Regrets, I have a few …….. Not many, life’s for learning and mistakes are growth gifts. I’m proud of my Phd in life’s lessons!
What’s your regret? Here’s six of mine:

Waiting for a white knight to save me… For way too long, before donning my own shining armour. More women than ever are becoming their own heroes, changing our life trajectory and finding ourselves to be far more capable than we had dared believe.

For decades not trusting myself. Now I back myself every step of the way. When it comes to making big decisions, stop self doubt. Instead focus on the evidence of your past and take the leap – often terrified – the net will appear.

Being a serial monogamist. I tolerated relationships, even if they weren’t right, because I was scared of being alone. A decade single has quashed all such fears and now I’m actually more concerned about being limited by a fella! Dare to do it solo, don’t be tempted to stay stuck out of fear!

Never learning to ski, next lifetime! In my fantasies I am whizzing down a side of a mountain in Whistler, wearing uber cool white and face stripes a la Vogue!

Not looking after my knees, jeez, I wish I’d listened! A lifetime of killer heels, dancing and prancing take their toll.

Not realising that I was never going to be younger, or more fabulous, than in that very moment. Instead finding things to pick holes in. Whether it was being too short, too curly, too muscly …. I wasted being ‘good enough’ through a magnifying glass of expected perfection.

Having said all of that, I can honestly say ‘regrets, I have a few, but then again too few to mention.’

Thank you Frank, here’s to doing it our way! #ididitmyway

The Final Taboo

In a recent survey of 2000 mothers, over 200 admitted to being estranged from one or more of their children. Most of whom feel broken, with their lives on hold. There’s nowhere to mourn, nobody to talk to – who could understand the vicious cycle of self blame and the heart wrenching devastation of a mother grieving the loss of a living child?

Whilst I’m a great advocator for undoing the damage of the past by reparenting ourselves, connecting to our inner child with loving kindness. Distancing from a toxic parent is hard but for some it’s a prerequisite to growth and healing. AKA Adult Orphans – who’s parents are an unhealthy and destructive influence.

This is the other side of that coin.
When children grow into cruel, narcissistic, uncaring and abusive adults.

I’m not often shocked but this 10% stat threw me, I discovered many cases of narcissistic abuse from the adult child, leaving the mother with the pain of loss and shame – after all she must have done something awfully wrong, right? Well, actually no. Children being brainwashed by the ex – or their partner – is all too common. There are swathes of heartbroken women, afraid to go out because the pain of seeing happy families is just too much.

Grief is a natural healing process, it can also be devastating, debilitating and dark. Sometimes the pain engulfs, whilst purifying the heart, it leaves us weak, diminished and unable to function. Walking around, hunched shoulders, heart bleeding, all consuming.

There are support networks for grieving mothers of living children. If you are one of the silent ten percent, please don’t dread special occasions and suffer alone, there’s a world of support, no judgement, waiting for you (see links below).

Nobody should hurt without help. Especially a mother who’s done her best to be loving, kind and understanding – accepting abuse after abuse, until she cannot take another kicking.

Please share this post with any mother you know suffering from Adult Child Estrangement, it’s time for us to change the narrative, with love.

Links:

Parents Grieving for Living Children
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1587800064851740/?multi_permalinks=2497725833859154&notif_id=1598462272712961&notif_t=group_highlights&ref=notif

Adult Child Loss
https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/adultchildloss/

Stand Alone
www.standalone.org.uk

Remembering who we used to be – and how it feels – is the fastest motivation to getting back to basics, owning our shit and upgrading.

As we hurtle towards September, we’re going up a class – for some, entering a big new school!

Tread gently, healing is never linear, nor easy … but it is always worth it!

Surrender, it’s okay, it really is, to be blah. This way you’re not beating yourself up, or signing on for a downward slide of self annihilation.

So often a few blah days are exacerbated, turned into a period of down, by the way we speak to ourselves.

Take practical action, if you’ve been really tired, get some early nights… it’s okay, the rock n roll will wait for you to regain your wah!

Now ask yourself ‘What do I need to do to address this issue?’ For me last week it meant cancelling my PT sessions, I’m physically out of whack, whereas once upon a time I would have berated myself for being lazy, now I value self caring. Whoa, growth alert! For years I would push myself way further than was healthy or okay, now I’m feeling super proud of my self care even at times of sadversity – which of course is when we need it most but often use it least!

Now stage three ……. A mood shift! If you woke up today feeling fifty shades of crap, tired and ungrateful for the great stuff in your life (and that’s okay too, you are human right?) But it’s not ok to feed that state – I got up early, straight out of bed, into the car, roof down, wind in my hair and some good old 90’s R&B to perk me up. I admit I drove fast, hopefully avoiding a ticket, there’a something magical about feeling the early morning sunshine on my face, seeing the blue skies whizz by, whilst grooving to a little Notorious BIG before the rest of the world shifts its morning bum!

Singing and car dancing, that’s my kinda heaven! It may not be yours but go find an easily accessible mood shift to start your day. Once you’ve taken the important actions of awareness, allow, action and surrender with intent – all whilst speaking nicely to yourself. Maybe picking a few wild flowers, playing with a puppy, waking barefoot on the earth, a little sitting room salsa or belting out It’s Not Unusual in the shower Tom Jones stylie… learn your best ways of clearing out the cobwebs.

It’s hard not to fall in love with life when you’re doing what you love. I still feel physically under par but I have stopped Googling ailments and scaring myself to death, instead I have taken control, contacted experts to help me back on track. I’ve taken action to change my mood, honour where I am and of course taken the steps to make the shift my body needs. Thanks Blah for waking me up, I was bobbing along with my head in the sand, not any longer!

Here’s to our blah days and the motivation to make the changes we need in our life!
Be blessed, love your blah!

Today new portals open, expect spiritual upgrades, superpowers and insights! If you’re not sure whether you’re in the zone, look out for tell-tale double numbers, these are the universes way of letting you know you’re connected!

As always of course, don’t believe a word I say, simply go play and explore yourself, I am always thrilled to be shining the light on your unique pathway!

2020 says It’s time to stand in your full power, tune in consciously, embody the highest version of yourself and express your hearts desires with clear declaration. Be bold, commit to living with love, heart led with gratitude and compassion for yourself and those around you. Stop the negative self chatter and embrace your beauty from within. This magnetic time is asking for you to align with your hearts desires. Dream big baby, align and as always, expect miracles. Creativity and manifestation are yours for the taking…. plug in, power up and enjoy!

The really great thing about this is that you don’t need to believe, simply be open and curious. The Universe will do the rest, with me as your guide should you require a helping hand in connecting to the spiritual power that is your birth right!

Subscribe to my You Tube Chanel – www.youtube.com/user/michellezelli for new tools, habits and rituals carefully designed to take into your everyday.

1. Take control of what you say to yourself. Pay close attention and change the dialogue to ensure you raise yourself up to the roof. After all, if you don’t big yourself up, who else is going to do it?
2. Congratulate yourself for every step you take in the direction of being the person you’re proud to be. No matter how small, praise equals raise!
3. Take up a new hobby and feel good as you master a new skill. Notice every win.
4. Focus on the things you love about yourself. Your really good bits. Physically, emotionally … out and in!
5. Stop hanging out with people who make you feel hard to love, or people who make little effort.
6. Focus on connections with the people who value and accept you…. Exactly as you are.
7. Every night write down three ways in which you’ve impressed yourself. You don’t have to have changed the world, just behaved in a way you’re proud of.
8. Date at eye level and take note of the red flags. No down dating to get attention and affection. We date at the level of our self esteem. Check out your back catalogue of ex’s you’ll see what I mean!
9. Do more of what you love, the stuff that lights you up. What you love, you’re also likely to be good at. Recognising what you’re good at builds inner self esteem.
10 Take control of your life. Own your decisions and create a journey you love. Being master – or mistress – of your own destiny is a mighty powerful self esteem elixir!
11 Enjoy life, allow the joy to radiate, relax and have fun too. Life’s for living, suffering is optional.
12. Do you, the real you – don’t be blindsided by social media faking. People don’t post their fails or derails, just their highs and lies!

#selfworth #selflove #selfhelp #takeaction #ownyourlife #coachingtips

Is it important that everyone likes you? If someone points out a mistake you’ve made, do you feel degraded? Do you seek validation from others, on social media, or in relationships? Do you create drama and intensity to be interesting? Do you not like yourself? Do you lack the confidence that you’ve done a great job unless someone else says so?

Most of us have work to do, building a strong, internal self esteem core. How many of these signs of low self esteem describe you?

Tomorrow I’ll post tips on how to upgrade but as all change starts with awareness and a nice, big fat “Why?” … Today please muse over your self esteem levels and how it impacts your life.

Self esteem dictates how you feel about yourself in every situation, the quality of the friends and lovers you choose and the way you handle life’s curve balls. Without healthy self esteem life is a struggle, constantly looking over our shoulders, unfavourably comparing ourself with others. We tend to dismiss wins and achievements but focus on what we didn’t do perfectly or what others may think.

We date at the level of our honest self esteem, a history of dating below eye level, is a sure sign.

The internal world of a person with low self esteem is often hostile and harsh. How do I know? I was that woman for decades. When I learned there was another way to be, I grabbed the lesson with both hands, held on tight and never looked back.

If you envy people with confidence, firstly don’t believe everything you see, a lot of people out there are faking it! Secondly, what are you prepared to do to change?