Mike Phelan O'Toole's Insomnia Inspired Journal

FOR PRESS: Boston Indie Filmmaker, Video Artist Debut Surreal Film Showcase And Premiere New Movie a

2010-06-11T05:59:34Z

Manic Schematic PR Firm
Mike Phelan O’Toole
Mikeovideo@gmail.com
http://www.MikeOToole.net
http://www.DLPolonsky.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Boston Indie Filmmaker, Video Artist Debut Surreal Film Showcase And
Premiere New Movie at Somerville Theatre

(Boston, MA, 6/7/10) – Indie artist, writer and filmmaker D.L.
Polonsky and video artist Mike Phelan O’Toole announce the arrival
of “D.L. Polonsky’s Non-Violent Anarchy Film Festival” to The
Somerville Theatre (55 Davis Sq, Somerville, MA), Saturday, June 19th.
In the tradition of gritty indie film, microcinema, and “mumblecore”
works, comes the latest crop of strange visual art by “Allston, MA’s
favorite son;” D.L. Polonsky.
This fresh Polonsky “career retrospective” will showcase his “Top Five
Films,” culminating in the public premiere of his latest feature,
“Murder, Money and a Dog.”
The lineup will screen at three different showtimes that day: 4:45
P.M., 6:45 P.M., and 8:45 P.M. Admission is $7.00, in support of the
artists and the arts.
Each two hour movie screening of eclectic low budget films & animation,
taking place at Somerville, MA’s historic Somerville Theatre will be
emceed by Mike Phelan O’Toole, of Polonsky’s “Murder, Money and a
Dog,” noted for his caustic wit in spoken
word performance, and the colorful pun-spouting D.L. Polonsky himself. A
lively question and answer session will follow the often dark, yet
comedic films.
Polonsky’s innovative work dates back to when he was a young boy,
crafting strange and provocative films with his brother, Gabriel. The
now-49 year old Polonsky’s rich history in local indie movies includes
a stint teaching
Super 8 filmmaking to a young Eli Roth (writer/director of “Hostel,”
star of Tarantino’s “Inglorious Bastards.”)
“We still talk of (him) often, and I have all those films.
I talk about “A Clickwork Orange” all the time, and I remember (his)
film “Face Lifts” very vividly,” writes Eli Roth.
The Somerville event will exhibit a selection of quirky modern work,
such as “Midlife
Cowboy,” wherein, a cowboy, fed up with our ubiquitous computer
culture, indulges in a little of
his own “computer hacking” by smashing a computer with an axe, as well
as older, rare gems, such as “Ersatz;” made in 1974, when D.L. was 13.
This is a an epic short film about a pulp novel writer who carries around her
dead father’s head. The showcase will also feature “Misterichard’s
Neighborhood,” a bent piece, in which a surreal
cooking show gives way to a barbeque on the grounds of a psychiatric hospital.
Finally, audiences will see the main event: O’Toole starring with breakout
charactor actor Andy Macbain, and Lawrence Hollie, in D.L. Polonsky’s
quirky and insightful “Murder, Money and Dog.” O’Toole plays Armen
Smyth, a brilliant young inventor, forced to rethink his values, in
trying to find employment in
the midst of the current recession, while Macbain’s Liam C. Griggs
attempts to evade the law, after getting caught with a gun. Meanwhile,
Hollie’s Earl Morrison attempts to cope with the obstacles of new
found wealth. The film also features many local comedians, including
Rob Crean, and Cambridge’s “Comedy Store” regulars Ahmed Bharoocha and
Tim Vargulish.
For more information on the film lineup of “D.L. Polonsky’s
Non-Violent Anarchy Film Festival,” including the premiere of the new
“Murder, Money and a Dog,” and to arrange interviews, please
contact Mike Phelan O’Toole. Please visit http://DLPolonsky.com for
Polonsky bio. Visit http://MikeOToole.net for O’Toole bio.
As an Editor’s Pick, Shaula Clark, of The Boston Phoenix, proclaims
Polonsky’s “Nonviolent Anarchy” fest to include “The kind of films
that could revolutionize cinema, nonviolently or otherwise.”
Additionally, for those wanting to pin down D.L.’s style, The
Brookline Tab’s Alex Stevens winkingly suggests to “Think David Lynch,
without all the mainstream storytelling.”
“My films are created on a miniscule budget using the help and
resources of public access stations and the people who work there.
The purpose of my films, if there has to be one, is not to “uplift” or
“inspire,” but to entertain, and occasionally to point out, through a
fictional story or through parody, aspects of human behavior that are
absurd, stupid or egregiously hypocritical,” says D.L. Polonsky.
The showcase comes out of a desire from the duo to expand their live
audience, and exhibit creative efforts that may be overlooked
by more pretentious “festival” outlets, “It’s a very D.I.Y, punk
approach. We want to show people that these different works can be
unique and entertaining, and that the local personalities behind them
are just as interesting,” says O’Toole. “We’re really excited to come
out of the gate this year with a new project, and meet a new
audience; primarily, to me, collaborating in this kind of art and
putting yourself out there, has
communication at it’s heart,” says Mike Phelan O’Toole.
“The Somerville Theatre is an awesome venue too, and the folks there
have been great to us.
D.L.’s DIY flicks are so wild. He deserves to see his work up on
the big screen, live, and so do underground film fans everywhere.”
Following the 6/19/10 day-long Somerville Theatre event, a selection
of D.L.’s films
will begin playing inside the screening room of Brookline’s
state-of-the-art BATV (Brookline Access Television), starting June
24th. Visit http://BATV.org for details.
In addition to filmmaking, Polonsky has made a name
for himself in the Allston area as the anti-Shepard Fairy, plastering
his artwork up wherever it will stick, while simultaneously having had political
portraits published in several major newspapers and magazines.
Additionally, he has had a children’s book published that he
wrote/illustrated titled “The Letter Bandits.”
Mike Phelan O’Toole is an actor, writer, and spoken word artist, who performs
at Cambridge’s ImprovBoston theatre, and has been a videographer,
advocate of collaborative media, and a purveyor of unique video art,
since 2001. In addition, he is noted for having co-founded
the multi-artist alternative film showcase series “Experimentally
ILL,” with fellow “Polonsky-verse” actor Lawrence Hollie, which has
been warmly received by Boston press and audiences.
D.L. Polonsky has been a prominent contributor to this series.
All three artists are recipients of separate awards from The
Alliance For Community Media for their creative productions, including
“Most Innovative.”
Various lineups of films under the banner of D.L. Polonsky’s
“Nonviolent Anarchy” film fest have played, at Brookline’s Coolidge
Corner Theatre, Provincetown’s Art House
Theatre, and The Cable Car Cinema in Rhode Island.
###

PRESS RELEASE: Mike Phelan O'Toole spoken word stage debut 1/7/10, project update

2010-01-07T15:16:08Z

Manic Schematic PR Firm
Mike Phelan O’Toole
781-234-8867
mikeovideo@gmail.com
http://www.MikeOToole.net

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Multi-Media Artist-Turned-Advocate Announces TV Home For Young Voices
And Own On-Stage Spoken Word Debut At ImprovBoston Theatre

(Boston, MA, 1/1/10) – Cable access show producer and local video
artist Mike Phelan O’Toole announces the culmination of several media
projects focused on personal voices and self-expression, including his
own on-stage debut as a spoken word artist at Cambridge, MA’s
ImprovBoston comedy theatre on January 7th, 2010 at 10PM, as part of
comedienne Jess Sutich’s “A Night of Oral (Tradition).”
This show features local personalities, stand-ups, poets and more,
relating true stories from their lives. ImprovBoston is located at 40
Prospect, St, Cambridge, MA
Visit ImprovBoston.com for tickets. Tickets are 7 dollars, and 5
dollars for students.

Through work in the cable access medium since the year 2001, O’Toole
has found the technical skills, family-like-circle, and most
importantly, the voice, and vision, to create and co-create several
ongoing media projects. He creates video, and performs humorous
monologue on friend Lawrence Hollie’s “Random Acts.” Something of a
throwback to MTV’s “Liquid Television,” this avant-garde variety
program invites other far-out artists to take the proverbial ball and
run with it, and continues to make people turn their heads, and
occasionally, scratch their heads.

2009 also saw O’Toole on-camera for the experimental creation of a TV
series called “Solipsist’s Dispatch.” This TV show, focuses on
O’Toole’s monologue and witty repartee exclusively. “Dispatch” is
something of the video version of a project O’Toole has been sharing
with receptive internet audiences since 2006; an audio diary in
podcast form, called “The Mike-OCast.” This features “Stories, rants,
jokey stuff, conversations with friends, and updates on what’s kicking
up in my camp, project-wise.”

With this, taking the stage, before a live audience, “finally makes
sense to really push for.” After honing his craft in by training in
improvisational comedy last year, and a handful of public speaking
under his belt, through his other works, and at a Cambridge art
gallery, O’Toole has been selected to perform at ImprovBoston’s
storytelling show, “A Night of Oral (Tradition)” on January 7th. “I’ve
been inspired by so much, and want to share and inspire other folks.
Listening and watching guys like George Carlin, Henry Rollins and
Spalding Grey, I always knew I wanted to take a swing at the “one man,
one mic” thing. I may tell a story regarding show-biz stuff, like the
nonsense being in flicks like “My Best Friend’s Girl” with Dane Cook,
or traveling to PA to be an extra in my favorite filmmaker Kevin
Smith’s movie “Zack and Miri,” or hit on more serious stuff, like my
feelings on the suicides that have happened in my hometown. Rant “N”
rave is my “Rock and roll,” so we shall see. Whatever medium I’m
working in, it’s always been about communicating to, and with, you;
giving my guts, as it were. There is this thing, and I’ve got to
exorcise it. With that, I hope others can get something from it. Thus,
I’m extremely excited about ImprovBoston and A Night of Oral, because
it’s as direct as it gets; a face-off with hungry eyes and waiting
ears.” Further speaking dates are to follow. The written word is also
close to O’Toole’s heart; a handmade book of poems, journal entries
and essays is in the works for a 2010 release, in addition to an audio
recording of collected writings.

On the cable access side, O’Toole is in pre-production on the helming
of a new local television program called “Raconteurionist,” which will
focus on young adults, with all ages welcome, telling their own
personal stories and expressing thoughts, with an overall emphasis on
the value of shared communication and the spoken word. With this,
after being contacted by Brookline Access Television, O’Toole is in
talks to share the value of his abstinence from alcohol and drug use,
in a series of specials focusing on substance abuse on the channel. As
an advocate of the “Straight Edge” movement, O’Toole is part of a mass
of countless other young people, who, through the punk rock music
subculture, have found unity in the decision to remain poison free “in
order to be a more effective revolutionary.”

With the O’Toole/Hollie artistic powerhouse in toe, freelance video
work with the Boston/Ireland band Midatlantic (formerly The Bleedin’
Bleedins) has proved beneficial for both creative troupes. The music
video created for the band’s song “Shine” saw major TV play in Ireland
at the end of ‘09. While releasing their album “The Longest Silence,”
O’Toole and Hollie shot and cut the band’s stop in at WAAF radio’s Bay
State Rock program, to both fan and show crew acclaim. Another
highlight from this collaboration has been the duo’s production of
live performance videos from Midatlantic opening for famed
Boston-originating band Letters To Cleo’s 2008 hometown reunion show
at The Paradise Rock Club. Former Midatlantic drummer and producer
Dave Franz calls the duo “A video-making hurricane.”

O’Toole is known to Boston area audiences and press as co-founder,
with fellow alternative video producer Lawrence Hollie, and lead
emcee, with Boston radio personality and community television legend
Quincy Brisco, of “Experimentally Ill”; a series of indie showcases
spotlighting eclectic low budget films, animation, music videos and
esoteric video art, which have taken place at Brookline’s historic
Coolidge Corner Theatre to enthusiastic acclaim. A new “Experimentally
ILL” is being planned for 2010, with The Somerville Theatre as a
venue, and multiple show times.

Hollie and O’Toole have also lent their support to fellow “multi-media
misfit” Allston filmmaker, graphic artist and author D.L. Polonsky, in
booking and publicizing his “Nonviolent Anarchy Film Festival.” The
“career retrospective” featured films made from childhood, to the
present, including work featuring O’Toole’s turn as an actor. The fest
toured from The Coolidge, to Providence, RI’s Cable Car Cinema, and
finally, on Mike Phelan O’Toole’s 23rd birthday, to Provincetown, MA’s
Art House Theatre. Emphasizing with Polonsky’s artistic bent, and
inspired by his visionary perseverance, O’Toole was onstage, by
Polonsky’s side, not as the director’s actor, by as a friend, opening
up the shows with caustic, witty banter, and leading question and
answer sessions with receptive attendees post-films.

A burgeoning indie film actor, O’Toole will star, with breakout
charactor actor Andy Macbain, and Lawrence Hollie, in D.L. Polonsky’s
quirky and insightful “12:54, Half A Dozen Of The Other.” O’Toole
plays a brilliant young inventor, forced to rethink his values, in
the midst of the current recession. The film is slated for local
theatrical release later this year.

“It’s all a love letter to small artists with big visions, and voices.
This has become a lineage;
we are different folks, finding each other through all this art.
The live energy and feedback of an audience always raises the stakes, of course.
I’ll see you in 2010!”

Mike Phelan O’Toole and Lawrence Hollie have been advocates of
collaborative media, and purveyors of unique video art, as producers/
hosts of the cable access show “Random Acts,” for eight years. They
are recipients of separate “Most Innovative” awards from The Alliance
For Community Media for their creative productions.

###

Visit the following links for some previous coverage on past
shows and events.

http://www.wickedlocal.com/needham/news/x1001331782/Needham-resident-promotes-creativity-through-cable-access-show

http://www.metrobostonnews.com/us/article/2008/07/10/02/3327-66/index.xml?print=1

A brief writeup was also in the Boston Phoenix September 11th, 2008
issue – Arts + Music + Events, pg. 3

http://www.weeklydig.com/%5Bcatpath%5D/200902/experimentally-ill-3

FOR PRESS: Boston Indie Filmmaker, Video Artists Hit PTown To Host Surreal Films @ Art House Theatre

2009-10-07T21:56:45Z

This, along with photos, bio and fact sheet for D.L. went out today... Check it out and share it if you can! Thanks. -MPO.

Manic Schematic PR Firm
Mike Phelan O’Toole
Mikeovideo@gmail.com
###-###-#### / ###-###-###
http://www.MikeOToole.net
http://www.DLPolonsky.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Boston Indie Filmmaker, Video Artists Hit PTown To Host
Retrospective, Surreal Film Showcase at The Art House Theatre

(Boston, MA, 10/1/09) – Indie filmmaker D.L. Polonsky and video artist
Mike Phelan O’Toole, after a series of acclaimed screenings at
Brookline, MA’s famous Coolidge Corner Theatre, and off the heels of a
tour stop in Providence, RI, announce the arrival of "D.L. Polonsky’s
Non-Violent Anarchy Film Festival" to Provincetown, MA. This Polonsky
“career retrospective” showcase will be a two hour movie screening of
eclectic low budget films, animation, nontraditional music videos and
esoteric video art, taking place at Provincetown's famed Art House
Theatre, at 214 Commercial St, on October 24th at 8:00PM. The show
will be emceed by O'Toole, noted for his caustic wit in spokenword
performance, and the colorful pun-spouting Polonsky himself. A lively
question and answer session will follow the films. The event is
sponsored in part by prolific Boston video artist and cable access
show producer Lawrence Hollie. Admission is $5.00.

Polonsky’s innovative work dates back to when he was a young boy,
crafting strange and provocative films with his brother, Gabriel. The
event will exhibit a selection of modern work, such as “To Mock a
Killing Bird,” a slapstick anti-war comedy about a
draft-dodger, set from 1972-74, and "Grill, Interrupted," which
chronicles the surreal development of a comedy cooking show, as well
as older, rare gems, such as “The Flyer." This is a short film that
mixes live action with D.L.'s own animation, as the images of a flyer
an unsuspecting man posts begin to come to life. The festival caps off
with "The Big Wall," a longer-form film made in the early 90's. After
an artist is hired to draw charicatures at a same-sex wedding, one of
the men getting married is killed by gay-bashers. The movie is laced
with socio-political commentary on gay people being accepted in
mainstream society, and other social issues. In addition, the lineup
includes a promo for the film Polonsky is currently crafting, "12:54,
Half a Dozen of the Other." This film stars Lawrence Hollie, Andy
MacBain, and event co-host Mike Phelan O'Toole. It is a comedy-drama
about a lumber salesman who finds buried coins during the current
recession.

For more information on the film lineup for “D.L. Polonsky’s
Non-Violent Anarchy Film Festival,” and to arrange interviews, please
contact Mike Phelan O’Toole. Photos and a fact sheet are available

As an Editor’s Pick, Shaula Clark, of The Boston Phoenix, proclaims
Polonsky’s “Nonviolent Anarchy” fest to include "The kind of films
that could revolutionize cinema, nonviolently or otherwise."
Additionally, for those wanting to pin down D.L.’s style, The
Brookline Tab’s Alex Stevens winkingly suggests to "Think David Lynch,
without all the mainstream storytelling." As a locally renowned,
openly gay artist, living in Allston, MA, D.L. has been profiled in
Boston's version of the Bay Windows newspaper on more than one
occasion.

The showcase comes out of a desire from the trio to expand their potential
audience, and reward quality creative efforts that may be overlooked
by more pretentious "festival" outlets, "It's a very D.I.Y, punk
approach. We want to show people that these different works can be
innovative and entertaining, and that the personalities behind them
are just as interesting," says O'Toole. "We saw it was important to
expand outside the Boston area, and we’re really excited to meet a new
audience. D.L.’s flicks are so wild. He deserves to see his work up on
the big screen, live, and so do underground film fans everywhere, even
though he is too modest to want to have a press release put out to let
people know about this show."

In addition to his video work, Polonsky has made a name for himself in
the Allston area as the anti-Shepard Fairy, plastering his artwork up
wherever it will stick, while simultaneously having had political
portraits published in several major newspapers and magazines.
Additionally, he has had a children's book published that he
wrote/illustrated titled "The Letter Bandits."

Hollie and O'Toole have been advocates of collaborative media, and
purveyors of unique video art, as producers/ hosts of the cable access
show "Random Acts," for seven years, in addition to having co-founded
the multi-artist alternative film showcase series “Experimentally
ILL,” which has been warmly received by Boston press and audiences alike.
They are recipients of separate "Most Innovative" awards from The
Alliance For Community Media for their creative productions.

###

PRESS RELEASE : "D.L. Polonsky's Non-Violent Anarchy Film Festival" tours to Providence, RI 9/3/09

2009-09-01T07:37:59Z

Manic Schematic PR Firm
Mike Phelan O’Toole
Mikeovideo@gmail.com
###-###-#### / ###-###-####
http://www.MikeOToole.net
http://www.DLPolonsky.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Boston Indie Filmmaker, Video Artists Hit The Road To Host
Retrospective, Surreal Film Showcase at The Cable Car Cinema

(Boston, MA, 8/20/09) – Indie filmmaker D.L. Polonsky and video artist
Mike Phelan O’Toole, after a series of acclaimed screenings at
Brookline, MA’s famous Coolidge Corner Theatre, announce the arrival
of "D.L. Polonsky’s Non-Violent Anarchy Film Festival" to Rhode
Island. This Polonsky “career retrospective” showcase will be a two
hour movie screening of eclectic low budget films, animation,
nontraditional music videos and esoteric video art, taking place at
Providence's historic Cable Car Cinema on September 3rd at 9:30PM. The
show will be emceed by O'Toole, noted for his caustic wit in spoken
word performance, and the colorful pun-spouting Polonsky himself. A
lively question and answer session will follow the films. The event is
sponsored in part by prolific Boston video artist and cable access
show producer Lawrence Hollie.

Polonsky’s innovative work dates back to when he was a young boy,
crafting strange and provocative films with his brother, Gabriel. The
event will exhibit a selection of modern work, such as “To Mock a
Killing Bird,” a slapstick anti-war comedy about a
draft-dodger, set from 1972-74, and Midlife Cowboy, wherein, a cowboy,
fed up with our ubiquitous computer culture, indulges in a little of
his own “computer hacking” by smashing a computer with an axe, as well
as older, rare gems, such as “Ersatz;” made in 1974, when D.L. was 13.
This is a short film about a pulp novel writer who carries around her
dead father’s head. A Disease Called Man, a far-out crime drama, stars
O’Toole and Hollie. The film Urban Fairy, about an extraterrestrial
wanting to fly back to his planet, was co-edited by O’Toole and
Polonsky. For more information on the film lineup, “D.L. Polonsky’s
Non-Violent Anarchy Film Festival,” and to arrange interviews, please
contact Mike Phelan O’Toole.

As an Editor’s Pick, Shaula Clark, of The Boston Phoenix, proclaims
Polonsky’s “Nonviolent Anarchy” fest to include "The kind of films
that could revolutionize cinema, nonviolently or otherwise."
Additionally, for those wanting to pin down D.L.’s style, The
Brookline Tab’s Alex Stevens winkingly suggests to "Think David Lynch,
without all the mainstream storytelling."

The showcase comes out of a desire from the trio to expand their live
audience, and reward quality creative efforts that may be overlooked
by more pretentious "festival" outlets, "It's a very D.I.Y, punk
approach. We want to show people that these different works can be
innovative and entertaining, and that the personalities behind them
are just as interesting," says O'Toole. "We saw it was important to
expand outside the Boston area, and we’re really excited to meet a new
audience. D.L.’s flicks are so wild. He deserves to see his work up on
the big screen, live, and so do underground film fans everywhere. The
Q&A afterwards is the best!"

In addition to his video work, Polonsky has made a name for himself in
the Allston area as the anti-Shepard Fairy, plastering his artwork up
wherever it will stick, while simultaneously having had political
portraits published in several major newspapers and magazines.
Additionally, he has had a children's book published that he
wrote/illustrated titled "The Letter Bandits."

Hollie and O'Toole have been advocates of collaborative media, and
purveyors of unique video art, as producers/ hosts of the cable access
show "Random Acts," for seven years, in addition to having co-founded
the multi-artist alternative film showcase series “Experimentally
ILL,” which has been warmly received by Boston press and audiences.
They are recipients of separate "Most Innovative" awards from The
Alliance For Community Media for their creative productions.

The next “Non-Violent Anarchy Film Fest” event, with a fresh lineup,
tours to The Provincetown Art House, in Provincetown, MA, October
24th, 2009.

###

Re-sur-Jury (Prose/Prose Poem)

2009-06-01T22:31:59Z

Time to hit it hard with some prose. Change has hit me from both sides, delivering "the better" and "the worse." I need to purge this rush - to perform. I don't have the luxury of a salivating audience. I need to break through, whatever that thing is. I've come close - gut wrenchingly close, mind numbingly close, life-changing-ly close. Some would not believe what I have tasted. Neither would I if I had not lived it. Some things I want to be hypmotized free of. Somewhere the momentum stopped. Anytime it gets close to a dream realized, thoughts of fantasy coming true threaten me. I have both seized and squandered opportunity. I am tired of watching. I revel in willing goals into existence and in itself, basking in the sea of high seratonin coarsing through my brain. At the same time, I am shallow art. I am more these words than I am there actions, if you weighed both on a scale. Here, you can't brag too much over trying. Getting close to getting it on and in you only gives you another little story to tell from the rocking chair.

There is no fate but what we make. I greatly fear the failure to realize true assension... This anxiety has brought me nothing but closer to this coming true. What do you do when the well dries up? There's something different about me, and at once, nothing at all. Talent can be there... Luck gets you so far, and when the "right place, right time" stops short, the hunger is still there. Who wants to become a weathered old husk of themselves? I wanna jump right into it... Nothing was trying to eat me, like my primitive instincts brought down. There was no predator but my own head. Nothing has stuck yet... After the big shot I got, I don't think I'll see another for awhile around here. I'm sick to my stomach over the lot. Don't know what you got until it's gone. But there's always more somewhere, beyond the line that's walked. This story's been told by others who've done it. Art boy crap stretches out so far, only to break. These words are not even in print. I wanted to silence everyone, only to find silence in myself. Words did not come out. Somewhere along the line though, I know I will surprise myself, or, more than likely there will be another spike leading up the road that is loud. And I'll be wearing heavy boots, while handcuffed to a mysterious woman with a very nice ass, named Optimism, .

Michael Phelan O'Toole.

I'll be co-hosting at D.L. Polonsky’s Nonviolent Anarchy Film Festival 6/25/09

2009-04-21T23:14:39Z

FROM HTTP://WWW.MIKEPHELANOTOOLE.COM

I'm currently acting in a new film by my director-turned-friend D.L., so I'd thought I'd share this would-be press release I've sent around...
I'll be co-hosting at the gig and am working on promo stuff. My video-making pal Lawrence is helping D.L. get this show on the road, and D.L. is doing his thing to put together a sick lineup. I'm sure he'll be doing his share of guerilla street promotion for it as well. The man is the unsung "Better-than-Shepard-Fairey" multimedia hero of Allston, MA. His story deserves to be told. Come meet, greet, and peep out this great stuff on the big screen in June!

Local filmmaker and artist D.L. Polonsky announces the preliminary
lineup for a showcase of his work taking place at The Coolidge Corner
Theatre June 25th, 2009. Now living in the Brookline/Allston area,
D.L.'s innovative work dates back to when he was a young boy, crafting
strange and provacative films with his brother. The event will exhibit
a selection of modern work, as well as older, rare gems. The show will
be hosted by Polonsky and Mike Phelan O'Toole, a friend and actor of
Polonsky's, noted for his previous involvement in the Coolidge's
"Experimentally ILL" showcase. Press coverage, including interviews is
being sought. Films are available for review upon request,

Email D.L. at d.l.polonsky@hotmail.com
Email Mike with media questions at mikeovideo@gmail.com

D.L. POLONSKY’S NONVIOLENT ANARCHY FILM FESTIVAL

An Evening of the Films of Boston-based Indie Filmmaker D.L. Polonsky

WHEN: Thursday, June 25th, 2009, 7 P.M. – 9 P.M.

WHERE: At The Coolidge Corner Theatre,

290 Harvard St., Brookline, Mass., 02446

$5 admission

LINEUP:

Urban Fairy, (2005). An extraterrestrial finds severed body parts in
this surreal comedy short.

To Mock a Killing Bird, (2006). Slapstick anti-war comedy about a
draft-dodger, set from 1972-74.

Midlife Cowboy, (2007). A cowboy, fed up with our ubiquitous computer
culture, indulges in a little of his own “computer hacking” by
smashing a computer with an axe.

Dream Sequence for A Tree Grows in Brookline, (2008). Surreal montage
of images set to music.

Changing Face from The Human Race, (1983). A poster for a bar comes
alive. Paper cell animation.

Ersatz, (1974). Made when D.L. was 13, this is a short film about a
pulp novel writer who carries around her dead father’s head.

Beyond the Phosphenes, (1982). Paper cell animation of fantasy images.

A Disease Called Man: The Director’s Cut, (2008). While there’s a
killer loose in the neighborhood, potential victims have to deal with
corrupt cops and unethical doctors.

Promo for upcoming 12:54, Half a Dozen of the Other. This
work-in-progress will be a character study at least in part about a
group of people’s delusional reactions to the current recession. Due
out in the Fall of 2009.

Fore more info/media contact :

Email D.L. at d.l.polonsky@hotmail.com
Email Mike at mikeovideo@gmail.com

HEY all! I will be keeping in e-touch more. (new access show, Twitter, Myspace, video, writing, etc

2009-03-13T20:45:13Z

From http://blog.myspace.com/MikeOToole

What's up?! I have been seriously lacks in popping on to really blog-it-out lately. With that, I am checking in on here. How are you Myspace pals? This is really me - not some promo campaign. This reps me the most, so peep out all the links and stuff. I do need to update a lot of information though. This is still my main page, though I've setup another... I am bummed that the "film" profile does not let me do the same things a regular profile does, like mess with the new myspace features such as playlists and easier profile customization, as well as generally blocking me from adding folks I'm into, or maybe keeping me out of searches. Anyway this internet stuff is great when stripped down - I see it as a way for you and I to stay in touch and chat back and forth, sharing stories and cool creations. We're reaching out and sitting down to a nice slice of life,with whatever tech toy as the medium. Let's get a dialouge started here and on http://twitter.com/mikeotoole and oh so many other spots. I will be trying my best to keep updating and populating a lot more. I am going to strive for honesty, in addition to having a blast creating new things for you and I, like my new access show I'm calling "Solipsist's Dispatch," which has debuted on BATV - Brookline Access Television. In addition to playing on the cable airwaves, it's available online. We said screw it, let's create and document some stream of conciousness nonsense, and slab some artistic flair on it. View it at http://batv.org/streaming-video/ondemand/mike-o-ep-2

I've also put up a new video of our boys in the band Midatlantic, whom myself and videography pal Lawrence do video for. Words can't capture the rush I get from shooting and editing something with energy. Peep the vids at http://youtube.com/midatlantictheband
This desire to contribute more may come from the us all feeling a part of something greater in putting on the "Experimentally ILL" alternative film showcase at the mighty Coolidge Corner Theatre. We are a couple weeks removed from the third show, and again were just shy of sold out. Also, at the eleventh hour I struck success in the PR department once again, as Boston's Weekly Dig got in touch, and did a really nice piece on us and the philosophy behind the show. (A screen cap is available in my PRESS photo album on myspace and facebook, as well as http://flickr.com/photos/mikephelanotoole ) A tease for our article was on the cover, right next to a tease about Dan akroyd. On the website, there was my face as part of the tease in the arts and entertainment section, right above a review of Time and Eric of Adult Swim's show. Thanks to Harry Vaughn at the Dig. Regarding the audience, It means so much to me that folks would be so cool and stay to peep out different stuff from so many wacky artists, and then come up to me after, as emcee, and shake hands. I feel like it is a waste of a grand privilage, to not lay myself bare a bit and spill my guts in the way of sharing artistry or just personal thoughts and thank yous with you in the e-world on something of a regular basis. I am proud and awestruck.

Many of my friends whom I care deeply for, I would love to get in their head a bit, as far as what they're into and feeling via e- contribute in the way of video, audio, expressive writing and other works. Nothing against those who keep it simple, but I wanna snap up all this social-networking stuff to make myself more available if I can - I mean if we're gonna spend time on Myspace, Facebook, etc, we might as well open up the floodgates and have more of a virtual representation of who we are and what we do and feel than simply a couple words and a photo. Anyway, I'll be playing with toys to share, and more importantly, get creative conversations going between us, for those who're into that sort of thing.
For now http://MikePhelanOToole.com (getting a makeover soon), Twitter.com/MikeOToole , http://MikeOCast.blogspot.com , and Youtube (more vids soon) at either mikeotoole or midatlantictheband to see my behind the scenes work. Also keep tuned to BATV.ORG for more episodes of the show. More cell-splitting prose and poetry on the way as well (thesoulenigma.livejournal.com) You can also give a go at adding me on Facebook as well, for a whole heaping helping of internet interaction in one place. I have been at the tv station a lot, so I will be churning out more stuff. Possibilities are endless.
Love til later (soon, as I wanted to include more in this update.)
M.

P.S. I just watched myself walk by in My Best Friend's Girl - accross after Dane Cook and Kate Hudson run by in the Running A Marathon chapter on the DVD (in the Boston public gardens area). I am wearing a sweatshirt and backpack. I wrestled with the concept that I put the movie, after I rented it, in the same bag I wear in the flick. That was really nice day. Good times. I've gotta write about that soon. The journal is your friend.

See me LIVE @ EXPERIMENTALLY ILL 3, Feb 26 @ 7:00PM! (New press)

2009-02-26T05:33:25Z

NEW Experimentally ILL press : "Juno lovers beware" http://www. weeklydig. com/%5Bcatpath%5D/200902/experimentally-ill-3

Join cable access show producers and local video artists Mike Phelan O'Toole and Lawrence Hollie for the third installment of their EXPERIMENTALLY ILL, a two-hour showcase of eclectic low budget films, animation, music videos and esoteric video art. Emceed by O'Toole and Quincy Brisco of WBCN Boston's "Toucher and Rich" radio program, the event will exhibit works by O'Toole and Hollie, and other innovative indie video-makers. Past screenings have included the Emmy-winning "It's Jerry Time" web cartoons, the films of artist D.L. Polonsky, music videos of rock bands Uncle Monsterface and Midatlantic, among other works.

TICKETS :
$5.00 ALL SEATS.

Seating is limited, so plan to arrive early.
Advance tickets now available online
https://www. readyticket. net/webticket/webticket2. asp?WCI=BuyTicket&WCE=EXPERIMENTALLY+ILL,022620091900,3,130,

http://coolidge. org/node/2291

ADDRESS / INFO :

Coolidge Corner Theatre | 290 Harvard St | Brookline MA 02446 | Recording: 617.734.2500 | Office: 617.734.
2501

Official press release announcing "Experimentally ILL 3"
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Manic Schematic PR Firm
Mike Phelan O'Toole
mikeovideo@gmail.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Video Artists Unveil Own Alternative Film Showcase at Coolidge Corner Theatre

(Boston, MA, 1/9/08) – Cable access show producers and local video
artists Mike Phelan O'Toole and Lawrence Hollie announce the third
installment of their "Experimentally Ill" showcase; a two hour movie
screening of eclectic low budget films, animation, music videos and
esoteric video art, taking place at Brookline's historic Coolidge
Corner Theatre on February 26th at 7:00PM. Emceed by O'Toole and
Quincy Brisco of WBCN Boston's "Toucher and Rich" radio program, the
event will exhibit works by O'Toole and Hollie, and other innovative
indie video-makers.

The showcase comes out of a desire from the duo to reward quality
creative efforts that may be overlooked by more pretentious "festival"
outlets, "It's a very D.I.Y, punk approach. We want to show people
that these different works can be innovative and entertaining, and
that the personalities behind them are just as interesting," says
O'Toole. "We saw we needed a bigger stage than simply a TV screen.
This is a love letter to small artists with big visions. The live
energy raises the stakes."

Past screenings have included the Emmy-winning "It's Jerry Time" web
cartoons, films of artist D.L. Polonsky, music videos of rock bands
Uncle Monsterface and Midatlantic and other works. For more on
Experimentally Ill, please contact Mike Phelan O'Toole.

Hollie and O'Toole have been advocates of collaborative media, and
purveyors of unique video art, as producers/ hosts of the cable access
show "Random Acts," for seven years. They are recipients of separate
"Most Innovative" awards from The Alliance For Community Media for
their creative productions.

###

Visit the following links for some previous coverage on past
shows and events.

http://www.wickedlocal.com/needham/news/x1001331782/Needham-resident-promotes-creativity-through-cable-access-show

http://www.metrobostonnews.com/us/article/2008/07/10/02/3327-66/index.xml?print=1

A brief wrieup was also in the Boston Phoenix September 11th, 2008
issue - Arts + Music + Events, pg. 3 titled "Rough Cutz" under "8 Days
A Week : Crystal Balling the Best Upcoming Events"

This is just a little electronic blood letting

2009-02-13T22:46:47Z

I am utterly heartbroken in so many flavors. It is nice and bloody like a piece of raw meat. it's none of that "emo" angst garbage. coming around the bend is almost worse than being in the thick of the pain. At least in the middle it was a rush like a kick to the head. coming out after the dust has settled i see the lost opportunity and am now forced to not only clean up my mess but outwardly pay the consequences of needing to retreat to my clinical weakness. I am not able to register for this spring semester and am sent into exile, now pulling slight weight at a new cable access station in order to reteach myself the discipline of routine, while awash in not quite existential depression, but fighting through a layer mundity that has long since gone unknown. All this while physical dissapoints stack up and promise melts.. Of my brief hiatus it is a rare animal in that, in the middle i found it somewhat helpful, calming the demons, yet in hindsight it taught me very little that is practically applicable, beyond a few chunks of enlightenment in the way of appreciation for the good in folks and sociological stuff. I'd say the whole thing made out to be a good social experiment kind of thing, living in close quarters with some unlikely folks, and being able to humanize those who I initially would distance myself from. In sharing physical or metaphorical quarantine there amounts a certain unity. Beyond that, this is shit. How quickly things can fall upside down, and how soon when that happens you realize what you had, and what you should have addressed and fixed earlier in order to soften the sting. This is not just depression; this is real failures and faults and red tape that trips you, topped with awful sleep, steady physical headaches, and a breakfast of Rx.
There are a few distractions that appear to be glimors of things that could be seen as good work, but there is no soul there. This year is no good so far. It is a slow burn that needs to be iced.

In truth we're all suffering from a heap of burnout. i taped some stuff for what will evolve into my own tv show, and made some folks laugh. there is good in that much. one moment at a time for now.

Tenderly I remain

mpo

Innovative cable show to provide Needham residents way on TV & silver screen @ New Year's event

2008-12-30T05:15:34Z

Hi, my name is Mike O'Toole
I am a Needham resident and the co-producer of a program called Random
Acts which shows on the Needham Channel. I am also in the process of
planning a film showcase at The Coolidge Corner Theatre, taking place
2/26. Visit the following links for some previous coverage on past
shows and events.

http://www.wickedlocal.com/needham/news/x1001331782/Needham-resident-promotes-creativity-through-cable-access-show

http://www.metrobostonnews.com/us/article/2008/07/10/02/3327-66/index.xml?print=1

In conjunction with the Need Arts New Year's event, we (Mike Phelan
O'Toole, Lawrence Hollie, and Quincy Brisco (of WBCN's Toucher and
Rich Show)) will
facilitate a meet-n-greet to talk about the possibilities of cable
access, our show, an opportunity to view highlights of the program,
and the opportunity for Needham residents to get in front of our
camera and express whatever they wish, or participate in an interview
with us, to later be both broadcast on the show on the Needham
Channel (in addition to Waltham, Newton, Cambridge), and edited down
into a segment shown at our showcase ("Experimentally ILL 3") at The
Coolidge Corner Theatre in Brookline on 2/26. We will base ourselves
at a table at the Town Hall during the New Year's event on the 31st,
between 12PM and 12Am, where we can provide further information and
operate the camera. I will gladly send you a press release announcing
our Coolidge event, with some background on the
participants and this particular New Year's event if needed. I am
seeking promotion of this participation in Needham's New Year's
celebration, and coverage of it taking place.
IF YOU'RE A RESIDENT, OR WANT TO COME OUT TO THE DAY-LONG EVENTS, YOU'RE WELCOME!
Visit http://www.needarts.org for more info

Thanks again,
Mike.
Contact:
mikeovideo@gmail.com
http://www.Myspace.com/MikeOToole

"These art stuffs are something." (Musings of 11/26/08 & 12/1/08)

2008-12-01T18:33:39Z

11/26/08

The last few weeks have been somewhat busy, but mentally difficult, as I begin to shift toward that higher consciousness that I can in trudging through books, and writing, and dealing with difficult situations and people. It is not to say that it is anything objectively epic, though inside my shell it is hard. I either am grinding against the grain, or am knocking down the pins, tapering my neurosis, only to be ambushed by another person’s frustrations. If I am not in existential misery, I am reflecting, and basking in the good and power of youth, and hammering home what is pitched. All this, while calluses build and hair spirals down drains. There seems not enough time to balance all obligations. This being said, when it is pressures and unrealistic expectations, with their communicating their wants via osmosis, I must remain humble, but no longer submissive. It is a thing where there is no time to be late, and yet, in fact, there is always time to be late. There is time until there is no longer time. My fear of abandonment outweighs others’ fears of my being late. I balance what I can; I no longer go out of my way to carve a path of resistance. With this, I still, with all my honesty, worry that my existence will amount to nothing more than submission to the direction forged by other beings.

I am tired today. I would not bother to speak to the pretty girl who wants to talk to me. Even if she does not, it is my self-obligation to keep up a report with her. She’s really great, and my solitude is not the best. At the same time, others bringing the buzzing and banging of the phone, with the desire for me to check in every time there is an alteration in my schedule is a hazard to my sanity. On the contrary, I always dig someone calling to say “Hi.” With that though, I hope they have more words to bring to the dance. Caffeine is now pumping through my veins. I hope it does something. I need to go to another class now. A few don’t seem to value how I spend my time. No matter. My anxiety in conversation is nothing. If I speak out of a desire tone, it is the harbinger to not even half of the contempt I hold for being expected t be okay with bending to their will on their whims. I will not assert insubordination to hurt someone. Rather, if they are leading me towards an oncoming train, I will swerve. And that is not to say, that the reason I speak up is not to wake them from their subconscious masochism as well.

12/1/08

I am heartbroken in that poetic, nice-n-bloody, ripped-muscle tissue way. I am not unhappy, just at a certain stalemate. With this, I am fueled by both youthful energy, and the conscious appreciation of being young, as my body plays games with me. Being a prisoner of and to your body sucks it. Being a prisoner to habit is awful. Time to really give it hard to demigod virtue. I am afraid of the stage, and yet it has to all go down there. I have found “communication” to be that thing that drives me. However, in gazing at the abyss, the feedback is less. I am at that crossroads where how I’ve been doing it no longer works for me, this time not locked in a coma that keeps me there. It needs to be all about action, and constantly pushing it. This thing is not even about avoiding apathy. Rather, it is scrapping up the strength in forging toward self-actualization, to where I no longer hurt from not being at the point I could be. I love you all. Hey, I’ve jerked it thinking of at least two of you. I’ve written love letters in tears and blood to more wiping the tears away with scar tissues has been helpful. This may be a “winter blues” thing, but I can’t help but feel it would be better spent with another human being. Crafting the word and getting out there, with the given of being tools of personal expression and document, has always been about giving you something to get to know my insides a bit more. Even if it is something weird and not literally indicative of how or who I am, these art stuffs are something. It has always been about giving something. It is the great show and tell I suppose. I want to see what you’ve got more. I’d rather play court jester, I guess. Either bathroom walls or Facebook walls, it seems the same at times. You are not attached to your profile. Don’t let them draw a chalk line around you.

On the literal upswing, meeting Henry Rollins on November first was really nice. Getting paid for indie freelance video work gets another check. Getting in with the band to shoot 'em at the club/bar Church was a good time as well - a lot of great shots and things are coming together for another freelance thing. I would be lying my ass off if I wrote that I did not secretly enjoy going right from school to doing roll-ins / assitant directing for the three hour live NewTV auction, and THEN going to the club to do the band shoot. Bring it. This all is a blast, really. It is the thing that keeps the cells in my blood kickin'. It's a good workout. Literally, good workouts have been there for me too. I believe, if my muscles are not bigger since whenever was the last time I paid attention, I pretty sure I am leaner, which is great. I have been killing it on the bike more. Gotta get out and do more A/V gigs in different places again. My own show is coming soon. This is one big push, and as I less and less awkward in doing it all, I know to love it. I need you with me to mix things up, suckas. This is my warmup before I tacle the three-head homework hydra.

-Mike Phelan O’Toole.

Prose/poem in progress

2008-11-07T18:32:30Z

Kicking myself over another shut ugly mouth. All ready, shaved clean, and still nothing. Now I can't focus, with a fire in my belly. Been conditioned for a shut off while victim of a turn on. Waiting for who and what to walk into my matrix. Nothing. And yet all signs say go - perptually invited to get some and go again. Believe it or not, because I don't. Open your mouth talker, yakker to all those who don't matter in the way this one does. Play to the loins and follow the trail of the laughter, the come hither. Just push play, or again time goes and flowers wither. Driven to sink fangs in and be biten, as I'm different; cleaner, sleeker, with a quicker wit. :"Too cool for school" does not live here. Think of that void that eats your youthful exuberance when willfully left empty. It seems others feel it too.Thought I was a solipsist or an observer - a clown... But the passion has built up too high. Ready to give and receive, and indulge in the artifice that strikes as physical provacation. Quite, simple, unseen gestures, and some far more obvious - you have been the ones to give me these. Dragged down by the burden of silence am I... I just might break convention and out the anxiety I see in you, as you want me to - to be that person I wish was there to exorcise the lock in me that holds it in. To be one from none, I believe is not a choice, but to be as one is a given now. I long to not let another one of these beautiful unions of curved flesh and hungry mind long as I do. I conceide my tussled self, sleek yet muscled, compact in navigation of the terra firma of all this on foot, and sky in head. Head blown away. It all means so much more, maybe to them as well. Given to laze, what I'm not bridging is hurting them as well as me. With inter-locked eyes, is it not equally satisfying in a tormented sense? Together through pain and lust, and with that, interrupting ceremony, is it not as assertive of livlihood? Changing my middle name to Fuckit, carry the vessel of your mind into uncharted terrority.... How else will you chart it? Never over ; savoring everything down to the last piece of hair. Vainity taunts me both ways.

-MPO.

Coming soon : Experimentally ILL 3 : An Indie Showcase of Alternative Film 2/26/09

2008-10-20T17:25:34Z

Experimentally Ill 3 - Experiment(ally) Iller : An Indie Showcase of Alternative Film.

Look for UPDATES on this as things come together. As has been the case, this will be a screening running from approx. 7-9 or 9:30PM at The Coolidge Corner Theatre, at 290 Harvard Street in Brookline, MA. It will be a "one night only" ruckus affair on Feb. 26, 2009, which is a Thursday. We will be taking over the Video Screening Room.
Our prior shows here have totally kicked ass.
We're going big for this one, pushing for more press coverage on our Coolidge series and our TV project Random Acts expanding to other Boston area towns. I want YOU to be a part of it all!

Contact for MEDIA RELATIONS and for artists who want to be included in this screening : MikeOVideo@gmail.com

(Previously we received coverage for the first "Experimentally Ill" -
featured (interview/event preview) in Metro Boston's entertainment
section, pg. 13 of the 7/10/08 edition - "License to ILL" by Sarah Shanfield. http://www.metrobostonnews.com/us/article/2008/07/10/02/3327-66/index.xml?print=1
)

A bigger, two page article, with Mike Phelan O'Toole on the front page of The Needham Times paper in their "Week of 9/3 " edition is out now, available online at
http://www.wickedlocal.com/needham/news/x1001331782/Needham-resident-promotes-creativity-through-cable-access-show

We were also mentioned on the front of The Boston Globe's Sidekick, and in the Phoenix. I will get to those links later ..ing Lawrence set up, working on vids, doing all the Public Relations, doing interviews, and talking with contributing video artists, getting their DVDs and tapes, not to mention hosting the thing is exhausting, albeit in a good way. I put my heart and soul into it, despite sweat and tears, and feel that for our this collaborative hard work, and the kick-ass show experience we turn out, it deserves a spotlight. Thanks for showing up, writing about us, and treating us well. In addition, I would love to get trashed. The point is, we are out there, in the battle arena, getting our faces strained with dirt, sweat and blood. It is a fight to the finish.
Excelsior,
M.

Thanks for indulging me,
blog this. Share it. Spread it.
-M.

Watch myself, Lawrence and Quincy Brisco on Random Acts: A Needham Reunion debut @ 10:30PM

2008-10-12T00:35:43Z

watch myself, Lawrence, and the one and only Quincy Brisco on Random Acts: A Needham Reunion debut @ 10:30PM on Needham Channel's Comm Channel - http://needhamchannel. org (replay Mon @ 12:00AM/ Fri 3PM)

OTHER TOWNS / TIMES

Random Acts is now on
Newton's NewTV Blue Channel
(Channel 10 on Comcast; Channel 15 on RCN;
Channel 34 on Verizon)
Saturday 10:30pm

Random Acts is now on CCTV Cambridge
Public Access Television. (Channel 10).

(Schedules subject to change without notice.
)
Monday 11:30pm
Wednesday 11:00pm

Random Acts is now on The Needham Community
Channel (Comcast Ch. 9; RCN Ch. 15; Verizon Ch. 29).

Monday 12:00am
Friday 3:00PM
Saturday 10:30pm

Random Acts is now on The Waltham Channel
(Channel 8 on Comcast; Channel 3 on RCN)
Thursday 11:00pm
and various times over the weekend.

Enjoy!!!

Dying the death and living the attempt. Let it shine...

2008-10-01T21:01:35Z

Busy dying the death in the computer lab, after an endurance test of a day. Very low on sleep, and I am all but sure I am running a fever. Sickness is rearing it's ugly head, with it's aches and pains and leaks and drains. Someone in the general area of this cubicle monstracity I am shielded by is boasting a bad case of sneak-up-on-you B.O.
I have been eyeing this girl for awhile - pursueing sounds too predatory, but maybe that's what it's all about - it's my first planned out effort in that vein. I crack smiles, we lock eyes here and there, and a few words are exchanged. Self-esteem is pushing me here - I think she digs me alright, but is shy as well. I get up to her alone and when she doesnt look up, I want to talk but words just don't come out. It is the "One Small Step For Mike" tour these recent days, I have to see it for the concrete challenge it is. I am no longer emotionally stranged relating to issues like this - I see that you do have to make a calculated effort, if only in my getting over the misunderstandings I have embedded in my own mind. I stand straight with a cool stride now. I realize I am not the only one who longs for something but cannot seem to reach out fully. I am pushing and pushing now, for even an inch more, to be that person that gets those gears turning, instead of waiting for it all to start. When you look down and keep your eyes hidden, so too will the lesser-willed person.
My phone keeps ringing and buzzing and banging at all irregular hours. I turn it off. I don't need the noise. If only in my plans, I ceaslessly attempt to reconnect with those people I have lost somewhere along the line. It is really tough, and sometimes I feel unwanted, but I'm trying to show them that I'm still real, and reach out the way I hoped they would. If I can even get ten words in and a laugh, I'm happy. Give nothing and you'll get nothing is what I think is up with me... Though I have been giving it hard to the pavement as I pound it, but alone. I have tended not to believe that it is as simple as being the one to say "Hello" first. I'll push it on you, throw it on you, and pop the top on Pandora's Box if we both give an even exchange. My eyes light up over the virtue of silence being broken at the right time.
Contrastly, without ego, I say that all the recent attention brought on me by the fairer sex is uncomfortable in it's ridicoulousness. That is to say while I am open to great communication, and even greater sex, this type of smothery attention tends to go nowhere with me. I either become too in awe of their infatuation, or am too shy to act on their signals. I really don't know what it is, and this only serves to frustrate me. Thus, as I mentioned, I am diving into the pit self-imposed forwardness when it comes to speaking up. Though I've hit the wall a few times with this new experiment, I have come close, and I cannot stop. I have seen, far too often where that leads - it only leads to the same dismal routine of singularity I know so well. My fever has gone down some since I started writing this. I think I am going to follow up on the invitation to send a personality-less text message to a mystery woman in my vicinity. I am told I am even cuter in person, but when am I fully a person? I will certainly be more attractive when I am able to click with some other link and rattle it's chain a bit.

More to come.

Excelsior,
-MPO.

Words from the cubicle / Swarms of norms crowding.

2008-09-26T18:53:20Z

Rock and roll with video. Orchestrating another shoot tonight. Hitting the stage hard. A storm of prose to cover their nose with verbal cloroform. Big talking with valley and urban accents. Small walking through the valley of the shadow of intellect. Alive and making history for someone innept to erase it - tracing the lines and faking chemistry - snorting time and sucking energy. These folks derserve the chains of ignorance that have tied them in this moment - one pulls the other through pyseudo-intellectualism. I want to slice this nonsense in eigth different ways. The other sounds like a greeting cardf ull of "Everything happens for a reason." They know not that I swivel here in this box, transribing their translucent thought, to lay dead on the line. This too shall pass and be bent into a circle. These are the ones who look at me with their mouth agape - freshly picked from the tree of knowledge, I fill it with a grape.

-MPO in exile.

I am on the front page of Needham Times / EXPERIMENTALLY ILL 2

2008-09-10T16:11:32Z

Here is info on EXPERIMENTALLY ILL 2 : An Indie Showcase of Alternative Film.
I've also posted a new podcast giving you a shout at http://mikeocast.blogspot.com and will try to do one before the show at the Theatre tomorrow, with special guests.

Updates! Press is okay.

(Previously we received coverage for the first "Experimentally Ill" -
featured (interview/event preview) in Metro Boston's entertainment
section, pg. 13 of the 7/10/08 edition - "License to ILL" by Sarah Shanfield. http://www.metrobostonnews.com/us/article/2008/07/10/02/3327-66/index.xml?print=1
)

A bigger, two page article, with, me, Mike Phelan O'Toole on the front page of The Needham Times paper in their "Week of 9/3 " edition is out now, available online at
http://www.wickedlocal.com/needham/news/x1001331782/Needham-resident-promotes-creativity-through-cable-access-show

"EXPERIMENTALLY ILL 2" : An Indie Showcase of Alternative Film

A little piece of insanity returns to the historic Coolidge Corner
Theatre at 290 Harvard Street in Brookline, MA, as spoken word
performer, Vh1 hopeful, actor and video artist Mike Phelan O'Toole and
cable access
legend and WBCN radio personality Quincy Brisco (of the Toucher and
Rich Show) host a brand new entertaining, eclectic D.I.Y. filmic
tapestry!

If funky animation, quirky cult flicks, comedy and non-pretentious art
movies sound cool to you, sit back and relax in the Coolidge's
incredible Video Screening Room from 7-9PM on Thursday, the eleventh
of September, 2008! This venue welcomes us back for another big live
event, featuring visually stunning, odd and entertaining underground
films, video shorts, music videos, and live action tomfoolery with a
crew of unique personalites like no other. Admission is two dollars to
help allow future shows. The first "Experimentally Ill" was very
popular, so plan to arrive early.

Peep out moving images never before screened at the Coolidge! Marvel
as special guest speakers provide A's for your Q's after the
screening!

And what flicks and which guests are in store for you this time 'round? Read on:

*Collaborations from Mike Phelan O'Toole and Lawrence Hollie's "Random
Acts" community television show

*A spoken word audio performance by Mike Phelan O'Toole, coupled with
videography of model Jennifer Mitchell. Videography by Lawrence Hollie.

*The best, most colorfully insane of Quincy Brisco's "Quincy's Perspective"

*Orrin Zucker and Jerry Zucker's EMMY-winning "It's Jerry Time!"
animations (of the ongoing web series "It's Jerry Time!")

*Local artist/writer/filmmaker D.L. Polonsky's surreal comedy "Urban
Fairy," edited by Mike Phelan O'Toole, and starring special guest for
the evening, Richard Berman.

*Sketch comedy shorts and the docu/mocumentary "Burning Ambition of A
Solutionist - A Love Story" by comedy team "The Peanut Butter
Solutionists" (Trevor Martin and Conor Sullivan)

*The world premiere of a far-out visual collage, "Indie-visuality" by
D.L. Polonsky

*James Bernardinelli's cult sensation series "Perfect Jimmy Gone
Wild," featuring avant-garde sketch comedy and surreal, hilarious
animation

*Experimental video selections from the MindPie video artist collective

*Mike Clement's latest wacky puppetry, laced with biting social commentary!

*Jesse Kreitzer's "Pearlswig" documentary about Boston's forty year
veteran, #1 celebrity autograph hound and paparazzi - Jerome
Pearlswig.

*Lauren Rossi's psychedelic visual journey "Outer Layers," and
experimental documentary/reality-based pieces.

*DJ Benny Appell's commentary and comedy "The Price Is Wrong" music video

*Dom Portalla's short films "Jimmy's Birthday," "Double Date," and more.

*The inspiring insanity of "Monsterface TeeVee" by muli-media rock and
sock extravaganza band Uncle Monsterface

*A comedy horror film "The Leaves" by Andrew Eldridge

*A horror thriller - the award-winning "Denoucement"

*The debut of the video created by Lawrence Hollie and Mike Phelan
O'Toole for rising Boston and Ireland rock band MidAtlantic (formerly
The Bleedin Bleedins)'s song "Shine"

And more to be announced!
Line-up subject to change.

e-mail mikeovideo@gmail.com for more info or press interviews.

Visit MikePhelanOToole.com , Youtube.com/Captureman,
Youtube.com/randomacts73, MySpace.com/MikeOToole, and
MikeOCast.blogspot.com for news as it breaks!
Visit http://coolidge.org for venue info and directions

So it goes and toes the line

2008-08-28T23:24:06Z

Hey-O.
My apoliogies for such a break in real entries here. Things have been pretty eventful as far as projects go; since the rocking success that was 'Experimentally ILL" - our indie showcase of alternative film at the historic Coolidge Corner Theatre, I have been planning Experimentally ILL 2, thanks to Larry wanting to dive right back into the abyass, post high - that is recruiting folks to contribute works, scooping up said DVDs, and e-mailing make-shift press releases after writing 'em, to many a newspaper and online publication. Someone from the times interviewed myself and most of the rest, and I arranged for the reporter to send someone to come to NewTV and photograph us doing a shoot for the access show. This after, of course, our lil' preview piece running in Metro Boston last event. I am still waiting on a few places, but it will be cool to check out coverage of me doing what I dig by my hometown rag. We've also shot an amazing looking music video for the band Midatlantic. I am super proud of my footage, and working with Lawrence on stuff like this is always a pleasure at the end of the day. Earlier we hit Bill's Bar on Landesdown Street and shot them playing live - that was a blast. Got in free with a "BAND" wristband. We killed it out there, and so did the band, although you still end up looking far more cool walking through the crowd sweaty with a guitar, rather than a tripod. Dispite this, video is as "rock and roll" to me as ever. When I'm composing a great looking shot, esspecially with such awesome subjects as a kick-ass rock and roll band, I develop a certain swagger, and lose myself in the art. Ditto for editing, although there is nothing like taping, or "filming" something so in motion, as it happens. As the operator, you are warranted a freedom to observe and dissect and munipulate an image. You're physically able to position yourself in fresh plains of space, with the average, uneniciated person looking on in awe, and parting in mass without much protest. I could dwell on many details here, but my brain is fried. I simply want to record a few things. I recently attempted a pen-and-paper journal, but I have been stalling on that. The notebook I got a hold of is ruled too wide. It's uncomforable, as a left-hander, to scrawl words swifty in margins like those, when half your own hand covers up the page. For this, I fear I have missed inking not only the documentation of very cool occurances, but more importantly, my own in-the-moment observations, and emotions untarnished by future knowlege at the time. I figure I would keep the book in my backpack - I do a lot of treking around solo, taking the subway, bus and cabs through the city, usually for some media or performance related gig, or a shot at one. A few weeks ago, I took a couple Peter Pan buses to Northampton for a Mel Gibson open call - they were looking for young dudes to play punks. The odds where against me - between personal anxieties and lack of support, "morally" and in transport, I could have faulter, but in harnassing my fresh-this-year independant spirit, I followed through on my own. It cost a bit more, but I utilized my resourse - public transport and my feet. Sometimes pounding the pavement can be painful...But I work through pain. The payoff is always majesticly awesome. That was the big solo trip so far. Coordinating through the chaos of the plane ride to PA and navigating the narrow sidewalks of Monroeville on foot was truly the greatest challenge, as far as obstacles, and beating odds. However, since Larry was with me, even if he did not have a whole influence, I don't count it the same, although we did truly pull out all the stops there.

Up early to hit Needham Cable to get Larry's show (with myself and Quincy on) on in the town. With time to kill I sat in the McDonald's around 11:30 or noon, for a few hours. Truly a disgusting time of day and place. Keep up with your smoking, keep drinking, and keep going, burning yourself down - the standard human bright-light confusion is in effect. With kids in toe, bloated people blow out their dreams. Now I have hit the computer lab at the academic institution. I dont know that I will have the coin for another semester. I need to figure it out. With any luck, good freelance video work will come my way, thanks to some connections in my getting out in the world and getting in it's face. I spent two hours waiting in the emergency room last night, because I could not stand my wrecked toe any longer. It is infected, and I was given antibiotics like I thought I would. I think it is because of the way my foot is bult and it's impact in hitting the ground. I'm not built for this world, but I'll stick around. Hanging in the emergency room when you have what is, by comparison a minor afflections, widens your eyes - hearing the seeminly sole doctor on the phone discussing how a man has a big wound in his leg and there is a lot of puss, while a little boy asks "Mommy, can we go home?" and she replies "Mommy can't go home with THIS in her arm" is a proverbial pitcher of cold water in the face. You see how, at any moment, of any day, it could be the worst day of you life, or one of them. I had to go and register with them, giving them my health insurance card and all that jazz - they ask me my next of kin and emergency contact - then without blinking an eye they say "Do you want us to list your religion?" Before I have time to wrap myself up in the barrage of "Why does, not only a place based in medical science and human healthcare even bother with something like that, let along in an emergency room? Like, "Hey doc, before you have someone pray or prohibit anything based on superstition, how's about you remove this pole from my chest?" The world at large doesnt care how or who you worship. Pain is pain and sickness is sickness. The infection can kill you just the same. The woman at the desk says " you don't have to list your religion" I leave it at "Yeah, no. That's okay" or something. I sit in another room, eventually laying back, isolated from other folks. I think of it...My mind runs wild for the sake of stroking imagination, or maybe playing out scenerios just in case - first, it's the zombie, virus outbreak thing - how these folks in scrubs and white coats are nice, but weak. Then I think about the guy next to me, and the nurse saying "Now what have we learned? That chest pain is bad, and not to wait on it." The I think of all the NewTV folks who smoke - I used to smoke. It calmed my nerves, but it will catch up with you. You can't out run this stuff. Might as well seperate yourself from it a bit - finally I cut loose, thinking about how on TV, E.R. and Grey's Anatomy are big hits, with action and drama fueling them. Here, in real life, I have been staring at the back of a door outside of a hall for over an hour, watching folks who are dressed the same, clean up other people's guts. At least the nurse who came in was kind of cure. We both shared in feeling half-asleep. I dont know what is most fascinating to me, the pain or the pleasure. Time to hit the moves - the Dark Knight greeks me for the fifth time.
Thanks.
-M.

(Update) "EXPERIMENTALLY ILL" : An Indie Showcase of Alternative Film (FREE) 7/10!

2008-07-05T05:50:13Z

FOR PRESS

7/10: "EXPERIMENTALLY ILL" : An Indie Showcase of Alternative Film (FREE) (209 Harvard Street, Brookline, MA)

A little piece of insanity comes to the historic Coolidge Corner
Theatre at 209 Harvard Street in Brookline, MA, as VH1 hopeful and
multimedia maven/spoken word artist Mike Phelan O'Toole, cable access legend and WBCN
radio personality Quincy Brisco, and uber-producer and editor
extraordinaire Lawrence Hollie host an eclectic, artistic,
entertaining, and flat-out hilarious filmic tapestry!

If funky animation, quirky cult flicks, comedy and non-pretentious art
movies sound cool to you, sit back and relax in the Coolidge's
incredible Video Screening Room from 7-9PM on Thursday, July 10th,
2008! This new venue houses our biggest live event, featuring visually
stunning, odd and entertaining underground films, video shorts, and
live action tomfoolery with a crew of unique personalites like no
other. Admission is FREE!!!

Peep out moving images never before screened at the Coolidge! Marvel
as special guest speakers provide A's for your Q's after the
screenings!

And what flicks and which guests are in store for you? Read on:

*Collaborations from Mike Phelan O'Toole and Lawrence Hollie's "Random
Acts" community television show

*Quincy Brisco's film noir piece "Watching The Detective"

*D.L. Polonsky's Luddite comedy "Midlife Cowboy", the world premiere
of D.L. Polonsky's new crime drama "A Disease Called Man"

*Tom Laskowski's cool, social commentary thriller "A Patriot Act."

*James Bernardinelli's crude and hilarious 'Kingdom Rebels" cartoons

and more!

e-mail mikeovideo@gmail.com for more info or press.

Visit http://www.MikePhelanOToole.com , http://www.Youtube.com/Captureman, http://www.MySpace.com/MikeOToole, and
http://www.MikeOCast.blogspot.com for news as it breaks! Visit http://www.coolidge.org for venue info and directions.

Prose I think.

2008-06-11T02:20:05Z

I am engulfed by the heat of indecision again. If not, then I am simply feeling the sweat of trying to unearth my missteps. If I can calculate the best possible route, both in approach mentally and physical mapping I will win. I will feel the pull to my destination and gain the charge. I don't quite remember the jump from good to bad or bad to good. I had no sleep and ran on a high after I realized the hot water had been turned off. Then my recoil happened when my plan failed on first attempt. In my mind I continued on no matter, but then realized I was waking up from a dream. At this stage, I cursed my neurosis. Whatever it is or was that stabbed me in the back again. There is no use in explaining it to accusors. I will eat the blame as a midnight snack. Acceptance is the only way to continue with my evolution. I feel like someone pulled a valve and let all my air out. Cracks in my skin like cracks in the sidewalk. Warts on the hand of fate and I feel like dirt. But I will be cleansed. I am groomed to contend, as I break my own bones against the friction of opposition and neurotic addictions. I am as weak as I am strong, and as strong as weak. I am on the upswing and yet held down over the failure. I cannot accept responsibility for the degeneration of what I was brought up in, and as it is crumbling worse and worse, I must seperate myself fully, as an infected limb must be cut off from the body so the disease does not spread through the entire system. I issolate more and am late. I don't need anymore advice, just more practice in kicking ass. I am mighty close. As the stakes have been raised with each success I find I am more worn and torn. Each goal is no more or less important than the other. Each adventure is it's own thing in my serial however. I need at least two days to plan and get ready physically and mentally. That is no joke. If I mess up in the prep, chances are great that my mind will give out prematurely. I have now learned this the hard way, but at least I have learned it. Any OCD of mind must be neutralized in whatever way. Right now I am on the healthiest course, and as a result the pain, when it hits, stings a bit worse. I leave the doubts and doubters behind, and the lonely hearts to bleed. I am here to laugh and love and I will not sweat over putting the puzzle together right now or twisting other people's arms to come on the ride with me. It will be great, and I wish all these beautiful things could hit me at once. To sober up from any depression, I must continue the pavement pounding and fight for expression.

-M.

thesoulenigma @ 2008-06-07T18:33:00

2008-06-07T22:54:11Z

You can't kill integrity with your blandness. You won't take down real articulation with your "love of art." Creation wins over appreciation. I bang myself against the curbs of easy street to make it hard. My anxiety sucks like a vampire. I now have to be the vampire hunter and stake out what's in my head. The fear does not come because I call it anymore. It arrives out of habbit. It has been sent an invitation so often in the past that it feels above an RSVP. I overlook sleep a lot as well. I construct an iron-clad plan while leaving a few links unchained. My brain falls out of my head. I no longer gloss over mistakes. I like my mistakes cooked medium rare. Have a side order of mistake while you eat your crow. Damn the torpedos. I will see on the front lines.

Updates: Quincy back on ’BCN 5/28 and Our Next Live Event 7/10

2008-05-22T00:54:04Z

Hey all. My apologies for not writing, or keeping you updated for awhile... Something big was on the horizon and I had to focus on it, but alas it was swallowed up by the monster that is show biz. Maybe I'll get to writing of it later on, but until then, we continue in our multi-media assault and quest for legitimacy among the giants. Even though, in attempting to cement my spot I have to lay it all on the line myself and that ground work is what truly matters, I am fortunate to have a great team of talented friends behind me to collaborate with when I can focus on independant things. A lot is in the works, and the gears are always turning... Contending in the bigger picture is the challenge, yet I am up for it, because the alternative is never trying, and that is the true loss. Anyway, here are some red letter days on our end.

On Wednesday, May 28th, my friend entertainer Quincy Brisco makes his triumphant return, and third appearance, on The Toucher and Rich Show on WBCN 104.1 FM Boston. He will have his own segment at 4:30PM EST, which myself and uber-producer Lawrence Hollie are helping him organize. If you are not in the Massachusetts area, visit http://www.WBCN.com and listen to the live stream. Big thanks go to Quincy's family, WBCN management and the Toucher and Rich staff for the opportunity.

Attempting to live the dream.

Here is an early write-up for our NEW live event (stay tuned to MikeOCast.blogspot.com for updates on this and more)

"EXPERIMENTALLY ILL" : An Indie Showcase of Alternative Film For The Ages

A little piece of insanity comes to the historic Coolidge Corner Theatre at 209 Harvard Street in Brookline, MA, as VH1 hopeful and multimedia maven Mike Phelan O'Toole, cable access legend and WBCN radio personality Quincy Brisco, and uber-producer and editor extraordinaire Lawrence Hollie host an eclectic, artistic, entertaining, and flat-out hilarious filmic tapestry!

If funky animation, quirky cult flicks, comedy and non-pretentious art movies sound cool to you, sit back and relax in the Coolidge's incredible Video Screening Room from 7-9PM on Thursday, July 10th, 2008! This new venue houses our biggest live event, featuring visually stunning, odd and entertaining underground films, video shorts, and live action tomfoolery with a crew of unique personalites like no other.

Peep out moving images never before screened at the Coolidge! Marvel as special guest speakers provide A's for your Q's after the screenings!

And what flicks and which guests are in store for you? Read on:

*Collaborations from Mike Phelan O'Toole and Lawrence Hollie's "Random Acts" community television show

*Lawrence Hollie's epic "Captain Zap in The Lost Dimension of Kerr"

*Quincy Brisco's film noir piece "Watching The Detective"

*D.L. Polonsky's film "A Day And A Half"

And more to be announced! If you would like to submit something, or have an act, e-mail mikeovideo@gmail.com

Visit MikePhelanOToole.com , YouTube.com/Captureman, MySpace.com/MikeOToole, and MikeOCast.blogspot.com for news as it breaks! Visit http://coolidge.org for more info and directions.

Until later,
your friend Mike-O

Special Announcement : entertainer Quincy Brisco to be on WBCN’s Toucher & Rich show!

2008-04-10T19:09:25Z

My good friend, entertainer and showbiz enthusiast Quincy Brisco is scheduled to be featured / interviewed on The Toucher and Rich Show on Monday, April 14th in the 6:00PM hour (EST)! If you live in the Massachusetts area, tune in on your radio at 104.1 FM WBCN. If you are located anywhere else, go online at WBCN.com and listen to the live stream on your computer! Lawrence Hollie and I will be in the house as well, and it should be a blast to see Quincy shine. You’re welcome to call in or leave instant feedback at http://WBCN.com regarding your favorite television personality/karoake singer/Comedian/Human tornado - Quincy Brisco!

Thanks so much. If you don’t know Quincy, please support my friend and visit http://youtube.com/QuincyBrisco and the myspace page I run for him, http://myspace.com/QuincyBrisco

Working with this guy has been a ride, and I would dearly appreciate your support here. -M.

Start of Something.

2008-04-07T19:10:16Z

I have come a long way.
I never thought I would get this far
auditioning for a legit big film,
getting to say things...
But holding your breath makes you blow it.
No big thing though... I won't worry. I will just move on and on
doing my thing.
I worry that my body will fail me before my spirit., though.
Sometimes it feels like it is hanging by a thread.
My coming out of the primordial stew a little early left me not built for this world.
So I worry that it will shut off right before I cross the line.
It does not keep me up at night anymore though. It's just a little concern. But it makes me work harder.
I like feeling how much more hurt striving toward success puts on my body than others'.
I relish in the leisure, even when working.
I work hard and concentrate on my goals, but I don't grind my teeth in the grind of them.
I am getting used to acting strange in front of others. It is very important to be able to cut loose at will.
More important than I realized.
My conciousness is expanding in another way...
There are some far out things I would like to do, but at the terra firma of it all, I do not think of them as dreams any longer... I see how real... How tangible things are. They are true goals now.
I will not get swept up in all the materialism... All the looks-ism and stupid primping and posteuring I already see,
walking into these open calls and now auditions.
All that stuff is so distracting from the true performance. Even the higher-ups are lost in it, getting in my face.
I am fiercly independant now, getting better every day. I no longer feel like things are completely on rails.
I will not allow myself to be beaten by negative reinforcement,
leaking out of my own antiqued thought-processes, or coming from the failure of others.
Failure to think that they are worth more. Kids not yet eighteen who have already resigned themselves to a small corner of the world. It's all about D.S.D. - that would be "Drinking, smoking, and driving around."
They drive in a circle, and live in a vicious circle. Nowadays, I know marijuana to be the smell of failure.
If failure has a smell, it is smoke, more specifically, pot.
I no longer meet those happy-go-lucky hippies who smoke to relax and confront a new plane of conciousness, or be creative. These people smoke to smoke - to decisively destroy awareness, making them ripe for victomization. They do not care about careing about it, and if they do, they inhail to cease this feeling. They numb out concious negative feelings, yet in the midst of the high, get violent. They are angry and want change, but they are not revolutionaries. They will not be the ones to make change. It is an ostrich syndrome, and it hurts chill on the outskirts and view this loss of will to fight.
I used to be okay around it, and not so quick to generalize. If it were a quick shot to the high and something came of it, fine. But it is a slow burn, and the smell of failure does not wash off easily. You reek of it all day afterwards. Others smell it on you. Worse yet, if you do not scrub it off your skin, it could seep directly into your pours and become a part of you. Staying clean is one thing. The opposite is playing dirty, and to go out of your way to get messed up is setting yourself up for hitting the dirt... Life will soil you enough. Hang out under the shower head as long as you can... A moment to reflect. Then search and destroy, in a good way.

-Mike Phelan O'Toole.

Catharsis Junction (A Quick Note To Self)

2008-03-28T18:25:57Z

T ruck loads of charisma will not be enough, Mike.
It all comes down to you, in a sense, yes... The high of confidence will keep you going...
But you have to step up and trip. The greatest were not the greatest. It's how we dress them now, but you have to work at it.
You become great in the work. It does not matter how, on the highest of your highs, how good you think you look, how sharp and smart, how clever with words, or how strong you are getting in so many ways. Someone can break you down like Bane did to The Dark Knight, in an instant. Harness all your natural gifts by challenging yourself to grand heights.
Reality is an illusion. Knowing what the hell is up with other people is almost as hard as knowing yourself.
Momentum can be your friend, if you allow yourself to believe that this is a positive universe. At the very least, grasp that "what is" will always be subjective to our fragile minds - enjoy the ride, knowing that, to see positive happen, the energy must course through your mind circa anything else. The state of outside phenomenae will get bad, but do not allow yourself to become others' dysfunction. You are no use to yourself that way... Allow yourseld that selfishness - to realize that if you beat yourself up, you cannot be of the greatest service to the world, in even the smallest sense. If your tank is at seventy percent, than mpty that much before you refuel. You are more outwardly expressive than most. It is scary looking for the true terra firma rather than succombing to a shackled religion or non-progressive school of thought. But it is most true, as you being you is.
When you were little, you were scared that you would lift off the ground and float away. That metaphor no longer eludes you. It was your natural curiosity that made you want to ask the hard questions, even when you were a todler. Your higher understanding was something from grand heights. But even if you were numb to real thinking and thus subsequent understanding, or simply lackadasickally brain-washed into a religion, your genuine faith is what would have made you keep out of step. You are non-confrontational, and only want to grow and feel the divinity of existence, but you are made for more - you make yourself and you need to feel the grind. Bring it on. It is such a high to give everything, and thus get questions. There are only more questions, which is cool, keeps the gears turning. You are not like others who whine and pine over the questions. You dissect them like a samurai. The question is the answer. It seems insane when others are content to simply recite an answer. Sometimes you'll have to be the vampire hunter, and they the vampire. Is it infectious? When others bite, does it turn you? The worse is when friends turn into vampires... It sucks, but you still have to stake 'em, for the good of the good. You don't want to get ride of them, simply rid them of the darkness that corrodes the light... Sometimes there is a struggle - make it look theatrical. Stop trying to cloak yourself.. Others's the fierce independance. Stop playing up the insecurity, Mike. The proto-plasm in your veins can fill in cracks in the sidewalk, and cracks in their skulls. Maybe there is awkwardness in an aesthetic vain, but everything else is firm and scarred like it should be. Beautiful girls should know, scar tissue is stronger than regular, untouched tissue. That little bit of steel in you is stronger than bone, motherfucker. Smile over it - you know you want to.

-Self. (Mike Phelan O'Toole)