MetaSnark

Apologies for Absence

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 08:46:06 -0500

Sorry for my absence, all. Dealing with a loss in the family, and while we were not super close, I still found it difficult to get my smart ass on. Look for a new post later today!

No, what would be amazing would be if you had a soul, AR. Holy...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:38:54 -0500

No, what would be amazing would be if you had a soul, AR. Holy crap, that’s a leap - to go from an innocent, if naive, question to, “bwahaha That asshole doesn’t understand the basics of the English language.” (File under, And What Do You Do When You Meet the Truly Stupid?)

Lame commenter = “someone who finds amusement in...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:53:56 -0500

Lame commenter = “someone who finds amusement in explaining someone else’s joke and noting in a high tone way that they appreciated it.” This fills me with piss and rage. (Filed under No Shoot, Sherlock.)

One Up Wednesday: Reveal! Sometimes you do have to go for the...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:46:29 -0500

One Up Wednesday: Reveal! Sometimes you do have to go for the obvious joke. I thought it maybe could have been done snappier or from a more clever angle, but I guess I was wrong. I shouldn’t pressure my readers like that. Maybe I’ll pick better this Wednesday. Little t, your original answer remains the smart assiest. (Filed under, Pardon Me, My Passive-Aggressive is Showing.)

Please, readers, unleash on this racist piece of human detritus....

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 12:44:53 -0500

Please, readers, unleash on this racist piece of human detritus. (Filed on under, The 19th Century is Alive and Well.)

And because there’s water in the sand and rocks, if you...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:52:23 -0500

And because there’s water in the sand and rocks, if you squeeze hard enough it will come out. 'Berg, you’re a dumbass. (Filed under Science Counts for Jack When You’re Thirsty.)

One-Up Wednesday! One commenter went with a joke in the obvious...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:27:39 -0500

One-Up Wednesday! One commenter went with a joke in the obvious direction, but I’m sure you guys can make it snappier or go in another direction altogether. Let it fly in the comments and the winner will get a virtual treasure next Monday and a note of appreciation from me on their own blog!

What’s the over/under on how many of those...

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:26:24 -0500

What’s the over/under on how many of those “sluts” have been putting out for S? (Filed under Not For You, They’re Not.)

And the winner is… Anirul! For turning the mom’s...

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:17:56 -0500

And the winner is… Anirul! For turning the mom’s anger right back on herself, amplified. Anirul is the smart ass of the week and is honored with this picture of a pirate dubloon. Kudos to Jamie also for her more sympathetic but equally smart-mouthed commentary. The next one-up Wednesday is tomorrow, so jump on in and join the fun! Who knows what treasure will be unearthed…

One Up Reveal - The original smart-ass did a nice job taking...

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:14:04 -0500

One Up Reveal - The original smart-ass did a nice job taking Angry Mom and throwing a little cold perspective onto the fire. But who won the contest? Wait and see!

It’s a twofer! And two of my pet peeves. 1) Taking the...

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:25:37 -0500

It’s a twofer! And two of my pet peeves. 1) Taking the time to complain about someone posting in the wrong area. You’re not a mod, Capital A, just move on. 2) Telling someone on an answer site to try Google. What questions that get asked would that not be applicable to, Little a? Smug regulars are worse than trolls sometimes. (Files under Way to Get Under My Skin When I’m Sick.)

Reveal Delayed

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:13:41 -0500

All – My apologies. I had intended to post the winner announcement for last week’s Wednesday one-up, but I left the file on another computer and am laid up sick right now. I’ll post it tomorrow, I promise.

I say, Pass the turkey on the left hand side - Pass the turkey...

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 13:36:54 -0500

I say, Pass the turkey on the left hand side - Pass the turkey on the left hand side - It a gonna burn, give me the poultry, make me jump and prance - It a go done, give me the poultry, make me rock in the dance. (Filed under Jamaican Thanksgiving is at 4:20 Today and Every Day.)

hahahahaha Yes, the reason a British person doesn’t know...

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:26:49 -0500

hahahahaha Yes, the reason a British person doesn’t know about Thanksgiving is because the entire British school system is still feeling the smart of the Pilgrims’ giving them the colonial bird. (Filed under 400 Year-Old Grudge.)

‘Cause your daughter’s a redneck who thinks...

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 10:38:00 -0500

‘Cause your daughter’s a redneck who thinks champagne comes in a box and hors d'oeuvre is a race in Kentucky. (Filed under Snap It Up.)

One-Up Wednesday! Post your smart-off to this angry mom in the...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:24:56 -0500

One-Up Wednesday! Post your smart-off to this angry mom in the comments section, and I’ll announce a winner next Monday and reveal the best of the smart-offs she did get. I’m sure you guys can top it easily!

Why does a Ferrari have a bright red timing belt? To keep its...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:38:10 -0500

Why does a Ferrari have a bright red timing belt? To keep its pants up! (Filed under Punch it Up, Margaret.)

Commenter Contest

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:13:00 -0500

Tomorrow will be the first official Wednesday One-Up. I will put up an original post that I think had a pretty snappy smart-off already, and leave it up to you, reader, to deliver the smart-ass goods before I reveal the original smart-off. Whoever I think had the best response will get a neat title and a spiffy virtual award. I tried to get Carl kasell’s voice on your answering machine, but that was a non-starter. If you have your own blog I will at least leave you accolades of my own.

Stay tuned for more smart-assery!

Listen up, kid. Why are you wasting my time with all that extra...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:30:59 -0500

Listen up, kid. Why are you wasting my time with all that extra detail? This is my Internet that I’m paying hard-earned money for. The time it took me to read your stupid-ass question, I could have been playing Farmville. Stop wasting my friggin’ time and cut to the chase. Oh, and BTW, I don’t have an answer to your stupid-ass question. (Filed under, So Don’t Read It Already.)

Q: How do I make spaghetti with macaroni noodles? – A: Why...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:03:45 -0500

Q: How do I make spaghetti with macaroni noodles? – A: Why don’t you just make mac n cheese? (Filed under Thanks for the Tip.)