year would be interesting. I'm probably going to write about stuff I already know about (C++ network programming). It won't probably be a full blown reference book, and it may probably be something really simple and short. There's something about a small book that really appeals to me partly because I'm not really interested in reading long books either. Probably something in under 100 pages would be nice.

There are a few options now for self-publishing which is nice (as I won't even try going for the big publishing houses) and I'm hoping it may be more efficient for me to do it this way. I need to do a little more research though on whether the shipping costs would be prohibitive if I'm going to be sending copies to parts of the world where I don't reside in (postage from Australia for example is not cheap).

The question becomes "why" am I really thinking of doing this and I've had an epiphany watching the video above. Even though I won't be writing a children's book, I'm thinking about my daughter and what kind of world she's going to grow up in. I, a father, want to be able to share what I know with more C++ programmers doing network programming (or people who might do network programming with C++) so that my daughter may have a better world to grow up into. I see the potential of getting better applications that know how to deal with the internet from a C++ perspective.

This has been why I love working at Google and this is now also why I'm actually thinking of doing this. I don't know whether I'm going to succeed in reaching a lot of people through a book, I don't know if I'm going to be able to influence how people think or write code, but I'm willing to try to find out if I can. Hopefully if it happens that I can, then I'd be thankful to be able to share the knowledge.

In the meantime, I realize I could have used the time I wrote this post in writing part of the book. However, I've always liked sharing how I think and what I think.

Hopefully the book I'll write will be something people will find worth reading.

Cheers

One Step at a Time

2012-09-04T00:09:00.002+10:00

There's a cliché that goes something like "Every journey starts with a single step" and I think it's not been said enough. Thanks to the messages of encouragement and support I've received from friends and family from all parts of the world my journey towards better coping and moving on is well under way. Before I go any further I would like to say thank you to everyone who prayed and sent their well wishes for us. I am humbled and grateful for the support I have received from all those who took the time to help me feel better.

The first step for me was trying to figure out how I really felt. I couldn't do this while there were a lot of things going on around me. I needed to step away -- literally, took myself out alone for a long run -- and clear my mind. I had a lot of questions but not many answers. This journey I took alone for a couple of hours allowed me to breathe, get tired, feel pain, and identify how I really felt. I couldn't write about how I felt right away after that run as I needed to be able to exhaust myself of the grief I was carrying around.

View Therapy in a larger map

Now though I feel a little more at ease with sharing how I felt and what I still feel at times. Surprisingly thought it came to me while I was on the run that I felt tired.

I was tired of not being fully exhausted. I didn't let myself be completely spent both physically and emotionally for a long time. I realized that I always tried to hold everything in. My emotions were getting away from me the more I tried to not show them. I always wanted to maintain a facade of strength, of invulnerability -- more appropriately of invincibility -- that was not healthy. I realized in that run that I was hiding behind a face of an undaunted warrior when I really was a broken fighter. I didn't know it until that point of no return where I suddenly realize that I was defeated.

Half-way through that run I ran out of questions. I kept asking God "what do I do? where should I go? what should I say? what should I think? when should I stop? why am I here? why did this happen to us? why now?" but the answers aren't immediately obvious. I was thinking about what could have gone wrong, what could we have done, what could have been the reason, and all the uncertainty made me feel powerless. I was not in control and I was being reminded of it.

Then it hit me. Suddenly I felt exhausted and relieved at the same time. It was like the answer was staring me in the face all along -- and tears fell down my face as I began to return home.

Just keep moving.

It was so simple and so powerful. I may never know the reasons why this happened to Jeni and I and even if I do they'd largely be irrelevant. Even if I knew what I should think and how I should feel and how I should act, that knowledge doesn't do me good. Whether it happens now or later is also irrelevant. In any case I should just keep moving.

I then let myself feel anger. I was angry that I wasn't able to do anything -- that I was helpless. I became angry that I wasn't running fast enough. I felt anger at my legs for not being able to keep moving as efficiently as I wanted. I developed an anger for being too heavy for my own good. I embraced my anger for not being able to affect the situation.

I then let myself feel pain. I was hurt because our baby is gone -- and it felt like our baby was taken away. I soaked up the pain that came from trying to run away from the reality of what happened. I felt the pain on my thighs and hamstrings as I lifted my feet and knees on every stride. I embraced the pain I felt because I wanted to feel something.

Then I felt hopeful. Before this run I didn't feel anything but here I was going through all the deep rooted anger and pain and going through the suffering. I am starting to feel again which gave me hope that at someday I was going to feel alive again. I embraced this hope because it made me want to keep moving.

I then get home and I was calm. I saw my wife and daughter at home and this gave me peace. I felt peace for reaching my destination safe and sound although battered and sore. I embraced this calm as my daughter calls to me and beckons me to play.

I am home and I feel I can be whole again.

"Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -- Jesus Christ in Matthew 11:28

I'm positive that if I just keep moving that it will all be clear soon and that whatever has happened would be something I definitely will learn from. If not anything else I'm really learning more about myself, my faith, my limits, and how I can grow as a better person.

One step at a time.

Grief and Mourning

2012-08-24T00:43:00.000+10:00

I've not been writing for a long time already but this time I can't keep this to myself. There's been too much happening to me and my family the past few days that I need an outlet. I've tried talking it out, being silent, and crying it out. Right now though I'm numb. I don't know whether I can keep this to myself and if I do I don't think it will be a good thing. Maybe other people have had the same experience or at least gone through the same thing. Maybe just the act of writing this out is going to be enough to make me feel something.

There was a time in my life that I had thought I've been through everything. I thought everything that can happen to me would be something I can deal with. There was no doubt in my mind that I can handle anything. Unfortunately this latest one that happened to me and my wife wasn't something I was prepared for. Nor was I ready to deal with it in a manner that was controlled or well-thought out. I thought maybe if I just stayed strong for my wife that it will all be good for me too.

Saturday night my wife had to go through emergency surgery. That same night we lost a baby only earlier in the day found out we had. In one day the roller-coaster of emotions ranged from uncomfortably excited to horribly mortified. In the two hours that my wife was in surgery my life as I knew it was on the balance. I needed to be alone while also wanting to share what I was feeling with someone. I chose to be alone and when it was all over I had wished I spent that couple of hours with someone I can talk with.

There's nothing like the risk of losing my beloved wife that shook me to my core. I had entertained thoughts that I never would have entertained before -- like how would I deal with that if that happened? How would I explain that to our daughter? How would I handle my life being alone which I had been preparing to spend with her? These thoughts and the consequences of these thoughts broke me. It made me surrender to my God which was the only thing I can do at that time.

When I got the confirmation that Jeni was out of surgery and headed to the ward I felt relief and a sense of calm. It's the same feeling I get when the plane lands safe onto the tarmac. When I saw her doing well after the surgery I felt calm. I was thankful that I didn't have to deal with the worst case scenario. Unfortunately that didn't mean that was the end of it.

Sunday we spent the day with our church family. I'm very thankful to our good friends for giving us the support and comforting we needed at that time. It was immediately obvious that my wife and I were broken and that we needed to rebuild. I was fatigued and running on adrenaline. I could barely eat and I didn't feel much. The sight of my wife in tears was enough to break me down further almost to the point of no return. I had to hold strong because I need to be there for her -- not only for her but for me too, that I needed to use my strength to keep it together.

We spend the next few days in the company of friends. I couldn't stand to be alone then and was really happy to be among friends. That didn't mean though that I was able to talk to them about what I was feeling. I didn't have the words to express exactly what I was feeling. I could only think but I really couldn't feel anything. Maybe I was angry, hurt, desperate, or just confused. I kept myself busy with activities around our friends house and with my daughter Julia.

Now we're back in our rented unit. I've been doing much of the house work and have taken time off work to be here for my wife and daughter. I feel like I haven't had time to myself yet that I can reflect on really what's been happening. It's like I'm watching a movie of the things that happened in the past few days and somehow it felt like all of it was just happening to me and my wife. I feel completely helpless -- like there wasn't really anything I could do. It felt like it was a horrible movie about our lives where I was just able to watch but feel nothing.

It's at this time in my life that I feel completely alone. My wife is still grieving in her own way and I'm right here supporting her until she's alright. I pray most of the time and hope that I can start feeling something again. Even though I didn't undergo the surgery I somehow feel that there was something taken out of me. I've been trying to feel angry but it's like my mind has shut out any sort of emotion I can feel.

Right now I just want to be able to feel pain. The pain of loss, of injustice, of unfairness, and of a fresh wound. I keep replaying the events of the past days and remembering what I was thinking. Somehow I've lost the ability to just feel pain or connect properly with my emotions. It still feels like it hasn't sunk in yet but I seem to understand what has just happened. I may still be in shock.

I just want to be able to feel something again.

To friends and family, thank you for your prayers and support. I think I'll be alright but it's going to be a process. If you've read up to this point, thank you for your time.

Changing Pace

2012-07-23T22:37:00.001+10:00

When I was younger in life I wanted to achieve more. I had a list of things I wanted to be able to do. I also had a list of places I wanted to go. People I wanted to meet. Foods I wanted to eat. Today though, as I near my 29th birthday I find myself not wanting more -- instead I'm wanting less. I no longer feel this need to achieve things that I thought were important. A lot of things in my life now seem more important than the achievements, the places to go, food to eat, and experiences to tick off my list. Instead I find myself now wanting to enjoy what I have more than getting more.

At this point in my life, I look back at who I was and I realize that the person I wanted to be wasn't really the person I'd like to become. I used to think that if I made more money, or lived in a certain place, or lived a certain kind of lifestyle, that I would be happier and more fulfilled. Instead now I'm happier just spending time with my daughter, sleeping in on a Sunday, not putting too much pressure on myself by trying to do a lot of things at the same time, and becoming better at using my time at work.

Today I feel like I've reached a certain level of satisfaction. It's not contentment but it's a recognition that I'm at a certain level in my life (career, financial, skill-wise, etc.) and that I'm satisfied. I still want to improve but I think I'm a little more aware now of the things that make me happy, the kind of work I really want to do, and my definition of success is ever so clearer. Now challenges are a little more manageable and every chance at learning is a joy. I'm learning so much even at this point in my life and career and I'm spending my energy on efforts that matter to me.

It's been three months since I wrote on this blog and the last time was my anticipation of my wife and daughter coming back to Australia. We've since moved home -- to a smaller and cozier place -- and I've been getting more and more time playing the guitar at the church we're attending. We've established new bonds of friendship and feel like we're part of a new family here. I've also given a tech talk while I was in Mountain View which I never thought would have gotten more than 5 thousand views.

This coming year I think I'm going to take it slow and concentrate more on being effective instead of trying to be more productive. Better use of energy is the new focus. It's time to optimize and I'm going to have to let go of a few things that I cannot give my full focus on.

With that said I just have to say it again: I am satisfied where I am with my life and the pace at which my life is going.

Anxious

2012-03-28T00:29:00.000+11:00

I'm anxious to see my lovely wife and daughter again soon. I miss them so much.

The Reasons I do what I do.

Simplifying

2012-03-19T23:38:00.001+11:00

I used to think that life would not be as much fun if there weren't a lot of things going on. I felt that there was this need to fill every hour or every minute with something. I always felt the need to always have something to do. Now I've changed my mind and cherish the simplicity of many things and sometimes, nothingness. It's so liberating to feel no pressure to always be doing something. It's also very liberating to be able to enjoy life in a natural pace. It also means I can enjoy life more and focus on the things that matter.

Being alone for the past three months has taught me a lot. I've understood myself more, found out more about myself than I would ever have if I filled it with activities. I miss my wife and daughter dearly as I await their coming over to Australia from their vacation in the Philippines. I've learned that what keeps me going are just a few things:

Being able to make a difference in the world makes me wake up every morning. My work allows me to do this. It brings me so much joy that I do what I do in the company that I do it with. There's such a sense of scale and accomplishment when you get things done that affect a lot of people's lives and experiences.
Being able to provide for my family to secure our future sustains me. I do what I do because I love it and because it allows me to secure my family's well being in the long term.
Being able to enjoy life fully for a long time to come keeps me disciplined and focused. Because I want to have a long and prosperous life doing what I do and being with my family, this makes me look after my health and well being.

I promised three months ago that I would let people know when I'm debt free. This is that message. I've learned a lot in the process of eroding all the debts I've owed to people and financial institutions and that's this: life without debt is much simpler and more enjoyable than one where you do. Now it's a simple decision on whether to buy something or to spend money on something: do I need it or do I just want it?

I look at the closet of clothes I have and I keep thinking to myself, do I really need to have four jackets, four sweaters, three jeans, countless shirts, etc.? I have way too much clothing to justify buying more -- except now actually I need to get clothes that actually fit me. More on that later. I should really go through all the clothes I own and see whether I can donate some of them to people who don't nearly have enough clothes. That might be a good weekend project.

There's very little I spend money on now: transportation, nutrition, and discretionary. There's the occasional night out with workmates because something special was happening. There's the commute to and from work. Of course there's the food and supplements I take to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I occasionally pig out on some indulgences (I'm a sucker for pizza and pasta).

In this process of simplifying my routines and life in general I'm able to spend more time doing things that are important to me. There's the open source project. There's the writing. The reading. When my wife and daughter are around, there's them.

I now don't watch any TV -- but I do watch podcasts which serve as both entertainment and intellectual exercise. I run a lot more now (I've done two 10km runs in the span of two weeks). I also get a lot more sleep. I eat a lot less and I weigh quite a bit less too.

Last report I made I was at 88kg -- now I'm teetering between 86.5 and 87. I'm trying to get to 85 by the end of March but I won't be disappointed in myself if I don't. Maybe <80kg by the end of the year will also be achievable too. Unfortunately the 6-packs aren't there yet but hopefully by the next Australian summer I'll have the vanity muscles to show off too just to see if I can achieve that. I'm actually looking forward to how my wife will react when she sees me thinner than I've ever been since she's known me.

All in all I've simplified a lot. I'm getting a better handle on the things I like to do, what I don't like to do, and what I will keep doing because it makes me happy. There's also the things that I used to think I needed but now I realize I just want. My appetite has also simplified and I usually just go for a turkey wrap even though what's on the buffet line is usually a lot more enticing than turkey meat, avocados, Dijon mustard, olive oil, hard-boiled eggs, cheddar cheese slices, wrapped in a tortilla, toasted on a panini press, then salted and peppered to taste.

So hopefully you'll find some inspiration in my sharing these simplification steps I've been taking. I'll share more when I feel like there's something worth sharing again.

Cheers

Just Read: Gutenberg the Geek

2012-03-16T23:41:00.000+11:00

I'm a big fan of Jeff Jarvis and I just read this amazing single. He makes the case that Johannes Gutenberg is the prototypical startup geek -- the model for a technology entrepreneur. It's not a long read, it's a few thousand pages long, but it's also just $0.99 from the Kindle Store. It's less than what you'll pay for to get a full-blown paper but you'll get a very well-written and compelling article (maybe a chapter for a book, or a foreword, or an editorial). If you have a dollar to spare (who doesn't?) please go get this and read it through your Kindle or even through the cloud reader.

If you find his writing enjoyable to read, I also suggest his other books:

Im currently reading "Public Parts" and although I already kinda do live in public, I still find very compelling and intriguing ideas in this book. I've also already read "What Would Google Do?" and I dare say that he's done a very good job of analyzing the impact and model for the modern way of doing business "at Google scale".

I hope you find the books worth reading too.

Reality Check: Update on Progress

2012-03-04T23:00:00.003+11:00

So earlier in the year I resolved to write about something on a weekly basis. Unfortunately I have failed that particular resolution. I thought I would have been able to write about something once a week -- that I would be able to get time to write about something interesting to me for any given week. Unfortunately it's not the time that's the problem: it's the motivation. I have found that more and more I did not need to write about what I thought more now that I think and read more than I need to express myself. I have found that in the past two months I had little need to share my thoughts about the world. However though now I find myself writing about not writing which is a little bit of an oxymoron. Let me share with you a few reasons why.

I wanted to try something new, some sort of experiment. I wanted to see whether I can focus on a few things and try and excel in these activities and areas that I focus my attention on. I lined up my priorities and my goals and listed them down. Here's the list of priorities in descending order (most important to least important):

Improved Health and Well Being -- this is so that I can have a happier and healthier life that I can share with my family and friends.
Greater Influence -- even though I'm already working in the most awesome tech company in the world, I still want to have greater influence in the communities I am a part of.
Richer Experiences -- being in a very nice country like Australia and having the opportunity to travel to the US in a fairly regular manner gives me ample time and opportunity to have richer experiences alone or with family.
Deeper Connections -- having moved from the Philippines to Australia I'm looking to invest in building deeper connections with people around me here.
Sharing Thoughts -- since I believe nobody has a monopoly on good ideas, I thought I would share more of my thoughts just because I can.

If you notice in that list, sharing my thoughts is last on the list. Let me get back to that.

The first thing in the list is that I found that I am now very much more focused on improving my health and well being (I am now down to 88 kilograms since my last public disclosure of 90kg). That's not much changed but if you consider that I started at 94kg that's 6kg down and I'm also getting stronger. Just yesterday I did a 10.58km run that is the newest personal distance record so far. Since I last started writing about my health, I had dropped down to size 34 jeans (from a size 36). Next steps for me are to be able to consistently do the 10km runs for three times a week. My next weight goal is 85kg which I may be able to hit in the next month.

The second thing on the list is greater influence which translates directly to "leveling up". I had recently become an alternate representative of Google to the ISO C++ Committee (which held its most recent meeting in beautiful Kona in Hawai'i). There's a lot of work from my end to do with regards to getting more influence in the other communities I'm a part of but I'll definitely report if there's something worth noting.

Richer experiences are definitely important to me now more than ever. I find that the recent (on-going) exercise of being away from my family is something that reminds me how important having rich experiences with people you love is. Especially now that my daughter is growing up really quickly, I'm definitely going to have to be present in her life.

Deeper connections are really hard to do now especially since I have just learned that I may really have been an introvert all these years. I've always been under the assumption (and under the constant pressure) that for someone to be effective that this person would have to be outspoken, charismatic, a great communicator, and is the life of the party. Growing up I found that school and almost every institution I went to and became a part of encouraged (and almost required) that everyone be expressive, outgoing, and generally extroverted to get ahead. Now I realize that I may have been fighting too hard (getting clinically diagnosed with depression at one time in my youth) to be something I'm not. This talk by Susan Cain about the power of introversion at TED made me realize that I've been fighting too hard and that I may really have just liked individual sports, reading, writing, thinking, and contemplating -- and that it wasn't wrong to be an introvert. Now I'm not going to try too hard with this but I definitely do intend to cultivate deeper connections with the connections I already have.

In the same line of thinking I have found -- almost instantly -- that sharing my thoughts immediately become something that's less of priority. I was under the notion that going public with my thoughts and ideas would be helping others like me who did a lot of introspection (but not public introspection). I thought that was the way to go. Unfortunately now I see the value of that less and less. That some people do prefer to be quiet most of the time and the pressure of having to share your thoughts with the world is largely unnecessary most of the time. Now I'll only write when I feel like there's something I would really like to share.

I am under no illusion whatsoever that there's a lot of people reading my writing. Unfortunately I still feel that I'm holding myself to a higher standard and using this blog as my personal testimony -- that setting your goals, continuous learning, and being transparent to everyone are important acts and values worth doing and keeping.

Thanks for reading. No promises on when the next update will be, but I do appreciate your time.

Meeting Your Heroes

2012-02-13T13:25:00.000+11:00

It's just been a couple of days since the end of the ISO C++ Committee meeting held at Kona, Big Island, Hawai'i. I have quite a numer of experiences with so many people from different parts of the world who have been using and influencing the direction of the C++ programming language for a long time already. Meeting some of my heroes is definitely a memorable experience -- and it happening in Hawai'i the first time I've ever gone there makes it doubly unforgettable.

Going there I never thought I would have a chance to have an informal meeting with the creator of C++ (Bjarne Stroustrup) and even share some surreal experiences with him and a few other members of the C++ committee. It involved belly dancers and the beer that never came -- like someone in the group said, it was a surreal experience.

I can't possibly write about every detail but I can share a few things I picked up:

Kona is awesome.
C++ is alive, well, and growing.
There are exciting things coming down the pike for C++.

What you see in this picture, and how it makes you feel, is exactly what describes how it all went for me. Definitely looking forward to that feeling again soon.

Hawaii Here I Come!

2012-02-04T12:17:00.000+11:00

Today I'm headed to Kona, Hawaii to attend the ISO C++ Committee meeting. I'm looking forward to finally be able to meet some my personal heroes that have shaped the programming language that I've been using for 14 years now. I have one paper that will be discussed in the committee hopefully to be revised so that it's acceptable to most people in the committee. I'm thoroughly excited to be going to Hawaii for the first time ever! It should prove to be an experience of a lifetime. I'll write more when I get there. Until then, Aloha!

Run Report: The 8km Hawthorne Route

2012-01-26T15:33:00.000+11:00

Happy Australia Day! Although I'm not an Australian I definitely understand why people who live here love it so much. Today was the day I went really adventurous and took the road less traveled. And today is the day I found out my favorite running route. Today I also found out that running with other people and keeping a pace is definitely much more enjoyable than running alone. This run report won't go into too much details as the last one, but I point out a few observations. Read on if you're interested in the details.

View 1/26/12 1:07 PM in a larger map

For the first three kilometers of the run, my left achilles heel had been bothering me. Instead of focusing on my running form I tended to favor my left leg more than I really liked. Note that I was running in my Vibram Five Fingers and I learned that if I loosen the fit that I could run better in them. I wasn't about to take them off as I was running on asphalt shared running/walking/bike paths and sidewalks in the hot Sydney summer sun. This time though I had come prepared with sublock before going out of the house.

What happened at kilometer three, which was somewhere in the Hawthorne Canal Reserve was that these two runners (one woman, one man) overtook me while I was pacing slowly. That gave me motivation to try and keep up with them staying three, four, or five steps away with my headphones on just far enough to not be eavesdropping (and be creepy generally) and near enough so that they know I was pacing them. I didn't want to distract them by striking up a conversation so I just ran behind them until we got to the intersection of Mortley Ave. and Dobroyd Parade. At this point they turned right presumably to circle the bay while I continued on alone.

Now though after looking at the map (embedded above) the next time I'm going out for a run I should do it in the morning when the sun is not in full force, and I should go around the bay through the various parks and on the shared bike and run paths. Maybe even when I get back from my trip to the US, I should get myself a bike and cross-train by cycling to the office, or through the scenic routes around this area.

Did I mention that this was my new personal distance best? I also did this 8km run in the same time I did the 7km runs -- which was around the 1 hour mark. I'm particularly happy with this run because I felt like I was getting a real workout and that I was sweating better this time than the last times I did the 7km runs. It may be because of that continuous 1.5km run with the two other runners and because I walked less this time.

One other observation I had was that Australians are an appreciative bunch. Running in the sun, topless (I think I've gotten to a shape where I can almost bear the thought of strangers seeing me without a shirt again, last time was when I was swimming in college) I got a few honks from drivers, lots of smiles from pedestrians, and approving waves and thumbs up along the way. These were those "Happy Australia Day" moments that made this run very much more memorable than the other runs I've done. And it's a personal distance best so far!

Anyway, if you know people who do regular runs around the same routes (around Five Dock, Haberfield, and Leichhardt) who are keen on having another person join them in their runs, introductions would be most appreciated. Being able to run in a pack is definitely an experience I wonder why I've never tried before!

Run Report: 7km Around Ashfield!

2012-01-21T16:19:00.000+11:00

Drenched after running in the rain!

So I went out running today and had my personal distance best! 7 kilometers around Ashfield, and I'm really happy that I'm able to get past the 5km mark. I've been running exactly 5km or less recently and today I made a decision to just keep running until I felt like I wanted to stop. This was a pretty special run for me because it was the first time I've ever run in the rain! I've changed things up a bit too and started listening to music on the run (courtesy of Rdio which is now available in Australia!) which made it a lot more pleasant than my previous runs.

Why was running in the rain special? Well, when I was a kid growing up I was always told that running or playing in the rain would bring about sickness or disease. Being the good kid that I was trusting parents and guardians, I developed this aversion to rain. For the longest time I've always felt like the rain was something bad, something to be avoided, something that makes the day short of awesome no matter what happened.

Today though that all changed. I literally let the rain drench my face (had my hair pony tailed just so the wet hair wouldn't mess with my vision) and for once in my life I enjoyed and cherished the rain. Now I look back at all the times when I felt like the rain was making the day less awesome than it should be and I see how foolish that thought was.

The run wasn't without its hardships though. 7 kilometers is 2 kilometers more than the longest run I've ever done. It took a lot of convincing myself to just keep running and just push through. It was also the first time I had multiple "winds". I took mental notes of how I felt at kilometers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 and here's what I largely remember:

View 1/21/12 11:20 AM in a larger map

Kilometer 1: I felt just about warmed up but a little sluggish. Starting the run on a climb up to Parramatta road, then a short descent then up again kills whatever momentum I built up in the descent. I started pacing myself down.
Kilometer 2: This gassed me a little -- I was running along a busy road and I tell you there's nothing like knowing how you're slow compared to cars running in a 50km/h area. Halway between kilometer 2 and 3 though, I got my second wind.
Kilometer 3: At this point I had a choice as to whether to keep running to Fredericks street -- I was already almost back to Orpington Street (after having a little "pit stop"). This was the crucial point where I got determined to go all the way up and go the long way around heading home.
Kilometer 4: I was an intersection to which I can turn left and take the short route home. I was seriously contemplating this especially because my left calf and achilles tendon started complaining a bit. I took some time to stretch and proceeded to push less in the next kilometer.
Kilometer 5: I was already on Fredericks street and this was the point of no return. Whatever mileage I made after this was unknown territory so I was mostly interested in just keeping myself moving. This was also when my third wind came and I actually felt like I was just beginning to run again.
Kilometer 6: This arrived when I was at Elizabeth street and surprisingly it came sooner than I thought. Between kilometer 5 and 6 I was going mostly uphill but unlike between kilometer 1 and 2, this felt a lot more fluid.
Kilometer 7: This was almost at the end and hearing My Tracks tell me that I did 7 kilometers made me feel really good. I did stop to take a picture of flowers along the path which also reminded me of the reasons why I decided to start running, and this was one of the sweeter runs by far.

The soundtrack for this run was The All American Rejects' Move Along (International Version) album. It took me one full hour to get through this run, which was consistent with my 7km/h speed.

I learned a few things in this run about me, what my limits are, and what I can do potentially at some point later on. I plan to keep running, and now my goal of being able to run 10km per session is almost within reach. I don't intend to push it too hard because I'm learning to listen to my body more now than ever.

Hopefully in the next runs I can change things up by taking a different route -- now that I know I can do 7km, I'll plan a route that's a little more adventurous and a little more scenic than the usual routes.

Until next time, I'm celebrating this achievement with protein bars and lots of recovery time!

Cheers

Meta: Reflection and Introspection

2012-01-17T21:07:00.000+11:00

One of my favorite activities is analyzing and performing experiments in my head. There are a few tough questions that I kind of think deeply about when I'm on the train, on the plane, running, or when I have long swaths of time where I'm alone. I tend to ask questions like "how do we know what's right and what's wrong" or "why do people generally mind their own business when they're in the train" or questions like "if we were to rebuild society again (for whatever reason) what would that new society be like given current knowledge and technological capabilities". I don't intend to post my thoughts about these questions -- those are for a different time -- but I do think it's healthy to be asking these questions even to just yourself.

My rationale for this is that asking yourself questions is a good way of reflecting on what you know and what you think you know and how you think. It doesn't matter whether you know the answer to the questions you're asking, but just observing yourself try to answer the question gives you a better idea of who you are, what your values are, and why you think they way you do. I do this a lot to gain better understanding of myself and see whether I'm liking the way I'm thinking or whether I can still improve my thought process and eventually be able to change the way I think.

You might ask why would I even want to know the way I think -- and I think that's a valid question. Personally I find that since learning more about the way my thought process works I've been able to synthesize better questions, better answers, and better ideas in general. It allows me to see what approach I'm taking and be able to decide whether I want to change that approach and see things from a different perspective. I also find that the more I do this the more I understand how to control what I say, what I do, how I react to situations, and whether I'm happy with the approaches I've taken so far.

Reflection and introspection are important I think for you to be able to better quantify and identify what your current state of being is and help you decide on whether you'd like to improve your strengths, address some weaknesses (you first need to be able to identify them), and be honest with yourself. Ever since I've identified a long time ago that drawing was something I am not strong at, I now feel less frustrated when I try to draw anything -- I acknowledge my deficiencies and at some point I can decide to improve on this if I want to. Doing similar exercises has allowed me to prioritize which parts of my life I would like to work on, focus more on, and be able to actually address.

Of course you can enjoy reflection and introspection even if you don't plan on changing anything about yourself. It may be a personality trait (or character defect) of mine that makes me want to optimize every aspect of my life -- along with a lot of other geeks I know -- which makes me want to keep improving myself according to my standards, but I know people who are content with who they are and get more content the more they know about themselves. Some people don't have a mission of self-improvement but have a different mission in life and they know it -- for the most part, knowing yourself and what your mission is definitely helps in gaining better peace of mind and focus to do the things you want to do.

For a while I've been meaning to get my hands on Zen books especially since I read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. If you haven't read that book yet I highly recommend that you do so. I think I can relate to the main character not because I'm feeling schizophrenic but mostly because the path of (re)discovery especially of yourself is one of those paths that only you can take. Looking inside yourself (introspection) as well as at yourself (reflection) is that one thing you are able to do that nobody else can do for you. There's a very comforting and (potentially) addictive aspect to this that's the stuff of countless books on the topic -- for me it's just really refreshing to get to know myself better especially inspecting the way I think.

If you haven't done this yourself, give it a try. I would definitely love to hear about what you think about doing reflection and introspection. I believe it's inspiring hearing or reading about people's thought processes and how their self discovery has improved their lives for the better.

New Year

2012-01-14T00:16:00.000+11:00

It's yet another year and for me it's time to try and level up. Instead of doing the usual "here are my resolutions for 2012" I'm going a different route: go meta and look at things from a different perspective. Instead of writing out specific things, I would go more conceptual and broader. I'll also go deeper and hold myself to a higher standard than I usually did when writing blog posts. So without further ado, here's my high level view of what I want to accomplish and expand for 2012.

Spirit and Meta

Before I go on I'd like to present my current notion of what my philosophy of "self consciousness" and "self awareness" are. Basically I believe that inside every one of us is a person detached from the physical manifestation and manifests itself as something I'd like to call our spirit. Every one has one and it defines who we really are.

In 2012 I would like to more clearly define and get to know this spirit. I'm going more "meta" on myself and be more critical of my actions and my views. I would also like to explore my philosophy on things more in this blog. In the past five or so years worth of content I for one have not been doing much sharing or introspection of myself and my understanding of my spirit. For a blog about me I don't say much about my spirit here and I intend for this to change.

I'm doing this for one simple reason: so that I can get to share more about me and the way I think so that it might inspire others to do the same. I know a lot of people who don't do much introspection or reflection of themselves and by doing this in the public I hope to just be able to inspire more people to do so. I'm not looking to start an enlightenment movement but I would just like people to at least try and enlighten themselves about themselves before they try transcending who they are.

I believe that for someone to change himself he must first know who he is and then visualize and see who he wants to become. Knowing your spirit gives you a better chance of doing this.

Health and Wellness

Notice that it's not just about hitting my weight targets and being able to do physical things. I for one would like to be well this year. Instead of saying "I would like to be a sexy beast by the end of 2012" I would rather be well and performing at my peak. I'm turning 29 this year, one year closer to the end of my third decade of existence -- I should be firing on all cylinders right now and reaching and maximizing my peak performance.

This goes not only for my weight but also for my endurance, my physical capabilities, and certain milestones and achievements. Here are some hard numbers that I would like to reach within the year:

Weigh less than 80kg. As I write this I'm currently at 90kg and working on losing the 10kg in a holistic manner. This includes a weight management program and an exercise regimen that's designed to increase my metabolism and optimize my body's performance.
Run 10km per session three times a week for at least four weeks. Right now I'm doing at most 5km per session at the most twice a week. There's a lot more running and training that I need to do to reach this goal so that I can prepare for the next item...
Compete in at least one half marathon and potentially a full marathon. No ifs, buts, or excuses -- I'm setting myself up so that I can do these things within the year.
Consistent <100 blood glucose. The last time I checked right after Christmas 2011, I was at 111 fasting blood glucose. That's a very good number but I'm looking forward to having it normalize to a lower than 100 level. It's no secret I'm a diabetic and I look to be able to reach this goal this year.

Also this year I aim to normalize my sleep patterns. The lot of traveling I've done in 2011 will most likely not change this year but I am looking forward to hacking my sleep patterns to be able to manage this better. I've struggled a lot in my life with sleeping regularly and I'm hoping to get that fixed and looked at in case I can't hack it myself.

Hopefully I can hack it on my own and not have to get professional help with it, but this is the year that I do fully intend to crack this sleep thing for myself.

Optimize and Focus

2011 brought me a lot of projects and progress in a lot of areas in my life: career, financial, in terms of C++ work, and of course joining Google. I'm fast approaching the 1 year mark of being a Googler (wow, it's just three months away!) and now I intend on focusing and optimizing my being. Here are a few areas that I intend to prioritize this year as far as my public-facing projects are concerned:

cpp-netlib version 1.0, reviewed for inclusion in Boost. I will not be contributing to other open source projects in the meantime (including the greater Boost C++ Library project) to get cpp-netlib to a point where it is review-ready. Most of my 20% time will be going to this and the next item.
ISO C++ Committee membership. This year is the year where I officially contribute to the ISO C++ Committee as part of Google's delegation. This is a major level-up for me but this also means I'm going to have to bring it and be on my A-game to help in the evolution and maintenance of the C++ programming language.

I'm cutting down on my involvement in all other projects that I may have had in the past (Ryppl, Boost, Clang) unless anything urgent or important comes up.

Just like in programming, there's a phase where you've done most of the functional work (I'm now relatively stable as far as my career is concerned) you can then move into the optimization work. Now for me it's going to have to be an efficiency and effectiveness concern more than "getting there".

Celebration

One of the things I definitely want to do more this year is to celebrate life. In the past I had been too focused on getting things done and accomplishing things and moving from one place to another. This year I want to celebrate more what I have (my family, my health, my career) and those things that have yet to come. I want to celebrate with people that I share a common bond with and build new relationships with more people that I share the world with.

This year I intend to celebrate my being Filipino by contributing to more efforts to help my fellow Filipinos in need.

I also intend to celebrate my Christianity more by being more active in the church I attend.

I pledge to celebrate my family by being present when we are together -- and even if we're not together like in cases where I'm traveling.

I will celebrate my being too and hopefully become an inspiration to younger and not so young people who have a dream and want to be able to get there.

Preamble

This is just the beginning of the year and I definitely hope you'll join me in this exciting journey.

Cheers

My VFF Experiment

2011-12-04T13:37:00.001+11:00

Freedom! Fresh from the store.

I'm not a fan of a lot of shoes. I tend to think of them as something of a utility. I don't get attached to shoes often. In my life I've pretty much had maybe a total of twenty shoes. I had two pairs I always wore in Elementary School, two pairs I always wore in High School (maybe four total as I tend to break them often), and when I got to work I always had three shoes in rotation. I've had a lot of shoes bought for me as gifts but most of the shoes I've bought myself I've worn out until I needed to buy new ones. Recently I've been running barefoot which is awesome, but the soles of my feet were getting sore after running just a couple of kilometers. I then decided that I would get me some Vibram Five Fingers just so that I can run more. This post is about the one week I've been using them.

First of all they're just awesome on the feet. I feel a lot more of the ground wearing these than with any other shoe I've ever put on which makes it worth it. One hour in these things brings me joy in just walking in them. I feel the ground, I'm lighter on my feet, and it generally makes me feel happier walking around than with "real shoes". They have become my default footwear of choice whenever I go anywhere. I'm glad that I work at Google where there's not much fussing about footwear.

This however is not for everyone who aren't used to walking around or running barefoot. I'm still adjusting with these on as it does change the way I run compared to when I'm actually without shoes. However it does let me travel longer distances without worrying too much about what I actually step on. My number one problem running barefoot is the fear (and pain) of stepping on debris. That's not one to take lightly especially since I'm not familiar with my immediate surroundings.

I've run three times already in these: twice in the suburbs where the sidewalk pavements aren't built the same all around and once in an urban setting. The suburb runs actually are very enjoyable since it's easier to just mind your own business and generally go around without worrying too much about cars and other pedestrians. The urban run makes me a lot more conscious only because there's a lot of people either running, walking, or staring at my feet. In total I really enjoyed running in them and I intend to run a lot more.

One of the things to look out for when running in these is maintenance of the shoe and general care. These will stink if you don't clean them often and let it dry out regularly. Even if you wear the Injini socks (which I do when I intend to run at least two kilometers) the sweat and the friction will cause all sorts of nasty smells to actually rub into the inside part of the shoe. I've already had to wash them after five days and I think they'll have to be washed at least once a week.

I'm very thankful because it's already saved myself at least a hundred or so dollars worth of health care costs as I accidentally stubbed my toe and dragged the top part of it on pavement the first time I ran in them here in the suburbs. That caused the top fabric to tear which is the bad part, but the good part is that it actually shielded my toe nail from being mutilated and ultimately injuring myself. That first run really made me a customer for life and I'm convinced that all the shoes I'll ever buy should have the Vibram soles in them. I'm already thinking of buying another pair just so that I can alternate.

All in all I think they are a very worthy investment. I'm going to be running more and more in these (as well as purely barefoot) and I will be enjoying the running more and more. I'd love to be able to explore more of the surrounding suburbs and just generally enjoy running with the "as close to barefoot" feel as I can.

This is one happy customer -- and a customer for life at that.

Running Again, Bare Essentials

2011-11-13T21:44:00.001+11:00

Running Man. Photo by Nigel Homer.

So being the person that I am who doesn't just give up without a fight, I decided to try running again. After a bout of developing tendonitis on my right patellar tendon and my right achilles tendon (and having a weird clicking noise from my right ankle when I turn it a certain way) and five visits to my physiotherapist, I was determined to try something new with the way I run. This time I'm taking it slow but also I'm now running with my bare essentials. Yes folks, I tried running with just my bare feet. In this post I reflect on what the experience was like and what I've learned about myself and potentially how my body works.

I know what you might be thinking: what the heck was I thinking running barefoot, am I crazy?! I may very well be crazy but that's beside the point. Let's get this out of the way: I have a reason.

Actually I have two reasons. First reason is that I wanted to see whether there's some truth to what people who have already been running barefoot for a while already have been saying. There's an interesting article about barefoot running recently from the New York Times about "The Once and Future Way to Run". In that article, the author makes some salient points about the truth to some of the claims people are making about running shoes.

The only way to halt the running-injury epidemic, it seems, is to find a simple, foolproof method to relearn what the Tarahumara never forgot. A one best way to the one best way.

Apparently the Tarahumara still run barefoot after all those generations -- even those that are well into their geriatric years -- without having serious injuries. And the person who wrote the article is Christopher McDougal who's written a book on the subject of barefoot running called "Born to Run". Don't worry, I'm not linking to the book to endorse it -- I'm just in the process of buying the book from Amazon, which I intend to read with open eyes (and yes, bare feet), maybe the endorsement will come later.

Blinky Bill by peacay.

Anyway, so after reading that article which asserts that the information we've been fed about the effectiveness of shoes is largely unfounded -- or at least that the research results have been dodgy at best. I'm not suggesting that we've all been brainwashed that we actually do need shoes without merit. I wouldn't imaging walking all day without shoes on the hot asphalt and during the winters when everything is virtually frozen in some countries. I wouldn't wish that to anybody who can actually afford to buy shoes.

I then had this urge to see whether the findings of the author of the article and what others who have been doing it already are saying. After the 5 visits to the physiotherapist (who fixed me up good) I was suddenly feeling more confident that I can actually try running again. And since I don't want to get injured again, I tried this "natural" way of running and see if that's going to do it for me.

So first, here's the crazy bit: all my life I've been trained to run with shoes. I've never considered running barefoot and I've never trained to run barefoot. I thought people who did run barefoot were crazy. I thought if I was going to run again and risk potential permanent injury to my knees, ankles, and feet I might as well give this wacky idea a shot -- the worst that can possibly happen is that I fail miserably and I'd be injured again anyway.

The second reason was inspiration. After watching the Manny Pacquiao fight (which I really thought he shouldn't have won) I thought there's no better time to try running again with my adrenaline up and with practically nothing to do in a nice Sunday afternoon.

The inspiration came when I was quietly sitting on the couch while my wife and daughter were taking their afternoon naps. I wanted to get in shape but I wanted to not disturb them by doing the recommended strengthening exercises for my calves, quads, hamstrings, and glutes -- and panting heavily while doing non-running aerobic exercises (jumping jacks, indoor skips, etc.). So there I was being the couch potato that I didn't want to be. That got me out of the house.

I then mustered all my courage and bravery to go out with my flip-flops, walk over to the park, and stretch and warm up there. Then I took off my flip-flops and started running.

Barefoot.

I thought to myself: Right. Left. Right. Left. Okay, now stop thinking and looking at your feet, just look to where you're going, and just put one foot after the other. Don't jump, just let yourself lean a little forward, and let the legs do the running. Oh, nice game of soccer. Oh, nice tree. Oh nice... what, wait, I'm not thinking about running! But... I'm... running without shoes!

At this point I'm trying to asses myself but I think my brain switched to a really primitive mode. I felt like I was chasing prey. My body was suddenly just naturally compensating. My knees bent to support my weight, my calves were not stressing, my ankles were absorbing and moving with my foot, and my heels were not stomping on the ground. It wasn't until I had run two laps around the soccer field, looked at my tracking app, and found that I had already run 1km without stopping -- and without feeling pain in my knees and my calves!

Now at this time my heart was actually beating really hard -- it had been a while since I ran, and I wasn't really fit enough to go one full kilometer without stopping. What surprised me the most was that my feet didn't hurt -- not one bit. I thought it would be really sore and painful with the "abuse" it would get from having no cushioning from the ground (granted that this was grassy grounds). So then I tried to push it a little farther. I then resolved to run on the paved walkways and asphalt.

That took a little more courage. After pacing a bit to catch my breath and to let my heart rate stabilize I then resolved to walk on the pavement. Walking on the pavement was a different experience. It felt so foreign that it was hard to not be conscious of how it felt on my feet. I felt like this wasn't as natural as running on the grassy field and I was having second thoughts on trying my luck at running on concrete.

Once I felt like taking that leap of faith and reminding myself of why I was doing this at all (see "run for your life") I then just did it. My left and right brain were just at conflict. Every previous experience I had with running told me that running without cushioning on my feet's soles would be a bad idea. I was consciously weighing the pro's and con's of what I was doing. At the same time my instincts were taking over and apparently I hadn't forgotten the absolute basics of running, and that my brain knew exactly what to do and what not to do to keep myself moving.

There's something very liberating about going back to basics and just letting your body take over. Now the factor that's deciding whether I stopped running wasn't the pain I was feeling from different body parts -- because I can be honest, there wasn't a lot of pain in any part of my body while I was running. What's deciding whether I stopped were whether I got bored already or whether my lungs and heart can keep up with the physical activity. It was like when I was swimming and training for swimming that the determining factor for my stopping was whether I was tired.

Running without shoes seemed to be a good idea after all.

Enough craziness though, I'm not going to be running the next day. I'll be doing the running every other day until I get to the point where my body get used to the abuse. Then I'll try getting myself another workout that involves less craziness and less challenging of prevailing popular wisdom. I might try getting a bike at some point (most probably after the holidays) and then seeing if I can make the daily commute to the office a lot more healthy.

We'll see soon enough.

Cheers!

Happy Second Birthday Julia!

2011-11-03T00:34:00.001+11:00

Two years ago today I became a father. Reality didn't hit me hard enough at that time. I was still relatively young and wasn't aware of how my life would be affected by becoming a father. It's one of the best things men can be in their lives yet it takes a lot of us a long time before we realize this. Today I celebrate my daughter's second birthday and my second year of being a father. This post is about remembering what life was back when Julia was born and how much different our lives are now.

Two years ago I was still working as a consultant to the largest telco in the Philippines, helping make a growing messaging service something that can scale to a lot more users. I had a great manager at that time but I was too thick skulled to realize this at that time. I had a lot of things going for me: I was fresh from helping evolve a pioneer social network's internal system to handle 3x the original amount of requests (and more) and was getting ready to make a name for myself in the Philippines. Unfortunately I squandered that opportunity and didn't think too much about the future -- mine and my family's -- and gave up that position after two months of being a father. This was 2009. Julia was barely crawling at that time.

2010 promised to be somewhat of a weird year for me. I was doing a consulting project with a group of friends that later became Sinefunc, Inc. -- we got to a good start, but unfortunately the reality of my situation (that was unique to me as one of the founders) was that I needed to earn not just for the daily expenses but also for building a comfortable future for my family. I took on another consulting project while laying very low with the company I co-founded. Julia was starting to learn to walk by the time I got a new consulting gig with a subsidiary of the same telco I worked with.

What started off as a challenging year got through a conflicting phase, when I had to choose what role I was going to play in both the consulting I'm doing and the startup I co-founded. I was spreading myself too thin by all measures and I had to make painful decisions. In the end I felt like I didn't make good decisions and by October 2010 I was again a free agent. That was my first taste of abject failure. Soon enough Julia was going to turn 1 year old and Jeni and I had already planned a birthday celebration for her.

Not long after that I found myself applying for full-time jobs, doing open source development in the meantime, and then trying to get a good consulting gig again going just to keep the income going. Thank goodness I managed to get a few things going in all these fronts. However on Julia's first birthday I got news that after a number of interviews I didn't quite make the cut. I was reminded of how much I still needed to learn and how far I've already come, so I concentrated on getting a consulting job again that managed to work very well for all parties involved. Julia turned 1 and it was an awesome party -- one I and some friends definitely enjoyed.

By Christmas of 2010 I had been flown to Australia for my interviews for the most awesome technology company in the world in my opinion, and by Valentines 2011 I had chosen to accept the job. Fast forward a little more to April 2011 and not only was I a Googler, I was also migrating to Australia. Julia, Jeni, and I had gotten to live in the condo I had been paying for 2 years thus far for a total of one month -- we enjoyed as much of the facilities as we can and we made it a home as much as we could before we moved down under. Julia was starting to learn to say words by then.

July 2011 came and I got older and by then it's been a period of adjustment. Julia had been adjusting well to the cold Australian winter while Jeni and I were struggling to cope. In 2011 we've managed to live in a condo that was a few floors above an Olympic-size pool, get as a family on a plane, live in a managed apartment, and moved into a spacious two-bedroom unit in Sydney. Julia has started to learn to recognize numbers and letters and has been able to follow along the Incy Wincy Spider and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Since this time I've learned the rules of rugby (both kinds), got first hand experience of daylight saving time, started running for my life, and watched a race that stopped the nation. All in all it's been a good couple of years past. Julia now knows how to say her name, has the most adorable laugh, can smile and make my day, and count up to 20. Oh, and she operates the MacBook Pro to get to her Youtube favorites, knows how to navigate my Android phone to look at her pictures and videos, and even turn the TV on and off. She's just turned two and I'm looking forward to the years of watching her grow and learn more things.

Two years ago I became a father. Today I realize what that means and how my father must have felt when I turned two.

Thanks to my friends and family who've gotten to know Julia and see her grow through the pictures and videos. Even though we can't all be together physically today, I know you'll keep Julia in your prayers, and would love her like she was your own daughter too.

Julia, I love you. Happy birthday baby girl!

Cultural Naivite

2011-10-31T20:07:00.001+11:00

So it's Halloween and it doesn't feel like it here. My daughter's birthday is in a few days and it's going to be a small celebration. Tomorrow's the Melbourne cup and apparently it's a big deal. There's a lot of things that I'm learning about the local culture but I'm still very much naive about what's the custom and traditions are about. I think there's a lot of things that I need to learn and that I'm learning them on a slow pace -- to slow for my liking. This post is about how I intend to get assimilated into the country and what steps I've already done to get to where I can actually say I know something about this country.

First, there's the sports. There's Rugby (two kinds, the NRL and Rugby Union, and yet a third called "footy" also the AFL). The rules are "simple" in that the object of the game is very much similar to the "get the ball to the end zone" rules of American Football (with which I'm familiar with). Aside from that though the heritage of the sport that spans multiple decades, is something that I cannot just pick up from watching the local game. For that I need to get deeper and learn more about the origins and the history of the game.

Next, there's the food. The indigenous ingredients are familiar yet foreign to me at the same time. There's a lot of different kinds of potatoes, many different kinds of spinach, and different names of different the same things. Grocery shopping is a mix of "name that crop" and "figure out how to cook them". Thankfully though there are Filipino stores but I'm kinda getting the hang of the peculiarities of the local fare. Hopefully I'll get more used to them in the coming months.

Then there's the events. I personally don't give much thought about the queen because... well... the Philippines didn't really fall under the British empire. I have no idea why there's still a Queen or why it's a big deal so when she's here in the country, apparently it's an event. There's also the Melbourne cup -- a horse race -- that's a holiday in Victoria. Seriously, the whole state is on a holiday for a horse race. I don't understand it, but in the Philippines we have a holiday on pretty much every Catholic event so I guess it's really a cultural thing.

All in all I've written this whole post while I'm on the train and my stop's next. Tips would be most appreciated.

Run for Your Life!

2011-10-14T21:06:00.001+11:00

After 20 something years of trying to put off having to run, I'm giving running a shot. Heck, I'm diving head-first into running. My personal goal is making myself able to run 5 kilometers in the morning before going to work. Whether I'll do it on a daily basis is up for debate (mostly between me and myself). Aside from that goal is to actually be able to drop two full inches from my waist (or require myself to actually need to buy new jeans and shirts. Most of all, the more important reason is my family.

I want to be able to live long enough to see my daughter succeed and as a bonus see maybe grandchildren succeed as well. I keep thinking about what my dad's dad would have felt knowing that his grandson was able to start a company, work in big firms, and now is working in arguably the best technology company in the world. He died of his bout with cancer -- he was 72.

Nobody would dispute the fact that had he never smoked, he might have been healthy at 72 and he might very well be still with us now. He made bad choices and even though he had a full life, I think he would have had a fuller life had he lasted longer than he did. I miss my Lolo Peping.

I remember this mostly as I grieve as with the rest of the world in the passing of one of arguably the best CEOs the world has ever known, and one that actually without a doubt changed the world. He took the bull by the horns and rode it, steering it to wherever he wanted. He didn't let his cancer get in the way of his making a difference.

Just as I continue writing this post between breaks, I just learned of Dennis Ritchie, father of C and co-creator of the Unix operating system, has passed away too. I only dream of being able to make a difference big enough to the same extent that Steve Jobs and Dennis Ritchie have to the world.

Looking forward to my future self, I want to be leaving my daughter (and maybe future children) and wife a memory of me that's worth celebrating. I want them to look back at our life together as something filled with great memories. I also want them to have a long and prosperous life with me. I also want to be setting an example by living healthy and being proactively improving in every aspect of life.

Running is just one part of it. In the spirit of setting goals and trying new things I'm also thinking of getting a road bike and getting back into swimming. This is so that maybe in the future I can compete in an Iron Man triathlon. It's not for competition, I just want to be able to go and do it. It's been one of those things that I'd really like to be able to do, and now there's no excuse for me not to go reach for it.

So in the spirit of setting goals and what not, I hope you are able to look forward and see what kind of impact you would like to have in this world and let the great ones inspire you (like they have inspired me) to just constantly do better.

More Real Journalists Please

2011-09-06T21:57:00.002+10:00

Broken Glass by akeg

Don't get me started on so called technology publications. I think they're mostly bully pulpits to the influential unethically promoting self interests in the guise of "freedom of speech" and tabloids for the insider baseball in the most nebulous industry in the world. I'll reserve my ranting about certain technology writers to a forum where I can be myself and not have to worry about comment moderation. I'll keep my thoughts on certain celebrities who I feel do not deserve the attention they get. I'll hold my tongue on certain fanboys trying hardest to conceal their stripes like a zebra in the middle of an empty savannah. What instead I will write about is the need for real journalism.

To my blogger friends who write a blog and earn a living while doing it, unfortunately you're not real journalists. To my friends working in the newspapers writing news articles and covering the events, you're not real journalists either, sorry. To my friends who appear on TV, that's not real journalism either, sorry.

A journalist is someone who chronicles the state of reality and offers insight into what's going on. A real journalist does not just report on the news, she gives insight and perspective into the situation. Real journalists have their biases but stay objective and impartial in the act of reporting. Bloggers (including me) cannot stay objective when what we write directly influences how much money we take from advertising. This is why some so-called technology publications don't qualify as real journalistic entities because the conflict in interest taints whatever editorial insulation they have when publishing anything.

A journalist mostly concerns herself with understanding an issue at hand -- may that be a current event, a state of affairs, or an opinion -- and then thoroughly backs up her work with relevant information. The real journalist has integrity in everything she does by being transparent and objective without letting her personal bias show especially in circumstances where fair coverage is required. This means fanboys have no business trying to offer their skewed views through rose-colored glasses and then try to pass of their articles as "news".

There's this thing called yellow journalism which involves unethical practices of sensationalism, proliferation of rumors, and grand-standing just to make a buck. It's the first thing journalists learn not to do. Unfortunately this means reporting on rumors just to get more eyeballs to their pages is exactly what yellow journalism is.

I personally think journalism is dead. There's a generation of writers now growing up not learning to properly research their facts and yet a lot more writers not learning how to not show their opinion in news articles. I personally don't count myself as a journalist -- I gave up on that idea a long time ago. But I do miss reading real works of journalistic integrity and balanced, fair, thoughtful reporting.

Because I think it's dead is why I think we need more real journalists. I don't pretend to know how to give real journalists a means of furthering their craft in this world of half-baked reporting on blogs and Twitter snippets and Facebook Wall posts. It seems to me that this craft that I so love (journalism) is being marginalized by this technology I so love equally if not more (the Internet).

Imagine a world where there were no historians and that's a world where there aren't any real journalists. These people who uphold their ethics and maintain their integrity by staying true to their craft and siding on the truth no matter what, are a quickly dying breed. You know that saying that goes "history is what happened according to the winners"? It's going to get worse if we don't have any more real trust-worthy, ethical, and passionate individuals dedicated to keeping a journal of what's happening in the world as we know it today and in the days to come. Instead of history being according to the winners, it's going to be according to the latest fanboy brain fart with not so much a grain of truth in whatever is being passed.

Please join me in encouraging the real journalists in this world -- however few they are -- to keep doing the great work they're doing. Let's encourage the real journalists to keep coming up with great material that we and generations after us can appreciate. Let's please stop reading the smut-laden so-called tech-related journalistic publications that offer no truthful information. If this means paying for newspapers so that your favorite columnist can keep writing, or clicking on ads once in a while while you're reading your favorite journalists' blog, or subscribing to your favorite magazine, then let's do our part. This is the reason why I subscribe to Wired, Ars Technica, Wall Street Journal, and GigaOM and not to some other time-wasting technology publications out there.

This one goes out to the Steven Levy's, the Kara Swishers, the Walt Mossberg's, the Conrado de Quiros, the Manuel Quezon III's, the Om Maliks, and the likes who uphold their craft and keep the art of journalism going.

Thank you in advance.