Messianic Emergent Jew

Dilaudid

2012-07-08T18:55:00.000-05:00

I have been in the hospital for two weeks, which kind of seems like the the movie the "Matrix." The doctor and nurses rush into my room to observe my pseudo-seizures, but this only happens when my pain level reaches a certain level. They can't figure out why I have thia different type of seizures and how its related to my pain, so they give me the blue "Matrix" pill to send me into sleep world where my brain and body rest. I guess you can say Dilaudid is my "Matrix" pill. The seizures I have do not effect my brain, so the neurologist excuses me as a fake and just keeps saying, "drug him". Trust me, I don't think I would be out of the hospital without such a strong and wonderful drug. The pain is mainly in my inner ears.

Other updates
1. Every day at 6pm (EST) I have to hope my wife doesn't kill me when she does my IV therapy until 7/28. I need IV therapy because I have a lot of fluid behind my ears and regular medicine will not kill the infection I developed over the past several months of illness (ear and sinus infections).
2. Pain management center - somehow I need to hear how to live in this "Matrix" and find doctors to help me monitor my medicine to help with the pain level. Trust me, I would rather just take Tylenol and call it a day.
3. PICC Line - This thing is so uncomfortable to sleep with, but yet again, I have only 3 weeks with this thing and then they will remove it.
4. I ruined my family's vacation to Los Angeles to visit family because I can't travel and there is too much going on with trying to maintain my health.
5. I miss work. Yes, I really enjoy assisting DeVry University students. I am not sure when I can return.
6. I will never have my hearing back to normal again - EVER! The ENT doctor put tubes in both ears which will give me some decibels back, but I will need hearing aids to help get back to where I can be sort of human. So soon I will have bionic ears and bionic bladder.

Side comment: I really miss hearing my kids laugh, the wind blow, the cats meow. Here is an easy way to enter my "Matrix":

Take two pieces of cotton balls and put on in each ear.
Go to mall or place where people are talking a lot
Try to read lips and try to determine what they are saying.
Do this for at least one to two hours. I don't recommend this for 11 weeks or longer.

Anyway the journey continues and hopefully in the end the virus will be gone and Jeff restored.

IC, CD, MS

2012-06-24T18:41:00.000-05:00

Yes, today is abbreviation day. What you didn't know that! Here are my abbreviations:

First Abbreviation "IC" - Interstitial Cystitis.
I was appropriately diagnosed with IC back in 2005 after many doctors, medicines, therapies, etc. Thanks to the doctor who believed in my symptoms and gave me the right treatment. For almost 7 years now my IC is under control and able to function as a normal human being but I have to say IC is not typical for a young man.

Second Abbreviation "CD" - Celiac Disease
Over many years of having issues with my stomach I went to an ENT who also worked with infectious disease doctor to find out my immune levels were low. I always had issues with eat some types of food. In searching for how to get healthy I put myself on gluten free diet. No, I didn't go to a stomach doctor since I was really in bad pain so I did some research and decided to go on gluten free diet. Within two to five days I was pain free and feeling better. Actually I went back a few months later, feeling much better, and my immune levels were excellent. Since that time I never turned back to normal diet but eating gluten free. I would consider myself more of gluten intolerant verses my wife who actually has the "true" diagnoses.

Third and hopefully finally but still not confirmed Abbreviation "MS" - Multiple Sclerosis
Many of you have been following my recent illness of hearing loss and other concerns and I appreciate everyone love and prayers. I went to neurologist yesterday since the ENT and doctor at hospital says my hearing loss and other symptoms is neurologically related. The neurologist did an exam on Saturday and his guess is MS based upon symptoms and clinical exam. He wants to request an MRI to confirm but my issue is I have a Interstim which prevents me from having an MRI. More than likely the doctor will have to order a lumbar test and start treatment. As far as my hearing I see a doctor at Emory soon to find out his take on things. All I can say, my pain level is off the charts and I sleep all day long. But the weird thing is all my blood work and overall I am very healthy. Go figure.

Will someone please call Dr. House.

Somewhere Over My Rainbow

2012-06-17T19:51:00.000-05:00

I loved this movie "Wizard of Oz" as a child. Didn't you? It has official been two months not being able to hear out of my left ear at all and my right ear goes in an out muffled. I have to say, in the world of silence, you learn a lot about yourself. I have learned that I really do enjoy myself and the quite times. I am an outgoing person, enjoy conversation, and stimulated by what is going around me - but sometimes silence is golden.

I challenge you this week to spend just four hours this week in silence pretending to be deaf and appreciate being quite. You will wonder there is a lot to learn. Maybe even a lot to be thankful. Unfortunately we find ourselves so busy and will find ways of putting of silence.

Now for a quick update on my deaf experience:

Friday I went for CT-Scan to determine if there is something major going on inside my brain. I am hoping there is nothing wrong but if there is, my family is in good hands.
Still waiting for July 6th when I get to see THE specialist at Emory. I am on the cancellation list and call every 2 or 3 days beg to be seen sooner.
My life is all about subtitles - being deaf you either read their lips and try and make sense of what is going on or use subtitles. There are some shows that do an awful job in printing subtitles. It's typically the major networks.
I don't go out much mainly because I get really tired quickly and experience dizziness and its tiresome reading lips.
Companies are not friendly when you call them on IP-Relay. I don't no why since you are the customer given them your money.
Android doesn't have many user-friendly hearing impaired applications. I am still trying to find an application that will wake me up in the morning.

Well anyway I have to go rest. Oh, I dare you to try playing the "Over the Rainbow" song with on volume and just reading the words.

Thanks for listening.

My Favorite Things

2012-06-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

What are your favorite things? I am having to discover new favorite things? Before losing my hearing, I loved music. Sometimes when my family is in the car I can hear some of the words on the radio but its not clear in my right ear. Actually its more distracting than anything. I use to spend a lot of time in the car traveling to work in the morning and listen to podcast like NPR, Dave Ramsey, and others. Now, I sit in silence watching the road (which is a good thing) but also enjoying the scenery. I wonder if there is a way to have podcast translated into sign language or at least transcribed.

Georgia is so beautiful place. People are beautiful. Being deaf, you enjoy things differently. I love looking at peoples faces, looking at food, trees are so pretty, and watching how people move their lips during conversations. These are just a few of my favorite things.

I have to create a whole new world for myself but if Helen Keller can do it, even without the technology we have today, so can I.

Thank you for letting me share. Now, its your turn to share your favorite things. . .

Hear No Evil . .

2012-06-03T18:54:00.000-05:00

Some of you reading this will remember the wonderful movie, "See No Evil, Hear No Evil" back in 1989. WOW, that was a long time ago. I love that movie.

But I guess you can say its funny when you don't have a sight or hearing impairment. I do. Let me explain:

As a young boy I was always getting sick with something . . . fevers, infections (ears, nose and throat), and other odd stuff. I missed a lot of school.

Bringing you up to date with my current "Gene Wilder" situation. 10 years ago I lose my hearing for about one month. I remember it was my daughters birthday and I couldn't go because I was quite sick and lose my hearing during that month. After seeing my doctor he gave me different drugs to try and finally got my hearing back. It was a very long month.
About five weeks ago, I got this really bad sinus cold but this time I lost my hearing in my left ear, where before it was in both ears. I went to the doctor and he gave me ear drops and medications but nothing worked. I went to see an ENT specialist. After several minutes with the ENT and the Audiologist he told me, with not a good news message that I had some fluid in my left middle ear but my right ear, where there is nothing wrong, I have significant hearing lose. I MEAN SIGNIFICANT!
Why am I sad?
If I had to chose between losing my mouth, nose, eyes, or ears I would not chose my ears. My learning style is primarily auditory. I love to listen and gather my information about people with words and voice tone. Of course, I like looking at beautiful things but my ears are so important to me. I miss them. So, now I rely on reading lips, texting, writing, and having the volume really high on the radio or phone. Actually, I can't stand the radio anymore given my new lose of hearing. I can't explain why but I get distracted with a lot of noises around me.

Doctors RX: one last try at steriods, second drain my ear, and finally hearing aid

I will know more in the coming weeks.

Through this five week mess I have learned a lot. One, appreciate your body. Two, learn to use other areas of learning styles because you never know when you will lose one (sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing). Third, if you see someone with a disability be kind to them. Finally, being thankful for the things I do have and not just what I don't have.

Here is my dilemma or REQUEST TO THOSE OUT THERE. If you want to chat DON'T CALL - but send me a text or write back. If you need to speak with me come close to my face and move your lips since I am still a novice a lip reading.

It's My Birthday! It's My Birthday!

2012-04-22T18:36:00.000-05:00


Moondance Lounge - Gluten Free Snickers Cake

I turned 39 + 2 today

My wife and kids made my weekend so lovely. I happen to receive two blessings on this day on April 22nd, "Earth Day" and "My Birthday".

Saturday (4/21) - I had to work from 9AM to 2PM and on my way home I received a text message saying, "DON'T COME HOME". I was told that dinner was cooking and I had to pick up the kids to go to the library. My youngest daughter (a.k.a. FIRECRACKER) has a new found interesting playing Frisbee. My oldest daughter (a.k.a. DRAMA QUEEN) likes the game too but not as passionate as FIRECRACKER. We went to the park and had a great time until I pulled out the camera. See Picture Below:

What can I say, I am going to hopefully look back ten years from now and remember wonderful memories being at the park with them like my dad did with me. It was 6:00PM and the kids told me we can go home and see my birthday surprise. I walked in the door and I thought I was in a different brand new house. It was so clean and was decorated with beautiful flowers, balloons, and candles (which I love). Our evening entertainment was watching the "Simpson Movie". If you haven't seen it - please watch it.

By 10PM - kids went up to their room and wife and I sat on the couch and kissed what seems like an hour until DRAMA QUEEN comes out and says, "Get a room". That made my night.

SUNDAY "Earth Day" and "Birthday Day" - Woke up this morning and we went to church. We have been searching for a church and I think we found one. I really love the music, the meditative silence between music and message, and a message that makes sense and not "leaves the doctrine out the door. The church is called NSPIRE. After church we had to rush home because my wife had a special secret place she was going to take me, which was Moondance in Suwanee, GA (see picture above). It was a wonderful afternoon.

What was so awesome besides my family spoiling me was my 57 Facebook messages wishing me a Happy Birthday. I am loved.

Blessings to everyone.

Jeff School and Graduation Experience

2012-02-27T16:41:00.000-05:00

Jeff’s Graduation - What it Means?

College is not easy to say the least. With some of you I have shared by educational disappointments and victories lend me a moment to share again.

In 9th grade, I was sent to a gift school where you were placed by skill level and not so much by grade level. The classes you took could either be with students your own age, above, or below - depending on your test scores. I wasn’t very good at math nor English, so the majority of my 8th/9th grade experience were with students in 4-7th grade students. Can you image that? It didn’t matter how hard I tried I barely passed my classes. . I just couldn’t comprehend.

In 10th grade, my parents had me evaluated for learning disabilities and found out I was one of those kids. I was diagnosed with a learning disability and placed on a IEP. Everyone wishes to be normal in high school and to make a name for themselves before they leave for college. I worked hard to get my grades up and socialize with students my own age. I felt more confident and thus raised my grades and increased my learning. There were two things I was good at sports and my love for drama. I spent 10-12th grade taking acting classes, since I was good at it. In acting i took all the emotions I have dealt with for the past several years and expressed them on stage. I didn’t have to complete math nor English problems - just remember lines. I my 12th grade, and I was given a scholarship to a reputable drama college. I graduated high school with a 1.95GPA. Back then, the school board let you pass.

I had another passion. I wanted to help people - spiritually. I felt a calling on my life and wanted to pursue ministry. I completed one semester in drama and figured out it was a dream and ministry was something more worthwhile. I pulled together some money and spent the next few years completing my degree as a minister and working in a church as an Associate Pastor.

Twelve and a half years ago, Karen and I got married. Being a successful Associate Pastor for many years, reading books, prayer, I definitely dated enough to know what I wanted. But the person I married is far greater than I could imagine. She saw determination, spiritual and emotional depth, and helped me become a better person. It wasn’t too long ago we came to Georgia and I got a job at DeVry University in Admissions. I went to Karen and said, “I want to pursue a degree in Business,” since my first Bachelor’s degree was in Theology and that can only take you so far. I knew I needed another Bachelors. I completed my degree in 2007 with a 3.9GPA. We all have our struggles but Karen and I had quite a bit more than average. Here are just a few:

I discovered I had a bladder disease when starting DeVry and almost lost my job over it.
Karen had breast cancer.
Abby was diagnosed with a brain disease.
One Year within 6 months of Karen’s breast cancer surgery, Abby needed brain surgery to stop the uncontrollable seizures, which failed.
Karen and I have lost family members (mom, dad, cousin, and grandparents)

Elizabeth, my oldest daughter, is healthy as a whistle to this day. Oh did I mention she is SMART and BEAUTIFUL.

After almost completing my 1st Master’s degree in Elementary Education, I switched my plan of action and once again sat Karen down and said, “A degree in Elementary Education is great but using technology with creating lesson plans as an Instructional Designer, I could teach teachers become better at teaching. We both agreed, or should I say,I agreed, to take on the task of completing the Master’s degree at Keller Graduate School of Management. I, now stand before you, completed my degree, saying the past doesn’t need to be your present. That 9th to12th grade boy in high school, whom was deemed “A PRAYER”,can accomplish almost anything with great determination and a supportive wife, family, and friends.

I stand indebted to everyone who has supported by educational goals including Starbucks (my many cups of coffee), my 2 wonderful kids, and an amazing wife.

Thank you for letting me share.

Salvation for ALL

2012-02-05T22:17:00.001-05:00

How many of you when you were young went with your mommy and daddy to church and the Minister at the end of the VERY long speech said, "Now congregation, bow your heads. I would like to take this moment and ask everyone in this room who has not given their heart to Jesus to raise their hands." Then he continues with the pianist begins the soft music as the Minister says, "If you haven't given your life to Jesus here is your chance. This is your chance to repent of your sins, ask forgiveness, and have Jesus in your heart." Then, if he is lucky and gave a really good convincing sermon the Minister will see young and old start to raise their hands knowing this moment will last forever and ever. I am not going to explain the other details of what goes on next but usually the Minister will say something like, "I acknowledge you young girl in the blue skirt and will go around the room saying out loud "I acknowledge you, and you, and you". This could last anywhere from five to thirty minutes. Then the Minister will end in prayer and have the whole congregation raise their heads and open their eyes. But, then the Minister says, "Now, those who raised their hands I would like for you to come forward. I never really understood why he would want everyone to bow their heads in the first place knowing everyone would eventually see you or maybe know what you wore.

I wasn't one of those children that went to church to give in to temptation or peer-pressure. I was one of those children who experienced a life changing event at home, which lead me to depending on God and I guess saying the "Salvation Message". So, for those out there who think they need to say it in church in order to be truly saved - they are wrong - but that is not why I am writing about this.

After being away from the CHURCH for over a year now I have had the wonderful experience in really getting to know God and myself. I feel more alive now than ever before. No, I am not saying CHURCH is bad but it is an ORGANIZATION and like most companies they have erroneous ways. My daughter recently went to church with some people during the week and when she got home she told us the Minister gave the "Salvation Message" and an "altar call". She, a very bright, beautiful, and intelligent person (just like her dad) sat down and didn't raise her hand. I am actually glad she didn't raise her hand and given in to this unfortunate and weird way of "putting Jesus in ones heart". Yes, some of you are now saying I am lost but then again do we really know a person's heart (but that is a different discussion for a different day). I don't believe the early church did such an act and there isn't anything mentioned in the bible. In my opinion I believe churches, mainly non-denominational churches, do this for POWER. Remember, I was once a Minister so I speak from experience. But, please understand that not all Ministers do this out of vain conceit nor to increase membership but believe people need to change for the better (don't we all in some point in our lives). I don't believe man can decide for themselves nor one another when they are SAVED. I guess you can say I saved myself from doing harm but not a church. I don't think God cares about what is said or not said. The only thing God cares about is this:

וְאָ֣הַבְתָּ֔ אֵ֖ת יְהוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֶ֑יךָ בְּכָל־ לְבָבְךָ֥ וּבְכָל־ נַפְשְׁךָ֖ וּבְכָל־ מְאֹדֶֽךָ׃

"Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and might."

Here are my final thoughts of "altar calls" and why churches should rethink them:

1. The altar call is simply and completely absent from the pages of the N.T.
2. The altar call is historically absent until the 19th century, and its use at that time (via Charles Finney) was directly based upon bad theology and a man-centered, manipulative methodology.
3. The altar call very easily confuses the physical act of “coming forward” with the spiritual act of “coming to Christ.” These two can happen simultaneously, but too often people believe that coming to Christ is going forward (and vice-versa).
4. The altar call can easily deceive people about the reality of their spiritual state and the biblical basis for assurance. The Bible never offers us assurance on the ground that we “went forward.”
5. The altar call partially replaces baptism as the means of public profession of faith.
6. The altar call can mislead us to think that salvation (or any official response to God’s Word) happens primarily on Sundays, only at the end of the service, and only “up front.”
7. The altar call can confuse people regarding “sacred” things and “sacred” places, as the name “altar call” suggests.
8. The altar call is not sensitive to our cautious and relational age where most people come to faith over a period of time and often with the interaction of a good friend.
9. The altar call is often seen as “the most important part of the service”, and this de-emphasizes the truly more important parts of corporate worship which God has prescribed (preaching, prayer, fellowship, singing).
10. God is glorified to powerfully bless the things He has prescribed (preaching, prayer, fellowship, singing), not the things we have invented. We should always be leery of adding to God’s prescriptions for His corporate worship.

What do Refrigerators and Parenting Have in Common?

2012-01-08T20:54:00.001-05:00

For the past two weeks my refrigerator, which we got new almost 4 years ago, is possessed with unusual sounds. The ice disappearing (more like melting), freezer turning off on its own and then back on, and who knows what else. We have a good handyman, that has been so helpful and patient with us calling him every three days saying the freezer melted all the ice and can't hear the motor. He would rush over just to see it working fine. My wife and I have forced ourselves to jump online to learn about refrigerators and what possibly it could be to find out there is no such thing as a decent refrigerator anymore - just more expensive and highly technical.
I think in life we need to set aside time to recycle our battery to just thaw and melt away ice cold memories, distractions, and do nothing but lay in bed and rest. Today, I just wanted to turn off the lights, unplug my electronics, duck tape my kids mouths, and enjoy the silence. Well, I did sleep until 11am and listen to two TED talks but that was it. I should have gotten that duct tape out for my kids because the rest of the day my youngest daughter and I had a collusion. In my effort in trying to teach her about money, knowing she would not like the conversation, it got really ugly quickly. I don't like spanking her for her outburst and acting out but it came to that. By the end of the night, we sat down and things became a little bit more quieter - wishing I had more of that during the day.

I guess you can say Parenting is Not For Cowards, a famous book title, nor trying to figure out why or how refrigerators fail to work.

Spiritually Dead

2011-12-22T22:20:00.000-05:00

Have I entered the SPIRITUAL DEAD ZONE! I just don't find much need for spiritual conversation these days. Am I being a rebel against the church? Should I feel guilty? Shamed? All I know is I just can't even look at church stuff. I actually refuse to go onto Facebook and read my friends entries knowing they are going to be about Jesus stuff and what their church is going. I guess that is why I am 100 percent Google + since you can separate your people into circles. Its not that I don't care about my friends I just don't want to know about your church life and what is going on. Why can't we just have a nice conversation about other life stuff. I would imagine Jesus and his followers talked about other stuff like, "What are we going to eat tonight?" or "What color do you think the sky is today?".
I went to church last weekend and I sat there thinking the Pastor would have something useful for me to learn but it was the same typical message about, "Love", "Faith", and "Mary (Jesus mama). Why is it right before the Christmas event Pastors come up with the same old messages. I bet you, if I went to church on Christmas Day, which happens to fall on Sunday, the typical message would be, "Here is your chance to change your life . . ." Many of you know, I get the Good News message, but why do we need to hear that same message again every year. Yes, I know the Jewish people do it too each year with Passover but I can tell you this in defense of the Jewish people our time in "temple" is little to do with G-D and more to do with community. I wonder sometimes if G-D wants us talking about him so much during church? Maybe he wants us talking more about loving those we don't care for in this world (but that conversation can wait).
He is another image of the perfect Jeff church: Let's make our churches collaborative and make church more like "TED Talks"

Reading

2011-10-04T20:26:00.001-05:00

I use to read a lot between the ages of 20-25 but now I have to set annual goals to get through an actually book. My goals last January 2011 was to read four fictions before the end of the year. Oh, and I am almost at my goal. See, I prefer reading RSS feeds, blogs (and they have to be short), emails, and sometimes the newspaper verses reading my school books and/or fiction. I don't know why. I think if I focused less time on my task list of what needs to be done for my family and set aside time on the weekend with little distractions I would probably double my reading time.
Reading is important. I notice my writing is better when I do read. And my writing has a lot to be desired. Well at least compared to some writers out there. I wonder what good writing read. I don't think its a matter of self-confidence but maybe time management. Here is my plan when January 2012 comes around and I set another goal for reading. I am going to double my fiction reading because reading books just about business, psychology, and other non-fiction just doesn't expand your imagination. I am going to set aside 1 hour a week at Starbucks (the best place on earth) to read without the distractions. Now, that I have opened my heart and shared with you my weakness and willingness to overcome it I need your HELP!

I need a list of recommendations. Here is my criteria:

TEEN FICTION
NO MORE THAN 300 PAGES
NO MONSTER BOOKS

So, what do you recommend?

Professional Dreams

2011-09-11T18:04:00.002-05:00

DREAMS

What do I want to be when I grow up. I have aspirations to do a lot of things. I feel sometimes with the amount of cool ideas I will get too old trying to even accomplish even one of them. One of the ideas I have it to to use my newly developed skills in curriculum design and create a software to assist students with basic budgeting concepts. My family just went through the Dave Ramsey, Total Money Makeover, and learned a lot about taking small steps to accomplish goals. But, one thing I am lacking is confidence. How does one build confident in something they are new at? Do I just take a shot at creating something and get advice along the way?

Maybe I should write "Dear Abby" a letter and ask. If you happen to have any thoughts please respond.

Wife's Turn

2011-06-14T22:06:00.001-05:00

For the past few weeks my wife has listed HER favorite things about her family and it would only be fair if I made a list for my wife (a.k.a Pistachio, BadAlice, Beloved, and Odd).

First let me share with you what she has written about us:

Abby (a.k.a Firecracker),
Elizabeth (a.k.a. Drama Queen),
Me (a.k.a Husband).

Now on with my list:

1. She always asks me, "Why do you like me?" My response usually is, "You are eccentric and you challenge me to be true to myself." Okay, that is not the whole truth but I will try to keep this post PG Rated, but I can't control myself around her, "I think she is hot."

2. She loves odd shows and still after 1,000,000 "NO's" to watch "North and South". She still asks. So wife, as you are reading this, my 1,000,0001 answer is "NO".

3. Even if my wife has a bad day, whenever I call her she sounds so happy to hear my voice.
4. She is patient and loving towards our children.
5. My wife is a money saver. Probably since she gives me her ideas and and and and and hints at me to go buy it or find someone to do it.
6. Odd - she likes some interesting music. I sometimes don't mind listening to artists like: Owen Palette, Patrick Wolf, Adele, Florence + The Machine, and anything that comes from

7. Library Fees - I think we got as high as $35.00 one month so I begged her to buy the Sony ereader, which she loves almost as much as Starbucks. - Well that $35.00 saved at the library now goes towards Starbucks now. Oh well.
8. She has written some amazing poetry. I love the way she writes. I wish she would write more.
9. Don't ask my wife to edit anything you write because before you know it, she will have the whole page in red, or in the case of computers each line will have comments - amazing editor.
10. Religion (a.k.a. Spirituality) - We started our relationship with her going to a Unitarian church where all people embrace all religions and I was a little bit nervous given I was a conservative christian. Now, after a great awakening, she has taught me so much about God and people. That we all carry a piece of God in our hearts regardless of belief or religious preference. It was her patience that opened my eyes to understanding "doubt is the beginning of faith". Okay I will give a little bit of credit to other emergent leaders.
11. Oh did I mention she wants me to watch "North and South".
12. Chocolate - I should have bought stock in Hersey's kisses some time ago because my wife can take one chocolate kiss and go through a whole bag with - get this - just leaving me 1. YEP! I get 1.
13. She recently got diagnosed with Celiac so now she is on a mission to find yummy tasting food. I gave up 3 years ago when I was diagnosed myself. Good luck Wife - I hope all the endless books and web-surfing pays off.
14. Addictions - when my wife gets on a topic there is no way to derail that train. It has taken me 12 years to believe it. No, I am not talking about bad addictions just interesting addictions like:

music
Netflix (we still have 150 movies saved in our Netflix queue)
the best place to send our kids to camp on a very tight budget
coupons
novelties
reading books or magazines

the list goes on. The thing I like about this is she gets excited and have good conversations during our date night.
15. Sex - COME ON I AM A GUY I HAVE TO MENTION THIS - she is incredible and one of the reasons we are still married.

Regardless of our differences and our difficult times (not related to marriage but family) I feel very close to her each day we are together. I can't wait til she reads this and knows how much she matters to me forevermore.

Love always,
Jeffy

Writing

2011-06-08T19:16:00.001-05:00

Writing is not an easy task for me. I write the way I talk and for some they understand what I am trying to say but for others they shrug their shoulders in confusion. I have accomplished a lot academically in the past years but for some reason my confidence in writing is poor. I enjoy reading other's blogs and once in a while I will comment. Lately, I don't find writing enjoyable anymore, feeling as though I might be negatively criticized. I know I am not the best writer, nor want to be. I know I missed some valuable lessons in grammar school, which hurts my writing today (just ask my wife when I have her read my material). I know one should not feel sad or afraid to write about their thoughts, but I am stuck wanting to express myself in writing but can't get my point across sometimes. I will close my blog with a question?

Should I just give up on blogging or as Lady Gaga says, "Just Dance"? Should I continue to write and not care about what others say?

Great Place to Donate

2011-06-05T10:10:00.001-05:00

My wife, me, and the kids are now confirmed as having Celiac.

Gaga for Lady Gaga

2011-04-19T20:54:00.001-05:00

My brother called me a few days ago saying he got me tickets to Lady Gaga in Atlanta. Without thinking I jumped for joy and couldn't wait for the day to arrive. Last night was that night at the Gwinnett Arena.

First of all I have to put a plug in for both my brothers and how much I love them. You can find their companies listed here:

http://koshermgmt.com/

http://www.alliancetalent.net/

Now what in the fuck is once upon a time Conservative Christian going to see Lady Gaga! No, I have not given up on Christ - just the Christianity part. I guess you can refer to me as a born again Emergent Messianic Jew. This is what I learned last night from Gaga, whom I will refer to as, my minister:

1. You can have church at a rock concert. She in no way defamed Christ but actually praised Him. She actually started praying on stage - no not the boring "Amen," prayer but a heart-felt worship of God.

2. Insecurity - she was humble in sharing with us her insecurities growing up as a child. Her songs are about being open and sharing yourself with others - collaborating. It's about getting past the hurt and dancing the hate away. Lesson: we need to be careful what we say around people

3. Never judge - I can't begin to tell you how much of the pointing of fingers, "In God's name" judging people to hell. I get disgusted how people saying "Just look at that person - they are weird" or different. With all the time I have spent in church or hearing church people saying you are damned if you are gay, bi-sexual, transsexual, or any other lifestyle and church people spend so much time looking at the outside not noticing how much love "non-typical" people have for each other and those around them.

4. Don't be Original - It seems everywhere you turn magazines, newspapers, and articles you have famous people typically saying, wearing, and looking the same way. I can't stand cookie-cutter people who believe you have to be a certain way to be liked or admired. I believe one should say and do what they believe in and nothing less. Why not push the limit once in awhile - "be all you can be" and as Lady Gaga puts it "Just Dance". I dare you to make just one change in your daily routine and see how different the world will look like. You just might like it.

Anyway, I am trying to calm down from my intoxicated love of Gaga from last night so for some I probably lost your attention and for others you are saying, "You rock."

Final Note: Today I am a changed man after watching Gaga last night.

Mind Over Matter

2011-04-09T22:13:00.000-05:00

Can a person skilled at deep meditation change things around them? I have been wondering about this idea. I mean it is not a "new age" concept at all. I mean people attend worship service and prayer circles to lift up a persons needs anything from health to financial issues. Most people have seen the TBN television shows where people miraculously get healed by a touch of a hand or word.

Actually, when I was in ministry I had the opportunity to pray for someone who was ill praying intensively for healing and feeling a bolt of lightening go out of my hands and see the person become whole. I don't want the focus to be on me but more focus to be on the question, "do we humans have power to control our circumstance and is that question answered solely by scientist."

I have come to the conclusion that though science doesn't completely have a definite answer to the "out of ordinary" one can control matter with their mind. I do believe the Kingdom of God is within us and we have been given godly rights to change situations using our mind.

Okay for some you have already labeled me as "weird" and more than likely you have not read this line and moved on to the next blog person. But, just for common sense sake, what harm could come out of learning to quite our minds and allow our body to be still? In Psychology Today there is an article that talks about meditation and the benefits us humans can get out of it. You can read it here http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200304/the-benefits-meditation

I am going to start meditation today - centering my thoughts on goodness. I am going to commit to a time before going to bed to meditate and let my body go and experience silence and peace - peace for me to feel and to give. My goal is to come to a point in my life where I can change the world through meditation. Anyone care to join me? Maybe see if this "mind over matter" really makes a difference. And if it doesn't can we just agree that doing meditation is for good health.

Literalism

2011-03-23T17:35:00.000-05:00

Once a week I go to Whole Foods during lunch and I sit by the lunch area minding my own business enjoying my 60 minute lunch break. Usually I will sit there talking to myself, no not out loud but thinking about life and the things I am curious about.

Today was a totally different lunch time at Whole Foods. I sat by this guy who was eating lunch and he happen to start a conversation. It started out small talk but then he got into deep contemplated questions like:

1. Is the earth young in years or old? I gave my opinion of course.
2. Do you know your linage?
3. Do you know how to prove the Genesis chapter as being LITERAL?

I guess I look Jewish but he went ahead and asked if I was and what tribe I am from?

The guy went on for 20 minutes explaining all types of concepts that proves the Bible as factual based upon history.

I was absolutely bored out of my mind.

I was running out of time needing to get back to work or I would have stayed and shared.

For those who are not familiar with the definition of literalism please view this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biblical_literalism

CAUTION - - -CAUTION - - -CAUTION - DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU ARE LITERAL - -

After many many years of being literal (not as old as Earth years) until one year ago I was a stiff-necked Orthodox Christian that believed the BIBLE is it - the answer to all questions. Now, I have to say the Bible and the literal Christianity is just part of the picture and believe God is bigger and more mysterious that the 1100 pages called the Bible. I guess you can say I rather join the Religion on Doubt then the Religion of All Answers, when in actuality Christianity doesn't nor any Religion. Actually, if you think about it Christianity is the only religion that claims they have all the answers. Funny! I am not against Christianity of I don't believe Christianity is the Right Religion/Relationship. I believe the life of Christ shows us how to live a life of HOPE and LOVE but other than that there is so much we truly don't understand nor should.

Final note: Who is the schmuck that said the Bible is suppose to be read literal. What a bore.

Jeff Swartz Revisited

2011-03-20T20:49:00.000-05:00

I recently saw the Brideshead Revisited (my wife blogs about it on her website), which is no where close to being like the original. But, for some reason (only my wife will know), I had to watch it.

British films have been on my mind lately and how much better they are than American films. I am not sure why since we here in America love films. I think the difference is British films spend more effort developing each character and less on action and cosmetics. Anyway, that is not what I wanted to talk about in this blog.

My thoughts today after seeing Bridgehead Revisited was why do we try to rewrite our wrongs? Why do we insist on making good from our past failures? Does it matter to others or to our self? If we willingly wronged someone in our past and were given the gift to return and do it again - would we? Would it make us a better person today? The one major thing I would want to change if I could Revisit Jeff several years ago is my MOUTH. I learned at an early age how to perfect sarcasm and even bit your head off, if you offended me. My weapon of choice was not alcohol or sex but a wicked tongue.
Jeff Revisited would be a more kind person who uses his tongue for building people and not tearing down but still defending himself from harm. I guess you can say I never really understood balance - who does given we are people of extremes. I would make sure my facial expressions would show someone that has self-control, high esteem of himself, and straight-forward with respect. I guess my religious experience today from watching the movie last night is: I'm Sorry", especially towards my parents, whom bared the fiery tongue.

Would you go back in time? Why or why not? For what purpose . . .

Google Docs Saves My Life

2011-03-16T20:46:00.000-05:00

I have to say if it were not for Google Docs I would:

Not communicate with my wife as much (we track everything with Google Docs)
Write and Track my New Year Resolutions
Write about what is going on with my life
Collaborate with friends, family, and colleagues
Save interesting articles to read later when I think I have enough time to read

Speaking of reading, I, meaning my wife, finally helped me figure out how to download audio-books on to my Ipod so I can travel to work (millions of miles away). I have challenged myself to either read or listen to a novel or fiction this year - SEE NEW YEARS RESOLUTION GOOGLE DOC.

Spiritually, or should I say normally speaking, since I recently read an article that a very stupid question to ask a Jew, "How is your spiritual life?" In conversation with a Jew there is no distinction between physical and spiritual. Jewish people believe all days are holy. But enough of that rampage. I have found a wonderful place to rest my head on Sunday mornings with my family. I dare not say the place due to someone close getting in trouble but don't worry - its legal. The place offers collaboration of thought and tolerance, a time of reflection, and intellectual conversation. WOW. Could that possibly be church? YEP. My family and I still come together once a month to celebrate "Grace Happens" but we felt as though we need a place to visit and find support outside our family.

Anyway, if you ever want to share your thoughts, writings, or class assignments you know where you can find me - safe and secure with my:

I Tried

2011-02-21T21:17:00.000-05:00

Our home church, Grace Happens, has lost some momentum in the past few months so my wife said, "Let's try some liberal churches" and see what they are like. I agreed you can say I was quite skeptical they would end up being the same crap different church. We went to the church and the first time in my life . . . in my life . . .in my life (have I made a point of typing "in my life" enough times) I was watching the clock and praying to Jesus to make it hurry up and go faster.

You can find my Google Spreadsheet of "Crappy Things About Church" and even add your own.

The Church Crappy List

Well, I couldn't get home quick enough to Google any children emergent learning material to teach on Sunday discovering very little but I can say this - I AM NOT DOING SUNDAY CHURCH again and watching the clock.

Still Alive - What's On My Mind

2010-12-02T18:48:00.000-05:00

I remember when I use to have so much time to blog but times have changed. I feel as though I have let my readers down by not blogging. I am still alive and kicking (myself or others). What is on my mind?

1. After careful consideration I think I would rather have SMARTS with barely making it each month verses VERY RICH and not have the skills to deeply connect with others. Which one would you choose?

2. Ph.D. is in my future in with a dissertation where I can help special needs students have a voice in higher education. This idea came about since I am living it with my current company.

3. I left the church six months ago and I have never been so happy – actually content. I have learned so much about life and how G-d interacts with us. I feel so relieved I can change my thinking to minimizing the Bible as a special good book and not like the what the church equates the Bible as Christ – conscience or unconsciously.

4. I need to find a well-balanced curriculum for our Sunday family conversations.

5. My wife has been going through a lot this year and just trying to be there for her.

6. Christmas is here. I know the day never changes but it sure seems to come so quickly – is that a sign I am getting older?

There you go bloggers friends. What's on your mind?

Lesson from my other Blog

2010-08-12T08:56:00.000-05:00

I have been writing about my family church event at another blog. You are welcome to visit:

www.gracehappensinhouses.blogspot.com

This weeks blog is about our Los Angeles trip. http://gracehappensinhouses.blogspot.com/2010/08/lesson-to-teach.html

Will Someone Please Call Me a Heretic

2010-06-23T18:42:00.000-05:00

= boring (what I use to do in church subconsciously)

= smiling face (Jeff evolved - okay I may not that cute)

I guess you can say I have given up on Christianity and decided to follow Christ. What do I mean by that? I am tired of the today's terminology of "Christianity" and how the church and government defines it. The church defines Christianity in a selfish and self-centered approach and call it "personal relationship". Christianity is about how I relate with my neighbor regardless who or what they are and love them like there is no other. I get so sick and tired of hearing stupid conversations that are talked about amongst Christian groups. The conversations of this group is okay but this group needs JESUS. Am I a heretic yet?

I have been on a roller coaster of a ride for the past several year going from Orthodox Christianity to believing in:

1. Homosexuality - not that I choose the lifestyle but I don't find fault in their lifestyle. We are sexual beings and just like heterosexuality I believe both groups express same kind of love. I don't understand fully since I am a heterosexual and have love for a women but I am deep connect with many men. IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX but the church thinks this way. Is it ignorance or stupidity? Or Both?

2. The BIBLE is a spiritual book not an ANSWER book. In my opinion if you are looking for FAQ's than check out Wikipedia but if you are wanting to understand how to relate with others read the BIBLE. I see the BIBLE now with so much more admiration and freedom in how I view others, myself, and my loving Heavenly Father. But, I also find my answers through history, other religions, and Google. So, who wants to start a WAVE:

3. Open-minded - Being open-minded I allow others to think differently than me and most important I think for myself. The generation before me and some of this generation has lost touch with THINKING. I am specifically talking to religious people that go weekly to church trying to talk about spiritual things but really don't consider how others think - like that side of the brain stops working - I will call this the SLUDGE BRAIN. I plan on investigation all sides of the triangle and go outside my comfort zone. I just may find my past behavior or thinking needs some DRANO. For example: why can't other history books be inspiring like the Bible? Why doesn't the church reach beyond Titles or denominations to heal our planet? Why is global warming wrong - we have no facts but we do have a messed up planet - who cares how we got here - let's just do what we can to fix it? Final question: Am I making this world a better place for my children and letting them create their stories verses yours?

4. SALVATION - Christians are commanded to teach about the things Christ did during his time here on planet Earth. His message was not to save individuals from hell but save relationships from being hell. We don't know what tomorrow will bring I think His message was to repent from evil choices made with others and make them right. The Orthodox religion thinks we have to save (sorry, "preach") hell out of people and lead them to Christ for eternal salvation. I believe God gave us all salvation (ALL OF US) and it is up to us to learn "new ways with new wine skins"(thought I would be a little scriptural for you all). So, go repent from broken relationships and make them right the way Jesus make relationships right.

Well, for some who have been reading my blog you might be doing one of these things:

A. ON YOUR KNEES PRAYING IN TONGUES FOR MY SALVATION AND RUNNING AROUND INTERCEDING FOR ME. My response: Thank you. Prayer is always welcomed.

B. Jumping up and down - I am too jumping up and down feeling freer than ever from the bondage of doctrine. Christ reigns in my heart and in my actions.

C. Still not sure what is going on - I still consider myself a new type of Christian - an Emergent Messianic Jew following God and making a different in this world. My answer: Keep reading my blog. You will either question my beliefs, your beliefs, and either delete me or repost me.

In any case, my final thought for tonight is this: May the Peace of God be upon you and your household.

Church Named "Grace Happens"

2010-05-17T19:01:00.001-05:00

I might have mentioned earlier that my family has ending out religious festivities in waking up early, rushing to the car, and popping into church just to hear what is on someones agenda and how we are going to safe people through unique programs and advertising. We have decided to follow God as a family and community in where we wake up usually around 11am, have breakfast together, some of us get dressed, and spend one hour sharing our thoughts. Yes, we have a topic to keep the kids interested but WE DO NOT HAVE AN AGENDA.

Given our church name - "GRACE HAPPENS" - meaning if we have a topic on interest and kids want to talk about something else related to God's involvement - PARENTS SHUT UP and listen. We have been doing this for a few weeks now. Results are in . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

THE KIDS ARE EXCITED AND CAN'T WAIT FOR SUNDAYS TO COME

I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH MORE ABOUT GOD IN 3 WEEKS THAN IN 10 YEARS - from my children and wife

GOD GIVES US IDEAS ON WHAT TO TALK ABOUT - each week it turns out either Karen or me have a pressing thought to talk about during Sunday and the kids contribute.

FINAL THOUGHT - ITS FAMILY TIME - most churches separate kids from parents so where is that spiritual bond. In the past when we went to church the typical response out of my kids mouths after asking them, "What did you learn today?" They would respond, "I don't know. I don't remember."

What have we done during "Grace Happens" time?
Week 1 - talked about being creative like God. We learned how and why God wants us to be creative? Does everyone need to be creative equally in thought or action (by the way churches the word is called T.O.L.O.R.A.N.C.E) Karen had us create Journal Jars where we decorated them and then pull a thought out of them to write in a journal.
Week 2 - Music - We talked about what is music and how it effects each of us. What sounds do you like or not like? What type of music do you think God likes (by the way Christians its not all about hymnals, i.e. how the thunder sounds or the trees blow in the wind). We then each choose two different types of sounds we liked and heard them. We listened, we answered why we like them, and how it makes us feel. Also, what if there is someone who likes a sound and we don't how are we suppose to act. (Churches - BTW, my child is 8 with special learning needs which most churches have no programs for on Sundays and she gets this stuff).
Week 3 - Relationships - I created a game. I created 14-15 Simple Relationship Mailing Labels, I cut them up, and put them into a box. The idea was to stimulate conversation and see what everyone that about relationship; family and friends. Some of the questions were: 1) What is a relationship 2)How to break off bad relationships 3) Do a drama skit displaying a family argument 4) What does God say about Relationships (Churches, yes we still believe in the Bible). We learned a lot and got into an argument later that day, which then worked out our argument using what we learned that morning.
Week 4 - I am so so so so so so so so excited about this event coming this Sunday. We are going to do a mission exercises. Karen's company, Christian organization, sponsors a local co-op where the kids need daily snacks because most of the families do not have enough food so we are going to put together 50 snack bags (good stuff too) and bless those who have less. Did I mention too that my kids are going to lead communion and not AN ADULT (Christians, I wonder if I have your attention now).

We want to learn whatever God has planned for us knowing we are loved by Him and to love ALL His people. Which leads me to the next comment (Church lovers - cover your eyes or ears for a moment):

WE WELCOME ANYONE WHATEVER THERE FAITH IS. WE WOULD LOVE TO SEE FAMILIES WHO DISTRUST CHURCHES TO COME SHARE IN OUR LOVE FOR GOD AND EACH OTHER - with all the religiosity put outside in the trash.