And yet.

Most people in most organisations have learned — not from the policy, but from the reaction — exactly what happens when you actually say what you think. It’s rarely dramatic. Nobody gets marched out. It’s subtler than that. It’s the slight pause before the response. The “thanks for raising that” that clearly means the opposite. The way your point gets acknowledged in the meeting and then absolutely nothing changes afterwards.

People are quick learners. They read the room long before they read the policy.

April’s issue explored why people stay silent — the real mechanics behind it. This month, I want to ask a different question: where does all that unsaid stuff actually go?

Because it doesn’t disappear.

The plumbing problem

Think of it like plumbing. An organisation’s formal channels — meetings, feedback processes, one-to-ones — are supposed to be the pipes through which truth flows. But when people learn those pipes aren’t safe, they don’t stop having things to say. The pressure doesn’t reduce. The truth just finds other routes.

It comes out as gossip. As the meeting-after-the-meeting. As passive-aggressive emails copied to one more person than necessary. As resistance to change that nobody can quite explain. As two departments locked in low-level conflict that has nothing to do with what they think they’re arguing about.

And here’s what’s interesting: most organisations treat every one of these as a separate problem. They see gossip and diagnose a “gossip culture.” They see passive aggression and book a communication skills workshop. They see the meeting-after-the-meeting and label certain people as “political.” They notice resistance to change and conclude that people just don’t like change.

But these aren’t separate problems. They’re the same problem, showing up in different places. They’re where truth comes out when it can’t come out where it should.

The underground economy

Chris Argyris, who spent decades studying how organisations actually communicate (as opposed to how they think they communicate), called these things “undiscussables” — the topics everyone knows about but nobody raises. And then he made an observation that still stops me in my tracks: the undiscussability of the undiscussable is itself undiscussable.

Read that again.

Organisations don’t just avoid the truth. They avoid talking about the fact that they avoid the truth. And they avoid talking about that too. Three layers of denial, each one reinforcing the others.

What you end up with is something like an underground economy. Truth becomes contraband — and like all contraband, it doesn’t disappear just because it’s been made illegitimate. It simply moves to a black market. There are dealers — the people who always seem to know what’s really going on. There’s currency — insider knowledge, traded carefully. And there are risks — being seen as negative, as not a team player, as disloyal.

This economy is running in every organisation, right now, underneath the official one. And it’s expensive. Not because the gossip itself causes damage, but because maintaining the gap between what’s said officially and what’s known unofficially takes enormous energy. Energy that could be going somewhere useful.

The real cost

Here’s what I think gets missed: most of what organisations diagnose as “culture problems” are actually the redirected output of truths that had nowhere legitimate to go. You’re not dealing with difficult people. You’re dealing with a system that turned honesty into contraband — and then wondering why a black market appeared.

The question isn’t how to stop the gossip, fix the politics, or overcome the resistance. The question is: what made the formal channels feel so unsafe that people built an entire alternative system to work around them?

That’s a harder question. But it’s the right one.

#WorkplaceCulture #PsychologicalSafety #LeadershipDevelopment

You can optimise every single component in a system and still end up with a system that doesn’t work. Because a system isn’t defined by its parts. It’s defined by the connections between them.

I’ve been reading Gallup’s 2026 State of the Global Workplace report, and this principle is written across every page. Not explicitly. But it’s there if you know where to look.

Manager engagement has collapsed. Down nine points since 2022.

95% of organisations have seen zero measurable profit impact from their AI investments.

Global employee engagement has dropped to 20%. The cost? Roughly $10 trillion a year.

Leaders are lonelier, angrier, and sadder than the people they lead.

These aren’t separate problems. They’re symptoms of the same thing.

Organisations keep optimising the parts. Better skills training for managers. More sophisticated AI tools. New wellbeing programmes. Smarter performance frameworks. Each one a perfectly reasonable investment. Each one aimed at improving a component.

And none of it is working. Because nobody is paying attention to the connections.

What connects a manager to their team? A relationship. What determines whether employees actually adopt AI? Whether their manager champions it. What protects a leader from the emotional toll of the role? Feeling connected and supported. And what determines whether a client stays or leaves? Not your product. The quality of the relationship they have with your people.

The connections are the system. And the connections are relational. Internal and external.

When you optimise parts in isolation, you don’t get a better system. You get a faster collection of disconnected components. A well-trained manager who still can’t have an honest conversation with their team. A brilliant AI tool that nobody trusts enough to use. And a client who looks happy on paper but is already talking to your competitor.

Gallup’s data tells us that best-practice organisations achieve 79% manager engagement. Nearly four times the global average. They’re not doing four times more training. They’re investing in something different altogether. They’re investing in the connections.

Most organisations are still stuck in an industrial-age mindset. Improve the individual parts and the machine runs better. But organisations aren’t machines. They’re living systems. And in living systems, the quality of the relationships determines everything.

You can have the best strategy, the best technology, and the most talented people in the market. If the connections between them are weak, you don’t have a system. You have an expensive collection of parts.

What would change if your organisation stopped optimising components and started investing in connections?

#Leadership #SystemsThinking #EmployeeEngagement #RelationshipsMatter #Gallup2026#TheRelationshipAdvantage

Manager engagement has dropped nine points since 2022. From 31% to 22%.

The “engagement premium” that managers used to enjoy over their teams? Gone. Managers are now barely more engaged than the people they lead.

This is dangerous.

Gallup’s own research consistently shows that engagement happens at the team level. The manager is the single biggest influence on whether a team is engaged or checked out. When managers disengage, the effect cascades. Teams drift. Trust erodes. Performance drops.

We’re not talking about a marginal dip. We’re talking about the transmission mechanism for culture breaking down.

Meanwhile, organisations are cutting management layers. The managers who remain are stretched across bigger teams with less capacity for the conversations that actually matter. Less time to check in. Less time to listen. Less time to build the relationships that hold everything together.

The cost? Gallup puts it at roughly $10 trillion in lost productivity globally. About 9% of GDP. That’s not a soft skills problem. That’s an economic crisis.

But what I find most interestin is this:

Best-practice organisations still achieve 79% manager engagement. Nearly four times the global average. Same economy. Same pressures. Same disruption. Radically different results.

The difference isn’t circumstance. It’s intention. These organisations have decided that investing in how their managers lead, and specifically how they relate to their teams, is a strategic priority. Not a nice-to-have. Not a training budget line item. A competitive advantage.

Most organisations still treat management development as a skills transfer exercise. Teach them to delegate. Teach them to give feedback. Teach them to run a meeting. All useful. None sufficient.

What the best organisations understand is that management is fundamentally relational. The quality of the relationship between a manager and their team determines engagement, and engagement determines everything else.

When I work with managers, the breakthrough moment is almost always the same. It’s when they stop looking outward for the problem and realise: “I am the biggest influence on how this team experiences work.”

That’s not a burden. It’s an opportunity. And it’s one that 78% of the world’s managers are currently missing.

What would change in your organisation if every manager understood that their most important job isn’t managing tasks, but building relationships?

#Leadership #EmployeeEngagement #ManagementDevelopment #RelationshipsMatter #Gallup2026 #TheRelationshipAdvantage

He defines kindness as “your ability to be in a moment without a whole lot of monkey mind going on. Because then you’re more likely to be able to posit what could be helpful in that situation.”

That’s not soft. That’s one of the hardest capabilities a leader can develop — genuine presence.

But in our productivity-obsessed workplaces, niceness has become the default. It’s efficient. It’s the minimum viable interaction. Pleasant tone, brief acknowledgement, no friction, move on. Box ticked.

The problem? Niceness doesn’t build relationships. And here’s what most leaders miss: it doesn’t even maintain them.

There’s an asymmetry at play. The leader thinks: “I was pleasant, handled that fine, relationship steady.” But the other person experiences something different: another interaction where they weren’t really seen, another moment confirming they’re a function, not a person.

What feels like holding steady to one party feels like slow withdrawal to the other.

Those micro-diminishments accumulate. They’re why people say “nothing was ever wrong exactly” when explaining why they left, why they stopped bringing ideas, why they quietly disengaged.

We all see through nice. We know the difference between someone managing the surface and someone actually being there.

Kindness requires slowing down. It asks us to be present enough to sense what this person, in this moment, genuinely needs — which sometimes isn’t the comfortable response at all.

That’s hard when we’re stressed, afraid, short of time. Which means kindness isn’t a personality trait. It’s a capacity. One that organisations either support or systematically undermine.

Leaders who settle for nice think they’re being professional. They’re actually making tiny withdrawals from a relationship account they believe they’re maintaining.

And eventually, the balance hits zero.

But when it comes to workplace relationships—arguably the foundation of everything else we’re trying to achieve—we tend to rely on vibes. “The team seems good.” “Culture feels strong.” “Everyone’s getting along.”

The irony isn’t lost on me. I’ve spent the year encouraging you to think about the why behind workplace relationships rather than rushing to techniques and quick fixes. And now, for the final issue of the year, I’m about to get practical.

Consider it a holiday gift.

The Space Between

Here’s something worth sitting with: when we talk about relationships, we use spatial language. We’re close to someone. There’s distance with a colleague. We need to bridge a gap with a client. We talk about relationships as if they exist in the space between people—not inside either person.

And maybe that’s exactly right.

A relationship isn’t a property of you or a property of me. It’s the quality of the space we’ve created between us. Is it expansive or cramped? Warm or brittle? Safe enough for honesty, or so fragile that we stick to the script?

Try this: look up from your screen for a moment. Think about an important work relationship—a colleague, a direct report, your manager, a client. Don’t think about them. Think about the space between you. What’s its quality? What does it feel like to be in that space?

Now ask: what would be different if that space were different?

The Space Is Not Fixed

Here’s the shift that matters: we often treat relationship quality as luck of the draw. Chemistry. Personality fit. Either you click or you don’t.

But we’re shaping that space with every interaction. Every meeting, every message, every moment of attention or inattention. The question isn’t whether we’re influencing our relationships—we are, constantly. The question is whether we’re doing it deliberately or by accident.

This reframes the whole measurement problem. You’re not trying to assess a fixed thing. You’re trying to notice the quality of something you’re actively creating.

What’s Actually Worth Watching

Once you’re thinking spatially, the signals become clearer. Not “how is this person doing?” but “what’s happening in this space?”

Is it a space where people ask for help—or struggle quietly to preserve the appearance of competence?

Is it a space where mistakes get shared and solved—or hidden and managed?

Is it a space that can hold disagreement—or one where conflict has been politely suffocated?

Is it a space of genuine curiosity—or ritual exchanges that everyone knows mean nothing?

These are subjective observations, yes. But subjective isn’t the same as imaginary. You already sense this stuff. You’re just not treating it as data.

If the Space Needs Improving

The good news buried in all of this: if we’re shaping the space anyway, we can shape it better.

For managers, this might start with how you open your one-to-ones. Instead of “how are you?” (which invites “fine”), try something with a bit more texture:

“What’s got your attention at the moment?”

“What’s one thing that’s working—and one thing that isn’t?”

“On a scale of 1-10, how’s this week been? What would make it one point higher?”

The specific question matters less than what it signals: that this is a space where honesty is welcome. And that signal gets stronger when you go first—sharing something real before asking for something real.

In remote and hybrid teams, this matters even more. When Teams is your main meeting space, you lose ambient awareness—the corridor sense of how people are actually doing. Check-ins become your only window into the space. Make them count.

A Different Kind of Attention

We probably can’t measure relationships the way we measure quarterly targets. But maybe measurement was never the right frame. Measurement is done to something—extracting data to judge from a distance.

Relationships ask for something different. Not measurement, but attention. Not assessment, but presence. Not “how do I score this?” but “what’s the quality of the space I’m helping to create?”

The signals are there. They’ve always been there. We just need to stop staring at dashboards long enough to notice them.

The problem isn’t that they’re being inauthentic. It’s that they’ve mistaken self-expression for genuine presence.

The Authenticity We’re Taught

Walk into any leadership workshop and you’ll hear the familiar refrain: authentic leadership means bringing your whole self to work, staying true to your values, having the courage to show vulnerability, sharing your truth. It’s framed as an act of personal courage—revealing who you really are despite the risk.

This version of authenticity is deeply individualistic. It positions you at the centre: your truth, your feelings, your values, your story. And whilst there’s nothing inherently wrong with this, it’s a bit like learning to play tennis by only practising your serve. You’re missing half the game.

The Developmental Shift

What if authenticity isn’t actually about you at all?

Developmental psychology suggests that authenticity evolves through distinct stages. Early in our leadership journey, authenticity is about self-expression—figuring out who we are and having the courage to show it. This is necessary and important. We need to develop a coherent sense of self before we can do anything more sophisticated with it.

But mature authenticity looks entirely different. It’s the capacity to be genuinely present to what’s happening between people, to sense what a relationship or moment actually needs, and to respond from a place of real attunement rather than rehearsed self-presentation.

The shift is from “How can I be true to myself in this situation?” to “What does genuine presence look like here?”

What This Looks Like in Practice

Consider Sarah, a senior leader facing a team in crisis. The conventional authenticity playbook might encourage her to share her own anxiety, to be vulnerable about not having all the answers, to “bring her whole self” to the meeting.

But what if the team doesn’t need Sarah’s whole self right now? What if they need her calm, her confidence, her ability to hold steady whilst they’re falling apart? What if the most authentic thing Sarah can do is not share her anxiety, but instead be fully present to theirs?

This isn’t about being fake. It’s about having developed enough relational sophistication to distinguish between what wants to be expressed and what wants to be witnessed. Sometimes the most authentic leadership is holding back your immediate reaction so you can truly hear someone else’s.

Or think about James, who prides himself on “being the same person in every room”—the same directness, the same humour, the same energy whether he’s with his team, the board, or a nervous new starter. He calls this authenticity. His team might call it inflexibility.

Meanwhile, his colleague Michelle consciously shifts her presence based on context. She’s more playful with some colleagues, more formal with others, more directive in crises and more exploratory in strategy sessions. She’s not performing different personas; she’s responding to what each relationship genuinely needs from her. That’s not multiple personalities—it’s relational maturity.

The Paradox

Here’s where it gets interesting: the leaders who seem most authentic are often the ones who’ve stopped trying to be themselves.

They’re not asking “Am I being true to me?” They’re asking “Am I being genuinely present to what’s happening here?” They’ve developed the capacity to be different with different people whilst remaining entirely coherent. Their authenticity isn’t revealed; it’s enacted in relationship.

This is sophisticated work. It requires you to hold your sense of self lightly enough to be genuinely responsive, whilst holding it firmly enough to not lose yourself entirely. It asks you to develop what we might call “relational fluidity”—the ability to be genuinely different without fragmenting.

The Invitation

If you’re a leader who’s been trying to “find your authentic self” and then have the courage to show it, you might be working on yesterday’s challenge. The question isn’t whether you dare to be yourself. It’s whether you’ve developed the capacity to be genuinely present to others.

That’s a different kind of courage. Not the courage of self-revelation, but the courage of self-transcendence. Not “Here’s who I am, take it or leave it,” but “I’m genuinely here with you. What does this moment need?”

The most authentic thing you can do as a leader might not be bringing your whole self to work. It might be developing the wisdom to know which part of yourself each moment is asking for.

What version of authenticity are you practising? The question isn’t meant to judge—we all start where we start. But it might be worth noticing whether your authenticity is still primarily about you, or whether it’s beginning to be about the space between.

Today, I want to paint a picture of what’s possible when managers embrace a fundamentally different way of operating.

The transformation isn’t just about managing larger spans of control. It’s about evolving from compliance officer to culture weaver.

? Two Different Directions

The difference is profound and directional.

? Compliance Officers are task-oriented, focused upward in the hierarchy. Their energy goes toward ticking boxes, meeting expectations from above, ensuring processes are followed and reports are submitted. They manage to satisfy their superiors.

? Culture Weavers are environment-oriented, focused outward and downward toward their people. Their energy goes toward creating conditions where those who report to them can thrive and do their best work. They lead to unleash potential.

One direction creates bureaucracy. The other creates possibility.

? Conversations Create Culture

As Carl Weick observed: “You change a culture by changing the conversation.” We become what we talk about.

This insight sits at the heart of the transformation from compliance officer to culture weaver. It’s a complete reorientation of the kinds of conversations managers have, especially with the people reporting to them.

Are your conversations about:

• Ticking boxes and micromanaging to-do lists?
• OR what people need in order to flourish?

The difference isn’t subtle – it’s transformational.

? What People Actually Need

When managers start asking “What do you need to flourish?” instead of “Did you complete your tasks?” something remarkable happens.

Two fundamental human needs emerge that were invisible in compliance-focused conversations:

? Validation – People need to be seen, recognised, and accepted for who they are. Not judged against some idealised template, but genuinely acknowledged as unique individuals with distinct strengths and perspectives.

? Constructive Feedback – Nobody wants criticism, but everybody craves genuine feedback. The ability to help people see what they could do differently to get better results or different outcomes is one of the most valuable gifts a manager can offer.

These aren’t nice-to-haves. They’re the foundation of human engagement and growth.

? The Weaving Process

Culture weaving happens in the micro-moments:

• In the quality of presence you bring to conversations
• In choosing curiosity over judgement
• In asking “How can I help you succeed?” rather than “Why didn’t you finish this?”

It’s about seeing your role as creating the conditions where people can do their best work, rather than ensuring they conform to predetermined processes.

Culture weavers understand that their primary job isn’t task management – it’s environment creation.

?? The Paradox of Control

Here’s the beautiful paradox: by letting go of compliance-focused control, culture weavers actually gain more influence over outcomes.

When you focus on creating conditions for people to thrive, they become more engaged, more creative, more committed to excellence.

The larger spans of control that seemed impossible for compliance officers become manageable for culture weavers. Why? Because you’re not trying to control everything – you’re creating an environment where people control themselves.

? From Constraint to Catalyst

This series started with the observation that cutting middle management creates relationship deficits that erode trust and meaning. But it doesn’t have to end there.

When managers evolve from compliance officers to culture weavers, larger spans become opportunities to build cultures of genuine engagement and performance. The constraint becomes the catalyst for a better way of leading.

The managers who make this transition don’t just survive organisational restructuring – they transform it into something more human, more meaningful, and ultimately more effective.

The conversation you have tomorrow with someone on your team is a choice: compliance check or culture weaving. What will you choose?

How are you shifting from compliance officer to culture weaver in your leadership role?

This concludes our series on the hidden costs of cutting middle management. Thank you for joining this exploration of more human-centred approaches to leadership and organisational design.

#Leadership #CultureWeaver #Management #WorkplaceCulture #HumanCentredLeadership #OrganisationalDevelopment #PeopleFirst

Digital work has fundamentally altered this landscape. Traditional relationship building relies heavily on unplanned moments—the corridor conversation, the shared lift journey, the spontaneous coffee. These “weak tie” interactions, as sociologist Mark Granovetter termed them, actually strengthen workplace bonds more than we realise. Yet digital work strips them away entirely. Everything becomes scheduled and purposeful, losing the organic quality that builds genuine connection.

The result isn’t just loneliness—it’s a fundamental shift in how relationships form and deepen. When every interaction requires a calendar invitation, we unconsciously begin rationing our social investment. We stick to our immediate team, our essential contacts, our scheduled touchpoints. The peripheral relationships that drive innovation, opportunity, and organisational resilience quietly wither.

But here lies both the challenge and the opportunity: if spontaneous connection was the foundation of traditional workplace relationships, what becomes the foundation in a digital world?

The Art of the Asynchronous Relationship

Perhaps our biggest misconception is that connection requires real-time interaction. The digital environment offers something traditional offices never could: the ability to build relationships across time and space through thoughtful, considered exchange.

Consider the power of a voice message that captures not just information but tone, personality, and care. Or collaborative documents where personal commentary reveals thinking patterns and values. These asynchronous touchpoints allow for a different kind of intimacy—one where people can share more authentically because they have time to reflect, where introverts can participate more fully, where working parents can engage outside traditional hours.

The strongest digital relationships often develop through these layered, time-shifted interactions that build understanding incrementally rather than through the binary of meeting or not meeting.

Reframing Transactional Touch Points

Every work interaction contains relationship-building potential if we know how to recognise and activate it. The routine email, the project update, the quick Teams call—each represents a choice between purely transactional efficiency and human connection.

This isn’t about making everything longer or more complex. It’s about recognising that how we handle these everyday moments shapes the quality of our working relationships. The colleague who asks “How’s your week shaping up?” before diving into project details. The manager who notices energy levels during check-ins. The team member who shares a genuine reaction to someone’s idea rather than simply moving to the next agenda item.

These micro-investments in connection don’t require additional time—they require additional intention. And their cumulative impact on relationship quality is profound.

Intentional Informality

Perhaps the most significant shift required is accepting that casual doesn’t happen naturally online—it must be deliberately created. Since serendipity doesn’t emerge organically in digital spaces, we must engineer opportunities for the human moments that build trust and understanding.

This might mean starting meetings by actually asking how people are and leaving space for real answers. It could involve creating dedicated “non-work” digital spaces where teams can share what they’re reading, what they’re struggling with, or what made them laugh that week. Most importantly, it means embracing rather than apologising for the domestic interruptions that give us glimpses into each other’s full humanity.

The death of serendipity in digital work isn’t a problem to solve—it’s a reality to adapt to. The organisations that thrive won’t be those trying to recreate the past, but those bold enough to pioneer new forms of human connection that work within our digital present.

The question isn’t whether we can build meaningful relationships through screens. We already are. The question is whether we’re doing it intentionally enough to create the kind of workplace relationships that sustain us, inspire us, and help us do our best work together.

What moments of unexpected connection have shaped your own career? And what might intentional relationship building look like in your current digital environment?

Today I want to dig into something that’s both the problem and the solution: the relational load that modern leaders carry.

? Relationship Quality as a Matter of Luck

Here’s what I observe time and again: most managers treat relationship quality as something secondary, something left entirely to chance.

“Sometimes you’re lucky and get people you click with. Most times you’re not so lucky and you don’t get on. That’s just life.”

There’s no awareness that they could actually take responsibility for the quality of these relationships. No understanding of how profoundly relationship quality influences the meaningfulness and effectiveness of work itself.

They’re managing as if relationships are fixed, predetermined by personality compatibility rather than something that can be intentionally cultivated and improved.

? The Liberating (and Terrifying) Realisation

What emerges repeatedly in coaching sessions – often in follow-up emails filled with excitement – is this profound AHA moment:

“I am the solution.”

It’s both liberating and overwhelming. Liberating because suddenly they have agency where they felt powerless. Terrifying because now they’re responsible for something they’ve never been taught how to do.

But here’s what’s beautiful: once that realisation hits, they become intensely curious about what they need to do differently. This is where real transformation begins.

? There’s No Universal Playbook

The challenge is that relationship building can’t be reduced to a checklist of “10 things every manager should do.” It’s deeply individual. Each person needs to develop their own authentic way of approaching this.

Extroverts often have an easier time initially – they’re naturally comfortable with interpersonal connection. But they frequently fall into the trap of being superficial, mistaking charm for depth.

Introverts typically struggle at first, but once they understand what’s needed, they develop much more profound relationships. Why? Because they’ve been programmed to think they need to be like extroverts – loud, charismatic, leading from the front.

? Leadership from Behind

But that’s not true. Introverts can absolutely be their introverted selves and build extraordinary relationships. They just need to find ways that make their introversion work for them:

• One-on-one conversations
• Deep listening
• Thoughtful follow-up
• Creating space for others to shine

There’s no need to stand on a soapbox and shout.

Some of the most powerful leadership happens from behind – quietly influencing, deeply connecting, creating conditions where others thrive.

? The Analytical Manager’s Breakthrough

Then there’s perhaps the most common case I encounter: the analytical manager who believes emotions don’t belong in the workplace, that they themselves aren’t subject to emotions, or they simply can’t understand why other people need to express feelings at work.

The breakthrough moment comes when they realise that emotions aren’t unprofessional interference – they’re fundamental data about human motivation, engagement, and performance.

Including their own.

?? The Real Load

The relational load of modern leadership isn’t just about managing more relationships. It’s about taking active ownership of relationship quality and recognising that how you connect with your people directly determines their engagement, growth, and performance.

It’s about shifting from “we just don’t get on” to “how can I make this relationship work better?”

That’s both a heavier load and a lighter one.

Heavier because you’re now responsible for something you used to leave to chance.

Lighter because you finally have agency over one of the most crucial aspects of your effectiveness as a leader.

When managers make this shift, something remarkable happens: they don’t just cope with larger spans of control – they transform them into networks of meaningful connection.

How do you take ownership of relationship quality in your leadership role?

Next week: How trust erodes invisibly – and what repair actually looks like.

#Leadership #Management #Relationships #WorkplaceCulture #PeopleManagement

This crisis has a Janus face. It looks both ways, affecting managers and team members simultaneously, eroding something fundamental to human wellbeing at work: meaning.

? The Meaning Drain

For employees: They derive enormous meaning from their relationship with their supervisor. It’s where they find recognition, growth, support, and belonging. When that relationship becomes distant or transactional due to impossible spans of control, a crucial source of workplace meaning evaporates.

For managers: They derive deep job satisfaction from being genuinely helpful, from developing their people, from being seen as a “good” manager. When they’re spread so thin they can barely remember everyone’s names, let alone support their growth, their own sense of purpose crumbles.

They go from meaningful to meaningless.

What does meaninglessness feel like? That hollow, energy-draining sensation where work becomes a grind rather than a contribution. Where you feel invisible, replaceable, disconnected.

Meaninglessness doesn’t just affect productivity – it literally sucks the life force from people. And if left unchecked, it’s a straight path to burnout or depression.

? The Early Warning Signs We Miss

Here’s what breaks my heart: the early indicators are subtle, and by the time leaders notice someone is “struggling,” the psychological damage is often already done.

Watch for:

• The shift in energy – Playfulness erodes first. That lightness people bring to their work simply vanishes, replaced by a heavy, laboured quality. You can feel it in the room.
• Body language changes – Shoulders that carry invisible weight. Eyes that have lost their spark. The subtle withdrawal that says “I’m here but I’m not really here.”
• Drama triangles – People unconsciously creating victim-persecutor-rescuer dynamics because they’re desperately trying to generate some sense of agency or connection, even if it’s dysfunctional.
• Pervasive powerlessness – A sense that settles over teams like fog.

These aren’t performance issues. They’re human beings responding to an environment where their fundamental psychological needs for connection and meaning aren’t being met.

? The Cost of Catching It Late

The tragedy is that leaders often pride themselves on spotting these problems, but what they’re actually seeing is the end stage of a long erosion process.

They notice the disengagement, the decreased output, the attitude problems – but these are symptoms of months of slowly declining psychological safety and meaning.

By then, rebuilding trust and re-establishing meaning becomes exponentially harder. People don’t bounce back from psychological disconnection as easily as we’d like to believe.

?? The Path Forward

Here’s the thing: larger spans of control aren’t inherently wrong. I understand the business rationale – the economics make sense, and in many cases, it’s necessary.

But these structures can only work if managers fundamentally shift how they operate.

The challenge is that most managers have been brought up to focus on:

• Task execution
• Oversight
• Operational delivery

Now they need to transition to a completely different way of working – one centred on:

• Relationship building
• Empowerment
• Creating conditions for others to thrive

This isn’t a skill they can develop overnight or figure out alone. Someone needs to actively help them make this transition.

Because when managers learn to work relationally rather than operationally, larger spans don’t just become manageable – they become transformational.

? The Bottom Line

If we’re going to make these new organisational structures work, we need to become exquisitely attuned to these early psychological warning signs and actively support managers in becoming the relationship builders their expanded teams desperately need.

What early warning signs have you noticed when teams start to lose psychological connection?

Next week: How trust erodes invisibly – and what repair actually looks like.

#Leadership #PsychologicalSafety #Management #WorkplaceMeaning #MentalHealthAtWork #SpanOfControl #HumanCentredLeadership

But there’s a relationship crisis hiding in these spreadsheets.

? When Trust Starts to Erode

When managers suddenly find themselves responsible for 15-20 people instead of 6-8, something critical gets lost.

Using David Maister’s trust equation as a lens, two elements immediately suffer:

• Intimacy drops – there’s simply less time for meaningful connection
• Perceived self-interest rises – managers appear more focused on keeping their heads above water than supporting their teams

Trust doesn’t collapse overnight – it seeps away slowly, often unnoticed until significant damage is done.

? The Engagement Cascade

The first casualty? Engagement.

We know from decades of research that your relationship with your immediate manager is the single biggest predictor of workplace engagement. When that relationship weakens, everything else follows:

• Decision-making slows
• Innovation stagnates
• High performance gradually slides into mediocrity

Meanwhile, the remaining managers find themselves drowning. They’re expected to do more with less, but nobody’s fundamentally changed what “management” means in this new reality.

? What Needs to Shift

Here’s what I believe needs to happen:

? First, micromanagement becomes impossible – and that’s actually brilliant.

With larger teams, managers have no choice but to embrace real empowerment. Not the lip-service version where we say “you’re empowered” but still expect approval for every decision. True empowerment where people are genuinely trusted to own their work.

? Second, remaining managers must dramatically reduce their task work.

Everything that can be delegated must be delegated. Their primary job becomes relationship building – creating the conditions where trust can flourish even with limited time.

? The Transformation

This isn’t about working harder; it’s about working fundamentally differently.

The manager’s role transforms:

• From task coordinator ? to culture creator
• From decision maker ? to capacity builder

? The Remarkable Discovery

The companies that recognise this will discover something remarkable: they don’t just maintain performance despite fewer managers – they often exceed it.

Because when you’re forced to trust people more deeply, to empower them more completely, to focus purely on the human elements that drive performance, magic tends to happen.

The question isn’t whether we can afford to maintain these relationships with fewer managers. It’s whether we can afford not to.

What shifts have you observed in management roles as organisational structures evolve?

#Leadership #MiddleManagement #Trust #Engagement #OrganisationalChange #ManagementEvolution #WorkplaceRelationships

Mau speaks about intentional life design rather than accepting what comes. This got me thinking: what if we applied this same philosophy to workplace relationships? We have two choices: take a fatalistic approach and let relationships develop randomly like “weeds in a flower bed,” or intentionally design them.

In most organisations, relationship quality is left to chance.  An afterthought rather than a priority. Yet these connections form the very ecosystem in which work happens, influencing everything from productivity to innovation to well-being.

Several of Mau’s design principles seem particularly relevant:

Process over product – What if we valued the ongoing journey of relationship development rather than viewing connections as something to “achieve” and then move on from?

Embracing uncertainty – Relationships evolve in ways we cannot predict. Designing doesn’t mean controlling but creating conditions for organic growth.

One small intervention can ripple through the entire system.

“Don’t be cool” – Authenticity trumps appearance. Professional relationships flourish when we bring our genuine selves rather than polished personas.

“Allow events to change you” – Being open to transformation through relationship experiences creates opportunities for both personal and organisational growth.

But how do we begin this relationship design process without making it feel forced?

Start simple: Connection before content.

One practical first step I’ve seen transform teams is implementing brief check-ins at the beginning of meetings. This small change signals that relationships matter – that we see each other as humans first, not just functional roles.

These moments create space for authentic connection before diving into tasks and deliverables. They’re not “soft” nice-to-haves but foundational elements of a deliberately designed system where relationships can flourish.

As Mau’s systems thinking reminds us, everything influences everything else. When we upgrade the quality of workplace relationships, we’re not just improving individual connections – we’re redesigning the entire ecosystem.

What one small step could you take this week to begin intentionally designing the relationships in your workplace ecosystem rather than letting them grow like weeds?

#LeadershipDevelopment #WorkplaceCulture #RelationshipDesign #BruceMau #SystemsThinking

For years, I’ve advocated for relationship-centred approaches like the Service Profit Chain and Conscious Capitalism. Companies like Whole Foods, Container Store, and Southwest Airlines were the shining examples we pointed to.

But today’s students push back:

“That’s nice in theory, Mike, but in the real world, it’s the ruthless leaders who rise to the top. Look at Elon Musk.”

It’s a fair challenge. When Musk suggests that “empathy is the downfall of Western civilisation,” it directly contradicts Hannah Arendt’s view that “there is no civilisation without empathy.”

I think we’re framing the conversation incorrectly.

This isn’t about being “nice” versus “ruthless” – it’s about understanding that strong relationships create effective organisations. Even motorcycle gangs, hardly “nice” organisations, succeed through powerful relationship bonds and aligned purpose.

Perhaps what we’re witnessing in the massive push for remote work isn’t just about flexibility or convenience. Could it be that people are fleeing toxic workplace cultures? That they’re voting with their feet against environments where human connections have been devalued?

The companies once venerated for their people-first approaches may be struggling in today’s market, but I wonder about the long-term sustainability of organisations built on authoritarian leadership. Economic success achieved through fear and burnout isn’t success at all – it’s merely borrowed time.

Real leadership isn’t about being ruthlessly efficient or impossibly kind. It’s about creating environments where relationships matter, where collaboration thrives not despite but because of our human complexities.

In a world increasingly dominated by AI, algorithms, and automation, our uniquely human capacity for empathy and relationship-building isn’t a weakness – it’s our competitive advantage.

The pendulum always swings. Our job as leaders isn’t to follow it blindly but to find the timeless principles that transcend trends. And I believe that understanding the fundamental importance of human connection is one of those principles.

What are you seeing in your organisation? Has the definition of “successful leadership” changed? And more importantly, should it?

#LeadershipPhilosophy #OrganisationalCulture #ConsciousLeadership #WorkplaceCulture

Are you more of a thinker or a doer? 

The reason I ask is because a recent Swedish podcast made me aware of this distinction in a way I have not thought about before.

This research identifies what may be the most significant chasm in modern organisations: the gap between “thinkers” and “doers.”

Here’s what happens:

Top executives (the thinkers) focus primarily on the future—next quarter’s targets, new product development, strategic pivots. Meanwhile, middle managers and frontline staff (the doers) are immersed in present challenges and reflecting on recent experiences.

The result? A profound disconnect where:

• Executives wonder why their managers lack enthusiasm for new initiatives
• Middle managers feel unheard and undervalued when sharing operational insights
• The organisation moves slower than it could, despite everyone working harder

The researcher offered a counterintuitive insight that resonates deeply with me: If leaders want to move faster toward the future, they must first focus more on the past and present.

The doers will never get enthusiastic about doing ‘more’ if they feel that what they are already doing is not appreciated.

This reminds me of Peter Senge’s observation that “the longest distance in an organisation is between what management measures and what the front line actually does.”

Top athletes understand this instinctively. They obsessively analyse yesterday’s performance—how their shoes felt, their breathing pattern, their recovery time—all to improve tomorrow’s results. They know progress requires this reflective loop.

The bridge across this gap isn’t complicated, but it requires something increasingly rare: presence. When executives are mentally preoccupied with future plans, their reports don’t feel truly “seen.” The connection breaks.

The solution lies in the quality of conversations. Great leaders engage in genuine dialogue with their teams—not to deliver instructions but to listen with curiosity and respect. When frontline workers feel genuinely heard about their current challenges and achievements, they become exponentially more engaged with future initiatives.

The paradox is beautiful: By slowing down to understand where we are, we ultimately move forward faster.

What’s your experience with this gap? Have you seen organisations where thinkers and doers are successfully aligned?

#Leadership #OrganisationalDevelopment #ExecutivePresence #ManagementInsights

The pattern repeats with such regularity that it feels normal. You’ve become the organisational hero—the person everyone depends on when things go wrong.

The data tells a sobering story. According to Gallup, 76% of employees experience burnout at least sometimes, with the number significantly higher for those in the “always-on” hero position. This pattern creates a dual vulnerability: organisations become fragile, and leaders become exhausted.

The hero pattern emerges gradually. First, you solve a complex problem effectively. Then, you become the default solution for similar issues. Eventually, your expertise creates an unintentional dependency where team members stop developing their own problem-solving capabilities.

Modern organisational theory suggests this dependency cycle actively undermines the resilience needed in today’s complex business environment. When systems rely heavily on individual expertise rather than distributed knowledge, they become inherently vulnerable.

Consider Buurtzorg, the Dutch healthcare organisation that eliminated middle management entirely. Their self-managing team structure distributes decision-making authority across the organisation rather than concentrating it in heroic leaders. The result? Higher patient satisfaction, lower costs, and dramatically reduced burnout among staff.

The Architect’s Alternative

The architect-leader approaches organisational challenges differently. Rather than rushing to solve each problem personally, they ask:

1. “What system allowed this problem to emerge?”
2. “How can we redesign that system to prevent similar issues?”
3. “Who needs to develop capability to manage this independently?”

This approach requires patience and restraint. It means watching people struggle through problems you could solve in minutes. It means investing time in documentation and processes when the crisis feels urgent.

The transition from hero to architect involves several practical shifts:

From Expert to Coach

Heroes provide answers. Architects ask questions.

When team members bring problems, resist the urge to offer immediate solutions. Instead, ask “What approach have you considered?” or “What information would help you decide?” This simple shift begins transferring problem-solving responsibility back where it belongs.

A manager at Morning Star, the world’s largest tomato processor, described their transition: “I had to sit on my hands for six months. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done professionally—and the most important.”

From Reactive to Preventative

Heroes respond to emergencies. Architects design systems that prevent them.

Dedicate time each week specifically for preventative work. Review recurring issues and trace them to their systemic roots. Create decision trees, checklists, or standard operating procedures that allow others to handle these situations independently.

The NHS experimented with this approach in several trusts, implementing standard protocols for common scenarios. Departments using these systems reported 32% fewer escalations to senior leadership and higher staff confidence.

From Individual to Institutional Knowledge

Heroes keep critical knowledge in their heads. Architects embed it in the organisation.

Document not just what to do but why certain approaches work. Create accessible knowledge bases that allow team members to solve problems independently. Recognise and reward contributions to these knowledge resources.

Spotify’s engineering culture demonstrates this principle well. Their squad model distributes authority while maintaining alignment through lightweight documentation of decisions and approaches.

The Transition Path

Moving from hero to architect doesn’t happen overnight. The journey typically follows these stages:

1. Awareness – Recognising the dependency pattern and its costs
2. Boundary-setting – Creating clear guidelines for escalation
3. Capability-building – Developing others’ problem-solving skills
4. System design – Creating frameworks that prevent issues
5. Culture change – Reinforcing new patterns until they become the norm

The most challenging aspect is managing the temporary performance dip that often accompanies this transition. Teams accustomed to escalating issues may initially struggle with their new autonomy. Systems may need refinement as edge cases emerge.

This dip tests the leader’s resolve. Many revert to hero mode at the first sign of trouble, undermining the very transformation they’re trying to create.

The Sustainable Result

Leaders who successfully navigate this transition describe a profound shift. One executive noted: “I used to measure my value by how many problems I solved. Now I measure it by how many problems never reach my desk.”

Organisations with architect-leaders demonstrate greater resilience during leadership transitions. They adapt more readily to changing conditions. They scale more effectively as they grow.

Perhaps most importantly, they create environments where people thrive rather than merely survive. Team members develop greater competence and confidence. They experience the satisfaction of solving meaningful problems rather than merely executing instructions.

The shift from firefighter to architect may be the most significant transformation a leader can make—not just for their own sustainability, but for the long-term health of the organisation they serve.

What one step could you take today to begin designing yourself out of the hero role?

But here’s the paradox that keeps me awake at night: What good are superpowers if we can’t use them together?

As AI amplifies our individual capabilities, our need for genuine human connection doesn’t diminish – it intensifies. We’re creating a world where everyone could be extraordinary, yet our success will hinge not on individual brilliance, but on our ability to build trust and collaborate authentically.

Two critical elements will determine whether we use our AI-enhanced capabilities to create or compete:

Transparency: In a world of amplified capabilities, being open about our intentions, limitations, and aspirations becomes non-negotiable. Trust can’t exist in shadows.

Interdependence: We must challenge the myth of the independent star performer. Tomorrow’s breakthroughs won’t come from lone geniuses, but from networks of trust where enhanced individual capabilities combine to create something greater than the sum of their parts.

The real question isn’t whether AI will make us more capable – it will. The question is whether we’ll develop the relationship skills to harness these capabilities collectively. Will we use our newfound powers to compete, or will we learn to trust enough to create something extraordinary together?

The future of leadership isn’t about managing AI; it’s about fostering the human connections that make enhanced capabilities meaningful.

What are you doing to build trust in your organisation as our individual capabilities grow?

#Leadership #AI #Trust #Collaboration #FutureOfWork

Here’s the paradox: In our rush to ‘save time’, we’re actually creating a relationship deficit that requires even more time to fix.

Recently, I’ve been exploring two frameworks that, when combined, offer a powerful lens for workplace relationships. The first is Alison Wood Brooks’ TALK framework (Topics, Asking, Levity, Kindness), and the second examines the intersection of sincerity and longevity in relationships.

Consider this: Workplace relationships typically fall into one of four categories:

• Rooted: Long-lasting and sincere – these are the trusted colleagues who make work meaningful
• Wilted: Long-lasting but insincere – the obligatory interactions that drain energy
• Blooming: Brief but sincere – meaningful moments of connection that serve their purpose
• Popped: Brief and insincere – purely transactional exchanges that leave no trace

As leaders, we often unconsciously push our team relationships into the ‘wilted’ category. We maintain regular contact through status updates and check-ins, but without genuine sincerity or preparation, these interactions become routine exercises in going through the motions.

But what if we could transform these wilted relationships into rooted ones? This is where the TALK framework becomes transformative:

• Topics, prepare your topics thoughtfully – showing you value the interaction enough to plan for it
• Ask questions that demonstrate genuine curiosity and deep listening
• Levity , keep it light and fun to create psychological safety and human connection
• Kindness and an authentic interest in the other person’s perspective

The magic happens when we combine intentional preparation with genuine sincerity. It’s not about having more conversations—it’s about making each conversation count. A single sincere, well-prepared interaction can do more to build relationships than dozens of impromptu, shallow check-ins.

Our team members aren’t longing for more time with us – they’re longing for more presence, more sincerity, more genuine connection. They can tell the difference between a leader who’s going through the motions and one who’s truly invested in the relationship.

The next time you need to “have a talk” with someone on your team, pause. Take ten minutes to think through your TALK framework. Those ten minutes might be the difference between a conversation that wilts and one that helps your relationship root and flourish.

After all, leadership isn’t measured by the frequency of our interactions or even their duration. It’s measured by the sincerity we bring to each moment of connection, whether that moment lasts five minutes or five years.

What’s your experience? Have you found that preparing for conversations actually makes them feel more authentic rather than less? How do you ensure your workplace relationships stay rooted rather than wilted?

#Leadership #Management #PersonalDevelopment #Relationships #WorkplaceCulture

Sources: Flux Sonverly Yours on Relationships- https://substack.com/home/post/p-156638811?source=queue&autoPlay=false

Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Alison Wood Brooks |

What struck me wasn’t just the observation itself, but the irony it revealed: Almost every leader I work with craves more meaningful connection with their own boss. Yet somehow, in the daily rush of organizational life, many fail to translate this very human need into their own leadership practice.

It’s not about “bad” leaders. It’s about good people caught in a cycle of pressure and task-focus, losing sight of what they themselves most desire – real connection and dialogue.

The most effective leaders I encounter are those who’ve found their way out of this trap. 

What sets them apart isn’t a special technique or management philosophy. It’s their comfort with their own role, a true sense of caring, and their liberation from the need to prove their worth through an endless stream of completed tasks.

The research is clear: command-and-control leadership isn’t the most effective approach. But knowledge isn’t enough. The real challenge lies in bridging the knowing-doing gap – in remembering, amid the pressures of leadership, that the connection we crave is exactly what our teams need from us.

What would change in your organization if leaders at every level focused as much on building relationships as they do on managing tasks?

#leadership #connectionbeforcontent 

Think about major societal transformations – from the Arab Spring to the Civil Rights Movement. Those in power didn’t initiate these. They started with conversations between ordinary people who dared to imagine something different.

Yet in organisations, I often hear: “I can’t do anything about that – it has to come from management.” This learned helplessness is fascinating because it contradicts what we know about how change actually happens in complex systems.

The truth is that transformation often begins with simple conversations. Two or three people start talking about what could be better – not through complaints or blame, but through genuine dialogue about possibilities. These conversations become the seeds of change.

These aren’t your typical water cooler venting sessions. Effective change conversations require us to step out of what psychologists call the Drama Triangle – where we cast ourselves as Victims, others as Persecutors, and wait for Rescuers to save us. Instead, they’re conversations where people claim their agency and explore what they can influence, however small it might seem.

Next time you find yourself thinking, “Someone should do something about this,” remember: You’re not powerless. Find a colleague. Start a conversation. Ask, “What could we start doing differently?” History shows us that profound change often starts with just that – people at any level choosing to have different kinds of conversations.

The question isn’t whether you have enough authority to create change. The question is: What conversations are you willing to start?

#Leadership #OrganizationalChange #Empowerment #WorkplaceCulture #ChangeManagement

The ironic part is that you’re already a master storyteller. In fact, you’re telling stories right now, even as you read this.

You see, your life isn’t just a collection of random events – it’s an ongoing narrative you’re constantly writing and editing. That tense meeting yesterday? You’ve already crafted a story about what it meant. That disagreement with your partner? There’s a narrative forming around it, complete with character motivations and plot twists.

These stories aren’t just idle mental chatter. They’re the scaffolding of meaning in our lives. They shape how we interpret everything from a colleague’s casual remark to a major career setback.

Think about your 2024 story so far. What’s the genre? Is it a tale of resilience? A comedy of errors? A drama of unfulfilled potential?

But, you’re not just the protagonist – you’re also the author. And authors have choices.

Take that challenging project you’re facing. Is it the story of an insurmountable obstacle, or the opening chapter of your greatest professional triumph? 

That team member who keeps pushing back – are they the antagonist in your story, or a character bringing valuable contrast and growth to your narrative?

The magic happens when you realize you can reframe these stories:

‘This is the end’ becomes ‘This is the beginning’

‘This is happening to me’ transforms into ‘This is happening for me’

‘This is a crisis’ shifts to ‘This is an opportunity”

The reframing changes the meaning – and meaning is the fuel that drives our motivation.

So your life story isn’t set in stone. It’s more like a real-time draft, constantly being revised and rewritten. The question isn’t whether you can tell a good story – you already do that naturally. The real question is: what story are you telling yourself, and is it serving the life you want to create?

So as this year come to an end And  you look ahead to the chapters yet to come, what story would you like to tell? 

More importantly, what story would you like to live?

Happy new year!

Ever noticed how some leaders swing between being too harsh and too soft?

I repeatedly see this pattern when working with organizations implementing the Service Profit Chain. Leaders eager to boost employee satisfaction suddenly become reluctant to lead. They stop setting standards, being directive, and managing.

Their hearts are in the right place—they don’t want to damage the employee satisfaction they’ve worked so hard to build.

But here’s the twist: This approach backfires spectacularly.

Without clear direction, teams drift, service quality drops, and customer satisfaction plummets. Then comes the devastating conclusion: “See? Creating a great workplace doesn’t work.”

The real issue is that these leaders are missing a fundamental truth: Power and Love aren’t opposites—they’re complementary forces.

Think about it: Just feeling good but achieving nothing? That’s not satisfaction. That’s stagnation.

The magic happens when you blend both:

• First, build the foundation of trust and belonging (Love)
• Then, raise the bar with clear standards and expectations (Power)

When done in this order, something remarkable occurs. Instead of resistance, you get engagement. Instead of compliance, you get commitment.

Why? People don’t just want to feel good; they want to achieve something meaningful. They want to grow, contribute, and excel.

Martin Luther King Jr. captured this perfectly: “Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anaemic.”

So next time you’re tempted to choose between being supportive or demanding, remember that it’s not either/or. It’s both/and.

Your team deserves nothing less.

#Leadership #EmployeeEngagement #ServiceProfitChain #ManagementTips #OrganizationalDevelopment

Picture a perfectly ripe peach on your desk. 

It’s beautiful, fragrant. After a few days, tiny spots start to appear. A few days later, when you finally think about enjoying that peach, it’s mushy, spotted, and crawling with fruit flies.

Leadership failure rarely announces itself with dramatic mistakes. More often, it creeps in through quiet inaction – those small moments when we choose to “wait and see” instead of engage.

– We see the team member struggling with a project but tell ourselves they’ll figure it out. 
– We notice communication gaps widening but convince ourselves they’ll naturally resolve. 
– We observe declining engagement but hope it’s just a phase.

Potential rots silently. 

By the time the symptoms become impossible to ignore, the damage requires far more intervention than a simple, early conversation would have.

Great leadership isn’t just about avoiding wrong decisions – it’s about making the right ones at the right time. It’s about having those uncomfortable conversations when they’re merely uncomfortable, not yet critical. It’s about addressing small performance gaps before they become chasms.

Ask yourself: 
What conversations am I avoiding today that I’ll wish I had yesterday? 
What small issues am I hoping will resolve themselves?

#Leadership #Management #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalGrowth

The Service Profit Chain (SPC) is a management philosophy that links profitability and growth directly to customer loyalty, customer satisfaction, and employee satisfaction. [1] It differs from traditional management theory, which often focuses on inward, product-centric models, by emphasizing an outside-in, customer-centric approach. [2, 3]

Here are the key elements of the SPC and how they differ from traditional management theory:

• Customer Loyalty: The SPC identifies customer loyalty as the most critical driver of profits and growth, particularly through the “ambassador effect” where loyal customers recommend a business to others. [1, 4, 5] This contrasts with the traditional emphasis on market share as the primary profit driver. [4]
• Customer Satisfaction: The SPC stresses that mere customer satisfaction is not enough for loyalty. Instead, it highlights the importance of exceeding customer expectations and creating “enthusiasm” to foster genuine loyalty. [6, 7]
• Value Creation: The SPC emphasizes the need to understand and deliver value from the customer’s perspective. [8] It challenges the traditional “core service with peripheral offerings” model, which often leads to increased costs and a disconnect between what businesses offer and what customers truly value. [3, 9, 10]
• Employee Capability: The SPC emphasizes the need for continuous employee training and development to ensure they possess the knowledge and skills necessary to deliver exceptional customer experiences and adapt to changing customer needs. [11, 12]
• Employee Loyalty: The SPC recognizes that enthusiastic employees are essential for creating enthusiastic customers. [13] It stresses the importance of fostering employee loyalty through trust, pride in their work, and a shared sense of purpose. [14] This focus on employee well-being and motivation contrasts with traditional management approaches that may prioritize efficiency and cost-cutting over employee morale.

The SPC model encourages businesses to invest in their employees and empower them to make decisions that benefit both the customer and the company. [15, 16] This approach fosters a culture of service excellence, where employees are motivated to go above and beyond to ensure customer satisfaction. [17, 18]

As explained in my book Best!

Running a hospitality business today can feel like pedalling a water bike against a strong headwind—lots of effort, not much progress. This struggle persists despite customers seemingly desperate for anything that makes their lives easier or more fun, preferably both. So, what’s causing this resistance?

The Three Mega Trends Creating Headwinds

1. Abundance

We live in a world of abundance, with an oversupply in virtually every market segment. Since the scarcity years following World War II, we’ve experienced a steady increase in offerings that far outstrips demand. While more customers seek great service, the increase in demand hasn’t kept pace with the explosion in supply.

What it means: We’re all part of a hyper-competitive environment. As businesses shout louder to attract attention, the noise drowns out everyone. The internet has made communication easier than ever, but being heard has never been more challenging.

The loyalty factor: In this environment, customer loyalty is pure gold. Loyal customers recommend us to their friends, possibly the only sustainable source of new business we have.

2. Service-Dominant Logic

The much-talked-about “coming of the service economy” is no longer approaching—it’s here. What makes this challenging for traditional service providers is the entry of new players who invent novel services and raise the bar, creating more refined offerings than the old economy ever dreamed of.

What it means: The kind of service you provided in the past probably won’t cut it in the future. Being in a hyper-competitive market only amplifies this challenge.

3. Lack of Engagement

The situation is further aggravated by widespread disengagement in the workforce. Year after year, Gallup surveys show that the vast majority of employees are not particularly engaged in their jobs.

What it means: While low engagement might be tolerable in some industries, it’s critical in service businesses. There’s a world of difference between being served by someone who merely has a job and someone who is truly engaged. This difference often translates directly to customer loyalty.

Facing the Headwind

Despite these challenges, some service businesses seem to have found the secret sauce—not only are they untroubled by the headwind, they’re thriving. How do they do it?

The answer lies in successfully implementing the principles of the Service Profit Chain—a framework that establishes clear connections between customers, loyalty, value creation, and employee engagement. While it’s not always easy to get started, once you do, you’ll experience a flywheel effect, slowly but surely building momentum until you become unstoppable.

Does this sound too good to be true? It’s not. There are numerous examples of extremely successful service businesses that have done exactly this.

By understanding and addressing these three major challenges—abundance, the shift to service-dominant logic, and the engagement crisis—you can transform your business and make the much sought after transformation from good to great.

When is the best time to start addressing these challenges and implementing the Service Profit Chain in your business?

It’s like the wisdom about retirement savings: the best time would have been 5 years ago, but the next best time is today. Every day that passes is a missed opportunity to start building that flywheel effect.

Learn more here

No chatbots. No algorithms.  No prerecorded webinars running in infinite loops.

And NO SALES pitch. You have my word.

Just you, me, and a few other leaders working together to level up our skills.

Welcome to my Growth Workshops.

What makes these different?

• It’s really me. Not an AI pretending to be me.
• My perspective on an important topic
• Live interaction. Ask questions, get real-time answers.
• Small groups. Only 10 spots per session.
• Tailored advice. Because your challenges are unique.

Twice a month, for 50 focused minutes, We’ll tackle a real leadership issue, share experiences, and develop practical strategies you can use right away.

And it’s completely free.

Why am I doing this?

I like going against the stream, always have – they go AI I go live ;-)

No, seriously, I want to give you the opportunity to sample what it is like to work with me. I believe in the power of human connection. In learning from each other. In the magic that happens when minds meet in real-time. The power of thoughtful conversations.

And who knows, maybe that will also make a tiny contribution to a better world. I would like that

Check out the workshop details and grab your spot before we fill the last seats

Hope to see you there

Mike

PS Please share if you know someone who might enjoy participating

#growth #leadership #development

Why Complexity Awareness Matters

Too often, we find ourselves leaning towards simple solutions in the face of intricate problems. This impulse to oversimplify can lead to misguided strategies and ineffective outcomes. In my presentation, I emphasize the distinction between complex and complicated scenarios, using real-world examples such as societal interdependency, criminality, and political issues like Brexit. Recognizing the unique characteristics of these situations allows us to approach them more thoughtfully and strategically.

Breaking Down the Framework
The framework I discuss, developed by Dave Snowden, categorizes scenarios into four types: clear/simple, complicated, complex, and chaotic. Each category requires a different approach:

Simple: Best practices are well-defined.
Complicated: Requires expert analysis and good practices.
Complex: Involves emergent practices and calls for adaptability and experimentation.
Chaotic: Demands novel practices and immediate action to restore order.

Understanding where a situation falls within this framework helps in choosing the right tools and approaches.

The Human Element in Complexity
Our tendency to seek control, crave consensus, and desire predictable outcomes often hinders our capacity to manage complex situations effectively. During the presentation, I delve into the concept of sense-making—gathering information, testing assumptions, and taking action—to navigate complex scenarios. It’s about being comfortable with uncertainty, holding space for diverse perspectives, and remaining present and transparent as a leader or consultant.

Invitation for Further Exploration
If you found these insights intriguing and wish to delve deeper into complexity awareness, I invite you to get in touch.
Feel free to connect with me via email or LinkedIn.
Understanding complexity is not just an academic exercise; it’s a vital skill for navigating today’s unpredictable world. By embracing this framework and fostering a mindset open to uncertainty, we can become more effective leaders, consultants, and problem-solvers.

At its core, learning and development aim to expand our capacity to achieve the results we desire. It’s about bridging the gap between what we want to achieve and our current abilities.

For learning to take place, three crucial elements must align:

? Awareness of the Gap: We must recognise the disparity between our goals and our current skills or knowledge.

? Declaration of Incompetence: some version of I don’t know how to do this

? Commitment to Development: The willingness to invest time and effort into closing that gap through learning and growth.

This process works quite well when it comes to hard skills, like mastering Six Sigma or creating intricate Pivot tables in Excel.

But in the context of personal development, it becomes more challenging because we don’t really know or understand what we can become before we become it.

Most of us have no trouble looking back at ourselves and thinking oh boy, was I naive or immature at that point in my life – but it’s only when we have developed beyond that point that we can fully appreciate that we have moved on.

And if we do not understand what we could become, there is no gap, and with no gap, there is no declaration of incompetence.

In fact, we don’t even consider a gap because, most often, when things don’t go as planned, we typically attribute the issues to the incompetence of others, their unwillingness to collaborate, or external factors beyond our control.

Rare is the manager who reflects, “ What a mess this turned out to be. I obviously need some personal development.” Most have a serious blind spot as to what they could actually become.

So, don’t wait for your managers to ask for more personal development – instead, think about how you could best help them identify their blind spots.


Coaching might be a good place to start.

If you’re intrigued by the concept of complexity in leadership, I invite you to explore further with my series of micro-lessons. Dive deeper into this topic and discover how to effectively navigate the complexities of leadership.

It’s a bit embarrassing to admit, but I only recently grasped the crucial difference between ‘complicated’ and ‘complex’. For a long time, I naively used these terms interchangeably, believing that extreme complication somehow evolved into complexity. This misunderstanding is more common than you might think, and it’s essential for us, especially in leadership roles, to recognize that these are two fundamentally different scenarios requiring distinct approaches.

Why Should We Talk About Complexity Awareness?

We are inhabiting an ever-more complex world. Everything is becoming increasingly interdependent, reacting and interacting in unpredictable ways. The world has shifted from the relative simplicity of a few decades ago to a far more complex state today. This evolution presents a unique challenge: if we fail to understand what true complexity is, we run the risk of applying oversimplified solutions to intricate problems—a trap that politicians often fall into with their penchant for straightforward fixes to multifaceted issues.

The Pitfalls of Oversimplification

It’s not just politicians who fall prey to oversimplification. As managers, we’ve all been guilty of this at some point. Whether it’s dropping prices in response to falling sales, creating new rules to manage staff behavior, or introducing a new bonus system to redirect efforts, we’ve often reached for the simplest tool in our kit. But here’s the rub: treating everything as a nail when you only have a hammer doesn’t work well in a world brimming with unique screws.

Expanding Our Toolbox

Our response to this? Broaden our toolbox. With a wider range of tools and approaches, we can make more nuanced and effective interventions. This also links to the concept of awareness. What we are aware of, we can manage. But what we’re oblivious to often surprises us at the most inconvenient times.

Sorting the World into Buckets

Imagine sorting the world into four buckets: Predictable and Unpredictable, then further into Clear (Simple), Complicated, Complex, and Chaotic. Predictable scenarios are where cause and effect are apparent, like making coffee—follow the recipe, and you get a good result every time. Then there are complicated scenarios—like software issues or medical problems—where cause and effect are known but require expertise to navigate.

The unpredictable world, however, is a different ball game. Here we have complex scenarios, like the Cuban Missile Crisis, where cause and effect only become clear in hindsight. These situations don’t equip us to handle future complexities as each one is unique. Then there’s chaos, like the January 6th assault on Congress, where there’s no discernible cause and effect at play.

Mechanical vs. Organic Systems

A key distinction to understand here is between mechanical and organic systems. Mechanical systems are non-adaptive and predictable, while organic systems are complex, adaptive, and unpredictable. Human behavior, being organic, adds an inherent level of unpredictability to any situation involving people.

Navigating Different Situations

In dealing with these various situations, the first step is to identify which bucket you’re dealing with. Is the situation predictable or unpredictable? Can you deduce cause and effect? In predictable scenarios, responses are straightforward. But in complex situations, where outcomes are uncertain, a different approach is required. Here, we need to be comfortable with not knowing and adopt a probing attitude, learning as we go.

Embracing Complexity in Leadership

Handling complexity requires a shift in mindset. Acknowledge uncertainty and be comfortable in it. Be present, as stress and complexity don’t mix well. Transparency is key—admit when you don’t have all the answers. Be empathetic to how differently people handle uncertainty. Remember, in complex scenarios, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. Instead, we need to be adaptive, experiment safely, and learn from each step.

Conclusion

Understanding the nuances between complicated and complex scenarios is crucial for effective leadership in today’s interconnected world. As leaders, our challenge is to recognize these differences and adapt our strategies accordingly. By doing so, we can navigate through complexities more effectively and make better decisions for our teams and organizations.

I invite you to explore further with my series of micro-lessons. Dive deeper into this topic and discover how to effectively navigate the complexities of leadership.

We spend years in school, then more years in higher education, and even more climbing the career ladder. Throughout, there’s one constant rule: You need to be right. You need to know.

If you’re not right or don’t know, you’ve failed – whether it’s the test, the next grade, or the promotion. 

This approach works fine in predictable domains, where things are complicated but knowing is possible, even desirable.

But what about unpredictable domains, the world of uncertainty?

The unaware manager facing unpredictable situations will likely feel threatened. 

And when we feel threatened? 

We fight, flee, or freeze.

Not the most transformative or skilful leadership approach, I’d say.

And we all observe the’ day-to-day symptoms: stress, lack of empathy, micro-managing,  aggression, disconnection, and absence of presence. 

The list is depressingly long.

They don’t need another leadership course.

They need to get comfortable with uncertainty and learn to navigate it skillfully.

Because the world once just very complicated, it is increasingly becoming more and more complex. And thus unpredictable, 

Learning how to cope with uncertainty is more about personal development than learning new skills.

#Leadership #humanresources #complexity

PS Any situation involving other humans has a serious element of uncertainty – just a reminder.

-Review your year.

-Set clear goals

-Do better 

Yet, what if we dared to deviate from this well-trodden path and think of possibilities instead?

? The future is complex

The inherently complex and unpredictable future does not always align with linear goal-setting. Embracing ‘possibility thinking’ opens us to a broader, more dynamic range of outcomes. This approach encourages us to consider what we aim to achieve and the unforeseen opportunities that may arise. 

Traditional goal setting often limits our perspective, confining us to a narrow path. In contrast, focusing on possibilities encourages a systemic approach, considering various factors and potential shifts in our environment. Most importantly, it requires us to think about networks, connections and relationships – that is where some of the most fantastic possibilities are hidden.

? Dream Beyond Boundaries

– Challenge the Status Quo: Why settle for incremental changes when you can aspire for transformational growth?

– Ignite Your Imagination: Envision what could be, not just what should be. Let your mind wander to the farthest reaches of possibility.

– Cultivate Curiosity: Ask ‘what if’ and ‘why not’, rather than just ‘how’.

? Collaborate for Expansion

– Build Networks of Possibility: Connect with individuals who inspire you to think differently. Share ideas and explore synergies.

– Encourage Diversity of Thought: Engage with people from different backgrounds and disciplines. Innovation often happens at the intersection of diverse perspectives.

? Actionable Possibilities

– Small Steps, Big Impact: Identify one grand possibility and take a small, tangible step towards it. 

– Commit to Start: Mark a date on your calendar. Make that your day to embark on this new journey of possibilities.

With that mindset, anything is possible!

Most of us do complicate quite well. Our whole educational system has trained us for ‘complicated.’

Complex, on the other hand, is something different altogether. ‘Complex’ implies uncertainty and not knowing – that can be quite a challenge no matter how smart we are.

From a leadership perspective, it means shifting focus from task to relationship orientation when navigating complex environments.

Not many managers are aware of how significant a shift this is. This is why I am offering a ten-lesson course delivered to your mailbox every other day ( free).

The format is micro-learning, a short series of lessons in email form, at most 400 words each. Each lesson offers high-level principles in digestible nuggets. 

Easy to consume – hard to forget

Drop in your email below and join me down this fascinating rabbit hole.

Your lessons will arrive at the rhythm of one every other day

If, for whatever reason, you do not find this email helpful, just click unsubscribe, and that will be the end of that – but I will be surprised if you do that – quite honestly.

Needless to say, I just want to make sure you know that I respect you for entrusting me with your email and guarantee never to share your information with anyone.

For learning to take place, three crucial elements must align:

• Awareness of the Gap: We must recognise the disparity between our goals and our current skills or knowledge.
• Declaration of Incompetence: some version of I don’t know how to do this
• Commitment to Development: The willingness to invest time and effort into closing that gap through learning and growth.

This process works quite well when it comes to hard skills, like mastering Six Sigma or creating intricate Pivot tables in Excel.

But in the context of personal development, it becomes more challenging because we don’t really know or understand what we can become before we become it.

Most of us have no trouble looking back at ourselves and thinking oh boy, was I naive or immature at that point in my life – but it’s only when we have developed beyond that point that we can fully appreciate that we have moved on.

And if we do not understand what we could become, there is no gap, and with no gap, there is no declaration of incompetence.

In fact, we don’t even consider a gap because, most often, when things don’t go as planned, we typically attribute the issues to the incompetence of others, their unwillingness to collaborate, or external factors beyond our control.

Rare is the manager who reflects, “ What a mess this turned out to be. I obviously need some personal development.” Most have a serious blind spot as to what they could actually become.

So, don’t wait for your managers to ask for more personal development – instead, think about how you could best help them identify their blind spots.

Coaching might be a good place to start.

#PersonalDevelopment #Leadership #GrowthMindset #SoftSkills 

Operating in a complex environment, per definition, means that the core challenge is uncertainty.

Depending on our personal temperament, we handle uncertainty very differently. For most of us, a bit of uncertainty is thrilling. It spices up our life. The butterflies in your stomach on a first date – who would have been without that. But, the ‘will I have food on the table tomorrow’ feeling – if you have tried that, is not something you are eager to repeat.

Uncertainty triggers fear

When overwhelmed by too much uncertainty, it triggers fear and, with that, our flight-fight-freeze response. As a consequence, only vital functions are operational. There are no resources left for creativity, problem-solving and all that good stuff that we desperately need more of to get out of the pickle we are in.

To minimise the unwanted side effects of uncertainty, the leader needs to make the team as comfortable as possible with the ‘not-knowing’.

You can’t do that with command and control, as tempting as it may be to channel the intensity of an action hero in the face of an unpredictable environment

Instead, you need the right combination of presence, candour and empathy. When you get that right, it comes across as ‘holding the space’. 

And it makes a world of difference to the team.

Holding Space is what great facilitators do

Holding Space is a well-known term for facilitators of group processes  and coaches. But just recently discovered that the term originates in child psychology. 

One of my favourite leadership Gurus, Gianpiero Petriglieri, wrote a piece in the HBR ‘The Psychology Behind Effective Crisis Leadership“.  

In it, he writes.

“It was Donald Winnicott, a pioneering British psychoanalyst, who first conceptualised ‘holding’. He observed that being held well was necessary for healthy growth in children. Parents who were available but not demanding, reassuring but not intrusive, responsive but not reactive, present even if not perfect, Winnicott observed, provided a “holding environment” that made children comfortable and curious. “

And so do skillfull leaders

The skilful leader holds Space by being totally present in the physical sense that she is not hiding – but out front where people can see and address her as much as possible. And when she engages with you, she is also mentally fully present. There are no wishy-washy answers to tricky questions – if she doesn’t know, she will say: I don’t know.

It is all about total transparency and candour – combined with empathy. (Empathy involves making ‘space’ for the many different ways people will experience a threatening situation.)

The direct result of holding Space well is that the team becomes gradually more comfortable with operating in uncertainty – and that, my friends, is the first crucial step if you want to get our feet back on dry land eventually.

Ah, empathy, the buzzword that’s got everyone in the corporate world nodding their heads like they’re at a rock concert. Don’t get me wrong, empathy is as essential as coffee on a Monday morning; it makes the world go ’round. 

The Misdirection of Empathy 

We often assume that leaders who fail are actively doing something wrong. A more common issue is leaders failing to do what is right. Empathy, for all its merits, can serve as a convenient excuse for inaction. Expressing understanding for the teams sounds good – but if you are not careful, you just contribute to an unproductive drama triangle.

Empathy Plus Action Equals…?

What happens when we add action to empathy? We get compassion. Compassion is empathy in action. It involves not only understanding what your team is going through but also taking necessary steps to alleviate their challenges.

Why Compassion Matters in Leadership

The team needs more than empathetic listening. They need solutions and supportive action. Compassionate leadership fosters a culture of support and action-oriented problem-solving. It goes beyond identifying issues to actively seeking ways to resolve them and creating a work environment that not only understands but also actively addresses the needs of its employees.

Check out my course Plays Well with others and learn more

#Leadership #Hospitality

#humanresources

 Understanding the Hierarchy of Employee Needs

Below is a figure that illustrates how the hierarchy of employees’ needs looks. At the bottom, you have the foundational elements. Without these in place, you won’t achieve basic satisfaction. This is primarily basic management stuff that you are hopefully already doing well. The next level, however, is where your leadership skills start to make a significant difference. At the pinnacle is inspiration, driven by your unique style of team leadership.

 The Two Facets of Inspiration

As you can see, inspiration has two aspects. The first pertains to the vision or mission of your team: Is your team striving for something meaningful? The second is about you: Are you the sort of person who inspires followership?

 Why Being Inspirational Matters: The Data

If you’re someone who likes your information backed by hard facts, consider this: Inspiration is a powerful productivity booster. People who are inspired produce twice as much as those who are merely satisfied with their jobs. According to Gallup’s employee engagement scores, around 63% of employees are not particularly engaged at work. Therefore, there’s ample room for improvement in team engagement from a leadership standpoint.

 Going Beyond Satisfaction: The Service Profit Chain

This subject is close to my heart. When discussing the implementation of the Service Profit Chain model, mere employee satisfaction doesn’t cut it. What truly matters is your team’s enthusiasm and engagement.

 Future-proofing Your Leadership: Demographic Changes

But there’s more to inspirational leadership than just productivity. The other key factor is linked to rapidly changing demographics. All indicators suggest that soon you might scramble to find the needed employees, especially in Northern Europe. Only one new young person is joining for every four people leaving the industry due to retirement. This disparity is a ticking time bomb.

 Your Strategic Choices: Automation vs. Being the Employer of Choice

You have two choices. The first is to focus on automation, which rarely leads to exceptional service experiences. The second choice is to create a workplace that stands head and shoulders above the competition, becoming the employer of first choice. If you choose the latter, you’ll fare splendidly.

 Why You Should Care: A Final Thought

Hopefully, you now see that creating an inspirational environment is a strategic imperative. And from a career perspective this kind of thinking has potential. Managers who excel at developing great team leaders will be in high demand. In fact, they already are.

I hope this gives you food for thought. Until next time.

PS   One more thing.

What is my definition of a team leader? It is a manager at any level who has more than 2 persons reporting to them.

 The Misconception of Fate

We frequently adopt an almost romanticised notion about our work relationships: “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” This hands-off approach might spare you some emotional labour short-term, but it’s a ticking time bomb for inevitable relationship challenges.

 The Art of Social Contracting

Peter Block brilliantly termed the upfront efforts in establishing a working relationship as ‘social contracting.’ It’s the understanding that both parties need to commit to a mutually beneficial relationship. No more leaving things to fate or chance; let’s get pragmatic about how we interact.

(The whole subject of social contracting and how to do it is a new post, so that will be for later.)

 Maintenance over Mayhem

In a world where interdependency trumps solo efforts, relationship maintenance isn’t just good emotional hygiene—it’s a strategic imperative. You can’t afford to let any cog in the machine rust in complex service environments. It’s about ongoing attention, timely tune-ups, and, when necessary, full-scale interventions.

 Resetting the Dials

Things don’t always go smoothly—misunderstandings, mismatched expectations, or the classic blame game can easily sour relationships. When things do go south, it’s your responsibility to reset the relationship dials. Being passive will only let the issue fester; taking action can steer the ship back on course.

 Make Time for What Matters

Don’t underestimate the power of carving out time for relationship upkeep. Even a brief weekly check-in can go a long way in ensuring everyone is aligned, valued, and heard.

Remember, you’re not just maintaining relationships but sustaining the foundations of effective management.

Check out Plays well with others if you would like to get good at this.

 The Illusion of Independence

We often hear about the merits of independence, especially when it comes to leadership. The self-made manager, the lone wolf who sets their own course—these archetypes have their value, but they can also be a mirage that diverts us from a powerful truth. If we strive for independence at the cost of ignoring the web of interactions surrounding us, we’re setting ourselves and our teams up for failure. 

 The Realities of Complexity

Service industries are not necessarily complicated, but they are undeniably complex. What’s the difference? Complexity comes from the unpredictable nature of the variables involved. Take a hotel on any given day—how many reservations might be cancelled? What if the chef calls in sick? What if a sudden event floods your venue with guests? These variables create a domino effect, impacting all departments, from housekeeping to the front desk. 

 A Symphony of Success

In this unpredictable environment, no one wins unless everyone wins. Think about it: a guest’s experience doesn’t start and end at the reception. It’s a combination of clean rooms, prompt service, delightful meals, and courteous interactions. It’s a symphony, and like any good symphony, all the musicians—or in this case, all the departments—need to be in harmony. 

 Leading through Interdependency

So, if you’re a manager with department heads reporting to you, take note. Fostering interdependency is not about micromanaging each section; it’s about creating a culture where the strings, woodwinds, and percussion—the reception, housekeeping, and kitchen—can work in seamless coordination. But that only happens when they have strong, positive relationships with each other. If not they will just focus on their part and disregard what happens elsewhere.

Connection before Content

By focusing on interdependency, you’re putting ‘connection before content.’ You’re acknowledging that relationships form the backbone of any successful endeavour, especially in an arena where customer experience reigns supreme.

Interdependency isn’t just a buzzword—it’s your roadmap to harmony and success. But it requires a deliberate effort on the part of the leader to create that culture.

Learn more about creating a team where every one Plays well with others.

We talk about a lot of things when it comes to organisational success–KPIs, growth strategies, ROI–you name it. Yet, we often skip over a vital piece that’s right in front of us: the quality of relationships among managers. The old saying “Plays well with others” isn’t just for your childhood report card; it’s a crucial metric for professional growth, too.

This is how I see it:

Connection Before Content

If Alfred Adler’s wisdom could be condensed into a bottle, it would be labelled, “All our challenges are basically interrelationship problems.” The lack of strong relationships is usually the breeding ground for conflict, low morale, and inefficiency. So, let’s be clear–our ability to “play well with others” in the managerial sandbox is not a soft skill; it’s a core skill.

The Emotional Quotient: Not Just a Number

As a manager of managers, it’s tempting to view Emotional Intelligence (EI) as the fluffy stuff, the icing on the cake of hardcore business skills. Wrong. EI is your capacity to relate, understand, and be understood. It’s the difference between a symphony and a cacophony in the workplace.

Bias and Beliefs: Navigating the Minefield

Let’s be honest, our worldviews shape our relationships, often subconsciously. But as managers, we can’t afford to let personal biases sabotage team dynamics. Addressing our biases and beliefs is uncomfortable yet essential work. If Peter Drucker had a mantra for this, it might be: “Culture eats strategy for breakfast.”

Personal Accountability: Owning Our Reactions

Victor E. Frankel put it succinctly: “Between stimulus and response, there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” The ability to respond rather than react is a subtle art that comes with personal development. Before blaming the external environment, let’s take a moment to evaluate how our own perception influences our reactions.

The Interdependent Web: Our Global Reality

Our world is knitted tightly in a fabric of complexity. Success in such a scenario can’t be a lone wolf endeavour. Interdependence is not just a buzzword–it’s a lifeline. Peter Block might say, “The answer to how is yes.” This means that our collective potential to solve complex problems skyrockets when we focus on quality relationships.

The Final Word

Emphasising the quality of work relationships is not a “nice-to-have”; it’s a “must-have.” It’s time to dust off the old “Plays well with others” badge and pin it proudly on your lapel!

#Leadership #WorkplaceRelationships #EmotionalIntelligence #Interdependence

I find this video so inspiring – I hope you do aswell

Emotional safety, it’s interesting. Five years ago, we did not talk a lot about this, but since Amy Godmonson especially put this on the map for all to see, it has become an important and much-discussed topic when we talk about Leadership development.

John Hibss just posted a great piece here on this that made me think: This is such an important point – but I wish I could get more people to understand the subtleties involved.

Emotional safety is one of these things that we all understand. Nod our heads and go: “Yes – so important. Thankfully not something I need to be too concerned about – can’t imagine anyone on my team feeling emotionally unsafe.”

Well, I have news for you (and us all ) – we make a lot more people feel emotionally unsafe than we often imagine. I know this because, in my job, I often coach people from the same organisation but at different levels as part of my Grow Leadership program. And I observe this unfolding again and again.

So many brilliant, well-meaning managers are unaware of how their sense of humour, moods, decision patterns, goal setting, meeting style, lack of inquiry, focus on advocacy etc. etc, impacts people around them.

The best way to become more self-aware is to try and notice – but truly pay attention to – everyone on my team contributing. ( in the broadest sense of the word). And if you get the feeling that someone is holding back – even just the slightest – they are probably holding back because they are unsure if it is safe to contribute fully. ( you can define ‘contribute’ as it applies in your context)

In my coaching practice, I think that I spend more than 50% of the time working with managers on some aspect of their collaboration with others. Situations that, for some reason, are dysfunctional or even, at times, toxic.

For the person involved, it is often a ‘big thing ‘ that takes up much bandwidth, and at the end of the day, it can’t help but affect their output negatively.

The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our results.

But for some funny reason, we rarely pay much attention to developing collaborative skills – When things are difficult, it is obviously because someone else is [ ] put in whatever applies ( Stupid, incompetent, tone-deaf)

Collaboration is a learned skill, and it is really not that hard. And surprisingly its not so much about the others… it’s all about us

Not since kindergarten days did you get a report card that scored you for “Plays well with others” or not…

Maybe now is the time

Yes and no.

• E-learning is flexible. Learning is self-paced. You can take as much time on a subject as you like. Watch and rewatch til you get it.
• No need to travel – it is an enormous cost and time saver

There are so many advantages over traditional classroom learning.

But, and that is serious but.

Possibly for exactly those same reasons e-learning can be challenging.

• You need a lot of self-discipline to make sure you get it done
• You can lose motivation when things get a bit tricky
• You may miss the feedback and encouragement, or possibly just another person to bounce off ideas and your own understanding with.

That is also why a substantial proportion of e-learning courses are never completed.

What you really need is a coach

In most areas of life where we would like improvement, we would hire a coach – when it comes to learning we call it a tutor. Adding a tutor to your e-learning program is incredibly effective – in fact, adding a tutor solves Bloom’s famous 2-sigma problem.

Bloom’s 2 sigma problem shows that students who receive one-on-one tutoring using mastery learning techniques perform two standard deviations better than students in a traditional classroom setting.

But supporting students individually becomes very expensive – that was Bloom’s problem – we know it is the best way to learn – but how to do it without breaking the bank?

When we combine e-learning with tutoring, you get the best of both worlds. You have the convenience and flexibility of e-learning, but with the added support and personalised instruction of a tutor.

A tutor will help you stay motivated, answer your questions, and provide immediate feedback.

All my e-learning programs come with a tutoring option – for all of the above reasons.

But if you think about why not apply this thinking to your learning in general?

What would you like to learn or get better at?

Today all the knowledge is out there – that is not the challenge. Knowledge is really available.

No, the real challenge is converting knowledge into new behaviour. The famous knowing-doing gap and that is where a coach/tutor can be of enormous help

Tell me more about what you would like to improve and we can put together a learning journey for you.

Video transcript

I have a challenge for you.

Its called work your inside for a change.

But before I disclose what the challenge is I want to share with you what has inspired me to create this challenge. 

This summer, I came across a really interesting initiative that has come out of Stockholm, Sweden, a group of consultants, academics, and researchers have asked themselves this very important question. We have this beautiful framework  called the United nation sustainability framework? When you look at them, It very obvious what needs to be done? 

The research is there, the knowledge is there. Everybody knows what needs to be done,

But somehow it’s not happening. Or if it’s happening, it’s in a very small way compared to what is actually needed. So in that sense, this, this sort of classic knowing, doing gap,

We know exactly what has to be done, but somehow it’s not happening.

You could also say that we have a collective blind spot. Somehow we’re not seeing what it is that’s tripping us up and preventing us in actually taking the necessary action.

And so they ask themselves this question, what would it actually take? What are the skills and abilities and attributes that we would need to develop individually and collectively in order to fulfil these sustainability goals.

And they put this question out to a wide range of people and asked for their input. And out of that came what they have now labeled, The inner development goals. Go to their website and you can learn a lot more about them, the way they researched it and process that’s behind developing this framework. 

A lot of interesting companies that are backing up this initiative. It’s, it’s not a two centsstart up  in a basement. It’s a very serious initiative. 

What that came up with was 21 skills and attributes, including things like openness, how our ability to be open to new things, our ability to take perspectives, humility, trust, empathy, all these kinds of things. 

They then grouped them  in five main categories that they called 

• being 
• thinking
• relating
• collaborating
• acting, 

This framework is open source and free to use for anybody who is interested in working in the field of sustainability and leadership.

When I saw the framework I went, hallelujah. 

Those are exactly the same attributes that we would need If you asked someone, what does it take to develop sustainable leadership? 

What do we need to develop? 

Well, they’re exactly the same skills and attributes. 

This then brought me back to something that I’ve been asking myself for a long time now.

 In    the so-called Western world, we seem to have an over focus on the outside. We are fascinated with skill development that has directed towards task orientation and optimising performance. But that over focus on the outside seems to develop some kind of imbalance in the system  that we are part of.

And the way that imbalance comes out is in things like th is the great resignation people leaving their jobs in droves. Companies having problems with recruitment. Theya little red lamps  popping up that are telling us that somehow our system is out of balance and that imbalance is due to a blind spot or a knowing doing gap. 

We know what it takes to create sustainable leadership. We know what kind of organisations and workplaces we need to develop, but somehow it’s not happening. 

And my feeling is that the main reason it’s not happening is because we are neglecting the inside. We are not working hard enough on achieving a balance by  developing individually and collectively a healthier inside.

I think one of the reasons this happens is because most of us, when we look at these things, humility, trust, openness, whatever they are  and we ask ourselves, am I good at that? And we all go, yes, of course, I’m good at that. I’m a very open person. I’m humble, I’m trustworthy. And so we give ourselves a 10 out of 10 on all of those. But the reality is that when we look at that list of 21 things, we all have some serious blind spots and we cannot work on them until we start exploring them. 

Awareness, proceeds, change remember. 

So what I mean is that you can be the smartest person in the room. You can have the most fabulous education. You can have gone undergone all sorts of incredible training courses. But if you’re inside is underdeveloped, then you will end up getting in your own way. You will not be able to perform as well as you could, if you had a better balance. 

And that’s why I’d like you to join me in this exploration of inner development. 

And that’s the challenge that I want to present you with today. I call it working on your inside for a change.  Over the next five days. I will send you a podcast, one podcast each day. In the podcast, which will be about 25 to 30 minutes. I will take up one of these 21 Inner development goals could be trust, humility, empathy, complexity awareness. 

And at the end of each podcast, I will ask you a question to reflect on. It’s really important to do this reflection, because if you just consume the podcast, then you have just added more knowledge to your knowledge bank, but you’ve actually not started working with the inner development. 

In order to work with inner development, we need some kind of a conversation, a conversation with ourselves or a conversation with somebody else. 

And so the conversation with ourselves could be in the form of answering a reflection question and putting in that reflection question on an email to me. 

In that way, there’s a certain commitment to doing it. 

So that’ll be the rhythm: podcast, reflection, another podcast, reflection at the end of the five podcasts, I will offer you a coaching conversation where we can go over the five inner development goals that we have covered as well as your reflections for each of them. 

There’s no charge for this.

There’s no payment, but there is a catch, a small catch. And the catch is that if you don’t do the reflection, you don’t get the next podcast. You can’t just consume the content because you’re just going to add to the knowing, doing gap. And so podcast + reflection, and that releases the next podcast. 

That also means that if you feel that doing it every day for five days is too fast, or you don’t have the time for it, then you can skip a day, even two, as long as you realize that you don’t get the next podcast before I receive your reflection. 

So that’s the deal. 

So how do I think you might be able to benefit from this? 

Well, I think first of all, and that’s my overall goal with this, I wanna give you a taste of what could it be like to work with your inside?

And in that process, I would also like to raise your awareness of this phenomenon that I’ve talked about, of this imbalance, how we seem to be much more focused on working on our outsides and not paying enough attention to what would actually happen if we start working a little bit more on our insides. 

And I also hope to make it clear to you that the quality of our insides ends up driving the quality of our output –  of our outsides if you like. 

And finally, my larger hope is that this little sequence of podcasts, and the coaching conversation will inspire you to continue working on your own innerdevelopment development. 

So how does that sound? 

Are you up for the challenge? 

I really hope so. I would so enjoy having you board. The next step is very simple. All you need to do is go to my webpage, Mikehohnen.com/inside, and then add your name and email address in the form that’s provided. 

When you are registered as a participant you will first of all, get an email back where I will send you some more material to think about that will inspire you to further consider, your own inner development. 

I expect to be shipping the podcasts around the end of August. 

So that’s when you can expect the first podcast to arrive in your imbox, but in between, I’ll make sure to keep you busy with something else to think about. I really look forward to seeing you on the program. 

Bye bye for now.

Join the challenge here

Over the past weeks, I have been catching up with clients.

Reflecting on these conversations one thing has struck me. Most of them are incredibly busy… and frustrated. When I poke a bit at that busyness it turns out that there is a common denominator. Somehow most of them have got trapped on the dance floor.

By that I mean, they are working on stuff that rightly should be done by someone on their team. That’s how it used to be but after all the confinements, shutdowns and staff shortages, they have drifted into sacrificing their own time for subordinate imposed time.

Let me explain.

Most managers operate within three main categories of time.

Boss-imposed time – used to accomplish tasks imposed by the boss and that can not be ignored without serious negative consequences.

System imposed time, meetings, request for support from fellow managers etc. Also, stuff that can not be ignored without getting into trouble.

Self-imposed time – is the time that the manager gets to work on ‘own’ projects, but a portion of that time will be taken by subordinate-imposed time. So when we deduct the subordinate imposed time from the self-imposed time it leaves us with the manager’s discretionary time.

Often this discretionary time is negative in the sense that it overshoots the number of hours available in what we would define as a reasonable workday or workweek. The manager is then faced with the choice of working unreasonably long hours or not working on their projects. An impossible choice. Hence the frustration.

This was all described brilliantly in a 1999 HBR article called, ‘Who’s got the monkey?’

Seems it’s still relevant.

Because of the ‘situation’ over the past many months, the manager has got into the habit of taking over the monkeys that subordinates are struggling with. This happens in more or less subtle ways.

“Boss, how are we going to cope with x now that y is no longer available to us?” “Hmm, I don’t really know yet, leave it with me and I will think about it.”

“Boss, I am missing two key people on my team, and I still have not sent that activity report for HQ – I just don’t know how to cope at the moment.” The manager thinks… don’t want to lose this lady as well, then responds. “Don’t worry leave it here with me I will sort it out later today.”

And so it goes on and on throughout the day.

In the process, subordinates have learnt that the best way to ease their workload and get home in a reasonable time is to drop by the manager and see if he will take over a monkey or two. It has become the new way of doing things.

It’s a swamp that will suck even the best manager under if not attended to.

But even worse, subordinates are learning to be helpless, it may be easier, but in the long run it is not very stimulating.

It’s time get off the dance floor and onto the balcony.

The first step is to be much more aware of what monkeys are truly yours and what monkeys are not yours. Subordinates who bring problem monkeys to you, need coaching, maybe direct advice, but when they leave your office they take their monkey with them.

It’s their monkey and they need to feed it.

What is more important?

Neither – its a polarity – they need to be balanced and present

Lots of managers have fantastic hard skills – often that is what got them the job in the first place.

But if there is a lack of soft skills

• they lose people – lots of people.

“a toxic culture is the biggest factor pushing employees out the door during the Great Resignation” -Sloan Review

Previously we accepted high turnovers. We shrugged it off – ‘that’s the industry’ we said to each other.

It was easy to find replacements.

That is no longer the case

In the future, we will need a better balance

The courage to act

I promise you

It’s not more planning, bigger goals or even new KPI’s that is going to get you through the coming year.

You will need one thing and one thing only.

Courage

The courage to act

The biggest threat you face at the moment is to get bogged down in passivity while you are waiting for things to get better.

Things are not going to get better or worse for that matter.

‘Things’ are what they are

Uncertain, unpredictable, and continuously evolving. 

This Corona thing is just an accelerator for so much that has been percolating for a while.

On a high level, what is happening is that we are transitioning from a period where things were complicated to a situation where things are beyond complicated – they have become complex. 

In a complex world, there are no known answers – no experts to turn to. Situations are unfolding and developing constantly. There is no longer agreement on how things work or what will happen when we do x y or z.

To navigate this uncertainty, we need to experiment. To test things out. 

That way, if we are smart, we can learn and adapt.

The crucial part is the do part – without the doing, we will lack vital information.

But taking action in the face of uncertainty requires courage.

• Courage to accept a lot of failures
• Courage to be critiqued for trying and missing
• Courage to get up and try again

So you just need to find the courage.

I think I can help you with that.

For years I have operated a coaching system that I call Micro Coaching – it is basically an adaptation of a basic action learning concept.

It works like this

Every Friday morning, you receive an e-mail from me with the following questions:

• What was your focus this past week?
• What did you do?
• What did you learn?
• What will you focus on next week?

You answer the questions and return them to me before the end of the weekend. Monday – latest Tuesday I will send you my reflections, thoughts and feedback.

We continue the same process every week.

You will be surprised at how much it helps you stay on track. But most importantly, it will help you find the courage to act – and that is your secret weapon for 2021.

Click the link here, and it will take you to the page I created to describe the concept in more detail.

The courage to act

All the best

Mike

We have been exploring the difference between to be above the line and below the line in a number of blogposts now. The concept of ‘this’ not ‘that’ relates back to my original video in this serie about how we get trapped in wanting to be right. When we get trapped in ‘this’ not ‘that’, then we also  are trapped in right and wrong and black and white and all the rest of it. And that’s fine. As long as we are operating in a simple world: that car is blue, that horse is moving or appels are fruits.

Video and Soundcloud versions below

‘This’ not ‘that’ works when things are simple

But as soon as we start moving out of very simple situations and into something that starts getting more complicated or even more complex, we start getting into trouble.

Just to recapitulate, computers are complicated. They are difficult but once you figure them out then you know how they will respond. A bowl of spaghetti on the other hand is complex. You have no idea how its is ‘configured’. If you pull a strand what happens next? It is unpredictable and the next bowl will behave differently. 

That’s the beauty of complexity. Things are so interconnected and there’s so much randomness in the system that we don’t really know how things will evolve, respond or perform. In a complex world ‘this’ not ‘that’ is pretty useless. It doesn’t work.

Of all our fears, the fear of the unknown is the greatest

So why do we get trapped in wanting to be right? Well, you’ll see what happens is that most of us get scared when faced with complexity. We have nothing to hold on to, no rules to live by and our little ego freaks out and looks for something to cling to: And there is it is ‘this’ not ‘that’. The moment it does, it drags us below the line. It’s the end of open mind, we no longer see possibilities, we are not open to perspectives. We are fighting for ego-survival. It’s ‘this’ not ‘that’!

In order to stay above the line, we need get comfortable with complexity and we need to be okay with our ‘not knowing’. Complexity means dealing with the grey tones, resisting the black and white solutions. In complexity, we need more options, because we can’t possibly know beforehand which options will actually work out.

That is the world that we’re operating in.

Great team leaders are not afraid of complexity

And in case you were wondering, anything that involves human beings is not only complicated, it is also very complex. That means the big error we keep on making is, we think we can reduce all those questions regarding our teams and people to ‘this’ not ‘that’. If we do ‘this’, they are going to do ‘that’. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. It just depends. “If we give them a bonus, they will do this”. Maybe, some people will, sometimes. Maybe they won’t. To be a great team leader is also to become a master of complexity.

Here are the previous post in this series

Leadership skills every team leader needs to master

As a leader do you have the courage to examine your mindset model?

Feeling right you are probably wrong

Great team leaders do not get sucked into drama

Because you will drift you need to learn how to shift

Mike Hohnen, MBA is a coach, trainer, author and public speaker who supports leaders, managers and their teams in implementing the principles of the Service Profit Chain.

Here is the video version and the sound track version for thos on the go

We start out with some degree of presence. We are totally ‘here now’ And then something happens. Something that causes us to drift out of presence. It could be beep on the cell phone. “Oh, sorry. Just a minute , oh no, not again. Yeah, sorry. Where were we?”

Or we just, can’t stay concentrated. Our mind starts floating: I wonder what’s for lunch? These interruptions and many more we call drift. And when we drift, we easily slip below the line. ( because left to its own devices our Ego loves to run the show) And before we know it we get caught in the drama triangle again.

Develop your awareness – understand what is going on

And so the issue is not to never ever get caught in the drama triangle because you’re not going to solve that. The real challenge is you need to develop the awareness to realise when that is what is happening.

And then you need to develop the skills to shift yourself back out of the drama triangle and up into presence of being fully ‘here now’. A simple first step of shifting is to take a deep breath, and re-center. Then you ask yourself the key question: I wonder how we could fix/solve/develop that. By activating a ‘creating’ question we come back to the present. A question that seeks to create something that would contribute to the current situation. That’s the core skill and that’s what we need to practice.

More Vblogs in the pipeline

This concludes my first six-post series on leadership skills, based around this model of above and below the line.

I will continue these VBlogs in the future, and will continue to explore the leadership qualities that we need to develop in order to become great team leaders.

Here are the previous post in this series

Leadership skills every team leader needs to master

As a leader do you have the courage to examine your mindset model?

Feeling right you are probably wrong

Great team leaders do not get sucked into drama

Mike Hohnen, MBA is a coach, trainer, author and public speaker who supports leaders, managers and their teams in implementing the principles of the Service Profit Chain.

Summary of React or Respond

For the full version watch the video or listen to the audio as you prefer

In every situation there is a space, and in that space you have a choice. The choice to react or respond.

Victor Frankel wrote:

Respond or React will position you above or below the line

Above the line and below the line is also the difference between responding (above the line) or reacting, which immediately puts you below the line. When we are hijacked by our emotional system, we automatically fall into the trap of the drama triangle. And we choose a role for ourselves. When we choose a role for ourselves, we at the same time try and push the people around us or the circumstances of whatever into one of the two other roles to get the drama triangle going. And as we mentioned last time, this only serves the purpose of creating a lot of emotional friction, hot air, whatever you like. But it never leads to any constructive solutions. As long as we are caught in the drama triangle, we have no possibility to, create anything meaningful or useful. We just go round and round in circles like cats chasing our own tails.

List to your own language

Try and listen for your own language and notice how your own language will determine whether you are starting a new drama triangle or whether you already are responding and trying to pull the whole conversation into a completely new sphere above the line where we’re outcome-focused, constructive and trying to find solutions. And if you can manage that, and if you get good at that, then you’re going to see how people love to work with you.

Catch up on previous posts

Previous blog posts in this series on Team Leadership Skills and working above and below the line:

Leadership skills every team leader needs to master

As a leader do you have the courage to examine your mindset model?

Feeling right you are probably wrong

Great team leaders do not get sucked into the drama

Mike Hohnen, MBA is a coach, trainer, author and public speaker who supports leaders, managers and their teams in implementing the principles of the Service Profit Chain.

Every time we go ‘below the line’ with our feeling of being right, we also automatically start a drama triangle.

Exploring what it takes to become a great team leader by avoiding the drama

This is the fourth blog post in my series around leadership skills and how we become great team leaders by focusing on followership .

We are using a simple but powerful model that I call above the line and below the line. You may need to go back to this post in the series in order to get the full explanation. Briefly, above the line, we are constructive, we are positive, we are cooperative, we are open to solutions. Below the line we are closed, defensive and not very cooperative.Obviously, below the line we don’t create a lot of followership.

What most of us don’t realise is that we drop below the line and start a drama triangle much more often that we are aware of.

Here is the video version:

And – as a new service to you my reader here is the sound track in case you prefer that version

The principle of the drama triangle

If you take a course in how to write a screenplay for Hollywood, they will introduce you to the concept of the drama triangle. It is the template that nearly everyone uses in order to create a captivating story. It works like this: In order for us to have a captivating story, we need a victim. Somebody who gets hurt, persecuted cheated, whatever.

And in order to produce a victim, we need a villain. Somebody who does something bad to the victim. And then to save the day, we need a hero who will come to the rescue of our victim.

With these three elements we have the basics of a good story. The series ‘House of Cards’ is a great example. It is easy to identify the three roles of Victim, Villain and Hero. Or is it? Because when the drama triangle is used well, the roles shift. Suddenly the hero is the villain; the victim the hero and then it shifts again, the victim is now the villain etc. It’s very, very powerful. The beauty of the dram triangle is that there is never a solution. It just goes round and round creating endless waves of hot emotions. That is what keeps you glued to the screen episoden after episode, season after season.

When you go below the line you start a new drama

When you let your mindset drop below the line, often triggered by your feeling of being right, you automatically start off a drama triangle because you will pick one of the three roles for yourself.

You will choose to see yourself as the victim: Why does nobody understand me? Or you take the villain role: These people are stupid they need to understand that I am right. Or you may choose to be the hero: I am going to save these people from their ignorance. One role is not better that the other they are all toxic in each their way. But that is only part of the story. When you initiate a drama triangle you trigger the people around you to take one of the other roles. It’s a game or a dance if you like and we all know instinctively how to play this game.

And in our blissful state of autopilot switched to ‘survival’ we just click in and take our role whenever someone invites us to have a game of drama triangle.

You come home from work. And yell at the kids for again leaving their bikes in the driveway. You are the villain, they are the victims. Your wife, the hero, jumps in and defends them. Then she switches gear and ask you why you are late again for dinner and gives you an ear full. You favourite daughter throws her armes around you and declares that it is so lovely to have you home… and so it goes round and round. If nobody stops the game it will just continues every evening until the relationship is totally toxic.

Some team leaders are chronic drama queens

Bad team leaders operating below the line also play this game, endlessly. They persecute a team member for doing something wrong (Villain). They complain to the team that ‘upstairs’ has again put pressure on them to get better results or that this week they will be putting in more hours than anyone else (Victim)*, or they take over a task from a team member to do the task themselves (hero) instead of teaching the team members how to do it. And if the team members are not aware of what is going on they just play along – they know how it goes, it’s a well known game and it repeat itself every day. No results. No improved outcomes, lots of frustration and produce no genuine engagement.

When a team leader operates from the below the line in this way the rest of the team is dragged below the line – and so are the customers they are supposed to service with constructive solutions. The negativity spreads.

(*A favourite victim role with team leaders, is to play ‘look how overworked or busy I am…’. It’s also called ‘poor little me’. It a great game judging by how many people choose to play along.)

How not to get sucked into the drama triangle

There is only one way out of the toxic drama triangle and that is to stop the game. It can be done by asking the magic question from previous blog post.

I wonder…

• how we could find a solution?
• if you could help me learn how to do it right?
• what would you suggest we do about that?

The last one is my favourite. It is a real drama triangle game spoiler. With that question you reclaim the high ground above the line and you invite others to join you and stop the game playing.

How much drama can you spot around you?

As your task for the week I invite you to notice how many drama triangles you can identify happening around you, in your team, at home or just watching your favourite soap series. Notice also how clients play drama triangles with us as well. They attack us, they play victim, they play heroes, they do the same thing. They try to draw us into a drama. And the only way again is to ask the key questions for us to break out of the drama and decline the invitation to be part of the drama triangle dance or game.

Next week I will go a bit deeper into more variants of the drama triangle roles and how easily we get trapped below the line in the toxic patterns of communication – some of them are quite subtle and tricky to spot.