mindlessstroll

Thane the Lake City

2022-12-15T21:34:00.000+05:30

On a bright Sunday morning of 11 dec 2022, I joined my mother to a #citywalk in #Thane, the famous #LakeCity. It was the first time other way round that my mom had invited me to some nature sensitive event. Her ex-colleague Nutan Bandekar, a school principal had organized the #ThaneLakeDarshan. She was not only the driving factor of this event but is a self-made environmentalist & author who has done extensive research & published books on the lakes of Thane. She also runs a roof-top kitchen garden on her school terrace. We started at 8 in the morning & probably went on till 8 in the evening. 40 people turned up. Some, her school colleagues some nature enthusiasts, individuals, local reporters and nature groups like Hirva Swapna, Menon’s Environment Exclusive (MEE) & Earth4Ever Conservation Foundation. One of the enthusiasts had visual impairment, such is the passion of those truly drowned in the natural beauty of this Lake City. Thane has in total 40 to 42 lakes of which we could manage to see 14 lakes in day. Some man made & some natural these lakes not only make Thane water wise self-sufficient but managed to keep the temperatures cool, harvest rain water, prevent flooding, support wildlife & human life unbiasedly & of course added to the charm of this ancient city. Some of the lakes have been mention of stone carvings & copper plates, a history documentation method from 1600s. Yes! that is how old the documented history of Thane is. I know this information, thanks to historian & author Sadashiv Tetvilkar, a Thankear who had joined us on this trip. Every time he started speaking, we would all gather in the middle of the road listening to him like eager children. He filled us with pride & wonder. Having grown up in this city for last 3 decades, I yet felt like a stranger, knowing so little about my city. The lakes we saw are a massively reduced version of original lakes. Some I wouldn’t even call lakes they look more like ponds. Some were beautified by TMC & some stayed neglected & hidden away. Some I never even knew existed! Nutan ji’s work is highly commendable, her work & intent must be shared by thousands of young #thanekars so that our “Lake City” can truly stand up to its name. The organisers, her friends & family deserve a salute for their meticulousness in spite of this being there 1^st ever such attempt. They arranged everything from a bus, amazing meals & snacks to even a microphone for commentary of information. I for once was truly impressed. The icing on it all was also the impromptu demonstration by the members of Wildlife Welfare Association at the foothills of SGNP. WWA is an organisation born in Thane, working PAN India for the protection & rehabilitation of wildlife.

If one wants to support or volunteer with the above-mentioned organisation, they are available on social media to connect:

Nutan B&ekar – on Facebook

Sadashiv Tetvilkar - https://www.marathisrushti.com/profiles/tetvilkar-sadashiv-p/

Wildlife Welfare Association – https://www.instagram.com/wwa_india/https://www.facebook.com/wwaindia

Hirva Swapna - https://www.instagram.com/hirva.swapna/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/496307918935218/

Menon’s Environment Exclusive (MEE) - http://Www.greenshreelata.weebly.com

Earth4Ever Conservation Foundation - https://www.earth4ever.in/

The list of lakes we saw:

#Bramhalatalav @ #Khopat

#Jogilatalav @ #Thanejail

#AmbeGhosaletalav aka #Abhiruchitalav

#Jaagmatatalav aka #Madardetalav @ #Kolbad

#Jarimaritalav @ #Gokulnagar

#Rewaletalav @ #Kapurbawdi

#Shivajitalav @ #Balkum

#Kolshettalav

#Turfapadatalav @ #Bramh&

#Uthalsartalav

#Kavesartalav @ #Hiran&aniestate

#ShriRamtaval @ #Kasarvadavli

#nisargparichaykendra aka #tikijuniwadi @ #Manpada #SGNPThane

#Upvantalav

The Wind in My Ocean

2022-06-11T18:34:00.001+05:30

At times like green glass, at times like blue,

Shattering against rocks, can be put together by no glue.

Deep in the center are galloping waves,

Rocking my boat and my gut in similar ways.

Should I write ‘gut’ or should I write soul?

I think they are the same, but I cannot think for sure,

Cause hanging on to dear like is the only goal.

Mountains of dark water, in the middle of nowhere,

Like sand dunes of a dessert, the ocean looks just the same.

Beyond the perfectness of this world, my imperfections you crave.

Constantly challenging me to be brave.

Absolute surrender, nothing less. And only love, nothing more.

Isn’t this what you demand?

There is fear, but there is respect

There is love too, but to understand it,

I do not expect.

So, I blurt in my expansive trance,

“Take me!” I say, knowing entirely well,

I am still a novice in this dance.

Now I sit down again at a safe shore,

I see you; I feel you,

I feel the fear too with every crashing wave.

And I feel stupid too.

Cause I know how to love, but to actually love,

Not be enough brave.

It's A Date

2022-01-28T12:44:00.000+05:30

Today I visit, alone. Probably my 1st time since the last 4 months or so of me being here. Alone is always so different. I share this small house with another girl. It gets extremely faint light. The windows are placed wrong. She has gone to her home town. Since the last week the house is also alone with me. I love it. Now I am here, sitting alone in the Sun for a while. Watching your world move by ever so slowly next to me. The winter Sun moves slowly too. It’s good I don't have to change my spot so often. Damn! It’s moving now. My spot is partially shaded now and the cool breeze is amplified. But I don’t wanna move! The Sun moved behind a tree. It’s so much easier to stare at it now from behind the leaves. The floor is full of tiny seedlings making the perfect preamble for the spiders to weave their glistening silver. It’s like a floor of woven silver silk swaying in the breeze. It’s not a carpet its more like the lasered floor of mission impossible. The silver laser escaping your eye and then reflecting the spectrum again as the light falls through the swaying leaves above. The Sun has further shifted now. The silvers don’t shine anymore. It’s almost like they were never there. So easy for a mindless stroller to trample them. Sorry little spideys! I got a book and a pencil to draw, because people say I draw well. But today I don’t want to draw anything, except that fuzzy blanket all over me again. It’s 10am already. Shit! I have a meeting to attend online. hmmm bye-hye forest. This was nice! we should do this again sometime. No, I don’t mean it that way, I really wanna do this again. Just you and me. Yes! It’s a date. So long then.

#awalktoremember #forestwalk #sunbathıng #solitude

Not the Gullible Fakir

2022-01-09T18:08:00.003+05:30

Universal love isn’t about being a gullible fakir, an all-pervasive self-inflicted pain in the process to prove how big your heart is. It isn’t about being the damsel who loves the beast enough to turn him into a prince. And it definitely isn’t about being powerless, but instead, about being powerful as I knowingly surrender.

So, no I won’t say, “I love you no matter what. I will love you in spite of all your darkness and hurt you cause me.” Instead, I will say, “I love” and that’s it, “I love because I see. I love, be it darkness or light because they both exist. I love neither to be hurt nor to be healed but because I exist.

I am not proving any point to you; I am not proving my love to you. It ain’t “see after all this I am still here for you”. It is rather “I am here, because I want to be, not because I want to show you that I can stay and definitely not because I have nowhere else to go, but because I exits in here. I exist in now. And it’s all here baibe, it’s all here”

Only a person who’s burnt in their own furry will know how to tell you anger is one letter short of danger.

Only a person who has perpetually fought to build walls will know how to tell you that the best defense is no defense.

Only a person who has hated from the bottom of every cell in their body will know how to tell you that loving from the bottom of your heart is the only joy, only solace for the soul.

So, if you are, if at all exploring becoming the crusader of love, practicing unconditional -universal-love, compassion, non-violence, empathy, blah and blah and blah then just do it, cause you ain’t proving anything to anyone of us, definitely nothing to me, dear self.

And the only way to know if you are doing it right is to ask, “do I feel more powerful or powerless?” cause love will never, can never, make you feel powerless.

ये ज़िक़्र है उसी का

2021-06-08T20:51:00.003+05:30

ये ज़िक़्र ना हुआ तो

ज़िन्दगी बन जाएगी

एक फिक्र ही सदा।

तेरी आहटें तो सदियों से

महसूस कर रहे है

अब तू भी महसूस हो

ये आस है सदा।

कुछ तो है भीतर

जो बेह नहीं पाता

रोक लगी हुई है

बेतुके ख़यालो की।

कुछ तो है बाहर

जो देख के भी महसूस नहीं होता

मेज सजी हुई है बहानों की।

इबादत ना परे इलाही से

इलाही ना परे तुझसे

पर तू क्यों है परे खुद से?

अब मै भी महसूस हो मुझको

ये दुआ है तुझसे।

पतझड़ के फूल

2021-06-08T20:49:00.002+05:30

पतझड़ के फूल

क्या बहार के बगीचों से

ज्यादा खूबसूरत होते है?

अमावस की तारिका

क्या चांद की चांदनी से

ज्यादा चंदेरी होती हैं?

बेमौसम बरसात की धार

क्या बरसात की बिजली से

ज्यादा चमकती है?

और...

तेरे जाने के बाद तेरी यादे

क्या तेरे होने से

ज्यादा हकीकत होती है?

Backyard Kitchen Garden Recipes - Mixed Greens Paratha

2021-06-08T12:59:00.003+05:30

check out my new video on making a green paratha from rare mix of green leaves. some of them are infact wild plants full of nutrients. to know more about edible plants and how to cook write in comments, and please like, subscribe my YouTube channel.

#plantbased, #paratha, #thepla, #ediblegreens, #edibleweeds, #backyardgarden, #kitchengarden, #organic, #herbs, #herbal, #traditionalcuisine, #eathealthy, #healthyeating, #conciouseating, #wildfoods

#weeds

And just like that everything was ok

2020-08-11T12:19:00.001+05:30

image courtesy: Pinterest

She woke up with a gloom. Sat in the bed for a while. Then climbed down from their cosy loft and went into the kitchen. He wasn't around. She wrapped a shawl and stepped out of their small cabin and slowly walked towards the woodwork shelter. He was there spinning the wooden blocks on the knob, turning them into beautiful beads. She weakly walked towards him and planted herself on a stump in front. He glanced at her through his protective glasses and gave that 'grumpy oldman looking through a bifocal' kind of funny look. She just stared blankly back at him. By now he knew, that a frown was easy to tackle, the absence of smile was easily reversible, but her poker blank face with her wide eyes fixed numbingly into his, meant something was really wrong. She wasn't the kind who expressed pain very openly.

"What's the matter?" he asked looking back at his wooden beads.

"I don't know", she murmured in melancholy. "I don't quite feel right. Just wanted to be held."

He looked up at her again. This time she was staring at her feet. Looking like sorry child, shy and guilty of feeling weakness. "I have to finish this. I can't shut the spinner off in the middle. You understand right?" he asked her as lovingly as possible.

She looked up at him with her wide, teary, piercing eyes with a blank stare and simply nodded yes.

"Why don't you go back to bed and take some rest." he suggested, again cautiously sounding loving.

"What about supper? she asked "Don't worry about it I will make something." he assured.

She left his work station heavily and went back to bed and buried herself under the blanket, only sparing a portion of her face, so that she could stare out of the window.

He finished the piece in his hand with an unsettled energy. He knew there was no sense in working in such a distracted state of mind. He shut off the spinner and went to the cabin.

"Hmm, this should be easy" he thought. In the kitchen he lit up the fire and prepared a pot of rasam. She always made and kept rassam powder ready, all he had to do was add vegetables and water and make another pot of rice. The supper was ready in 20 mins.

20 long mins that she had been staring out the window, needing to, but unable to cry. unable to understand what was wrong, but feeling everything painfully incomplete. "He would have come if he didn't have work, if just shutting the spinner mid way was possible, wouldn't he? or did he not believe me?" Just when she decided to pinch herself to make the tears finally flow out, he came into the loft with the tray again.

Are you asleep? wake up wake up! he said and saw that she was already wide awake with the same blank face and her beady black eyes wide open staring at nothing. He kept the tray on window sill and scooted next to her in the bed. The waft of rassam filled her nostrils and she turned her gaze to him.

"Finally he is here and that too with rassam rice." she thought to herself and gave him a shy smile. They ate in bed and in silence, staring away at the window. she got up to clear the plates and tray.

"Let it be." he said and pull her back into the bed. "Didn't you want to be just held?" he asked her with a big smile.

She smiled back and snuggled back into the bed. He held her tight and she literally carved her space into him.

They both slept deeply through the day. He woke up late in the afternoon. He looked at her and she was still deeply asleep. Her face lit by the late noon sun, not blank like in the morning but with a rare peacefulness. He made a pillow fortress around her and went away.

In the evening she woke up to find pillows all around her and a short silly laugh escaped her mouth. Just as she was thinking of getting up he came back to the loft this time with the beautiful smell of Roselle coffee. He kept the tray on sill, pulled out the pillows and crawled under the blankets. Handed her, her cup and took his own. Stared out of their big loft window and skylight, sipped the coffee and gave out loud sigh.

She held her warm cup in both her hands, looked at him in half disbelief and half wonder. He looked at her face next to his shoulder and smiled, put an arm around her and pulled her closer. She smiled, sipped her coffee and once again she literally carved into him, her space. Together they sipped their coffee and watched the last of the day light vanish into the horizon. And just like that everything was ok.

क्या करें है तूं, 'मेरा मेरा'

2020-08-04T18:32:00.001+05:30

वो ओस की बूंदें भी उस पत्ते की नहीं, जिसने रातभर दिया उनको सहारा अपनी पलकों पर। वो तो बह गए सवेरा होते ही उस रेत की आगोश में।

वो पानी भी उस चोटी का नहीं जिसने पथरीली ठंड में आसरा दिया उस बर्फ़ को। वो तो बसंत की धूप में पिघल कर दौड़ गई किसी और के खेत हरे लहराने को।

वो फ़ल भी उस मिट्टी का नहीं जिसके सांचे में पला बढ़ा वो फ़लधारी पेड़। वो तो मौसम के आते ही चल दिया टपककर किसी और की झोली में।

क्या करें है तूं, 'मेरा मेरा' ऐ इनसान?

जब तेरा यह देह भी तेरा नहीं।

वो तो काल संग रच के खेल, छोड़ देगा तेरी रूह को,

जिसने जिंदगी भर मर मर के फुंकी दिलदारी तेरे होने में।

Learn Life in the School of Forest

2020-06-26T13:35:00.001+05:30

To teach LITERATURE and write POETRY, perform theater, watch movies, explore religionS, explore the forest.

To teach MATHEMATICS, build something, play more poker, explore the forest.

To teach CHEMISTRY, watch the universe, experiment with cooking, explore the forest.

To teach BIOLOGY, get down to gardening, animal rescuing, learn to cook healing food, yoga, martial arts, acupressure, massage and more, explore the forest.

To teach GEOGRAPHY do some gardening/ farming, go trekking, travel a lot, camp a lot, explore the forest.

To teach PHYSICS, play more outdoor games, fall more, throw more things, do martial arts, dance a lot, play more music, watch the universe, explore the forest.

To teach CIVICS, live in small villages, travel to other countries, learn to cook your own food, swe your own cloths, build your own houses, make your bed, don't explore religion, explore ant colonies in forest, explore all non human colonies in forest, explore the forest.

To teach COMMERCE, teach kindness, respect, listening, giving, codependency of all creatures, selfdependency, gender equality, Sufism, Jainism, Buddhism, meditation, travel pennyless, backpacking, explore the forest.

To teach MUSIC, dance more, tap more things, tap everything, do more nothing, go absolutely silent, explore the forest.

To teach DANCE, tune into the music, dance, dance in groups, dance with friends, dance with strangers, dance alone in a forest, dance with forest creaturs, explore the forest.

To teach ART, learn more literature, learn more maths, learn more chemistry, learn more physics, learn more botany, learn more geography, watch more stars, got to the god damn forest, tune into the music, shake a little and start arting.

Let those who Leave Shed Away

2020-06-20T08:10:00.001+05:30

Of the many things that we are taught wrong, one is, 'how to react to people walking out of your life.' We are told it's a bad event, catastrophic even. It can be sad, yes. but I doubt it will always be bad. We face accusations like, 'what did you do/say wrong?'. If someone walks away it automatically is our fault. Our society is built on the foundation of souls dying of guilt and self loathing. Infact the makers of this society thrive feeding off of such souls.

So I beg to differ, people walking out of our lives is as natural and necessary as leaves falling off a tree. And neither one of them is to blame! If the leaves fall because they have grown old then it's just time to go. If they fall too soon then may be the sun is too harsh or the rain too erratic. If the leaves were plucked then blame the plucker, if eaten, blame the grazer, if infected, blame the pest, if burnt, blame the wild fire. But no one ever blames the tree or the leaves, instead we nurture the tree in hopes that new leaves with spring up. And they very well do, unless the tree is actually dead.

So untill you die, be sure of people walking in and out of your life. That's just how nature is. But I hope you are able to fight the urge to blame cause that is when the learning begins. Take care.

Love Is A Merry-Go-Round

2020-06-15T15:23:00.002+05:30

Love Is A Merry-Go-Round

Of course, love is scary my dear!
It lifts you up and throws you down.
It spins you around like a merry-go-round,
but much worse.

You can't, even for God's sake stop,

you have nothing to hold on to.
But have you ever really been on a merry-go-round, my dear?
Stood at its edge, held on to the bars so tight
that your palms burned red alight?

But then, have you ever really been on a merry-go-round?
Stood right in the centre, its eye!

Held nothing at all, arms wide open slicing the wind

and not even for once shaking,
nor falling, nor your head dizzy, but just spinning?

So yes, my dear,

love is super scary from the far away edges,

but then again you can't call it love,

when it simply is acquaintance,

far from a distance.

You got to go to the centre of your heart.
And find it there waiting for you all along.
Waiting for you to show itself.
Waiting for you to show yourself.

To show you how to love its depths of insanity,

and its light hearted wisdom.
Its blinding brightness and comforting darkness.
Its sweet differences and sour similarities.
But above all, its wholeness.

#writetoheal #shelearnstolove #sufiinmaking #lovepoems #loveisnotavictorymarch

What a bummer!

2020-06-15T00:35:00.001+05:30

Today was a bummer, suicide news of Sushant Sing Rajpot has hit hard and still not digested. But I am too scared and also a bit shy to talk about it. why? Because a) everyone will and because b) I really don't know what to say. I saw on tv one of his interviews he showed this big ass telescope he owned. How can someone who meets the stars and the universe up close so often from the comfort of his window be so weak to give up? But then again very often as I have myself gazed at the miracles of the night sky I have desperately wanted to go be amongst them. They say weak people commit suicide. But sometimes I think even wise people commit suicide. I don't know if it is the frivolity, the ever growing pain, or the ignorance of the world that pushes them so far away that silence turns into solitude and solitude quickly turns into withdrawal and withdrawal painfully turns into loneliness and despair.

if you personally ask me, I still find it hard that someone so endearing would commit suicide. Yes they have their moments too where they are tired and just want to give up, but that usually turns out to be a pause in life to receive yet another epiphany, and with renewed spirits you move ahead. Introvert souls usually recognize fellow introvert souls even if they don't share physical space. And that's how I saw or felt connected to this human. A pleasant ambivert, learned, curious, hardworking, simple and un-frilled, basically averse of drama. Doesn't mean there isn't drama around them or was never in their lives, but someone who doesn't have it in their conscience. I napped post this news and got up with a headache that I have been trying to ignore since. Why is this affecting me so much? I didn't even know him personally.

And now suddenly everyone is talking yet again about depression and how one can reach out and sending messages of being available to talk if I need to. I am sorry I don't need to. I may or may not want to, which is very different. In the 1st few weeks of lockdown many friends hosted virtual listening and sharing circles and many sent me links of similar circles. I attended none. Why? because sometimes it doesn't help, sometimes you don't want to, sometimes there is no capacity to put it in words, sometimes it all sounds way too pretentious and attention seeking in your own head, sometimes you are too weak to acknowledge, distinguish and accept help. So it's better to stay quiet and put than to offend anyone trying to remotely help you.

I am an introvert and loner by choice and innate personality. Yes if you call me I will talk. I will talk about good things, upsetting things, stupid jokes, deep thoughts, all of it. depending on what connection I share with you I will talk and then go back to doing whatever I was doing like the conversation never interrupted it.

I don't just call people to chit chat, even the ones I love, miss, or randomly think about. Yes I call when I have to share information, an idea or thought or talk about a problem or even to cry, and even then I prefer to drop a small message instead. But I never just randomly call. However I always welcome calls that have no agenda from the people I love, with honest, full attention as I respect that need in them and also feel chosen and valued.

Why I don't call? I guess I have realised I am not that person anymore. I have realized when I do that, I do more out of the pressure of responsibility towards that relationship and its upkeep than actual fondness. The pressure then subconsciously ruins the conversation. I instead like to meet people in real, see them, feel them, gauge their facial expressions, sitting positions, a casual slap on the back or a high-five. Please don't profess video calls, I am actually averse to them and had to bite the bullet in this lockdown.

I have completely internalized myself by choice, probably why I can now share myself with equal ease when I need to or rather want to. But yes to share and to be available for someone else's sharing needs a certain level of mental preparation and a pep talk to self. Usually when I need to talk to someone I send a message about it. which is why if you call me unannounced, i.e. without texting or mentally preparing me as to what time you are going to call me, very often your call will be missed or picked up with a quick promise to call later. That's a kind of self care I practice and sometimes I might have genuinely missed the call or be busy with urgent tasks. Which is why I have stopped telling people 'I am here for you whenever you need me' instead I now prefer 'If you feel there is anything I can help you with, let me know and I will try my best, even if it is just listening'. This just is a more honest statement for me.

Cold callings still give me anxiety unless I have done the mental pep talk. I am not a casual caller whatsoever and I just need that to be respected.

Knowing and accepting this about myself was hugely liberating and hence I come back to this numbing news of a fellow ambivert succumbing to the thoughts of suicide and my mind thinks it cant just be depression, there must be triggers, there must be a story and most cases of depression have it. It rarely is just a depression. Which is when I come to the thought of; How much can we let people pull our strings, especially when it's always those very close to us? How much are we going to brew our loved ones in the broth of our ego led dramas? To the point of someone's death? How much do we hold on to relationships that suck out our energy than uplift? That assume than understand? That blame than ask?

Heartbreak, romantic or platonic is always painful, and you literally want someone to end the pain by shooting you right through your ribs or between your eyes, cause that is exactly where in your body you physically acknowledge the pain. You haven't breathed in months or years and your ribs just want to explode! you haven't slept in months or years and your head just wants to fall off your shoulders. And like any other disease you conquer this with meds. The choice of meds may differ but what we all truly seek is freedom from pain. How do you do that? well you figure out the source of the pain and nip it in the bud, which is either a relationship, a thought process, a family drama, negative patterns of yourself or just stop putting up a fake 'i am ok' and turning into 'Ved from Tamasha', or the suicide. But suicide is when you think nothing you do will heal the world you live in. It is when you feel that either you or this world doesn't deserve the other.

Some of us then choose the physical suicide and some choose a mental suicide. Because you cant kill yourself, because you tried an failed, because you believe in not interfering with nature's course or because you promised yourself never to be 'that' person. The reason could be anything and hence you choose a mental, emotional absence in your existence and you live with it everyday. You kill yourself everyday. One day at a time you master it and the next thing you know you actually love it. So much is the removedness that you can't make out if it's equanimity or just cowardly apathy. But there is an unexplainable peace, unquestionable strength to walk away from almost anything and an unwavering compassion in standing up for whatever you choose to stand up for, if at all you do.

This rambling of a post is my virtual head nod, a respectful recognition of any or all fellow loners who derive their strength from internalizing and owning up to whoever the fuck they are or becoming. And also for those wise/weak/brave souls who internalize the pain in this world.

an old blog on suicide:

http://mindlessstroll.blogspot.com/2017/11/the-change.html

No storm ever hurt a fallen leaf.

2020-04-28T13:48:00.001+05:30

How a simple comment can set you back to the years worth of work you did on yourself. A mindless comment probably not even directed at you but just an utterance of their own entangled thoughts.

How everything just shatters and reality reduces to being fragments of your imagination once again. "It wasn't even real to begin with", you scoff at yourself. "You weren't real" you tell yourself.

It feels like someone punched you in the gut and stole your most prized possession and you couldn't retaliate. Took away your identity. Took away everything you thought you stood for. Stripped you naked. And who comes to your rescue in this nakedness? Ahhh!! your old friend, your demons ofcourse! Now, you're vulnerable, now you're easy to penetrate. And penetrate they do, deep into your skin, much deeper infact.

But it feels so familiar that you don't realize it is hurting you, maybe it really isn't . You don't realize it will once again break you or maybe not, everything you created, your relationships, your euphoric utopian world,your identity. Ahh such a delicate thing that is, identity. What the fuck is it anyways?

You can't breathe anymore but you know that's okay, cause you learnt to suffocate yourself, your true self, and the fake self doesn't even need to breathe, infact it doesn't want you to breathe.

What the fuck am I blabbering!? Have I gone crazy? what does it matter it's a fucked up crazy world! Stay calm. Yeah! for what? I dont know who the fuck I am. How am I then supposed to know who are mine, what is mine? Nothing? hmm that feels good, that is familiar too. Nothing! hmm I like that.

I am not love, Iam not hate, I am not calm no, but neither am I maniacal, I am not talking nor mute, not sleeping nor awake. I am sailing through, yes. But no storm ever hurt a fallen leaf. So that's what it is? I am a fallen leaf? waiting to be eroded into nothingness cause I can't even fucking drown? Cause that's the only thing that's certainly mine, nothingness? Sigh! When you hit the rock bottom at least you know there is nowhere else you can go but either go out or go up. But what is this place? This is so new! It's not the rock bottom nor the sky high. It's waiting. Waiting with no direction, being swayed in every fucking direction. Waiting with no control, no hint, no idea, no hope even, but full anticipation and then again no anticipation. I guess that is what they call surrender. It demands equanimity but how do I know it's not my lethargy? How do I know anything anymore? I chased everything I needed to know, to pull me up from the rock bottom. But what do you do when that knowing itself is challenged? Surrender I will, but to whom do I really surrender? To a faith that the present is perfect or to the passiveness that is from weakness? Cause no matter what you say the present definitely doesn't feel perfect.

Compassionate Communication - What the fuck is that!?

2020-04-13T01:54:00.001+05:30

Compassionate Communication - What the fuck is that? #longpostalert

Haven’t we focused enough on languages, on what he said, she said. How about we focus on the language of the heart instead, the forgotten language.

There are a lot of systems out there, life coaching, non violent communication, training to be an empath, Compassionate Communication, NLP, sociocracy etc, etc. what is the crux of these systems? Are they just tools and techniques of meandering our words and thoughts to make them sound thoughtful. To paint them so, that people believe you put a great effort and care into the relationship? Do they merely make you an excellent orator? Or is it like magic trick to suddenly have everyone listen and agree to you? Am I supposed to lie to people and tell them only pleasent things? Is it about being ‘miss goody two shoes’?

I have been exposed to some of the systems I mentioned above. Unfortunately I didn’t have the opportunity to attend a full-fledged workshop on any but saw it in action by the practitioners and teachers. Ever since being exposed to these, I went through a process. At 1st I was in complete awe of the systems' abilities, then I was totally clueless as to what truly the words meant. Words like awareness, inclusion, invitation, mindfulness, consent , boundaries, conditions, patterns, shadows, etc were thrown at me to figure out how different they mean in different contexts and how the power of these words was abused to cover up the real burning issues. And then I was at complete repulsion of anyone who tried to talk like that. I started disregarding them, as void of human emotions and authenticity. I went to the other extreme of purely talking from impulse from my truest deepest emotions no matter how ugly it came out. Then, i got tired of always riding high and low on my emotions. And so did I finally understand that compassionate communication was actually a beautiful amalgamation of all my stages.

Now you must remember I never attended a proper workshop except for a two day workshop on sociacracy which had more to do with shifting of work space hierarchy but very much applicable to personal life. You realise somewhere in the middle of the process that being non violent doesn’t mean you discount your emotions especially the negative ones of anger, jealousy or resentment, but it is the very opposite - to acknowledge them more than ever. But to not identify with them as your whole. It is a place where you know you are upset, you know WHY you are upset, you know you cannot undo the wrong already done, you know you don’t want to be vindictive , you know you want to act from love because that is your true essence but at the same time you want to do everything in your capacity to make the other person realise that what happened was not okay and its repetition won’t be tolerated. So the only way to avoid its recurrence is to understand why it happened in the 1st place and how can all those involved come to a mutual solution.

Hence the word ‘awareness’ cause you are aware of how you feel, why you feel it, and what would you like to do to change or not change that. And you are also assisting the other person to be aware of it and if you are in luck they’ll probably also be aware of their own situation.

So how can one be aware? By trying to know and repeating what your intent is?

The systems talk about right tone, words, posture too maybe of ‘how to influence more people and make more friends’ :P

But I wonder how many of them will tell you what your intention should be, simply because no one except you can tell you who you are. We are often blinded by wrong intentions or let’s just say our intentions are often lost under the weight of heavy words and correct language, and swept off by the pressure of survival.

When I was struggling with practically all the human relationships in my life at that time, it was fatally painful to see that no conversation was pleasant, without misunderstandings, arguments or crying. Especially for an introvert who prefers writing to talking, who prefers not to look into people’s eyes during conversations, who would rather be doing her own things than talk in 1st place and finds it lot easier to talk to cats, any non human entity basically even non living things will do much fine actually. Actively going through a communication transformation was overwhelmingly tiring. Doubts of losing my true voice, of appearing fake, of becoming robotic would really suck the joy and confidence of even talking to people I otherwise enjoyed talking to.

So amidst all these confusing feelings the only thing that struck me the loudest was, “no I am a writer I cannot afford to lose my true voice, my way, my style”

“Okay, agreed. So what is your style?”

“Hmm don’t know. Don’t have a word for it.”

Exactly! Words are just words. Tools! Treat them like tools; don’t let them define who you are.

So it wasn’t the words alone that I used, what I did use majorly were the pauses. The blank spaces are equally, if not more important than the words themselves. And so are pauses in our thoughts. It's not easy to practice this while the whole world is pushing you to talk and talk fast, cause otherwise your dumb or lying. Every time I felt extreme emotions, I tried to pause, asked myself, why are you really upset or happy. What do you like about the given situation or dislike? How do you want to make the other person feel? What is it that you really would like to happen differently and how?

And in all those questions I always had one answer no matter what the situation or who the person. I want to love, I want to be loved, I want to be happy, I want to speak honestly no matter how hard it is or what people think and I want to listen, I want to make the people feel like they can talk with all their honesty no matter how hard or harsh it may be.

“Why do you want to do that?”

“ I guess cause I know how it feels to be unwanted, to be regarded as the dumb kid in class, who doesn’t have good ideas to share, as the youngest child in the family, who must listen, not share, to be bullied by peers and adults alike, to heavily doubt the value of my existence." These are painful experiences that millions of people go through as kids and adults, how many are you going to protect? Who all will you blame? So how about I show them how I want to be treated/ talked to by talking to them in that very manner? Honestly I feel it also gives you a sense of courage and freedom. It takes away your insecurities your basic survival mode reactions. So you are not lying, hiding under anger or attacking to protect yourself, infact you aren’t doing any of these at all, there is no motivation for malice when there is no fear of eradication.

I agree being in the writing profession, language was easy, words were easy but that is precisely why I must be more careful. Careful of tendencies to take it for granted, tendencies to put down; those who can’t use the correct “words” and so on. And just to be really honest I do struggle with mild dyslexia and I am myself not a big fan of tough vocabulary. I would rather know few words than know many but not the true meaning or essence of any.

So this is what I have to say “if your intent is right, read - if your heart is in the right place the words will just flow. The body will always align and the eyes will always speak that which really needs to be spoken and you will be always received for exactly what you are giving”

Following are my learnings from observations:

Give love not your need to impress: truly love the person, not what they have to offer to you, their strengths or relationship with you, not their usefulness, but the fact that they are a living, breathing miracle of life, full of stories that are exclusive only to them. Love them because so are you a living miracle of life that was meant to love. Keyword: love as you would want to be loved

Give peace not passive aggressive need to escape conflict: accept the situation as something that has happened and by the virtue of physics no one can go back in time and change that, but you can change the now and you can change it only by acknowledging your truest emotions and needs around that situation. Don’t even waste your energy trying to fathom the other person, that’s not your job, that’s their job. And the more you show them how to do it with your actions they will do it too. Keyword: accept all that is or was.

Give truth not your version of truth; it is very easy to believe what we believe but it is very difficult to know why we don’t want to believe that we don’t believe. Keyword: be honest at every cost with yourself than anyone else.

Give curiosity not presumptions and judgments: it is very easy to assume the other is our enemy. But it pays a great deal of happiness to know there is no other and we are all same in so many ways than we could list. Ask questions; seek to understand than label people. No one said you have to become them but can you at least allow them to continue to become who they are and so in the process truly become who you are. Key word; accept differences

Give them an insight of your fears/ concerns not accusations: no one likes to start a conversation with blame especially if it’s baseless or just a way for you to vent out your anger. Basically don’t give them your anger. Someone once said your anger is as precious as, rather, more precious than your love. Don’t give it to anyone loosely.” Now, I’d say ‘love all but don’t need all, acknowledge your anger but don’t give it to anyone, if you can.” Share what really bothers you instead, and why; share what your non-negotiables are and put your foot down for them. And please don’t make your concerns about “oh look! how much I care about you. That my fear is out of a concern FOR YOU.” Let’s face it, most of our fears are selfish. Even when we fear losing someone rather especially that, it’s not merely because we love them but we need or are used to them. Keyword: invite them into your thought process. Don’t assume they know already.

Give silence not insults: and inspite of all your efforts when people don’t respect your true essence, choose to be silent than to lash out insults. Insults that you know are untrue and are merely tools for you to rip out the other person in flesh and bones. It is satisfying but it isn’t worth it.

And after all of this you will still have ugly conversations. But always know that is exactly what they are, conversations. They don’t define the entirety of your relationships. Probably why best friends can curse each other and still laugh together. Inspite of your efforts some people will refuse to acknowledge or change. Let them be. One less person on your list is not going to cost you your life but perhaps trying to pull them back on, will. Besides everyone has a different learning curve and journey. But what do you do when the relationship is very close like parents, siblings, partners, children, thickest friends...... well if you live under the same roof, trust me the language of love cannot be ignored. As long as the intention of love and honesty are constant, it will always find its way of reaching the other side. But please don’t misunderstand love with a pattern to behave subordinate, altruistic, over caring, overbearing and definitely not glamorizing pain. To love for me is to accept the person, that there will always be things about them that they will never change and I will never be able to accept. And to accept that through it all we have to find a way to cohabit. 'Agree to disagree'. To find my safe space amidst it, to understand my reality and not seek control by manipulating others. To honestly apologise and forgive yourself because you can be and are allowed to be wrong too.

It doesn’t mean I tolerate bullshit, it only means I see bullshit for what it is and always call it out with courage and not with fear of losing control or people. Someone else’s bullshit should not be a threat to you it should be a threat to them. And that is exactly where you will put it, in their court. Most of us understand anger and hatred but literally no one knows what to do with love, how to react to it. So give people time. I strongly believe that as long as there is no intent of malice and you aren’t dealing with criminals or psychopaths, relationships do resolve, infact they strengthen. And after all of this jazz, you will still go back and forth with the process, still have ugly conversations once in a while. It’s okay. Because by this time everyone has learnt that this is just an ugly conversation, nothing more.

What about people who aren’t living under the same roof?

Well, your process might just take a little bit longer or way sooner.

Everything I share I do so from my sluggishly slow and painful process but extremely fruitful and happy experience of resolving some of the most important relationships in my life. If I were to go back in time and tell my younger self about relationships that have resolved, the number and variety of people who have blessed my life, the kind of self-worth I feel, she would never believe me.

Why am I sharing this so publicly?

Until 5 years ago if you would have told me I have to stay under house arrest with my family for more than a month, I think I would fall sick merely out of anxiety. Not today. As I increasingly see people complaining about being stuck with the family I see how we have ran away from addressing the most important. I had situations that forced me to address this a few years ago. We are more than ever scared about being thrown in the face of every emotion and conflict that we have up till now successfully pushed under the carpet.

Am I always happy and laughing and having a jolly good time with my family?

Well no! we fight, I miss farms, I miss vacations, yes we argue and we also have light banter, serious deep conversations, silence and everything in between. Basically it’s okay. As long as we can sip tea in balcony, feeling the cool breeze and smile to nothing together: it’s not all lost. So stay home stay safe. Unless you are dealing with clinical psychopaths and abusers, then call the god damn police.

They said but look what Covid-19 showed

2020-04-11T19:32:00.001+05:30

They said we can’t tie up residential and farmers directly, middleman is essential.

Now look who is compulsorily tying up residential and farmers directly.

They said we have come too far we can’t just stop now.

Look who has stopped everything overnight now.

They said GDP was essential, brands are important, celebrities are gods.

Look who is making everyone wait in line for hours for food, medicines and forcing us to be in shelters.

They said we need RURAL DEVELOPMENT, because rural is not self dependent, self sufficient (read luxurious and wasteful)

Look who is running back to the rural now? Look who is able to grow and feed their families with the “ESSENTIALS” now. Look who is helplessly dependent on resources coming from NOT the urban.

They said we don’t have enough houses so we need to stack them in tight spaces one above the other in conditions that may keep you alive but kill the life in you.

Look who demands social and physical distancing now, look who is scared to shit about high density ‘CLUSTERS’

They said builders and constant building was important for the economy, to house people, oh such a noble deed right?

Look who is breathing better in the absence of the cement dust. Look who isn’t missing being housed now; rather getting way more of it than they’d like.

They said movement of people from rural to urban, from urban to metro is extremely crucial, and so is constructing wider roads, bridges and metros at the cost of fertile land.

Look what is abandoned and empty to the point of eerie now.

They said just hire a house help, give your kids to a goddamn nany, spend more hours in office. What do we pay you for? The deadline is crucial. The client is crucial.

Look who is getting reintroduced to work-life balance now.

They said homeschooling is redundant its a mockery, oh your kid will turn out to be an illiterate retard.L

Lookwho is homeschooling now.

They said military NEEDS bigger budgets

Look who is struggling to meet medical needs now.

They said THIS is normal, THIS is right, THIS is how you should live and THIS is the way ahead.

Look who is at a loss of direction, words and reality now.

Redefine Making Love with You.

2020-03-08T13:29:00.002+05:30

When you sleep besides me,

as our bodies lay there next to each other,

I want to hold your face in my palms ever so gently, and lift it.

I want to kiss you many times ever so softly and not just on the lips.

I want to tug you in my arms a little more tightly.

Deep in dream, when your body twitches,

I want to love you.

I want to redefine ‘making love’,

with you.

When you sleep beneath me,

I want to rest my ‘heavy with thoughts’ head

on your tightened shoulders.

Slowly feel them loosening,

slowly making room for the whole of me.

I want to lay my heaving chest,

on your broad sturdy one.

Slowly feel the narrowing space,

between our pounding hearts.

I want to love you

I want to redefine ‘making love’,

with you.

When you sleep over me,

I want to feel the gust of your breaths fanning my neck.

Easing my own scattered breaths.

I want to feel your hands rest on my belly,

calming the fluttering butterflies.

I want to feel our hearts beat,

our bodies rise and fall,

our breaths expand and flee together in sleep.

I want to love you.

I want to redefine ‘making love’,

with you.

Its good

2019-04-09T18:20:00.001+05:30

When I came home today I met mom under the building on her way to school she gave me a big tight hug, when I went up dad opened the door and gave me a good hug. That's so rare for my dad....I feel like finally the dynamics of my relationship with my parents is changing and for good. I know this moments are rare and far between but these are the only ones I want to remember even when things go bad. We are family and I don't care about the past and don't want to fret about the future like will we fight again will they expect unfair success from me again ....etc. just this! Just what happened today is what I want to remember them for always. Just to come home after a long time and hear my mom speak about otherwise unimportant things made me feel less lonely today. :)

2018-04-26T13:41:00.001+05:30

https://monoset.com/blogs/journal/a-letter-from-albert-einstein-to-his-daughter-on-the-universal-force-of-love

The Change

2017-11-19T21:29:00.001+05:30

I had once been through a phase where I use to watch a lot of movies alone. At first it was like 'Oh wow my first movie alone in theatre! Write a post, save the ticket.’ Then it started happening a lot and I lost count of how many movies I saw alone in the theatres.

How did that happen?

Well, it was the time when I was doing a lot of 'figuring out myself' things, dealing with depression, anxiety, and loneliness; all in all it was a crazy time. Oh yes, it doesn’t just happen to rich and famous, it’s pretty prevalent. For people from mediocre lives and familes, everyday business gets pretty tough to deal with at times.

Is it easy to talk about it?

It’s tough, I mean people are telling you they love you and care for you all the time but there are days when you just can’t believe any of it. It hurts. The shit is quite real. I remember this one time; I went to my room and locked the door. My father was sleeping in the next room and my mom was in the living room doing some work. And I was crying in my room contemplating suicide. I was planning to gulp all the sleeping pills my psychiatrist had prescribed me. I don’t know if they were sleeping pills or some kind of tranquilisers. All I knew was that a lot of them at a time could do harm. I started reading about them online and it said it may or may not kill, mostly NOT. Suddenly I was petrified. If it kills me then I know, but what if it doesn’t? I knew it could do serious harm and I know mainstream medicine is never spoken of badly in most conventional public spaces. There are always these subtle hints. But what if it really didn’t work? Then what would happen of me?

So I sat there for almost an eternity thinking if I should eat them or not. I was always of this opinion ‘talkers don’t do, doers don’t talk.’ I didn’t even want to leave a goodbye note per say. Just wanted to leave, just wanted to end it all. I was crying, no sound just tears and I could barely breathe. I felt so lonely I can’t describe. I had once seen this movie called ‘what dreams may come’. As a child, it shaped my principals of 'never commit suicide' at the time when teenagers were committing suicide due to academic failure. I was pretty strong as an individual but then the movie’s actor Robbie Williams himself died committing suicide. Just like so many other apparently strong, successful and happy people have. In the movie Williams’ wife commits suicide and ends up in this no man’s land kind of a place, neither hell nor heaven, but a dark lonely place. It seems that is where all people who commit suicide end up. Suddenly I felt so damn lonely. I was feeling any which ways but I knew if I tried to kill myself to escape this I will only die in body. Me the name would be dead but what about the me inside this body? What about my soul, what if it ends up in that dark loneliness for eternity or for whatever time that I would! I don’t know! I don’t know anything and I won’t even be able to kill myself again! Like where am I going escape to from this escape? Suddenly I felt the room becoming too dark and I got scared. When I die I want someone to hold me tight and tell me how much they love me. I guess there is no better heaven than that, the transition from living to dead is lonely, I wasn’t scared of dying or the pain. I was scared of ‘what next’? Where do I go? How far and long and with whom? All alone? Without even a goodbye. I knew if I was lonely now, killing myself would take me to a much lonelier place so I sat there for a long time before I went off to sleep.

It reminded me of all the people who say they have had near to death experiences. I don’t know what they see or how they feel. I simply don’t know! But I have a certain times felt like I was dying and trust me it’s not much about the living or the dead. It’s the transition that freaks you out. It’s lonely, we are all lonely or rather alone and it’s not easy to deal with it. it’s like entering an empty room with no doors and windows and no one around you or going through a tunnel and no one to tell you when its ends, where it ends. No one to hold your hand and say it’s alright. So when people hold you and say they love you, it may be difficult to believe them but do it for the moment at least, accept that love.

How does one get the courage to stay strong?

One doesn’t. However when you have no choice but to stay strong, you stay strong. People will tell you all sorts of things but then again it doesn’t matter if anyone is there with you or not. This is when you truly realise the meaning of loving yourself. You have to go on. You can’t give up on yourself, simply because you don’t know where you are going to end up, in what shape, in what form? You realize that killing yourself is just jumping from a frying pan into the fire. Slowly it starts to matter less what people have to say or do. So you do what you have to and keep yourself afloat. You watch movies alone, you eat alone, you talk less and you slowly get accustomed to being alone. It’s not something that many people would want to do or accept as a solution, but you don’t do it as a solution! You just do it, because you know you just can’t give up and there is no other way out.

So does this happen for a reason or no reason at all?

Sometimes there is a reason, a sad or angry situation, perhaps. But sometimes it’s just a deep sense of lethargy, nothing makes sense, there is just no meaning to anything or anyone around you. The world seems a tumbling mass of senselessness.

Was your suicidal moment reasonless?

Not really. I had previously wished to die but never attempted only imagined an attempt. When I was growing, up a lot of kids where committing suicide mostly as they scored less in the exams. One could hear a story in news almost every few months or so. So you heard different conversations and opinions and as a child you are always very sensitive to others/ elder's opinions around you. Hence I never really dared commit but I used to wish death upon myself. I grew up with a lot of abandonment issues and got severely bullied too. But that day I was scared of myself, I had the least painful tools at my disposal and I had a reason to kill myself. But when I sat there thinking about ‘what happens after I take those pills’ it seemed a lot more scary than my reasons to consume them.

Has anything changed in you after that?

Not much, may be I have become a lot more stubborn and a lot more aloof. Or may be I learnt to pretend how to be happy. Sometimes genuinely be happy. In the sense that nothing truly matters, the ego we hold so dearly, the guilt we can’t rid ourselves from, the love we can’t contain or express, nothing matters as much as staying afloat as long as you can, or as long as the course of things wants you to.

Would you call yourself a nihilist?

I can’t confirm that yet. I still have values and principles that I strongly stand by, I still have faith, I still strive to make myself and my loved ones happy, but I try not to beat myself up about it or let others pull my strings.

Can you say you will never ever try to commit suicide again?

I don’t know, no one knows such things. all I know is I promised myself that day that I would never leave my side, what it may need me to do ? I do not know.

Because We Have Google

2017-11-19T21:17:00.001+05:30

Because we have Google,
our brains are shrinking,
we don't have to remember anything.

Because we have Google,
our friendships are ruining,
we are just Facebooking.

Because we have Google,
our parents aren't parenting,
they're simply Googling.

Because we have Google,
our teachers aren't teaching,
we are simply copy pasting.

Because we have Google,
we have no secret dear dairy,
we are simply blogging to the whole wide world.

Because we have Google,
we have no library,
we have no chance of exchanging blushed glances with our book-soulmate.

Because we have Google,
we have no yearning of faraway places,
we just scroll through their 360’ Google images.

Because we have Google,
we are forgetting the magic of theatres,
we are simply YouTubing.

Because we have Google,
we aren't really living a life anymore,
we are just browsing.

Why should LPG gas never enter our villages!

2017-11-16T15:19:00.001+05:30

Two days ago I read a news paper headline that praised a man for providing or helping several rural households to shift from fire wood stove to LPG gas. One week ago I attended a lecture by a man who claimed to have not used LPG gas, fuel and electricity for the last 13 years. Now there were many youngsters and a few old people but almost everyone a city dweller and praising this man, Dilip Kulkarni for his courage to do so when he himself was a city dweller once upon a time. Now he lives in a rural area in Dapoli.
We the developed, we the civilized have ruined enough. Let us not ruin the rural too by forcing/luring/ fooling them into imitating us. So let’s weigh both sides of this debate. Fire wood stove causes smoke, pollution, leads to deforestation, and cause’s respiratory illness in the rural households. Shall we see the counter points?
1) Not all fire wood is acquired by chopping trees; most rural families especially tribal collect the dead dry fallen branches, twigs and leaves like Mr Kulkarni. And let me tell you this matter is abundant as most trees shed annually, so much so that you can store it for the wet seasons too. But wait, what’s that? We don’t have enough trees you say? Well that’s not because they got chopped for fire wood! But because for “development”, urbanisation, timber smuggling!!! No fool will burn down the bank where he/she holds an account. But civilized greedy fools like us would definitely loot the very bank where we hold an account. Also it isn’t always wood, sometimes dried cow dung or cattle dung is also used as fuel.
2) Smoke, you say? Well designers, engineers all innovative creative thinkers! I beckon you! And some have already jumped to the task, ‘chullahs’ that effectively burn wood giving out less smoke, some convert heat energy into electric energy enough to charge basic cell phones (which is what villagers mostly use) or a torch light, some are designed so that the smoke is let out far away from the house. So this also deals with the issue of - cause’s respiratory illnesses. And if the issue really is about wood smoke or cowdung smoke causing respiratory illnesses, I challenge you so called nature lovers, don’t you dare put on a camp fire will trekking in winters. All you religious or ayurveda fanatics, don’t you dare perform ‘agnihom’ (puja)
3) Pollution? Well, far less than your cars, industries, power generators. Also the major gas that comes out is CO2 as opposed to carbon monoxide, methane, sulphur oxide, etc poisonous gases from other activities.
Now let’s talk about LPG.
1) Do you have any idea how much of natural gas escapes and literally gets wasted during extraction?
2) Did you know natural gas is a limited natural resource? It takes millions of years for it to form!
3) What about the set ups, machineries etc that work to extract this natural gas by ripping the earth, do they not run on electricity generated by burning coal? Is that not smoke, pollution? No may be its fragrant incense sticks for you.
4) What about the productive land that gets wasted on such set ups?
5) What is the material input and pollution caused in the process of making/extracting the material used for filling/containing LPG gas?
6) What is the fuel/ electricity consumption of the transport system used for distributing LPG from point to point?
7) What is the input such as land space, construction material, electricity etc used for storage of gas cylinders?
8) What are the dangers of accidental blasts of such storage centres, distribution channels or end point usage? What is the magnitude of pollution caused then?
When my dear human, are you actually going to use your brains and stop pretending to be using them? We sincerely don’t have much time to be fooling around with this planet anymore and to fool ourselves. Learn to acknowledge real devils as opposed to lesser devils. Just because your LPG gas stove does not give out smoke, it does not mean it’s a saint! Fried food gives out smoke, no matter what medium you cook it with! So would you say fried food is causing global warming?? Would you stop eating it?? Well you definitely should for health reasons and yes fried foods do cause CO2 emissions. But what we are looking to understand here is the relativity. Please don’t be fooled by the government funded media. Do give up your LPG gas subsidies, in fact I’d say give up your LPG gas but not so that our villages are blindly converted into the ever so disastrous cities.
Grow more trees, solar cookers, subsidize solar cookers in villages and in cities, use other forms of renewable fuel and so much more. That’s what we need- real solutions; everything else is a gimmick to win your vote. And before anyone comments, yes I do use LPG as I write this and have been using it all my life. But now I know, and now has my struggle started to live basic. And no matter what, you can’t deny the reality of the debate I have laid out above.

This soul mate theory will blow your mind away

2017-11-02T16:21:00.000+05:30

You may say am a dreamer, of nightmares mostly and I will agree. I dream with eyes wide open, but it’s mostly written off as over thinking. So during one such fit of dream I got thinking about souls and the whole soul-mate theories. It feels just like death, i.e you have to die to know if heaven and hell exist, or is there a universe beyond this, or nothing. I did like to believe its nothing but am not dead yet, just as I haven’t found a soul mate yet. Just as I have found a lot of souls (people who aren’t dead though) men and women who are beautiful (not without their ugly self) and they are all proudly my mates. Just as I see people struggling to be with each other when they are clearly not supposed to or don’t want to. They aren’t soulmates. You don’t need to be an expert to see that. These are the universal errors (pun absolutely intended). It’s like they got married/together when the universe wasn’t looking like some naughty teenagers and then to add to the annoyance decided to remain married/together. I have read enough about soulmates as passionately as someone might read comic books. I think my soulmates aren’t people but some comics instead (the likes of Calvin and Hobbes, lunar baboon, peanuts. I could marry these comics quite literally, no not the makers. Makers are again people and people are mostly assholes). Anyways most articles say everyone has a soulmate or soulmates (hifive polyamory!). Jokes apart, this theory includes friends, family, mentors, life coach, pet, coffee etc in the soulmate category. What I am however interested is in discussing the offspring of the romantic soulmates and offspring of universal errors.
Soulmates are apparently two elements of the same soul that are split into yin energy and yang energy, birthed on the planet earth and then embark on the journey to find each other (My god universe! You are one heck of a bored psychopath). Apparently these souls come together fornicate and unite as one into the form of their ‘this planet needs no more humans’ child. And so the circle is complete!! (How do you feel about it universe? level one of your psychopathic game complete!) BUT, the real trouble starts when the not so soulmates fornicate and create a soul that wasn’t universes’ plan (universe: “damn you bugs! How did I not see that coming? Device hacked!”). So are these children less evolved or may be more evolved souls than the kids of true soul mates? Is that how more souls get born (souls not bodies). I mean, some souls apparently attain nirvana and free themselves from the cycle of rebirth so there has to be a system of generating new ones right? think about it, how will universe go on playing its sick game if all souls attain nirvana? So what about these mistakes? Are they better like the mistakes of evolution? (Read the theory “evolution is nothing but a series of mistakes”) are they more interesting? Do they not have partner souls as universe wasn’t really planning on them? Are their partners the offspring of another ‘not a soulmate’ couple? You know like, mistakes get along with mistakes! Or are they suppose to team up with kids of true soulmates because they are so damn “complete”, their only hope of undoing the error of their parents. May be that’s what it is; the complete souls help these half souls to become complete and the half souls give these complete souls a purpose and entertainment. Or........
Okay if you want me to shut up, I will shut up. But don’t tell me this is something you can ignore. When the night is dark, the curtains drawn and you are ready to escape to the fairyland, trust me you will lay wide awake and dream of nightmares with your open eyes. And you will be too the victim of “overthinking” then! Or Naah. But think about it, isn’t this all too intriguing?

हारे हुए की शक्ल नहीं होती

2017-10-08T00:07:00.003+05:30

इज्ज़त का शिकार हूं मैं

वक्त का गुलाम हूं मैं

पैगाम तो कई आए उस पार से

पर शराफत का नकाब हूं मैं।

मिलना हो अगर तो मिलेंगे किसी रोज़

मिलना हो ही ना कभी तो ना होगा अफसोस

रोज़ रोज़ मिलने को ना अब बेताब हूं मैं।

हारे हुए की शक्ल नहीं होती

बदनाम कभी अक्ल नहीं होती

शक्ल और अक्ल

इन दोनों से भी रिश्ता कई बार खो चुका हूं मैं।

करने को करते हैं हम शायरी

दरजे के हम नहीं लाज़मी

लफ्ज़ निकलते हैं सो लिखते हैं हम

फटे हुए कागज़ पे भीगी हुईं स्याही हूं मैं।

रुक जा जरा

2017-10-08T00:06:00.002+05:30

रुक जा जरा
देख तो ले एक पल!
कैसे खडे है राह मे
एकसाथ होकर भी न मिलकर।
किसी का रंग अलग किसी का रूप अलग
कही कद अलग कही घेर अलग।
किसी की बाँहें आसमान को चूमती
किसी की हवा संग झूलती
मगर जड़ें सबकी जमीन पे ही रेंगती।
जैसे कोई जाल रोकना चाहें किसी धारा को
जो अाज तक किसीके लिए न रुकी।
काट रहे उस तूफान को
जिसने आज तक न जाने काटे है कितनें परवत।
छान रहे उस सूरज को
जिसने जला कर राख कर दिया न जाने कितनों को।
यह हैं जंगल!
सदियों से रहा धीट
प्रतीक अनेकता मे एकता का
भिन्नता मे छुपी सुंदरता का।
कह रहा है तुझसे ऐ इनसान
रुक जा जरा एक पल
देख तो ले!
जिंदगी दौड़ मे नहीं
उस थमें हुए पल मे मिलती है
कलियां तेरे सीने पर लटकी माला मे नहीं
मेरी रगों मे झूलती डाल पे खीलती है
जरा देख तो ले!