milestone moments

Time Management for Manic Moms - Week 3: How Much Time Do You Want?

2011-09-07T11:38:00.003+08:00

Time Truth 3: Know what you want, then you'll find time to look for it

In the previous chapter, we have learned about our own time traps and how we can work our way around avoiding them. In this chapter, we learn how we could have more time and how we can make use of them.

The author talked about going on a shopping trip, but instead of shopping for goods you will be shopping for time. Think of all the things that you want to do in your life and then put them in your shopping basket. These things are the ones you have identified as important in your life focus and value focus (as discussed in the previous chapter). Like going to the grocery where we bring a list of things to buy, we should also have a list of the things we want to do and achieve to be able to know how much time we need to do all of these things. We would be able to plan our days and weeks accordingly if we know what things needed to be done.

"Knowing what you want is key to actually getting it."

Be PROACTIVE, she said. Let's be in control of our lives. Let's take control of how we want to spend our time. We can do this by creating our desired Eye of Time, and drawing out a new Life Focus and Value Focus eyes. What do we want in our near focus? in our far focus? in our peripheral vision? in our blind spot? We should consider our personal values in delegating the activities we do everyday.

"If you can dream it you can do it" - Walt Disney

The future would belong to those who believed in the power of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt

By having a list of what we want to focus on, we envision what we want to achieve in our lives. Then we can put our plans into actions to make our visions a reality. It's a step by step process and we have already done the first few steps. The next step now is follow through.

In this book, I found out that we humans have our own GPS (like the one that guides the cars to their destination) - the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It helps us bring into our focus the things we want, as long as it knows what we want.

RAS takes into account "our dreams, our visions, or clear articulation of our desired focus". It sends information to our brain, which then helps us get what we desire/hope for. It "filters for things that seemed to be of importance to you, and then get you to pay attention to them." One example that was given in the book was when the writer needed to find a shoes (bright red) that would match her outfit (bright red) she would wear in a wedding. With the help of her RAS, she "seemed to notice red shoes everywhere" - in shop windows, worn by other people. Her RAS was bringing into her focus the thing that she wants - red shoes.

But there is one thing to be cautious of about RAS - it does not know how to differentiate between good and bad. If you always tell yourself you have no time, RAS passes this info to your brain, and will in turn find as much "evidence" to prove so. It encourages you to be late, to procrastinate. It's a subconscious suggestion, I guess. What I learned from this is that we have to choose positive thoughts/ideas so our brain can process positive suggestions. Instead of always saying we have no time, we should tell ourselves we will find time. Instead of saying we can't do things, we should tell ourselves we can do it. Our brain will help us find a way to achieve what we want to achieve. This is because our brains helps us focus on the things we want / desire allowing us to do things to make our desires a reality.

Here are examples of positive suggestions in the book, and how we could better state (more positively) what we want to have better help from our RAS.

I want a tidy house...... vs........ I don't want to always be tidying up children's toys.

I want to be on time.... vs....... I don't want to be late any more.

I want to take things at a steady pace.... vs..... I don't want to rush.

I want to be calm...... vs.....I don't want this stress.

Exercises to do:

Dream your way to destination "more time" - a form of visualization wherein you pretend as the director of a new film ("My Perfect Day"), who has total artistic and creative control. Then picture yourself "in" the film, living your Perfect Day. Practice doing this everyday, as many times as you like. It's like training your brain to expect a perfect day.
The end of your fabulous life - this may seem to be a morbid exercise to do, but it will surely help us make the most of our time. Here are some questions to think about:

what do my children say about me?
what do my family and friends say about me?
what are the highlights of my life?
what are my major achievements?
how much have i enjoyed my life?
if i had more time what would i still want to do?
is there anything missing from my life?
the things that make my life rich and varied were...

"Are the answers to these questions what you want to hear?" Your response, be honest as possible, to these questions will determine whether you have lived the life you wanted to live or not. If you think you need to make changes, there is still time. Better start making changes now, before it's too late.

The Long-Term View from the Eye of Time

Make a list of everything you want to achieve in life. Use the Dream-Catcher to list the short-term and long-term goals in every area of your life. The Dream-Catcher is a table showing the period (1month, 3 months, 6 months, 1year, 5 years, 10years, 20 years) as the categories on the top of the table, and a list of everything you can think of (career, fun/leisure, family, friendships, physical, environment, romance/partner, money, health) in every aspect of your life that you want to achieve. If you write things down, they're very likely to happen.

PEP Up Your Long-Term Life Focus
Turning your dreams into goals. Writing your goals in such a way that makes it easier for your RAS to seek them out.

PEP = Positive, Explicit and Present
Positive Goals - make your goals a positive statement of what you want, rather than what you don't want

Explicit Goals - be as detailed as possible about your goal

Present Goals - write your goal in the present tense as if you have already achieved it

Creating a Destiny Diary

A home for your PEP Goals.

Materials needed: a ring binder, paper, pens, section-divider cards

Create sections in your Destiny Diary.

first section - PEP goals for next month
second section - PEP goals for the next 3 months
third section - for the next 6 months
and so on....
Put in 7 sections to hold PEP goals for the next 20 years

In each section have 8 sheets of paper headed with one of you Life Focus Categories
On the top left-hand side of the page write "PEP Goal" and on the top right-hand side write "Destiny Date"
Write your PEPed-up Goals on the relevant Life Focus Sheet in the relevant time section. Make sure you give each PEP goal a Destiny Date. That is the date you want to achieve it by.

Actions for Week Three

Look at your Ideal Eye of Time for a minute everyday. (1min)
When you brush your teeth each morning, set your intent to have a great day, in which everything gets done. (2mins)
Each night, review your day. Ask yourself the question, "Where did I waste time and where could I have saved it?" (2mins)
Watch your personal film, My Perfect Day, 3 mins this week. (5mins is fine, but do it longer if you wish)
Create a Destiny Diary and fill it with PEP Goals. (1h45mins, or 15mins everyday for a week)
Do one thing towards one of your long-term PEP Goals. However small, choose to make time to take a step forward. It might be a phone call or buying a book, just do something. (10mins)

Summary

Like a shopping basket without a list, your day will fill up with whatever drops into it, unless you choose what you put in it.
Unless you know what you want to do with your time, you'll never find time to do it.
Make a decision about what you choose to do with your time, not what you don't choose to do.
When you focus on what you want in life, you tend to get more of it.
Use your Eye of Time, Life Focus Eye and Values Focus Eye to plot out what you want to focus on.
People who write down what they want to achieve get more done.
Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) can help you get more of what you want in life.
It's useful to mentally rehearse having more time.
Create a Destiny Diary to capture everything you want to have time to do in the weeks, months and years ahead.

Tips

Do small jobs as they come up; don't put them off.
Test children on times tables or spellings on the way to school. (done!)
Mark children's socks with their initials or different coloured threads so they get kept together and put back into the right child's wardrobe.
Make packed lunches the night before - or, even better, get the children to do their own. (my younger son sometimes packs his own snack)
Put a little cleaning kit in the glove box of your car, and a plastic bag to collect rubbish.
Use the speed-dialling facility on your phone.
When going out to meet a friend, have their phone number to hand so you can ring ahead if you are running late.
Carry a plastic zip-bag with you to catch bits of info, receipts, etc you will want to put away when you get home. Empty it daily.
Clean the shower after each use with a car squeegee - stops the build-up of limescale and saves cleaning time.
Look for examples of when you've managed your time well. Ask your brain to focus on these, and seek opportunities to use the same strategies again.
Keep a list of things that can be done in fewer than 10 mins. Whenever you have just 10 mins, do one of them.

Time Management for Manic Moms - Week 2: Where did all my time go and please can I have it back?

2011-09-07T11:38:00.001+08:00

Time Truth 2: To save time you must first know how you spend it

The Champagne Lifestyle

your time really is more on a par with champagne and caviar than fizzy water and dry bread. You want to become a bit more careful about what you do with it.
On the whole we are terribly careless with our time and don't treat it with respect it deserves. We just lose it here, there and everywhere, then wonder why we haven't got any left at the end of the day.
Benjamin Franklin once said: " If time be of all things most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality, since lost time is never found again."
once lost time is gone forever

The importance of knowing where your precious resources are going

if you value something you don't want to waste or lose it. Unfortunately, unless you can identify where all you gold dust's going, how can you possibly save it?
Time Truth Two: "To save time you must first know how you spend it." You have to be able to account for every minute, every spec of gold dust.

Where are you precious resources going?

the lamentable truth is that most of us have no idea how the 24 hours we get everyday are spent
If you don't know how much you've got and where it's going, how can you expect to get more?
very often minutes and seconds can seep away from your life, unnoticed
they're stolen from you when you repeatedly do things that you really don't have to do
just like a dripping tap, many of us let our time dribble down the drain without

We have to know what is taking up all our time in our everyday lives. We might be thinking that we are wasting only a few seconds or minutes at a time. But lost seconds and minutes add up to hours, days, weeks and months.

Sometimes we wonder how hours pass by so fast without having to finish any of the chores we have planned to do. This maybe because we suddenly thought of another task which was not planned and it took most, if not all, of our time during the day. In my case, I can say my distraction is the internet. I used to sit in front of the computer from morning till dinner time, trying to squeeze in some chores for a few minutes, then back to the computer I go. Only when hubby sort of gave an ultimatum that I finally realized how much of my time was consumed in front of the computer.

Key to Time Management - the fundamental and overwhelming truth is that you can't manage time. We cannot stop it or train it. What we can do is learn how to manage our use of time. Use CHOICE and FOCUS as the basis for getting what you want. We cannot manage time but we can manage the series of event that we choose to focus on as we pass through time.

Based on the suggestion above, what we can do is to know what our main focus is/are (chores, to-do list, goals) and concentrate on finishing the list as planned. We don't make our to-do list just for the sake of writing them, right? Although I have to say, sometimes I do get side-tracked!

The book suggested to use the tool "Eye of Time" to help use know what we are focusing on and what we really want to focus on (yes, there is a difference). It's drawn like our eyes - 3 round shapes, small, medium, large, one inside another. These shapes represent our Near Focus (the activities that are right in front of our face), Far Focus, Peripheral Vision and Blind Spot.

Doing the eye of time exercise, you can determine whether you are focusing on activities that really matter to you, or are important in your day to day life. Then you can ask yourself " Do the activities you focus on reflect what is of value to you?"

Eye of Time Life Focus
- draw 4 concentric circles divided into 8 equal parts (like a pie chart). The 8 parts represent areas in your life : career, fun/leisure, family, friendships, environment, romance/partner, money, health / fitness

Eye of Time Value Focus
- draw 4 concentric circles divided into 8 equal parts (like a pie chart). The 8 parts represent the important values you have in your life: eg. integrity, fun,. personal development, honesty, assertiveness, courage, creativity, friendliness, spirituality, energy, independence, loyalty, determination, hard work, generosity, happiness, playfulness, perfection, reliability, punctuality, optimism.

Top 10 Drips from the Tap of Time
These are the activities which take most of our precious time. Which one are you guilty of doing?

watching tv (guilty!)
unnecessary phone calls and talking on the phone for too long
drop-in guests
waiting in queues with nothing to do
reading newspapers and magazines (unless you have something important to check that is a good use of your time)
constantly checking email/reading junk mail
looking for things you've misplaced (papers, car keys, etc) (Guilty)
unnecessary chit chat and gossip in the playground and other places (sometimes guilty)
worrying about things you cannot control (I am definitely guilty!)
time struck in traffic
returning home for things you've forgotten
cleaning up after others (guilty!)
coffee, tea and cigarette breaks
thinking about doing things rather than doing them (guilty!)
compulsively sorting mail and paying bills (guilty!)
surfing the net (super guilty!)
childcare with no breaks
endless trips to the shops for things you've forgotten
saying yes to tasks you should have said no to
being a perfectionist (super guilty!)

In order to determine your "drips" and be able to "control" them, the author suggested a time log (drip diagnostics) to be done in 5 days. The log includes info like

- time activity started,

- activity,

- how are you feeling? what is your mental, emotional, physical state? (tired, stressed, distracted, relevant observations)

- interruptions

- duration in minutes

At the end of the week, summarize the results of your daily log. Calculate the time spent on each activity. Check where your time is leaking out - "Where am I spending time that is costing me dear, because it's denying me the opportunity to do something else?". Then think of what things you can do differently next week to plug your leaks and gain more time.

Actions for 2 weeks:

Complete your Eye of Time (10mins)
Complete your Life Focus Eye and Values Focus Eye (20mins)
Fill out your Drip Diagnostics log (ongoing days 1 to 5)
Identify your top ten time leaks (10mins)
Identify 6 things you can do to plug your time leaks (10mins)
do the 6 things (this will save you time)
Give yourself the gift of an extra hour. Choose something to do in your hour. Commit to doing ti and put everything in place to make sure that it happens (10mins preparation + your hour).

Summary

To save your time you must know how you spend it.
Like the backs of your earrings, lose time and you'll never find it again.
The key to time management is choice and focus.
If you want to get more done, stop and consider what you focus on during your day. If what you are doing isn't productive, choose to focus on something else.
Does what you focus on reflect what is important to you?
If not, work out your values and choose to focus on activities that reflect them.
Write down everything you do for a week, then gaze in wonderment at how much time you've wasted doing thing that aren't important to you.
Choose to eradicate the things that are wasting your time and replace them with things you'd rather be doing.
Give yourself a fabolous reward for finding extra time in your life.

Tips:

Have a list of phone calls you need to make, then fit them into spare moments.

Keep a mini sewing kit handy for those emergency repairs.

Always put the cordless phone back on its base - or stick to a corded one.

Negotiate some working from home time to cut down on commuting.

Invest in a timer or stop watch, then set time-limits for a particular job and stick to it.

Send texts and emails to large groups to save time on phone calls - particularly if you're prone to chatting.

Buy a sound-activated device for your keys - think how much time you've wasted over the years looking for them.

Keep a well-stocked medical kit with essential supplies, thermometer, etc so you're not rushing around in the middle of the night trying to find a 24-hour chemist.

Never be kept on hold. Agree a time to ring back or leave your phone number and a message.

Put the children's school uniforms out the night before. Even better, get them to do it.

Record programmes to watch later, cutting out the adverts.

Tumble-dry clothes on the low hear setting until the washing is just dry. Get the washing out while it's warm and at it's most co-operative. Place each item on a flat surface and smooth out with your hands before carefully folding it to be put away.

Buy a sound-activated device for your keys - think how much time you've wasted over the years looking for them.

Record programmes to watch later, cutting out on adverts (we are actually doing this)

Kelvin in P4 (2010)

2011-09-07T11:22:00.001+08:00

It has been like a roller coaster ride for Kelvin last year (P4). He was quite busy throughout the year attending to 2 CCAs, and supplementary classes twice a week. He stayed back in school for 4 days in a week. He joined the Library Club, wherein they were taught how to arrange the books in the library and assisted the librarian during recess time. He also joined the Robotics Club wherein he was chosen to be a member of one of the teams who joined the National Junior Robotics Competition (NJRC) held at Singapore Science Centre. They trained during CCA hours and were not allowed to go on overseas trip during the school holidays in preparation for the competition. Even though their teams from Montfort did not qualify for the finals, we were so proud of him and his team for bagging the top position among the participants in the school.

In terms of academics, I was informed of the big jump from P3 to P4 so I prepared myself and Kelvin for the unexpected. He did well enough in CA1 but stumbled a little in his SA1 except for Math (surprisingly). He was within Band 2 for the 3 major subjects and a Band 3 in Chinese (understandably). We worked hard for his performance to improve in CA2, but didn't get the results we were hoping for (still a good pass though). When SA2 results were given, there was slight hope of getting better year-end results. But since the CA2 and SA2 final marks were not really released to parents, it became a guessing game as to what his final marks would be. I was expecting Band 2s in the major subjects and probably a Band 3 or 4 in Chinese. When the report book was given to us, we were so happy to see 2 subjects with Band 1, one subject with Band 2 and Chinese in Band 3. He made it after all. Work has paid off. Good job, Kelvin!

Here is the form teacher's year-end comment : Kelvin has certainly blossomed into a confident and mature pupil. He is well-liked by his classmates for his sense of humour. Kelvin takes great pride in his work and speaks fondly of his friends and family.

OCBC Mighty Savers

2011-09-07T10:33:00.000+08:00

One way to make the short school holiday productive is by opening a savings account for the kids (finally!). Although we have been setting aside a specific amount for their college education (we call it edufund) for a few years now, it has always been mixed with our family savings. Sometimes there's confusion as to how much we have really saved for their education. Before I needed to get my files to check the actual amount, but now we can just glance at the passbook and voila! account balance at hand.

We also wanted to instill in our kids the importance of saving. They have a coin bank at home and have been saving small amounts from their allowances. To bring their practice of saving to the next level, I insisted on opening a bank account for them. This way they can literally see their money growing. Ira is still a bit confused about how his money is kept by the banks. He initially thought it's a waste of money cause he thought he was giving his money away. But I explained to him that we are putting his money in the bank for safekeeping, then on a later date, we can get some of his money if he wants to spend them on something (mostly school related).

So off we went to OCBC Compasspoint Branch. I brought the usual documents - birth certificate, REP, passport and my IC (as parent). Silly me though, I didn't bring the originals! When it was our turn to talk to the relations manager, he explained that their scanner was a bit sensitive and it may not be able to detect photocopies (esp those without bar codes). He still tried just in case it went through. But as he expected, the document (Kelvin's birth certificate) was not detected. We were not able to open the account on our first visit. But the relations manager gave us his name card, scribbled words and dates on it, and assured us that if we come back within the week and present his name card, we will get priority in the queue. Good customer service there I should say.

The following day, we went back to OCBC, brought along all documents including originals. As instructed, I gave his name card to the customer relations officer at the entrance, and immediately we were attended to by the relations officer. I submitted the required documents then waited while he processed the application for Mighty Savers. It took some time since the documents needed to be scanned and verified. After the application has been processed and approved, we were given the passbooks for the kids, then were sent to the cash deposit machine to make our first deposits to their accounts.

Kelvin's and Ira's Young Savers Passbooks

We choose the OCBC Mighty Savers Programme as it caters to the needs and ages of the boys. The perks:

Special "fast track" children's queue during Sunday Banking
no monthly account fee or service charge
Mighty Savers stickers and card game
regular fun games, stories, contests and activities in Playtime!

Mighty Savers Stickers and Card Game

teaches children to save in a fun and engaging way
one sticker is awarded to the boys whenever they save $1
upon saving $20, they would have completed one card (20 stickers total)
bring the completed card with 20 stickers to any OCBC branch, bank in the boys' savings in exchange for a Mighty Savers Encouragement Gift (of low monetary value) and a new set of savings card and stickers
a special badge is earned for the 3rd, 6th and 9th completed card

Isn't that a great way for the kids to learn to save money??? My boys were pretty excited about the rewards programme that they were very eager to give me their dollars when we got home. They wanted to complete the card and get their next gift. I have a feeling we will be frequenting OCBC Compasspoint Branch from now on.

a travel journal and a wristband

- this month's gifts for new sign ups

for initial deposit of $1,000 and above,

OCBC gives out this Ancient 7 Wonders Storybook,

which my boys chose over the New 7 Wonders DVD

More perks...

If we deposit $2,000 and above within 2 months from our boys' birthdays, they give away a limited edition Mighty Savers Medallion.

I also love the Stories and Activities, as well as the Financial Games found online. It's really a fun way for the kids to learn about saving.

Here's more on OCBC Mighty Savers Programme.

Lovin' the Dancin'

2011-09-01T17:24:00.000+08:00

I have loved dancing at a very early age. My parents even told stories of me (around 5yrs old or younger) dancing into the music played from our old LP record player for hours non-stop. During Christmas parties at the bank where my father was working before, his colleagues would remember me to be the first one on the dance floor and eventually winning a price. My mom even said I would happily entertain house guests with a dance number.

I remember being involved in dance presentations when I was in kindergarten (to the tune of Winter Wonderland). I was always a member of dance troupes from elementary to high school days (yes, that means from Grade 1 to 4th year HS). There was one occasion when I was asked to do a sort of ballet dance (which I had no background in) when I was in grade 4 or 5. I had to ask for a ballet dancer friend's help to somehow teach me some basic steps. I struggled but was still able to perform on stage, thank God!

I danced in and out of school, with dance troupe members and with my very close friends. My friends and I even formed a group and we performed during community events. We did all sorts of dances from the traditional folk dances to social dances and hip hop. I enjoyed every minute of it. There were times when we struggled to think of steps, or were having a hard time doing a certain step (esp in doing social dance wherein the guy partners had to carry or slide the female partners). It wasn't only mental fatigue but physical fatigue as well. But we (I) endured all of that because we (I) loved what we (I) were doing, and we (I) all enjoyed the process.

When I got into college, my passion for dancing was put aside for sometime (maybe a year or two) until I became a member of a school organization. Of course, there were org parties/events and these paved the way for opportunities to dance again. Then I enrolled in PE dance classes - 3 to be exact! First, I attended Street Jazz class. Then I enrolled in the Street Dance class under Sir Jerome. It was on Wednesdays - a good 2 hours of heart-pumping moves. I loved this class so much, not only because of a good-looking, talented instructor (yup, he was the class crush), but also because I had cool classmates. I even had a classmate who was a member of the famous dance group Maneuvers! Although I haven't really watched him dance with the group yet, I was already star struck cause I know how good the Maneuvers were (I'm a big fan, and I always watch them perform on TV). I was able to watch them live (after admiring them for years on TV) during Gary V's concert at the UP Sunken Garden a decade or so ago. I still remember our painful stretches and warm ups, our final exam preparations (yes, we did have exams in our dance class), and the finals day itself. I even contacted a good friend of mine to help my group with the steps as we didn't want to let our teacher down. Of course, we wanted to get an UNO! The song was "I wanna rock with you" by Michael Jackson. How I wish we had a video of that performance. Anyway, the dance addiction didn't stop at that PE class. Because we enjoyed the class so much, we (meaning most of the students in that class) almost literally begged our teacher to offer PE2 Street Dance the following term. And he did! Of course, we enrolled in the class the following term and had another semester of sweat-inducing dance sessions.

After that PE class, I thought my dancing days were over. I had a long break from dancing. I moved to a new college (UP Asian Institute of Tourism). Did some college environment adjustments, and what do you know, they organized dance competitions between different levels. I was considered in 3rd year then. I joined the batch dance group and we practiced endlessly, trying to perfect the steps/moves. There were a lot of them who were really, really good in dancing. I was amazed at how they can move that gracefully. I even had one classmate who attended the School for the Arts in her high school years (that's an arts school for the ultra talented students like her). On the night of our performance, we were all hyped up. We gave our best. Although we didn't get the first price, I'm glad I was able to dance with them that night. I was proud of our performance. It was scary, nerve-wrecking but at the same time 100% FUN!

I think that was the last time I really danced in front of a crowd. After that, I graduated, got married (ok I danced during the wedding night as well), had children, and the only opportunity to dance was at home, alone while cleaning the house :) That's not until yesterday, during Mid-Autumn Festival celebrations in my sons' school. I participated in a Chinese dance performance together with other parent volunteers. I joined in 2 weekend practices with our instructor, Tina, and around 3 or 4 other practices with the other dancers to polish the steps. I was excited to dance again. I was pumped to go to our dance practices. Yesterday, while we were making our way to school for the final preparations, I was nervous. We were like high school kids performing for the first time. We were all excited, anxious, psyched. We were a bit paranoid that we may forget some steps or that it would be a 4-minutes of shame kind of presentation. The was even a last-minute shake up as one of the performers fell ill and wouldn't be able to dance. Our head organizer, Padmini, asked (or more like told) her daughter to learn the steps and get herself ready cause she was dancing with us.

We practiced for the last time, then ran towards the hall because in less than 2 minutes we were about to go on stage! You can imagine my heart beating so fast, the nerves kicking in, the adrenaline at its highest. Then it was show time. As soon as the music started I was in auto-mode. We remembered the steps. We danced as gracefully as we could. We gave it all our best. And we did great! I was so proud of our performance. And I am so happy I was able to dance again. After so many years of not performing on stage, I thought I would have lost my touch. But based on the performance last night, I think I still have it :) Dancing with the other gorgeous and talented moms made it even more interesting and fun.

Here are some pics and also a video of our performance during the Mid- Autumn Festival.

I was the first one to finish with the hair and make up, thanks to Padmini and Saras.

I realized this was the only time I wore make up after my church wedding in 2001!

goofing around while the other mom dancers were still doing their hair and make up

our dance performance captured on video (thanks to Amie)

Snapshots of us dancing

our dance instructor, Tina.

the finale

the curtsy

gathering after the performance with (from left to right):

Amie (who supported us and brought us to Toa Payoh during our weekend practices),

the dancers in red - Michelle, me, Sunju (Padmini's daughter), Padmini (our organizer), Mydie and Tara,

and our make up artists and hair stylists - Saras (in pink) and Latha (in maroon)

Thanks so much, ladies. It was an experience I'll never forget.

me and Mydie

Photos courtesy of Arnold, Amie and Tara.

I love dancing, and I think I'm going to continue dancing until my bones are strong enough to let me dance.

FYI: Singapore School Fees for 2011-2012

2011-08-24T13:35:00.000+08:00

For parents who plan to bring their children to Singapore to study (either as Permanent Residents or Dependant Pass holding Student Pass) or those who currently have school-going children in Singapore, please be reminded that there has been some changes in the school fees.

Years ago, the rate for Singaporeans and PRs are almost the same at around $11.50 per month. This year, PRs now pay $33 per month, a big increase from the previous years' fees. The next few years, there will be another adjustment - increase per month - in the fees for both PRs and International Students.

Here is a table for quick reference:

Source: http://www.moe.gov.sg/education/admissions/international-students/general-info/#monthly-school-fees

Take note: # All new IS admitted in 2010 or 2011 will have to pay the respectiveASEAN/non-ASEAN rates from Jan 2012.

Back from a 21-day holiday

2011-08-23T12:12:00.001+08:00

I guess we've all been quite busy when we got back that I forgot to post this blog!

Our flight from Frankfurt touched down June 17, a Friday. The following week passed by so fast.

Brought Ira to KKH for his regular eye check up. No changes in eye grade, therefore, he doesn't need to change lenses (yippeee!). Had a visit to the barber for the boys' haircut, a few days ahead of school resumption to avoid the crowd. I met up with a friend, Jonalyn, (actually, my roommate when I was a freshman) who I haven't seen for the past 10 years! Yes, the last time we saw each other was during my church wedding way back Dec 2001. It became a mini reunion with another college friend, Myra, who has also been living here in Singapore for a few years now. She brought her baby along and he is soooo adorable! A well-behaved kid, indeed!

Then, over the weekend, another long time friend visited Singapore. Ate Ting was a very good friend in college, as like the rest of my college (and HS friends), I haven't seen her since.... my church wedding! Now I've realized if we didn't have our church wedding in the Philippines I wouldn't have seen my friends after leaving the uni. Anyway, she stayed with us for a few days, but I was only able to accompany her to Chinatown on her second day in Sg. Why? Well, it was already the start of school the next Monday. That means back to being a household director :)

But before I totally leave "dreamland" and go back to reality, I have a few insights during our long holiday:

travelling with the rest of the family is really better than travelling without them. Kids may grumble and have tantrums now and then. But without these the experience seems incomplete
some cities / attractions are way over-rated. But it's part of being a tourist, I guess. You see things you really love, then you see things you can't even bother about.
itineraries are there only as a guideline. You're not really meant to strictly follow it. There will definitely be some visits to "unlisted" places. And sometimes, it's well-worth the trouble.
don't believe in everything other people say about a destination. They may have experienced the city differently from you. Just take note and use it as a precaution.
when travelling on a holiday, we not only learn things about our destination, but also things about ourselves and our family. We learn new things about each other. We learn to put up with each other. We learn how to become a better parent/person from other people (either from those who we are travelling with, or the locals and tourists we meet along the way).
Travelling IS a learning experience. We shouldn't deprive ourselves of having one :) BUT we shouldn't over indulge and get ourselves into so much debt just to be able to do so. Do everything in moderation :)

Helping Your Child to Prepare for Exams

2011-07-22T16:13:00.000+08:00

Exam week is coming up. I stumbled upon these photos of slides from my facebook album when I attended the Parent Engagement Session in February of this year and realized I haven't posted it here in my blog yet (that's few months of backlog again!).

Anyway, I hope it's not too late to share it with parents, and students, who are preparing for the upcoming exams.

Exams should not really be feared. It's just an exam anyway. But because of the grades that goes with taking the exam it now holds a sort of negative connotation. Above are some reasons why most of us (if not all of us) fear the exam monster.

But too much anxiety can adversely affect students, therefore, we need to help our children cope with their exam anxiety. How do we do this? Below are some suggestions given during the talk:

It's always better to have good time management. And I believe it's good to study lessons daily in preparation for the exam to avoid cramming. If the students know their routine, it would be easy for them to budget their time efficiently.

Having a space to study - own study table or study corner - somehow conditions the student (and his mind) for study time. This should be a place where he has his references at hand, all his study materials and stationery easily accessible.

As a mother, and a student before, this has proven to be somehow inevitable (for some). We study hard, we know all the topics and we've studied them, but somehow we still fall short. So what's the problem? We probably have not anticipated some of the questions given, or we have not studied the topic thoroughly. Not getting a perfect score is one thing, flunking is another. So how do the students who get perfect or close to perfect scores do it?

Having good study habits is probably the key (as proven by most students, I guess). Students are usually given the topics included in the exams. This is already an edge since they know well in advance what they need to learn. What they need to do next is to allot enough time BEFORE the exam week to learn them. Students should not wait for the very last minute before they start reading on the topics given to them.

When I was still in grade school and secondary school (which is a long time ago), I used to write a reviewer for every subject to help me remember the information. This was also because we cannot write on the books we have (I study in a public school and books were only handed over from one year to another). We also don't have enough materials like the variety of workbooks they have here in Singapore. One disadvantage of writing info down again (esp if there are a lot of topics to cover) is that it's time consuming and also tiring (unless a student loves to write).

I think this would be the biggest challenge, esp for some younger boys (based on experience, as well as other parents' experiences) who prefer to play around rather than study. The suggestions above would really be of help.

Different children have different ways of learning. I know this personally because I have 2 boys who are quite different in terms of learning methods. One is very studious and serious in doing his work, and prefers to sit down and finish all his work before he goes to play. The other one is more playful and prefers to have more breaks.

As for nagging, I guess some students work well if someone is pushing them to do work. But I think most would prefer a kinder approach. Students sometimes feel more stressed if parents nag them.

Special mention to the students who need to wake up early because they are taking the school bus (at 6am!). This means they need to sleep latest by 9pm.

We all want our children to do well in school, but putting too much value on academic excellence sometimes tips off the balance between studying and playing. Children are children and they should have enough time to study and play. If we push our kids too far they will get stressed out. And I have seen a lot of cases here in Singapore where the stress has a very bad impact on the child health, both physical and mental.

As parents, and hearing a lot of news about stressed students in Singapore, we have to watch out for these stress indications before it's too late. Academic excellence is a great goal, but not at the expense of our children's health.

We can also have short breaks to play games with the kids to lighten their mood.

I couldn't agree more. If students are prepared they are more confident in taking the exams, so they become more relaxed.

I remember doing the last minute chatting with classmates when I was still studying. Sometimes it also helps because we get some information that we probably have missed out. But too much talk should be avoided.

I always remind my boys to pay attention to the instructions because even if they know the answers to the questions but they don't follow the proper way to answer them (like circling instead of coloring) then their answers will be marked wrong.

Instructions are there for students to follow. Pay attention to them and make sure to follow accordingly.

Expensive questions are those that are given more points compared to other questions (if I remember it right). Since these questions have higher marks, it's good to make sure they are being answered carefully and thought through before writing the final answer.

In Math, one of my son's teachers said they should always show the computations and models because these will be marked. It's also good if they can review or double check their answers for accuracy.

There are times when students, due to lack of time, cannot finish their exam. This is very unfortunate as the questions they have not done maybe the questions they know much of. To avoid such from happening, students should try to allot their time properly during exams going through the easy questions first, and answering the harder questions last, making sure there is enough time to pay attention to the harder questions.

Sometimes we parents are so focused on exam results that we forget to remind our kids that we still love them no matter what the results are. Yes, we do feel bad when they don't get good results, but that doesn't mean we will not love them. We should let them know that.

I believe giving words of encouragement and having confidence that our children will do well in their exams help a whole lot in their performance in exams. We should shower them with lots of positive words, and help them in preparing for their exams the best that we can, that they allow us to :)

Weekend at the Marina Bay

2011-07-18T18:12:00.000+08:00

We went to the Marinay Bay Promontory for the Kite Flying Festival on Septermber 18 (sorry for the delay, trying to clear my blog backlogs). As stated in the newspaper ads, we took the MRT and alighted at Raffles Place Station. Then we followed the signs going to Marina Bay on to the Promontory. It was the first time we were there, after all the construction of new buildings and the development of the Marina Bay business district. It was quite a long walk from the station but the kids did not get bored. We passed through the Marina Bay Link (like Raffles Citylink) then under The Sail.

When we arrived at the Promontory, there was a long queue of people (for the goodie bags of course). We decided to try and queue up since it seemed it was moving fast. But when we reached the end of the line, which was almost already at the Marina Bay Sands mall, we backed out. We just took some pictures for a while.

There weren't many kites yet when we got there, around 5pm.

us with few kites flying in the back ground

making our way to the Marina Bay Sands mall

the boys musing at the Harley inside the mall

"The Rain Oculus is a large acrylic and stainless steel structure located at the intersection of the retail mall with the waterfront promenade. "

"It creates a whirlpool motion above the promenade level with the water falling 2 storeys through a hole at the center of the Oculus, creating a dynamic water skylight feature at the heart of the retail mall. It consists of a 22 meter diameter acrylic bowl mounted on top of a tubular stainless steel superstructure which forms a "basket" to support the acrylic panels. The combined weight of the acrylic Oculus and steel superstructure is 90 tons. Water flows at 6,000 gallons per minute through the Oculus and the maximum weight of water it can hold is 200 tons."

grabbed some small bites to eat while resting

didn't dare to go inside the casino because of the $100 levy :) Photo op is enough for now.

some musical performance at the atrium

a view of the Marina Bay Sands Hotel from the Marina Bay Shopping Mall

After taking some pictures and walking around the mall, we decided to cross the Double Helix Bridge to get to the other side of the river.

a view of the Marina Bay Sands Hotel from the Double Helix bridge

Kelvin's got the Singapore Flyer at the palm of his hands :)

a pedestrian bridge linking Marina Centre with Marina South in the Marina Bay area. The view is actually better when it gets dark since there are lights on the bridge.

view of Marina Bay Sands across the river

resting at the park

We then headed to Marina Square mall to look for a place to eat. We've been walking the whole afternoon, we were famished!

We decided to have dinner at Inle Myanmar Restaurant, for a change, but not without checking the menu outside if there was something for the kids to eat.

"what are we having for dinner, Mom?"

ever favorite fried rice - anytime, anywhere

deep fried fish with chili

a different style of chicken curry

pork sausage (for the kids)

Dinner was served......

..... and they're done!

We were quite happy with our dinner, and the kids couldn't wait for what's in store for dessert

Hpa Luda "Rose Scented" Dessert

admiring our dessert.... can't wait to dig in

the kids finished the ice cream, now the adults for the left overs. It was a good choice - not to sweet, with lots of small yummy bits (sago, gelatin, etc)

After dinner, we were energized again. We walked around the mall and saw this F1 exhibit (or i think it's F2?).

Kelvin posing with the car (although it was actually not allowed to sit where he is sitting)

Ira got himself busy with this matching game

Once the boys got tired of the F1 roadshow exhibit, the next stop was the playground.

seesaw

waiting for his turn to go down... again!

and again....

and again...

it looks like he was stepping on the lady-in-blue's back but he's really not. I think he's already big for this playground.

last few minutes of playground time and we're going home

It was a fun-filled afternoon indeed.

2011 Montfort Junior P1 Learning Journey to Chinatown

2011-07-09T18:42:00.007+08:00

The P1s at Montfort were off to another learning journey, this time it was at Chinatown. It's in time for the upcoming Racial Harmony Day as well as one of the themes in their Social Studies subject. During the learning journey pupils are expected to "explore and appreciate the different communities living in Singapore".

I am fortunate enough to be able to assist my son's class in this educational trip. I was in school by 815am, the call time for volunteer parents. Other parent volunteers for the trip were there - Doreen (P1C), Steve (P1C) and Kumar (P1B). Amie and Angela were also there for the pre-departure preparations.

This learning journey was different from other learning journeys I've assisted. The school has invited a group of tour guides to help the teacher and the students learn more about Chinatown. P1E's tour guide is Mr. Bernard - a funny and lively man. He got the kids attention from the time we left the school up to the time we got back. Their company catered specially to school trips like these so they really know how to handle kids and get them interested in the tour.

By 830am, we were all on-board the buses - one class per bus. Mr. Bernard briefed the pupils on what to do, what not to do, what to expect and how to behave specially because we would be visiting several places of worship. The keyword was RESPECT, and he made sure the boys remembered the DOs and DON'Ts during the walking tour.

this is Mr Bernard

The boys were also given a blue worksheet ("Let's Explore Chinatown Together!") for them to answer during the walking tour. It has a map of Chinatown's Kreta Ayer Neighborhood which the boys can color the streets that we have visited.

After the formalities, Mr. Bernard engaged the boys in a Math game. Of course, there would be a prize given to whoever can answer the question. The boys were all excited to answer and were raising their hands even if the question has not been given out!

First question: What is ten plus ten plus ten plus ten?

The boys were fast in raising their hands and yelling out the answer. Mr. Bernard called one boy who then aswered, "Forty!". But Mr. Bernard said it was not the right answer. Other boys tried their luck with the same answer. But all of them were wrong. They protested. They were all sure that forty was the answer. But Mr. Bernard said it was an answer that was too serious. Then he said the answer was, "ten ten ten ten..." (the sound from scary movies). The boys didn't seem to get it. I guess they were trained very well by their Math teacher, Mr Thiru, to add properly. They all didn't agree and insisted the answer was forty.

Anyway, few more minutes and we were already in Chinatown. The boys were all eager to see what's in store for them.

the boys lining up at Mosque St all geared up for their 3-hr walking tour

our drop off point to get to our first destination

Mr Bernard was asking the boys why they think the street was named Mosque St.

One of the boys answered because there was a mosque in that area. Clever.

Our first destination was the Masjid Jamae (Chulia) or The Green Mosque which was established some 180 years ago. The boys couldn't believe it was that long ago.

The boys making their way inside the mosque. They were quite well-behaved.

Mr Bernard then directed the boys to the side of the mosque grounds where he discussed the history of the mosque.

our tour guide explaining the importance of the MINARET

- a distinctive architectural feature of Islamic mosques.

This is where the speakers are usually installed and is used for the call to prayer.

He also explained to the boys that the mosque was built by Chulias who were Tamil Muslims from South India and among the earliest migrants to Singapore.

in this photo, Mr Bernard was telling the boys the reason why this specific mosque was quite different from other mosques. The was Chinese influence in the construction of the walls to somehow let the air in (hope I got the explanation correct).

We then walked towards the side of the mosque where the the worshipers wash their hands and faces before entering the mosque.

the boys were not able to go inside the temple but were asked to take a peep and observe what was inside which was different from other places of worship they know

doing a brief review of the information shared during the tour of the mosque

After visiting the mosque, we walked towards the next street. There we were brought to another place of worship.

making our way to the next destination along Pagoda St

few words before walking across to the temple next door

Sri Mariaman Temple - Singapore oldest Hindu Temple founded in 1827

- with its impressive GOPURAM (entrance tower)

If my memory serves me right, Mr Bernard mentioned that one of the tales why the street was named Pagoda was because the temple's gopuram looked like a pagoda.

Before entering the temple, we removed our shoes. Mr Bernard then rang the bell attached to the main entrance door. He later on explained this is done to let the gods know that people are entering the place of worship.

Taking photos in the temple is not allowed but since we were in the school trip we can do so.

our tour guide educating the boys why this place of worship was different from the previous one we've visited - mainly because this one had several statues of their gods while the mosque didn't have any

One of the boys asked why some of the statues have more than 1 pair of hands. Others asked why one has an elephant head. Mr Bernard answered their questions one by one but not without first asking if anyone from the class knew the explanation.

the boys listening to one of their classmates - Pravin - who was telling them the story of why Ganesha (Elephant-headed deity). I was amused at how much he knew about his religion. He was really confident and knew every detail.

Ganesha

boys walking with their socks on, making their way to the other side of the temple

one of the smaller temples in the compound

our tour guide telling the boys more about the temple and Hinduism

don't forget to ring the bell on the way out of the temple

goodbye for now, Sri Mariaman Temple. It was nice to have visited this national monument

Our next stop showcased a different part of culture. We passed by the Chinatown Food Street - Smith Street.

looking for tables and chairs to rest for a while

boys a bit tired but still need to do worksheets about this street

Mr Bernard shared with us a tale of how the name of this street came about. There was a Hokkien man who was asking "Simi, simi?" The other person didn't understand what it was and thought he said Smith.

After sharing the story, the boys were then asked to walk around and check the sign boards for as many Chinese food as they can. Then they need to circle the worlds in their worksheets. Some boys didn't need to walk around. They knew what Chinese food was and they were done circling in a minute or less.

Smith street

moving on to the next stop

a Chinese efiggy shop

Mr Bernard walked to the other side of the road to this shop selling stuff for the dead. Then he asked the boys if they knew what the things were. He then asked if someone wanted an iphone, ipad and other gadgets - all available in the shop.

everyone raised their hands when asked if they wanted an ipad!

our tour guide explaining to the boys why people were buying the stuff for their dead relatives

Walking along, we saw this stall (closed during our visit) which our tour guide said was selling sausages.

another stop in the walking tour was this pastry shop which sells traditional Chinese pastries

Moving on to the next stree - Sago St. The street got its name from the many sago factories in the area in the 1840s.

Mr Bernard showing the boys what sago looks like. I didn't know there were several sizes of sago.

this building caught my attention

some tourists walking along Sago Street

After walking along Sago Street, seeing lots of pastry shops and other shops selling trinkets, we arrived at the last place of worship in our itinerary.

Buddha Tooth Relic Temple and Museum

boys with their partners, walking in twos towards the temple

Mr Bernard explaining the proper way to enter the temple

last minute instructions from our tour guide

very important not to step on the "threshold" but cross over it upon entering the temple

inside the temple

We got inside, walked towards the back end of the temple and then got out heading towards the hawker centre.

stopping by a Chinese medicine shop

showing the boys what parts of plants are usually used as medicines

After walking for a couple of hours, the boys were hungry and a bit tired. Then it was time for a snack. We got up to the hawker centre on the second floor for the kids to have their snacks.

Ira happily eating his food

Ira with friend Marcus

After the much-needed break from the hot weather, the boys were again ready to walk around Chinatown.

bathroom break

some shops around Sago Street

time for the kids to complete their worksheets

some boys who were listening during the walking tour got most of the sweets as they were able to remember the information shared by the tour guide. Other were good at guessing :)

boys wondering what the answer was. Think, think, think.

When the boys were done with their worksheets they were given the chance to walk around and see what the shops had to offer.

the boys were amused by this shop selling magic tricks. Some of them bought the magic wand and magic cards which cost $10 and $5, respectively.

Ira also wanted to have the wand but I told him it was quite expensive for something that he will probably not like in a few days from now. Good thing he didn't insist on buying one.

Ira and classmate checking out the seals next door.

just right for the hot weather - fans, fans, fans galore! Ira spotted Angry Birds fans and he wanted to buy one. Since it was a cheaper alternative to the magic wand, and it was going to be useful, I bought him one. I had to rush though cause the class was ready to walk back to the bus.

he happily walked back with the class fanning himself :)

It was a fun morning with the kids. We all learned new things about Chinatown. I'm sure they are looking forward for more learning journeys like this.

Kudos to the school for arranging this trip. Thanks to Mr Bernard who provided a very informative and fun tour for the kids, and for us adults. And to Mr Thiru who, as what Mr Bernard said, made this trip happen.

lucky are you boys for having these kinds of learning journeys where you can learn more about the places and culture you grew up with. It's an experience you will definitely carry along with you.

Stay Home, Stay Happy - Chapter 8: Ace Your Space

2011-04-26T11:29:00.000+08:00

"To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labor tends, and of which every desire prompts the prosecution." -- Samuel Johnson

This chapter talks about "Creating a Soulful home".

My goal: to create a home that is functional (less work for me) and an environment that reflects our values. Don't we all want to have this kind of home?? Specially the "less work for me" part. It's not that easy with kids around. But it can be worked out.

Start with the family table

Because family meals are central to the soul of your home life. Regularly eating together anchors your family and provides many more benefits than most of us think about. We don't have any problem in this area as we eat together on a daily basis, thanks to hubby's tolerable work schedule. The only concern is that our little one tends to dilly-dally when eating. Sometimes it takes him a full hour to finish one small bowl!

It's not hard to imagine that children and teens who share meals regularly with their parents have better overall diets and finer table manners, but did you know that they are also more likely to have bigger vocabularies and better grades, and are less likely to smoke, drink, have sex, get depressed, consider suicide, or have an eating disorder?

Rules to make your table a family table

Starting with a prayer or thanksgiving ritual sets the tone.
No distractions! Turn the TV off; let the phone ring. Make this hour sacred. Unfortunately, with all the technology (tv, smart phones, etc) surrounding us and becoming part of our daily lives, it is quite hard to "cut them off" our circulation. Guilty as charged!
Get the kids in on the food preparations - they are more likely to eat their food if they help.
Keep dinner conversations enjoyable by avoiding topics like "You never clean your room, take out the trash," etc. This is not the time to nag.
Manners matter. This is the opportunity to teach kids important life skills.
Keep the conversation inclusive. Allow every member to contribute. Don't let one person take over the conversation.
Keep it respectful - no laughing at others or teasing allowed.
Forget about the "no politics and religion" rule! This is a time for families to discuss the world around them and to share and instill your family's values. At the same time, allow your kids to have different opinions and to share them without criticism.

Your home should encourage togetherness

After the kitchen, the most important gathering spot in your home is going to be the living room or family room. In the case of most flats in Singapore though, the living room and the dining room is "integrated". There are pros and cons to this kind of set up.

Create an atmosphere in your home where kids are welcome everywhere.

Creating an environment that encourages reading also encourages togetherness. Learn to associate reading with a positive cozy experience.

Include a small altar, where we keep religious symbols, candles, and prayer books.

Create other tangible symbols of what you share together as a family, such as cherished photos and mementos of trips and special occasions.

Creating a designated space that helps your family understand its identity and values brings history and meaning to your gatherings.

Get the most form your space

Anything you can do to save time on housework in your home is time you can spend doing other, more enjoyable activities.

Consolidating activities into one room allows you to eke out together time while you take care of necessary chores.

Try to create a space that kids can happily retreat to when grown-ups need some alone time.

The outside matters too

Don't forget the outdoors when it comes to your home. You should always find ways to make the outdoors just as inviting a place to be together as indoors so you can enjoy fresh air and family bonding at the same time!

Little things mean a lot

Every home has its own style and rhythm because every mother and her family are so very different. One of the greatest pleasures of being a mom is creating a warm and inviting place for everyone to come home to. We just don't set the scene, we set the tone.

It's up to us to make the home a sanctuary as opposed to a source of friction or stress.

Home as sanctuary

Your home is a sanctuary from the outside world and the place in which the most important things in life unfold. Creating your family's "sanctuary" is an important task that requires thought and love.

Kids are less resistant on the days I have the patience to explain that picking up mess is more than a chore; it's a way to show respect for our home and what we do to make it nice and cozy for them.

Creating a home that feels like a sanctuary from the outside world is especially important for family members who have to spend hours away from it at work or school.

The lessons in love taught in the home have a greater impact on the world than the things that happen in places of commerce or government. Indeed, those institutions are just that - institutions. It is the people who inhabit those institutions - their character, honesty and the passion that they bring to their work - that can make those agencies forces of good in our world. These virtues are first - and best - learned in the family home, where members learn to love, share, and care for one another.

Am I creating a soulful home? Is my home a sanctuary?

1. When think of my home, the word that comes to mind is:

a. Love

b. Warmth

c. Chaos

d. Fun

2. On a typical evening after the kids go to bed you will find me:

a. reading in my favourite chair. I love the quiet.

b. fast asleep. I'm exhausted.

c. alone, watching mind-numbing TV to forget about the laundry and housework that's piling up.

d. hanging our with my hubby, talking and watching our favorite show.

3. When I reflect on my day in the evening, I feel:

a. proud of what I accomplished

b. tired, but grateful

c. resentful. I'm tired of being tired.

d. happy to be alive!

4. On a scale of 1 to 4, I would rate my home's function and beauty as:

a. (4) I've worked hard and found clever ways to make my house organized and charming.

b. (2) I wish my spouse and I agreed on the importance of aesthetics in a home so we would follow through with more of the changes I think it needs.

c. (1) I hate my house, and that's why I don't like having company.

d. (3) It's not perfect, but I'm making improvements and have a long-term plan.

If you answered mostly a, b and d, then your home is your sanctuary or it is on its way to becoming the place you want it to be for you and your family. If you answered mostly c, you need to consider the psychological and family benefits of a home that meets your family's needs and makes your day easier. You are home most of the day and deserve a space that works for you and makes you proud.

I can safely say that I have somehow made our home somewhat of a functional and semi-comfy place to be. Of course, there will be times of chaos especially after the kids play around during the weekend leaving board games and toys on the floor, or when my paper files are not in the proper places. But in general, I have a space that works for me during the day - with my computer cum work table in the living room where everything else is accessible. It's not my "dream work station" yet, but it's getting there.

Everything is a work in progress. We add bits and pieces of us as a family to our living room every time. New toys on display in the glass panels. New photos from our family holidays. Medals or trophies received by the kids adorn their respective rooms. Memories are created as mementos add up.

So what's your home atmosphere like?

Bisita Iglesia 2011

2011-04-25T10:53:00.000+08:00

Our third year of visiting churches during Good Friday. This time we explored the churches on the west district - that means we travelled from the north east side of Singapore to the western side. Here is the map of our Bisita Iglesia route:

Same as every year, we started at St Anne's Church in Sengkang, the one closest to our place.

We left home a little bit later in the morning as the kids got up late. We read the first and second stations from the booklet given out by the church weeks ago for lent reflections (From Wilderness to the Waters of Life). We also let the kids have their share of reading and reflection. Let me share them with you:

First Station: Jesus is condemned to death

Jesus is brought to stand in front of Pontius Pilate, the judge. He is innocent but Pontius Pilate condemns him anyway and sentences Him to death.

It is really our bad thoughts, mean words, and angry actions that You are being punished for, Jesus. We are praying the Stations of the Cross to tell You that we are sorry for all our sins.

Second Station: Jesus takes his cross

Jesus has been beaten by soldiers. He has been laughed at and spat upon. Now he must pick up the heavy cross and carry it while the crowd yells. He is so tired and sad, but no one cares.

We care that You are tired, Jesus. We are sorry that You are sad. We would like to help You carry Your cross with our prayers.

Then we headed to Church of St Ignatius (church #2) at 120 King's Road. It was around an hour's bus ride, taking bus 136 to Blk 302, Upper Serangoon Road, then transferring to bus 153, alighting at Spanish Village, Farrer Road.

Since we started quite late in the morning, it was already 12 noon when we got Spanish Village. We decided to have lunch first (no meat for the adults).

After lunch, we headed to the Church of St Ignatius which was a block or so away - an uphill walk.

When we got there, they were in the middle of the mass so we decided to wait it out. We visited the bookshop while waiting. The bookshop lady was very nice and accommodating. When she saw us standing outside the shop for a very long time (we had gone back and forth to the church which was on the second floor for a few times then), obviously very hot, she came out and invited us in the shop where we could be more comfortable with the aircon. We found out she was about 1/4 or 1/8 Filipina. Her grandmother (who she was not able to meet personally) was a Filipina.

After about 30 minutes or so, we headed back up to the church. Finally, the mass was over. We were able to read the next two stations of the cross.

Third Station: Jesus falls the first time

The cross is too heavy. It is so heavy that Jesus falls down under its weight. The blood from the crown of thorns is running into His eyes and His back aches from the scourging. People are still screaming and throwing things at Him. His heart must be as heavy as the cross He carries.

It is our sins that make Your cross heavy, Jesus. We are sorry. We love You and we try to be good for You with our prayers and with our lives.

Fourth Station: Jesus meets His Blessed Mother

Suddenly, Jesus sees His mother. She is standing at the side of the road surrounded by the crowd. Her eyes filled with tears when she sees Jesus. She wants to help Him out but she cannot. Both their hearts ache at the other's pain.

Jesus, You and Your Blessed Mother help us whenever we ask. Our hearts ache too with the pain of the Stations of the Cross. We promise to pray to You both often, for help in our lives.

Moving on to our third church, the Blessed Sacrament Church at 1 Commonwealth Drive. It was around 20 mins bus ride from the Spanish Village taking either bus 93, 153, 855, 961, alighting at Opposite Blessed Sacrament Church.

Fifth Station: Simon of Cyrene helps Jesus carry the cross

The soldiers are in a hurry. They grab Simon of Cyrene out of the crowd to carry the cross and make Jesus go faster. Jesus was grateful to Simon for his help.

Simon did not know he was blessed when he was carrying Your cross - he only felt how heavy it was. Praying the Stations of the Cross will help us to remember that carrying our crosses helps You too.

Sixth Station: Veronica wipes the face of Jesus

Jesus' face is covered with sweat, blood and dust. It is itchy and uncomfortable. In pity, Veronica runs out to the road to wipe the dirt from Jesus' face. This small act of kindness is all she can do to help Him.

Jesus, we want to see and touch Your face, shining in glory in Heaven. We know that our small acts of kindness and our prayers help us grow closer to You and Your Father in Heaven.

Then we headed to our fourth church - Church of the Holy Cross at 450 Clementi Avenue 1 via bus 196 from After Commonwealth Drive, Queensway bus stop. It was a 26-minute bus ride, alighting at Transview Golf Club, Clementi Road.

Seventh Station: Jesus falls the second time

The road is so long and the cross is so heavy. Exhausted, Jesus falls down again. The soldiers yell at Him and whip Him to make Him up. Don't they know that they are hurting Him more? Jesus knows that He is suffering for the sins of the world. He gets up and keeps walking.

Jesus, sometimes we get tired, discouraged and impatient with the world. When we fail and fall into sin, it hurts You more. We are sorry and we ask You to help us be as patient and brave as You.

Eigth Station: Jesus speaks to women of Jerusalem

Next, Jesus meets some of the women he taught. They are crying. They are crying for Jesus, and for their own loss - what will they do without Jesus? Jesus tells them not to weep for Him, but for all the sinners of the world.

Jesus, You told the women of Jerusalem to weep for us. Even in Your pain, You remembered us. Thank you. We will pray for sinners, too.

We stayed at the Church of the Holy Cross for almost an hour I think because we were held up by the rain. As expected, it usually rains in the afternoon of Good Friday.

On to our fifth church - Church of St Francis of Assissi at 200 Boon Lay Avenue, we took bus 198 from the bus stop at Blk 610, AYE, which was quite a walk from the church. We crossed the overpass to the other side of the AYE. The next church was 24 stops away, alighting at Blk 185, Boon Lay Avenue.

It was still drizzling when we walked to the church. The mass was almost starting so we had to read the two stations while sitting on the bench.

Ninth Station: Christ's Third Fall

Jesus reaches the last hill before Calvary. He looks up to see how far He has to go. When He sees the hill where He knows He is going to die, His strength leaves Him and He falls to the ground. There is still more pain, still more sorrow to endure. But Jesus loves us, so He keeps going.

Jesus, You kept going even though You were tired, scared and sad. You loved us then, and You love us now. We offer our prayers to tell You that we love You, and want to comfort You in Your great sacrifice.

Tenth Station: Jesus is stripped of His garments

The crowd has followed Jesus and the soldiers to the top of Calvary Hill. Now they laugh as the guards pull off His clothes - His robe has stuck to the blood on His back. The guards push and shove Jesus. They do not care who He is, they only see that He is an object of scorn.

Jesus, even wounded, bleeding, roughly treated by the guards and mocked by the crowds, You were and are still our King. We ask You to remember us in Your Kingdom.

We didn't waste anytime, and walked to the bus stop under the rain with our very small umbrella to shield us. Our sixth church - Church of St Mary of the Angels, was 16 bus stops away from Blk 176, Boon Lay Avenue via bus 174, alighting at Church of St Mary, Bukit Batok East Avenue 6.

As with most of the churches we visited, there was a mass going on. The church was packed. Chairs were arranged outside to accommodate the rest of the congregation that did not fit inside the church. We had to stand on the side and read the remaining stations. We decided this would be our last stop.

Eleventh Station: Jesus is nailed to the cross

Is this the worst? The feet that carry the message of God's love and the hands that healed are pierced with nails as Jesus is nailed to the cross. More wounds, more pain and more humiliation for Jesus.

Jesus, they tried to stop Your hands and feet from doing Your Father's work by nailing You to a cross. You endured the pain of it for us, as You gave Your whole life for us. We thank You and we love You.

Twelfth Station: Jesus dies upon the cross

The sword the Simeon prophesied has pierced Mary's heart/ The hopes of the Apostles are crushed. The veil of the Temple, symbol of the old covenant of God's Love, is torn in two as Jesus' death opens a New Covenant with God.

Jesus, You spoke lovingly to everyone gathered at the foot of Your cross. You knew the new life that Your death made possible. Speak lovingly to us when we come before You and make us worthy of the new life in You.

Thirteenth Station: Jesus is taken from the cross

Now, all that is left is to take Jesus' body down from the cross. All the gentleness, reverence and love denied through this terrible day is possible now. May and the Apostles wonder, is it too late? Is it over?

Jesus, with our prayers, we join in taking Your body down from the cross. We touch You; take the nails out, wash Your wounds, take off the crown of thorns, with love and sorrow. We grieve with Mary, and want to comfort her.

Fourteenth Station: Jesus is laid in the sepulcher

Even in this time of sorrow, there is help. Joseph of Arimathea arranges for Jesus to be buried in a nearby tomb. His body is wrapped in clothes and sealed away. Everyone walks away, weeping. Finally, all is quiet, peaceful even.

Three days later, something wonderful happens - Jesus rises from the dead! The Light of the Resurrection cracks open the tomb - Jesus' light is stronger than death.

As we say our final prayers to end this year's Bisita Iglesia, we reflect upon what has happened, and look forward to the coming of the Risen Christ.

We ended our day with a celebration. It is not a easy feat to go from one side of Singapore to the other side, especially with kids in tow. Our children rose up to the challenge, they enjoyed the journey, no one fell asleep in the bus, they took part in the reading and the prayers. It was then time to honor our eldest on his 11th birthday after focusing much of the whole day remembering Jesus. That would be in another blog though :)

(personal pictures to follow)

Stay Home, Stay Happy - Chapter 7:Put Technology To Work

2011-04-21T19:57:00.002+08:00

A timely chapter since we are in the computer age and we all know that if we can't beat it, better make use of it! Technology has its pros and cons. But if we know how and when we can make use of it to make our lives better, we are way ahead of the game.

Again, here are some important words from this chapter.

Nurturing yourself, your relationships, and your passion

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire! - Ferdinand Foch

The decision to be home with a child for a period or season of life is a weighty one that has a lot to do with how we view at-home motherhood. For our grandmothers, and some of our mothers, staying at home was not really a choice but an expectation. Even those women with a college education and some professional experience were expected to put these interests aside to be a "good" wife and mother. Others who were married young, with little or no professional experience, never had the opportunity to test their skills in anything other than family and motherhood. Many of these women have yearning and relentlessness.

At-home motherhood is so different now! It has been transformed by many factors, but in so many ways, the technological revolution is the crucial component in the evolution of at-home motherhood, giving moms time-saving tools, the freedom to nurture their passions, and often the ability to work part-time or stay connected in some way to their former work lives. Technology enables moms to explore and delve deeply into virtually any subject in the comfort of their robe and slippers.

Technology has made it much easier to run a part-time business, participate in job-share programs, freelance or consult - all from home. This freedom is why modern moms know that being home does not have to be stifling or isolating experience women once complained about.

The ability to simultaneously be in both worlds - at home with your kids and contributing to your profession - can be an intoxicating feeling for moms who feel most liberated and truly creative when they are satisfying both essential parts of who they are.

Make technology work for you

The internet is giving moms back time that was once needlessly wasted. Time saved is time that can be spent doing something enjoyable or rejuvenating - yoga, reading, freelance consulting or writing, painting, or playing dolls with your daughter.

Need to help your daughter with her research paper? You can do it from your laptop in the kitchen.
Want to ask your child's teacher about the scale of the Indian Village project due on Monday? Just e-mail her.
Don't know what to do with your soon-to-be limp cabbage in the vegetable drawer? Put "cabbage" in the search engine, and in under a minute, you have a recipe.
Moms and dads can synchronize their calendars so that Dad doesn't schedule a business meeting during the kid's school concert.
Order things online.
Grocery shopping online.

No question, the internet saves moms time and allows us to access an unprecedented volume of information, create online communities, and pursue personal interests to a degree unfathomably by at-home moms of any previous generation. All of these advances address the problem that Betty Friedan famously exposed as the chief drawback of at-home motherhood: isolation and monotony.

Stay connected to family and friends

The cell phone is a mommy essential. It not only makes us more efficient but it also gives us peace of mind. It's a huge bastion against isolation.

Technology is bringing the miles between us. Without technology that we have today, my children would probably not have that much connection with their grandparents back in the Philippines. Although phone calls and snail mails with pictures are good forms of communication, nothing beats seeing them eye-eye using Skype or YM.

Internet is expanding our network beyond our family and friends and allowing us to meet and share ideas with mothers all over the world! It was actually in one of the motherhood forums where I met my close friends on our sixth year here in Singapore. We've been friends for 4 years or so now and I'm really glad I've become part of that forum. The internet is also a memorable "place" for me. This is where where I met my husband some 13 years ago! I can't be more thankful.

While online commentary can sometimes bring out the worst in people, it also has the ability to bring about great insight and understanding of other people's lives, cultures and perspectives.

The connection to other women is invaluable, and real friendships develop - sometimes even moving beyond the anonymity of screen names to the real world. Like what happened to me!

Just do it! Nurture your passion

Use today's technology to make space for you!

Nurturing your passion is essential to both your soul and your work as a mom. Every mom needs to explore and discover an activity or pursuit that brings her joy. You feel recharged, replenished and ready to pour yourself back into your family.

Your training (job experience) could well be employed in the service of your community or your child's school. Your education and skills are not wasted as an at-home parent! You won't be getting a paycheck for that, but it isn't any less significant to your family, your town, or even our country.

Whether your passion is volunteering or baking, you should rightfully feel proud of making your corner of the world better or sweeter!

If your passion is reading, painting, cycling or gardening, your family will benefit if you just do it! Make time and create time. Make the nurturing of your passion a priority.

Being home with your children is a lot of work, but it also has an incredible amount of flexibility. Focus on the positive: the flexibility and the fact that you are your own boss.

Time spent immersed in your passion, or in the pursuit of a hobby, or exploring a different side of yourself, is good for your soul and, therefore, good for your family.

Many at-home moms have the experience of discovering their true selves after becoming mothers. The key to making this discovery is make yourself a priority!

Fight the technology demons!

If the technological trappings of modern at-home motherhood have done nothing to create free time in your days, you probably need to reprioritize. Uh-oh. This is gonna hit a chord. I, for one, am a victim at one time. But I could say, I'm a recovering addict - internet addict that is.

We simultaneously have to battle the technology demons - you know, the temptation to be hyperefficient and constantly tuned in, thereby losing sight of the underlying purpose of our decision to be home: spending quality time with our kids.

Today's moms are the most efficient multitaskers in the history of mothering. We pack more than twenty-four hours of work into a twenty-four-hour day!

Is technology helping you to spend more or less time with yourself or your family? If you suspect there is a problem, the best thing to do is to remove it from your life for a period of time.

Your spirit is an inspiration to your kids and to other moms!

Ending this chapter, let me just say a few words. Let's use technology to our advantage - to make our life as an at-home mom more "convenient". Let's be aware of our technology demons so we can make the possible steps to fight them. And remember that help from at-home moms is just a click away!

How to be FREE: Passover Lessons

2011-04-20T15:42:00.000+08:00

I got this from my mail box thru my subscriptions at beliefnet.com. I thought it was just in time for the celebration of the Holy Week and I would like to share it here in my blog.

How to Liberate Yourself

We all long to be free from the struggles, fears, hurts and resentments which creep into our lives. We are all entitled to the liberation from them which is promised by the Passover story. Here are ten steps, inspired by Passover traditions both ancient and contemporary, which will help you liberate yourself and enjoy the freedom you deserve.

THROW IT AWAY

Pick a small symbol of whatever is holding you back, and throw it away. Declare that for a specific period of time, say a week, you are simply not going to accept the presence of that problem in your life.

TREAT YOURSELF

Treat yourself to something new that makes you feel fresh -- a new garment or anything else which, when worn, used, etc. makes you feel like you deserve a do-over and are getting one.

Hmm. What a good way to really start fresh! And just in time for the coming school holidays.

GOOD DEEDS

Go out and do something nice for somebody else. It need not be big, but there is no better path to empowerment than serving another person in need.

Well, I just might be able to do so. And this particular help I have in mind is going to make the other person really feel special because it’s a very important event in her life.

REFLECT

Take a moment to identify some things that are already going well. Where do you see even the first signs of new positive potential emerging in your life? They need not be big to be real.

Sometimes we forget to notice the blessings that we receive because they are not that grand or life-changing. Every positive thing, no matter how small, that happens in our lives is something to be thankful for. Sometimes even a negative happening deserves our thanks for it makes us a little bit wiser and a lot stronger.

EMPATHY

Consider where you see others wrestling with challenges in their lives, and think about what you could do to lighten their burden. What abilities do you possess that could brighten someone else’s life?

I don’t really have any special abilities. But if by listening to someone share his/her bad experiences, even if we are only acquaintances, makes him/her feel slightly better, I am willing to do so. I have done it so many times before some people even thought that I was a fake – pretending to be nice to someone I don’t even know personally. But I guess that is just how I was raised. I don’t choose who to listen to or give advice to, as long as it’s needed.

GET SUPPORT

Don’t go it alone. Identify people who could share in your process of liberation and invite them to be part of your circle of support.

I’m quite lucky to have a BIG support group – my immediate family, my in-laws, my close friends, my long distance friends, my co-parent volunteers. It just keeps on growing. I couldn’t ask for more.

LIMIT YOUR WORRIES

Articulate a limited number of challenges, no more than four, and limit your worry to that short list. You have to start somewhere and this is where you choose to do so. The rest can wait.

This is something I am really good at – worrying. I’m a worry-freak and sometimes it just hinders me from really enjoying the moment. Instead of 4, I should just limit the challenge to 1. Because I know that Someone up there (pointing up) will take care of the rest and help me get through them one by one, in His time. No worries.

GET INSPIRED

Find stories of people who have overcome similar challenges and share those stories with your circle of support. If it worked for others, it can work for you.

I’ve always loved reading inspirational books. It’s true, no two people are alike, and no two people can be in similar situations. But I believe that we can always learn something from their stories. And what we have learned, we can pass on to others.

BE GRATEFUL

Make a list of the people and things for which you can be grateful no matter how jammed up your life may otherwise be. Make sure to say ‘thank you’ to those who make the good stuff happen. Gratitude is liberating.

We should be grateful for even the little things in life. Everything we have is a gift. Everyone we meet is a blessing.

FLESH OUT YOUR DREAMS

Articulate your dreams, even if you have no idea about how to make them come true, or any rational expectation that they will. If there was, they would not be dreams. And once you articulate them, you are that much closer to making them real.

I remember an advice in one of the books I’ve read – write your dreams and they will come true. When we write our dreams and see them in paper, we are constantly reminded of what we want to achieve. We tend to focus on them and make steps towards achieving them. There’s nothing wrong in dreaming. Dream big, achieve even bigger! Not I gotta put that in action.

Source: Passover Lessons

Stay Home, Stay Happy - Chapter 6: Don't Go It Alone!

2011-04-18T12:09:00.000+08:00

This chapter talks about getting help from people that surround us, who in turn are willing to lend a hand. Let's get to know these resources, tap them, learn from them, and share our experiences with them.

Taking girlfriends, grandparents, and mentors along for a ride

"I've come to believe that there are only two things you need in any new teaching situation to succeed - humility and inquiry." - Lisa Delpit

Humility is one of the most important prerequisite for motherhood. Love is our motivation, but humility allows for introspection, and that's what you need in order to parent consciously.

No parent is perfect. We all have room for improvement. After all, children don't come with a handbook. And if I may add to that, having more than one child doesn't make one an expert because no two kids are alike!

When we admit our shortcomings (to ourselves and our children) and recognize our need to learn from others, we are better parents. Although trusting our gut is important, it is just as important to accept that we don't and won't have all the answers and to draw on the wisdom of others.

Girlfriends: Fill your bucket!

We all need friends. We look out for one another, and somehow knowing we are all in it together makes everything a little easier.

When kids are busy playing together, moms can count on time to talk, bond and connect. An additional benefit is that getting together with the kids in tow provides us a benchmark of sorts to gauge our own parenting and child's progress.

Surround yourself with friends who accept you for who you are and can help you laugh at your foibles instead of wallowing in them. And I sure am glad I have those kinds of friends, near and far.

Choose your girlfriends wisely and ask yourself if this is a relationship that is supportive, honest and authentic. You deserve and need to have friendships that are liberating and rejuvenating.

Make it a point to surround yourself with people who lift your spirits and with whom you genuinely want to spend time. You don't need any more stress in your life! I hope I am not causing stress on my friends' lives, having a lot of down times myself.

Nurture the grandparent relationship

Grandparents can also be a great help to Mom (and Dad!). But their help extends far beyond babysitting.

Watching grandparents interact with their grandkids, we begin to see why the love between our children and our parents is different from our parental love and why it is something even the best parents cannot replicate.

Unlike parental love, grandparent's love for our children is not saddled with the ultimate responsibility.

Children who enjoy healthy and strong relationships with their grandparents have the security of knowing that someone else in the world loves them as unconditionally and completely as their parents.

When kids go to their grandparents' houses they are made to feel like nothing in the world is more important than their visit that day. My brother and I felt this way when we were visiting my grandparents' house when we were kids, and I'm sure my kids feel the same way whenever we go on holiday to visit my parents.

Nurture the grandparent relationship - everyone will benefit. It is your job to foster this relationship. I hope I am doing the right measures given the situation (grandparents live in another country).

Nurturing the relationship means understanding that indulging grandkids and breaking their parents' rules is one of the greatest pleasures of being a grandparent. As long as you trust your parents and believe they have good intentions, let them build a relationship with your kids independent of you and your spouse. I guess just don't go overboard. Meaning the kids should know that grandparents are there to love them and give them a little bit of "freedom" from parents' rules, but parents' rules are there to stay :)

Grandparents provide a window into the history and traditions of a family.

Being around elderly parents who are frail or sick can teach children difficult yet important lessons about compassion and the value of human being regardless of infirmities or disabilities - a lesson that is sadly being lost in the culture at large.

One of the most amazing gifts that comes with the birth of the child is the opportunity for families to heal and move past old resentments or issues because the love they share for this child is greater.

Fun ways to Nurture the Grandparents Relationship

Recognize that it's your responsibility to foster the relationship between your kids and their grandparents.
Make grandparents feel welcome and special in your home.
Be willing to take kids to their grandparents.
Give grandparents and grandkids alone time to build their own relationships.
Accept that grandparents will indulge your kids and break some of your rules.

Why we need mentors

There is nothing more humbling that having kids around. Their innocence, reflected in their unfiltered thoughts and questions, is the most refreshing and wonderful part about being a parent.

Knowing that the person I am seeking advice from truly respects my work as a mom deeply affects my ability to hear and absorb their wisdom.

Choosing your mommy mentor

A mommy mentor is a mom, usually older than you, whom you turn to for wisdom and insight. She's an experienced mom who's been there and can offer perspective.

She's a cheerleader who takes pride in your successes and finds it personally rewarding to support you and help you avoid some of the pitfalls she encountered.

Women who have raised strong families who share deep bonds. They have healthy and easy relationships with their grown children, and they truly enjoy being together as a family.

Don't underestimate your kids. Often, in the face of peer and cultural pressure, our kids are wiser and bolder than we give them credit for.

You need more than one

You should surround yourselves with as many different types of mommy mentors as possible. Life hands us a variety of situations to deal with, so you need a variety of resources to draw upon.

Even if your mom is the best possible role model, chances are that you can point to at least one thing you'd like to do differently from your parents. So find a mommy mentor who can help you. Otherwise, it is easy to fall back into old familiar family patterns you were hoping to avoid.

It's always best to really get to know your "mentor" first and to get advice from more than one person you trust!

Pay it forward

Sometimes our reactions are more about how we think something reflects on us, rather than the actual behavior of the child.

The wisdom of letting go and accepting and loving our children for who they are at this very moment, even if it's not exactly what we would want them to do or say.

Do not overreact or over analyze our kids. They should have the freedom to be who they are, confident that their parents love them unconditionally.

Pay it forward - set out to make the life of another busy at-home mom just a little easier.

Pearls of Wisdom: My Favorite Advice from Other Moms

Your relationship with your child is like a bank account. Love and bonding moments are "deposits"; restrictions and reprimands are "withdrawals". You cannot withdraw funds you do not have. -- Marisol (mother of two)
Women have more strength than they realize. When the going gets tough, just keep going. -- Carol (mother of eleven, grandmother of 30)
You can't have quality parenting without quantity parenting. -- Jane (mother of 4)
It's important to figure out your own life before involving someone else. If you don't know yourself, you will be constantly searching, and it will be harder to be the selfless person you need to be as a parent. -- Sharon (mother of 3, grandmother of 2)
Your child develops into his own independent person, different from you. He is not always going to do what you want or expect. If you accept that, parenting your child will be a success. -- Ruth (mother of 1, grandmother of 2)
Don't personalize it when they pull away. That's what they are supposed to do. And remember that respect is a two-way street in the parent-child relationship. -- Peggy (mother of 2)

Another chapter's been revealed. I'm sure we are all getting closer (if we are not already there) to appreciating our life as at-home parents, and to becoming really happy.

I'm sure glad to have a handful of moms around me who I can refer to when I'm in need. Some of them are older than me, same age as me or even younger than me. I take whatever it is that helps in my parenting. And more often than not, these circle of friends / female family members give sound advice. So go out there, look for your mommy mentors (if you don't have them yet). Share experiences with them, ask for advice from there. And don't forget to pay it forward.

Stay Home, Stay Happy - Chapter 5: Rekindle your Relationship

2011-04-16T17:47:00.000+08:00

We've gotten halfway through the book. I'm hoping we all have benefited from it somehow. This chapter talks about the ways and benefits of rekindling relationships....

It's good for the family!

"If marriage isn't a first priority in your life, you're not married." - Joseph Campbell

"Accustom yourself continually to make many acts of love, for they enkindle and melt the soul." - Teresa of Avila

Time spent rekindling your relationship is not just a gift to you and your spouse, but a gift to your family!

The demands of parenting, especially in the early childhood years, can easily have the effect of overshadowing the relationship between the parents. However, the health of the primary relationship has consequences for the family as a whole.

Kids will be more secure and happy knowing that their parents are in love and actively engaged in making their relationship, and family, strong.

Pull yourself together

Here's the good news: if you're an at-home mom, recent data indicates you are having more sex with your husband than working moms. So why are stay-at-home moms surprised by the findings? Because being home with the kids doesn't always feel so sexy.

It's so easy to get into a routine of doing for others all day as our own needs slip lower and lower on the to-do list. It's a trap, though. Not taking care of ourselves affects our self-esteem. We need the confidence and energy that comes from feeling like we are at the top of our game.

Taking care of myself by pulling myself together everyday in simple, meaningful ways always puts me in a better mood and state of mind. If we understood it for what it really was - a gift to our families - we might not be so passive about putting ourselves last.

Splurging on bath and beauty products that make you feel pampered and sexy is an investment in your relationship.

Remember how well you took care of yourself when you were single? Ask yourself why you are not doing it now. The reason is often because we don't have that motivation of trying to impress a man! In my case though I really didn't have that much interest in dressing up for a man even when I was still single. I didn't wear make up (just a lip gloss). I didn't like wearing perfume (i have sensitive sense of smell). I think I am more motivated to dress up now that I am married.

Make taking care of yourself a top priority.

6 ways to pamper yourself

exfoliate daily with a gentle cleanser
don't skip your haircut and color appointments - there's no substitute for that right-out-of-the-salon hair feeling!
monthly facial (you can do it yourself!)
luxurious bath products
manicure/pedicure
massage

Six Easy Ways to Pull Yourself Together Quickly

A touch of lip gloss, mascara, bronzer, or under-eye concealer
For more coverage, use mineral powder make up (easy and looks natural)
Ponytail or great had for bad-hair days
Splurge on trendy glasses (hides bags and no make up)
Invest in one or two sweat suits or loungy outfits (fitted, not baggy!) for daily wear
Fresh, crisp perfume or cologne

Transitioning from mom to woman

When it comes to romance, the biggest obstacle for at-home moms is that our work doesn't provide a transition. If you don't create some transition for yourself, it's hard to meet your husband where he's at emotionally or physically. (guilty!)

Find time before your husband comes home to do something relaxing (read a magazine, file your nails, play or color with the kids!).

Your relationship will be much better if you have things to discuss besides your kids, and if you're both reminded why you ever liked each other in the first place!

The whole family will benefit if your love life is in balance. You will be a happier, better mom, and your children will flourish, when your relationship with your partner is loving.

That's why young kids love it so much when their parents kiss and hug each other. It's proof that they are cushioned by a loving family unit. It's the kind of reassurance kids need to feel secure and happy. So if your kids are young, enjoy the PDA while you can!

Schedule Yourselves In

Scheduling regular date nights says "our relationship matters", and by making it a regular affair, you can minimize scheduling conflicts with your partner and your child-care provider. Since hubby and I are not into the idea of a baby-sitter, we don't have a regular date night schedule. What we do have since the start of this year is the breakfast date time since both kids leave early in the morning. Sometimes we go out eat breakfast at a fastfood nearby, or we just make our own breakfast. The thing is that we spend more alone time.

Taking a vacation day during the week while your kids are busy at school is an excellent way for couples to get alone time. You can go out to lunch together, hit a matinee, or just hang out at home and do all the things you can't do when the kids are around. CHECK!

Plan a getaway - without the kids!

Researchers have found that experiencing physical affection and sex on one day predicts a better mood and less stress the next day, which in turn predicts the same the next day. That's why vacations are so great for couples!

Many couples never get away together, especially when the kids are little, because they feel guilty or worried. It's really too bad because, while the kids may miss you (and you will miss them!), they will ultimately benefit from the rejuvenation a trip can give your marriage. When looked at from that perspective, it's actually really good for the kids!

Small gestures make a big difference

The true measure of a marriage is in the small things couples do for each other on a daily basis.

On the occasions we do remember to do something that makes our spouses feel loved and appreciated, too often we end up doing what WE would like our partners to do instead of what they actually want. This is another are where communication is paramount.

Focus on results, not blame. After all, the purpose is to encourage behavior that makes us feel loved, not to guilt your partner out.

After sharing your feelings, take the high road by setting an example. Do something thoughtful for your spouse as soon as possible after your conversation.

Don't wait for your spouse to do something nice for you - lead by example. By being the partner you would want to have, you can begin to take responsibility for your relationship and build a partnership that will strengthen the entire family.

Six Small Gestures that say "I love You"

A love note slipped into a briefcase or coat jacket or onto the mirror in the morning
A favorite meal or beverage waiting when he comes home
An unsolicited foot or neck massage
Letting your spouse sleep in on the weekend (hubby lets me sleep in on weekdays!)
A cup of coffee and the paper by his night table for when he wakes up
A long kiss for no reason

So what are you waiting for??? After reading all the tips from the book (thru my blog), I hope you were inspired, motivated, and will take action.

Start planning those regular date nights (or mornings) or a short getaway you have been dying to have since you had kids. Have fun!

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

2011-04-13T15:32:00.001+08:00

Last month, my good friend, Karen, shared this book with me. It really is an inspirational book to read. I later found out that my mother has already read that book and she gives it a thumbs up!

The book is about Randy Pausch (a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon), his life after being diagnosed with terminal cancer and how he tried to live it. He shared his insight during his last lecture entitled "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams". It was not about dying but "the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment." A summation of everything he had come to believe. "It was about living".

I've learned a lot from this book (been enlightened, awakened, and more) and I am so lucky that my close friend was able to share it with me. Now it's my turn to pay it forward by sharing it all to you. Of course, I won't be able to write the whole book (it's better if you can get it from a book store). I am just going to share my notes on the words of advice he has given and phrases that really caught my attention.

So here it goes....

What makes you unique? All the dreams you had in your life.
We can't change things. We just have to decide how we'll respond. We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.
Never make a decision unless you have to.
Just because you're in the driver's seat doesn't mean you have to run people over.
When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you.
Your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you, and want to make you better.
Self-esteem. It's not something you can give. It's something they (children) have to build.

You can give them something they can't do, they work hard until they find they can do it, and you just keep repeating the process

Head fake. One that teaches people things they don't realize they're learning until well into the process.
The brick walls are there for a reason. They're not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. (he was talking about how he pursued his wife)
People are more important than things.
Not everything needs to be fixed.
No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse. At the same time, it is often within your power to make them better.
Semantics. He was talking about how people can mean the same thing but express it in 2 different ways which will have a different effect on the person receiving the message.
The only way any of us can improve is if we develop a real ability to assess ourselves.
It's a thrill to fulfill your own childhood dreams, but as you get older, you may find that enabling the dreams of others is even more fun.

talking about paying it forward, passing it on

Don't complain, just work harder

If you took 1/10 the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things can work out.

Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier.
Treat the disease, not the symptom.
Don't obsess about what people think

Tips for working successfully in a group

Meet people properly

it all starts with the introduction. Make sure you can pronounce everyone's names.

Find things you have in common
Try for for optional meeting conditions

Make sure no one is hungry, cold or tired

Let everyone talk

don't finish someone's sentences
talking louder or faster doesn't make your ideas any better

Check egos at the door
Praise each other
Phrase alternatives as questions

Look for the bes in everybody

when you're frustrated with people, when they've made you angry, it's just maybe because you haven't given them enough time
Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out.

Time management

Time must be explicitly managed, like money.

don't invest time on irrelevant details

You can always change you plan, but only if you have one.

the most useful to-do list breaks tasks into small steps

Ask yourself: Are you spending your time on the right things?

you may have causes, goals, interests. Are they even worth pursuing?

Develop a good filing system

alphabetical order

Rethink the telephone

always use speaker phone (when on hold) so hands are free to do something else

Delegate

it's never too early to delegate

Take a time out

it's not a real vacation if you're reading email or calling in for messages

TIME IS ALL YOU HAVE. And you may find one day that you have less that you think.

When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. I find this very true!

CLICHEs

Dance with the one who brung you.

a reminder about loyalty and appreciation

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity (Seneca, Roman philosopher)
Whether you think you can or can't, you're right!
It's not how hard you hit. It's how hard you get hit.... and keep moving forward.

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

a reminder that failure is not just acceptable, it is often essential
and experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer

The person who knows success can be more oblivious to all the pitfalls.

Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet more powerful things human can do for each other.

hand-written notes - just the nicest thing to do. And you never know what magic might happen after it arrives to someone's mailbox. (he was talking about a job applicant)

If you work more hours you learn more about your craft. That can make you more efficient, more able, even happier. Hard work is like compounded interest in the bank. The rewards build faster. (his answer when asked what was his secret for getting his tenure one year early)

Go out and do for others what somebody did for you. Pay it forward.

Be prepared (sharing the story of a professor who brought along a spare bulb for the projector)

another way to be prepared is to think negatively. But be an optimist. You have a contingency plan for when all hell breaks lose.

A good apology is like an antibiotic; a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.

proper apology

what i did was wrong
i feel badly that i hurt you
how do i make this better?

There is more than one way to measure profits and losses. On every level, institutions can and should have a heart. (talking about his childhood experience when he and his sister bought a salt and pepper shaker at Disneyland, which he accidentally broke on the way out of the store, and which was gladly replaced by the store attendant, no questions asked. This in turn made his father, and him, appreciate Disney more and brought back more people, probably earning Disney $100,000).

No job should be beneath us.

If you can find your footing between 2 cultures, sometimes you have the best of both worlds.

If you want something badly enough, never give up (and take a boost when offered!) - he was talking about how he was rejected and given a referral and a little "insider push".

When we're connected to others, we become better people.

communitarian
rights and responsibilities

Sometimes all you have to do is ask.

Emotional insurance

It can be a very disruptive thing for parents to have specific dreams for their kids.

a parent's job is to encourage kids to develop a joy for life and a great urge to follow their own dreams. The best we could do is to help them develop personal set of tools for the task.

find their own way to fulfillment
Depending on a child's age and sense of self, an offhand comment from Mom and Dad can feel like a shove from a bulldozer.

Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

when we become physically or emotionally rundown, we can't help anybody else, least of all small children

It's not about how to achieve your dreams.

It's about how to lead your life.

If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.

This is just the gist of it. When I have more time I would like to share more details and stories in the book.

By the way, the head fake in his lecture is that he was actually addressing it to his kids who he will have less time to spend with during their childhood years. A way to reach out to them in their teenage and adult years.

Stay Home, Stay Happy - Chapter 4: Share the Load

2011-04-11T12:30:00.000+08:00

Here's the 4th installment of my Stay Home, Stay Happy blog. I know it took quite a long time to finish but it's here now and I hope you will learn something from it as I have.

This chapter talks about....

Fostering a Meaningful Partnership

"If we are together nothing is impossible. If we are divided all will fail." - Winston Churchill

Yes, you should have expectations

Times have changed, and men are more helpful and far more agreeable about pulling their weight around the house than in previous generations. However, one thing has not changed: unless women expect their husbands to help out, they won't. It's simply human nature!

A truly successful marriage depends on true partnership. A partner who shares the load is right up there with a happy sex life - and I daresay that there is probably a direct relationship between the two.

For those moms who have zero expectations of their spouse, chances are they still undervalue their own work at home or believe their husband will never agree to help out.

If you were raised by a supermom, you may be having a hard time letting go of the guilt too. More than likely, though, you suffer from my "disease" - the one that tells you that your spouse will never be able to do it as well as you can, so you just do it yourself. You think, "Why bother? I can do it faster and better myself."

Expectations need to be reasonable - not too low and not too high - if they are to ever be fulfilled and make us happy. This I totally agree with. I am still in the process of "recalibrating" my expectations because I realized it has a direct effect on my happiness (or unhappiness, for that matter).

If you both have reasonable expectations dealing with the unpleasant yet necessary jobs that come with living and running a home together, then you are statistically more likely to have a mutually satisfying partnership.

Communicate your expectations

If you don't ask, you don't get.

If you are doing the chores without asking for help, you're probably building up unnecessary resentment. Guilty as charged!

More often than not, your husband is willing to help, but has no idea that you want something done. Communication is imperative.

Talk about what chores you each prefer to do. In our case, I usually do most of the house work during weekdays. But when hubby sees that I am in a not so good mood, or that the kids need help in reviewing for exams, he volunteers to do the dishes. There are times that he is also preparing his own breakfast (yeah, I know, I do feel guilty about it) when I sneak back to bed after sending the kids off at 620am. Weekends, on the other hand, are the days when he does the mopping and bathroom cleaning. And I have to say, he does a good job at it.

Discussing and accepting our strengths and weaknesses and our differences are a huge step in understanding and avoiding unnecessary conflict.

Always remember that no one likes to be nagged, and no one enjoys being criticized. The main reason men don't like to do housework is because their wives criticize how they do it!

Humor keeps things in perspective. The ability to laugh about our differences keeps things focused on the task at hand rather than on inherent character and personality differences that are not likely to be resolved.

In the long-run, it's important to the parent-child relationship that Dad is comfortable as you are caring for the kids, and that includes providing for their emotional and physical well-being, not just keeping a roof over their heads!

Switch roles so he'll understand

Some spouses don't understand that you were BOTH at work all day and that in fact your day was probably a lot more challenging and tiring than his. I couldn't agree more!

If he doesn't get the message after talking it out, then you should try to switch roles. And do it on a regular basis. You may be shocked at the outcome! I always tell my husband that he wouldn't last a week (or even a day) if we were to switch roles. I think he knows, as some or most of the husband do.

With role switching, husbands gradually become more aware and appreciative of a mom's work. We may also discover that giving one full day of home responsibility to husbands is a key to getting more help and appreciation out of the marriage.

No marriage is perfect, and some men may never become full partners when it comes to domestic duties. But by switching roles, at least he can never claim that he "had no idea"!

Sit down and talk about your expectations and how he can make your life easier.

Get over it: Get hired help

If it allows you to have more quality time with the kids, your husband or yourself, and if your income permits, never feel guilty about getting outside help for cleaning, laundry, yard work, or any other mundane task.

It can be a monthly expense that makes your marriage more harmonious, and therefore it's worth it! (as Rachel's personal experience suggests)

Put the kids to work too!

Partnership doesn't start and end with your husband. Your family will be stronger if everyone pitches in.

A child psychologist determined that the primary reason the children (in a 20/20 story on families struggling with bratty kids) were so ill behaved was that they lacked responsibilities (chores) at home.

Children want and need to contribute, and it is up to their parents to give them age-appropriate ways that they can feel personally invested in their family.

Starting children out early with small tasks that they can feel good about doing is the best way to nurture a bit of helping out. You will reap long-term benefits for your effort!

A clever mom can always convince little ones to help out.

Try framing the task as a "big kid" thing.
Set a kitchen timer (start with 5minutes), and your child will work feverishly to beat the clock.
You can also offer reasonable rewards - a "natural" reward. If the playroom is a huge mess, and no one claims it, I might point out that if the room gets cleaned- up soon we'll have time to bake cookies afterward. Psychologists do not recommend tying allowances to the completion of chores as it promotes the idea that tasks are strictly for the employer's (mom's and dad's) benefit or that helping comes at a price. Rather, chores are for everyone's benefit, and we all do them to contribute to the community that is our family.

So, what can they do?

2-3 years olds

bring mommy diaper/put in the trash
help make bed
put away/sort toys
put laundry in hamper
take items to various rooms in house
help wipe messes

4-5 years olds

set/clear table
dust furniture/clean mirrors
help feed pets
help sort dirty clothes
unload groceries
help load and unload washer and dryer
write or draw own thank-you cards with some help

6-8 years olds

load and unload dishwasher
vacuum and mop
take out trash
fold/put away laundry
clean out inside of car
pull weeds
put away groceries
take care of pets
sweep walkway
water plans (on schedule)
make bed daily
hang clothes
help mom with younger siblings (read, feed, dress, etc)
write own thank-you notes

9-12 years olds

wash/put away dishes
help prep meals or make simple ones
rake leaves
help babysit siblings
clean inside fridge
completely responsible for upkeep of their room
help prepare for and wait on guests

I'm proud to say my kids have done the tasks in bold italics! In fact, the boys (including dad) just mopped the floor yesterday).

In the long run, your whole family will benefit when the kids help out.

You can feel good about raising kids who will be better roommates and better spouses for knowing how to clean. Although for sure they can learn "on the job" when the times comes, it is better if they are way ahead.

More important, they learn that relationships, marriages and families function better when everyone cooperates and collaborates in the day-to-day functions of a household.

We impress on our children how important their contributions are to our household.

Husband's support is imperative to the success of an at-home mom, not just by sharing the load but also by working with moms to enlist support of the whole family. Husband's true partnership sustains daily commitment of at-home motherhood, allowing us to feel even more satisfied and empowered.

What could me more satisfying/empowering than to know that your husband is there to support you in every way he can?

Source: Stay Home, Stay Happy by Rachel Campos-Duffy

International Friendship Day 2011

2011-04-05T14:11:00.001+08:00

In celebration of International Friendship Day, Montfort Junior School showcased booths featuring 3 countries (Australia, Japan and Philippines) with the help of the Montfort Junior Parent Volunteers (MJPV). Since I have committed to volunteering more time at Montfort this year, this was a good opportunity.

I was assigned to help in the preparations for the Philippines - slide shows, booth, performances. Together with other parent volunteers, we researched for info, practised for the performance and came very early to school Monday morning (event day) to decorate our booth. It was nice to teach some Filipino boys (who were not speaking nor reading Filipino) the songs we have learned since we were little - Leron leron sinta, bahaykubo and magtanim ay di biro. The boys tried to learn the song in a few days and we were impressed! They were able to remember the tune and lyrics, with their slang accents. I think in a way, they were learning a part of their culture. And they enjoyed the process (even though they don't really know what the lyrics meant!).

Even with little time to prepare, and some minor (or should I say major) changes in performance plans, we were able to come up with a wonderful presentation (based on teachers' and students' feedback) and well-organized booth.

Here are some pictures during the event:

the boys with Auntie Mydie and Auntie Karen performing a medley of Filipino songs

Kelvin together with his class (friends Kian Chong and Max in the pic)

me with Miguel (Amie's eldest son), a Filipino student

Auntie Karen sharing with the boys some info about the Philippines

showing the boys some of the famous Filipino products

Auntie Connie and Auntie Mydie teaching the boys some of the Filipino games

some boys playing with the bamboo poles used in tinikling

group photo (Mydie, Connie, me, Tara, Amie) together with volunteer mom in charge of Japan (Jac)

showing the boys our famous jeepney

Mabuhay Philippines!

our booth beautifully set up by our sponsor

the boys learning how to do the kadang kadang

in our Filipiniana costumes

Auntie Amie teaching the boys how to tell the driver to stop ("Para" in Filipino)

the volunteers for the Philippines booth (Amie behind the camera)

the volunteers with the sponsor

It was a pretty exhausting day but we enjoyed it a lot!

Especially because this is the first time after so many years that I've worn a Filipiniana costume again :)

Thanks for lending us the clothes, Amie.