MESSRS

2012-05-26T16:15:00.001+10:00

Sexual Harassment Complaints

2012-04-17T10:09:00.000+10:00

A study by the Centre for Work and Life at the University of South Australia has shown that only 10 per cent of perpetrators of sexual harassment resigned or were dismissed from their place of employment compared to 60 per cent of complainants who ended up resigning or who were dismissed as a consequence of victimisation after making a complaint.

One of the authors of the study, Paula McDonald from Queensland University of Technology said, 'The consequences fall largely on the person who makes the complaint'. The effects of this are that the 'negative consequences stop a lot of formal complaints being made'.

Although as a man I have not been the victim of sexual harassment I can relate to the reasons why women would not raise a complaint. In my experience a person whether female or male who raises any type of complaint is often further discriminated by the process of addressing the complaint. Within the church denomination of which I am a member I have heard of cases where the person or persons making the complaint are asked to leave their positions while the person whom the complaint is made remains in their position. These particular complaints have been about relationships of power. In other cases both the complainant and the person complained about are asked to leave. There seems to be little hope for natural justice or fair play being observed. The person making the complaint has to take into account that by making a complaint they are more than likely going to lose their job or be asked to move so they are silenced or bullied into remaining silent while the person doing the harassing continues in their position and harassing others. It seems very unfair and unjust. Often the person being complained about holds power in such a way that intimidates committees set up to deal with complaints.

As men I think we need more education and understanding about the effects of sexual harassment on women. We need to take responsibility for our actions and for our education in areas of sexuality and power and be aware of the rights of others to come to work without fear of harassment by us. We need to develop a sense of self-awareness. Our words, our body language, our size, our position and our actions can be intimidating without our awareness of the effects of these and we need to be aware that it is these very things that perpetrators use to intimidate and harass. Where we men see other men behaving in such ways we have to collectively summon up the courage to stand up to it.

The full article on Sexual Harassment Complaints can be found at this link:

Sexual Harassment Complaints

Bullying

2012-03-26T15:06:00.000+11:00

An approach to bullying which asserts that everyone engages in bullying behaviour in order to maintain control and that bullying is not a pathological behaviour. Everyone is encouraged to talk about it and when it is talked about it can lose its power. Please click on the link to an ABC Australia interview with Professor Stuart Twemlow

Bullying

The Boys

2012-03-20T13:18:00.000+11:00

The Boys

My friend Andrew took me along to the theatre the other night to see the play The Boys. Andrew does a lot of group work with men http://www.groupworksolutions.com.au/ and I went because his partner was ill. Although I had put a link to the background of the play on this Blog a couple of months ago I didn’t really want to go and see it. I knew what the story was about and did not want to spend an evening being ‘entertained’ by violence.

The play was very confronting, literally in your face. We were in the front row and the main character pulled down his pants and bared his bottom to the audience. I thought the acting was superb, it was non stop, intense and the atmosphere was charged. But I didn’t like it. I felt uncomfortable, intimidated, angry and sad.

The main theme that struck me was the attitude of the men to women. This came across in both words and actions. The women were portrayed as seeking meaningful relationships and something better for their lives. The men were portrayed as having a great sense of entitlement: entitled to do what they wanted, when they wanted, how they wanted, and without any consideration for either their mother or girlfriends. They viewed women as objects. This came across very strongly in their views on sex and in the simulated sex scenes – you can never let a woman be on top. The sex portrayed was devoid of loving relationship and intimacy. A woman’s body was merely an object for ejaculation and in treating her so she would know her place, she would know who held the power, she would know who was boss. The violence in the play was not just meted out on the women. The brothers were pulled into submission to the elder brothers views through violence. These beliefs were enforced upon both women and men to maintain their place and the place of men above women. The cycle of violence was being continued and legitimised by these beliefs and backed up with violence.

I would imagine that most men if asked would deny holding such views of women and would distance themselves from the views and actions portrayed in the play. However, women throughout the world know what it is to live with the threat and effects of both sexual and physical assault not just from strangers but from within their own families. As a man reading this I am wondering if you have ever questioned your own views about women. What informed those views? How were they formed? From whom did you learn them? What did your father model to you about women? What did male teachers, ministers, priests, sports people, brothers, uncles, grandfathers and other significant males in your life model to you? Was what was modelled to you respectful of women? Has what you have learnt contributed to deepening and respectful relationships with women? I personally hold the view that the more men respect women, the more satisfying their relationships with women can be. Can a man change? Please click on the following link for more links to groups working with men who want to improve their relationships.

http://www.groupworksolutions.com.au/links

Project Unbreakable

2012-03-16T17:26:00.000+11:00

Project Unbreakable is a collection of photographs of survivors of sexual assault holding up signs with the words their attackers said to them while abusing them to keep them quiet. People take the power back by showing the words used against them. Please click the link...

Project Unbreakable

Think Equal

2012-03-16T11:09:00.000+11:00

We live in a world where women are less likely to own land , are less likely to be educated and more likely to be poorer yet more likely to do more work than men. That doesn't sound fair, does it? There are many reasons for this unfairness and inequity; among them inheritance laws which benefit male siblings over female siblings and patriarchal religions which elevate men to a higher status in a social order giving theological support to the view that women are the property of men. There is an enormous way to go to change laws, attitudes and religious beliefs that continue the injustice to women right across the world. If you are a man please begin to think equal, think about equality. All things are not equal and cannot be considered equal. People do not have equal access to work, to education, to rights. For a woman to be considered equal to a man in order to take up a position she needs to have had the same rights, education and opportunities that men have had. As a pro-feminist I believe that the benefits of an equality that is equitable are not just for women but as women benefit so will men and especially in their relationships with women. Please have a look at this link... Think Equal, think what an equitable equality may mean.
Think Equal: Women at work

Islamic women's sex and power

2012-02-24T11:40:00.000+11:00

Have a look at the film trailer for The Source a film about women with holding sex from their partners until water is piped to their village. It should be a great film for men to watch if we are not already aware that men are unfairly privileged in this world over women.

Islamic women's sex and power

The Justin Campaign - Rugby League Ref Comes Out

2012-02-21T11:44:00.000+11:00

The Justin Campaign

The Justin Campaign - Rugby League Ref comes out

A love affair

2012-02-17T15:05:00.001+11:00

I posted this in my Weddings and Funeral Celebrant Blog but also included it here for men to read and comment on.

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a man and was very moved by the way his grandchildren spoke so affectionately about him. They described the relationship their grandfather had with their grandmother as a love affair. They had been married 52 years and had ceremonies to renew their vows twice during that time and had planned to have me officiate for another renewal of their vows on their next anniversary. They described their grandparents dancing closely late into the night in a cabin on holiday in Tasmania and sleeping in the same bed, snuggled up, no matter where they were or how small the bed was whether on the Indian Pacific Train or in a bunk bed on an ocean liner. He never wanted to be separate from her even for a night. They described him as a man who lived with passion and instilled in them a passion and adventure for life. He was passionate in his love for his partner and wife, passionate as an artist, passionate about sport, passionate about his friends, passionate about his family. And yet this was a working man, ho worked with his hands all his life.

As I listened I thought what an example this man is to his grandchildren, but specifically to his grandsons. What a role model he is to younger men and to all men in society. I marvelled at the way he demonstrated such passionate love and respect for his partner of 52 years. I thought how good is this for men to see this modelled to them and how even better it is for women to be loved so totally as this man loved.

It was a challenge to me. How many of us men view our partners as someone we are having a love affair with? And if we did how would that improve our relationships and the lives of our partners?

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips

2012-02-12T22:50:00.002+11:00

Click on the link below for tips for men on how to prevent sexual assault The tips were found on the Tumblinfeminist website http://tumblinfeminist.tumblr.com

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips

Racism and Homophobia in Sport

2012-02-09T12:38:00.000+11:00

In recent weeks there have been a number of occasions where very high profile footballers in the English premier league have been accused of making racist comments to other players during games. Last night Fabio Capello the manager of the England team indirectly resigned because of one such accusation. He argued that the decision to drop John Terry as captain of England by the English Football Association was incorrect because he believes that the accusation of racism is a matter for the civil courts to decide not a matter for a sporting court to decide.

Players of African and Caribbean background are regularly subjected to racist taunts and chanting by football crowds. Players and officials in football must set the example of there being no place for racism within sport and high profile players must be educated about the damaging effects of racist remarks and institutional racism. Likewise homophobic taunts by players to other players or from spectators can have far reaching effects on boys and men growing up in cultures that are traditionally not inclusive of people who are deemed different. The incidents of suicide among young men who are gay are very high. It can be very troubling and confusing to come to terms with one's sexuality in a world where one is not deemed as 'normal'. Former England Footballer Graeme Le Saux was subjected to constant taunts questioning his sexuality during his career and has recently spoken publicly about his experiences Support for Footballers who are also gay. Because of the homophobic prejudice rife in football few players are willing to come out as gay and so are forced to live secret lives.

Sporting associations, religious organisations, educational institutions, armed forces, law enforcement agencies, the media, employers and so on must take strong stands against any hints of racism or homophobia within their systems both publicly and privately in order to create safer environments and a safer world for men and boys to grow up in.

As a member and leader of a religious organisation I think that it is imperative that there is no rhetoric, no hints, no evidence of anything that is discriminatory in any way when it comes to issues of race, ethnicity, culture, belief, sexuality or gender. But I think it is not enough to be passively against discrimination. Organisations such as the church must be actively and publicly working for the inclusion of all people within its organisation and within society. Like Sporting associations and all other public organisations the church must take responsibility for the effects it's own rhetoric, discriminatory practices and example can have on the lives of people because of their race, gender or sexual preference etc.

In many ways it is time for sporting organisations and other organisations such as the church to 'come out' more publicly in support of people discriminated against because of their race or sexual preference.

The boys are back

2012-01-15T21:37:00.002+11:00

Male Violence -something to reflect on

Cut and paste the link...

http://mpegmedia.abc.net.au/homepage/video/730_theboysareback_edit.flv

White Ribbon

2011-11-30T20:01:00.001+11:00

I participated in a White Ribbon Event in Wollongong last Friday 25th November. As part of the evening there was some interactive theatre in which the actors posed as a few friends trying to help a friend who was feeling very stressed about work and eventually went on to hit his partner.

Here is a quote from the event advertising: Forum Theatre is a form of interactive theatre developed by Augusto Boal, a Brazilian social activist and theatre maker who also developed Theatre of the Oppressed, a theatre form used in South America to work with communities on human rights and other social justice issues. In Forum Theatre the audience influences the action and suggest different paths for the actors to follow as they look for solutions to problems.

The drama presented a man feeling incredibly stressed by the insecurity of his workplace. He did not know how long the company would keep going and how long he would have a job. He was getting aggressive in leisure time, at home and at work even with his friends. It was a challenging and confronting piece of theatre as it forced us all to think how we might assist a friend in preventing him choosing a path of violence against his female partner.

The word choice came to the fore. How might a man develop choices other than resorting to violence? The first thing to acknowledge was that physical violence was not a choice one can make and secondly that we have to take responsibility ourselves for finding other ways to deal with the anger in our lives. The drama made us think about how we can interact with men, to get them to talk and assist them to find other ways to deal with the things that were causing them stress.

It got me thinking about how we men don't like violence either and try to avoid raising the issue of another man's violence with the man himself. We are fearful of the threat of violence too. Men can be unaware of the way they use their bodies and body language to intimidate. It is difficult to have an open conversation when the other person is looming over you or is huffing and puffing or pacing up and down. Men can be very threatened by an intruder into their private life and especially when their violence is challenged.

It is one thing to sit down and talk with a man after he has committed an act of violence against his partner especially if he has come to you for counselling or help, but it is a totally different thing to try to engage with a man when he is being violent or threatening violence.

It challenged me to come up with a number of possible ways we might prevent violence by men against their partners. We have got to get a clear message to all men in society that violence is not a choice they can make. How might we do this? From my experience men do not usually seek help until after they have been charged with assault or their partner has left them. Men don't think it is their problem or their responsibility to challenge other men. Men do not easily volunteer to attend anger management or violence prevention classes unless forced by law. So how can we educate ourselves to make other choices? There are a number of groups working with boys in schools but it would be great if businesses would allow time for employees to attend on site prevention of violence against women classes. They could be packaged as part of 'stress management', and be part of a business' social responsibility in the community. Any improvements to the individual and to how he is feeling abut himself will have a positive influence on the team in which he works. So there are great benefits for the business too.

For years I have tried to raise the issue at weddings that I have performed as one way to let men know that violence is not a choice they can make and I have always invited men to speak with me if they wish. Men need to hear other men saying that violence against women is not on.

What other ways could we raise this with men? What ways could we train men to find other alternatives to violence? How can we help them to use their words carefully and caringly?

Any thoughts and ideas are very welcome.

David Whyte Many Rivers Home

2011-09-06T09:26:00.000+10:00

David Whyte Many Rivers Home:

'via Blog this'

Men's Health Week - Why don't men go to the doctor?

2011-06-16T22:17:00.000+10:00

This is Men's Health Week. Women are always telling me that their partners won't go to the doctor. I wonder why so many men won't see a doctor? I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer in 1998. I didn't attend the doctor because I thought there was something wrong, I just went for a check up and she sent me off for some tests. The cancer was detected early, I had it removed, I had treatment and I'm all clear today. Personally I'd prefer to be alive than dead. Our second child was only five months old at the time and since then we have had two more children. I'm glad that I'm around to see them grow up and share my life with them.

So back to my question: why don't men go to the doctor?

Please take the poll on this page and reply with your own reasons if you wish. Women are most welcome to respond too. I'm sure lots of you men will respond.

Suicide 'a neglected gender issue' - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

2011-06-15T17:57:00.000+10:00

Suicide 'a neglected gender issue' - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Were we all being bullied?

2011-06-11T13:00:00.000+10:00

This morning I watched my son's team play football (Soccer). The score was 2-2. It was an early morning kick off. It was wet and cold and more like Ireland than Australia. It was a beautiful setting by the coast. The waves thrashing off the rocks were throwing spray high into the sky aided by the strong wind. It wasn't the only thing distracting me from the game. One of the parents from the other team was constantly shouting negative comments to his son's team. The words that most grated with me were: 'boofhead', 'princess' and 'beat the shit out of the other team'. The last comment was given during the half time talk.

I stood listening to all this and noticed a few smirks from people standing around and wondered why no one challenged the way this man was speaking to the boys in the team. He wasn't one of the coaches and constantly called over the top of them telling the team where to stand and what to do and berating them when they were not in the position he thought they should have been. At one point the left back was taking a throw in and I could see how unsure the boy was about what to do. Instead of looking at where to throw the ball he was looking at the man shouting instructions. I couldn't hold back any longer and approached the man about the way he was speaking to the team. I expressed the possible psychological damage that the comments could have on the boys. When I indicated that it was not appropriate to ridicule the boys by calling them boofhead or princess, one of the women standing close by excused the man's behaviour by indicating that it was okay because it was his son whom he was calling princess. The man told me to get away from him. I walked away.

I don't find speaking up and speaking out easy especially to people exhibiting bullying behaviour. Why did no one else speak up? Had they heard it all before from him and excused him by saying that's just him, that's just the way he is? Why was there silence? For me it was like there was something going on, something we were all aware of, something we were all hearing but no one was saying anything or doing anything about it. Perhaps others were not aware of it or unaware of the effect it could have on these young boys. Perhaps others heard it but not in the way I heard it. I felt challenged. Do I keep quiet or do I speak up? It is a dilemma I am often confronted by. I know that my emotional state will be raised which ever choice I make. By speaking up I will have to deal with the questions of whether I did the right thing or said the right thing, or could I have handled it better? Before I speak I also have to consider that I could get a fist in my face. By not speaking up I will have to deal with the question of whether I missed an opportunity: an opportunity perhaps to speak up for a boy who has to grow up enduring his father publicly ridiculing him by calling him such things as 'boof head and 'princess' and a question of whether I had missed an opportunity to speak into a story being written today by a lot of people saying nothing and one person dominating the script? Were we all being bullied? What has been your experience of speaking up?

Finding our way again

2011-05-05T14:48:00.000+10:00

I haven't written anything for over a month now, not since before my dad died. I recently spoke to someone who told me that since he and his partner had split up he had not been motivated to grow his business beyond where it was. I could understand his lack of motivation. Grief and loss can stop us in our tracks, spin us around in circles, take all motivation and meaning from us for a time. We do what we have to but nothing more.

I've been thinking about a phrase I read many years ago in the book 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and which I often reflect on when it comes to funerals - 'Death ends a life not a relationship'. When someone dies we keep on relating to that person through our memories, through the gifts, skills, wisdom and love (or perhaps anger) that we have experienced in that person and through our relationships with others who knew the deceased person.

Our marriages may end in divorce, we may no longer live together, the 'relationship' may have ended but that doesn't mean that we won't have to relate to one another, there is still a relationship of sorts. If we share the care of children with an ex-partner we will still have to relate in some way for the sake of them. If we can relate in good ways this will make life much more easy to negotiate for our children too. So even though the relationship of marriage or cohabiting has ended the relationship or relating has not ended. Sometimes and in some cases I think it may be easier to find our way again after the death of a loved than after a separation or divorce because we no longer have to negotiate the relationship with the deceased person, whereas following a divorce with children involved we will need to still develop our skills in relating to our ex-partner in order for us to move on and embrace life again and be able to relate to a possible new partner.

Book Review: Half the Sky « The Pixel Project

2011-04-26T10:50:00.000+10:00

Book Review: Half the Sky « The Pixel Project

Share Trading and Relationships

2011-03-25T00:40:00.000+11:00

One thing I have learnt about trading shares is that it much more important to understand yourself than to understand the share market. One cannot control the market but one can control how one reacts to it or acts in response to what is happening in the market. For example if the market starts going down you can't do anything about the market but you could sell your shares and get out so that you don't make a bigger loss or lose your profit. Of course you could do nothing but hope that it will reverse in the direction you want it to go in. This would of course be a very risky gamble. Perhaps you are prone to a bit of procrastination from time to time and in certain situations but knowing this about yourself and being aware of it while trading could really effect the outcomes of your trading. Instead of sitting and pondering what to do and getting more anxious and stressed and perhaps angry and abusive you could follow a few simple rules that you have come up with. By following your rules you hopefully will not go through an emotional roller coaster every time the market goes down. One simple rule could be that you are willing to lose say 0.25% of your total trading capital on any given trade. As soon as your shares go down by 0.25% you automatically sell. Thus you don't procrastinate or gamble. By the way 0.25% of $10,000 is only $25 so you could do a lot of trades if that was all that you were losing each time you traded. Taking a small loss helps you stay in the markets for a long time and give you many opportunities that will bring you profits.when the markets heads in your direction.

So how could this apply to relationships? On numerous occasions women and men have come to me and said, "I just don't understand women!" or "I just don't understand men!" or "I just don't understand relationships!" I would have to agree that I don't always understand men, or women, or relationships either, because every man is different, every woman is different and every relationship is different. Like the markets we could spend all our time trying to understand the opposite sex or what relationships are all about but unless we understand ourselves or find ways to relate to ourselves then we may not be able to give as much as we'd like to a relationship or feel satisfied within it.

Now I don't want to make too much of this trading analogy. I wouldn't want to say that the way one relates to the share market is also the way one should relate to one's partner. If you understand the different ways that you respond to challenges in life then you can introduce little plans, like this trading plan so that you keep more in control of yourself even when the situation is out of your control. I don't mean that if the relationship goes down a bit that you get out at a certain point, otherwise you'd be in and out of many relationships. But what I am saying is that when it comes to relationships there is plenty of room for personal growth, for understanding who you are and how you react to another person or how you act in a relationship. My experience has been that when men spend time reading books or attending courses on self development and communicating they become much more attractive to their partners and enjoy their relationships much more. So even if a relationship breaks down or goes nowhere, by spending time trying to understand yourself you may feel a bit more sure of who you are and bring yourself as a growing developing person to the next relationship.

Sex and men's violence

2011-03-19T23:18:00.000+11:00

I spent two days this week attending a workshop about research on men and masculinities. As I listened to the various presentations I began to wonder about how men could be engaged to explore issues of violence and in particular how they could be gathered as a group to address their own violence. Some of the research showed that men often behave differently in a group and in particular when they are away from home, for example men playing sport and needing to stay away over night or men working in mines and staying away from home for weeks. When in the company of other men, men found themselves doing things that ordinarily they would not do. When interviewed individually they often expressed surprise and dismay that they would engage in violent behaviour and especially in sexually violent acts when away from the normal restrictions which limited their behaviour.

It seems to me that while counselling for the individual may be very important for a man to change his violent behaviour, men also need to open up about this amongst other men, to make themselves accountable to other men and to find other ways of behaving when together and find other ways to communicate without resorting to violence, or letting themselves get to a point of being out of control through the consumption of excess alcohol. I can imagine that getting men to such a group would be very difficult. If men find it difficult to talk with other men about sex in a constructive way how will they openly talk about issues of violence?

As a man, what have your conversations with other men about sex been like? Have they followed the path of objectifying women? Have they ever been open discussions about sexuality including the difficulties of sexual expression, desire and needs? I'm wondering whether men would be able to talk more openly and honestly about violence and especially violence against women if they were also able to open up and talk together about sexuality?

Men and Masculinities

2011-03-19T19:19:00.000+11:00

I attended this two day workshop on men and masculinities held in Wollongong this week. It was particularly interesting to hear research on men's violence and from men who are doing something to address it. Here is a link to a press article...

UOW to study the male psyche - Local News - News - General - Illawarra Mercury

Men speaking up

2011-03-04T11:07:00.001+11:00

If we think something is not our problem we tend to say nothing or do nothing about it. When it comes to women being abused by men we men tend to think that that is not our problem either, because we do not view ourselves as being abusive. I came across the term 'silence is collusion' years ago. It really struck me that by saying nothing or doing nothing we were really colluding with those who abuse. For some reason we men seem unaware that violence by men against women is not a problem that women have but it is a problem that men have. We have tended to leave the support of women to other women, rather than supporting women by speaking up to the men who use violence against women. Speaking up can be very threatening because we may become the victims of violence ourselves. Speaking up as men can also carry with it a false sense of betrayal, that we are betraying the male side of things, but are we really betraying men, or are we colluding with the ways that men view and treat women that violate the rights of women? Not all men are violent, but we all have the potential for violence. Sometimes we are unaware that we are being violent, we can be passively aggressive, we can use our size or position to intimidate, we can use words that carry threat.

We may or do choose the path of violence because we may be stronger than our female partner but we don't have to take that path. We need to begin by realising and acknowledging that using violence is wrong whether against women, or children or other men. We need to take responsibility not only for our own violence but for male violence. We must find better ways of communicating with our partners, better ways of expressing our feelings and wishes and needs. We need to find language to express these feelings and needs in ways that value our partners as equals and in ways that they feel safe. We need to speak up, in conversations, in public, in our religious gatherings, in our places of work and study, in the media, in social networking, in sport and when we are talking with other men about sex and about women etc.

If you are a man, listen to the conversations that men have about women, to what is said and what is not said. Where is silence colluding with violence? Learn to speak up, find your voice, make a difference, stop violence against women, and make the lives of men more richer too.

Talking Men

2011-02-28T23:38:00.000+11:00

Laughter is said to be the best medicine but simply opening up a conversation can be a step towards change, healing or transformation. Why is it hard for us men to talk about what really matters? Why do we men so easily just talk about sport?

I love talking with men about things that matter in their lives. I love facilitating discussions about issues that men would not as easily speak to other men about. I find that it makes my life much richer as we share experiences, as we speak more honestly about ourselves, as we admit to our own potential for violence, as we celebrate our joys and sadnesses in life. It helps me understand what the other may be struggling with and and we can explore alternatives.

How does one begin a meaningful conversation? How does one get others to talk about things that really matter to you? I'm looking forward to this conversation.

Come dine with me - from romance to possession

2011-02-25T18:20:00.000+11:00

Lifestyle Television can reveal some very interesting ways that men think about women. Here is an example from the Australian version of the lifestyle show ‘Come dine with me’.

In the show the contestants each take a turn at hosting the other contestants in their own home by providing a sumptuous meal and some light entertainment.

As part of the entertainment, the guests often explore the bedroom of the host. In one particular episode two of the male contestants went into the bedroom of the female host. One of the men opened a wardrobe which contained the suits of the woman’s husband. The man quickly closed the door, remarking, “Oh, I don’t like touching his suits, but I don’t mind touching his wife!”

What do you make of that comment? To me it says something about how men still view women as the property of men. How do men come to believe this? Where do these ideas find support within society? Why are they still circulating? How are we men tricked into believing them? What benefit is there to view one’s partner as one’s property? How do we go from viewing our partner romantically to viewing her as a possession? Surely experience of life for men, would be much more fulfilling sexually, emotionally and spiritually, to be in a relationship of mutual love and respect rather than viewing a woman as an object to possess?