Too Many Yeses

Starting now, practice saying no, first.

Starting now, have a few kind ways to say No.  Such as, “Thank you so much for asking!  I’m going to have to decline, but I do thank you.”  (Notice the lack of apology or explanation.  Neither are necessary.)

Starting now, make a list of the activities/ events that you genuinely want to engage in.  What will you need to say No to, in order to fully enjoy your Yeses?

Starting now, make a list of the activities, events, and people you believe you MUST say yes to…the ones that you tell yourself you really have no choice.  Say No to those first!

Starting now, remind yourself that an obligated Yes is no fun for anyone.  Seriously, would you want someone to say Yes to you just because they thought they had no choice, secretly resenting you?  Yuck.

Starting now, make a pact with yourself that you will only say Yes to what you truly want, allowing yourself to fully enjoy the holidays!

Best part:  it’s free!

Best part, part deux:  iPhone App for easy syncing.

Watch the Video!

Breaking through

Check out my feature on Wendy Watkins’s “The Joy Factor” site!

New Genetic Coding

First, the downward spiral

It seems that we humans can so easily see what isn’t working — as if we’re genetically coded to focus on problems. We’re too good at imagining worst case scenarios, habitually wondering, “What if this goes wrong?  What if that goes wrong?”

Of course, we can also imagine best case scenarios

My coaching clients dream and imagine wonderful things for themselves, for their loved ones, and for the planet.  Yet many have a difficult time staying with these positive imaginings.  They find themselves worrying about what negative thing might happen, rather than anticipating what wonderful thing might happen.

What you focus on expands

If you are most often focused on what could go wrong, worrying about the future, then you are feeding your energy to those potential bummer futures.  If, however, you are most focused on what could go right, anticipating a brilliant future, then you are feeding your energy to those optimal brilliant futures.

How do you break the habit of downward spiraling?

Here’s a simple yet powerful tool that can strengthen your imaging muscles AND give you an energy boost  It’s called, “What if…?  UP” and you can use it in a generic way (just to boost your energy and feel good) or in a specific way (about a certain project, relationship, or aspiration).

Here’s how it works:

1. With a Journal or Keyboard, complete the question with something positive; something you’d like to see happen.  For example:

“What if my presentation goes better than I expected?  And, what if my audience likes it so much they ask all sorts of buying signal questions?  What if they are so interested that I make them a great offer that they accept on the spot?  And, what if that “great offer” is even more lucrative for me than the original offer I had in mind?  And, what if they turn out to be my biggest and best client?  And, what if I find working with them is so easy, fulfilling, and exciting?  And, what if I discover how to work fewer hours while generating more revenue?…”

2.  Let your imagination fly. Some of your answers to the question, “What if…?” will be realistic and probable.  Some will be fantastical and that’s good, too, because it helps you stretch your imagination and open to possibilities that you otherwise wouldn’t consider.   The rules of good brainstorming apply here:  no editing, just let it rip.

3.  Use this tool regularly.  Daily.

A few months ago, a client asked for some help setting and attaining goals. She had outgrown the process of using so-called S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, & timely) goals, so I offered her this process instead:

Slowing Down to Get Clear

Step One: Stop. It can seem weird to start with stopping; however, it is important to stop for the purpose of getting grounded in what you want, in what you are about, and in your conviction.   This will come more from your heart than your head.  This will help you harness and focus your energy.  And, if you don’t stop to do this, you run the risk of being scattered and burning out and them bumming out.

Step Two: Listen. Again, a seemingly “slow” activity but one that  is essential to success.  Once grounded, listen to your heart.  What are the goals your heart has for you?  What changes does your heart want you to make?  (Very important to discern your head, ego, and saboteur from your heart.)

Step Three: Feel. Feel the impact of achieving these goals and changes — as if they have already happened.  This will be fuel for the journey.  Let yourself feel the surge of power available in these goals and changes.

Step Four: Ask & Act. So here you are: grounded, clear, feeling  your heart’s desire, fueled by the power of the vision and impact of your goals achieved….now what?  Ask for guidance.  Ask your Higher Self, ask your heart, ask any other inner resources for help and guidance.  Ask your friends, coach, colleagues, neighbors.  Ask God.  Ask Google.  Ask anyone who will hold your interests in mind.  Ask for ideas or steps towards achieving these goals and changes.  Ask for introductions.  Ask for appointments.  Ask for work.  Ask for anything that feels right and true for you.   Then, take action.  Continue tuning into your heart, clarifying your direction, fueling with the energy of your future, asking for help, and acting.

A Taste of Mindfulness by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Have you ever had the experience of stopping so completely,

of being in your body so completely,

of being in your life so completely,

that what you knew and what you didn’t know,

that what had been and what was yet to come,

and the way things are right now,

no longer held even the slightest hint of anxiety or discord,

a moment of complete presence beyond striving,

beyond mere acceptance,

beyond the desire to escape or fix anything or plunge ahead,

a moment of pure being,

no longer in time,

a moment of pure seeing,

pure feeling,

a moment in which life simply is,

and that is-ness grabs you by all your senses,

all your memories, by your very genes,

by your loves,

and welcomes you home,

that is a taste of mindfulness.

Just Try Harder

I love this quote by Victoria Castle:

If struggling were the way to get there, we’d all be there by now.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the way many of us approach work.  Often, suffering and struggling is so much a part of the everyday experience that it goes unnoticed and unchallenged.  We can automatically and unconsciously believe the lies that say if we just try harder, work longer, suffer enough,….then it HAS to pay off….doesn’t it?  We like to call it “work ethic”.  Seems more like “carrot and stick”.

[Years ago I had a coach who suggested I take a baseball cap, cut a hole in the bill, loop a string through it, tie a carrot to the end of the string, and wear it as I go about doing my work!  The suggestion alone was enough to get my attention and to have me look more closely at my underlying beliefs and cultural attitudes toward work and success.]

Naturally there is a place for hard work that challenges us to grow ourselves and our businesses in positive directions.  But hard work doesn’t have to include suffering and struggling.  Instead, it can be filled with joy, delight, and love.  Rather than draining and degrading, it can be satisfying, energizing and esteem-building.  Hard work can feel good.  Struggling has never felt good to me.

BTW, you’ve probably noticed that struggling isn’t reserved exclusively for work. We can bring it on vacation, to relationships, to parties, etc.  It can become a way of life.  Here’s the bottom line:  It’s a choice.

So here are some questions to consider:

• Are you willing to let go of struggling?
• If so, what will you do instead?
• How will that change your experience of work?

I’ve been thinking about “permission” lately.  I see so many people (myself included) NOT grant permission to freely do what they really want in life.  I’m talking about big and small things alike.  Big as in career, relationships, and health.  Small as in what does or doesn’t go on the do-to list, in the calendar, etc..  So, I’m challenging myself to a bold experiment:  For the next 6 days, I am only doing what I really want to do — following my heart’s desire.

No blackmailing myself with SHOULDs, HAVE TOs, or WHO DO YOU THINK YOU AREs! No justifying, asking for approval, or permission from anyone outside of myself.  No apologizing for doing what brings me joy.   I’m talking about real freedom to choose moment to moment.  And, if/when I judge myself for being frivolous, indulgent, etc., I promise to lovingly bring myself back to center.

I’ll blog about what I learn….that is, only if I really want to do so!