Mer's World

Waves

2011-07-24T22:41:00.003-04:00

It's mid-July and I am just now getting a full pool day with you and your sister. Slathered in sunscreen, wet hair tangled into the strap of your goggles, you smile broadly as you glide over to me on your noodle. You take my hand and point to the waves licking the far side of the swimming pool. "Those waves are from me, Mama. I did that." You look serene, which is not a word I would use to

Withdrawal

2011-07-14T13:20:00.000-04:00

I was 23 the first time the world ended. Alone, lost, confused, I climbed into bed and succumbed to the darkness. Sleep was my escape from depression, binge eating was my answer to anxiety. Miserable, I made my first trip to a psychiatrist who stabilized me with medication and tried to match me with a therapist. So began a journey that apparently will never end. Because there is no cure,

Just when I thought winter "break" was going to kill me

2011-01-02T22:43:00.004-05:00

Today is the last day of the hideously misnamed winter "break." My girls loved the extra time with each other and have for the most part played together well but the last few days have been dicey. They were sniping at each other and bickering and stomping their feet and I'm pretty sure whining is now an Olympic event named after my children.So tonight we prepared backpacks and set out clothing

A complicated and confusing thing

2010-12-30T23:50:00.006-05:00

It is a known and probably medically documented fact that throughout my premature labor with Rachel, I repeatedly expressed my fervent desire for my children to be at least a full year apart. Rachel had her own plans and was born a little over two weeks before her big sister's first birthday. Thus began the most unpleasant of our family traditions: The Sixteen Days of Injustice. Wherein Anna

Scene from the drive home

2010-12-09T23:48:00.005-05:00

I am driving with three five-year-olds in my car. Strapped safely into their car seats in the back, they still find a way to huddle and whisper. Giggles float toward the front of the car and I can't help but ask about the source of the hilarity.Tali, a good friend of the girls, tells me that she's going to say to The C Word. I have to know, so I ask what she thinks the c word is. "Crap!" she

Rachel turning five

2010-11-26T22:16:00.010-05:00

Rachel turned five last week. Before she went to bed on the 14th she made me tell her again about her arrival into the world. She knows that her story is different from her sister's and she enjoys hearing about how Daddy held her first, how she had to go to the special care nursery for a week but got well quickly and was home in time for Thanksgiving. After the birth story I tucked her into

Who's on first?

2010-11-19T23:32:00.004-05:00

I've mentioned previously how much I enjoy the conversations I get to overhear or take part in with my class of three- and four-year-olds. This week was a pretty hectic one all around and today in particular was pure chaos. At the end of the morning I was on the playground with the last few children waiting for their parents when a little boy unsure of his carpool situation approached me."Morah

Identification

2010-11-06T21:12:00.000-04:00

"Who are you?"My husband whispers into the dark space on his side of the bed. A child has nestled there and he can't tell which one it is. The soft mass of strawberry scented hair in his face is no help. As my girls have explained to strangers, they are twinish. Certainly too difficult to distinguish in a dark bedroom at 5am.There is no response, only thumb sucking and unfortunately that

Super powers

2010-11-05T16:59:00.002-04:00

Anna is filling me in her day, describing a game she played on the playground."We were all superheros and we all had super special powers!" I was about as unsurprised as is humanly possible when she announced that she was Anna the Dog with Special Biting Powers.And Rachel? "Mommy, I was Rachel the Dog!" I send up a quick prayer that Anna's abiding obsession with dogs isn't rubbing off on her

Reasoning

2010-11-04T22:51:00.002-04:00

"Mommy, why isn't there any sugar in the sugar bowl?""How do you know there isn't any sugar in the sugar bowl?""... well, I looked." She emphasizes the word looked, making sure I don't think she was eating the sugar. Rachel has a history."That is why there isn't any sugar in the sugar bowl."

An afternoon chat

2010-10-21T21:31:00.004-04:00

"Mommy, I want to have a boy baby who grows up to be a daddy." Rachel is pondering her future. "And then I will have a girl baby who grows up to be a mommy.""That sounds nice, sweetie.""And they will marry each other!"All hope of skipping over this comment is lost by my surprised giggle. Anna immediately zeroes in on an issue and begins her inquisition."Why is that funny? Why? What do you

This pretty much sums up their relationship right now

2010-06-07T23:27:00.002-04:00

Rachel stands in the hallway changing her clothes for the fourth time today. This time she chooses a white robe with a row of buttons down the front. She is patiently working on the five buttons but it's taking her awhile. Anna spots the struggle from across the room and leaps into big sister mode. "Oh Rachel, let me help you!" She goes to her sister and leans down to complete the job while

The bashful graduate

2010-05-31T23:18:00.005-04:00

Anna graduated preschool last Friday. As much as this child loves attention, she does not enjoy the spotlight being thrust upon her, especially when there's been a lot of build up. The pressure causes anxiety and while she doesn't have the spectacular meltdowns she had a year or so ago, she does kind of shut down when she feels overwhelmed.So she sang her song with her class, participated in

Generosity

2010-05-10T16:19:00.004-04:00

Anna is raiding the kitchen cabinets. She's on some kind of growth spurt and has basically eaten me out of house and home. She raises up on her tippy toes and reaches for a box of crackers."Can I finish these?" she asks, even as she plunges her hands into the almost-empty box."Sure..." I say to her back as she disappears into the family room."Rachel, do you want some of these?" I hear Anna ask

Today's game

2010-04-20T17:50:00.003-04:00

Anna: Let's play dogs.Rachel: Yeah, you be Charlie and I'll be Annabelle the stupid dog!Anna: Oh yes! (barking)Rachel (giggling): She's so stupid. Anna (barking and panting): And she's the angel of death! A dog fixation and a few Torah lessons can be a dangerous combination.

Rachel's new favorite word and other scenes

2010-03-31T22:34:00.001-04:00

One afternoon I find my girls in the family room watching a movie, one child sitting in a cardboard box, the other crawling through one. Rachel pulls a broken box over her body and announces that it is her new outfit."My outfit is stupid," she tells us.*******Anna was recently given a Hannah Montana balloon. One side of the balloon features a picture of Miley Whatsherface, the other side is

I fully admit I have only myself to blame

2010-03-29T13:52:00.000-04:00

This morning my baby stood in the doorway of the kitchen and bellowed the following at me:"HEL-LOOO! I am still waiting for my water!"Sigh.

Overheard in the three-year-old classroom

2010-03-27T22:16:00.003-04:00

When I first started working with three-year-olds I was warned about the pitfalls - the tantrums, the messes, the inordinate amount of bodily fluids. I've been lucky enough to have amazing kids in my classes though - bright, sweet, adorable and endlessly entertaining. One of the best parts of my job is the moments of unexpected hilarity, courtesy of the preschool mind.Girl 1: I like your

And this is four?

2010-02-28T23:55:00.006-05:00

The past 48 hours have been rough for Rachel. I'm not sure why exactly, I'm just going by her general demeanor. Which has been cranky. Frustrated. Extremely put out. Nothing has made this child happy for days.Last night Rachel's bath water was too cold and then she didn't want to sit in the available spot in the tub. Then she complained about the body wash and then, oh my goodness, I did

Well trained

2010-01-25T21:14:00.000-05:00

"Pretend you're Sleeping Beauty and I'll kiss you awake," I suggest.Rachel's eyes light up for a moment before she squeezes them shut and ever so slightly puckers her lips in her feigned sleep.I lean over, pausing for a moment to watch the corners of her mouth begin to dimple as she holds back laughter, and finally kiss her. Her eyes fly open and she shrieks."AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" She slaps my

Is this five?

2010-01-02T23:33:00.001-05:00

Anna spent a full twenty minutes today shining a green Tinkerbell flashlight through a glass of water.First it was a tall glass that had a pattern on it and then she insisted on a short, unadorned juice glass. She walked around the house, turning off lights and holding the glass up to different surfaces. She observed how the reflections looked against the wallpaper, the cabinets and various

The child has excellent comedic timing

2010-01-01T16:23:00.001-05:00

For the last year and a half Rachel has been sleeping with Scooby Doo. The relationship began with an innocent soap dispenser and is described here. When it became clear that Scooby was in Rachel's life to stay, the soap dispenser was replaced with a much more appropriate plush toy who usually stays in Rachel's bed with her three other bedmates: a pink teddy bear, a baby doll and a red-haired

Two conversations

2009-12-25T20:07:00.001-05:00

I don't often play the "I'm going to tell Daddy" card with my kids. Mainly because he doesn't do much disciplining. Dan telling the girls that he's going to tell Mommy brings a much more repentant reaction.The girls do not like it when Daddy is upset though, and if they actually think he will get mad they usually snap back to their senses pretty quickly. One night last week while giving Anna a

A Jewish daughter at Christmastime

2009-12-16T20:20:00.005-05:00

"Mommy, I can't WAIT til Christmas.""Ok, well you know we don't celebrate that, right?""Well it's still going to happen."Sunday night we had a family Hanukkah party at Dan's cousin's house. His cousin's husband isn't Jewish and their gorgeous home is covered with a really nice mix of both Hanukkah and Christmas decorations. Anna came upon the stockings hanging above the fireplace and asked Dan,

Moment of clarity

2009-12-08T21:56:00.004-05:00

I'm in the car running errands with the girls in tow when up ahead I spot my old apartment building. I point it out to the girls and completely blow their minds by mentioning that I lived there before I even met Daddy. Anna can't believe that I lived alone and asks if I was lonely.Immediately my mind flashes to the days when I had no one to take care of but myself. Beautiful quiet evenings