As a young kid right out of college at Bell Labs, my first boss told me to always have 3 slides in my back pocket. These slides should describe

• The problem I was trying to solve and why it was a problem,

• Why it was worth solving, and

• What I needed to solve it.

This was several decades before entrepreneurship and pitching were a ‘thing,’ but it is a pitch! So why this advice back then? He told me that you never know who you’ll run into that could be interested and helpful in what you’re working on. They might just be the person to provide support, be it collaboration, funding, and/or other resources.

Rarely did I have to ask for funding at Bell Labs. However, given our freedom to work on side projects, I needed to show someone why they should spend part of their or their staff’s side project time to work with me, hence the 3 slides. I can’t count the number of times those 3 slides came in handy over my entire career - and still do.

This sage advice taught me customer discovery for potential users and stakeholders from whom I needed buy-in, idea validation, quick design - prototyping - iteration, clear communication, and many other lessons. They have applied to all sorts of situations, clients, projects, and are fundamental and a big reason for my success. Some advice is timeless - from 1982 to 2024 and beyond.

What’s the best advice you’ve received?

I’ve been giving my “How to Network” talk lately which refers to this story, so I’m reposting it from my Harvard Business Review article - it is timeless. Vala is now at Salesforce, Twitter is X, and Sidney is still changing lives - the power remains.

One of the biggest assets in anyone’s life is a generous network. It is a gift that grows simply by sharing it. Think of it as the Law of Accelerating Returns — the more you share your network, the more people share it in return and the more the rate of sharing accelerates. For me, my network has literally and figuratively been a source of survival. For most of us, networks have played a critical role in our lives, whether we realize it or not.

I asked executive and super-networker Vala Afshar if he thought there were any common traits or patterns that could be ‘taught’ or encouraged for networking. We came up with a few unsubstantiated traits based on the people we know who are great connectors: 1) hard working (it does take work to network); 2) humble (now that’s pretty arrogant of me to say!); 3) quietly confident that connecting the people they introduce will result in something great even if it’s not yet clear; and, perhaps most importantly 4) who understand the power of the ask. For instance, Vala remembers arriving in America at age 10, escaping the 1979 Iranian Revolution not knowing any English, not blond and blue-eyed, and not stylishly clad. He also remembers the very few kids who overcame their shyness to ask him to play kickball — and how happy he was to be asked.

Too many of us worry that asking will appear self-serving, even if it’s not. We fear rejection. We fear looking stupid. Perhaps some of us actually fear hearing a “yes” — what would we do then? It’s tempting to say that asking takes courage. But really, think about it — what’s the worst that can happen? You’ll hear a “no.” No one’s going to throw you in jail. Let me share a brief story about a couple of normal (well, in their eyes) people and a kid to illustrate the Power of the Ask.

I first met Vala, CMO and CXO at New Hampshire-based Enterasys, on twitter and reached out to him, since his tweets seemed so spot-on to me. We conversed over email and twitter, sharing stories of our jobs and of eating lobster, which we both love. We met last September on my way up to Maine for my annual vacation. I was greeted at Enterasys’s headquarters like a long-lost relative — even including an epicurean delight of lobster salad. Needless to say, we really hit it off. I also learned that Enterasys provides network services to companies like the New England Patriots and the Boston Celtics.

Meanwhile, one of my mentees, Sidney Kushner, has been creating CCChampions, an organization that creates connections between professional athletes and children with cancer to provide a source of inspiration and excitement during a very trying time in children’s lives. To date, CCChampions is working with over 6,000 professional athletes plus health care professionals, child psychologists, local students and community partners. Sidney’s compassion, drive and entrepreneurial savvy are contagious.

But let’s face it — Providence, RI, where Sidney lives, is not exactly a professional sports powerhouse. Yet Boston is nearby! So, sucking up courage, I ask Vala if he’d talk to Sidney and, if willing, then introduce Sidney to the Celtics. What’s the worst Vala could say? No. And I’d perhaps look like a fool… but I’m very used to that. But Vala said that after about 5 minutes of talking to Sidney, he wanted help. Still, since the Celtics were a fairly new client, Vala was a bit nervous about making the ask. Nevertheless, he did, and a 30-minute discussion ensued in which the Celtics offered to honor Sidney as part of their Heroes Among Us program at their January 9th game in a special in-game presentation. Vala said he had goosebumps and when he told me, I certainly did. When the Celtics called Sidney, he was speechless — all he could do was text me, not even talk.

On January 9, 2013, because Sidney will be honored on the famous parquet floor of TD Garden, more kids suffering with cancer will have an opportunity for joy, inspiration and valuable distraction from their pain. As parents, both Vala and I can only imagine what this would mean to our children.

And let’s face it, Vala and I have gotten great great joy from bringing Sidney and the Celtics together — beyond expression, so perhaps it’s very selfish of us. And in the end, despite feeling awkward at certain moments, we really risked very little to help make this happen.

When we don’t use the “Power of the Ask” we are in essence saying “no” before the question has even been asked — saying no to opportunities that change our businesses, our organizations, ourselves…and actual lives. So even if it feels uncomfortable, look for even just a small way can you use the “Power of the Ask” in your network — for someone you work for, with or manage. Make this your year of the Law of Accelerating Returns.

For years, many of my clients, founders I’ve advised, and mentees have asked me to write a book; it took one of them to push me to do it*.   So, I wrote a book, Value Proposition: Positioning for Success, on continually creating, testing, and building compelling value propositions that meet or exceed real customers’ real needs. You’ll learn about some famous and not-so-famous successes and flops, highlighting obvious and not-so-obvious causes and solutions. Since I can’t ignore my “professor” tendencies, there are a lot of questions for you to reflect on, ask yourself and your team, and use to guide the development of your product or service. 

I hope you enjoy the book.  I hope it helps you build things that matter, make a difference, and improve the lives of your customers and those around them…and you.  Please let me know!

*Thank you, Charlene Wang, for nudging me and mentoring me.

I wish you much joy this post-Chanukah, Christmas, Holiday and New Year season. We are richly blessed. May you and yours find fellowship and renewal. And may you bring peace to those around you, today and throughout 2024.

I need more STAN in my life - for myself, my clients, my students, my family! STAN? Yup, Science, Technology, Art & Nonsense - STAN. STAN takes STEAM (Science, Tech, Engineering, Art, and Math) to another level.

Nonsense, the essence of STAN, puts the whimsical, visionary, inventive and innovative on equal footing with Science, Technology and Art (and engineering and math). Nonsense isn’t frivolity ~ it’s the power of wonder, imagination and creativity we had as children and somehow lost along the way.

Our organizations and companies are suffering from a lack of Nonsense. They are starving to imagine what is possible. Hey, Blue Lobsters may be 1 in 2 million, but they exist! So, this week, infuse a touch of STAN into your day ~ a wisp of whimsy into a meeting, an iota of the improbable into a project, a slight to the status quo. Please email me about what you discover!

A special thank you to Scott Nash, co-founder of 1 of my favorite organizations, The Illustration Institute, for coining the term STAN. See some of his whimsy here.

I get to host an excerpt from Frank Sonnenberg’s new book, Leadership By Example.* All of Frank’s books and his blog are ‘must reads” and “must gives.” Follow him on Facebook and Instagram. You’ll be glad, and better, because you did!

It’s an age-old question: How do you motivate people to do what’s right? For instance, you want your employees to be industrious and effective contributors to your business and your kids to be thoughtful and productive members of society. But what’s the best way to achieve that goal — control or empowerment? In other words, what works better, obedience or commitment?

If you look up the word “boss” in the dictionary it is defined as “a person who exercises control or authority.” Some folks think the role of a boss is to tell people what to do. And, if folks don’t respond to your message, to tell them there will be consequences. It’s that simple. Or is it?

Following orders is a far cry from following your heart. 

Great Leaders Don’t Pull Rank

Think about the message you are sending when you proclaim, “I’m the boss,” “I know what’s best,” or “Just follow my orders — no questions asked.”

You’re implying:

• I’m in control and you’re a nobody.

• I don’t trust you to do it right.

• You don’t get paid to think. Just do as you’re told. (Ouch.)

Then we’re surprised when employees don’t put their heart into their work, or kids have low self-esteem and habitually seek approval before doing anything. And of course, we conclude that they’re to blame.

Some folks think it doesn’t matter what management style you use as long as you achieve your goals. They assume that being an authoritarian, tyrant, bully, control freak (use any label you want) won’t come back to haunt you one day. That may ring true if being obedient is the same as being committed. But is it?

If you want obedience, get a dog.

Folks use several strategies to motivate people. (The first four tactics below assume that obedience produces results, while the last three practices value commitment.) Which of the following seven methods do you employ?

Pull rank. Some folks think their title makes them all-knowing and all-important — and that gives them the right to bark orders at others.

Prod with a carrot or stick. Some people reward folks for good behavior/performance and punish them if things deteriorate. They use raises, promotions, or grant additional authority as incentives, and punish people for disobeying orders or failing to achieve results.

Lay down rules and regulations. Some folks shepherd people by imposing voluminous rules and regulations. They enforce those policies by employing tedious manuals and red tape — overseen by bureaucrats. (Ugh!)

Show recognition. Some people treat others well to get what they want. They’re kind, courteous, and respectful IF you follow their orders.

The following practices assume that commitment is beneficial to obedience:

Involve and empower. People want to make a valuable contribution rather than be treated as a cog in the wheel. As such, encourage people to participate in the decision-making process so they buy into the strategy, rather than being told what to do.

Lead by example. Referent authority assumes that leaders inspire and influence others by exhibiting strong moral character and personal values rather than position alone. As such, they earn the trust and respect of others by living a life of honor and integrity.

Provide meaning and purpose. People want to believe in something greater than themselves. Help them understand that they are part of something special and can make a difference in the world.

Control Is an Illusion

What do you lose by being an authoritarian — and “beating” employees into submission — or being a control freak and micromanaging every little thing that your kids do?

The fact is that you denigrate their confidence and rob them of the feeling that comes from facing a challenge, overcoming an obstacle, and crossing the finish line after going all out.

Following orders doesn’t require thinking; just doing.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a parent, manager, or leader of the free world, command and control will never outperform a team of people who are involved and committed to a cause.

Control is an illusion. Real power isn’t the result of controlling people; it’s created by empowering folks and forging commitment. By its very nature, there’s no need to force people into compliance; if you play your cards right, they’ll manage themselves. The fact is, when people follow orders, they go through the motions…but when they have a vested interest in the outcome, they follow their heart. So, don’t ask me whether obedience or commitment works better. I’ll leave that up to you.

 This post is excerpted from Leadership by Example: Be a role model who inspires greatness in others by Frank Sonnenberg © 2023 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.

Frank Sonnenberg is an award-winning author and a well-known advocate for moral character, personal values, and personal responsibility. He has written 10 books and has been named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders.” Additionally, his blog — FrankSonnenbergOnline — has attracted millions of readers and was recently named one of the “Top Self-Improvement and Personal Development Blogs” in the world and one of the “Best Inspirational Blogs On the Planet.” Frank’s newest book, Leadership by Example: Be a role model who inspires greatness in others, was released June 13, 2023.

The other day was a normal, uneventful day, which is why it stood out when 3 seemingly normal things hit me:

• Cherish the availability of street parking in Damariscotta while ya can! I needed to pick up a book at the library and voila - a spot was wide open in front of the bookstore and cafe! That won’t be the case for a week from now until September! Little things can bring joy and glee into one’s day - like a parking space! It may seem trivial, but it filled my entire day with a sense of accomplishment (almost like when I lived in NYC and got a parking space 😊).

• Don’t drive to Rachmanioff’s Piano Concerto #2 in C Minor. There is a reason I listen to news and podcasts and not music in the car. Every molecule in my body gets absorbed into the music (especially Mendelssohn and Rachmaninoff) and you shouldn’t do “air piano” and drive to the tempo! Since I was little, I can’t listen to classical music, an opera, without it being a whole-body experience - not idea for Rt 1 in Maine! The power of art to bring us alive and make us whole is strong and necessary - and incorporates our entire self.

• Swimming Upstream, as a metaphor, isn’t fully appreciated til you watch fish do it. Our fellow village of Bristol Mills built a fish ladder to make it easier for the alewives (an important bait and ecosystem fish) to make their long arduous journey from the ocean to the Pemaquid River up to Pemaquid Lake or Biscay Pond to spawn. It’s a gorgeous fish ladder surrounded by nature - by water, trees, birds, fish, sounds - all the flora and fauna and fascination. Nature never ceases to teach us, if we’re willing to see and listen.

So, what 1 or 2 things can you learn today - from the mundane things, meetings, errands, glances out the window, things you drive by every single day? And the learning doesn’t have to be deep, complex, life-changing - just a new thing or new way of perceiving. Give it a try!

I want to share the amazing work of Second Harvest Food Bank of North Central Ohio*. They are the epitome of how to create an amazing strategic plan that achieves their mission and vision in innovative ways will (hopefully) make them no longer needed. This is not about virtue signaling, but rather my admiration and respect for their foresightful planning, impact, and gratitude for their CEO, Julie Chase-Morefield and team.

Second Harvest Food Bank (SHFB) started as a small local food bank serving four rural counties west of Cleveland, Ohio, and is now THE community convener for sustainable ways to reduce hunger. Their mission "Grow hope in our region by creating pathways to nutritious food," and vision of "A brighter future for all by cultivating a healthy, hunger-free community" are being achieved because SHFB doesn’t think like a traditional food bank.

Unlike most food banks that focus on the needs of the organizations that distribute the food (food pantries), SHFB focuses on the needs, constraints, and daily contexts of actual community members who need food. They treat ALL community members with dignity and respect, without judgment or prejudice, because every human deserves dignity.

SHFB has piloted and validated innovative food distribution models, such as putting pantries in local public schools - a huge success. Kids take food home to their family for dinner and weekends, reducing hunger. When COVID hit, SHFB deployed mobile pantries, serving up to 30,000 households a month. The demand for mobile pantries still continues, with 10 to 12 distributions a month even now.

SHFB has several initiatives underway to sustainably reduce hunger, such as partnering with social, health, legal, housing, job, government, and education organizations in creating a downtown HUB in Sandusky, OH and piloting SNAP Outreach 2.0 to raise awareness and support the completion of applications in their region. They have established a county-wide Food Advisory Council with Lorain, OH, to increase access to and consumption of healthy food via a "Food as Medicine" platform with healthcare providers while increasing economic development through urban farm and retail expansion (aided by a USDA grant).

Despite a 40% increase in the need for food, increases in the cost of food and cuts in funding, SHFB remains optimistic that their initiatives will sustainably reduce food insecurity in their region. They’ve already started and made an impact. I have no doubt they will significantly increase food security - and the well-being and futures of those they serve. So, please click the links, look at their plan, learn from how they leverage the strengths of others in creating their initiatives. There is so much to learn! Don’t lose the opportunity!

*Yes, SHFB is a client, but it’s not clear who really benefits as I have learned so much from working with them and am such a better person for it.  Yes, I am in the video (ugh!) – and it’s all true – SHFB is a superb organization with excellent leadership.  No, you can’t hire them away, but yes, they are hiring - go work for them!

Do you measure your, and your team’s, Return on Time (ROT)? Yes, it can be hard to measure. Who wants to be recording every second they’re spending on something? How long should a non-mechanized, white collar type task really take? So, I suggest starting simply - and meaningfully. Since much of our time is spent in meetings, start there. Let’s say you have a meeting with 5 of your top performers for 1 hour. There must be a great reason for having that meeting, right? Figure out the hourly salary for each of you in the meeting and add that up. Did you accomplish something at that meeting that’s worth that amount?

I have a few meeting policies:

• No agenda = Deb doesn’t go (ideally I like agendas 1 week before);

• Clearly state the reason for the meeting and expected outcomes;

• Don’t leave the meeting without specific tasks, owned by specific people, with specific due dates and definition of what ‘done’ means and how you will follow up;

• Recap to the attendees within 24hrs with the tasks, etc.

There are a few more - like I like making the agenda items into questions instead of statements (e.g., “What are the issues and successes of X to date?” vs. “Status of X”) because it focuses the discussion on action versus theory. Anyway, this week, start thinking about your personal, and your team’s, ROT, quantitatively and qualitatively. See what happens! Let me know!

What a great way to start the new year! Getting my (virtual) 5-time jacket on #DisrupTV on Vala Afshar and R. Ray Wang’s 1st episode of 2023 and 305th episode overall! So much fun talking about managing chaos in today’s business world. You can see the episode here and below.

Thank you Vala and Ray for always being so gracious, insightful and fun!

p.s. you can find my other 4 times here (yes, blatant boast)

Happy 2023! Now, don’t ask me why, but I’ve been thinking about the difference between unintended and unanticipated consequences. Is there one? Does it matter? Given my role with companies, I think it does - a lot.

To me, unintended consequences are those that one is, was, or should have been, aware of if the proper due diligence or research into the project, product, or “thing” that caused the unintended consequence had been done… it was predictable or possible, no matter how remote the odds. For whatever reason, no measures were taken to eliminate or mitigate or address those consequences. They should have been - not necessarily implemented immediately, but on hand in case. It’s part of being responsible and accountable.

Unanticipated consequences are different. These are consequences one couldn’t have anticipated, have seen as even remotely possible or probable, that one couldn’t even have thought of or imagined. In this case, no amount of due diligence or research would have led to predicting the consequence. This does not negate the responsibility of acting to remedy the situation upon learning of it, but unlike unintended consequences, it does alleviate the responsibility of knowing the consequence could happen.

Consequences can be (hopefully) small, minor, and unharmful or they can be severe and long-lasting. As you work on existing and new things this year, stop for a moment and ponder the potential unintended consequences - and see how you can address them so they need not happen. And tell me what you think. Am I defining the two the way you do?

Tis the season of gift giving.  After 30-some years of waiting to live full-time in Maine, my gift came last year. It’s virtually impossible not to live a life of gratitude here. Every second is unique: the daily and seasonal patterns of tides, birds, currents, weather, winds, plush greens to silhouetted trees, glistening snow, thick clouds, sun and moon-rises and daily sunsets that are beyond human words. Nature’s power to cultivate gratitude abounds.

My hope for you and yours, now and throughout 2023, is gratitude. It’s all around you, at home, outside, work, everywhere, just look - the pansy pushing up through the ground, the sparkles on the snow, the success of a teammate, the delight of a child seeing a cool insect, the magic of the 20th time you’ve watched “It’s a Wonderful Life”, the branches waving in the wind.  Look for the miracles all around you - inside and out. And show your appreciation and gratitude to those in your life, not just now when it’s expected, but in 4 weeks, or 15, when it’s not expected. That is the best gift of all.

Today, I’m honored to host an excerpt from the new book by my friend, Frank Sonneberg, The Path to a Meaningful Life*. Frank’s books are ‘must reads” and “must gives.” You should read his blog and follow him on facebook and instagram. You’ll be glad, and better, because you did!

10 Critical Rules for Living a Happy Life

Some people spend their whole life searching for happiness. While you may think wealth, power, and fame will make you happy, you may be looking in the wrong place. In fact, all the riches in the world won’t guarantee a happy and fulfilling life. You don’t have to search the globe for happiness because it already exists within you. As Glinda, the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz, said, “You’ve always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.” Here are 10 critical rules for living a happy life:

Parents give you life. Only you can give it meaning. Everyone was put on this earth for a reason…what’s yours? Find your purpose and pursue it with gusto. It’ll add bounce to your step, make your heart smile, fill your soul with pride, and be proof positive that you’re making a difference. Remember, when you do something for satisfaction rather than reward, the reward is often the satisfaction of doing it.

Your mindset matters more than you think. You are limited by your thoughts. While some of your thinking is constructive, other times it is detrimental, actively working against you. A poor choice or misjudgment is unintentional, while a poor attitude is a deliberate choice. Look at the bright side, see the good in people, challenge yourself, be grateful, believe in yourself, and have faith. Remember, ability determines if you can; attitude determines if you will.

Put your heart into your relationships. The number-one factor to help you achieve happiness is healthy relationships. But like other desirable things in life, relationships require an investment. Make your relationships a priority. Agree on the big things, put others’ needs ahead of your own, nurture trust, say what’s on your mind, meet in the middle, keep your promises, show appreciation, share and share alike, and never win at the expense of the relationship. Remember, invest in relationships to avoid the time repairing them.

Value memories rather than things. Some people assume that accumulating material wealth automatically leads to happiness, but nothing can be further from the truth. Keeping up with the Joneses places artificial demands on you that undermine your happiness. These demands force you to work harder and harder to cross a finish line that keeps moving. Remember, material possessions get old and wear out. Memories last forever. 

Treasure what’s really important. There is a tendency to cherish physical goods and undervalue things that can’t be easily measured. How much do you value trust, honor, love, dignity, and commitment? If you don’t hold these treasures in high regard, you may ignore, neglect, or take them for granted. Remember, it’s so easy to lose sight of the things you can’t see.

Be grateful and give thanks. Take inventory of the wonderful things in your life and don’t forget to give thanks. If you appreciate what you have, you’ll never want for more. Moreover, when you take people or things for granted, you put them in jeopardy. Remember, appreciate what you have, while you have it, or you’ll learn what it meant to you after you lose it.

Do what’s right rather than what’s convenient. Knowing what’s right isn’t as important as doing what’s right. Do what’s right, not out of fear of getting caught, but because integrity matters. Remember, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

Reach for the stars, but remain grounded. When you believe something’s possible and you set your sights firmly on the prize, you’ve taken the first big step in making it a reality. On the other hand, when you believe you can’t, you won’t. So reach for the stars. Others can stop you for a moment. Only you can stop yourself for good. Remember, it’s amazing what you can do when you don’t know you can’t!

Make every moment matter. Live every day to the fullest rather than reliving the past or worrying about the future. The fact is, precious moments pass in the blink of an eye. And once they’re gone, they’re gone forever. Remember, life is like playing musical chairs –– you never know when the music will stop.

Do yourself proud. What does it mean to be a trusted friend, to raise good kids, to be a thoughtful neighbor or an exemplary role model? Your life will be determined by the choices that you make. You set your course, make the difficult choices, determine what you’re willing to sacrifice to achieve your goals, and act accordingly. Own your life! After all, personal responsibility can’t be delegated. Remember, if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, don’t blame the mirror.

# # #

*Proceeds from the book are going to St. Judes Children’s Research Hospital, Tunnel to Towers and Samaritan’s Purseitanspurse.org/.

Frank Sonnenberg is an award-winning author and a well-known advocate for moral character, personal values, and personal responsibility. He has written nine books and has been named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders” and one of “America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts.” Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Frank’s newest book, The Path to a Meaningful Life, was released June 14, 2022.

Additionally, his blog — FrankSonnenbergOnline — has attracted millions of readers on the Internet. It was recently named one of the “Top Self-Improvement and Personal Development Blogs” in the world, and it continues to be named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs,” the “Top 100 Socially-Shared Leadership Blogs,” and the “Best Inspirational Blogs On the Planet.”

The oxymoron of time flying while standing still describes the 20+ months for so many of us. It’s a time of uncertainty and discovery: our relationships with work, co-workers, the concept of “work” and with friends, family, community, leaders, the world. During the next 6 weeks of holidays and ending 2021, which can be a very lonely time for many, show the people you’re thankful for that you are thankful ~ that they matter and that the world is better because they are.

A blessed Thanksgiving to you all.

This is co-authored by one of the first Blue Lobsters, Addie Thompson, my mentee, mentor, friend & brilliant podcaster at The Trail Ahead.

Should! – how many times has someone said that to us? “You should start working on that report.” “You really should get in touch with them.” Worse, how many times do we tell that to ourselves‽‽ As if others don’t tell us enough, we do as well!  Should – a prescriptive word in an un-prescriptive world.

“Should” holds society’s standards and expectations up to us as an inescapable mirror, one that’s been held up to Millennials, Gen-Zs and Gen-Alphas since they were in utero!  “You should get all this on your resume.” “You should go to a good school.” “You should do everything you can to get the ‘right’ job.” And then we should on ourselves! “I should go for a run today.” “I should lose weight.” “I should do hours and hours of prep for that interview.” “I should join that group because it’s good for my career.” Says WHO?

Should is a socially acceptable way to judge others and ourselves.  Who are we to say what someone else should or shouldn’t do (as long as it’s legal)?  Addie learned the phrase “Don’t should on yourself” in college.  She follows it rigorously (and Deb is learning to). It’s become a swear word for Addie.  And Deb always says, “So where is it written that we ‘should’….?”

When we tell ourselves we should do something, who is really telling us we should? What ideal, unreasonable or inappropriate expectations are we holding ourselves to?  And why? Why are we willingly letting ourselves be trapped, hemmed in, held hostage to standards and ideals that are wearing us out and causing mental and physical health issues? “Should” implies a world of scarcity, not abundance!  If you should do this, then doing the not-should evokes a sense of closed doors, lost chances, permanent dead-ends.  Ha! We know that’s NOT so! As Phuc Tran, a writer & educator, said, “should didn’t improve my past or my future, ‘should’ simply blinded me to what was because I was so fixated on what wasn’t.”

Should holds us up to an ideal (ours, society’s, someone else’s) we may not even want to achieve, perhaps one beyond our grasp or simply one we don’t want to grasp. It’s an exhausting way to live.  You can never ‘should’ enough!  For Addie, this realization has been powerful. She spent the pandemic at home in Maine instead of in her NYC apartment, a young single woman. She kept hearing (from herself, and also indirectly from others): “I should be living on my own, not in Maine with my dad.” “I should live in a different city with more of my friends.” “I should use this time differently.” Deb, fortunately got to spend most of the pandemic in Maine (and never asks why she Should be anywhere else), but kept thinking she “should use this time to get in shape;” “should learn a new language;” “should write a book.” Again …. SAYS WHO????

Living in a should-less world is freeing and powerful. It lets us be gentler on ourselves and others; more compassionate and understanding. It gives us the permission to follow interests and curiosity outside the should-stereotype, growing in ways that make us more positive, present, optimistic, interested and interesting. In a should-less world, “Could” implies possibility; “Would” implies causality; and “Might” implies curiosity!

 So, what can we do to stop shoulding on ourselves? Erase ‘Should’ from our vocabulary! Stop saying it! To others, to ourselves.  Addie offers an alternative to someone when they say the word (including, thankfully, Deb!).  Erasing the word from our vocabulary shifts a scarcity mindset towards abundance and growth. It can decrease anxiety, relieve stress and keep us present. All with one word!! So, what are you waiting for? Don’t should on yourself!

I’ve been wondering what habits, patterns, mindsets will remain post-COVID and which will just go away. There is one habit I’m trying to keep and I invite you to make it part of your ‘new norm’ too. It’s the habit of Radical Amazement. What the heck is that, you ask. Well, I shall answer! Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel (one of my all time sages) winsomely said, ““Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement. ....get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted.” Why? Because “Mankind will not perish for want of information; but only for want of appreciation.”*

I’ve spent a lot of time looking upward this past year plus. Literally and metaphorically. The colors, patterns, movement, sounds of creatures, breezes, gusts and silence of blue, clouds, canopies, greens, whites, grays. Every single day, I am Radically Amazed at the sky (ok, Maine sky). It never gets old, it never gets less majestic, mystical, magical and stunningly beautiful. It is different every minute, hour, day and yet the same ~ a paradox of the new and the steadfast.

Please join me in Radical Amazement. Today, this week, just go outside for a few minutes and look around - take a short walk, look at the trees, grass, flowers, creatures, everything and anything, feel the breeze, cherish the stillness, and dwell in some radical amazement to rejuvenate your mind and soul … to appreciate all that we have and are despite everything, all that remains glorious despite us. And if you’re willing, share it with me here. I wish you the joy and serenity of Radical Amazement.

*Abraham Joshua Heschel’s “G-d In Search of Man”

Graduation time is upon us - so much has been learned, so much learning awaits. Some things are cool to learn, some not ~ I wish I’d learned more from others and spared myself a lot of pain. So, to my students (and friends & clients of all ages), here’s some advice that those of us who graduated in the 20th century wish we’d learned upon entering the ‘‘real world.” Please add some and share them with me!

• Show, don't tell;

• Know what you can, and can’t, control;

• Show up!! Be Present!! Don’t wait around for things to come to you!

• Use your skills & interests (you have more than you think) - the more you say it, the more you become it! Volunteer! Engage!

• Be your own best advocate - don’t wait for someone else - talk about your talents & victories;

• Don’t be afraid to fail - it’s a form of learning & applying … and it means you tried;

• You may be able to have it all - but not all at once;

• Just because you get along well with your peers, doesn’t mean you’ll be a good manager;

• It’s good to feel out of your depth - it means you’re learning;

• Talk to people, ask them about their stories, meet them where they are - and say Thank you!

• Be willing to take time ‘off’ your career path for a sabbatical if you want;

• Change on a dime by putting in a nickel;

• Experience!

• Love yourself and those around you;

• Be joyful - it’s more meaningful and lasting than being happy;

• Ask for help! Not knowing takes guts, courage and it’s how we learn;

• Say yes to more hard things than you want to do - grow your comfort zone;

• If you believe it can be awesome, it can;

• Don’t be surprised by your successes!

• Always do something for someone else, always give back;

• Be curious, open and skeptical;

• …

What did you do during the pandemic? That seems to be the question now. For Jessica Esch, her insatiable curiosity combined with her serendipitous discovery of oral histories in the Smithsonian Institution’s Archives of American Art led to the creation of a new form of art she calls typelooping.

Jess dove into oral histories at the Archives, devouring the transcripts of female artists 60 and older. The first transcript she read remains her favorite – that of the mixed media and textile artist, Barbara Lee Smith. So, what did Jess do? Typed Barbara a 10-page letter and mailed it with no expectations of a reply. But Barbara Lee Smith did - “You’ve given me a present, by the way, in telling me that those two days of (relaxed, but difficult) talking about myself had meaning for someone else.” And a friendship was born – Zoom calls, Instagram messages, emails – between two very different artists of different generations from different parts of the country.

Inspired by the Archives, Jess created typelooping to entertain herself during the banality of pandemic life. She used it to learn about other people’s lives, make use of the ‘stuff at hand’ as ‘paper’ for her typewriters and type words as she saw fit, often starting with the women she’d ‘met’ in the Archives. The Archives shared Jess’s story last week! She’s featured in a two-part series as part of the Archives of American Art and Smithsonian Voices blog.

You know, I’m not surprised Jess found her way to something new, to the Archives, to a friendship with Barbara Lee Smith or even the featured blog posts. Why? Curiosity, serendipity and a diverse network are a perfect habitat for blue lobsters.

And Jess should know, because she created my blue lobster logo.

You can hear more of the story on April 6th from 7-8pm (Space is limited!) when Jess talks typelooping with Sarah Baker. Then please, set aside time to meditatively peruse her Fill in the Blanks typelooping series at shinebolt.com. It will add joy, light, and hope to your day, your week, or if you’re like me, your life.

A few weeks ago, I got to hang with 2 amazing people who always make us learn and laugh - Ray Wang, CEO of Constellation Research and my dear friend, Vala Afshar, Chief Digital Evangelist of Salesforce & communicator extraordinaire. This was my 3rd visit on DisrupTV!! If you want to learn about, and learn how to apply, the latest in technology for impact, you must watch DisrupTV and follow Ray & Vala on twitter.

One of our (mine & Vala’s) favorite stories is how we met and how Vala, through his network, made such a difference in the life of a kid with cancer, being supported by one of my students (now alum) & mentees who founded Connecting Champions.

How’s zooming going? It’s fascinating how pre-COVID, so many shunned virtual meetings and now we’re over-meeting virtually because it’s ‘easy’ which has led to even more meetings! So, let me share a client’s habit for any and all of their meetings. It’s made a big difference ~ PPO (not PPP or PPE).

PPO is Purpose, Process and Outcome.  When you want a meeting, clearly state the Purpose, the Process to be used and the desired Outcome.  Here are examples from 2 recent client meetings:

Prioritize the top tactics for a key strategy:

• Purpose: Decide the top 2 tactics to be executed by 7/1/2021 for Strategy 1;

• Process: Take our current list of the top 6 tactics and prioritize those to the top 2 that have to be done immediately and why;

• Outcome: The plan for the 2 top tactics including each tactic’s champion, definition of ‘done’, due/done date, metrics, 90-day action plan of who is doing what when to reach the 7/1/2021 deadline and the tracking/monitoring schedule.

 Finalize who will be accepted to a leadership program:

• Purpose: Select the 5 people for the 2021-2022 leadership program;

• Process: Applying the program’s criteria along with each applicants’ career plans, prioritize the list of applicants to the 5 we will accept;

• Outcome: Final 5 identified with personalization verbiage of acceptance letter for each one, to be copied to their manager, and personalized letter of rejection to the rest to be sent by 2/25/2021.

This seems like a no-brainer, something we read in all the ‘effective meeting’ manuals, right‽ So, given our level of zoom fatigue, why not try it? Creating a PPO forces us to see if we really need a meeting, who really has to be there, and what we have to get done. It shouldn’t (ideally) take a lot of time to create the PPO.  And, it provides focus, choice and clarity – something we can all use these days! Try it this week!

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