Mental Peace

Wisdom Quotes Work Wonders

2006-12-25T10:22:00.000-08:00

What are "wisdom quotes?" They're not arguments or philosophies. They are simple statements that point at the truth.

"What does it profit a man to have gained the whole world, and to have lost his soul?" - Jesus Christ

You don't need to be Christian to see wisdom in the words of Jesus. Simple quotes from men and women around the world, from present day or milleniums past, inspire and instruct us, regardless of the religious or spiritual tradition they come from. Nor do spiritual and religious people have a monopoly on wisdom. Quotes that touch on the truth of a matter can come from scoundrels, saints, and ordinary people.

Why Wisdom Quotes?

"There are two great disappointments in life: Not getting what you want, and getting it." - George Bernard Shaw

Philosophies and arguments try to "capture" truth in a net of words. This is often to build systems of knowledge, or to satify egos. Wisdom quotes use words to point at truth, so that you can look and see it for yourself. Let me give you an example.

A man hesitates to do what he loves for a living, because he may fail. Outside of mathematics, virtually all reasoning is tainted with rationalization, so whatever his choice, he will support it with "logical arguments." No wonder he's confused and demotivated! He can't trust his own reasoning, if it just finds a logical construct for whichever fear, desire or other feeling is strongest!

Then Wayne Gretzky points out the obvious: "You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." This hockey metaphor touches him, precisely because it's not a logical argument. It simply points out a truth he can see for himself. He won't get anywhere without "taking that shot." Seeing the truth is more motivating - and productive - than arguing it. That's the value of wisdom quotes.

"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few." - Shunryu Suzuki

How to make the Ultimate Terrarium

2006-12-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

A terrarium is a beautiful project to make and to take care of but if you are ambitious you might want to make the ultimate terrarium. And this doesn’t come down to gardening skills. It comes down to a little bit of thought and a lot of creativity. Here are some great ideas for making your terrarium into the ultimate terrarium.

The Theme is King

The most appealing thing you can do with a terrarium is to make it theme based. People will very much enjoy a terrarium if it has a very recognizable theme. And this will further your creativity because it will force you to really think about what you are going to put in it other than the plants.

Some themes to consider:

Desert Theme: This is a popular theme for a terrarium because it looks very exotic with cactus, colorful sand, a variety of stones and even a lizard or two.

Carnivorous theme: Carnivorous plants like Pitcher plants or Venus Flytraps are very appealing because they have an exotic look.

Jungle theme: This is a very lush and attractive theme and to look good it will be a very dense collection of exotic and colorful plants.

Tell a Story with your Terrarium

This is a technique that is very effective in making your terrarium special. You tell a story with your terrarium by adding small figurines such as faeries, dragons, knights or princesses. Try to think of a frozen moment in time like the moment before a knight will discover the lair of a dragon. Or the moment before someone will throw a coin into a wishing well.

Building and adding those extras that really make it special

This is where you can get really creative with your terrarium and if you have chosen a theme or a story you can really fulfill your terrariums vision with extras like a miniature waterfall, an underground lair, a rock cave, a small pond with goldfish, or even electric lights or a working windmill.

Think about the enclosure for your terrarium

One of the most dramatic ways to make your terrarium appealing is to build it inside a unique or beautiful container. This can be anything from a distinctly shaped wine bottle to a fish tank or almost anything at all. I once saw a terrarium that was made inside an old television. All the internal parts were taken out and a glass front was put on it. It looked amazing.

A basic terrarium with an assortment of plants is a very pleasant project to work on but if you put a little bit of creative thought into your terrarium making you can make something that really stands out and makes people say wow!

The Gift that Keeps Giving

2006-12-23T07:30:00.001-08:00

A daughter reflects on a special Christmas gift from her father that wasn't found under the tree.

Christmas gift-giving can be a trying experience. Shopping for just the right present for everyone on your list requires much thought. What do they need? Is it the right size, color, and style? What about the quality? The long lines at the stores for returns the next day prove just how challenging it can be.

And after all that effort, how long will your purchases really last? In today's world of disposables, planned obsolescence, and ever-changing trends, it's rare to receive a gift that lasts more than a few seasons.

For these reasons, Christmas presents at our house were sparse. To my perennial disappointment, my parents weren't much into buying gifts. They had no patience for the whole process. My father especially lost interest when everything started being manufactured in China. Dad was a proud veteran of World War II, and he didn't like the notion of our goods being produced on foreign shores.

I recall one Christmas, after some prodding, he agreed to buy me a robe, but on two conditions. First, I had to pick it out. If he was going to buy it, he didn't want any guesswork. Second, it had to be American-made. Simple enough, I thought. So together we went to the local mall, trudging from store to store in search of a robe made in the U.S.A. Dad pored through the racks, scrutinizing every label: Made in China. Korea. Cambodia. Vietnam. (That one really perplexed him.) Surprisingly, there wasn't one to be found. In each store, he confronted the sales clerk and asked why they had no robes made in the United States. I was frustrated and embarrassed, but he persisted. It was really important to him, and he wanted to make his point.

That Christmas, I didn't get a robe. But I got a different sort of gift -- a subtle, unexpected one that doesn't wear out, become obsolete or fall out of fashion: the gift of understanding that it's important to take a stand for your beliefs.

My father was a man of principles. He'd go to great lengths to argue his case if he thought something was wrong or unfair. As a teenager, I often viewed him as stubborn, difficult, and even embarrassing at times. But now, with the wisdom of age and experience, I see him in a different light.

Through his commitment to his values, he taught me an important lesson that day at the mall. I didn't realize it at the time, but it influenced me deeply. Now as an adult, I, too, am compelled to speak out when I feel something isn't right. The values I speak out for may in some cases be different from his, but it's the commitment to them that matters.

Sometimes the gifts we receive from others are not wrapped in paper and bows. They are not manufactured, bought or sold. They are the gifts of teaching by example, of inspiring and motivating, of passing on lessons of living. After the flurry of the holidays has come and gone, these are the gifts that endure.

I may have been shortchanged at Christmas when it came to getting presents, but my father gave me a gift much more precious and lasting than anything he could have bought at the store: strength of character and conviction. Top quality, perfect fit, and no exchange or return needed. A belated thank-you, Dad.

101 Stress Management Tips - Part 1

2006-12-14T16:54:00.001-08:00

1. Maintain a positive attitude in life as much as possible. It is best to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. Do not look at a problem as a hindrance but rather as a challenge and opportunity to grow.

2. Say ‘No’ to those that promote stress in your life. This may mean not over committing yourself or not doing things you don’t want to do just because a friend asked you.

3. Breath correctly using abdominal breathing techniques, not shallow breathing. Expand your abdomen as you breathe in through your nose, hold, and then breathe out through your mouth, and hold.

4. Stop worrying! In most cases the things you worry about have a very low likelihood of occurring and usually don’t eventuate. At worst, accept your concern as a possibility and let it go.

5. Meditate regularly. Meditation has a positive effect physically, emotionally and psychologically and can produce a state of relaxation that benefits the heart, the brain, the lungs and blood.

6. Employ progressive relaxation, systematically tensing and relaxing various groups of muscles in an orderly sequence. You will not only feel more relaxed but you will learn to recognise the onset of muscle tension due to stress.

7. Stretch regularly. Stretching loosens up stiff tense muscles and increases the flow of blood and nutrients to the cells of your body. It reduces mental and physical stress, tension, anxiety and promotes good sleep.

8. If you believe in God, then pray to God. Don’t just ask for help, talk about what happened during your day. Knowing you are not alone and that you can talk to a being that is all powerful and merciful is a great form of stress relief.

9. Delegating work allows you to manage your ever increasing workload concentrating on the most important tasks at hand. Delegation increases the responsibility and enjoyment of those under you as they take on new tasks.

10. Regular physical exercise such as going to the gym, for a run or playing a competitive sport, can become an outlet that allows you focus on an enjoyable activity while literally forgetting about the stressful events that occurred during your day.

11. Try Tai Chi. It is not just a series of physical movements which is beneficial to the body, but is also made up of meditative and deep breathing exercises which provides a calming effect and better sense of well being.

12. Increase your energy levels with Yoga. Yoga is specifically designed not only to help you become strong physically but also energize your body by focusing on the ‘prana’ entering your energy centers while holding specific physical positions.

13. Develop a balanced life style that focuses on all aspects of your life, including you work/studies, your family and relationships, your social life, your interests, your spiritual needs and most importantly you.

14. Manage your time carefully. List all the main tasks you need to achieve at the start of each day. Eliminate any activities that are considered wasteful and non productive. Become more efficient in the regular tasks you attend to each day.

15. Maintain a healthy nutritious diet. Eat more fresh fruit, whole grains, vegetables, lean meat and fish, and less fat, salt, sugar and alcohol. This will enhance your immune system and keep your energy levels high.

16. Control your finances. Financial worries can add to your stress levels. In essence you must spend less and save more. Set a budget and record everything you spend. If you need help seek expert financial advice.

17. Smile especially when you are feeling angry or stressed. Research has shown that smiling can actually help you feel happier, lower your heart rate and produce a calmer breathing pattern.

18. Try Pilates, a non-aerobic form of exercise which improves flexibility, strength and balance requiring concentration and focus. It offers the same benefits if not more than just stretching and physical exercise alone.

19. Learn Chi Kung, a health exercise which regulates the flow of Chi through the acupuncture meridians. Based on Traditional Chinese Medicine theory, Chi Kung is excellent for quieting your mind and regulating your breathing.

20. Learn a martial art. Physically this will improve your co-ordination, flexibility, strength and general endurance. It will not only teach you concentration and focus, but more importantly you will learn how to defend yourself.

David Tomaselli is the creator of Stress Management Techniques and Self Improvement – The Wholistic Development Exchange. The aim of the Wholistic Development Exchange is to empower you to deal with stress, pressure and the day to day challenges that life brings by providing you the latest Tips, Techniques, Articles, News, E-Books, Products and other Resources related to Stress Management and Self Improvement.
To download free E-Books go to our Free Stress Management E-Books section.
For all 101 Stress Management Tips go to Stress Management Tips.

Career Advice: Three Secrets to Telling Your Story for Career and Life Success

2006-12-10T08:23:00.000-08:00

The following are three secrets to putting you on the fast track to career and job advancement:

When was the last time you received a job promotion? You are doing a great job at work but everyone else seems to get the promotion you want. You may even start making excuses as to why you are not getting the career promotions you deserve. Well, I ask you the following question:

Did you ever tell your story?

The following career advice story will show you how to put your career on the fast track:

Recently, I was facilitating an oceanfront retreat for over two hundred employees of a university. During this session, I had the participants think of something or somebody they appreciate. I then asked for volunteers to share with the group whom or what they appreciate and why this is important to them.

Lonnie volunteered and stood up in front of the group to share his thoughts of appreciation. Lonnie explained that in his job he helps children improve their lives. He mentioned that whatever the lowest pay and title scale was, he was at that level. However, he said that was all right because of the joy he received from helping the children. You could hear and sense the passion in his words as he shared his experiences with the audience.

About a month later, Lonnie was in another workshop I was facilitating, and he asked to speak with me before the start of the session. I could see the excitement in his eyes as he explained what had happened to him since the oceanfront retreat. One week after sharing his story at the retreat, he received a call from the Office of Academic Affairs. Someone of influence, who was impressed with Lonnie’s speech and the way he told his story that day, wanted Lonnie to come in for a job interview. Lonnie went to the interview and received the job of Assistant to the Dean of Academic Affairs, with a substantial increase in pay and title. That was a career quantum leap from just a couple of weeks earlier.

So what happened?

Lonnie told his story for career success. Like so many of you, you are toiling away in your careers everyday and making a difference for your organization. But if no one knows about your successes, your passions, and your ideas, you will not achieve job and career success.

The following are three secrets to putting you on the fast track to career and job advancement:

1. It’s Not What You Know... - I’m sure you have heard the old saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” when talking about getting ahead in life. Well, in this new age of information and self responsibility, I am declaring that this saying is dead. Instead, I always say the following:

“It’s not what you know. It’s not who you know. It’s who knows what you know that creates success for you.”

There are people doing a great job everyday. There are people everyday that know people of influence. Yet, unless these people of influence know what you know (your skills, your knowledge, your ideas), you won’t be put in a position for success. Lonnie, during his two-minute presentation, let people of influence know that he was passionate about helping children at his job and he was willing to do it for little compensation. That’s a powerful message. It moved people to help him and make him a part of their team.

2. Prepare Yourself for Powerful Story Telling – When the opportunity comes to tell your story, will you be prepared? Lonnie was prepared and made the most of his opportunity. However, I have seen many opportunities vanish for a person to tell his/her story because of the fear of speaking in front of a group or in a meeting. Whether it’s in a job interview, monthly meeting, or at a conference, have the confidence to tell your story. You may never get another opportunity to do so. Have the courage to work on your presentation skills. There are various resources for improving your presentation skills. You can take a class, join Toastmasters, or hire a presentation skills coach.

Also, outline what you will tell in your story. Think of your successes and how you achieved those successes. Thinks of the challenges you faced and how you overcame them. Express the joy you felt while achieving your goals. Relate how your activities helped you develop your skills, your creativity, and your determination. Let your passion show in your story.

3. Create Opportunities to Tell Your Story – When Lonnie volunteered, he created an opportunity to tell his story. How can you create opportunities to tell your story? You can volunteer for job-related assignments and give reports during management briefings. You can be active in workshops or seminars and tell your story among a variety of people that normally might not be exposed to your story. Join various associations and groups and tell your story. This is a great way to network among people who are active in their industries. Contribute your story to your in-house publication, local newspaper, or magazine. Create a blog or website and tell your story. The more you tell your story to a wide variety of people, the greater the opportunity to increase your success. Apply these powerful career advice secrets and put your career advancement on the fast track. Tell your story and others will sit up and take notice.

The Real Way to Peace

2006-12-08T16:56:00.000-08:00

Use the past as a warning of how our current civilizations could destroy the environment of the future!

First a recipe:

If you want to make homemade turtle soup, you have to be careful and you must wait. You’d want to catch a sea turtle because you get thirty or more pounds of meat from it – depending on weight. You need help too. A couple of men would do, to place the turtle inside a garbage barrel filled with fresh water. Close the lid and leave it there to starve. It sounds brutal, I know, but there’s no other way to do it if you want to have homemade turtle soup. Sea turtles can live up to a hundred years, so it takes a while for them to die. If someone tried to slaughter them, they’d release a poison into their system that would kill anyone who ate from it. One must therefore keep the area surrounding the garbage barrel quiet so the turtle doesn’t think it has been caught by anyone but itself. Turtles, unlike elephants, have a bad memory and will forget they were trapped.

For animal lovers, don’t feel so bad. People trap each other like that and call it love.

Elephants, on the other hand, don’t forget. If someone tried to hurt them, they come back in a hundred years to step on them.

People avenge each other like that and call it justice.

Yet as Daniel Quinn writes in Ishmael, people consider themselves superior to animals – even though there are three things that people do that never happen in the wild.

1. People exterminate their competitors. In the wild, animals will defend their territories and hunt to eat, not just make their competitor dead.

2. People systematically destroy their competitors’ food to make room for their own. In the wild, the rule is: take what you need, and leave the rest alone.

3. People deny their competitors access to food. In the wild, you may deny your competitors access to what you’re eating, but you may not deny them access to food in general. In other words, you may compete but you may not wage war.

The problem stems from people clinging to the specialness of man. They perceive a vast gulf between them and the rest of creation. This mythology of human superiority justifies their doing whatever they please with the world. Of playing God, the Creator.

Man throws paint on walls and calls it a creation. It’s not creation. It’s paint on a wall. It’s a form of something appealing to the eye. Writers don’t create. They formulate words. They aren’t creators. They’re compositors. Man is a recipient of creation.

To make something one needs two or three things. Only God made something from nothing. He made people in diversity. He made water, fire, life and death.

First mixture man made was killing. Man in general hurts himself everyday by saying, “I created this and that.”

But we’re not God, the Creator. We’re man and woman, human beings, creatures. Yet, we’re afraid of letting go of, or looking at the terrible price of advancement which is crime, mental illness, suicide, and drug addiction.

You see, the largest beast on earth is man without God. By making havoc, weapons and bombs, he made a dark void for humans. No other beast on earth has done more damage and yet man calls everything else a beast – rattle snakes, lions, alligators, tigers. Everything.

What’s the solution? The real way to peace? Well, presently the world’s governments spend about one trillion dollars a year for military purposes. That’s a million dollars a minute worldwide. If we were to use some of this money to feed our hungry, clothe our needy, house our poor, bring security to our elderly, and provide health care and dignity to all… the causes of crime would be lost forever. New jobs would spread as dollars are pumped back into our economy.

Let’s use the past as a warning of how our current civilizations could destroy the environment of the future. Civilization was born in ancient Mesopotamia, now called Iraq, over 5000 years ago. Writing, astronomy and science were invented there. Yet today, Mesopotamia, the biblical Garden of Eden, is a flat desert – thanks to inflation, overuse of agricultural land, and enemy invasions. How can we prevent further catastrophe? By making peace a personal thing.

International Classification of Diseases (ICD) 10

2006-12-07T13:34:00.001-08:00

The International Classification of Diseases (ICD) is published by the World Health Organization in Geneva, Switzerland. It included mental health disorders for the first time in 1948, in its sixth edition. In 1959, following widespread criticism of its classificatory scheme, the WHO commissioned a global survey of taxonomies of mental health problems, which was conducted by Stengel. The survey uncovered great disparities and substantial disagreements as to what constituted mental illness and how it should be diagnosed (diagnostic criteria and differential diagnoses). Yet, it was not until 1968 that Stengel's recommendations were implemented in the eighth edition. The ICD-8 was descriptive and operational and did not commit itself to any theory of etiology, pathogenesis, or psychological dynamics. Still, it sported a confusing plethora of categories and allowed for rampant comorbidity (multiple diagnoses in the same patient).

The ICD10 was revolutionary. It incorporated the outcomes of numerous collaborative studies and programmes, both national and international and included input from the American Psychiatric Association, the publisher of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), the ICD's equivalent in North America). Consequently, the ICD and the DSM are now broadly similar.But, as opposed to the DSM, the ICD provides two sets of diagnostic criteria for each disorder. One list is useful to the diagnostician and allows for some latitude and for the practitioner's exercise of judgment. The other set is far more precise and strict and intended to be used by scholars and researchers in their studies. Yet a third, simplified classification is applicable to primary care settings and contains only broad categories (dementia, eating disorder, psychotic disorder, and so on).The ICD10 discusses organic, substance use-related, and stress-related disorders separately. Chapter F, which deals with mental health disorders, is divided into ten groups and each group, in turn, is again divided into one hundred subunits. Thus F2 is Schizophrenia, F25 is Schizoaffective Disorder, and F25.1 is Schizoaffective Disorder, depressive type.An international study carried out in 112 clinical centers in 39 countries demonstrated that the ICD10 is not a reliable diagnostic tool as far as personality disorder go (Sartorius et al. 1993). These findings were not repeated a year later in the USA and Canada.

Read more about the DSM - click HERE!The Myth of Mental Illness - click HERE!Personality Disorders - click HERE!

Psychosexual Stages of Personal Development

2006-12-05T16:25:00.001-08:00

The pursuit of pleasure ("the pleasure principle") and the avoidance of pain drive the infant to explore his or her self and the world at large.

The Viennese neurologist, Sigmund Freud, was among the first to offer a model of psychological development in early childhood (within the framework of psychoanalysis). He closely linked the sex drive (libido) to the formation of personality and described five psychosexual stages, four of which are centered around various erogenous zones in the body.The pursuit of pleasure ("the pleasure principle") and the avoidance of pain drive the infant to explore his or her self and the world at large. Pleasure is inextricably linked to sexual gratification. In the oral phase (from birth to 24 months), the baby focuses on the tongue, lips, and mouth and derives gratification from breast feeding, thumb sucking, biting, swallowing, and other oral exploratory activities.This is naturally followed by the anal stage (24 to 36 months). The baby immensely enjoys defecation and related bowel movements. But it is also the first time in his or her life that the toddler is subjected to the censure and displeasure of caretakers. Hitherto unconditionally adoring adults now demand that the infant delay gratification, relieve himself only in the bathroom, and not play with his feces. This experience - of hitherto unprecedented adult approbation - can be traumatic.

The phallic stage (age 3 to 6 years) involves the discovery of the penis and clitoris as foci of pleasurable experience. This tantalizing novelty is coupled with sexual desire directed at the parent of the opposite sex (boys are attracted to their mothers and girls, to their fathers). The child overtly and covertly competes with the same-sex parent for the desired parent's attention: boys joust with their fathers and girls with their mothers. These are the famous Oedipal and Electra complexes. If the parent is insufficiently mature or narcissistic and encourages the attentions of the child in acts of covert (emotional) and overt (physical) incest, it could lead to the development of certain mental health disorders, among them the Histrionic, Narcissistic, and Borderline personality disorders. Doting, over-indulgence, and smothering are, therefore, forms of child abuse. Sexual innuendo, treating the child as an adult or substitute partner, or regarding one's offspring as an extension of one's self also constitute abusive conduct.The phallic stage is followed by 6 to 7 years of latent sexuality that is rekindled in puberty. Adolescence is a period of personal development labeled by Freud the genital phase. In the previous rungs of psychosexual evolution, the child's own body was the source of sexual pleasure. Hitherto, the adolescent and young adult seeks sexual gratification from and invests sexual energy in others. This object-relatedness is what we call mature love.

Also read these:The Pathology of Love - click HERE!

In Defense of Psychoanalysis - click HERE!On Incest - click HERE!

ABC's of Success: Making Your Dream Come True

2006-12-04T18:04:00.001-08:00

"To follow without halt, one aim; there is the secret of success. And success? What is it? I do not find it in the applause of the theater; it lies rather in the satisfaction of accomplishment." (Anna Pavlova)

Any success in life involves a blending of mind and heart with action. Only by committing our intellect, will, time, and energy can we achieve that Olympic gold, that certificate of appreciation, or that "A" on a spelling test.

When we look at high achievers in any field or endeavor, we see common elements. Whether we want to follow their lead and go for the gold or whether we want to set less ambitious goals or none at all, the model is there and the decision is ours.

The ABC's of winning:

A: An accomplishment or goal. We conceptualize an achievement, such as running a three-minute mile, winning an election, or losing 20 pounds of excess body fat.

B: Belief in the goal. We recognize our objective as achievable, that is, within human grasp. Playing Rachmaninoff's concerto or growing a 1000-pound pumpkin must be, for us, a real possibility.

C: Confidence in our ability to achieve the goal. Believing we can succeed builds gradually from birth. When even our minor accomplishments are recognized, approved, and rewarded by those significant in our lives, our self-confidence grows. We internalize their views and feelings; and when these positive self-images combine with an inherent talent, accomplishment is unlimited:

"When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general; if you become a monk, you'll end up as the Pope.' Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso."

Believing in, first, the achievability of a goal and, second, our ability to reach the goal, sets the stage for action and becomes for us a self-fulfilling prophecy:

"If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right." (attributed to both Henry Ford and Mary Kay Ash)

D: Defining the goal as worthy of pursuit and deciding to work for it. At this point our values enter the picture. Is it more important to become a firefighter or an American Idol? Our value system shapes our personal decisions about what is and what is not worth pursuing.

Kaitlyn, six years of age and in the first grade, outdistances her peers on the track. Her red shoe markers--earned for every five miles completed--are multiplying quickly. Will she see her newly-discovered ability as worthy of her passion and dedication? Will she choose to devote time and energy to pursuing track records or other unrelated accomplishments? What she deems worthy will direct her decision.

E: Setting an effective step-by-step action plan and exerting effective effort. The stories of the most accomplished persons illustrate the time and energy needed to perfect a golf swing or become a prima ballerina. "Practice makes perfect," our mothers told us. Vince Lombardi put it this way:

"Dictionary is the only place that success comes before work" (Vince Lombardi)

Sustained effort requires a passion and zeal truly our own. What once may have been the dream of others for us, translates into accomplishment only when the burning desire becomes lodged deep in our heart.

"Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire." (Arnold H. Glasow)

F: Following through with constancy of purpose and dedication and allowing failures to be only temporary setbacks. Tenacity and persistence are messages many children hear around the dinner table and on the playing field: "The Connollys don't quit," "Don't give up, and don't give in." or "Quitters never win, and winners never quit."

Success, thus, means following the lead set by exemplars of excellence. First, look carefully at your interests and find something you are passionate about. Look realistically at the skills you currently possess as well as your potential. Rather than a headlong, helter-skelter dash, set a plan and bolster your self-confidence by focusing on minor accomplishments. Don't be surprised by setbacks, and don't be fearful of them. Detours on the road to success are only temporary glitches. Work through them and keep your eyes on the ultimate goal. Follow the roadmap you have set and visualize success while you enthusiastically devote time and effort. Enlist the aid and support of family and friends. Telling them about your plans can help keep you on track. In addition to the emotional support, you may need their support in other ways. And, most importantly, never give up.

A Proven Set of Principles to Guide You in the New Year

2006-12-04T02:36:00.000-08:00

How many of us have set New Year’s resolutions or goals for our lives that all too quickly are forgotten or put aside until the next year? The following set of principles will help you achieve your New Year’s resolutions and much more. Read them over carefully. Challenge them, as at first reading you may not fully understand or agree with some of them. Now, or on January 1, select one of these principles and put it into action for a full week. Notice how things in your life improve and move you closer to achieving your desires. At the end of each week focus on a new principle until all seven are a way of life for you.

1. There is no failure, only feedback.

Have you ever done something that didn’t work out the way you had planned? How often have you interpreted this as failure and possibly beat yourself up or blamed others? Far too many of us have been trained to judge our results as either success or failure. How would your life change if you viewed failure simply as feedback – an opportunity to learn how not to do something and become flexible in developing new ways to achieve your intended outcome? The next time something does not unfold as planned accept it as feedback, get curious and ask yourself questions such as, “What do I need to learn about myself, others, my work or family environment, so that if a similar situation were to occur in the future, I can get a better result?”

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

Thomas Alva Edison, scientist and inventor

How different would your workplace be if failure were viewed as feedback? Would you, and others, be more inclined to explore new ways to get your work done more efficiently and effectively, with more fun?

2. You cannot not communicate.

Often we think we communicate only when we speak or write. This is not so. Consider the following situations: 1. You are in a staff meeting sitting off to one side, with your arms folded and an angry look on your face, and not participating in the discussion at all. 2. You have chosen not to respond to telephone and e-mail messages in a timely fashion, or at all. Even no communication sends a message, and it is often not a positive one. Who are you really hurting?

Through your tone of voice, actions, facial expressions, gestures and body language, you are always communicating. Take time to step back and see the impact of your actions on the larger system. Is this really the impression you wish to create or the message you wish to convey?

3. Be flexible – If what you are doing is not creating the results you desire, do something different.

Have you ever been stuck in life, doing the same things repeatedly and each time expecting to get a different result? This is the widely known definition of insanity. If you want your life to be different, doing the same things more often, harder, or louder is not the way to change it. You must choose to do something different. If you try one key in a lock and it doesn’t fit, would you keep trying the same key repeatedly? Or would you be flexible and try other keys until you find the one that works?

It is the same for your life. Be flexible; explore different behaviors and strategies to unlock what you truly want in life or who you are destined to be.

If you are a parent, consider the following: There are no resistant children, only inflexible adults.

4. The meaning of communication is the response it produces.

Your intended communication is not always what is understood by the other person. And what is more important – your intention or what is understood? It does not matter what your intention is, what matters are the results you generate from your words, tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. By taking the other person’s response as feedback and being flexible, you can change how you communicate until you achieve your desired result.

Consider the following situation: as a man, I notice a female coworker is wearing a new dress, so I decide to pay her a compliment (my sincere intention). I say to her, “My, you look terrific in that dress.” However, her reaction isn’t what I expected. She seems annoyed and leaves the room. I do not know what is going on in her mind, but obviously she heard my message very differently from what I had intended. Perhaps from her experiences and beliefs, she interpreted what I said as “hitting on her” or being suggestive. The next time I see her, I can continue with the same behavior, or simply ignore her and harbor all manner of bad thoughts about her. Or I can recognize that my remark did not produce the result I had intended and find different ways to communicate with her so that we can have a productive working relationship.

5. Every behavior has a positive intention.

No matter how strange, hurtful or inappropriate a person’s behavior may seem to you, for the person engaging in that behavior, it makes sense from their perspective – their beliefs and values – and is predicated upon satisfying a positive intention for them.

The key is to appreciate that there is a positive intention behind the other person’s behavior – for them, maybe not for you. This does not mean that you must view the other person’s behavior as positive or acceptable. On the contrary, you may find it quite distasteful. You need to look behind the behavior to discover the positive intention or, if it’s not apparent, look for an intention that makes sense in their reality. This intention may be for themselves, for you or for someone else. Once you have an understanding of their intention, you can explore alternative ways to help the person achieve it.

As an example, let’s say you are having a discussion with someone and he suddenly raises his voice, knocks things off the table and runs from the room. From your perspective, this certainly cannot be viewed as positive behavior. What could possibly be the positive intention behind this kind of behavior? Now look at it from the other person’s perspective. Given his background – his experiences, beliefs and values – perhaps he felt unsafe or overwhelmed in the conversation with you. Given the resources he had available at that moment, this may have been the only option he felt he had in order to create some space or to flee to a place of greater safety.

What can you do to avoid a similar result next time? You can accept what happened as feedback, respect his perspective, explore the possible positive intentions behind his behavior and look at other ways to achieve your outcome while satisfying his positive intention. In other words, be flexible.

It is useful to take stock of your own behaviors on a regular basis. Notice the results you are achieving, identify the positive intention behind these behaviors and ask, “Is there a better way to achieve my positive intention that minimizes the negative side-effects?”

6. Everyone does the best they can with the resources available to them.

People already have the resources they need to succeed. However, their perspective of the world (beliefs, values and limiting constraints) or temporary state of mind (overwhelmed, sad or angry) may prevent them from seeing what is really possible or prevent them from fully accessing their capabilities and resources. In these situations, a person may make decisions or take actions that, from another viewpoint, are much less than they are capable of and that may even be experienced as hurtful.

With hindsight, that person could have done many things differently, but it was deemed the best choice at the time. We do not always make the “right” decision or take the “right” action; simply, decisions and actions are taken based on what resources we have available to us at the time.

7. You are in charge of your mind and therefore your results.

It was you who chose the beliefs, values and decisions that determine your perspective of the world and how you experience different events. It is also you who can change these to gain a different perspective and thus reap the benefits of results that are potentially very different, brining significant changes to your life.

In conclusion

You can simply read the above principles or you can begin to put them into action and make them a way of life. In doing so, you have the opportunity to change your reality, your results and your life!

Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder

2006-12-03T15:50:00.000-08:00

Some people are perennial pessimists and have "negative energy" and negativistic attitudes ("good things don't last", "it doesn't pay to be good", "the future is behind me").

The Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder is not yet recognized by the DSM Committee. It makes its appearances in Appendix B of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, titled "Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study."Some people are perennial pessimists and have "negative energy" and negativistic attitudes ("good things don't last", "it doesn't pay to be good", "the future is behind me"). Not only do they disparage the efforts of others, but they make it a point to resist demands to perform in workplace and social settings and to frustrate people's expectations and requests, however reasonable and minimal they may be. Such persons regard every requirement and assigned task as impositions, reject authority, resent authority figures (boss, teacher, parent-like spouse), feel shackled and enslaved by commitment, and oppose relationships that bind them in any manner.

Passive-aggressiveness wears a multitudes of guises: procrastination, malingering, perfectionism, forgetfulness, neglect, truancy, intentional inefficiency, stubbornness, and outright sabotage. This repeated and advertent misconduct has far reaching effects. Consider the Negativist in the workplace: he or she invests time and efforts in obstructing their own chores and in undermining relationships. But, these self-destructive and self-defeating behaviors wreak havoc throughout the workshop or the office. People diagnosed with the Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder resemble narcissists in some important respects. Despite the obstructive role they play, passive-aggressives feel unappreciated, underpaid, cheated, and misunderstood. They chronically complain, whine, carp, and criticize. They blame their failures and defeats on others, posing as martyrs and victims of a corrupt, inefficient, and heartless system (in other words, they have alloplastic defenses and an external locus of control). Passive-aggressives sulk and give the "silent treatment" in reaction to real or imagined slights. They suffer from ideas of reference (believe that they are the butt of derision, contempt, and condemnation) and are mildly paranoid (the world is out to get them, which explains their personal misfortune). In the words of the DSM: "They may be sullen, irritable, impatient, argumentative, cynical, skeptical and contrary." They are also hostile, explosive, lack impulse control, and, sometimes, reckless. Inevitably, passive-aggressives are envious of the fortunate, the successful, the famous, their superiors, those in favor, and the happy. They vent this venomous jealousy openly and defiantly whenever given the opportunity. But, deep at heart, passive-aggressives are craven. When reprimanded, they immediately revert to begging forgiveness, kowtowing, maudlin protestations, turning on their charm, and promising to behave and perform better in the future.

Also read these:Anger - The Source of Personality Disorders - click HERE!The Intermittent Explosive Narcissist - click HERE!

Therapy and Treatment of Personality Disorders

2006-12-02T21:23:00.000-08:00

Disillusioned, most therapists now adhere to one or more of three modern methods: Brief Therapies, the Common Factors approach, and Eclectic techniques.

The dogmatic schools of psychotherapy (such as psychoanalysis, psychodynamic therapies, and behaviorism) more or less failed in ameliorating, let alone curing or healing personality disorders. Disillusioned, most therapists now adhere to one or more of three modern methods: Brief Therapies, the Common Factors approach, and Eclectic techniques.

Conventionally, brief therapies, as their name implies, are short-term but effective. They involve a few rigidly structured sessions, directed by the therapist. The patient is expected to be active and responsive. Both parties sign a therapeutic contract (or alliance) in which they define the goals of the therapy and, consequently, its themes. As opposed to earlier treatment modalities, brief therapies actually encourage anxiety because they believe that it has a catalytic and cathartic effect on the patient. Supporters of the Common Factors approach point out that all psychotherapies are more or less equally efficient (or rather similarly inefficient) in treating personality disorders. As Garfield noted in 1957, the first step perforce involves a voluntary action: the subject seeks help because he or she experiences intolerable discomfort, ego-dystony, dysphoria, and dysfunction. This act is the first and indispensable factor associated with all therapeutic encounters, regardless of their origins.

Another common factor is the fact that all talk therapies revolve around disclosure and confidences. The patient confesses his or her problems, burdens, worries, anxieties, fears, wishes, intrusive thoughts, compulsions, difficulties, failures, delusions, and, generally invites the therapist into the recesses of his or her innermost mental landscape. The therapist leverages this torrent of data and elaborates on it through a series of attentive comments and probing, thought-provoking queries and insights. This pattern of give and take should, in time, yield a relationship between patient and healer, based on mutual trust and respect. To many patients this may well be the first healthy relationship they experience and a model to build on in the future.

Good therapy empowers the client and enhances her ability to properly gauge reality (her reality test). It amount to a comprehensive rethink of oneself and one's life. With perspective comes a stable sense of self-worth, well-being, and competence (self-confidence). In 1961, a scholar, Frank made a list of the important elements in all psychotherapies regardless of their intellectual provenance and technique:

1. The therapist should be trustworthy, competent, and caring.

2. The therapist should facilitate behavioral modification in the patient by fostering hope and "stimulating emotional arousal" (as Millon puts it). In other words, the patient should be re-introduced to his repressed or stunted emotions and thereby undergo a "corrective emotional experience."

3. The therapist should help the patient develop insight about herself - a new way of looking at herself and her world and of understanding who she is.

4. All therapies must weather the inevitable crises and demoralization that accompany the process of confronting oneself and one's shortcomings. Loss of self-esteem and devastating feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, hopelessness, alienation, and even despair are an integral, productive, and important part of the sessions if handled properly and competently.

Learn more about psychoanalysis - click HERE!

Read more about treatment modalities and therapies - click HERE!

Using Self Motivation Techniques To Keep Your Goals In Focus

2006-12-02T12:26:00.000-08:00

Self motivation is essential to success but sometimes it is difficult to maintain. If our self motivation lapses, it is a struggle to restore it. To avoid this unnecessary struggle, we can use tricks and rewards to maintain the positive mental attitude that will enable us to forge ahead towards our goals.
No matter what goal you are aiming for, staying motivated is a challenge for everyone at times. Even though you have set those goals for yourself, it will be hard to stay focused at times. Using self motivation techniques is a great way to ensure that you stay positive and have the mental attitude needed to achieve your goals. One of the best things that you can do is to map out a plan detailing your goal and the steps that you will take to achieve your dreams. It is also a good idea to regularly reassess your plan and make sure that you still feel that your original strategy is the best one. There is nothing wrong with changing your plan if you feel that changes will improve it, the plan is not carved in stone and should always be considered as a flexible tool. Life is full of unexpected surprises and this can mean your initial steps will no longer lead you to where you want to arrive, you can change your written plan to take any surprise changes into account.

Making your written plan is the first step. After that, you might find that you still need sources of inspiration and encouragement. Self motivation techniques such as breaking your plan into small tasks that you can achieve daily will help give you a sense of accomplishment as each task is finished. This is a great technique and will help you avoid feeling overwhelmed or feeling that your goal is too hard for you to accomplish. Remember, the way to eat a whole elephant is one bite at a time. Make a written list of tasks for each day and cross them off one by one as you complete them. Each time you cross off a completed item, your spirits will get a boost that will encourage you to tack the next task on your list.

Rewarding yourself after you complete your tasks will also help keep you feeling mentally positive and optimistic. The reward can be anything, eg a coffee break or ten minutes to chat to a friend on the phone. The reward doesn't need to be anything big but, by giving yourself an incentive, you will have something to help motivate you to take the next step towards reaching your goal.

Procrastination is called "the thief of time" for very good reasons. Procrastination is an easy habit to adopt and a very hard one to break, so it is best to have a scheme in place to avoid it all together. Avoiding procrastination is one of the simplest and biggest ways that you can increase your motivation and remain focused on taking the necessary small steps towards achieving your goals.

Making written lists (and following them!) is an excellent way to avoid procrastination. Try taking your yearly goals and breaking them down into manageable monthly chunks. Next break the monthly lists down further into weekly parts. Finally make daily lists that involve small steps towards your yearly goals. By working on your yearly goals in this step by step fashion, you will reduce the opportunities for being tempted to procrastinate. Once you get into the habit of following your daily task list, the temptation to put things off will be overridden by the desire to see all the items crossed through by the end of your working day.

When you finish your daily tasks, be sure to reward yourself. If you finish earlier than normal, award yourself some extra time off to spend as you please. If you are keeping to your step by step plan, there is no need to put in extra hours. The days of procrastinating and then needing to work longer hours will be over. List making sounds simple (and it is) but it is a powerful way to keep yourself on track day by day to accomplish your ultimate goals.

What You Condemn Or Admire In Others Talks About You

2006-12-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

What you don’t have inside yourself, you can not see in others! The human psyche seems to have a pendant for projecting our shortcomings onto others, but also our good traits. Without the other we would not be able to know the self : they are our mirrors.
The human psyche seems to have a pendant for projecting our shortcomings onto others, but also our good traits. Without the other we would not be able to know the self: they are our mirrors. If you want to know whether your hair looks great or if your new coat suits you, you take a look in the mirror, don’t you? You need that mirror to be able to look at your outer appearance. The same counts for your inner world. If you want to have a look at yourself inside, look into the mirror, which is other people : the traits you hate in them and the ones you love in them. This tells more about you than you think! In fact, you hate and love those traits which you pushed away into your shadow zone, which you decided you don’t want to see (the negative traits you condamned as “bad” or “no good”), or those which you decided you don’t have (the positive traits, which you call “good” and which you would like to have but you think you don’t have them). In order to see inside yourself, look at what disturbs you in others and what you admire in others. All these traits are energies you pushed away and which you need to recover. That’s why this bothers or attracts you now in your life. What we condemn or detest in others are our own qualities that we don’t want to face, but that we should be working at. This is called the negative projection. What you don’t like in others, or even hate, is a part of yourself. When the indifference of another person disturbs you, it means that you should be more indifferent yourself and stop to invest yourself for 100% everywhere and with everyone! This doesn’t mean you have to become as indifferent, cold and distant as the other person, but that you should reintegrate a part of this energy in your own behavior, and become a little less involved in what you do. Too much involvment can hurt you. You need to learn in this case to take more care of yourself instead of being so focused on the other one. If you are balanced on this polarity of indifference (one extreme) and too much involvment (the other extreme), than the indifference of the other won't bother you anymore. This counts for every trait that bothers you in others! You should integrate the energy of this trait in your energy field. This means to become a little bit more like the other (in this exemple : indifferent) and become the opposite to yourself (more involved in your own well being). When you start to integrate the behavior that disturbs you in others, you will notice that this behavior doesn’t disturb you anymore. You simply don’t notice it anymore. You have integrated this energy, so now you become neutral towards this topic. When the aggressive behavior of a partner or colleagues is getting to you, then you may have to learn to say “no”, defend your ground and clearly mark the borders. The fact that somebody’s aggression disturbs you proves that you have hidden that energy away in your shadow side. You can reclaim that energy and develop it in other ways that support your balance in life. This counts for every behavior in others that disturbs you. This is the fastest way to grow and to keep up with others at the same time! On a scale of polarities, what you hate is the polarity you didn’t develop inside you and you should. Life showes you this in the behavior of the significant other. In stead of hating him or his behavior, observe, ask yourself what you have to learn, learn it, integrate (you become a better person, a whole, complete person) and the screen of life will show you a more balanced person! In the same way, the good traits you admire in others are your own qualities that you don’t know you have. You think you are lacking these talents and admire them thus in others. These qualities are present within yourself but they are “under construction” and also need developing. They are, however, a mirror image of your highest abilities. This is the positive projection. Think of a male person and a female person you admire, and who you know in real life. Make a list of the qualities and traits you admire in them. Then read this list again and say out loud in front of each quality : “I am…”. Let’s say you admire the elegance and the organizational skills of your best friend. This means you too have the capacity to organize your life and things and you too are beautiful, otherwise you would even not be able to see it in others! You do have the germ of these qualities inside, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to notice them. This list clearly represents who you are. This is the truth about you. These qualities are INSIDE of you. They are merely waiting to be discovered, expanded and expressed. You can do the same with people you don’t know personally, like movie stars, singers, historical figures, politicians, mythical figures, fairies….

List their qualities and read for yourself : “I am…” In the beginning you’re maybe sceptical, you won’t believe you possess yourself these qualities. But have a closer look and admit the possibility of having these qualities inside you in the form of seeds that need to be cultivated in order to blossom. What you don’t have inside yourself, you can not see in others!

Are You Willing To Follow Eight Yoga Exercises For the Lower Back?

2006-11-30T12:38:00.000-08:00

EXERCISES FOR BACK RELIEF

Many people believe that rest is best for a painful back, but actually, what your back really needs when it’s hurt is exercise. Regular exercise relieves back pain by strengthening and stretching the muscles that support the spine and helps to prevent future injury. This is a use it or lose it situation: the more you rest, the weaker your back gets, even if it is hurt. Studies have actually shown that you can heal your back pain faster and get back to your regular activities with just two days of rest. This article will focus on Yoga Exercises. Remember to contact your doctor before beginning any exercise program.

YOGA EXERCISES FOR YOUR BACK

A good, regular yoga practice will go far in relieving the stress and tension that sometimes cause mild back pain, and in fact, studies have shown that yoga is the number one most effective exercise for relieving back pain. However, not all yoga poses relieve back pain, and some can in fact aggravate existing pain, so it is important to know which poses will be most helpful in relieving back pain. It is best to do these exercises under the supervision of a certified yoga instructor, and if you encounter any problems with these poses, you should consult an expert. Even just one or two sessions with a yoga instructor can help, as an instructor will help you with your form and posture during poses. Here are some of the best yoga poses for relieving back pain. Each pose should be held from five to ten seconds, depending upon your level of comfort, and should be done on a mat or other soft, supportive surface.

CORPSE: Lie flat on your back in a relaxed position, arms resting at your sides, palms down, and legs lying naturally, with knees turned out slightly. If it hurts your back to have your knees turned outward, do this pose with knees bent, feet flat on the floor. Breathe in and out for a few seconds while allowing any tension to leave the body.

CAT STRETCH: Start out on your hands and knees with a flat back. Your hands should be directly under your shoulders with fingers spread. Knees should be directly under the hips. Head is held loosely so that you are looking at the floor between your hands. Inhale, and as you exhale, arch your back toward the ceiling, tuck your chin in to your chest so that you are looking at your navel, and tuck your tailbone underneath. Hold, then release back into your original position.

WIND-RELEASING POSE: Lie flat on your back as in Corpse pose. As you inhale, bend your knee, place your hands right below the knee, and draw your leg towards your chest. Your left leg should remain flat on the floor. Exhale and bring your forehead up to touch your knee. Inhale, and then as you exhale, return to your original position. Repeat with the other leg.

SAGE TWIST: Warning for this pose—it involves twisting your back, so you should take particular care not to twist too far or you risk aggravating any existing back pain. This should be a gentle stretch; twist just as far as is comfortable. Sit on the floor with both legs out in front of you. Bend your right knee, lift your right leg over your left, and place your right foot on the floor next to your left knee. Sitting with spine straight, place your left elbow on the right side of your right knee. Bend your left arm so that your left fingertips are touching your right hip, while at the same time, twisting to look over your right shoulder. This is where you need to be careful not to twist too far. Hold for a few seconds, release, and repeat on the opposite side.

PALM TREE: Stand with feet facing forward, arms at your sides, weight distributed evenly on both feet. Raise both arms over your head, interlock your fingers, and turn your hands so that your palms are facing upward. Next, place your palms on your head and turn your head so that you are looking slightly upward. Stretch your arms upwards, and at the same time, come up onto your toes if you can do so without pain. Stretch your entire body upward and hold, if you can. Some people have difficulty balancing during this pose, so just do the stretching part if you need to.

FISH POSE: Lie on your back with knees bent and arms at your side. Arch your back as far as you comfortably can and raise it off the ground by pushing the floor with your elbows. If you can, tilt your head backwards and rest the crown of your head on the floor. Breathe deeply from the diaphragm and hold pose for one minute if you can.

LOCUST: Lie face down with arms at the side, palms down, and elbows slightly bent with fingers pointing towards the feet. Raise your legs and thighs as high off the ground as possible without causing your back any pain. Hold for one second and repeat up to twelve times. This can be a vigorous exercise so you must take care to strain already injured muscles.

BENDING FORWARD POSTURE: Stand up straight with feet together and arms hanging loosely along your sides. Breathe in deeply and raise your arms straight above your head. While breathing out, bend forward and touch your toes if you can. If you can’t reach your toes, grab hold of your ankles or calves. To complete the pose, you should touch your head to your knees, but this may be too difficult for many who suffer from lower back pain. Your movements during this pose should be smooth, not jerky.

Written by Shelley Hitz, Licensed Physical Therapist and Certified NASM Personal Trainer. Sign up for her free Exercise Advice journal at http://www.abs-exercise-advice.com/journal.html or read more about yoga poses at her website http://www.abs-exercise-advice.com/free-yoga-exercises-online.html. Get your free unbelievable abs ball workout here!

Codeine Addiction: Relevant Facts

2006-11-30T02:39:00.000-08:00

Codeine addiction is a form of addiction that often sneaks up on the person involved in its use. This is because codeine is a medication that is prescribed to help alleviate pain. This makes it easy for a person who takes codeine to develop a codeine addiction, because he or she thinks codeine is the only way to cope with their pain. Eventualyy the mind shift is that it is OK to take it to prevent pain from happening whether needed or not.

Since it is easy to develop a codeine addiction when taking prescription codeine, it is important to follow the doctor’s directions closely. To avoid codeine addiction, make sure to only take the prescribed dosage and to only take the codeine for as long as it is prescribed. Prolonged use reduces it's effectiveness and thus means you have to start taking more and more. Failure to follow the doctor’s directions makes it more likely for a person to develop a codeine addiction.

Codeine addiction is potentially life threatening. Furthermore, codeine addiction drives a wedge between personal relationships, as it is difficult for loved ones to cope with someone suffering from codeine addiction if they are zoned out most of the time. Therefore, it is of the utmost importance that a person with a codeine addiction receives help.

To get help for codeine addiction, the person coping with the codeine addiction needs to first accept that fact that he has a problem. Then they must be willing to get appropriate help and treatment for his addiction. Most research indicates that a three-month codeine addiction treatment program is ideal.

A critical phase of recovering from codeine addiction is physical detoxification. This is where the body readjusts to not having the drug in it's system. But, even more so, recovery from codeine addiction requires learning new skills. Sites, sounds, and certain situations can cause psychological stress for the person suffering from codeine addiction. These are called triggers and cues. Therefore, the person suffering from codeine addiction needs to anticipate and learn how to react when he encounters these triggers.

It is important for a person suffering from codeine addiction to seek professional help. Research has shown that a person who attempts to beat codeine addiction without professional help are less likely to be successful in recovery. This is because recovery from codeine addiction takes more than just will power. It also involves changing the way the brain works and learning new skills for coping with pain.

The author, Bill Urell, reviews only the best diet and fitness plans, tips, and articles that promote healthier lifestyles. Visit us and claim your FREE ebook, 101 Romantic Ideas as a welcome gift ==>http://www.online-weight-loss-resources.com

What is Emotional Intelligence

2006-11-29T13:41:00.000-08:00

Emotional Intelligence or commonly known as EQ is a relatively new field of psychology. Emotional intelligence means the ability for a person to access, influence and conclude our emotions and also the emotions of other people around us.

The term emotional intelligence was first made popular by Daniel Goldman with his book Emotional Intelligence and since then many researchers have began studies in this new field of psychology.

Emotional intelligence can be broken into 4 separate entities namely

1. Empathy : the ability for a person to be able to perceive the emotions of others around him/her and acknowledge those feelings.

2. Relationships : the ability for a person to be able to handle negotiations and mediations.

3. Self Awareness : the ability for a person to understand his/her own feelings, know what they means and acknowledging these feelings.

4. Handle Emotions : the ability for a person to manage and handle their own personal feelings responsibly and accurately depending on the situation.

Since everyone of us handle each emotion differently under different situations, it is also the reason why researchers are finding it difficult to measure emotional intelligence accurately.

Over the years, there are certain rules in emotional intelligence that seems to apply to the majority of us though. And we can train ourselves to be better equip to handle these emotions when it comes.

Unlike IQ where it is innate and some people are just born to be a genius. Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed. In fact, emotions were not even implanted on us when we were still a baby or in the mother’s womb. It is through the interactions with our environment and the people that we developed these emotions.

Ricky Lim is the online editor of an emotional intelligence site. Visit his site today for more info on emotional intelligence techniques and emotional intelligence workshops.

Divining Your Life Path Number

2006-11-29T02:32:00.000-08:00

The Life Path is determined by the sum that is arrived at after reducing your birth date by adding digits together. This number represents the traits and talents that you were born with and the probable journey you will take during your lifetime. In a way it represents what path you will take regardless of your essence, which is represented by the calculation of the Soul Number. If you calculate your Soul Number (as taught in another New Age Notebook) you can contrast the two numbers to see what your unique challenges are in life.

First convert the month you were born in to a single number. Let's use Angelina Jolie who was born in June 4, 1975 as an example.

First convert the month to a single number or master number. Note that when calculating months, double digit months such as September, October November and December do not reduce down to a single digit. For example November, which is the 11th month, equates to the number 2 after you add 1+1 together.

Angelina Jolie's birthday does not reduce down to a single digit. Her birth month is the sixth month of the year. Her month number is 6.

Your next step is to convert your day of birth to a single digit. For instance, if you were born on the 17th then you would add 1 and 7 together to reduce the number to 8. If you were born on the 29th you would reduce to the master number 11. In that case, further reduce the number to 1.

Angelina Jolie's birthday does not have to be reduced as she was born on the 4th, so her number is 4.

Next, add the total digits of the birth year and reduce them to a single number. Jolie's birth year is 1975 so you would add 1+9+7+5 to arrive at a sum that represents the year number. In Jolie's case the year is the master number 22. This would be reduced to simply 2.

Now add the month sum, birth sum and year sum together. For Jolie it would be:

6+4+2 = 12

If you get a double digit, as is the case with Angelina Jolie, reduce the number down further.

1+2 =3

Angelina Jolie's Life Path number is a 3.

Reduce your own birthday down to a single number and then find the interpretation below that describes your journey. Those configurations that also result in a master number such as 11, 22 or 33 should read the life path prediction for that number as well. For instance if your birthday reduces to 22 and then down to a 4, then you should read the interoperations for both the numbers 4 and 22.

INTERPRETATIONS OF THE LIFE PATH NUMBER

Life Path Number 1

If you are a 1, you are motivated by a need for soul freedom and personal attainment. Your prime directive is to learn how to be independent from others in all ways, but especially emotionally and financially.

Number 1s often have the potential to be great leaders but the often abysmally fail when it comes to teamwork and cooperation. For this reason, they make great entrepreneurs, freelancers, generals, commanders, CEOs and producers.

Usually number 1's spend at least two thirds of their life trying to shake off the emotional and financial shackles imposed on them by others. They are usually self-made individuals who, like salmon swimming upstream, have to overcome great odds in order to succeed. They innovative and inventive personalities usually end up changing the world for the better in some way.

A person with a number 1 Life Path is usually blessed with motivation, enthusiasm, creativity and inspiration. They tend to be physically healthier and mentally stronger than most people are. Their good looks vitality and lust for life is a source of awe for others who often admire their stamina and ability to get their act together.

However sometimes a person traveling the number 1 Life path can be self-absorbed, pushy and overwhelming. Their aggression and ambition is often interpreted as hostility and selfishness. Most number 1's learn hard lessons about the value of good timing and tact during their life journey.

Many who try to have relationships with number 1s cannot stomach their driving ambition and social climbing, which is indicative of their lust for success (especially material) at any cost. They tend to see people as objects and are possessive, jealous and obsessive. They are also not beyond entertaining an infidelity that will advance their career.

Number 1s who stray from their paths often end up in clingy codependent relationships with mentally ill or addicted partners. If you are a number 1 and experiencing this kind of situation, it is a definite message that you are failing your life's purpose to become self-sufficient in life.

Life Path Number 2

Those following a number 2 Life Path tend to be diplomatic, sensitive individuals. As they have an inherent sense of morality and fairness, they tend to be indecisive as they can clearly see both sides of any conundrum or argument. They often make great judges, mediators, lawyers, counselors or social workers because they have an incredible talent for resolving disputes.

These loving, optimistic individuals prefer to see only the best in others. They are honest almost to the point of fault. They have high emotional quotients and thrive best in a work setting that requires teamwork. Number 2's are always respected for their politeness, tact and ability to inspire groups of people to perform acts of charity and philanthropy. Number 2's never "stoop to conquer" and consider themselves to be above arguing with others.

Number 2s function best in nine to five jobs where the routine is the same every day. Erratic behaviors, drama queens and overt displays of physical affection upset them.

These natural collectors are also pack rats and are the type to keep everything that they have owned since birth in the attic or basement. As they are also very sentimental and nostalgic, many of them collect antiques and photographs of loved ones.

As the life purpose of a number 2 is to bring harmony to group situations it is very important for them to get out and socialize. A number 2 that is isolating has strayed from his or her life path. Pessimism, lethargy and depression usually identify this. The best way for a number 2 to get back on the right path is to find a job that involves working with the general public or to find a way to practice acts of charity or philanthropy. Nothing corrects a number 2's karma more efficiently than acts of random kindness or volunteering for a hospital, school or shelter. In fact, that is how many of them meet their soul mates.

Life Path Number 3

Followers of Life Path number 3 are effervescent personalities whose journey often leads to artistic acclaim or social popularity. Number 3s are the entertainers of the world and most of them are truly gifted musicians, writers, actors, dancers, public speakers and politicians.

A number 3 is not fulfilled until there has been some public acknowledgement of his or her unique talent. The number 3 life path is one that is characterized by beauty, excitement, eccentricity and social popularity. These unique, expressive personalities often easily acquire, fame and glory.

This number is also usually blessed with a warm, charismatic personality and an incredible sense of personal faith and optimism. Their attractive physical appearance also often captures the imaginations of others and they make excellent muses and models.

Often a number 3 is also a witty or poetic individual who is an entertaining conversationalist. At the same time they are known for their understanding of human nature as well as their ability to really listen to others and truly comprehend their emotional needs.

Number 3's are also excellent chefs and hosts and boast exquisite taste in fashion and home decoration. They are often sought after socially as others find them physically as well as spiritually beautiful.

Usually a number 3 is quite stubborn and plays to win no matter how high the cost of success. Their unusual stamina and vigor makes it easier for them to rebound from setbacks in life than most people. Often these setbacks are of a financial or romantic nature as their idealism and spontaneity sometimes causes them to make bad choices.
However a number 3 is usually quite humble and very capable of being honest with themselves about their mistakes.

Number 3's stray off their life path by giving up their dreams and talents. Many escape into alcohol or drug abuse to avoid hearing the nagging voice of their constant inspiration. If you are a number 3 who is not finding themselves in the spotlight because of personal problems then this is a wake-up call to follow your heart's desire. Your exuberant nature can take you further than most people, especially if you give yourself permission to focus your energies and talents.

Life Path Number 4

Those following the Life Path of a number 4 often end up becoming the pillars of the community. These individuals are hard working, practical and trustworthy. They have the practical skills to bring dreams of others into reality.

However, self-sacrificing number 4's often demand too much both of themselves and others. For this reason many of them develop personal reputations as martyrs or tyrants. The will power and stubbornness of the number 4 can also be interpreted as greed and selfishness. This completely baffles the confused number 4 whose intentions are usually to benefit the good of all.

These sensitive individuals can also be very set in their ways and traumatized by any changes to their routines. It is difficult to ever convince a number 4 that he or she might be wrong, as they do not respond well to criticism. The tenacity and obsessive character traits of the number 4 often earn him or her the title of workaholic. Still many have profited from a number 4's devotion to performing thankless tasks and rigid sense of organization.

These loyal individuals make fantastic marriage and business partners. At first a number 4 can be very difficult to get to know because they usually play their cards very close to their chest. They don't believe that life is a popularity contest so they tend to make just a few close friends rather than sparkle in a crowd on the party circuit.

Dependable and predictable number 4's are associated with the earth element so they can have a very grounding influence on others. However their fear of talking can make them seem very uptight. They can also be so over focused on the tasks at hand that they miss big opportunities that come their way.

People following the number 4 life path are often learning lessons about letting go of emotional insecurity. Signs that a number 4 is straying off the path are hostility from others, jealousy, possessiveness and a life made leaden and heavy by a lack of sense of humor.

Sometimes a number 4's adherence to routine is obsessive to the point of being pathological. If you believe that changing your routine even in the slightest might destroy your business or happiness in one way then you may be a number 4 who is becoming paralyzed by insecurity. Your way back on the path would be to let loose a little and develop some flexibility and tolerance of others.

Life Path Number 5

Those traveling the number 5 Life Path are adventurous and highly inquisitive individuals who consider hands on experience to be the best teacher in life. Many of them are deeply intelligent, philosophical and spiritually minded. They love to theorize about the nature of existence. Despite their sometimes-spacey demeanor, many are sincere seekers of solutions to mankind's problems.

Number 5's abhor routine and daily chores. They are often excellent at initiating many projects, but rarely follow through on any of them. Number 5's are lousy at self-care and housework, preferring instead to follow their whims and impulses. For this reason, they do not thrive well in office environments.

Number 5's, however, can be great communicators and are excellent when it comes to the abstraction of any subject. For this reason they make great social anthropologists, archaeologists and historians. Some number 5's also make excellent teachers.

Usually at one point in their life, a number 5 experiences some kind of spiritual or emotional catharsis that causes them to trade in a standard career for a self-made profession such as an artist, investigator or journalist. Most number 5's are multi-talented but lack the discipline or desire to follow one path. For this reason, many number 5's end up leading chaotic and even catastrophic lives when it comes to finances.

Number 5's also hate to make plans and prefer to live in the present. Their happy-go-lucky attitudes demonstrate an incredible faith that the universe will take care of them. The opposite sex often finds their devil-may-care attitudes to be exciting and romantic, that is until they end up supporting a number 5 that lacks life-direction.

The number 5's lack of commitment also extends to personal relationships. They tend to be very self-absorbed and unaware of the effect of their actions on other people. There is also a tendency to place what others might interpret as the most important priority in life as last and the least important consideration first. As other people often feel tricked or fooled by number 5's, they tend to experience a series of broken relationships.

A sign that a number 5 has strayed completely off his or her life path would be an over emphasis on decadence or the demoralization of all those who encounter the individual. If you are a number 5 who is constantly encountering criticism, derision, dissonance and a lack of stability in your life, you have probably strayed from your life's purpose, which is to create a more generous and utopian future for others.

Life Path Number 6

Those following the number 6 Life Path are usually people-pleasers that have a great need to feel indispensable to others. For this reason many number 6's often dedicate their lives to being caregivers and service providers such a doctors, nurses, counselors, fire fighters and law keepers.

These self-less individuals believe that they should share the burdens of others as they proceed on their life's journey. They are usually mature souls who are not afraid to assume responsibility or take charge of difficult situations.

Number 6's usually feel a spiritual obligation to help others and do so by constantly displaying kindness, tenderness and compassion to all that they meet. As children, these natural born leaders usually display a wisdom, bravery and self-control that are far beyond their age.

Number 6's are also domestic creatures whose actions are often motivated by a love of children and family. It is rare for a number 6 to have money problems, unless the cause is assisting someone who is less unfortunate. They are also more likely to adopt a child or work in a capacity that involves coaching youth (such as a baseball team) than other numbers. They usually earn the unqualified respect of family and friends because of their willingness to carry more than their fair share of the load when it comes to interacting with the community.

Number 6's have very few negative qualities, except for a tendency to codependency. 6's that find himself or herself enslaved to an addicted or mentally ill partner might not be following their true path, as this is a sign that they have become enablers, rather than healers of the diseases. Their life purpose is to love and nurture all who they encounter, not just that one special exclusive someone.

Life Path Number 7

Those embarking on number 7 Life Paths are affectionate, peace-loving individuals who prefer rationality to inspiration. These reserved and analytical deep-thinkers make great mathematicians, engineers, inventors, scientists and doctors.

These intellectual and studious personalities often pursue advanced academic careers. As they love to read and absorb information, they usually require a great deal of private time to cultivate their knowledge. Number 7 children often excel at school and appear to be "old souls" for their age.

Number 7 s are perfectionists who prefer silence to music, noise and crowds. They are methodical and thorough analysts who believe that "if you can't do a job right, don't do it at all."

Suspicious 7's do not make friends easily. They despise the guile and manipulations associated with popular culture and dismiss all who do not pass their strict moral standards. 7's often appear very reserved and aloof to others and many find it takes some time to even get up the nerve to approach them. Once a 7 does make a friend, however, it is usually for life.

Although they are skeptical and analytical creatures, 7's do rely on their gut instincts more than they rely on statistics, public opinion polls or advice from others. As they dislike being manipulated, television or the media disgusts many.

These hermits enjoy being alone and far away from the hustle and bustle of modern life. For this reason, many of them prefer to live in the country where their nerves are not irritated by the hectic pace of urban life.

The shadow side of a 7 is a tendency to become pessimistic, overly logical, quarrelsome and pessimistic. Many 7s are brilliant and (perhaps deservedly so) feel that the world owes them a living. If you are a number 7 who can't seem to deal with people at all there is a chance that abrasive character traits that were formally considered eccentric have been demoted down to repulsive. A sign that a number 7 has strayed completely off of his or her life path is a complete withdrawal from society. In this case, the troubled 7 should try to recognize his or her original ambitions to improve the world through the application of wisdom.

Life Path Number 8

Followers of the number 8 Life Path are naturally lucky individuals whose soul purpose is to acquire material wealth. People on this path have relatively little time for dreams and visions, as they are busy applying their prodigal organizational abilities to the real world.

Number 8s are usually confident, charismatic individuals who are adept at spotting trends and opportunities. Usually their life purpose is learning to manipulate money and power without becoming corrupted in the process.

These social climbers will go to great lengths to meet the right person at the right time. Even if an 8 is from an unprivileged background, he or she will go to a lot of trouble to be seen at the right parties, wearing the right clothes and hobnobbing with the real players in the room. People who boast a "from rags to riches" history often are number 8's.

8's who use their natural luck for good are endowed with tremendous potential for practically improving the lives of thousands, perhaps millions of people. 8's are practical and steady in their pursuit of major objectives and their tenacity and determination allows them to beat their competition every time. Courageous number 8's also have an incredible capacity to "not sweat the small stuff" and often beat out their competitors simply through sheer endurance or fortitude.

Some 8's take a shadowy diversion from their truth path by expressing greed, lust and unbridled ambition. They can be tyrants on the job and seem cold and heartless at home. They should avoid discounting the opinions of others, especially when it comes to emotional relationships.

Sometimes the pursuit of riches becomes more important than personal relationships. *8's are considered to be on the wrong path if an attachment to material objects is taking over their desire to share material and spiritual riches with the rest of the world.

Life Path Number 9

Those on the number 9 Life path are destined to travel a humanitarian path. These individuals make great diplomats, environmentalists, veterinarians, teachers, judges, social workers, nuns, priests and healers.

These sophisticated individual are very selfless souls and are often patient, trustworthy and honorable from the very beginning to the end of their life. Their moral rectitude, compassion and generosity often identify them.

Noble number 9's are willing to take on great responsibilities in the name of justice or fighting for the underdog. Very few of them are interested in material gain. Many of them believe they will get their rewards in heaven for good deeds done on earth. It is also not unusual for a number 9 to give up all of their material possessions for the common good.

Sometimes 9's express their deep understanding of life through painting, writing, music or other art forms. Many also become mystics, channellers, light workers, Reiki masters, witches and alternative healers.

The number 9 personality is best suited to the healing and care giving professions. Their sensitive natures tend to be completely trampled in traditional, competitive business environments.

Number 9's have winning smiles and make friends very easily. They are great listeners and many of them can make others feel better just with a simple pat on the hand. Although they are fantastic with strangers, they are not so great in one on one relationship. One on one relationships often seem toxic to sophisticated number nines who are turned off by the drama, possessiveness and terminal uniqueness that is associated with the ideal of a soul mate. 9's also do not like sex much, unless it is related to a tantra or practiced for the purposes of procreation. Many of them purposely remain single so that they can treat everybody like their soul mate.

9's who stray from their wrong paths often find themselves feeling angry or hostile towards those they have helped. They may feel their generosity has been misused or abused. Their life path is to have faith in God or a Higher Power rather than other people. The number 9 who is giving with an expectation of reward, needs to reexamine his or own inner core and principles.

The negative side of 9's manifests when they find others leaving them out of the loop. Their eccentricity causes others to treat them like village idiot. Sometimes 9's lofty ideals are presented in a manner that others find absurd, spacey or hilarious. Part of a 9's life path to express spiritual principles through actions, rather than through preaching or proselytizing.

Life Path Number 11

The Number 11 Life Path is concerned with spiritual illumination. Often a number 11 will display an understanding and knowledge of metaphysical matters that is far beyond the grasp of others.

11's tend to lead a life of extremes. In their quest to find a balance between the rational and the irrationality they will often pursue the most eclectic of religions and cultures. These avant-garde and visionary individuals make great students, psychics, mystics, healers, teachers, writers, musicians and artists.

The number 11 will often sacrifice all in the pursuit of occult or metaphysical knowledge. Their thirst for learning persuades many of them to join cults or New Age Movements. Fortunately if they do get in trouble, they often demonstrate a brilliant resilience.

11's can also be chameleons when it comes to career. Many of them try on careers the same way others try on clothes. The odd thing is that these "quick studies” are usually successful at whatever they do. Many of them will often boast two careers at once, often antithetical to each other. It is an 11 that you will find working as the manager of a bank by day, and then moonlighting as a Tarot Reader at night.

However, 11's best utilize their life's purpose by attempting to become teachers or counseling. Most 11's are very skilled healers at the subconscious level and others are often healed by their touching and insightful words.

On the negative side 11's often expect a great deal of themselves and others. Many of them are "wounded healers" who at some point in their life suffer a devastating experience that propels them on the search for spirituality. However along with these situations usually come a lot of toxic emotional baggage and a harsh inner critic. It takes many 11's their entire life to rid themselves of the chip on their shoulder.

11's are also very nervous individuals who are prone to illnesses that have a dual nature such as manic depression and schizophrenia. A tendency towards dreaminess sometimes delays them from finding their true purpose in life. In fact, 11's are often late bloomers who do not start making money doing what they love until after age 40.

An 11 has strayed from his or her path when he or she finds himself always dreaming of big schemes, but never taking practical action to put these ideas into action. This means the 11 is not progressing and stuck in the "visionary" stage of enlightenment.

Life Path Number 22

Those following the life path of 22 are called master teachers. They are the most powerful of the Life Path numbers and are endowed with many powers. They have a unique talent for manifesting ideas into the realm of reality.

Whatever a 22 thinks about is almost sure to become manifest so it is very important for them to choose their thoughts carefully. If they are willing to work for what they desire they can achieve enormous prestige, success and fame. Things often come easily to 22's who others often describe as being "born with a silver spoon." They can accomplish a great deal with very little effort.

Negative 22's are very rare, but sometimes they display what looks like insensitivity. This is part of a spiritual directive to be detached from objects and the outcome of events. Many of them work for material gain, with the idea that their wealth should be spread among the masses.

Life Path Number 33

A birth date that reduces down to 33 is very rare. When it does happen you are looking at a great and significant spiritual leader along the lines of the Dalai Lama or Gandhi.

These individuals do not display any typicality in terms of their life story, however they do usually achieve fame through acts of kindness, tenderness and compassion that lead to the transformation of the world's consciousness.

Samantha Steven's articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. If you wish to buy Samantha's books about metaphysics click here
http://www.insomniacpress.com/author.php?id=110
You can meet Samantha Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com where she works as a professional psychic. You can also read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com

Nude Aerobics Yoga?

2006-11-28T15:19:00.000-08:00

Nude aerobics yoga may sound vulgar, offensive and impossible but it does exists.
A lot of people may not practice doing this but there are some who would really
prefer doing nude aerobics yoga.

Nude aerobics yoga may imply something not applicable to some culture and
society. There are some places that might not respect that kind of practice.

They say nudity is healthy natural. Those who do nude aerobics yoga say that
clothes keep them disturbed and it prevents the flow of air in getting inside the
body. This may be funny but they really think it that way. For them, wearing clothes
is like an excess baggage.

Some can’t even carry out yoga with their clothes on. If this is the case, a lot of
people will be intimidated or perhaps be interested in doing nude aerobics yoga.

Somehow, this brings some negative effects in the people or group doing this kind
of practice. Some might think that they will take nude aerobics yoga for fun and for
some other reasons which goes beyond imagination.

Clothes are considered an art in yoga exercises. Without clothes, where would art
take place? Did they say that the body is considered the art, not mentioning nudity?

Nude aerobics yoga is believed to be a clean exercise because people believed that
wearing clothes invited and encouraged the proliferation of microscopic fungi and
bacteria. This is acquired in warm and humid temperature and circumstances.

When the temperature is warm, they are able to interfere with the natural body
temperature of our control mechanism. This makes some of the parts hotter than
the others.

People who do nude aerobics yoga can freely sweat and not be absorbed by cotton.
This may sound gross but they claimed that people who perspire in clothes smell
bad. Sweaty clothes are not pleasing to our nose. That is a fact. But those who
perspire naturally smell better.

Wearing shorts and trousers will raise the temperature of the testicles for the male.
This then results to hinder the growth of sperm and the male hormones which
reduces fertility. This can also cause impotence to both genders.

Looking back to the early generation, nudity was our natural condition as they say.
It was also added that nudity adds to the physical and emotional health of the
individual.

The main reason why people love doing nude aerobics yoga is because it feels great.
A lot of them have alleged the same reasons and they really stand for it. Nude
aerobics yoga lets you articulate your natural emotions and let you speak for
yourself. After all, it’s nice to feel the natural air slapping on your skin and feeling
the sweat roughly come out of the inside.

At first it may be too cognizant to practice the nude aerobics yoga but once you get the hang of it, you will feel that it is nourishing and exfoliating. You will realize after
that doing this exercise is not that gross as what you think. Later on you will feel its
effect on your body and it wouldn’t be surprising to see that your body has changed
because you have bared it all.

It is now time to change your viewpoint in life and go on a different level. After you
have experienced all the styles of yoga, try the nude aerobics yoga and have that
nice feel.

© Copyright Melvin Chua, All Rights Reserved.

Melvin has dozens more related articles and tips on doing yoga at his site: href="http://www.doing-yoga.com" target="_blank">doing yoga, check them
out today!

Mental Abuse - The 7 Most Important Things To Know

2006-11-28T02:29:00.000-08:00

1. Sticks and stones won’t break my bones” – and words won’t leave any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive, long-term harm. Never underestimate the power of words: words are used to brainwash.

Being told you are “stupid”, “ugly”, “lazy” or “worthless” is never acceptable. The first times you hear it, it will hurt, naturally. In time you “may get used to” hearing it from a partner. That’s when you start to internalise and believe it. When that happens you are doing the other person’s work of putting you down for them. This is why your feelings of self-worth suffer increasingly over time.

The good news is that just as words have been used to bring you down, you can learn to harness the power of words to build you up and restore your confidence and belief in yourself.

2. You are always told that it’s your fault. Somehow, whatever happens, however it starts, the ultimate blame is always yours. Notice that we are talking ultimate blame here. The blaming partner will always tell you that their behaviour was caused by what you said or did. In fact, their argument runs along the lines that you can’t possibly blame them for anything, because if you hadn’t said what you said, or done what you did it would never have happened.

3. You’re more inclined to believe your partner than you are to believe yourself. Have you ever reeled with a sense of hurt and injustice, or seethed with anger at the way you’ve been treated? Have you found yourself asking: “Is it reasonable to feel like this?” “Am I misinterpreting things?” “Have I got it wrong?”

If this is you, what it means is that you have become so brainwashed you’ve stopped trusting in your own judgement. Your mind keeps throwing up the observations and questions because, deep down, you know that what is happening is utterly wrong. But right now you can’t feel the strength of your own convictions.

4. You need your partner to acknowledge your feelings. Have you ever felt desperate to make your partner hear what you are saying and apologise for the hurtful things they’ve said? Have you ever felt that only they can heal the pain they’ve caused?

Does your need for them to validate your feelings keep you hooked into the relationship?

When a partner constantly denies or refuses to listen to your feelings, that is, unquestionably, mental abuse.

5. Your partner blows hot and cold. He can be very loving but is often highly critical of you. He may tell you how much he loves you, yet he is short on care or consideration towards you. In fact, some of the time, maybe even a lot of the time, he treats you as if you were someone he truly dislikes.

You do everything you can to make him happy, but it’s never good enough. You’re more like the pet dog in the relationship than you are the equal partner. Your constant efforts to get his attention and please him meet with limited success. Sometimes he’ll be charmed, often he’s dismissive.

If you find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you that way, it is because you are trying to live in a love-based relationship, when in reality you are living in a control-based relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship to create a feeling of personal power, at his partner’s expense.

6. You feel as if you are constantly walking on eggshells. There is a real degree of fear in the relationship. You have come to dread his outbursts, the hurtful things that he will find to say to you. (Maybe the same anxiety and need to please spill over into your other relationships also.)

Fear is not part of a loving relationship, but it is a vital part of a mentally abusive relationship. It enables the abuser to maintain control over you.

7. You can heal. Mentally abusive relationships cause enormous emotional damage to the loving partner who tries, against all odds, to hold the relationship together and, ultimately, can’t do it, because her partner is working against her.

Whether you are currently in a mentally abusive relationship, have left one recently, or years later are still struggling with the anxieties and low self-worth and lack of confidence caused by mental abuse, it is never too late to heal.

But you do need to work with a person or a programme specifically geared to mental abuse recovery.

Women who have suffered mental abuse expect radical change of themselves, and they expect it right away. This is why they often struggle and, not uncommonly, take up with another abusive partner.

Mental abuse recovery is a gradual process. Low self-worth and limiting beliefs about what kind of future the abuse sufferer can ever hope for are the blocks that can stop women from moving on. But they are blocks that you can clear very effectively.
Just as language was once used to harm you, you can now learn how language can heal you. You can overcome past mental abuse and keep yourself safe from it in the future. You can also learn to feel strong, believe in yourself and create the life and the relationships you truly want.

“The Woman You Want To Be” is a unique workbook designed to accompany you on a year long journey into emotional health and happiness.

(C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future.

Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com

Hemroids

2006-11-27T15:43:00.001-08:00

Hemroids or hemorrhoids are also known as piles and it is causes due to the swelling of rectum veins. It causes bleeding though anus while passing the stool. There are mainly two types of hemorrhoids- external hemorrhoids and internal hemorrhoids.

As the name known internal hemorrhoids affects internal rectal region. In the case of internal hemorrhoids the veins are rectal bleeding starts due to the enlargement of the veins, which abstracts the stool while passing. The most popular treatment for internal hemorrhoids are injection therapy, hemroidectomy, infrared coagulation, rubber band ligatio.

In case of external hemorrhoids the symptoms are felt out side the body like irritation, burning sensation around the anus area and itching and passing of stool along with bleeding. “Warm Bath” can give you some relief from external hemorrhoids. For this you have to sit in warm water for 10 to 15 minutes. You can do it twice or thrice times in a day. Or you can also use ice packs for temporary relief from external hemorrhoids.

Here is the important thing is to know what is the symptoms of hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoid symptoms are primarily noticed at rectum and adjoining areas. The commonly known hemorrhoids symptoms are: Itching in rectal area Swelling of anus or inner anus area Obstruction in passing stools Formation blood clots in inner side of anus-which can be felt by touch is hemorrhoid symptom. Strangulated lumps-prolapsed from anus (advance stage of internal hemroid) is a hemorrhoids symptom.

hemorrhoids occurrence depends on so many things like eating habits, bowel habits, abdominal disorders and working conditions and nature of jobs.

Now a question comes in mind that what is the treatment for hemorrhoids. There are various treatments for treating hemorrhoids. The best option is precaution to carry out early treatment so that it is prevented from further development. Some of the temporary treatments are surgery, herbal medicines and various creams. The herbal medicines and creams are prepared from various trees such as horse chestnut tree, butcher broom tree and the pagoda trees that are mostly found in Japan.

Author is a a website marketing executive for hemroids related site www.hemroids-information.com. This site give you complete information about hemroids information, hemroids symptom, hemroids types, causes of hemroids and treatments for get relief from hemroids.

Benefits of a Healthy Self-Esteem

2006-11-27T02:30:00.000-08:00

The great thing about self-esteem is that it does not take much in the enhancement of your self-esteem for you to experience quite significant results. It is as if your psyche has been waiting for what seems an eternity for you to make some moves in this direction. Once you take even the first step on the pathway to enhanced self-esteem you will experience feelings you never thought possible. It is almost as intense (and pleasurable) as the act physical intimacy with a loved one, but lasts a heck of lot longer!!! (That’s all I plan to say on that matter!)

After a while the intensity lessens or as I prefer, you grow into it. But the sense of inner glow remains and makes life extremely enjoyable. Try it, yo might get just as hooked as I am. And if that is not enough incentive, what else do you have to look forward to?

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem seek out new challenges. They develop stimulating and demanding things to do. Life is never ‘dull and boring’. They have more resources available to them when they are confronted with problems in their lives. They bounce back more quickly from set backs because they have the energy to, if necessary start again from scratch, time and time again.

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem are more ambitious, not necessarily in the area of finance and career, but in what they look for in life generally. They are able to express themselves, their thoughts and their wants more easily because they believe their thoughts have value and are worthy of expression. They are able to accept criticism of those thoughts easily because they are able to see the criticism for what it is, rather than an attack on their personhood.

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem tend to treat others with respect and fairness because those others do not represent any sort of threat to themselves. When you respect yourself, you have a solid basis for being able to respect others for what they have to offer. Because people with appropriate levels of self-esteem think of themselves as worthy of being loved, they also have a foundation for being able to love and appreciate other people. They believe each life is enriched by mutual respect and sharing of ideas.

People with appropriate levels of self-esteem have good things happening in their lives because they expect good things to happen. It really is that simple.

The reality is, your self-esteem is a given in life. It functions with or without your input, with or without your knowledge. Given the lists of benefits which would you rather have: a level of self-esteem appropriate to your life situation or an underdeveloped self-esteem that finds you sadly lacking in most areas of endeavor? The choice, as always is yours.

Graham Hunt is the founder and Thinker-in-Residence of The Ultimate Success Centre, an organization developed to resource an environment where those who choose can discover and develop towards their full potential. Part of the way Graham is doing that is through his website The Ultimate Success Site Drop by and visit anytime.

What to Do If You Suspect Your Child Is Secretly Doing Something Unacceptable

2006-11-26T09:31:00.001-08:00

What is a parent to do if she/he suspects his/her child is secretly doing something unacceptable? The first reaction is to trust that your child is in conflict about something and needs your understanding support to discuss and resolve the issue. Avoid the temptation to rifle through your child’s personal belongings to uncover information.

If you discover evidence supporting your suspicions, you will need to reveal that you found the evidence. Your child will know you have snooped and will feel a sense of violation and, worse, will feel he/she cannot trust you.

The most effective way to help your child tell you what is going-on is a non-judgmental and open discussion. The following tips are good guidelines for this process.

1. Remain Calm: No matter how upset you are with regard to your suspicions, remain calm to avoid an adversarial atmosphere. Your reaction and behavior play a key role in your child’s ability to tell you what she/he is struggling with or is doing.

2. Take your child to a comfortable place in your home—kitchen table, bedroom or family room. Do not include siblings in this discussion.

3. Use a calm, non-judgmental matter-of-fact tone of voice.

4. Understand your child does not know how to tell you or what you need to know so you can be of help.

5. Tell your child what you have noticed and why you are concerned. Describe his/her behavior, actions, reactions, and mood—referencing these behaviors, actions, reactions and mood to specific events.

6. Avoid discounting anything your child says. Children cannot talk in the same style or use the same vocabulary as adults. If your child says something that does not add up or make sense—State: “That does not add up or make sense.” Review the details and point out the discrepancies. Continue this line of discussion, until you are satisfied all information has been revealed.

7. Do not admonish your child for not telling you before. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Regardless of how your child told you—you now know. Praise your child for telling you.

Some issues may take days or weeks to resolve. Reassure your child that the issue will be resolved.
8. Reassure your child you love him/her. Children feel guilt, humiliation and shame more readily and more than will be apparent.

9. Develop a plan to help your child learn to avoid these type situations or to handle it in an assertive and self-empowering manner.

Important tools to teach your child to navigate in life include:

1. Be polite—to say "thank you," "please," "excuse me," "I'm sorry," —beginning at age two.

2. Respect other people's differences. We live among many cultures, we need to be ready to have friendships with people who do things in a different way.

3. Respect, but be alert to over zealous or sneaky persons in authority—teachers, coaches, religious leaders, a friend's parents, neighbors and elders.

4. Show kindness—avoid teasing and bullying.

5. Develop interests—hobbies, sports, community work/volunteering, mentoring younger children. Doing interesting things makes your child interesting and brings other exciting people into his/her life. It builds self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment.

6. Exercise good sportsmanship—be a team member who looks out for the entire team and not just oneself.

7. Encourage your child to do things on his/her own as well as in a group—a person who can enjoy his/her own company is good company for others.

8. Be assertive—people respect your child for standing up for what's right and showing strength. It's ok to say "no" when it is the right thing to do.

9. Be friendly—to have friends a person sometimes has to make the first move.

Promote these positive behaviors at home with family members. If these actions are part of a child's daily life at home, he/she will continue them outside of the home. Other good ideas include taking your children to places and events where children don't typically go, so they learn early on how to act in such public places. You can also allow your child to play host with you at family gatherings in your home or when close friends visit. Give tasks to a child that she/he can do without too much help from you, and don't forget to offer praise later.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, "If I'd Only Known...Sexual Abuse in or Out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net

Top 15 Goals Quotations

2006-11-25T12:23:00.001-08:00

Examine your own personal goals and find methods to achieve your desires with these valuable quotations about setting goals...

"The most important thing about having goals is having one."
-- Geoffrey F. Abert
"It takes a little courage, and a little self-control. And some grim determination, If you want to reach the goal. It takes a deal of striving, and a firm and stern-set chin. No matter what the battle, If you really want to win. There's no easy path to glory, There's no road to fame. Life, however we may view it, Is no simple parlor game; But it's prizes call for fighting, For endurance and for grit; For a rugged disposition and don't know when to quit."
-- Anonymous
"No set goal achieved satisfies. Success only breeds a new goal. The golden apple devoured has seeds. It is endless."
-- Bette Davis
"A goal is a dream that has an ending. "
-- Duke Ellington
"The timid and fearful first failures dismay, but the stout heart stays trying by night and by day. He values his failures as lessons that teach The one way to get to the goal he would reach."
-- Edgar A. Guest
"Know what you want to do, hold the thought firmly, and do every day what should be done, and every sunset will see you that much nearer to your goal."
-- Elbert Hubbard
"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude."
-- Thomas Jefferson
"It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal."
-- Helen Keller
"A goal properly set is halfway reached."
-- Abraham Lincoln
"It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life does not lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy of life lies in having no goal to reach."
-- Benjamin E. Mays
"Each of us has a fire in our hearts for something. It's our goal in life to find it and to keep it lit."
-- Mary Lou Retton
"Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal."
-- Ralph Vaull Starr
"We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success."
-- Henry David Thoreau
"Goals are your personal statements of what you are truly willing to do to achieve what you really want to achieve."
-- Denis Waitley
"What you get by achieving your goals is to as important as what you become by achieving your goals."
-- Zig Ziglar

Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more. Read it online at - http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp

Sex, Love, and Poly-Behavioral Addiction

2006-11-24T20:25:00.000-08:00

Experts in the field of addictions are presently purporting that between 3 and 6 percent of the world’s population (193 to 386 million people) are presently affected by a sexual dependency or compulsivity (Carnes, 2005). Sexual dependency is a diagnosable and treatable disease, which today is generally, regarded in about the same way that alcoholism and drug addiction (chemical dependency) was regarded 40 years ago. Even so, there still exists a wide range of understandable misunderstandings about compulsive sexual acting out, created out of ignorance about the nature of sexual addiction, and supported and perpetuated by the multibillion dollar pornography industry.

Sexual Dependency - is a global term that covers a wide range of maladaptive and self-defeating behavior patterns and relationships such as:

1. Love Addiction – a disorder in which individuals repeatedly become involved in enmeshed, intense, codependent relationships, even when those relationships or partners are destructive;

2. Romance Addiction - a disorder in which individuals become obsessed with the intrigue and the pursuit of romance and thrive on the thrill of the chase, but find it impossible to sustain a committed, intimate relationship with another person;

3. Sexual Anorexia – a disorder in which individuals become dominated and obsessed with the emotional, physical, and mental task of avoiding sex; and

4. Sex Addiction – a disorder in which individuals become obsessed with sexually-related, compulsive self-defeating maladaptive behavior.

But can one really be addicted to love as the popular 80’s song proclaims? In a recent research study, (Aron, A. 2005) published in the June issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology, researchers used functional MRI to watch the real-time brain activity of 17 college students (10 women, seven men), all of whom were in the early weeks or months of new love. These researchers concluded that, love may vie for the same real estate in the brain as drug addiction. “Early love, rooted as it is in the caudate nucleus, is all about addiction.” "It is a drug addiction." "It's certainly got some of the main characteristics of drug addiction -- as with drugs, once you fall in love you need that person more and more, so much so that, after a while, you have to marry them. There are other things, too -- real dependence, personality changes, withdrawal symptoms." “And just like the need for cocaine or heroin, love can make people do crazy, sometimes dangerous things.” According to Aron (2005), the findings help explain instances where people fall in love with people they aren’t even sexually attracted to; or why others can feel equally strong, sudden emotion for a newborn child or even God.

So does this mean that all people who are newly in love have an addiction? Are all men who look at pornography addicted? Are all women who read romance novels addicted? Are all people who avoid sex considered sexual anorexics? No, no, no, and no. Then how can we differentiate between addiction and healthy relationships? Like other forms of addictive diseases and lifestyle disorders such as chemical dependency, pathological gambling, eating disorders, and religious addiction -

Sexual dependency is characterized by an addictive cycle of:

1. Obsession or preoccupation;

2. Ritualization;

3. Compulsive behaviors;

4. Loss of control and despair; and

5. Shame and guilt that perpetuates a maladaptive belief system of impaired thinking and unmanageability.

Typically, sexual addictive patterns are considered pathological problems when issues concerning sexual behaviors become the focus of life, causing feelings of shame, guilt, and embarrassment with related symptoms of depression and anxiety that cause significant maladaptive social and/ or occupational impairment in functioning. Addicts don’t use sex for affection or recreation, but for the management of anxiety and/ or emotional pain.

We must consider that some people develop dependencies on certain life-functioning activities such as sex that can be just as life threatening as drug addiction and just as socially and psychologically damaging as alcoholism.

Sexual addiction takes many forms with various levels of severity to include:

1. Controversial behaviors (obsessions with pornography, and sex with strangers to engaging in cyber-sex);

2. Unacceptable behaviors (exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls); and

3. Profound Sex offender behaviors (rape, incest, and child molestation).

Though solitary forms of this addiction may not be overtly risky, they can be part of a pattern of distorted thinking and identity conflict that can escalate to involve harming the self and others. An example of a Sexual Disorder (NOS) or Not Otherwise Specified in the DSM-IV-TR, (2000) includes: distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by an individual only as things to be used. (It should be noted that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has never used the word “addiction” to describe any of its disorders).
The defining elements of this kind of addiction are its secrecy and escalating nature, often resulting in diminished judgment and self-control (Carnes, 1994).

Brief History of Sex Addiction

In 1976, a suburban hospital administrator asked Dr. Patrick Carnes to start an experimental program for chemically dependent families. The theoretical constructs of the program originated in general systems theory, especially as it applied to families and the 12-steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the many factors which stood out from a family perspective was that the addictive compulsivity had many forms other than alcohol and drug abuse including overeating, gambling, shoplifting, and sexuality. Members of groups like Overeaters Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous had already pioneered in applying the 12-steps to other addictions so the Family Renewal Center extended its programming based on the 12-steps, to sexual addiction.

In 1983, Dr. Patrick Carnes formally introduced the concept of sexual addiction to the world in a text entitled “Out of the Shadows.” Since then the field of sexual addiction and compulsive sexual behavior has developed dramatically. Terms such as addiction, compulsivity, hyper-sexuality, and “Don Juanism,” all have been used to describe what generically could be called "out of control sexual behavior." Regardless of its name, clinicians from all fields agree that a syndrome exists in which individuals have a sense that they have lost control over their sexual behavior.

According to the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), sexual addiction is a persistent and escalating pattern or patterns of sexual behaviors acted out despite increasingly negative consequences to self or others. The fundamental nature of all addiction is the addicts' experience of helplessness and powerlessness over an obsessive-compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict may be out of control. They may experience extreme emotional pain and shame. They may repeatedly fail to control their behavior. They may suffer one or more of the following consequences of an unmanageable lifestyle: a deterioration of some or all supportive relationships; difficulties with work, financial troubles; and physical, mental, and/ or emotional exhaustion which sometimes leads to psychiatric problems and hospitalization. Addictions tend to arise from the same backgrounds: families with co-dependency including multiple addictions; lack of effective parenting; and other forms of physical, emotional and sexual trauma in childhood.

The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH, 2005) report that the symptoms of sexual compulsivity often accompany other addictive behaviors:

Alcohol and Drug Addiction – Alcohol and drugs alter libido, enhancing it early in drug addiction and inhibiting it later. There is a pattern in cocaine addiction of selling sexual favors for cocaine. As the cost of drug addiction increases, the drug addict usually can't afford the drug from ordinary job income, and must resort to (either/or) stealing, drug dealing or prostitution to support their habit. Alcohol and many drugs cause blackouts or amnesia during the drug using experience, and if sex is coupled with that drug using experience then the details of the sexual experience may not be remembered.

Food Addiction - Sexual anorexia or pathological self-denial of healthy sex is a frequent accompaniment of overeating and anorexia nervosa.

Pathological Gambling - The lifestyle of the gambler often includes hyper-sexuality, where both compulsions feed the false sense of self-esteem of the addict.

Religious Addiction - Compulsive religiosity sometimes accompanies sexual addiction as the sex addict is seeking religion to lessen guilt and shame. The beginnings of compulsive religiosity may signal the onset of a period of sexual anorexia.

Multiple Addictions

Since it is impossible to expect treatment for one addiction to be beneficial when other addictions co-exist, the initial therapeutic intervention for any addiction needs to include an assessment for other addictions. National surveys revealed that a very high correlation exists between sexual addiction and other substance abuse and behavioral addictions. Sexual addicts who have reported experiencing multiple addictions include sexual addiction and:

* Chemical dependency (42%)

* Eating disorder (38%)

* Compulsive working (28%)

* Compulsive spending (26%)

* Compulsive gambling (5%)

* Poor Prognosis

We have come to realize today more than any other time in history that the treatment of lifestyle diseases and addictions are often a difficult and frustrating task for all concerned. Repeated failures abound with all of the addictions, even with utilizing the most effective treatment strategies. But why do 47% of patients treated in private addiction treatment programs (for example) relapse within the first year following treatment (Gorski, T., 2001)? Have addiction specialists become conditioned to accept failure as the norm? There are many reasons for this poor prognosis. Some would proclaim that addictions are psychosomatically- induced and maintained in a semi-balanced force field of driving and restraining multidimensional forces. Others would say that failures are due simply to a lack of self-motivation or will power. Most would agree that lifestyle behavioral addictions are serious health risks that deserve our attention, but could it possibly be that patients with multiple addictions are being under diagnosed (with a single dependence) simply due to a lack of diagnostic tools and resources that are incapable of resolving the complexity of assessing and treating a patient with multiple addictions?

Diagnostic Delineation

Thus far, the DSM-IV-TR has not delineated a diagnosis for the complexity of multiple behavioral and substance addictions. It has reserved the Poly-substance Dependence diagnosis for a person who is repeatedly using at least three groups of substances during the same 12-month period, but the criteria for this diagnosis do not involve any behavioral addiction symptoms. In the Psychological Factors Affecting Medical Condition’s section (DSM-IV-TR, 2000); maladaptive health behaviors (e.g., unsafe sexual practices, excessive alcohol, drug use, and over eating, etc.) may be listed on Axis I, only if they are significantly affecting the course of treatment of a medical or mental condition.

Since successful treatment outcomes are dependent on thorough assessments, accurate diagnoses, and comprehensive individualized treatment planning, it is no wonder that repeated rehabilitation failures and low success rates are the norm instead of the exception in the addictions field, when the latest DSM-IV-TR does not even include a diagnosis for multiple addictive behavioral disorders. Treatment clinics need to have a treatment planning system and referral network that is equipped to thoroughly assess multiple addictive and mental health disorders and related treatment needs and comprehensively provide education/ awareness, prevention strategy groups, and/ or specific addictions treatment services for individuals diagnosed with multiple addictions. Written treatment goals and objectives should be specified for each separate addiction and dimension of an individuals’ life, and the desired performance outcome or completion criteria should be specifically stated, behaviorally based (a visible activity), and measurable.

New Proposed Diagnosis

To assist in resolving the limited DSM-IV-TRs’ diagnostic capability, a multidimensional diagnosis of “Poly-behavioral Addiction,” is proposed for more accurate diagnosis leading to more effective treatment planning. This diagnosis encompasses the broadest category of addictive disorders that would include an individual manifesting a combination of substance abuse addictions, and other obsessively-compulsive behavioral addictive behavioral patterns to pathological gambling, religion, and/ or sex / pornography, etc.). Behavioral addictions are just as damaging - psychologically and socially as alcohol and drug abuse. They are comparative to other life-style diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease in their behavioral manifestations, their etiologies, and their resistance to treatments. They are progressive disorders that involve obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviors. They are also characterized by a preoccupation with a continuous or periodic loss of control, and continuous irrational behavior in spite of adverse consequences.

Poly-behavioral addiction would be described as a state of periodic or chronic physical, mental, emotional, cultural, sexual and/ or spiritual/ religious intoxication. These various types of intoxication are produced by repeated obsessive thoughts and compulsive practices involved in pathological relationships to any mood-altering substance, person, organization, belief system, and/ or activity. The individual has an overpowering desire, need or compulsion with the presence of a tendency to intensify their adherence to these practices, and evidence of phenomena of tolerance, abstinence and withdrawal, in which there is always physical and/ or psychic dependence on the effects of this pathological relationship. In addition, there is a 12 - month period in which an individual is pathologically involved with three or more behavioral and/ or substance use addictions simultaneously, but the criteria are not met for dependence for any one addiction in particular (Slobodzien, J., 2005). In essence, Poly-behavioral addiction is the synergistically integrated chronic dependence on multiple physiologically addictive substances and behaviors (e.g., using/ abusing substances - nicotine, alcohol, & drugs, and/or acting impulsively or obsessively compulsive in regards to gambling, food binging, sex, and/ or religion, etc.) simultaneously.

Conclusion

Considering the wide range of sexual behaviors in our world today, one should always take into account an individual’s ethnic, cultural, religious, and social background prior to making any clinical judgments, and it would be wise to not over-pathologize in this area of Sexual Dependency. However, since successful treatment outcomes are dependent on thorough assessments, accurate diagnoses, and comprehensive individualized treatment planning - poly-behavioral addiction needs to be identified to effectively treat the complexity of multiple behavioral and substance addictions.

Since chronic lifestyle diseases and disorders such as diabetes, hypertension, alcoholism, drug and behavioral addictions cannot be cured, but only managed - how should we effectively manage poly-behavioral addiction?

The Addiction Recovery Measurement System (ARMS) is proposed utilizing a multidimensional integrative assessment, treatment planning, treatment progress, and treatment outcome measurement tracking system that facilitates rapid and accurate recognition and evaluation of an individual’s comprehensive life-functioning progress dimensions. The ARMS hypothesis purports that there is a multidimensional synergistically negative resistance that individual’s develop to any one form of treatment to a single dimension of their lives, because the effects of an individual’s addiction have dynamically interacted multi-dimensionally. Having the primary focus on one dimension is insufficient. Traditionally, addiction treatment programs have failed to accommodate for the multidimensional synergistically negative effects of an individual having multiple addictions, (e.g. nicotine, alcohol, and obesity, etc.). Behavioral addictions interact negatively with each other and with strategies to improve overall functioning. They tend to encourage the use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs, help increase violence, decrease functional capacity, and promote social isolation. Most treatment theories today involve assessing other dimensions to identify dual diagnosis or co-morbidity diagnoses, or to assess contributing factors that may play a role in the individual’s primary addiction. The ARMS’ theory proclaims that a multidimensional treatment plan must be devised addressing the possible multiple addictions identified for each one of an individual’s life dimensions in addition to developing specific goals and objectives for each dimension.

Partnerships and coordination among service providers, government departments, and community organizations in providing addiction treatment programs are a necessity in addressing the multi-task solution to poly-behavioral addiction. I encourage you to support the addiction programs in America, and hope that the (ARMS) resources can assist you to personally fight the War on poly-behavioral addiction.

For more info see:
Poly-Behavioral Addiction and the Addictions Recovery Measurement System (ARMS)
By James Slobodzien, Psy.D. CSAC at:
http://www.geocities.com/drslbdzn/Behavioral_Addictions.html

National Council on Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity

P.O. Box 725544

Atlanta, GA 31139

(770) 541-9912

http://www.ncsac.org

Sexual Addiction Resources

http://www.sexhelp.com

References

American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition,
Text Revision. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 2000, p. 787 & p. 731.
American Society of Addiction Medicine’s (2003), “Patient Placement Criteria for the
Treatment of Substance-Related Disorders, 3rd Edition, Retrieved, June 18, 2005, from:

http://www.asam.org/
Arthur Aron, Ph.D., professor, psychology, State University of New York, Stony Brook; Helen
Fisher, research professor, department of anthropology, Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N.J.;
Paul Sanberg, Ph.D.,professor, neuroscience, and director, Center of Excellence for Aging and
Brain Repair,University of South Florida College of Medicine, Tampa; June 2005, the Journal of
Neurophysiology
Carnes, P.J. (1983). Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Minneapolis, MN: Compcare.
Carnes, P.J. (1989). Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict. Minneapolis, MN: Compcare.
Carnes, P.J. (1991). Don't Call it Love. Minneapolis, MN: Gentle Press Publishing.
Carnes, P.J. (1997). Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-hatred. Center City, MN: Hazelden.
Carnes, P.J., & Delmonico, D.L. (1994). Sexual Dependency Inventory. Wickenburg, AZ: The Meadows Institute.
Carnes, P.J., Delmonico, D.L., & Griffin, E. J. (2001). In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of
Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior. Center City, MN: Hazelden.
Delmonico, D.L. (1997). Internet Sex Screening Test. [Online]. Available at: http://www.sexhelp.com
Delmonico, D.L., Griffin, E.J., & Moriarity, J. (2001). Cybersex Unhooked: A Workbook for Breaking Free From Online Compulsive Sexual Behavior. Wickenburg, AZ: Gentle Path Press.
Gorski, T. (2001), Relapse Prevention In The Managed Care Environment. GORSKI-CENAPS Web
Publications. Retrieved June 20, 2005, from: www.tgorski.com
Lienard, J. & Vamecq, J. (2004), Presse Med, Oct 23;33(18 Suppl):33-40.
Marlatt, G. A. (1985). Relapse prevention: Theoretical rationale and overview of the model. In G. A.
Marlatt & J. R. Gordon (Eds.), Relapse prevention (pp. 250-280). New York: Guilford Press.
Schneider, J.P. (1994). Sex addiction: Controversy within mainstream addiction medicine, diagnosis based on the DSV-III-R and physician case histories. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 1(1), 19-44.
Slobodzien, J. (2005). Poly-behavioral Addiction and the Addictions Recovery Measurement System (ARMS), Booklocker.com, Inc., p. 5.

James Slobodzien, Psy.D. CSAC, is a Hawaii licensed psychologist and certified substance abuse counselor who earned his doctorate in Clinical Psychology. The National Registry of Health Service Providers in Psychology credentials Dr. Slobodzien. He has over 20-years of mental health experience primarily working in the fields of alcohol/ substance abuse and behavioral addictions in medical, correctional, and judicial settings. He is an adjunct professor of Psychology and also maintains a private practice as a mental health consultant.