And sometimes, my beloved sproglet picks up on these words. A lot of the time, a decent distraction (such as a Kinder Egg) makes her forget the words sooner than she learned them, but sometimes, just sometimes, she just. won’t. let. go.

Three weeks ago, she picked up on on such a word. Actually, more like a phrase. When she first said it, I couldn’t help but laugh. Especially because she said it in a Northern twang rather than in a southern dialect. Swearing in a northern accent is SO MUCH BETTER than swearing in a southern one. Even if it’s coming from a 2 year old. But it is something I do frown upon on the whole. I don’t want my daughter saying naughty things at all, and on the most part, she doesn’t.

Except for “bugger”. To be more precise, “silly bugger”. I haven’t even said it for 3 weeks, since my last outburst, but she still ruddy says it! I am currently encouraging her to say “silly sausage” instead, which is kind of working, but she still comes out with it when I least expect it.

Like last week, during a teddy tea party. One of them fell head first into his tin cup of tea, to which she just laughed and called him a silly bugger.

Luckily, she’s growing out of it.

Naughty mummy.

And mine…

___________________________________________________

Me: Are you eating your breakfast Freyja?
Freyja: Yes. I’m eating my breakfast… Slowly, like a princess.

I love mummy. I love daddy. I love Kali. I love Leila. I love Pete. I love Gracie…

I love nanna. I love granny. I love grandad…

I love Shrek. I love Donkey.

I love peoples…

I love friends.

(whilst putting the washing away)

Freyja: You are a very naughty girl. A very important naughty girl.

Me: A very important naughty girl?

Freyja: Yes. A VERY important NAUGHTY girl.

(pauses)

Freyja: I am angry. I am very angry.

Me: What for, hun?

Freyja: Because.

(stomps downstairs after slamming the safety gate)

Freyja: I’m going downstairs. You are NOT.

Me: Why not?

Freyja: Because you’re naughty. Do my washing.

Thanks, love.

When I found out about milk&more, and found that they were the new milkmen on the block, I gave them a try. Not only do they deliver your normal milk variety but you can also do your online food shopping with them too – there are so many of your basic groceries available for you to order, that unless you’re due for a big shop, there’s very little reason why you should haul yourself to your local supermarket and fight your way through the hoards of people – particularly the number of people you have to battle around Christmas.

Did you know that they also do pet food online too? If I used the brands that they stock, I’d buy that too. It’s amazing how much you can actually get through milk&more now – they cater for everything, with 250 everyday essentials to choose from, including Kellogg’s, Cathedral City and Tropicana. What’s more is, it’s free delivery.

*This is a sponsored post but the opinions are my own. I really did leave half a bottle of milk in preference of opening a new one. I still do.*

I am so excited for her. We went to a garden centre yesterday where she met some donkeys and saw the walls covered in christmas decorations. All the trees, all the pretend Santas, all the lights – she was mesmerised and so excited by it all (apart from the fake Santa’s lap you could sit on – terrified her).

So, the advent calendar. Inspired by this post I found online whilst browsing, I have bought her 25 books. One for each day of advent. I’ve gone down the “all-year-round” book instead of the festive ones, because, well, I don’t really like the Christmas books, compared with some of the fabulous ones you can get. I have wrapped them all individually, so that every day, she finds the correctly numbered book and unwraps it. I haven’t gone overboard with spends, using The Book People and Red House to purchase the collection and it has saved me a vast amount on stocking fillers. You can’t do with enough books for your child, personally. So this, I thought, was a great idea. You could make it even cheaper by going to your local second hand shop or car boot, or using the joys of eBay. I just didn’t have the time and as I was replacing stocking fillers with this idea, I didn’t mind spending a bit. Definitely a tradition I plan on keeping.

Since the tapoo event from earlier this year (oh my god, it was in January – that’s almost a year ago!), the thought of the poo has been at the forefront of everyones tales of woe. So, I thought, may as well get it published in none other than the Urban Dictionary.

I’m quite chuffed at my description. What dya think? It’s Number 2 on the list. Convenient number, I must say.

This is a response to an individual I need to vent to. I need to get it out of my system so that I can forget all about it and move on. The person in question knows this post is here.

The thing with this freebie is I didn’t know if I would like them. I’m not a big fan of Crocs, never have been, but when I got told I could have a pair for free and I could choose which ones, I thought “OK, I’ll take a look”.

Do these even look like Crocs? I don’t think so. I’m impressed with their increasing number of designs that deviate from the normal design you’d expect to see with that brand name. My free ones arrived today, and after the PR said she’d send some that are “similar to the black ones you chose”, I thought ooo eck, please don’t send pink.

Luckily, she jumped into my head and found out the other colour of shoes that I would like and haven’t got. Freyja likes them too.

Edit: I never realised my carpet was that minging. Must hoover.

- I now work Full Time. I’m the assistant manager at the pub I work at. I have achieved my personal license certificate. I have attained a CRB check (twice, because the last one expired). I have had pictures taken that make me look like I have one eye bigger than the other (they also show my wonderful bags that I struggle to hide after a long week at work). I have sent off the application (which is currently being returned back to me because they want original documents and the occupation of the person who endorsed the photo. You don’t need that for a bloody passport!…)

- Working full time gives me 3 evenings, 2 days and a 14 hour shift, equating to 40 hours work. Daughter dear goes off to the fantabulous childminder (who I swear Freyja loves more than me) every Tuesday. I’m happy to report that this is still fandabidozy, no problems have occurred and Freyja has a whale of a time.

- I’m also PLANNING MY WEDDING. After a very spontaneous booking of a venue when James was sat pissed up in the middle of a mucky field at a festival, it’s finally happening. OK, so James didn’t know about it when I booked it, and he still hasn’t seen the venue, but it’s finally happening. May 31st next year. And what a bargain we got! I will go into more detail when I’m not trying to summarise things.

- As part of the wedding plans, I have decided to make all of our stationery, which you can imagine is rather time consuming. These are now done, after taking a month to complete, but they look fabulous and I’m really chuffed with the outcome. Again, this was something that took away all my time.

- My daughter has a new obsession with Tangled. I kinda like it too, and has engrossed many an afternoon. In turn, this has distracted me from the likes of my blog and Twitter. I want Maximus the horse.

- I am still helping with BDT, writing when I can and helping to upload stuff each month.

In Freyja news….

- She’s potty trained. She still sleeps with a nappy, but during the day, she has no nappies at all. The process took 5 days from start to finish, and I had nothing to do with it. She went over to France in July in nappies and came back in pants. A hell of a lot easier than I expected.

- Her new favourite words are “Why?” and “Need”. “Why mummy? Why?” she says. “Because I said so”, I say. “Mummy, I neeeeeeeeeeed a biscuit…. I neeeeeeeeed Tangled.” Yeah kid, sure you do.

- She can count to 10. Sometimes she skips straight to eleven instead of seven but she’s almost there.

- She can sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and bloody hell, it’s like well cute.

- She knows who are boys and who are girls. Don’t ask me how.

- She knows that she has blue eyes, I have brown eyes and daddy has brown eyes. She also knows that nanna has blue eyes even though she hadn’t seen her for a while.

- She likes to get naked and has many a time been spotted playing in the sand pit in the nuddie. She possibly gets sand in her unmentionables, but hasn’t complained so far.

In Kali news…

- She’s huge. Grown a heap since I last posted anything about her.

- She’s getting there with her training. She will sit and stay and occasionally retrieve.

- She can swim.

- She poos a lot.

- She chews a lot.

- She has an unhealthy interest in armpits, feet and cleavage.

- She thinks she’s a boy and humps your leg.

Wedding News (8 months to go) …

- Stationery is made. Invites are awesome. With wax seals and everything.

- Dress is bought. A designer number, originally £1300 but got it off eBay for £500. Bargain, or what!

- Shoes are bought. Another bargain.

- Photo Album and Guest Book are bought. Also, bargains.

- Cake stand bought. You guessed it, a bargain.

What we’ve been up to – not as exhaustive a list as I expected, my memory is shit…

- Trips to the woods for Freyja to continue her love of nature. Has many a time been found hugging a tree, playing in the leaves and kissing twigs. Has also been found having a poo in the bushes with me keeping the nettles away from her arse.

- One of my close friend’s weddings. She looked amazing, as did her hub. I wore a dress. A sight for sore eyes, it was.

- A nearby farm to feed the pigs and the llamas. Also spent the afternoon keeping the chickens away from my daughter’s cornetto before she felt the inclination to clobber them with it.

I plan to update my blog more often now; I can’t promise anything because I know what I’m like, but I have been away from the action for far too long and I kinda miss it.

Firstly, yes, I’m still alive. I’m sorry I haven’t blogged for ages. To be honest, I didn’t think anybody would notice the lack of drivel from this end of the blogosphere. I’ve been ridiculously busy and in another post that I have lined up, I will summarise what I’ve been up to, just so you can (if you wish) get back on track with the goings on of me.

Also,Kate, I’m sorry I haven’t managed to take part in this weeks Listography. It would have been a perfect post for me to restart my occasional blogging, but in all fairness, I just haven’t had time. I’m writing this with a child blowing bubbles in my face, a dog trying to hump my leg and the continuous drone of Peppa Pig on the TV.

It’s one of Freyja’s favourites. She loves Peppa Pig, snorts and oinks every time a pig gets mentioned and pretends to be George just so that she can roar like a very cute dinosaur. OK, so it’s not a bad cartoon really, but there’s something worrying me about it.

And that’s Peppa herself.

Her parents are fine. Her grandad is kinda cool. George is OK. But her? Fuck me, I hope Freyja doesn’t turn into that. What sort of message is it sending to kids? She’s driving me nuts.

For example, in the one (of many) I watched today, she was pretending to be a butterfly. When she realises Grandad Pig isn’t paying any attention to her because he’s being a wriggly worm with George, she steals her brother’s thunder, pretends to be a worm and sings a ridiculous song. Equals attention seeking brat.

Another one that is on the same DVD… Her mates are playing in the park and swinging across the monkey bars on a rubber tyre. She exclaims that they are doing it wrong and that she will show them how it’s done. Hang on a minute, is there really a right way of swinging across on a rubber tyre? Not really. But Peppa seems to think she knows it all and gets stuck in the tyre. I’d have left her there if I was them. Equals Know It All shit-of-a-kid.

I hope Freyja doesn’t become that. Although, the way she’s being at the minute I don’t exactly like much either. Stroppy little madam who thinks that screaming at me will get what she wants.

What it actually gets is me roaring back at her louder so that she knows who’s boss. I’m nice like that.

Hopefully, this is the start of a little comeback to the blogging world. I have no intention to blog as much as I used to, but I plan to do more than I have done over the last 2 months. i.e. nothing.

P.S Good to luck to everyone who has gone to the MAD Awards tonight. Unfortunately, I was unable to make it, but I’m sure it will be an awesome shindig for everybody. I’m just chuffed I got to the finals!

When we received it, it was simple to assemble (I say simple, I mean I had to get the other half to sort it because I’m a bit of a noob when it comes to building things) and since then Freyja’s been attached to it pretty much daily.

“Cooter mummy, COOTER”

“You mean Scooter darling, let’s play with it when it’s not pissing it down with rain, eh?”

“No mummy, Cooter NOW”

You get the jist.

She didn’t know how to use it to start with but didn’t take her long to figure out that you put one foot on the platform and push yourself along with the other. I should have got a video of her trying to do it the first time. It was hilarious. She put her foot on the platform, put her other foot on the floor, pushed off with it, but then didn’t figure out that you have to pick your foot back UP again, so ended up doing a very impressive splits and landing on her arse. She learned quick enough that that wasn’t quite the way you should do it.

Since then, she’s a dab hand.

She’s also a dab hand and getting me to do it.

“Mummy, your turn on cooter”

Really? Can you imagine what I look like having a go? A 27 fully grown woman on a scooter built for a preschooler? Who’s foot is almost as big as the platform? If my neighbours decide to look out of the window when I’m rolling it around my lawn, they’d have a right laugh.

Ozbozz scooters are fab. Really fab. They fold up which is really nifty, especially when Freyja’s mates are round and I have to hide it to avoid any unnecessary scraps. It’s a great toy to have for the outdoors and with an RRP of less than £20, what’s not to like?

Brill.

I was given a pink Ozbozz My First Scooter for the purpose of the review. All opinions are my own. I really am forced to scoot it around my lawn. Forced. By a two year old.

Can you imagine how I’m feeling right now? I haven’t stopped crying.

I know she’ll have a fantastic time, but Freyja’s my baby. I’m going to miss her terribly and if it was up to me, I’d probably run after her and sneak her off the plane when nobody’s watching…

I’ll be counting down the days until she gets back.

You see, it’s not for the readership. It’s not for the nominations for awards. It’s not for the rankings or the occasionally good stats. It was, in essence, for me; my daughter. A diary for her to look back on, for her to see what we got up to and how mental her mother is. A record, to show how much I think about her. How much time I dedicate to her to make her the happiest kid alive.

Along the way, I’ve lost it. Since finding the mummy blogging world in September last year, my blog as a brand has grown and grown. I’ve been nominated for awards. I’ve hosted memes. I’ve attended conferences. I’ve reviewed a shit load of stuff. All good stuff – except, that’s not what this is about.

I don’t want to stress myself, finding something to write about; digging deep into my subconscious to find even a scrap of interesting snippet that may appeal to my new online mates. I want to write when I find the inspiration to write. I want to write when Freyja does something hilarious or memorable that I’d like to amuse myself with at a later date. I don’t want the stress anymore.

Ever since getting my full time job, I’ve struggled to find time for anything. Constantly knackered and always needing a few extra hours in my days. I want what time I do have to be spent playing with my daughter. Making cakes, getting mucky, painting, taking her places. Not stressing about the last time I posted on my blog or how long the latest review product has been waiting to be reviewed for.

So, as of now, I’m removing myself from the network. I will still linger. In the background. I’ll still be commenting on my favourite blogs (cuz I can’t not read your stuff – you know who you are). I’ll still take part in the odd meme or two if something comes to my head immediately and I’m not just doing it for the sake of it.

I’m stopping all review opportunities. Those of you who have already sent me stuff to do, of course, I will do it. They will be posted in a trickly fashion over the next week or so. But that’s it. No more. Unless something AWESOME crops up. And I mean, awesome (which it won’t, considering I won’t be talking to PRs…)

I’m removing myself from the rankings. No more Wikio. No more Tots 100. No more Technorati or whatever it is. Because, although they are very lovely to be recognised on, I don’t *actually* care. I don’t care about stats (by the way, Google Analytics will be gone too). I don’t care about where I am in the ranks. I don’t care about any of this. This blog wasn’t for that purpose, and shouldn’t have been sucked into it.

I will be reducing the amount of time I am on Twitter. And Facebook. I will, more than likely, be getting rid of my Facebook Fan Page at some point soon. After all, those of you lovely bloggers that I have any sort of friendship with, are on my personal Facebook anyway. I do hope we keep in touch.

So there you have it. From now on, this blog is for me. For me to write about what Freyja did with her poo today, or her latest favourite phrase, or how lovely James has been or how annoying the dog is being. No more, no less. Just us.

Tra a bit.

Hmmm, spose I should go up to her then.

We took it in turns to go up to see to her, gave her some calpol and asked her where it hurt.

“My back, my tummy” she said, “poo, she said”. OK, she’s constipated. She must be. That’s fixable. I try to push for more information.

“Does anything else hurt hun?” I say…

“The door, the window, the train, the teddy. They all hurt”

Hmmm… I think she’s having me on now.

It appears that in the past few months, I’ve done quite a bit for it though, so here’s an update:

14) Go on holiday somewhere other than France – Well yeah, I did that in May 2011 when James, Freyja and I went to Olu Deniz in Turkey with my lovely mum. It was fabulous. I want to go back.

3) Buy A Car – Yep, did this last week! Picked it up on Tuesday. It’s gorgeous and silver and, even though I didn’t realise until I had picked it up, has alloy wheels!

32) Go up the Spinnaker Tower – Did this a few months back with James & Freyja. Nice view an all, but not that much else to see at the top of that thing unless you like looking at Gosport no your horizon.

45) Get a puppy – Had her a few weeks now, and she’s gorgeous and getting BIG! She went for her 10week jabs yesterday so is almost ready to go out for walkies. Did I mention she’s gorgeous?

© Laura Weight

48) Get out of my overdraft – My account has been *fairly* healthy for a few weeks. It should be even more so now that I have had my pay rise at work. Theoretically.

55) Throw someone a surprise birthday – Not all on my own, but I helped. It was a surprise birthday for my best friend’s fella. We had it at work. He threw a wobbler because he trod on some hot hair straighteners and didn’t want to come out because he didn’t know anyone. Turns out 30 of his mates turned up and the night ended with my lovely other half throwing up all over the bathroom – “it was something I ate” he says – yeah, right.

99) Sort out the front garden – We’ve replaced tha naff dry and dead turf with some awesome purple pebbles and a couple of stone plant pots. It’s lovely, except the pesky local kids knocked over my plant pot and now the flowers are fooked. But they’re improving. Slowly.

See? I’ve done OK! Now I need to just look back at the list and change a few bits. Yeah, I know it’s cheating, but I want to look back at it knowing that I *could* have done them all, when at the moment, I can’t.

I have used Random.Org to draw the winner from the entrants. I will contact Gemma with the winner’s details as soon as possible, who will be in contact to confirm your choice of names.

And the winner is…

which, according to the list of entries is…

Sarah Sneap!

Congratulations – I will email you shortly just in case you don’t read this! I will also be contacting Gemma asap.

Edit: There is 10% off on Gemma’s Names Illustrated site – if you didn’t win, you could nab yourself a fabulous product for cheapsies!

As though by fate, a little advert popped up in my local Netmums Facebook group, from a local childminder, Amiee, who was promoting her new childminding business after obtaining all her qualifications whilst pregnant with her daughter. Also noticing she was mutual friends with a number of my friends, I was intrigued (handy, Facebook is, for finding out who knows who. It helps that Portsmouth is a little incestuous and everyone knows someone who knows you).

So, I met up with her. Freyja and I popped around to her lovely house (with AWESOME furniture and stuff – I love the toybox) and they got on straight away. Her little girl is gorgeous and Amiee seemed to be a natural with Freyja. So, a week last Friday, they had a little trial when I was in London for Cybermummy and James had to take Kali for her jabs. In the time they had spent together, they had a whale of a time, playing on the trampoline (Me WANT) and making little hair clips (which I also want).

I knew she was the right childminder. I went straight ahead in agreeing to her childminding every Tuesday when I have to work the day shift.

Today was the first full day they spent together and after James brought her home, I couldn’t be more pleased. Not only did Freyja attempt to go to sleep on every stair up to her room, but all she’s been saying is “Amiee” since she got home. She had a blast.

As part of the service, Amiee provides a little diary of what they get up to and I think I need to pick my game up a little. Where she gets the energy from with a 4 month old an all is beyond me, but she’s fab! Today, I dropped Freyja off at 11am. Between that time and 6pm, they have:

- played with some Iggle Piggle stuff (always a winner with Freyja cuz she’s a massive fan)
- done jigsaws
- played on the trampoline
- walked to the seafront
- played in the park
- been to the aquarium and got splashed by a massive stingray and watched the otters
- had lunch, snacks & milk
- drew a fabulous hand print butterfly that I am now going to frame and keep forever
- not slept (doesn’t surprise me really!)

I know it’s only the first day, but I couldn’t be more pleased.  I had such a good feeling as soon as I met her and today has just concreted my original impression. So chuffed that Freyja can be happy during the days when I can’t be there.

Now all you need to do Freyja, is have a nap when you’re there. Trying to encourage you to get up from prone position on every.single.stair to bed will get a bit tedious after a while!

In case you don’t know, which I am sure you do, Mamas & Papas are one of the UK’s leading mother & baby retailers, known for supplying items such as nursery furniture, travel items, baby clothing and cheap maternity clothes online.

However, they do still cater for those slightly older as well. When I was having a browse around their site to see what I could review, I considered the fold up push chair but realised I didn’t actually need one. After all, my £20 banged up one does fine.

Instead, I opted for something more sensible. Something that would help in the forthcoming chapter of my daughter’s life. Something that would stop her climbing on top of the toilet seat to brush her teeth and something else that would stop her falling down said toilet when attempting to have a wee.

First off, I reviewed the Acqua Step Up Stool and in all honesty, I can’t get her off of it. Obviously, that’s a slight exaggeration, because if I couldn’t actually get her off, she’d have been standing on it for the past couple of weeks and that’d be child abuse, but it is almost that bad. To the point where, the other day whilst at work, I got a message from my other half saying…

“She won’t stop brushing her teeth. She won’t step off the step up stool”

It’s a chunky, well made step up stool. One you can trust won’t fall in like I imagine some would. For example, I wouldn’t use a shoe box or something like that. That’d just be silly. It’s also at a perfect height for my daughter to peak over the basin and reach her toothbrush out to the tap to rinse it. Thumbs up for the step up stool.

We also reviewed the Comfy Penguin Toilet Trainer. It’s a little strange thinking that you’re sitting on a penguin to have a wee, but Freyja most definitely likes it. She has come on leaps and bounds since using the toilet rather than the potty and I can honestly say it’s because of this. She is at no risk of falling down the loo now (I have visions of the Loo Bloo’d cat out of Meet the Parents..) and the cushioned sides keep her botty nice and padded.

I’ve always known that Mamas & Papas do good stuff. I always ogled the clothes every time I wandered past and dreamed of the travel system contraptions that I would never be able to afford. It’s great to know that they provide great toilet training products for your toddlers too.

I still want that fold up stroller though.

Must. Try. Harder.

Domestic Goddess + Me = Impossible.