Mind Flush

Displaying her ridiculously awesome balance skills

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:44:00 +0000

Okay, so we know Liza was pretty good on roller skates, but how is she on ice?

Keep in mind that the kid's total experience with ice skates before today was to clomp around on them for five minutes last year before refusing to come onto the ice with me. I think this year she was ready, although I'm starting to question the wisdom of watching the ice dancing videos on YouTube right before we went to the first class ...

Ouch.

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:47:00 +0000

Seasonal flu vaccine down, H1N1 vaccine not yet located.

My favorite part - the look on the nurse's face when I told him that some people on the internet are calling H1N1 "hamthrax." I think I made his day. Not hard, considering his day consists of being locked in a supply closet with a bunch of vaccine and potentially contagious people, but I still feel like my good deed for the day is complete.

Q&A

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:04:00 +0000

Q: What's worse than trying to find the perfect outfit to wear to a special event?

A: Finding the perfect outfit to wear to a special event that you don't end up going to, then having to return it, even though you look hot in it. No, there will not be pictures.

gasp pant

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:39:00 +0000

"Mom, when we get back to our house, will you please take the training wheels off my bike so I can learn to ride a two-wheeler?"

Since I lack the necessary skills to simultaneously run beside the kid and take video, I wasn't able to record her first attempts on the bike. Instead, you get to see Jason's first attempt at helping her ride.

I believe tomorrow I'll be going to Target to get the handle for the back axle of the bike, because leaning over and supporting a 40-pound kid who's used to leaning at a 10-degree angle on her bike is no fun at all.

Welcome to fall!

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:12:00 +0000

Nothing says "change in seasons" at our house quite like the annual tally of bags of leaves, wouldn't you say?

Bookmark this post and come back often, as we're gonna be raking for another couple of weeks, so the totals are going to climb to the stratosphere ...

Week 1: 40 bags

Week 2: 15 bags so far, but trash day isn't until Thursday

Productive but unfulfilling

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:55:00 +0000

I hate spending two hours paying bills, filing papers, making phone calls, scheduling appointments, and doing other busywork. At the end of the time I have a clear desk and a lot of little scribbles on my calendar. That's it. Making things is so much more fun - at least then I have something I can brandish while talking about how soul-sucking the activity is.

At least while I was on hold I could watch the chickadee that's searching for bugs on the branches of the tree outside my window. Cute little bugger.

So basically, my afternoon consisted of soul-sucking boredom punctuated with an occasional, "Awwwww!" What have you been up to?

Why have I never seen these before?

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:07:00 +0000

Did you know there's a whole subculture devoted to writing funny product reviews on Amazon? Seriously. Check it out:

http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Mens-Three-Short-Sleeve/dp/B002HJ377A

Check out the comments for the shirt, then check out some of the other suggested items. I love the milk that can be used for self defense ... and the second comment down on the Zubaz pants.

Oh, dear. I think I may have found yet another place to waste time on the internet ...

Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:37:00 +0000

You know, if you take your four-year-old to a kids' orchestra concert on the morning of Halloween, you may end up with a kid who decides to go trick-or-treating dressed as "orchestra girl."

Apparently Orchestra Girl wears a polarfleece shirt, an adult-sized purple sequined mardi gras dress, silver slippers, and grey yoga pants. Light-up wand from Sea World is optional, and just gets in the way when you try to carry 48 pounds of candy in a little plastic pumpkin.

At least her partners in crime (her best buddies from the neighborhood, who were super nice and asked her to go with them to trick-or-treat on our street) were properly outfitted in recognizable costumes, somewhat mitigating the "WTF are you supposed to be?" response Liza might have gotten otherwise.

Add to this the flower-girl-dress princess outfit she came up with for the party at Jason's friend's house the previous weekend, and the Sleeping Beauty Fairy Princess With A Wand Made From a Silky And A Tinkertoy from preschool, and the kid came up with four Halloween costumes.

And not a one made any sense to anyone but her. Sigh. And all I wanted was to make her a pirate costume ...

When did I get to be such a crabby old lady?

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:13:00 +0000

Kids these days, with their fancy-schmancy weddings that require fancy-schmancy quilts as gifts! The nerve, giving me only six months to procrastinate until I started the thing two weeks before the wedding! Picking out hard-to-find colors, like "blue" and "green," and "whatever you think looks nice."

Now I have to go rub some liniment on my ancient arthritic hands and get back to quilting The 15-Pound Wonder Quilt. Bah! Oooh, my aching back!

The Pirates Who Do Aarrrrr-ithmatic

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:03:00 +0000

Liza really, really wants to learn addition, but she doesn't quite understand that you basically have to memorize the answers so that you don't have to count on your fingers every time you're asked what 3+4 is. She doesn't want to do the flashcards if we just sit down with them, and she can't do the addition worksheets if she's wearing mittens, so I had to come up with another approach.

That's where the pirates come in. A few weeks ago Liza decided she wanted to play pirates, complete with a boat (sofa), Jolly Roger (silkies tied to a yardstick) and both swords (pvc pipe) and bandannas. I put together a treasure map, hauled Jason's chest-shaped toybox out of the basement closet, and we were in business. We searched for hidden treasure, fought off sea monsters, ate goldfish-shaped sea rations, and tried not to whack each other too frequently with the pipe.

So yesterday I made up a new treasure map. It's a key of which rooms various numbers are in. She gets a flashcard "clue" to start, and she has to figure out the answer, go to that room, and check under the number to see if she's right. If she is, she finds the next flashcard, which leads her to another room, and another, with the final clue sending her down to the toybox in the basement.

You would not believe how fast the kid is catching on to the +3s when there are pirates involved.

Also, she refuses to practice her handwriting ... unless I write out some of the words from a "science experiment" we did this morning, and then she's happy to copy them until they look right. Which is why we've got a sheet of paper that says in very decent preschool handwriting, "rub balloon salt pepper oatmeal electricity." We've also got a journal page with a drawing of me blowing up a balloon, and thanks to the wonders of really crappy preschool drawing perspective, my lips are coming out of my ears. That would be a pretty good trick if I could pull it off, though, wouldn't it?

NaBloPoMo for the third year in a row

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:28:00 +0000

Good thing I got some serious knitting done last week while Jason was out of town ... otherwise I'd be trying to type blog posts with one hand while knitting Very Intricate Lace, and that's just all kinds of a bad idea.

Look! Pretty colors, and all I had to do was keep knitting 10-stitch rows while the yarn changed colors for me. Score!

Anybody want a shawl that looks like this?

This is just the edging, the main body of the shawl looks like the topmost part. It's very nicely finished, and I love the pattern, but the colors just are NOT doing it for me. Should have stopped when I first decided I was only meh about the combo, but I was too far along to quit at that point. Plus, it's alpaca, and therefore sheds like a mofo all over my clothes when I wear it. Nice and warm, but I look like the cats exploded all over me.

Off to do some - gasp! - quilting. Silly friends and their silly weddings requiring silly presents ...

Liza got picked to help the magician at the circus preshow last night

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:31:00 +0000

Coolest. Thing. Evar.

I think I just peed myself

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:25:00 +0000

I don't find 'em, I just pass 'em on:

Reason # 56 to never stop by my house unannounced

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:01:00 +0000

The houses Liza builds for the cats have gone viral, taking over entire rooms in the length of time it takes me to, say, use the toilet. Yesterday I announced that I was going to ride the exercise bike, and before I could get into my workout clothes, she had built a shantytown in the family room that depended on the exercise bike for its main structural integrity.

And don't even get me started on Liza's room. She wrote a sign that says "No Mom or Dad" which she tapes to her door all day, which means we're not allowed to come in. She reinforces the idea by tying a piece of plastic lanyard from her doorknob to the dresser next to the door and then hanging Bob the Blanket from it, leaving the door open but effectively roping off the room as if it was in a museum or something. The only time we're permitted to enter is at bedtime, and even then we have to wait for her to take down the sign before we can come in to read her stories.

On the positive side, though, if I can't go in, I can't clean her room, which means it's not my responsibility anymore. Hurray!

Boo at the Zoo

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:45:00 +0000

Last weekend we attended Boo at the Zoo for the third year running. Liza has been declaring for weeks that she was going to be a fairy princess, using her sleeping beauty dress and some wings ... but she decided at the last minute that she wanted to design her own costume, and I was frankly too tired to argue it with her as long as it was warm enough. Which is why we ended up with this:

For the record (and from the top), that's a princess tiara with stickers all over the netting at the back and two butterfly hair clips clipped to the front, a butterfly t-shirt over top of a pink fleece sweatshirt, a butterfly hairband as a bracelet, two cheap dress-up skirts with hair bows clipped to the hem, a pair of tights, and white dress shoes that are a size too small. And apparently she was a garden pixie (or a garden sprite, or a garden fairy with no wings, depending on when you asked her).

This was the first time we've managed to get Liza to willingly go ask for the candy, and talk to the cello players, and even volunteer to be a helper during the magic show. It was also the first year that the animatronic dinosaurs have been on display at the same time as Boo at the Zoo, which is why we got to see things like this:

We all agreed that the one they dressed up as a hula girl (complete with lei, shell bikini top, and grass skirt) was the funniest, but this one was the best-lit, so that's what you get to see.

It will be interesting to see whether Liza repeats the costume on actual Halloween, or comes up with something new. I'm guessing we'll get some new mash-up of 400 pieces of stuff from her dressup trunk, but maybe she'll surprise me. You never can tell with Liza.

Ack! My eyes! My back! My ears!

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 04:21:00 +0000

If possible, skip the first 45 seconds of meaningless lyrics sung by girls with no diction skills. The rest is worth the wait.

Holy shit. And I thought Cirque was good, but those tiny Chinese girls have nothing on the Ross sisters.

Maybe my mind is just in the gutter too much, but ...

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 03:40:00 +0000

Doesn't this sound a little, um, suggestive?

"But before she could get the words out, Mr. Rogers put something in her mouth. It was so good Mrs. Rogers forgot about being angry."

In context**, it makes perfect sense, and I'm sure it wasn't meant to be inappropriate, but darn, I just about choked when Liza read that to me tonight.

**"Mrs. Rogers was angry. She was very angry. She opened her mouth. Mrs. Rogers meant to tell Amelia Bedelia she was fired. But before she could get the words out, Mr. Rogers put something in her mouth. It was so good Mrs. Rogers forgot about being angry. 'Lemon-meringue pie!' she exclaimed."

Queen of Hearts and Alice in Wonderland Costume Set GIVEAWAY!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:44:00 +0000

Queen of Hearts and Alice in Wonderland Costume Set GIVEAWAY!!!!

Dude, you have got to click over to see the Queen of Hearts costume she is giving away. OMFG. I waaaaaaaant that, even though I know there is no way I could get Liza to wear it. I just want to hang it up and gawk at it for the next couple of years. And maybe pet it occasionally.

Snort.

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 03:40:00 +0000

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/consumerist/2009/10/10-9-2009_8-27-54_PM.jpg

Hmm, a cucumber and a tomato, or something more, erm, erotic? Guess that depends on where you squirt the icing ...

No, I did not just write that about a cookie cutter based on a Christian kids' show. It was a figment of your imagination.

Look! Free press for Lazy Mama!

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:27:00 +0000

http://www.parenting.com/activity-parties-gallery/Activities-Parties/Click-to-Buy-Homemade-Halloween-Costumes/16/

Mermaid costumes ... get one before some strangers at parenting.com snatch them all up!

Liza says:

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 02:22:00 +0000

"I have a sug-gest ... sug-chest ... sug-glet ... I have an idea!"

Wild America (or at least Florida)

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 02:00:00 +0000

We started off today with Liza making a final visit with her "friends," the egrets who haunt a stream near Frontierland.

Then we did some nature photography in Tomorrowland, capturing a snail on film (SD card?) while we sat out a thunderstorm.

And since I think I've finally gotten through to Liza that she will not be allowed to take home an anole, we had to get a picture of one of those, too.

Oh, and we rode some things, too.

The end.

So much for planning

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:10:00 +0000

Today's planned itinerary involved a return to Sea World in the morning, followed by an early afternoon nap, ending with an evening at Magic Kingdom to pick up the rides we missed last time (and hopefully see the fireworks).

Things started off well, with the projected upper-90s weather not as bad as it could have been, thanks to occasional breezes and some intermittent cloud cover. By lunch time we were still going strong, and Liza wanted to run through the special Halloween trick-or-treat stations.

The weather by then had hit sweltering, so after we visited all the treat stations and ogled all the cool costumed performers, we changed Liza into her swimsuit so she could visit the water play area. She hated it, as you can tell.

She was hilarious. It was like the big dumping buckets had some sort of magnetic pull, and although she didn't want to get her face wet, she couldn't resist standing underneath them, so she found a solution in covering up her eyes every time the bucket got ready to dump. Sort of like an ostrich with its head in the sand, only wetter.

By the time she was done in the water, it was pretty much time to get dinner, so we headed out. Liza was still going strong, but I was just wiped out, and we never did make it back out to hit another park in the evening. The fireworks just started as I was typing this. Oh, well. It's not like Liza even knows what she's missing ... there are definitely pluses to visiting the parks with a clueless kid who hasn't read the tour books.

******

Coolest thing I've seen recently was the jumping stilt performers at Sea World. We saw them a couple of times, and it totally makes me want to invent a time machine so I can go back and learn to be a really kick-ass gymnast so I could do this for a living. Except, you know, for the sweating and the lycra.

Speaking of which, Jason and I were really embarrassed to be laughing at the stagehands at the dolphin show, who were sometimes visible to the audience and therefore had to wear the same wetsuit-style costumes as the performers. I mean, if I were a 250-pound guy, I'd feel bad enough about myself without having 2,000 people laughing at me when I went to my position backstage ... four times a day. But Bubba had a gut on him, and that shiny wetsuit wasn't helping to hide it ... sort of looked like he was smuggling a frozen turkey. Luckily for you, I didn't take a picture.

This is where the title will go, if I ever think of one.

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:19:00 +0000

Today we visited Epcot, which I wasn't sure would be that much fun for the kiddo, but we found plenty for her to do. One of the best parts of the day was seeing her playing on the same activities I remember from my visits to Epcot as a kid ... they've been redesigned to look more current, but the idea's the same.

The other best part of the day - when she passed out in the stroller and we let her sleep for an hour while I put my feet up and crocheted in a nice air conditioned exhibition hall.

It was in the low 90s today, and Epcot is virtually devoid of shade in some areas, so we all needed the break by this point in the day. Jason would have enjoyed that little interlude a bit more if his paperback hadn't been buried at the bottom of the backpack Liza was using as a pillow. Oh, well - at least he had time to try riding a Segway (and find the place to get free samples of sodas from all over the world).

Oh, and this will probably not make sense to anyone but me and Jason, but here goes nothing:

At dinner tonight Liza was making up really dumb jokes about what one corn chip said to the other corn chip. She kept asking if they were funny, and we said no, and she said that we should have a contest between me and Jason to come up with the funniest joke. I went first, with the ever-witty, "What did the jet chip (don't ask) say to the curly chip that wasn't behaving? Straighten up and fly right!" Jason followed, and in a brilliant maneuver he tailored his joke to his judge. "What did the jet chip say to the curly chip that was standing in the way? Move out of the way, I have to go to the bathroom!" Liza, who has been telling bathroom jokes for two days straight, thought this was the funniest thing she had ever heard, and Jason won the contest. Next time, i think I'm just going to say "poop" a bunch of times instead of telling a joke. It would get a better laugh from the judge, I think.

Oh Sea World, I love you so

noreply@blogger.com (Gretchen) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 00:01:00 +0000

For many, many years, Cedar Point's Raptor has been my favorite roller coaster. But Sea World's Manta just kicked the bird to the curb. It's got the smoothness and the loops and twists that I like, with the bonus gimmick that you go through the whole ride head-first, face-down. You hit the first loop and when you get to the bottom you realize that your stomach is at least three cars behind you. Awesome!

I managed to get on it right after the park opened today, and it was so awesome (and the line was so short) that I rode it twice before I called Jason to tell him it was his turn. Then he got in line, it was under repair for 20 minutes, and when he finally got to ride it made him feel so sick that he took a Dramamine once he got off. Score! Now I don't have to alternate turns with him when we go back this weekend!

I wasn't the only one enjoying the roller coasters at Sea World ... after going on every spinning ride in sight, Liza was jumping up and down with excitement to go on the Shamu Express in the kiddie area.

That's my girl, on her first "real" coaster (that is, the first one that was built more recently than 1956 and goes more than 20 feet high), and yes, we're in the front car. Why bother with a middle car when the kid is so short she can barely see out of the car in the first place?

Liza loved Sea World, as I knew she would. She loved the pet show, she was okay with Shamu, and she loved the acrobats. She had a great time at the aquarium next to Manta, too.

When I asked her what her favorite part of the day was, she told me she didn't have one. When I asked her what her least favorite part was, she said she didn't have one, because everything was so much fun.