MINISTRY TO WOMEN LIFE PURPOSE COACHING (LPC)

Encourage Others!

2012-01-22T00:31:00.002-05:00

Encourage one another and build each other up.

1 Thess. 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

We need each other. It is easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves, gossipping about others, judging people, ruling others out of our lives, deciding who we'll be close to and who we will stay away from. The truth is, we are to love others and share the love God puts within us.

New International Version (©1984) Romans 5:5
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

We need to tell others when they look good, when they've helped us, when we appreciate them. We need to thank them.

We need to tell others when we have heard from God about something that might include or bless them. We never know when our words will impact them, strengthen them, help them make a decision, turn their direction or which words will have a powerful affect in ways we cannot fathom.

We all have needs and need others to lift us up too.

We need to be there for each other.

Remember this saying: If you can't say something good, don't say anything!

Honouring My Pet Pal

2012-01-20T20:46:00.003-05:00

I don't want to make anyone sad. I know I've read other people's blogs and status updates about their pet loss and thought, "Geesh, thanks, now I really feel bad." So that isn't my intent and you are excused if you feel you must go.

My intent is as I write is to publicly acknowledge and honour my pet, acknowledge her role in my life and acknowledge the fact that life hurts.

My 11 yr old cat, Misty, was put down yesterday after a quick struggle with cancer. It was unexpected and she went downhill fast from the time we found out January 3. She'd been hiding over Christmas and not eating much/losing weight.

The grief I feel for Misty is very profound. I also feel bad for our other cat, Truffle, the kitty we adopted at the same time as her who is now left without her lifelong companion.

My husband wondered why I seem sadder than when my own father passed away. This paragraph from this website gave me a good diagnosis of why that may be:

Certainly, not all people react to the death of a cat in the same way. Each person, each cat and each relationship is unique and has unique components.

Loss does not involve simply the physical presence of the cat. The psychosocial benefits of living with a cat are well documented and include:

· social support,

· companionship,

· an increased sense of our own worth

· and the emotional bond we have with our cat.

These are part of what you are grieving.

You will be reminded of the special things you did with your cat by their absence.

The losses may not be tangible – they may be the emotions that your cat elicited from you. You may have lost the good feeling you had when your cat jumped on your lap, or groomed your hair. The laughter that came when he leaped in the air at the light switch, and the assistance you received when making the bed. The warm feeling when you arrived home to find her waiting at the door to welcome you.

So the degree of daily interaction you had with your cat will influence the number of losses, and therefore the degree of grief.

That explains a lot. My home office is the place the pets congregate. Each day as the other family members leave, I'm left with my pet pals.

I also feel for Misty because to the end she communicated. She purred as I stroked her thin, dehydrated body. She purred to tell me she loved me. And I loved her.

God loves animals. For a great article that demonstrates this, look here.

And watch this video :

http://www.epm.org/resources/2011/Apr/18/will-there-be-animals-heaven-video/

Life Coaching to Help You Through Physical Problems

2012-01-17T13:48:00.002-05:00

In Pain?

Life coaching is not the same as therapy, but I have had clients say that after talking it felt as though they'd had had good therapy. What they mean is it felt they'd been listened to, refreshed, and sometimes armed with a plan.

Today I read a report where scientists assigned "talk therapy" to patients with chronic pain (some with fibromyalgia, some with headaches).

Some either used "talk therapy" alone OR "exercise" with "talk therapy".

Each "talk therapy" session was 30 to 45 minutes once a week for seven weeks (similar to what a life coach offers).

* THERAPY BY PHONE VS. THERAPY IN PERSON

Prior to the study evidence had concluded that talk therapy delivered by phone was as effective as face-to-face therapy.

* TALK THERAPY ALONE STUDY

The "talk therapy" was pointed toward helping patients choose specific lifestyle goals and helping them to make changes to unhealthy thinking patters.

For the purpose of the study, therapists were trained, but actually, working with a suitable life coach may have had similar results.

* TALK THERAPY PLUS EXERICSE

Those in the exercise group met with a fitness instructor once a month for six months and they exercised 20 minutes to an hour at least twice a week as well as participated in talk therapy weekly.

* STUDY RESULTS

Three months after the study ended, those who had participated in phone talk therapy with or without exercise showed more improvement than those who’d stayed with their usual care alone.

Those who engaged in both talk therapy and exercise did only slightly better than those who'd received talk therapy alone.

Chance are the patient in the talk therapy alone study may have also done his own exercise as it would be a logical lifestyle change to include, thus the small difference in results.

The new study is quoted as being the latest addition to clinical trials for the purpose of demonstrating talk therapy’s effectiveness in treating chronic pain and headache. (Russell Portenoy, MD, chair of the department of pain medicine and palliative care at New York’s Beth Israel Medical Center.)

Snap Out of It and Enjoy Your Life!

2012-01-09T11:50:00.002-05:00

I don't think I could say it any better. This says it all. Watch it and see if you don't become inspired!:

Dec. 4 Staying Passionate About Life
http://www.joelosteen.com/Broadcast/Pages/ThisWeeksMessage.aspx

What's the Mid-Life Woman Looking For?

2012-01-05T02:57:00.001-05:00

I am by no means a mid-life expert--not yet anyhow. Also, I fully recognize that everyone's mid-life experience will be different.

I want to chuckle when those in their early 40's feel they're in a mid-life crisis. Yes, those years can be turbulent, but in my opinion, a true mid-life crisis happens more likely between 47 and 55.

I was also recently asked what Christian women are looking for in mid-life.

Well the answers can be varied but often similar. They are looking for many of the same things they did when they were younger. The crisis part comes when they realize they can't go back in time. They have to manage the way they look, feel and starting over in schooling or a career is very different than when they were just starting out in their 20s.

A few things specific things they are looking for are:

to be loved
to be needed, appreciated and even sought after
to feel joy and to have fun--real active fun like they did when they were young
to have a sense of ongoing purpose.

TO Be Loved: Because many women have put so much of themselves into their family and household they might feel that they have disappeared under the veneer of life, both physically and in personal pursuits.

And rightly so, studies show in a majority of cases a woman's metabolism slows down, her hormones during perimenopause cause her to lose her waistline. It seems her midlife reward for all her hard work is to gain weight, get saggy jowels, lose her natural hair and cheek colour, and so on.

If she is a married woman with a family, many of her pursuits were pushed aside or buried beneath a load of responsibility. Many women will tell you that they lost themselves the day they had their first child. A woman at mid-life craves to feel independent again in a way that connects with the girl of her youth.

The foremost sense of love a woman wants to feel is love for herself. A woman can lash out and be critical to those around her merely because she doesn't like herself. It's easy for a woman in mid-life to look in the mirror and not recognize her reflection and not like what she sees. Women are VERY concerned about their appearance. It's part of who they are. And it is hard when nature is creating havoc.

It's easy for a mid-life woman to feel less than perfect, especially when she puts such high expectations on herself. She has had so many responsibilities over the years. A few demands she might put on herself include:

Being the perfect friend.
Baking the perfect cookies.
Bringing the right thing to the bake sell.
Being the perfect mom.
Raising perfect kids.
Having the perfect home.
Looking perfect.
Being a perfect wife.
Being a perfect pet owner.
Being a perfect daughter.
Being a perfect neighbour...

There is no way a woman will be perfect in all these areas, and often she kicks herself when she realizes she falls short. She finds it hard to love herself.

When a woman's personal love bank is empty, she desperately wants to be loved by those she cares for, and by friends. She needs to hear words of encouragement, appreciation and to have her deeds noticed. She wants her husband to show affection and love--even if he has to manufacture it sometimes. She wants to be put on a pedestal, told she's beautiful and offered praise.

<< Proverbs 31 >> New American Standard Bible

28Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 29“Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”

TO be needed, appreciated and sought after: A mid-life woman wants to know her abilities and skills are valuable. She wants to contribute to the outside world. She wants the outside world to acknowledge her as a contributor. She wants to be told she's done a good job.

TO feel joy and have fun:  As women take care of a home and family, they build their nest. When they finally get their nest the way they want it, they like to spend time in it (maybe by midlife they can afford what they've always wanted, or at least have a better idea of what they want). It can actually be more appealing--easier, if you will--for a woman to stay home and watch a movie in her PJs than to get dressed up and go out to a movie house or social event. So there's a conflict between what she now finds "fun" and the old fun she used to know. She may find it hard to give herself permission to just enjoy life without doing some big fun thing to report on.

A woman and her spouse may not seem to "date" much by midlife in the ways they used to.  By midlife they've spent a lot of time together. They are content with each other.  Their idea of a date might be having a coffee together right in their own kitchen, watching the birds at the feeder, walking the dog, watching a movie in their own living room together, shopping together at Costco, furniture browsing, lunch at Subway. Other types of romance can continue to happen in a variety of ways when they are imaginative and use their best awake time to spend with each other.

Perhaps the fun a mid-life woman needs most is with other new people. She needs to get out of the house. She needs people who care.

Perhaps a woman used to love ice skating and decides to try it again in mid-life.  When she hops back onto the skates she finds her legs ache and she can hardly stand being on skates for more than a couple of minutes. She might have more time to pursue things in midlife, but often her body just isn't the same.

It's hard to just go out and have instant fun the way children do. It is hard for to find a group of "friends" who just want to "hang out" and laugh like when they were younger.

Things change and so it is a different type of fun she has. Midlife fun is more a sense of truly experiencing the things she really likes in life and finding joy in doing so. She can be choosy in midlife. Her idea of fun at mid-life might be to go to a garage sale. It might be to find a new plant species. The most unusual things can be fun to a midlife woman. But still, manufacturing that same kind of joy she had in the past is hard.

TO have a sense of ongoing purpose: Everyone needs a sense of contributing to the bigger world, ongoing learning, and direction. If a mid-life woman has been home for many years, or has taken early retirement, it may be hard for her to find a new niche in which to blossom.

The younger people need jobs and are often more energetic and tech savvy than the mid-life women so are the ones hired. It's hard for the mid-life woman to compete. Many traditional jobs she excelled at no longer exist.

Volunteering is one thing, but there isn't the same kind of reward in it as a paying job where she has regular interaction, raises, and is counted on. Money is the world's commodity. Getting paid gives a woman a sense of value. So some women will start small jobs from home. The ability to earn even just a few dollars a week can boost her ego.

A Christian Midlife Woman: The Christian midlife woman counts on God to reveal something new and exciting for her next half of life. When it seems that God isn't bringing her that big thing, she may feel a sense of despair. God often works slowly through the day-upon-day experiences. That can feel tedious. Once again, the mid-life woman's biological clock is ticking, and I don't mean the fertility one. She wants to accomplish something "neat" before her life ends.

A woman needs to feel spiritually connected at mid-life and is wise to take steps to make that happen. She needs to hear from God and to feel he still has things for her that are important--beyond raising her family.

So what are mid-life women looking for? Mostly to find answers to the uncomfortable feelings they have at this stage of life.

If this blog post speaks to you, please leave a comment. This mid-life woman would like to know something here helped you.

Where to Head in 2012

2011-12-31T11:49:00.000-05:00

wall plaques in my family room: home, family
I put these up to make our new home that was still
a stranger to us feel "homier". I love the result.

Okay, so here we are the last day of 2011. In a couple of recent posts I encouraged you to take a look back at your year. Then I suggested you look at your "present". Now I will address question #1 of the forward looking section:

1. What do you feel God wants you to focus on in 2012?

This question may develop and change as God presents new challenges to you. Right now all you have to go on is what he has revealed to you so far. If you are in a job, have a routine, have a list of priorities you feel are important, that is your main focus right now.

Rather than using wistful thinking about something new, I challenge you to start 2012 by focusing on giving these things that are already on your plate the attention they require. Commit to doing an exceptional job.

To quote Joyce Meyer, "Make decisions based on what you know rather than what you feel."

I'd say that means rather than jumping ship or jumping to conclusions you must carry on with what you "know" right now. The turn of the calendar is not permission to just quit the tasks God gave you.

God will move you forward once you've done a good job of what he has already assigned.

Luke 16:10 Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

Luke 12:48 From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

So, look at the assignments you've already been given. Managing your house, property, ministry, volunteer work, family, job, blog, online business...and finish the multiple unique assignments within the list.

Record Your Thoughts

2011-12-29T14:54:00.003-05:00

It is VERY important to record your thoughts.
The reasons are many:

Writing is therapeutic and helps you to purge them from your mind.
They become more official--which is needed if goals are attached.
You are able to go back and read them and reconnect with your former self. You will see how you have grown, how God has worked and guided you, answers to questions and answers to prayers. You will see where you've been given clarity. You will be encouraged and be renewed reading your own words back.

When looking back and now making new goals for 2012, I urge you to record your thoughts in a handwritten journal (preferred) or typed version.

You might also want to look back into old journals if you have them, as this year comes to a close to see where you were a year ago, two years ago, or through however many records you might have on hand.

More New Year's Planning

2011-12-27T12:05:00.001-05:00

You can see this castle foyer when you take
a Thousand Island Boat Cruise

dreamy, isn't it?

The end of one year, start of a new one, is a popular time to plan for many people. Partly because it is year's end, partly because many people have time off work which allows them time to reflect. A couple of posts ago I created a list of prompter questions to help you plan for your next year. Then in another post I did some reflecting. In this one, I will move to "present day" reflection. Here are the questions the original post asked in this area:

What are the 5 main things God wants you to focus on right now? That probably means what do you spend most days doing?
How do you feel inside? How is your spirit? How is you mood?
What do you wish could change?

Hopefully you have already been thinking about focus. Often a desire to focus begins in September (back to school time). Have you narrowed your list?

The reason the question asks what you spend most days doing is because with God in control, he leads us in our every day life to do what he wants done. I'd love to hear your list if you'd like to share it.

Often people want something new, though, for the new year. January can be another time to shift focus. That is where #2 comes in. It relates to how the things you're focusing on are working for you.

Are your 5 areas of main focus fulfilling? Should one go?

Should you develop one of them with courses or other learning?

Are you feeding your spirit while doing your top 5?

In the top 5, should one become a higher priority while the others become lower?

Question #3 asks what you wish could change. Maybe you want more clients. Maybe you want to get to the gym more. Maybe you want to keep doing your job, but maybe for someone else that treats you better. Maybe you want a change because you're bored.

Some changes you can make yourself while others are dependent on many things and people around you.

Take some time to make a list of the things in your life you would like to see changed or improvement on. This list is a starting point for setting short accomplishable goals for the new year, even if that goal involves prayer only.

Resources for SAHMs

2011-12-22T01:35:00.001-05:00

Resources For SAHMs

Date posted: Jul 25th 2011

Christian mom, life coach, self-coaching, stay-at-home moms

I’m so excited to finally begin releasing self-coaching tools for the stay-at-home mom.

A LITTLE HISTORY

Years ago, I moved across the country with my husband and preschoolers. Being an at home mom of preschoolers, I’d already felt isolated and had experienced a profound loss of identity that many women face, added to that, was a brave and daring woman who’d made a big move but added to her sense of isolation.

After moving, the me inside became even more stuffed away. I disappeared even further. I was in a new city where no one spoke my name. No one knew me. No one seemed to care about me. No one was there with open arms just waiting for a relationship with me and my children. It seemed I was to ride out my calling alone.

UP AND DOWN EMOTIONS

We’d made the decisions together, my husband and I. But the adventure was not quite so great for me. I rode an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes my husband went away on business trips, leaving me alone to care for two small children morning and night for a week or two. My energy was drained and I felt completely tied down as though having a ball and chain tied to my ankle. I was alone in a new city, and lost. The old, smart, funny, helpful me had no outlets.

But, I put on a happy face determined to make the best of it and to carve out a beautiful life for my family.

ON A HUNT FOR HELP

One day, I decided to head to a Christian bookstore in search of a book that might help pull me through. I’d already read the great books “What Every Mom Needs” and “After the Boxes are Unpacked”. I was sure the Christian bookstore would have something new for me—perhaps placed there by God, with my name on it. I wanted to hear the words of a seasoned woman who’d been where I was. If being a stay-at-home mom who lived in a far away place was God’s choice for me, I wanted him to give me the help I needed.

I wanted to make sense of what I was feeling. I longed to hear, even if through the pages of a book, that what I was feeling had a strain of normalcy to it. I needed more, but…I couldn’t find more.

DEAD ENDS

I told the store clerk what I was looking for and it seemed she couldn’t relate to what I was asking for. She had no clue as to how much what I searched for could very well serve as my life preserver. But there appeared to be no such book available on the listings. I was disappointed and appalled, for I knew there were many at home moms like me who needed a book like I was looking for. I knew there were many moms who were not homeschoolers (there was material for homeschoolers), and many women who were not career moms (there were books for career moms too). I knew there had to be plenty of women in my shoes for whom nothing was available.

I’m sure there were probably many male or career-woman publishers that couldn`t imagine there would be a market for what I searched for. I know there is a gap in understanding for those professionals who `could` make it happen. Once I submitted material and was told the place I`d sent it only published materials that spoke to both working and at-home moms. That answer in itself made me livid, for the role of the stay-at-home mom is VASTLY different and unique from that of a working mom. They deserve their own book!

BECOMING A WRITER

It was around that time, that I decided I needed to be that author. I needed to write the book I was looking for. I needed to be that seasoned voice, even while in the midst of my own pain.
And so I began to write.

Since then I`ve been successful in selling articles for online content use or in print use. I`ve also received Life Coaching Certification.
All the writing I did back then in the mid-90`s time has remained with me. I have not yet published any of it.

Self Coaching Tools

Today marks a new day. I am testing the waters and getting material out there now, specifically for the stay-at-home mom. This material will soon be available in a downloadable self-coaching format. It will be sold on www.writersout.com.

Analyzing 2011

2011-12-20T10:42:00.002-05:00

Let's dig into our New Year's planning list as posted previously (here):
The list began with looking back and asking these questions:

What did you add to your life this year?
Where/how have you grown?
What life lessons have you learned? (Perhaps about how to view or handle life.)

From the Inside Out

Additions: Indulge me as I share a few of my own.

This year I added audio transcription to my work. This helps fill the gaps left between coaching and writing and provides income so I can complete my calling (instead of running out to another job).

I've also added a gym membership and volunteer work with a local non-profit centre. Those are the big 3 that come to mind amongst many small things I've added.

Can you list your top 3 things you've added?

Growth: As for where I've grown--let me say I've grown in hope, faith and enthusiasm as I've seen God bring new things regularly. I've also grown in being able to let go of my children and role of mom just a little more. I've grown in more awareness of where I'd like to head next.

What is a top area you've grown in?

Life Lessons: I have learned that it is very easy to live in perception and that is a downfall. Perception is thinking something without there being proof.

It is often the result of misinterpreting a Facebook status update, email or circumstance. It is also often the result in judging people or situations incorrectly. For example, at a hobby store, I assumed the woman clerk wouldn't know enough about model tanks to guide me. I waited for a male clerk, but eventually the woman came to help me. As it turned out, she knew model tanks inside and out. You see, I'd held myself up, time-wise, by believing my own perception of who I thought she was. I could have approached her earlier.

Another life lesson is when things aren't going my way and I'm irritable, if I give in to it, it will create a pattern of irritability. For instance, I was irritable with a sales person on the telephone. Yes I was right, they were wrong, but I let it upset me, let myself speak harshly and felt my blood boiling (so to speak).

Then I went to a store and the clerk ticked me off. Again, I lashed out. I came home and was irritable with my family. I felt entitled to be irritable. There was just cause. But I also felt guilty and didn't like myself. The life lesson is that if I let things get to me, I hurt myself. Forget about what impression I leave them with, if I don't like myself, then it is very hard to move forward in life.

What are a couple of life lessons you've learned recently?

New Year's Planning

2011-12-16T22:21:00.001-05:00

As the year comes to a close, many women like to create a list of resolutions. Others a proclamation--or list of how they intend to live their live in the year ahead.

LOOKING BACK

It is refreshing to have a fresh start with the turn of the calendar page. As a Christian woman, it is always important to ask God for his plans. Our own plans might sound wonderful but won't bear the right fruit if they aren't aligned with Gods.

As you tidy up the details of this past year and look forward to the next, pray over these questions and use them as prompts:

What did you add to your life this year?
Where/how have you grown?
What life lessons have you learned? (Perhaps about how to view or handle life.)
What are 5 key top decisions you've made this year?
What tripped you up?
Name 5 top things about 2011 that were really good for you.
If you could have a do-over, what would you have done differently?

PRESENT DAY

What are the 5 main things God wants you to focus on right now--that probably means what do you spend most days doing.
How do you feel inside? How is your spirit? How is you mood?
What do you wish could change?

2012

What do you feel God wants you to focus on in 2012?
What changes do you want to make?
What projects do you want to complete?
Who do you want to spend more time with?
What do you want to be more on top of?
Have you had any sneak peaks into new things that you will want to explore?
What are the things you definitely want included in the next few months in order to propel you to meet the deepest desires of your heart?
What specific goals will you set?
Where do you hope you'll be mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. this time next year?

'Tis the Season

2011-12-11T15:47:00.001-05:00

Taken at my sister's

Last year I had a tree trimming part at the end of November. It was an excuse to get extended family together for my son's 16th birthday and mine a few days later. Hosting a tree trimming party was a long-time dream I've carried around with me, and since we live closer to extended family now, I was able to pull it off. It was fun.

This year, however, though I went on the same Christmas house tour that inspired me last year to get decorating, this time I came away less inspired. Since moving mid-2010, it seems I've done nothing but move stuff around, try this or that here or there, decorate, undecorate, order items and so on. I have really not been motivated to decorate for Christmas yet.

As I ponder the day is arriving very quickly, I realize I need to decide what I will do. Will I resist and save myself from more housework? Will I go ahead?

THERAPEUTIC REASONS

Then I began to recall the therapeutic reasons attached to decorating:

1. It unleashes creativity. Once the activity gets started, ideas usually flow. It becomes fun. It gets me away from the computer too.

2. When the season is over, there is something refreshing about putting the house back in shape. While the Christmas decor is fun to look at for awhile, eventually it begins to look like clutter. Clearing clutter and revitalizing rooms can help a woman clear some mental clutter too. There is something renewing about looking at a room that has been re-arranged, decluttered and cleaned that gives a woman a sense of well-being.

I'm sure as I go to my boxes I will discover some really pretty items I'd forgotten about. Perhaps this is a day to add a that extra little sparkle and to enjoy them.

Sustainability - Housing and Income

2011-12-08T23:26:00.001-05:00

Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help, who rely on horses,

who trust in the multitude of their chariots and in the great

strength of their horsemen, but do not look to the

Holy One of Israel, or seek help from the LORD" (Isa 31:1).

The next step in the sustainability plan includes physical assets and human assets.

This includes a woman's basic need for housing, food and (shelter and security), but also being able to acquire it. It means being knowledgeable about how it is accessed, the services available and knowledge on how to use services to get what is needed.

Human assets refer to a woman's employability. It may be determined by her skills, knowledge, experience, education and ability to manage or lead. It may also relate to her health and physical abilities.

Though many women have skills, finding housing or employment might be another matter.

DOES GOD PROVIDE?

While God says not to worry for he cares for you as much as he cares for the sparrows, and while the word says he will supply all your needs, he doesn't necessarily rain manna. He has another equation which is that of sowing and reaping. He gives us free will to choose and use our noggin. He discourages slothfulness, laziness and idleness.

We might choose right or choose wrong. If we choose wrong, we pay consequences. We might consult God, or we might think we can do it on our own. Or, at times, God will allow us to go through strained times, for his own reasons, no matter how sincere and abiding we are.

RELIANCE ON OTHERS

Looking at the previous post and the scripture about the chord of 3 strands, relying on others is often part of the equation for human and physical sustainability. If a woman is self-employed, she relies on paying clients. If she works for someone, she is reliant on the revenue earned by the company she works for. Or, she may be reliant on her husband's income. She might even have to rely on social services. Even if she's employed, her income may be so low she can hardly make ends meet.

I have lived in both plenty and want. Circumstances can change quickly.

THE HIGH COST OF DIVORCE

One thing I want to warn women who might be pondering divorce is that unless there are true reasons for it (and in some case there are), doing so out of a fantasy of some magical life alone isn't going to cut it. Women who split up often end up in poverty situations. They no longer have the (usual) higher wage of their spouse to rely on. They have to pay rent or housing on their own--he no longer will pitch in. There is a high cost to breaking ties this way.

WHERE ARE YOU IN THIS SUSTAINABILITY POINT?

Where are you right now?
Are you self-sustaining?
Are you reliant on others?
If so, how secure are the resources from others?
Does your spouse have good life insurance?
Do you and/or your spouse have investments?

Do you know what your employability skills are?
Are you developing them?

What do you sense God is telling you about what he wants you to do in this area?
Is it time to reach out for help?
Is it time to visit an employment agency?

Is your housing adequate?
Do you have a plan for how your housing will be self-sustaining for many years? What needs to change to make it so?

What do you want God to know?
Have you spoken to God about your situation, whether happy and thriving or not?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Developing Your Sustainability Plan

2011-12-07T01:55:00.001-05:00

Preparing myself for work in the non-profit sector, I came across an interesting list of qualities a woman needs in her life for sustainability. (Actually, while working with my son on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs recently, I see there isn't much difference.)

I like the list, for the most part, but will take the liberty to put my own spin on it. I know the feminists of some of these organizations might balk at my foolishness to include faith or a reliance on God to the equation, but one day it will be revealed who is right and who isn't. Besides, wouldn't denying me the right to put my faith into this, be sort of like discriminating against my diversity? And we all know, diversity is the new buzzword of this era.

So, in my diverse Christian analysis of the list, for this post I will tackle point one:

Every Woman Needs to Develop Social Assets

Social assets refer to the social connections women will build a foundation on and draw on to achieve goals and live a balanced life. This will include a network of contacts that will enhance other things they put in place.

To bring it down to a practical example, I will share that when I lived out west I was really quite poor at builidng my social assets. From the get-go I had no one locally to even put down as an emergency contact or job reference on paperwork. I did make some friends, but not the kind that were committed. Now that I've moved back into homeland territory, my social network is bigger and the network has, let's say, many more wires involved.

My social connections include professionals in my life too. My doctor, chiropractor, dentist, gym host, my church, and so on. I am working hard at strengthening this network, are you?Now, for the most part, the list was referring to new immigrants, refugees, women in poverty, lone parents, etc. Yes, it makes sense that those women may have great trouble in this area. But really, all women can fall into a deficit here.

What isn't mentioned in the document is the consequence when this need isn't met. I can tell you from a variety of sources, that the consequences are a woman feels isolated, bored, lonely, unsupported, maybe even depressed, and so on. Without a social network a woman feels powerless. She disappears into the shadows.

It might be said that God wrote this up first. In Genesis it says, "The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT) says, "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."

The Bible is full of examples of support network building. It is an ongoing process.

The next time you feel a little short in this area, I want you to realize that you aren't odd or weak for feeling that way. As an adult woman it is up to you to develop your own sustainability network. But do turn to God for advice. He can connect you in ways you might not be able to imagine on your own!

Have a Divinely Delightful December

2011-12-01T09:58:00.001-05:00

I love networking online and love to offer my space to other creative and ministry-minded women. Today, a friend, LaTara Ham-Ying posted this on Facebook and I thought she offered great tips. I've asked her if I could re-post it here for all who visit, to which she agreed:

I challenge you to make this a

Divinely Delightful December.

How do you do that?

1. Keep Yahweh first.

2. Don't overspend during this silly season of money, money, money. It is not about the gift, but about Who you claim to celebrate on December 25.
3. Keep your priorities in order.
4. Dare to take a success action step each day. It does not have to be big but it does have to be a step in the right direction.
5. Do something that is just for YOU.
6. Love you like you never have before (try reading Psalm 139 to see just how awesome you really are).
7. If you are an entrepreneur INVEST in YOUR success. Instead of always seeking FREE look at your budget and see if you can do $7, $17, or even $27 for a product your business really needs.
8. Join me on the Kick Start Success Page where I will be break down these tips throughout the month of December. http://facebook.com/lataravhamying

Ok now go out and make this month FIERCE!!!

Much Love and Many Blessings,

Kick Start Success With LaTara V. Ham-Ying

LaTara is a book and tech geek at heart who does not claim to know it all but loves learning as much as she can. She homeschools her youngest son, hangs out in the Student Center when she visits her oldest son in college, enjoys calling her husband "Honey" because he is so sweet, and gives her two dogs, Mocha & Chief more attention than they deserve. LaTara is a certified life and business transformation coach who currently attends Liberty University where she's a Psychology major with a specialization in Christian Counseling.

A Few Thoughts On Church Women's Ministries

2011-11-29T12:57:00.001-05:00

Hi, ladies

Ah, ladies...that's what we have in common.

Aside from that, though, we are very DIVERSE.

Before I get into that topic, I want to clarify a little about my blog here. While I use the term "ministry" in the title, this was not intended to be a church "women's ministries" idea blog.

I came up with the name of my blog on a whim while "trying out" blogging. I thought about why I'd become a certified life coach and realized it was to "minister" to women.

What I mean by ministry in my blog here,

is support and encouragement to women

through a bunch of life coaching type

topics, questions and revelations.

The name is way longer than any url should be, but it's stuck. I've had thousands of visitors since.

A BIT ABOUT CHURCH WOMEN'S MINISTRIES

Now, I just want to mention a bit about church women's ministries. There are just as many gaps and criticism there as in anything else. People have high expectations of a church because they see it as an entity they pay a membership to. They expect "it" to serve them. The thing is, the church is them. It is a makeup of the people therein.

BUT...church leadership gets stuck on paid positions, titles, rules, not wanting to tread on toes, wanting to make sure people assigned to roles "measure up" spiritually, etc. It is so full of self-protection that it creates a problem for everyone ministering to each other as they dream of. There is little "releasing".

Much of women's ministries tries to meet a broad group of women by focusing on traditional methods and interests that many women share. This is why you might see a lot of pink, flowers, candles, desserts, and notice a lot of special speakers, music, luncheons, and the like, going on. It is an attempt to provide "something" for women.

Of course this type of design is bound to fail, though. There are so many modern-day women that are taught to balk all the stereotypes I've mentioned above. But...if they can take a more mature view, they will see that women who like that stuff have a right to like it and they have a duty to let those women like it without them complaining.

That being said, those that want something more should be not only willing to develop it but to step up and make it happen. To make unique things happen, the leadership needs to allow it. Those at the helm need to become open-fisted, possibility thinkers, but then they also need to become developers. They need to be willing to push, nudge and back new ministries. But they don't need to be the ones to do them. Those that whine about what they want, need to step up and commit to making it happen.

NEW IDEAS
What do I mean? What are they whining about? For one thing, they want to be socially relevant to the world in practical ways. They want intellectual topics and a chance to voice their opinion. They want deep prayer with others. They want to be mentored but not in a way that makes them like the generation before.

Actually, I don't know all they want but they don't seem to want pink flowers on white table cloths and to sit drinking tea or coffee in a mixed group of ages.

What these "whiners" need, though, is to see that the existing ministry can't be all things to all women unless they are willing to develop other ideas. An Lord help them if the idea they create ends up being an "event"!

Furthermore, they need to ask themselves clearly, what do they have time to attend. What time of day would women like themselves show up? Is what they imagine a possibility, or merely a dream?

Please also see this post http://ministrytowomenlpc.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-leadership-vision-for-average-women.html

All Mothers Are Working Mothers

2011-11-28T12:08:00.001-05:00

A woman's life is filled with many tasks. We are the prime organizers of our home. When we have children, we begin to think for them as well as ourselves, which can feel overwhelming. From the time they are born, it is usually up to us to plan what they'll eat, where they'll go, what they'll wear, and so on. In the school days, it becomes, did they do the assignment is the homework done, do they have a lunch, are they happy and adjusted?...on and on. Sometimes we'd like to just live for ourselves again, wouldn't we?

This is why it is so easy for a mom to feel she has lost her identity. Her time is split between having to guide others, and so her focus might become lost in the clutter. (Yes, clutter, there's another big issue a mom contends with--all the family clutter, daily.)

I have a fridge magnet that says "All Moms are Working Moms". We might not feel like we have a great job, but we are still working! The bank account shows that we certainly don't make a good income doing what we do. But, nevertheless, we are working...constantly. This is why we often feel stressed.

The work of a mother is similar to that of the Kingdom work of the Christian. Christians work with their hands, but in so doing are also doing the spiritual work God has called them to. i.e. There is more than meets the eye. There is much about their work never seen or acknowledged in this earth.

The same goes for the mother. So much of the good she does will never be seen or known on this earth. But she is carrying out a calling and spiritual work.

From the outside, those that have never been a mom, HAVE NO CLUE! Really, as judgmental as that sounds, I believe it. Those that haven't had children are good at espousing theories. Of course, many things sound logical. But in reality, life with children defies logic. Those without children have no clue of the extent of physical and mental work us moms do.

If you're a mom who does her best to look after her family, I want to assure you that you are doing what you are supposed to be doing for this season. You are appointed by God to do what you do and you will be rewarded.

Family Legacy

2011-11-18T14:10:00.003-05:00

What does family legacy mean?

A family legacy may be described as a set of habits, beliefs, way of doing life, forms of communication (cheerful, positive-minded, empathetic and caring) (gossip, slander, profanity), religion, rituals, customs, celebration styles, and so on, good or bad that are passed down and (sometimes) continued through the generations.

Some legacies are continued without a person even being aware it's happening.

Some legacies can be more easily seen when a person distances themselves from the family. For instance, if you move away and only see your family on rare occasions, when you return to visit signs of legacy may be glaringly obvious.

In other words, when still enmeshed with the family, it's easy to stay stuck in the family legacy, either by default or design. (not realizing it or choosing it).

The great news is you CAN break away from legacies that are negative. You CAN stop some legacies from being passed down.

You can choose which legacies to keep and which no longer work for you and your value system.

There can be legacies that are very dramatic: alcoholism, addiction, abuse, poverty.

There can be legacies that are Pharisaical: practicing religion by performance or rituals that Jesus already abolished. (not that you do animal sacrifices, but practices that are often guilt-inducing if you don't follow them.)

There can be legacies that are more personal relations oriented: the habit of gossip, negative thinking, criticizing others, martyr syndrome, etc.

There can be legacies in our life beliefs: i.e. No one in our family has ever gotten a degree so it isn't possible; my parents are poor, I will always be poor; I am not allowed to move away, our family belief is you stay together and support each other, moving away would break my parent's heart and disrupt the family; my family has always lived in assisted housing, I probably will too; I have always lived in an apartment, there's no way I could live in a house; my parents are divorced, I'll probably be too; everyone in my family is obese, I can't be the only thin one; we have to celebrate Christmas this way, my family has ALWAYS done it this way, etc.

Did you see yourself in any of these legacies?
Are there any you would like to break free from?
What legacies might not be serving you well?
What would life feel/look like if you were to break free?
Is it worth the cost?

Knowing God's Plan and Tough Times

2011-11-17T00:16:00.001-05:00

Will God tell you his plan for you?

In my experiece, He has a path for you but that path will meander. You might feel you've arrived at your purpose only to feel burned out of it 3 years or more later. It's okay to walk away from something if it's time to move on. What usually happens, I've discovered, is all the things you do in life will be used later for even greater purposes. THEY ARE LEADING YOU SOMEWHERE!

There are things in life for you that you might never be able to imagine right now. Remember the days before MRIs. There are still hospitals without them. Surgery used to be always major, now they use little microscopes through minute openings.

The Internet is a mere 15 or so years old. New jobs abound, a person can comunicate across the world! The field of Life Coaching is quite new. I only learned of it in 2005. I knew nothing about it before then.

So there are going to be wonderful things unfold for you that you may have no clue of right now!

Why Do Things Not Seem to Work Out?

It seems it would be so easy for God to just step in and do all the wonderful things we dream of. More times than not things don't go the way we hoped. People tear us apart and destroy our trust. We reach harsh blockades to meaningful plans.

We are left to wander the figurative desert. For every mountain top there seems to be a valley.

The purpose of all this is to "weather" a person. One dictionary puts it: To come through (something) safely; survive: weather a crisis

The purpose in all of this, while it feels bad and hopeless, is to build a person. It is for their ultimate good and God's ultimate plan.

We are allowed to walk through tough times so that our idealism is shaken down and put into balance. Tough times humble us. They hopefully lead us to seek God more earnestly and to reach out to others for help or inspiration. Tough times prepare us for upcoming assignments.

It is hard to look up when we are feeling so down. This is why we need friends, a church, books, doctors, exercise, a good meal, and so on.

When life looks bleak we have two choices: go downhill and stay miserable or believe it is for good and seek out the help we need.

From Motherhood to Menopause

2011-11-15T23:44:00.001-05:00

My Daughter after her Grad Ball June, 2010

This is one of the titles I recently discussed with a business coach. We were looking at my areas of expertise. I'm not sure if Motherhood to Menopause (M2M?) is it. I'm all over the map, but I thought I should share a few thoughts and see how it goes. Please do add to the comment box.

Motherhood - I'm not going into the details of childbirth and raising preschoolers. If you're a mom you know it. I will say, a woman's entrance into motherhood is jarring. At least it was for me. And there's no turning back. It is a commitment that sees a lot of highs and downright exhausting and frustrating lows. And so the metamorphosis of the mom-woman begins.

Mothering the In-School Child - Once both my children were in school I grieved. Let me remind you I'd left the workforce and had been home fulltime. Yes, I craved the "me" time, but it hit me that my children were no longer babies and the baby clothes had to be packed up. Once again my role changed too. A season had passed.

Mothering the 10 & Up - Another stage of grief hit as my youngest started to give up playing with toys, and the day was approaching when he would no longer hold my hand while walking to a store, etc. The children's interests turned to technology and I was needed even less. Enter the "Who am I now?" mom.

About that time I purchased a book "The 8 Seasons of Parenting". I recommend it. It spelled the stages out so well. It was helpful to realize my experiences seemed to fit very well into the descriptions in the book.

This book can be read to the stage you're at. Then, as a new stage unfolds, you can read more. This book has become one of my choice guidebooks. It still has stages I will read about in the future too!

Peri-Menopause & the "My daughter's about to graduate high school" stage - eventually arrived--in tandem with other midlife issues. That's a whole other topic.

I've found it is important to live in the present and not fear the road ahead. It's important to discover a new you but not to the point that you frustrate or depress yourself.

Each day is valuable, meant to be lived so that you can say you didn't miss a thing--that there will be no gaps you'll regret having left.

Where are you in your parenting?
How has your personality changed?
How do you feel about the stage you're in?

Going No Where Fast?

2011-11-12T23:43:00.001-05:00

I'm glad you arrived at my blog today. You're on my mind!

Driving around a bustling new part of the city of Kitchener, Ontario earlier today I was reminded of just how many nooks and crannies women are found in. We are everywhere!

But we aren't all finding our way. Just as my GPS led me astray today, we get off track in life too. Then again, without my GPS I would never have found my way back home, eventually. All through llife we need guidance finding our way. And there is no one earthly way.

Even though I finally found the Tim Hortons I was trying to get to, I couldn't find the way into the parking lot (the same thing happened at Sobey's earlier). I had to drive out of my way and do a U-turn.

Likewise, there are many challenges in life we are willing, even excited to face, but need helping in figuring out. An about-face isn't unheard of either. There are U-turns in life.

I'd never been to this particular Tim Hortons in Kitchener and, in the dark, it was hard to see exactly where the drive-thru entrance was. It took patience and careful driving not to get rear-ended or to hit someone. I eventually found it after circling around a few times.

Isn't life just like the above scenario? We know God wants us on a certain path. The Scripture says that often. But it is sometimes hard to find. It is hard to stay encouraged and complete our assignments. Many times it seems like we're stuck in a traffic jam, going nowhere.

Often, God will use a network of others to support or speak to us.
I try to stay in a few networks myself either in person or online. When someone on Facebook offers a course, I might just sign on if I feel it is one God is okaying. There are just as many he hasn't okayed too, which I avoid. It is important to have discernment and see through people's motives and not spend money uneccesarily.

There are lots of people who like to tell others what they think they want to hear or what they think is right. I'm not that type. I demand honesty and justice in my relationships, or at least that is what I crave.

My role as a life coach doesn't mean I'm some put-together woman. It doesn't mean I have my act together or know how you should be living your life. I'm in this role because of a calling to work with women and to write words that would nudge them toward their best path. I work with coaches myself. Some sessions I find helpful, others not so much. As a coach my greatest despair is when I hear a woman struggling to find her way and her path just seems to be so cloaked in mystery and sometimes pain. As a coach I struggle with the idea of being effective.

Nevertheless, I am resigned to do my part, and if your time with me results in you finding a grain as small as a mustard seed, for that we will be grateful.

My ultimate goal is you find the path God wants you to walk, even if it involves a few winding turns.

Is there something you feel God is asking you to do but you need direction?
Is there an area of your life you wish would change but you aren't sure of the timing?
Is your personal life working for you so that the other things God has on your plate are doable?

New Women's Communities

2011-11-08T21:42:00.003-05:00

Often we get in our minds that life only consists of a few stages. We tend to put a lot of weight on those stages too.

Here are typical stages:

childhood
teen years
higher education
career
marriage
parenthood
empty nest
retirement
heaven

It can feel frustrating to a woman to feel her clock is ticking away in any one of these stages: the single woman fears she may never marry or bear children; the married woman fears infertility or loss of career; the mom whose children are growing fears the empty nest; and so on.

The problem with some frustrated women is they put far too much importance on life stages and by midlife life looks bleak because so much has been accomplished already.

Who Are You?

The early twenties are spent "finding yourself". You might figure out what makes you tick for a few years and even have fun doing it, but by mid-life many women don't know who they are (again).

The search to find themselves resumes, but in today's generation it resumes with a ferver.

Today's women aren't going to go off and retire and spend their days isolated in front of a TV while they knit sweaters. Unless you knit for a good cause, I'm not sure this is God's design for a woman. How can this be fulfilling your life mission?

The Search for The New You

Women are searching for more.

Some women are miserable and struggle to find "it". Some find "it". Others are on a long hunt.

Women are communicating their need and longings, often through the Internet. The Internet is relatively new--about 12 yrs old, depending how you look at it. Maybe some of you are familiar with one of the first social networking tools called the chat room. They still exist and many women still use them.

More recently, though, women are creating communities on Facebook. They are sharing, venting, helping, encouraging, even praying for each other via Facebook.

Your life's ups and downs can be followed by a number of your "friends". Friends can know each other more intimately than ever in that they will often share more on Facebook than in a ten minute conversation after church.

Mark Zuckerberg only invented Facebook in 2004--a mere seven years ago. And this is the new place women are creating community.

You can create a private profile which is useful for close family and friends. And you can create a page for yourself or business that is more arms-length. It is often these profiles that open the doors to joining groups. It isn't unheard of to befreind women you've never met.

In these broader groups there is great opportunity for new things to happen. Paradigms can change.

Why not create a page for yourself. Look me up as well as your favourite authors, pastors, women's ministry leaders, life coaches, exercise coaches, and so on.

Start your hunt for purpose with Facebook!

(I had no idea this article was heading this way, but there you have it.)

Come and join me. Here's my professional profile page. https://www.facebook.com/#!/rosalieg1

Why Affordable Life Coaching?

2011-11-05T02:20:00.001-04:00

Can you believe I've actually been criticized in the past for advertising such low prices for life coaching?

Some professionals believe that to ask a low price means you de-value yourself. Some feel I'll never earn if I don't set a higher price. Well, the truth is, I will do what I feel in my heart is right to do--regardless of what others think or say. You see, God has called me to be ministry-minded and to think in Kingdom commodity. He has called me to ask him what he thinks--in all areas. Great will be my reward in heaven when I do what God asks. God will provide for as he sees fit.

$$$$$

I have decided that my life coaching is geared to be affordable. I know what it is like to go from two incomes to one when a baby arrives. I know what it is like to struggle to make ends meet. I know how pressured some husbands feel about providing for their family, and how some women feel guilty for spending money on themselves.

Yet, I know how much women need support. I know how much life coaching can add clarity and strength to a woman. I want the woman who feels she would benefit from life coaching to be able to afford it.

I will coach the mid-income woman and I will coach the low-income woman. Sometimes I work out deals to suit us, but basically I have priced my services at less than half of what other coaches start at. I do this for YOU!

But I also want to clarify the term life coach. I don't know it all and lead you as I see fit. I am not bossy and life coaching isn't consulting. Life coaching is listening and asking powerful questions that help a woman probe her own thoughts to find the right answers for her.
I provide for myself through a variety of other activities I'm involved in, one being selling my writing and online products.

So....just in case you wondered, I wanted you to know where I'm coming from.

What makes a good coach? Is it price - no. It is a combination of qualities and skills. A good coach is someone who God has gifted and who is open to being his vessel--no matter the monetary cost.

Do You Have an Itch to Do More?

2011-11-03T13:09:00.001-04:00

Do you have an itching desire to do something more?

Perhaps you're in a new stage of parenting, at empty nest or retirement. Maybe you've recently left your job. Recognizing that you have new time to fill might lead you on a search for what to fill it with. While you may feel a sense of dismay, the good news is, those feelings are helpful in driving you to seek a new activity and then take action.

Not a Complaint

Having an itch to do something more isn't the same as discontentment or complaining. We can be very content and still have an itch for something more or new or different.

The urge to grow or change is inborn. Look at a child that learns to crawl. The child will crawl more and more and then it move on to standing. Standing opens the potential to taking a step, and that, as we all know leads to running. A child doesn't settle for stagnation.

When we accomplish goals we want new ones that will motivate and challenge us. It's how we're built.

Just because you've accomplished much to date does not mean your purpose is over. All you have done so far should serve as a good foundation for your next task.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isa 43:18-19

How to Move Forward

To start your next journey consider these questions:

What is working in your life that you don't want to change?
What do you love about your pace of life, surroundings or relationships?
What is missing?
Are you balanced in these areas: mental health; physical health; outside relationships; spirit; use of your skills; good deeds; and organized physical space?

When one area is out of balance you will feel out of balance. If you can identify one area that may need a little attention right now that is a great place to start. That area magnifies a "need" you have.

Filling the Need: What are Your Hobbies and Interests?

Now, in order to identify how to add something new to your life, look at your hobbies and interests. Often, the best way to fill a need is to see where our hobbies and interests can intersect with that area that is out of balance.

Here's an example:

Perhaps your need is to have more social interaction. You might think of starting a job out in the public. Or you might think of having a morning coffee hour at your church--there's probably other women who would like to join you.

But, maybe something in your gut tells you a job isn't the answer. Maybe you're tired of tea parties. Maybe a better path is to take a course or volunteer in a way that uses your interests. Maybe getting out means meeting up with other dog owners for play times once a week.

Again, consider that meeting your "need" might not mean drastic change. It might mean looking for creative outlets that fit you!

Get FOCUS, Seek CLARITY, then IMPLEMENT!

2011-10-30T01:02:00.002-04:00

Making the transition from all the "summery" things to fall I realized it was important to gain some FOCUS so that I had a bit of direction to use my time and skills well.

September became my month for focus. What did I do? Well I will share that with you if you make a request with your real name to info@RosalieGarde.com. (I won't take your name and make a list out of it, don't worry, but I would like to know who is asking and any thing they want to share).

After gaining a bit of focus I sought CLARITY. October became my month for that. I chose to work with a success coach who is adept in many areas. I went into our sessions open and listening.

What was revealed was exciting. I was a bit apprehensive going into the sessions and worried I might come out with no new direction, but I received clear direction on a couple of critical areas right away!

The clarity showed me the path to move on. I began to move quickly too!

This month will be a month of IMPLEMENTATION. That means I will take sure steps on these revealed areas. I will say no to new ones and keep distractions away as much as possible.

From the outside you would never know anything has changed with me, but on the inside I have a path outlined and that is exciting.

I urge you to:

Seek Focus: look at what is working in your life and what isn't. Where is there a need? What are possible ways to solve that need without compromising who you are and your current values? How can you better seek God's focus for your life?

Seek Clarity: meditate on the list you've come up with in your focus stage. Have a friend or coach work with you to explore them. Identify a few areas to move forward on.

Implement: take actual steps on the outlined areas. Resist taking on more just yet until you have the current steps underway. Remember, taking on anything new usually requires something else has to go. If all that's going is Facebook or TV time, there may be little lost. If other more major things will be affected it may take some intentional planning. That is part of the implementation process.