Albert Einstein once said “the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” The truly learned and wise just blame it on the flies. Hence, I introduce to you the…uh…carp fly box for the post-graduate generation?

The left side of the box are my half-baked knockoffs of real fly anglers’ patterns. The other side comes from one Scott Spooner, the newest addition to the Taylor Creek crew. And a fine addition indeed. You may have heard of Mr. Spooner’s fly tying obsession acumen through the infamous Nate O’ Taylor blog. Nevertheless, the eternal skeptic in me decided to put the hot shot to the test – I mean who on God’s green earth can’t tie a fricken trout fly (that is, besides yours truly)? I then pulled some unachievable bullshit out of my ass, kind of like my professor did to me back in Finance 4905 developed an intricately detailed test: produce some flies for quarry that he is not familiar with, based on a detailed set of specifications:

1) They must fly straight at upwards of 200 mph (or 20 mph in the case of my best casts);

2) They must have lots of profile, and bulging eyes and flailing tentacles (akin to how I look in a strip club); and

3) When they land they must sit upright (unlike how I am usually positioned at my desk).

Doctor Spooner knows how to follow instructions (or he wouldn’t be a doctor, so shut your cakehole), and produced the following…

Spooner's Pink Kitten; photo by Rick Mikesell

and…

Spooner's Sorry Charlie; photo by Rick Mikesell

First impressions being everything, Scott would have already graduated. But we still have to put his creations through a final exam.

Now, to find some really wily fishes on which to educate via negative reinforcement.

MG signing off (with a wink and a smile)

Click the photo to enlarge

This intrepid wildlife photographer observed the beast pointing out his quarry with a Sage ZXL 386-4/Click III combo, and then pummeling them into submission with what appeared to be a size 22 Korkers boot #16 Parachute Adams. It was a life changing event, observing such behavior. Not lost either – how fashionable Bigfoot looks when geared up for his fishing adventures.

Meanwhile, requests for reuse of this amazing photo by National Geographic and the Discovery Network have been pouring in all morning.

MG signing off (because being in the right place at the right time is all that matters)

The first person to guess “who dat” wins a post-paid Airflo 6/7 Clear Delta flyline. Dat alone should be enough of a clue.

MG signing off (because the line is the bomb, but the skater in question is more so)

Editor’s note: submissions are first post, first serve, in the comments only. Only.

It hit me on before we embarked to the next venue…Reynolds is driving a yuppie mobile!

I began conjuring as many quasi-insults as I could, the plan being to hold my tongue until the moment was just right.

Then we hit a stinky, murky, carp-infested stillwater if there ever was one.

At which point I came up empty handed. And the driver did not.

MG signing off (thanking my lucky stars I know how to keep my fat trap shut)

Front page images were rescaled so more valuable content was above the fold, and new typography was chosen so consumers whose eyes are otherwise damaged from tying #28 midges could still read the text. Otherwise, the project was ripping the face off the old site, placing it on top of a more efficient and flexible content management system. Plus a few other tricks not generally available.

The switchover took place when I should have instead been casting the same midges across a small creek, so if you find any technology-related bugs and/or feel the need to play armchair quarterback after the fact, be advised the developer is a little testy right now.

MG signing off (to go back to staring at that yet unused two-weight sitting in the corner of the office)

We have a dozen confirmed professionals, a list of which will be distributed via CarpSlam.org the moment the remaining three swamp donkey jockeys are in place (although I can disclose now that there are some truly bad agents coming in from afar for this year’s event). As for the amateurs, well we’ve already received enough inquiries that we’ve decided to make a race out of it.

Instead of posting signup on the web, we’re going with mail-in entries – this means less transaction fees, and hence more money for the South Platte River. And, since yours truly is responsible for the website this year, and the same is a lazy ass…fishes too much to write code…is buried at the moment, this course of action means I can go back to taking afternoon naps in the office we can get people in earlier, thereby allowing competitors more prep time.

The entry fee will be $250 through May 31st – the same as last year. You are in if you are one of the first 15 to fill out this form and send it along with your check payable in the name of Denver Trout Unlimited to:

Denver Trout Unlimited
c/o Todd Fehr
5668 South Geneva Street
Greenwood Village, CO 80111

As of June 1st, the entry fee will go up to $350, and any entries received after May 31st and/or the slots are filled will be promptly returned to their senders.

Fill out that form! Send in that check! And be a part of history a damn good tourney for a damn good cause!

MG signing off (to take that nap)

MG signing off (to run out and join Facebook again)

You can grab it from this link: Pulp Fly Volume One.

We’ve already had a few requests for other versions (i.e. Nook and iTunes/iPad). The B&N version should arrive within the next few weeks (post-sleep catch-up); a native Apple version will come when Apple decides it should come, as in we’re wading through (and waiting on) their publisher application process to do its thing. As our fine lodge-running friend Andrew Bennett noted, however, you can still read Kindle books on your PC or Mac, as well as on your iPad or Android device – not to mention your Kindle. All you need is the Kindle app, which you can grab for iPhone, Windows PC, Mac, Blackberry, iPad, Android, and/or Windows Phone 7 here.

MG signing off (to do some reading)

“I don’t ever leave my rigs in the truck over night.”

Cue tumble on the floor, in tears.

You spend a great deal of money on your fly-fishing gear, so I think you should take care of it. Some folks, however, don’t think you actually need to spend that much money on your equipment, nor give it a polish each time it gets within a 100 feet of water. And we are about to find out if they are right.

Introducing the Redington/RIO Summer Vacation Package…

Will it survive? Only a summer will tell.

Mysterious (yet very useful) bundles do at times arrive on my doorstep after I beg like a spoiled child behind closed doors, but this delivery was wholly arranged in advance. It starts with a Redington Torrent 9′ 7-weight, 4-piece, a fine looking stick in shiny, semi-translucent green. Said rod is paired with a Redington Delta 7/8 reel in “smoke” color, and wrapped within is a hefty helping of Rio Grand WF-7-F. Total retail value is just shy of $550. No bad for a setup that could easily be used on salty flats. But it’s going someplace much worse.

We are going to call this a break from tender loving care. A test of value proposition. Or simply the summer of abuse. I’m betting I’ll destroy this equipment in short order; meanwhile the folks at Farbank (Redington & RIO’s parent company) are going all in that the gear will still be pristine operating condition when I return it to them. I won’t purposely try and break anything, but I will let it bake in the truck, won’t clean a thing, may occasionally will often set it on a pile of rocks instead of laying it gently in the grass, and will otherwise fish it as hard as possible. With heavy tippets. For carp. In the urban South Platte drainage and nearby environs.

I’d say odds right now are even, but we all know the target species clearly has the upper hand in this game of precision and skill unadulterated dumb luck – let’s hope this setup is smart, because we know the angler wielding it needs a whole lotta help. Intermittent reports on the rig’s perform and condition will follow, including but not limited to a repetitively photoshopped pic of the carp I catch this season.

MG signing off (to call on the cyprinid wrecking crew)

At one stretch you bring five fish to hand that would make many anglers green with envy. You did it in five successive casts.

Several strangers linger within eye shot and you catch at least one pointing over at you. Soon they seem to just disappear.

You’re standing forty feet apart, hitting a lot of doubles. So often in fact that you can no longer be bothered with pulling out a second net.

Twin rainbows? Naw...just another double.

Fly-fishing isn’t supposed to be about numbers, but you tally up the weekend score between you two anyway. It’s in the triple digits.

MG signing off (because he still cannot believe it himself)