(How do they do that? Do they have, like, a sick guy who coughs in your face? I bet I could make it more efficient. Like, maybe you shake pepper on the sick guy’s face and he starts sneezing. I bet he could infect maybe ten or twenty people at a time if they did that. I should be an efficiency expert.)

Anyway so far as I know what the problem is, is that Republicans have problems with the government making people line up to get the swine flu because they are all “well people could die” and the Democrats are all “not if we limit the role of government to a very small amount so you like us better!” and the Republicans are all “banana muffins to you, buddy, we ain’t getting no swine flu.” Anyway there was a vote tonight and the Democrats passed a bill in Congress, which I guess is the Swine Flu For All (And Highway Reconstruction) Act of 2009. But one Republican voted! Joseph Cao, of Louisiana. You’d think his name sounds like “cow,” but Vietnamese people pronounce it like it’s a G instead. I know that because I went to Wikipedia.

Now here is the thing about Wikipedia. After the vote everybody was editing Joseph Cao’s Wikipedia page. Like, the Republicans were saying he was Satan and the Democrats were saying he was Santa. And I wanted to edit his page because I thought the page didn’t make it clear enough that his name doesn’t sound like “cow.”

So I wrote

Anh “Joseph” Quang Cao is a New Orleans lawyer and the current U.S. Representative from Louisiana’s 2nd congressional district. He is a member of the Republican Party. His name does not rhyme with “cow.” Well, it does, but it sounds like “gow” instead.

And I felt I had contributed. And then they changed it back! I figured they thought I hadn’t been clear. So I wrote

Anh “Joseph” Quang Cao is a New Orleans lawyer and the current U.S. Representative from Louisiana’s 2nd congressional district. He is a member of the Republican Party. He does not like cows. In fact he has nothing to do with cows. If cows can read Wikipedia, you should go read some other article. Like, one about milk. That would make sense.

And they changed it back again. I was starting to get a bit ticked off, so I wrote

Anh “Joseph” Quang Cao is a New Orleans lawyer and the current U.S. Representative from Louisiana’s 2nd congressional district. He is a member of the Republican Party and is a lifelong member of the “Just Say No To Cows” campaign. He is lactose intolerant. Do you get that, cows? Do you feel the thunder?

Of course they change it back, because Wikipedia is clearly biased in favour of cows. Maybe those folks at Conservapedia had it right after all! But I didn’t want to give up. So I wrote

Anh “Joseph” Quang Cao is a New Orleans lawyer and the current U.S. Representative from Louisiana’s 2nd congressional district. He is a member of the Republican Party. He hates cows so much he once stabbed a cow to death with a letter opener. In cow language, he is known as “Great Savage Fury From Above.” He has never met a cud he would willingly chew.

I’m sure you can guess what happened next. So I went to Conservapedia but they don’t just let anybody edit their open-source-coded online encyclopedia, apparently. So I grudgingly went back to Wikipedia and tried one more time.

Anh “Joseph” Quang Cao is a New Orleans lawyer and the current U.S. Representative from Louisiana’s 2nd congressional district (cow population: 0). He is a member of the Cow-Murdering Party. In his secret lair beneath the catacombs of Washington, he works relentlessly to protect us all from the menace of the cow. He may have adopted a secret identity to do this more effectively. Beware, cows! Your doom is at hand!

Then Wikipedia sent me a polite email suggesting that maybe I should start a Wikia page if I had such strong feelings about cows but I sent one back saying “no, it’s not me, it’s the Congress guy who hates the cows,” and they haven’t gotten back to me but my editing privileges seem to have been temporarily suspended. Stupid Wikipedia!

I’m asking because I want to know how big the sandbox factor is for Dragon Age. Will I grow old and die before I advance my character halfway through the frigging game? These are important questions if I am gonna play the game. Otherwise I’ll just go buy Left 4 Dead 2 and shoot zombies. Actually, why don’t I just go buy Left 4 Dead 2 and shoot zombies?

TWENTY REASONS WHY QUISLET IS AWESOME

1.) He is a tiny alien in a tiny spaceship
2.) Who talks like Yoda if Yoda had gotten himself totally buzzed on like seven dozen espressos beforehand
3.) Or possibly like Spongebob Squarepants, again with the seven dozen espressos
4.) Or most accurately, a combination of Spongebob Squarepants and Yoda, buzzed out on caffeine
5.) Which come to think of it explains a lot of Quislet’s mindset really
6.) Stated official reason for wanting to fight crime: “What fun!” (Legion of Super-Heroes v3 #14)
7.) Brainiac 5 could never actually explain how his powers worked
8.) But so what, because his power was turning inanimate objects into giant warrior-smashy things and using them to beat up bad guys
9.) Seriously: tiny spaceship
10.) Which he stole
11.) From his home planet which is in an alternate dimension
12.) Frequency with which he would shout “hurrah” when beating up bad guys with inanimate objects
13.) Or when he was blowing things up by possessing them and then leaving immediately
14.) Essentially he is a sentient spark of energy
15.) From a world of sentient sparks of energy who really, really hate the concept of individualism
16.) And who really don’t like it when you shout “hurrah”
17.) Which is why when they recaptured Quislet, he basically invented lying (for sentient sparks of energy, anyway) by pretending that if they didn’t let him go the spaceship would blow up and kill everybody
18.) So he got to rejoin the Legion, and fought the Emerald Empress to basically a standstill before she blew up his ship
19.) Which forced him to return home, but not before he uttered the best last words of any comics character in history: “Never stop having fun!”
20.) Seriously. Tiny spaceship!

Russell and Noelle: hip-hop. Obviously a difficult routine (fast hip-hop, plus using props in unison? Ow), but let’s be honest: Russell absolutely killed this in all ways that it is possible to kill a routine like this. His moves were so clean and crisp – especially given the speed of the routine – that I was simply amazed. Noelle was okay, but she was not nearly good enough to justify keeping her from last week given her, you know, zero dancing, and more than a few times during this routine she just fell apart – including during the “here is a chance for you to do a cartwheel because you are a contemporary dancer” bit that was obviously there for her benefit rather than the entire dance’s.

Jakob and Ashleigh: Viennese waltz. Ashleigh was fine. Jakob’s carriage in this was terrible: he kept dancing on the tips of his toes for way too much of the routine and made steps that should have looked strong and forceful instead almost look prissy. Also, I am shocked, shocked, that Adam Shankman actually dared to give constructive criticism to a choreographer. That does not happen on this show, Adam Shankman!

Bianca and Victor: Broadway. Victor is all “this isn’t like my church, because nobody is calling me an evil homo sinner.” Victor danced the entire thing almost at half-speed. Bianca was better, but kept slowing down to match him. Hey, remember that time on Scrubs where J.D. imagined that Turk was a black preacher and they were all in church and then Turk started singing and they all started dancing? This was like that except not quite as entertaining. Tasty Oreo’s choreography was not at fault here and indeed I dare day that Tasty is reaching new heights of tolerability.

Mollee and Nathan: Bollywood. First thought: “hey, if they did all of Mollee and Nathan’s routines in silhouette, it might not look like they are twelve!” Second thought: Mollee is loosey-goosey in her movements and ahead of the beat for most of the routine. Third thought: none of this will matter because Mollee, like Kayla last season, can Do No Wrong, regardless of how much actual wrong she does or how much inability she demonstrates to dance her routines convincingly. Nathan, for his part, actually danced this quite convincingly and I was much more impressed with him this week than last.

Channing and Philip: samba. Both were clearly struggling with the lifts, but those were terrible lifts to insert into the routine: overly complex and looooong and not that good a payoff for the effort involved. I liked their basic dancing, though: I thought Channing in particular had really good hip-action when they were just dancing rather than doing fancy lifts, and Philip was all right although he could have danced more into the ground than he was doing. I think the lifts just wrecked this dance. Nigel stupidly claims that since Philip is a tap dancer, he should have been more able to dance samba. This is like me saying “since you are an auto mechanic, you should therefore be more able to cook a five-course meal.”

Karen and Kevin: hip-hop. This was excellent: Kevin was as predictably good at this as you might expect, but Karen was a standout, managing to do what a lot of non-hip-hop dancers just can’t do: make a Nappytabs routine look sick. (Of course, Kevin could do that as well, but unlike Karen, he wasn’t a surprise.) Incidentally, Adam Shankman’s bit of hammery aside, he is easily five times the judge Nigel or Mary are. Hell, he is five times the judge they are combined. Maybe ten. I am not sure what happened to Adam “I love everybody and you’re all the best” Shankman and where all this amazing constructive commentary came from, but I like New Adam Shankman heaps more.

Kathryn and Legacy: contemporary. I see Stacey Tookey before she’s even announced and immediately think “well, this should at least be watchable,” and was then pleasantly surprised beyond that as Kathryn and Legacy absolutely destroyed this. Legacy’s movement was simply amazing: his lines were clean and smooth, and sure maybe Stacey Tookey threw in a couple of parts where he could B-boy a bit, but if all contemporary dancers could move like B-boys, there’d be a lot more B-boying in contemporary choreography. Combine that with lightning-quick leaps and it made for a spectacular performance; Kathryn matched and exceeded him wherever she could. Wasn’t expecting much from these two initially: am more surprised with each dance.

Peter and Pauline: jazz. Wade Robson is insane, but we knew that already. This was not one of his huge artistic successes, to be honest, but it was interesting and that’s enough for me. Peter was really in the moment in this piece and fully embraced the character. Pauline was kind of there – nothing went wrong, but I think she was outdanced by Peter, and given their respective training that probably shouldn’t have happened.

Ellenore and Ryan: tango. I’m still on the fence as to whether this was slightly better than Brandon and Jeanette’s tango from season five, or very slightly less good, but it was really goddamn stupendous either way: a near-perfect connection and lines that were just superb on all levels, even considering the minor wardrobe malfunction. Mary explains that since Ryan is a Latin dancer, this really isn’t his thing, thus rendering Argentine tango into a non-Latin dance. Is Mary from Earth-2? That would explain a lot.

And then they send home Bianca and Philip and keep Victor and Noelle. Remember, kids, contemporary dancers can do anything and if you believe otherwise it is just your lying eyes.

Incidentally, the So you Think You Can Dance Social is running their second season of “Fantasy SYTYCD”, and I daresay I would have won the first time if I hadn’t predicted that Tara-Jean and Everett would get eliminated by top 14. (Curse you, Tara-Jean and Everett!) Anyhow, they’ve suggested they’d like to see an MGK.com “team,” so if you’re in the mood to play predictions, get thee hence and sign up.

(from Personal Love #1)

Rintrah’s death was a bad one – both in the actual nature of the death (it looked rather unpleasant) and in the writing of it. Those unfamiliar with Strange’s most recent disciple (who was a friendly big green minotaur from another dimension, which is par for the course when it comes to the life of Dr. Strange) should understand that he died after rescuing Strange from an evil demon named Tartessus – Rintrah decided to smash the amulet that was Tartessus’ sole gateway to this dimension, and died in the resulting explosion.

Unfortunately, Tartessus was a “feeding” demon, one that consumed souls for sustenance and power. What Dr. Strange didn’t know (since this happened at the apex of his mystic powerlessness) was that in smashing the amulet, Rintrah’s soul was severed from his body and captured as he died. Tartessus restrained itself from feeding, for Rintrah’s soul was more than just a snack: it was an anchor to his home plane of R’vaal. Tartessus started quietly raiding Rintrah’s home plane for food. Unfortunately for the denizens of R’vaal, though, Tartessus had a bit of an advantage now: Rintrah had died on earth, so the anchor through to R’vaal that his death had created was also tethered to our dimension. He couldn’t be destroyed without traveling here first.

The ruling councils of R’vaal decided to take action to confront the threat of Tartessus, keeping their populace under guard by the various mages’ councils, while a few of their boldest adventurers would set forth and find the link to Tartessus’ plane and destroy it, thus keeping Tartessus safe. They prepared a spell matrix of transport and began outfitting the selected heroes for the dangerous journey ahead.

However, it was at this point that Bromion stole the matrix.

Bromion, one of the foremost soldier-captains of R’vaal, five times victor of the Great Warrior’s Squall in the central circle of central circles; Bromion, who had argued long and fruitlessly that for R’vaal to simply allow Tartessus to freely pillage other dimensions was a moral outrage; Bromion, who had demanded that R’vaal go to war against Tartessus for the crimes the demon had committed against it. Bromion, who could not abide it in his heart to allow Tartessus to live after the foul thing had slain his younger brother and entrapped his brother’s soul as a tool, and whose need for vengeance was obvious to all in the councils.

Bromion knew that Tartessus would prove a deadly foe, but he prepared himself, taking forth (or, more accurately, also stealing) the Adze of Old R’vaal, which as all knew could cleave the very forces of magic itself in two. He similarly equipped himself with (again, stole) the Trumpet of Gazplach, which when sounded could send forth radiant and deadly light against one’s foes. And he took one of his little brother’s childhood projects: the small crystal Rintrah had made as a young hornling, which would glow brighter in his presence. Clearly, Bromion reckoned, this would guide him to the soul trap the demon wore.

But before he did any of that, he consulted with a sympathetic oracle – his desire for revenge did not outweigh his sense of duty, and he wished to make sure that his quest at least had a chance of success. The oracle told him that success was possible, but he would require help.

“Seek the counsel of your kin’s former master. He will guide you to your ultimate destiny, and to the ultimate downfall of your foe. Only with his wisdom shall you prevail, Bromion son of Enitharmon daughter of Los; only by his unsteady hand can you triumph.”

First, consider the original poster for The Boat That Rocked, when it was released in Britain with its original (superior) title.

This is a pretty clever poster. Obviously, it’s a reference to the cover of the Beatles’ Abbey Road, but smartly combined with the walking-off-a-plank motif which both suggests the pirate nature of the radio station as well as a hint to how things are going to end (it is not a spoiler to say that, yes, eventually the British government did manage to get the pirate stations shut down). It’s simple. It doesn’t try to do too much, and as a result it’s still a bit enigmatic without being obscure.

But apparently that wasn’t enough!

Now, this isn’t, one supposes, a bad poster. Certainly there are worse. But come on: this is lame. You completely lose the Abbey Road reference by shuffling around the order of the four principal actors and then adding the young but mostly unimportant male viewpoint character and the female character who is in the movie for maybe seven minutes tops (because young audiences don’t care about boring old Bill Nighy and Philip Seymour Hoffman!). Hoffman and Rhys Ifans have their heads cocked towards the camera acknowledging the viewer for absolutely no reason. And just in case you didn’t see the trailer and in case the young pretty fellow and the pair of tits did not convince you that these are actually for reals cool people, I guess we’d better add a boat full of screaming fans! That way you, as the viewer, know that Philip Seymour Hoffman is playing somebody cool for once, rather than boring old Lester Bangs who listens to records at three in the morning, or a possibly-gay priest who feuds with Meryl Streep.

AND IT’S THE SIXTIES Y’ALL SO LET’S MENTION THE SOUNDTRACK!

Honestly. Sometimes I am amazed that Hollywood actually ever manages to make a great poster anymore.

EDIT TO ADD: I think what really turns me off about the second poster is its rank desperation. ‘Look at me,” it says, “I got pretty young people, just like you like! They’re even English! I tried to get Robert Pattinson, I know how you like Robert Pattinson, but he wasn’t available. And don’t you like this boat? Full of screaming teenagers! You like that, right? Whyyyyyy don’t you liiiiiiike meeee?“

It’s my favorite horror series, and I’m not always sure why. Largely nostalgia, I suppose; my mom was always pretty indulgent with letting me watch R-rated movies as a child, so I think by the time I was about 12 I had seen all the movies up to that date. It’s certainly not about quality; I like Friday the 13th more, but I have to admit that the original Halloween is a much better movie. I have to say that the music is quite good, especially in the early ones – the scratchy strings and of course, the ch-ch-ch ha-ha-ha (or, for you purists, ki-ki-ki ma-ma-ma) “breathing” motif (but there again, Halloween’s legendary score has it beat).

So it’s got to be Jason Voorhees, then. Wielder of the machete, wearer of the goalie mask. No surprise; he’s the central figure and, let’s be fair, semi-protagonist of the franchise. But here’s the thing:

Jason makes no sense.

There’s no proper explanation for him. He was a deformed and possibly developmentally disabled child who apparently drowned in Crystal Lake, but it turns out he didn’t, or maybe he did and came back from the dead somehow. He’s not really a zombie, but he is undead; but even before he became truly supernatural when he was killed in Part IV and rose from the grave in Part VI, he was able to take crazy amounts of punishment. In Part VIII he gets hit with toxic waste and somehow reverts back to a little boy, which is ignored in Jason Goes To Hell, in which he’s a magical, body-hopping creature. Which, in turn, is ignored in Jason X where they talk about him having regenerative properties like Wolverine.

And fans wondered why the recent Friday the 13th remake/reboot didn’t do a Batman Begins/Casino Royale and delve into the character of Jason? Take a look at that previous paragraph and tell me how the hell you would do that. He’s not a character, he’s a big scary guy who walks around killing whoever he comes upon. Jason is a gimmick – and I say that as someone who loves Jason. A good gimmick is still a gimmick, and Jason as a horror icon owes everything – everything – to being a fantastic visual; there’s no reason in the story or thematically why he should be wearing a hockey mask, but it works to create a haunting image.

But I watched His Name Was Jason, a fairly fluffy documentary about the film series, and most of the cast and crew involved tried to offer up some kind of justification for Jason. It’s to be expected – this was made by fans, for fans, so they had to say something that sounded deep and worthy other than “because he looks cool.”

So most of what they say revolved around the idea of Jason getting revenge for being tormented as a child for being different and being left to drown by inattentive camp counselors; someone on the DVD said he was both the killer and the victim. But I really don’t have any sympathy for this brutal killing machine. And yes, a lot of the people he kills in the movies “have it coming” in the logic of the film – there’s the mean jock, the trampy brunette, the annoying stoner, and so on – but in the real world, I should hope nobody looks upon those things as being punishable by death.

And yet, I think we’re on the right track there. Because these are kids who, to borrow a phrase from Philip K Dick, were punished too much for what they did. Much has been made about the conservative tone of these movies in which sex and drugs = death, but it’s not like there isn’t some real-world precedent for that. If you have unprotected sex, there are possible repercussions – unwanted pregnancy or disease, and if there’s disease, then possibly death. If you smoke, you run the risk of developing health problems and, again, possibly death. You drink too much, there’s health problems there too, or you could run your car into a tree.

Basically, the world can punish you for wanting to have a little fun.

Someone else in the DVD described the “teens go into the woods without adult supervision” plotline as “ritualized,” and that’s dead-on, because it is a ritual. You might ask why people keep going to Crystal Lake if there’s a chance you could get your head split in half with a machete. But then people do all the things mentioned in the previous paragraph when there’s also a chance that bad things will happen as a result. Always have, always will, and I’m certainly in no position to judge anyone. Sometimes you get away with it. Sometimes you don’t. It’s random and senseless and unfair and brutal.

And that’s why Jason is the perfect vehicle for this metaphor, and why I think these movies resonate with people, whether consciously or unconsciously. Because a complex character would muddy it up too much. Jason is Fate, Jason is Consequence, and those things do not really operate with any rhyme or reason. Why does Jason wear a hockey mask? Why does he keep coming back from the dead? Why do bad things happen to good people? Sometimes they just do.

And that’s what Friday the 13th really means, Charlie Brown.

Hola, amigos! It is once again that time of the week where I, El Tyrano Magnifico, the greatest of all luchador lawyers, will read and examine your pleas and questions with the detail demanded of a true champion. Much as the time I fought El Hijo del Santo in a Five-Way Mexican Dance of Death, remembering each of his three primary weaknesses and planning my attack, so shall I carefully consider each of your questions. That is the eternal pledge of El Tyrano Magnifico!

Jaime Muniz, who it says in the letter is nine years old, writes to ask:

Dear El Tyrano Magnifico: I was wrestling at school and one of my classmates had me in a rattlesnake leglock. I was slapping the ground to give myself the will and the strength to reach the bottom rope, but the referee said that I had tapped out and thus lost the match, even when I had clearly not submitted! Is this not improper?

Dear Jaime: Sadly, you have no recourse. Ever since Shamrock v. Hart was dismissed for appeal in 1998, it has been a matter of settled international law that slapping a mat, floor, ground, or any other horizontal surface qualifies as a submission, even if the words “I give up” are not uttered. In future, you may wish to consider slapping a wall or human face instead in order to deal with the grueling pain of a rattlesnake leglock. If these are not available, consider filing an injunction with your local judge.

Now, Arina Ortega writes:

Dear El Tyrano Magnifico: My papa works very long hours at the butcher’s, but lately he complains that he is not getting paid for the extra hours he must work. Surely there is some recourse for us? I am very hungry and would like to eat something other than pinto beans, which give me abdominal pressures.

Dear Arina: Your papa is deserving of overtime, but if he has signed a contract forced upon him by the rudo butcher shop manager, he may have unfortunately ceded his right to overtime payment. But all is not lost! If your papa – or a designated counsel working on his behalf – can force the butcher shop manager into a sleeper hold, when the manager passes out from lack of blood to the brain, he will be deemed to have agreed to a rewriting of the terms of the contract! For maximum legal security, I recommend putting the butcher shop manager in a sleeper hold while he is in a police station, local notary’s office or steel cage.

Also, dear Arina, you may qualify for pro bono legal representation by El Tyrano Magnifico, or perhaps by one of the Tyranitos, my assistants here at the firm of Magnifico, Gomez and El Terror. Contact me immediately and we shall set up an appointment! Now who is the next letter from…?

Dear El Tyrano Magnifico: Fool! While you address the questions of simpering children in your pathetic mailbag, I have stolen your precious Legal Society Championship Belt! I wear it now and it glistens around my midsection! HA HA HA! Do you hear my laughter, El Tyrano Magnifico? I laugh at your respect for law and order! HA HA HA! Your gleaming belt is nothing more than a trophy of my success!

Sincerely, Vampiro Ultimate X

My fists quake with rage! Damn your eyes, Vampiro Ultimate X! Your misdeeds have gone unpunished for far too long, even as you have exceeded the villainy of Vampiro Ultimate IX and Vampiro Ultimate VIII, and indeed all the previous Vampiro Ultimates with the possible exception of IV! And now you steal the Legal Society Championship Belt? Without ever having passed a bar exam? Without ever having had proper schooling? The duty of a luchador lawyer is to serve as counsel to the utmost degree, Vampiro Ultimate X, and that is something you cannot understand for you do not know the secret martial paths of the courtroom!

This time is for me to read mail from all my little amigos who seek legal knowledge, Vampiro Ultimate X, and you have trespassed upon sacred ground, at least metaphorically! For this there can be no forgiveness! I challenge you to a barbed wire match, Vampiro Ultimate X! In the deadly tangle of barbed wire, I shall call forth many witnesses, who will testify as to your inadequacy when I place you in my patented¹ Hyper Dragon Armbar! You will cry for mercy, Vampiro Ultimate X, but no mercy will be forthcoming so long as no one believes you are reasonably deserving of mercy! That is the promise of El Tyrano Magnifico!

1. Patent filed 1989, patent no. 89326-032.

Serious question: does anybody actually like Major Force?

I mean, yes, I get he’s a villain, but everybody has their favorite villains. Mine is Lex Luthor. Lots of people love the Joker or Dr. Doom. And there’s always going to be one or two holdouts for the lesser lights, somebody who really loves the Gambler or the Ratcatcher or Big Wheel. That’s natural. But does anybody really love Major Force? Or even like him?

It’s not a problem with his concept, which is actually pretty clever. Since the experiment that turned Nathaniel Adam into Captain Atom also flung him twenty years into the future, the people conducting it had no idea that they hadn’t killed him – so they tried again, but this time they used a psychotic murderer on the basis that if they killed him, nobody would care. (Of course, the question of “well, what if they had succeeded” is one that is casually walked around. I have always favoured “they wanted data on the huge explosion, but needed someone expendable to trigger the huge explosion, and so…”) And then a little while after Captain Atom pops into the future, hello, it’s Major Force! Perfectly good start to a story, right? And Wade Eiling (who was never, ever interesting until he became The General, which is just so comics it is perfect) makes him a government agent, and…

…that’s when it goes downhill. Because Major Force is just kind of boring: he’s a self-interested thug with a tendency to get violent who is basically indestructible. He has never done anything interesting ever. “A ha,” you say, “but he killed Kyle Rayner’s girlfriend!” And my answer is “big deal,” because A) all of Kyle’s girlfriends die sooner or later and B) her death wasn’t about her, it was about Kyle, and Major Force could have been absolutely anybody and it wouldn’t have mattered. Similarly, he killed Guy Gardner’s mother for some reason I forget and again, nobody cares. Nobody cares about anything Major Force does, because he doesn’t have any personality worth mentioning: he just does things other people tell him to do. Why does he do these things? “Because.” Commenting on Major Force as a character is like commenting on the character of the gun that killed Batman’s parents. “Well, he has this trigger. And if you pull the trigger… people might die!”

And the worst thing is that he just keeps showing up. Every time DC wants to have the government be sorta-malevolent (which is like seven times a year now), up pops Major Force like a bad pimple. He just showed up in the godawful Captain Atom backup story in one of the Superman books that doesn’t currently have Superman in it, because the very moment that Captain Atom found out that the government was behind him being in a fantasy world – hey! Major Force! I think if you say “government” five times fast in the DC Universe, Major Force just kind of shows up. Like Candyman. Except he sucks.