[working title]

Weak End

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Mon, 15 Jan 2018 22:22:00 +0000

(So, yeah. I took the weekend off for a couple of reasons, none of them good. :)

Top 10 Updates to My Life From My Experience Over The Long Weekend Away, A List:

In about a week, I'll be completely done with my student debt.
I know how to "Shaker"-ize closet doors now.
I still enjoy Pineapple on pizza.
I am suspicious of children in places I didn't expect children.
I don't like to change apps from what I've been using.
I still struggle to re-hang doors.
I start lists before I know how to finish them.
I want to cook fast food style egg sandwiches at home.
I am easily convinced I can win a lottery by large jackpots.
I am a fan of motivational speakers.

Wednesday Bulletin

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 17:36:00 +0000

2 Things:

First, here is a list of things I wish to accomplish today before I leave for work in 3 hours
I'm making this list here so I can check it tomorrow and see how I did. It's the little things. :)

Take Down Xmas Tree
Bag Tree and Wreaths
Clean up Dog waste in yard
Bring in garden hose
Put winter cover on water spigot
Clean snow off the north end of roof 'caping'
~~Write post~~
Write 10 jokes on Comedywire
Shower

Secondly, I did 4 contracts for the Second City aboard NCL cruise ships. It's the reason this blog started, actually. And 'shiplife' is still, I think, the tag on this blog with the most entries. I have mixed feelings about my time on tour with SC, like I think one would have about most parts of their life. Very few experiences are 100% positive or negative. Honesty, I have mostly overwhelming positive memories and feelings of course, and I am extremely grateful to have had any of these experiences. But there are some negative emotions and reactions that come up. I mention this because below you will see (should see) a video put together as a "in memorium" style video by the producers of the SC & NCL contracts. I haven't watched it yet, more to time constraints than anything else. But there are some other reasons I am not rushing to watch the 12 minute video, emotions I'm processing over my past self's unrealized vision of my present self. I hope to reflect on it later, after watching the piece. I may or may not post that reflection here.

A Short Scene

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Tue, 09 Jan 2018 18:30:00 +0000

We open on a young couple in an ATM alcove at a bank. She has her card out, clearly frustrated as she waits for the machine. He has her back to her, concealing his inputs.

HER:

It's just ridiculous, that's all. We are married.

HIM:

It's a PIN! 'Personal Identification Number', so you know, personal.

HER:

But I know so many other things about you that are personal.

HIM:

It's a principle, baby. I live by them.

HER:

I know the password to the online account.

HIM:

Yeah, well, we have separate checking accounts.

HER:

Yeah and that's still weird.

After a second of thinking...

HER:

Look, would it help if I told you what my PIN is?

HIM:

Why do you want to know my PIN so badly?

HER:

I don't, I just don't want to be boxed out by my husband.

HIM:

So it's not the knowledge, it's the fact I kept it from you?

HER:

Exactly. We are a partnership, we're damn near one entity. Why hide something from me?

HIM:

I get it. It's not what I'm hiding, it's that I'm hiding something in the first place. The act of hiding.

They both exist in silence for a couple of seconds.

HER:

Hurry up.

HIM:

I am.

They both exist in silence for a couple of seconds.

He finishes his banking, and takes his card. She moves to the ATM and he leans against the side, clearly looking as she puts in her PIN.

HER:

Our anniversary.

HIM:

That is romantic. Maybe not so secure, but definitely romantic.

HER:

So... What's yours?

HIM:

Our anniversary, but backwards.

HER:

(sarcastically)

You're so smart.

HIM:

I know.

She finishes up and takes out her phone. He moves to the door and opens it for her triumphantly. She taps away on her phone, then slips it into her pocket as she walks out the door.

HER:

I just tweeted it.

(FIN)

#adulting

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Mon, 08 Jan 2018 17:35:00 +0000

I had a milestone event today.

I won't go into it in any great detail since this is a potentially public venue (if that SEO plan works... ) but rest assured it's positive as far as milestones go. It's the type of milestone people refer to as being an adult, or as it's known in modern times, #adulting.

(side note: It's odd how many words and concepts, when written, seem to more accurately capture my intent when accompanied with the hashtag symbol. I wonder what that says about me and, by extrapolation, the larger cultural implications to a population whose communication habits are evolving rapidly.)

What is adulting? Is it more than celebrating an action that one perceives to be expected due to age or economic situation. I feel like it has to be more than that, since I try not to live by a predetermined scheduled of life events. I think the term applies more to actions and events that one undertakes that make one feel one is successfully taking responsibility for one's life and direction. (That was a lot of one)

Either way, I feel like today I am adulting. I mean, #adulting.

My spellcheck doesn't like either version.

Tomorrow, I will write another, more creative piece. I liked challenging myself in a post, that's why I'm doing it again. I spent quite a bit of my time on that last post. So I think I will need to get better at managing my time, but otherwise I felt good about the effort to payoff ratio.

A creative entry

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 18:48:00 +0000

For today's post, I am attempting, in earnest, a useful and creative entry. I will endeavor to write a comical and informative piece to help others. For you see, today I will be reviewing a toaster oven my wife and I purchased from Amazon last year.
As always, I welcome feedback and constructive criticism.

----

A Review of the

Hamilton Beach 31401

A Stainless Steel, 4 Slice Toaster Oven & Broiler

Don't throw away your shot at a better than average toaster oven!

Back in July of 2017, my wife and I were lamenting our lack of options to heat and reheat food items in our home. You see, neither of us have historically been fans of microwaves, so our kitchen lacks that late 1960's cutting edge technology. And, since a sad, disturbing, and perhaps surprisingly non fire related incident in early 2016, we have not had a working common counter top toaster. No, our only option and means of heating any food items was our conventional over and electric range top stove. I will spare you the hideous details of preparing morning toast in what quickly became a smoldering box of charred bread crumbs. For some reason on this particular sunny afternoon in the 6 month of the year, we decided that this restraint was to be endured no longer. My wife did some research and came up with a brilliant solution, a toaster oven. And not just any toaster oven, my friends, the Hamilton Beach Thirty One Thousand Four Oh One.

In the world of toaster ovens, there are achievers and there are fiery death traps. Obviously, a conscious consumer needs to be aware of in which category the item in question belongs. After searching all over the internet for reviews of and true life tales involving the HB31401, my wife could happily report that the reports of a surprise counter inferno were so few and far between that we would be statistically unlikely to be burned* by a poor purchase. So, with a new confidence borne from a belief that we would all make it out alive, we purchased this stalwart of the modern kitchen landscape.

Some propaganda can also be true.

Upon it's arrival at our home upon the forewarned date, we eagerly de-boxed the appliance and set it immediately on our counter top to take it's place in our culinary studio. Right away we noticed the reflective stainless steel portions and were left calm and content. The light from our window danced across it's surface like a serene pond nestled in a country valley. I was certain I heard the sweet lazy songs of crickets and birds in the distance. Aesthetics are a very important aspect of what we purchase, after all. So it's appearance was pleasing and we decided to move forward with our trial run.

What happens to the greedy? This.

We chose a classic recipe and family favorite; whole wheat bread, slightly toasted to a nut brown hue. One slice each, of course. We didn't want to dive too deeply on our maiden voyage, fly to close to the sun* as it were, lest it not work out and we would be returning the oven, only to be left with a gaping hole wound in our hearts.

Step one was assembly, which we managed easily enough. The provided instructions were efficient and well laid out. Plus, the extra specific choice to pointedly remind us to remove the plastic film from around the grill was surely a live saver to someone somewhere. My wife and I think that level of care is very sweet and often lacking from today's corporations.

A veritable toaster oven of holding!

Next we begun to cook our toast, embarking on a journey that we could only imagine mere hours before. Upon placing the slices of toast on the grill as dictated in the manual, we both gasped at the roominess of the interior cabin of the appliance. It could in fact, as promised, fit 4 slices of bread. Remarkable! The interface knobs on the front are conveniently labeled and very easy to read. I especially like the little icons of bread, one toasted and one burnt, allowing the user to simply decide whether they want edible toast or blackened garbage. After setting the timer at our desired result of edible toast, we anxiously awaited our cuisine. The timing apparatus makes a delightful clicking noise similar to the countdown clocks on games shows, so the atmosphere quickly turned a mix of excitement and tension. My wife and I both realized that we were hoping to win this Epicurean contest.

As the bell sounded loudly to signal that our new oven had completed it's cycle, we leaped toward the device as if popped up and out* of our state of rest. I am happy to report, dear friends, that the HB31401 brilliantly toasted the top of our slices of bread to the exact color we desired. The underside of the bread however was left with perfectly toasted grill stripes evenly dispersed between untoasted and uncooked stripes of soft bread. It was a disappointment to say the least, but not such a severe bursting of a bubble that we could not look upon the results with some measure of joy and contentment.

Ya' got some space left to be butterin'.

We very quickly applied healthy portions of Irish butter to both pieces and spread the topping evenly, taking great care to reach all corners and crevices. After all, what is the point of using butter if not to enjoy it's creamy fatty flavors? Our attention to detail didn't disappoint and we were righteously rewarded with bite after bite of the classic comforting flavors of slightly singed baked goods. We stared into each other's eyes and we embraced awkwardly around our half eaten slices of buttery wheat toast. For we knew that we had made a good decision after all. The Hamilton Beach Thirty One Thousand Four Oh One had easily earned it's place in our home kitchen pantheon of appliances.

~Epilogue~
These days the HB31401 still gets a lot of use, being the only other heating and reheating option in our kitchen. We have yet to solve the uneven toasting results but have begun trying a regimen of turning over the bread during the process. Initial results are promising. Additionally, the crumb catching plate in the bottom of the heating cabinet has a slight design flaw in the machine formed tab along it's front edge. While the tab does realize it's goal of making the removal of said plate simple and quick, it also leaves a large enough space to allow for crumbs to locate themselves beneath same said plate. And in so doing, makes the existence of that very same plate utterly pointless. In that way, I suppose it's an impressive aspect of the aforementioned and thrice revisited plate. Overall, we still maintain our approval of this purchase and would most likely include the Hamilton Beach Thirty One Thousand Four Oh One among any recommendations we might make to a friend or family looking for additional, non microwave employing ways to heat or reheat food items.

*Pun firmly and vigorously intended.

On Cryptocurrency and FOMO

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Sat, 06 Jan 2018 18:53:00 +0000

So by now everyone has heard of (and maybe even researched) cryptocurrency and Bitcoin, the most well known of the cryptos (that's a thing I think). If you haven't, do yourself a favor and look it up. If for nothing else than so you can participate in the inevitable conversation about blockchain that will happen among your social group.
Full disclosure: It's confusing and I am not certain I fully understand it. In fact, I know I don't.
That isn't why I'm writing this post though. This isn't a post to educate you on the cryptos or to convince you to get involved. (Though if you wanted to, you should use my referral link to Coinbase so we both get a free $10). No, this post is for me to discuss why I am involved and what I hope to get out of it.
So it's not exactly a review or creative post like I alluded to yesterday, but still a journalistic naval gazing type post. Let's call it the hybrid middle step towards full on creativity. (BTW if you really want creative posts from me, look back through the archive and find some poetry. It's rushed and pretentiously laid out, but it's there in all it's artistic glory.)

So, yes, I got involved in the Cryptos but I am not a super wealthy billionaire yet. I have a modest sum tied up in various coins, and I am watching it increase in value. I have already made a pretty healthy return, somewhere in the 400-600% range, and yes with those numbers I wish I had the funds to start off way bigger than I did. But the real story for me is why I got involved.
For me, I was completely motivated by FOMO, the net's acronym for Fear Of Missing Out. This term is applied to all manner of things, from new technology to new entertainment, but mostly it's in use lately to describe people's obsession with Cryptocurrency. What are they (we) afraid of missing out on, you may ask. Well, I think it's simple. Money. Wealth and the freedom a bank account with several digits brings in today's capitalist society.
I first heard about Bitcoin and blockchain technology years ago. I knew about this "internet money" but didn't seriously consider it as anything real. Like most people, I thought it was something that would never actually catch on, akin to Swatch Time. And when I could have purchased a bitcoin for less than $100, I didn't think it was even worth it. I'm sure at the time BTC was valued at $100, I wouldn't have had the funds to do that anyway. (Life of a struggling artist, you understand) But, I could have scraped and saved and perhaps put something together.
No I heard about it, but put it out of my brain. Flash forward to September/October of 2017. I again started hearing about the rapid increase in value that BTC was enjoying and this time I wanted to get involved. It was already up to like $8k or something since January. And I was already dabbling in the stock market through apps like Robinhood and Stash (use my referral links :) that have low cost options for new and not as well off investors like myself. So I looked around and found Coinbase, a site and app that has a similar option. I didn't have to buy a full BTC, I could buy $10 worth. It was exactly what I needed to get involved and quell my FOMO.
All of my investing, all of my crypto currency purchases and trading, it's all for one goal: I need funds to survive in this world and to take care of myself and my family. I know there is not a get rich quick fix (though really, BTC seems like it and they do have a lottery in most states) though I can't say that the idea of becoming really wealthy overnight isn't appealing. Instead, I'm really trying to set myself up for some sort of retirement in the future.
I have spent most of my adult working life as an artist trying to get gigs to pay the bills. I haven't had the luxury of a steady job with health insurance or a 401k. And since I've been doing what I can to pay my rent and eat, I have some debts I have been avoiding and very little savings (very little) in my credit union.
But, and this is a big but. That was the old me. Now, and it's never too late to change for the better, the new me wants to better prepare for the future. (See my first post of the new year.)
Ultimately, this is why I am involved in the Cryptos, this is why I'm investing in the stock markets, this is why I'm looking for my steady employment, and this is why I am working at becoming a better writer: I want to set up myself and my family for the best possible future. It's not about being rich, it's not about being famous (though admittedly I think I'd like both of those). It's about making sure the people I love are able to face the uncertain world and have food to eat and a place to stay and the means to visit a doctor when they would like.
So since I admit to being a victim of FOMO, I want to clarify what I am afraid of missing out on; a life where my family and I can be comfortable, healthy, and well fed.

Final thought: if you are interested, currently I have invested in the following cryptocurrencies: BTC, ETH, LTC, POE, ADA, XRP, NEO, and SALT. and if you really wanted to, I'd be happy to accept tips in any of those. Hit me up for my wallet ID. :)

On Practices and Habits

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Fri, 05 Jan 2018 14:55:00 +0000

Resolutions are tough (obvi) because they usually entail changing existing habits, sometimes radically, or creating and establishing new habits. I, like many people I'm sure, find that to be extremely hard.
But, I don't think because something is hard I should let it dissuade me or keep me from achieving my goal. Honesty can pull us through.
I set out to write everyday in this blog. I haven't kept that up. This is my first post since the first. Not the best start, but it's a start. I will continue my efforts. The difficulty (excuses coming) is finding the time. This week I worked what for me is a full day scheduled and fitting some writing time around that was daunting. As I type that out, I realize how simple it is to just sit down and write, how little time it actually takes. I have to stay committed. I will!
I also set out to work out more and get fit. I did a little better with that. I worked out twice over the last 4 days, so that's what I'll call a decent start. I will do better.
I think the next post I write tomorrow will be something more creative than this journal self reflective style. Perhaps some prose or poetry, maybe some review or exploration of a topic. I don't know. I will admit I find those sorts of posts a bit harder to sit down and do. I think I see them as more vulnerable than journal posts. Isn't that odd...

It's a short post, but it counts. :)

A New Start In The New Year

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Mon, 01 Jan 2018 19:03:00 +0000

Happy New Year, Readers & Well Wishers!

I have had some amazing experiences in my life and created some wonderful art and even more wonderful memories. I find myself preparing to celebrate my 40th birthday (yes!) this month and reflecting on the sum total of my time on this floating rock. You know, as one does. And I've made some decisions about how I'd like to live moving forward. And, in an interest to keep me focused on achieving these goals and maintaining my diligence, I'd like to share them here. And as always, I welcome your feedback and responses!

#1 Write More!
This year I want to become the writer I know I can be. To this end, I plan on writing everyday in this very blog. Some posts will be like this, self reflective and autobiographical. Some may be sketches or prose of some sort. And still others may be something I haven't even thought of yet. I'll also be writing 10 headline style jokes a day on Comedy Wire to keep training my brain in that world. My reasoning behind this writing goal is somewhat simple; to be a writer one has to write. But more than that, I want to combat the self doubt I have (that I know everyone has when attempting an artistic pursuit) by proving to myself that I can. Plus, I want to practice what I preach as teacher of writing and sketch comedy. "Talk the Talk, Walk the Walk" right? I know I can do this and I plan on it.

#2 Exercise More!
Yeah, I know, it's always a New Year resolution and it's a common cliched refrain around this time and in posts like this. All that is true. And I'm still making this a goal. I have a wonderful wife now and a reason to be fit outside of my own well being. For some people, their own well being is enough to accomplish getting fit and lean, and I hope that eventually I will evolve into one of those people. Currently however, I need motivation outside of my own body and mind. (Yes, technically it's all inside my mind, I get it.) And my wife is wonderful motivation for this goal. I want to be alive and healthy and attractive for her and for us. Additionally, turning 40 this month (I know, right?) does wonders a putting a fire under one's ass. I am not going to put unrealistic goals on what I can accomplish, but I am going to keep striving for goals that push me and will be rewarding and, in themselves, motivational.

#3 Full Time/More Work!
I have been a proud member of the gig economy for over 10 years now and it's so very tiring. I want to create art, teach art, spread art for my living. And right now, I do. It's amazing and I've been very lucky to be able to do that. The downside has been a constant near broke existence, living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to survive. And in this country, health insurance is necessity to afford health care. Most health insurance is acquired through one's work. As a freelance performer and teacher, my employers do not offer me health insurance. I would like to rectify that situation as soon as possible. Not just because I realize I am getting older (40!) and need to begin regular preventative medical visits. But also because I am married (to an amazing woman!) and we would are starting to plan for a family and all the joy/medical visits that surround a journey of that nature. So, to prepare for my next 60 years and for the family I will create and nurture, I need to find more work. I am currently looking for more gigs, but more importantly a full time job with benefits. Ideally, this job will be in my passions (writing, acting, teaching) but I know I will be able to be artist around any employment. Most importantly, I need to get health insurance, and usually that comes with full time employment.

#4 Better Communication!
Recently I've come to the realization that I have a passive form of existence. I have floated through most of my life, especially the last 20 years, waiting for good things to happen to me rather than seeking out and manifesting the good things I want. Call it the Secret, call it drive, call it whatever you want, but I will be taking control of my life and destiny from here on out. I have an amazing life partner now who is very helpful in this space and I know now that I can create the life I want. So in my world, I will be more direct and intentional in my communications starting from this day forward. In my work life, my professional life, my artistic life, my personal life, in all of it I will be more mindful, more intentional, more grateful.

#5 More Self Care
I need to give myself the same love and kindness, forgiveness and care, that I give others. I am worth it. I won't even beat myself up for taking 40 (already?!?!?) years to figure that out.

Alright 2018 and the rest of my life... here we go!

p.s. I'm turning 40 this month. No big deal...

constant

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Sun, 24 Sep 2017 01:39:00 +0000

battling a severe sensation of artistic inadequacy...

I come here to write it down.

why?

(silence)

r(evolution)

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Sun, 23 Jul 2017 04:28:00 +0000

my sense of justice collides into my ingrained expectation of privilege.
i experience very real heart ache as fabricated entitlements evaporate
yet i consciously support the cultural shift, part of history's long arc
and so i welcome this struggle as justice finally remakes our world
knowing my internal version will never be as others' external.

____

{a work in progress}

new beginnings

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 05:30:00 +0000

I'm currently building and migrating to a new site for micahphilbrook.com as my old provider has shut down.

hopefully this will mean bringing this blog along. and therefore you, dear reader, won't even know the difference.

but if it doesn't, then I hope to have set up a redirect so you still wouldn't notice the difference.

we shall see...

complex simplicity

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 02:37:00 +0000

people are complex.

i am complex.

i don't want to be simple.

it's simple to me what i have to do: work!

the effort though is the difficult part.

it's like i'm constantly wading through pudding.

blink and you miss it

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Tue, 21 Feb 2017 04:02:00 +0000

i'm standing on a train platform waiting for the iron worm, a distant memory creeps into my mind of a moment 15 years ago standing on another train platform and thinking about my future. a future that was decidedly different than my present. my emotions run slow like cold porridge, from sad to angry to jealous to self loathing.

life is seemingly a slow endless parade of moments that are flashing past me at an alarming rate leaving me confused.

and

i'm

letting

happen.

30 : 02

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 22:13:00 +0000

30 day writing challenge continues!
"Where you'd like to be in 10 years."

In 10 years, i would like to be living in a warmer climate, working on artistic and creative projects i feel passionate about and that make a difference in the world, and living in a state of financial security with my wife and at least 1 child. i know that is a very generalized answer to that prompt, so i will elaborate. however, it's hard to fathom that existence from my current vantage point in the middle of such tumultuous times, so specifics seem more like examples of my ideal/dream world.
but, as many self help programs and life coaches suggest, visualization is the first step to realizing those goals, here i go elaborating. and i'll do so by making definitive statements not hopeful ones.

in ten years, i will be living and working in los angeles or even barcelona. i will be primarily writing for my income, as a member of a team working on a television show. i will also have some screen credits on a few series and/or movies, and will enjoy a significant residual income from such projects. i will have finished at least 2 screenplays, and be in "talks" about selling/producing one of them.
in my family life, i will be raising a child with my successful and intelligent, beautiful wife. we will be teaching our child to be a passionate, caring, and generous human that fights for a just and safe world.

---

on a different note, one of self judgement, even though there are no minimum word counts to these writing challenges, i feel like i am writing too little, taking an easy way out, if you will. i hope that with each new entry, i can increase the length to more than a couple of paragraphs. i will strive to do better, for no other reason than self improvement. #staypositive

30 : 01

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Sun, 22 Jan 2017 22:01:00 +0000

day 1, 30 Day writing challenge*
"Your current relationship"

i am happily married to a wonderful woman.

{fin}

bits!

i am happily married to a wonderful woman. we were married on sept 9th of 2016.
and it's such an amazing thing, the concept and reality of marriage.
it's fun, it's romantic, it's sexy, it's comedic, it's hard, it's tears, it's shouting, it's apologizing, it's listening, it's sacrificing, it's love, it's happiness...
it's a lot of things and i am not certain any amount of research and advice can prepare someone for it.
everyday i learn something from my wife. everyday i'm reminded why i love her so much, enough to spend my life with her. and everyday i'm reminded that this relationship is an on going active agreement we've made. there are tough days, there are perfectly lovely days. i wouldn't trade one for the other. in the struggle, i realize what i'm struggling for. we are the same person in so many ways (we even have the same birthday), but we are so different in a lot of ways. all of these, the differences and similarities, make up the totality of why i love her.
as someone who thought he'd never get married, i couldn't be happier that i changed my mind. or rather had my preconceived ideas challenged and broken down by real world experience.

my wife and i dated for almost 4 years before we were married. in that time, i felt like i really got to know her as a person, an artist, and an activist. now that were married, i find myself learning even more. i choose to be with her, regardless of customs and laws. everyday i choose to be with her. this relationship, this marriage, is an active choice for me. and i can honestly say i wouldn't want to have any other present existence that didn't include her as my partner and best friend.

oh ,also we got matching tattoos. :)

[* i plan on writing with as little editing as possible** for at least the first 10 - 15 of these. it's an effort to limit the possibility of being too critical in my initial steps of creating a healthy writing habit.
*already broke that idea.]

a challenge

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Wed, 04 Jan 2017 18:31:00 +0000

in an effort to write more, i've decided to begin a 30 day writing challenge. i am hoping it will keep my creative energy flowing and lead to more writing.
it will be difficult to stick to it on a daily basis, but i'm hoping to create a new healthy habit by forcing myself to do so.
i'll be posting each new writing assignment here as a (minor) form of public accountability and for posterity's sake. :)
i know i'm starting it late, but it's a 30 day challenge, not a month challenge, so quit your judging.
the first post should be tomorrow but knowing my track record, it might not be. either way, i'm excited to begin this and look forward to the 30 prompts.

now and again

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Sun, 01 Jan 2017 18:14:00 +0000

at some point in my past, I started living in my perceived future. I need to start living in the now again.

I was happier then (now).

a new leaf

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Mon, 24 Oct 2016 05:58:00 +0000

tomorrow is always a new day, they say.
but my today seems more similar to yesterday.
so...
when does tomorrow actually happen then?

[poetry]

love

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Thu, 08 Sep 2016 07:07:00 +0000

I'm almost married.
I am home after my version of a bachelor party consisting of a couple of sessions of bumper car lacrosse and some whiskey sipping story telling.
chicago, y'all.
post this blog post, i'm about to sleep next to my fiance, my girlfriend, my partner, for the last time.
after tonight, the next time we slumber in proximity, we will be a legally married couple.
and I can't wait!
I've never been so close and so connected with another person. I constantly catch myself exclaiming my luck. how did i end up finding another human being I match with so perfectly?
as sirens fade into the distance, I realize how much I don't deserve all that I have.
I am just one oasis, among many, in a desert of strife.
so many are suffering.
I am happy.
and yeah I've had whisky.

gah...
I'm in love and my life is good and I am happy.
why me? I don't know, but i am happy.

smiley face.

love sick

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Thu, 02 Jun 2016 09:31:00 +0000

"everything would be more fun with her here."

this eight word sentence keeps traveling through my mind as I take in the sights and sounds, the flora and fauna, of london. I'm here on business while my soul mate is home in chicago.
don't get me wrong, I'm having a good time. I get to teach the art that i love to other artists in a similar but strange land. I am exploring a foreign town, seeing sights I've only seen in digital representations, and having a "proper english" experience. (today it even rained finally!)
I'm living the dream, honestly. well, a slightly less awesome version of the dream anyway.
everything I'm experiencing and all the interesting and cool shit I'm seeing i know she would love. and that casts a paler (sp?) over each moment.
yeah I'm in love and I'd rather have my love with me. <3
I suppose I could always think about how others have it worse, how others are separated for way longer over greater distances. but I don't need to invalidate or downplay my emotions. :)
so instead I like to reflect on how amazing my fiancè is to calm myself down. after all, I do get to be with her again very soon*. and it works.
plus with the state of modern technology, it's easier than ever to stay in touch.
also, should you ever have the chance, choose the upper level of the double decker bus at least once. it's a whole other world.

*post written over the course of 3 days, so the "very soon" has been getting ever sooner.

a list: things I would have tweeted or posted

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Thu, 14 Jan 2016 15:46:00 +0000

(a list of things I would have put on social media during my recent hiatus. ~~these are posted without edits~~, ~~though I reserve the right to insert pictures later~~ i made minor edits for spelling errors and added pictures.)

things I would have tweeted or posted

Monday 12/7
[picture from cnn] wtf is wrong with this country

12/07 wtf is wrong with this country

Tuesday 12/8 (or 9 technically?)
I feel like I'm gambling with global warming when I wait to get boots. Either way I lose. Like real gambling.

heard cold play song in a 711 at 130am, thought of Ryan Chamberlain and dick's last resort.

[picture of drone in 711] america sells drones in our convenience stores. wtf?

weds 12/9
we all need to support #bringnaomihome and the chicago community bond fund. pretrial innovation is inhumane and unconstitutional.

why does the news need exciting graphics and dramatic music? that shit influences how we take the accompanying information. like in entertainment.

fri 12/11
I prefer not to talk on the phone. I email/text instead. I'm sure I'm not alone. perhaps that's part of our cultural sickness? more introspection needed.

sat 12/12
just saw a flock of geese flying west. but I'm in chicago. that's when you know the environment is fucked.

talk about celebrating your own downfall... I'm happy it's not cold in december.

12/08 america sells drones in our convenience stores. wtf?

sometimes I don't use a crosswalk but walk to a stoplight instead because I don't want the hassle of having to force traffic to stop. #pedestrianproblems

sun 12/13
I really love the writing style of Douglas Adams. like really really love. its laugh out loud funny before lol was a thing.

62°f in chicago and i'm outside in short sleeves on dec 13th at 1pm. but our nation's leaders have trouble agreeing to a less than 1.5°c rise over the next century? it's too late y'all. we.are.fucked. #climatecrisis

tues 12/15
having no money/little money is especially hard around the holidays. file this under #nosurprise, right? let's change that humans. why does This holiday have so much to do with consumerism?

It's real shitty is that our choices are healthy food or cheap food when healthy food can be cheap.

weds 12/16
just had a realization from an experience: sometimes (all the times?) I benefit from white privilege whether i wanted to or not. we all have to be active parties in the dismantling of this system.

thurs 12/17
I hate to admit it, but the ventra app works really well. :(

sat 12/19
why I'm a bit of a scrooge: the generosity and benevolence of the holiday spirit should exist all year round, but it doesn't. and that's hypocrisy.

ebbs & flows

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 07:05:00 +0000

as day 4 of a self imposed social media fast comes to close here are some confessions and some observations, in no particular order or classification*.

both the fiance and i have remarked on how we sometimes won't take a picture since we're not going to post it anywhere. which in itself is troubling. furthermore, we've also discussed a minor feeling of anxiety when we are wrestling with the decision to take it or not.
i am reading more Douglas Adams, specifically Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. i started it a lit bit ago on the ol' kindle and picked it up with renewed interest this week on account of not peering over social media during my commute. i forgot how much his writing style amuses me. i find myself laughing out loud, something i don't do often, especially not while reading.
it does occur to me that i have traded one screen for another by trading social media on my phone with reading on my kindle. to this point i respond, "choose your battles, good sir."
i often times take my phone out of my pocket out of habit, check the time or for an email notification, and then put it back. not that i didn't do that before, but i feel like it stands out more now since i am actively not doing something with my phone.
Jules (my fiance) mentioned something she's trying to do with our sans social media time, a suggested activity she overheard from someone inspirational she's familiar with (i really don't remember who exactly, but i have a small nagging feeling it's oprah. but i don't want to say oprah specifically, just in case it's not and i am only thinking it is because oprah is a cultural persona that often is inspiring to humans, and, statistically at least, more so to women.) that i think is awesome. "Journal for no audience" was the suggestion. i love it and i kind of look at this blog as such a thing; creating with out the thought or worry taht someone will read, judge, or deconstruct. while that is technically possible with this blog, it's happened so infrequently it's not a concern of mine.
i've started a document i plan on posting to this blog at some point in 2016 that is entitled: "things i would have tweeted or posted". and i feel some what guilt that i even created it, like it's a work around of the whole point of this. but i also justify it as a part of this personal social experiment.
while i have written a bit more than normal, it's not been any greatly exaggerated amount. same with reading more or creating other art more. i have responded to emails faster though. and i believe i've spoken more with my life partner more than usual. i hope some of that changes and some of it stays the same.

and with that point made, i must conclude for tonight.
i vow more entries will be made, as i can or as i might.
they will let no reasons go unexplored nor any conjectures undefined,
for what spurs creativity best, friends, but an undistracted and idle mind.

* i would fervently object** to this post being classified as a "listicle" since i don't consider it even partially an article.
** oddly enough, i'm not entirely sure why i felt the need to make that objection known***.
*** even more strange that i typed these footnotes out first**** because i thought of it as soon as i finished typing that first sentence.
**** except for these last ~~two~~ three that i did after point 5*****.
***** is that ironic or freudian or subconscious?

some time away

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 21:02:00 +0000

so the fiance and i are embarking on a social media fast for the rest of the year.
(oh yeah, i'm engaged it's awesome. :) )

we hope to create more
read more
talk more
think more.

also, we're attempting to stave off and/or flush out any potential social media addictive personality traits and behaviors we may have. #proactive (#mypointexactly #unintentionalexample)

we officially started today when we woke up, and honestly it's already been difficult at times. not simply because i feel like i'm missing out, but i'm not certain how to find the news of the day's events and happenings in the world in real time, up to the minute info-tainment.

this will take some getting used to i think.i'll try to update this blog more as well, part of the creating more and to help document the struggle.also, to post my cynical quips about society and my journey through existence

to change everything

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 23:02:00 +0000

if you read this blog, or even see this post somehow, i'd love to hear your thoughts ~~on this video~~ on a video at this link.

(i tried to embed it, but it won't allow it, ironically.)

comment here or contact me through any means you'd like to use.

[same link here]

things I need to hear

noreply@blogger.com (micah) — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 04:30:00 +0000

"Change"

I don't feel the suns comin' out today
its staying in, its gonna find another way.
As I sit here in this misery, I don't
think I'll ever see the sun from here.

And oh as I fade away,
they'll all look at me and say, and they'll say,
Hey look at him! I'll never live that way.
But that's okay
they're just afraid to change.

When you feel your life ain't worth living
you've got to stand up and
take a look around you then a look way up to the sky.
And when your deepest thoughts are broken,
keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.

And as we all play parts of tomorrow,
some ways will work and other ways we'll play.
But I know we all can't stay here forever,
so I want to write my words on the face of today.
and then they'll paint it

And oh as I fade away,
they'll all look at me and they'll say,
Hey look at him and where he is these days.
When life is hard, you have to change.