First Published at http://realizingyourcreativelife.com/1/post/2013/04/interview-janet-nestor.html

Tell me about your book Nurturing Wellness through Radical Self-Care. What inspired you to write it?

Nurturing Wellness through Radical Self-Care is a guide and workbook that I’ve christened Mindfulness Based Recovery and Rejuvenation. When used intentionally, this program leads the reader out of chaos and suffering into joy and well-being. 

I believe strongly in alternative health strategies to achieve wellness and wholeness. I feel confident that individuals suffering from stress, anxiety, depression, trauma and other distressing symptoms can feel better about themselves and their lives. Experience has taught me they can heal and feel happy again because the human body is wired for joy and health and is designed to self-balance when stressed or challenged. The energy psychology Radiant Energies Balance, Mindfulness, Journaling, and Affirmations are perfect mind-body partners to help seekers achieve balance and well-being.

Being naturally intuitive and growing up with heightened awareness was difficult for me. I visualized and comprehended the spoken and unspoken words of the adults who cared for me. I was loved, and understood my life was different because my mother was young and unmarried. I lived with my grandparents who were, and are still, my emotional anchors. Money was scarce and farm life in rural West Virginia was hard work. My creative and hardworking family members suffered with anxiety and panic disorders, alcoholism, codependence and other addictions. Much emotional pain existed, and I suffered with fear and anxiety through young adulthood.

From a very young age I viewed life as a positive experience and had goals and aspirations for health and well-being that many of my adult family members wanted but never obtained. Luckily I always had someone in my life who loved me enough to keep me growing in a positive direction. It took me years to realize this fact and this realization allowed me to heal. 

With a little attention, love, and compassion, anyone can heal from the daily emotional ups and downs of life as well as systemic trauma, dysfunction, and chaos. Nurturing Wellness through Radical Self-Care provides a positive way for me to reach out to those who are on a healing journey.

How important are affirmations in practicing self-care?

Positive thought is essential to a happy and balanced life. The more positive we are, the happier our lives can be. When happy, we can love, forgive and reach out to others with compassion and kindness. When we are happy we are rarely judgmental, and we possess the ability to view our mistakes and the mistakes of others as a learning experience. We can move forward without guilt, regret, or disappointment.

Affirmations help us develop and maintain a positive lifestyle. We can create new brain neuropathways with our positive thoughts, and affirmations speed up the process. “Neurons that fire together wire together” illustrates what happens when similar thoughts are repeated over and over again. The neural synapses that are regularly used strengthen their bond and wire together to fire when triggered. The neural synapses that are rarely used are automatically discarded by the brain, leaving the new positive pathways to fire more often. Positive thoughts create neuropathways that respond to current and future positive thoughts, and negative thoughts create neuropathways that respond to negative thoughts.

As long as we have a choice, why not fill our mind with positive thoughts and outcomes. By doing so we create a positive, productive life, one thought at a time.

Positive thoughts also keep positive brain chemicals flowing. They slow down the production and release of the stress hormone cortisol and increase the production of the neurotransmitter serotonin, which helps to create overall feelings of wellbeing.

What role does solitude and meditation play in a healthy lifestyle?

Meditation is alive for me as I spend it in quiet communication with my higher self and together with my spiritual family of guides and teachers. The peacefulness is profound.

We all have our own inner formula that leads us to a quiet, deep relaxation, just like we have a favorite position for sleep or a favorite chair for watching TV.  While I enjoy walking in a lush green forest with tweeting birds and croaking frogs, it is possible to enter a state of meditation anywhere. It does not have to happen sitting alone under a tree or closed off in a quiet room.  I love to stretch out on my couch and fall into a deep and silent meditation, and love a few moments of mediation walking through the airport or waiting in line at the grocery store. The important things is to quiet conscious thought and find a deep inner place where the mind turns off and the deeper part of you awakens and blooms

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The goal of meditation is to make higher awareness a way of life, rather than an event that relaxes and balances you for a few hours.

What location do you find the most soothing and restorative? When you identify the environment that feeds your soul, put yourself in those surroundings as often as possible as they help you develop inner stillness and peacefulness.

Ultimately meditation allows us to get to know who we really are, what we are meant to do in this life, and provides the higher communication necessary to follow our spiritual path.

What is the value in having massages on a regular basis? Are they needful or self-indulgent?

I love massage and make sure I get some kind of body-work on a regular basis. Healing Touch, Reiki, Body Talk, and Chiropractic Kinesiology are wonderful. My daughters and I share a love for reflexology and we make joint appointments for mother-daughter time as well as for our personal self-care. Massage and body-work gets the blood flowing, helps reduce stress and anxiety, loosens sore and stiff muscles, and provide a therapeutic healing touch that is soothing on the emotional and physical levels.

Healing Touch, Reiki, and Body Talk and other similar techniques provide an intentional gentle release process that opens up the flow of bottled-up mental and emotional energy, both positive and negative. The build-up creates uneven energy flow throughout the body, leaving some parts starving and other parts over-energized. Emotional release creates a more balanced energy flow, resulting in our body’s increased ability to stay healthy and well.

If you are in therapy, have a challenging life issue, or are a caregiver for a sick or handicapped loved one, try an appointment with a certificated energy healing  professional or a licensed massage therapist. You’ll feel lighter, healthier, and happier. Massage and Body-Work / Energy Healing is a listed category on the Self-Care First! journal pages in the Nurturing Wellness through Radical Self-Care workbook. Each Self-Care First! page begins with “Positive emotional and physical self-care is the most beautiful gift that you can give to yourself and your family.”

Is it possible that self-care has an effect on a person’s level of creativity?

Any artist, whether a painter, designer, photographer, musician, dancer or writer will tell you they are at their best when they feel the art flow from somewhere deep inside. When an artist is in the “zone,” the art takes over. Eventually the artist wakes up and a chapter is written, a new song is born, or the dancer danced the dance, body moving to the music without conscious thought. Conscious thought is absent when an artist is in the midst of a transcendent experience that has fully engaged the mind, body, and soul.

Artists make good energy healing and energy psychology clients because they know the art stems from an internal spring deep within. The internal source that feeds their creativity is the same spring that an energy healer taps in order to flow healing energy. Within the spring is the knowledge of self and the creative power and knowledge of the Universe. Universal wisdom contains the secrets of life and the understanding of the realities of life itself. It teaches us that our answers are already within us. Some of the answers are physically built into our body so our body automatically knows how to balance and heal itself. Our job is to allow the healing process to occur.

Balance and harmony are the keys to creativity. We can’t enjoy them unless we are willing to care for our own health and well-being. We can work hard, but then it is necessary to sleep, to play, or become temporarily lost in meditation, our own internal spring of wisdom. Life is near perfection if our work is also our creativity and our play!

What advice would you give a creative professional on developing a self-care routine to improve their creativity?

1. Know what feeds your soul and your creativity and stick with it even if you are criticized.
2. Choose self-care routines that protect your ability to do your creative work and also enhance your physical health.
3. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Conscious breathing brings you into the now where you and the “creative flow” find each other.
4. Learn how to quiet your mind so your soul can speak through your creativity.
5. Don’t be afraid to try tai chi, yoga, qi gong, and walking meditation. These are all great mind-body exercise modalities. They provide the quiet inner space for awareness to bloom; for buried wisdom to surface into the conscious mind. They teach connection to self, life, Creation and Mother Earth, and they strengthen us physically.
6. Laugh. It is good emotional and physical exercise!
7. Accept yourself as you are. Be comfortable in your own skin. Comfort enhances creativity.
8. Get enough sleep and know when to change the pace of your work to accommodate the needs of your physical body.
9. Know when you need an environmental change and go to the places that feed your soul.
10. Live in process. Your work, your goals, your life are all process endeavors.

Reuben Lowe is originally from the UK and currently living in Australia. He has set up a project called ‘Mindful Creation’ to help empower people to improve upon their lives and to provide a doorway to other individuals and collectives with a similar approach, which is that of self-expansion and spiritual awareness. Mindful Creation joins a worldwide collaboration through social media known as the Heart-Centred Network, a community that focuses on reaching out and connecting from the heart and to the heart. It is comprised of millions of collectives and individuals, of all nationalities, races, and faiths, who are deeply committed to bettering the world we share. Reuben lives in Melbourne and works at a large private health clinic as a Contextual CBT / ACT therapist and mindfulness teacher in both the addictions service and mental health day programs.

What is it REALLY like to be YOU?
Knowing & Growing through the Art of Allowing

Guest post by Reuben Lowe

This article was written to provide a simple exploration into the psychology of both you and me. We will look briefly at how we often apply resistance to our everyday life encounters and how we can use mindfulness as an alternative to the average struggles. I would also like to finish by pointing you to some resources that may further assist you, should this be of interest, and to introduce you to a little project of mine called ‘Mindful Creation.’

“Nothing is worth more than this day.”
-Johann Goethe

I’m sure that many of you are very familiar with mindfulness due to the interest you have expressed in joining this blog. I will very briefly touch on the definition here anyway before proceeding. The term ‘mindfulness’ can be confusing. Being mindful does not mean having a full mind and it is not a thinking process. Mindfulness is the process of stepping out of our minds and into a direct sensing experience with life. Mindfulness is purely something we experience, not understand. It is the open receptive awareness of our body-mind-world experiences in each moment of what is now. Mindfulness helps develop receptiveness to the moment, whatever it is, without either over-attaching to or rejecting the given experience. This paves the way for an attitude of self-kindness and acceptance as we observe life unfolding as it is at a given moment.

“Our one true home is in the present moment.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh

This ‘one true home’ that is referred to in the quote above is in every given moment of what is now. As our minds tend to dominate our awareness, we focus instead on thoughts concerning what happened in the past or what may happen in the future. While being a slave to our own minds, we are continuously trapped in repetitive and unhelpful thinking patterns.

“Get out of your mind and into your life.”
-Steve Hayes

The average human being has approximately 65,000 thoughts in one day, which is about one every 1.2 seconds, and 80% of these can be categorised as negative or unhelpful. These figures may seem far-fetched, but contemplate just how often we are hooked into continuous thinking patterns, running through the same thoughts over and over again instead of appreciating the richness of the precious moment in the here and now.

“We can spend our whole lives escaping from the monsters in our minds.”
-Pema Chödrön

It is, of course, often strikingly apparent that the experience of living in the Western world is one of an inner unrest for major parts of our daily lives. Our minds have a tendency to mirror the hectic nature of everyday life in the external world, and as a consequence, it can often seem that there is little time for inner stillness. It is now generally agreed that those of us who live in countries with successful economies and have an abundance of resources do not have fewer social or interpersonal problems. In fact, in some cases, we have more.

“When you argue with reality, you lose… 100% of the time…
Arguing with reality is like teaching a cat to bark.”
-Byron Katie

When we look around at our daily life experiences, resistance is everywhere. Arguing with reality consists of complaints about how it should be different, how we should be elsewhere, how things are not okay until we obtain something else in the future, etc. Let’s face it, these are not the most desirable feelings to experience when we argue in such a way; the resistance fuels the unrest within, polluting our internal world, as well as the worlds of those around us. Whether it is sitting in a car at traffic lights and getting furious because they are red or if we are annoyed by the fact that it is raining outside- these are classic examples of how our minds make futile attempts to take control of reality by resisting the present moment.

“What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now?”
-Eckhart Tolle

It is clear that there is an element of insanity within all of us from time to time. In the direct experience of inner-resistance, it is indeed futile and is not necessary when applied to daily life encounters. With an increased sense of awareness, the other choice we have is one of acceptance. I think it is definitely worth being clear here upon the process of acceptance. I am not advocating passively accepting all life situations and resigning to them as a consequence. Instead, using skills of mindfulness provides us with a heightened self-awareness of our own inner-experiences, and the ability to cultivate an acceptance of this. In this context, acceptance is the process of actively allowing our thoughts, feelings and sensations without resisting them or becoming entangled by them, and choosing to act in alignment with our values.

“All too often we operate from a place of hurt, focusing on perceived injustices and how long we’ve been wronged. The resulting fear-based reactions serve to deepen the distinctions and disconnections between us.”
-Thomas Roberts

Take a moment to reflect upon the quote above if you have not already. Do you sometimes sense the resistance and the disconnection between you and others in everyday life encounters? This isn’t just prevalent to those who are neutral to us. What about your resistance to those that you hold close to your heart at times?  What about their struggles in everyday life encounters? Reflect for a moment upon how many of your dear friends experience psychological or social problems, relationship issues, difficulties at work, anxiety, depression, fear, low self-esteem, and other problems that cause suffering. How many marriages or friendships do you know that are perhaps empty of any meaningful connection? As this paragraph sinks in, maybe notice your response to reading this. It is likely to be one which evokes some emotion within you, and maybe one which you would rather not experience. In the rejection of this we find the source of the problem: the normal human reaction to suffering.

“Go, go, go, said the bird: human kind cannot bear very much reality.”
-T.S. Eliot

As the bird in the quote above insinuates, we’re not great at bearing such reality as we readily turn away from what it evokes within us. We’re conditioned to change our inner experiences or to try and avoid them completely. As you were growing up, which emotions were you taught that were undesirable? What emotions were expressed freely? How did your role models manage their emotions? Here lies the route of such conditioning. The process of this resistance is the source of the problem because it can influence our actions in ways that often cause us regret. This can be found in the subtlest of our actions, even in the ways we greet each other. All too often when asked “How are you going?” the answer we too often give is, “Good.” Indeed that may be the case. But is it always? What about you? In those moments… or others? How are you really? And who truly knows that other than you?

“Ships that pass in the night, and speak to each other in passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; so on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.”
-Henry Longfellow

As mentioned in the paragraph above, this inner struggle sets us up for behaviours in everyday life that can contradict the essence of who we really are. More apparent contradictions include overeating, under-eating, isolation, avoidance, ruminating, medications, alcohol, drugs, fault-finding, blaming, complaining, obsessions with material possessions, and the list goes on and on. All of these are often undertaken in the service of ‘fixing’ yourself, or should I say, ‘fixing’ the feelings within, though it is merely temporary. As a consequence, we can often find ourselves off course from the direction of who we really are at a deeper level. This feeds back into the unrest, intensifying undesirable feelings as the cycle continues.

“Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns…”
-Tara Brach

Naturally, these patterns are how many mental health problems are caused and certainly perpetuate. Our experiences of undesirable thoughts and feelings are part of the normal human condition. It is our direct relationship with these, one of inner-resistance, that makes them ‘abnormal.’ It is my hope in writing this article that I will point you in the direction of a road called ‘Normal.’ There is liberation in knowing that such experiences are normal and in doing so we pave the way for an attitude of self-kindness and acceptance through the practise of mindfulness. In doing so, we can break out of these old familiar patterns turned habits into newer ones that represent what is actually important to us in those very moments.

“Feelings, whether of compassion or irritation, should be welcomed, recognized, and treated on an absolutely equal basis.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh

And so it is: Wherever and whatever the moment, life will always provide a choice for you. There is the decision to expand your awareness, and as a consequence respond in a way that is a testament to who you really are, or to contract in reactivity through fear from yet another primitive and conditioned reflex. The latter requires your inattention, or mindlessness; the former, simple mindful awareness. Mindfulness gives you your power back, the power of a fully embodied you, a you that connects deeply with yourself and compassionately with others. In practising this art of simply being, with no other agenda whatsoever, you light the path of presence for others who are in the darkness of their minds. And, whether or not they are conscious to this, your gentle reminder of who they really are has placed no assertions upon them. In doing so, you effortlessly improve upon the world we share.

“Change is in the air, as old patterns fall away and new energies are emerging. Consciously release what needs to be released, and welcome with a full embrace the newness you’ve prayed for and so richly deserve.”
-Marianne Williamson

If you have any questions or would like to contact me directly about Mindful Creation I would love to hear from you. My email is info@mindfulcreation.com

If you have a smartphone, you may wish to download Complete Mindfulness: The Art of Being application. Go directly to the AppStore or read the app details including many five-star reviews at mindfulinspiration.com

Join the Mindful Creation on Facebook mindfulness community for daily posts and many other links and resources at facebook.com/mindfulcreation

For a one-stop site with details of many empirically-supported studies demonstrating the  benefit of mindfulness in a wide range of physical health concerns and mental health difficulties, visit mindfulnet.org

Welcome my friend, Joan Kappes, as a guest blogger and book launch partner. Thank you Joan for your beautiful, wise post.

Joan Kappes is a lover of life who continues to do just that – Living life with joy and intention!  Joan has been very successful as an adventurer of life – Mom, Wife, Friend, Traveler, Youth Counselor, General Manager, Business Owner, Entrepreneur.  She currently is a writer, speaker, retreat designer, life coach (specializing in Beliefs and Law of Attraction) and creator of “Come to the Edge Today!” an interactive website.  Woven into her journeys, and especially today, Joan remains committed to up-lifting her clients by holding the beauty of their light as they endeavor to live their lives to the fullest.  Her motto:  “The destination is great, but it’s the journey we came for…it’s the journey that IS life!”

Where Is Joy & How Can I Get Some?

Guest post by Joan Kappes

All of us want to experience Joy; our observations show that the demand is high.  As for the supply, some people appear to be overflowing with it and others seem to have a dwindling supply.  Some are Joy-filled even when the world is crumbling all around them and others, who you think would be brimming with it, experience nothing.

It is clear that the accumulation of “stuff” is not a recipe for experiencing Joy.  Life circumstances do not guarantee Joy either, nor does status or financial abundance.

In our heads we know this, don’t we?  Yet, we search and look and acquire, knowing deep down that it is there – somewhere.

Did I say “deep down”?  As it turns out, that’s exactly where Joy is found – Authentic Joy is an “inside job”!

Following are “truths” regarding Authentic Joy:

♥Joy flows from the inside – out.  Life circumstances, financial abundance, status, the accumulation of stuff etc. are not the causes of Joy (they may augment it, but are not the cause of it, nor  the reason for not experiencing it)

♥What gives you Joy is totally unique; it springs from the depths of You

♥Joy is a way of “being”

♥A Joyful person focuses on experiencing Joy and settles for nothing less

♥A Joy-full person sees with the eyes of abundance and gratitude

♥A Joy-filled person recognizes who they really are – One who is worthy, valuable and Loved

♥A Joyful person is open to receiving Joy

Today’s  exercise:  Decide to focus on allowing yourself to experience Joy!  Choose to consistently practice one or more of the suggestions below.

Following are 12 Ways to Experience Joy…today!

1♥  Commit to noticing Joy around you – in others, in yourself, in an animal

2♥  Be aware of what gives you Joy (from the inside-out).  Make a list.  Purposefully put yourself in circumstances that foster your Joy

3♥  Study and participate in children’s Joy:  Spend time with them

4♥  Hang around Joyful people – observe, ask them how they live-it, let them ‘rub off’ on you

5♥  Play with animals

6♥  Turn off the TV and stop reading the newspaper for 30 days.  This will help you refocus on inward Joy (try it – really!)

7♥  Make a gratitude list.  Commit to adding 10 new items each day.  Make a point to genuinely “feel” the gratitude as you write and re-read the list

8♥  Tone down your “mind chatter”.  Often our minds and our thoughts are too active leaving little room for “the heart”.  Gift yourself at least 15 minutes of quiet time (listening to soft music, meditation, silence, etc) per day

9♥  Go outside for a walk.  Allow yourself to see, hear, feel and touch nature

10♥  Commit random acts of kindness.  This is a great one for stirring up the Joy within!

11♥  Practice being “ok” with where you are.  This mantra is very helpful: “In this moment, I am fine.  In this moment, all is well”

12♥  Practice self acceptance (the best tip of all!):  Make a list of at least 5 things you like about yourself and commit to adding at least 2 new aspects each day for 21 days.  Experience the feeling of gratitude for who You are

These exercises, when consistently acted upon, will unleash the unending supply of what we’ve all been desiring – a life of Authentic Joy!

Joy – it’s all around you —— Joan Kappes

You can find Joan Kappes at the following locations:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Joan_Kappes

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/joankappes
Website/blog:  http://cometotheedgetoday.com

Email:  cometotheedgetoday@gmail.com

Welcome book launch partners, The Shift Doctors Tracy Latz, MD and Marion Ross, PhD. They authored a wonderful foreword to Nurturing Wellness through Radical Self-Care and are best selling authors of multiple books. Thank you Marion and Tracy for this meaningful post.

Marion Ross, PhD, holds doctorates in Holistic Healing, Metaphysics, and Transpersonal Psychology as well as being certification in Mind Body Medicine. Tracy Latz, MD, MS, is an Integrative Psychiatrist, Medical Intuitive and has served as Associate Clinical Faculty in the Department of Psychiatry at the Wake Forest University School of Medicine. She holds a Masters degree in Immunobiology, doctorates in Metaphysics & Holistic Healing, certifications in Mind-Body Medicine and is currently in private practice in a suburb of Charlotte, NC with over 20 years of clinical experience in shifting lives.

From Deadlock to Solutions: Consensus Agreement

Guest post by Tracy Latz, MD, and Marion Ross, PhD

How do you get legislators or other people in the same room to get out of their egos (and give up getting their name on the proposition), open their minds, listen to (and consider) other points of view, and work for the common good of the country, group or organization? In a consensus process, the opinion of each member should be considered, discussed, compared and discussed again until everyone begins to sees all aspects of the issue at hand and arrives at a common understanding of the problem.

When following such a process, members begin to learn about others’ perceptions and a decision or approach emerges as differences are understood and narrowed. This outcome goes beyond something people can “go along with”. Instead, it is a decision team members believe in as the truly best way to go, given the circumstances. Because the issue has been examined, re-examined, tested through
discussion, critiqued and analyzed, all members of the team can “see” the problem and the solutions from many different points of view.

A decision reached by consensus is one which brings team members who start off with differing points of view to shared perceptions and a common understanding of all the issues. It ends up being a learning process for all involved. Through discussion of how each individual envisions the problem,
everyone begins to share perceptions and then the focus can be shifted from differences to what shared goals are found in common. A key element in a consensus agreement is for everyone to drop their dogma and pre-conceived ideas while listening with an open heart and mind.

Tools to Overcome Deadlock and Reach a Consensus- Tips to narrow differences in points of view among team members and work towards commitment toward a positive solution:

1. Ask everyone around the table or room to express their thoughts in 5 minutes or less. If they don’t choose to speak out an opinion or add to the discussion, they lose the right to vote on the issue. This will keep team members from dominating the meeting (thus stampeding or railroading others) and/or polling everyone else prior to forming their own opinion.

2. Request facts, definitions or explanations in an attempt to uncover what different thoughts or words really mean to team members.

• Focus on vague words or comments, such as, “What’s a significant delay?”
• Ask for clarification when faced with vague or questionable statements?

3. Clarify differences of opinion with available facts.

• Reiterate facts and ask other members to compare opinions of team members with the facts.
• Summarize any competing points of view and request members to support with known facts.
• If there are no available facts, ask members to gather data before continuing to discuss the issue further.

4. Be open-minded. Ask yourself, “What dogma might I be standing in that could be limiting my own viewpoint?” Modify your own views when faced with compelling facts and opinions.

• Mindfully listen to the facts underlying differing points of view. To truly listen is to risk being changed forever.
• Test the facts being presented against your own viewpoint.
• Weigh the impact on you and the team (the company, the country, etc) of continuing to resist ideas in the face of convincing facts that do not support your viewpoint or reasoning.
• “Try on” another point of view and see how it feels. Is it really that different from or alien to yours? Are the consequences of another viewpoint acceptable? If not, then why? Is it due to emotions, dogma or fact? Is it conflicting with your own personal, economic gain or re-election prospects? Is it conflicting with your ego or sense or power base? Are you making decisions for the greater good or for your own benefit? Have you truly held the idea of ‘the greater good’(which transcends individual consciousness and ego drives/ desires) in your consciousness?

5. Identify similarities and differences among the points of view in the team or members.

• Make a list or flow-chart of similarities and differences on a PowerPoint, flipchart or chalkboard.
• Poll different members as to what is similar about their ideas
• Crystallize the disagreements among various members in a short, simple statement, such as, “It seems some people see cutting the budget as a threat, others see it as an opportunity.”

6. Reinforce mindful open-mindedness—the willingness to mindfully listen to other views—as well as the need for cooperation.

• Remind members about (and review if necessary) the group’s rules concerning open discussion. Give people measured time to talk without filibusters. Ensure they have said what is to the point and on their minds.
• Review the group’s mission or production goals if necessary and stress the need to work together to reach those goals.You might ask the members to contemplate on the questions you should have already contemplated above: “Is another’s viewpoint really that different from or alien to yours? Are the consequences of another viewpoint acceptable? If not, then why? Is it due to emotions, dogma or fact? Is it conflicting with your own personal, economic gain or re-election prospects? Is it conflicting with your ego or sense or power base? Are you making decisions for the greater good or for your own benefit? Have you truly held the idea of ‘the greater good’(which transcends individual consciousness and ego drives/ desires) in your consciousness?”

7. Remain non-defensive and unemotional when challenged; and avoid resentful or angry encounters. When you are angry, your heart (and often your mind) is closed.

• Stay silent, calm and mindfully listen when being criticized. Mindful listening means carefully focusing on the concerns of the other person and letting them finish what they are saying. It does not mean that you assume you know what they are going to say then you just focusing on how you are going to jump in to say what you want to. Listening is not waiting to talk.
• Take notes if needed so that you may address the issues being raised. Wait until the other team member has finished before commenting in a calm, reflective manner that addresses any concerns.
• Summarize the other person’s concern or opinion in your own words. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
• If the meeting is getting emotional, request a short break; try to relax and reduce tension. We have many tools and tips to decrease anxiety, anger, resentment or to boost your energy to prepare to re-focus at ShiftYourLife.com.
• Try to be empathic with other people’s views. As William James said, “Whenever two people meet there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other sees him, and each man as he really is.” When you understand this you can truly say, “I can understand why you would say that.”

8. List both the positive and negative aspects or consequences of each point of view.

• Assume the group or team has adopted a particular approach. Have members of the group discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the various viewpoints toward the alleged common goal of the group.
• Explore the perceived risks associated with each viewpoint. Test how realistic different people’s assessment of the risks are. “Will we really be causing serious confusion among ourselves by moving our call center to the midwest instead of California so we split the timezone difference across the country?”

9. Ensure again that each team member has an opportunity to participate and be heard.

• Make it a point to get each member at the meeting to say what they think.
• Remind members they have a responsibility to speak their minds if they plan on having a vote.

10. Try to define the element of risk associated with each decision and create an approach that minimizes that risk for everyone as much as possible.

• Ask people what specifically concerns them about a specific course of action: “What do you think will happen if implement this?”
• If concerns are based on a misperception or misunderstanding, review and, if necessary, explain the true facts.
• Balance the advantages and risks of each approach.
• Ask the members of the team what level of risk it is willing to accept for the common good of the company, group, or country.
  Final Comments on Consensus for the Common Good:
• Consensus is one of the most powerful team skills. Members who understand how to reach consensus find that decisions are fully supported and implemented. What’s more, members believe in the group’s decision because the team has examined each facet of the problem and, through discussion, has finally seen the best way to proceed, given the circumstances.
• Remember, compromise implies half-heated agreement. There is doubt, lingering disagreement and the potential for second-guessing the decision, especially if the results are less than expected.
• The consensus process works when team members take the time to share perceptions about a decision and what it means to them. Everyone must be given a chance to describe how they see the issues. Only after these initial viewpoints are clear can the team proceed to identify areas of agreement and disagreement.
• Finally, the real key to consensus is for team members to remain flexible about their point of view. The exchanging of ideas is an opportunity for team members to learn from each other. An effective team member tries hard to remain open-minded, non-defensive and flexible, rather than determined to have his or her way.

Here’s to Consensus!

Marion Ross, PhD and Tracy T. Latz, M.D,M.S.
www.shiftyourlife.com
Twitter @TracyLatz
Twitter @docmarion
Twitter @ShiftYourLife
Facebook http://tinyurl.com/chs582f

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Teri Griffin Williams welcome as guest blogger and book launch partner. We are so happy to have you share your words of wisdom today. We all want to know how to increase out Peace of Mind.

Teri Williams is dedicated to living a Simple Soulful Life and inspiring others to listen to their souls calling. She is an author, producer, radio host, publisher, philanthropist, social media consultant and spiritual adviser empowering others with tools designed for their unique needs. For over 20 years she has practiced different forms of energy, meditation and alternative healing technique’s, incorporating them into every aspect of her life.

“I hold many titles. They are just names – who I really am is a human being, loving life, grateful for everyone and everything that crosses my path. I hope to shed a little light on someone else’s path through my writing and work.”  ~Teri Griffin Williams

Peace of Mind

Guest post by Teri Griffin Williams

What exactly does that mean, peace of mind? Does it mean that you are never bothered by anything? Does it mean being in a seemingly super drugged out state of pure joy and bliss? We’re human. Stuff bothers us. We get annoyed, frustrated, and well, pissed off!

Maniacal drivers, crabby cashiers, loud startling noises, double dipping, parents who don’t pay attention to their children, and animal abusers are some of the triggers on my list of things that cause me to go from Blissed to pissed.

Peace of mind, to me, means recognizing when these and other actions irritate me, connecting with the emotions and feelings attached to those things and finding my way back to balance. It means living with my own actions, without regret or guilt and being comfortable with who I am. It’s a feeling of calmness and serenity, even when the life around me seems off kilter, out of synch and just crazy.

How do we reconnect with our soul self when something throws us off? Just like riding a bike, it begins with practice. Below are a few simple tools you can use right now to create more peace of mind in your life.

1. Breathe – When something threatens to rock your peace of mind, breathe. Pretty simple, right? Studies have shown that deep breathing, even for just a few minutes, can significantly reduce stress and anxiety, bringing you back to a place of calmness and serenity. Learning deep breathing techniques, meditation, and/or yoga can significantly reduce your overall levels of anxiety and stress, which naturally leads to more patience and tolerance of others.

2. Smile – Smiling, even for a minute, reduces blood pressure, releases serotonin, improves the immune function, lifts the face and causes others to smile, too. It’s creates a chain reaction of positive energy.  Statistics have shown that smiling and being positive is contagious. (http://www.bmj.com/content/337/bmj.a2338)  The next time you feel like your “loosing your mind” look at yourself in the mirror with a really big smile!

3. Laugh – One of the greatest sounds on Earth is laughter. It’s infectious; one can’t help but feel better when laughter is shared! A good laugh benefits us physically, emotionally and spiritually and its effects can last in the body for hours. “Your sense of humor is one of the most powerful tools you have to make certain that your daily mood and emotional state support good health.” ~ Paul E. McGhee, Ph.D. Practice Laughter Yoga (I do!) and begin laughing for no reason today- you’ll get the benefits both physiologically and psychologically and so will those around you.

These techniques can be used immediately to reconnect you with your peace of mind, where you feel calmer and more at ease. Breathe, smile and laugh your way to simple soulful living!

Social Media links:

Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/SimpleSoulfulLiving

http://www.facebook.com/terigriffinwilliams

Twitter: http://twitter.com/theblisslady

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/teribliss/

Linked In: www.linkedin.com/in/terigriffinwilliams/

I am honored to introduce my friend, guest blogger and book launch partner, Barbara Stone. She shares with us from her vast wisdom and insight, and I thank her for sharing with us today.

Barbara Stone is a professor at Energy Medicine University, a bilingual psychotherapist, and an international teacher. She developed Soul Detective Protocols using energy psychology methods to find and heal spiritual problems. Her book Invisible Roots presents her protocols for past life trauma and earthbound spirits, and her most recent book Transforming Fear into Gold is a guidebook for therapists to deal with the dark side. She holds a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute.

Power Structure Shifts

Guest post by Barbara Stone

Have you noticed how power structures are shifting as we have entered this New Age of Aquarius? The changes in the Catholic Church are one example. The priesthood was set up in ancient times to help organize and govern humans, to give them rules of civilized behavior with each other. At that time, we were spiritual children and needed leaders to tell us what to do. The Emperor Constantine united church and state in 313 AD by recognizing Christianity and making it the law of the land. The Catholic Church grew and subsequently rose to power as one of the strongest institutions on the planet. Now this very structure is going through a cleansing process. The Pope, one who was thought to be infallible and directly connected to God, is being charged with human rights violations for trying to protect priests who sexually abused parishioners. How did spirituality get so twisted when sincere spiritual seekers joined religious orders as the fastest way to grow spiritually?

One layer of the problem is that priests have no outlet for normal sexual feelings. Having a rule that clergy are not even allowed to fantasize about sexuality creates shame about a natural process. Our bodies are designed to reproduce and to enjoy the act of creation of new life. In general, the church has split the body and the soul, saying that the needs of the body are base and vulgar and that only the soul is godlike. I believe that these physical bodies we have are wonderful creations and worthy of honor and care.

A second layer of the problem in the Catholic Church came from attempts to cover up the sexual abuse scandals to save face. This decision of the Pope to try to protect his pedophile priests is why he is now asking for immunity from prosecution. In this new age, as more people are opening up to their intuition and becoming aware of the world around them, clandestine secrets are becoming impossible to keep. I have to laugh at how my friends and I once tried to plan a surprise party for a psychic friend of ours—this feat was simply not possible!

As we each make our own connection directly to the support of our Divine spiritual guidance team, we no longer need an intermediary such as a priest or a guru to “channel God” for us. We are growing into spiritual maturity. We are no longer like children who need training wheels to ride a bike. Now we are becoming spiritual adults who think for ourselves and build our own spiritual connection to the Divine, and this spiritual autonomy is sweet and delicious!

I wonder what other secrets will come to light next as humans wake up to all that we are and expand into our full potential!

Welcome Guest Blogger and book launch partner Beverley Glazer. Thank you Beverley for sharing your wisdom with us today.

Beverley Glazer is an addiction specialist with a successful office and online practice, as well as over 25yrs experience in the mental health field.  She is a passionate participant and enthusiastic student of life and the rewards and challenges that come with it. She feels privileged to be capable of helping others find solutions to overcome all addictive behaviors, codependency, food, relationship and family issues.  Her humor, positive attitude and unique slant on life earned her the privilege of hosting her own radio show  “Get a Life with Beverley Glazer” for 5yrs.  She is a committed believer in the mind/body connection and practices what she preaches.  Her mission is to help others overcome negative thinking, receive empowerment and live the life-style and happiness they deserve. 

How To Live Your Life Without Regrets

Guest post by Beverly Glazer

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There’s no reason not to follow your heart” ~ Steve Jobs

If today was the last day of your life would you have regrets? I know that I would, but we can’t undo what’s already done. The important thing to remember is that the past has past. What’s done is done and feeling guilty won’t change anything.

Guilt makes you feel badly, but it serves no purpose, because it doesn’t change the situation. To do anything productive, you have to move forward. Remember the past, so you don’t repeat it, regret what was done ~ but no guilt.

When we feel regret, we think of what we ‘should’ have, ‘could’ have or ‘might’ have done. We reflect, wishing we had done things differently –but wishing changes nothing. We must take action, to make changes. So lets look at some behaviors so that you can move your life forward and live a guilt free, powerful, positive life, without regret.

These behaviors will sabotage your success:

1) Procrastinating:  It’s so easy to put things off. We make excuses and lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves, tomorrow, later, another time — and we actually believe what we say. The fact is, we don’t have that much time, so if you feel that there’s something important to you, don’t put it off. Make that call, do that job, say what you’ve thought you should be saying. Don’t let things accumulate and fester in your mind.  There are no excuses and saying that you’ll do it ‘one day’ will never happen. There is no ‘one day’ ‘Oneday’ is not a day of the week. Commit yourself, find the time and get on with it.

2) Complaining: Finding fault and playing the victim will only make you more miserable. So why complain? Accept the reality. You may not like it, but that’s what you have. Dealing with issues is positive and productive. Negativity affects you as well as the others around you.  You are not a victim unless you choose to be.

3) Comparing: Stop comparing yourself, your life or your loved ones with anyone else’s. This is your life, and that’s what you have. Life is not a competition, however, when you accept what you have and appreciate what you’ve got, you always end up a winner.

4) Wishing:  Anything is possible if you make it happen, but change is highly unlikely simply by wishing for it. So, if you were the good fairy, what wish would you like to grant yourself ~ lose weight, go back to school, have more friends? Be your own ‘wish fairy’ and make it happen. Get out of your comfort zone and get into action. Join a program, find a coach, do something positive in the right direction. It’s never too late and your never too old. Don’t let excuses or rejection stand in the way of your personal growth.

5) Fearing:  Embarrassment, failure, ignorance, etc prevents us from ‘trying’ to do anything in the first place. And, we can always find an excuse, which camouflages the real reason – fear. We don’t know unless we try, so don’t allow the fear of ‘the unknown’ prevent you from doing what you really want to do.

The one common theme of these five behaviors is to ‘DO’ it. If it speaks to you in your heart, don’t let your mind dissuade you. Whatever it is that you feel you should do, you must do it. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Don’t be afraid of the judgment of others and don’t pass judgment on yourself. Find inspiration from others, from mentors, from books, from coaches, from positive people. Stay motivated and focused on your goal, but it’s the journey, not the goal that matters. As you travel on your road you’ll be rewarded with piece of mind and in the process, you’ll be living a life without regrets.

Who inspires you? Who motivates you? What keeps you staying positive?

Welcome book launch partner and guest blogger Becky Henry, founder of Hope Network, a support program for those caring for a family member suffering from an eating disorder or related issues. Thank you Becky for sharing your experience and wisdom with us. As an expert in the field and author of best-the selling book, Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders, your insight is extremely valuable and is sure to touch the life and heart of any individual challenged by food and eating issues.

How effective is “fat shaming” in gaining health?

Guest post by Becky Henry

While preparing to read this article I took many deep breaths and prepared my research to help promote an honest, respectful, heart centered dialog to get answers to the question; How effective is “fat shaming” in gaining health?

Why the deep breaths? Well, I remember when many people felt it was okay to use the offensive “N” word to describe black people. (Yes, I’m THAT old.) And, once the world changed and that became totally unacceptable, many folks have admitted how ashamed they are to have ever used that word. Well, that is how I feel that I ever believed: A. Fat = Unhealthy and B. Fat shaming is a useful, effective and non-cruel way to “help” people gain health. I no longer believe either of those statements.

Here is the article my fellow eating disorders activists/advocates posted on Facebook today…

Fat-shaming may curb obesity, bioethicist says

So Daniel Callahan in his paper in the Hastings Center Report is trying to find a solution to help obese people be healthier and he feels that shaming will help them be healthier and lose weight (which he equates with better health). I’m glad he wants to help obese people be healthier but I don’t believe shaming anyone is going to create more health for them, and he is assuming that all obese people are unhealthy.

Having studied eating disorders for about 13 years now I’ve changed my perspective a LOT about the role of fat in health as well as my perspective on what helps “fat” people to GAIN health (not to “lose weight”). Why do I care? I have been the parent of a child with an eating disorder for over 13 years now. She got lots of messages (even at birth when the anesthesiologist called her “thunder thighs”) that her larger body (which is genetically just exactly as it is meant to be) was not okay and needed to be smaller to be healthy. These messages did exactly what the science says it will do – they backfired and she got less healthy in many ways. The causes of developing a life threatening eating disorder are not clearly known. It is believed that for those with the biological pre-disposition that dieting and body shaming can be contributing factors.

As her mom I trusted the doctors that she needed to be “thinner” to be healthy. I have since learned that this is in fact not true. That is something that many reading this will likely take issue with. Before you start hollering at me saying things like, “But what about heart disease? What about diabetes?” Obesity is not an illness. Please read some of the websites I’m sharing below.

In studying, I found the science to help change my thinking. From the ASDAH site you can read studies that back up statements such as these:

• “Multiple studies are suggesting that a focus on weight as a health criterion is often misdirected and harmful.”
• “Singling out larger children and youth for weight-related interventions in schools increases both anxiety for the child and stigmatization, prejudice, and harassment towards the child.”

And from The Body Positive site:

Current treatments can cause health problems, e.g., dieters are more likely to binge; weight cyclers are more likely to develop hypertension; as a population, the more we diet, the fatter we get (iatrogenic issue).

After you have read through both of those sites then we can have a respectful discussion. Please look at the science. When Galileo said the world was not flat everyone thought he was crazy. When Bill Gates said he wanted a computer on every desk in America, people thought he was nuts. Please consider that there is so much we do not yet know.

As a follow-up on this article, I am happy to report that Chevese Turner, Founder of The Binge Eating Disorder Association has extended an invitation to Daniel Callahan to attend the 2013 Binge Eating Disorder Conference. And he is considering attending. You can see her Facebook Post here.

Thank you for opening your mind and considering the possibilities.

It is a sign of great inner insecurity to be hostile to the unfamiliar. ~ Anis Nin. 1949

Touch base with Becky:

twitter.com/HopeNetworkBeck
linkedin.com/in/eatingdisordercoach
facebook.com/EatingDisorderFamilySupport                                                                    http://pinterest.com/hopenetworkbeck/