I’m sick of this “helicopter parent” label. Aren’t you?

Some parents are too involved in their children’s lives. The dad who pesters the coach to put his kid on the team comes to mind. The mom who insists that her daughter be invited to the birthday party is also overreaching. And don’t even get me started about the parent who harasses the camp because her child isn’t in the day’s photo shoot.

Reconnaissance or Rescue?

But for those of us who don’t swoop in so low, the helicopter pejorative gets tiresome, even feels insulting. Society expects more of parents than ever before. My mother and father rarely scheduled playdates, helped with homework or drove me to school  – three jobs my husband and I have routinely done. And never mind us. Many single moms working fulltime are doing the same. Should we lecture them about overparenting or just applaud?

Also, what looks like hovering is often a legitimate rescue operation. “Wear that bike helmet!” “Get off that trampoline!” It can all sound excessive, especially to an older generation that never worried about such things. But more parental involvement has saved a lot of lives. As an article titled “Score One for the Helicopter Parents,” noted, the death rate for children from accidents has dropped nearly 30 percent in the last decade.

Mixed Messages

In addition, the message to parents often feels so mixed. Teachers, experts and coaches tell us not to do too much, yet expect intensive involvement. Consider the modern mom and dad’s responsibilities:

• Help with Homework: Drill those math facts! Be sure that printer has ink, that art supplies are  stocked and that the math binder has the right number of pockets. You are your child’s first teacher! But step back when your youngster is given four hours of homework to complete in the two hours after dinner.

• Get Your Child Involved in Sports: Have him on the field, in any part of the state, at any hour – all subject to last-minute change. (Helicopter? Harumph. How about a plane?) Buy expensive sports equipment. When they grow, buy it again. But please, in your free time – get a life!

• Restrict Your Child’s Internet Use: However, make sure they have access to a computer and the Web for homework. (We had to buy our children laptops in fourth grade – ca-ching!) Keep your child off Facebook, but don’t miss activity updates there. When your kids are online, track and control them with software. When they get phones, read their texts. But do not hover!

And on it goes. In an attempt to do it all – but not too much – it’s surprising that more copters don’t crash.

Left in the Dust

So forgive me if the latest debate on helicopter parenting doesn’t resonate. I’m doing my best, without any piloting experience at all. I hate helicopters, having nearly crashed in a Russian hand-me-down while reporting in Nicaragua. (The same copter later exploded in flames.) Dependant on a single propeller, helicopters are dangerous, slow and deafeningly loud.

Instead, if you find me suspended in the air, have a little sympathy.

I’m probably hanging by a wing and a prayer, vision obscured by a little rocket that has left me in the dust.

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Do you get conflicting messages about how involved to be as a parent? Where do you draw the line? Share by commenting below!

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Photo Credit © Brett Lamb/Dreamstime.com

This year’s school schedule will either make me a morning person or kill me.

What is it with schools? The older kids get, the earlier they start, despite teen biorhythms to the contrary, not to mention mom’s.

Preschool started at 9. Elementary school began at 8:15. I now have seventh and ninth graders starting class at 7:45. My teen has to be at school at 6:30 tomorrow morning.

I’m feel like the frog immersed in water where the heat is slowly ratcheted up until he is boiling or, in this case, driving to school in the dark.

Zombie Mom

I shouldn’t complain. One friend is rising at 4:50 to get her son to high school. However, she is almost 20 years younger than me. Menopause madness isn’t keeping her up at night.

Also, I don’t have to drive every morning. My husband and another carpool mom help. For years, the bedrock of my marriage has been the fact that my husband drives more mornings while I drive more late in the day. (Driving around South Beach in my fifties for late night pickups I sometimes wonder: how did I get here?)

But this year, we’re getting hit on both ends. With the girls on different campuses, I have to drive some mornings. I also volunteered to help with school parenting meetings that start, naturally, at 7:45. (Great opportunity except for the hour.) Both daughters are now getting invited to parties that end late. The latest invitation’s pickup time is midnight. Breathe in, breath out. Stay awake. Drive.

So the game is up. I need to become a morning person. Or a round-the-clock person. Or a zombie. I’m not sure which.

Hope Ahead

The future might look bleak except for some numbered parking spaces I noticed yesterday at the high school.

“What are those?” I asked the attendant.

“They’re for student parking,” he said.

Student parking – what a concept! My older daughter is only 14. We have a few years to go before she drives, not to mention the lack of a spare car.

But there could be a light at the end of this tunnel.

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Are you a lark or an owl? How does it affect your life as a parent? Please share by commenting below!

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Many of us midlife moms spent years on our own before having families.

We had plenty of time alone, sometimes too much. Did I really spend all those hours sipping cappuccino in cafes?

Now as rare as gold, even the most mundane solo ventures feel memorable.

Below is a brief description of one from two years ago. About to embark again, I’m wondering if I should skip the cheese and baguette this time. Probably not. Some rituals are too sacred to tamper with. . .

Taking a Time-Out

After the mad mommy month of May, it’s finally June and I’m about to make my great escape.

Here’s the plan.

Saturday, after dropping my daughter at camp in North Carolina and exploring the local area enough to say I did it, I will go the Green Market and buy one crusty baguette and a big slab of muenster cheese.

These items are crucial to my plan. I only eat them when I am away alone and can justify them as cheap, French-style, on-the-road eats. I’ll also buy some fruit.

Then I’ll head back to the Hampton Inn. Okay, it’s not the Ritz. But I love the Hampton Inn. Why? Because I love the Hampton Inn’s bedding.

Alone, I’ll bathe, savoring complete and uninterrupted access to the toiletries I fought my daughter for the night before.

After the bath, I’ll put my feet up and pop “It’s Complicated” into my laptop.

For a good two hours, I’ll eat more muenster cheese than I’ve eaten since I dropped my daughter at camp and watched “Frost v. Nixon” a year ago.

I’ll pretend that I have the Meryl Streep character’s gourmet cooking skills. I’ll imagine life in her kitchen, mornings in her sleepwear. I’ll fantasize that I, too, could run a bakery and never get fat.

Will I feel guilty about the cheese and baguette? No.

Alone Again Naturally

For I once visited New York. I went to a conference. I saw a friend. I walked in Central Park.

But what I remember best is the baguette, cheese and incredible olives from Fairway Market that I ate – feet on the table, book in my lap – in the hotel room all by myself.

This is the stuff some mommy memories are made of.

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Is there a special time you spend alone as a mom? What do you do? What would you like to do? Please share by commenting below!

***

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Illustration © Pichayasri/Dreamstime.com

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Some mother-in-laws are made in hell. Mine was made in heaven.

She recently passed away at 85, giving me a chance to reflect on her legacy. Below is my eulogy for Elaine Blatt Artoe. May her wisdom benefit you too!

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I first met Elaine when her daughter Beth and I became friends in high school. Later, I married her son Bill and she became my mother-in-law and then grandmother to our two girls.

So mourning our loss, I often recall the things Elaine taught me about being a parent. Today I’d like to share 5 lessons from a stylish lady with a lot of smarts.

1. It is Small Stuff

One day Elaine walked into the room where I was playing with our toddler, Jessica. I was agonizing over whether Jessica needed a nap.

Actually, I was struggling with the whole nap thing. If we skipped the nap, would Jessica cry later? Was it time to end the nap? Is there life beyond the nap?

My mother-in-law said, “None of it will matter in 40 years,” then shrugged and left the room.

That was classic Elaine. Those fancy feathers didn’t ruffle easily. She was always calm and had the one thing I lacked as a new parent: perspective.

It’s one reason her presence was so steadying. Elaine didn’t sweat the small stuff, and as a result, she helped me focus on what mattered.

2. You Can Parent Different Children Well

My husband and sister-in-law are opposites. Beth is an extrovert – fast, witty and gifted in the arts. Bill is an introvert – slow, analytical and a professor of tax law.

As Beth once said, “My brother is an oil well and I am an oil spill.”

It’s not easy to manage an oil well and an oil spill in the same house. What works for one child can be wrong for the other. Children can get locked into roles.

The smart one. The gifted one. The easy one. The hard one.

But this wasn’t a problem for Elaine because she accepted each of her children for who they were. She encouraged them to bloom and grow in their separate directions, even when it meant moving far from home.

And so she leaves a great legacy with Bill and Beth: two remarkable people who are pursuing their different passions with purpose. Bravo Elaine, you did a great job.

3. Involvement Counts

When I married Bill, I assumed that he’d come to his smarts naturally. Elaine had been a brilliant student, the only woman in her 1951 law school class at Northwestern.

Then I learned that Bill’s talents had not always been on display.

Bill liked to come home from high school, watch TV and eat cookies. He had trouble finishing his term papers.

“He never knew when to stop researching,” Elaine complained years later.

But as my husband recalls, “Mom and I were a team.”

Every night they tackled his hardest assignments together. Advanced math in high school almost killed them both. But Elaine never left the trenches no matter how hard it got.

So what happened? The boy who could not start writing his term papers went to Harvard Law School. He’s now a professor who loves his job. Most nights, though, you can find him helping with homework.

The torch is passed. Thank you Elaine.

4. It’s Not About Quality Time

There’s a lot of talk about spending quality time with your kids.

Invent a game! Fly to Disney World! The idea is that if time with your children is meaningful, less of it is okay.

Well, Elaine didn’t do quality time. She just did time and a lot of it.

Elaine visited us often. And when she landed she boarded the family train and shared the ride, even when it got tedious.

She read endless bedtime stories to our girls. She spent days at the kids’ park. If Bill had to work in his office, she read a book there – all afternoon.

And that’s why I feel like some great foundation has been pulled out from under us. Regular visits. Sunday phone calls. Birthday cards every year.

The best kind of love is predictable and present.

In an age of Hallmark moments, Elaine understood the simple value of being together. Her presence made all of us feel more secure.

5. Wear Lipstick and Carry a Great Purse

About the time Elaine visited to see her first grandchild, my daughter Isabelle, I was facing that question new moms confront with the first baby: should I ever change my clothes again?

We weren’t going out. I could wear sweats all day. And why bother with makeup or jewelry?

So I didn’t. Then Elaine arrived. She was wearing a smashing jacket, an armful of sparkling bracelets and two huge rings. And she wasn’t going anywhere either.

I went back to my room. I put on makeup, earrings and a new shirt. I threw a lipstick in the diaper-changing bag. And I’ve been wearing it ever since.

It’s easy to lose part of yourself as a woman when you become a mother. Elaine never did. She helped remind me that a little pizazz is worth preserving – even just for yourself.

Maybe especially for yourself.

And Something Else

This brings me, finally, to a story.

For Christmas we gave my mother-in-law a Kindle. Setting it up, I asked Beth what Elaine’s Amazon password was.

“Wild Ones,” she answered.

“Wild Ones?!”

I didn’t know the wild one. I knew the devoted mother and grandmother, the mother-in-law whose love never wavered.

But then I thought about it: the big cruises, the big rings, the big husbands – her second, Lee, a former offensive tackle for the Chicago Bears.

I recalled the five books I loaded into the Kindle for Elaine – all mystery and detective stories, and that class picture from Northwestern Law School – with one female face staring out from a sea of men.

And it made sense.

Because in a life well-lived – an expansive life where you play many roles – a woman is many things. And if she’s smart, she keeps a little something to herself.

***

Has an older woman provided you with valuable parenting or life lessons? Please share by commenting below!

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Photo Credits © Jennifer Hull, official family photographer

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Need guidance on becoming a midlife mom? Advice on conceiving and giving birth after age 35 or 40?

Check out InSeason Mom, Cynthia Wilson James’ wonderful resource for midlife mothers.

Cynthia is a former childbirth educator whose own story is inspirational. Marrying for the first time at 40, she conceived without fertility treatments and gave birth to two healthy daughters at 42 and 44. Here’s to late bloomers!

Her articles are so supportive and positive. You’ll feel good just reading them. And you’ll also find helpful resources on Cynthia’s site, including her special coaching programs.

This month, you’ll also find me!

I’m pleased to be the featured InSeason Mom for March. (It sure beats being out of season!)

If you’ve got the infertility blues, check out our interview. My story is a reminder of how quickly your luck can change, often when you least expect it. Sometimes you really can win the fertility game – even get your money back.

The other featured moms’ interviews are great too and reminded me that I’m far from alone in this special midlife journey.

See you at InSeason Mom!

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Photo Credit © Monika Adamczyk/Dreamstime.com

Moms often complain that they don’t have enough time. But this isn’t true. We have a lot of a certain kind of time that we often don’t use very well.

It’s called waiting time.

Waiting on the dentist or orthodontist. Waiting for the practice to end or the game to start. As time passes, it’s easy to go brain-dead, surfing the smartphone or watching Nickelodeon on the pediatrician’s TV. (Don’t you feel like an idiot when you watch these blaring TVs?)

But recently I realized that this default mode leaves me unhappy. After an hour spent aimlessly surfing the internet while waiting for my 11-year-old at ballet, I felt ornery. That tiresome refrain rang in my mommy mind, “Woe is me. I didn’t get anything done.”

So I started trying to make the most of waiting time. The following strategies have improved my productivity or at least boosted my mood.

Great Ways to Wait

• Connect to Parents: Why talk on the cell when you can speak to someone live? Waiting rooms are a good place to meet other moms and get advice. At the orthodontist’s, I learned that Whole Foods has great soups to feed a child struggling with new braces. Loved that chicken noodle. Thanks Camille!

• Work: Reading something on paper in a new environment often provides a fresh take, allowing you to catch errors that didn’t surface on the office computer. Print out that business letter and review it at the dentist’s office while junior is having his pearly whites cleaned. Or review the boss’s latest strategic plan. The holes will quickly appear.

• Be Together: Don’t check email while waiting with your child. Connect! Peruse a magazine together. Poke fun at the TV show you can’t escape. When my children were younger, we played tic-tac-toe on a notepad I carried in my purse. Now I let my teen teach me new tricks on the smartphone. It’s humbling but fun.

• Read Blogs: Blogs cover every subject imaginable and their posts are free. Visit your favorites on the internet or have their latest posts ready by downloading a blog reader app to your phone. Once the app is installed, subscribe to blogs you like by clicking on their orange RSS feed buttons. Updates will then appear on your phone reader. (The RSS feed for MidAge Mom is on the upper right by the Twitter and Facebook buttons.)

• Exercise: Sitting for long periods is deadly. Move! I now do squats in a corner of the ballet waiting room. (Dance moms think this is normal.) The orthodontist’s office works for isometrics. We should all be doing kegels everywhere, all the time. Afraid I’m behind on that one. How about you?

• Research: Surf the internet but with a mission. Find a great new recipe. Price a trip. Investigate a workshop. Or go ahead – pursue that dream purchase. You can find me on B & H Photo, lusting after the Nikon D7000.

• Dream: One smart mom I know keeps her goals on her iPhone’s notes app to check during waiting time. This keeps her focused on the big picture. (She’s a life coach, so she knows how to stay on track.) Surely this beats telling yourself you don’t have time to be where you are. And I’d rather dream big than dwell on the orthodontist’s bill.

• Refresh: Often what we really need is to stare out of the window and do nothing. I feel so much better when I give myself permission to relax while waiting rather than trying to squeeze another task out of my tired brain. Breathe in. Breathe out. Try this great three-minute mindfulness meditation. Unwinding is doing something.

How Do You Wait?

I’d love to know how you use this time. Any phone apps you like? Any brain-dead habits you’d like to give up? Please comment below!

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Photo Credit © Bonita Cheshier/Dreamstime.com

And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.

-Simon and Garfunkel

The other day I needed to have a big cry – the kind that leaves your nose red and eyes swollen. My mother-in-law, who is 85, is gravely ill in Chicago. We’d just gotten more bad news about her condition.

But could I get it in while the kids were asleep?

It’s a dilemma familiar to many midlife moms, who often face losing the older generation while the younger one is still at home. You need to cry – wail, really – but don’t want to do it around the kids. Then when you’re alone, you’re not in the mood.

Gosh, this is almost as hard as finding time to have sex.

Timing Tears with Small Children

We need to cry. It can be good for your health, even lower blood pressure. Every mom knows how quickly a big wail can heal a child’s boo-boos. I’ve always told my daughters that there’s nothing wrong with crying.

Yet I haven’t shed many tears in front of them. (This does not count crying over sad animal stories on TV. They know I’m a sap, but that’s different.) In the past, it just hasn’t felt right or necessary.

My children were two and five when my father died. They didn’t know him well. For them the hard part was getting a handle on death. If it could happen to Grandpa, what about Mom and Dad?

Sobbing didn’t seem wise in that situation. So I stayed strong, assuring them that Grandpa Mo was fine, eating ice cream in heaven. (This made perfect sense to us and made me feel better too.) Then I tried to cry after they went to bed, though more often I sniffled over sad songs on the way to the school pickup.

Pass the Kleenex

But what suits one stage doesn’t suit another. Now 11 and 14, my girls are old enough to deal with reality. And unlike before, they know this grandparent well. So I’ve kept them informed of Grandma’s condition, which has deteriorated rapidly since she visited us over the holidays (a miracle visit if there ever was one.) When my tsunami of tears hit the other day, it felt right to let them roll, not just for me but for them.

So I sobbed. I wailed. I let it all hang out. They weren’t in the room but knew what had happened when I emerged eyes swollen and blubbery. “We all get to have the feelings we have around here,” I explained. “I’m sad. I love her too.”

You forget sometimes as a mom how great a good cry can be. My sobfest left me feeling more grounded and accepting of our impending loss. The girls took it in stride. So often the things you think will ruffle kids don’t.

And maybe it will even prove beneficial. By expressing my feelings first, perhaps I’ve made it easier for my daughters to deal with theirs when reality hits and Grandma passes away. There’s something to be said for seeing mom cry and then feel better.

There will be more tears in the days to come. That is how it should be. Grieving is a process we need to go through.

As long as I don’t enter the middle school with mascara running down my face, it will be okay.

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Do you cry in front of your children? How have you helped them deal with the loss of a grandparent or loved one? Please comment below.

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Many of us midlife moms spend too much time on our butts. Sitting at the computer, driving kids, watching the game – we’re far too sedentary.

Studies find people who sit a lot at greater risk for heart disease, various cancers, obesity and other problems. They also have a higher death risk – even if they exercise often. And if you have hip or leg issues like me, prolonged sitting is terrible.

To address those problems, I recently bought a sit-stand desk. Talk about a great lifestyle change! Few purchases have been more beneficial.

Getting Off My Butt

I considered buying a standing desk for years. However, standing for long periods wasn’t appealing either. (Ask your hairdresser about her feet.) Some people log miles on treadmill desks. I couldn’t imagine walking, typing and sipping coffee.

Then a hip injury forced me off my butt.

First I tried a homemade setup, and this may work for you. My daughter had a lap desk 13 inches tall. Placed on my regular desk, it was the perfect height to support my laptop and allow me to work standing.

Normally, though, I work sitting at a computer table with my laptop plugged into an ergonomic keyboard and a 30-inch display. Standing to work on the laptop meant unplugging the keyboard and monitor and resizing windows, a tedious process. And working on the laptop keyboard hurt my arms. (Using the Kinesis Advantage Keyboard eliminated my tendonitis years ago.)

The experiment did make clear, though, that an ideal setup would encourage switching from sitting to standing often. We’re so used to working in one position. What we really need is to keep moving.

That meant looking for a desk that would go up and down easily and support my laptop, monitor and keyboard, allowing me to change position without rejiggering devices.

Shopping for an Adjustable-Height Desk

Sit-stand desks come in a variety of shapes and sizes. At 39 by 31 inches, the desk I bought supports all my equipment but is small enough to fit in the corner between my two regular desks. Electric, it goes from sitting to standing or stops at any height in between with the push of a button.

Presto! I just changed position again while writing this. Interested?

Here are tips for buying a sit-stand desk:

• Buy One that Rises Easily: You’re not going to stand if it takes two people to adjust the desk or involves laborious cranking. Consider an electric desk that rises with the push of a button.

• Research on YouTube: Videos show how these desks are constructed and how easily they adjust. YouTube is also a good source for information on building your own desk.

• Beware Return Charges: Some companies sock it to you on returns. Check the fine print and look for a reasonable policy.

• Check Durability: You don’t want to put expensive computer equipment on something that’s going to collapse. My desk is called “light duty” but it’s incredibly solid with a lifting capacity of 154 pounds.

• Consider the Vendor: Some sellers seem to be targeting large corporate buyers; their websites were Greek to me. In other cases, it wasn’t clear how the desk worked. Keep looking. There are better sources out there.

Getting Set Up

I bought my desk from Ergo Depot and was really happy. The desk cost $677 with the pricier veneer and shipped for free, making it less expensive than many other electric desks. The company has a good return policy, clear website and helpful customer service. It was one of the few vendors that offered a small electric desk.

But beware of assembling this piece of furniture yourself. Some guy on the Internet said he assembled my model in 45 minutes. Ha! It took me the whole day, partly because the base is heavy. I also got stuck in one part of the instructions.

My husband isn’t handy, and I have a stubborn do-it-yourself streak. I assembled my daughter’s entire loft bed by myself. (Five boxes. One near nervous breakdown. Such pride on completion!) However, this may be my last such project. For get this – I put the wooden top of the desk on upside down! No wonder it was so hard to screw in.

“You always mess up something. But it works out,” said the man who stepped over Ikea bookshelf parts on our first date. Gee, thanks honey!

Ah, well. The desk still works beautifully, is solid as a rock and has allowed me to write despite hip problems. Standing has been far more enjoyable than expected. And switching between sitting and standing is energizing.

Next Up: A Funky Chair

Stay tuned. Soon I’ll have even more positions to work in. The HAG Capisco chair I ordered from Ergo Depot is strange looking but amazingly versatile. With straight arms and a saddle seat, it allows you to sit, stand, perch semi-standing or turn the whole thing around and sit leaning forward. I’ll let you know whether it’s a boon or a bust.

Do you use a standing or adjustable-height desk? Any brands or home setups you’d recommend? Please comment below!

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P.S. The orchid by the desk is from my mother-in-law. Thanks Elaine!

New York Magazine’s recent cover is causing a stir. And for good reason: it’s a Photoshop nightmare.

The cover article is on parents over 50 having children. But the famous Vanity Fair photo of Demi Moore pregnant features the head of a woman who looks at least 65. Yikes!

But isn’t it ironic?

The cover article is called “Parents of a Certain Age: Is there anything wrong with being 53 and pregnant?”

Maybe New York Magazine should have directed that question to the woman who shot the original Demi Moore cover in 1991, portrait photographer Annie Leibovitz.

A Real 50-Plus Mom

Leibovitz had her first child at 51 and twins by a surrogate mother a few years later. The country’s most famous photographer, she is now a mom in her sixties with children in elementary school.

But she sure looks younger than the supposedly fifty-something woman on New York Magazine’s cover.

When I heard Annie Leibovitz speak a few years ago, she was thriving as a late-in-life mom. In an aside, she even noted that she got along surprisingly well with the younger mothers at the school. Family is clearly important to Leibovitz, even though she waited to start her own.

Then again, it’s probably good she didn’t have kids when she was hanging out with Mick, Keith and the rest of The Rolling Stones, right?

Let’s Do Better

Motherhood after 50 is a serious topic worth exploring. But let’s not caricature these moms and make them look older than they are. Shame on you New York Magazine for your distorted cover.

Real women are so much more interesting.

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Any thoughts on New York Magazine’s cover? On having kids after 50? Please comment here!

Want to learn more about Annie Leibovitz?

A Photographer’s Life: 1990-2005 includes her portraits of well-known figures such as Nicole Kidman and Nelson Mandela. Highly personal, the book also documents Leibovitz’s relationship with writer Susan Sontag and the photographer’s extended family. Leibovitz is even featured nude and pregnant at 51 in her own echo of the Demi Moore cover .

But, of course, the head and the body match.

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Photo of Leibovitz © Marc Silber/Silberstudios.com

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No wonder the menopause transition drives women nuts.

It’s not just the symptoms, though these can be a royal pain.

It’s that some of them make you think you’re dying.

This is especially true when you’re experiencing ills not commonly associated with this stage of life.

Beyond Hot Flashes

When most people think of menopause and perimenopause, they think of hot flashes. But hormonal changes affect women very differently. I’ve hit menopause but have yet to experience a hot flash. And I’m not alone.

I do have tingling, itching, leg pain and recently spilled my glass of water five times within two days.

At least with hot flashes the cause is clear. Women with less common conditions find themselves speculating about major diseases. The other night, I started worrying about Parkinson’s. I don’t know if tingling is even related to Parkinson’s. But 2 a.m. is a great time for replaying the family diseases.

There’s nothing like uncertainty to get the monkey mind going, especially the mama monkey mind. You know how it goes, dear midlife moms. Mystery symptoms set in, then panic. “Oh, no!” you think. “I can’t have a major disease! I have to get my kids through school!”

Misery Loves Company

I would have gone bonkers months ago were it not for the Internet.

Luckily, if you google many symptoms along with the word “menopause” or “perimenopause” you often find scores of hormone-crazed women complaining about the same thing. Oh, the relief of discovering all those other change-of-life ladies with leg pains! I love you all!

Indeed, a little research makes it clear that almost anything can be hormone related.

Tingly? Many women feel tingly during these years.  Some also experience a strange creepy crawly sensation on the skin. Heart pounding? Some menopausal women suffer palpitations so severe that they end up in the emergency room. Anxious? Panic attacks are also associated with plummeting hormones. The same goes for dizziness.

And if you couldn’t remember  names at the recent school function, don’t worry. Hormone changes, rather than early Alzheimer’s, are probably to blame according to Menopause and the Mind, which provides advice for dealing with brain fog.

Check this list of 34 menopause symptoms and you begin to wonder what isn’t affected by perimenopause and menopause.

Don’t Worry Be Happy

But maybe that’s okay. There’s no guarantee, and one shouldn’t ignore serious symptoms. Middle-aged women do have heart attacks. Yet assuming that some of these afflictions are hormone related – what a relief! Who cares about tingling as long as I make it to the high school graduation!

Most menopausal symptoms pass. That means this itchy, anxious, creepy crawly stage of life is probably just a phase. And we moms are good at dealing with tough phases.

The other day, after reading about women dropping things on one menopause forum, I sat back and relaxed. Suddenly a mantra from another difficult passage came to mind – that time when two toddlers were throwing shoes at my head and massacring my lipstick.

This too shall pass.

It may not be true. But it sure feels better.

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Any mystery ailments have you spooked? Could they be related to menopause or perimenopause?  Comment below so we can all benefit!

Need a good guide to this crazy stage? The Menopause Book is keeping me sane. The format makes it  easy to get answers fast.

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