Michael-In-Norfolk - - Coming Out In Mid Life

2009 Legends Gala A Big Success

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:33:00 +0000

This years Equality Virginia Legends Gala which was held last night was a huge success. We are still waiting for the final tally of the amount raised to benefit Equality Virginia, but I believe that it will be significant. The event is run by a committee of local volunteers and while a great deal of work, I have greatly enjoyed my years on the committee. After three years of having dinners, the Legends Committee decided to do something different and opted for a formal Monte Carlo night which would allow guests to mingle more, play assorted games - e/g/. black jack, roulette, etc. - eat at food stations in several parts of the room and dance to lively music. The boyfriend and I (pictured above with husband and wife straight allies who attended) had a wonderful time and it seems so did everyone else. This year's honoree, Cindy Cutler, had some beautiful remarks and spoke on the need of straight allies of the GLBT community to "come out" and not be afraid of supporting GLBT equality and speaking out against prejudice. Cindy is an amazing straight ally and sets a wonderful example for all to see. I hope to post her comments in the near term.
Three of my fellow HRBOR board members on the left above.

As the photo below indicates, besides the gambling tables, the dance floor - which picked up on the black and white color theme- saw a lot of activity, the boyfriend and I are at center of the photo below.

Dancing with Cindy Cutler, 2009 Honoree

Sunday Male Beauty

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:31:00 +0000

The Closet and Harm to Straight Spouses - A Follow Up

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 02:31:00 +0000

As is not all that unusual, I recently received an anonymous comment attacking me for "using others as 'proof' of straightness that does not exist" among other things. As I have stated before, anonymous personal attacks will NOT be published. Anyone who wants to attack me personally, please have the balls to identify yourself and not hide behind anonymity. The attack, however, does raise and issue that I want to address that I believe is relevant particularly in older gays who came of age when homosexuality was still classified as a form of mental illness and before the Internet and other modern communication means provided a way to anonymously contacting others.

In response to the commenter's assumption that I knew I was gay when I married, the answer is probably not. I say probably not since I had never knowingly been around anyone gay and I had no means of talking to anyone about the issue. In fact, I lived my life not knowing if my attractions to other males was unique to me (was I some lone freak?) or was it something others felt too, yet which did not make them gay. Given my religious upbringing that said gays were going straight to Hell, I certainly did not want to be gay. In fact, I never, ever admitted it to myself until many, many years later after an unplanned event forced me to face the reality.

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From others that I have spoken with who came out later in life after being married, I do not believe what I experienced was unique. Being gay was something seen as so horrible that I and others just convinced ourselves that we were straight and did everything in my/our power to prove it to ourselves. Getting married was obviously part of proving that one was not gay. But so was trying to push away same sex thoughts and many other exercises in denial. I - like I believe many others it seems - finally hit a point/had an experience that made the in retrospect artificial world I had created in my mind collapse. It's not that I wanted it to, but rather it simply did. And I was left in a very self-loathing and emotionally unhinged state. It took lots of therapy to get over issues of religious guilt about being gay. And it took even more years and more therapy to come to a point of accepting myself for who and what I was.

In sum, I do not believe that I deliberately and intentionally forced anyone to live a lie. As for the commenter, if the prospect of gays marrying straight is upsetting, I recommend that the commenter start working for gay marriage in their home state and speaking out against anti-gay prejudice. An end to homophobia and the possibility of gays being able to marry would do much to avoid situations like the one I found myself in growing up. *

New York Catholic Archbishop Whines Over New Coverage of Sex Abuse

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:55:00 +0000

I find Archbishop Timothy Dolan's crocodile tears and whining over anti-Catholic prejudice disingenuous at best and in reality full blown hypocrisy. It's possible that the good Archbishop and certainly many of his fellow sex abuse enabling bishops and cardinals ought to be in prison for what they allowed to happen for DECADES. He ought to be glad that news media coverage is all that he's undergoing. There are few worse hypocrites on the planet than the morally bankrupt members of the Roman Catholic Church hierarchy who pretend to be so pious and demand that the laity constantly kiss their general fat asses. Meanwhile, they continue to get away with crimes and obstruction of justice in ways that no one else could get away with. It truly sickens me and I hope the media continues to expose these folks for the frauds that they are in fact. Rather than meddle in the civil rights of same sex couples and try to scuttle health care reform that doesn't fit with their religious views, the bishops and cardinals ought to be resigning from office and/or - for the minority who did not enable and cover up sexual abuse of minors - forcing a thorough house cleaning of the hierarchy. Here are some highlights from the New York Times' response to the ethically challenged Archbishop:

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Dolan himself has been under that microscope. The Times interviewed him months ago about his handling of sexual abuse cases in his previous posts in St. Louis and Milwaukee, and it continues to look into the subject. It is a natural inquiry given that advocates for abuse victims, while giving Dolan credit for transparency in Milwaukee, say he did not go far enough in resolving pedophilia cases there.
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Times reporters defended the paper’s coverage. Laurie Goodstein, the national religion correspondent, said The Times had reported about sex abuse by clergy of many faiths but that the Catholics’ story was far bigger because there were more priests accused, more people making allegations, more legal wrangling and settlements, and a longer history. And Vitello said of his article about abuse in the Jewish community that his job was to provide information and let readers decide whether to be outraged.
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Dolan seemed particularly offended by Dowd’s column, in which she wrote that the Vatican was hoping to herd nuns “back into their old-fashioned habits and convents and curb any speck of modernity or independence.” She said the “über-conservative” Pope Benedict XVI, while a cardinal, had urged women to be submissive partners. She brought up issues like the pope’s conscription into the Hitler Youth, and his statement that condoms could make the AIDS crisis worse.
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“Far from being anti-Catholic, my column was an expression of one Catholic’s anger and anguish about the moral crisis in her church,” Dowd told me. “It’s not right to call legitimate — and widely shared — complaints about the church hierarchy anti-Catholic, any more than it’s right to call opposition to the policies of a White House anti-American.”

I think it is hard to pick a handful of examples, as Dolan did, and make a case that The Times has been “anti-Catholic.” . . . Could the newspaper sometimes choose a better word in a story or pay more attention to transgressions in other parts of society? Yes. Has it been guilty of anti-Catholicism? I don’t buy it.
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The reality is that the leadership of the Catholic Church proved itself to be devoid of morality and decency and now the Church has a much needed spotlight shining on its internal rot and corruption. If the Church doesn't like the coverage, then fix the problem. Otherwise shut up and realize that mindless followers are dwindling in numbers outside of the third world - the only area where the Church is actually growing.

The Pernicious "Choice Myth" and "Change Myth"

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 13:47:00 +0000

Two of the key elements utilized by Christianist enemies of gay equality are the myths that (1) sexual orientation is a "lifestyle" choice as opposed to an immutable aspects of GLBT individuals and (2) gays can "change" their sexual orientation and become heterosexual if they but want to. These myths bolster the efforts to spread the lie to the general populace that gays will recruit children to the "lifestyle" as was just seen in Maine with the repeal of same sex marriage. The Christianists also use these myths to argue to politicians that since being gay is a "choice," there is no need to grant GLBT citizen "special rights" and legal protections. There are numerous Christianist organizations that promote these myths such as Exodus International, Focus on the Family, and a host of others - often making lots of money preying upon religiously conflicted gays and their families in the process. Legitimate medical and mental health associations condemn these myths and just this past August, 2009, the American Psychological Association ("APA") formally condemned the practice of so-called "reparative therapy"to cure gays as basically unethical because there is no legitimate evidence that it works.

But the APAaction doesn't stop the Christianists who still have their "experts" who seek to support the change myth. One such "expert" is Mark Yarhouse, a professor at Pat Robertson's nearby Regent University (pictured above). In anticipation of the likely APA action condemning reparative therapy, Yarhouse and his frequent partner in anti-gay propaganda, Stanton Jones, released a book that once again claimed that reparative therapy works. Timothy Kincaid at Box Turtle Bulletin did one of a number of stories on the APA action and an expose on the Yarhouse-Jones propaganda piece. Here are some highlights (Ex-Gay Watch has also covered the issue):
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This week the American Psychological Association released a report that said that while religion and its value in a patient’s life should be considered and respected, therapists should not encourage clients to seek a change in sexual orientation and that there was no evidence to suggest that such efforts are successful. This did not sit well with those organizations who build their existence on convincing their public that gay persons can “change” and that because such change is possible then public policy can be punitive to gay persons that do not submit themselves to such a change.
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So it was with great joy that those opposed to equality received news of evidence of change. The Baptist Press is crowing. Just “four days after an American Psychological Association task force released a 130-page report that said “gay-to-straight” therapies are unlikely to work”, they are trumpeting some amazing results of a study on Exodus International and their ex-gay ministries. In findings that directly contradict mainstream academic thought, 53 percent of subjects in a new seven-year study reported successfully leaving homosexuality and living happily as heterosexual or celibate persons.
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These “latest findings” are actually an update of the multi-year study of participants in Exodus ministries presented by Stanton Jones and Mark Yarhouse in their 2007 book, Ex-Gays? A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation. The authors were not pleased that the study which they proclaimed throughout Christian media as an evidence of change in sexual orientation did not convince the APA.
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When the Jones and Yarhouse book, was released in 2007, we hosted an exchange between Jim Burroway, BTB’s editor, and Stanton Jones. My synopsis of the results, as published in the book, was: the Jones and Yarhouse study revealed little to no statistically measurable change in orientation in the prospective sample. The much touted “successes” were either in recollection (which again were quite small) or were those who had decided to no longer call themselves “gay”. However, they still identified their orientation as homosexual (”I’m not gay but my attractions are”).
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In short, the Jones and Yarhouse study was funded and fully supported by Exodus and conducted by two researchers who were avid supporters of ex-gay ministries. They wanted to study 300 participants, but after more than a year, they could only find 57 willing to participate. They then changed the rules for acceptance in order to increase the total to 98. After following this sample for 4 years, 25 dropped out. Of the remainder, only 11 reported “satisfactory, if not uncomplicated, heterosexual adjustment.” Another 17 decided that a lifetime of celibacy was good enough.
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What the 2007 Jones and Yarhouse book revealed, and what this update further confirms, is that the “change” which NARTH and Exodus loudly proclaim is not a change in sexual orientation at all . . .

A number of reviewers as well as the APA have rejected the Yarhouse and Jones "research." Yet sadly, Yarhouse and other Christianists continue to market the false change myth to church organizations and the uninformed who fall for the storyline without knowing the long history that Yarhouse and his allies at Exodus and other "ex-gay" ministries have in working to block gay equality. Because of Yarhouse and those like him, the pernicious choice myth and change myth continue to be used against GLBT citizens and politicans like Virginia's Governor elect Bob McDonnell are urged to vote against gay equality. Yarhouse is no friend to the GLBT community as his years of anti-gay writings and "research" confirms.

Saturday Male Beauty

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 13:25:00 +0000

2009 Legends Gala Tonight

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 13:00:00 +0000

I will not be posting this evening or first thing tomorrow morning as is my normal habit since the boyfriend and I will be attending the 2009 Equality Virginia Legends Gala at the Waterside Marriott tonight. As a member of the host committee, we will be at the hotel helping to do the set up this afternoon. We will be taking advantage of discount rooms at the hotel has offered to event attendees and will be spending the night at the hotel rather than driving back late after the event. It should be a great time and the event should raise a significant amount of money to help the efforts of Equality Virginia to bring full equality to all Virginians. The honoree this year is my wonderful friend, Cynthia Cutler, an amazing straight ally of the local GLBT community.

Pastors Will Try to Incite a Religious-Based Hate Crime

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 12:39:00 +0000

If any indication of how perverted many self-proclaimed Christians and professional Christians (i.e., Don Wildmon, Tony Perkins, James Dobson, et al) have become, now some pastors intend to try to incite religious based hate crimes against gays to see if they are prosecuted under the newly passed federal Hate Crimes law. Their goal? To depict themselves as martyrs no doubt and then rack in money as they whine about being persecuted for their religious beliefs. These folks are beyond sick and continue to give Christianity a bad name among thinking, rational people. To me, it seems that the Christianist are becoming increasingly unhinged and down right depraved if they are willing to deliberately seek to cause LGBT citizens to be brutalized or even killed. If this is what "deeply held" religious belief leads to, then we'd be far better off in a world of atheists. Queerty has some details on this warped religious based hatred. Here are some highlights:

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Religious conservatives argued endlessly that the Matthew Shepard Act would infringe on religious freedoms because, if a pastor were to preach homophobia at the pulpit and a member of his parish went out and killed a queer, the murderer's religious beliefs would be used against him in court. So now that LGBT hate crimes legislation has passed, what better way to test the theory than to make it happen?
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The Christian Anti-Defamation Commission's Gary Cass says his group is planning something called the "Rally for Religious Freedom," a demonstration in front of the Department of Justice in Washington, that will be shouting anti-gay rhetoric to the heavens. On Nov. 16, ministers will gather — with megaphones, or at least a podium, we're guessing — and read from the Bible about how we're all sinners, we're ruining American families, and how we get too much airtime on Bravo.
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It's all in an attempt to get Attorney General Eric Holder to address what Cass & Co. view as conflicting legislation. Says Cass: "We're going to declare the whole counsel of God, including those parts that some may consider 'inciting a hate crime' to see if the attorney general is going to come down and arrest a group of peaceful clergy exercising their First Amendment rights."

The actual Hate Crimes law does not infringe on freedom of speech, but the truth and objective facts have never mattered to these folks who live in some bizarre alternate universe that I'd rather not even contemplate. When does extreme religious belief become evidence of serious mental illness? Trying to talk to people like Cass and other extreme homophobes is pointless. The goal for GLBT activists is to build a strategy and approach that gets the general public to comprehend just how dangerous these Christianists are not only for gays but all citizens who believe in freedom of religion. As one reader commented, these people want nothing less than a form of Christian sharia law. That ought to terrify everyone.

More Friday Male Beauty

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:50:00 +0000

Maine Defeat: The Lessons Learned

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:05:00 +0000

There are countless post mortem being done on the success of the anti-marriage equality in Maine this past Tuesday. There is blame being cast by some who are playing Monday morning quarterback while others are acknowledging that the pro-marriage equality forces overall ran a good campaign. One factor that is hard to counter is the toxic message and tactics of the Christianists. These false Christians demonstrate an unbelievable willingness to deliberately lie and fear monger in the most calculating manner. Truth means absolutely nothing to these people and it is difficult to compete with people who are basically amoral despite their self-congratulatory claims of religiosity. No lie is too big or too outrageous if our opponents believe that it will frighten the uninformed and ignorant. Lurking behind all of the lies is the added difficulty of conversing with those who have been religiously brainwashed and who are unwilling to listen to valid legal arguments or use any mental thought processes when confronted with the legitimate difference between the civil laws and religious belief. Jeremy Hooper at Good As You calls this the "faith issue" and describes it as follows:

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The faith question: Americans have MAJOR trouble disconnecting civil marriage from religious ceremony. It's nobody's fault, really. We're given the whole church, white dress, marry at the altar meme from birth. So many people never stop and think about the civil marriage license, other than in terms of it being a mere formality that they they have to do before their big day. And many who marry in a house of worship or via the voice of a person of faith never think about the millions of folks who marry without any religious component whatsoever. But Americans do understand church/state separation. In my opinion, the church-state issues, and the specific faith motivations of the opposition, have never been highlighted as effectively as they could be.
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One of the problems we face is the refusal of the Main stream media to get tough on the lies put out by the Christianist elements. Nowadays, too many reporters and anchors think that mindlessly parroting what our opponents say is legitimate reporting. God forbid that they ever ask for proof of statements made or focus on the fact that one set of religious beliefs are being given the force of law while other religious views are trampled and delegitimized - even though the U. S. Constitution guarantees religious freedom to ALL citizens. Or at least that's the spin the USA puts on it when self-congratulating itself and lecturing other nations.

Personally, I believe we need to do more to highlight the religious based bigotry off the opponents of GLBT equality. Likewise we need to do more to debunk the "Christian nation" lie disseminated by our enemies. We also need to do more to run a stake through the heart of the myth that sexual orientation is a choice and the myth that sexual orientation can be changed. Were we to prevail on this issue, the Christianist lies about gays recruiting children would wither away. Medical and mental health experts support the untruth of these favored Christianist myths, yet again, the media refuses to flat out challenge and refute the lies we hear again and again on this front.

I and others need to figure out how to challenge the lies and untruths of our opponents and exposes them for the liars and hypocrites that they are. We also need to find a way to hold the media's feet to the fire and revive investigative reporting and the willingness of media personnel to call liars for what they are regardless of how tightly the liars wrap themselves in the flag of religion.

Bitchy Discussion of Prejean Sex Tape

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:56:00 +0000

Fran Drescher, Aisha Tyler, and Sandra Bernhard join Joy Behar to discuss Carrie Prejean's sex tape. Meanwhile, I have received no response to my e-mail to the New Jersey Family Policy Council requesting an update on whether Ms. Prejean will still be a speaker at today's "Defender of the Family" event. Something tells me that I won't be getting a response. Nothing is more satisfying that seeing phony, hypocritical, false Christians get their comeuppance. Here's a video of the girls discussing the sex tape:

Friday Male Beauty

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:06:00 +0000

Leaked Email Proves DNC Deliberately Misled Gay Community.

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:44:00 +0000

Following up on David Mixner's call for new tactic is a story that has been covered by America Blog and Pam's House Blend among others that concerns how the DNC - headed by Virginia's soon to be former Governor, Tim Kaine who is no true friend to the LGBT community in my opinion - lied to LGBT organizations concerning its get out the vote and make phone call efforts leading up to Tuesday. A leaked email confirms that we are seen as easily duped and that we are taken for granted regularly. Besides doing nothing for the LGBT community, the DNC also feels that it can lie to us and we'll be too stupid to figure it out. With "friends" like this, who needs an enemy. Pam describes the situation as follows:

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I don't know about you, but at the very least, it's a peek at the kind the two-timing that goes on in national politics with constituencies they find "troublesome" or a perceived "liability" (save the $$$, of course). The difference is that the peek inside makes you realize how easily you've been had. In the case of LGBTs, it's a screw job over and over. They don't mind lying flat out, but catching them with their pants down usually hits a raw nerve.

John Aravosis at America Blog has this analysis of the macinations by the DNC which is also most telling:
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I think we just caught the DNC lying to the gay community about the election in Maine. And an email from DNC Treasurer Andy Tobias, which we quote below, proves it.
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We now know that what I was told was untrue. Or at the very least, it was purposefully misleading. Mainers were intentionally included in a broader email blitz that the DNC did, nationwide, to help Corzine's race. We know this because DNC Treasurer Andy Tobias admitted it in a lengthy email message to DNC donors yesterday.
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But more to the point, would the DNC have us believe that the aggressive intervention of the DNC and the President could not have helped sway the President's own voters to get out and vote against ballot measure 1, when they otherwise sat home? Clearly President Obama was able to motivate these extra 122,439 people a year ago, but we're to believe that he couldn't motivate them today? We only needed 26% of those people to turn out and help us. We got none of them. And we'll never know if the fierce advocacy of the DNC and the President would have helped, because they didn't even bother trying. And then they tried to mislead us, to boot.
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And finally, the DNC has concerns about getting involved in local ballot initiatives? Why? They did it last year under Howard Dean, when they donated $25,000 to the coalition fighting Prop 8's repeal of gay marriage. President Jimmy Carter did it in 1978, when he came out against the Briggs Initiative, that would have banned gays and lesbians from being teachers in California. But regardless, why does the DNC (and the White House) have a problem getting involved when a core Democratic constituency is having its civil rights taken away by the far-right base of the Republican party? We were promised that this administration would be our fierce advocate. Now all we get are excuses.
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And the DNC and the White House wonder why they have a growing problem with the gay community.
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We get pretty speeches and lies but no action. Yet we are supposed to give money, get out and vote and work on campaigns. For what? So we can be used and lied to again? We as a community need to stop letting ourselves be shamelessly manipulated and used.

No More Gay Apartheid - New Tactics Needed

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:06:00 +0000

Yesterday I wrote about a post by David Mixner concerning the election debacle in Maine, New Jersey and Virginia and his view that the GLBT community had to demand no more gay apartheid in America. David has done a follow up post that again in my mind lays out what I have talked about previously - that the GLBT community and the organizations allegedly leading the charge for our equality need to come up with a new game plan and - God forbid - stop being lap dogs for politicians and get militant. It is beyond outrageous that in the 21st century that religious based bigotry and ignorance are allowed to control the CIVIL laws and continue to make GLBT Americans second or third class citizens. Especially when the USA pretends to be the beacon for equality and religious freedom which it clearly is not (for the real thing, look to the north of the USA's borders). We the community follow Mixner's call to action? Time will tell, but one thing is obvious: more of the same will not somehow amazingly obtain a different result. New tactics and are needed NOW. Here are some highlights:

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I have come to the clear conclusion that we can't continue on the path we have been following the last two decades. The time has come for a major shake-up in ideas, tactics and priorities. Those who hang on to the nostalgia of the past can live in it. There is no question in my mind that the vast majority of the LGBT community is ready to move forward with new visions and new tactics. What is happening to us with this expanding system of Gay Apartheid in America cannot be allowed to continue and if it does, we cannot go quietly into the night enabling such abuse anymore.
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How can we have any dignity, honor or pride in ourselves if we validate this continued process of ballot box terrorism? How can we stand tall next to each other if we explain away another's cowardliness? How can we allow people to dehumanize our relationships and our very integrity if we give people passes to sit out the battle for our very freedom? No longer are political timelines a reason for delay, no longer are incremental approaches acceptable and no longer can the political process expect us to be patient and wait our turn. Our turn came long ago and there will be no more waiting.
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Our national organizations should be put on notice that we expect more from them and that we want more accountability and more dynamic leadership. For example, who talked to the President about Maine? Why did the White House refuse to become heavily involved? Why was Attorney General Eric Holder's statement not disavowed by the White House? Did we have direct access to the President or not? Wanting to know these answers is fair. Holding organizations that ask for our money and support accountable is not divisive it is common sense. We want leaders and organizations that represent our interests and are not beholden to the trappings of political power. Time to end the cozy relationship between our national leaders and Washington power brokers and start playing tough.
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As so many others have said, "The Gay ATM Machine is closed." Not one penny more for those who are fair weather friends, who ask us to delay and who insist patience is a virtue in the face of injustice. . . . Promises are not enough. Before we support people they must be CO-SPONSORS for the repeal of DOMA and DADT. How in the world can Speaker Pelosi justify not being on Congressman Nadler's "Respect for Marriage Act?" No sponsorship equals getting no money, it is really that simple In addition, we must cease giving money to groups that contribute to those 'Blue Dog' Democrats who are holding so much of our legislation up. Instead of national party committees, give to those politicans who have proven themselves directly.
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New tactics must be embraced and honored. Civil disobedience must now be on the table and it is time for a long discussion about how it is to take place in the community. Perhaps we have to fill the jails, block military bases, sit in Congressional offices, block marriage bureaus, etc in order for them to know that business as usual has stopped. Careful and thoughtful consideration must be given now to this option.
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No longer can I stand before you in speeches and rallies urging you to stay the course. The course needs changing and we need to toughen up in the process. Yes, we must continue fighting but this time, instead of responding to their strategy, we must forge our own. Make no mistake about it. The days of acquiesce are over. There is no option except one at this stage and that is full equality now.

David has a great message and those of us who are tired of being treated as garbage by our elected officials need to get on board NOW. I am tired of being a second class citizen.

Catholics Are the New Mormons

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 03:45:00 +0000

In the aftermath of the passage of Proposition 8 there was much coverage of the large amounts of money spent and covert operations undertaken by the Mormon Church in securing the measure's passage. Now, with gay marriage voided by a referendum in Maine, it appears that the newest villain to be exposed is the Roman Catholic Church - the same false pillar of morality that has utterly failed to discipline its hierarchy that enabled and covered up for sexual predators who preyed on children and youths.

With campaign contributions becoming available it has become absolutely clear that the Catholic Church - and not just parishes and dioceses in Maine - poured hundreds of thousands of dollars into Maine to strip same sex couples of marriage rights. The most recent breakdown of contributions can be found here and it shows that DOZENS of dioceses sent money to Maine - including the Diocese of Arlington, Virginia.

Among the other big out of state contributors were the Diocese of Phoenix, the Diocese of Yongstown, the Archdiocese of Newark, the Diocese of Providence (RI), the Archdiocese of St. Louis, and the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. In short, it was a well organized national effort to funnel money into Maine to take away the civil rights of Maine residents and citizens. Meanwhile, seven dioceses have filed bankruptcy in order to try to avoid payouts to victims of sexual abuse. It speaks volumes about the utterly f*cked up values and moral bankruptcy that are now the predominate hallmarks of the Church hierarchy under the Nazi Pope, Benedict XVI.

I truly hope that all LGBT Catholics - and LGBT Americans who are former Catholics like myself - will stop the silence and challenge our family members to take a good look at what the Church is doing and how it has become a merchant of hate and intolerance. How it seeks to strip their own family members of legal rights and protections and infuse intolerant religious views into the civil laws. Ask your family members to leave the Catholic Church or at least refuse to accommodate them by going to church with them. Had I realized the magnitude of the anti-gay Catholic conspiracy surrounding Maine, I would never have set foot in a Catholic church while in Charlottesville last weekend. Believe me, that mistake will not happen again. My family can either go to church with me at a Lutheran parish just down the road or I will go by myself or with the boyfriend.

More Thursday Male Beauty

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 03:40:00 +0000

Photo from Gay Body Blog

Referendum 71 Appears to be Passing in Washington State

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 03:02:00 +0000

After the soul wrenching loss in Maine on Tuesday, it looks like Washington State may yet proved wrong the axiom that gays cannot win at the ballot box to secure civil rights. More absentee ballots remain to be counted, but projections are that Referendum 71 will pass and that full domestic partnership rights for same sex couples. The lastest figures show the measure being approved by a margin of 52% to 48%. Based on the returns to date from King County - i.e., Seattle - running 2 to 1 for approval and the approval of the measure in most counties, in fact, it is believed that there are insufficient uncounted ballots to swing the result the other way. If approved, Washington State same sex couples will have all the rights of marriage save the name. I was impressed with the progressiveness of the Seattle area a few years back when I visited it with my son and I can appreciate why, after being back in Virginia for a few months, my son decided to move back to Washington State a couple weeks ago. Washington State is the future while Virginia represents a bigoted past. Here are some highlights from a op-ed in the Seattle Times:

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Gays can't win at the ballot box. That has always been the harsh reality. Put the subject of equality for gays and lesbians to a vote of the people — practically any people, in states from deep red to dark blue — and the people have always said: "No. Not here. Not yet." Until — it appears — now. Right here.
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There's a week's worth of ballot-counting remaining in an election everyone is saying is too-close-to-call. But it appears Washington state will be the first in America to approve a gay-equality measure not by court fiat or legislative action, but by the direct will of the people. It's never happened before. If the slim lead holds for the gay-partnership law Referendum 71, it would be a landmark. Huge. Not because the law that was on the ballot Tuesday is the last word in this debate. But because the vote signals, finally, a tipping point of sorts — a bellwether of public acceptance — that has eluded gays and lesbians forever.
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When it comes to gay acceptance, that shift has now happened. That's the big story of Election 2009. And it's going to keep inching like that, a mostly one-way tide. Toward equality.

It's no wonder that the "creative class" that drives technology and inovation is migrating to states like Washington State and leaving backward states like Virginia where freedom of religion and equal civil legal rights for all are merely myths. In Virginia, hate and bigotry remain ascendant.

Does Gay Marriage Challenge Christianity’s Credibility?

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:21:00 +0000

Does gay marriage challenge the credibility of Christianity? That's the conclusion of journalist/blogger Karen Ocamb and I have to agree with her for a number of reasons. First, and foremost from my perspective, if homosexuality is not a sin and is, in fact, a normal and natural condition for a percentage of the population, then the Bible passages cited by the anti-gay haters as justification for condemning same sex relations are called into question. And if these passages are untrue, then what else in the Bible mindlessly accepted as literally true may be false? This situation begins an unraveling of the house of cards belief system of most homophobes - who in actuality have a very weak faith - terrifies the Hell out of these folks. Indeed, it has the potential to demolish their entire "world view" and forces them to question if their form of Christianity is untrue. Second, and this is what Karen focuses on in her column, the lies and tactics and the viciousness and hate of the anti-gay forces represent the antithesis of what is generally regarded as true Christian behavior. If this is the face of Christianity, then who wants it. It betrays the essence of the Gospel message. Here are some highlights from Karen's column:
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[I]t’s time to call out the “Devil” cleverly disguised as the antigay forces of the Religious Right. This loss [in Maine] isn’t just about politics – it’s about the very soul of the Christian religion. For who but the silver-tongued Devil could convince quietly religious people to believe in – and act on – lies and cheap-trick illusions that twist love into a political perversion?
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And that’s what happened in Maine – just as it happened in California – where Religious Right professionals manipulated voters into taking away the secular civil rights of a group of people based on the fear of something that MIGHT happen – something made up, a lie based on bigotry and myth.
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When did it become OK to lie, to pervert the truth to serve God? Surely, if there is a Devil, a Satan, he is chuckling to himself at this greatest handiwork – using political strategy to make hate a virtue and love something to be scorned and punished. Indeed, the normalization of lying, political manipulation and antigay hatred is the latest blow to the legitimacy of religious institutions and Christianity itself.
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How can one believe in religious truth-telling if antigay ministers are caught in sex scandals, or evangelical Christians like The Family protect their antigay politicians from scandals over adultery or the Catholic Church that famously covered up its own child sex abuse scandals – has the Portland Diocese choose to close its own local parishes while pouring thousands of dollars into the antigay marriage ballot initiative in Maine based on the lie that gay sex would be taught to school children?
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And what would the Jesus of the New Testament say to all this new religious culture of political arrogance and lies and hate – the very characteristics associated with evil after his crucifixion? If Jesus stood for love – then the caretakers of his Christianity must also stand for love – the kind of love these battles for marriage equality are all about. Not just in their hearts and prayers but in the pulpits and on their feet in the street with us, protesting the stealing of their religion. This is their challenge – and this must become their mission. For if they participate in the conspiracy of silence – like many did as gay men laying dying of AIDS – if they ignore the love, the soul of their calling – they will lose their very meaning.

Thursday Male Beauty

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:32:00 +0000

The Face of Religious Based Hatred

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:14:00 +0000

If there ever was any doubt that religious discrimination was at work in Maine and other areas where gay rights were on the ballot, the professional homophobes - Peter LaBarbera and Matt Barber, two self-loathing closet cases in need of serious mental health intervention in my opinion - have made it crystal clear in their rantings. Box Turtle Bulletin has captured some of the venomous hate and religious bigotry under a spotlight:
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They’re mad that even though Stand for Marriage Maine won, they weren’t hateful enough:
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Christians PROMOTING homosexual relationships and “gay civil rights”? Above is a frame from the Stand for Marriage Maine TV ad “It’s Possible,” effectively endorsing the state’s “domestic partnership” law and “civil rights” based on homosexuality. See controversial text of ad below, and view the full ad HERE.
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I agree with my good friend Matt Barber, who is also a Board Member of Americans For Truth in addition to his important work at Liberty Counsel. It is not ethical nor good strategy for the “pro-family” movement to promote one evil and public-policy disaster (changeable and sinful behavior as a government-backed “civil right”) to fight another (homosexual “marriage”). Yet that is precisely what the Yes on 1 campaign’s pro-domestic partnership ad called “It’s Possible” did. …We who claim to follow God are lacking in integrity if we promote the normalization of homosexuality as part of some (perhaps well-intentioned) utilitarian plan to ostensibly “save” traditional marriage.

This nation supposedly grants freedom of - and from - religion to all citizens, but truth be told, that doesn't hold true for GLBT citizens. Unconstitutional laws based on religious discrimination are just fine with our president and a gutless Congress. As I have said before, there I times I wish I could leave this country.

The Tyranny of the Majority

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:50:00 +0000

The UK newspaper, The Guardian, has an editorial that looks at the debacle that takes place for the rights of minorities when the granting of civil rights is left to the majority. The column correctly notes that but for the action of the federal judiciary, we might well still have segregated schools, bans on interracial marriage and a host of other types of legal second class citizenships. Sadly, the Christianist right anti-gay industry has figured out the bigotry of the majority and I suspect will continue to push for a state by state vote on gay rights until at some point the federal courts get off their asses and call out religious based discrimination for what it is and strike down Christianist bigotry written into law via the ballot box. When that day will come, I do not know, but it is clear to me that the federal courts are the most assured course for achieving full equality - particularly since President Obama and the Congressional Democrats have made it quite clear that they truly do not give a damn about us. Oh yes, they give us pretty speeches but refuse to act. Here are some column highlights:

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After whinging about "activist judges" for a decade, the rightwing has convinced a plurality of Americans that decisions about same-sex marriage shouldn't be made in the courts – and it's because they know, and here is more evidence, that putting the rights of a marginalised class to the majority means those rights will be denied. The judiciary, however, is generally less susceptible to persuasion by expensive campaigns run by the anti-gay industry.
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Historically, we have depended on the courts to make decisions about the application of constitutional guarantees in spite of popular opinion, and they have repeatedly secured protections for marginalised groups decades before Congress and state legislatures, which more closely track public opinion, would have done. John Rogers once noted that "when the supreme court struck down the bans against interracial marriage in 1968 through Virginia v Loving, 72% of Americans were against interracial marriage. As a matter of fact, approval of interracial marriage in the US didn't cross the positive threshold until – sweet God – 1991".
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Waiting for the whole of society to be on board with granting equal rights to everyone is simply not in our collective best interest. There is no legitimate claim to be made by opponents of marriage equality that their lives will be diminished by extending marriage rights to same-sex couples. Too much evidence to the contrary, even now in their own country (I'm looking at you, Massachusetts), debunks that assertion thoroughly.
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Sometimes the stragglers at the tail end of this slow march of progress need a boot to get them moving forward. When the legislatures haven't provided it, it has been the judiciary's job to deliver it instead, as marginalised groups were never meant to have no recourse against discriminatory practices, even if the will of the majority is to extend the codified biases in perpetuity. Just because something is popular doesn't make it right.
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This country is not, and never has been, well-served by leaving the civil rights of the minority in the hands of the majority. Putting that up to a vote which is subject to deeply held prejudice is ruling not by democracy, but by mob mentality.

The irony, of course, is that when one closely follows many of the "pro-family" Christianist organizations, it becomes clear that if it were up to these folks, we would still have racial segregation and bans on interracial marriage. They are bigots and theocrats and unfortunately, they have figured out how to convince a majority of simple minded voters to fall for their lies and fear mongering. It makes me sick.

Final Wednesday Male Beauty

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 03:25:00 +0000

Dedicated to Carl :)

Who Is at Fault for LGBT Losses?

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 02:58:00 +0000

Besides our fair weather friends in the Democratic Party, others bear responsibility for the loss in Maine and other areas where anti-gay politicians were elected yesterday. And to see who that is, many of us need to look in the mirror. I'm as guilty as any given all the years I lived in the closet trying to be something that I wasn't and listening to the foul anti-gay message disseminated by the Roman Catholic Church. While I am trying to make up for my past omissions, I still can only have but so much condemnation for others who are still doing what I did or for those living their lives only partly out of the closet. As Christine Quinn said at the National Equality March, it is hard for politicians and other voters who will have to look you in the face to vote for bigotry and inequality like a slim majority did in Maine yesterday. The more that all of us live out and openly as who we are and do not hide our relationships, the sooner we can achieve full citizenship. Yes, living out and openly can be scary and even dangerous at times. But the alternative is to keep living in fear and to keep being treated as less than fully human and to have our committed relationships treated as garbage. That is no way to live one's life. I did it for years and I will never do it again - never ever. Pam Spaulding has some similar reflections. Here are some highlights:

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[I]t's always the first inclination to place the blame at someone's door. The fact is that Protect Maine Equality/No On 1 did everything right, had a voter base they thought could be swayed by making gay families visible, straight allies present, and putting boots on the ground. And it didn't work. I think overall, Maine may just not have been winnable, because we understimate the power of cultural intransigence in accepting civil equality when it comes to LGBTs and marriage.
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What we all have to do is take a look in the mirror to see what needs to happen to change this -- come out of the closet, live out of the closet, be who you are - a neighbor, co-worker and friend claiming your personal equality as their peer, and to be willing to be sacrifice the comfort of the closet rather than point fingers at gay orgs, the President, Congress, the voting homophobes. As long as our numbers remain artificially small because of that closet, we will fail.
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One lesson is that LGBTs and allies must be visible, particularly to their lawmakers, at every level. As I've asked many times on the Blend, why is it we can draw thousands to a Pride Day, but only muster 200 to lobby their lawmakers face-to-face. Our priorities are screwed.
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Without all of our allies out of the closet -- those in elected positions, those with access, and those whose voices are forces to be reckoned with, we'll continue to see the unthinkable -- unconstitutional mob rule over the civil rights of a minority group. Really, some allies may simply following the President's lead -- he was so uninterested in what was going on that he claimed not to watch the election returns. With civil rights on the ballot. What does that tell you about commitment, if you're a potential ally thinking "what can I do to help?" if the POTUS is so casual about the outcome.
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But the fact is that we must not only gaze in the mirror and assess what we can each do personally to advance equality -- the gAyTM needs to close to stop the enabling. Unfortunately it seems to be one of the only ways to signal there's a problem with the lack of support from purported political allies and organizations. . . . We're definitely not on the same page, that's for sure. Otherwise we wouldn't hear the variations on "just wait until ___ occurs (midterm elections, Obama's [presumed] re-election, pick some BS of the day), we'll come back for you." That's counter-productive action in the name of "strategy" that hurts civil equality progress rather than helps.
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I truly hope that more in the GLBT community - as well as our friends and families - will get outraged enough to send a resounding message all the way to the White House, U.S. Congress and U.S. Supreme Court that more of the same is unacceptable and that we are not going to be the docile "house gays" any longer.

More Wednesday Male Beauty

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 02:55:00 +0000

No More Gay Apartheid

michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com (Michael-in-Norfolk) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 02:12:00 +0000

I have read a number of posts today and the many e-mail exchange digests on the Google Insider/Outsider group. Some have been full of recriminations. Others have been full of heartbreak and sadness. Out of these volumes of thoughts and comments, David Mixner has a great post on his blog that perhaps best expresses my feelings on this day after election day. The election results in Virginia make it clear that our only short term hope is action at the federal level Yet, once again it has been made patently clear that some high in the Democratic Party - including President Obama - who all too often pretend to be our allies did nothing for our causes and left us to crash and burn in Maine and elsewhere. Why? Because they simply do not give a damn about us or our lives. All they want is our money, votes, and volunteer efforts. I have touched on this theme before, but yesterday underscored the need for the GLBT community to get serious and stop ALL money contributions to Congressional Democrats until they and Obama get off their unscrupulous asses and deliver on Obama's campaign promises. That's right ZERO money. And ZERO assistance in volunteer campaign efforts. If they will not help us, then we need to stop helping them. We also need to start raising much more Hell. Patience has gotten us little. Here are some highlight's from David's post which is a wonderful call to a new activism:

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Today I write more from my gut than maybe you have ever heard. Quite honestly to all those who have found my words inciting in the past, just move on. You are not going to be happy this morning reading further. After a very restless night of sleep and some deep thought, I am ready to share with you some thoughts (this might not be my most 'smooth' writing). Forgive me that it has taken a while for me to compose myself so that I can write from my values and principles and not anger.
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First and foremost, Enough! We have poured over $100,000,000 in the last two years into efforts where Americans feel it is there obligation to vote on our freedom. The entire concept is repugnant and disgusting. That we for the last three decades have been drawn into this game of 'this is politics' and fighting these ballot box horrors so that maybe by in five, ten or twenty years we will have enough victories to force our federal government to protect our freedom is simply not acceptable anymore.
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Second, call this campaign against us what it is - Gay Apartheid. Refuse to allow any of our fellow Americans, President Obama or our allies to view this as a political issue who time hasn't quite come. America is in the process of creating a system of Gay Apartheid. We will not quietly sit and accept it. All over the place, this nation is creating one set of laws for LGBT Americans and another set for all other Americans. That is the classic definition of Apartheid. Either our political allies are for Gay Apartheid or against it. If they are against it, they must fight with us and no longer duck like President Obama did in Maine and Washington. There is no half way in fighting Apartheid. . . . We will accept no compromises, time-lines, incremental approaches with our freedom. Don't counsel patience as if this is a new issue. We have been fighting these ballot box bigots for over three decades. Enough.
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President Obama standing on the sidelines in Maine and Washington was appalling. The failure of our national organizations and leaders to demand his involvement was equally appalling. The outrageous act of the Democratic National Committee sending an email into Maine asking Maine Democrats to call into "NEW JERSEY" instead of to support the fight against bigotry was unbelievable. No one gets to sit on the sidelines in an epic battle against apartheid and no one gets a free pass. If you want our support, you have to earn it.
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Finally, yes, as a community we have every reason to be proud. We raised the money, we made the calls, we came not in anger and we made the case. My hats off to the brave people, gay and straight, of Maine and Washington who fought in the trenches. . . it is no longer acceptable to be viewed as brave, patient warriors in defeat.

The other thing that we need to do is cease all monetary contributions to HRC and similar self-anointed "leaders" of the GLBT community until such time as they will start to play hardball and stop giving political cover to those who in the final analysis will simply continue to use us and throw us a few crumbs to keep us quiet. If these organizations will not put on brass knuckles and REALLY fight for all of our community - not just the fundraiser cocktail party and dinner crowd - then we need to stop enabling them to give comfort to our tacit oppressors.