I am a bit of a travel snob. I do fly economy everywhere I go since I cannot afford anything better, but I do not fly low cost, so I had few options for getting to Malta. With few scheduled airlines flying direct from the the UK to Malta (three, in fact), there were not an infinite number of choices. Not wanting to pay to check in a suitcase nor for a bite to eat and drink on the three hour flight, I went ahead and booked Air Malta, flying from Heathrow. A last minute fare of £181 was to be expected, but with Easyjet topping £200, I wasn’t disappointed with the value for money.

Setting off on Bank Holiday Monday, 6 May, my 8.30pm flight was due to arrive in Malta at 12.40am. I killed a bit of time in Costa at terminal four, where a small bottle of sparkling water, a cheese and ham panini and the tiniest slice of carrot cake set me back £8. I have no idea what attracts people to these scandalously priced establishments. Whether at an airport or on the high street, such places are always packed, yet the value for money is absolutely appalling!

The very punctual Air Malta got us away on time and soon served a meal. The meal, consisting of a roast chicken breast, mashed potato, peas and carrots, wasn’t the nicest. Juices from the chicken had leaked into the dish and the vegetables were floating, but it was still a full blown meal. I was expecting a complimentary sandwich or wrap, not a hot meal and a slice of coconut cake. The slightly greasy looking staff were attentive for the first hour of the trip but then disappeared – and weren’t seen again until the end of the flight.

Andrew had hoped to meet me in the airport arrivals hall but the early arrival of the flight meant that he couldn’t. He and his friend, Richard, had spent a lot of time making a billboard with my name on it – which actually read ‘Chubby B’Stard’ (it apparently sounded like a believable exotic name by omitting the ‘a’). Instead, the sign was handed to me in the car.

The bedroom at the Coral Hotel was basic, but very clean.

The next four nights would be spent in Bugibba at the 3* Coral Hotel (click for my Trip Advisor review), which was adequate for the stay. Although basic, it was very cheap with my room costing around £16.50 a night, a complimentary cooked breakfast was served each morning and most importantly, it was clean! It was our intention to stay at Blue Sea St George’s Park & La Vallette Resort but the reviews were appalling and many guests complained that the hotel was extremely dirty. For me, it wasn’t an option.

My room on the third floor offered a really disappointing view. It looked out onto a brick wall and it saw nothing in the way of sunshine, but it was perfectly adequate for the four night stay. Time spent in the room was to be minimal since a hire car meant that we could go out and explore by day and night. When in the room, the 14″ television in the corner provided me with sufficient entertainment, but there was not a vast selection of English language channels. BBC World News was my channel of choice for this trip.

Breakfast was acceptable given the price paid. The food was of a good quality and although the bacon was of the nasty streaky variety, the sausages tasted similar to those from home. The baked beans and fried eggs suggested that breakfast was geared more towards British visitors, hoards of which visited at a time. The dining room was full of visitors well into their 60s and 70s on most mornings.

Bugibba was quiet, with plenty of choices for eating and some opportunities for shopping, so it made for a nice base.

The Ta’Qali Craft Village can keep you occupied for an hour or two but overpriced souvenirs mean you will probably come away empty handed.

On our first day out, we visited the Ta ‘Qali crafts village, which was built on the site of a former World War II airfield. Many of the crafts were made in the village but the prices seemed ridiculously high, so I decided against any purchases. Although it was nice to see various glass objects being made by hand, the €50+ price tags for such ordinary objects seemed unjust. Cost of materials aside, workers in the factory were knocking these items out in 5-10 minutes. Items not considered to be of a perfect quality could be purchased from a discount store next door. The prices were significantly lower but the items on sale were only fit for the bin.

Leaving the crafts village, we set off for the ‘silent city’ of Mdina. Despite its population of around 300, this walled town is far from silent. Still, it was nice to see and exploring the narrow streets was actually quite fun. The highlight of the trip was the food at the Fontanella Tea Garden. Slightly elevated and offering great views across the island, it was great place to enjoy lunch (and cake). My baguette was followed by a generous helping of the most amazing chocolate orange cake, filled with fresh cream. On the whole, desserts in Malta were really quite special.

An example of the crystal clear Mediterranean Sea surrounding the island of Malta.

One of the most amazing sights whilst in Malta (excluding the frankly embarrassing Popeye Village) was the brilliantly clear Mediterranean Sea. In some spots, it was better than others, and it looked really quite inviting. I wanted to jump from a cliff one day into water where you could easily see right to the bottom. Paddling my feet a few days later, I was glad I didn’t since it was a bit chilly!

The Gozo Channel Line ferry links Malta and Gozo and a crossing takes 25-30 minutes.

The Gozo Channel Line ferry was a quick and affordable route to the island of Gozo, situated to the north of the mainland, where we spent another day. The island was very similar to Malta, although with lots more rural spots and a larger proportion of churches. The island also boasted another one of those ghastly craft villages. The village was again pretty awful with the same overpriced tat on sale but it did offer free WiFi, so it was a perfect opportunity to catch up on emails and the goings-on back at home.

After another tasty lunch, we took the ferry back to the mainland headed back to the hotel, where we took advantage of the rooftop swimming pool for the first (and only) time. Although it was another wonderfully warm day, I could last only 10 minutes or so in the ice cold water, and decided to go and stand in the poolside shower, which conveniently offered hot water too. I stayed there for about 15 minutes!

The Blue Grotto in Malta as seen from a cliff top. Visitors can enjoy 30 minute boat rides into the caves.

With the short trip already nearing an end, we spent a whole day in Sliema and Valletta – Malta’s capital city and the European city of culture for 2018. We purchased tickets for a 90-minute Captain Morgan sightseeing cruise and sailed around the harbour, seeing boats of varying shapes and sizes, an oil rig which had been brought in for maintenance and the elevated city of Valletta. At €15 a ticket, it was good value, but I thought the staff were a little cheeky rattling their bucket for tips when disembarking.

After a bite to eat back in Sliema, we boarded a ferry for the 5-minute crossing to Valletta, hoping to return again later in the day. But without checking the winter schedule (yes, winter in May), we did not know that the last boat back again was a little after 5.00pm. But we weren’t stranded since Valletta is well served by buses. It’s just not the most exciting – nor comfortable – way to travel though.

On the last morning, I packed and unpacked my suitcase about six times. I hadn’t bought anything to take home, yet I just could not make everything fit. It was like playing a game of Tetris but failing miserably every time!

Before setting off for the airport, we stopped off at the not very fun Playmobil Fun Park, which is really just an eerily quiet shop and café in the middle of an industrial estate – and only minutes from the airport. From there, it was off to the Blue Grotto; a handful of sea caves, which can be toured by boat. Despite not taking the boat tour, it did look like a lot of fun and the online reviews suggest that it is a worthwhile attraction – if not a little short. When inside the dark caves, the water is apparently lit by the sun.

For our last lunch in Malta, our attention was caught by a man employed to yell “restaurant on the roof” at passers by, so we decided to give it a go. The food was again really good value, if not a little ordinary, but the views were good.

Back at the airport and looking a little red, my trip was unfortunately at an end. I set off home, a little sad that my third trip of the year was over.

With my parents already in Thailand enjoying their 4-week break, I decided to join them for the Phuket portion of their trip, although I didn’t tell them I would be going. It was to be a surprise.

Arriving in Phuket, this usually sunny holiday destination could easily be confused for something closer to home! Fortunately, the conditions were perfect for the rest of the week.

I am one of these people who likes to make the most of my holiday entitlement at work. I am not the sort of person to take a day off and do nothing with it, so I arranged a nice early finish on the day of departure. But my 3.00pm finish came and went, and at 4.20pm, I was still frantically typing away on my keyboard, keen to ensure that all was in order whilst I was away. Cutting it fine, I dashed home, showered and changed and set off on the train for Heathrow Airport. For anybody else in the Winnersh/Wokingham area, getting the train from Twyford (via Hayes) is definitely a cheap, easy and quick way of getting to the heart of Heathrow. My £15.00 one-way ticket got me from Twyford to check-in within 50 minutes. I didn’t have the hassle of travelling into Reading for the railair nor getting a very slow train to Feltham followed by the very expensive number 285 bus!

My flight was with Thai Airways International that evening. Despite a number of flights with the airline in the past, the last being in 2007, I went off of the airline. Whilst passenger comfort and amusement was a top priority for many airlines, it really wasn’t for Thai. Even on my first flights with the airline back in 2003, I really couldn’t understand how the airline expected passengers to survive an 11-12 hour flight without access to an individual television screen! Anyway, times have changed and the airline upgraded its 747 fleet in 2012 and every economy class seat was equipped with a large screen and an entertainment loaded with hundreds of hours of on-demand music, television shows and films.

Luckily, the middle seat on the flight to Bangkok remained empty, so I had access to 50% of it since it had to be shared with the lone travelling lady sat on the aisle. Like me, she was off to surprise a friend in Phuket, and she too was visiting for 10 days. Spooky, I thought.

I must say, a long haul economy class flight has never been so comfortable as this one. We were fed not too long after getting airborne at 9.30pm and then the lights were switched out. I then drifted off listening to André Rieu, and woke around six hours later – not too long before breakfast was served. Travelling alone, especially on long haul, is never much fun so it is always a bonus if you can sleep and pass a lot of the time.

The flight landed in Bangkok right on time (around 3.00pm) and I literally ran to passport control. Bangkok Suvarnabhumi’s immigration queues can be really long, especially after the arrival of flights carrying hundreds of foreigners. The last thing I wanted was to be last in line. Being one of the first to reach immigration, I had my passport stamped and was on my way.

My room at the Best Western Amaranth was spacious and comfortable, offering a king size bed, desk area, free WiFi, a chair, side table and balcony. The bathroom was good too, offering some snazzy and complimentary toiletries.

My destination for the first night was to be the Best Western Premier Amaranth Suvarnabhumi Airport, located just on the edge of the airport – but reachable within about 10 minutes using the hotel’s complimentary shuttle. At £45 for the night (without breakfast), it wasn’t bad. It was a name I knew, a chain of hotels I had used before (including an airport hotel in Seoul, Korea) and it was on the doorstep of the airport. The only other big name ‘airport hotel’ was the Novotel, which, at around three times the price, was out of the question – even if it was only 300 metres from the terminal.

I won’t waffle on about the quality of the hotel since I have already done that on TripAdvisor. To read the review of my first stay, just click on the link at the top of the page.

All in all, it was a nice hotel, although I was puzzle by the huge window between the bathroom and the bedroom. As a lone traveller, I didn’t have to worry about somebody watching me in the shower or when using the toilet, but I didn’t quite understand its point! It’s not as if I could even benefit from the views of the city whilst on the toilet, since the hotel overlooked an industrial estate on both sides.

The walk to the swimming pool at the Best Western Amaranth is a nice one.

After my week in Phuket, I returned to the Best Western for a second stay, which wasn’t half as good as the first. With 36 hours between flights, I decided to book just one night in the hotel and then to try and negotiate a good value (or free) late checkout, but it wasn’t to be. The hotel wanted around £60.00 for the privilege so it made more sense to book an extra night on the internet at a much more attractive price.

The night before my arrival, hundreds of Chinese people were staying (according to the receptionist) and the the hotel was completely full. Clearly the housekeeping staff were overwhelmed by the number of rooms to make up, so they let standards slip considerably. My twin room (since there were no doubles available at the time of checking in (not a concern)), was far from finished. The minibar was completely empty, I had towels missing in the bathroom, a robe missing in the wardrobe and somebody had missed the clumps of hair in and around the shower plug. After seeing the price list in the wardrobe for souvenirs, I called reception. The last thing I wanted was to be charged for the consumption of every last spirit in the fridge. Every last item in the room on the souvenir price list had a price – even the teaspoons.

Not wanting to look like a numpty in the more formal restaurant, I decided to dine at the poolside bar, which was available until 7.00pm every evening (weather permitting). During thundery showers, the place tends to flood and closes. At around £5.00 for a tasty cheeseburger, chips and salad, it was good value for money. With the hotel being in the middle of nowhere, there was little else to choose from in the vicinity. The local FamilyMart convenience store sold meat on sticks but it could hardly be considered a meal.

Thai Airways’ offering on the short flight from Bangkok to Phuket was pretty poor. There was no choice of snack and nothing to identify what we were eating.

Anyway, going back to Phuket, I had booked myself onto the 2.15pm flight from Bangkok to Phuket, which was conveniently the very same flight that my parents were travelling on. I arrived at the airport around three hours before departure and then walked back and forth – for about 90 minutes – awaiting their arrival. When they arrived, I let them get to the check-in desk before springing the surprise. A gentle nudge got their attentions.

After an hour in the air and only a croissant filled with a suspicious green substance, we were on the ground in Phuket, and then on our way to our hotel in Rawai. Phuket Airport is in the north of the island, whilst Rawai is in the south, with the journey by road taking around 50 minutes in a taxi.

Our accommodation in Rawai was the the 4-star Rawai Palm Beach Resort, which I have also reviewed on Trip Advisor. It was a very nice hotel, if not a little poorly organised, but it was in a nice location, just steps from a beach and it had the most amazing swimming pool. Breakfast too was brilliant and that was included at no extra cost every morning. Fresh food, ranging from fried eggs, sausages and fruit to curries, rices, salads and pastries. Nothing beats a spicy curry for breakfast!

When one taxi driver asked for £20 for a 30-minute tour of the local area, we realised that taxis were not particularly cheap, so we hired scooters, which we had also done on previous visits to Thailand. For the equivalent of around £3.00 a day, we had access to 125cc scooters, on which we did in excess of 150 miles, exploring as much of the island as possible. With fuel at around £1.00 per litre, it was definitely a cost-effective (and fun) way of exploring the island. The many hills quickly use up the fuel though. The journey to the Phuket Buddha was the biggest killer, and, for fear of breaking down, I literally had to roll back down the hill.

If you can manage the chaotic roads in some of Thailands bigger cities and resorts, getting around by scooter is fun and cheap!

To hire a scooter in Thailand, you are expected to have an international motorcycle licence, but nobody will ask to see it. Most of those hiring scooters sign a sheet of paper, usually marked ‘no insurance’. No matter what happens, whether a crash or theft, the person hiring it is expected to cover the cost of repair or replacement, if necessary. Also be aware that the police do confiscate scooters and fine those who do not carry the correct documentation. Fortunately, I wasn’t stopped once in Phuket. The same cannot be said for Pattaya, where the police seem to stand on every street corner, randomly stopping people and fining them for sometimes silly things.

Riding through Phuket during afternoon thunderstorms was always a lot of fun and it often resulted in us stopping wherever we could find shelter. In an instant, the heavy rain would reduced visibility to almost nothing, so it made sense to take a break. On one occasion, heavy showers saw us stopping every five minutes!

Songkran was looming so it made sense to return the scooters. For those who know little of this celebration, it is the Thai New Year, which the Thai people like to celebrate with water. For 3-4 consecutive days, there is one big water fight across the country. Buckets of water are hurled at anybody and everybody – whether on foot, in the back of a vehicle or on a scooter. No matter who you are, what you are wearing or what you are carrying (valuables included), you can be sure of a good soaking – sometimes without warning!

A week after arriving, we set off on the short flight back to Bangkok. My parents were in transit there and would continue to London but I had a couple of extra days and returned to the Best Western hotel.

You are visitor number 82 to this page.

Next Trip: Malta, 6-10 May 2013

Not wanting to break the bank, I opted for the most basic model of iPad – 16gb with WiFi only. A product sold by Apple and just about every other retailer in the UK for £399, was available in Thailand for around £280 (after claiming back a 7% tax refund at the airport on leaving the country). A pretty decent saving on a very new product and considerably cheaper than anything in America.

The only downside to buying a product like the iPad overseas is that you have to make do with a foreign plug – in this case a twin pronged European style. But with a cheap travel adaptor, you are really no worse off than any other iPad owner.

Before even checking out the rest of the box contents, I was keen to play with iPad; browsing the internet, watching videos and playing games, and I soon drained the 85% or so of available battery life. With ‘low battery’ warnings appearing on screen, it was time for a charge. But unfortunately, the plug that came with my tablet could not be used. The two prongs were bent in towards one-another and had I have forced it into an adaptor, it almost certainly would have snapped. I needed a new plug.

Managing to get a call into Apple just before their lines closed at a very random 7.45pm, I was told that a replacement plug would be posted to me from Asia and that it would take up to 10 days. But the thought of waiting so long before I could use my iPad again bothered me. I expected to have to put up a fight with the man on the phone when asking if I could instead pick up a UK plug from my local Apple store in Reading. He simply said “ok”.

An appointment first had to be made and the next available one was three days away.

Arriving at the store, everything was pretty swift. An endless number of men and women walked about the store in their blue t-shirts, offering sales advice and support to anybody who looked to be in need of it. I was quickly approached by somebody holding an iPad and my name was amongst many on the screen. I had been expected and was sat down at a table, playing with a MacBook for a few minutes before somebody was ready to assist.

Within minutes, I was leaving the store with my UK plug and on my way home to give my iPad a much-needed charge.

This was a first-time Apple purchase for me. Based on this experience, I expect there will be many more to come!

On arriving at the park a little before the 10.00am opening time, I was surprised to see a line of 300-400 people stretching into the car park. This line was made up of people who had purchased tickets and who were waiting for the park to open. When the gates to the park opened (right on time), visitors were led through puddles and gravel in order to get to the entrance. Thorpe Park should either keep ticket desks closed until 10.00am (allowing visitors to avoid standing in a car park) or open the park slightly earlier, but keeping the rides closed until the official opening time. I dread to think how chaotic it might have been on a Saturday or Sunday when visitor numbers will be much greater.

Like others, we were keen to get to the newest attraction – The Swarm – which opened earlier in the year and is the UK’s first winged rollercoaster. The queue time was around 30 minutes (the longest queue of the day) and the ride itself was actually quite exciting, although short in duration. On leaving the station, the coaster climbs to 127ft, inverts straight away (one of five) and then works its way around half a mile of track. The ride was a real favourite and definitely on par with the exciting Stealth rollercoaster, which launches riders at 80mph, 200ft into the air.

A weekday visit meant shorter queue times, and, in some cases, no queuing at all. For the better rides, a wait of 10-15 minutes was necessary, but the family-friendly rides were just a couple of minutes e.g. Loggers Leap (log flume), Flying Fish (rollercoaster), Chief Ranger’s Carousel, Storm in a Teacup etc. Some of the rides in the park were closed; Colossus, Samurai and Slammer being the bigger and better of those out of action. Samurai had actually been taken to pieces and its parts were spread over a vast area, including across the neighbouring railway track. A sign said that the ride was undergoing refurbishment and that it would open again in 2013. When riding Rush, we thought that it too was experiencing technical problems, when it came to an abrupt end. Returning back to ground level, the ride operatives chatted for a few moments and then released us from our seats. It wasn’t really worth the 5-minute queue time!

Walking around the park, it was sad to see a once brilliant attraction falling into such a bad state of repair. A number of the rides that we queued for came to an occasional halt as a result of a technical problem. Nemesis Inferno stopped working for around 15 minutes, and although the staff were keen to keep everybody informed, the many announcements suggested that a different ride was at fault – Detonator, for example. Similarly, a number of the buildings across the park were in need of repair or decoration. Excessive cracks and peeling in paintwork gave many of the attractions a tired and uncared-for appearance.

For me, Thorpe Park lacks any atmosphere. As a theme park, this is a place where people go to have a good time and to have a memorable and enjoyable day. Walking around, the only sounds you will hear are the foul language of some of the other, younger visitors to the park and occasional screams from the rides, but no music whatsoever. As well as playing some music, I think the park would benefit enormously from some employing some entertainers. The current workforce seem to be limited to ride operatives, shop/stall workers and cleaning staff. There is really little in the way of engagement between the park and the customers. As somebody who spent a lot of time in Florida (undeniably the theme park capital of the world), there is a stark contrast between our theme parks and theirs.

The park has an adequate selection of places to eat and each of the options are affordable. Big names such as a KFC, Burger King and Pizza Hut offer their usual menus, but at a slightly higher price than the high street. Other food counters and restaurants serve grilled/BBQ food, Mexican food, sandwiches and pastries etc. Be aware that during less busy periods (i.e. on a Tuesday, when I visited), the majority of the food counters and stalls do not open.

Merlin Entertainments, the owners of Thorpe Park, go well out of their way to ensure that visitors to the park are charged as much as possible in just about every area of the park. Visiting Thorpe Park, you will incur costs if you plan to arrive by any means other than on foot. The bus service that operates between Staines (railway station and bus station) costs £3.50 per adult and £2.50 per child (return) with a journey time of just 10 minutes. The car park is now a paid-for facility with customers being charged £4.00 per vehicle – again not a reasonable charge. Once inside the park, aside from being charged over the odds for drinks and snacks, ride photographs are charged at £8.00 (reduced by half if visitors commit to buying a ridiculous number of the things – tat including mousemats, framed photographs and keyrings) and the water pistols dotted around the water rides are £1.00 a go. When you consider that adult entry to the park is normally charged at £42.00, it is frustrating and disappointing to be charged over-the-odds for these optional extras.

For the future, I would like to see Merlin Entertainments spending its money more wisely. Forget new rides (there are already enough great rides in the park) and instead bring existing attractions up to a better standard (both in terms of functionality and cleanliness). Loggers Leap, in particular, was in a very sorry state, showing signs of age and neglect.

All in all, it was a good day, but I hope that the company springs into action when the park closes for the season in just a few weeks. Work is needed throughout, and with ticket prices as much as they are, I am doubtful that the money required for these works is in short supply!

Anyway, always keen to get the best deal, I recently booked airport car parking with a company called Essential Travel. The company is based in Peterborough and claims to be “one of the UK’s leading independent online travel essentials providers” and also the cheapest, with a best price guarantee that promises a full refund if you find a cheaper quotation on the same day as booking!

Essential Travel quoted me £92.95 for 19 days of parking at Purple Parking Business (formerly Q-Park), right on the airport perimeter, so I booked up, safe in the knowledge that this price was apparently unbeatable! But with price comparison websites cropping up all of the time, a quick search revealed that Holiday Extras had the same car park available on the same dates and at the same times for exactly £1.00 less. I decided to approach Essential Travel to let them know of my findings.

It was a huge surprise to receive a response only a few days later. The one line email confirmed that the Essential Travel price had been beaten and a refund would follow just a few days later. Sure enough, I have been refunded, and I am now parking at undoubtedly the most expensive airport in the country for free.

It is great to see that at least one company delivers on its promise! Well done, Essential Travel! Hopefully the likes of STA Travel can learn a thing or two from you.

You can book travel insurance, airport parking, hotels and lounges with Essential Travel by visiting their website at www.essentialtravel.co.uk or calling 0845 803 5434.

Both visits to the restaurant were midweek after 6.00pm with prices at £13.99 per person inclusive of unlimited soft drinks (introductory offer until the end of July). The prices vary according to the time of the day and the day of the week. The cheapest time to visit is during the lunch sitting, which, during the week, is just £7.99 per person.

On my first visit, it was clear that Cosmo was a very popular choice for the people of Reading. Even at 6.15pm, the restaurant was extremely busy, but we managed to get one of the last available tables at the front of the restaurant, just a stone’s throw from the dessert counter. We were seated and told that we had 90 minutes in which to eat and a small laminated card was placed on the table, asking that we ‘kindly’ give back the table by 7.45pm. At first, it seemed reasonable, but I later realised that this was not really sufficient.

The endless number of staff in the restaurant were quick to approach us and to ensure that we knew how the buffet worked and where to find exactly what we wanted. In a buffet of it’s size, it was quite easy to get lost! I stopped at the self-service drinks machine first and grabbed a Sunkist orange. Other drinks are non-branded cola and lemonade products, which taste just as good as the big name brands we are all so familiar with.

From the drinks machine, it was straight into the buffet, and choosing where to start was impossible. This was a buffet offering no end of Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Italian, Mexican, Thai and Vietnamese dishes, and I wanted to try them all, but my plate could only take so much. The food was presented nicely, it was fresh (thanks to being very regularly replenished) and, best of all, it was very tasty! After my first trip for food, a second and third followed. My favourite dishes were the Thai green curry (authentic), the hot crispy pork, the tandoori mushrooms and the Japanese prawns, which were salted and cooked with chilli. And as much as I hate to say it, I did have pizza and that too was excellent.

Dishes are arranged according to their countries of origin and diners can help themselves to as much as they like. Alternatively, the live cooking stations (included in the cost) offer cooked to order items, and tasty treats are cooked up right in front of you. For those who cannot cope with international cuisine, a selection of roasted meats, roasted vegetables, chips and onion rings can be had, so there is something for all tastes. Other popular food choices include sushi, various Indian curries and breads, noodles, pastas, spring rolls, prawn toast etc. Cosmo is predominantly an Asian buffet with a few other cuisines thrown in too.

Efficient staff quickly cleared those plates that were no longer required but it felt, at times, a little too quick. You would often eat your last mouthful of food and the plate would be gone before the food had been swallowed, making the dining experience feel very rushed. The staff know you have just 90 minutes to eat and they want you in and out as quickly as possible, even if they are very friendly about it.

The dessert counter offered a vast selection of desserts, even if many of them are ridiculously small. The majority of the cakes measure no more than 2″ long by 1″ wide! But the selection is excellent. A well stocked freezer of ice cream is available as is a fridge of fresh fruits, along with a chocolate fountain, Haribo-style sweets and waffles. The waffles, in my opinion, should be cooked to order though. They are cooked and left to cool, by which time they are not particularly appetising.

Half way through dessert, we approached by a waitress who asked, “Would you like anything else? Teas? Coffees?” to which I said no. Whereas any other restaurant would allow you to at least finish a course before trying to sell you something else, time was running out and it was clear that if we did want anything, it had to be ordered straight away! We needed nothing else as the pair of us were quite full. We just wanted to sit and allow our plates of food to digest, but again, time did not allow. We had less than five minutes to leave the restaurant.

Don’t get me wrong, Cosmos is a fantastic experience and I will return again and again. The food is authentic, the selection of 150+ dishes is great, the staff are friendly and the prices are reasonable, but the 90 minute restriction is unfair. There isn’t time to allow a pause between platefuls of food and you leave feeling rather uncomfortable because, again, there isn’t time to allow everything to settle.

It is the 90-minute restriction that has resulted in one lost star rating. It is nothing but greediness of the management to allow so little time to enjoy a good meal. Two hours would be much fairer! The booking system also leaves a lot to be desired. On my second visit, after realising just how popular the restaurant was, I booked online. On arriving there in the evening, I was told that there was no record of my booking and staff confirmed that their booking system had “problems”.

LUNCH: After a number of visits to the evening buffet at Cosmo, I went along one Saturday afternoon for the lunchtime buffet, which runs from 12.00pm until 3.30pm (finishes at 3.00pm on a weekday) and it was a totally different experience! There weren’t the hoards of people queuing into the street for a table and that’s no doubt because the lunchtime buffet isn’t up to much and it definitely isn’t worth queuing for! The Saturday lunch session costs £8.99 (£7.99 on a weekday) and there isn’t the ridiculous 90-minute limit in place, which is no doubt the result of limited demand for the buffet lunch and less of a need for the tables. The food selection is drastically reduced, putting a Cosmo lunch on par with other buffets in the area – with the only difference being the price. The fantastic Thai selection is missing, the Indian selection is missing, the pizzas are missing (instead replaced by a tray of garlic bread), the dessert selection is acceptable, although very limited, and a number of the trays of food are empty. For a new customer to Cosmo, a first visit could almost certainly be a last! So, the lunchtime buffet is a forgettable experience with an unjustifiably high price tag. Whilst I will continue to enjoy evening meals at Cosmo (and no doubt rave about them all), I won’t visit for lunch again.

This photo of Cosmo is courtesy of Michael Kinghorn on TripAdvisor

This photo of Cosmo is courtesy of Michael Kinghorn on TripAdvisor

This photo of Cosmo is courtesy of Michael Kinghorn on TripAdvisor

At the time of writing, Cosmo Restaurants could be found in Bristol, Cardiff, Chatham, Coventry, Croydon, Eastbourne, Reading, Romford, Swansea, Swindon, Tunbridge Wells and Wolverhampton. To find out more information or to explore the dishes on offer, why not check out the Cosmo Restaurants

For Christmas last year, I decided to buy my parents a short break to Frankfurt in Germany, which wasn’t especially cheap; flights with British Airways, a four-star hotel in the city centre and tickets to see André Rieu and his Johann Strauss Orchestra at the Frankfurt Festhalle. That concert was scheduled for 29 February 2012.

Much to their disappointment (and mine), the concert was cancelled on 23 February with the email explaining “Andre Rieu has been certified unfit for the concerts in Stuttgart, Düsseldorf and Frankfurt by his doctor”. It was a shame that the trip was not going to go ahead quite as planned and my parents now had a purposeless trip to make. The email went on to explain that a new date would be announced in the coming days and tickets would be refunded if the new date was not convenient.

The new date of 11 October 2012 was announced four days after receiving the cancellation email, and, of course, it wasn’t convenient. My parents had no plans to be in Germany on that date and paying for another trip to Germany made no sense at all. The instructions in the email were followed and the tickets were sent back days later – at a cost of £5.63! It was important that the tickets were signed for on delivery, just to ensure that nobody could claim that they had never been received.

According to Royal Mail, the tickets were delivered to Köln Ticket just six days after sending, and I waited for my refund to be processed. Weeks later, I had received no correspondence from the company and my money had still not been returned to me. Dealing with a German company was almost certainly going to be an impossible task and I didn’t expect my abrupt email (written in English) to be completely understood, but it was. Sort of.

The two line response explained that the tickets had not been received and that without them, my money could not be returned. In my response, I included a scan of my post office receipt and a screenshot of the Royal Mail website, which confirmed that the tickets had been delivered in Germany on the specified date. The same response came back – the tickets had not been received and I could not get a refund.

The already disappointing situation became even more disappointing. First, a cancelled concert and now the risk of losing rather a lot of money (around €150) because the tickets had apparently not been received at Köln Ticket’s office in Germany. Köln Ticket hadn’t received them but Royal Mail (and their equivalent in Germany) claimed that they had been delivered. It was a frustrating situation to be in.

Giving up with the organiser, I decided to approach André Rieu himself (or rather his administrative people) and they were not an easy bunch to contact. Without a postal or email address published on his website, I decided to ramble on about my dissatisfaction on his guestbook. My post obviously wasn’t published but I did received a response from a lady in Andre’s ‘Legal Affairs’ department and she told me that she would pass my complaint to the concert promoter – Roland Temme Gruppe.

A prompt reply was received and the gentleman contacting me asked for as much information as possible, which I just as quickly provided; the receipt for my concert tickets, my proof of posting and copies of my email correspondence with Köln Ticket. That was the last I heard.

For all sorts of reasons, I really wish that I did not purchase these tickets. Firstly, dealing with a non-English speaking company is impossible (especially when you run into difficulties). Secondly, should I ever be refunded the cost of the tickets, I will be out of pocket; €10.00 ticket delivery charge, the £5.63 spent on sending these tickets back, the £7.00 my bank is going to charge me for receiving the refund and the less favourable bank buying rate that will be used to convert Euros into Sterling.

Royal Mail also deserve to be criticised for their part in this matter. It was emphasised when sending the tickets at my local Post Office in Winnersh that the envelope must be signed for upon receipt – which presumably explains the extortionate £5.63 fee. After contacting Royal Mail to ask for a copy of the receiving person’s signature, I am told that I must complete a P58 form and return it to them by post. If they can tell me on their website that my tickets have been delivered (and even provide me with the date of delivery), then why can they not provide me with a signature or at least a name of the person who signed for them? Without holding this information, how they can they be so sure that an item of mail has been delivered? For a premium delivery service, this is a really quite sloppy process!

My first membership came to an end in 2008 after becoming more and more dissatisfied with the levels of cleanliness at Loddon Valley. Even paying only £18 a month for the use of the swimming pool, it offered disappointing value for money and the unbearable sewage-like stench soon became too much to bear on the poolside. It was time to call it a day.

Earlier this year, I had started to make occasional visits to Loddon Valley again. Standards had improved slightly and by swimming first thing in the morning, when the cleaners were working hard at keeping the centre in tip-top condition, it was the best time of day to be there. With these swims becoming more and more regular, becoming a member again seemed a sensible option.

On receiving a call one day from a member of staff at St Crispin’s (his call the result of me once expressing interest in a membership), he talked me through the options available. Choosing a membership with my local gym was more confusing than choosing a mobile phone contract, however! ‘Gym and swim’ combinations required members to commit to lengthy contracts or face paying ridiculous amounts on a monthly rolling contract – £42 being the price quoted to me initially, reduced to £37 after much hesitation. At the time, I did not know what the future of my job was. I was not convinced that my current employer could afford to keep me for very much longer, and, as was explained to the worker at St Crispin’s, I did not want to be paying for a gym membership if I were to lose my job.

After settling for the ‘pure water’ membership allowing use of the swimming pools only, I was assured that this was a good option given my circumstances. As a rolling contract, it was explained that if I found myself out of work, I could opt out at a moment’s notice. It seemed like decent deal and I decided to go ahead, eventually signing up in person at Carnival Pool later in the day. This time, I incurred a sign-up fee of around £14 and membership was priced at a far-from-competitive £24.95 a month – a huge hike on the prices of 2008!

Out of works just a few weeks later, it was a priority for me to cancel the Direct Debit and to make Leisure Connection aware of my circumstances and my intentions. Paying on the last working day of the month for the month ahead, I cancelled this payment with my bank on 30 April. The month of April had been paid for and I did not wish to use or pay for the month of May.

Loddon Valley staff were unsurprisingly useless at dealing with me. They could not find me on their system and insisted that I speak to the Carnival Pool, where I had signed up. They too had some difficulty in locating me and soon had to search by address – eventually realising that an error on their part had resulted in my name being incorrectly on the system as Michael Sylvester. The staff member that I spoke to quickly pointed out that I was expected to give 30 days of notice to terminate my membership – not what was explained previously!

The worker failed to understand my circumstances and dismissed my allegations of mis-selling, which was effectively how Leisure Connection signed me up – saying and doing whatever was necessary (including lying) to make me become a member. Despite making it especially clear about my work situation prior to signing up, the company felt it was acceptable to demand £24.95 from me when I was not in receipt of a salary payment that month. I was asked to send an email to Loddon Valley, which I did straight away. I raised concerns about mis-selling and the rushed enrolment process. Had the company have properly explained the terms and conditions of membership to me (and warned me of a 30-day termination policy, regardless of my circumstances), I would not have signed up. I was also not encouraged to read the terms and conditions and instead asked to sign.

11 days after sending that email and without any reply from somebody in authority at Carnival Pool, I received a text message from Leisure Connection. They asked me to call them because I was apparently in arrears, which I gladly did. Explaining my reasons for not making the payment, I was again ignored and told that because I had agreed to the terms and conditions, I was expected to pay for the month of May – a month during which I had not visited any Leisure Connection site.

Frankly, this is not a company worthy of anybody’s business. Mis-selling and dishonest staff, a sloppy standard of customer service and intimidating tactics to get customers to pay; bailiffs and threats of court. Given the choice of making payment or going to court, I will choose court. Failings on the company’s part to respond to my complaint might assure any judge that mistakes were also made during the sign-up process.

I would urge anybody considering a keep-fit membership to steer clear of Leisure Connection altogether.

Update – 7 June 2012

After receiving the first text message from Leisure Connection and making contact with the company’s head office, I was told that a message would be sent to Carnival Pool in Wokingham, asking them to respond to my complaint. Rather unsurprisingly, no response ever was received. I decided not to waste any more of my time dealing with the company.

A further text message and two letters were received. The text message reminded me that my account was in arrears and that my membership had been suspended (oh no!) and the two letters told me I owed £24.99. The last letter received was a ‘final reminder’ and it was written in big red letters across the page. I wasn’t bothered by the contents of text messages and letters but it was of concern to me that Leisure Connection continued to harass me knowing that I had made a complaint – a complaint that they could not be bothered to deal with!

Back on the phone again, I found myself speaking to the same lady as last time around and explained that I was still being bothered with text messages and letters, and, out of principle, I would not be making any payment at all. I wanted my complaint to be acknowledged and looked into. Agreeing that Carnival Pool management were quite frankly useless, she asked that my complaint be sent directly to head office. I sent the email on 23 May, and, surprise surprise, I am still without a reply!

“Delivering Excellence in Sports, Leisure, Health and Well Being” is Leisure Connection’s bold statement. The service delivered to me so far has been anything but excellent. In order to ensure that targets are met, staff happily miss-sell membership packages to the public, facilities are of a mediocre standard and not always in full working order (for example, showers), cleanliness at Loddon Valley and Carnival Pool continues to be an issue and customer complaints are ignored. 40 days have passed since complaining to Carnival Pool and 15 days since complaining to head office.

Update – 28 June 2012

Hmm.. I have a feeling that Leisure Connection are trying their hardest to ignore me. It’s been 61 days since writing my first complaint and 21 days since re-sending it to the company’s head office, as was recommended by one of their call centre staff.

Out of principle, I am going to continue pestering the company until they have the decency to acknowledge my complaint and to answer the many questions put to them. This company is making itself look more and more ridiculous by the day.

Update – 29 June 2012

62 days later and I at last receive a response from the Business Manager of the Carnival Pool. I suspect that the response came after yesterday’s email to Leisure Connection asking ‘why are you ignoring me?’

It was the response that I expected. I should have read the terms and conditions (with no acknowledgement of my complaint about the rushed sign-up process, not allowing sufficient time to read them) and the level of service is apparently good enough. Fortunately though, this chap was in agreement with my comments about the substandard condition of some Leisure Connection facilities, specifically cleanliness and areas in need of modernisation.

The £24.95 debt was written off - not that I ever was going to pay it – and I was encouraged to go back to Leisure Connection if I had any more concerns. But if it means waiting 62 days for a reply, I probably won’t waste my time.

Related Websites

Leisure Connection Watch
Consumer Action Group Forum

Both websites will open in a new window.

I was after some good quality accommodation in Florida at a good price and after endless hours of searching, I stumbled across the Terrace Ridge Resort using Opodo. For around £37 a night, I was expecting to get a 2-bedroom apartment on this pleasant looking complex.

On arrival, we had to visit the holiday rental company’s office on the US highway 192, which was very easy to find. It took about 10 minutes to check our paperwork and to talk us through our rental before the keys were handed over and then we jumped in the car for the short drive to the resort, located in Davenport – a little over 13 miles away from Disneyworld.

The resort was located away from the hustle and bustle of touristy Orlando, which was a definite bonus. I have visited Orlando before and did not want to be surrounded by holidaymakers, gift ‘outlets’ and theme parks. It was a perfect, almost rural setting, just seconds away from the roads that led to everywhere you could ever want to go in Orlando.

We arrived at Terrace Ridge shortly after 9.00pm. What was nice was that the resort was accessible only via a secure gate, which required a code for access. The clear signage in and around the resort and on the buildings themselves meant that we could easily find our apartment. Just as was requested, our room was on the top floor of a three storey building – that was as big as the buildings got.

The apartment itself was of an excellent size and more than adequate for the two of us staying there. Despite requesting a 2-bedroom apartment, we were surprised to be given a third bedroom, which we had little need for. We entered through the front door into a large open-plan living area; kitchen, living room and dining area. The full-size kitchen was equipped with everything you would expect to find there – oven, microwave, fridge/freezer, dishwasher and more. Behind a door in the kitchen were laundry facilities. The living area offered two large settees (with seating for five), a coffee table, a large television with a wide selection of channels and a CD player. The large dining table offered seating for six and was set up with place-mats, cutlery and napkins for our arrival.

As you enter the apartment, the master bedroom is to the right and that was also of an excellent size, complete with en-suite shower facilities and a walk-in wardrobe. There was plenty of storage in the room, a large dresser and another television.

At the far end of the apartment was a huge bathroom and two further bedrooms. Both were again of excellent proportions. One of the rooms offered two twin beds, whilst the other other a double. All of the three bedrooms in the apartment offered televisions of varying sizes.

Throughout the apartment were no shortage of cupboards, all holding various surprises, whether it was the many freshly laundered bathroom towels or beach towels, cool boxes, ironing boards and irons, soaps, laundry detergents and more. Many of these were items that more expensive hotels don’t provide, so it was nice to see that the owners were taking good care of us.

Also included in the price were local calls on the telephone and wireless internet access.

The resort itself was nice, modern and clean, and the apartment buildings were arranged in a circle, with the resort pool and hot tub in the middle of the resort, along with the clubhouse. Both the swimming pool and the clubhouse required a keycard for access, which meant that if anybody managed to gain access to the resort, unauthorised persons could not make use of the facilities. The clubhouse and swimming pool could both be access between 6.00am and 11.30pm.

Inside the well-equipped clubhouse was a kitchen area, a compact but adequate gym, a lounge area, a full size pool table and table football (both free), an arcade-style games machine (also free), a TV area and wireless internet access. The rear of the clubhouse opened onto the square pool area, complete with hot tub (in a shady area). The endless supply of sun loungers meant that there was plenty of room for everybody to enjoy some sunny fun by the pool.

My stay here was most enjoyable. The apartment offered exceptional value for money, the facilities were second-to-none and, based on this visit, I doubt I would ever stay in an Orlando hotel again. For considerably less money than a 3-4* hotel in Orlando, you too can enjoy this home from home.

My only recommendation would be that you don’t stay here without access to a hire car, unless you are happy to spend lots of money on taxis. The Orlando attractions are not close by and public transport is not available in the area. The nearest supermarket is Publix and that is approximately 1 mile away. The roads between the resort and the supermarket are not well lit and there are no footpaths to walk on, so it probably isn’t worth walking.

All of the websites that I used kept to their pre-Christmas delivery promises – even when ordering in the last minutes of the last shopping day. And whilst all were very efficient in processing my sale and dispatching my items, the same cannot be said for the returns procedure of one particular online retailer – Play.com.

For my sister, I bought an Archos tablet PC, which we later decided would probably see little use. This iPad-like computer had lots of functions, but she had a netbook, a digital camera and an iPhone, so we decided to return it, get the money, and shop for something else.

Logging into my account on Play.com, the returns process was surprisingly simple. It was just a case of selecting the item from a history of purchases, providing a reason for return and then waiting for a returns authorisation, which would arrive “within 1 working day”. Where a customer simply changes their mind about a purchase, the returns postage is not covered by Play.com, which I think is fair enough. Only where the item is not as described or where there is a fault will the company reimburse you.

After making the returns request on 29 December, I checked my email on the following day – but nothing. Play.com had not contacted me within the 1 working day. I assumed that delays would be inevitable following the busiest time of the year for all retailers, so I decided to give them a couple of days more to contact me.

Two weeks later and still without the all-important returns authorisation, I decided to make contact using the company’s premium rate 0845 number (Incidentally, if you do you ever have the need to contact the company, instead use the cheaper geographic number – 0207 760 3349). After much holding, I was transferred to an offshore call centre, where the worker claimed to “understand” my frustrations and was “sorry” for the inconvenience, albeit in very broken English. No explanation was given for the delay and arrangements were made for the computer to be collected by a courier chosen by the company. The cost of the return (£9.95) was to be deducted from the refund amount.

The package was collected by DPD UK and delivered to Play.com within 24 hours and signed for on the morning of 13 January by a chap known only as Alan.

Another two weeks on and I am still without my refund, still without any contact from the company and still quite frustrated at this tedious process. Another telephone call proves to be a waste of time. I am told that my return has not been received at the warehouse and that nothing can be done until it has been. Despite me insisting that the call centre worker speak with the courier to confirm it had been delivered, she wouldn’t. Instead, she offered to put a trace on the package and to ask that somebody contact me with an update within 24-48 hours. That was 24 hours ago.

So far, the process has taken 28 days, and I am still no closer to getting a refund from the company. Clueless offshore staff prove to be a waste of time, trying to get hold of somebody in the UK who properly understands my frustrations is impossible and the promised “we’ll respond to your email within 1 working day” isn’t exactly guaranteed.

Don’t waste your time or your money with this shoddy company.