Ikhtiʁa ~

VibeS

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Sun, 01 Feb 2015 22:17:00 +0000

Can’t believe its already FEBRUARY 2015! *SIGH*. I am sure a lot all of you have been great and if not may this new month of 2015 brings peace everywhere. Its almost 2:50 am PST but since I am a night owl (high five to all writers out there) this is when my mind wakes up.
I don’t know how many of you have been through this but its tried and tested thing in my life. For some people vibes might be occult or un realistic. Vibes are energies that comes out of a person or any living thing. For me its a secret alarm that works for me always. I have been through times where a impressive or famous personalities meant nothing to me except for making me fazed. I know, I may sound idiot here but it happens. Be it a relative or friend’s friend or some random person who mostly is praised by rest of the people and secretly bothered me.
To deal with this situation is toughest. Since you don’t want to sound rude, arrogant or irritated. The worst part is nobody around you agrees to discomfort or irritation or fakeness you witness instead you are proven wrong and being disclaimed to be a misbehaved child who still needs to learn etiquettes. Different people choose different solution I simply get distant and focus on learning about the person more.

If you like me go through this kind of situation what is your solution?

- UnhinGed ~

Silent Scream °

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Fri, 02 May 2014 12:33:00 +0000

(Image courtesy: Deviant Art)

Kon samjhta hai k ye khamoshi, khamoshi k sewa sab kuch hai. Kon janta hai k ye tanhai, tanhai k sewa sab kuch hai. Tum naheen jante, han naheen mante. Tum ne khamoshi se kabhi baten ki hain? Kabhi us khamoshi me chupi sardmuhri mehsos ki hai? Ajeeb sanata rehta hai khamoshi me, itna andhera, itni wehshat k tamam umar guzar jaye phir bhi kamoshi ka karb samjh naheen aa'sakta. Khamoshi me dard hai, bala ka dard, ek gehri cheekh jese koi gumnam, gumshuda zakhmi ho. Esa zakhmi, jo apne upar dhaye janay walay zulm btanay se qasir ho. Kisi ki khamosh k andar jhank kar dekho, to tumhain pata chalay andar kese r'un ka alam hai, jung ki kaifiyat hai, ek kashmakash hai. Ghabrahat hai, bechani, izterab aur ek ajeeb sa shoor hai. Kesi tufan ki amad ka shor. Khamoshi ka raaz sirf khamoosh janta hai. Mje jese aman parast ko khamoshi achi naheen lagti, jab se ama ne bolna sekhaya hai me ne chup rehna naheen chaha. Magar ab chup hun, behad khamosh. Ghanton khamoshi me khamosh. Khamoshi bhi ek l'att hai, lag jaye to chorti he naheen bilkul us zulm ki tarhan jiski l'att zalim ko hojati hai. Bilkul us sipahyi ki trhan jo ek jung se fate'h lotay or jeet l'att me dosri p nikal jaye. Tum mje khamoshi me dekho to samjh jana me khamosh hokar khamoshi k sath khamoshi me halat e jung me hun. Khamosh, khamoshi ko, khamoshi se, khamoshi me, harkar khamosh hojate hain jese me khamosh hun.

- UnhingeD°

</3

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Thu, 24 Apr 2014 20:24:00 +0000

I am no more active here since a long long long time. Reason? lack of inspiration? probably! Not sure. My mind is suffering from writers blockage since few months or a year may be. I am clueless why it happened. But I do miss writing. Writing makes me feel alive, free and living. So much happened lately but what to write is the question to me. A mystery of my heart or mind not sure.

:| I want to write!

Missing…

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Sun, 02 Mar 2014 19:54:00 +0000

And winters are finally in a good-bye mode. Another season, another year and the same little brat ‘ME’. Still fighting with all I have inside me as I read somewhere ‘Monsters live inside us’, couldn’t agree more. Its nothing compare to what it was or what it should have been nor it will be in future. Life is odd and we are the most odd creatures. We love those who always reject us, disappoint us, for-granting us. Ignoring those who always have supported us, loved us and helped us in being what we are today. Its been a whole since I sat down and wrote my heart. I do get these writers block mode but this time the broken relationships, friendships, in’s and out’s were difficult for me as a savior even. I am known as a fighter and I believe I am one of those who fight till the last second but at times a fighter gives up while reaching for final second. I have been doing a lot just not writing.

The Little Warrior !!

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Wed, 24 Jul 2013 22:07:00 +0000

I am someone who always wanted to protect people from pain and agony. Who is always pushed away from loved ones just like in a fire place, fire brigade staff is pushed away, the sufferers fail to understand they are just helping and saving what is left. The sufferers on the other hand are appositive and are determined to save what is now burn and cause more damage. I am someone who holds sufferer, pulls back and gets a scold, sometimes cries and mostly screams. I just want to let them know what is burn is never undo but we can save what is left. Why risking now for yesterdays pain? Why risking your future for your past. I may sound young, amateur and inexperienced but down the lane my past is full of burning memories. Agony of broken relationships, trust and faith. I just want rest of you to be safe and sure of what is burnt can never be back. All we have is now and here. Each time I fail and I negotiate with my heart not to tell any of them, not to save them. Each time I fail, as watching your family burn because of their past is not easy. I tend to keep myself quiet, promising myself not to shout, not to save but I end up trying. Eventually burning myself with pain of mistrust as they react like every survivor does. I protect my people because I was left in middle of sea by the best divers of life so I could learn swimming on my own and help those who needs. I want to protect because I know the pain of sinking down, I try to save because I know how it is like burning ... Alone!

Child name 'LOVE'

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:49:00 +0000

Everyone has a child name 'LOVE' atleast once in their lives. Some people are lucky enough to have it twice but not all of us. Child name 'Love' is gift from heaven indeed. When you first have child name 'love' it drives you like crazy. Never let you sleep, never let your attention divert not even for a moment. Disturbs your routine, your moods, your ambitions, your relationships, your habbits, your likes and dislikes and last but not the least it changes you, as if turns you upside down. You get happy, angry, sad, possesive, excited, thrilled, nervous, confident, empty and complete, all of a sudden. Unfortunately the child name 'love' grows like every other child in this world. This is where things start getting depressing. You lack the bonding, that thrill, affection and you start losing child name 'love'. At first you are happy like all other parents that your child is growing but as time passes you eventually realize the affection, the tenderness it holds in your life is same but the child name 'LOVE' is growing, getting away slowly and unconciously. You happy that the child name 'LOVE' is growing up but you are sad, sad like every teenage's mother who loves her child the same since he was tiny little fellow who knew the 'crying method' to seek attention of his mother who knew what he needs. Teenager who now feels bigger, stronger and intelligent enough to think for his own good and dislikes interference. Every parent seems helpless in this case so do the mother of child name 'LOVE'. She fights with paa (father of the child name 'Love'), objects him, does all those naggings that insures paa to shattered their family and find another lady for himself and the child called 'Love'. Fear of losing the child name 'LOVE' drives sometimes us to murder our own child name 'Love'. Fear of nothing but future and consequential loss, we kill our child love. Child name 'love's career n future, all the ifs and buts associated with the child name 'love's future and fear of being let down by child aggravates the situation. And finaly no one get to know what fears and expectations induced parent to kill their very own child name 'LOVE'

. Stop killing child name 'Love'

P.S ( Love is not about specific gender its all about specific feeling. Let your feeling live. Let yourself have the child name LOVE forever)

If death come across me!

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:05:00 +0000

Sibt e Jafer Zaidi’s martyrdom was not just another Shiite genocide it is a greater loss then just losing a person. It was just not an easy day! But despite everything my mind was busy thinking what would be if I would be next. Just another ordinary Shiite, next day funeral, few cries and then again people will restart lives. That’s is exactly how things should work. I firmly believe everything do comes with an expiry date and our Lord knows it well no one simply no one can kill us without HIS permission. But before I meet death I want to talk to some people, hard to implement because few of them are not in my life anymore and for the rest, well life is busy! So here it goes;

MANNO I love you, I know it extremely complicated and everything and I may never be able to meet you again or hear you or see you but deep down in my heart I love you and I wish all the best to you. You probably never read this or see this but I wish I could hug you for the last time :) Your name is still password of my smile :*
BAJ you were amazing, no one could ever take your place. You are best guardian I could ever have. Yes we are no more in contact for years now and you may never be able to read this still LOVE YOU!! :-*
SAI baby you taught me how to act like grown up. Taught me all the tips and showed me all the gadgets to have in life and face it with high head. I believe you are happy :-)
HASAN we talk and then we don’t talk for ages but the bond we share is amazing. No matter how long we don’t talk but when we start talking its like we never was out of touch.
EDDY just want to thank you for all the learning of life and people.
SIR SHAMSHAD you are a savior :)

For all the people I have in life;

DAD you were, you are and you always will be my hero. No matter how hard life is and what it brings, together we will face :* The amazing thing is, I am still your 5 yr old baby :* No need to say I love you but if I don’t live anymore just remember I LOVE YOU for who you are!
AMA I hate world bringing tears to these beautiful eyes. Not having anything from you in features and not resembling you was my all time disappointment. I wanted, always wanted to look like you. I salute you for making me who I am today. I might me not be a medal for you but still I love how you managed me and your other four kids ;)
URJ I know I am the only fellow you cant stand in this world but still I try my best to protect and love you :*
AIL you are a guardian angel to me. I still remember you making me smile. <3
ACID you are our (mine & Urj's) saheli since you were born
AMOO KHANUM you are an idiot.
AEEEL I may not be visible anymore but I still care.
MISH u evol I . You are like winter’s afternoon always warm and welcoming for me. The chill, laughter, hangout and bitchiness, nothing is comparable.
SIB my strong girl. I love your audio clips on whatsapp :*. I love everything we had in KERBALA just a night and a day but it was amazing. The pursa, the random life discussions made know what you never said. I am proud of you :)

For rest of the people, I might be wrong every where but then I do have my own logics that are right to me. I am sorry for hurting people by my acts and words but that was just for that specific situation. Its nothing emotional just wanted to make MY PEOPLE know I still love them and always will !

<3

Chota pack!

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 22:21:00 +0000

I was awfully upset so I drove myself to a colony park and sat down on nearest bench with eyes closed, my innocent attempt to relax my nerves. A few minutes of silence, unknowing storm was on way to change my life forever. I just had a big fight with my girl-friend. Why women are so complicated! its simple impossible for man like me to understand them. Who else can fight on stupid things like; ‘You didn’t text me the whole day’, ‘You should tell me not to go’ (why on earth one will go to somewhere where they don’t want to go) blah blah!! I was sinking deep in my thoughts when all of sudden I felt someone was there with me. I opened my eyes and I saw a cute little girl sitting next to me with i-pod. I don't know why but I smiled to myself, she was busy in her own ( but women they do have sense of knowing they are being watched). That little version too caught me gazing her. Instead of returning a smile, she made a face and ignored me completely (see they are like ‘this’ since their birth).

‘Hello!’ I made an attempt to introduce myself which didn't help at all. She still was having ear-phones in head and was not even looking at me. I tapped her shoulder and she frowned.
‘WHAT!’ She said as if I disturbed her. (Silently I sat back realizing the fact that I fumble when its women before me).
‘I am sorry I disturbed you baby’ Instead of giving me a a curve called smile she frowned just like my girl friend used to do when she hate me for something.
‘ I am not a baby! ’ With a disapproval in her eyes she put back her headphone and brush off me. Ouch! yes ignorance hurts. I lowered my back and ease my self on bench when someone poked me. She was looking me with her beautiful eyes, studying me as if wants to know whole of me (my girlfriend studies me same way when we end up an argument).
‘ What you did? ’ I was looking her with surprise on my face frankly she asked me something that a stranger finds difficult to inquire from someone in first meeting. Her candid eyes were focused on me (so girly)
‘ What do you mean by that? ’ I liked talking to her. I guess its easy talking to strangers about issues you feel helpless with known ones.
‘ He sits the same way when he upsets me! ’ She raised her hand pointing a fingers to right most corner. I focus on corner where she pointed and saw a little macho young boy alone on a bench trying not to look us but still giving us glance after short intervals.
‘ Who is he? ’ I asked her.
‘ He and I were getting married but now we are not!!! ’ She gave him a glimpse with a corner smile and then turning her face to me (giving him a ‘get-lost’ signs). I was astound. All of a sudden someone patted my shoulder from back as I turned I saw same young boy she pointed standing at my back.
‘ Leave her alone! ’ Such a demanding, aggressive, jealous voice. He came in front pointing his little finger to me.
‘ Harry leave him he is not him ’ She defended me by making it clear I am not the same ‘him’ he hates.
‘ Whoever he is. Why he is talking to you? We aren’t talking to each other, this doesn’t mean you start talking to him or anyone. ’ His voice had entire worlds care, affection and jealousy. I couldn’t help smiling.
‘ Come lets go home. I will give you my all candies. Your mum asked you not to talk to strangers, they kidnap kids from parks. Remember! ’ I could sense all he wanted was to take his girl away from me and this entire world.
‘ But……

To Be Continued…

- unhinGed`

No-sense = nonsense!

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 21:48:00 +0000

saadi gali bhul k vi aya kro ji
sajna nu enna na satya kro ji
kadi saadi gali bhul k vi aya kro

and it kept on going in my ears while I finish my cup of milk and head to bed. High volume. Sometimes I hate this world well, only sometimes as rest of the times world is hating me!!!

- UnhinGed`

Exiled ~

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 18:36:00 +0000

I feel being deported from land of LOVE, HOPE & PEACE. I don't know how many of you feel the same but things getting rough and tough after each passing days and its not the future I am afraid off but the inner me. Someone on whom I was dependent. Yes 2012 exhausted me, tore me apart but what to expect from 2013. I am like a shaken building who is standing still, standing strong but who knows from inside its rotten. Penning it all down seems impossible yet talking about it insufferable. New year was best for me, brought me hopes, chills and happiness but as I came back to home it was like I left something of me back there. Who said you fallen love with humans only. I was in heaven for 10 days and who knew I will be brought back alive on my feet happily from heaven. Call me back ! I cant stand here I cant live here not now, never again. Not after I took breath in heaven not for a sec but for days. I cant help humming ‘KHUDA ZAMEEN SE GAYA NAHEEN HAI’ because I know where I could feel my LORD…… I just cant wait to go back !!

~

Thought#12 paragraph#3!!

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 15:30:00 +0000

… And we are being used and we use people as much as we can. The core possibility of end of relationship is either excessive use of relation or may be no use of relation at all? Thought floats in brain or does anyone of them sinks even?? Loads of questions, unwanted thoughts, irritation inside. No place to go, no one to confront. I want death to come and free, spare me and let me go towards the real life.

Who is big?

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 19:01:00 +0000

I am the smallest in family. All of them are big and they are always ready to recall that they are larger then me. I have 3 bhai and 1 appa. I love amma papa they let me use cell phone bhai and appa never let me. They think they know about laptop but they don’t know, I know about the password. They think little I think big so who is big? we sleep in one room so I know big and sab (everything). I know appa read novel chup chup k in course book I know big bhai tells sab kuch sotay way. 2 walay bhai 1 walay ka gel use in washroom raat ko chup chup k and take pictures. 3 walay bhai pee in his bed and change and subah ko say I did it. I know sab they dont knwo k I know so who is big?

P.S (all is work of fiction)

Me aur Barish <3

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 23:57:00 +0000

Me aur barish akele thay. Asma’n pe wo jalwafigan thi aur zamen par main jalwagar. Har ik khush tha aur me, me muntazir. Suna tha main ne k ye barish jumood ka hai ayi qatl karne, umeed ka phir diya jalanay. Thakan zada har ik matti k na-khuda ki piyas bujhanay, magar hoa to kuch ye mukhtalif hai. Jo dikhtee’n hun nazar utha kar to tamam matti hai pani paani aur jo nazar jhukaon to manzar bilkul he mukhtalif hai. Me pyas apni bhuja to lun par zameen e dil par ye khoo’n ki lariyan abhi bhi halke halke sisak raheen hain. Ye dheere dheere machal raheen hain, mujhe aur barish ko tak rahi hain…

- unhinGed ~

Mushkil batain!

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 11:55:00 +0000

Amma kehti theen jhoot naheen bolte. Main ne poocha bhi ‘Amma! jhoot kia hota hai’. Kehnay lageen ‘Jiska wajood ho he na wo jhoot hai’, bas tab se aj tak main yaqeen o be yaqeeni k kaifiyat main dolte hoay zindagi naam k is bhayanak khooni samandar me hr ati jati lehron k saath dol ri hun. Amma ghalat to kehteen nahi theen par jo wo kehti theen wto aj hai he naheen mojood. Wo kehti theen ‘hum sab k oper bhi koi hai jo dekhayi naheen deta par hai’, magar yahan to har koi apne ap main KHUDA hai. Unhon ne sekhaya tha ‘Dost saath rahain na rahain dosti saath rehti hai’, par amma sach dosti hoi ya jhoot dost?
Jab hath main chot ayi thi tab patti karte hoay amma ne kaha tha ‘nazar anay walay zakhmon se gheray wo ghao hotay hain jo dekhte naheen’, to unki patti kiun naheen karta koi? Log jo dekhte hain, jo sunte hain wohi to wo mante naheen. To kia jhoot wo hai jo nazar naheen ata ya sach wo hai jo zahir hai… Shayed Amma he mushkil batain karti theen…

Yak-tarfa (One sided)

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Fri, 27 May 2011 11:44:00 +0000

Koi tum se bhi, ab! agar poochay to tum bhi keh dena, ye sab rishtay ajab he hain. Sab he ke rang niralay hain. Koi ehsaas ki manind hameesha saath rehta hai, koi chand ki manind bdli me chupta phir nikalta hai, koi phol ke jaise nazakat se sanwarta hai or koi kaanch ke jaise hameesha chubhta rehta hai. Ye sab rishta alag se hain sab he k andaz juda se hain. Magar yeh sab yaak-tarfa rishte hain. Mein ne sari umr yeh apni inhe soochon me guzari hai, taluq yak-tarfa naheen hotay. Ye dastoor he naheen inka, magar ab jo inko jiya hai to samjh me agaya ab ye k sab kuch he hum se hain. Han bas fark itna hai hai k jisse taluq ho uski ummeed ka mehwar bhi hum he hojate hain. Sab he lafz, sab he batain, sab he rasmain, sab he rang tum se he rehtay hain. Koi roothe tu hum chootay ki tafseer ban jana, wo na bolay to gum sum tasveer ban jana, bhala kahan ki yeh sharafat hai?? Kia ye mohabbat hai, ye ibadat hai…

- UnhinGed ~

Thought # 0 paragraph 5 :P

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 11:45:00 +0000

Mujhe naheen maloom har ghum ki aziyat ik jaisi he hoti hai ya kuch ghum dosron se baray hotay hain. Mujhe aj bhi yad hai main bhi har bachay ki tarhan sahil k pass matti k gharonday (ghar) bana kar bohat khush hoti thi, pani ki har onchi lehr ko ata dekh kar uskay gird hath yun rakh leti thi jaise mere hath us gahr ki hifazat kar lain ge. Usay bacha lain ge! Wo onchi lehrain sirf un mitti k gharon ko he naheen meri umeed meri khushion sab ko ghari bhar k liye he sahi apne hajam(size) se dara deti theen. Aj itnay sal guzar janay k bad bhi wo lehrain mujhe mehsoos hoti hain. Wo dar aj bhi lagta hai, wo halat mukhtalif hain. Ab na wo matti k gharonday hain na sahil k pass wo ghar bananay ka waqt. Zindagi to badal gayi laikin wo asasa chin janay ka khauf aj bhi mere andar mojood hai. Us waqt ki tarhan aj bhi main khamosh hun. Hathon ko ghardon k gird rakh kar jis tarhan tahafuz dene ki sayi (koshish) karti thi usi tarhan aj bhi har tofan ka muqabla karte hoay khud ko mazbooti se khara rakhnay ki koshish zaroor karti hun. Dar achi cheez hai ye humin ehsaan dilata hai k koi sheh humaray liye kitni zaroori hai par kabhi kabhi yeh andar se yun kuch khatum kardeta hai k admi sans bhi leta hai or mar bhi jata hai…

P.S( I am perfectly fine not upset at all… its just a thought) :)

- UnhinGed!

be-rabt!

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 13:02:00 +0000

Mujhe naheen maloom shayer shairi main kisko khojtay rahte hain. Kia gulaab ka zikr krte hoay bhi wo us pari-wsh ki tasveer ankhon main sajaye hotay hain ya dehaaan main bas woi gulaab uski narmi basi hoti hai. Mujhe ye bhi naheen maloom bananay wala khoobsurti ko, kamal par foqiyat deta hai ya naheen. Mujhe bas itna pata hai k mera din dhalnay se lekar subh-e-sehr tak unwannay guftago ik he zaat hai. Kuch soochain hoti he itni haseen hain k alfaaz unke liye kam par jatay hain wo to phir shaks hai. Main naheen chahti k wo kabhi bhi yeh parhay meri tehreeer samjh kar magar kabhi parhay agr to un andekhay jazbat ko jinhun ne majboran mujh se ye likhwaya. Main ab tak halat-e-khuwab main hon, ho sakta hai jab ankh kholay to yeh sab mojood he na ho magar jo abhi hai wo haseentareen hai. Hosakta hai wo mujhe na chahta ho magar meri mohabbat k liye yeh zaroori he kab raha hai ab ya shayed yeh bhi ik farzi baat hai. Abhi khuwab main hon to kehna asaan hai. Han uski judayi shaaak hogi dil par magar ……

State…

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 18:31:00 +0000

Ages back I wrote a whole story on state of being alone and loneliness. But time this time chosen me to experiment loneliness being alone. Both the state when are chosen by you seems to be a blessing but when they are rewarded to you, you are hostage with infinite thoughts and negative energy. energy can neither be created nor can be destroyed I raatta-fied (memorized) it for my physics papers 10th grade not even understanding that we all need to keep on bringing improvements in our inner energies ..

Be-rabtagi…

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 17:28:00 +0000

Agr ye lafz kafi hon to main likhon mujhe jo kuch be likhna hai, ‘me’ se ‘tum’ ka safar ab te’h he karna hai. Naheen ye nazm, jisse tum bhool jaoge. Naheen ye khat jisse tum gar jaldo to saboot-e-mohabbat mit he jayega. Mere aghaz se lekar mere anjam tak ye safar bohat he be-yaqee’n sa hai. Karon main kia k yahan jeena he itna mushkil hai… Bas sanson ki he rawani hai. Na Rawaiyon main wo pehlay si khush-numayi hai, na guftar me wo halawat hai. Yahan to wo alam hai k ghubaray bhi phathain to dar sa lagta hai. Hujoom dekh kar sansain apni raftar kho bethti hain. Zameen jo pani se dhulnay ki adi thi wo khud par behta hoa lahoo dekhay bhi to kaise? Mujhe na janay kiun ye lagta hai zameen jab khiraj apna mangay gi tab karain ge kia?? Ye khudsakhta bekhuaf deen k muhafiz kahain ge kia, karain ge kia? Gar KHUDA ko ghazab aya??

:S

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 15:47:00 +0000

I don't know if things, people and expectations are too important in ones life that your own self is ignored by none other than you. I am alone on the roof and feeling lonely. You might be thinking why I used word ‘lonely’ when I already mention ‘alone’. It is because I beleive loneliness and being alone are two entire different state. I might not be correct but when this blog was made by me to write things that are correct. Change is yes constant but living with it, coping all your life just with changes it seems difficult but yes changes when unconsciously take place, we all adapt them as easily and pepsi’s new packaging.

Memories….

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 17:52:00 +0000

I was young when I used to see my elders a little sad while burning some letters, papers or a note I always wonder why being sad when you are tearing them yourself. Time passed away leaving so many ‘ why’s, what’s ’ for me. Last night while burning all those memories of you, having tears in my eyes explained me its not words on those papers that makes you cry but the immense feelings attached. Why burning of papers when you can never burn up the memories attached.

I was being used…

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 14:43:00 +0000

We all often hear and say the line ‘ I was being used ’ after being hurt by our loved ones. Well to be honest this is the first thing that hits your mind when someone let you down because of whatever reason. The after effects may vary from person to person and heart to heart but they are mostly unforgettable. I am not here to repeat all those things which are already in you or you have been through. I was hit by this idea last evening when I was bit angry on some issues and was busy in making faces.

Well, you may not agree to this but do think at least once about it.

I don’t agree with the word web and its results, I mean OK I look for words in it but this is too created by one of us. Errors are possible! OK if it means taking advantage but then we all take advantage of one an another. I mean why do most of us mind in being used? even me! We do use each other intentionally or un-intentionally. Whatever the relation we share, no matter who we are we do use people and they use. As far as my learning says problem arise when you are not paid or you don’t get a return of what you did for someone. But then this is the only way possible, to judge and know what kind of people surrounds you. I know when you are hurt, you are numb and dumb, I mean seriously this happens. But then that’s the big time of changing yourself, strengthening the I .

For example, you use a servant for daily household chores, servant never complains as long as he is being paid. This means satisfaction is obtained. But incase he/she leave your work or demand for a raise in salary that will probably because he/she feels being USED as more work is taken then the wage.

Similarly, you are used by people you love on anything, may it be a favor or help. The only time you are hit with a ‘ BEING USED ’ feeling is when the return is not sufficient or not satisfactory. The moment you think you are giving more to a relation then its return to you by another, the feeling of ‘ BEING USED ’ arises. We normally don't realize that there is a give and take rule surrounding our whole life.

So next time, whenever you have this feeling of being used, exploit arrives think about what's the main reason ? Its not the ‘being used’ element its just that you either expecting a little high from the other one, or its something that is lacking. As you are using things and people and you are used by them too.

I may sound fishy or complete non-sense but this is where I am different…

Head n Heart game… (part 2)

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 13:31:00 +0000

Next 3 days went like usual I didn’t even had a glimpse of him. I don’t know why but yes I was thinking about him all the time. My brother was still angry so he was forgiven and with that On the third day when I was convinced that it all was the result of all the romantic fantasized novels I love to read but hey! as far as I know I am a very practical kind of person. Though I enjoyed reading them but since when I started believing them? I cursed my self. I rushed back home and quickly I changed my clothes for nap. I love sleeping, as it was so far my only love. I escape lunch and lied on my bed but couldn’t sleep again with him on my head I mean WTF is wrong with me. I made myself assured that tomorrow only I am going to do something about it not assured of what but yes something. Later that evening I was informed that I need to go along with my parents to attend a wedding. While looking for a suitable dress I empty my whole wardrobe and I chose a green dress. I went near mirror and place it next to my body and I looked in mirror and there I saw him again. He was there sitting in my open window, the best corner of my room. His eyes were focusing me and I again couldn’t find enough strength to turn and say anything to him… I looked down avoiding him and I heard him speaking for the very first time.

‘ Why don’t you try this red! ’ He pointed out red which was gifted to me by a friend of mine. A very traditional work of thread with combination of green and coffee color which was enhancing the beauty of red…

I looked up and he was not there, I cursed myself and I was sure that I was suffering from hallucination and that’s sit. I was still with that green frock in front of mirror when my sister came in. Frowning face as if she is going to vomit and as this clicks my mind I just think a bit loud;

‘ If you are feeling like vomit I should be clearing you that this is not your washroom but my room so please… ( I mumble LEAVE ) ’.
‘ I know its useless coming to you, you FAUNA! mama wants you to hurry up ’ she left … I sighed and dressed in green avoiding my heart which was forcing me to get dressed in red O_O. I put on my accessories, shoes and I rushed down. Through out the function I was seeking him. I was having a feeling that he is watching me. Later that night we step back home and step in my room with small and silent steps but my room was empty. To be honest I was disappointed not because of him but because of my thoughts, may be because I wanted him to be with me. I changed my clothes, re-arrange my ward-robe and I sat down resting my back with bed’s wall with close eyes. People say when you need a quick rest close your eyes, I believe when you need to think a bit high and loud close your eyes as this way your mind just don't follow the ways your eyes shows but it discovers more. I don’t know why but I missed my friends, the older ones who once were with me but now they are no more in my life. May be I am wanting him just because of vacant space in my life… I slept there only thinking,reasoning and predicting him when someone touched me…

(Continued)

- UnhingeD

Head n Heart game… (part 1)

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 22:13:00 +0000

Like every other time I faced fight of my family over me bravely and quietly left the lounge as I knew its useless standing there nobody is going to feel me while they are way too busy. My family is cool but I guess I am just the odd one out ever since I open the eyes and cried ( my birth time) … I sighed and took step ahead towards the yard side . It was small but enough for me as it was the only thing that was sustain by my family and it didn’t go through a renovation like exterior and interior of my house after my grand fathers death. As I sat on the only bench there I again had the same feeling of having someone around me. Someone who is close to me and could see me. I turned around and I looked down the bench and every possible place but again was unable to see anyone. The odd thing was I was fine with the presence though could feel someone's breath down my neck. I placed my head on bench and before I could shut my eye lids I saw someone. I open my eyes wide, the guy was sitting on the wall. I blink my eyes but could not possible strength to talk to him so I just stared him for long . I heard my sister calling me and I turned to see but when I turned back I saw no one… He was disappeared O_O . I went back to my room after sometime and opened my books for next days assignments. I usually used to sleep by 1:30 a.m but because of work I stayed up till late. It was 3:00 a.m when I was giving final touched to my work and had to rush to my room to bring water as I was working on terrace as my room wasn’t enough for all this mess. I came back with in no time and his presence took my breath away. He was sitting on one of the couches giving my work a closer look. My footsteps made him look up and he smiled and I fainted. I put my whole strength not to behave like fools. He was probably making me scared that’s sit. I made myself believe that he was card of my nasty brother who was mad on me since he was accused by dad because of me though it was all unintentional. I ignored him and started packing my work I opened the case and carefully packed my sheets within plastic ones and placed them in the case. While doing this I looked up and was about to scream as the couch was empty, he disappeared again! I was turning mad or …

(continued)

- UnhingeD!

I never had a HONEY-PIE !

noreply@blogger.com (I Zaydi) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 23:18:00 +0000

Hey! Remember me? No! I am the same guy who told you the tale of his family kicking him, and the encounter? No! I mean how can you forget aunty? OK! I am Ed well, that what my whole world calls me… This time with something very serious that recently hit me . I am here to complain and yell my heart out… Can you imagine I am 20 years old and never had a girl in my entire 20 years of life… Because of again these reasons;

I have too many ideas.
I dont have a single clue of romance.
There problems are never problems for me.
I can’t shut my mouth not even for her (them).

CASE NO # 1: Sanum

It was Tuesday when I saw her again, the same innocent face, wrath on something. I was doing my work when Ehsan asked me to turn and when I did I felt like my body is going to break into pieces. OMG! she was coming to our table, I looked Ehsan then moved my eyes to Samar and AP (Ali Paracha). She came and started talking to Shiza. Her presence overwhelmed me but couldn’t stop my tongue and I said;

‘ Chal Ehsan! ’
‘ Kidr? ’
‘ Dekh naheen raha barish ho rahi hai! ’ Ehsan was staring me with open mouth as I was gathering my things.
‘ Pagal hogaya hai? Kahan ho rahi hai barish? Ik tufan(phet) aaraha tha wo bhi ullu bana k nikal gaya ’ He was still sitting
‘ Aby yar aaraha hai. Lerkion se pooch lo ye tabhi to 3-quarter pehne hain ’ I said and left quickly as I know if I would have stayed for long those cats do have long nails…

CASE NO # 2: Zara

‘ Baby! I am failing this subject! ’ I stared her and then I looked my self from neck to toe ( I cant see my head na! ) 5"11 with normal built I was known as quite handsome guy then on what earth she was calling me a BABY!!. As far as I remember :|

Result day I saw her crying and when was sympathized she made us shocked as she was crying because she got 45 out of 50. I stared my friend and he texted me something thats common these days but made me laugh badly;

“ A girl was asked on a result day her percentage and she wiping her tears replied 80% only and shockd guy replies ‘ tm is pe ro ri ho itne me to 2 larke pass hojate hain’ "

I laughed and when she asked I loudly said what was written… (further details will only be provided if inquired/asked) :P :P

- Unhinged !