Alina Bas

New York Love Story

Alina Bas — Sat, 11 Sep 2021 17:07:29 +0000

Our love story is inextricably tied to New York.

Our first date was at the iconic ice-skating rink on Coney Island in early 2001. A couple of months later, we called in sick at our respective jobs and spent a day together in Manhattan; we were in love, and it felt like there was never enough time. We strolled through Bryant Park, paused by the New York Public Library, saw from the distance a woman bringing an oversized stroller down the long library steps. “You will never have to do this alone”, he said.

We got engaged on the Brooklyn Bridge in the summer (shortly before it became illegal post-9/11 to stop a car on a bridge). Our “Love Story” – a short, somewhat fictionalized video account about the way we met, to be shown to the guests at the wedding, as then-tradition suggested – was filmed in Bay Ridge, with a stunning view of Manhattan skyline. The sun was bright, the sky was clear. Before filming, we took a few minutes to admire the beauty. By the time of our wedding in late October, the skyline of the city looked emptier then it did in our “Love Story”. Between the wedding guests’ “ooohhh”s and “aaaahhhh”s in response to our charming “Love Story”, there were also gasps, as they watched the video: “Look, the Twin Towers…”

We debated whether it is ok to go on a honeymoon, considering the situation in the world, and taking into account this somewhat-paranormal occurence we experienced around 9/11 as a trivial sidebar to what was going on.

In December, we went to our videographer’s studio to pick up the film from the wedding. He was in the middle of editing another wedding video, which was rolling on a large screen in front of him. I commented on how beautiful and elaborate that wedding looked, and on auto-pilot, compared it to ours: our wedding was more modest by design, but just as much fun as the one on the screen. I wowed at the gorgeous dresses of the bridesmaids.

“This wedding was just before 9/11“, said the videographer. “See this beautiful girl dancing? The maid of honor. She is gone; she worked in one of the towers. I don’t even know how many of these kids are still alive; a lot of them worked together at some hot-shot consulting company in the Towers.”

“What about the bride and groom?” I asked, wondering whether it was an insensitive question, as if knowing that two particular people are alive out of this beautiful crowd of hundreds would make anything better.

“They are ok, they were on their honeymoon.” He was distraught. “How do I edit this?! How can I cut anything out?!”

I am thankful for all the New Yorkers who survived, and for all the New Yorkers who share stories of those who didn’t make it, who talk about what they have witnessed, who hold space for the stories of others.

*****
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NEWS and UPDATES

While much of my work time is now dedicated to completing the PhD dissertation, I still love making time for coaching and consulting. If you would like to connect about working together, let’s do it. It may seem like ‘just talking’, but you already know it is waaaaay more.

*****
My advisor and I co-authored a chapter on Intuition for the SAGE Encyclopedia of Theory in STEM, and it has just been accepted for publication (forthcoming in 2022). It is an easy read (although long-ish), and a fair summary of what is known in academia about Intuition. Please, let me know if you’d like to read it or learn more, or just download it here.

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This year, for the Academy of Management conference, we contributed a paper on Intuitive Wayfinding, which is about figuring things out as you go, not before you go. Want to talk about wayfinding in your personal or work life? Drop me a line.

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Vonnegut’s Take On Your Career

Alina Bas — Thu, 15 Jul 2021 22:15:07 +0000

Some of my most interesting clients start out as “mountain-climbers”: they move from one career peak to another, a higher one each time, planning to find more satisfaction with each climb.

“When I get that SVP title, then I’ll know I am on the right track. Can you help me get there faster?” Well, in the process of “getting there faster”, we figure out why we only find on top of the mountain what we bring there with us, and how to make it happen.

When we climb up the mountain, there’s a view from the top, but the appreciation for it – we need to bring with us. If we don’t, that view can cause more turbulence than joy: “Is this the right view? Should I be higher up? Is this all there is? Am I too late? Is this the right peak?”

This mountain-climbing metaphor has been working beautifully for career and relationship development in my executive coaching practice.

Then, enters a beautiful metaphor from Kurt Vonnegut. He said “Life is a garden rather than a road”. He continues that as we enter and exit the garden through the same gate, what matters is not where we arrive to, but what we notice (I’m paraphrasing, as I have not seen the quote in Vonnegut’s book with my own eyes).

Can you see your career as a garden? Can you see your relationship as a garden? How would this view change your perspective on what’s working well and what needs to be adjusted?

If your career is a garden, you can experiment with what you plant and harvest. You can change, gradually or suddenly, if you are not pleased with the aesthetics of your garden. You can enjoy the harvest from what you planted years earlier. Improvise with what you plant, and if it doesn’t work out, try something different. Borrow ideas from other “gardeners” or design your own unique career. You can also choose to what you pay attention in your garden (because whatever you focus on – expands). Notice the shade and the light, and which you enjoy more at what times; notice the scents, the touch-and feel, notice the birds and butterflies that brighten up the garden, the chipmunks that are munching on your fruits… Observe, enjoy, modify, knowing that no one wins or loses at gardening, and each garden is unique. Yours is here for you to work and play with.

If your relationship were a garden, what would you do in it?

Experiment:

Picture your relationship or your career (pick one) as a garden in which you spend time.
Explore it: do you like being in your garden? Do you want to spend time in it? Do you want to work on this garden? How does it “land” on you? What emotions and sensations does your garden evoke in you?
Come up with what you would change or enjoy about your career or relationship within the garden metaphor. For example, “burn the whole garden down, and let the emptiness just sit there before I plant anything new”, or “attend to the garden more, enjoy it, weed it”, or “plant a greater variety”.
Transfer the metaphor into life. How would your action in the metaphorical garden translate into action in your career? In your relationship? This does not mean that you should immediately start breaking things or doubling your efforts. This experiment will just show you a tendency for what feels harmonious to you in your career-garden or relationship-garden.
After you get a feel for your course of action, you can think through it and plan.

*****

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ON my MIND

If you’re looking for something interesting to feel like you’re expanding, here are two soulful and smart podcast episodes I can recommend:

One Head, Two Brains episode with Ian McGilchrist, interviewed by Shankar Vedantam on the Hidden Brain podcast. It offers a level-headed explanation for why our brain is divided, and how each of the hemispheres do what they do.

Esther Perel: The Erotic is the Antidote to Death episode of On Being podcast with Krista Tippett. Esther Perel talks about connection and loneliness, loss and intimacy in the modern day.

*****

To my friends who are in South Africa, in Cuba, in Belarus, or have family and friends there, – I see you, I hear you. If you ever want to talk about it – email me. It may not be enough to change the world, but we will do what we can, where we are, with what we have.

NEWS and UPDATES

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Harmony in Your Work-Life

Alina Bas — Thu, 27 May 2021 00:29:29 +0000

There has been a lot of talk about work-life balance, which is a fair allocation of your attention, time and energy between personal life and career.

In the past few years, the conversation shifted from work-life balance to work-life flexibility: shifting your attention, time, and energy fluidly between personal and professional engagements within each day, week, or month as needed.

I want more for you: work-life harmony.

Harmony is when all the parts of your life “sound” together, and create a pleasing effect for you. You don’t stop being a parent when you’re at work, and you don’t stop being a director when you’re at home, so all aspects of your life are always present, louder or quieter.

Just like we have unique tastes in partners, in food, and in music, we each have a unique sense of what is harmonious to us.

If you’re not a musical person, this metaphor may fall on deaf ears (pun intended ), but bear with me.

Balance you may be able to measure in hours spent here or there;

Flexibility seems to be harder to quantify, but you know when you have it – you shift to whatever you need as you need it, as long as you keep all the balls in the air overall.

Harmony is even more elusive – it has to be sensed. The question is: are you attuned to yourself and to your life enough to hear whether there is harmony? When you sense that something is off-key, can you diagnose what it is? If you can diagnose it, can you adjust it? These are tough questions…

Being attuned to harmony takes mindful practice. While this skill is deeper than can be described in a short article, consider experimenting with the following:

Put yourself in front of beauty (tip from The Art of Charm podcast). See stunning architecture, sit in front of a painting, walk through the woods, gardens, mountains, watch the waves hit the shore, listen to music without multitasking. Notice what the experience does to you, how it affects you, how it lands on you.
Practice indwelling. This means being fully present with someone or something, experiencing them, experiencing-yourself-as-you-are-with-them, with all of your senses. Through indwelling you can hear the music that happens between the notes, hear the poetry emerging between the words, and sense what happens between events.
Notice what moves you deeply, and see whether it results in harmony or dissonance. Your sensory capacities serve you on par with your intellect, just listen.

If you are looking for harmony in a relationship, everyone involved needs to tune up to each other, and have some common understanding of what is harmonious, even if this harmony between you does not make sense to others (see the power of private conversations).

Let’s say it’s just you and your friend, getting together for a jam session to play two guitars. Even when you don’t have a tuner, and your guitars are not tuned to absolute pitch, you must tune your guitars to each other to play in harmony.

An orchestra tunes up before each performance to oboe’s A=440 Hertz, and musicians rely on their trained ear to make it happen. Intellectual knowing about frequencies is not enough; musicians have to feel, sense, and hear the vibrations.

In a corporate team, all members of the team need to use their senses to perceive “the team pitch for harmony” and attune to it, which is not the same as intellectually getting on the same page. How to do it is a million-dollar question, best explored with a seasoned executive coach. In organizations, learning to stay attuned means developing emotional intelligence, a sense of corporate aesthetics and whatever is the equivalent of musicality in your profession.

Sensing harmony in your own life comes down to using your whole body as an instrument, as harmony cannot be intellectualized. The better you learn to calibrate your whole self as a compass, to read it, and to follow it (see Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese), the more natural it will feel to “fall into harmony”.

I wish you harmony in all aspects of your life, whatever it means to you, wherever you stand.

*****
While much of my work time is now dedicated to completing the PhD dissertation, I still love making time for coaching and consulting. If you would like to connect about working together, let’s do it. It may seem like ‘just talking’, but you already know it is more…

*****
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NEWS and UPDATES

*****

I’m deep in data for my dissertation, coding and analyzing interviews with healthcare providers, engineers, architects, IT specialists, actuaries, software engineers, financial analysts about the first wave of COVID and more generally, moving through uncertainty. THANK YOU to each of you who agreed to be interviewed. I’m humbled by your expertise, experience, and willingness to help.

*****

My advisor and I wrote a chapter on Intuition for the SAGE Encyclopedia of Theory in STEM, and it has just been accepted for publication (forthcoming in 2022). It is an easy read (although long-ish), and a fair summary of what is known in academia about Intuition. Please, let me know if you’d like to read it or learn more ( Alina@AlinaBas.com ).

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More Than It Seems

Alina Bas — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 22:00:24 +0000

Recently, I had an opportunity to ask a number of analytically educated professionals (engineers, software developers, mathematicians, architects, actuaries, etc.) whether they think their work can potentially be performed by Artificial Intelligence (AI).

“Absolutely not!” said some, as their work, albeit technical, involves human judgement, ingenuity, building relationships, dealing with challenges never seen before, having a vision and establishing goals while keeping in mind abilities of each team member.

Others replied along the lines of: “Maybe some aspects of my work could potentially be performed faster and better by AI.” The rest of their work still involves making judgments in grey areas, as well as building relationships, such as establishing a network of peers for information exchange, creating psychological safety in a team, etc. It did not seem clear how this could be outsourced to AI, and according to the people I interviewed, it probably can’t.

Then, there were a couple of interviewees who said: “Oh, yes, no doubt about it. When AI gets to be sophisticated enough, it will be able to do my job.” I followed up asking about the greatest value that these interviewees believe they bring at work. Guess what? They mentioned things like deep understanding of their co-workers and the company environment, flexibility in their response, compassion, creativity, and all the relationship-building mentioned by others.

If these very human aspects of someone’s work add the greatest value, how could someone think their work could be outsourced to AI?

It is possible that while interviewees in the last group understood intellectually that their greatest value to the company is in these intangibles, deep down they may be undervaluing what they bring to the table beyond the technical know-how.

These wise, soulful people whom I had a privilege to interview are reluctant to admit that the non-technical aspects of what they do mean a great deal more than it may seem.

This is true for many of us.

When neighbors plant hundreds of tulips in front of their house, it is more than just planting flowers: it adds beauty, joy and variety to the lives of everyone who walks by.

When someone dances, it is more than a combination of movements: it is an expression of something inside, it combats stress, it creates a connection with others.

When a talented musician plays, it is more than a pattern of activated frequencies: it evokes emotion, it communicates what often cannot be put into words, it changes the way we feel.

When you sit with your friend in a hospital waiting room for hours, waiting for news of their loved one, even without saying or doing anything, it is more than ‘just sitting’: your presence in itself is a comfort.

When a master chef creates whimsical dishes in a cozy restaurant, you get more than ‘just food to eat’: all of your senses are stimulated, the experience make you think up new ideas and feel things beyond ‘feeling full’.

Your actions may seem to you like a common courtesy or ‘simply doing your job’; to the rest of us, it means more.

When you do your job with mastery, whatever the job may be, the result is more than the technical steps you perform: you bring a sense of vision, build bridges, give hope, create harmony, you put at ease those who rely on you…

Your kindness, expertise, engagement, resourcefulness, willingness to listen, readiness to do whatever you can, even if it doesn’t seem like much to you, creates an experience for the rest of us beyond ‘the thing you do’.

Just thought you may want know. Be well!

*****

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Stay Afloat in Uncertainty

Alina Bas — Thu, 01 Apr 2021 00:04:18 +0000

What is taking up your mental space these days? Believe it or not, I’m thinking about you, a lot.

I wonder whether you have someone to talk to, and whether you’d feel comfortable to reach out if you want to talk…

I wonder at what cost you’re keeping things together, and how you manage to stay afloat with everything going on.

Over the years, we’ve discussed getting through uncertainty – A way through uncertainty, Time of uncertainty, Sensing the unknown, as well as happiness – Happiness not included, Why “are you happy?” is a wrong question to ask, “I should be happy” syndrome, and importantly, How to not go crazy this winter (my favorite).

There seems to be a significant connection between staying afloat in uncertainty and happiness.

Getting deeper into my PhD studies on wayfinding under uncertainty, it becomes more and more clear that the end game for dealing with uncertainty is not certainty, and not a destination on the other side of uncertainty.

Uncertainty is our air, land, and water. Uncertainty is inevitable and ever-present, much like gravity, unless we fly off the Earth. No, wait, flying off the Earth will only get rid of gravity, but not uncertainty.

If uncertainty is a necessary leitmotif, we cannot get through or past it in principle, although we can create occasional, limited, temporary islands of the ‘known’ – private conversations, relationships, events, and organizations in which things supposedly operate under agreed-upon rules. In this case, when we talk about wayfinding through uncertainty, where exactly are we trying to get to?

I think we are wayfinding towards knowing how to stay afloat in uncertainty, and maintain our happiness and wellbeing in the process. Because we are not getting out of uncertainty.

I’d love to know what helps you stay afloat, if you’re open to sharing, Alina@AlinaBas.com. Be well, and please, stay in touch.

*****

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*****

ON A MORE PERSONAL NOTE:

Are you a mid-career engineer, a software engineer, a financial analyst, an actuary, an attorney, or another type of analytically educated practitioner working in a technical field? Do you also work as a part of a team (vs. as an individual contributor)? If you said “yes” to both, would you be open to an interview (via zoom) for my doctoral dissertation? There are no wrong answers – I just want to understand how you think and decide. The interview will remain anonymous and confidential, and will take an hour tops, and I’ll tell you the dissertation findings before the rest of the world. Are you in? PLEASE SEND ME A QUICK NOTE, and we will set it up. I look forward to our conversation! Thank you.

*****
While much of my work time is now dedicated to completing the PhD, I still love making time for coaching and consulting. If you would like to connect about working together, let’s do it.

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“I’m Not This Person!”

Alina Bas — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 03:58:22 +0000

Feeling like myself.

Back in November, I met up with an acquaintance after about a year of not seeing each other. We’ve casually known each other for over 16 years. Our conversations are mostly on the professional side, never too deep or personal. He does not smile much and is ‘all business’.

I used to tell myself he was too busy or uninterested in a more convivial exchange with me.

This time was different.

He was all smiles. He looked at me and saw me. He initiated a lovely conversation.

I asked what led to such a drastic change in dynamics.

He said he changed his workplace.

“I didn’t even realize how toxic my previous company was. Friends and clients were commenting that I’m snappy and never smile. I was not ‘that person’! I’m warm, friendly, and naturally smile a lot – like now. I was not myself. Now I feel like myself again.”

What does it mean to you to feel ‘most like yourself’?

It is a tricky question, because ‘yourself’ is fluid.

For example, is your ‘work self’ the same as your ‘home self’?

Is your ‘self with your parents’ the same as your ‘self with your children’?

Are you the same person you were at 5 years old?

If you lose your memory, would you still be ‘yourself’?

I think of ‘being myself’ while rushing to cook dinner before a coaching call, simultaneously monitoring piano practice, thinking through the upcoming call and the next day’s schedule, while answering questions about physics and an English assignments.

I do it all, in the process turning into an efficient, but most unpleasant creature.

I’M NOT THIS PERSON! – I say to myself. ‘In reality’ I am a reasonable, funny, kind, and interesting person… But then, isn’t this kitchen experience also reality? Where is ‘the real me’?

What situations make you feel most like yourself whatever you see yourself to be?

Some people figure this out naturally, and others (like me) need to take time to think about it. If you need this time as well, can you make a list, mental or tangible, what makes you feel ‘most like yourself’?

When do you feel ‘most like yourself’?

With whom do you feel ‘most like yourself’?

How much time do you spend in situations that make you feel most like yourself?

I am a typical Aquarius (I usually joke that there is nothing typical about a typical Aquarius), this week is my Birthday.

Four years ago, I resolved to focus on what’s not broken.

This year, I wish to spend more time on what makes me ‘feel most like myself’, even if I have to rediscover anew what these things are.

Would you drop me a line and tell me what makes you feel most like yourself? It would be a wonderful Birthday gift, and a great excuse to reconnect.

Also, in what activities and places do you see me ‘most like myself’ as you know me? Tell me?

Be well!

*****

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How to Not Go Crazy This Winter

Alina Bas — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 20:56:50 +0000

Can we make it through this pandemic winter and come out on the other side without going crazy? Let’s try. We can start with these quick 10 yes/no questions to see where you are in terms of wellness today. “Are you happy?” is not a good question to ask (you can try these questions instead), but we can talk about feeling a little happier, a bit more sane, and more at peace.

Whether or not we appear to be fine, each of us is fighting our own battle. Some are overworked, others are under-employed; some are parented-out while others wish they had kids around; some long for a connection, others – for privacy; some are hungry, while others have everything they need, but many don’t feel the way they want to feel.

What makes you feel better these days? What gives you energy? What helps you get up in the morning and get through the day?

Here are some ideas to experiment with, when it feels possible:

1. Basic self-care. (Do what you can, don’t despair if it does not all happen each day, and try again the following day.)

Prioritize sleep (both quantity and quality) over everything else whenever possible.
Have at least one meal per day that is healthy for you, if you can.
Go outside during daylight to see the sun, even if just for a few minutes.
Do some physical activity: put on a timer to do a plank for 30 seconds, do a wall sit or a stretch, have a 5-minute dance party, see how many pushups you can do. Get dressed, and go for a short walk outside, if possible.

2. Talk to yourself kindly. Please, don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone you deeply care about. Catch yourself when you can, and switch to kinder words.

3. Reach out to offer something. While it may be difficult to ask for help, it may be easier to offer help, and it will make you feel better. Send a “thinking of you” card, share a good story or a movie recommendation, offer to listen, to compile a playlist, to run an errand – whatever works for you.

4. Add variety into your daily life for all of your senses.

Add more spices and colors to your food
Put on different types of music (music will take you through different moods; it is like a workout for the soul)
Put up pictures of people and places that make you smile
Change the set-up of your home office, kitchen, or bedroom to reduce an autopilot

5. Think what makes you interesting to yourself.

Would you feel interesting to yourself if you start writing?
What about learning a language? (Software is often available for free in local libraries.)
Listen to podcasts on new topics that interest you (this is great for when you get stuck with monotonous jobs around the house)
Try 5-minute meditation just to see what all the hype is about

6. Bring yourself to a park, to a lake, a river, a forest, mountains… Just get there, and lend yourself to nature; nature will know what to do with you.

7. Start a running list of your wins and successes. Some days, brushing your teeth may feel like a win. Other days, you may save someone’s life, or finish a project important to you.

These ideas may sound like they are addressing “first world problems”. But regardless of one’s situation, experiences of sadness, disconnection, being both overwhelmed and under-stimulated, feel real. Let’s check up on each other once in a while, ok?

What is keeping you sane during this pandemic so far? Tell me ( Alina@AlinaBas.com ) .

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HOLIDAY OFFER 1: Winter Inspiration Group (FREE)

WHAT: Wish, Plan, Energize (FREE small group, open to friends, family, community – kind people who could use support and inspiration now)

DETAILS: Let’s talk about surviving and thriving during this unusual winter. Let’s make a wish for the coming year, and set some energy in motion for it. LGeneral Settingset’s think together about what we want to leave behind in 2020. We can also talk about intuition, managing energy, and getting through uncertainty. It might be just you and me for the chat, or we may end up in wonderful company.

WHEN (pick as many as you want): Tue. 12/15 at 9pm EST; Tue. 12/22 at 9pm EST; Wed. 12/23 at 12pm EST; Tue. 12/29 at 9pm EST.

Registration required: http://AlinaBas.com/get-started

HOLIDAY OFFER 2: Promo Code for Executive Coaching Packages

Please, use the code ThankYou10 for a 10% off any executive coaching package (not one-off sessions) or intuition mastery package. (Valid through Jan. 5, 2021.)

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Anxious While Waiting? Do This.

Alina Bas — Mon, 02 Nov 2020 17:33:15 +0000

As the fate of the US is being decided this week during the Presidential Election, our anxieties may peak, no matter which side we support. This is a post about managing anxiety while waiting for an outcome.

Can you recall what it feels like to sit in a waiting room?

The waiting room could be literal or metaphorical:

… in a doctor’s waiting room, before an appointment or test results.
… by a reception desk in a company where you are about to interview for your next project.
… on the edge of your chair at work, as your kid is taking the a big exam at school.
… in a government office where your papers may (or may not) get approved.
… at your house, by the phone, in case the news comes.
… in your cubicle, after your company just went through a merger. None of your cubicle neighbors can work either. Everyone is waiting.

I’m not taking about the kind of waiting when you wait for a bus, having plenty of time to get to your destination. I have in mind the anxious, worried kind of waiting, with unasked questions on your lips:

What will happen to me?
What will be next?
Will everything be ok?

Right now, many of us are in a waiting pattern: getting the news from our loved ones, creating the “new normal”, seeing what happens if the quarantine lasts longer than we can imagine…

If you are prone to anxiety, waiting may indeed be the worst part of any experience for you. The good news is that waiting can be managed. Here are five things to manage dealing with literal or metaphorical waiting room.

1. Be present. Look around and get a realistic idea of what is actually going on around you right now. Mark Twain famously said: “I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which have actually happened.” Evaluate what has not happened yet other than in your mind. Breathe, and live with what is, not with what you think might or might not be. You don’t have to cross the bridge of “what will happen” until it happens. For now, safely get off the bridge. It’s shaky, and it makes you nervous. Have a seat right where you are, and breathe.

2. Be prepared. Whatever is happening to you right now is your reality. Preparing, doing something will certainly make you feel better than just worrying in the waiting room. Should you get your resume in shape? Can you start setting money aside? Can you start building a support network for your new reality? Can you schedule something to look forward to in your new reality, no matter what the new reality will bring?

3. Allow alternative possibilities. When you are anxiously waiting, you are living through terrible “what if” scenarios. In reality, you are just sitting in the waiting room. At the same time, you’re living in your head rather than in the waiting room. So, why not make that space in your head more livable? You can do it by creating alternative “what if”s:

“What if I get fired?”
“Well, what if my contract gets extended for another year or two?”

“What if something bad happened to my friend?”
“Well, what if she’s just having such a wonderful time that she is not thinking about reaching out?”

“What if this is really going to hurt?”
“Well, what if you have the easiest procedure ever, with phenomenally quick recovery?”

If you are choosing to live in your head, at least make your head livable, please. (Yes, you can quote me on this.)

4. Manage the waiting. Managing time in the waiting room is possibly the worst part of the whole experience. The waiting room is where your fears are. The fears are not crossing the bridge with you, and the fears have no room in what will come next. In the next phase, you already know what’s going on. In the new reality, you act. In the waiting room, look for temporary distractions, take a break, chat with an optimistic friend, breathe, watch a movie, or read. Why do you think there are so many toys for kids and magazines in the doctors’ waiting rooms? Play while you wait – you might as well.

5. Get comfortable with uncertainty. I read “Your Survival Instinct Is Killing You” by Marc Schoen, where he talks about people in the modern age being too quick to fix their discomforts. People often act out of fear of anticipated discomfort, not even discomfort itself. For example, we often don’t just take medications at the sign of pain, but overmedicate in anticipation of pain; we don’t just eat at the first sign of hunger, but we overeat in anticipation of hunger. Uncertainty is uncomfortable, much like standing on one foot for a prolonged period of time. Eventually, the situation will resolve itself: either you’ll find a place to put your other foot down, or get a chair, or you’ll collapse – then you will deal with what comes next. Learn to stand on one foot and balance to the best of your ability, until the next thing happens.

Here’s the silver lining of the waiting room, literal or metaphorical: if you can still afford to be anxious at the moment, it’s a good sign. It means that you still have time, you still have hope, you still have space to breathe and plan before you get to the bridge. Take advantage of this time and freedom: call someone you love, write a thank you note, listen to a good story, and get a strong cup of tea.

When you cross the bridge, you will know exactly what to do. For now, let’s just Be.

I’d love to hear your stories of getting through this seemingly impossible challenge of working, learning, parenting and creating under quarantine. How are you making things work? Please, share your story with me, Alina@AlinaBas.com . Also, please, sign up for my newsletter if you’d like to see new posts like this in your inbox.

FIGURING IT OUT TOGETHER:

Much of my executive coaching work is done remotely via video conferencing/phone, as my clients are all over the map. While it may not be wise now to stick your hand into the Boca della Verita in Rome, we can still search for your deep truth through coaching, via Skype, Hangouts, or Zoom, http://AlinaBas.com/get-started . We can talk about your priorities, managing virtual teams, co-working with your spouse from a home office, and strategies for moving through uncertainty.

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Time of Uncertainty? Ha!

Alina Bas — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 21:39:50 +0000

An increasing number of articles on “the time of uncertainty” dispense quick advice: how to handle uncertainty, how to reduce it, what to do in uncertainty…. Let me ask you:

When have we ever lived through the time of certainty?

Certainty, condition in which one knows with 100% probability what will happen, hardly exists.

We may experience fragments of certainty: add $10 to your existing NYC Metrocard, and your balance on the Metrocard will increase by $10. Even then, there are caveats: the machine should be working properly, etc.

We have been living in the time of uncertainty our whole lives.

Like freedivers who have methodically developed higher tolerance to carbon dioxide, and like ballerinas, who mastered techniques for spotting, we have developed our own strategies for getting through uncertainty.

Unlike professional freedivers and ballerinas, however, we may not be aware of our strategies (i.e. our knowledge is tacit).

I won’t tell you what to do during the time of uncertainty, because you’ve been already coping with uncertainty all your life, but I will tell you where to look to make these strategies more apparent.

Where do your time, attention, and energy go? Allocating these resources is the way you cope with the world. If it is not working, think how you can re-allocate these resources for better outcomes.
What do you stand for? When things seem uncertain, decide what you personally stand for, what matters to you; let these ideas guide your actions.
What is working well? What do you love as it is now, without having to fix it? Invest more of your time, attention and energy into it, because this is what sustains you.

Striving for certainty is like Sisyphus’ rock: we can try to build it up, and inevitably, it tumbles down.

Instead, we can use time, energy and attention to create a feeling of safety. We’ve been doing it all along.

If you would like more support, and could use a coaching session, let’s schedule a talk. If you’d like to donate a coaching session to someone who cannot afford it, you can do it here (just add a note with your purchase instead of scheduling).

SOME GOOD PERSONAL NEWS:

I’ve earned a Postgraduate Certificate in Research Methodology in Business and Management as a step on the way to the PhD. The learning made it easier to argue about politics without resorting to concepts like “idiots!”.

A book chapter on intuition, which I co-authored with my mentor and PhD advisor, has been published! You can request a free e-copy of our chapter, Intuition: Scientific, Non-scientific, or Unscientific? here, or by sending me a quick email with your request (the full book, Handbook of Intuiti on Research as Practice, is available on Amazon, but is pricey).

I know 2020 has been a tough year. If it hasn’t been all bad, would you share some of your good news with me? Just reply to the newsletter or send me a note at Alina@AlinaBas.com .

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Sensing the Unknown

Alina Bas — Thu, 10 Sep 2020 22:07:10 +0000

Take a look at this picture. Notice anything unusual about it? Do you know what is in the jar after looking at the picture, or is the content still unknown? Look closely.

The label on the jar says “Red currant fruit spread.” However, the picture on the label shows pomegranates. Still, with closer visual examination, the texture of the spread looks like strawberry fruit spread, which is more common and a likely candidate for the fruit spread.

So, how can you know what is in the jar?

Well, you can call the manufacturer. Employees may or may not be able to give you the answer. In turn, you may or may not believe the answer, depending on your degree of trust in the company and its people.

You can send the fruit jam to a lab for analysis. Provided that the lab can differentiate between red currants, pomegranates, and other berries, provided that it has equipment for this type of testing, provided that you are willing to wait some weeks and spend some money, you may get your answer. Again, you may or may not trust the answer.

You can also taste the fruit spread.

If you have had experience with both red currents and pomegranates (having tasted them when they were correctly labeled), and expertise (for example, having learned to reliably differentiate between the two by taste), it will help you know what you are dealing with.

Pomegranates

Yet, even if you don’t have expertise or experience with these specific items, your experience with more common berries like raspberries and strawberries may at least help you determine what this mysterious fruit spread “is not”. So, experience and expertise when it comes to sensing is used broadly. You may not be able to explain the taste difference between strawberries and pomegranates, but if you are familiar with at least one of them through your senses rather than in theory, it is already useful to sense the difference..

Your sense of the unknown may often be your best bet for evaluating what you are dealing with, whether or not you can explain how you know what you know.

When you sense the unknown, you will rarely get “nothing”. In some cases, you will get a sense for your preferences, on other cases – for probabilities of certain outcomes, or for your impulse to act a certain way in case the unknown takes a particular shape.

By all means, incorporate all the “hard” data you can get as you explore the unknown. Consider a relationship: look at divorce rates for a particular demographic, conduct compatibility surveys, seek expert relationship advice, or perform family background checks. And still, the fate of your relationship will remain unknown. To get a better understanding of the unknown, get a sense for your potential partner, and it can help you experience some of what the relationship may bring. Quantifiable? Not so much. Useful? Most certainly.

Red currants

Just as we cultivate intellect and sequential analysis skills, we need to cultivate our sensing abilities. You may ask “why”, since we sense all the time anyway. Yes, our senses are already better “trained” than we may give them credit for. And yet, we can learn to sense more attentively.

Most of us think, and yet, there are books and courses on thinking better.

We all breathe, and yet, through yoga, Lamaze, athletic training, and meditation we can learn to breathe better under different circumstances.

Train your senses in order to experience, to know, and to understand more fully.

Experiment: think through a problem, and then also sense through a problem. What I mean by “sense through a problem” is: if you lost capacity for words, how would this problem feel to you in terms of mood, comfort, flashbacks, energy level? How would you experience it if you couldn’t talk about it? Then, compare your intellectual assessment with your sensory assessment.

Would you drop me a line at Alina@AlinaBas.com and let me know how it goes?

(If you liked this article, you may also enjoy reading this: A way through uncertainty).

NEW CHAPTER

My advisor and I recently co-authored a chapter for the Handbook of Intuition Research as Practice. You can request a free e-copy of the chapter, Intuition: Scientific, Non-scientific, or Unscientific? HERE.

NEW CLASS

If you are interested in understanding intuition, please register to join me for a free small group zoom conversation on Thursday, September 24, 2020, 9:00-10:30 pm EST to discuss the chapter, Intuition: Scientific, Non-scientific, or Unscientific?, and participate in a Q&A about what scientists and practitioners know about intuition.

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