“A brain in a state of forced focus operates very differently to a brain set free.” Martina & Susan

Do your days pass by in a blur of activity? Do you too often look back and wonder why you’re exhausted but don’t seem to have achieved very much at all? Do you use every gap in your day to squeeze in one more task in an attempt to reduce your to-do list? Research into the different forms of brain waves would show that you are idling way to fast!

Brain waves change depending on the activity you are undertaking. They slow down during sleep and they speed up when you’re busy. Much like a car being driven through a busy city, when you put the pedal down, it revs high and gets you moving. And when you are stuck at the lights, the foot comes off the pedal and the car idles. Your car runs out of gas quickly when the “pedal is to the metal” all day, and so do you.

All brain states are important, but there is one that so many busy people overlook. It’s the state of reflection, and research shows that your brain waves change when you are in this state. These alpha brain waves are slow, not as slow as sleep or deep meditation, but slower than the brain waves that can be seen when you are actively engaged in tasks. This state is so important because it is during reflection that we find meaning, direction and learning. As the brain slows down, the pace of busy-ness that might otherwise be dragging you through the day subsides enough for you to see things more clearly. Insights emerge, priorities become clearer, and better decisions are made.

It is those who are captured by busy-ness who find themselves at the end of a day, a month or a year wondering where it all went and what was the point. And sometimes people use the busy-ness as an excuse to avoid reflection, concerned that they will not like what they find if they slow down and take stock. But the brain demands that you slow down and allow the alpha waves to flow. They are also linked to lower stress levels, enhanced memory, better mental health and improved learning. If you don’t let your brain enter this state from time to time, you are not only missing out on life as it unfolds around you, you are also likely to experience declining performance in many aspects of life.

Activating different brain states throughout the day brings with it a sense of balance. Yes, you must attend actively to many things, and your brain will speed up in response. But if you constantly rev it high, you’ll not only miss the moments of idle reflection that bring profound experiences back into your life, but you’ll also struggle to quieten it down for the simple act of sleep. If you think you’re a bit out of balance, try these :

Be silent – when noise subsides, the brain is not under so much pressure to attend to many things. A number of studies show periods of silence to be beneficial for the brain, and silence also facilitates rest and reflection.

Reclaim idle moments – in every day there are moments between activity that offer brief but precious opportunities to slow your brain down. While it may not seem like much, even 2 minutes is enough to experience a profound insight if you let your attention rest in the present. When you’re waiting in queue, sitting on public transport, walking between meetings, or even just waiting at the lights to cross the road, lift your head and connect with the present rather than mulling one more task over in your head or checking your device.

Challenge yourself – rather than seeing this as a battle to break the habit of a busy mind, instead see it as the opportunity to build a new skill. What you focus on grows, so get excited about getting better at slowing down your mind, building your reflection skills, and taking control of your precious attention so it goes to the things that matter most.

Read more about the importance of the reflection state of mind in this extract from the book One Moment Please: It’s Time to Pay Attention.

Get some help to build these new skills into your life at The Art of Paying Attention Workshop in Brisbane on Friday 10 June 2016 and Mackay on Tuesday 12 July 2016.

© Mind Gardener Pty Ltd 2014. All rights reserved. You are welcome to quote from or link to this post as long as you attribute it to Susan Pearse & Martina Sheehan and include a clear link back to this original blog post. Please contact us for approval for any other particular uses or references.

The “do more with less” revolution has undervalued the precious moments of idle time. Whether it’s a queue in the post office, a lunch break at a training program, or waiting for a friend to join you for coffee, a break in proceedings is like a red rag to a bull. The device comes out to fill this seemingly useless moment with seemingly useful activity. Idle time has somehow earned itself a bad name, a label for laziness and sloth. But “idle” also means “at rest”, and this is something that attention needs more than you may realise.

In the beautiful dance of the mind that starts with stimulating the senses and ends with taking action, we did not appreciate the silent steps of reflection, contemplation, and feeling that gave the dance meaning. During these steps, attention dives deeps inside and weaves its magic with invisible threads that connect ideas with possibilities, experiences with meaning, and dreams with resolve. It’s in the gaps between attentive tasks, when the mind is released from the tight grip of immediate matters that unexpected solutions, eureka moments, sudden realisations, and moments of clear insight can emerge. Without these moments, it is difficult to find the storyline of your own life. A quiet moment looking out the window on the bus may allow an answer to a problem you had been trying to solve for days to arise. A moment with your head lifted in a bank queue might lead to a conversation with your future spouse. A walk through the park on your way home can offer a perfect moment of clarity about a major change you’ve been avoiding.

We’ve shut the door to a large part of our mental experience and we have evicted a valued tenant, our own steady source of wisdom, patience and insight. That tenant used to sit quietly on the porch, always ready to enter into a deep and reflective conversation. It was a place where confusion and quandary could sit safely until clarity returned, where challenges could rattle around open rooms and find solutions hidden in secret corners, where disappointment could be nursed until the pain passed, where passion could design a roadmap to purpose, and where mourning could learn to remember the good times. It was the place from which life could be observed.

In our ignorance, we swamped these rich moments with more noise, mistakenly assuming they were empty and wasted. Feeding attention an endless list of to-dos, carrying around a device that attention finds hard to resist, and training your attention to remain on high alert, means that it rarely rests.

A brain in a state of forced focus operates very differently to a brain set free. It’s the difference between listening to one instrument or a whole orchestra. In a busy mind, attention jumps randomly from instrument to instrument, creating a cacophony of noise that holds little pleasure and delivers little reward. It’s only when the busyness subsides, that attention opens widely enough to allow the rest of the orchestra to join in. It’s the synchrony of many parts working in harmony that creates the magic.

This extract is from Chapter 4 of One Moment Please: It’s Time to Pay Attention.

Find out how to revive the power of reflection.

© Mind Gardener Pty Ltd 2014. All rights reserved. You are welcome to quote from or link to this post as long as you attribute it to Susan Pearse & Martina Sheehan and include a clear link back to this original blog post. Please contact us for approval for any other particular uses or references.

There is a noticeable rise in tension, rushing, frustration, and rage-like behaviour in the lead-up to Christmas, but this year seems worse than ever. Driving around the streets you’ll see more speeding, less courtesy, and patches of broken glass, suggesting more crashes. Car parks are full earlier than usual, leaving people circling, stalking and boiling over before they even get to into the shops. People try to finish their to-do list before heading off for a break, and many tasks are arbitrarily allocated a Christmas deadline even though they are not particularly required at that time.

Mindfulness fades in this environment. The mind is too full and the body moves too fast.  So here are 5 tips to help you reclaim your mindfulness now.

1. Don’t catch the deadline virus: Before you add something to your to-do list at this time of year, ask yourself why it must be done before Christmas. If there is no good answer, leave it until next year when you have fresh energy and renewed focus.

2. Avoid the perfection pitfall: Stress is the gap between expectations and reality. If you’re trying to create the perfect Christmas, you could be setting yourself up for stress rather than success! While it’s fine to have a vision driving your Christmas plans, hold that vision lightly. Reality brings real magic if you’re open to it.

3. Watch for weakened willpower: Willpower runs out throughout the day, and can be depleted by over-use. If you are testing your resolve with too many temptations, you could be setting yourself up for a blow-out! The silly season if often when healthy choices and good habits fall by the wayside. Make important decisions early in the day that will help you stay strong when temptation beckons.

4. Rev up your relationships: We often spend less time than we really want with the important people in our lives during the year, and Christmas offers an opportunity to reconnect. But simply having more time does not guarantee connection. So try these 3 simple exercises to ensure you do:
• Seven Second Hug: it’s self explanatory!
• Give 10 percent More Attention: quality and quantity
• Learn Something New: find out one new thing about those closest to you

5. Being Present is the present : Attention is a precious gift. It’s the currency of care. In fact it is the only thing you really have to give of yourself to another person. So regardless of what else you get someone for Christmas, make sure you give a full dose of clear, open and uncluttered attention with it.

Wishing you and yours a happy and stress free Christmas!

This is a slight variation on a post that first appeared in the Huffington Post on 16 December 2014.

© Mind Gardener Pty Ltd 2014. All rights reserved. You are welcome to quote from or link to this post as long as you attribute it to Susan Pearse & Martina Sheehan and include a clear link back to this original blog post. Please contact us for approval for any other particular uses or references.

It’s Mind Gardener’s 6th birthday! Any milestone is a great time to reflect, so here are 6 things that come to mind.

Listen

It’s absolutely true that when you listen to your clients and customers, they will tell you what they want next. Mind Gardener evolved from direct requests from our consulting clients who asked for a product to take home so they could share their learnings with family members. Abracadabra! The Mind Gardener Guides were created.

Trust

We’ve actually been in business for 15 years, starting under the name Reinvention. We still operate under both names, using Reinvention for our corporate consulting work. When you start a small business of any kind, one of the things you eventually learn is that you should not worry about the future. We never could have predicted what we would be doing 15 years down the track, but if you stay present, and stay on purpose, opportunities emerge, work is offered, paths open, and things unfold in exciting ways.

Grow

Over 15 years we’ve seen so much, made many mistakes, and found lots of solutions. But most of all, we’ve learnt a lot about ourselves; what we like, what we don’t like, what makes us feel fulfilled, our strengths, and what we really want to achieve. If you grow as a person, you will grow as a business. That is not measured by size or financial position, but by your ability to make a difference. We are all here for some purpose, and when you grow into your purpose, you will deliver it with ease, anytime, any place.

Let go

It’s all too easy to add more ideas and tasks to your schedule, but it’s really hard to stop doing something before it reaches fruition. It’s a trap of the brain to keep persevering with something once you’ve started it. Letting go is a tough skill to learn, but it’s vital if you want to stay relevant in a changing world. We’ve had more ideas than you would care to count, and we’ve started many more than you’ve seen us deliver. That’s because we’ve stopped most of them when it became clear they were not the ones best suited to the needs of our community at that time. Letting go creates the space to be your best at the things you decide you will do.

Be independent

Be careful not to fall into the trap of replicating others’ track to success. In particular, the publishing and online business worlds are full of advice and methods for how to have a best-seller or passive income. But these worlds are changing rapidly, and the latest approach is often being superseded even as you try it. Be really clear on what you want to achieve, be really selective about what you are prepared to try, and be really sure you are choosing a path that feels right for you.

Gratitude

We are lucky enough to live in a beautiful place, be surrounded by wonderful family and friends, do the work that we love, and be free from any limitations except those we place on ourselves. No matter what frustration, annoyance, difficulty or distraction arises in our day, they are simply challenges sent to test us. For there is no reason to feel anything but content with our lives. We are grateful for this, and we are grateful to every person who has supported our journey. You have offered words of encouragement, you have spread our messages, you have taken on our lessons and made them your own, you have bought our books, guides and programs, and you have thanked us generously. We appreciate each and every interaction and experience we have with you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Martina & Susan

Tip 1: Breathe, Pause and Reset

If a typical day is rushing from one task to the next, chances are by the end of the day your head is a jumble. Thinking about the next task whilst still reflecting on the last one and juggling all the other things on your to do list is probably becoming an every day habit. Even lunchbreaks may be filled with activity, eating lunch at your desk and having no recollection of what it even tasted like.

Sometimes you need to step back to move forward. Your breath is a powerful calming force. It helps empty out all the thoughts in your head, resets your stress response and allows you to move calmly forward. Simply connect with a breath for up to 6 seconds, and practice it regularly throughout the day! Going outside and breathing in fresh air will give you even more benefits.

Tip 2: Idle time

Identify idle moments throughout the day and resist the temptation to fill them with activity. Your attention needs time to rest and recover.  Superior performers regularly take breaks throughout the day and this has often been attributed to their success. Even if you can’t have extra breaks in your day consider what you do in all your idle moments throughout the day. For example, when you are on public transport, waiting for a meeting to start or even waiting for your morning coffee. Instead of pulling out your mobile device and using the time to be more “efficient”, take the time to let your attention rest. Look up and connect with others. You’ll be surprised how productive you are for the rest of the day.

Tip 3: Focus on one thing at a time

It’s hard to resist the temptation to multitask when you are overwhelmed by your to-do list. But the benefits of multitasking are a myth. In fact it takes one and a half times longer to do a task when you are juggling a few. Instead of dragging your attention all over the place, pick one task and do it with excellence. Switch safely between tasks rather than moving to something new while you are still thinking about the previous thing.

Tip 4 Focus on what really matters

Your attention is a precious and limited resource. You physically can’t pay attention to everything . Your attention is designed to be spent on the things that are important but often it is stolen by whatever screams the loudest. Reflect on the following two things. Firstly think about the five things that really matter to you in your life. Next think about the 5 things that grab your attention most of the time. Are these lists the same? If not, how can you achieve a better balance.? Moment to moment ask yourself this powerful question “what is most important to me right now?” and pay attention to that.

Tip 5: Focus on what you can control

A large portion of thoughts are spent on things that you can’t control. This includes being frustrated or trying to change other people’s actions or worrying about all the things that might (but probably wont) happen. When you spend your time thinking about things that you cannot control or influence, it is wasted time and attention that is taking you away from what matters. Often the only thing you can control is your own actions or reactions so focus there. Ask yourself “Can I control this?” or “can I influence this?” and if the answer is yes then do something about it. But if the answer is no, it’s time to let it go.

Tip 6: Focus on what nourishes you, not depletes you

The term “pay attention” implies that you get something back. For example when we “pay” a shopkeeper we get goods back in return. Every investment of your attention should give a return. When your energy is depleted, carefully consider what you are focusing on. Focus on the things that energise and uplift you like the present moment, connecting with people., positive approaches and purpose or how you make a difference.

Tip 7: Establish a calming morning routine

The first part of your day sets the pathway for how your day unfolds. If you jump out of bed mentally running through your to do list then jump in the shower rehearsing conversations you need to have and then have breakfast whilst answering your emails, it is likely that your day will continue at this frantic, busy pace. Instead why not try easing into your day mindfully. Turn activities like drinking your cup of tea, showering or even making lunches into a mini meditation. And why not ban technology for the first hour of your day? It’s guaranteed to make a difference.

Tip 8: Busy Ban

Ask anyone the simple question “how are you?” and chances are their response will be “busy.” Busy has become a badge of honour that we talk about, brag about and even compete over. But what you focus on grows. If you think or speak about how busy you are all the time the problem becomes bigger. You’ll be surprised how things can slow down by simply changing your perspective.

There is no doubt that you can have a profound effect on your stress and overwhelm levels by simply looking at it in a different way. Try these 8 tips over 8 weeks and see how your mind and your external environment changes.

This article originally appeared in The Huffington Post.

© Mind Gardener Pty Ltd 2014. All rights reserved. You are welcome to quote from or link to this post as long as you attribute it to Susan Pearse & Martina Sheehan and include a clear link back to this original blog post. Please contact us for approval for any other particular uses or references.

We also know the feeling when attention is given fully and generously. We feel engaged, connected, even uplifted. Moments of presence with others are the key to happiness. But often we give a cursory nod, a momentary glance, and miss the opportunity for true connection.

When we keep attention flowing between us, it gathers strength as it flows. Rather than being depleted through use, attention grows when it is given generously. It is an animating force that benefits us all. I saw this in action some time ago as I lined up at a small grocery store. I was one person back in the queue but I could already see that the attendant was not happy. Her shoulders were slumped, eyes were down as she began swiping my items. “RU OK?” I asked softly. She almost got a fright that anyone would notice or care and after a very short conversation, an exchange of common experience, we both burst into laughter. I continued on to a couple of shops and noticed that even I had an extra spring in my step. Passing the same shop on my return to the carpark I could resist glancing over at the attendant. She was almost unrecognizable. The gift of attention , a moment of conversation and care was still flowing through her. She was smiling and chatting with shoppers and they were continuing on their way with a happy glow. My investment of attention was finding it’s way into other people’s minds in the same way the $20 note I handed over may have ended up as change in their pockets.

We should never underestimate the power of attention to animate the world around us. It is surely a gift we give to others, but it also returns to us in the form of inspiration, meaning and happiness.

Only 40% of working Australians are flourishing*.

Flourishing is defined by a combination of positive mental health characteristics including:

1. Competence – a sense of accomplishment
2. Emotional stability – feelings of calm and peacefulness
3. Meaning – perceiving one’s life to be valuable and worthwhile
4. Optimism – about one’s future
5. Positive emotions – such as happiness
6. Resilience – capacity to recover when things go wrong in life
7. Self-esteem – feeling positive about self
8. Vitality – feelings of energy

You would not leave your garden untended and expect it to bloom, and neither should you leave these 8 characteristics to chance.  Here are 8 facts that explain how to tend the garden of your mind and create a flourishing life.

1. Competence – you feel more competent, and you accomplish more, when you play to your strengths. In fact a Gallup survey reveals the link between using your strengths for at least 3 hours per day, and many of the other flourishing characteristics like positive emotions and vitality.

Flourishing Fact 1: Play to your strengths for 3 hours each day.

2. Emotional Stability – the stresses of a busy life are triggers for agitation, anxiety, and anger. Feelings of calm and peacefulness always lie hidden below these emotions, just like the calm depth of the ocean always lies hidden below the crashing waves. One of the fastest ways to reconnect with a sense of calm is to slow your body down. When you breath more slowly, your emotions settle and you regain your perspective on life.

Flourishing Fact 2: Take a series of 5 deep slow breaths every hour.

3. Meaning – your brain’s reward centres light up when you feel you are being of service to others. As Dan Pink explains in his book Drive, we are more motivated and more likely to perform at our best when there is a deeper purpose to what we are doing. No matter how big or small, many of the tasks you do throughout the day are serving someone else, and do make a positive difference.

Flourishing Fact 3: Identify how your actions each day will help someone else.

4. Optimism – what you focus on grows, and there is tremendous power in your thoughts. Optimistic people are more likely to visualise a positive future, and visualisation is a practical technique for training the brain and preparing the body. Just as an athlete visualises the perfect shot then follows through, seeing your future unfolding well is a valid strategy for designing your life.

Flourishing Fact 4: Create a vision board of your desired future and put it where you’ll see it every day.

5. Positive Emotions – happiness is a habit, and like all habits, the more you practice it, the stronger it grows. One of the most effective ways to cultivate positive emotions is to reflect on the things you are grateful for each day. Hailey Bartholomew undertook her own challenge called 365grateful, taking a photo of something she was grateful for every day for 1 year. It worked a treat: “It really amazed me how quickly I began to notice things that I otherwise would have missed.”

Flourishing Fact 5: Write down 3 things you are grateful for at the end of each day (and make it a different list each day!)

6. Resilience – it’s the art of bouncing back from set backs, and it relies on some of the other flourishing characteristics we’ve already covered. Resilient people are likely to have an optimistic outlook, emotional stability, and a leaning towards positive emotions.

Flourishing Fact 6: When something goes wrong, make a point of looking at it from an optimistic and positive perspective. That’s where you’ll find a way forward.

7. Self-Esteem – we are all affected by the judgements of others, but it is your own judgement of yourself that affects you most. Negative self talk will hold you back in life, but believing in yourself can take you further than you might ever have dreamed. If you suffer from negative self talk, start reflecting on your strengths, your accomplishments, and your successes every day.

Flourishing Fact 7: Build a daily habit of reflecting on your strengths, your accomplishments and your successes.

8. Vitality – one of the main causes for flagging energy is a busy mind. This extract from our book One Moment Please explains how to be busy, but remain vital and energised. “Attention has a sweet spot. You find it when attention is kept moving smoothly, directed to things that can be well satisfied by its touch. Engaged in productive and meaningful action, it is open, receptive and calmly vigilant. It moves from one matter of genuine interest to the next with discipline and clarity. You can feel yourself making headway, and you can see the difference you are making. It feels very different to the turmoil of attention bouncing wildly, or the fog of attention lost or captured. In this sweet spot you are energised and, rather than chewing up attention’s power, it is renewed. A person in the sweet spot might be busy, but they are not ‘busy-minded’. That makes all the difference.”

Flourishing Fact 8: Treat your attention as a precious and fragile resource, by using it wisely on the things that matter most each day.

Don’t leave these important aspects of your life to chance. Join us at The Art of Paying Attention Workshop on 13 August (Melbourne) and 28 August (Sydney) to reclaim the moments of choice that are so crucial for cultivating a flourishing life.

*  The Australian Work and Life Index 2014 by the Centre for Work + Life, University of South Australia

© Mind Gardener Pty Ltd 2014. All rights reserved. You are welcome to quote from or link to this post as long as you attribute it to Susan Pearse & Martina Sheehan and include a clear link back to this original blog post. Please contact us for approval for any other particular uses or references.

Five months earlier when she’d nominated to be part of the big new program roll-out across the company, she knew it would mean working longer hours. It was in addition to her normal role, but she was keen to gain the experience and be part of something so important. This was the sort of opportunity she had always wanted to grab when it came along.

Now, as she shut her laptop and lifted her head, she felt an extreme weariness wash over her. Her mind scrolled through all of the things she had put off over the last few months and she realised the yoga class was one of many things that had crept onto the “one day when…” list. This list was where she mentally stashed all the parts of life that she had put on hold until “things settled down”. It included the stack of unread books beside her bed, the green juice she used to pick up on her way to work, her son’s Saturday afternoon soccer game that she now left to her husband while she squeezed in an extra 4 hours in the office, the joy of cooking which had been replaced with more take-away meals than she would care to admit, the monthly shoulder massages that had kept the pain at bay (it was once again her daily companion), and even the family holiday which had been delayed twice and was no longer discussed.

Sarah dragged herself to bed that night hoping the weariness would convert into a quick and deep sleep, but she was not that lucky. Instead, she found herself tossing and turning for what seemed like another 2 hours. Thoughts tumbled through in no particular order: what was on the next day’s schedule; possible destinations for a family long weekend; a plan for building back into her exercise routine; the last conversation with her mother and the guilt she felt at not visiting for so long. But in the morning none of it was any clearer, and she was just that much more exhausted.

Sarah’s experience is all too common. The Australian Work and Life Index 2014, prepared by the Centre for Work + Life at the University of South Australia, explores the “struggle to juggle”. Unsurprisingly it finds that those who experience higher levels of work-life interference, will also experience lower levels of “flourishing”.

Flourishing is defined by a combination of positive mental health characteristics including:

1. Competence – a sense of accomplishment
2. Emotional stability – feelings of calm and peacefulness
3. Meaning – perceiving one’s life to be valuable and worthwhile
4. Optimism – about one’s future
5. Positive emotion – such as happiness
6. Resilience – capacity to recover when things go wrong in life
7. Self-esteem – feeling positive about self
8. Vitality – feelings of energy

When you regularly and consistently delay broader life activities, you are putting many of the opportunities to strengthen these characteristics on the back burner. Strangely enough, even the ones you might think would be boosted by focusing more on work, like your sense of accomplishment, will decline if it’s not accompanied by other factors like meaning and vitality.

Only 40% of working Australians are flourishing, and Australia ranks in the lowest 20% of performers for work-life balance when compared across the whole OECD. Australians spend less time on personal care and leisure, and commonly work longer hours (50+).  In all the other indicators (eg. wealth, housing, safety) Australia ranks in the top 20%, making it even clearer that our inability to attend to the things that matter most in our lives is driving us to despair.

As the quote at the beginning of this blog reminds us, “Making a living is not the same as making a life.” We need to attend to both. Flourishing cannot, and should not, be left to chance. Find out how to cultivate the 8 flourishing characteristics in simple and practical ways.

© Mind Gardener Pty Ltd 2014. All rights reserved. You are welcome to quote from or link to this post as long as you attribute it to Susan Pearse & Martina Sheehan and include a clear link back to this original blog post. Please contact us for approval for any other particular uses or references.

One bright sunny morning, we went to a local park to do some writing. Inspired by nature on such a beautiful day, we wrote and occasionally discussed ideas. After some time, we noticed a father and daughter crossing the road on their way to the playground. The little girl would have been about 5 years old, and she was full of beans. She ran from one thing to the next, laughing and playing, while her father made his way to a nearby park bench. As she approached the swing, you could anticipate what was coming next … “Dad! Push dad”.

Dad slowly wandered over with a slight heaviness in his step. His daughter was having the time of her life giggling as she was flung up into the air. After about 5 good pushes, her father reached into his pocket and pulled out his mobile phone. With his head down, and his body slightly turned away, his pushes became more erratic, as he scrolled through emails, messages or social media.

Within minutes, mum arrived – one hand pushing a stroller with a sleeping baby, and the other carrying two take-away coffees. Dad barely glanced up between his cursory pushes and intense downward gaze, but as she approached with a coffee in her outstretched hand, he turned his body slightly and we wondered aloud to each other – Which hand will he use to take the coffee?

We have moments of choice every single day. Moments when we could look up and connect with our world, or just move through it, lost in thought. Moments when we could be fully present with someone we love, or just turn to the next thing on our to-do list. Moments when we could choose to attend to something with real purpose and meaning, or just get captured by the next distraction.

On that beautiful morning, we watched this father take the coffee with the hand that had been pushing his young daughter on the swing. Coffee in one hand, mobile phone in the other, and his head still down, he wandered slowly away.

For us, watching this little girl’s exciting ride grind slowly to a halt, seeing her searching looks in the direction of her father’s retreating back, and witnessing one more moment of happiness missed, was the final inspiration we needed to write our book One Moment Please; It’s Time to Pay Attention.

Attention has become one of the most threatened resources on the planet today. And as attention fades, it is not just the simple ability to notice what’s happening around you that disappears. We rely on our attention to nourish our relationships, to search out true meaning, to recognize the need to change and grow, and to connect us to moments of happiness that lie in wait.

Whether it’s the allure of social media drawing you down the rabbit hole, the pressure from your to-do list weighing heavy on your mind, or rerunning the past like a worn out song, the further your attention is taken from the present, the unhappier you will feel.

You are missing out on life as it unfolds around you. Do this for too long, and you’ll experience a yawning emptiness, a creeping disconnect, and a growing lack of meaning in your life.

The definition of attention is to ‘tend to’, ‘to care for’. When you pay attention, you are really saying “this is what I care for most in this moment”.

Too often we’re attending to whatever intrudes loudest and fastest, and not even considering if those are really the things that really matter most. For the father at the park that sunny morning, there is no doubt that his sweet daughter would have been on the top of his list of the things he cares for most, but it was clear that his attention had been stolen that day. The flow of his attention, the medium through which he was able to show care and share happiness, had been diverted.

How often are you missing the moment to pay attention to the things that you care for most? It is often an unintentional act, but withholding attention is like holding up a sign that says “I don’t care”. We know the feeling when we’re talking to someone and their eyes wander, or they’re nodding but it’s clear that the lights are on and no one’s home.

We should never underestimate the power of attention to animate the world around us. It is surely a gift we give to others, but it also returns to us in the form of inspiration, meaning and happiness.

In this noisy busy world, we believe a moment of attention can change everything. How will you give the gift of your attention to the things that matter most, today, tomorrow and in the weeks to come? Because moments of happiness grow as moments of attention flow.

© Mind Gardener Pty Ltd 2014. All rights reserved. You are welcome to quote from or link to this post as long as you attribute it to Susan Pearse & Martina Sheehan and include a clear link back to this original blog post. Please contact us for approval for any other particular uses or references.

Where to start? It can seem overwhelming. You know your attention is struggling to cope. You’re stressed, worried, overwhelmed and tired. But here is one important piece of advice: don’t try to take it all on at once, and don’t start with the hardest part of your day. Start with one moment. There is always a part of the day where we know we are not present, but we also know we should be. Make that your starting moment, and revive your precious attention slowly and steadily from there. Here are some stories from others who who found their starting moments.

Matt, Team Leader – The concept of “attention is a gift” really hit home for me. Although I was probably withholding attention in many areas of my life, I immediately thought of the morning meeting I have with my work crew, before they go out on the road. It’s a busy and chaotic time and everyone wants a piece of me. I realised that I was rarely listening to the person in front of me. While they were talking, I was looking around at what needed to be done and planning ahead. So that was the moment I chose to start with. I made a pledge to listen with full attention to every person who spoke to me during that meeting, and an amazing thing happened. The meeting felt like it slowed down. We began to get more done and it seemed more organised. I know the guys appreciated it, but the biggest benefit came back to me. Within a week, I found that my mind had slowed down and it was easier to focus throughout the whole day. I’d forgotten what it felt like to be so clear-headed.

Jane, Paralegal – I always wondered why my teenage son insisted on calling me by my name, not mum. It annoyed me and whenever he did it, he certainly got my attention, but not in a good way! Then one day a good friend pointed something out. “Do you realise that he says mum a few times, then when you don’t answer, that’s when he uses your name?” It was a shock. I had always prided myself on being a conscious person, but here was evidence that I was fooling myself in the most important relationship in my life. So that was my starting moment, and not only am I “mum” again, that relationship is now stronger than ever. It was a great wake-up call at the right time in my life.

George, Business Analyst – As soon as I heard about re-runs, I knew I was guilty of this habit. But I didn’t fully realise how it was holding me back. I immediately thought about my bus trip home. Someone once asked me where a particular restaurant was along the route. I had travelled this same way for ten years, but I had no idea. That thirty minutes of my day was a blur. I spent the whole time re-running things that had happened at work, words that were critical, decisions that were unfair, tasks that didn’t go to plan. No wonder I walked in the door at home feeling more stressed out and anxious than I did leaving work! The time I spend on that bus, that was my starting moment. Now I remain present. I look out the window and notice things, strike up conversations with strangers, observe the beauty in the world. Things changed immediately from the very first day. I arrived home relaxed, replenished, refilled and present for my family. The moments that used to be filled with negativity have been replaced with moments of inspiration. I get the best business ideas, and they seem to appear from nowhere. It’s been a month now, and my bus trip home is a daily ritual that I will continue for the rest of my life.

Catherine, Small Business Owner – Sometimes I get so many emails that I just feel overwhelmed. So I start ignoring some, not bothering to reply. I had always done it on the basis that those ones were probably just trying to get something from me or sell me something. But I now realise that I was withholding attention when I did this. It doesn’t show respect for the f ow of attention, because I was acting like a blockage, and I know if it happens to me it doesn’t feel good. So this is where I decided to start reviving attention. I now acknowledge every email, even if it is just two words, like “thank you”. I found that it took next to no time and, rather than increasing the feeling of being overwhelmed, it was the opposite! I got things off my mind straight away, and it made me more disciplined with my whole emailing regime. It’s so much easier to keep attention flowing than to resist it!

So what’s your starting moment?

Most of these stories are from One Moment Please; It’s Time to Pay Attention. You’ll find more advice and stories in that book, and if you know it’s time to revive your precious attention, join us at The Art of Paying Attention Workshop.

© Mind Gardener Pty Ltd 2014. All rights reserved. You are welcome to quote from or link to this post as long as you attribute it to Susan Pearse & Martina Sheehan and include a clear link back to this original blog post. Please contact us for approval for any other particular uses or references.