Mike@Movies

Autumn In New York (2000)

2011-06-20T16:35:00.001-07:00

Starring: Winona Ryder, Richard Gere, Anthony LaPaglia

Director: Joan Chen

Thoughts On Autumn In New York

Utter tear-inducing, female leaning crap.
Wait, Joan Chen from Twin Peaks directed this. How?
How does Richard Gere run a restaurant yet seemingly have unlimited free time? The restaurant business is difficult and time consuming.
Glad to see Winona Ryder is seemingly done with the whole acting think.
Cool to see semi-younger JK Simmons and Vera Farmiga. Oh, and yes a semi-younger Elaine Stritch! She's one of the few highlights of 30 Rock

Rating: 3

Rating Breakdown

3 points - I'm really into Twin Peaks right now. Giving Joan Chen a break.

The Kids Are All Right (2010)

2011-06-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

Starring: Annette Bening, Julianne Moore, Mark Ruffalo

Director: Lisa Cholodenko

Thoughts On The Kids Are All Right

*****SPOILER ALERT***

Solid movie that has no right to be a Best Picture nominee. The 10 nominee rule is just awful.
Hated the relationship between Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo. I know the temptation is always there when dealing with homosexuality in a narrative but some homosexuals are you know, actually homosexual.
For the record, Julianne Moore in a sex scene is always great.
Mark Ruffalo always brings the goods. Very happy about his nom.

Rating: 7

Rating Breakdown

7 points - I can't be funny when the movie is actually good!

Fast Five (2011)

2011-05-01T09:56:00.001-07:00

Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster

Director: Justin Lin

Thoughts On Fast Five

Unapologetic over the top thrill ride that never once parodies the genre or franchise.
Pure weekend getaway fun. Leave all pretentiousness at home.
Vin Diesel is fine in his role but his thinly veiled allusions to his grander schemes get old. See the movie and you'll know what I'm referring to.
In the last installment I found it humorous how Vin Diesel and Paul Walker were both humbled after their careers fizzled out and they returned to the franchise. After rolling in stacks of money there is no more humbling to be had.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot...the friggin Rock is in this.
But seriously, the Rock does in fact inject new lifeblood into the franchise as the Diesel vs. Rock showdown is nicely built up.
I'm on Team Bring It.

Rating: 7

Rating Breakdown

4 points- I smell what Dwayne is cookin'

3 points - Physics defied.

Water For Elephants (2011)

2011-05-01T09:38:00.001-07:00

Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz

Director: Francis Lawrence

Thoughts On Water For Elephants

Seemingly fine movie but when the focal point becomes a romance between two leads with no romantic chemistry then we suddenly have a problem.
Between this and Remember Me, at what point do I start feeling bad for Pattinson?
Oh wait, I don't. He's rich and famous.
Christoph Waltz once again brings the goods yet I constantly expected him to start hunting jews at any given moment.
Overall more than I expected. It also looked pretty. Refined commentary coming at you.

Rating: 5

Rating Breakdown

2 points - I just don't like Reese Witherschpinzen yet at the same time I kind of do.

3 points - I like circuses...is what Sam would say to defend really liking this movie.

Hanna (2011)

2011-05-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Eric Bana, Cate Blanchett

Director: Joe Wright

Thoughts On Hanna

Contains every element of an action thriller and executes every element exceedingly well.
Saoirse Ronan is wise beyond her years and convincingly pulls off elaborate action/fight sequences.
Interesting choice of Joe Wright directing this as this genre is not his forte. Clearly his contributions are massive as he procures great performances from all his actors; especially Cate Blanchett.
The Chemical Brothers soundtrack is just better than anything any of us will ever make. Ever.
Whoever that little English girl was; great stuff.

Rating: 8

Rating Breakdown

4 points - a kick ass 16 year old girl for the pedophile, sadomasochist in all of us!

2 points - ima buy the soundtrack

2 points - the ending. no spoilers.

Insidious (2011)

2011-05-01T09:13:00.000-07:00

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Barbara Hershey

Director: James Wan

Thoughts On Insidious

Decent concept helmed by an experienced writer/director combo that ultimately just never enters the realm of great horror.
Bad acting, also a lot of bad acting.
Barbara Hershey?
The PG-13 rating really bogs down a lot of the film as James Wan of Saw fame clearly can do a lot more with an R rating.
The "further" element kind of makes the movie lose all it's steam.
Despite it's setbacks, Wan and Whannell still can pack in the scares and suspense.

Rating: 5

Rating Breakdown

5 points - I jumped a few times. Also bonus points because I just feel bad for Patrick Wilson.

Lottery Ticket (2010)

2011-05-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

Starring: Bow Wow, Brandon T. Jackson, Naturi Naughton

Director: Erik White

Thoughts On Lottery Ticket

A movie clearly not targeted at my demographic that actually works and is enjoyable.
Quite an eclectic cast of a former child rapper, the satyr from Percy Jackson/ Alpa Chino, a former member of 3LW and CHARLIE MURPHY!
Question: Are these types of movies supposed to discourage stereotypes or applaud them? I often think the latter.
CHARLIE MURPHY
I really hope it was just makeup because damn Ice Cube looks old.

Rating: 6

Rating Breakdown

3 points - goofy "black" comedy that doesn't take the First Sunday route of being too goofy or the Roscoe Jenkins route of being not funny.

3 points - Where the white people at?

Black Dynamite (2009)

2011-05-01T08:56:00.001-07:00

Starring: Michael Jai White, Salli Richardson, Arsenio Hall

Director: Scott Sanders

Thoughts On Black Dynamite

Holy jive talking eff, this movie was unbelievably hilarious.
I really don't have anything else to say as I'm pissing my pants laughing just trying to think of things to say about Black Dynamite
"Orphans have no parents."
I'm writing this review as a pure fan. I can't be critical of anything in it.

Rating: 9

Rating Breakdown

9 points - I was debating distributing a 10 for this film. I didn't but I may come back and revise this. Oh my god, I laughed so hard for the entire 80 minute duration.

Source Code (2011)

2011-05-01T08:46:00.000-07:00

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga

Director: Duncan Jones

Thoughts on Source Code

Wonderful piece of work and a shining example of how a techno-thriller should be done.
Follows basic Hollywood principles but Duncan Jones puts enough of a stamp on it to make the film slightly off the beaten path.
Does contain saccharine elements but these elements work in the greater context.
I love Michelle Monaghan but she seemingly gets lost in the shuffle performance wise.
Jeffrey Wright kills it as always.
Figuring out who is the bomber is quite easy yet that really is not the focus of the story despite it being the driving force of the plot.
Please note: I am in no way biased in my reviews despite David Bowie's son being the director.
Moral of the story: Cherish humanity. No spoiler alert necessary because heck, we already know this.

Rating: 8

Rating Breakdown

4 points - keeping a repeating 8 minutes interesting

2 points - performances (even including Jake Guggenheim)

2 points - realization that I would totally give up life just to hook up with Michelle Monaghan

Limitless (2011)

2011-05-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Abbie Cornish, Robert De Niro

Director: Neil Burger

Thoughts On Limitless

**********SPOILER ALERT**********

Generic thriller that could be decent but fails to take such a route.
Burger attempts to make a David Fincher - type movie with a script that perhaps I could of wrote. Yes, I write crappy scripts. Hey, I'm trying.
Too much of the film involved the terrible side effects of this miracle drug. We don't want that! We wan't to see more of Bradley Cooper getting rich and famous!
I am half convinced Robert De Niro doesn't even know the plot of the movies he is in anymore. He just gets the lines, shows up and gets paid.
So this guy has an unbelievable miracle drug that other people will literally kill him to get their hands on...and he starts letting his sister's ex husband who he hasn't seen in years use it? What a nice guy.
Moral of the story: Do drugs. No seriously, Bradley Cooper's character beats the system and continues using drugs. No, seriously.

Rating: 5

Rating Breakdown

5 points - Thrillers generally get high marks from me but so much of this thriller ruined any good aspects it had.

Hop (2011)

2011-05-01T08:00:00.001-07:00

Starring: James Marsden, Russell Brand, Kaley Cuoco

Director: Tim Hill

Thoughts On Hop

During this film I began feeling ill. Upon the film's conclusion I went home and would remain sick for several days before admitting myself to a hospital. I was then diagnosed with malaria.
This movie will give you malaria.
On a lighter note, James Marsden overachieves in every shitty role he's given.

Rating: 5

Rating Breakdown

3 points - kids will like it.

2 points - malaria is very treatable these days.

The 6th Day (2000)

2011-05-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Rapaport, Tony Goldwyn

Director: Roger Spottiswoode

Thoughts On The 6th Day

Mindless, crappy sci-fi action that remains wholly unoffensive.
Arnold received a $25 million payday for this phone in. It pays to take steroids kids.
Warning: In the future, kid's toys become really, really creepy.
Warning: Cloning not only goes against the will of god but also allows for greedy, manipulative people to do a lot of illegal things.
Cloning can be done for morally conflicting good things. See: Robert Duvall

Rating: 4

Rating Breakdown

4 points - At what point do we just accept Arnold having a thick accent amongst a regular suburban family?

Arthur (1981)

2011-04-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

Starring: Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli, John Gielgud
Director: Steven Gordon

Thoughts On Arthur

I admittedly only watched this to compare/contrast to the 2011 update. Man, this version is better by leaps and bounds.
Dudley Moore does a fantastic job playing an utter yet lovable drunk.
Liza Minnelli was an actress? I always thought she was just some random bat shit insane woman.
Gielgud owned this role. He won an Oscar for it? Oh, well that makes sense.
It's quite sad how much more PC everything has to be today.
Speaking of: Dudley Moore driving an open top Rolls Royce down the FDR Drive while swigging alcohol = Classic.

Rating: 10
Rating Breakdown
10 points - Did I really just give out 10 points. Well, when you add a great plot, funny yet intriguing characters, great performances and developments that don't in anyway insult the audiences intelligence you get a 10! Ok, maybe it's not that easy.

Arthur (2011)

2011-04-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

Starring: Russell Brand, Helen Mirren, Jennifer Garner
Director: Jason Winer

Thoughts On Arthur

Cookie cutter comedy, but I was laughing. That's the point I suppose.
Not buying Russell Brand as a leading man but he came off rather likable so what do I know?
Russell Brand also goes home at night to Katy Perry. Once again, what do I know?
Why is Jennifer Garner still working?
The jokes are often just slightly off of generic but they do often hit.
Moral of the story: If you have essentially unlimited money, you can party all you want then meet the right girl and get her also.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Brand
4 points - New, ultra expensive date ideas.

Your Highness (2011)

2011-04-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

Starring: Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman
Director: David Gordon Green

Thoughts On Your Highness

Jesus eff, I wanted nothing more than to love every second of this movie but jesus eff this was bad.
Danny McBride is great in every OTHER thing I see him in. I last saw him in an episode of Eastbound And Down. Catch my drift?
The whole cursing in medieval dialogue was funny the first 4 times they did it.
Natalie Portman is a funny here as she was in her Broadway performance of The Diary Of Anne Frank.
Courtney was the single most wasted character throughout the film's duration.
Why was Zooey Deschanel in this? Could of saved a couple bucks on that casting move. I mean, I'm not complaining or anything, but why?

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
2 points - the iguana
2 points - god, I wanted to give this movie so many more points.

From Paris With Love (2010)

2011-04-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

Starring: John Travolta, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Kasia Smutniak
Director: Pierre Morel

So here's my re-imagining of John Travolta's agent making phone calls to potential producers: "Hey, so Johnny shaved his head and worked on a character for 'Pelham 123' and he doesn't want to let his hard work go to waste. You working on any movie needing a bald, fast-talking bad-ass? You do? Oh, this is great. Let's talk about it over lunch."
All in all a fun, cookie cutter thriller

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - All in all a fun, cookie cutter thriller

The Chaperone (2011)

2011-04-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

Starring: Triple H, Yeardley Smith, Ariel Winter
Director: Stephen Herek

Thoughts On The Chaperone

Another WWE release I have to crap on. Sorry Vince.
Almost worth the price of admission for Triple H's fake beard.
Ariel Winter is on one of the hottest TV shows and THIS is what her agent thought would be a good break into film?
Kevin Corrigan and Kevin Rankin are major mark outs, but once again: this movie, really?
Scene Analysis: Triple H crumpling a plastic straw in front of a frightened child - really?
In an interview, Triple H stated how he "liked the script." Really?
This has been Really? with Mike@Movies.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
1 point - H
1 point - H
1 point - H

Drive Angry (2011)

2011-03-27T11:22:00.001-07:00

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard
Director: Patrick Lussier

Thoughts On Drive Angry

Yes, yes, yes. Almost a 10 until actual in depth back story kicks in.
Nicolas Cage's life is in a tailspin and we all reap the benefits from these ludicrous roles.
The Nic Cage sex and gun fight scene may be the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life. And yes, I have seen Akeelah and the Bee.
William Fichtner could become the new Walken.
Generic Amber Heard is hot comment.
I am officially convinced Cage is in on the joke.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - I wanted to give this 4 million points (A Mike@Movies record!) but do realize its flaws.

Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

2011-03-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

Starring: Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Dan Fogler
Director: Michael Dowse

Thoughts On Take Me Home Tonight

Every time I saw the commercial featuring Topher Grace gazing amidst a crowded party with "Take Me Home Tonight," I knew I would love this movie.
It was legit good. I want to rate it a 9 but am exercising self control.
I still don't like Topher Grace.
I still love Dan Fogler more than I should.
What year did going down hills in giant scrap metal balls go out of style? We need this to make a comeback. ASAP.
Anna Faris engagement subplot was kind of dumb.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
2 points - always a fan of comedic cocaine use in movies.
2 points - always a fan of comedic cocaine fueled dance offs in movies.
2 points - always a fan of comedic cocaine fueled bathroom sex with onlookers present in movies
1 point - alcohol

Beastly (2011)

2011-03-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

Starring: Vanessa Hudgens, Alex Pettyfer
Director: Daniel Barnz

Thoughts On Beastly

You've got to be effing kidding me with this nonsense.
I went to an all boys high school so forgive me if I sound clueless, but do most high schools have a creepy girl with a face tattoo who is basically accepted as a witch?
I get the whole turn the guy ugly thing but do we really need to combine veins, tattoos and metal all on one face?
Alex Pettyfer ugly is still better looking than me on my best day. Sad story.
TRANSATLANTICISM FTW!
NPH - c'mon now.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
2 points - I want to go to that high school. Minus the Olsen spells.
1 point - I learned to be less shallow and see inner beauty. Point Beastly.

Hall Pass (2011)

2011-03-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

Starring: Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Stephan Merchant
Director: Bobby & Peter Farrelly

Thoughts On Hall Pass

Funnier than anyone could have possibly anticipated.
It seems recent Farrelly movies just throw schtuff to a wall. I guess eventually something has to stick.
Sudeikis may be breakout SNL star potential.
"Fake Chow" needs to enter society's lexicon.
During one scene I thought to myself "Man, Owen Wilson has great comedic timing." I then remembered he used to star in brilliant films.
I love Pam Beasley more than anyone but her film career most likely ain't happenin'

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
4 points- I need to use the chloroform pick-up line
3 points - I love crude comedies way too much.

Rango (2011)

2011-03-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

Starring: Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin
Director: Gore Verbinski

Thoughts On Rango

Brilliant kids film. Perhaps too brilliant for kids to understand.
Johnny Depp seriously can do no wrong. Ok, I haven't seen The Tourist or the last 2 Pirates movies so the statement stands.
Could perhaps win the animated Oscar as Pixar is putting out Cars 2 this year.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
8 points - Fun for the whole family!

Exit Through The Gift Shop (2010)

2011-03-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

Director: Banksy

Thoughts On Exit Through The Gift Shop

I loved everything about this doc. Even the notion that it could be a hoax.
Mr. Brainwash conning hipsters? Someone has a new personal hero.
While watching this, I thought "Hey, maybe I should start getting more interested in street art." Then I realized I have so many wrestling dvds that still need to be watched. Fin.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Who knew that the Andre the Giant artist and the Obamicon artist are the same person? I do now.
2 points - Banksy hijinks
4 points - I hate hipsters.

No Strings Attached (2011)

2011-03-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

Starring: Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher
Director: Ivan Reitman

Thoughts On No Strings Attached

Can friends with benefits actually work?
*****SPOILER ALERT************************NO
The film was better than it had any right to be but I just can't get behind rooting for two beautiful people to be happy.
I feel Ludacris is making the very difficult transition from a man bragging about his Cadillac grills to an average guy friend.
Needs more Mindy Kaling. Everything in life needs more Mindy Kaling.
Dear everyone in Hollywood, Stop trying to be Judd Apatow.
Kevin Kline FTW.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - I just gave an Ashton Kutcher movie 7 points. Where is my life headed?

Legion (2010)

2011-03-27T09:43:00.001-07:00

Starring: Paul Bettany, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson
Director: Scott Stewart

Thoughts On Legion

If this was meant to be a joke, then wow. If this was meant to be serious, then wow.
Paul Bettany may have starred in a shitty movie but he goes home to Jennifer Connelly. Still winning.
Should of gone more campy or more serious. Straddles the line too much.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
2 points - demon old lay
2 points - demon ice cream man
2 points - human Dennis Quaid